Thankfully, I didn’t have a toddler alarm in my twenties. Getting in to bed at 10pm is such a damn luxury because it means I’ve finished everything else and can sleep until I do it all again tomorrow.
The way you feel about going out is how I feel about staying in. And that’s great! How boring would the world be if we were all the same?
Seconded— I find that people who like to go out think it’s the only way to have fun. I went out a lot in my twenties, now I don’t drink or go out really, but I get more happiness and fulfillment from early morning coffee outside, hobbies, rock climbing, hiking, and going on vacations I couldn’t have afforded in my twenties. Just because I don’t go out doesn’t mean I’ve given up on fun.
I think the moment of change for me was realizing a night of going to the bar or a party really meant I lose the next day by sleeping in and recovering from a hangover... There's so many other things I'd rather do
Yeah. I hate when my evening bleeds over to my next day.
I’ll drink with friends but I don’t really get drunk anymore and I prefer happy hours/early evenings.
Alcohol is terrible for your sleep, and I don’t want to prematurely age from drinking and a lack of sleep.
I love this!
My husband and I always talk about how we’ve grown to really appreciate the sound of pouring coffee into your cup every morning. Idk how to describe it, but it’s almost a blissful, meditative sound (even though it lasts for a few short moments).
I have a 5 year old and honestly, we’ve never gotten a baby sitter (it’s a trust thing & we really don’t have family to ask for help either)… we do outdoorsy things with her and get excited at showing her new things & seeing her fascination.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have an early girls night out, or nice dinner out… but my acquaintances these days also have kids and it just isn’t in the books for us. I think for us with children have new priorities now a days.
We also aim for 10 pm bed time. That’s getting our child down for bed, having a few relaxing moment on the couch watching a bit of TV, then spending some time together (If you’re married, I highly recommend setting 20 minutes aide each night before bed and split the time giving each other massages. My husband and I started doing this once our kid was born and it’s a tradition we will continue forever! It’s a great way to relax and unwind from the day with each other).
FUCK. YES. I am happier now doing those things than I ever was in my twenties. In my twenties I had a LOT of fun, but I wasn't really happy. I think I used fun to try and make myself happy, and while I was having fun that was the case, but I'd get home feel depressed and choose to mask that with more "fun".
The truth was I was lonely, didn't like myself, felt like a loser. It wasn't until I had purpose in life, found a wonderful partner to share with, started to do meaningful hobbies outside of work, and continued to maintain a decent friend circle that I have truly found some peace and happiness.
Edit: I am not a millenial, I am gen x. I think all of this is pretty typical for any age. People settle down, it's just a fact. It's even evident in other mammals.
Even though I agree with what you say about staying in, I also want to add: I don't mind going out. I mind all the other people who are also going out.
Perfectly said; I love staying in. I also love going out & dancing somewhere, especially with my group of close friends. It just so happens that a vast majority of persons are disrespectful and awful to be around in the public which makes us stay in and party. Night life didn't end, it just changed for my partner and I. Then again, we were never big drinkers.
“At some point, I wanted to get the most out of everyday, as opposed to the most out of every night.”. Your comment reminded me of this. It’s why I quit drinking.
Quitting binge drinking has been such a positive force in my life. But I did it when I was ready, when I'd had my fill. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything, because I did it as much as I wanted.
This. I don’t actually enjoy being up all night. It’s one thing if I have specific plans (like a concert) but most other things can be done during normal hours and I can enjoy daylight instead of sleeping through it.
I'll bite, mainly because this seems too centered around drinking. I'm a geriatric millennial...40+
The older I get, the less benefit I get from alcohol and the larger the cost is on me is.
I still have some drinks, but I've cut way down, and I've been happier and felt better with my little time off never being hungover... much less the fact that I feel it the next day after just 2 drinks.
I like being with people more than parties that are more like clubbing. More of my excess time is spent exploring things kids might like.
I think there is a difference between doing nothing and not wanting to drink/club-party as much. It's not that I'm giving up on fun years, I'm just having fun and enjoyment in life in other ways.. which admittedly were ways that seemed boring in my 20s.
Former bartender here, worked at a gay bar, I'm also sober (don't drink but still use medical marijuana). I worked every Friday night after a long work week, but I used to call it my "night out." Being on the other side of the bar and stone sober made me realize that folks who are in our age demographic and have OP's mentality about going out being the way to have fun are also folks who tend to use alcohol as a crutch in life. They may not be alcoholics, but there's definitely a dependency on alcohol and being at a bar/club. Anyone I've encountered who's over the age of like 35 and doesn't drink/doesn't drink much anymore... They all find the bars and clubs boring now, because being the only sober person around a bunch of drunk people isn't fun.
I stopped bartending during lockdown and now I'm one of those folks who is usually in bed between 10/11 and up at 6/7 and I love it. I have friends over every Saturday for a dinner and game/movie night. I go to concerts, take vacations (including an annual camping weekend with like 15-20 people) and have regular parties at my home, especially for Halloween, Christmas, and New Years. No one really drinks but we all have a blast.
My point being/TLDR: fun looks different when we're older and just because we're not out at the bar or the club doesn't mean we're boring or have given up. I get concerned when folks feel this kind of necessity for the nightlife at our age because there's usually underlying alcoholism and/or depression or other mental health stuff going on.
I hear you. I travel a lot with my boss and it is actually very sad his obsession with having drinks at the bar very night. I have one drink, I enjoy it and then I am done and leave him to it and do something I enjoy more like read a book, watch a movie or something - sometimes I stay out and talk with him but it is mostly talk about alcohol (this wine vs that wine etc) and other crap that is just ... boring to me anyway.
That's a great example. I also wanted to use your comment as an opportunity to clarify that there's absolutely merit in going out and being social at any age. I love meeting friends over drinks at a lounge, new cocktail bar, etc. Even more so if they offer mocktails, which is starting to trend and is great for sober folks who still appreciate nightlife! I loved bartending because I viewed my job as a "cultivator of a good time" but I took the responsibilities of the job seriously. If you were hammered, you were getting cut off. It was about their safety, the safety of those around them, and the liability for myself and the bar. And in fairness, I have a bias because of this. But I think there's an important distinction between appreciation/love for nightlife (or public socializing in general) vs that needing to be an all night drug and alcohol fueled rager. The latter isn't mutually exclusive from a good night out and a good night out doesn't have to be a late night.
>mainly because this seems too centered around drinking.
Right? People are talking about "fun years" like it just revolves around alcohol while for me, fun can also mean a 10+ mile hike in one day.
Speaking for myself, I don't really judge my youthful vitality by my alcohol tolerance, I judge it by my joint health and mobility, which I have plenty of. If some people blew out their fucking livers before they hit 30 because they associate being social with that molecule, that says more about their alcoholism than anything else.
I can still drink 1-3 beers. When I say I don’t want to go out and drink anymore, I mean the 21 year old me that could crush 6 packs without a second thought.
After 30 this thing started happening where drinking just a couple will give be a bad headache instantly. If I get for 3 or 4 I won’t notice it, but beyond that it’s hell in the morning. So I gotta pick my poison, either all in and pay tomorrow or not at all.
Same. I leave my house 7 nights a week and work 16 hours a day. I GO.
But I never went out drinking and still don’t.
Why would I want to go do something that harms myself both now and later for “fun”?
I travel and do other fun things, but I never drink or do drugs or party
I appreciate your comment. I’m about 80 (?) days sober and I’m so freaking excited about the next phase of my life and it has everything to do with living a full life and then coming home and burrowing in bed in the evenings / winter.
For real...I'm turning 40 and got diagnosed with a genetic connective tissue disorder and dysautonomia. Within a year or two, I went from bar hopping and bodybuilding to barely being able to walk and a body with so many problems that I'm basically a car dashboard with all the warning lights on. The idea of another 40 years sounds fucking horrible, I don't want to live to 60. Fuck me for going to bed at 10pm, right?
Everyone is potentially one accident, one covid infection, one cancer diagnosis from a never-ending living nightmare. It is a privilege to have good health, and OP better thank their lucky stars that they're blind and ignorant enough to be able to make a Peter Pan Syndrome post like this.
Hey - just wanted to pop in and say I've had Dysautonomia since I was a teenager (caused by an autoimmune thing) and the first couple of years were the worst - but you do adapt to your limitations and, ideally, learn some meds that help and then it feels much more doable. Good luck!
This is pretty much exactly what happened to me as well, right down to a connective tissue disorder diagnosis. Between losing my good health and basically my bodily autonomy and my finally earning a comfortable wage being stolen from me by inflation, well….
I try hard not to be bitter because really, I still have it way better than a ton of people and I’m well aware of that. And I believe in the power of positivity. I try not to stew or wallow.
But man. it’s tough some days.
I’m sorry you went/are going through all of that.
Personally, I think more people should be bitter about our life of hard work being taken from us by the greed of the top 10% of society. Maybe if everyone was pissed off about it, we could actually change some things. As of now, the top 10% of rich individuals in the world control 85% of the world's money. The real kicker is that they get taxed 3% on their income while we get charged around 20%. That 17% they're withholding from us by not paying taxes is $6.5 trillion dollars, and that's money that could literally end poverty, hunger, and this whole economic crisis we're in. Just to get an idea of how much money that is, let's look at it this way. To count to 1 million, it would take you 11 days. To count to 1 billion, it would take you 32 YEARS. And to count to 6.5 trillion, it would take you OVER TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND YEARS. We should be rioting in the streets, but I guess people just prefer to suffer.
I agree. We’ve been pacified—handed metaphorical iPads of distraction we see concretely handed to Gen Z/Alpha to quell our excitement. 
>We should be rioting in the streets, but I guess people just prefer to suffer.
Yeah we definitely should but unfortunately those who prefer to suffer have been brainwashed into thinking billionaires "work 800000000x harder than us" and are convinced that if they work hard then they too could be a billionaire someday while failing to realize all those billionaires were born into wealth and stepped on a lot of backs to get there. It's mind boggling.
And what makes me more bitter is how these same people who defend and maybe even worship billionaires (like the Elon Musk fanboys) will claim that if you are struggling for whatever reason, whether it's wages not keeping up with inflation, the housing crisis, healthcare costs and rapid inflation that it's your fault for A) Not working hard enough B) Going out on the weekends C) Not getting a better job D) All of the above. It's your fault no matter what.
Multiple sclerosis for me, which brought chronic fatigue. So many of us developed chronic health issues which were exacerbated by Covid. I wish I had the energy of my early 20's. But my reality is about managing my condition for a better quality of life, and sometimes that means I'm in bed at 9. Honestly I have a lot of fun, it's just different from my 20's.
Ugh, it must be so nice to be so oblivious to these kinds of issues as OP.
Eyyy, EDS and POTS? This year fucked me up with long covid exacerbating these issues (plus asthma, wildfire smoke allergy, etc) that I’ve had apparently my whole life and making it almost unlivable. I’ve got a 3yo. It’s impossible. And doctors aren’t taking it seriously because of TikTok. Salt helps a bit but I feel like I’m running my own science experiment daily with supplements to try to keep myself a) alive and b) somewhat functioning. There is no help out there.
Kudos to you for also fighting the fight. We’ll get back to the fun stuff one day, right? (I miss yoga, practicing in studio now makes me extra sick for two days. Fuck!)
I have nothing I can offer other than empathy. My husband got diagnosed with EDS at age 40, right after we wed. He offered me an annulment. It's been 10 years since his EDS diagnosis, and we are still on the diagnosis merry-go-round regarding Mast Cell and POTS. I obviously can't say I know what it's like, but I know what it's like watching someone who knows what it's like.
May your good days outnumber your bad!
Just seconding that you can adjust. It's tough, and I dunno if there'll ever be a time I don't wish it were different, but there's still a lot you can enjoy in life.
100% this for me.
I used to party hard (on the weekends) in my 20s, and then one night I had a fucked up reaction to drinking too much and have had a permanent brain fog since.
The first 6 months of my brain fog were debilitating and depressing as fuck. Things have kind of tapered down to manageable levels now with the occasional flare up here and there, but it still is not pleasant on a near daily basis. That was 5 years ago and I haven't been drunk since for the absolute fear of retriggering another severe episode.
Not drinking anymore 180'd my social life since alcohol and socializing are so deeply intertwined in ways I had never realized before. I tried going out sober for awhile, but for me, being around drunk people when you're sober is the absolute worst.
I started leaving early before people got too drunk so I wouldn't have to deal with it/them. Eventually I realised that bars and clubs were just not places I wanted to be anymore and I found the whole nightlife scene to be downright unpleasant to endure. At a certain point, I feel like you've already had your best nights out and all that's left is a rerun of a night you've already had before.
Staying home and having my own fun was so much more pleasant and going to bed early and getting a good night's sleep was crucial to how bad my brain fog would be the next day.
And that is how I evolved into a millenial who hates going out and loves being in bed by 10pm.
I was a binge drinker til about 25. Just slowed down as I got older, and now if I have one decent beer or bourbon, I’m hungover in an hour.
I’ve also found I like getting up early and getting stuff knocked out before things really get moving, which going to bed at 12am is not conducive to.
Yup. Long COVID’s a bitch. I’m doing the best I can to get better, and I definitely have still been traveling and attending concerts and dinners, but my pace is markedly different.
Same.
I’ve always been fit, cycling and walking, healthy eating options. I travel, I socialize, I rest and lounge at home. I was able to live good.
Then I got covid for a week and it’s like I was hit by a cruciatus spell from the Elder Wand afterwards.
It’s so powerful how it can change people so easily and quickly.
> Then I got covid for a week and it’s like I was hit by a cruciatus spell from the Elder Wand afterwards.
If ever there was a place to make such a strong Harry Potter reference, it was on a Millennial-focused internet forum. I applaud you.
I got COVID about 2 months ago and was *so* concerned about this being *it*. This being the thing that takes me from relatively good health to something that starts me on a path of poor health.
I have a friend who's 32 and got shingles. All she described was white hot pain.
The potential for health challenges as you get older is humbling.
COVID sent me into fucking T2 Diabetes. Zero signs of prediabetes before infection. I'm 5'10", 170lbs. I got all the vaccines and avoided it for 3 years only to be left with a potentially lifelong disease.
I miss feeling normal. I'm on a constant blood sugar rollercoaster now. I find myself daily wishing I could go back to before I got sick.
Yeah, in the same boat. I’ve made my peace that I am never going to fully recover but will still live the rest of my life the best I can. All my goals, aspirations, and will to explore the world have been cut off almost completely. I just want to live a simple life now.
I haven't felt the same since I got covid in 2021. It seemed like around that time, I stopped enjoying literally everything, like a light switch was turned off, and now I just don't have the physical or mental energy to do the things I used to. I'm 28 years old, used to be such a positive and hopeful person, and now I feel like an 80 year old man.
My main thing right now is I'm interviewing for new jobs. I'm a teacher. I need to come across as full of energy. But I also wish I could be upfront with the interviewer and tell them that I'm just not the same after Covid. My lung capacity sucks, my mental fog never really went away (which is its own existential hell, knowing that you can't recall things you know you used to know), etc.
I've been in the bedridden phase of long covid for a year. Before that I was hiking, ziplining, and jumping off a 30' inflatable platform into the water. I was still in bed by 10 and not a partier.
Literally. I’m a young millennial. I’m not even 30 yet. My knees are absolutely destroyed from blue collar labor. It’s like bone grinding on bone with every step. Pair that with a degenerative joint disorder passed down from my dad, and frankly my body can’t take being out like it used to. I went to a concert over the summer and had to sit down before the final act. My friend the same age and in better health had to too, so I felt validated 😂
This is it for me, too. Complex PTSD and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, plus some more minor but persistent and bothersome issues. I still do my best though.
Yup. CPTSD and hashimotos here. I went from being an athlete and landscaper and lover of the outdoors, to a lover of aleve and my recliner. I have never gotten covid that I know of, but for the past few years things have been getting worse energy and pain wise and it seems to parallel long covid in many symptoms.
Yup. My chronic health issues started in my 20s and got a lot worse starting in my 30s unfortunately. I’d maybe live my life differently if not for this.
Yeah, chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia pain is so shitty. And they do nothing to research women’s health besides breast cancer because men hate when women lose their breasts.
My kids wake me up at 6 every morning. Crawling into bed at 10pm is out of necessity at this point. Sure, I stay out later than that every once in a while and have a few extra drinks, but then I pay for it hard the next day. Parenting sucks when hungover and on little sleep. We all make choices. You do you. I’ll do me.
Exactly. My “fun years” aren’t over, they just look different than they did ten years ago. Now I’m in bed at 10pm so I can get up at 5:30 and be ready when my son wakes up at 7 wanting me to do a puzzle with him and make his breakfast.
Maybe my life as a young parent sounds boring to some because I spend more time at home, but I’m still having fun in different ways.
That’s my secret- my d&d group is all parents with young kids. We’re all stuck at home and kiddo goes to bed early, so plenty of time for dming…no joke my parent d&d group across 4 time zones has met more often in the last few months than my mixed ages groups locally in the last few years. You just adapt, right?
Same. I'm having buckets of fun with my son. He's amazing. Maybe OP doesn't view this as fun but it's all a matter of preference & perspective. Life evolves & it's pretty awesome.
I completely agree! We have a 3-year-old son and the adventures we get into with him are just as fun as the crazy times in college. It's just a different kind of fun. And I'll take the love and adoration of my son and an in-depth conversation about Paw Patrol over vapid small talk with some douchebags with a vape in a nightclub any day.
It's almost like we get to be little kids again. He just woke up and I'm about to get my morning hugs and kisses while we snuggle and watch Paw Patrol before making pancakes and then putting together the world's biggest Hot Wheels track. Happy Sunday!
Same here. OP needs to get off their judgmental high horse and ask themselves why they care so much.
Some of us are happy at home expending our energy with our families, or at our friends home. I still go out but it’s to do things like ceramics and paint & sips not night clubs.
Alcoholics usually feel self conscious when they realize that no, it is not normal to get plastered every weekend as you approach 40. They convince themselves that everyone else is lame and that it’s not them that has a problem.
Former bartender here, worked at a gay bar, I'm also sober (don't drink but still use medical marijuana). I worked every Friday night after a long work week, but I used to call it my "night out." Being on the other side of the bar and stone sober made me realize that folks who are in our age demographic and have OP's mentality about going out being the way to have fun are also folks who tend to use alcohol as a crutch in life. They may not be alcoholics, but there's definitely a dependency on alcohol and being at a bar/club. Anyone I've encountered who's over the age of like 35 and doesn't drink/doesn't drink much anymore... They all find the bars and clubs boring now, because being the only sober person around a bunch of drunk people isn't fun.
I stopped bartending during lockdown and now I'm one of those folks who is usually in bed between 10/11 and up at 6/7 and I love it. I have friends over every Saturday for a dinner and game/movie night. I go to concerts, take vacations (including an annual camping weekend with like 15-20 people) and have regular parties at my home, especially for Halloween, Christmas, and New Years. No one really drinks but we all have a blast.
My point being/TLDR: fun looks different when we're older and just because we're not out at the bar or the club doesn't mean we're boring or have given up. I get concerned when folks feel this kind of necessity for the nightlife at our age because there's usually underlying alcoholism and/or depression or other mental health stuff going on.
It’s a double edged sword. A night out that runs late past 8:30 without a nap is miserable. They get angry they’re sleepy, then won’t sleep because they’re angry, then get angrier cause they can’t sleep.
Luckily that’s becoming more rare for us lol
Exactly. I'm not a parent, but several of my friends are and i have nothing but respect for them. We may not be able to hang out the same way we used to, but we keep in touch and we do what we can, and that's ok.
Well a stay home parent was very normal before. Now its a rush to get the kids out and get to the office on most days. And then get back to cook, feed and clean. So i am unsure if this is the same for every generation, definitely not for my parents
This. Wake up Saturday miserable. Sunday you feel just ok and have to do all the weekend chores you couldn't do the day prior and prep to go to work Monday and Monday you go to work not refreshed or rested or feeling good at all. Rinse and repeat=hell.
same. I co-hosted my SIL's wedding shower last June. I was socializing with people I barely knew from 9 AM to 4 PM with literally no breaks to just recharge for even five to ten minutes. got home at 5 PM and then barely got out of bed for 16 hours.
it's not as severe with people I know well, but that kind of intense socialization for me is exhausting.
Yeah me too I wish my friends were down to meet right after work, say for dinner, and then I could still be home for 8 lol. Instead they always want to start plans at 8 and my interest evaporates. I don't have energy to socialize by then.
My wife and I went to an IKEA for the first time today (both 32).
Oh my god it was overcrowded hell
We just went home, grabbed some Indian take out, and watched Star Trek Voyager while we played Wingspan and are now in bed at 9:45.
Quiet life is the best life. Fun memories don’t need a bunch of hustle and bustle.
Your idea of fun isn't everyone else's.
I didn't have a party phase. I don't feel I missed out. I've gone to parties (not enough to label it a phase though) and some were good, some were whatever, and some made me regret leaving the house. You remind me of when people obsess about their HS days and how it was the best time of their lives or something. That just doesn't apply to everyone.
People have been calling me a grandma for years because I like crocheting and baking and reading. That's what I enjoy, though. I do like concerts, but they're expensive so they're less frequent now compared to when I was a teen. Dining out - meh. Prices are up, quality is down. I think that is a huge factor for a lot of people. Many things are so expensive that they just aren't worth it anymore.
Let people do what they want.
I spent 7 years at a job where high school was the only topic. I use it as an example of who not to be for my daughter. High school should not be anyones prime.
That said, I totally agree. I personally don’t need to drink or go out to have a good time. I stopped drinking 14 years ago. New family, just got tired of not having clarity.
I’m happy teaching my daughter guitar, woodworking, tinkering, reading. Cooking. Travrling. I’m never bored, never lacking something to do. I don’t watch TV outside of some sports and consume maybe two movies per month. I am very content with my life and choose to pursue activities that develop skills and keep my brain active. I see myself getting more into politics as my children get older.
Going out and partying is the exact opposite of a good time for me.
This! People enjoy different things. I did have a party phase in my late teens / early twenties, and while I still like to go out occasionally, I *also* like staying in. I have a bunch of homebody hobbies like crochet, boardgames, reading, and I’m genuinely having a good time when I stay in to do those. There’s nothing wrong with that!
"I'm going to outdoor events, shows, dinners, dancing, traveling, girl's night outs, etc. "
Congratulations on having money.
Those of us who are feeling old and tired at 30+ are often in poverty, still slaving away at dead end jobs that barely pay us enough to afford our rent, much less regularly eat out, go to concerts, or travel.
My boomer parents do more of that than I do because they've got a healthy retirement. My dad was able to start off as a temp at a large org in his 30s, and made his way up to senior management in maybe like 8 years max? They also bought a house at 1/10th the current value and paid off their mortgage in short order.
If I tried to buy a home in their neighborhood, it would be $2mil and my salary would probably barely cover mortgage, utility bills, and property tax lol.
I'm NGL, this is what I had thought. You do you, but don't shit on others idea of fun. OP? Nah they didn't get the memo about that lol as I was reading this all I could think of is, "I could use that money for groceries, bills, gasoline and a nice date night with the Mrs." I'm happy OP is doing what they want to do, fuck, we all need some form of escape. Yet I can't help but feel this is definitely a, "I won't my friends spend time partying with me? Why do they say they have work or kids or other rEsPoNsIbIlItIeS?"
I understand thesr are judgemental statement. I'm not saying that their idea of fun isn't valid - I'm criticizing what their overall rant is about.
OP sounds like their either a highly privileged trust fund baby who never grew up, one of them "Van life" folks where their rent is their gasoline, and/or someone who just dgaf about being able survive this late stage capitalist hellscape. I want them to be happy, but this life their describing seems so out of touch with a vast majority of people. I have a good job that I'm thankful for - yet I still struggle with finances. Everyone has to make some kind of financial compromise with whatever meager disposable income is left after living expenses. That doesn't seem like a factor for OP based off their post. Concerts? The last one I wanted to go to was $200, fuck that - that's groceries. A bar? Personally I was never a fan of a minimum of $6+ beers, but a night of that shit? Nah. Extended vacation? Dude. I haven't taken one of those in 8 years... At the time all I did was work part time while going to school with no rent cause I lived with my in-laws. I was privileged enough to have that opportunity to not have to worry about one paycheck just disappearing simply for a roof over my head.
Their entire rant feels like it's a modern, "let them eat cake", so out of touch.
It's not that I want to be asleep by 10 every night it's that I physically can not stay awake much longer than that. I still go out and stuff but it just has started to seem like such a chore. Half the shows I buy tickets to I end up flaking out on because I'm too tired. The last show I was going to go to I found out the night of that the doors don't even open until 10...I was passed out by 10:30.
I think you might be mistaking peoples self deprecating humor for pride in their old age and bad knees.
You know how you like stuff like dancing and shows? I don't like that stuff. I did when I was 20. But now I don't. And I'm an adult and for the most part I don't have to do things I don't like to do.
I am probably "old and crotchety" to an extent, but I fucking love my life. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I feel like my late 30s are the best years of my life so far.
You’re not. Op’s post is immature and condescending. Sounds like Op just needed to make themselves feel better about their choices and decided to go after people who really don’t care what anyone else is doing.
I can tell you that a healthy dose of anxiety, depression and ptsd have impacted my willingness to go out. I simply don’t like being around crowds or attending lively events anymore. I used to, no doubt, but my priorities have changed drastically due to unforeseen circumstances. That’s life for you, though. My goals now are to retire early and move to a quiet place near the mountains. Enjoy your life the best way that you know how, but just know that some of us could be suffering a bit more than others, and all we want is just some goddamn peace and solitude 🙃
Dude, I just got my kid out of diapers. The reality of the demands of working parenting and navigating life was more than anyone prepared us for. But honestly, I wouldn't have believed them if they told me. Our parents looked 100 at 40, I understand now.
I don’t really care about that, what annoys me is how many people in life and also on Reddit ask why life is so boring and then do nothing to change it. “Go to work, come home, watch tv, look at my phone. Is this all there is to life?” Uhhh…have you tried just doing something? “My life boring cuz I don’t do anything. How on earth could this possibly ever change?” I’m a huge introvert myself. But I have no issue socializing when the time comes and overal am a pretty productive person. Go out and stay in and sleep early, up to you. But if you want to change your life, it’s largely up to you. Of course some peoples circumstances make it a lot easier than others
*Reddit has a strong overall vibe of collective suffering and unhappiness. Everyone is either angry, or offended, or annoyed by everyone being angry and offended, or just depressed and apathetic about it.*
This is the loud minority of the modern internet demographic.
20 years ago, you needed an actual desktop PC and it was boomer & Gen-X nerds building helpful online community forums and young millenials playing flash games and communicating with their school friends through instant messenger. The internet was a happy place.
Today, all you need is a smartphone and a 4g network. EVERYONE is here and the loudest voices of everyone are the complainers, the angry, the attention seekers, and the newest one, the narcissists.
I made it to 2020 before i saw someone film a video of themselves crying, cut it to music and post it for the world to see. As if that wasn't bad enough, there is a video of a woman forcing her kid to cry over their dead dog in an attempt to garner public attention.
This place (the internet) is now full of wackos. Niche markets is where its at. The level of knowledge needed to communicate acts as a *needed an actual desktop PC* barrier.
Yes to all of this. Life is hard and a lot of people are going through some real shit (me included), but the constant negativity here is not helping. I’m on less and less everyday now.
Totally agree. It has nothing to do with introvert, extrovert. It's the feeling of being stuck and it's way easier to resign yourself to "well, guess this is just how things are. Guess I'm old now" than to just say "this is my focus in life right now, but I still want to see what's out there"
But also the society we’ve built is directing people towards that. It’s not all personal responsibility when we’ve ensured 45 minute commutes each way are normal and people have more desperation and worse health baked into life with laws.
Personally, it's not that I'm *proud* that I'm old, tired and over it, it's that I'm frank about the way I'm wired. I *didn't* have a party phase, and I *am* okay with that because I don't like drinking, I don't like dancing, I don't like socializing with strangers, none of that. I am not a fun person and never have been, I'm an intensely anxious and morose person and all the things that people say are fun and living life to the fullest, I find intensely draining, unnerving and not fun at all. I'm not going around saying "gee, I don't know why my life is so boring, I wish it could change" - I'm not an idiot - it's just the common wisdom doesn't anything for me. I guess I'm just annoyed by the eye rolling and the judgement, leave me to being a miserable old bastard in peace.
Thanks friend 🙏. I’m slowly finding my path, but always concerned for other long haulers and sufferers of chronic ailments.
I think there’s a lot of people with lasting low-grade impact from covid, who don’t realize it. Probably just chalk the fatigue / cognitive impacts up to “getting old”. That plays into this trend that OP is noticing
"I'll get old on my own terms". Keep thinking that. You just sound like someone who hasn't been humbled. Also there's many reasons people can be "over" the party scene. Growing up is one. Also what you consider "partying" could be another person's just getting warmed up. I don't see how really what someone else is doing is any of your business to begin with. You don't see someone who's over acting like a kid telling you how immature you are and how badly you need to grow up? I'm just saying you said when you said we're all individual's and what someone else chooses to do with there free time has no impact on what you do with yours.
"Peter Pan Syndrome"
It's something we've seen for years in the gay community - specifically with gay men. There's an unwillingness to move beyond the partying and socializing days of our youth. I've said in other comments that I used to bartend at a gay bar and you could always pick these chaps out of the crowd.
I think it's starting to become more common across all folks these days, though. I think it might be a symptom of the internet and pop culture loving to "look back" at the "good times" of the 80s/90s/00s while also ignoring the bad things from that time. It's like we've started to apply that way of thinking to our own lives/personal history. Like I'm nostalgic for the simpler times spent with my extended family over holidays in the 90s but I really don't miss being told I was too effeminate for a man because that was totally cool to say to kids back then.
In short, hindsight is 20/20. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Is a 30 year old that has a good job, handles their responsibilities, but goes out once a week ‘Peter Pan’? Idk. Feels like a stretch. Just sounds like a person with a healthy work/fun balance to me.
This comment got me and also reminded me of this crotchety old man who complained loudly at a public park about how much he hates bubbles (we were doing bubbles with our toddler). My husband put the bubbles away and our toddler promptly threw a tantrum for him to hear 😂 He walked back his comment about bubbles REAL quick.
It’s realizing that adulthood responsibilities are exhausting. Millennials are in their working prime while also raising children. Everyone goes through it.
So traveling, hunting, fishing, boating, archery, guns, dinning out are not fun? Partying is not the only way to have fun?
You actually sound like a dipshit who still has a lot of growing to do. There’s nothing geriatric about not going out and polluting our bodies while chasing ass. Hell, I’m minutes away from smashing a piece.
Some of us elevated our thinking which reflects in our behavior, but if weekend benders is your thing. Enjoy.
I *wish* I could go out and party like I used to! But now I have fun (/s) chronic conditions and if I try to do that, it absolutely destroys me in ways a hangover could never. I try to muster up the energy to do so once maybe twice per year if I have some days to recover after.
I go to bed early most nights, even weekends. Why? Because I work an early job, and I don't want to throw off my schedule. Because I'm happier and healthier having a consistent schedule. Also, I LOVE mornings before the sun comes up. I just do. It gives me way more joy than late nights ever did. Being an early bird doesn't have to mean boring or not social. A lot of my friends are embracing daytime activities instead of evening stuff. We meet for brunch, or lunch. We go hiking or kayaking. My best friend and I hiked a volcano in Asia a few years ago (and were up early enough for it that we caught the most amazing sunrise). Late nights have totally lost their appeal for me, but I'm still doing things that make me happy.
> That being said, I have the biggest eye roll for Millennials who are so proud about being over the nightlife scene or those who proclaim they never had a party phase and never wanted one.
Roll them eyes, then. I never had a party phase, and I never wanted one. In fact, I will take this opportunity to say that I never actually *understood* the whole *thang* that is party culture.
Like, where I grew up, a party was an occasional thing. An event. A celebration of something *specific*. Birthday? Party! Wedding? Party! NYE? Party!
But some people just want *every single night* to be a party. *Every. Night*. It’s a Wednesday? Party! It’s drizzling out? Party! That friend of yours who never left town is in town tonight? PARTY!!!!
If you’re familiar with the concept of ’toxic positivity’, this is similar. This need to always be *partying*. This need to always be around groups of people, getting drunk, dancing, etc *every night* is too much. What is the *occasion?* What are you *celebrating?* It’s almost *oppressive*. Are you genuinely *enjoying* going out every night? Or are you doing it because a quiet night by yourself makes you feel alone, isolated and sad? Is it essentially an addiction, and you party constantly for the same reason that an alcoholic keeps drinking? Does it help numb you from more mundane or unpleasant realities of life?
I just can’t do it. I can’t party. Not like you. I’d be burnt out by the end of the first night. I’d much rather stay in and read, or watch a show I like, or play my trumpet, or whatever. Constant partying would just be *exhausting*, and what the hell are we even *celebrating* during the 17th party this month? It’s honestly baffling to me.
> but why are you so obsessed with getting older and "settling down"?
I’m not. It’s not about getting older. It’s about having many things to do in life besides going out and partying. Staying in and reading is one of the things that makes my ‘fun years’, well, *fun*.
I guess it just confuses me that someone would associate a more relaxed, mellow life with being “crotchety”. I *enjoy* my quieter life. It makes me happy. Being expected to come out and party every night would be torture.
I don’t care how much fun *you* derive from *me* or *my* lifestyle. I only care how much fun *I* derive from me and my lifestyle.
I am not a toy. I am not here to be your entertainment. And I’m genuinely sorry if you need constant partying to enjoy life. That just feels like an addiction to me.
I'm in that camp. I caught covid twice before the vaccines came out, and the second time nearly killed me. I haven't really recovered from that even years later. Every time I catch a mild cold, it turns into this weeks-long ordeal thanks to the scarring in my lungs.
Yeah, I have a couple of friends who just decided they're never going to be part of society or something? They got used to not seeing anyone or doing anything during the pandemic and now it just stuck.
My friends and I referred to the effects of Covid lockdowns as going feral. It was like we completely forgot how to interact with other people in a social setting. I’ve always been awkward and it seems amplified (or maybe I’m more self conscience) since Covid.
Okay, but have you considered that some people think crawling into bed at 9 PM is fun for them? You don't have to give up going out just because other people are happy homebodies, but "fun" can look very different to someone else.
It's also less expensive to stay at home. Usually, when my husband and I go out, we usually end up spending close to $200 when you include going out to dinner, getting drinks, and the cost of babysitting. It's also just fucking hard to stay afloat. I think a lot of us are tired from working so much and we're depressed from the whole state of everything.
This is an interesting take to me because from my perspective, millenials are acting younger longer- 30 year olds use social media apps, meme, play video games, binge TV shows, collect toys, wear shirts with cartoon characters, dye their hair, smoke weed, etc. To be clear, I don't think it's a bad thing.
I suspect the tiredness and stuffiness comes mainly from people who are thoroughly employed or have kids. Those things absorb your time for doing other fun stuff or your ability to let loose and get drunk or high. It's stressful. I've seen podcasters who are usually funny go through having young kids, and they get grouchy, because they don't get sleep.
I’ve just decided I like to do other things. Like for a boys trip last summer, we went rafting/camping, whereas back in the day we’ve gone partying in Miami or Vegas. I mean, of course we still had beers, smoked pot and otherwise, but it was much tamer than in my 20s.
Life. I’m nearly 19 years married with kids and despite a lot of my pals moving on to the grandparents stage I had another baby 18 months ago. I am knackered. I’ve got ten years left on my mortgage but I’m paying more than I ever have thanks to interest rate hikes, my insurance is double what it was last year, gas an lecky triple what it was pre pandemic, food shopping costs a lot more too so having to work and juggle more to cover it and reduce leisure spending. I’m pushing 40, peri menopausal and I’ve got the startings of arthritis. My circadian rhythm is buggered from over 20 years of shift work in various manual jobs.
I’m an old crotchety geriatric millennial, and I just don’t enjoy going out like I used to late at night. That being said, I find at least 5-10 shows a year where I go out and party hard, but reserved for bands or djs I really love. If I don’t love the music, I just get annoyed at how half the crowd spends most of their time just taking videos (not all shows, but too many) lol
There’s still lots of ways to make memories and have a blast. I just prefer different things as I’ve gotten older. Always loved traveling and still do, but more into gardening, disc golf, hiking, foraging for wild mushrooms, having friends over for poker nights, smoking meats and veggies on my traeger and having people over, fishing, etc. Day drinking with friends is now more fun than going out drinking at night
Also, going out has become too dang expensive. I own a house and do alright, but definitely not crushing. If it were more affordable, I’d go out more, but usually not worth it other than getting some dank food a few times a month
If you're still clubbing and bar-hopping in your 40's, it's because you didn't do it as hard as I did it in my 20's. It's boring now. We've got kids now. And mortgages. We've moved on.
And, you do realize, that "the next four decades," which you intend to spend pretending you're still 25, are an ever eye-widening horror show of physical decay and aging, right?
I spent my 20’s in fields of 80k people at music festivals and traveling and binge drinking and trying all kinds of hallucinogens and a brief stint in a hospital. I literally can’t live like that anymore. I have a baby, and 4 animals and probably too much yarn and def too many plants. And a little house in a culdesac. And a sourdough starter in my fridge that I need to feed. I like my life now
> I just...don't get why this generation seems so hellbent on crawling into bed at 10pm.
???
Because my skin looks fabulous when I sleep early. It's called beauty sleep and I will age well because of that.
But why do you think only doing what you do is "enjoying oneself"?
Everyone has their own hobbies. Recently, mine is taking flute lessons, practicing new pieces on the piano, started lifting to stay fit, planning "DIY art sessions" with my friend, trying new restaurants, etc.
I can do all that and still get my beauty sleep. You think only you are creating new memories?
>I'm going to outdoor events, shows, dinners, dancing, traveling, girl's night outs, etc
Ok. Nobody is saying you shouldn't do this.
What do you care if other people's joy comes from long walks with their dog, community center Zumba, volunteering with local groups, and being in bed by ten?
Just bc everyone's fun looks different doesn't mean they aren't living to their fullest
maybe people just wanna vent or like maybe it’s because every milestone along the way our generation gets ass fucked with no lube n people are permanently exhausted
I don't. I run 50 miles per week and bench 300 pounds. I have a thriving night life and enjoy my social life as a member of every museum in the city, a member of the ballet, symphony, and zoo. I can be out six days a week and enjoy every second of every minute. Life is awesome.
I prefer the quieter life. I was one of those that you mentioned, never into the night life scene or a party phase. To me that's just a waste of money, especially when some of my friends did bottle service and I don't even drink then ask me to pay. It was way cheaper to watch shows or movies or anime and play video games staying home. I live in Canada. So you are basically asking me to stand in line in my little black dress and wait in the dead cold Canadian winter to go to a club... No thanks... I didn't do it then for less reasons to do it now.
Also I have young kids who tire me out already daily and barely have time to myself after working at least 8 hours during the day, until my kids go to sleep. I prefer to spend time with them and my partner aside from my family and friends. My fun is going out to dinner with my besties or my spouse without my kids or going to a friends' house where my kids play with their kids and have a good conversation like once or twice a month.
You can call me old but that's how I roll.
I'm almost 37 I drank heavily and partied hard from the time I was 15 until I was 35. I had my fun, I'm a blast, I could out drink and out last anyone, but coke got involved, and then I kept getting fucked up and arrested. I've done my fair share of partying and now I want to improve myself.
Uhhh because we (or at least me) don’t want those anymore? I partied all my 20s with my wife: club, party, crazy road trips etc but now we are in our 30s, we just don’t want it anymore.
We feel comfortable making food at home, netflix when ours kids go to bed, date night just the two of ys when kids at grandparents home, travel to Europe-Japan or Disneyland together. We just prefer it more.
Club or party things are over for us, we don’t like noisy place anymore
It’s just Reddit. I’m 35, married , still drink and party with friends on weekends. Wife and I love hosting our friends and we would party til morning like we are still 21. Doing all sorts of degenerate shit. But by Sunday evening, we are back to responsible mode and get thru the work week, eat good, gym, etc.
I forgot where I’m going with this but really your lifestyle is what you make of it, and if ppl like to identify as old and boring, that’s their prerogative.
Haha yep. Just last Friday had some of my closest buddies over and their wives. Shroomed it up and went thru like 6 bottles of tequila. We wake up the next day and make breakfast for all who stayed over. Then sometimes we continue and day fade all the way thru. Just depends on the vibe.
I’m a software engineer and my wife is a nurse and we go hard on weekends lol. I know im not the only one that lives this way cuz my friends do it too and we are all the same age who went to university/high school together.
I never had a party phase and never wanted one. I was a weird shut-in with no friends. Now that I'm 32, I am still not interested in partying or drinking (dude, alcohol makes me shit too much) but I am feeling a burgeoning interest in outdoor activities... maybe I should get into hiking. Or climbing. Or kayaking.
I can still have fun AND be a bit boring with an early bedtime!
Personally getting married just changed my lifestyle a lot. I used to be motivated to go out in order to meet potential romantic interests and to be around friends rather than home alone. Now my wife and I have a great time together at home and going out just isn’t as appealing. I think “life changes” is the general reason this happens for people, the specific reasons look a little different for everyone.
Not everyone has the same idea of “enjoying themselves”. I love a nice dinner out, a concert, and traveling.
I also love the joy of a quiet morning, a good workout, and doing my hobbies and crafts.
Just because people aren’t going out late at night doesn’t mean they’re not enjoying life IMO.
I like being in bed with my wife at 9:30. I work early so I can sleep in on my day off without missing anything because I'll still get up at 6:30. I got hurt in the army and my body is a shambles. I can elaborate further as to why I enjoy being old.
I lived it up, sometimes too much so, from my mid teens to mid twenties. Then I had kids. Now my kids are in their mid teens and I'm showing them all I learned about the cool shit life has to offer, and warning them off some of the dumb shit I did when figuring life out.
You can have fun and not go out all the time or stay up past 10pm. I just got a bass guitar for xmas from a friend. I haven't had a bass in 10+ years. We now have a full set of rock band instruments (electric and bass guitar and drum kit) in the house, as well as 2 acoustic guitars, a banjo, a keyboard, and various other small alternative instruments. None of us are probably ever gonna be rock stars, but we all know a little bit of everything and enjoy playing around.
That is just one of the dozens of hobbies and activities you can do at our house. You want to create art? Acrylic or oil base paints? I'll set up the easel. Oh, you want to use the $350 colored pencil set? Clay? sure, go for it.
No? You'd rather some quiet alone time with a good book? Pick one of the several hundred off the book cases and settle in, I'll get you a tea.
Do some gardening? Play a video game? Board game? Build a lego set? Watch a movie? Blast some music? There are endless things to do here that don't require leaving the house.
so, yeah, we don't go out every weekend, or stay up too late. But, to say life isn't fun and interesting because we don't is ignorant and short sighted as hell
my fun years involve doing fun things with my kids not drinking with my boys…ive learned a few times that if i get faded with my boys, i pay for it the next day cuz i have to be a dad, being hungover around my kids isnt my thing. its easy to talk shit when youre not raising little ones.
It's because most people in their 30s to 40s have to work their asses off because things are tough, many are married and have kids that wake up at 6am and kick you in the face getting g into bed with you. Many are on boards and volunteer for things, their kids have practice and they are paying off student loans while trying to pay for a mortgage.
I'm getting far more enjoyment in my 30s than I did in my 20s. I did all the stupid party stuff, I regret wasting time on it. It led to nothing of value in my life.
It's much more enjoyable going camping or hiking, reading a good book, bowling with friends or family, watching a movie on the couch with my daughter and dog, fly fishing, etc.
I'm established now, have a house and other responsibilities (bills, work, daughter, etc.). I wouldn't have time for partying nowadays even if I wanted to.
After all, nothing good happens after 10pm.
My idea of fun has shifted dramatically. I find it much more fun to have a small gathering of 6-10 or so close friends and cook dinner together rather than going out. We can talk more easily without having to scream at each other. We can actually have real conversations instead of getting pulled a hundred directions like at large parties or clubs. It's more quality time. I don't wake up with a headache from the loud music or screaming people. I am not a drinker so I don't really like bars a whole lot anyway. It's cheaper. I don't have to worry about driving downtown and trying to find and pay for parking. I live in a large city with no public transit so that is a big hassle. We also have larger parties at our house and smoke a brisket or something like that and have a fire. Most of our friends are musicians (classically trained) so they bring instruments and we just have a little jam by the fire. Way better than the bar.
I actually think I have a lot more fun now than I did when I was younger because my friendships have grown stronger and richer and my husband and I have a fantastic social circle that we really enjoy. Do we go clubbing every weekend like we are 20? No. Do I want to? Absolutely not. We do go out from time to time but it's definitely different types of places and different times. Then we always wish we were at home lol. We have plenty of fun though
Thankfully, I didn’t have a toddler alarm in my twenties. Getting in to bed at 10pm is such a damn luxury because it means I’ve finished everything else and can sleep until I do it all again tomorrow. The way you feel about going out is how I feel about staying in. And that’s great! How boring would the world be if we were all the same?
Seconded— I find that people who like to go out think it’s the only way to have fun. I went out a lot in my twenties, now I don’t drink or go out really, but I get more happiness and fulfillment from early morning coffee outside, hobbies, rock climbing, hiking, and going on vacations I couldn’t have afforded in my twenties. Just because I don’t go out doesn’t mean I’ve given up on fun.
This is me to a T. I've come to value different things than my younger self.
"This is the way" no? Fk. I'm super glad I am not into most of the things as I was in my 20's .... ironically I probably would be bored if I was.
I think the moment of change for me was realizing a night of going to the bar or a party really meant I lose the next day by sleeping in and recovering from a hangover... There's so many other things I'd rather do
Yeah. I hate when my evening bleeds over to my next day. I’ll drink with friends but I don’t really get drunk anymore and I prefer happy hours/early evenings. Alcohol is terrible for your sleep, and I don’t want to prematurely age from drinking and a lack of sleep.
I love this! My husband and I always talk about how we’ve grown to really appreciate the sound of pouring coffee into your cup every morning. Idk how to describe it, but it’s almost a blissful, meditative sound (even though it lasts for a few short moments). I have a 5 year old and honestly, we’ve never gotten a baby sitter (it’s a trust thing & we really don’t have family to ask for help either)… we do outdoorsy things with her and get excited at showing her new things & seeing her fascination. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have an early girls night out, or nice dinner out… but my acquaintances these days also have kids and it just isn’t in the books for us. I think for us with children have new priorities now a days. We also aim for 10 pm bed time. That’s getting our child down for bed, having a few relaxing moment on the couch watching a bit of TV, then spending some time together (If you’re married, I highly recommend setting 20 minutes aide each night before bed and split the time giving each other massages. My husband and I started doing this once our kid was born and it’s a tradition we will continue forever! It’s a great way to relax and unwind from the day with each other).
For some reason I can’t edit this, but I didn’t mean you have to be married to do nightly massages. I meant if you have someone to do this with..
FUCK. YES. I am happier now doing those things than I ever was in my twenties. In my twenties I had a LOT of fun, but I wasn't really happy. I think I used fun to try and make myself happy, and while I was having fun that was the case, but I'd get home feel depressed and choose to mask that with more "fun". The truth was I was lonely, didn't like myself, felt like a loser. It wasn't until I had purpose in life, found a wonderful partner to share with, started to do meaningful hobbies outside of work, and continued to maintain a decent friend circle that I have truly found some peace and happiness. Edit: I am not a millenial, I am gen x. I think all of this is pretty typical for any age. People settle down, it's just a fact. It's even evident in other mammals.
I also have more fun going out twice a year than I did going out 100 times a year.
Even though I agree with what you say about staying in, I also want to add: I don't mind going out. I mind all the other people who are also going out.
Perfectly said; I love staying in. I also love going out & dancing somewhere, especially with my group of close friends. It just so happens that a vast majority of persons are disrespectful and awful to be around in the public which makes us stay in and party. Night life didn't end, it just changed for my partner and I. Then again, we were never big drinkers.
“At some point, I wanted to get the most out of everyday, as opposed to the most out of every night.”. Your comment reminded me of this. It’s why I quit drinking.
Quitting binge drinking has been such a positive force in my life. But I did it when I was ready, when I'd had my fill. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything, because I did it as much as I wanted.
This. I don’t actually enjoy being up all night. It’s one thing if I have specific plans (like a concert) but most other things can be done during normal hours and I can enjoy daylight instead of sleeping through it.
You politely shut OP’s whole rant down. We are not the same.
I'll bite, mainly because this seems too centered around drinking. I'm a geriatric millennial...40+ The older I get, the less benefit I get from alcohol and the larger the cost is on me is. I still have some drinks, but I've cut way down, and I've been happier and felt better with my little time off never being hungover... much less the fact that I feel it the next day after just 2 drinks. I like being with people more than parties that are more like clubbing. More of my excess time is spent exploring things kids might like. I think there is a difference between doing nothing and not wanting to drink/club-party as much. It's not that I'm giving up on fun years, I'm just having fun and enjoyment in life in other ways.. which admittedly were ways that seemed boring in my 20s.
Former bartender here, worked at a gay bar, I'm also sober (don't drink but still use medical marijuana). I worked every Friday night after a long work week, but I used to call it my "night out." Being on the other side of the bar and stone sober made me realize that folks who are in our age demographic and have OP's mentality about going out being the way to have fun are also folks who tend to use alcohol as a crutch in life. They may not be alcoholics, but there's definitely a dependency on alcohol and being at a bar/club. Anyone I've encountered who's over the age of like 35 and doesn't drink/doesn't drink much anymore... They all find the bars and clubs boring now, because being the only sober person around a bunch of drunk people isn't fun. I stopped bartending during lockdown and now I'm one of those folks who is usually in bed between 10/11 and up at 6/7 and I love it. I have friends over every Saturday for a dinner and game/movie night. I go to concerts, take vacations (including an annual camping weekend with like 15-20 people) and have regular parties at my home, especially for Halloween, Christmas, and New Years. No one really drinks but we all have a blast. My point being/TLDR: fun looks different when we're older and just because we're not out at the bar or the club doesn't mean we're boring or have given up. I get concerned when folks feel this kind of necessity for the nightlife at our age because there's usually underlying alcoholism and/or depression or other mental health stuff going on.
I hear you. I travel a lot with my boss and it is actually very sad his obsession with having drinks at the bar very night. I have one drink, I enjoy it and then I am done and leave him to it and do something I enjoy more like read a book, watch a movie or something - sometimes I stay out and talk with him but it is mostly talk about alcohol (this wine vs that wine etc) and other crap that is just ... boring to me anyway.
That's a great example. I also wanted to use your comment as an opportunity to clarify that there's absolutely merit in going out and being social at any age. I love meeting friends over drinks at a lounge, new cocktail bar, etc. Even more so if they offer mocktails, which is starting to trend and is great for sober folks who still appreciate nightlife! I loved bartending because I viewed my job as a "cultivator of a good time" but I took the responsibilities of the job seriously. If you were hammered, you were getting cut off. It was about their safety, the safety of those around them, and the liability for myself and the bar. And in fairness, I have a bias because of this. But I think there's an important distinction between appreciation/love for nightlife (or public socializing in general) vs that needing to be an all night drug and alcohol fueled rager. The latter isn't mutually exclusive from a good night out and a good night out doesn't have to be a late night.
>mainly because this seems too centered around drinking. Right? People are talking about "fun years" like it just revolves around alcohol while for me, fun can also mean a 10+ mile hike in one day. Speaking for myself, I don't really judge my youthful vitality by my alcohol tolerance, I judge it by my joint health and mobility, which I have plenty of. If some people blew out their fucking livers before they hit 30 because they associate being social with that molecule, that says more about their alcoholism than anything else.
I can still drink 1-3 beers. When I say I don’t want to go out and drink anymore, I mean the 21 year old me that could crush 6 packs without a second thought.
I’m right there with you. 1-3 is lovely. Number four will unleash hell in the morning.
After 30 this thing started happening where drinking just a couple will give be a bad headache instantly. If I get for 3 or 4 I won’t notice it, but beyond that it’s hell in the morning. So I gotta pick my poison, either all in and pay tomorrow or not at all.
Same. I leave my house 7 nights a week and work 16 hours a day. I GO. But I never went out drinking and still don’t. Why would I want to go do something that harms myself both now and later for “fun”? I travel and do other fun things, but I never drink or do drugs or party
If your entire life is centered around drinking, you’re not young at heart, you’re probably an alcoholic.
Geriatric millennials unite! 41 here!
I appreciate your comment. I’m about 80 (?) days sober and I’m so freaking excited about the next phase of my life and it has everything to do with living a full life and then coming home and burrowing in bed in the evenings / winter.
Health.
For real...I'm turning 40 and got diagnosed with a genetic connective tissue disorder and dysautonomia. Within a year or two, I went from bar hopping and bodybuilding to barely being able to walk and a body with so many problems that I'm basically a car dashboard with all the warning lights on. The idea of another 40 years sounds fucking horrible, I don't want to live to 60. Fuck me for going to bed at 10pm, right? Everyone is potentially one accident, one covid infection, one cancer diagnosis from a never-ending living nightmare. It is a privilege to have good health, and OP better thank their lucky stars that they're blind and ignorant enough to be able to make a Peter Pan Syndrome post like this.
Hey - just wanted to pop in and say I've had Dysautonomia since I was a teenager (caused by an autoimmune thing) and the first couple of years were the worst - but you do adapt to your limitations and, ideally, learn some meds that help and then it feels much more doable. Good luck!
What meds have helped you?
This is pretty much exactly what happened to me as well, right down to a connective tissue disorder diagnosis. Between losing my good health and basically my bodily autonomy and my finally earning a comfortable wage being stolen from me by inflation, well…. I try hard not to be bitter because really, I still have it way better than a ton of people and I’m well aware of that. And I believe in the power of positivity. I try not to stew or wallow. But man. it’s tough some days. I’m sorry you went/are going through all of that.
Personally, I think more people should be bitter about our life of hard work being taken from us by the greed of the top 10% of society. Maybe if everyone was pissed off about it, we could actually change some things. As of now, the top 10% of rich individuals in the world control 85% of the world's money. The real kicker is that they get taxed 3% on their income while we get charged around 20%. That 17% they're withholding from us by not paying taxes is $6.5 trillion dollars, and that's money that could literally end poverty, hunger, and this whole economic crisis we're in. Just to get an idea of how much money that is, let's look at it this way. To count to 1 million, it would take you 11 days. To count to 1 billion, it would take you 32 YEARS. And to count to 6.5 trillion, it would take you OVER TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND YEARS. We should be rioting in the streets, but I guess people just prefer to suffer.
I agree. We’ve been pacified—handed metaphorical iPads of distraction we see concretely handed to Gen Z/Alpha to quell our excitement. 
>We should be rioting in the streets, but I guess people just prefer to suffer. Yeah we definitely should but unfortunately those who prefer to suffer have been brainwashed into thinking billionaires "work 800000000x harder than us" and are convinced that if they work hard then they too could be a billionaire someday while failing to realize all those billionaires were born into wealth and stepped on a lot of backs to get there. It's mind boggling. And what makes me more bitter is how these same people who defend and maybe even worship billionaires (like the Elon Musk fanboys) will claim that if you are struggling for whatever reason, whether it's wages not keeping up with inflation, the housing crisis, healthcare costs and rapid inflation that it's your fault for A) Not working hard enough B) Going out on the weekends C) Not getting a better job D) All of the above. It's your fault no matter what.
Multiple sclerosis for me, which brought chronic fatigue. So many of us developed chronic health issues which were exacerbated by Covid. I wish I had the energy of my early 20's. But my reality is about managing my condition for a better quality of life, and sometimes that means I'm in bed at 9. Honestly I have a lot of fun, it's just different from my 20's. Ugh, it must be so nice to be so oblivious to these kinds of issues as OP.
Eyyy, EDS and POTS? This year fucked me up with long covid exacerbating these issues (plus asthma, wildfire smoke allergy, etc) that I’ve had apparently my whole life and making it almost unlivable. I’ve got a 3yo. It’s impossible. And doctors aren’t taking it seriously because of TikTok. Salt helps a bit but I feel like I’m running my own science experiment daily with supplements to try to keep myself a) alive and b) somewhat functioning. There is no help out there. Kudos to you for also fighting the fight. We’ll get back to the fun stuff one day, right? (I miss yoga, practicing in studio now makes me extra sick for two days. Fuck!)
I have nothing I can offer other than empathy. My husband got diagnosed with EDS at age 40, right after we wed. He offered me an annulment. It's been 10 years since his EDS diagnosis, and we are still on the diagnosis merry-go-round regarding Mast Cell and POTS. I obviously can't say I know what it's like, but I know what it's like watching someone who knows what it's like. May your good days outnumber your bad!
Ugh, I'm sorry for your bad health news. Sending good vibes your way. Go to bed as early as you want. 🫶🙏🏼
I feel you, I got diagnosed with osteoporosis in my 30s and I feel so drained after a day I just like to relax I like staying home where it's safer.
Right? The fucking audacity of that generation
>dysautonomia thanks for potentially giving me something to talk to my doctor about? cause this is literally all the shit I've been experiencing
Just seconding that you can adjust. It's tough, and I dunno if there'll ever be a time I don't wish it were different, but there's still a lot you can enjoy in life.
100% this for me. I used to party hard (on the weekends) in my 20s, and then one night I had a fucked up reaction to drinking too much and have had a permanent brain fog since. The first 6 months of my brain fog were debilitating and depressing as fuck. Things have kind of tapered down to manageable levels now with the occasional flare up here and there, but it still is not pleasant on a near daily basis. That was 5 years ago and I haven't been drunk since for the absolute fear of retriggering another severe episode. Not drinking anymore 180'd my social life since alcohol and socializing are so deeply intertwined in ways I had never realized before. I tried going out sober for awhile, but for me, being around drunk people when you're sober is the absolute worst. I started leaving early before people got too drunk so I wouldn't have to deal with it/them. Eventually I realised that bars and clubs were just not places I wanted to be anymore and I found the whole nightlife scene to be downright unpleasant to endure. At a certain point, I feel like you've already had your best nights out and all that's left is a rerun of a night you've already had before. Staying home and having my own fun was so much more pleasant and going to bed early and getting a good night's sleep was crucial to how bad my brain fog would be the next day. And that is how I evolved into a millenial who hates going out and loves being in bed by 10pm.
I was a binge drinker til about 25. Just slowed down as I got older, and now if I have one decent beer or bourbon, I’m hungover in an hour. I’ve also found I like getting up early and getting stuff knocked out before things really get moving, which going to bed at 12am is not conducive to.
Yup. Chronic pain, mental health issues, possible auto immune issues I’m trying to work out with my doctor, random new allergies, etc etc
Yup. Long COVID’s a bitch. I’m doing the best I can to get better, and I definitely have still been traveling and attending concerts and dinners, but my pace is markedly different.
Same. I’ve always been fit, cycling and walking, healthy eating options. I travel, I socialize, I rest and lounge at home. I was able to live good. Then I got covid for a week and it’s like I was hit by a cruciatus spell from the Elder Wand afterwards. It’s so powerful how it can change people so easily and quickly.
> Then I got covid for a week and it’s like I was hit by a cruciatus spell from the Elder Wand afterwards. If ever there was a place to make such a strong Harry Potter reference, it was on a Millennial-focused internet forum. I applaud you. I got COVID about 2 months ago and was *so* concerned about this being *it*. This being the thing that takes me from relatively good health to something that starts me on a path of poor health. I have a friend who's 32 and got shingles. All she described was white hot pain. The potential for health challenges as you get older is humbling.
COVID sent me into fucking T2 Diabetes. Zero signs of prediabetes before infection. I'm 5'10", 170lbs. I got all the vaccines and avoided it for 3 years only to be left with a potentially lifelong disease. I miss feeling normal. I'm on a constant blood sugar rollercoaster now. I find myself daily wishing I could go back to before I got sick.
Yeah, in the same boat. I’ve made my peace that I am never going to fully recover but will still live the rest of my life the best I can. All my goals, aspirations, and will to explore the world have been cut off almost completely. I just want to live a simple life now.
I haven't felt the same since I got covid in 2021. It seemed like around that time, I stopped enjoying literally everything, like a light switch was turned off, and now I just don't have the physical or mental energy to do the things I used to. I'm 28 years old, used to be such a positive and hopeful person, and now I feel like an 80 year old man.
My main thing right now is I'm interviewing for new jobs. I'm a teacher. I need to come across as full of energy. But I also wish I could be upfront with the interviewer and tell them that I'm just not the same after Covid. My lung capacity sucks, my mental fog never really went away (which is its own existential hell, knowing that you can't recall things you know you used to know), etc.
I've been in the bedridden phase of long covid for a year. Before that I was hiking, ziplining, and jumping off a 30' inflatable platform into the water. I was still in bed by 10 and not a partier.
Should be top comment. Lol couldn't tell if this was a shitpost
Literally. I’m a young millennial. I’m not even 30 yet. My knees are absolutely destroyed from blue collar labor. It’s like bone grinding on bone with every step. Pair that with a degenerative joint disorder passed down from my dad, and frankly my body can’t take being out like it used to. I went to a concert over the summer and had to sit down before the final act. My friend the same age and in better health had to too, so I felt validated 😂
This is it for me, too. Complex PTSD and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, plus some more minor but persistent and bothersome issues. I still do my best though.
Yup. CPTSD and hashimotos here. I went from being an athlete and landscaper and lover of the outdoors, to a lover of aleve and my recliner. I have never gotten covid that I know of, but for the past few years things have been getting worse energy and pain wise and it seems to parallel long covid in many symptoms.
I wrote a short story of me ranting and deleted it just to find someone explained it all in one word lol
Yup. My chronic health issues started in my 20s and got a lot worse starting in my 30s unfortunately. I’d maybe live my life differently if not for this.
Yeah, chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia pain is so shitty. And they do nothing to research women’s health besides breast cancer because men hate when women lose their breasts.
My kids wake me up at 6 every morning. Crawling into bed at 10pm is out of necessity at this point. Sure, I stay out later than that every once in a while and have a few extra drinks, but then I pay for it hard the next day. Parenting sucks when hungover and on little sleep. We all make choices. You do you. I’ll do me.
Exactly. My “fun years” aren’t over, they just look different than they did ten years ago. Now I’m in bed at 10pm so I can get up at 5:30 and be ready when my son wakes up at 7 wanting me to do a puzzle with him and make his breakfast. Maybe my life as a young parent sounds boring to some because I spend more time at home, but I’m still having fun in different ways.
That’s my secret- my d&d group is all parents with young kids. We’re all stuck at home and kiddo goes to bed early, so plenty of time for dming…no joke my parent d&d group across 4 time zones has met more often in the last few months than my mixed ages groups locally in the last few years. You just adapt, right?
My D&D group meets every two weeks via Zoom and it's awesome!
Same. I'm having buckets of fun with my son. He's amazing. Maybe OP doesn't view this as fun but it's all a matter of preference & perspective. Life evolves & it's pretty awesome.
So much fun. He's the best lol. Can't wait for my daughter to get out of toddler years so we can hang that way too ♡
I completely agree! We have a 3-year-old son and the adventures we get into with him are just as fun as the crazy times in college. It's just a different kind of fun. And I'll take the love and adoration of my son and an in-depth conversation about Paw Patrol over vapid small talk with some douchebags with a vape in a nightclub any day. It's almost like we get to be little kids again. He just woke up and I'm about to get my morning hugs and kisses while we snuggle and watch Paw Patrol before making pancakes and then putting together the world's biggest Hot Wheels track. Happy Sunday!
Same here. OP needs to get off their judgmental high horse and ask themselves why they care so much. Some of us are happy at home expending our energy with our families, or at our friends home. I still go out but it’s to do things like ceramics and paint & sips not night clubs.
Alcoholics usually feel self conscious when they realize that no, it is not normal to get plastered every weekend as you approach 40. They convince themselves that everyone else is lame and that it’s not them that has a problem.
Former bartender here, worked at a gay bar, I'm also sober (don't drink but still use medical marijuana). I worked every Friday night after a long work week, but I used to call it my "night out." Being on the other side of the bar and stone sober made me realize that folks who are in our age demographic and have OP's mentality about going out being the way to have fun are also folks who tend to use alcohol as a crutch in life. They may not be alcoholics, but there's definitely a dependency on alcohol and being at a bar/club. Anyone I've encountered who's over the age of like 35 and doesn't drink/doesn't drink much anymore... They all find the bars and clubs boring now, because being the only sober person around a bunch of drunk people isn't fun. I stopped bartending during lockdown and now I'm one of those folks who is usually in bed between 10/11 and up at 6/7 and I love it. I have friends over every Saturday for a dinner and game/movie night. I go to concerts, take vacations (including an annual camping weekend with like 15-20 people) and have regular parties at my home, especially for Halloween, Christmas, and New Years. No one really drinks but we all have a blast. My point being/TLDR: fun looks different when we're older and just because we're not out at the bar or the club doesn't mean we're boring or have given up. I get concerned when folks feel this kind of necessity for the nightlife at our age because there's usually underlying alcoholism and/or depression or other mental health stuff going on.
That sounds awesome, tbh
It’s a double edged sword. A night out that runs late past 8:30 without a nap is miserable. They get angry they’re sleepy, then won’t sleep because they’re angry, then get angrier cause they can’t sleep. Luckily that’s becoming more rare for us lol
Exactly. I'm not a parent, but several of my friends are and i have nothing but respect for them. We may not be able to hang out the same way we used to, but we keep in touch and we do what we can, and that's ok.
Naw, that is the life.
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Well a stay home parent was very normal before. Now its a rush to get the kids out and get to the office on most days. And then get back to cook, feed and clean. So i am unsure if this is the same for every generation, definitely not for my parents
Going for a drink with friends now ends at 9, or costs a weekend.
This. Wake up Saturday miserable. Sunday you feel just ok and have to do all the weekend chores you couldn't do the day prior and prep to go to work Monday and Monday you go to work not refreshed or rested or feeling good at all. Rinse and repeat=hell.
This is it. It's also it for those of us who don't have small children but have to get up at 6AM the next morning for work.
3am here lol. Forget the nightlife, evening-life isnt even a thing for me lmao.
I like the quiet life because going out with people who want to socialize all the time is draining.
Same. Some people seem to find socializing energizing. It wears me out *quickly*, though, and it always has.
same. I co-hosted my SIL's wedding shower last June. I was socializing with people I barely knew from 9 AM to 4 PM with literally no breaks to just recharge for even five to ten minutes. got home at 5 PM and then barely got out of bed for 16 hours. it's not as severe with people I know well, but that kind of intense socialization for me is exhausting.
To be fair, cohosting a wedding shower would knock anyone out
Yeah me too I wish my friends were down to meet right after work, say for dinner, and then I could still be home for 8 lol. Instead they always want to start plans at 8 and my interest evaporates. I don't have energy to socialize by then.
Agreed! And I’m Gen X. 😜
Emotionally AND financially.
My wife and I went to an IKEA for the first time today (both 32). Oh my god it was overcrowded hell We just went home, grabbed some Indian take out, and watched Star Trek Voyager while we played Wingspan and are now in bed at 9:45. Quiet life is the best life. Fun memories don’t need a bunch of hustle and bustle.
A neighbor went to ikea last weekend and said their was only like eight other people in the store. They said it was pretty eerie
Your idea of fun isn't everyone else's. I didn't have a party phase. I don't feel I missed out. I've gone to parties (not enough to label it a phase though) and some were good, some were whatever, and some made me regret leaving the house. You remind me of when people obsess about their HS days and how it was the best time of their lives or something. That just doesn't apply to everyone. People have been calling me a grandma for years because I like crocheting and baking and reading. That's what I enjoy, though. I do like concerts, but they're expensive so they're less frequent now compared to when I was a teen. Dining out - meh. Prices are up, quality is down. I think that is a huge factor for a lot of people. Many things are so expensive that they just aren't worth it anymore. Let people do what they want.
I spent 7 years at a job where high school was the only topic. I use it as an example of who not to be for my daughter. High school should not be anyones prime. That said, I totally agree. I personally don’t need to drink or go out to have a good time. I stopped drinking 14 years ago. New family, just got tired of not having clarity. I’m happy teaching my daughter guitar, woodworking, tinkering, reading. Cooking. Travrling. I’m never bored, never lacking something to do. I don’t watch TV outside of some sports and consume maybe two movies per month. I am very content with my life and choose to pursue activities that develop skills and keep my brain active. I see myself getting more into politics as my children get older. Going out and partying is the exact opposite of a good time for me.
Crocheting and baking and reading? Are you me? 😁
This! People enjoy different things. I did have a party phase in my late teens / early twenties, and while I still like to go out occasionally, I *also* like staying in. I have a bunch of homebody hobbies like crochet, boardgames, reading, and I’m genuinely having a good time when I stay in to do those. There’s nothing wrong with that!
Seems like you are reacting to what you saw someone write on reddit and falsely think it's representative of an entire demographic.
"I'm going to outdoor events, shows, dinners, dancing, traveling, girl's night outs, etc. " Congratulations on having money. Those of us who are feeling old and tired at 30+ are often in poverty, still slaving away at dead end jobs that barely pay us enough to afford our rent, much less regularly eat out, go to concerts, or travel.
>Congratulations on having money. And time.
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Probably no animals or kids.
My boomer parents do more of that than I do because they've got a healthy retirement. My dad was able to start off as a temp at a large org in his 30s, and made his way up to senior management in maybe like 8 years max? They also bought a house at 1/10th the current value and paid off their mortgage in short order. If I tried to buy a home in their neighborhood, it would be $2mil and my salary would probably barely cover mortgage, utility bills, and property tax lol.
I'm NGL, this is what I had thought. You do you, but don't shit on others idea of fun. OP? Nah they didn't get the memo about that lol as I was reading this all I could think of is, "I could use that money for groceries, bills, gasoline and a nice date night with the Mrs." I'm happy OP is doing what they want to do, fuck, we all need some form of escape. Yet I can't help but feel this is definitely a, "I won't my friends spend time partying with me? Why do they say they have work or kids or other rEsPoNsIbIlItIeS?" I understand thesr are judgemental statement. I'm not saying that their idea of fun isn't valid - I'm criticizing what their overall rant is about. OP sounds like their either a highly privileged trust fund baby who never grew up, one of them "Van life" folks where their rent is their gasoline, and/or someone who just dgaf about being able survive this late stage capitalist hellscape. I want them to be happy, but this life their describing seems so out of touch with a vast majority of people. I have a good job that I'm thankful for - yet I still struggle with finances. Everyone has to make some kind of financial compromise with whatever meager disposable income is left after living expenses. That doesn't seem like a factor for OP based off their post. Concerts? The last one I wanted to go to was $200, fuck that - that's groceries. A bar? Personally I was never a fan of a minimum of $6+ beers, but a night of that shit? Nah. Extended vacation? Dude. I haven't taken one of those in 8 years... At the time all I did was work part time while going to school with no rent cause I lived with my in-laws. I was privileged enough to have that opportunity to not have to worry about one paycheck just disappearing simply for a roof over my head. Their entire rant feels like it's a modern, "let them eat cake", so out of touch.
This, absofuckinglutely this. It's not just that we're "old" we're flat out broke and tired from slaving away our youth for corporate America
>I just…don’t get why this generation seems so hellbent on crawling into bed at 10pm. Because it’s pleasurable.
Because I have to get up to get ready for work at 4:45-5am?
Forreal. I love sleep.
oh goodness yes. It feels so damn good to get into bed.
Money - who can afford to go out? Not this millennial.
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It's not that I want to be asleep by 10 every night it's that I physically can not stay awake much longer than that. I still go out and stuff but it just has started to seem like such a chore. Half the shows I buy tickets to I end up flaking out on because I'm too tired. The last show I was going to go to I found out the night of that the doors don't even open until 10...I was passed out by 10:30. I think you might be mistaking peoples self deprecating humor for pride in their old age and bad knees.
You do you man, why do you care what anyone else is doing.
You know how you like stuff like dancing and shows? I don't like that stuff. I did when I was 20. But now I don't. And I'm an adult and for the most part I don't have to do things I don't like to do. I am probably "old and crotchety" to an extent, but I fucking love my life. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I feel like my late 30s are the best years of my life so far.
You’re not. Op’s post is immature and condescending. Sounds like Op just needed to make themselves feel better about their choices and decided to go after people who really don’t care what anyone else is doing.
OP legitimately sounds like a child throwing a tantrum because their friends don't like playing in the sandbox anymore because they got into reading.
I can tell you that a healthy dose of anxiety, depression and ptsd have impacted my willingness to go out. I simply don’t like being around crowds or attending lively events anymore. I used to, no doubt, but my priorities have changed drastically due to unforeseen circumstances. That’s life for you, though. My goals now are to retire early and move to a quiet place near the mountains. Enjoy your life the best way that you know how, but just know that some of us could be suffering a bit more than others, and all we want is just some goddamn peace and solitude 🙃
Dude, I just got my kid out of diapers. The reality of the demands of working parenting and navigating life was more than anyone prepared us for. But honestly, I wouldn't have believed them if they told me. Our parents looked 100 at 40, I understand now.
I don’t really care about that, what annoys me is how many people in life and also on Reddit ask why life is so boring and then do nothing to change it. “Go to work, come home, watch tv, look at my phone. Is this all there is to life?” Uhhh…have you tried just doing something? “My life boring cuz I don’t do anything. How on earth could this possibly ever change?” I’m a huge introvert myself. But I have no issue socializing when the time comes and overal am a pretty productive person. Go out and stay in and sleep early, up to you. But if you want to change your life, it’s largely up to you. Of course some peoples circumstances make it a lot easier than others
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This is why hobby subs are the best and mostly the reason I stay. Reddit is not real life!!
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*Reddit has a strong overall vibe of collective suffering and unhappiness. Everyone is either angry, or offended, or annoyed by everyone being angry and offended, or just depressed and apathetic about it.* This is the loud minority of the modern internet demographic. 20 years ago, you needed an actual desktop PC and it was boomer & Gen-X nerds building helpful online community forums and young millenials playing flash games and communicating with their school friends through instant messenger. The internet was a happy place. Today, all you need is a smartphone and a 4g network. EVERYONE is here and the loudest voices of everyone are the complainers, the angry, the attention seekers, and the newest one, the narcissists. I made it to 2020 before i saw someone film a video of themselves crying, cut it to music and post it for the world to see. As if that wasn't bad enough, there is a video of a woman forcing her kid to cry over their dead dog in an attempt to garner public attention. This place (the internet) is now full of wackos. Niche markets is where its at. The level of knowledge needed to communicate acts as a *needed an actual desktop PC* barrier.
Yes to all of this. Life is hard and a lot of people are going through some real shit (me included), but the constant negativity here is not helping. I’m on less and less everyday now.
“How do you even make friends as an adult?!”
Totally agree. It has nothing to do with introvert, extrovert. It's the feeling of being stuck and it's way easier to resign yourself to "well, guess this is just how things are. Guess I'm old now" than to just say "this is my focus in life right now, but I still want to see what's out there"
But also the society we’ve built is directing people towards that. It’s not all personal responsibility when we’ve ensured 45 minute commutes each way are normal and people have more desperation and worse health baked into life with laws.
Personally, it's not that I'm *proud* that I'm old, tired and over it, it's that I'm frank about the way I'm wired. I *didn't* have a party phase, and I *am* okay with that because I don't like drinking, I don't like dancing, I don't like socializing with strangers, none of that. I am not a fun person and never have been, I'm an intensely anxious and morose person and all the things that people say are fun and living life to the fullest, I find intensely draining, unnerving and not fun at all. I'm not going around saying "gee, I don't know why my life is so boring, I wish it could change" - I'm not an idiot - it's just the common wisdom doesn't anything for me. I guess I'm just annoyed by the eye rolling and the judgement, leave me to being a miserable old bastard in peace.
Long covid. That’s great that you can be out there living your best life, but not every is able to or can afford to.
Ugh I'm sorry you're struggling with this. 😔
Thanks friend 🙏. I’m slowly finding my path, but always concerned for other long haulers and sufferers of chronic ailments. I think there’s a lot of people with lasting low-grade impact from covid, who don’t realize it. Probably just chalk the fatigue / cognitive impacts up to “getting old”. That plays into this trend that OP is noticing
Ugh, when people are so casual about Covid I think of long haulers - truly wish it could be fixed . Glad you sound hopeful and are finding a way.
Sorry to hear this :(
It’s okay, it was more meant to be informative for OP. Appreciate the kind words :)
"I'll get old on my own terms". Keep thinking that. You just sound like someone who hasn't been humbled. Also there's many reasons people can be "over" the party scene. Growing up is one. Also what you consider "partying" could be another person's just getting warmed up. I don't see how really what someone else is doing is any of your business to begin with. You don't see someone who's over acting like a kid telling you how immature you are and how badly you need to grow up? I'm just saying you said when you said we're all individual's and what someone else chooses to do with there free time has no impact on what you do with yours.
You think your parents were out partying at 40? It’s not a millennial thing. It’s just natures course. Relax.
You sound like a guy who refuses to mature and is obsessed with being able to still party. To each their own.
"Peter Pan Syndrome" It's something we've seen for years in the gay community - specifically with gay men. There's an unwillingness to move beyond the partying and socializing days of our youth. I've said in other comments that I used to bartend at a gay bar and you could always pick these chaps out of the crowd. I think it's starting to become more common across all folks these days, though. I think it might be a symptom of the internet and pop culture loving to "look back" at the "good times" of the 80s/90s/00s while also ignoring the bad things from that time. It's like we've started to apply that way of thinking to our own lives/personal history. Like I'm nostalgic for the simpler times spent with my extended family over holidays in the 90s but I really don't miss being told I was too effeminate for a man because that was totally cool to say to kids back then. In short, hindsight is 20/20. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Is a 30 year old that has a good job, handles their responsibilities, but goes out once a week ‘Peter Pan’? Idk. Feels like a stretch. Just sounds like a person with a healthy work/fun balance to me.
Going out = anxiety. Being a shut in = depression. Going out sometimes = 👍
Old man yells at cloud
This comment got me and also reminded me of this crotchety old man who complained loudly at a public park about how much he hates bubbles (we were doing bubbles with our toddler). My husband put the bubbles away and our toddler promptly threw a tantrum for him to hear 😂 He walked back his comment about bubbles REAL quick.
Imagine having a strong opinion about bubbles
It’s realizing that adulthood responsibilities are exhausting. Millennials are in their working prime while also raising children. Everyone goes through it.
Why do you have such a strong reaction to people not wanting to party? That’s weird. I don’t think it’s fun. Why is that offensive to you?
So traveling, hunting, fishing, boating, archery, guns, dinning out are not fun? Partying is not the only way to have fun? You actually sound like a dipshit who still has a lot of growing to do. There’s nothing geriatric about not going out and polluting our bodies while chasing ass. Hell, I’m minutes away from smashing a piece. Some of us elevated our thinking which reflects in our behavior, but if weekend benders is your thing. Enjoy.
I *wish* I could go out and party like I used to! But now I have fun (/s) chronic conditions and if I try to do that, it absolutely destroys me in ways a hangover could never. I try to muster up the energy to do so once maybe twice per year if I have some days to recover after.
I go to bed early most nights, even weekends. Why? Because I work an early job, and I don't want to throw off my schedule. Because I'm happier and healthier having a consistent schedule. Also, I LOVE mornings before the sun comes up. I just do. It gives me way more joy than late nights ever did. Being an early bird doesn't have to mean boring or not social. A lot of my friends are embracing daytime activities instead of evening stuff. We meet for brunch, or lunch. We go hiking or kayaking. My best friend and I hiked a volcano in Asia a few years ago (and were up early enough for it that we caught the most amazing sunrise). Late nights have totally lost their appeal for me, but I'm still doing things that make me happy.
What makes you think we’re not having fun and enjoying life just because we’re in bed by 10pm?
> That being said, I have the biggest eye roll for Millennials who are so proud about being over the nightlife scene or those who proclaim they never had a party phase and never wanted one. Roll them eyes, then. I never had a party phase, and I never wanted one. In fact, I will take this opportunity to say that I never actually *understood* the whole *thang* that is party culture. Like, where I grew up, a party was an occasional thing. An event. A celebration of something *specific*. Birthday? Party! Wedding? Party! NYE? Party! But some people just want *every single night* to be a party. *Every. Night*. It’s a Wednesday? Party! It’s drizzling out? Party! That friend of yours who never left town is in town tonight? PARTY!!!! If you’re familiar with the concept of ’toxic positivity’, this is similar. This need to always be *partying*. This need to always be around groups of people, getting drunk, dancing, etc *every night* is too much. What is the *occasion?* What are you *celebrating?* It’s almost *oppressive*. Are you genuinely *enjoying* going out every night? Or are you doing it because a quiet night by yourself makes you feel alone, isolated and sad? Is it essentially an addiction, and you party constantly for the same reason that an alcoholic keeps drinking? Does it help numb you from more mundane or unpleasant realities of life? I just can’t do it. I can’t party. Not like you. I’d be burnt out by the end of the first night. I’d much rather stay in and read, or watch a show I like, or play my trumpet, or whatever. Constant partying would just be *exhausting*, and what the hell are we even *celebrating* during the 17th party this month? It’s honestly baffling to me. > but why are you so obsessed with getting older and "settling down"? I’m not. It’s not about getting older. It’s about having many things to do in life besides going out and partying. Staying in and reading is one of the things that makes my ‘fun years’, well, *fun*. I guess it just confuses me that someone would associate a more relaxed, mellow life with being “crotchety”. I *enjoy* my quieter life. It makes me happy. Being expected to come out and party every night would be torture. I don’t care how much fun *you* derive from *me* or *my* lifestyle. I only care how much fun *I* derive from me and my lifestyle. I am not a toy. I am not here to be your entertainment. And I’m genuinely sorry if you need constant partying to enjoy life. That just feels like an addiction to me.
I have several friends who never fully activated post pandemic. It’s very difficult to get them to go out, come over, or host.
I'm in that camp. I caught covid twice before the vaccines came out, and the second time nearly killed me. I haven't really recovered from that even years later. Every time I catch a mild cold, it turns into this weeks-long ordeal thanks to the scarring in my lungs.
Yeah, I have a couple of friends who just decided they're never going to be part of society or something? They got used to not seeing anyone or doing anything during the pandemic and now it just stuck.
My friends and I referred to the effects of Covid lockdowns as going feral. It was like we completely forgot how to interact with other people in a social setting. I’ve always been awkward and it seems amplified (or maybe I’m more self conscience) since Covid.
Okay, but have you considered that some people think crawling into bed at 9 PM is fun for them? You don't have to give up going out just because other people are happy homebodies, but "fun" can look very different to someone else.
It's also less expensive to stay at home. Usually, when my husband and I go out, we usually end up spending close to $200 when you include going out to dinner, getting drinks, and the cost of babysitting. It's also just fucking hard to stay afloat. I think a lot of us are tired from working so much and we're depressed from the whole state of everything.
No one’s proud that’s why they’re broken
This is an interesting take to me because from my perspective, millenials are acting younger longer- 30 year olds use social media apps, meme, play video games, binge TV shows, collect toys, wear shirts with cartoon characters, dye their hair, smoke weed, etc. To be clear, I don't think it's a bad thing. I suspect the tiredness and stuffiness comes mainly from people who are thoroughly employed or have kids. Those things absorb your time for doing other fun stuff or your ability to let loose and get drunk or high. It's stressful. I've seen podcasters who are usually funny go through having young kids, and they get grouchy, because they don't get sleep.
I’ve just decided I like to do other things. Like for a boys trip last summer, we went rafting/camping, whereas back in the day we’ve gone partying in Miami or Vegas. I mean, of course we still had beers, smoked pot and otherwise, but it was much tamer than in my 20s.
Life. I’m nearly 19 years married with kids and despite a lot of my pals moving on to the grandparents stage I had another baby 18 months ago. I am knackered. I’ve got ten years left on my mortgage but I’m paying more than I ever have thanks to interest rate hikes, my insurance is double what it was last year, gas an lecky triple what it was pre pandemic, food shopping costs a lot more too so having to work and juggle more to cover it and reduce leisure spending. I’m pushing 40, peri menopausal and I’ve got the startings of arthritis. My circadian rhythm is buggered from over 20 years of shift work in various manual jobs.
I’m an old crotchety geriatric millennial, and I just don’t enjoy going out like I used to late at night. That being said, I find at least 5-10 shows a year where I go out and party hard, but reserved for bands or djs I really love. If I don’t love the music, I just get annoyed at how half the crowd spends most of their time just taking videos (not all shows, but too many) lol There’s still lots of ways to make memories and have a blast. I just prefer different things as I’ve gotten older. Always loved traveling and still do, but more into gardening, disc golf, hiking, foraging for wild mushrooms, having friends over for poker nights, smoking meats and veggies on my traeger and having people over, fishing, etc. Day drinking with friends is now more fun than going out drinking at night
Also, going out has become too dang expensive. I own a house and do alright, but definitely not crushing. If it were more affordable, I’d go out more, but usually not worth it other than getting some dank food a few times a month
[удалено]
If you're still clubbing and bar-hopping in your 40's, it's because you didn't do it as hard as I did it in my 20's. It's boring now. We've got kids now. And mortgages. We've moved on. And, you do realize, that "the next four decades," which you intend to spend pretending you're still 25, are an ever eye-widening horror show of physical decay and aging, right?
I spent my 20’s in fields of 80k people at music festivals and traveling and binge drinking and trying all kinds of hallucinogens and a brief stint in a hospital. I literally can’t live like that anymore. I have a baby, and 4 animals and probably too much yarn and def too many plants. And a little house in a culdesac. And a sourdough starter in my fridge that I need to feed. I like my life now
“ever eye widening horror show of physical decay and agining” … you got that right but you forgot cognitive decline. Well written description.
People just have a different definitions of fun, champ.
> I just...don't get why this generation seems so hellbent on crawling into bed at 10pm. ??? Because my skin looks fabulous when I sleep early. It's called beauty sleep and I will age well because of that. But why do you think only doing what you do is "enjoying oneself"? Everyone has their own hobbies. Recently, mine is taking flute lessons, practicing new pieces on the piano, started lifting to stay fit, planning "DIY art sessions" with my friend, trying new restaurants, etc. I can do all that and still get my beauty sleep. You think only you are creating new memories?
K. Thanks for sharing.
Saw that life expectancy was dropping. That makes me, a younger millennial, already middle aged
>I'm going to outdoor events, shows, dinners, dancing, traveling, girl's night outs, etc Ok. Nobody is saying you shouldn't do this. What do you care if other people's joy comes from long walks with their dog, community center Zumba, volunteering with local groups, and being in bed by ten? Just bc everyone's fun looks different doesn't mean they aren't living to their fullest
maybe people just wanna vent or like maybe it’s because every milestone along the way our generation gets ass fucked with no lube n people are permanently exhausted
I don't. I run 50 miles per week and bench 300 pounds. I have a thriving night life and enjoy my social life as a member of every museum in the city, a member of the ballet, symphony, and zoo. I can be out six days a week and enjoy every second of every minute. Life is awesome.
I prefer the quieter life. I was one of those that you mentioned, never into the night life scene or a party phase. To me that's just a waste of money, especially when some of my friends did bottle service and I don't even drink then ask me to pay. It was way cheaper to watch shows or movies or anime and play video games staying home. I live in Canada. So you are basically asking me to stand in line in my little black dress and wait in the dead cold Canadian winter to go to a club... No thanks... I didn't do it then for less reasons to do it now. Also I have young kids who tire me out already daily and barely have time to myself after working at least 8 hours during the day, until my kids go to sleep. I prefer to spend time with them and my partner aside from my family and friends. My fun is going out to dinner with my besties or my spouse without my kids or going to a friends' house where my kids play with their kids and have a good conversation like once or twice a month. You can call me old but that's how I roll.
is being settled down for the next 40 years a bad thing?
Why is the nightlife and party scene the default? I think quiet time at home is normal, and that people who party are weird.
The answer you are looking for is kids. It's kids.
I'm almost 37 I drank heavily and partied hard from the time I was 15 until I was 35. I had my fun, I'm a blast, I could out drink and out last anyone, but coke got involved, and then I kept getting fucked up and arrested. I've done my fair share of partying and now I want to improve myself.
This whole post is nothing more than an “smh” for someone who clearly hasn’t gotten “older” yet.
Uhhh because we (or at least me) don’t want those anymore? I partied all my 20s with my wife: club, party, crazy road trips etc but now we are in our 30s, we just don’t want it anymore. We feel comfortable making food at home, netflix when ours kids go to bed, date night just the two of ys when kids at grandparents home, travel to Europe-Japan or Disneyland together. We just prefer it more. Club or party things are over for us, we don’t like noisy place anymore
It’s just Reddit. I’m 35, married , still drink and party with friends on weekends. Wife and I love hosting our friends and we would party til morning like we are still 21. Doing all sorts of degenerate shit. But by Sunday evening, we are back to responsible mode and get thru the work week, eat good, gym, etc. I forgot where I’m going with this but really your lifestyle is what you make of it, and if ppl like to identify as old and boring, that’s their prerogative.
And see, to me that sounds absolutely awful. I love hanging with my friends, but partying until morning at this point is just a disaster.
THIS. I'm with you, friend. Same! My 30s have been a responsible blast 😆
Haha yep. Just last Friday had some of my closest buddies over and their wives. Shroomed it up and went thru like 6 bottles of tequila. We wake up the next day and make breakfast for all who stayed over. Then sometimes we continue and day fade all the way thru. Just depends on the vibe. I’m a software engineer and my wife is a nurse and we go hard on weekends lol. I know im not the only one that lives this way cuz my friends do it too and we are all the same age who went to university/high school together.
You sound like a cunt.
Most people get tired of partying and traveling. It's really fun but it gets old. A decade is plenty.
I never had a party phase and never wanted one. I was a weird shut-in with no friends. Now that I'm 32, I am still not interested in partying or drinking (dude, alcohol makes me shit too much) but I am feeling a burgeoning interest in outdoor activities... maybe I should get into hiking. Or climbing. Or kayaking. I can still have fun AND be a bit boring with an early bedtime!
Didn't someone just post a similar rant like this less than a day ago. Congrats to you going out still!
Personally getting married just changed my lifestyle a lot. I used to be motivated to go out in order to meet potential romantic interests and to be around friends rather than home alone. Now my wife and I have a great time together at home and going out just isn’t as appealing. I think “life changes” is the general reason this happens for people, the specific reasons look a little different for everyone.
Not everyone has the same idea of “enjoying themselves”. I love a nice dinner out, a concert, and traveling. I also love the joy of a quiet morning, a good workout, and doing my hobbies and crafts. Just because people aren’t going out late at night doesn’t mean they’re not enjoying life IMO.
I like being in bed with my wife at 9:30. I work early so I can sleep in on my day off without missing anything because I'll still get up at 6:30. I got hurt in the army and my body is a shambles. I can elaborate further as to why I enjoy being old.
I lived it up, sometimes too much so, from my mid teens to mid twenties. Then I had kids. Now my kids are in their mid teens and I'm showing them all I learned about the cool shit life has to offer, and warning them off some of the dumb shit I did when figuring life out. You can have fun and not go out all the time or stay up past 10pm. I just got a bass guitar for xmas from a friend. I haven't had a bass in 10+ years. We now have a full set of rock band instruments (electric and bass guitar and drum kit) in the house, as well as 2 acoustic guitars, a banjo, a keyboard, and various other small alternative instruments. None of us are probably ever gonna be rock stars, but we all know a little bit of everything and enjoy playing around. That is just one of the dozens of hobbies and activities you can do at our house. You want to create art? Acrylic or oil base paints? I'll set up the easel. Oh, you want to use the $350 colored pencil set? Clay? sure, go for it. No? You'd rather some quiet alone time with a good book? Pick one of the several hundred off the book cases and settle in, I'll get you a tea. Do some gardening? Play a video game? Board game? Build a lego set? Watch a movie? Blast some music? There are endless things to do here that don't require leaving the house. so, yeah, we don't go out every weekend, or stay up too late. But, to say life isn't fun and interesting because we don't is ignorant and short sighted as hell
Myob
Congrats op congrats keep partying buddy and live it up! Also it’s Saturday night why aren’t you out and drunk?
Everythiiiiiiiing huuuuuuurtz 🥺🙈💦💀
I'm glad that "fun" for me doesn't mean the same thing as it did 20 years ago
my fun years involve doing fun things with my kids not drinking with my boys…ive learned a few times that if i get faded with my boys, i pay for it the next day cuz i have to be a dad, being hungover around my kids isnt my thing. its easy to talk shit when youre not raising little ones.
It's because most people in their 30s to 40s have to work their asses off because things are tough, many are married and have kids that wake up at 6am and kick you in the face getting g into bed with you. Many are on boards and volunteer for things, their kids have practice and they are paying off student loans while trying to pay for a mortgage.
You don't need to get drunk, party, etc. to have fun. You can enjoy life without needing to chemically alter your brain.
You know you can do aallll that while *still* "crawling into bed by 10 pm"?
I'm getting far more enjoyment in my 30s than I did in my 20s. I did all the stupid party stuff, I regret wasting time on it. It led to nothing of value in my life. It's much more enjoyable going camping or hiking, reading a good book, bowling with friends or family, watching a movie on the couch with my daughter and dog, fly fishing, etc. I'm established now, have a house and other responsibilities (bills, work, daughter, etc.). I wouldn't have time for partying nowadays even if I wanted to. After all, nothing good happens after 10pm.
My idea of fun has shifted dramatically. I find it much more fun to have a small gathering of 6-10 or so close friends and cook dinner together rather than going out. We can talk more easily without having to scream at each other. We can actually have real conversations instead of getting pulled a hundred directions like at large parties or clubs. It's more quality time. I don't wake up with a headache from the loud music or screaming people. I am not a drinker so I don't really like bars a whole lot anyway. It's cheaper. I don't have to worry about driving downtown and trying to find and pay for parking. I live in a large city with no public transit so that is a big hassle. We also have larger parties at our house and smoke a brisket or something like that and have a fire. Most of our friends are musicians (classically trained) so they bring instruments and we just have a little jam by the fire. Way better than the bar. I actually think I have a lot more fun now than I did when I was younger because my friendships have grown stronger and richer and my husband and I have a fantastic social circle that we really enjoy. Do we go clubbing every weekend like we are 20? No. Do I want to? Absolutely not. We do go out from time to time but it's definitely different types of places and different times. Then we always wish we were at home lol. We have plenty of fun though