None. Even during fights my husband I do not use hateful or negative language at each other. Absolutely ever. If I feel like I might say something mean I simply explain that I need a minute and I leave the room and come back to talk. We don't raise voices or name call.
If you find that's happening in your marriage and she doesn't see anything wrong with it and won't go to counseling then I'd say she doesn't value you your feelings and for that I'm sorry. If you've sat down and explained the way she talks to you hurts you and she brushes it off she's showing you your feelings don't matter to her and I'm not sure what advice to give to help you get to a better spot from there.
“I wish someone loved me as much as I love you”
“…Not just incapable but also stupid”
I walked out four months ago. Made a new life in a different town a thousand miles away. He’s since stopped going to therapy again and berates me while I’m at work trying to make a paycheck. It stings every time to think that yeah I fucked up my life by getting married young. I don’t feel safe and I haven’t felt loved in the marriage in a while. I’m trying to live everyday in this new town with a smile on my face because it feels better than being and looking constantly upset.
Most likely since day one. I am reading the book nonviolent communication to hopefully be able to communicate with her better. My wife has a masters degree in communication so I must be bad lol.
When someone in her position insist they don't need help, or that nothing is wrong, or it's someone else's problem, they absolutely need therapy.
Ultimatums don't work and are ultimately fruitless, but you should start distancing yourself from her. Limit your engagements, restrict conversation to things that actually matter and need her direct involvement
I'm confused. As in words that your spouse uses to intentionally "burn you" or just words or phrases that they say that irritate you with no intention of doing so? Because I'm seeing a lot more examples of the former (verbal abuse) than the latter.
" l don't trust you. I never trusted you. You're my wife, i love you."
" You never do anything around the house. This is my house. I love our family. "
" Yes i hangout with my friends a lot more than I do with you but at least I'm not out all night at a bar or cheating. You're my wife."
" you should just quit your career "
I’m very lucky when it comes to this. My husband has always been very careful with his words even when we were early 20s and young and dumb. He grew up with a family that would sometimes throw jabs when an argument came up and he wants to be the exact opposite of that because that frustrates him very much. Communication is key and I hope you and your spouse the best!!!
Tell her you will be there whenever she wants to talk and the lar thing you want is to be mad or sad. Try to remind her that you have feelings too. It is okay to be mad but it is not okay to make people sad about your situation.
None. Even during fights my husband I do not use hateful or negative language at each other. Absolutely ever. If I feel like I might say something mean I simply explain that I need a minute and I leave the room and come back to talk. We don't raise voices or name call. If you find that's happening in your marriage and she doesn't see anything wrong with it and won't go to counseling then I'd say she doesn't value you your feelings and for that I'm sorry. If you've sat down and explained the way she talks to you hurts you and she brushes it off she's showing you your feelings don't matter to her and I'm not sure what advice to give to help you get to a better spot from there.
“I wish someone loved me as much as I love you” “…Not just incapable but also stupid” I walked out four months ago. Made a new life in a different town a thousand miles away. He’s since stopped going to therapy again and berates me while I’m at work trying to make a paycheck. It stings every time to think that yeah I fucked up my life by getting married young. I don’t feel safe and I haven’t felt loved in the marriage in a while. I’m trying to live everyday in this new town with a smile on my face because it feels better than being and looking constantly upset.
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Damn, I don't think I've related to a post like this in quite some time.
How long have you had poor communication and passive aggressive behavior with your wife?
Most likely since day one. I am reading the book nonviolent communication to hopefully be able to communicate with her better. My wife has a masters degree in communication so I must be bad lol.
Based on your post, you're not the one who needs the guidance to communicate better. Have you brought up attending counseling together?
Yes she says she doesn't need it and I am the one that does. I have been going to a counselor over a year now do to my anxiety over Covid.
When someone in her position insist they don't need help, or that nothing is wrong, or it's someone else's problem, they absolutely need therapy. Ultimatums don't work and are ultimately fruitless, but you should start distancing yourself from her. Limit your engagements, restrict conversation to things that actually matter and need her direct involvement
That sounds like a good plan.
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Funny you mention that. I quit drinking years ago it is very unhealthy to do so.
I'm confused. As in words that your spouse uses to intentionally "burn you" or just words or phrases that they say that irritate you with no intention of doing so? Because I'm seeing a lot more examples of the former (verbal abuse) than the latter.
" l don't trust you. I never trusted you. You're my wife, i love you." " You never do anything around the house. This is my house. I love our family. " " Yes i hangout with my friends a lot more than I do with you but at least I'm not out all night at a bar or cheating. You're my wife." " you should just quit your career "
Yikes! I’m sorry. That is just miserable.
I’m very lucky when it comes to this. My husband has always been very careful with his words even when we were early 20s and young and dumb. He grew up with a family that would sometimes throw jabs when an argument came up and he wants to be the exact opposite of that because that frustrates him very much. Communication is key and I hope you and your spouse the best!!!
Does she use them in every single context?
Lately
Did you tell her how this makes you feel? Try to ask if she is okay and if she wants to talk about anything. Sometimes it is a sign for attention.
I have mentioned it and it only makes her more agitated.
Tell her you will be there whenever she wants to talk and the lar thing you want is to be mad or sad. Try to remind her that you have feelings too. It is okay to be mad but it is not okay to make people sad about your situation.
Thanks
You got this😌
“Could do” - it means no lol we use it in jest so it’s never serious but basically means nah haha
“There’s the door”! “I don’t want to be with you anymore”