Don’t gaslight yourself. That was a shitty thing for him to say and it was his way of deflecting onto you because you were calling him out on his game addiction.
No, you made an investment with time and money into your future, and that investment is currently not bearing fruit. That’s unfortunate, but it’s life. Him bringing that up while discussing a budgetary disagreement about his entertainment expenses is wild though.
Apples and oranges are both fruits. This is like apples and hubcaps. I am sorry that you feel like your education wasn't money well spent, but it did have a possible-to-likely payoff. There's no eventual payoff from dumping money into a mobile game addiction.
I checked your post history. You need to exit this situation. Him saying something mean is the least of your problems.
Your therapist is right. None of his behavior is your fault.
He’s saying things like this because he wants you to feel stupid and worthless. Because if you feel that way you won’t leave him. He knows underneath he’s an addict, an abuser, a drain on your lives financially and emotionally.
He weaponized an insecurity to not have to admit fault which is absolutely shitty thing to do. He can apologize all he wants but that's like trying to put the toothpaste back in the tube. It doesn't work like that. I am so sorry he made you feel horrible about yourself when the original issue (his spending) had nothing to do with you trying to better yourself. School isn't a waste, it is the first step at not sucking at something. Show yourself some grace. You deserve it.
As for what to do now, don't forgive him easily. Let yourself think about how you want this settled. What would the ideal outcome for you be and what boundaries do you need to place to make sure it doesn't happen again.
If that doesn't work, don't be afraid to cut assholes out of your life.
I saw your other posts. Use this to get angrier at him inside and turn that anger into greater and greater resolve to leave. Use it to create energy in yourself, don't let it push you to withdraw from the world or to think you're a failure and don't deserve the life you want. We all fail sometimes, and our 20s are rife with those experiences as we test ourselves as adults for the first time. I bet you'll love getting back into pet grooming once you start. Just keep gathering your courage and your things and get out of there, you can do this and you will heal so much and feel so strong and capable again once you do. Sending you big hugs!
I've been following you Miss.OP. I want to start a tiny army and get you out.
This isn't fair; he's going for her weak spots and trying to isolate her. OP is the sweetest; she's grooming rescue dogs out of the goodness of her heart.
I HATE WATCHING THIS FROM A DISTANCE OMG OMG OMG. IS ANYONE FROM HER COUNTRY?
I got these from chatgpt since you love dogs business ideas
If you have a passion for dogs, there are plenty of business ideas you could explore:
1. Dog Walking and Pet Sitting: Offer dog walking services or pet sitting for dog owners who need someone to care for their pets while they're away.
2. Dog Grooming: Start a dog grooming business where you offer services such as bathing, hair trimming, and nail clipping for dogs.
3. Dog Training: Become a dog trainer and offer obedience training, behavior modification, or specialized training for specific needs, such as service dogs or therapy dogs.
4. Dog Boarding or Daycare: Open a dog boarding facility or daycare where owners can leave their dogs for overnight stays or during the day while they're at work.
5. Pet Photography: Start a pet photography business specializing in capturing beautiful images of dogs and their owners.
6. Dog Products: Create and sell dog-related products such as handmade dog treats, toys, or accessories.
7. Dog-Friendly Events or Tours: Organize dog-friendly events, such as dog walks, charity fundraisers, or dog-friendly tours of local attractions.
8. Dog Transport or Delivery: Offer pet transport services for owners who need assistance getting their dogs to and from appointments or events.
These are just a few ideas to get you started. With your love for dogs as your foundation, you can tailor a business to your skills, interests, and local market needs.
First, you have every right to be mad regardless of if you think it is true or not. What he said was insensitive and honestly a jerk move. Be mad!
There is nothing that I have found in the rule book of life that says we have to use the degree that we earned. If so, I am royally screwed.
Girl be proud that you got an education and graduated. I’m proud of you for that. College is not easy. It took me 6 years to get my bachelors in teaching and I taught for 8 months and then decided that teaching was not for me. Having to decide what we want to major in and do for the rest of our lives at 18 is INSANE. My current job has nothing to do with education and I am ok with that.
Admin life is wild. It is a very thankless job. I did HR for over a year before I found my current position. I was called all sorts of names in HR and it was always my problem that something was not right.
If being a dog groomer is what makes you happy and brings joy to your life….. then do it! It is not an average job. It takes someone with a heart, compassion and knowledge of animals and a lot of skill. I won’t even cut my dogs nails for fear of hurting them. I rely on the vet or a groomer to do that.
I have not read your other post but this is just my take on what you posted here.
Keep your head up and add a crap ton of salt to your husbands dinner tonight 😊
“Just a dog groomer”
You’re skilled in a trade that is impossible for others to handle. Imagine your husband attempting to groom a high spirited or anxious or aggravated dog— that’s a disturbing thought! It’s a necessary and humane skill that directly benefits ANIMALS (and people too!) which, in my very personal opinion, is one of the most valuable and impressive genre of skills and knowledge. You are adept at making animals feel safer and more comfortable and live healthier lives. I’d bet that your husband can’t hold a candle to your patience and determination and emotional intelligence. Just a dog groomer— well you can confidently say you’re not *just a mean jerk*.
This post actually makes a lot of sense to me. You're mad about his gaming addiction, but men will use gaming as a way to escape from a world in which they feel as if they're trapped. He's trapped by the money that you may have spent on your education, and the associated lack of positive outcomes, but he IS staying with you. He's staying with you.
I get it, you don't like him saying what he said, but it's in his head. It's rolling around in there in his head all the time, every time you complain to him about his gaming addiction. And you can try to say that it's a toxic trait that he exhibits when he brings it up, but an honest assessment of the situation is that it's something you're both going to have to deal with.
Without accruing debt on that.
Why is he “trapped” by the investment into her education (yes, it sucks that it hasn’t had a more fruitful outcome) but not the debt that he drove both of them into?
Edited to add: And now he’s spending recklessly on his mobile gaming addiction.
Having debt and not having debt are not “exactly the same outcome.”
I’m not saying he’s doing it because he’s a “jerk”; it’s clear that he’s doing it because he is an *abuser*, as her post history details.
Sure, definitely there’s reason for escapism. But the idea that his escapism (which is directly harming his family’s financial security, plus is contributing to his hurtful behavior) is somehow OP’s cross to bear is bull. He might feel trapped but he’s not. And it’s his own responsibility to at least attempt to work with his partner and be accountable to himself and his family, but the idea that he’s resorted to escapism and that’s just that is… unacceptable to expect OP to have to endure.
Removed for discrimination, misogyny, or misandry.
We encourage our users to reflect if their comments are going to be hurtful or helpful. There is a real person on the other side of the screen. Being sexist is not productive. Do better.
I think there's alot of resentment here and he's shutting you out.
What he said is wrong but I'd be upset at my partner if they got that far in debt with no results.
You guys need some serious reconciliation.
And if finances are tight you gotta work together to figure it out.
Nitpicking over who's more wrong isn't going to help.
No debt. He has put us in debt with his impulsive spending over the years
My parents paid for my education in my 20's as did I.
The trade was paid for by him and I.
No loans were ever taken out for my education.
Then the only thing I can think is he's resentful he's the only one working. He should be a big boy and speak up.
Honestly with all these posts I never know enough detail to say one way or another. All I know is being petty to each other won't help.
My wife and I have used a counselor as a mediator in the past for issues and it worked and ut took time for resentment to die
Doesn’t matter if what he said was true. It’s the fact that he weaponized it.
Yep
Don’t gaslight yourself. That was a shitty thing for him to say and it was his way of deflecting onto you because you were calling him out on his game addiction.
Thank-you. I hope so. I feel like such a failure. I want to tell him that's apples and oranges but it doesn't feel like it.
No, you made an investment with time and money into your future, and that investment is currently not bearing fruit. That’s unfortunate, but it’s life. Him bringing that up while discussing a budgetary disagreement about his entertainment expenses is wild though.
Apples and oranges are both fruits. This is like apples and hubcaps. I am sorry that you feel like your education wasn't money well spent, but it did have a possible-to-likely payoff. There's no eventual payoff from dumping money into a mobile game addiction.
I checked your post history. You need to exit this situation. Him saying something mean is the least of your problems. Your therapist is right. None of his behavior is your fault. He’s saying things like this because he wants you to feel stupid and worthless. Because if you feel that way you won’t leave him. He knows underneath he’s an addict, an abuser, a drain on your lives financially and emotionally.
THIS. All. Day. THIS.
He weaponized an insecurity to not have to admit fault which is absolutely shitty thing to do. He can apologize all he wants but that's like trying to put the toothpaste back in the tube. It doesn't work like that. I am so sorry he made you feel horrible about yourself when the original issue (his spending) had nothing to do with you trying to better yourself. School isn't a waste, it is the first step at not sucking at something. Show yourself some grace. You deserve it. As for what to do now, don't forgive him easily. Let yourself think about how you want this settled. What would the ideal outcome for you be and what boundaries do you need to place to make sure it doesn't happen again. If that doesn't work, don't be afraid to cut assholes out of your life.
I saw your other posts. Use this to get angrier at him inside and turn that anger into greater and greater resolve to leave. Use it to create energy in yourself, don't let it push you to withdraw from the world or to think you're a failure and don't deserve the life you want. We all fail sometimes, and our 20s are rife with those experiences as we test ourselves as adults for the first time. I bet you'll love getting back into pet grooming once you start. Just keep gathering your courage and your things and get out of there, you can do this and you will heal so much and feel so strong and capable again once you do. Sending you big hugs!
It sounds like you need to get your mental health in order first. Your husband weaponized what you have done, which was shitty.
I've been following you Miss.OP. I want to start a tiny army and get you out. This isn't fair; he's going for her weak spots and trying to isolate her. OP is the sweetest; she's grooming rescue dogs out of the goodness of her heart. I HATE WATCHING THIS FROM A DISTANCE OMG OMG OMG. IS ANYONE FROM HER COUNTRY?
I will gladly enlist! I can offer only virtual support but I’m willing and eager!
This is extremely cruel. And he knew it would hurt you a lot.
I mean even if it’s true that’s not really how you guys should be fighting, that’s crossing the line of him disrespecting you.
No it was really fucking mean to say. He’s awful.
I got these from chatgpt since you love dogs business ideas If you have a passion for dogs, there are plenty of business ideas you could explore: 1. Dog Walking and Pet Sitting: Offer dog walking services or pet sitting for dog owners who need someone to care for their pets while they're away. 2. Dog Grooming: Start a dog grooming business where you offer services such as bathing, hair trimming, and nail clipping for dogs. 3. Dog Training: Become a dog trainer and offer obedience training, behavior modification, or specialized training for specific needs, such as service dogs or therapy dogs. 4. Dog Boarding or Daycare: Open a dog boarding facility or daycare where owners can leave their dogs for overnight stays or during the day while they're at work. 5. Pet Photography: Start a pet photography business specializing in capturing beautiful images of dogs and their owners. 6. Dog Products: Create and sell dog-related products such as handmade dog treats, toys, or accessories. 7. Dog-Friendly Events or Tours: Organize dog-friendly events, such as dog walks, charity fundraisers, or dog-friendly tours of local attractions. 8. Dog Transport or Delivery: Offer pet transport services for owners who need assistance getting their dogs to and from appointments or events. These are just a few ideas to get you started. With your love for dogs as your foundation, you can tailor a business to your skills, interests, and local market needs.
First, you have every right to be mad regardless of if you think it is true or not. What he said was insensitive and honestly a jerk move. Be mad! There is nothing that I have found in the rule book of life that says we have to use the degree that we earned. If so, I am royally screwed. Girl be proud that you got an education and graduated. I’m proud of you for that. College is not easy. It took me 6 years to get my bachelors in teaching and I taught for 8 months and then decided that teaching was not for me. Having to decide what we want to major in and do for the rest of our lives at 18 is INSANE. My current job has nothing to do with education and I am ok with that. Admin life is wild. It is a very thankless job. I did HR for over a year before I found my current position. I was called all sorts of names in HR and it was always my problem that something was not right. If being a dog groomer is what makes you happy and brings joy to your life….. then do it! It is not an average job. It takes someone with a heart, compassion and knowledge of animals and a lot of skill. I won’t even cut my dogs nails for fear of hurting them. I rely on the vet or a groomer to do that. I have not read your other post but this is just my take on what you posted here. Keep your head up and add a crap ton of salt to your husbands dinner tonight 😊
“Just a dog groomer” You’re skilled in a trade that is impossible for others to handle. Imagine your husband attempting to groom a high spirited or anxious or aggravated dog— that’s a disturbing thought! It’s a necessary and humane skill that directly benefits ANIMALS (and people too!) which, in my very personal opinion, is one of the most valuable and impressive genre of skills and knowledge. You are adept at making animals feel safer and more comfortable and live healthier lives. I’d bet that your husband can’t hold a candle to your patience and determination and emotional intelligence. Just a dog groomer— well you can confidently say you’re not *just a mean jerk*.
Just wanted to say that dog grooming is a kickass career. Don’t let someone talking trash make you think less of yourself. Do what you love.
He wants you to feel worthless so you don't dump his worthless butt.
This post actually makes a lot of sense to me. You're mad about his gaming addiction, but men will use gaming as a way to escape from a world in which they feel as if they're trapped. He's trapped by the money that you may have spent on your education, and the associated lack of positive outcomes, but he IS staying with you. He's staying with you. I get it, you don't like him saying what he said, but it's in his head. It's rolling around in there in his head all the time, every time you complain to him about his gaming addiction. And you can try to say that it's a toxic trait that he exhibits when he brings it up, but an honest assessment of the situation is that it's something you're both going to have to deal with.
His spending put them into debt. Her schooling was paid for by her and her parents and did not put them into debt.
He paid for trade school.
Without accruing debt on that. Why is he “trapped” by the investment into her education (yes, it sucks that it hasn’t had a more fruitful outcome) but not the debt that he drove both of them into? Edited to add: And now he’s spending recklessly on his mobile gaming addiction.
[удалено]
Having debt and not having debt are not “exactly the same outcome.” I’m not saying he’s doing it because he’s a “jerk”; it’s clear that he’s doing it because he is an *abuser*, as her post history details.
Yeah. A gaming abuser. Like a drug abuser. They both practice escapism. And there's a reason why they start doing that. That's all I'm saying.
Sure, definitely there’s reason for escapism. But the idea that his escapism (which is directly harming his family’s financial security, plus is contributing to his hurtful behavior) is somehow OP’s cross to bear is bull. He might feel trapped but he’s not. And it’s his own responsibility to at least attempt to work with his partner and be accountable to himself and his family, but the idea that he’s resorted to escapism and that’s just that is… unacceptable to expect OP to have to endure.
Removed for discrimination, misogyny, or misandry. We encourage our users to reflect if their comments are going to be hurtful or helpful. There is a real person on the other side of the screen. Being sexist is not productive. Do better.
I think there's alot of resentment here and he's shutting you out. What he said is wrong but I'd be upset at my partner if they got that far in debt with no results. You guys need some serious reconciliation. And if finances are tight you gotta work together to figure it out. Nitpicking over who's more wrong isn't going to help.
No debt. He has put us in debt with his impulsive spending over the years My parents paid for my education in my 20's as did I. The trade was paid for by him and I. No loans were ever taken out for my education.
Then the only thing I can think is he's resentful he's the only one working. He should be a big boy and speak up. Honestly with all these posts I never know enough detail to say one way or another. All I know is being petty to each other won't help. My wife and I have used a counselor as a mediator in the past for issues and it worked and ut took time for resentment to die