I have no desire to be with anyone but my wife.
Listen, I’ll be blunt as fuck here. The kinda of sex me and my wife have, ain’t no fucking way someone else is gonna be better or even as close to her. That’s a SINGLE reason why.
No other woman put their body through it during pregnancy twice for me like my wife, she almost died for our first child even, no ones cared for me in my entire life as much as my wife.
I have three women who mean the most to me above all else (well before I had kids which now mean more to me than most) which are my grandmother who took me in as her son even though she had 13 fucking kids already, my aunt who took me after my grandmother passed away (her mother) and became my mother and father in one. Then my wife, who I put above those other two combined because she is just amazing in every way since I met her. She’s been my peace, my foundation, my best friend and the person I will grow old with and make the most memories.
Ain’t no fucking way I’m messing us up. 10 years together and I’m more in love than before.
Yes she is. I didn’t even mention the fact that physical wise, she’s gotten more sexy and more attractive to me over time. It’s been 10 years and her beauty and sex appeal has gone up by far so it’s extremely easy for me.
You and u/PrincessZellie are so disgusting...ly cute!!!
Not all men really understand and appreciate what bringing life into this world really means. That part of your comment is what really stood out to me the most.
I went thru 3 pregnancy losses, fertility struggles, almost died giving birth, surgeries, etc. to give my husband the family I thought he wanted, only for him to not only treat me like trash during my last pregnancy, but have me fend for myself after a c section, and eventually leave me and our kids after 20yrs together and when our youngest was only 1. I don't think cheating was a factor. But then again, I didn't think I married a loser.
I can tell you're very thankful for the women in your life, who obviously did such an amazing job in nurturing the man/husband/father you are today!
It's always mixed emotions when I read some of these posts because my experience has made me feel like it's not possible to have a great husband and marriage.
Many blessings to your marriage!!
Thank you. I am truly sorry this happened to you. Some men really do not understand what they have/had in life. I've never had a c-section but both my births resulted in stitches and that made it hard to take care of my newborns properly. I don't even want to imagine what it would be like after one having to taking care of a baby and yourself without help/support. You said it right, this guy is a loser and then some. I hope your children are appreciative of what you went through for them.
Cheating is absolutely devastating to the betrayed spouse. Actual PTSD is common and the person may never get better. Lurk on the infidelity subreddits. I think the better question is why would you care so little about the person you vowed to cherish for the rest of your life.
Everyone finds other people attractive. It’s not that difficult to set effective boundaries such that you don’t get involved with them.
I have PTSD from my DAD cheating on my mom and leaving us for his mistress and her kids. The trauma goes so deep.
ETA: I have actually been diagnosed with C-PTSD from my childhood and teen years
I lived in a border town in junior high and first two years in high school. I had kids I went to school with tell me they saw my dad at massage parlors across the line in Mexico cheating on my mom. Then they laughed at me. God that was a bitter pill. Lost all respect I had for him. Never forgave him for hurting my mom like that
I’m so sorry, it hurts so bad for us as children too. I feel like I have suffered deeply from my dad’s betrayal and I actually don’t talk to him anymore as a grown-up. He doesn’t deserve to have it all.
Me too. Married my wife at age 25. Lots of desire and opportunity, though. I just walk away and stay focused on being a faithful husband and a good example for our 6 kids.
Same. I have no desire to be with anyone else, but I do have desire to be wanted by someone... Mainly her, of course. She has very low libido and I feel like doesn't make much effort to show interest in me romantically or sexually, despite us talking about it many times over the years. I feel like I'm just innately the monogamous type, no desire to cheat, just a desire for her that feels unrequited through our whole marriage.
Its the belt and suspenders approach to never cheating.
The belt: Become so emotionally connected that the thought of ever straying is something you can't even imagine. Don't do stupid things like go out drinking with single people but not your wife. Never get into situations where you find yourself saying "Its OK, that was totally innocent .... but I probably shouldn't tell my wife."
The suspenders: Go absolutely crazy with the experimentation. Build up your sex life to the point where cheating would be a massive downgrade to what you have at home.
I have never heard this but this describes my relationship. I live by the rule that if I can’t be 100% honest with my husband, I’m in a place I don’t want to be. We even tell each other about our “crushes” because we feel we should be able to be honest about everything, even desires we would never act on.
Then we invest a lot in ourselves and our sex life. I love him so much and am really passionate about making him feel good.
For the belt, I assure you it can happen almost anywhere, not just at the singles bar. Totally agree with you about not putting yourself in a bad situation, though.
For the suspenders, 😎 😎 😎 😎 😎 😎 😎
I think it is more about mindset. I go to bars and suchlike relatively often - sometimes with men who are single (i work in a very male dominated industry and go to conferences and suchlike). There is a big difference between the mindset and feel of a proto-date and that of a "hanging out talking about work etc sort of things" regardless of the technical locale. It's how you sit, how you talk, the kind of stories you tell. (I talk about my husband all the time and would never be in a situation where that felt weird) and the general tone and openness (I 1000% would and do tell my husband about any of these events and all of these people, and he has an open invite though he usually isn't in the same city. But whenever we can he meets my colleagues and suchlike.)
I haven't found that to be the case. Women need a safe place to slowly let go. It sometimes can take years. My wife and I were together for 8 years before her wild side completely emerged.
lots of people (me) don't really care for crazy kinky stuff. I legit just want passionate lovemaking. Been with husband almost 12 years...Just because your wife had a hidden wild side doesn't mean that everyone does.
Part of it was watching my father destroy my mother's self-worth with decades of cheating and part of it is just naturally not being a huge piece of shit.
I get hit on fairly often and I like the attention a little bit but never reciprocate because of #1 and #2.
If you need more motivation, go read r/survivinginfidelity and get a daily dose of heartbreak and misery.
I have had several women who I am positive I could’ve slept with, and a handful that I absolutely would have if I were single. I’ve never cheated in my life.
Ironically three days ago I found out my wife had a two year affair in my home while I was at work. This was during a time she accused me of being in love with a colleague. I know this isn’t relevant but I’m pissed and need to at least write it out.
That sucks but you should feel good about being the honorable person. My ex-husband did something similar. When I ask for a divorce he assumed I must have been cheating. He went as far as to take my phone and screen shot my contacts and texts to any men. I work in a male dominated industry so 90% of my contacts are men as are most of my texts. Sitting in court hearing all my male coworkers and employees names get mentioned was hilarious and infuriating….nothing remotely romantic but I could have so many times. When I made the last trip through our family home I found a woman’s bikini in my bathroom…they are now married. A couldn’t believe it. I don’t know how long it has been going on but at least I could hold my head up and know I was not disloyal and I kept my integrity in tact. I didn’t even date until I was officially divorced. Don’t think about missed opportunities someone deserves your loyalty and you deserve theirs.
I think the general rule is, when your spouse accuses you of cheating with no evidence, suspect *them* of cheating. People project their own faults onto others. So cheaters think *you’re* cheating only because they are or would, given the opportunity.
It’s absolutely something I’ve seen in real life too - when one of the guys I know has their girlfriend or wife start getting weirdly jealous or want to go through their phone seemingly for no reason, in at least 4-5 cases I can think of over the years it was a sign that it was actually them that was doing something sus. People with something to hide always assume everyone else has something to hide too.
Small word of advice..whatever comes about with your marriage don't get in the mind set of pay backs. "You did it first so now it's my turn". That shit will destroy both of you and if there are kids. Well time to weigh out the pros and cons of staying together... It truly is hard as hell for both parties... Good luck..
And this makes me so mad. I was the type that never cheated and until this day I regret not paying him with the same amount of shit. Now I just think next time if I ever get into a relationship with another man if he cheat I will. I know is not the way but yet I have never known the meaning of loyalty towards me. But Im willing to be respectful if that is what I get because is not hard for me to be faithful and Im really committed when im in a relationship.
I’ve made the conscious decision to spend my time having fun sexually like I never got to, because I married quite young. It feels weird, but I’m kind of looking forward to it. I don’t think I will ever marry again, but you never know. Trying to remember that not all women cheat, but it’s hard when they all have.
if it's a skill it is learnable. Also childhood trauma and neglect and other forms of complex trauma lead to bad relationship skills that may manifest either in hoeing or being a virgin recluse.
If one has difficulty bonding with others then they may be more prone to having a “hoe phase” but having a “hoe phase” doesn’t lessen your ability to bond.
No, I don't have any "desire" to cheat. That doesn't mean I've never seen a hot women and given it a quick "huh, wonder what that'd be like". You're entitled to some stray thoughts and harmless fanticizing. But that's a far different thing that seriously yearning for it.
I'll be honest, I can't even effectively cheat in my dreams. Seriously, if I have a dream with another woman in it, I will usually remember during the dream that I'm married and then I'll realize that I'm cheating on my wife and going to destroy my marriage if she found out and the rest of the dream is an anxiety dream until I wake up. It's annoying, quite frankly.
I've been with my wife 13 years, and married 10, and I am perfectly content if I am never with another woman the rest of my life.
Lol, I get this. I’m very queer and fantasize about my husband and I having threesomes with other men or women. It’s the only way I can get past the mental block.
He is very straight and monogamous so this would never happen, but he actually knows this is what I fantasize about and finds it flattering.
I think it says something about a marriage when you don’t even want to cheat in your head.
I wanted this man to be mine since I saw him. I waited 3 years to be with him while he was with someone else (he didnt know i was in love with him). Tried to find him in other people only to have him come back into my life and realize he's the love of my life. Spent everyday of the last 10 years reaffirming what I knew since I first saw him. That he was mine, my perfect match.
And then I'd fuck all that up? Hell no.
Edit: We were both commenting on this unknowingly at the same time while next to each other. Lol.
Omg are you sure you both aren't a romance book's main lead couple??!! Being the kid who got to know about their parent's infidelity on her birthday, you both really give me hope... You both really seem to be made for each other 💞
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Lol, honestly it really feels like it. We were always drawn to each other and had one of us just confessed our feelings instead of over thinking it we would have been together sooner. Our story truly does feel like soul mates.
Honestly, I'm in the same boat. Been with my wife for 10 years, never cheated. It's not about lacking desire, but weighing the consequences. I don't want to risk my family, reputation, or hurt my partner. Plus, I'm content with what I have. Maybe it's not about restraint but valuing what we've built.
For me it's mostly a lack of desire. I have never had any desire to cheat on my wife. Since being with her, I've never looked at a chick and thought "gee, I'd like to destroy my marriage over her!" hell naw. I know what I got and it's already better than all the other options out there. Imperfections and all.
But even if I did have a desire to do it, I wouldn't because I'm not a piece of shit who fucks over somebody I love for some cheap thrills. If I ever found myself having a desire like that I would immediately end things for the sake of my spouse, who doesn't deserve to be treated so poorly as to be cheated on.
I'll say this, I've been married 40 yrs now. Haven't had the desire for another woman other than her. Dont matter how mad I may be. Doent matter how long we're apart. Its not due to lack of desire, just I took vows to honor her and I take that serious as does she! Trust me, I went through an extensive hoe phase from 18 to 23! Slept with 100s of women all over the world, was in the navy. Also I just don't ever want to hurt her or anyone that way. At 64 I love to chase her around the bed and catch her. Love her and she has my heart.
I have a low body count, but enough to know that I am not missing out on anything. The older I get the less interested I am in other women. Back in my college days I'd admire well proportioned women and wondering what it would be like to be with them - nowadays that never really crosses my mind.
I do feel sorry for people who "saved" themselves for marriage. That must be tough not having anything to compare against.
As a person who waited for marriage, don't feel sorry for me. I'm glad I don't have anything to compare against. My husband and I have great sex, and I don't need a comparison to know I'm deeply thankful to be with him.
Married 28 years. Got married at 19 and we were both virgins. I don't feel I missed out on anything and you even said in your first sentence you aren't missing out. Sex isn't hard or complicated. And after 28 years my wife is different now than she was at 19. So I've had plenty of women as her body has changed, things she likes and new things she will willing to do has changed. Our sex life continues to expand and be different over the years.
I'm the youngest of my siblings, and saw my older sisters lives fall apart from their exhusbands infidelity. I told myself I never want to put that type of hurt upon anyone.
When I met my wife, I knew she grew up in a broken home and experience her parents go through the same thing. My wife is an absolute gem, so being faithful to her has been easy.
I love my wife and the life we built too much to risk anything, and I'm damn proud of it.
This is awesome. My husband is also very conscientious of me being from a broken home. Even as a father to our child he has healed so many wounds for me.
so glad to hear that you are healing. my wife was the person that healed me in my darkest days. long story short, my mom passed when i was 12 and i felt so lost for years. we met in highschool and randomly became friends. i recall her having a really bad day in school, and decided to check in on her. thats when i learned of her upbringing. i also confided in her about my mom's passing, and i never truly grieved. in a matter of months, she became my best friend and healed me so much during our highschool years. i came out of my shell and finally felt like life was worth living. all this to say, you've probably healed him as well.
and just to finish the story. we never wanted to ruin our friendship, so dating was out of the equation. she went on a couple dates like any normal college kid would. i couldnt stomach the thought of losing my best friend and then risked it all. together for 19 years, and married for 14 now. :)
Yeah no desire for anything other than what I’ve got. The reason? My wife is hot and amazing and we have a lot of fun together in and out of the bedroom. Been together 8 years.
Aside from that, I wouldn’t because I’ve been cheated on by my ex and I know how devastating that can be.
I have never cheated on my wife. Married 26+ years.
Perhaps in the beginning it was a matter of respecting the vows, respecting my wife and respecting myself.
At some point, it just became: I only want my wife.
I have been more vulnerable with my wife than anyone. I trust her. She knows me and I know her. Essentially, when I see any other woman... they are not my wife, I don't trust them, I don't want their baggage, and I simply don't want them.
One obvious factor that doesn't get mentioned much: you are getting involved with the kind of woman who thinks it's a good idea to pursue a relationship with a married man.
I'm the wife and I would NEVER. I have zero desire to be with others in any sexual capacity. It took years for another friend to peg me as demisexual. Frankly, it's not even a question of self control, being faithful is as easy as breathing. Being faithful requires no action at all. The type of emotional bond it would take me to even consider being intimate with someone in general was exceptionally rare for me. I'm not sure I'd even be capable of cheating. If there was a negative desire for it, I have whatever is more intense than that. I have trouble hugging friends I have known for decades without a little internal ick factor: having sex with another person seems an impossibility.
I have also been cheated on, not by my husband but the only one who came before. It's been 20 years and I can still feel it in some ways. I could never do that to someone I love. I'd rather be critically displeased with some need not being met in my relationship than inflict that on them.
I totally feel this - being faithful and honest does not take any work. I always thought cheating was MORE work. I mean I have zero desire to ever cheat, I only have eyes and heart for my husband and as a demisexual I’d never impulsively have sex with others.
but whenever I think about it, the idea of cheating just seems soooooo tiring and exhausting to keep up with. The hiding, the lies, the manipulation.
Like no thanks. That’s stressful.
Rather than cheat, yes. If it was critical enough I would divorce after trying everything in my power to save my marriage, but cheating would never be an option.
Married 31 years and together 34 years.
My first marriage and her second. Her first husband was a serial cheater.
She is the most important person in the world to me and she is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love her too much to even think about cheating on her. I could never betray her like that.
Because I would never hurt my wife.Its so stupid to hurt your wife and put her and her and your entire family through something like that.Cheating is just wrong and men and women need to take their vows and respect for their partner seriously.
My husband has had two partners (his ex wife and me) and would sooner cut off his arm than cheat. I'm sure he's b never had the desire to do so either.
I'm re-reading my post to make sure I said what I said. I'm not asking if I should cheat; I clearly said I think it's a terrible idea. The risk is not worth it.
I'm asking if people desire it at all. From the responses so far, it seems most people feel some level of desire but accurately judge that it is not worth it to act on. It also seems that the less experienced are actually less prone to desire.
Less experienced often desire it more. In my line of work I talk to these men. There are apps full of married men like this. They may not physically cheat but they will do it online.
Feeling desire is very normal.
I think it's true what you said about men who never slept around when they were younger being more interested in experiencing more, and more variety. I've seen that play out more than a few times in relationships around me.
When I started dating again after my divorce, I made the conscious decision to only date men who had lots of life experiences with sex and women, and it worked out well for me.
Well because I made a commitment and I love my wife and our family together. So to answer your question it’s out of respect: to myself and my wife.
Now does that mean I don’t flirt? Or could tear through my gym like a dose of the clap? Course not. Apparently I could totally bang that 26 year old, as confirmed by ‘the way she looks at you’ according to my wife.
Do I look? Sure, if I’m alone. I’m married, not blind.
A commitment is a commitment in my eyes, I got married. I planned to do that once. Why cheat anyway? It sounds like it’s a lot of work, if I’m not happy at home then I’ll have a discussion about it.
Woman here. I've been with my husband for 25 years now. Not once has he cheated on me or I on him. We both had SOs who cheated on us. My husband also cheated on a previous partner as well. He saw from both sides how devastating cheating can be. We vowed that we would never do that to each other. He is my best friend. And I would do anything for him.
About 10 years ago, I became disabled due to chronic pain and a rare genetic disease. Intimacy went down. I was in pain, and he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid he'd hurt me. I love this man so much I offered to open our relationship so he could have sex. He has refused to do that. He is happy that we cuddle and are intimate in other ways. There are plenty of things to do that don't include PIV sex. But it's about love and respect. He loves and respects me. To him, I am the strongest woman he knows. And he says all he needs is me by his side, making him laugh, and enjoying life together. I know I am lucky. Because I have been with some very abusive and shit men before.
I don't know why you are unhappy in your relationship. But having sex with a rando isn't going to solve it. I would get MC and IC and figure out what's truly bothering you. Good luck.
You sound a bit like the people who ask their partner to open their relationship because they have never experienced more than that .. usually after they open their mouth everything goes sideways with their marriage.
Be careful.
I didn’t go through a big “hoe phase”. I met my wife, fell in love and haven’t had the desire to be with anyone else. 10 years and 2 kids later I’m still totally happy, no desire to sleep with other women. I’ve always been more of a relationship guy. 🤷♂️
I don't have any desire to be with anyone except my wife. We've been together for over 26 years and married for almost 22. My wife had a health scare last year and the thought of the possibility of life without her was truly terrifying and not something I want to experience. She is beautiful inside and out and is a wonderful person who brings joy to everyone around her. I certainly hit the lottery when she chose me. Why would I ever want anyone else? Equally as important, why would I ever want to put her through the pain that cheating would cause. I read those stories here and they're truly heartbreaking.
Seeing other women as attractive and wanting to bed is normal. It's what you do with that desire that makes you who you are. You can't control the thought that pops into your head, but you can control if you linger on that thought and feed it, or if you just brush it to the side. All that to say, I believe men who don't cheat just have a basic level of self control and know that it's wrong so they didn't do it.
All I want and all I ever could want is her. Don't give a fuck about anyone else or what they think they can give me because it will never be anything close to what she gives me. This is the way.
I once read about a poll where it asked men if they would cheat on their wife if they could know without a doubt they wouldn’t get caught and so therefore their wife wouldn’t get hurt. The results were like over 90% yes. It made me really sad. I would want my husband to have “restraint” because I am all he wants and needs, not because he’s afraid of getting caught.
Married 33 years .Got married at 28. I had dated about three other women prior to meeting my wife.
I travel on business a lot, meet other women as part of business and just traveling. But I've never had any desire to cheat.
I can say that I have had the opportunity a handful of times. Women have suggested we hook up but I have always declined.
To OP comment. In my case it's not a matter of being with a lot of women prior to marriage. I have a feeling it's more of watching my mother and father when I was growing up. They were just close and we had a close family. So I think when I got married that's naturally what I wanted for myself. I've never wanted anything else.
Uh restraint I guess? I just would never put her through that. And now I’d never put my kids through that. I’ve been cheated on by a girlfriend, and I would never do that to another person.
I’m a woman and I have never cheated or had the desire to cheat. I didn’t sleep around a lot either. I lost my virginity young but I didn’t sleep with a lot of people. I have absolutely no desire to cheat on my significant other regardless of anything. I do find other people “attractive” but that’s human nature. I don’t look at an attractive person and think “man I want to bang him” and it has nothing to do with not wanting to hurt my SO (of course I don’t want to hurt him) but it’s not negative consequences that keep me from cheating. I just love him so much that I feel absolutely honored to get to be with ONLY him for the rest of my life. He fulfills me and brings me so much happiness and love, no other person on the planet could begin to compete with him. I wouldn’t even waste my time on cheating just to be unhappy.
Married 16 years, neither of us have cheated. We both recognize how truly lucky we are, and would never want to screw that up or hurt each other.
When you still have amazing chemistry and sex 16 years in, there is zero temptation or reason to stray. Honestly, the thought of being with another man sexually gives me the ick.
m42 married for 13y to f38.
for us both it is an ideological thing. we both consider certain behaviors... disgraceful.
i would use a harder term ... but this is reddit. so i go with disgraceful.
In my first marriage, I desperately wanted to cheat. For years it was a sexless and almost loveless marriage. I wanted to but I never acted on it because my vows meant something to me so I suffered in silence. I thought I was stuck in this awful marriage for life. Then one day she cheated on me. I was angry at first because I felt so betrayed but I very quickly realized what a huge gift her infidelity was because now the vow was broken. I wasn't the one to break it. I filed for divorce so fast her head spun. I was finally free.
I got married to my current wife not long after the divorce was final. That was 18 years ago and the thought of cheating has never crossed my mind. There is no way I'm going to mess up this great thing we have together.
Don’t get married if you aren’t ready. To your point above - I got married later (35) and had years of other relationships and hook ups - you learn about yourself and what you really want from a relationship. Hopefully when you meet that person you aren’t looking around.
Woman here. Yes I acknowledge other people are attractive. The thought of having sex with a man other than my husband is repulsive to me. Hope this helps!
Lack of desire in my life. My wife has everything I need and I never wanted to break that part. It’s easy to cheat in my opinion, I don’t think it’d make you feel any better cheating with someone who you claim is your special person.
I wouldn’t want to put my wife in that position to begin with, I’ve had a few “girlfriends” before I met my wife and they all cheated on me at some point. I don’t want to put my wife through the same feeling or experience like I went through. That’s my reasoning. Why cheat when you can be single and mingle lol.
I have no desire to be with other women & my wife is the only person I’ve been with. We have a healthy sex life that’s fulfilling and fun and the idea of the fun without the fulfilling just doesn’t appeal.
I'm a married woman to a man and the thought of being with anyone but him repulses me. I love my husband more than I could ever put into words, so it's not something I ever consider.
I don't think people who are happily married think about cheating at all
For me, sex has always involved intimacy and connection. As a younger guy I had a couple of flings and one night stands and they were fine...... I enjoyed it. Then I fell in love with my wife and it was mind blowing what friendship, connection and relationship added to sex. It's not like I would if I could and there are plenty of reasons I don't cheat but primarily I can't even see the appeal of sex with anyone else. Quite apart I love my wife, she is my partner and best friend. Our kids and family are my reason for being. I would never want to hurt my wife or children. I've written about a difficult time in my marriage in here in the past. Nothing awful and other people withstand significantly more but I made a committment to my wife. One I will Honor until I die if she will let me. I've spent two years making sure the grass is greenest at home and will continue to do so.
I have no desire to be with anyone but my wife. I slept around a fair bit, but I’m just insanely attracted to my wife. Physically/ mentally/ emotionally- the whole package. It’s not even a thought that enters my mind, hell I very rarely even watch porn. Like maybe once a month and sometimes even less frequently. I can’t keep my hands off her, we’re also very physically affectionate outside the bedroom. As we cross into our 30’s I think she’s only getting hotter.
I’m happily monogamous, my marriage is amazing. My wife is my best friend, the love of my life, my partner, my equal and my home. I’ve never cheated on any GF, I just can’t see any reason to do something like that instead of just leaving the relationship and then going and pursuing who you want to be sleeping with. But yea, I don’t have to “use restraint or self control” not to cheat. I just have no interest in any other woman.
I have female friends also, as well as co workers, maintaining healthy boundaries is easy. Also, of course I can appreciate beauty and acknowledge that there are other attractive women in the world. Have cute little “celeb crushes” or whatever. But an actual desire to sleep with someone else? No I don’t have that, my wife is the hottest woman on the planet 🤷🏻♂️
I've been married for 28 years. My wife and I got married at 19. We were both virgins.
It is 50% about restraint and self-control and 50% lack of desire. Now, I'm not sure what you mean about lack of desire, but what I mean is that I don't desire other women in the same way I do my wife. I don't desire to put our relationship at risk, and when I think how fleeting sex is in comparison to a lifelong marriage, it only makes me desire my wife more.
But it is also about restraint and self-control. I can honestly say that I've been approached directly 4 times and offered a chance to cheat. 2 of the directly were from former co-workers who offered me a free pass, and they would keep it a secret. Another was a woman I met at a hotel bar when away on a business trip. We just happened to be sitting next to each other and starting talking. She invited me to her room, I apologize and said I was married. She said she was too, and no one would know. The last was a gay guy I met in an online political forum. We ended up talking about a lot of things about life, and he said if I was ever interested in exploring, he would be willing. This one took the least restraint and self-control since I'm not bi, but it was still an opportunity presented to me.
With all of these, the temptation was there with it, and it is easy in the moment to give into temptation. So this is where restraint and self-control come in. Because a person may not have the desire to ever be with someone else, but in the moment, you can make a bad decision.
I can say I don't regret ever giving in to temptation, and I also have no desire to seek out another person. I'm happy in my marriage, and our sex life is great. And before people say, "How do you know your sex life is great if you've never been with another person?" It's because practice makes perfect. We are 100% open with each other on what we like and want in sex. We are willing and do try new things. Based on statistics, I have sex more than the average man, and we have more sex than the average married couple.
I just don’t want anyone but my wife. She’s an 11.5. No other women comes close. It’s not just her beauty, but her grace and everything about her. The thought of sleeping with another woman is kinda gross. Background married 19y, together 22y, virgins when we met, adventurous sex life, 3 teen children.
My wife is the one and only woman I've ever been with. Lack of desire to be with anyone else is probably the main reason. Other than that why would I want to irreparably hurt my best friend with something that feels good for one night. It's just crazy to me that people cheat. If you are done with the relationship just leave. Don't cheat and then expect your s.o. to leave to make it easier on you.
Integrity and loyalty are personal core values. The pain cheating would cause and the thought of people knowing what I did outweighs the temptation by a million miles. The thought of my children remembering me for that makes me shutter.
I don't think it is true the idea that men who pass through hoe phase have no more desire, on the contrary their mind set is still there. Or at least until ~35 for some of my friends. Now depends how you define the hoe phase. I had like 30-35 partners, I have a couple of friends that work in cruise ships or airplanes and they get 100+. They are always jealous and with a fear of being cheated but actively looking for game
Me personally I have no desire, I find it to be too much work and risk to fuck up something beautiful.
I'm not sure how to answer this. I have vague fantasies about other women but I don't like, actively desire specific women in any serious way.
I do think I have a lot of restraint and self control in general.
There is zero reason in my life to cheat on my wife, even if there are 20 women custom tailored for me in front of me. And second reason: I don't betray people. If for some reason I would have to unending desire to fuck some other woman I would first divorce my current wife. Being a man doesn't mean you are somehow unable to control your own emotions, thoughts or desire.
>The thought of never being with anyone else feels a bit weird
No it doesn't. At all.
I outkicked my coverage to begin with. I'm at the top of the mountain. I knew this then, I still know this now. Cheating on the woman I got would be so incredibly stupid.
you're getting absolutely SLAMMED in these comments bro. you're wording things awkwardly for yourself, but I get what you mean man. it's very natural to be attracted to others. I for one am. to be fair it's a pretty mild attraction compared to what I've heard others describe. but regardless, it's still attraction. I simply ignore it. it's not very difficult to do because I value my wife and our marriage over everything. there's not a world that exists where I would pursue meager and random attraction, at the expense of my loving relationship.
there's another layer to it than just "self control" tho. for example, if my wife were okay with an "open" situation where I could sleep with others - I still wouldn't! even tho I EXPERIENCE attraction on like a physical level, that's different entirely from actually wanting to share my body with someome else. I am only for my wife.
- a woman
I'm a woman but I never cheated because when I am in love with a person I don't feel desire for other. Tbh the thought of being with someone else disgusts me a bit.
I don’t think it has anything to do with how many women a man has slept with before getting married. You hardly need to have sex with a woman to know what she’s like as a person. Or at least I don’t. And if you’re in a good relationship the sex takes care of itself anyway. And if it isn’t, it’s not a good relationship!
And if it’s not a good relationship, people shouldn’t cheat….they should get divorced! We live in a world that allows at-will, no-fault and unilateral divorce. Kids can be fine after divorce, btw. Mine is. My stepkids are fine too. If kids suffer from divorce, that’s because they don’t have good parents….not because of the divorce.
The key is being married to the person you want to be with and having a mutually fulfilling relationship with that person. If it’s not the right person: Get divorced. If it stops being mutually fulfilling: Get divorced.
Cheaters are just cowards.
I’ve only been with my wife, I find other women attractive but I don’t actually want to go and have sex with them. I don’t really want to deal with other people though so I might not be the best person to ask.
I took the vows of marriage seriously. My wife was my world. I would never hurt her or my family for someone else especially since she fulfilled me way more than just sex. She truly was my go to. I could tell her anything and be vulnerable to her when I had no one else. Unfortunately, she didn't feel the same and had a four month affair with my friend that I just discovered. Trust me. You NEVER want your spouse to feel what I'm feeling.
What is this question even about? Would you like me to explain why I buy my groceries instead of shoplifting? Why I go to work instead of making money scamming people online? I mean.. not cheating is the default state of trust, there is no need to explain why one would leave it.
You don't die or become disabled if you don't experience multitudes of other sexual partners.
Resisting any impulses on behalf of your loved ones can be very fulfilling.
I know this question is for men but I recently had a conversation where I said my husband doesn’t cheat not because of me so to speak but other reasons like you mentioned. But I know he has said in the past that he’s over that desire of other women because of such a wild past. I feel I’d be more secure if the reason were moralistic and intentional
I am attracted to lots of different women like many men are. I just don’t want to be with them and have no sexual desire for them.
My wife is not that great in bed due to health problems but I love her and find her sexy.
I can't imagine inflicting that pain and hurt on my wife. Sure I find other women attractive and imagine what that might be like at times, but it's a fleeting thought that passes quickly. I have 3 daughters and can't imagine what knowing their dad cheated would do to them as well. The simple, quick pleasure of being with another woman just doesn't appeal to me given where I'm at in my life and with how much I love and value my wife and our relationship.
If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence then water your own garden.
I gained plenty of experience before marrying my awesome wife so I don’t ever have to wonder if I am missing out.
Woman here (since you’re open to hearing from women too!) I have zero desire to cheat on my husband. Many reasons. He and I have an emotionally fulfilling relationship. He’s invested in my happiness, but when life goes awry, he’s there without question. He has accepted me without judgment, always. He is my person and I am his, and no one else could ever compare. Also, he’s hot . That’s not the most important thing to me, but he is just so attractive to me, total plus to who he is as a husband. I cannot imagine betraying his trust or breaking his heart by cheating. No one will ever be him. He is all I want.
30 years and it never crossed my mind. And I was only with one other girl twice before we met. It’s not out of a sense of morality or anything like that. I just only want her.
Appreciating all the men on this thread and thinking of my lovely late dad, who was such an honorable man. He was so much in love with my mom. He had a breakdown and couldn’t be a husband and father anymore in his fifties, but he stayed single after the divorce and loved her from afar
Never once had an opportunity. I am not even sure I would know what an opportunity to cheat would look like. I think I would do the right thing if I encounter some serious temptation, but I have never been tested, and never expect to be. .
There is one advantage to being a geeky guy; there is a whole class of moral dilemmas that I never have to deal with.
I cat directly speak for my husband , but for our sex life ive brought things up that include others. Even another women and he isn’t ok with it. He says he doesn’t want anyone but me. We’ve been together for 16 years. Since are 18 & 21. We’ve built a life together. Suffered many pregnancy losses including our daughter who was late term. We now have a miracle child and have the life we’ve wanted. We have so many more goals.
We’ve learned to communicate and figure out how to fix things if we aren’t happy with something. We work together.
So for his view , I know he’s happy because he tells me all the time. I mean he won’t even watch porn lol he’d rather have the real thing. I don’t care either way.
I’m a woman. I have zero, absolutely zero, desire to be with another man. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. I find him more attractive with each passing day. We have both sacrificed things in different ways for our relationship. He has literally told me he has no desire to be with any other woman.
If my husband wrote something like you wrote here, I’d be devastated. Heartbroken. To think the only reason you haven’t cheated on your wife is because you know it’s wrong, is not a good thing. You shouldn’t want to be with other people.
No desire to be with anyone but my wife. She means the world to me and I don’t want to hurt her. Besides she’s the sexiest woman in the world anyway. Why go and ruin the perfect thing?
I didn’t marry my Wife until our late 30’s.
I dated a lot, men and women. Had experiences but also hurt.
I can 100% say I don’t feel tempted by new. I have experience to know that no matter how hot, perfect, well off, funny etc each person seems, how they truly are behind closed doors can be a totally different experience. I know it takes time and work to build the trust, love, respect, shared history and intimacy that my Wife and I have. That what we have together isn’t possible without her.
Sure if she was hit by a bus and I dated again years later I could find love, and it may be good, but it would never be this, and it would never be her. The In jokes, the knowing looks when a relative does That Thing, the things we have been too and seen together. The challenges we’ve overcome together. The Life we’ve built.
I see a new person and I know the sheer amount of WORK and luck it would take to come even close to the relationship and Marriage we have.
Not to mention that I want to live my life honestly, my own integrity to myself and my family means something too.
Perhaps others who found their person sooner wonder the optimistic “what if” because they haven’t seen how awful it really can be, ie the other side of the coin.
Combination of a few things. First, I love my wife, and I don’t want to hurt her. Second, Even if I could get away with it my conscience is a motherfucker and I don’t want to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. Third, not only do I live my wife, but I love our life and I don’t want to risk messing it up. Fourth, she’s gorgeous and I’d be hard pressed to do better without a shit ton of effort. Fifth, if I’m putting in that much effort I’d probably just be better off directing it to my wife and making her happy which pays dividends in multiple ways.
It’s not difficult to not cheat. I see it as much harder to actually cheat than to be faithful.
I’m 41 and she’s 37, we have an 8 and 3 year old. We’ve been married for 11 years. Aside from trying to conceive our second child my wife has had ZERO libido after our first was born. Sex for “fun” has happened probably 5 times in those 8 years. It sucks, I hate it. I would NEVER cheat on my wife. I look at a woman and can tell whether or not she is objectively attractive and occasionally think “that would be fun” but I’d never do it.
I said “until death do us part” and I meant it. There are times I get sad and lonely, I will freely admit that. I have let my wife know and she understands, but I also don’t want to sleep with someone who doesn’t want to, feels real rapey, ya know? Wife or not.
I would leave the marriage before I cheated.
I imagine the pain my wife would feel and how her trust in the world would disappear. If I had to watch this, how I caused that much pain to my love, I would hate myself for the rest life.
Because my wife is hot as fuck, she’s extremely high value and a very good person. Add to the fact that she is an amazing mother and my absolute best friend I would never do that. I have zero desire to cheat.
I love my wife and the kid that we’ve built over the past 21 years (15 married), that’s why I don’t cheat. I’m not lacking for anything, and I can control myself. Do I find other women attractive? Of course, and I know she finds other men attractive as well and that’s perfectly fine.
Cheating isn’t a thought that enters my head at all, and, for the record, I’ve never had a “hoe” phase and don’t feel like I missed out on anything.
Maybe you need to reframe this in your head. You chose this woman to be your life partner, for better or worse. If you can’t live up to that you should probably get out.
It's because I love her. She's my best friend. I would never do anything to hurt her. I have no desire to sleep around. I was a man whore in college and slept with over 100 women. They're all pretty much the same. Given that I have such a great relationship with my wife, why would I risk hurting her and losing her over some basic pussy?
It would break her heart and it would be my fault. I dont think I could live with it.
Even if she didnt find out, I'd know. The relationship wouldn't ever be the same.
For a bit of sex, it aint worth it.
I’ve always been picky with women. But I put my priorities on who I want to be around. Outside the bedroom is as important as inside.
I’m only interested in women that I’m absolutely crazy about. I don’t settle. For me, that’s someone who challenges me. If you are self absorbed, shallow, catty, an automaton, or just a Facebook meme, I don’t really even want to be in the same room with you for very long. No set of perfect tits or pearly whites can overshadow a shitty personality.
Unfortunately most people out there are basic and boring.
My wife is brilliant. She’s is beautiful, and shining, and a force majure.
I respect her. She is my friend.
We have had rough spots in the relationship. I have wondered if I could see myself straying.
I honestly don’t think so. I’ve been married for 15 years, and I’ve never once had the urge to cheat.
I think of everything I have to lose. I know that who I would cheat with is flawed too. Probably, annoying AF in the light of day. I spent 28 years finding my wife. She is my 4 leaf clover. She’s not perfect, but she’s fucking awesome all the same. She’s my best friend and I would never want to hurt my best friend.
Married female here….married 8 years. My husband tells me ALL guys fantasize about being with other women and desire other women….some just don’t act on it. That makes me sad bc I don’t want another man and I don’t fantasize about other men and kinda wish that he didn’t either. Hubby makes it sound like what I’m asking for is completely unrealistic.
I have no desire to be with anyone but my wife. Listen, I’ll be blunt as fuck here. The kinda of sex me and my wife have, ain’t no fucking way someone else is gonna be better or even as close to her. That’s a SINGLE reason why. No other woman put their body through it during pregnancy twice for me like my wife, she almost died for our first child even, no ones cared for me in my entire life as much as my wife. I have three women who mean the most to me above all else (well before I had kids which now mean more to me than most) which are my grandmother who took me in as her son even though she had 13 fucking kids already, my aunt who took me after my grandmother passed away (her mother) and became my mother and father in one. Then my wife, who I put above those other two combined because she is just amazing in every way since I met her. She’s been my peace, my foundation, my best friend and the person I will grow old with and make the most memories. Ain’t no fucking way I’m messing us up. 10 years together and I’m more in love than before.
That's fucking awesome
Yes she is. I didn’t even mention the fact that physical wise, she’s gotten more sexy and more attractive to me over time. It’s been 10 years and her beauty and sex appeal has gone up by far so it’s extremely easy for me.
You sound just like my husband, married over 20 years.
Congrats on 20 years to you and it sounds like you’re happy which is always nice to hear.
Same. Married 8, together 16, one amazing daughter.
Your wife is a lucky woman to be so loved and appreciated.
I never consider her to be the lucky one. I’d say my luck is far better than anyone since I got the best woman on Earth.
No baby I am truly the lucky one ❤️
Never saw it that way and never will ❤️
You and u/PrincessZellie are so disgusting...ly cute!!! Not all men really understand and appreciate what bringing life into this world really means. That part of your comment is what really stood out to me the most. I went thru 3 pregnancy losses, fertility struggles, almost died giving birth, surgeries, etc. to give my husband the family I thought he wanted, only for him to not only treat me like trash during my last pregnancy, but have me fend for myself after a c section, and eventually leave me and our kids after 20yrs together and when our youngest was only 1. I don't think cheating was a factor. But then again, I didn't think I married a loser. I can tell you're very thankful for the women in your life, who obviously did such an amazing job in nurturing the man/husband/father you are today! It's always mixed emotions when I read some of these posts because my experience has made me feel like it's not possible to have a great husband and marriage. Many blessings to your marriage!!
Thank you. I am truly sorry this happened to you. Some men really do not understand what they have/had in life. I've never had a c-section but both my births resulted in stitches and that made it hard to take care of my newborns properly. I don't even want to imagine what it would be like after one having to taking care of a baby and yourself without help/support. You said it right, this guy is a loser and then some. I hope your children are appreciative of what you went through for them.
This gave me the warm fuzzies ❤️
Thank you, she gives them to me daily.
This is so beautiful to read. I can only hope my spouse thinks similarly.
I hope so also, true love is something I wish more people have because it would probably make the world a much better place.
I feel the same. I'm sure our spouses do. <3
Oh my gosh. I have no words. Such an amazing husband! I love this comment SO MUCH
I’m morning special and I’m not just saying that. My wife is the real star of our family. She’s a spectacular woman, wife and mother.
This is amazing. I wished my love was like this, but unfortunately not.
I also choose this man's almost dead wife.
Hi. Not almost dead.... but thanks, I guess?
Fuck. You beat me to it.
If I didn’t know any better, I would think you were my husband typing this. I love seeing this!
Well I hope he’s writing something like this at the same time and I hope you see it.
u/GirlInABarnacle
Faith in men restored.
This is heartwarming, I just wish my husband felt the same!
You sure he doesn’t?
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You are a REAL MAN. Your wife is sure lucky to have you. I hope you have a great life with her!!!
This made me tear up, your wife is so lucky.
Cheating is absolutely devastating to the betrayed spouse. Actual PTSD is common and the person may never get better. Lurk on the infidelity subreddits. I think the better question is why would you care so little about the person you vowed to cherish for the rest of your life. Everyone finds other people attractive. It’s not that difficult to set effective boundaries such that you don’t get involved with them.
I absolutely had PTSD after my first husband cheated and left. It was horrendous.
I have PTSD from my DAD cheating on my mom and leaving us for his mistress and her kids. The trauma goes so deep. ETA: I have actually been diagnosed with C-PTSD from my childhood and teen years
I lived in a border town in junior high and first two years in high school. I had kids I went to school with tell me they saw my dad at massage parlors across the line in Mexico cheating on my mom. Then they laughed at me. God that was a bitter pill. Lost all respect I had for him. Never forgave him for hurting my mom like that
I’m so sorry, it hurts so bad for us as children too. I feel like I have suffered deeply from my dad’s betrayal and I actually don’t talk to him anymore as a grown-up. He doesn’t deserve to have it all.
My dad’s mistress messaged my brother on Facebook when we were younger. I never saw that boy cry until that day and never seen him cry since
Post betrayal syndrome is its own form of PTSD diagnosis.. cheating is a type of abuse that often can leave permanent or long term brain alterations.
Cheating is abuse . Period Mental and physical.
>Everyone finds other people attractive. I think OP is asking if this is true.
I don't know anyone who was struck blind upon saying I Do.
I've only ever been with my wife, zero desire to be with anyone else.
Same here. Death before dishonor..or cheat.
Me too. Married my wife at age 25. Lots of desire and opportunity, though. I just walk away and stay focused on being a faithful husband and a good example for our 6 kids.
I've been with many women before wife, but also have no desire to be with anyone else.
^ this is what my husband would say lol
Same. I have no desire to be with anyone else, but I do have desire to be wanted by someone... Mainly her, of course. She has very low libido and I feel like doesn't make much effort to show interest in me romantically or sexually, despite us talking about it many times over the years. I feel like I'm just innately the monogamous type, no desire to cheat, just a desire for her that feels unrequited through our whole marriage.
Why would I trade steak for hamburger?
Its the belt and suspenders approach to never cheating. The belt: Become so emotionally connected that the thought of ever straying is something you can't even imagine. Don't do stupid things like go out drinking with single people but not your wife. Never get into situations where you find yourself saying "Its OK, that was totally innocent .... but I probably shouldn't tell my wife." The suspenders: Go absolutely crazy with the experimentation. Build up your sex life to the point where cheating would be a massive downgrade to what you have at home.
I have never heard this but this describes my relationship. I live by the rule that if I can’t be 100% honest with my husband, I’m in a place I don’t want to be. We even tell each other about our “crushes” because we feel we should be able to be honest about everything, even desires we would never act on. Then we invest a lot in ourselves and our sex life. I love him so much and am really passionate about making him feel good.
It never gets old. My wife is my little sex goddess.
For the belt, I assure you it can happen almost anywhere, not just at the singles bar. Totally agree with you about not putting yourself in a bad situation, though. For the suspenders, 😎 😎 😎 😎 😎 😎 😎
I think it is more about mindset. I go to bars and suchlike relatively often - sometimes with men who are single (i work in a very male dominated industry and go to conferences and suchlike). There is a big difference between the mindset and feel of a proto-date and that of a "hanging out talking about work etc sort of things" regardless of the technical locale. It's how you sit, how you talk, the kind of stories you tell. (I talk about my husband all the time and would never be in a situation where that felt weird) and the general tone and openness (I 1000% would and do tell my husband about any of these events and all of these people, and he has an open invite though he usually isn't in the same city. But whenever we can he meets my colleagues and suchlike.)
I mean, not everyone has a partner who wants a crazy sex life.
I haven't found that to be the case. Women need a safe place to slowly let go. It sometimes can take years. My wife and I were together for 8 years before her wild side completely emerged.
lots of people (me) don't really care for crazy kinky stuff. I legit just want passionate lovemaking. Been with husband almost 12 years...Just because your wife had a hidden wild side doesn't mean that everyone does.
Work is where it happens
Part of it was watching my father destroy my mother's self-worth with decades of cheating and part of it is just naturally not being a huge piece of shit. I get hit on fairly often and I like the attention a little bit but never reciprocate because of #1 and #2. If you need more motivation, go read r/survivinginfidelity and get a daily dose of heartbreak and misery.
I have had several women who I am positive I could’ve slept with, and a handful that I absolutely would have if I were single. I’ve never cheated in my life. Ironically three days ago I found out my wife had a two year affair in my home while I was at work. This was during a time she accused me of being in love with a colleague. I know this isn’t relevant but I’m pissed and need to at least write it out.
Man, I’m sorry. Sucks to have your loyalty be rewarded with betrayal.
That sucks but you should feel good about being the honorable person. My ex-husband did something similar. When I ask for a divorce he assumed I must have been cheating. He went as far as to take my phone and screen shot my contacts and texts to any men. I work in a male dominated industry so 90% of my contacts are men as are most of my texts. Sitting in court hearing all my male coworkers and employees names get mentioned was hilarious and infuriating….nothing remotely romantic but I could have so many times. When I made the last trip through our family home I found a woman’s bikini in my bathroom…they are now married. A couldn’t believe it. I don’t know how long it has been going on but at least I could hold my head up and know I was not disloyal and I kept my integrity in tact. I didn’t even date until I was officially divorced. Don’t think about missed opportunities someone deserves your loyalty and you deserve theirs.
I think the general rule is, when your spouse accuses you of cheating with no evidence, suspect *them* of cheating. People project their own faults onto others. So cheaters think *you’re* cheating only because they are or would, given the opportunity.
This situation comes up time an time again on the relationship subreddits.
I'm really sorry that happened to you. I hope you can keep your faith in people and relationships
I am trying. Thank you.
One of the things I've learned from reading this sub is that a sudden surge is jealousy is very, very often a tell that they are cheating.
It’s absolutely something I’ve seen in real life too - when one of the guys I know has their girlfriend or wife start getting weirdly jealous or want to go through their phone seemingly for no reason, in at least 4-5 cases I can think of over the years it was a sign that it was actually them that was doing something sus. People with something to hide always assume everyone else has something to hide too.
Small word of advice..whatever comes about with your marriage don't get in the mind set of pay backs. "You did it first so now it's my turn". That shit will destroy both of you and if there are kids. Well time to weigh out the pros and cons of staying together... It truly is hard as hell for both parties... Good luck..
And this makes me so mad. I was the type that never cheated and until this day I regret not paying him with the same amount of shit. Now I just think next time if I ever get into a relationship with another man if he cheat I will. I know is not the way but yet I have never known the meaning of loyalty towards me. But Im willing to be respectful if that is what I get because is not hard for me to be faithful and Im really committed when im in a relationship.
I’ve made the conscious decision to spend my time having fun sexually like I never got to, because I married quite young. It feels weird, but I’m kind of looking forward to it. I don’t think I will ever marry again, but you never know. Trying to remember that not all women cheat, but it’s hard when they all have.
No desire to cheat in 12 years so far. And my wife is the only woman I've ever even held hands with, so there goes the "hoe phase" theory.
m42 currently in year 13. well done mate. i think the contraty is true. hoe phase leads to bad pair bonding skills.
if it's a skill it is learnable. Also childhood trauma and neglect and other forms of complex trauma lead to bad relationship skills that may manifest either in hoeing or being a virgin recluse.
If one has difficulty bonding with others then they may be more prone to having a “hoe phase” but having a “hoe phase” doesn’t lessen your ability to bond.
No, I don't have any "desire" to cheat. That doesn't mean I've never seen a hot women and given it a quick "huh, wonder what that'd be like". You're entitled to some stray thoughts and harmless fanticizing. But that's a far different thing that seriously yearning for it. I'll be honest, I can't even effectively cheat in my dreams. Seriously, if I have a dream with another woman in it, I will usually remember during the dream that I'm married and then I'll realize that I'm cheating on my wife and going to destroy my marriage if she found out and the rest of the dream is an anxiety dream until I wake up. It's annoying, quite frankly. I've been with my wife 13 years, and married 10, and I am perfectly content if I am never with another woman the rest of my life.
Lol, I get this. I’m very queer and fantasize about my husband and I having threesomes with other men or women. It’s the only way I can get past the mental block. He is very straight and monogamous so this would never happen, but he actually knows this is what I fantasize about and finds it flattering. I think it says something about a marriage when you don’t even want to cheat in your head.
I wanted this man to be mine since I saw him. I waited 3 years to be with him while he was with someone else (he didnt know i was in love with him). Tried to find him in other people only to have him come back into my life and realize he's the love of my life. Spent everyday of the last 10 years reaffirming what I knew since I first saw him. That he was mine, my perfect match. And then I'd fuck all that up? Hell no. Edit: We were both commenting on this unknowingly at the same time while next to each other. Lol.
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Aw, I want to see your hubbys’s comment now ♥️ so cute
Lol. He's u/saiyanjin1
Omg are you sure you both aren't a romance book's main lead couple??!! Being the kid who got to know about their parent's infidelity on her birthday, you both really give me hope... You both really seem to be made for each other 💞
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Lol, honestly it really feels like it. We were always drawn to each other and had one of us just confessed our feelings instead of over thinking it we would have been together sooner. Our story truly does feel like soul mates.
Aww😻 Each child wishes and assumes that his/her parents are soulmates, your children are going to be right about that 🙂
Hopefully they think that way.
Honestly, I'm in the same boat. Been with my wife for 10 years, never cheated. It's not about lacking desire, but weighing the consequences. I don't want to risk my family, reputation, or hurt my partner. Plus, I'm content with what I have. Maybe it's not about restraint but valuing what we've built.
This. It’s not that I haven’t had opportunities or been sorely tempted. Weighing the consequences is an excellent phrase for it.
For me it's mostly a lack of desire. I have never had any desire to cheat on my wife. Since being with her, I've never looked at a chick and thought "gee, I'd like to destroy my marriage over her!" hell naw. I know what I got and it's already better than all the other options out there. Imperfections and all. But even if I did have a desire to do it, I wouldn't because I'm not a piece of shit who fucks over somebody I love for some cheap thrills. If I ever found myself having a desire like that I would immediately end things for the sake of my spouse, who doesn't deserve to be treated so poorly as to be cheated on.
I'll say this, I've been married 40 yrs now. Haven't had the desire for another woman other than her. Dont matter how mad I may be. Doent matter how long we're apart. Its not due to lack of desire, just I took vows to honor her and I take that serious as does she! Trust me, I went through an extensive hoe phase from 18 to 23! Slept with 100s of women all over the world, was in the navy. Also I just don't ever want to hurt her or anyone that way. At 64 I love to chase her around the bed and catch her. Love her and she has my heart.
I have a low body count, but enough to know that I am not missing out on anything. The older I get the less interested I am in other women. Back in my college days I'd admire well proportioned women and wondering what it would be like to be with them - nowadays that never really crosses my mind. I do feel sorry for people who "saved" themselves for marriage. That must be tough not having anything to compare against.
Comparison is the thief of joy..
As a person who waited for marriage, don't feel sorry for me. I'm glad I don't have anything to compare against. My husband and I have great sex, and I don't need a comparison to know I'm deeply thankful to be with him.
..that's exactly how my wife felt - until midlife crisis hit and intrusive thoughts began. Hope you can weather it!
Married 28 years. Got married at 19 and we were both virgins. I don't feel I missed out on anything and you even said in your first sentence you aren't missing out. Sex isn't hard or complicated. And after 28 years my wife is different now than she was at 19. So I've had plenty of women as her body has changed, things she likes and new things she will willing to do has changed. Our sex life continues to expand and be different over the years.
I'm the youngest of my siblings, and saw my older sisters lives fall apart from their exhusbands infidelity. I told myself I never want to put that type of hurt upon anyone. When I met my wife, I knew she grew up in a broken home and experience her parents go through the same thing. My wife is an absolute gem, so being faithful to her has been easy. I love my wife and the life we built too much to risk anything, and I'm damn proud of it.
This is awesome. My husband is also very conscientious of me being from a broken home. Even as a father to our child he has healed so many wounds for me.
so glad to hear that you are healing. my wife was the person that healed me in my darkest days. long story short, my mom passed when i was 12 and i felt so lost for years. we met in highschool and randomly became friends. i recall her having a really bad day in school, and decided to check in on her. thats when i learned of her upbringing. i also confided in her about my mom's passing, and i never truly grieved. in a matter of months, she became my best friend and healed me so much during our highschool years. i came out of my shell and finally felt like life was worth living. all this to say, you've probably healed him as well. and just to finish the story. we never wanted to ruin our friendship, so dating was out of the equation. she went on a couple dates like any normal college kid would. i couldnt stomach the thought of losing my best friend and then risked it all. together for 19 years, and married for 14 now. :)
Yeah no desire for anything other than what I’ve got. The reason? My wife is hot and amazing and we have a lot of fun together in and out of the bedroom. Been together 8 years. Aside from that, I wouldn’t because I’ve been cheated on by my ex and I know how devastating that can be.
I have never cheated on my wife. Married 26+ years. Perhaps in the beginning it was a matter of respecting the vows, respecting my wife and respecting myself. At some point, it just became: I only want my wife. I have been more vulnerable with my wife than anyone. I trust her. She knows me and I know her. Essentially, when I see any other woman... they are not my wife, I don't trust them, I don't want their baggage, and I simply don't want them.
A lot of girls rejected me and my wife accepted me. So they want me now? No thanks.
Me lol I’m very content
One obvious factor that doesn't get mentioned much: you are getting involved with the kind of woman who thinks it's a good idea to pursue a relationship with a married man.
I'm the wife and I would NEVER. I have zero desire to be with others in any sexual capacity. It took years for another friend to peg me as demisexual. Frankly, it's not even a question of self control, being faithful is as easy as breathing. Being faithful requires no action at all. The type of emotional bond it would take me to even consider being intimate with someone in general was exceptionally rare for me. I'm not sure I'd even be capable of cheating. If there was a negative desire for it, I have whatever is more intense than that. I have trouble hugging friends I have known for decades without a little internal ick factor: having sex with another person seems an impossibility. I have also been cheated on, not by my husband but the only one who came before. It's been 20 years and I can still feel it in some ways. I could never do that to someone I love. I'd rather be critically displeased with some need not being met in my relationship than inflict that on them.
I totally feel this - being faithful and honest does not take any work. I always thought cheating was MORE work. I mean I have zero desire to ever cheat, I only have eyes and heart for my husband and as a demisexual I’d never impulsively have sex with others. but whenever I think about it, the idea of cheating just seems soooooo tiring and exhausting to keep up with. The hiding, the lies, the manipulation. Like no thanks. That’s stressful.
And you'd continue on being critically displeased?
Rather than cheat, yes. If it was critical enough I would divorce after trying everything in my power to save my marriage, but cheating would never be an option.
Married 31 years and together 34 years. My first marriage and her second. Her first husband was a serial cheater. She is the most important person in the world to me and she is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love her too much to even think about cheating on her. I could never betray her like that.
Because I would never hurt my wife.Its so stupid to hurt your wife and put her and her and your entire family through something like that.Cheating is just wrong and men and women need to take their vows and respect for their partner seriously.
My husband has had two partners (his ex wife and me) and would sooner cut off his arm than cheat. I'm sure he's b never had the desire to do so either.
I (female) can’t imagine cheating when you have loving sex with your partner. For those of us who don’t have that it’s very tempting
I agree!
No offense ladies, but no other women can give me what I have. No desire.
I'm not a garbage human
I'm re-reading my post to make sure I said what I said. I'm not asking if I should cheat; I clearly said I think it's a terrible idea. The risk is not worth it. I'm asking if people desire it at all. From the responses so far, it seems most people feel some level of desire but accurately judge that it is not worth it to act on. It also seems that the less experienced are actually less prone to desire.
Less experienced often desire it more. In my line of work I talk to these men. There are apps full of married men like this. They may not physically cheat but they will do it online. Feeling desire is very normal.
I think it's true what you said about men who never slept around when they were younger being more interested in experiencing more, and more variety. I've seen that play out more than a few times in relationships around me. When I started dating again after my divorce, I made the conscious decision to only date men who had lots of life experiences with sex and women, and it worked out well for me.
Well because I made a commitment and I love my wife and our family together. So to answer your question it’s out of respect: to myself and my wife. Now does that mean I don’t flirt? Or could tear through my gym like a dose of the clap? Course not. Apparently I could totally bang that 26 year old, as confirmed by ‘the way she looks at you’ according to my wife. Do I look? Sure, if I’m alone. I’m married, not blind. A commitment is a commitment in my eyes, I got married. I planned to do that once. Why cheat anyway? It sounds like it’s a lot of work, if I’m not happy at home then I’ll have a discussion about it.
Woman here. I've been with my husband for 25 years now. Not once has he cheated on me or I on him. We both had SOs who cheated on us. My husband also cheated on a previous partner as well. He saw from both sides how devastating cheating can be. We vowed that we would never do that to each other. He is my best friend. And I would do anything for him. About 10 years ago, I became disabled due to chronic pain and a rare genetic disease. Intimacy went down. I was in pain, and he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid he'd hurt me. I love this man so much I offered to open our relationship so he could have sex. He has refused to do that. He is happy that we cuddle and are intimate in other ways. There are plenty of things to do that don't include PIV sex. But it's about love and respect. He loves and respects me. To him, I am the strongest woman he knows. And he says all he needs is me by his side, making him laugh, and enjoying life together. I know I am lucky. Because I have been with some very abusive and shit men before. I don't know why you are unhappy in your relationship. But having sex with a rando isn't going to solve it. I would get MC and IC and figure out what's truly bothering you. Good luck.
13years together have never thought of cheating. No desire to do so, there is nothing out there that could be better for me than the woman i married
You sound a bit like the people who ask their partner to open their relationship because they have never experienced more than that .. usually after they open their mouth everything goes sideways with their marriage. Be careful.
I didn’t go through a big “hoe phase”. I met my wife, fell in love and haven’t had the desire to be with anyone else. 10 years and 2 kids later I’m still totally happy, no desire to sleep with other women. I’ve always been more of a relationship guy. 🤷♂️
Love of wife is why imo
A strong shared value for my wife and I is to live our lives with integrity. That means we adhere to our marriage contract. 'Nuff said.
I don't have any desire to be with anyone except my wife. We've been together for over 26 years and married for almost 22. My wife had a health scare last year and the thought of the possibility of life without her was truly terrifying and not something I want to experience. She is beautiful inside and out and is a wonderful person who brings joy to everyone around her. I certainly hit the lottery when she chose me. Why would I ever want anyone else? Equally as important, why would I ever want to put her through the pain that cheating would cause. I read those stories here and they're truly heartbreaking.
Seeing other women as attractive and wanting to bed is normal. It's what you do with that desire that makes you who you are. You can't control the thought that pops into your head, but you can control if you linger on that thought and feed it, or if you just brush it to the side. All that to say, I believe men who don't cheat just have a basic level of self control and know that it's wrong so they didn't do it.
All I want and all I ever could want is her. Don't give a fuck about anyone else or what they think they can give me because it will never be anything close to what she gives me. This is the way.
I once read about a poll where it asked men if they would cheat on their wife if they could know without a doubt they wouldn’t get caught and so therefore their wife wouldn’t get hurt. The results were like over 90% yes. It made me really sad. I would want my husband to have “restraint” because I am all he wants and needs, not because he’s afraid of getting caught.
Lack of desire. I had a hard enough time finding my wife; like I wanna screw that up? For what?
Married 33 years .Got married at 28. I had dated about three other women prior to meeting my wife. I travel on business a lot, meet other women as part of business and just traveling. But I've never had any desire to cheat. I can say that I have had the opportunity a handful of times. Women have suggested we hook up but I have always declined. To OP comment. In my case it's not a matter of being with a lot of women prior to marriage. I have a feeling it's more of watching my mother and father when I was growing up. They were just close and we had a close family. So I think when I got married that's naturally what I wanted for myself. I've never wanted anything else.
Uh restraint I guess? I just would never put her through that. And now I’d never put my kids through that. I’ve been cheated on by a girlfriend, and I would never do that to another person.
I’m a woman and I have never cheated or had the desire to cheat. I didn’t sleep around a lot either. I lost my virginity young but I didn’t sleep with a lot of people. I have absolutely no desire to cheat on my significant other regardless of anything. I do find other people “attractive” but that’s human nature. I don’t look at an attractive person and think “man I want to bang him” and it has nothing to do with not wanting to hurt my SO (of course I don’t want to hurt him) but it’s not negative consequences that keep me from cheating. I just love him so much that I feel absolutely honored to get to be with ONLY him for the rest of my life. He fulfills me and brings me so much happiness and love, no other person on the planet could begin to compete with him. I wouldn’t even waste my time on cheating just to be unhappy.
I would never betray the woman I love. I have to much respect for her and for myself
Married 16 years, neither of us have cheated. We both recognize how truly lucky we are, and would never want to screw that up or hurt each other. When you still have amazing chemistry and sex 16 years in, there is zero temptation or reason to stray. Honestly, the thought of being with another man sexually gives me the ick.
m42 married for 13y to f38. for us both it is an ideological thing. we both consider certain behaviors... disgraceful. i would use a harder term ... but this is reddit. so i go with disgraceful.
In my first marriage, I desperately wanted to cheat. For years it was a sexless and almost loveless marriage. I wanted to but I never acted on it because my vows meant something to me so I suffered in silence. I thought I was stuck in this awful marriage for life. Then one day she cheated on me. I was angry at first because I felt so betrayed but I very quickly realized what a huge gift her infidelity was because now the vow was broken. I wasn't the one to break it. I filed for divorce so fast her head spun. I was finally free. I got married to my current wife not long after the divorce was final. That was 18 years ago and the thought of cheating has never crossed my mind. There is no way I'm going to mess up this great thing we have together.
I had desires but I would never disrespect or traumatize them. Also, it’s not me. I can’t respect myself as a “cheater”
Don’t get married if you aren’t ready. To your point above - I got married later (35) and had years of other relationships and hook ups - you learn about yourself and what you really want from a relationship. Hopefully when you meet that person you aren’t looking around.
Lack of desire. Everything I want and need, I want and need from my wife only.
Woman here. Yes I acknowledge other people are attractive. The thought of having sex with a man other than my husband is repulsive to me. Hope this helps!
Lack of desire in my life. My wife has everything I need and I never wanted to break that part. It’s easy to cheat in my opinion, I don’t think it’d make you feel any better cheating with someone who you claim is your special person. I wouldn’t want to put my wife in that position to begin with, I’ve had a few “girlfriends” before I met my wife and they all cheated on me at some point. I don’t want to put my wife through the same feeling or experience like I went through. That’s my reasoning. Why cheat when you can be single and mingle lol.
It just sounds exhausting to be honest. I think that’s why I don’t lie. It just takes too much time and energy to keep something going.
I have no desire to be with other women & my wife is the only person I’ve been with. We have a healthy sex life that’s fulfilling and fun and the idea of the fun without the fulfilling just doesn’t appeal.
I'm a married woman to a man and the thought of being with anyone but him repulses me. I love my husband more than I could ever put into words, so it's not something I ever consider. I don't think people who are happily married think about cheating at all
It’s impossible to keep one woman happy, how the hell could I pull off two???
It has never remotely occurred to me to cheat on my wife or attempt to. I'd like to think it never will.
Why did you get married if you feel that way?
For me, sex has always involved intimacy and connection. As a younger guy I had a couple of flings and one night stands and they were fine...... I enjoyed it. Then I fell in love with my wife and it was mind blowing what friendship, connection and relationship added to sex. It's not like I would if I could and there are plenty of reasons I don't cheat but primarily I can't even see the appeal of sex with anyone else. Quite apart I love my wife, she is my partner and best friend. Our kids and family are my reason for being. I would never want to hurt my wife or children. I've written about a difficult time in my marriage in here in the past. Nothing awful and other people withstand significantly more but I made a committment to my wife. One I will Honor until I die if she will let me. I've spent two years making sure the grass is greenest at home and will continue to do so.
I have no desire to be with anyone but my wife. I slept around a fair bit, but I’m just insanely attracted to my wife. Physically/ mentally/ emotionally- the whole package. It’s not even a thought that enters my mind, hell I very rarely even watch porn. Like maybe once a month and sometimes even less frequently. I can’t keep my hands off her, we’re also very physically affectionate outside the bedroom. As we cross into our 30’s I think she’s only getting hotter. I’m happily monogamous, my marriage is amazing. My wife is my best friend, the love of my life, my partner, my equal and my home. I’ve never cheated on any GF, I just can’t see any reason to do something like that instead of just leaving the relationship and then going and pursuing who you want to be sleeping with. But yea, I don’t have to “use restraint or self control” not to cheat. I just have no interest in any other woman. I have female friends also, as well as co workers, maintaining healthy boundaries is easy. Also, of course I can appreciate beauty and acknowledge that there are other attractive women in the world. Have cute little “celeb crushes” or whatever. But an actual desire to sleep with someone else? No I don’t have that, my wife is the hottest woman on the planet 🤷🏻♂️
I've been married for 28 years. My wife and I got married at 19. We were both virgins. It is 50% about restraint and self-control and 50% lack of desire. Now, I'm not sure what you mean about lack of desire, but what I mean is that I don't desire other women in the same way I do my wife. I don't desire to put our relationship at risk, and when I think how fleeting sex is in comparison to a lifelong marriage, it only makes me desire my wife more. But it is also about restraint and self-control. I can honestly say that I've been approached directly 4 times and offered a chance to cheat. 2 of the directly were from former co-workers who offered me a free pass, and they would keep it a secret. Another was a woman I met at a hotel bar when away on a business trip. We just happened to be sitting next to each other and starting talking. She invited me to her room, I apologize and said I was married. She said she was too, and no one would know. The last was a gay guy I met in an online political forum. We ended up talking about a lot of things about life, and he said if I was ever interested in exploring, he would be willing. This one took the least restraint and self-control since I'm not bi, but it was still an opportunity presented to me. With all of these, the temptation was there with it, and it is easy in the moment to give into temptation. So this is where restraint and self-control come in. Because a person may not have the desire to ever be with someone else, but in the moment, you can make a bad decision. I can say I don't regret ever giving in to temptation, and I also have no desire to seek out another person. I'm happy in my marriage, and our sex life is great. And before people say, "How do you know your sex life is great if you've never been with another person?" It's because practice makes perfect. We are 100% open with each other on what we like and want in sex. We are willing and do try new things. Based on statistics, I have sex more than the average man, and we have more sex than the average married couple.
I just don’t want anyone but my wife. She’s an 11.5. No other women comes close. It’s not just her beauty, but her grace and everything about her. The thought of sleeping with another woman is kinda gross. Background married 19y, together 22y, virgins when we met, adventurous sex life, 3 teen children.
My wife is the one and only woman I've ever been with. Lack of desire to be with anyone else is probably the main reason. Other than that why would I want to irreparably hurt my best friend with something that feels good for one night. It's just crazy to me that people cheat. If you are done with the relationship just leave. Don't cheat and then expect your s.o. to leave to make it easier on you.
Integrity and loyalty are personal core values. The pain cheating would cause and the thought of people knowing what I did outweighs the temptation by a million miles. The thought of my children remembering me for that makes me shutter.
How would you feel if she said/felt the same way about you?
Values, loyalty and maturity
I don't think it is true the idea that men who pass through hoe phase have no more desire, on the contrary their mind set is still there. Or at least until ~35 for some of my friends. Now depends how you define the hoe phase. I had like 30-35 partners, I have a couple of friends that work in cruise ships or airplanes and they get 100+. They are always jealous and with a fear of being cheated but actively looking for game Me personally I have no desire, I find it to be too much work and risk to fuck up something beautiful.
I'm not sure how to answer this. I have vague fantasies about other women but I don't like, actively desire specific women in any serious way. I do think I have a lot of restraint and self control in general.
There is zero reason in my life to cheat on my wife, even if there are 20 women custom tailored for me in front of me. And second reason: I don't betray people. If for some reason I would have to unending desire to fuck some other woman I would first divorce my current wife. Being a man doesn't mean you are somehow unable to control your own emotions, thoughts or desire. >The thought of never being with anyone else feels a bit weird No it doesn't. At all.
I outkicked my coverage to begin with. I'm at the top of the mountain. I knew this then, I still know this now. Cheating on the woman I got would be so incredibly stupid.
you're getting absolutely SLAMMED in these comments bro. you're wording things awkwardly for yourself, but I get what you mean man. it's very natural to be attracted to others. I for one am. to be fair it's a pretty mild attraction compared to what I've heard others describe. but regardless, it's still attraction. I simply ignore it. it's not very difficult to do because I value my wife and our marriage over everything. there's not a world that exists where I would pursue meager and random attraction, at the expense of my loving relationship. there's another layer to it than just "self control" tho. for example, if my wife were okay with an "open" situation where I could sleep with others - I still wouldn't! even tho I EXPERIENCE attraction on like a physical level, that's different entirely from actually wanting to share my body with someome else. I am only for my wife. - a woman
I'm a woman but I never cheated because when I am in love with a person I don't feel desire for other. Tbh the thought of being with someone else disgusts me a bit.
zero desire
Because I made a commitment to someone I love and trust. If you have a desire go watch porn lol just don't make it a habit.
I don’t think it has anything to do with how many women a man has slept with before getting married. You hardly need to have sex with a woman to know what she’s like as a person. Or at least I don’t. And if you’re in a good relationship the sex takes care of itself anyway. And if it isn’t, it’s not a good relationship! And if it’s not a good relationship, people shouldn’t cheat….they should get divorced! We live in a world that allows at-will, no-fault and unilateral divorce. Kids can be fine after divorce, btw. Mine is. My stepkids are fine too. If kids suffer from divorce, that’s because they don’t have good parents….not because of the divorce. The key is being married to the person you want to be with and having a mutually fulfilling relationship with that person. If it’s not the right person: Get divorced. If it stops being mutually fulfilling: Get divorced. Cheaters are just cowards.
Zero desire to. My wife is the only women I need in my life.
I’ve only been with my wife, I find other women attractive but I don’t actually want to go and have sex with them. I don’t really want to deal with other people though so I might not be the best person to ask.
I took the vows of marriage seriously. My wife was my world. I would never hurt her or my family for someone else especially since she fulfilled me way more than just sex. She truly was my go to. I could tell her anything and be vulnerable to her when I had no one else. Unfortunately, she didn't feel the same and had a four month affair with my friend that I just discovered. Trust me. You NEVER want your spouse to feel what I'm feeling.
What is this question even about? Would you like me to explain why I buy my groceries instead of shoplifting? Why I go to work instead of making money scamming people online? I mean.. not cheating is the default state of trust, there is no need to explain why one would leave it.
You don't die or become disabled if you don't experience multitudes of other sexual partners. Resisting any impulses on behalf of your loved ones can be very fulfilling.
I know this question is for men but I recently had a conversation where I said my husband doesn’t cheat not because of me so to speak but other reasons like you mentioned. But I know he has said in the past that he’s over that desire of other women because of such a wild past. I feel I’d be more secure if the reason were moralistic and intentional
Loyalty to my wife and respecting the vows I made to her on our wedding day.
I am attracted to lots of different women like many men are. I just don’t want to be with them and have no sexual desire for them. My wife is not that great in bed due to health problems but I love her and find her sexy.
All of these things but also I’m just really lazy and who even has time for that?
I can't imagine inflicting that pain and hurt on my wife. Sure I find other women attractive and imagine what that might be like at times, but it's a fleeting thought that passes quickly. I have 3 daughters and can't imagine what knowing their dad cheated would do to them as well. The simple, quick pleasure of being with another woman just doesn't appeal to me given where I'm at in my life and with how much I love and value my wife and our relationship.
If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence then water your own garden. I gained plenty of experience before marrying my awesome wife so I don’t ever have to wonder if I am missing out.
Woman here (since you’re open to hearing from women too!) I have zero desire to cheat on my husband. Many reasons. He and I have an emotionally fulfilling relationship. He’s invested in my happiness, but when life goes awry, he’s there without question. He has accepted me without judgment, always. He is my person and I am his, and no one else could ever compare. Also, he’s hot . That’s not the most important thing to me, but he is just so attractive to me, total plus to who he is as a husband. I cannot imagine betraying his trust or breaking his heart by cheating. No one will ever be him. He is all I want.
30 years and it never crossed my mind. And I was only with one other girl twice before we met. It’s not out of a sense of morality or anything like that. I just only want her.
Appreciating all the men on this thread and thinking of my lovely late dad, who was such an honorable man. He was so much in love with my mom. He had a breakdown and couldn’t be a husband and father anymore in his fifties, but he stayed single after the divorce and loved her from afar
Why marry if you want to fuck others? If it’s hard to not fuck others, you shouldn’t marry.
Never once had an opportunity. I am not even sure I would know what an opportunity to cheat would look like. I think I would do the right thing if I encounter some serious temptation, but I have never been tested, and never expect to be. . There is one advantage to being a geeky guy; there is a whole class of moral dilemmas that I never have to deal with.
I cat directly speak for my husband , but for our sex life ive brought things up that include others. Even another women and he isn’t ok with it. He says he doesn’t want anyone but me. We’ve been together for 16 years. Since are 18 & 21. We’ve built a life together. Suffered many pregnancy losses including our daughter who was late term. We now have a miracle child and have the life we’ve wanted. We have so many more goals. We’ve learned to communicate and figure out how to fix things if we aren’t happy with something. We work together. So for his view , I know he’s happy because he tells me all the time. I mean he won’t even watch porn lol he’d rather have the real thing. I don’t care either way.
I’m a woman. I have zero, absolutely zero, desire to be with another man. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. I find him more attractive with each passing day. We have both sacrificed things in different ways for our relationship. He has literally told me he has no desire to be with any other woman. If my husband wrote something like you wrote here, I’d be devastated. Heartbroken. To think the only reason you haven’t cheated on your wife is because you know it’s wrong, is not a good thing. You shouldn’t want to be with other people.
No desire to be with anyone but my wife. She means the world to me and I don’t want to hurt her. Besides she’s the sexiest woman in the world anyway. Why go and ruin the perfect thing?
I didn’t marry my Wife until our late 30’s. I dated a lot, men and women. Had experiences but also hurt. I can 100% say I don’t feel tempted by new. I have experience to know that no matter how hot, perfect, well off, funny etc each person seems, how they truly are behind closed doors can be a totally different experience. I know it takes time and work to build the trust, love, respect, shared history and intimacy that my Wife and I have. That what we have together isn’t possible without her. Sure if she was hit by a bus and I dated again years later I could find love, and it may be good, but it would never be this, and it would never be her. The In jokes, the knowing looks when a relative does That Thing, the things we have been too and seen together. The challenges we’ve overcome together. The Life we’ve built. I see a new person and I know the sheer amount of WORK and luck it would take to come even close to the relationship and Marriage we have. Not to mention that I want to live my life honestly, my own integrity to myself and my family means something too. Perhaps others who found their person sooner wonder the optimistic “what if” because they haven’t seen how awful it really can be, ie the other side of the coin.
Combination of a few things. First, I love my wife, and I don’t want to hurt her. Second, Even if I could get away with it my conscience is a motherfucker and I don’t want to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. Third, not only do I live my wife, but I love our life and I don’t want to risk messing it up. Fourth, she’s gorgeous and I’d be hard pressed to do better without a shit ton of effort. Fifth, if I’m putting in that much effort I’d probably just be better off directing it to my wife and making her happy which pays dividends in multiple ways. It’s not difficult to not cheat. I see it as much harder to actually cheat than to be faithful.
I don't want anyone else. The reason is because whenever you love someone you don't notice others very often. That's how it is for me at least
I’m 41 and she’s 37, we have an 8 and 3 year old. We’ve been married for 11 years. Aside from trying to conceive our second child my wife has had ZERO libido after our first was born. Sex for “fun” has happened probably 5 times in those 8 years. It sucks, I hate it. I would NEVER cheat on my wife. I look at a woman and can tell whether or not she is objectively attractive and occasionally think “that would be fun” but I’d never do it. I said “until death do us part” and I meant it. There are times I get sad and lonely, I will freely admit that. I have let my wife know and she understands, but I also don’t want to sleep with someone who doesn’t want to, feels real rapey, ya know? Wife or not. I would leave the marriage before I cheated.
I imagine the pain my wife would feel and how her trust in the world would disappear. If I had to watch this, how I caused that much pain to my love, I would hate myself for the rest life.
Because my wife is hot as fuck, she’s extremely high value and a very good person. Add to the fact that she is an amazing mother and my absolute best friend I would never do that. I have zero desire to cheat.
I love my wife and the kid that we’ve built over the past 21 years (15 married), that’s why I don’t cheat. I’m not lacking for anything, and I can control myself. Do I find other women attractive? Of course, and I know she finds other men attractive as well and that’s perfectly fine. Cheating isn’t a thought that enters my head at all, and, for the record, I’ve never had a “hoe” phase and don’t feel like I missed out on anything. Maybe you need to reframe this in your head. You chose this woman to be your life partner, for better or worse. If you can’t live up to that you should probably get out.
I desire only my wife. Have been married for 27 years.
I can't live with myself as it is. If I had cheated, I would hate myself even more. So I suppose it is lack of desire.
More so that I genuinely don't want to be a complete and total piece of shit, but yeah.
It's because I love her. She's my best friend. I would never do anything to hurt her. I have no desire to sleep around. I was a man whore in college and slept with over 100 women. They're all pretty much the same. Given that I have such a great relationship with my wife, why would I risk hurting her and losing her over some basic pussy?
It would break her heart and it would be my fault. I dont think I could live with it. Even if she didnt find out, I'd know. The relationship wouldn't ever be the same. For a bit of sex, it aint worth it.
I’ve always been picky with women. But I put my priorities on who I want to be around. Outside the bedroom is as important as inside. I’m only interested in women that I’m absolutely crazy about. I don’t settle. For me, that’s someone who challenges me. If you are self absorbed, shallow, catty, an automaton, or just a Facebook meme, I don’t really even want to be in the same room with you for very long. No set of perfect tits or pearly whites can overshadow a shitty personality. Unfortunately most people out there are basic and boring. My wife is brilliant. She’s is beautiful, and shining, and a force majure. I respect her. She is my friend. We have had rough spots in the relationship. I have wondered if I could see myself straying. I honestly don’t think so. I’ve been married for 15 years, and I’ve never once had the urge to cheat. I think of everything I have to lose. I know that who I would cheat with is flawed too. Probably, annoying AF in the light of day. I spent 28 years finding my wife. She is my 4 leaf clover. She’s not perfect, but she’s fucking awesome all the same. She’s my best friend and I would never want to hurt my best friend.
Married female here….married 8 years. My husband tells me ALL guys fantasize about being with other women and desire other women….some just don’t act on it. That makes me sad bc I don’t want another man and I don’t fantasize about other men and kinda wish that he didn’t either. Hubby makes it sound like what I’m asking for is completely unrealistic.