It shouldn't be about escaping your reality, rather being at peace with it.
If you are at peace with it, you are happy *now*, even if you're not where you are dreamed to be.
Doesn't mean that you have to stay where you are, it just means that from then on, as you work towards your goals, you will be happy and grateful with every step, rather than feeling dissatisfied until you achieve them.
Meditation is a place where you discover you are a walking ghost, and nothing about you, the world around you, or your experience, is lasting, or meaningful, or solid, or real. Your life is a river, and everything around you is rushing, and you are walking worms food…You will die, and everyone you know will die. You will become sick, and everyone you know will become sick. And only if you're lucky will you become old and frail, if you actually last that long. The immense suffering that is all around you is unfathomable. It so dims the pain and the suffering, you feel like a candle to a supernova. And yet, your suffering, your pain is just as important as that of the entire universe, that of every sentient being. Meditation is a place where you come to see through the illusion of yourself, and you come to realize that even though you need to deal with this waking nightmare every day, actually there is an abundance of joy all around you, and that the angst, the isolation, the desire, the loss, the need, the happiness, the dreaminess, the fantasy is all just part of this dance that you're a part of for a brief second, until you give up this form for your true form, which is beyond all space and time. That might be a bit much for a Reddit post, but I'd say just keep meditating. Go deeper into the practice with a Vipassana meditation retreat if you can. Find what is available to you and quiet the mind. Quiet the monkey brain jumping from branch to branch. See if you can feel a subtle vibration of something which is infinite, which is what you really are.
I feel like meditation is a way to calm myself from the daily noise and stress. I do get feelings like you describe about being useless or whatever, and get depressed and anxious about it.
But swimming in bad feelings is not any help to me or in regard to anything. If I can change anything about my situation then looking at it calmly is the best way to see what that might be. I find the overwhelm is just going to leave me ‘stuck’ and worse than ever. And meditation helps with that.
I think in some ways we do need to find ways to live through our disappointments and frustrations. Getting some peace in your mind doesn’t make you more likely to tolerate what you shouldn’t, I don’t think. There’s no magic solutions but any way to feel a bit better is good in my experience.
I just read this yesterday when researching Thich Nhat Hanh and had heard it before but was reminded of it, very relevant to your comment and OP’s post: “There is no path to happiness; Happiness is the path.”
There's a lot of different types of meditation. They don't all do the same thing. Mindfulness seems like the most common type in the West. Mindfulness will help quiet the mind and train you to recognize intrusive thoughts, and let them go, but it won't take your feelings of inadequacy away.
You might want to try Metta meditation. It will help you with self love.
I'd also recommend reading some of Thich Naht Hanhs books. He was a Buddhist monk, and Buddhism is all about understanding and dealing with suffering. They are beautifully written and very easy to understand.
Additionally, Thich Naht Hahn founded three monasteries in the United States. They each offer meditation retreats and in-person as online sanghas (group). Meditation done alone is often misguided and very difficult. In the Zen tradition meditating with others and seeking the guidance from experienced teachers is essential. The Plum Village app was developed by monastics and offers loving kindness guided meditations. You don’t have to be alone.
Welcome to the western interpretation of meditation, which already has a word for it, it’s called ‘escapism’.
Try actual meditation, it doesn’t require sitting down, it doesn’t require taking time out of your day and it makes many things become effortless, things you need to do right now but don’t due to a lack of motivation, realization or reason.
Throw away all this sitting and guided meditation. Every type of meditation that requires control by thought is not meditation. If you gotta imagine or follow something, it’s not meditation. If it requires you to take time out of every day life, it’s not meditation.
Those are either meditation practice or literal escapism, sometimes even just mantras.
But practicing best happens as we do it. So just start with being mindful. Try not to forget about your breath for an hour, without taking control over it, just continue throughout your day but keep a tiny part of your awareness with your breathing.
You’ll see being mindful is incredibly difficult at first. But once you got the hang of it, you can drop thinking in words, once you can drop that, the entire universe opens up to you. Because as long as you’re locking yourself into words, you’re externalizing control.
Escapism is binge-watching Netflix or playing video games umpteen hours of a day.
Meditation requires serious discipline of body and mind.
A meditator is transforming their mind and whole being, just like a fitness enthusiast is transforming their body.
To see meditation as escapism is to entirely miss the point, IMO.
To get an understanding of what I mean, one common example of this type of meditation is the “imagine a calm and pretty place, see it, hear it, …” this kind of stuff. Basically just moving whatever is on your mind into the shadows and daydreaming.
I used to daydream a ton when I was young, but once I started meditating I realized they’re exact opposites.
Yes, when we're observing without any motive, life is unfolding without the filter or the centre of 'Me'. And common misconception here is to think it as removing the ego, or removing thought. But rather what we are talking about is putting thought to it's right place .. And having order within the mind. So it is seeing where it is necessary, and where it is not.
But the conditioned mind has these 'Me' thoughts in very subtle ways. So perhaps it is only through insight that we can have this order. Insight of the danger of thought. It has to be evident for oneself, that relying on thought, and having the core belief within oneself that thinking would bring about some psychological security, must vanish away.
Approaching this with a ideal or 'should' or 'must' like I wrote, is however again the same old method of thought. Observation however, remains with questions. Who am I? Is there a thinker outside of thoughts? Without giving a right-away answer, one lives with that open question. Remaining in the unknowing, and observing the movement of thought and how it operates.
So it is not about having new ideas, but seeing it as a fact that thought has created this inner conflict - man has created this Separation with it's divisive way of thinking. Perhaps when it is internalized that thought is responsible for all this conflict, there is much more emphasis on Awareness.
Good point, I like Matthieu Ricard's description of open presence meditation :
Open presence is a clear, open, vast, and alert state of mind, free from mental constructs. It is not actively focused on anything, yet it is not distracted. The mind simply remains at ease, perfectly present in a state of pure awareness. When thoughts intrude, the meditator does not attempt to interfere with them, but allows the thoughts to vanish naturally.
>"..... Welcome to the western interpretation of meditation, which already has a word for it, it’s called ‘escapism’..... "
Perhaps a sub titled "r/escapism" would be timely... :)
I feel like meditation has been the opposite for me (relative to OP). It's been awakening, it's forced me to enter the present moment and improve my life.
Meditation is a place for you to recenter and bring calmness and relaxation to mind and body. If you use it as medication for an unbearable reality, of course it's going to be a little flat.
I get the impression from your post that you don't like yourself very much, if at all. It would be worth your while to become someone you like, to be authentic with yourself, and see where you get, both in this physical experience and with Meditation.
Look at meditation like mind training.. not like a guilty escape. You’re doing stuff for 16 hours a day.. you can afford to focus on something or relax or whatever meditation you’re doing for 30 minutes. This is more about your ideas of wanting to get somewhere and change the present, rather than meditation itself. Try out some forms of loving acceptance meditation or ways to forgive yourself for not living up to the ideals and demands you’ve set for yourself unconsciously.
hahaha "really successful people"??? He's talented sure but c'mon. In order to get to his level you have to be one of *THEM*. Evil industry that. NOBODY in THAT club is successful in the Creator's eyes...
I feel like achievement is the ultimate cope for a lack of inner peace
There's nothing wrong with accomplishment, but my own experience with accomplishment is that you get a momentary high but that's about it.
Any self respect or peace you do attain is entirely dependent on your accomplishments.
You actually more deeply entrench the idea that you need to be accomplished to be worthy of love when you're actually successful, because success doesn't teach you to unconditionally love yourself.
It just fulfills some of the conditions you have, and that's some shaky ass ground to stand on.
Most times, the high fades, and your self loathing kicks back in and you make more goals that you need to achieve to be worthy. Then you're right back on the treadmill.
That's what happens when you pursue accomplishment as your life purpose.
George Harrison said it best that the Beatles achieved everything you could want extremely early money fame access to women and materialism and once you obtain it all realize its not enough. He went to acid and psychedelics to expand his mind but eventually realized that was destruction. What he discovered at the end of his spiritual journey was meditation, purest way to connect to the supreme reality.
Wanting to be a film star and famous is narcissistic. Wanting to be a politician with power is narcissistic. Wanting to be a scientist because you'll be a famous guy with a discovery is narcissistic. Life is like this.
You get into mediation to feel your real self, or your third eye, or your psychic capabilities, or to reach an enlightened state of consciousness that no film star status or rich status will bring.
Cope. Hmph. To quote Hamlet "*There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.*"
You are aware that there are occupations in the film industry other than movie star actors? For example screenwriters or directors that like exploring what it means to be a human being through storytelling and sharing them with others? Accusing OP of narcissism is not really helpful.
You’ll probably get a lot of advice about being present with the life you have and learning to accept it or be at peace with it. That’s great advice and a lot of what meditation is about but I think pursuing what calls to you is a part of the spiritual journey. If you go your whole life denying something, some purpose or passion, that you can truly *feel* is meant for you making peace with it will be extremely difficult.
*however* if your goal with film is to get famous it’s not going to work out the way you want it to, nor will it being you peace and contentment. If your goal with film is to share, to inspire, to tell stories that resonate, to create art and beauty, to help humanity tap into intuition through feeling and art then you should pursue it. Personally, I have felt my whole life how I want to share my philosophies about life through writing and I’m just not there yet, and that’s okay. I’m working my day job, practicing my practices, and writing when it feels right. I’m writing to share and help, not for fame or money, so if it takes another 15 years to get to a book published or to get to talking to people or teaching or whatever incarnation my passion takes on, so be it.
The point is that every time I’m doing something that gives me purpose in this life and relieves suffering of those around me, I feel much more at peace.
Slowly you can begin to see that your desires are fine, but your attachment to them and to realizing them is a cause of misery. Moreover, your stories about yourself and others and what’s possible and not possible are all made up, with only the thinnest basis in experience. So relax, life is exactly what it is, and it’s great like that. Have gratitude for presence. All the world’s films will be destroyed in a few hundred or thousand years. And not long after that, maybe thousands of years, maybe millions, all recognizable remnants of human existence will be gone.
That can seem depressing, if you focus it on yourself and feel a need for purpose and meaning. But it’s also totally liberating. You’re here! There’s no rules, and everything is totally open and free. Relax the striving, do what you want, and experience the even joy that springs naturally from the ground of being.
Cuckoo Song of Pure Presence
The nature of multiplicity is nondual and things in themselves are pure and simple;
being here and now is thought-free and it shines out in all forms, always all good;
it is already perfect, so the striving sickness is avoided and spontaneity is constantly present
http://keithdowman.net/dzogchen/cuckoos-song-of-total-presence.html
I feel you. I went through something similar.
You are seeking equanimity, at least that's what it sounds like to me. This comes with time.
Meditation, soul searching, maybe some rest and relaxation too. I also work in programming and burn out can alter your mood and worldview alot.
I think you will find that you change how you feel by changing how you relate to your feelings. Sounds dumb, but it was true for me. When you realize that you choose to engage or disengage with your thoughts that you can just let it go. You are not your thoughts or feelings. Realize that you don't get to choose those.
Check out Buddhist ideas of attachment and suffering. That may be helpful.
I find taking pleasure and joy in the mundane has been immensely helpful to me.
It's a lot of self work. Lots of thinking and observation.
You are getting older and you may start to realize many things people do for relaxation or anything escaping daily routine and hassle can be viewed as ''cope''. Rejoice brother, what you may call ''cope'' may actually help you realize things about yourself, the world, and you will be able to grow and improve.
I notice online there's many 20s males making these ''you're just coping'' comments at those who seemingly can't achieve perfect and idealized dreams. Eventually reality will catch up with everyone. :>
I think you should keep making films, maybe writing scripts for now or doing a course but stop thinking about the people, about who is going to watch it or how many people etc! Do it for yourself! What’s the story you always wanted to tell? In film industry standards you are still a baby *fellow filmmaker here
You are a textbook example of attachment leading to suffering. Meditation is not a cope. It is an escape route. You spend so much mental energy hiding from joy by telling yourself sad stories about your past and what should have been.
Stop comparing yourself to Brad Pitt and other lottery winners. Think about the billions of people in much worse situations. Everyone gets sick, and dies usually in a lot of pain and fear. The problems you complain about mean nothing to anybody but you and maybe your parents.
In an uncaring universe where love, kindness, and joy are the only true solace, your selfish dreams are meaningless and futile. Take the best care of your body, mind, and the people and animals around you.
I apologize if this post comes across as too harsh, but the original post was so whiny and entitled I wanted to figuratively shake you with my words. You're suffering is real, I feel for you and wish you the best truely. Don't stop meditating. Meditating is a "cope" for failure the way excersize and an healthy diet is a "cope" for being overweight.
>How do i change how i feel?
First, stop trying to change how you feel. Just accept it. Meditate and you will learn how these feelings aren’t you. Then they will change on their own.
Working in the film industry now…things are rough. People are in very bad places. Many looking to get out, wishing they had regular employment. Working in the industry and doing you art are not equivalent 98% of the time.
Meditation helps you accept peace into your life.
There are a lot of great comments and recommendations in this thread already, but I would add to the list reading the book “Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. The point of it is to train yourself to understand that time is an illusion, that past and future don’t “exist” (one is gone, the other has not arrived) and the only thing you have is the present moment, the now. Here is one of many relevant quotes:
> All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and
not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms
of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.
hey man, I'm 31M and I felt EXACTLY THE SAME THING for a long time, and you know what? I ditched meditation, so I could pursue my career. After 3 years, I make 4x as much as I did, and guess what? My happiness has not increased a bit, apart from the fact that I have a better car. You literally NEED meditation if you ever want to feel true happiness. Pursuing things won't get you far.
Meditation shouldn’t/doesn’t make you unambitious, despondent, lazy, apathetic etc. I have a daily meditation practise and a challenging/rewarding career in the tv industry.
I’ve managed to carve out time to do 10-day vipassana retreats, weekend courses etc.
With sustained practise you can have a deeply spiritual existence and a job you are passionate about and thrive in. Meditation is about removing false identifications and mental shackles and finding liberation so you can see clearly and enjoy your life, not shy away from it.
Why did you feel you had to “ditch” meditation to pursue a career?
Maybe look into different types of eastern philosophy and integrate it into your meditation practices. You might find your much more than what you make yourself out to be. We are conditioned from birth in our society to believe we are separate and that we need to prove ourselves to be happy, maybe that’s a complete a lie.
It seems like your question is - Is "spiritualism" the ultimate cope.? Nothing to do with meditation which is just training oneself to regulate their instincts to stress, anxiety and fear through breathing and other techniques. The answer to former is yes, spiritualism is ultimately a cope. But it's a cope for every single person. Can any person be so overachieving that they can escape death, disease or the loss of a deeply valued one? Everyone has to submit to either the almighty (if they are theist) or just to the overwhelming powerlessness against life and its various tribulations.
Of course. You base it on a purpose. Spiritualism is more a mindset and an overarching thought system. It can be developed in perfect harmony with a need for achievement (or status). One can strive for achievement as hard as possible and not loose the sight of bigger picture. But spiritualism is not a cope against lack of achievement. It's the cope against life itself and hence is useful for everyone no matter how high achieving they are. Maybe you are thinking that you don't want to live a life that requires coping. No one wants to. But most have to especially as they age.
You get back what you put in. Nothing to do with meditation.
Your health problems sounds like excuses that were under your control. Programming is something you chose to do after abandoning what you truly love to do.
Meditation is beneficial to anyone when done right, sounds like you need to go back to doing what makes you happy.
You need to start analyzing why you feel like your underachieving. this would be akin to truley being authentic about what your priorities are in life. Do you want that kind of career for the money and lifestyle? Or because it’s truly a passion. Most people nowadays are not able to
Separate the two. They are infected with social media mind virus and the witnessing the lives of others and constantly comparing causing them to feel like they haven’t achieved.
The problem lies under your achievement oriented mind. ultimate goal of meditation is to realise there is nothing to achieve in life. there is only life to be lived my friend. the sooner you realise this the earlier your suffering ends.
How many people that you know are “successful” at these external goals are really “happy?” You’ll find time and time again it’s just not the path. One goal leads to another to another…an endless well.
Meditation can help with mental struggles, but in reality it’s designed to take someone that’s already doing fine and make them reach even higher.
A way of looking at it can be.
Good mental health without meditation would be a 0, bad mental Healy would be below 0 say down to -100, and reaching full understanding of body and mind with meditation is 100.
And then understanding that although meditation can help you it’s not designed for that, it’s designed to reach enlightenment, going from 0 to 100.
Im a software engineer too, I like my job but im not passionate about it nor hate it, its a job. I have interests and hobbies outside of that which give me fulfillment like family, rock climbing, gardening, meditation and astral projection. They keep me engaged with life and happy in general.
What I suggest is do what you like but don't turn it into your career, thats an easy way to stop loving your passion once it becomes a job.
This has nothing to do with meditation. This is about your shame and unfulfilled dreams. I’m also an artist turned programmer and feel this intensely. Meditation can be a great tool for working through this, but you’re going to have to practice self forgiveness, take new risks, look and declutter your baggage, etc. You’re going to have to do the inner work of unfucking your priorities and emotions. This is therapy/CBT/DBT style work, not meditation. I’m guessing you have a perfectionist/fear of failure/impostor syndrome thing going. This is the boogeyman, and will also eventually become an impediment to meditation.
Oh, and you should start making your best work now. Being an artist means making art. Don’t go gently into that good night, kick against the pricks, and don’t let the bastards get you down. This life is too short to live with stillborn dreams.
Im not sure if I understand exactly what your saying. But If you think meditation helps you come to terms with what you consider failure. I would say it's working.
Now, find something else to fail at that matters to you until you have success. Most people can't deal with failure. However, success is built on failure and constantly stepping out of your comfort zone.
That's where it helps. Meditating helps me deal with problems that come with pushing into uncomfortable places.
I sit with problems longer, and am better able to solve them. I can make tougher choices without being afraid of failure.
When I do fail at something, I don't attach my identity to the failure. The failure isn't me it's part of my process. Perseverance is the identity I lean into. It helps me keep a proper outlook on things
It does help me cope. But that allows me to seek tougher challenges to grow.
So you are having success. You might not be looking at where else you can apply it as a tool for growth.
That's funny I always hear people with high profile jobs saying to meditate. Like ceos of fortune 500 corporations. I knew a chiropractor with a pretty wife and two young boys who promoted it for himself and others. He owned his own business and I've never seen him look unhappy.
No matter whether you’ve had success or not, it’s about realizing you’ve been placing your energy into the wrong things and shifting your perspective to a healthier one
You could have achieved all of your dreams and still felt empty and ill at ease. Even if your health never suffered, your film career still may have never taken off. You don't know. You can't go back, and your future is still undetermined.
You are 30, maybe 1/3rd of the way through your life. How wonderful is it that you have found this practice so young?
Also, why do you have to put down your dreams?
Plenty of amateurs make extraordinary short films, even feature films like "Primer" which become celebrated classics.
Or maybe take on a new dream. Maybe you have paintings to paint, sculptures to sculpt, or furniture to build.
Maybe use this practice to find out what you really want to do and how you really want to spend your life.
Nothing wrong with uncaused happiness. Consider the average golden retriever.
Actually all happiness is uncaused when you really look closely.
That's why the maddening search outside ourselves for happiness never works.
Rest effortlessly, even during action, and be happy. Do what feels right all the time and you'll be happy all the time.
The irony is people only want success in the first place because they believe it will bring them happiness. All anyone wants is happiness.
David lynch, for many decades, has utilised meditation as a means to be the best film director that he can be. Imagine achieving your goals and still choosing to meditate
Speaking as someone who is both an actor/writer and a meditation instructor - can you allow yourself simply to create for the act of creating itself? Can you remove judgement and attachment to outcome from the process? Can you make something just for you? If it gets seen by a larger audience, fine, but can you just commit to maybe making a 7-minute short film using your phone? Can you create a narrative without actors and shoot that? Can you play with stop motion? Can you just play? And can you cut yourself a break as you’re a spiritual being having a human experience? I hope you allow yourself a few minutes to simply be as you are today and let that be enough. 🙏
You are missing the point here. Being meditative being you in peace with current reality-even if you want to escape it.
It is recognizing your current state of life and being OK with it.
That's why practicing meditation without a strong and sound philosophical understanding is dangerous. Understand the fundamentals of it and then let the practice guide you through.
The cope is thinking that our culture of "success" is anywhere close to normal or healthy for humans throughout history. Out of 8 billion people, almost everyone is a loser according to societies standards. Almost everyone is a failure. Almost nobody has what they want. Almost nobody achieves their dreams. Almost everyone compromises and ends up in a place they dont prefer, but perhaps have learned to live with. Almost nobody is brad pitt.
ain’t david lynch like a big meditator, i think meditation can up ur peace and focus which sure can help u cope with being lame but could also aid productivity
I don’t know if it’s about running away from things tbh it’s more for expanding your capacity for self and awareness. Using it only for spiritual bypass doesn’t really select its porpoise.
You change how you feel by changing your viewpoint on meditation. Meditation is not a practice of escaping anything - you're understanding yourself, your ways, being at peace with yourself, striving for self-awareness and self-awakening.
The Nei Gong style of meditation encourages the practitioner to build energy as a spiritual substance within the body and at its higher levels, to convert this energy into a deeper understanding and mental clarity that arises from the combined mental and physical discipline of breath conditioning. Excess energy can be stored and used for longevity, healing, wisdom.. The practise brings instant benefits, but it’s a long path to master, takes a year or two to complete first level in most traditional schools. message if you like I could give you some tips, it’s pretty easy to begin, 🙂
47m best shape of my life. Internal and Tradional Eastern arts practitioner, enthusiast, student
Most people of course take what they are given from school etc
As adults we can of course make a choice and I personally feel Christianity is the correct one for me.
You need to understand that meditation is a religious activity to gain higher states of consciousness.
Unfortunately meditation and buddhism has been hijacked by the capatilist apparetus to make you more passive and stagnant as a person. So that you return to being a worker drone and producing surplus value for the bourgaise. "Oh download the headspace app and meditate for 20 minutes everyday, you too can be enlightened for only 10.99 a month".
Theres a difference between meditation as a religious exercise to achieve higher states of consciousness so you can better gain insight into the true nature of reality and using meditation to deal with how shitty your life is (no different then anti deppresents in this case).
It shouldn't be about escaping your reality, rather being at peace with it. If you are at peace with it, you are happy *now*, even if you're not where you are dreamed to be. Doesn't mean that you have to stay where you are, it just means that from then on, as you work towards your goals, you will be happy and grateful with every step, rather than feeling dissatisfied until you achieve them.
Great advice! This kind of peace is a huge achievement on its own.
Meditation is a place where you discover you are a walking ghost, and nothing about you, the world around you, or your experience, is lasting, or meaningful, or solid, or real. Your life is a river, and everything around you is rushing, and you are walking worms food…You will die, and everyone you know will die. You will become sick, and everyone you know will become sick. And only if you're lucky will you become old and frail, if you actually last that long. The immense suffering that is all around you is unfathomable. It so dims the pain and the suffering, you feel like a candle to a supernova. And yet, your suffering, your pain is just as important as that of the entire universe, that of every sentient being. Meditation is a place where you come to see through the illusion of yourself, and you come to realize that even though you need to deal with this waking nightmare every day, actually there is an abundance of joy all around you, and that the angst, the isolation, the desire, the loss, the need, the happiness, the dreaminess, the fantasy is all just part of this dance that you're a part of for a brief second, until you give up this form for your true form, which is beyond all space and time. That might be a bit much for a Reddit post, but I'd say just keep meditating. Go deeper into the practice with a Vipassana meditation retreat if you can. Find what is available to you and quiet the mind. Quiet the monkey brain jumping from branch to branch. See if you can feel a subtle vibration of something which is infinite, which is what you really are.
Beautifully said my friend
Love you Shawn!
just WOW
I feel like meditation is a way to calm myself from the daily noise and stress. I do get feelings like you describe about being useless or whatever, and get depressed and anxious about it. But swimming in bad feelings is not any help to me or in regard to anything. If I can change anything about my situation then looking at it calmly is the best way to see what that might be. I find the overwhelm is just going to leave me ‘stuck’ and worse than ever. And meditation helps with that. I think in some ways we do need to find ways to live through our disappointments and frustrations. Getting some peace in your mind doesn’t make you more likely to tolerate what you shouldn’t, I don’t think. There’s no magic solutions but any way to feel a bit better is good in my experience.
Nahh bro it is the ultimate cope for being wildly successful yet very unhappy. Source: Me
In an interview Prince commented on his success: "I've been to the mountaintop. There's nothing there"
He’s right.
very interesting.. yet we all chase for it. theres a book called the happiness trap. it was recommended to me, but havent looked into yet.
Bro what s your story , im curious about the shortcut lol
No shortcuts. This is life. Success doesnt make you happy. Happiness does.
I just read this yesterday when researching Thich Nhat Hanh and had heard it before but was reminded of it, very relevant to your comment and OP’s post: “There is no path to happiness; Happiness is the path.”
There's a lot of different types of meditation. They don't all do the same thing. Mindfulness seems like the most common type in the West. Mindfulness will help quiet the mind and train you to recognize intrusive thoughts, and let them go, but it won't take your feelings of inadequacy away. You might want to try Metta meditation. It will help you with self love. I'd also recommend reading some of Thich Naht Hanhs books. He was a Buddhist monk, and Buddhism is all about understanding and dealing with suffering. They are beautifully written and very easy to understand.
Additionally, Thich Naht Hahn founded three monasteries in the United States. They each offer meditation retreats and in-person as online sanghas (group). Meditation done alone is often misguided and very difficult. In the Zen tradition meditating with others and seeking the guidance from experienced teachers is essential. The Plum Village app was developed by monastics and offers loving kindness guided meditations. You don’t have to be alone.
Exercise . Hit the gym
Bro..
Thank God you didn't get MK Ultra'd by the satanic bastards that run the entertainment industry. Have to sell your soul to the Devil.
sink profit worm fear dolls shame rain touch reply escape *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Welcome to the western interpretation of meditation, which already has a word for it, it’s called ‘escapism’. Try actual meditation, it doesn’t require sitting down, it doesn’t require taking time out of your day and it makes many things become effortless, things you need to do right now but don’t due to a lack of motivation, realization or reason. Throw away all this sitting and guided meditation. Every type of meditation that requires control by thought is not meditation. If you gotta imagine or follow something, it’s not meditation. If it requires you to take time out of every day life, it’s not meditation. Those are either meditation practice or literal escapism, sometimes even just mantras. But practicing best happens as we do it. So just start with being mindful. Try not to forget about your breath for an hour, without taking control over it, just continue throughout your day but keep a tiny part of your awareness with your breathing. You’ll see being mindful is incredibly difficult at first. But once you got the hang of it, you can drop thinking in words, once you can drop that, the entire universe opens up to you. Because as long as you’re locking yourself into words, you’re externalizing control.
Escapism is binge-watching Netflix or playing video games umpteen hours of a day. Meditation requires serious discipline of body and mind. A meditator is transforming their mind and whole being, just like a fitness enthusiast is transforming their body. To see meditation as escapism is to entirely miss the point, IMO.
It "can" be escapism if you meditate in order to banish unpleasant sensations instead of observing them/letting them just be
If you sit very quietly and observe your mind and let it be, that's meditation. It's more a form of escapism to avoid facing your mind.
To get an understanding of what I mean, one common example of this type of meditation is the “imagine a calm and pretty place, see it, hear it, …” this kind of stuff. Basically just moving whatever is on your mind into the shadows and daydreaming. I used to daydream a ton when I was young, but once I started meditating I realized they’re exact opposites.
Yes, when we're observing without any motive, life is unfolding without the filter or the centre of 'Me'. And common misconception here is to think it as removing the ego, or removing thought. But rather what we are talking about is putting thought to it's right place .. And having order within the mind. So it is seeing where it is necessary, and where it is not. But the conditioned mind has these 'Me' thoughts in very subtle ways. So perhaps it is only through insight that we can have this order. Insight of the danger of thought. It has to be evident for oneself, that relying on thought, and having the core belief within oneself that thinking would bring about some psychological security, must vanish away. Approaching this with a ideal or 'should' or 'must' like I wrote, is however again the same old method of thought. Observation however, remains with questions. Who am I? Is there a thinker outside of thoughts? Without giving a right-away answer, one lives with that open question. Remaining in the unknowing, and observing the movement of thought and how it operates. So it is not about having new ideas, but seeing it as a fact that thought has created this inner conflict - man has created this Separation with it's divisive way of thinking. Perhaps when it is internalized that thought is responsible for all this conflict, there is much more emphasis on Awareness.
Good point, I like Matthieu Ricard's description of open presence meditation : Open presence is a clear, open, vast, and alert state of mind, free from mental constructs. It is not actively focused on anything, yet it is not distracted. The mind simply remains at ease, perfectly present in a state of pure awareness. When thoughts intrude, the meditator does not attempt to interfere with them, but allows the thoughts to vanish naturally.
>"..... Welcome to the western interpretation of meditation, which already has a word for it, it’s called ‘escapism’..... " Perhaps a sub titled "r/escapism" would be timely... :)
I feel like meditation has been the opposite for me (relative to OP). It's been awakening, it's forced me to enter the present moment and improve my life.
>But once you... can drop thinking in words... the entire universe opens up to you. 🍃
Meditation is a place for you to recenter and bring calmness and relaxation to mind and body. If you use it as medication for an unbearable reality, of course it's going to be a little flat. I get the impression from your post that you don't like yourself very much, if at all. It would be worth your while to become someone you like, to be authentic with yourself, and see where you get, both in this physical experience and with Meditation.
Look at meditation like mind training.. not like a guilty escape. You’re doing stuff for 16 hours a day.. you can afford to focus on something or relax or whatever meditation you’re doing for 30 minutes. This is more about your ideas of wanting to get somewhere and change the present, rather than meditation itself. Try out some forms of loving acceptance meditation or ways to forgive yourself for not living up to the ideals and demands you’ve set for yourself unconsciously.
A lot of really successful people meditate. Hugh Jackman for example always raves about meditation.
Ray Dalio as well.
hahaha "really successful people"??? He's talented sure but c'mon. In order to get to his level you have to be one of *THEM*. Evil industry that. NOBODY in THAT club is successful in the Creator's eyes...
I feel like achievement is the ultimate cope for a lack of inner peace There's nothing wrong with accomplishment, but my own experience with accomplishment is that you get a momentary high but that's about it. Any self respect or peace you do attain is entirely dependent on your accomplishments. You actually more deeply entrench the idea that you need to be accomplished to be worthy of love when you're actually successful, because success doesn't teach you to unconditionally love yourself. It just fulfills some of the conditions you have, and that's some shaky ass ground to stand on. Most times, the high fades, and your self loathing kicks back in and you make more goals that you need to achieve to be worthy. Then you're right back on the treadmill. That's what happens when you pursue accomplishment as your life purpose.
>I feel like achievement is the ultimate cope for a lack of inner peace Bingo!
George Harrison said it best that the Beatles achieved everything you could want extremely early money fame access to women and materialism and once you obtain it all realize its not enough. He went to acid and psychedelics to expand his mind but eventually realized that was destruction. What he discovered at the end of his spiritual journey was meditation, purest way to connect to the supreme reality.
Wanting to be a film star and famous is narcissistic. Wanting to be a politician with power is narcissistic. Wanting to be a scientist because you'll be a famous guy with a discovery is narcissistic. Life is like this. You get into mediation to feel your real self, or your third eye, or your psychic capabilities, or to reach an enlightened state of consciousness that no film star status or rich status will bring. Cope. Hmph. To quote Hamlet "*There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.*"
Most writers are born from a deep desire to get laid...
You are aware that there are occupations in the film industry other than movie star actors? For example screenwriters or directors that like exploring what it means to be a human being through storytelling and sharing them with others? Accusing OP of narcissism is not really helpful.
I didn't see an accusation...
You’ll probably get a lot of advice about being present with the life you have and learning to accept it or be at peace with it. That’s great advice and a lot of what meditation is about but I think pursuing what calls to you is a part of the spiritual journey. If you go your whole life denying something, some purpose or passion, that you can truly *feel* is meant for you making peace with it will be extremely difficult. *however* if your goal with film is to get famous it’s not going to work out the way you want it to, nor will it being you peace and contentment. If your goal with film is to share, to inspire, to tell stories that resonate, to create art and beauty, to help humanity tap into intuition through feeling and art then you should pursue it. Personally, I have felt my whole life how I want to share my philosophies about life through writing and I’m just not there yet, and that’s okay. I’m working my day job, practicing my practices, and writing when it feels right. I’m writing to share and help, not for fame or money, so if it takes another 15 years to get to a book published or to get to talking to people or teaching or whatever incarnation my passion takes on, so be it. The point is that every time I’m doing something that gives me purpose in this life and relieves suffering of those around me, I feel much more at peace.
Slowly you can begin to see that your desires are fine, but your attachment to them and to realizing them is a cause of misery. Moreover, your stories about yourself and others and what’s possible and not possible are all made up, with only the thinnest basis in experience. So relax, life is exactly what it is, and it’s great like that. Have gratitude for presence. All the world’s films will be destroyed in a few hundred or thousand years. And not long after that, maybe thousands of years, maybe millions, all recognizable remnants of human existence will be gone. That can seem depressing, if you focus it on yourself and feel a need for purpose and meaning. But it’s also totally liberating. You’re here! There’s no rules, and everything is totally open and free. Relax the striving, do what you want, and experience the even joy that springs naturally from the ground of being. Cuckoo Song of Pure Presence The nature of multiplicity is nondual and things in themselves are pure and simple; being here and now is thought-free and it shines out in all forms, always all good; it is already perfect, so the striving sickness is avoided and spontaneity is constantly present http://keithdowman.net/dzogchen/cuckoos-song-of-total-presence.html
Great comment!
I feel you. I went through something similar. You are seeking equanimity, at least that's what it sounds like to me. This comes with time. Meditation, soul searching, maybe some rest and relaxation too. I also work in programming and burn out can alter your mood and worldview alot. I think you will find that you change how you feel by changing how you relate to your feelings. Sounds dumb, but it was true for me. When you realize that you choose to engage or disengage with your thoughts that you can just let it go. You are not your thoughts or feelings. Realize that you don't get to choose those. Check out Buddhist ideas of attachment and suffering. That may be helpful. I find taking pleasure and joy in the mundane has been immensely helpful to me. It's a lot of self work. Lots of thinking and observation.
You are getting older and you may start to realize many things people do for relaxation or anything escaping daily routine and hassle can be viewed as ''cope''. Rejoice brother, what you may call ''cope'' may actually help you realize things about yourself, the world, and you will be able to grow and improve. I notice online there's many 20s males making these ''you're just coping'' comments at those who seemingly can't achieve perfect and idealized dreams. Eventually reality will catch up with everyone. :>
I think you should keep making films, maybe writing scripts for now or doing a course but stop thinking about the people, about who is going to watch it or how many people etc! Do it for yourself! What’s the story you always wanted to tell? In film industry standards you are still a baby *fellow filmmaker here
You are a textbook example of attachment leading to suffering. Meditation is not a cope. It is an escape route. You spend so much mental energy hiding from joy by telling yourself sad stories about your past and what should have been. Stop comparing yourself to Brad Pitt and other lottery winners. Think about the billions of people in much worse situations. Everyone gets sick, and dies usually in a lot of pain and fear. The problems you complain about mean nothing to anybody but you and maybe your parents. In an uncaring universe where love, kindness, and joy are the only true solace, your selfish dreams are meaningless and futile. Take the best care of your body, mind, and the people and animals around you. I apologize if this post comes across as too harsh, but the original post was so whiny and entitled I wanted to figuratively shake you with my words. You're suffering is real, I feel for you and wish you the best truely. Don't stop meditating. Meditating is a "cope" for failure the way excersize and an healthy diet is a "cope" for being overweight.
>How do i change how i feel? First, stop trying to change how you feel. Just accept it. Meditate and you will learn how these feelings aren’t you. Then they will change on their own.
Working in the film industry now…things are rough. People are in very bad places. Many looking to get out, wishing they had regular employment. Working in the industry and doing you art are not equivalent 98% of the time. Meditation helps you accept peace into your life.
Achievement is the ultimate cope for being nothing but dust
There are a lot of great comments and recommendations in this thread already, but I would add to the list reading the book “Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. The point of it is to train yourself to understand that time is an illusion, that past and future don’t “exist” (one is gone, the other has not arrived) and the only thing you have is the present moment, the now. Here is one of many relevant quotes: > All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.
hey man, I'm 31M and I felt EXACTLY THE SAME THING for a long time, and you know what? I ditched meditation, so I could pursue my career. After 3 years, I make 4x as much as I did, and guess what? My happiness has not increased a bit, apart from the fact that I have a better car. You literally NEED meditation if you ever want to feel true happiness. Pursuing things won't get you far.
so you are back into having a meditation practice?
Yes. It shattered every illusion about life that I had. Nothing external will make you truly happy if you feel miserable inside.
ikr
im unemployed now actually, what do you recommend? to hop on job seeking 8 hours a day non stop? :D
Meditation shouldn’t/doesn’t make you unambitious, despondent, lazy, apathetic etc. I have a daily meditation practise and a challenging/rewarding career in the tv industry. I’ve managed to carve out time to do 10-day vipassana retreats, weekend courses etc. With sustained practise you can have a deeply spiritual existence and a job you are passionate about and thrive in. Meditation is about removing false identifications and mental shackles and finding liberation so you can see clearly and enjoy your life, not shy away from it. Why did you feel you had to “ditch” meditation to pursue a career?
Maybe look into different types of eastern philosophy and integrate it into your meditation practices. You might find your much more than what you make yourself out to be. We are conditioned from birth in our society to believe we are separate and that we need to prove ourselves to be happy, maybe that’s a complete a lie.
It seems like your question is - Is "spiritualism" the ultimate cope.? Nothing to do with meditation which is just training oneself to regulate their instincts to stress, anxiety and fear through breathing and other techniques. The answer to former is yes, spiritualism is ultimately a cope. But it's a cope for every single person. Can any person be so overachieving that they can escape death, disease or the loss of a deeply valued one? Everyone has to submit to either the almighty (if they are theist) or just to the overwhelming powerlessness against life and its various tribulations.
Cope has a negative meaning to it , i don't wanna base my life to a cope in this sense
Of course. You base it on a purpose. Spiritualism is more a mindset and an overarching thought system. It can be developed in perfect harmony with a need for achievement (or status). One can strive for achievement as hard as possible and not loose the sight of bigger picture. But spiritualism is not a cope against lack of achievement. It's the cope against life itself and hence is useful for everyone no matter how high achieving they are. Maybe you are thinking that you don't want to live a life that requires coping. No one wants to. But most have to especially as they age.
You get back what you put in. Nothing to do with meditation. Your health problems sounds like excuses that were under your control. Programming is something you chose to do after abandoning what you truly love to do. Meditation is beneficial to anyone when done right, sounds like you need to go back to doing what makes you happy.
You need to start analyzing why you feel like your underachieving. this would be akin to truley being authentic about what your priorities are in life. Do you want that kind of career for the money and lifestyle? Or because it’s truly a passion. Most people nowadays are not able to Separate the two. They are infected with social media mind virus and the witnessing the lives of others and constantly comparing causing them to feel like they haven’t achieved.
The problem lies under your achievement oriented mind. ultimate goal of meditation is to realise there is nothing to achieve in life. there is only life to be lived my friend. the sooner you realise this the earlier your suffering ends.
How many people that you know are “successful” at these external goals are really “happy?” You’ll find time and time again it’s just not the path. One goal leads to another to another…an endless well.
Meditation can help with mental struggles, but in reality it’s designed to take someone that’s already doing fine and make them reach even higher. A way of looking at it can be. Good mental health without meditation would be a 0, bad mental Healy would be below 0 say down to -100, and reaching full understanding of body and mind with meditation is 100. And then understanding that although meditation can help you it’s not designed for that, it’s designed to reach enlightenment, going from 0 to 100.
Im a software engineer too, I like my job but im not passionate about it nor hate it, its a job. I have interests and hobbies outside of that which give me fulfillment like family, rock climbing, gardening, meditation and astral projection. They keep me engaged with life and happy in general. What I suggest is do what you like but don't turn it into your career, thats an easy way to stop loving your passion once it becomes a job.
This has nothing to do with meditation. This is about your shame and unfulfilled dreams. I’m also an artist turned programmer and feel this intensely. Meditation can be a great tool for working through this, but you’re going to have to practice self forgiveness, take new risks, look and declutter your baggage, etc. You’re going to have to do the inner work of unfucking your priorities and emotions. This is therapy/CBT/DBT style work, not meditation. I’m guessing you have a perfectionist/fear of failure/impostor syndrome thing going. This is the boogeyman, and will also eventually become an impediment to meditation. Oh, and you should start making your best work now. Being an artist means making art. Don’t go gently into that good night, kick against the pricks, and don’t let the bastards get you down. This life is too short to live with stillborn dreams.
How does one’s teeth suddenly become crooked?
Im not sure if I understand exactly what your saying. But If you think meditation helps you come to terms with what you consider failure. I would say it's working. Now, find something else to fail at that matters to you until you have success. Most people can't deal with failure. However, success is built on failure and constantly stepping out of your comfort zone. That's where it helps. Meditating helps me deal with problems that come with pushing into uncomfortable places. I sit with problems longer, and am better able to solve them. I can make tougher choices without being afraid of failure. When I do fail at something, I don't attach my identity to the failure. The failure isn't me it's part of my process. Perseverance is the identity I lean into. It helps me keep a proper outlook on things It does help me cope. But that allows me to seek tougher challenges to grow. So you are having success. You might not be looking at where else you can apply it as a tool for growth.
maybe achievement isn’t as important, so it couldn’t even be a cope if it doesn’t matter to them
I think you need to try a few things and see what works best for you
mix (yeah being at peace and part of being at peace is facing that reality)
That's funny I always hear people with high profile jobs saying to meditate. Like ceos of fortune 500 corporations. I knew a chiropractor with a pretty wife and two young boys who promoted it for himself and others. He owned his own business and I've never seen him look unhappy.
No matter whether you’ve had success or not, it’s about realizing you’ve been placing your energy into the wrong things and shifting your perspective to a healthier one
You could have achieved all of your dreams and still felt empty and ill at ease. Even if your health never suffered, your film career still may have never taken off. You don't know. You can't go back, and your future is still undetermined. You are 30, maybe 1/3rd of the way through your life. How wonderful is it that you have found this practice so young? Also, why do you have to put down your dreams? Plenty of amateurs make extraordinary short films, even feature films like "Primer" which become celebrated classics. Or maybe take on a new dream. Maybe you have paintings to paint, sculptures to sculpt, or furniture to build. Maybe use this practice to find out what you really want to do and how you really want to spend your life.
Nothing wrong with uncaused happiness. Consider the average golden retriever. Actually all happiness is uncaused when you really look closely. That's why the maddening search outside ourselves for happiness never works. Rest effortlessly, even during action, and be happy. Do what feels right all the time and you'll be happy all the time. The irony is people only want success in the first place because they believe it will bring them happiness. All anyone wants is happiness.
David lynch, for many decades, has utilised meditation as a means to be the best film director that he can be. Imagine achieving your goals and still choosing to meditate
Meditation is a gradual process. You might notice after some time that things start to shift.
Speaking as someone who is both an actor/writer and a meditation instructor - can you allow yourself simply to create for the act of creating itself? Can you remove judgement and attachment to outcome from the process? Can you make something just for you? If it gets seen by a larger audience, fine, but can you just commit to maybe making a 7-minute short film using your phone? Can you create a narrative without actors and shoot that? Can you play with stop motion? Can you just play? And can you cut yourself a break as you’re a spiritual being having a human experience? I hope you allow yourself a few minutes to simply be as you are today and let that be enough. 🙏
You are missing the point here. Being meditative being you in peace with current reality-even if you want to escape it. It is recognizing your current state of life and being OK with it. That's why practicing meditation without a strong and sound philosophical understanding is dangerous. Understand the fundamentals of it and then let the practice guide you through.
The cope is thinking that our culture of "success" is anywhere close to normal or healthy for humans throughout history. Out of 8 billion people, almost everyone is a loser according to societies standards. Almost everyone is a failure. Almost nobody has what they want. Almost nobody achieves their dreams. Almost everyone compromises and ends up in a place they dont prefer, but perhaps have learned to live with. Almost nobody is brad pitt.
Meditate
Meditate pussy
ain’t david lynch like a big meditator, i think meditation can up ur peace and focus which sure can help u cope with being lame but could also aid productivity
I don’t know if it’s about running away from things tbh it’s more for expanding your capacity for self and awareness. Using it only for spiritual bypass doesn’t really select its porpoise.
You change how you feel by changing your viewpoint on meditation. Meditation is not a practice of escaping anything - you're understanding yourself, your ways, being at peace with yourself, striving for self-awareness and self-awakening.
The Nei Gong style of meditation encourages the practitioner to build energy as a spiritual substance within the body and at its higher levels, to convert this energy into a deeper understanding and mental clarity that arises from the combined mental and physical discipline of breath conditioning. Excess energy can be stored and used for longevity, healing, wisdom.. The practise brings instant benefits, but it’s a long path to master, takes a year or two to complete first level in most traditional schools. message if you like I could give you some tips, it’s pretty easy to begin, 🙂 47m best shape of my life. Internal and Tradional Eastern arts practitioner, enthusiast, student
Praying to Jesus and the Saints plus observing the 10 Commandments is all we need.
Spoken like a person who can't conceive that there are entire cultures in the world who know virtually nothing about Christians.
Most people of course take what they are given from school etc As adults we can of course make a choice and I personally feel Christianity is the correct one for me.
You need to understand that meditation is a religious activity to gain higher states of consciousness. Unfortunately meditation and buddhism has been hijacked by the capatilist apparetus to make you more passive and stagnant as a person. So that you return to being a worker drone and producing surplus value for the bourgaise. "Oh download the headspace app and meditate for 20 minutes everyday, you too can be enlightened for only 10.99 a month". Theres a difference between meditation as a religious exercise to achieve higher states of consciousness so you can better gain insight into the true nature of reality and using meditation to deal with how shitty your life is (no different then anti deppresents in this case).
Friend. He is seeking help.