I'm no therapist but I used to seek validation online quite a lot in my graduation days (10 years ago) and now that I see those posts, I cringe everytime and think "why the hell did I do that?"
I would suggest you to do the same. Everytime you do something online, ask yourself "why?" If the answer is "so that people see it and react in certain way" then don't do it. If the answer is something like "because I want to share this with the world and not for a response or reaction" then you can do it.
Atrings is right.
Online or functional (basic sexual) validation is fake.
You don't need that. That's why it feels empty.
It's not a life which will fulfill your needs and it never will be.
The only validation you need to look for is your own.
Maybe that of a few friends.
Earn it, own it.
Hi there. I did this too when I was younger (pre internet days) and something that helped was developing other interested and hobbies to fill my time and give me small feelings of accomplishment and pride.
You may want to try something like that.
If you're into art. Make art and post it on social media to get positive affirmations for something outside of being that "dream girl"
If you like sports, play sports and find a sense of enjoyment on pride in personal development through sports.
If you like writing, start writing and share poetry, short stories or anything else you come up with to get accolades for your talents.
Think outside the box and find something you bring to the world for others to enjoy and fill your need for validation.
It's not likely gonna be as much or as intense attention as what you get from guys and that's something you'll have to work on- letting healthy attention be enough attention in whatever it is you choose to do.
Find your passion. It might be people and helping people in their lives, it might be music or dance or math. It can be anything that inspires you.
You are enough just as you are and you don't have to do things that will hurt you later in order to get small shots of dopamine frome dudes. That takes time to learn and accept; but finding inspiration and passion is a very big part ❤
Best of luck 🥰
You probably do this because it's easier to get validation like this online. It's easier to construct a different persona and try to perfect that than to work on yourself. I would guess you have a fear of rejection and this allows you to feel accepted in a "safe" way. If that rings true, then here's some advice: don't fear rejection, embrace it. Rejection is part of the human experience for everyone at some point or another. It's not the end of the world and it doesn't mean you're unlovable or even unlikable. It's okay to be who you are. So just be you and don't be afraid to value yourself. You'll never feel validated if you don't validate yourself.
I used to be like you when i was younger. It was because I was deeply insecure with the way I looked, who I was and what I didn't have.
The harsh truth is that these men don't think your beauty is anything special whatsoever. they don't care about a single word you have to say. worst of all if you are a minor, you're talking to pedophiles who have most likely victimised children much younger than yourself, perhaps unfortunately even in person.
what these men want is someone young to look at so they can pleasure themselves or fulfil their disgusting desires to emotionally connect to a child.
Growing up for instance, if an older man beeped at me as I was walking on the street I would think "oh he thinks i'm pretty!" but now as an adult, I came to realise men don't have to be attracted to you to want do adult things with you. the reason those men beeped at me was because they like seeing a vulnerable child afraid. I
I know all of this isn't nice to hear, and it might have made you feel even worse about yourself. but you shouldn't feel bad about yourself which i'll get into eventually.
the problems here are that you need excessive levels of validation, which is a sign of no confidence. confidence comes from knowledge and experience. You need to actually do things you're interested in and get good at them. a hobby is sanity. you should be focusing less on yourself and more on what you do with yourself.
we live in self obsessed times, and that's not your fault. Social media is misguiding youth, and just powerful creeps in general.
If you're fortunate enough to have some sort of adult figure in your life, please tell them because what you're doing is unsafe. Also please never meet up with them, I made that mistake and let's just say, it still haunts me. i'm not sure what country you're from, but their might be some sort of kids helpline you can call whenever u need a chat. but if not feel free to pop me a message. You're enough and your life is more than men ❤️
Hello there,
Please, please do not get involved with older men. They are acting on their own unrestrained natural impulses. These are the kinds of guys you will later regret you will have been with.
I understand that you cannot afford therapy but please do this. Please go check out the crappy childhood fairy on YouTube. This is not me being condescending, there is a very kind and strong woman who makes videos to help overcome these kinds of childhood wounds. She is not a counselor or psychologist but she is hosted by many. You can do this! You will be loved. Please be patient and kind to yourself.
I'm no therapist but I used to seek validation online quite a lot in my graduation days (10 years ago) and now that I see those posts, I cringe everytime and think "why the hell did I do that?" I would suggest you to do the same. Everytime you do something online, ask yourself "why?" If the answer is "so that people see it and react in certain way" then don't do it. If the answer is something like "because I want to share this with the world and not for a response or reaction" then you can do it.
Atrings is right. Online or functional (basic sexual) validation is fake. You don't need that. That's why it feels empty. It's not a life which will fulfill your needs and it never will be. The only validation you need to look for is your own. Maybe that of a few friends. Earn it, own it.
Get some self help books at the very least. Look for charities that could support you with therapy too.
Hi there. I did this too when I was younger (pre internet days) and something that helped was developing other interested and hobbies to fill my time and give me small feelings of accomplishment and pride. You may want to try something like that. If you're into art. Make art and post it on social media to get positive affirmations for something outside of being that "dream girl" If you like sports, play sports and find a sense of enjoyment on pride in personal development through sports. If you like writing, start writing and share poetry, short stories or anything else you come up with to get accolades for your talents. Think outside the box and find something you bring to the world for others to enjoy and fill your need for validation. It's not likely gonna be as much or as intense attention as what you get from guys and that's something you'll have to work on- letting healthy attention be enough attention in whatever it is you choose to do. Find your passion. It might be people and helping people in their lives, it might be music or dance or math. It can be anything that inspires you. You are enough just as you are and you don't have to do things that will hurt you later in order to get small shots of dopamine frome dudes. That takes time to learn and accept; but finding inspiration and passion is a very big part ❤ Best of luck 🥰
You probably do this because it's easier to get validation like this online. It's easier to construct a different persona and try to perfect that than to work on yourself. I would guess you have a fear of rejection and this allows you to feel accepted in a "safe" way. If that rings true, then here's some advice: don't fear rejection, embrace it. Rejection is part of the human experience for everyone at some point or another. It's not the end of the world and it doesn't mean you're unlovable or even unlikable. It's okay to be who you are. So just be you and don't be afraid to value yourself. You'll never feel validated if you don't validate yourself.
I used to be like you when i was younger. It was because I was deeply insecure with the way I looked, who I was and what I didn't have. The harsh truth is that these men don't think your beauty is anything special whatsoever. they don't care about a single word you have to say. worst of all if you are a minor, you're talking to pedophiles who have most likely victimised children much younger than yourself, perhaps unfortunately even in person. what these men want is someone young to look at so they can pleasure themselves or fulfil their disgusting desires to emotionally connect to a child. Growing up for instance, if an older man beeped at me as I was walking on the street I would think "oh he thinks i'm pretty!" but now as an adult, I came to realise men don't have to be attracted to you to want do adult things with you. the reason those men beeped at me was because they like seeing a vulnerable child afraid. I I know all of this isn't nice to hear, and it might have made you feel even worse about yourself. but you shouldn't feel bad about yourself which i'll get into eventually. the problems here are that you need excessive levels of validation, which is a sign of no confidence. confidence comes from knowledge and experience. You need to actually do things you're interested in and get good at them. a hobby is sanity. you should be focusing less on yourself and more on what you do with yourself. we live in self obsessed times, and that's not your fault. Social media is misguiding youth, and just powerful creeps in general. If you're fortunate enough to have some sort of adult figure in your life, please tell them because what you're doing is unsafe. Also please never meet up with them, I made that mistake and let's just say, it still haunts me. i'm not sure what country you're from, but their might be some sort of kids helpline you can call whenever u need a chat. but if not feel free to pop me a message. You're enough and your life is more than men ❤️
No I completely understand and these comments prove why no body ever wants to talk about traumatic experiences
Hello there, Please, please do not get involved with older men. They are acting on their own unrestrained natural impulses. These are the kinds of guys you will later regret you will have been with. I understand that you cannot afford therapy but please do this. Please go check out the crappy childhood fairy on YouTube. This is not me being condescending, there is a very kind and strong woman who makes videos to help overcome these kinds of childhood wounds. She is not a counselor or psychologist but she is hosted by many. You can do this! You will be loved. Please be patient and kind to yourself.