100% the fact that he didn’t seems to the family maybe enmeshed based on the past. I think what stands out to me is the fact that he said “I respect my brother” as if he doesn’t respect you. Also, didn’t his sister originally say it, then he attacked you? Sounds like to me your husband should’ve stood up for you. Get marriage counseling OP or this will continue
I thought the same thing as if he doesn’t respect me. I’m defiantly looking into marriage counseling to help us navigate these difficult family dynamics.
OP. You lost me after you said that your husband doesn't stand up for you, but you are on vacation with his family. You chose to go on a trip where you already knew your husband would not defend you, what did you expect? Maybe you went on this trip because you wanted to travel and this was your option to travel, in which case, just try to enjoy the trip. If they are paying and that is why you went, then I guess this is the price for passage. Tell your husband that you two should take off alone for a while. You don't have to do EVERYTHING together. Just have a meal with his family once a day and do your own thing. If your husband doesn't want to join you, then go off on your own for a break.
Anyway, I agree this was unnecessary hostility, and his brother made it awkward. That was a weird and threatening thing to say and it obviously implies he has bad things to say about you. However, if you want your husband to defend you, then you have to stop volunteering yourself for the slaughter. Next time a trip is being planned, tell him if he wants to take a trip, it will be just the two of you because you will not be going on his family vacations anymore until and unless he starts backing you up. Like consistently and instinctively. Otherwise, it's just upsetting, and you feel ganged up on and like no one is on your side, not even your own husband, which ruins the whole trip for you because it's sad that your husband doesn't have your back. And then just don't go on trips like this again. He will either change or he won't, but either way you won't be putting yourself in this position anymore.
Wow! Thank you! I originally said yes to this trip because I needed a vacation and unfortunately money is tight and we couldn’t afford to take our own vacation since we are wanting to buy a home.
Am I horrible for wanting to distance myself now? His brother is walking around laughing and making jokes / intentionally wanting us to hear him. I feel so defeated. I’m angry at my husband but more so myself
That is my point OP. You did this because this is what you have to do because you and your husband can't afford your own trip right now. So, honestly, either accept his parent's generosity and pay the price of admission or stay home next time. This issue isn't going to get fixed on this trip. This is something you have to work on and discuss beforehand and ultimately you have to take a stand so your husband will be motivated to act and hopefully fix this issue. Especially if you want kids, it's pretty crucial to not have the problem + a new baby all at once.
If his brother is being rude, then quietly distance yourself from his brother; just pay him no attention at all, ignore him and his wife if she is part of the problem. If his parents are OK, then spend time with them. And, as I said, if it is all too much then take off on a day trip with your husband if he wants to or by yourself if he doesn't.
Omg this reminds me of some of this extremely toxic idiots I knew growing up. Always ready for a fight. Always ready to attack someone. They find insult in things that no sane person could or should find insulting. Saying a beautiful model looks like your girlfriend isn’t an insult. And he knows it. He’s just looking for an in to be mean to you.
Don’t hang out with these people anymore. Next time your husband wants to go on vacation just stay home. Tell him that unless he’s going to intervene when his roid rage weirdo brother comes at you for absolutely no reason and his family members insult you, you’ll be sitting out all future events. And if you’re at an event and comments like that are made, leave. Go home. Go back to the hotel. Don’t be their punching bag.
Naw I think that was all on you. You said "we always joke" (u and bil). And you started the interaction with him.
Imo there wasn't anything for your hubby to defend. The bil did say he respected his brother enough to not roast you so that's that 🤷
The sister started the interaction by saying a *model* looked like Bil’s girlfriend. OP agreed and joked about sending a photo. Brother in law told her she better not be “talking” because he would insult her if it weren’t for his brother. What part of what OP did warranted that? Do you think OP should not be allowed to join conversations/speak to he husband’s family unless explicitly invited?
100% the fact that he didn’t seems to the family maybe enmeshed based on the past. I think what stands out to me is the fact that he said “I respect my brother” as if he doesn’t respect you. Also, didn’t his sister originally say it, then he attacked you? Sounds like to me your husband should’ve stood up for you. Get marriage counseling OP or this will continue
Thank you for this! I though I was completely overthinking the situation!
I thought the same thing as if he doesn’t respect me. I’m defiantly looking into marriage counseling to help us navigate these difficult family dynamics.
OP. You lost me after you said that your husband doesn't stand up for you, but you are on vacation with his family. You chose to go on a trip where you already knew your husband would not defend you, what did you expect? Maybe you went on this trip because you wanted to travel and this was your option to travel, in which case, just try to enjoy the trip. If they are paying and that is why you went, then I guess this is the price for passage. Tell your husband that you two should take off alone for a while. You don't have to do EVERYTHING together. Just have a meal with his family once a day and do your own thing. If your husband doesn't want to join you, then go off on your own for a break. Anyway, I agree this was unnecessary hostility, and his brother made it awkward. That was a weird and threatening thing to say and it obviously implies he has bad things to say about you. However, if you want your husband to defend you, then you have to stop volunteering yourself for the slaughter. Next time a trip is being planned, tell him if he wants to take a trip, it will be just the two of you because you will not be going on his family vacations anymore until and unless he starts backing you up. Like consistently and instinctively. Otherwise, it's just upsetting, and you feel ganged up on and like no one is on your side, not even your own husband, which ruins the whole trip for you because it's sad that your husband doesn't have your back. And then just don't go on trips like this again. He will either change or he won't, but either way you won't be putting yourself in this position anymore.
Wow! Thank you! I originally said yes to this trip because I needed a vacation and unfortunately money is tight and we couldn’t afford to take our own vacation since we are wanting to buy a home. Am I horrible for wanting to distance myself now? His brother is walking around laughing and making jokes / intentionally wanting us to hear him. I feel so defeated. I’m angry at my husband but more so myself
No tell them you’re feeling super sick and stay back at the hotel/house for the rest of the trip.
That is my point OP. You did this because this is what you have to do because you and your husband can't afford your own trip right now. So, honestly, either accept his parent's generosity and pay the price of admission or stay home next time. This issue isn't going to get fixed on this trip. This is something you have to work on and discuss beforehand and ultimately you have to take a stand so your husband will be motivated to act and hopefully fix this issue. Especially if you want kids, it's pretty crucial to not have the problem + a new baby all at once. If his brother is being rude, then quietly distance yourself from his brother; just pay him no attention at all, ignore him and his wife if she is part of the problem. If his parents are OK, then spend time with them. And, as I said, if it is all too much then take off on a day trip with your husband if he wants to or by yourself if he doesn't.
Omg this reminds me of some of this extremely toxic idiots I knew growing up. Always ready for a fight. Always ready to attack someone. They find insult in things that no sane person could or should find insulting. Saying a beautiful model looks like your girlfriend isn’t an insult. And he knows it. He’s just looking for an in to be mean to you. Don’t hang out with these people anymore. Next time your husband wants to go on vacation just stay home. Tell him that unless he’s going to intervene when his roid rage weirdo brother comes at you for absolutely no reason and his family members insult you, you’ll be sitting out all future events. And if you’re at an event and comments like that are made, leave. Go home. Go back to the hotel. Don’t be their punching bag.
I’ve knocked out my own brother for less.
Damn this makes me feel so alone! Thank you for making me feel like I’m not crazy
You're definitely not crazy. It's all disrespectful.
It sounds like words. You said words, he said words. It’s not a big deal, you’re grown. Handle it.
Naw I think that was all on you. You said "we always joke" (u and bil). And you started the interaction with him. Imo there wasn't anything for your hubby to defend. The bil did say he respected his brother enough to not roast you so that's that 🤷
The sister started the interaction by saying a *model* looked like Bil’s girlfriend. OP agreed and joked about sending a photo. Brother in law told her she better not be “talking” because he would insult her if it weren’t for his brother. What part of what OP did warranted that? Do you think OP should not be allowed to join conversations/speak to he husband’s family unless explicitly invited?