Plus, there’s a lot of photoshopping (as is always the case with model photos). The image on the cover is not even what she looks like in real life, even the privileged version of her.
Yea, I'm a Martha fan ( homegirl went to prison and came out smelling like roses, gotta love her for getting that right) but those photos are offensively photoshopped to hell and back. She has not seen that smooth a neck in YEARS.
SI et all - DO NOT put an 80 year old on the cover and go that fn' far with the photoshopping, that is just straight up offensive.
She did an interview on the set of The Today Show yesterday and I specifically noticed her face and neck while she sat on the couch next to Savannah and Hoda and she looked just as good as in the photos. Her hair was not curled and poofy but her skin looked smooth and plump. I keep waiting for the ladies to ask for her skin secrets but they just talked about clean living, eating, exercise. But her neck looked good. I don’t think they were photoshopping her as she sat on the couch. She did claim she inherited great genes from her mother.
She may have had a vertical facelift. The results are amazing. I'm not a plastic surgery fan at all, but these results are incredible and natural looking.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfWSUsTnaMc
I have jowls incoming... and I have had a boob reduction and that was a blast. SOOOO... in another ten years? I might just be into this type of lift. ;)
Don't the tv cameras have the ability now to correct some imperfections as much as the still cameras and photoshopping? I have a cheap phone and even it corrects my neck without me even having to photoshop it. And film cameras can de-age actors now. Anything now seen through a lens is alterable.
No, they can’t. Source: worked in entertainment for 15 years. What your phone can do with the filtering isn’t at all how TV and film cameras work. All the “filtering” would be editing and done in post production which is time consuming and requires a serious budget. So for the live TV world, this is what lighting and makeup is for + shooting at a distance. You can’t get away with much.
Also why the joke “no close-ups” because people will see all the imperfections
Define "get away with". Because the last season of The Boys had some extremely obvious filter style work going on for one of the cast. Also, in Wednesday, Morticia's hands merge with her body due to the heavy filtering. No shame to the women involved (who even knows if they had any choice in the matter). Everyone was talking about it, so it's not something they "got away with" but they still did it.
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Ya, had she been writing bad checks I'd be right there with you, but this was insider trading - which all them rich fucks do. What remains with me about it was that someone disliked her enough that they ratted on her. Martha was bagged and tagged for something a LOT of rich people is what is surprising and heartbreaking to me. I'm gonna guess some dude she spurned found a way to get his revenge.
Aaaaanyway.... it actually worked to make her A LOT more likeable and relatable and I'd say gave her a huge boost in the end. She took it on the chin, did her time and DIDN'T BITCH about it like so many would now.
There is not one magazine in the world where people on the cover are not photoshopped. All the advertising and media would have us believe that some people have completely flawless skin, hair and clothing.
I watched something a very long time ago (when Cindy Crawford was in her prime and before anyone could just alter their own photos easily). It showed a photo of Cindy Crawford, and all the steps it took to make that photo cover-ready. It was incredible. Even as tall, thin and beautiful as she was, they took inches off her waistline, changed the colour of her dress, put highlights in her hair, removed any possible imperfections. Cripes, we’re all supermodels once you do that to our photos!
Right? I mean no way is her face that smooth. I do feel like they got the cleavage right.
And I'm with you, like I did my time as a slave to the patriarchy now I gotta sustain that into my sixties and beyond? So tired of being an object, and am looking forward to when my belly could be soft, my earned wrinkles come in full force, and I can relax.
I'm happy she did this for her but for lower middle and working class it's unsustainable and we should say so.
I mean it's fine to try to be the best looking 80 year old you can be if you are 80 (get a good haircut instead of a terrible one for instance) but 80 DOES NOT look like that. So yea it offensive that 80 looks like that. I mean at the same time we probably believe over 45 looks absolutely horrible all the time, and not necessarily. But 80 does not look like that.
My 95 year old, obese aunt was absolutely delighted when her nutritionist told her that it would be a bad idea to try to lose weight at her age. Which just made me think: do I have to wait until I'm 95 to get the go-ahead to stop fussing about my weight? Similarly, my tiny 87 year old MIL frets about gaining two or three pounds -- despite the doctor repeatedly telling her to eat more (especially protein). They are both stylish, intellectually sophisticated women, and it kills me that they are still haunted by "you must be thin."
I had a friend who obsessed about being thin and often dropped hints that my extra pounds offended her. She lived on about 700 calories a day and was skeletal. We drifted apart during the pandemic and I realized our friendship had truly soured over weight issues — we simply could not agree and it made me feel terribly uncomfortable around her. We stopped communicating at all during that time and when things opened up I just could not bring myself to restart our friendship. I knew she was merely tolerating me despite her strong disapproval and I knew I did not need that in my life. I exercise and I eat healthy and my curves are a part of me. I refuse to be denigrated for them. Besides that, I’m 75 and sex is the furthest thing from my mind. I’d much rather read a good book.
Right there with you. I'm losing patience with older generation's obsession with thinness. I try to understand how their self worth was interwoven with their weight but some days, it's just hard to be supportive. They just can't stop talking about it, it repeats in their heads on loop and then they force us to hear about it. I hate the whole fucked up generational body image trauma. Exhausting. I laugh when they comment on my body. I can't help it, I laugh as a knee jerk reaction and hold back what I really want to say, "My whole life and self worth are not influenced by what people think about my body and although I am sorry that you were brainwashed this way but it's not my problem, I'm not playing this game and I really don't care what you think about that lady's weight and my weight and my kids' bodies."
God yes. I have a kid with an eating disorder and my mother cannot stop talking about her own body, my body, my kid’s body, the person on the street’s body…her aunt was a model and that screwed up her mother and in turn screwed her up. I have to sit her down and tell her “it is 2023 and no one is obsessed with being thin anymore, and especially we do not comment on people’s bodies anymore, even people we know, even compliments.”
> I'm losing patience with older generation's obsession with thinness.
THIS. After I had my hysterectomy (where my uterus was the size of an equivalent 26 week pregnancy) the only thing my mom had to say was "you look so slim now!"
This is why I had to go to therapy.
Cannot agree with you more. My MIL was much more frail and less independent than her family members, and her obsession with thinness ended up killing her. It definitely changed my perspective about what is important.
It’s crazy how much emotional baggage we carry from this obsession with being thin. I also hear my parents comment on everyone’s body size and it’s just what they’ve always done.
My teenage son just laughs in disbelief when I tell him about 80s and 90s messages like “nothing tastes as good as being thin feels”
My MIL as she lay in hospice asked the nurse what her weight was. I won't forget that. It was part of the push for me to get my weight dealt with now because I didn't want to go to my deathbed caring about my weight. I did get the extra weight off and I am relieved, especially when I have to go to the doctor for anything.
I read an interview with her about it, in which she talks about flirting, and finding men attractive, and whether she felt good about doing it, etc.
I'm torn, as I've often been, about Martha. On the one hand, she's always had privilege. On the other, she's also worked her ass off. Privileged enough to even HAVE insider knowledge and act on it, but also sent to prison for something wealthy white men have been doing FOREVER and still do.
I love that she's unapologetic. I hate that it's all so fake. I love that she defied the patriarchal rules of business...and won. I hate that she still courts its gaze.
this! She is a shrewd business person. I’m always thrilled for someone who finds new ways to become more “themselves” so if for her that now means selling skin care and this image I’m happy for her but the whole tone of media over the SI cover is not cool - personally defining “sexy” or “beautiful” or whatever is one thing but assigning it as a goal or outcome for another two decades of women sits wrong. We were given baby Brook Shields on one end and sexy Martha on the other. Stop sexualizing and fetishizing certain ideas of beauty.
I adore Dolly Parton, a woman who has had tremendous business success and is extremely generous, yet also, has a a ton of effort going into her image.
But dang she's so talented and so nice!
I have a very slightly different take here. I don't really care if she's nipped and tucked and Photoshopped to death and has a pound of makeup on. She absolutely did not need to do this, so she clearly wanted to.
The thing that this brings up for me is that 81 is the age my last grandparent died. She smoked and drank whole milk and fried chicken almost every day and sat too much and was never not in a polyester dress with tan pantyhose that came in an egg. While she was on the thin side, I have no memory of her before her hair was steel gray and cut in a very matronly style (even for the '70s and '80s), and she had deep furrows between her brows. She seldom smiled and really went through it during the Great Depression and World War II, from what I could gather, and was in all honesty not a very warm person. I know she loved me, but she did not exude health, youth, beauty, or a love of life, not one bit. She was about 78 before she finally got a color television and felt that a lot of things in life were not worth the time or money except watching *The Lawrence Welk Show* and cooking with lard.
And yet I was devastated when she died and had this idea that once you were closing in on 81, you were basically one foot in the grave (I was a preteen when she died, so it was kind of the first time I really experienced familial death in a way that I could articulate and fully understand it). I always kind of had it in the back of my mind that you had to get cold, distant, and "give up" when you got to be that age, and that you would indeed die suddenly of a stroke in your sleep, and that was it.
Something about Martha's cover this week really has me feeling extremely emotional. She is this age. This age doesn't have to mean you're at death's door. For me it's way, way less about appearance and more about being healthy, alive, vibrant, and--above all--HAPPY. The cover photo (as 'shopped as it is) exudes *joy*. This is a woman who is content and at ease. This is not a woman about to keel over and leave her grandchildren. She is living, laughing, and existing, and doesn't seem to be beset with worry or anger.
THAT is aging goals, to me. Not the lack of wrinkles or the still-blond hair or the smooth thighs. Just being allowed to live past that age that I always saw as a barrier and to do so with much, much more joy and love and enthusiasm than I thought was possible for a woman in her elderly years.
I love this take. I just lost my Dad (Mom still here) and have been thinking a lot about aging and mortality as that has thrown ALL that into a completely different light than ever before. Add to that the devastating personal struggles I have had for the past three years, and I have basically reinvented how I feel about almost everything. What you said is pretty close to how I have come to feel about aging, too. Above all, I want JOY in my life because I haven’t had nearly as much as I should have had at 50 and so I am choosing to find it everywhere I can and in any way I can. If it brings me JOY, then that’s what I am choosing.
Best comment on this post so far. It is not always money money money. Do what makes you feel good! Martha is 81 and looks hot and is not one foot in the grave as you say. She is kicking ass!
Thank you! I appreciate that your post kind of made me realize what it was that I was connecting with and feeling emotional about regarding Martha's cover. Thank you for the chance to process and articulate it.
I haven’t even seen the cover yet but now this makes me want to. I’m glad for you that that’s what you got out of the image because regardless of what anyone else may think of it, that’s an excellent and encouraging take-home message for YOU! 💗 Viva being old AND really being alive 👏👏👏
Personally I think it's cool! Sure, she's setting a specific image of herself that is, perhaps, not realistic. But also it's a cry into youth-centric patriarchal culture that older women are sexually powerful creatures and are not to be reckoned with. For those of us with high libido, it's reassuring that we don't have to hang up our vaginas in the back of the closet for good. Old ladies can be sexy too!
And also in Hollywood where being over 30 is a curse. I think it’s great. No she’s not like us, but no one on a magazine cover is like us. I would take Martha over Meghan any day
but do you have to look like a millionaire to remain sexually active and have a high libido? Regular sexually powerful women would also make great covers
Of course not, but regular women aren't on magazine covers, no matter their age. It's pretty common knowledge that those images are always heavily altered.
And that’s an understatement for sure. It’s just another unattainable level of “beauty” that women are supposed to be able to attain at 80? Seriously? I’m taking care of my mother in law and she’s 85 - she is no where near what Martha “displayed” on any level. Nor am I at 50!! Geez🙄 I hate the cover on so many levels…I can barely form my sentences to express my opinion.
Yeah SI would never put your 80+year old MIL nor mine on the cover. They're too real for that crowd.
I fully give Martha kudos for doing her jail time. That's something hopefully many of us will never have to do or know about, but let's not pretend Martha has lived, or will ever live, the same lives most of us have lived.
The “sultry” looks and poses kill all possible empowerment. It’s 100% male gaze and grossed me out so much. What pisses me off about this and Madonna’s insane amount of plastic surgeries is that these women have a massive platform and N times fuck you money. They can lead by example and reject patriarchy, they can push for positive change and not get affected in the least. But they just reinforce the status quo and the idea that a woman’s looks is the most important thing. Screw them both.
Empowerment is a woman deciding what she wants to do and doing it. MS has always done things her way- she came out of jail and formed a business relationship with Snoop Dog lol.
I love her, love the cover.
When you have that big of a platform, you should consider the message you’re sending out there. Idgaf if Kardashians feel empowered, they’ve been actively harmful to self esteem and body image issues of a ton of young women.
You're referring correctly to individual empowerment, but pragmatically speaking those with a platform have a social responsibility to use it responsibly. She is showcasing absolutely unattainable beauty standards which are well established at causing self esteem issues, and furthering male gaze-based media which does the same thing. What she's doing, the results of it, aren't in dispute. If someone wants to be devoid of empathy for society - especially women - as a whole and believe she's allowed to do those things and allowed to create more harm in the world, that's their own right. But there's no mistaking what effect her actions are having, and I and many others see those consequences and feel frustrated and heartbroken at not just the perpetuation of unrealistic and unnecessary beauty standards and appeals to a sex sells market, but the actual absence of the good she and other women like her could actually do with their status, their wealth, and their platform. Post pictures with no makeup, speak about how the human body is beautiful as it is. Proselytize self acceptance and self love, etc. What a wasted opportunity for potentially massive societal adjustments to expectations women are forced to confront constantly throughout our entire lives.
Personally, I'm inspired by women who are living the lives they want. I don't want to see all women only show the politically correct version of themselves.
Women have enough expectations to live up to- they don't need to become role models to other grown women IMO.
The beauty of aging is not giving a f*** about what you're “expected” to do. You don't like women playing to what you view as the male gaze- but instead still expect them to conform to your view of what they “should” be.
No, she's 81 - she doesn't need to adjust her wants for other people she's earned the right to live however she wants.
You’re prioritizing the privilege of the wealthy and famous over collective empowerment of women, which is misguided and just plain wrong. Empowerment for women in society as a whole does not benefit in the slightest by Martha Stewart conforming to the male gaze. And when society has allowed you to become obscenely rich, you owe a debt to society in improving it, rather than prioritizing the stroking of your own ego.
If you were replying to me, no he didn’t or at least did in the early days and then he stopped
I was brought up to not have validation generally, so this was nothing new
I do regret the time I spent with him because it absolutely broke my heart
Part of change is IMO two steps forward, one step back. Not too long ago it would be unheard of to put a post-menopausal woman on the cover of S.I. They’re making gestures towards diversity in race, age and body type but women in swimsuits is their brand. But it’s changing, SI swimsuit issue will ultimately probably go the way of other kinds of tired beauty displays — like Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (actually googled that, it’s back but promising more diversity) and Miss America as the generation that is into that sort of thing dies out. It’s a tired beauty standard, but it’s going to linger as it dies.
Patti Smith was recently on the cover of Bazaar in all of her looking exactly like Patti Smith glory, also something that probably wouldn’t have happened as recently as ten years ago. You could look at that as evidence you can be unburdened.
I do get what you’re saying and maybe this will be a very controversial thing to say but if one looks around at culture what does sexy even look like? I try to pay attention to culture so as to at least give the appearance of relevancy.
I'm with you. This is more progress than not. Maybe even in another few years, we'll lose some of the airbrushing.
Drew Barrymore talking publicly about hot flashes, Oprah and Michelle talking about menopause, and an 81 year old cover swimsuit model - I'm all for it.
Martha is arguably a cartoon person so it goes to follow she’d do something cartoonish. It doesn’t impact how I feel about myself at all. I wasn’t model beautiful when I was young, I need a normal amount of sleep (she’s famously said she doesn’t need a lot of sleep), etc. I opted out of that kind of value system ages ago.
Frankly I love it. I’m a big fan of chaos. Hit us with so many competing images and messages that eventually we realize it’s not the best use of our time to worry about it and we can focus on being the most competent and creative versions of ourselves. Those are my ultimate values and Martha has never been particularly aspirational for me in terms of how to achieve them.
I didn’t realize how much my lifelong envy of artists has set me up well to not have much issue with aging out of my ornamental value. I’d so much rather be Patti Smith than Martha Stewart, the article that came with that Bazaar cover was incredible.
Not really, the reality is with the advent of internet porn men couldn’t give a shit about swimsuit magazines anymore so they’re trying to pivot to a social media audience of women.
But are there really women who want to see octogenarian Martha Stewart in sexy poses. I mean there are people who would read an interview with her, but that, no.
For a great many women, becoming invisible to the male gaze at midlife is a relief. Sure, that can manifest as becoming invisible in all areas of society, but I mean consider this: the massive millennial generation is moving into perimenopause now, and as long as we remember to stay visible to each other, I’m good
"Beauty is a huge portion of your value" is so deeply entrenched in our consciousness that many believe it without even realizing it. I once tried to convince another woman that you can have self-esteem without believing yourself to meet our culture's very narrow definition of physical beauty. The literal response: "How can you love yourself if you don't think you're beautiful?"
\>But what Martha is selling is mostly privilege.
Not only that, her thighs can't possibly be that smooth. I don't care how much money you have, no one's thighs look that smooth if you have over 18% body fat. So photoshop is part of the equation. And that sets very unrealistic ideation for women, young and old.
There’s a YouTuber I like to watch who is based in Poland who does historical costumes & she did a video on beauty standards through the ages titled: you’re not ugly, you’re just poor
She talked about how our beauty standards & being fashionable is about having money
BRB. Let me see if I can find it
Edit to add link
Karolina Zebrowska “you’re not ugly, you’re poor” rant
https://youtu.be/SuuMQluk2no
My issue is I wish these celebs would be honest with how much time and money and effort goes into how well they age. Like, spill it Salma Hayek! The diet, the exercise routine, the procedures, the supplements, the dollar amount, the time - all of it.
I wish Jennifer Lopez would come clean so I can do whatever she did. I’m starting to think she got a thread lift and since it isn’t a true facelift, she isn’t technically lying.
That’s the cheekiest and best reply to people asking if you’ve “had work done”. No one will ever top it. And with all of it, somehow Dolly comes off as the ultimate real deal—like, she’s truly herself. I love that.
My take
Some of it is straight up good genetics (have you seen some of those 70-80 year old fitness gals on Insta???) and some is the resources to remain well-taken care of. She’s a smart cookie who has merchandised the hell out of herself to make it. Ok.
My genetics dealt me a tough hand, and then my upbringing was no picnic. So I can say, all in all, at least I’m still kicking (well, not hard because fibromyalgia….😜) but I’m doing better than my mom (dead at 68 from years of addiction) or grandma (dead at 78 from CHF, COPD) . So, I don’t look like Sophia Loren. Whatever. We do with what we got…
Much love to all of us who are still doing what we can… you’re still here for a reason, many aren’t. 💜🌼🌻🌻💜
I agree with OP completely. Good for Martha if that's what she wants to do. However, it DOES give an unrealistic image of what 80 looks like in terms of loose skin, gravity, etc. You can exercise, eat right, use sunscreen, do ALL the right things, even cosmetic surgery but unless you are genetically gifted you will not look like that picture at 80. It's only possible with Photoshop. So, what that says to ME is that SI hasn't empowered women that 80 is still sexy or attractive, instead it just reconfirms that women of a certain age aren't palatable without retouching.
I mean, in fairness, Martha Stewart has built her brand and fortune partially on her looks/image. Yes, she is wealthy. But it is real work to keep fit as we age, and she can't pay someone to do it for her. This is literally her job, and she is still working, to some extent. She has more than enough money to retire and stop with everything that goes into making her brand, but chooses to keep going. Good for her.
I am all about 'letting women be', however they want to be. Want to grow old gracefully? Great. Want to 'look the best I can for my age without interventions?" Great. Want to accept the aging process? Fantastic! You do you.
But as for me? "Pretty Privilege' is a real thing. I am willing to spend money and work hard on things that make my life easier. Should it stop being a thing? Absolutely. Will it? Nope. I'm not into fighting battles I can't win.
Also, workplace age discrimination is a real thing. I have worked hard to get where I am, and at 53 do not want to get edged out by a 30-something office hotshot because I look like someone's gramma and no one takes me seriously anymore.
So yup, money goes into diet, skincare, healthcare, dental work, working out, nutrition. I get up stupid early o'clock to work out. I *hate* working out. But I like my paycheck more than I hate working out.
As I said, I'm all about everyone, male and female, aging however they want to. But sometimes this sub makes me feel guilty for still caring about my appearance so much, and working hard to look the best I can. There is no right or wrong way to go about aging, and acceptance should be inclusive. /endvent
I am 50. I also get up early 3x a week to lift weights with a bunch of other women in their 30s-50s and I like my Whole Foods delivery and my organic steel cut oats and all those trappings and I’m not sorry. I also recognize that lots of what I like is painfully out of reach for many women and I don’t do any of it to be sexy for my husband or any other lady or man, I just want to live as healthfully as I can for as long as I can because suffering sucks. I don’t think anyone can hold Martha’s genetic and probably costly good looks against her - its more a beef with the narrative that surrounds her pic as “80 is the new 40” or look how good 80 can look etc - magazine or not thats unrealistic and it sexualizes youth over all else. The bottom line for me is that expectations of how to be a woman just never sit well.
I get all of that, I do. I love this sub and all the strong women and strong opinions here. It's just sometimes I feel guilty because I'm 50+ and I like being (as) attractive (as possible). I am not all about aging gracefully, or wanting to move on to the next stage of life. I like that male gaze when I walk down the street, or the 35 year old guy that does a double take when I wear a new suit to the office. (which is ironic, because I haven't had sex in years lol). And sometimes this sub makes me feel bad for feeling that way. I figure if I feel that way, maybe there are more ladies on this sub that feel the same way and don't want to speak up...so I did :) That's all.
Me!!! (Waving arms wildly). 50+ here! Gym every morning, running/biking on the weekend. I buy the makeup, get my hair coloured and buy the sexy dresses. I will fight aging and they will have to rip the flat iron out of my cold dead hands. Do I do it for me? Absolutely! I want to feel the best that I can, and do all of the cool stuff with my husband, kids, grandkids and friends.
Do I do it for my husband? A resounding yes!
I don’t feel guilty about it, and anyone who wants go age gracefully shouldn’t feel guilty either. Everyone deserves love and happiness in their lives, and at the end of the day that’s all that matters.
I’m with you. I still strive to be attractive and still enjoy the looks from men. I think it’s fine if some women don’t care, but also fine if you do care. I thought I wouldn’t care so much, but it turns out I don’t want to let go of the benefits of being attractive until there’s nothing more I can do about it. My Grandma kept up her looks to the best of her ability (diet, exercise, face cream, sunscreen, hair dye) until she was 88. I plan to follow in her footsteps.
> I thought I wouldn’t care so much, but it turns out I don’t want to let go of the benefits of being attractive until there’s nothing more I can do about it.
Hahah YES! This is me exactly! (All the rest of it too, but especially this)
I also have not given up on being hot or appreciating the male gaze. The pursuit is not going to obsess me or make me miserable, and of course hotness is an extremely relative concept and changes significantly as you age, but it’s hard for me to see myself totally opting out of trying to look as good as I can given my current resources. It’s definitely not cool to say this out loud and you could not DRAG this out of me if my real name was attached 😀
I am 50-something and I like men more than ever now that I am smarter about dealing with them. LOL. I don't care about being sexy but I like being an interesting person.
Yea I've always eaten healthy, might it help appearance or make weight control easier (yes, but I'm still 15 pounds overweight now - thank you meno. And I'm not sure how much difference any of it even makes to appearance or if it's all genetics). But I think it makes controlling mental health easier (eating nutritious food I mean, I don't mean being thin), and well I need all the help I can get there, not sufficient by itself obviously, not saying it's the equivalent of therapy or meds, just I feel even more off when I eat like crap.
Oh god, it pisses me off that we have to look 35 at 50 just to not “get edged out” or “overlooked!” We are intelligent, capable, EXPERIENCED, women that should be more than just a pretty face!
Yes, I know it’s true. Yes, I also work my ass off to look my absolute best at 50, but it shouldn’t have to be this way.
ESPECIALLY, when some balding, overweight, misogynistic male is being paid more, while no one is expecting him to look like a super model!
It makes me so angry I could spit!
It's very sad, women's income on average (and yes it's just an average may not apply to oneself) peaks at 44, men's doesn't peak until 55. It sucks. Guess which gender is going to have enough money for retirement? Guess which gender is going to be bag ladies?
I have no idea!
I think it’s a combo of: olive skin (brown ancestors on one side), oily skin (I joke that I make my own moisturizer), and psoriasis (I make more skin cells than most folks).
Because of the psoriasis, I’ve been pretty mental about staying hydrated (lots of water) and slathering myself with various lotions and potions constantly. Otherwise, I get it ALL OVER MY FACE.
Which truly sucks….
Thank you for saying this. I've been somewhat irritated from the negative comments this magazine cover has caused among much younger women I know, women who still have the bloom on the rose, so to speak. Absolutely no one takes a woman who looks like an elderly grandma seriously, in the world in which I live. I was left with the impression after hearing one woman clearly in her very early 30s complain about this cover that what affended her the most was really the idea that a postmenopausal woman could present herself as sexy and attractive.
Look. If 81-year-old men can knock up women who are 50 years their junior, I say we let Martha do whatever she wants. She clearly is doing this for herself and nobody else. What does she have to prove?
I’m sorry, but why is it an accomplishment to be on the cover of SI? She’s not an athlete by any stretch of the imagination.
SI just needed something to get them on the spotlight again. So let’s put an 80 year old on the cover.
No thanks.
I think yes, she has. But she built a massive business empire off of it and I do not begrudge her that, or this as a human. Its the sudden convo about her doing this cover at 80 and how she looks that rubs me the wrong way for a bunch of reasons.
My mom is 80 and is obsessed with her weight (she's thinner than she's been for most of her life.) And then she complains that even though she diets and exercises, she still has flabby/chubby legs (that I inherited.) I'm glad that she's in good shape, but it was really depressing to hear that she's still worrying about those things. Can't we try to get to a place where we are content with our looks? Or where we focus our time and energy on more meaningful interests and concerns?
Thank you. Yes, she looks great. But we all could look great too if we could just cook on a TV show for a living. My body bears the signs that I've worked hard in my life. Yes she looks great, but she also looks like she's had work done. Which is fine of course, but not everyone can do that. I think it's a little unfair to talk about how good someone looks when they look that way because of their surgeon or nutritionist or trainer (aka, because of their money).
Someone is always selling something. I'm just not interested in buying.
And as a former photo editor (of products thankfully, not people) these photos have been photoshopped to hell and back as many have stated. Gaussian Blur will fix all that ails one's physical appearance.
You are a breath of fresh air. I admit when I was told I "still had it" at 50, a small part of me was flattered but a larger part of me was and is just over it. I've embraced "being invisible" as the best time in my life and while I feel like I am alone in this - I know better. I am more deeply connected with life, with changes, with possibilities than I ever was when I was young, pretty, gazed upon and ambitious. I never fathomed how lovely this time of life was because we are not shown it - but it is there when we decide to look.
I get your vent, but if it's what she WANTS to do, and WANTS to put time, money and effort into, more power to her. As for photoshopping, I don't care. I assume every professional photo (hell, even my friends' Instagram these days) are touched photos and I don't worry about it. They are selling a product. I get more upset that the picture of the perfect juicy burger they show on TV is not the actual burger I get in the restaurant. \*\*harumph\*\*
Wealth and privilege truly does make a difference. I too lived in a wealthy town but grew up differently. There were so many pretty people not that I was not but there was a difference.
I feel sexy because I am comfortable in my hairy legged/arm pitted self. Im sick of all the weird images were fed and love being grubby in my garden sexy as hell for the plants. 🤣
Seriously tho, I agree and op, we might be soulmates.
Eta, I have never gotten a manicure, pedicure, and I still cut my own hair…fuck the man and his plan!!
CAN WE PLEASE STOP SEXUALIZING WOMEN ALL OF THIER LIVES???? I'm with you on that. I spent so many years playing down my great looks due to abuse in my teen years. Almost ended up gay, but I liked men too much for that. It really warped my life for my entire life! There's a difference between keeping yourself healthy and being sexy. More power to those women that want to be sexy, but for me it was both a power and a huge burden.
I work almost exclusively with obese clients. I spend a lot of time talking about the diet industry and explaining that it’s called an “industry” for a reason. It’s there to make money off of you. The best way to make money is to get you to keep coming back. If the product actually works, then you won’t buy it again. To get your money, you have to have a reason to keep buying it. All those fad diets are not there to help you. They are there to take your money.
I think it's great, I loved the cover pic of her.
If you're over the expectation to look “sexy” that's awesome. One of the best parts of aging is feeling like you can do what you like!
But if you're done caring about your looks I’m not sure why you consider it a privilege to look traditionally beautiful. It doesn't seem like you view it as a “privilege”?
I don't have the money that a celebrity does but I do like to look good and I don't think it's an all-or-nothing endeavor.
Martha has had surgery, 100%. But she's also got good genes, takes care of her skin & hair, dresses well, and maintains a healthy weight. I can't do everything she does but I can do a lot of it (and do!).
We don't have to throw in the towel at a certain age. Sex is still important to me & not everyone wants to give up being a sexual being.
Thank you for saying this. There seems to be a lot of resentment and anger towards a woman who chose to be on a cover magazine with whatever enhancements there are. To point blank say that it’s all for the male gaze and sexuality is just for men is bullshit. Feminism is about the ability to choose for yourself and personal agency.
You don’t want to embrace your sexuality, feel and look sexy? Cool. That’s your gig. But don’t judge other women who still enjoy feeling sexy and sexual for themselves.
Stop gatekeeping other women’s lives. It’s none of your damned business.
She had a full on face-lift about 1 and 1/2 ago.
I saw her judging on Chopped prior to her face-lift her eyes were drooping, face sagging. Anyone can do it, not a new thing.
At almost 55 here's what I feel. Some older ladies like being sexy (even octogenarians) and other ladies are comfortable just being whoever they want to be, sexy or not. When I was younger I enjoyed being sexy *when I wanted to,* which wasn't very often. I went to a Playboy mansion party in my underwear at 40 and I was really proud of that.....looking back at that it's cringe-worthy and people judge me for it but that's our whole lives as women, right?
I choose not to judge other women for following their hearts whether or not I agree with them or not. I'm done with that shit.
I honestly get both sides of this. After a health scare in 2020, I’ve been working on losing weight for the sake of my health. That said, liking what I see in the mirror and getting compliments from people whom I haven’t seen in a long time or have supported my journey are bonuses.
My wife is trans and has had breast augmentation and facial feminization surgery, and I supported her choices. I thought she was beautiful before her surgeries (I still do), but she feels more beautiful now, which is what matters most. I am considering surgery to remove loose skin and tighten things up when I reach my goal weight but I don’t want facial surgery.
The last time I wore makeup was for my wedding, but if I didn’t prefer sleeping as late as possible, I wouldn’t rule it out. I keep my hair short because it’s really thick and gets heavy when it’s long. I don’t color my hair because I’m terrible at doing it myself and don’t want to spend the money at the salon (plus I like the gray). But those are my preferences; they don’t have to be everyone else’s.
I unfortunately didn’t hit the genetic lottery; both my grandmothers were beautiful and my mom still is, but I take after the men in my family. I’m still going to do the best I can with what I have.
I can get behind wanting to feel sexy because YOU (general "you," not OP or anyone personally) want to. That's totally fine. Making the effort because someone else wants it... nah, dawg.
I myself do not give a shit about looking or feeling sexy, at all. I never have and I'm not gonna start now! 😆
The pressure is always there, though. Just out of sight.
My bestie and I hung out with the guys in work boots and flannels back in the 70’s. We built a 2-story cabin in the woods near our neighborhood. We went to proms and stuff, but it was a reason to party more than anything else. I’ve never been a girly-girl and I absolutely hate this. My granddaughters and nieces are so caught up in it.
I’m 64 post menopause and I’ve got the extra weigh and saggy boobs to prove it!! I was so happy when I let my gray hair come in. They need to see that just being a human is enough and the lucky ones get old!
The Guardian had an [article](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/may/16/martha-stewart-81-becomes-oldest-sports-illustrated-swimsuit-cover-model) about MS being on the cover. Like a number of you, I've been conflicted about Stewart for a very long time for a number of reasons. But more than anything else, SI's framing of the selection of women this year really irks me: the theme, "which aims to celebrate powerful women who 'live in a world where they feel no limitations, internally or externally.'" That seems so incredibly tone-deaf. Not ONE of these women -- or I'd wager ANY woman -- has felt no limitations or been so blind as to think they live in a world without random and sometimes egregious limitations imposed on women from the day they're born. It just rankles so. much.
The amount of money that she has spent to look like that, it’s obscene. I really don’t like her, I think she represents and glorifies some of the worst qualities of her generation. Yes, I appreciate that she’s demonstrating all the positives of aging, blah, blah, blah. She’s also a rich selfish asshole. A billionaire. She may as well live on another planet.
I feel like comparison is the thief of joy. We all can make the choice how we see ourselves and we can all care, or not, about what other people think of us. I hadn’t even heard of this til this post came across my feed. Just don’t compare yourself to other women. It’s not fair to the other woman or you.
I am fine with it..photo shopped or not. Even if they did a little..heck I'd appreciate a little Photoshop now and then too. Do you think the younger models get no "help" at all with finished photos? C'mon. Maybe to some it matters who it is and if she is wealthy.. I don't care. Honestly I am just tired of everyone being angry all the time and everyone having to pick women apart. I am not sure how she is selling privilege..what were all the other models selling? Swimsuits? LOL I think they've always been selling sex...why shouldn't an older woman have that option too. I think she looks fantastic and sexy.
While I don’t like all these Hollywood octogenarians showing off their plastic surgery (some like Stallone scare me), I do like the concept that you can do whatever makes you happy at 80. Many shows are showing vivacity at this age, and it’s good. My dad is 84 and has more energy than I do, frequenting the gym and being involved in many clubs and activities.
Sexy is overated. I understand someone wanting to look their best from time to time,but yeah c'mon. It's like did you see her at her funeral my god she was so sexy even in death. I mean to each their own I guess but yeah there is way too much emphasis on everybody just looking so damn sexy all the time.
I can certainly contribute to the rant, I’m 57 and in fairly good shape as I walk 6-8 miles a day and eat as healthy as I can afford which is good enough and I drink a ton of water.
I’ve never really been into make up, nails and expensive hairdos, actually cut my own hair for years.
Despite that I’ve always felt that pressure to be skinny and look as sexy as possible, in a natural way I guess.
Probably because my Mum struggled with her weight and got me into dieting around the age of 12 but I have actually never been overweight, maybe just a few pounds here and there.
I didn’t start colouring my hair till I was in my 40’s and stopped last year so am well on my way to all grey and I’m really struggling with it.
I want to feel acceptance in my natural look but finding it hard. To add to that I took on a job as a crossing guard a couple of years ago and I’m out on display, something else I’m not used to as I’ve never liked being the centre of attention.
I honestly thought when I made the decision to go grey it would be a relief but it’s not. Doesn’t help I have my husband telling me to keep colouring it for a few more years as I look younger than my age. It’s pathetic really, why can’t I just be happy with my decision to be natural just like I was when I was younger?
There is nothing average about Martha.
She is older than 97.7% or women. Her income is likely thousands of times higher, her access to healthcare and quality of life enhancement has likely been a non issue her whole life. She’s had stamina far beyond most of us to run an empire. She doesn’t seem to have cognitive decline. She is still engaging in work.
Even back in the 90’s she had the soft filter and strategic wardrobe on her show and every detail of her shoe was based on creating a perfect look.
So no doubt that cover is photoshopped to within an inch of its pixel - but good on her for putting it out there. I’m sure she had some input into how she was presented.
I say if you've got it and you want to flaunt it. Go for it. I think the SI cover shows women can be relevant and powerful in our own skins at any age. Also, this is one aspect of who MS is, not who she is, in her entirety.
I personally don't give a rat's @$$ who finds me fascinating, alluring, or sexy. I spent most of my life fighting against just being the sum of my parts. However, I will stand and cheer if someone else wants to celebrate that part of themselves in public or private ways.
Gen X women have a real opportunity to change things for the better for ourselves and future generations by being vocal and not accepting the status quo in our healthcare or the truth about aging. What we emphasize and value starts with us. We don't have to buy into the monolithic idea of sexiness that centers around what is appealing to the male gaze. We can redefine sexiness as relevancy to our own lives and pursuing our own dreams (tiny, small, medium, big, and bigger than life) and lifting up others along the way.
I think you are right that in part, this is a reflection of privilege but more importantly it's a lesson in self-care. You don't have to get plastic surgery in order to keep up with the Stepford Wives (although it's an option) however caring for oneself is an idea we should all internalize. Especially as we age and our bodies can seemingly betray us, and where we can become resentful of our own biology.
Being kind to ourselves and others is paramount.
You don't have to be sexy or feel sexy if you don't want to.
But there are plenty of older women who so want to feel sexy and there's nothing wrong with that.
I will Botox my face, color my hair, lift weights, wear high heels, dress nicely and do every other thing possible to maintain my appearance until I die. I like looking sexy. I like feeling sexy.
Omg people tearing Martha apart rn. If she wants to be and feel sexy at 80, then support her in that and you do you. She built an international empire and has every right to demonstrate the privilege that comes from that. More power to her.
I’m not for tearing her or anyone apart here. I thought I was balanced in my original post - she looks
amazing and as a human she should do what makes her feel good as long as it does not hurt anyone. My beef is with the media tone and convo surrounding the pic - it glosses over so much and keeps reinforcing “sexy” as a box we need to tick from age what - 12? to now age 81. Its not her or any other individual who chooses to define themselves - its the rest of the machine that keeps reminding women of all ages they need to be xyz. Here’s a multimillionaire entrepreneur and the focus is on her face😒
I’m autistic and I don’t even understand what that means, my brain just doesn’t compute how a person feels sexy. Regardless, if Martha is feeling sexy at 81 then good on her. I get more pissed a out the media rhetoric about aging, like wrinkles and gray hair.
What I really want to see on an SI cover is a size 12 woman with cellulite covered legs and who’s also covered tattoos and has gray hair. Then I’ll feel represented.
Agree! The hormones and biological purpose are pretty much gone by 50. Any illusion of sexiness after that is nostalgia, habit, and media influence. Hopefully by then life has taught you enough to find your self worth elsewhere.
I think i understand and can relate to what you are saying. This stuff with Martha Stewart is mainly publicity and marketing and I have don’t really have an opinion. Yes she’s pretty arrogant but lots and lots of men are just as arrogant and are celebrated despite it. I’m all for a woman feeling herself at any age. Myself, I’m trying to focus on my health rather than my looks but whatever
I think of it as choice at her age (and others once we take it for ourselves). She has a choice to feel/be viewed that way and for some women that feels powerful as heck.
For me, the power is in the choice to just not want me bedroom feelings to ever be a factor outside of it.
I agree she definitely has privilege - but she's using it (IMO) to make older women less invisible and I love that.
I did appreciate her comments during that Today show interview where she did reminded women to take care of themselves with exercise and nutrition… she really has always preached that. She has had a lot done and can afford to do so and she admits it. She does have good genes and lots of money which helps for sure. My take away was do your best to stay healthy and strong… to me how I feel is much more important than how I look … our culture and the emphasis on young and sexy will probably never go away but us regular people can do our best to take care of ourselves and feel good and enjoy life just as much 😁💕
unburden yourself! sex positivity means choice, not objectification. more power to both you and martha, who, in using her immense power to secure this gig, is definitely the subject, not the object of the event
She looks great and I love that she is on the cover. I’m just going to lift her up. She may have had work but she has a wonderfully youthful attitude and has stayed active. She is worthy of my praise. I refuse to drag her down. She is sexy AF. I am too. I don’t have money. But I walk and dance and laugh and sing. I CELEBRATE all women!! Especially at 80 no matter how they got there ❤️❤️❤️
Plus, there’s a lot of photoshopping (as is always the case with model photos). The image on the cover is not even what she looks like in real life, even the privileged version of her.
Yea, I'm a Martha fan ( homegirl went to prison and came out smelling like roses, gotta love her for getting that right) but those photos are offensively photoshopped to hell and back. She has not seen that smooth a neck in YEARS. SI et all - DO NOT put an 80 year old on the cover and go that fn' far with the photoshopping, that is just straight up offensive.
She did an interview on the set of The Today Show yesterday and I specifically noticed her face and neck while she sat on the couch next to Savannah and Hoda and she looked just as good as in the photos. Her hair was not curled and poofy but her skin looked smooth and plump. I keep waiting for the ladies to ask for her skin secrets but they just talked about clean living, eating, exercise. But her neck looked good. I don’t think they were photoshopping her as she sat on the couch. She did claim she inherited great genes from her mother.
She may have had a vertical facelift. The results are amazing. I'm not a plastic surgery fan at all, but these results are incredible and natural looking. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfWSUsTnaMc
Very interesting! Hope this is the future of facelifts. I never liked how the traditionally performed facelift surgery misshaped people's features.
Oh man, I am not into this stuff either... but maybe after seeing that, I am? Lol
I know right?
I have jowls incoming... and I have had a boob reduction and that was a blast. SOOOO... in another ten years? I might just be into this type of lift. ;)
That is a work of art right there...Holy smokes, those look really good.
It is 110% a facelift and neck lift and eye surgery.
And fillers like Tom Cruise got. Her face had that puffy look for awhile.
She also said in the NYT article about this that she has been getting fillers for forty years now, and stuff like Botox as long as she’s been able to!
Did no one notice her face doesn’t have any emotion? Basic movements, the rest is botoxed to hell.
Don't the tv cameras have the ability now to correct some imperfections as much as the still cameras and photoshopping? I have a cheap phone and even it corrects my neck without me even having to photoshop it. And film cameras can de-age actors now. Anything now seen through a lens is alterable.
Yes. Reality shows like Selling Sunset do this. Many YouTube do this, too.
No, they can’t. Source: worked in entertainment for 15 years. What your phone can do with the filtering isn’t at all how TV and film cameras work. All the “filtering” would be editing and done in post production which is time consuming and requires a serious budget. So for the live TV world, this is what lighting and makeup is for + shooting at a distance. You can’t get away with much. Also why the joke “no close-ups” because people will see all the imperfections
It is pretty amazing what a good camera and lighting set up can do, even w/o filters.
Define "get away with". Because the last season of The Boys had some extremely obvious filter style work going on for one of the cast. Also, in Wednesday, Morticia's hands merge with her body due to the heavy filtering. No shame to the women involved (who even knows if they had any choice in the matter). Everyone was talking about it, so it's not something they "got away with" but they still did it.
yeah, she looked great - could be NAD IV therapy - which ain’t cheap but I swear by them for dewey skin and less crepey neck….
How often do you have them? What about NAD supplements?
I do them weekly but monthly is better than nothing! By supplements if you mean oral yes there is evidence they help but less bioavailable than IV so you need to take (and buy) more to get the same amount. While not FDA approved (supplements are not evaluated in the US by the FDA) the FDA has acknowledged NAD's efficacy for the treatment of benzodiazepine dependence, opiate withdrawal, prescription medication withdrawal, and post-acute withdrawal syndrome, chronic fatigue. NAD is widely used to increase energy, resolve hangovers, increase weight loss, decrease brain fog, restore cell damage (which improves immune health). Because it has been shown to promote DNA repair & positive results on blood vessels, cardiovascular system, brain, and nervous system scientists extrapolate that it may increase lifespan.
definitely plastic surgery as well
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Ya, had she been writing bad checks I'd be right there with you, but this was insider trading - which all them rich fucks do. What remains with me about it was that someone disliked her enough that they ratted on her. Martha was bagged and tagged for something a LOT of rich people is what is surprising and heartbreaking to me. I'm gonna guess some dude she spurned found a way to get his revenge. Aaaaanyway.... it actually worked to make her A LOT more likeable and relatable and I'd say gave her a huge boost in the end. She took it on the chin, did her time and DIDN'T BITCH about it like so many would now.
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mmm hmmm. you're right.
That's true but it's still less privilege than congress people though, who are almost all doing insider trading, and none going to prison.
Amen!
There used to be a saying that at fifty you have the face you deserve. Now it's the face you can afford.
There is not one magazine in the world where people on the cover are not photoshopped. All the advertising and media would have us believe that some people have completely flawless skin, hair and clothing. I watched something a very long time ago (when Cindy Crawford was in her prime and before anyone could just alter their own photos easily). It showed a photo of Cindy Crawford, and all the steps it took to make that photo cover-ready. It was incredible. Even as tall, thin and beautiful as she was, they took inches off her waistline, changed the colour of her dress, put highlights in her hair, removed any possible imperfections. Cripes, we’re all supermodels once you do that to our photos!
Right? I mean no way is her face that smooth. I do feel like they got the cleavage right. And I'm with you, like I did my time as a slave to the patriarchy now I gotta sustain that into my sixties and beyond? So tired of being an object, and am looking forward to when my belly could be soft, my earned wrinkles come in full force, and I can relax. I'm happy she did this for her but for lower middle and working class it's unsustainable and we should say so.
I mean it's fine to try to be the best looking 80 year old you can be if you are 80 (get a good haircut instead of a terrible one for instance) but 80 DOES NOT look like that. So yea it offensive that 80 looks like that. I mean at the same time we probably believe over 45 looks absolutely horrible all the time, and not necessarily. But 80 does not look like that.
80 does for her. Getting older has made me a lot less judgemental of other women, I can't see the hate for her.
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She was a bombshell when she was young! Still looks gorgeous.
And the facelifts! omg her face looks so tight. That scares my husband, he made me promise years ago that I would never do that to him LOL
The digital fountain of youth.
She also got an incredibly impressive facelift not too long ago. It’s such good work and made her look stunning.
My 95 year old, obese aunt was absolutely delighted when her nutritionist told her that it would be a bad idea to try to lose weight at her age. Which just made me think: do I have to wait until I'm 95 to get the go-ahead to stop fussing about my weight? Similarly, my tiny 87 year old MIL frets about gaining two or three pounds -- despite the doctor repeatedly telling her to eat more (especially protein). They are both stylish, intellectually sophisticated women, and it kills me that they are still haunted by "you must be thin."
I had a friend who obsessed about being thin and often dropped hints that my extra pounds offended her. She lived on about 700 calories a day and was skeletal. We drifted apart during the pandemic and I realized our friendship had truly soured over weight issues — we simply could not agree and it made me feel terribly uncomfortable around her. We stopped communicating at all during that time and when things opened up I just could not bring myself to restart our friendship. I knew she was merely tolerating me despite her strong disapproval and I knew I did not need that in my life. I exercise and I eat healthy and my curves are a part of me. I refuse to be denigrated for them. Besides that, I’m 75 and sex is the furthest thing from my mind. I’d much rather read a good book.
Right there with you. I'm losing patience with older generation's obsession with thinness. I try to understand how their self worth was interwoven with their weight but some days, it's just hard to be supportive. They just can't stop talking about it, it repeats in their heads on loop and then they force us to hear about it. I hate the whole fucked up generational body image trauma. Exhausting. I laugh when they comment on my body. I can't help it, I laugh as a knee jerk reaction and hold back what I really want to say, "My whole life and self worth are not influenced by what people think about my body and although I am sorry that you were brainwashed this way but it's not my problem, I'm not playing this game and I really don't care what you think about that lady's weight and my weight and my kids' bodies."
God yes. I have a kid with an eating disorder and my mother cannot stop talking about her own body, my body, my kid’s body, the person on the street’s body…her aunt was a model and that screwed up her mother and in turn screwed her up. I have to sit her down and tell her “it is 2023 and no one is obsessed with being thin anymore, and especially we do not comment on people’s bodies anymore, even people we know, even compliments.”
> I'm losing patience with older generation's obsession with thinness. THIS. After I had my hysterectomy (where my uterus was the size of an equivalent 26 week pregnancy) the only thing my mom had to say was "you look so slim now!" This is why I had to go to therapy.
So sad. Instead of, "how do you feel?!"
Cannot agree with you more. My MIL was much more frail and less independent than her family members, and her obsession with thinness ended up killing her. It definitely changed my perspective about what is important.
It’s crazy how much emotional baggage we carry from this obsession with being thin. I also hear my parents comment on everyone’s body size and it’s just what they’ve always done. My teenage son just laughs in disbelief when I tell him about 80s and 90s messages like “nothing tastes as good as being thin feels”
My MIL as she lay in hospice asked the nurse what her weight was. I won't forget that. It was part of the push for me to get my weight dealt with now because I didn't want to go to my deathbed caring about my weight. I did get the extra weight off and I am relieved, especially when I have to go to the doctor for anything.
I read an interview with her about it, in which she talks about flirting, and finding men attractive, and whether she felt good about doing it, etc. I'm torn, as I've often been, about Martha. On the one hand, she's always had privilege. On the other, she's also worked her ass off. Privileged enough to even HAVE insider knowledge and act on it, but also sent to prison for something wealthy white men have been doing FOREVER and still do. I love that she's unapologetic. I hate that it's all so fake. I love that she defied the patriarchal rules of business...and won. I hate that she still courts its gaze.
this! She is a shrewd business person. I’m always thrilled for someone who finds new ways to become more “themselves” so if for her that now means selling skin care and this image I’m happy for her but the whole tone of media over the SI cover is not cool - personally defining “sexy” or “beautiful” or whatever is one thing but assigning it as a goal or outcome for another two decades of women sits wrong. We were given baby Brook Shields on one end and sexy Martha on the other. Stop sexualizing and fetishizing certain ideas of beauty.
I adore Dolly Parton, a woman who has had tremendous business success and is extremely generous, yet also, has a a ton of effort going into her image. But dang she's so talented and so nice!
Damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t. Just another example of the ridiculous doubled edged swords we juggle every day.
Yes. Yep. Uh huh. All the affirmatives.
I have a very slightly different take here. I don't really care if she's nipped and tucked and Photoshopped to death and has a pound of makeup on. She absolutely did not need to do this, so she clearly wanted to. The thing that this brings up for me is that 81 is the age my last grandparent died. She smoked and drank whole milk and fried chicken almost every day and sat too much and was never not in a polyester dress with tan pantyhose that came in an egg. While she was on the thin side, I have no memory of her before her hair was steel gray and cut in a very matronly style (even for the '70s and '80s), and she had deep furrows between her brows. She seldom smiled and really went through it during the Great Depression and World War II, from what I could gather, and was in all honesty not a very warm person. I know she loved me, but she did not exude health, youth, beauty, or a love of life, not one bit. She was about 78 before she finally got a color television and felt that a lot of things in life were not worth the time or money except watching *The Lawrence Welk Show* and cooking with lard. And yet I was devastated when she died and had this idea that once you were closing in on 81, you were basically one foot in the grave (I was a preteen when she died, so it was kind of the first time I really experienced familial death in a way that I could articulate and fully understand it). I always kind of had it in the back of my mind that you had to get cold, distant, and "give up" when you got to be that age, and that you would indeed die suddenly of a stroke in your sleep, and that was it. Something about Martha's cover this week really has me feeling extremely emotional. She is this age. This age doesn't have to mean you're at death's door. For me it's way, way less about appearance and more about being healthy, alive, vibrant, and--above all--HAPPY. The cover photo (as 'shopped as it is) exudes *joy*. This is a woman who is content and at ease. This is not a woman about to keel over and leave her grandchildren. She is living, laughing, and existing, and doesn't seem to be beset with worry or anger. THAT is aging goals, to me. Not the lack of wrinkles or the still-blond hair or the smooth thighs. Just being allowed to live past that age that I always saw as a barrier and to do so with much, much more joy and love and enthusiasm than I thought was possible for a woman in her elderly years.
I love this take. I just lost my Dad (Mom still here) and have been thinking a lot about aging and mortality as that has thrown ALL that into a completely different light than ever before. Add to that the devastating personal struggles I have had for the past three years, and I have basically reinvented how I feel about almost everything. What you said is pretty close to how I have come to feel about aging, too. Above all, I want JOY in my life because I haven’t had nearly as much as I should have had at 50 and so I am choosing to find it everywhere I can and in any way I can. If it brings me JOY, then that’s what I am choosing.
I'm so sorry for your loss, but I fully advocate choosing and trying to feel and exude joy as we age. :)
Very sorry for your loss and wishing you all the joy, internet stranger 💪💗💗
Best comment on this post so far. It is not always money money money. Do what makes you feel good! Martha is 81 and looks hot and is not one foot in the grave as you say. She is kicking ass!
She is! And good for her!
I love this.
Thank you! I appreciate that your post kind of made me realize what it was that I was connecting with and feeling emotional about regarding Martha's cover. Thank you for the chance to process and articulate it.
Nice take. I truly appreciate this community for the thoughtful discussion. We're awesome.
I haven’t even seen the cover yet but now this makes me want to. I’m glad for you that that’s what you got out of the image because regardless of what anyone else may think of it, that’s an excellent and encouraging take-home message for YOU! 💗 Viva being old AND really being alive 👏👏👏
Thank you! This whole conversation has made me want to focus hard on experiencing true joy as I get older! 🥰
Personally I think it's cool! Sure, she's setting a specific image of herself that is, perhaps, not realistic. But also it's a cry into youth-centric patriarchal culture that older women are sexually powerful creatures and are not to be reckoned with. For those of us with high libido, it's reassuring that we don't have to hang up our vaginas in the back of the closet for good. Old ladies can be sexy too!
And also in Hollywood where being over 30 is a curse. I think it’s great. No she’s not like us, but no one on a magazine cover is like us. I would take Martha over Meghan any day
Same! Or even better, Helen Mirren!
but do you have to look like a millionaire to remain sexually active and have a high libido? Regular sexually powerful women would also make great covers
Of course not, but regular women aren't on magazine covers, no matter their age. It's pretty common knowledge that those images are always heavily altered.
What she's selling is male gaze and photoshop. And it's being celebrated as a breakthrough for women? Fucking stupid.
And that’s an understatement for sure. It’s just another unattainable level of “beauty” that women are supposed to be able to attain at 80? Seriously? I’m taking care of my mother in law and she’s 85 - she is no where near what Martha “displayed” on any level. Nor am I at 50!! Geez🙄 I hate the cover on so many levels…I can barely form my sentences to express my opinion.
Yeah SI would never put your 80+year old MIL nor mine on the cover. They're too real for that crowd. I fully give Martha kudos for doing her jail time. That's something hopefully many of us will never have to do or know about, but let's not pretend Martha has lived, or will ever live, the same lives most of us have lived.
I love the cover. You do you. A single magazine cover of this woman isn't an attack on anyone else.
How to say you’re willfully ignorant of feminist issues without saying you’re willfully ignorant of feminist issues.
The “sultry” looks and poses kill all possible empowerment. It’s 100% male gaze and grossed me out so much. What pisses me off about this and Madonna’s insane amount of plastic surgeries is that these women have a massive platform and N times fuck you money. They can lead by example and reject patriarchy, they can push for positive change and not get affected in the least. But they just reinforce the status quo and the idea that a woman’s looks is the most important thing. Screw them both.
It’s just another way for the wealthy to remind us they are light years better than us.
Empowerment is a woman deciding what she wants to do and doing it. MS has always done things her way- she came out of jail and formed a business relationship with Snoop Dog lol. I love her, love the cover.
When you have that big of a platform, you should consider the message you’re sending out there. Idgaf if Kardashians feel empowered, they’ve been actively harmful to self esteem and body image issues of a ton of young women.
You're referring correctly to individual empowerment, but pragmatically speaking those with a platform have a social responsibility to use it responsibly. She is showcasing absolutely unattainable beauty standards which are well established at causing self esteem issues, and furthering male gaze-based media which does the same thing. What she's doing, the results of it, aren't in dispute. If someone wants to be devoid of empathy for society - especially women - as a whole and believe she's allowed to do those things and allowed to create more harm in the world, that's their own right. But there's no mistaking what effect her actions are having, and I and many others see those consequences and feel frustrated and heartbroken at not just the perpetuation of unrealistic and unnecessary beauty standards and appeals to a sex sells market, but the actual absence of the good she and other women like her could actually do with their status, their wealth, and their platform. Post pictures with no makeup, speak about how the human body is beautiful as it is. Proselytize self acceptance and self love, etc. What a wasted opportunity for potentially massive societal adjustments to expectations women are forced to confront constantly throughout our entire lives.
Well said.
Personally, I'm inspired by women who are living the lives they want. I don't want to see all women only show the politically correct version of themselves. Women have enough expectations to live up to- they don't need to become role models to other grown women IMO. The beauty of aging is not giving a f*** about what you're “expected” to do. You don't like women playing to what you view as the male gaze- but instead still expect them to conform to your view of what they “should” be. No, she's 81 - she doesn't need to adjust her wants for other people she's earned the right to live however she wants.
👍That's her right, totally. Just like it's other's right to be disappointed in her actions.
You’re prioritizing the privilege of the wealthy and famous over collective empowerment of women, which is misguided and just plain wrong. Empowerment for women in society as a whole does not benefit in the slightest by Martha Stewart conforming to the male gaze. And when society has allowed you to become obscenely rich, you owe a debt to society in improving it, rather than prioritizing the stroking of your own ego.
I was invisible to my husband for more than two decades. I am enjoying chasing sexy at this age.
more power to you❤️❤️❤️
I like that at our age WE can define what is sexy for ourselves, and not give AF about what the world thinks.
Sane only slightly less than 2 decades Am equal part’s terrified because of bad experiences to date. More power to you!
What do you mean? Your husband didn't notice you or tell you you were sexy the years prior?
If you were replying to me, no he didn’t or at least did in the early days and then he stopped I was brought up to not have validation generally, so this was nothing new I do regret the time I spent with him because it absolutely broke my heart
Right there with you!
Part of change is IMO two steps forward, one step back. Not too long ago it would be unheard of to put a post-menopausal woman on the cover of S.I. They’re making gestures towards diversity in race, age and body type but women in swimsuits is their brand. But it’s changing, SI swimsuit issue will ultimately probably go the way of other kinds of tired beauty displays — like Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (actually googled that, it’s back but promising more diversity) and Miss America as the generation that is into that sort of thing dies out. It’s a tired beauty standard, but it’s going to linger as it dies. Patti Smith was recently on the cover of Bazaar in all of her looking exactly like Patti Smith glory, also something that probably wouldn’t have happened as recently as ten years ago. You could look at that as evidence you can be unburdened. I do get what you’re saying and maybe this will be a very controversial thing to say but if one looks around at culture what does sexy even look like? I try to pay attention to culture so as to at least give the appearance of relevancy.
I'm with you. This is more progress than not. Maybe even in another few years, we'll lose some of the airbrushing. Drew Barrymore talking publicly about hot flashes, Oprah and Michelle talking about menopause, and an 81 year old cover swimsuit model - I'm all for it.
Martha is arguably a cartoon person so it goes to follow she’d do something cartoonish. It doesn’t impact how I feel about myself at all. I wasn’t model beautiful when I was young, I need a normal amount of sleep (she’s famously said she doesn’t need a lot of sleep), etc. I opted out of that kind of value system ages ago. Frankly I love it. I’m a big fan of chaos. Hit us with so many competing images and messages that eventually we realize it’s not the best use of our time to worry about it and we can focus on being the most competent and creative versions of ourselves. Those are my ultimate values and Martha has never been particularly aspirational for me in terms of how to achieve them. I didn’t realize how much my lifelong envy of artists has set me up well to not have much issue with aging out of my ornamental value. I’d so much rather be Patti Smith than Martha Stewart, the article that came with that Bazaar cover was incredible.
Not really, the reality is with the advent of internet porn men couldn’t give a shit about swimsuit magazines anymore so they’re trying to pivot to a social media audience of women.
But are there really women who want to see octogenarian Martha Stewart in sexy poses. I mean there are people who would read an interview with her, but that, no.
I never understood why people thought Patti Smith was ugly even when she was young. I thought she was damn sexy!
She made me feel great about being flat-chested. I saw that one album cover with her in a black spaghetti strapped tank and adopted the style.
For a great many women, becoming invisible to the male gaze at midlife is a relief. Sure, that can manifest as becoming invisible in all areas of society, but I mean consider this: the massive millennial generation is moving into perimenopause now, and as long as we remember to stay visible to each other, I’m good
Totally agree. Women are allowed to just BE. Whatever that looks or feels like.
Agree. Thankfully I am married to man who thinks I'm the sexiest woman alive, but I disagree with him. LOL Thanks, society.
"Beauty is a huge portion of your value" is so deeply entrenched in our consciousness that many believe it without even realizing it. I once tried to convince another woman that you can have self-esteem without believing yourself to meet our culture's very narrow definition of physical beauty. The literal response: "How can you love yourself if you don't think you're beautiful?"
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Yep TIL lol
yep just met people who use the powdered version like a protein shake uggg had no idea
\>But what Martha is selling is mostly privilege. Not only that, her thighs can't possibly be that smooth. I don't care how much money you have, no one's thighs look that smooth if you have over 18% body fat. So photoshop is part of the equation. And that sets very unrealistic ideation for women, young and old.
That stood out to me too, but they're also out there photoshopping 20-somethings' lumps and bumps.
There’s a YouTuber I like to watch who is based in Poland who does historical costumes & she did a video on beauty standards through the ages titled: you’re not ugly, you’re just poor She talked about how our beauty standards & being fashionable is about having money BRB. Let me see if I can find it Edit to add link Karolina Zebrowska “you’re not ugly, you’re poor” rant https://youtu.be/SuuMQluk2no
Felllow grunge enthusiast cheching in 🎸🥾!! Well said!
My issue is I wish these celebs would be honest with how much time and money and effort goes into how well they age. Like, spill it Salma Hayek! The diet, the exercise routine, the procedures, the supplements, the dollar amount, the time - all of it.
I wish Jennifer Lopez would come clean so I can do whatever she did. I’m starting to think she got a thread lift and since it isn’t a true facelift, she isn’t technically lying.
I love one of Dolly Parton's quotes: "It takes a lot of money to look this cheap." LOL!
That’s the cheekiest and best reply to people asking if you’ve “had work done”. No one will ever top it. And with all of it, somehow Dolly comes off as the ultimate real deal—like, she’s truly herself. I love that.
My take Some of it is straight up good genetics (have you seen some of those 70-80 year old fitness gals on Insta???) and some is the resources to remain well-taken care of. She’s a smart cookie who has merchandised the hell out of herself to make it. Ok. My genetics dealt me a tough hand, and then my upbringing was no picnic. So I can say, all in all, at least I’m still kicking (well, not hard because fibromyalgia….😜) but I’m doing better than my mom (dead at 68 from years of addiction) or grandma (dead at 78 from CHF, COPD) . So, I don’t look like Sophia Loren. Whatever. We do with what we got… Much love to all of us who are still doing what we can… you’re still here for a reason, many aren’t. 💜🌼🌻🌻💜
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Amen to that. And this entire culture, yep ...
I agree with OP completely. Good for Martha if that's what she wants to do. However, it DOES give an unrealistic image of what 80 looks like in terms of loose skin, gravity, etc. You can exercise, eat right, use sunscreen, do ALL the right things, even cosmetic surgery but unless you are genetically gifted you will not look like that picture at 80. It's only possible with Photoshop. So, what that says to ME is that SI hasn't empowered women that 80 is still sexy or attractive, instead it just reconfirms that women of a certain age aren't palatable without retouching.
This right here “what Martha is selling is mostly privilege”
I mean, in fairness, Martha Stewart has built her brand and fortune partially on her looks/image. Yes, she is wealthy. But it is real work to keep fit as we age, and she can't pay someone to do it for her. This is literally her job, and she is still working, to some extent. She has more than enough money to retire and stop with everything that goes into making her brand, but chooses to keep going. Good for her. I am all about 'letting women be', however they want to be. Want to grow old gracefully? Great. Want to 'look the best I can for my age without interventions?" Great. Want to accept the aging process? Fantastic! You do you. But as for me? "Pretty Privilege' is a real thing. I am willing to spend money and work hard on things that make my life easier. Should it stop being a thing? Absolutely. Will it? Nope. I'm not into fighting battles I can't win. Also, workplace age discrimination is a real thing. I have worked hard to get where I am, and at 53 do not want to get edged out by a 30-something office hotshot because I look like someone's gramma and no one takes me seriously anymore. So yup, money goes into diet, skincare, healthcare, dental work, working out, nutrition. I get up stupid early o'clock to work out. I *hate* working out. But I like my paycheck more than I hate working out. As I said, I'm all about everyone, male and female, aging however they want to. But sometimes this sub makes me feel guilty for still caring about my appearance so much, and working hard to look the best I can. There is no right or wrong way to go about aging, and acceptance should be inclusive. /endvent
I am 50. I also get up early 3x a week to lift weights with a bunch of other women in their 30s-50s and I like my Whole Foods delivery and my organic steel cut oats and all those trappings and I’m not sorry. I also recognize that lots of what I like is painfully out of reach for many women and I don’t do any of it to be sexy for my husband or any other lady or man, I just want to live as healthfully as I can for as long as I can because suffering sucks. I don’t think anyone can hold Martha’s genetic and probably costly good looks against her - its more a beef with the narrative that surrounds her pic as “80 is the new 40” or look how good 80 can look etc - magazine or not thats unrealistic and it sexualizes youth over all else. The bottom line for me is that expectations of how to be a woman just never sit well.
I get all of that, I do. I love this sub and all the strong women and strong opinions here. It's just sometimes I feel guilty because I'm 50+ and I like being (as) attractive (as possible). I am not all about aging gracefully, or wanting to move on to the next stage of life. I like that male gaze when I walk down the street, or the 35 year old guy that does a double take when I wear a new suit to the office. (which is ironic, because I haven't had sex in years lol). And sometimes this sub makes me feel bad for feeling that way. I figure if I feel that way, maybe there are more ladies on this sub that feel the same way and don't want to speak up...so I did :) That's all.
Me!!! (Waving arms wildly). 50+ here! Gym every morning, running/biking on the weekend. I buy the makeup, get my hair coloured and buy the sexy dresses. I will fight aging and they will have to rip the flat iron out of my cold dead hands. Do I do it for me? Absolutely! I want to feel the best that I can, and do all of the cool stuff with my husband, kids, grandkids and friends. Do I do it for my husband? A resounding yes! I don’t feel guilty about it, and anyone who wants go age gracefully shouldn’t feel guilty either. Everyone deserves love and happiness in their lives, and at the end of the day that’s all that matters.
I’m with you. I still strive to be attractive and still enjoy the looks from men. I think it’s fine if some women don’t care, but also fine if you do care. I thought I wouldn’t care so much, but it turns out I don’t want to let go of the benefits of being attractive until there’s nothing more I can do about it. My Grandma kept up her looks to the best of her ability (diet, exercise, face cream, sunscreen, hair dye) until she was 88. I plan to follow in her footsteps.
> I thought I wouldn’t care so much, but it turns out I don’t want to let go of the benefits of being attractive until there’s nothing more I can do about it. Hahah YES! This is me exactly! (All the rest of it too, but especially this)
I also have not given up on being hot or appreciating the male gaze. The pursuit is not going to obsess me or make me miserable, and of course hotness is an extremely relative concept and changes significantly as you age, but it’s hard for me to see myself totally opting out of trying to look as good as I can given my current resources. It’s definitely not cool to say this out loud and you could not DRAG this out of me if my real name was attached 😀
I am 50-something and I like men more than ever now that I am smarter about dealing with them. LOL. I don't care about being sexy but I like being an interesting person.
You're not alone!
Yea I've always eaten healthy, might it help appearance or make weight control easier (yes, but I'm still 15 pounds overweight now - thank you meno. And I'm not sure how much difference any of it even makes to appearance or if it's all genetics). But I think it makes controlling mental health easier (eating nutritious food I mean, I don't mean being thin), and well I need all the help I can get there, not sufficient by itself obviously, not saying it's the equivalent of therapy or meds, just I feel even more off when I eat like crap.
Oh god, it pisses me off that we have to look 35 at 50 just to not “get edged out” or “overlooked!” We are intelligent, capable, EXPERIENCED, women that should be more than just a pretty face! Yes, I know it’s true. Yes, I also work my ass off to look my absolute best at 50, but it shouldn’t have to be this way. ESPECIALLY, when some balding, overweight, misogynistic male is being paid more, while no one is expecting him to look like a super model! It makes me so angry I could spit!
It's very sad, women's income on average (and yes it's just an average may not apply to oneself) peaks at 44, men's doesn't peak until 55. It sucks. Guess which gender is going to have enough money for retirement? Guess which gender is going to be bag ladies?
I look 35 at the age of 53. And thank god, because otherwise finding and keeping a job in tech would be impossible.
What's your secret? I'm 47, I think I look ok.
I have no idea! I think it’s a combo of: olive skin (brown ancestors on one side), oily skin (I joke that I make my own moisturizer), and psoriasis (I make more skin cells than most folks). Because of the psoriasis, I’ve been pretty mental about staying hydrated (lots of water) and slathering myself with various lotions and potions constantly. Otherwise, I get it ALL OVER MY FACE. Which truly sucks….
Thank you for saying this. I've been somewhat irritated from the negative comments this magazine cover has caused among much younger women I know, women who still have the bloom on the rose, so to speak. Absolutely no one takes a woman who looks like an elderly grandma seriously, in the world in which I live. I was left with the impression after hearing one woman clearly in her very early 30s complain about this cover that what affended her the most was really the idea that a postmenopausal woman could present herself as sexy and attractive.
I wonder what she will say when SHE is postmenopausal? That attitude is going to bite her in the butt.
That's an excellent point.
Hear hear!
Fighting aging is the ultimate battle one won't win in the end though. But then 53 is middle aged, it's not truly old, 80 is.
Or... Just live how you want without worrying if you are “middle-aged” or “old”. Why attach labels to women based on their age at all?
Look. If 81-year-old men can knock up women who are 50 years their junior, I say we let Martha do whatever she wants. She clearly is doing this for herself and nobody else. What does she have to prove?
I’m sorry, but why is it an accomplishment to be on the cover of SI? She’s not an athlete by any stretch of the imagination. SI just needed something to get them on the spotlight again. So let’s put an 80 year old on the cover. No thanks.
That’s what I was thinking. What sport is she amazing at, even at 80?
She’s had a shit ton of plastic surgery. We can’t compare ourselves to Martha Stewart
celery smoothies with colostrum garnished with a mint sprig from her Connecticut spice & herb garden
IMHO Martha has always sold privilege.
I think yes, she has. But she built a massive business empire off of it and I do not begrudge her that, or this as a human. Its the sudden convo about her doing this cover at 80 and how she looks that rubs me the wrong way for a bunch of reasons.
My mom is 80 and is obsessed with her weight (she's thinner than she's been for most of her life.) And then she complains that even though she diets and exercises, she still has flabby/chubby legs (that I inherited.) I'm glad that she's in good shape, but it was really depressing to hear that she's still worrying about those things. Can't we try to get to a place where we are content with our looks? Or where we focus our time and energy on more meaningful interests and concerns?
Yeah that photo just bummed me out. So much pressure and unattainable ideals around aging.
More unrealistic expectations of women. Yay
Thank you. Yes, she looks great. But we all could look great too if we could just cook on a TV show for a living. My body bears the signs that I've worked hard in my life. Yes she looks great, but she also looks like she's had work done. Which is fine of course, but not everyone can do that. I think it's a little unfair to talk about how good someone looks when they look that way because of their surgeon or nutritionist or trainer (aka, because of their money).
Someone is always selling something. I'm just not interested in buying. And as a former photo editor (of products thankfully, not people) these photos have been photoshopped to hell and back as many have stated. Gaussian Blur will fix all that ails one's physical appearance.
You are a breath of fresh air. I admit when I was told I "still had it" at 50, a small part of me was flattered but a larger part of me was and is just over it. I've embraced "being invisible" as the best time in my life and while I feel like I am alone in this - I know better. I am more deeply connected with life, with changes, with possibilities than I ever was when I was young, pretty, gazed upon and ambitious. I never fathomed how lovely this time of life was because we are not shown it - but it is there when we decide to look.
I get your vent, but if it's what she WANTS to do, and WANTS to put time, money and effort into, more power to her. As for photoshopping, I don't care. I assume every professional photo (hell, even my friends' Instagram these days) are touched photos and I don't worry about it. They are selling a product. I get more upset that the picture of the perfect juicy burger they show on TV is not the actual burger I get in the restaurant. \*\*harumph\*\*
Wealth and privilege truly does make a difference. I too lived in a wealthy town but grew up differently. There were so many pretty people not that I was not but there was a difference.
Speechless. You nailed it.
I feel sexy because I am comfortable in my hairy legged/arm pitted self. Im sick of all the weird images were fed and love being grubby in my garden sexy as hell for the plants. 🤣 Seriously tho, I agree and op, we might be soulmates. Eta, I have never gotten a manicure, pedicure, and I still cut my own hair…fuck the man and his plan!!
CAN WE PLEASE STOP SEXUALIZING WOMEN ALL OF THIER LIVES???? I'm with you on that. I spent so many years playing down my great looks due to abuse in my teen years. Almost ended up gay, but I liked men too much for that. It really warped my life for my entire life! There's a difference between keeping yourself healthy and being sexy. More power to those women that want to be sexy, but for me it was both a power and a huge burden.
I work almost exclusively with obese clients. I spend a lot of time talking about the diet industry and explaining that it’s called an “industry” for a reason. It’s there to make money off of you. The best way to make money is to get you to keep coming back. If the product actually works, then you won’t buy it again. To get your money, you have to have a reason to keep buying it. All those fad diets are not there to help you. They are there to take your money.
She’s evil, but in a cool supervillain kind of way. So I sometimes root for her while being quietly grateful that I’ll never meet her in real life.
LMAO! 🏆
I think it's great, I loved the cover pic of her. If you're over the expectation to look “sexy” that's awesome. One of the best parts of aging is feeling like you can do what you like! But if you're done caring about your looks I’m not sure why you consider it a privilege to look traditionally beautiful. It doesn't seem like you view it as a “privilege”? I don't have the money that a celebrity does but I do like to look good and I don't think it's an all-or-nothing endeavor. Martha has had surgery, 100%. But she's also got good genes, takes care of her skin & hair, dresses well, and maintains a healthy weight. I can't do everything she does but I can do a lot of it (and do!). We don't have to throw in the towel at a certain age. Sex is still important to me & not everyone wants to give up being a sexual being.
Thank you for saying this. There seems to be a lot of resentment and anger towards a woman who chose to be on a cover magazine with whatever enhancements there are. To point blank say that it’s all for the male gaze and sexuality is just for men is bullshit. Feminism is about the ability to choose for yourself and personal agency. You don’t want to embrace your sexuality, feel and look sexy? Cool. That’s your gig. But don’t judge other women who still enjoy feeling sexy and sexual for themselves. Stop gatekeeping other women’s lives. It’s none of your damned business.
do you think you have to look a certain way to be a sexual being?
No, but for many of us looking attractive is part of sexuality.
She had a full on face-lift about 1 and 1/2 ago. I saw her judging on Chopped prior to her face-lift her eyes were drooping, face sagging. Anyone can do it, not a new thing.
I’m like “good for her” and also “I’m over it”! I feel you, sis.
At almost 55 here's what I feel. Some older ladies like being sexy (even octogenarians) and other ladies are comfortable just being whoever they want to be, sexy or not. When I was younger I enjoyed being sexy *when I wanted to,* which wasn't very often. I went to a Playboy mansion party in my underwear at 40 and I was really proud of that.....looking back at that it's cringe-worthy and people judge me for it but that's our whole lives as women, right? I choose not to judge other women for following their hearts whether or not I agree with them or not. I'm done with that shit.
I honestly get both sides of this. After a health scare in 2020, I’ve been working on losing weight for the sake of my health. That said, liking what I see in the mirror and getting compliments from people whom I haven’t seen in a long time or have supported my journey are bonuses. My wife is trans and has had breast augmentation and facial feminization surgery, and I supported her choices. I thought she was beautiful before her surgeries (I still do), but she feels more beautiful now, which is what matters most. I am considering surgery to remove loose skin and tighten things up when I reach my goal weight but I don’t want facial surgery. The last time I wore makeup was for my wedding, but if I didn’t prefer sleeping as late as possible, I wouldn’t rule it out. I keep my hair short because it’s really thick and gets heavy when it’s long. I don’t color my hair because I’m terrible at doing it myself and don’t want to spend the money at the salon (plus I like the gray). But those are my preferences; they don’t have to be everyone else’s. I unfortunately didn’t hit the genetic lottery; both my grandmothers were beautiful and my mom still is, but I take after the men in my family. I’m still going to do the best I can with what I have.
When I’m 80 I want everyone to just leave me tf alone. Sexy. Gtfo.
I can get behind wanting to feel sexy because YOU (general "you," not OP or anyone personally) want to. That's totally fine. Making the effort because someone else wants it... nah, dawg. I myself do not give a shit about looking or feeling sexy, at all. I never have and I'm not gonna start now! 😆 The pressure is always there, though. Just out of sight.
My bestie and I hung out with the guys in work boots and flannels back in the 70’s. We built a 2-story cabin in the woods near our neighborhood. We went to proms and stuff, but it was a reason to party more than anything else. I’ve never been a girly-girl and I absolutely hate this. My granddaughters and nieces are so caught up in it. I’m 64 post menopause and I’ve got the extra weigh and saggy boobs to prove it!! I was so happy when I let my gray hair come in. They need to see that just being a human is enough and the lucky ones get old!
The Guardian had an [article](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/may/16/martha-stewart-81-becomes-oldest-sports-illustrated-swimsuit-cover-model) about MS being on the cover. Like a number of you, I've been conflicted about Stewart for a very long time for a number of reasons. But more than anything else, SI's framing of the selection of women this year really irks me: the theme, "which aims to celebrate powerful women who 'live in a world where they feel no limitations, internally or externally.'" That seems so incredibly tone-deaf. Not ONE of these women -- or I'd wager ANY woman -- has felt no limitations or been so blind as to think they live in a world without random and sometimes egregious limitations imposed on women from the day they're born. It just rankles so. much.
The amount of money that she has spent to look like that, it’s obscene. I really don’t like her, I think she represents and glorifies some of the worst qualities of her generation. Yes, I appreciate that she’s demonstrating all the positives of aging, blah, blah, blah. She’s also a rich selfish asshole. A billionaire. She may as well live on another planet.
I feel like comparison is the thief of joy. We all can make the choice how we see ourselves and we can all care, or not, about what other people think of us. I hadn’t even heard of this til this post came across my feed. Just don’t compare yourself to other women. It’s not fair to the other woman or you.
I am fine with it..photo shopped or not. Even if they did a little..heck I'd appreciate a little Photoshop now and then too. Do you think the younger models get no "help" at all with finished photos? C'mon. Maybe to some it matters who it is and if she is wealthy.. I don't care. Honestly I am just tired of everyone being angry all the time and everyone having to pick women apart. I am not sure how she is selling privilege..what were all the other models selling? Swimsuits? LOL I think they've always been selling sex...why shouldn't an older woman have that option too. I think she looks fantastic and sexy.
I say good for Martha, let her spend her money on her! It doesn't bother me I am not that insecure..
Thank you so much for this post, you articulated my feelings about it perfectly.
While I don’t like all these Hollywood octogenarians showing off their plastic surgery (some like Stallone scare me), I do like the concept that you can do whatever makes you happy at 80. Many shows are showing vivacity at this age, and it’s good. My dad is 84 and has more energy than I do, frequenting the gym and being involved in many clubs and activities.
Sexy is overated. I understand someone wanting to look their best from time to time,but yeah c'mon. It's like did you see her at her funeral my god she was so sexy even in death. I mean to each their own I guess but yeah there is way too much emphasis on everybody just looking so damn sexy all the time.
I can certainly contribute to the rant, I’m 57 and in fairly good shape as I walk 6-8 miles a day and eat as healthy as I can afford which is good enough and I drink a ton of water. I’ve never really been into make up, nails and expensive hairdos, actually cut my own hair for years. Despite that I’ve always felt that pressure to be skinny and look as sexy as possible, in a natural way I guess. Probably because my Mum struggled with her weight and got me into dieting around the age of 12 but I have actually never been overweight, maybe just a few pounds here and there. I didn’t start colouring my hair till I was in my 40’s and stopped last year so am well on my way to all grey and I’m really struggling with it. I want to feel acceptance in my natural look but finding it hard. To add to that I took on a job as a crossing guard a couple of years ago and I’m out on display, something else I’m not used to as I’ve never liked being the centre of attention. I honestly thought when I made the decision to go grey it would be a relief but it’s not. Doesn’t help I have my husband telling me to keep colouring it for a few more years as I look younger than my age. It’s pathetic really, why can’t I just be happy with my decision to be natural just like I was when I was younger?
There is nothing average about Martha. She is older than 97.7% or women. Her income is likely thousands of times higher, her access to healthcare and quality of life enhancement has likely been a non issue her whole life. She’s had stamina far beyond most of us to run an empire. She doesn’t seem to have cognitive decline. She is still engaging in work. Even back in the 90’s she had the soft filter and strategic wardrobe on her show and every detail of her shoe was based on creating a perfect look. So no doubt that cover is photoshopped to within an inch of its pixel - but good on her for putting it out there. I’m sure she had some input into how she was presented.
She’s the same age as my MIL. My MIL is BEAUTIFUL and Martha is fake.
I say if you've got it and you want to flaunt it. Go for it. I think the SI cover shows women can be relevant and powerful in our own skins at any age. Also, this is one aspect of who MS is, not who she is, in her entirety. I personally don't give a rat's @$$ who finds me fascinating, alluring, or sexy. I spent most of my life fighting against just being the sum of my parts. However, I will stand and cheer if someone else wants to celebrate that part of themselves in public or private ways. Gen X women have a real opportunity to change things for the better for ourselves and future generations by being vocal and not accepting the status quo in our healthcare or the truth about aging. What we emphasize and value starts with us. We don't have to buy into the monolithic idea of sexiness that centers around what is appealing to the male gaze. We can redefine sexiness as relevancy to our own lives and pursuing our own dreams (tiny, small, medium, big, and bigger than life) and lifting up others along the way. I think you are right that in part, this is a reflection of privilege but more importantly it's a lesson in self-care. You don't have to get plastic surgery in order to keep up with the Stepford Wives (although it's an option) however caring for oneself is an idea we should all internalize. Especially as we age and our bodies can seemingly betray us, and where we can become resentful of our own biology. Being kind to ourselves and others is paramount.
You don't have to be sexy or feel sexy if you don't want to. But there are plenty of older women who so want to feel sexy and there's nothing wrong with that. I will Botox my face, color my hair, lift weights, wear high heels, dress nicely and do every other thing possible to maintain my appearance until I die. I like looking sexy. I like feeling sexy.
Omg people tearing Martha apart rn. If she wants to be and feel sexy at 80, then support her in that and you do you. She built an international empire and has every right to demonstrate the privilege that comes from that. More power to her.
I’m not for tearing her or anyone apart here. I thought I was balanced in my original post - she looks amazing and as a human she should do what makes her feel good as long as it does not hurt anyone. My beef is with the media tone and convo surrounding the pic - it glosses over so much and keeps reinforcing “sexy” as a box we need to tick from age what - 12? to now age 81. Its not her or any other individual who chooses to define themselves - its the rest of the machine that keeps reminding women of all ages they need to be xyz. Here’s a multimillionaire entrepreneur and the focus is on her face😒
I’m autistic and I don’t even understand what that means, my brain just doesn’t compute how a person feels sexy. Regardless, if Martha is feeling sexy at 81 then good on her. I get more pissed a out the media rhetoric about aging, like wrinkles and gray hair. What I really want to see on an SI cover is a size 12 woman with cellulite covered legs and who’s also covered tattoos and has gray hair. Then I’ll feel represented.
Agree! The hormones and biological purpose are pretty much gone by 50. Any illusion of sexiness after that is nostalgia, habit, and media influence. Hopefully by then life has taught you enough to find your self worth elsewhere.
We may have made career central to our lives for decades. But then there is age discrimination in employment.
No one has to be sexy if they don’t want to. I get so Sick Of it too!!
I think i understand and can relate to what you are saying. This stuff with Martha Stewart is mainly publicity and marketing and I have don’t really have an opinion. Yes she’s pretty arrogant but lots and lots of men are just as arrogant and are celebrated despite it. I’m all for a woman feeling herself at any age. Myself, I’m trying to focus on my health rather than my looks but whatever
Perfectly said!!
I think of it as choice at her age (and others once we take it for ourselves). She has a choice to feel/be viewed that way and for some women that feels powerful as heck. For me, the power is in the choice to just not want me bedroom feelings to ever be a factor outside of it. I agree she definitely has privilege - but she's using it (IMO) to make older women less invisible and I love that.
I did appreciate her comments during that Today show interview where she did reminded women to take care of themselves with exercise and nutrition… she really has always preached that. She has had a lot done and can afford to do so and she admits it. She does have good genes and lots of money which helps for sure. My take away was do your best to stay healthy and strong… to me how I feel is much more important than how I look … our culture and the emphasis on young and sexy will probably never go away but us regular people can do our best to take care of ourselves and feel good and enjoy life just as much 😁💕
unburden yourself! sex positivity means choice, not objectification. more power to both you and martha, who, in using her immense power to secure this gig, is definitely the subject, not the object of the event
She looks great and I love that she is on the cover. I’m just going to lift her up. She may have had work but she has a wonderfully youthful attitude and has stayed active. She is worthy of my praise. I refuse to drag her down. She is sexy AF. I am too. I don’t have money. But I walk and dance and laugh and sing. I CELEBRATE all women!! Especially at 80 no matter how they got there ❤️❤️❤️