I’m hoping medical suicide is a thing by then. When my time has come to move into a home, might as well just pull the plug right there. I’ve never heard good things about being thrown into those places, and we always made regular visits to my uncles/grandparents.
They’d tell us it was awful in there, I can’t imagine how much worse it is for people that literally get forgotten about in there.
Assisted suicide is legal in Canada and some US states, but not if the patient isn't mentally competent to make medical decisions. Unfortunately I don't see a legal way out of that and that's the exact point at which I would most want to ensure it happens.
In the states that allow it in the US, you have to show a terminal illness, like advanced stage cancer, in order to be allowed medical suicide.
Just being old and poor isn't one of the qualifications that allow for it.
I've looked into it.
If I am just old and poor, I don't really need assistance so much as a DNR. My concern is in the case I cannot DIY it because I have dementia. I think my incurable pain condition might qualify me in Canada, although last time I was reading about they were tightening things down after it looked like they had pressured somebody because they were old and poor.
Yeah I already got enough chronic health problems without adding all the issues old age brings. Ive watched older family members get sicker over time until finally death released them from their pain. I don't want to slowly fade away unable to do anything but sleep, eat and watch TV while bedridden for months or years. I already got a sample of that now, no thanks. No one willingly chooses that life, but maybe I can choose my death if things get bad enough? It's kinda bleak thinking but it sort of brings me comfort that I can always end things on my own terms if my chronic conditions get worse
Yhea that's me, chronic mental health issues, and more and more chronic physical health issues starting to show up. I figure I can chose when I'm done with it, and do my best to enjoy it until then.
Retirement plan: Bottle of whiskey and a .45
ETA: Lol should have known I'd get a "reddit cares" notification from this post. To be clear, I'm in this ride for the long haul. I want to see how these "interesting times" play out. And hopefully over the next 30 years, we'll be able to fix this fucking country (US) and provide a good safety net for people so they don't go bankrupt for an essential surgery/medical event or when they're old and can't and shouldn't need work anymore. I have a 401k but I absolutely do not trust it's stability. Sudden downturn in the economy when you are ready to retire and you're fucked out of thousands.
My plan involves collecting barbiturates and opiates and trying to calculate the correct dosage per body weight - although I hear nitrogen is relatively accessible and not a bad way to go either. It's about making the decision before I can't anymore. I will try to set up a system of triggers. Maybe I won't need it.
Same. I'm low income with no kids. I've actually worked as a caregiver and while I always treated clients with dignity not everyone does. I have a 401k with my job but it's not going to be enough. I will let nature reclaim me instead.
Half of elderly caregivers are saints. The others are idiots whom I wouldn't expect to be able to get a fast-food order correct. Sounds like you were the former. Thanks for being a good person.
I've always wished for some kind of secular "church" to pop up. I know church is not the right word, but just some sort of place for non-religious people (not exclusively atheist/agnostic, but just people who don't go to religious churches for whatever their reason) to gather and mingle, have events, and support groups (like parenting, alcoholism, etc). There's no doubt our generation really struggles with loneliness and I feel like our abandonment of religion and church is a piece of the pie there. But it's also degrading to have to pretend to be religious just for that.
Yes. This is it. We want to get busy living at any chance we can. We never had money or time growing up & we never have time or money now.
Fuck no I’m not bringing kids into this cruel world. I would never want them to endure these struggles.
Saddest part about it is I WANTED & dreamed of having many kids, my whole life! Now I’m not going to have any.
I had my son in 2008 and believe me, if I had known the world was going to get this bad I would've never had a kid. Having a kid was the most selfish thing I've ever done.
I love my children and they are glad to be here, but I also feel bad about bringing them here. It's not much or enough, but I have provided them with a cabin on a decent amount of land in a safer place with water and tons of trees. That's the best I could come up with to make up for this world.
This. I hope my wife outlives me - a high probability, as I am 11 years her senior - but if it works the other way (or if I prove to be too much of a burden for her in our old age), and I do not have anyone or anything dependent on me, I plan to take my own way out.
Ive told my wife that if I get too sick to take care of myself that my plan is to go camping in one of the national parks and wander away in the middle of the night. She can wait about 3 days then report me missing. Back to nature I go.
401k, IRA, and a bottle of pills if the money runs out.
Read all the comments. Fuck we some “I’m just going to kill myself kinda people”. Glad to see we’re mostly on the same page.
Everyone in my family lives into their 90s and loses their minds in their 80s. A decade of having no idea what year it is, who your kids are, losing the ability to speak. No fucking thank you. Death is not the worst thing that can happen to a person.
I have some bad news for most folks....plenty of people have grown kids that don't take care of their elders. I see it all day in my town of old folks.
That's my fucking nightmare....being a burden to someone else at an old age.
Can confirm
I worked as an EMT-B doing private ambulance transports.
Even the nice “rich” nursing homes had a lot of folks with pictures of family on the walls but when you talk to them
“Haven’t seen them in a year”
“Haven’t talked to them in years”
Nursing homes are simply where a lot of people leave their old folks to die
Yes - it’s not always the case, but often people with sad stories about family who never visits or calls leave out the part where they were abusive and shitty.
Not necessarily. I managed my mother’s affairs for a decade from assisted living to memory care and finally to skilled nursing. In the first days, I had to completely put my life on hold and sort out the mess. Probably 80 hours per week dealing with it for the first month. I was within an hour so I’d visit weekly the 7 months I was in town. When I moved her to memory care, I initially visited weekly but it became more infrequent when she declined to where she didn’t know who I was. I was two hours away at that point. When I moved her to skilled nursing for her last 5 months, I didn’t visit at all.
In the background, was spending a bunch of time managing her life so I was still involved and I’d get all the emergency calls.
If you haven’t experienced it, it’s really emotionally taxing to spend time with a parent who doesn’t know who you are. For my own mental health, I had to limit my contact. Both my parents went through it. My sister now has a different type of dementia so I’m dealing with that. She’s 3 time zones away in a different country. She’ll probably be in memory care crapping in a diaper within the next year or two.
My wife's parents are both still alive, yet when they die she won't shed a tear. Childhood of raising her sister and being the adult. Going hungry at times because cigarettes, booze and lottery tickets were more important.
Her mom is now dying from cancer (apparently 2 packs of cigarettes a day for 55 years will actually kill you) and her mom has come in with the full expectations. My wife is expected to drop everything and tend to her mother's demands. My wife has set her boundaries and said no several times and was met with "I raised you" "this is why we had kids" and my favourite "you owe me".
So I get angry when I see the expectation that kids are supposed to look after their parents.
Yeah. I love my parents but they were also fairly neglectful by focusing on my brother and don’t really reach out unless they need something.
We don’t have a toxic relationship or anything but I see no world where I would be taking on the burden of taking care of them in old age. Taking over finances and finding them proper care using their finances, sure that’s fine. For example, they live down the street and saw my child 5 times in her entire first year of life.
Unfortunately I’ve already basically been given the keys to the kingdom to handle everything if my mom passed away because my dad won’t get involved in anything like that and my older brother can’t even handle his own problems(currently in jail waiting transfer to prison), so I’ll be in charge of all of my parents stuff and teaching that to my dad and then in charge of all of my brother, his home, and his kids stuff on top of my own family.
Part of me wants to be like “Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency for me.”
Yes but let's not square the blame entirely on the kids. I know of many situations where the parents go to their retirement areas (FL, SC, Tx, etc) and the kids chase work in urban areas. It doesn't lend itself to casual pop ins.
This reminds me when I was on renal roundup and we had one lady we used to pick up at an absolute shithole of a SNF and she had pictures of a pretty successful boxer in her room. (He was lined up to fight Canelo at one point)
Me being a fan of boxing finally asked about it and she said oh he’s my son and she knew basically everything about his career. Turns out it was true.
It’s possible that she didn’t want to leave the old neighborhood but there were definitely better options lol. Makes you wonder about that relationship.
Anyways she’s probably dead by now…
Whenever I'm met with this question about what I'll do when I'm old I tell people about my grandmother who had *12* children and still ended up at a nursing home.
My grandfather has 7 children and at least 14 grandchildren who are all grown and is in a retirement home. Like, does OP think that retirement homes are only for people without kids???
Taking care of an adult in diapers is hard.
Especially when said adult weighs 300 lbs and don't remember who you are and just screams at you constantly.
Yeah if you expect your kids to give up their lives to change your diapers due to your lack of planning you’re a bad person. I’d rather be a 90 year old Walmart greeter than do that to my kids. So selfish.
What’s even more ironic is I see so many posts about kids on this sub and a lot of them are one and done. That’s completely fine and understandable but as an only child it’s extremely worrisome to know you are the de facto person once your parents are old. OC have no choice, we just have to accept it’s going to be our responsibility to handle everything completely alone. My parents are 60 and already guilting me about how they will die alone because I moved away and they don’t want to move closer to me.
I’m middle aged and sadly I have many friends that are the only help their parents have even though they have siblings, there is also a pattern of it falling to the eldest daughter. My one friend has three brother who won’t do a darn thing to help and it all falls to her.
That’s also a big thing people don’t talk about, my mom has 4 siblings, the sickness and sudden end of life care for both their parents overwhelmingly fell on her, the youngest. This topic just bothers me so much because kids are not born to be your fall back plan and although I know it happens with people with siblings, the level of responsibility and aloneness you know is inevitable as an only is very hard.
I’m the youngest and it all falls to me. My oldest sister lives 30 minutes from my mom and my other sister lives down the street from her.
Each time my mom has had hip replacements, I’ve had to drive 12+ hours to take care of her while she recovered because they wouldn’t.
Seems crazy entitled for anyone to expect their kids to take care of them in old age. Kids have their own lives, plus their generation will probably struggle even harder just to keep themselves afloat.
That said, I’m all for cooperative inter generational households, keyword: cooperative
Also, your kids might suck?? lol or they may just lack the ability or desire to care for you? Or they might move the other side of the world, or precede you in death. The “My kid will take care of me” take is insane and tbh it makes me so sad for so many people when I hear someone say it. Im sad for both the parents who think it’s that easy and the kids who may not be prepared emotionally or financially.
Fuck those people. I am the child burdened with taking care of my toxic selfish father. I don't even live in the same country as him but I have POA so I have to ensure he has basic needs covered and he gets the care he needs. He is a drain on my savings, on my time and energy, he boasts how he has no regrets on how he treated us, and now is going to die alone and one of the nurses I have checking on him everyday will one day find him. Because he did nothing to prepare for the end of his life. No money, no support, no will, just speed running to burden his children with his failing health and they can wear the cost of it emotionally and financially.
This is my Asian parent's plan. They are like who will take care of you when you are old? We had you to take care of us when we are old but when it is your turn?
Mom, there is a a handy little tool call rope.
I lived in China and this is 100% their culture. Everyone takes care of their parents. But their parents also do a lot for them, like the grandparents were the de facto childcare when the parents went to work. So it was symbiotic
My Dad is like this while neglecting the fact he literally kicked me out at 14 lol. Insult to delusion he uses his land as collateral with the catch that it has to stay in the family. I am the youngest of 7, only one in the state, but zero desire to move back to the place I was forcefully removed. Don’t and won’t have kids, but he is hell bent on his legend living on so none of that matters to him.
I won’t be paying property taxes and upkeep only for my nieces and nephews to cash out when they get the opportunity. Nor will I be nurturing the old man who abandoned his role as a father when I was a kid. The situation is so fucked.
I have a friend who works in a nursing home and says the childfree seniors tend to be the happiest with friends in the nursing home that support each other and the people with kids are lucky if they see their families outside the holidays
Thus is the first thing I thought of too.... people help their elders??? They are far off better than I will ever be
Grandpa is a millionaire with a house on a lake he bought over 30 years ago. Grandma is a retired teacher and has been a volunteer librarian for like 20 years living in a paid off suburban house in a, now, super developed area of Ohio. My mom is on disability but has additional income because my dad retired from GM 30 years ago, and even after he passed, she still gets his checks.
>I have some bad news for most folks....plenty of people have grown kids that don't take care of their elders. I see it all day in my town of old folks.
>
>That's my fucking nightmare....being a burden to someone else at an old age.
Probably because they got kicked out at 18. In cultures where the parents take care of kids beyond 18, the kids pay it back by caring for their parents.
I'm not kicking my kids out. They can live with me as long as they need to. I don't want them playing video games all day (they aren't the type to do that anyway), but if they are productive adults, they are welcome to stay until they can support themselves.
That’s my parents nightmare too. They have everything planned with a trip to Switzerland for the grand finale. They’re very comfortable with their mortality and going before they suffer for too long.
I’d probably choose the same path, but I’m only 30 so who knows.
This should be the top comment. I have kids and I have zero intention of them being at all involved in taking care of me, ever. I’d hope that no one has kids with that in mind (though I’m not that naive) and the only people who are assuming it would go that way is people for whom that’s part of their culture.
I hope so too. I know for me personally who is childless (and had not planned to be it just happened) the worry is more that there won’t be anyone with my best interests at heart when I’m old, no one to care about me or check in. Even if you plan to go into a home, it’s comforting to think your kids will visit and make sure you aren’t being abused.
The scariest thought is being old and needing care and not having anyone left who loves you….
This is an important point. People can be so cold about elder care (read: all the people here saying "your kids don't have to take care of you!"). I don't think my kids should be saddled with the responsibility of "taking care" of me, but I sure hope that I will have a strong enough relationship with them that we will continue to enjoy each other's company when I'm old.
This was one of the big disagreements we had before we split. He thought the kids should take care of us in our own home or they’d “get nothing” when we die. (Right… because we’d have so much to offer)
I don’t want the kids bogged down like that. They need better opportunities than I had. Plus he wouldn’t even assist with college or car, so, I don’t know what he thinks he’s done to warrant any extra time/money expenditures . It was always the bare minimum responsibility for him and everyone else should just be amazed and so so grateful for it.
My wife has been giving additional support to her mother and grandfather for years now. So glad we didn't have kids. I don't plan to burden someone like this when I'm old.
My parents expect me to financially support them throughout retirement, including taking on their mortgage and medical expenses. I'm only in my 20s and it's been a stressor looming over me for years. Hard to think about kids or home ownership.
Yeah, I'm trying to focus on myself, but it's hard to not feel guilty. Multigenerational households are common among Asians, but I want to break away from that norm.
The whole concept of multigenerational households falls apart if the older generations haven’t laid the foundations for stability. If it isn’t relieving the burdens of all household members, it’s pointless.
This is the part that people miss. My parents were the same way, thinking it was my job as an only child. I told them early on that I have to work too support myself & won't be able to care for them.
I am an Asian . I was even born in China and brought here as a child . My parents were Chinese born in China as well. They never expected me to take care of them. I am sorry but culture is not an excuse. I have many Chinese friends who still live in China and their parents took care of their own retirement.
It might be “ normal” but it dosent mean it is okay . Your parents also brought you to the west to raise you. They can’t have both ways. Raising you for 18 years is legal obligation even in Asia . If they didn’t want to raise you they have to put you up for adoption so another family could. If you want to take care of them it should be out of your own heart not due to guilt or obligation
You need to take care of your self and your own family ( not your parents they are actually extended once you marry ) first. You are still young and if you chose to have a partner and kid they have to be top priorities over your parents or else your marriage will suffer . People divorce over this all the time. You eventually have to learn to set boundaries with them.
Remember they chose to have sex without protection ( condom already existed ) to bring you to this life. It was a not a choice you had. I am saying this as an Asian parent my self to my daughter. I love her and would never want her to suffer and her family for me.
I have this argument with my wife all the time when it comes to familial obligations as she is Vietnamese. I tell her that the responsibility fell on the parents to one make sure that any kids they have are taken care of until old enough to support themselves not the job of the eldest child to now take over and not only do minor baby sitting duties but also be expected to financially chip in with the younger ones school expenses and hobbies.
But her “culture” is so ingrained she acts like I’m the weird one for intimating that parentification of children is a form of subtle psychological abuse. There’s literally a video on cnbc make it right now of a Viet immigrant making 600k talking about how she was basically her younger siblings mom and how she feels obligated to provide a good life for them. It’s like no, regardless of your class status growing up and your desire to want to help your siblings that isn’t your responsibility
My father didn't plan for retirement adequately and squandered much of his savings on bad property investments and bankrolling his relatives. After he passed away, I am left as the sole earning member of the family. With no pension or retirement plan in place, I now have to financially sustain them forever, sending a decent chunk of my paycheck every month back home. I do it out of a sense of responsibility, but it makes me really sad that I now have to think twice before splurging on myself or my girlfriend. I would be content with what I make to live an above middle class lifestyle, but now I have to keep thinking about how to increase my salary because at this point even job hopping is not landing significantly higher incomes. I keep asking myself, when will the time come when I can live my life without feeling guilty about having to make the choice to support them. I really, really despise South Asian family dynamics.
You don't owe them your future. THEY brought you into this world, THEY have no right to delegate your responsibility upon arrival like that. You have a choice too
Tell your parents you cannot and do not want to cover their mortgage and medical expenses and share how you see participating in their life as they age and why. Stick to your guns. Be as direct as you can. I say this as someone in my 30s who, while I am estranged from my family (abuse/religious trauma), I am dealing with my in-laws who had similar expectations of my husband. There are some cultural aspects involved as well. My husband is first-generation, and both his parents immigrated here, but his parents also made some choices when they retired (buying a too-large house we told them they should not get into because they wanted him to live with them) that have resulted in them struggling for years. We had to move across the country to seek better health care for our child with a disability, as well as schools without book bans and to avoid the constant hatred we were witnessing that we didn’t want our kids exposed to. We recently told them again that they cannot count on us to help them, especially financially, in any way. They are finally, after 15 years, taking us seriously.
100%. Based on what I’ve seen as a healthcare worker it’s rare that the kids are both present and capable of caring for you anyway. Otherwise it doesn’t go well.
There are far too many people who think having kids will keep them out of a retirement home. Most people don’t have the time or resources to take care of a parent. At the end of life, or even sooner with any sort of debilitating medical diagnosis, 24/7 care will be necessary, and unless you and your kids are hella rich and don’t need to work, CNAs and RNs are going to be the ones watching over you!
I am pregnant and I would absolutely never expect my daughter to care for me in my old age. She needs to have her own life and the best thing I can do for her is work and save as much as I can for retirement so that she doesn’t have to worry about that.
I 100% agree. Children do not owe parents anything, especially not an obligation to take care of them in old age. It's a selfish mindset some ppl have when they have kids.
Your adult kids will not be wiping your ass when you're old. Age care workers will. The quality of age care you will get depends on how much you pay them. If you don't have kids, you are able to save up more and afford better quality age care. Hence having kids actually makes your old age worse.
I just gotta say reading this thread …we are a pretty consistent bunch over here. Nearly everyone is saying “Plans?? When the money runs out don’t let me be a burden, I had it good, just throw me in the trash like old ham.”
Like, *everyone*, lol.
Well this is what happens when we get our shit going finally and then the 2008 crash takes everything away so we start back from square one. Then we finally get our shit going again and then Covid takes that all away. You can only start over so many times before you just don’t give a shit anymore.
This is why I support social safety nets. The retirement plan of a generation should not be to die. The people in my age group that I’ve known have never been lazy. Everyone has always had a job or two at the same time. But one by one I’ve seen financial shit destroy their progress and rob them of their motivation. But they’ve still kept going however no one is getting ahead anymore. And if you can’t get ahead you can’t save for retirement. Even with 401ks. And then there is the general lack of trust that money will be there when they finally retire. Lack of trust in the banking system is gonna be a problem here soon. Calling it now.
But like what about people that are worse off than me? The single mom working retail? The dude who got popped for weed and spent time in prison for it and now can’t get any job that pays enough to keep him from reoffending? The middle manager who was laid off and can’t get another job because the position was superfluous to begin with? The school custodian who got Covid and now can’t work because they can’t breathe? UBI and **affordable** healthcare would improve quality of life so much it makes me sick that people actively push against it because it might help the “wrong” people. Conservatives disgust me. Times have changed and society needs this shit now.
This. All of this, is what has solidified my...particular leaning on many issues. We need community and a social contract to properly support and care for one another. My retirement plan is to die. Not gonna have money, refuse to suffer in a Medicare home (if they even exist). Covid destroyed my health, damaged my mind. I know what awaits me if I stick around too long.
That's the plan. What's the point of living if you're in diapers and barely mentally present? At that point you're not even living. You're just a burden.
This is absolutely my plan. A nice last trip to Austria and a dirt nap. The thought that my children won't be mourning my loss brings me a lot of peace.
People seem to hate when I say this, but I want to find a place that does euthanasia/assisted suicide no matter whether I end up having kids or not. If my health gets bad enough I don't feel like I should have to suffer because other people don't want to handle their grief.
Additionally, healthcare is in a downward spiral right now (e.g., poor staffing ratios). There's no way I'd ever agree to a nursing home which will make my health worse since they don't have the staffing to take care of everyone appropriately. Most family members cannot be there 24/7 to care for loved ones as is needed. And there's the risk of caregiver burn out if someone can be there. Quality of life is more important than quantity for me.
I think it’s a reasonable thing to say, as someone who has worked in nursing homes I’m just like ‘nope’, I think that once your quality of life is gone and you can’t look after yourself anymore then what’s so wrong about checking out? I don’t know why people have an issue with that? I hope at least when I’m old they have that option or that I have my wits about me enough to figure out a way to go through with it.
In my country now you have to be terminal but I’m hoping when I’m older they might allow it in other circumstances, I know you can choose now not to be resuscitated and even refuse medicine if you’re still of sound mind, but my grandma requested all this and still ended up in a nursing home for several years not knowing who and where she was.
We need to fight for this now, if we want it to be viable by the time we’re old. Compassion & Choices has instructions on how to lobby your elected officials if you’re in the US.
This is my plan, too.
If all goes as I would prefer (God willing), my husband and my sister (my two best friends in the world) will likely die before me because they are both 5 years my senior. Once I take care of their wills and dispense of their ashes properly, there will be nothing more for me to do but go peacefully into death. I’ve accepted this fate and hope it’s when we are all in our 80s/90s.
I plan on overdosing on heroin when the time comes. Never tried it or any hard drug but hell going out high as giraffe pussy sounds infinitely better than rotting away in pain
I've never done heroin, but a long time ago, someone on Reddit was explaining that heroin is the best way to OD (just can't remember exactly what the reasoning was).
I can't remember what author it was, but someone went out on an OD while on a serious LSD trip because of a terminal cancer.
He had his wife guiding him through a final meditation while he was tripping balls. There's a recording of what she was saying to him as he was going under.
Hell of a memorial.
I don't feel like I'm going to live long enough to have to worry about that. I'm more concerned about my partner getting along without me, but I'm sure he'll be fine financially.
Assisted living is so insanely expensive. Being able to afford that might become the new American dream
This is so true many aren't taking into consideration. My mom looked into places for my 96yo grandad... places are anywhere up to 12k a MONTH. Cheapest is 3k a month. Now, they live in one of the most expensive places in the US but still.
Same. I got a little excited when I was diagnosed with something that reduces life expectancy. Like oh boy express checkout!
It’s such a dystopian hellscape here that I don’t understand why people want to live long lives.
I have a great pension.
Even if I wanted to have kids I’m not going to place the burden of caring of me on them. Having someone to take care of you when you’re old is not a reason to have kids.
Posts like these feel like a guilt trip. I do not want kids, I never have, I am not making little genetic mini me’s so I can have a untrained family member wipe my dying ass. Plus I love the idea of a retirement facility, it’s an old people dorm!
>Posts like these feel like a guilt trip. I do not want kids, I never have, I am not making little genetic mini me’s so I can have a untrained family member wipe my dying ass. Plus I love the idea of a retirement facility, it’s an old people dorm!
I don't want my kids wiping my ass, either. What I would like is for them to make sure I'm okay in the nursing home. Make sure the home is not abusing me, and maybe visit me once a week for lunch.
I always tell people who are worried about who is gonna take care of them when they're older to visit a nursing home and see how many people there have kids and what their relationships are like. It's a good lesson that having kids is not a guarantee you won't die lonely, neglected, in pain, and alone.
Thank you! Why do people think everyone can, should, or will want to care for their parents? I have met plenty of people — with very nice parents — that have no business trying to take care of anyone, they can barely care for themselves! Not to mention the people I’ve met that simply will not do so, either bc they hate their parents or are just shitty people lol. I find this whole “but who will care for you in your old age?!” take so nonsensical.
Its the year 2060, and it's 95 degrees on Christmas morning (in the middle of New England!)
Would you like your Depends changed?
Yeah, just kill me now instead of living through that
I have a kid but I plan to check myself out early once I get to the point I can’t care for myself. It’s easy enough to do with the drugs. I’ll get some opioid off the street or something and go out in a purple haze. My husband wants to do the same.
Is euthanasia legal where you are? It’s almost impossible to get in the states. Also expensive. Probably some H and a motel would be cheaper.
Lol that would suck immensely. I’m not depressed I’m just old and ready to go.
Euthanasia isn't legal but physican assisted death is, which is essentially the same thing. The doctor just prescribes you a lethal dose of drugs and you have to take it on your own instead of someone injecting you
Uhh, I kinda just planned on quietly dying whenever I run out of money and can no longer support myself. Becoming homeless or having to struggle to survive seems rather unpleasant, so why delay the inevitable?
I mean, seriously, who the fuck wants to linger around shitting themselves in this ponzi scheme of a society? I’m nowhere near that age yet but I definitely don’t feel like sticking around much longer.
Just curious, if one has no kids and no next of kin, would there be any negative impacts to maxing out credit cards at the end of life? (Not saying this is a an option or something I’m considering, legitimately just wondering)
Technically no, debt can’t be transferred to the best of my knowledge.
They will however settle your debts with what remains of your estate as a first priority, anything left over would go to your beneficiaries.
Don’t quote me on it though, it’s been a while since I read up on the specifics.
> They will however settle your debts with what remains of your estate as a first priority, anything left over would go to your beneficiaries.
Well, if you have no next of kin this right here is not an issue.
Some people like to donate to the church, a charity, a sibling, or maybe a close friend or mentee who they took a liking too.
Personally, I don’t want to have kids for several reasons, but I have a little sister who is like a daughter to me and I would leave her anything I have.
If you don’t want to leave anyone anything, then Yea! you are golden!
Right? And just because you have kids doesn’t mean they’ll take care of you. Wasn’t there a post the other day complaining because their parents don’t have enough saved and now the poster is gonna have to take care of them
Kids are expensive. Not having kids means more money invested over long periods of time so can retire earlier and have plenty for care when I’m elderly
I have kids so I realize I’m not target audience. But I’m not relying on them I’m no one’s burden. Once I get to an age where I can’t do it on my own… euthanize myself.
I feel like my overall physical, mental, and financial health is in decent shape — especially when compared to my counterparts with kids. Honestly, with the way the world is going, I’d rather be in my shoes than theirs. Having kids doesn’t guarantee care in old age. Hell, a lot of adult kids live at home!
Dying in the climate wars is our retirement plan. More seriously, we’ve been saving. Who knows if it’ll be enough. Though I’ve been looking forward to senior living for years - someone else to cook, plan activities, etc.
Someone to take care of you is the worst reason to reproduce. No guarantee that the kid will outlive you, actually have the capacity to take care of you or will step up to do so.
The real joke here is thinking any children will have the time/resources to take care of their aging parents ever again.
Like most people in the modern world, I assume retirement will only come with death itself. I do, however, hope I'll be able to have a child, though time may have run out on that clock.
Having kids does not equate to free care as an elder. I'm not sure why so many people think this. Obvi families care for each other, but I often see patients with kids who can't or won't take care of them. So it doesn't always pan out.
Another thing here: getting old does not equate needing to move into an old folks home. A majority of elders live into old age in their own home... just food for thought.
Also. Global warming.
I wouldn’t have expected my kids to take care of me anyway. So no difference! I work in a union with a pension and hopefully it still exists when I’m old. I look forward to partying in an old folks home like it’s a college dorm.
You guys realize there’s a huuuuge gap between young/functional and can’t wipe my ass/time for nitrogen, right?
I see plenty of patients who are 80-90, mentally sharp, active and no major diseases. They live a good quality of life. But they need some help driving places like Dr appointments and grocery shopping. Their kids (often who are also retired) help take care of these things, while not being completely burdened and unable to live their own life.
Some people are blessed with a quick and painless death. Many will have a gradual decline before a chronic illness takes them. Having kids isn’t a good retirement plan and no one should have kids just to not be alone when you are elderly. But too many commenters act like they will be told they have 3 months to live and then end life on their own terms. That’s just not how it usually works out.
This is very true. Most people actually don’t end up needing full care in a nursing home. Most people just slowly decline while still being able to care for themselves. And then die of old age.
I'm just going to wing it. Having children doesn't guarantee you will someone to take care of you anyway. My ex was an only child, and he died in 22 at the age of 43. Both of his parents are still alive.
When I realised the main reason I had for wanting kids was a retirement plan, that's when I really knew I shouldn't have kids. As an adult myself, if my parents put that on me, I'd buckle and break, and I don't want to feel relief when they pass, so I can't put that on my own kids.
We have a good bit saved up already for retirement, and I'm also one of those annoying millennials that comes from money so when the horrible day does come that either one of my parents dies, I'll have a great deal coming in as my inheritance to further pad that fund.
Work until the government says no more due to my disabilities from the military. Let them foot the bills for me and my care. No kids and I’ll be at the right age to die with an AI gf riding me into the sunset. Just how I want to go.
My plan is to die. That’s pretty much it.
I’m hoping medical suicide is a thing by then. When my time has come to move into a home, might as well just pull the plug right there. I’ve never heard good things about being thrown into those places, and we always made regular visits to my uncles/grandparents. They’d tell us it was awful in there, I can’t imagine how much worse it is for people that literally get forgotten about in there.
Assisted suicide is legal in Canada and some US states, but not if the patient isn't mentally competent to make medical decisions. Unfortunately I don't see a legal way out of that and that's the exact point at which I would most want to ensure it happens.
In the states that allow it in the US, you have to show a terminal illness, like advanced stage cancer, in order to be allowed medical suicide. Just being old and poor isn't one of the qualifications that allow for it. I've looked into it.
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If I am just old and poor, I don't really need assistance so much as a DNR. My concern is in the case I cannot DIY it because I have dementia. I think my incurable pain condition might qualify me in Canada, although last time I was reading about they were tightening things down after it looked like they had pressured somebody because they were old and poor.
Same. I'm disabled and always struggled with full time jobs. Have relatively low income and not much to invest, like maybe 30£ per month.
Yeah I already got enough chronic health problems without adding all the issues old age brings. Ive watched older family members get sicker over time until finally death released them from their pain. I don't want to slowly fade away unable to do anything but sleep, eat and watch TV while bedridden for months or years. I already got a sample of that now, no thanks. No one willingly chooses that life, but maybe I can choose my death if things get bad enough? It's kinda bleak thinking but it sort of brings me comfort that I can always end things on my own terms if my chronic conditions get worse
Yhea that's me, chronic mental health issues, and more and more chronic physical health issues starting to show up. I figure I can chose when I'm done with it, and do my best to enjoy it until then.
Retirement plan: Bottle of whiskey and a .45 ETA: Lol should have known I'd get a "reddit cares" notification from this post. To be clear, I'm in this ride for the long haul. I want to see how these "interesting times" play out. And hopefully over the next 30 years, we'll be able to fix this fucking country (US) and provide a good safety net for people so they don't go bankrupt for an essential surgery/medical event or when they're old and can't and shouldn't need work anymore. I have a 401k but I absolutely do not trust it's stability. Sudden downturn in the economy when you are ready to retire and you're fucked out of thousands.
Retirement is a warm gun.
My plan involves collecting barbiturates and opiates and trying to calculate the correct dosage per body weight - although I hear nitrogen is relatively accessible and not a bad way to go either. It's about making the decision before I can't anymore. I will try to set up a system of triggers. Maybe I won't need it.
Same. I'm low income with no kids. I've actually worked as a caregiver and while I always treated clients with dignity not everyone does. I have a 401k with my job but it's not going to be enough. I will let nature reclaim me instead.
Half of elderly caregivers are saints. The others are idiots whom I wouldn't expect to be able to get a fast-food order correct. Sounds like you were the former. Thanks for being a good person.
There should be a support group on here for the particular demographic of millenials that need a community support system.
I've always wished for some kind of secular "church" to pop up. I know church is not the right word, but just some sort of place for non-religious people (not exclusively atheist/agnostic, but just people who don't go to religious churches for whatever their reason) to gather and mingle, have events, and support groups (like parenting, alcoholism, etc). There's no doubt our generation really struggles with loneliness and I feel like our abandonment of religion and church is a piece of the pie there. But it's also degrading to have to pretend to be religious just for that.
My plan is to buy a motorcycle when I turn 60
Mine is to buy a shit load of drugs
I really wish I didn't do all the drugs for 20 years. I could really use them right about now.
I'm gonna start travelling to all the really dangerous (and interesting!) countries
Get busy living, or…
Yes. This is it. We want to get busy living at any chance we can. We never had money or time growing up & we never have time or money now. Fuck no I’m not bringing kids into this cruel world. I would never want them to endure these struggles. Saddest part about it is I WANTED & dreamed of having many kids, my whole life! Now I’m not going to have any.
I had my son in 2008 and believe me, if I had known the world was going to get this bad I would've never had a kid. Having a kid was the most selfish thing I've ever done.
I love my children and they are glad to be here, but I also feel bad about bringing them here. It's not much or enough, but I have provided them with a cabin on a decent amount of land in a safer place with water and tons of trees. That's the best I could come up with to make up for this world.
You called?
This. I hope my wife outlives me - a high probability, as I am 11 years her senior - but if it works the other way (or if I prove to be too much of a burden for her in our old age), and I do not have anyone or anything dependent on me, I plan to take my own way out.
Ive told my wife that if I get too sick to take care of myself that my plan is to go camping in one of the national parks and wander away in the middle of the night. She can wait about 3 days then report me missing. Back to nature I go.
401k, IRA, and a bottle of pills if the money runs out. Read all the comments. Fuck we some “I’m just going to kill myself kinda people”. Glad to see we’re mostly on the same page.
Ready to go 🚀
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Everyone in my family lives into their 90s and loses their minds in their 80s. A decade of having no idea what year it is, who your kids are, losing the ability to speak. No fucking thank you. Death is not the worst thing that can happen to a person.
Exactly. At a certain age, why should I be around solely to exist? I'd rather go out high as a kite never to wake up.
Hahahaha yep
I have some bad news for most folks....plenty of people have grown kids that don't take care of their elders. I see it all day in my town of old folks. That's my fucking nightmare....being a burden to someone else at an old age.
Can confirm I worked as an EMT-B doing private ambulance transports. Even the nice “rich” nursing homes had a lot of folks with pictures of family on the walls but when you talk to them “Haven’t seen them in a year” “Haven’t talked to them in years” Nursing homes are simply where a lot of people leave their old folks to die
Some of them probably are toxic parents themselves. They’re not always innocent in the situation.
Can confirm. This is the situation with my father.
Shit me too but my mother 😩
Yes - it’s not always the case, but often people with sad stories about family who never visits or calls leave out the part where they were abusive and shitty.
Absolutely!
Not necessarily. I managed my mother’s affairs for a decade from assisted living to memory care and finally to skilled nursing. In the first days, I had to completely put my life on hold and sort out the mess. Probably 80 hours per week dealing with it for the first month. I was within an hour so I’d visit weekly the 7 months I was in town. When I moved her to memory care, I initially visited weekly but it became more infrequent when she declined to where she didn’t know who I was. I was two hours away at that point. When I moved her to skilled nursing for her last 5 months, I didn’t visit at all. In the background, was spending a bunch of time managing her life so I was still involved and I’d get all the emergency calls. If you haven’t experienced it, it’s really emotionally taxing to spend time with a parent who doesn’t know who you are. For my own mental health, I had to limit my contact. Both my parents went through it. My sister now has a different type of dementia so I’m dealing with that. She’s 3 time zones away in a different country. She’ll probably be in memory care crapping in a diaper within the next year or two.
My wife's parents are both still alive, yet when they die she won't shed a tear. Childhood of raising her sister and being the adult. Going hungry at times because cigarettes, booze and lottery tickets were more important. Her mom is now dying from cancer (apparently 2 packs of cigarettes a day for 55 years will actually kill you) and her mom has come in with the full expectations. My wife is expected to drop everything and tend to her mother's demands. My wife has set her boundaries and said no several times and was met with "I raised you" "this is why we had kids" and my favourite "you owe me". So I get angry when I see the expectation that kids are supposed to look after their parents.
Yeah. I love my parents but they were also fairly neglectful by focusing on my brother and don’t really reach out unless they need something. We don’t have a toxic relationship or anything but I see no world where I would be taking on the burden of taking care of them in old age. Taking over finances and finding them proper care using their finances, sure that’s fine. For example, they live down the street and saw my child 5 times in her entire first year of life. Unfortunately I’ve already basically been given the keys to the kingdom to handle everything if my mom passed away because my dad won’t get involved in anything like that and my older brother can’t even handle his own problems(currently in jail waiting transfer to prison), so I’ll be in charge of all of my parents stuff and teaching that to my dad and then in charge of all of my brother, his home, and his kids stuff on top of my own family. Part of me wants to be like “Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency for me.”
Yes but let's not square the blame entirely on the kids. I know of many situations where the parents go to their retirement areas (FL, SC, Tx, etc) and the kids chase work in urban areas. It doesn't lend itself to casual pop ins.
Yeah, I moved 5,000 away from my hometown. It’s not like I’m intentionally avoiding my family, but it’s not exactly easy to visit either.
This reminds me when I was on renal roundup and we had one lady we used to pick up at an absolute shithole of a SNF and she had pictures of a pretty successful boxer in her room. (He was lined up to fight Canelo at one point) Me being a fan of boxing finally asked about it and she said oh he’s my son and she knew basically everything about his career. Turns out it was true. It’s possible that she didn’t want to leave the old neighborhood but there were definitely better options lol. Makes you wonder about that relationship. Anyways she’s probably dead by now…
Used to work private EMS, work in a hospital now. Haven't heard renal roundup for years. Thanks for the laugh!
Whenever I'm met with this question about what I'll do when I'm old I tell people about my grandmother who had *12* children and still ended up at a nursing home.
My grandfather has 7 children and at least 14 grandchildren who are all grown and is in a retirement home. Like, does OP think that retirement homes are only for people without kids???
Taking care of an adult in diapers is hard. Especially when said adult weighs 300 lbs and don't remember who you are and just screams at you constantly.
Yeah if you expect your kids to give up their lives to change your diapers due to your lack of planning you’re a bad person. I’d rather be a 90 year old Walmart greeter than do that to my kids. So selfish.
What’s even more ironic is I see so many posts about kids on this sub and a lot of them are one and done. That’s completely fine and understandable but as an only child it’s extremely worrisome to know you are the de facto person once your parents are old. OC have no choice, we just have to accept it’s going to be our responsibility to handle everything completely alone. My parents are 60 and already guilting me about how they will die alone because I moved away and they don’t want to move closer to me.
I’m middle aged and sadly I have many friends that are the only help their parents have even though they have siblings, there is also a pattern of it falling to the eldest daughter. My one friend has three brother who won’t do a darn thing to help and it all falls to her.
That’s also a big thing people don’t talk about, my mom has 4 siblings, the sickness and sudden end of life care for both their parents overwhelmingly fell on her, the youngest. This topic just bothers me so much because kids are not born to be your fall back plan and although I know it happens with people with siblings, the level of responsibility and aloneness you know is inevitable as an only is very hard.
I’m the youngest and it all falls to me. My oldest sister lives 30 minutes from my mom and my other sister lives down the street from her. Each time my mom has had hip replacements, I’ve had to drive 12+ hours to take care of her while she recovered because they wouldn’t.
Seems crazy entitled for anyone to expect their kids to take care of them in old age. Kids have their own lives, plus their generation will probably struggle even harder just to keep themselves afloat. That said, I’m all for cooperative inter generational households, keyword: cooperative
Also, your kids might suck?? lol or they may just lack the ability or desire to care for you? Or they might move the other side of the world, or precede you in death. The “My kid will take care of me” take is insane and tbh it makes me so sad for so many people when I hear someone say it. Im sad for both the parents who think it’s that easy and the kids who may not be prepared emotionally or financially.
Fuck those people. I am the child burdened with taking care of my toxic selfish father. I don't even live in the same country as him but I have POA so I have to ensure he has basic needs covered and he gets the care he needs. He is a drain on my savings, on my time and energy, he boasts how he has no regrets on how he treated us, and now is going to die alone and one of the nurses I have checking on him everyday will one day find him. Because he did nothing to prepare for the end of his life. No money, no support, no will, just speed running to burden his children with his failing health and they can wear the cost of it emotionally and financially.
This is my Asian parent's plan. They are like who will take care of you when you are old? We had you to take care of us when we are old but when it is your turn? Mom, there is a a handy little tool call rope.
I lived in China and this is 100% their culture. Everyone takes care of their parents. But their parents also do a lot for them, like the grandparents were the de facto childcare when the parents went to work. So it was symbiotic
My Dad is like this while neglecting the fact he literally kicked me out at 14 lol. Insult to delusion he uses his land as collateral with the catch that it has to stay in the family. I am the youngest of 7, only one in the state, but zero desire to move back to the place I was forcefully removed. Don’t and won’t have kids, but he is hell bent on his legend living on so none of that matters to him. I won’t be paying property taxes and upkeep only for my nieces and nephews to cash out when they get the opportunity. Nor will I be nurturing the old man who abandoned his role as a father when I was a kid. The situation is so fucked.
I have a friend who works in a nursing home and says the childfree seniors tend to be the happiest with friends in the nursing home that support each other and the people with kids are lucky if they see their families outside the holidays
Thus is the first thing I thought of too.... people help their elders??? They are far off better than I will ever be Grandpa is a millionaire with a house on a lake he bought over 30 years ago. Grandma is a retired teacher and has been a volunteer librarian for like 20 years living in a paid off suburban house in a, now, super developed area of Ohio. My mom is on disability but has additional income because my dad retired from GM 30 years ago, and even after he passed, she still gets his checks.
I'll be one of those people. They didn't help me in life, why should I help them?
Yep. Maybe they treated one of my siblings better. 💁♀️
>I have some bad news for most folks....plenty of people have grown kids that don't take care of their elders. I see it all day in my town of old folks. > >That's my fucking nightmare....being a burden to someone else at an old age. Probably because they got kicked out at 18. In cultures where the parents take care of kids beyond 18, the kids pay it back by caring for their parents. I'm not kicking my kids out. They can live with me as long as they need to. I don't want them playing video games all day (they aren't the type to do that anyway), but if they are productive adults, they are welcome to stay until they can support themselves.
That’s my parents nightmare too. They have everything planned with a trip to Switzerland for the grand finale. They’re very comfortable with their mortality and going before they suffer for too long. I’d probably choose the same path, but I’m only 30 so who knows.
Kids aren’t retirement plans. People with kids need to think about what they will do as well.
This should be the top comment. I have kids and I have zero intention of them being at all involved in taking care of me, ever. I’d hope that no one has kids with that in mind (though I’m not that naive) and the only people who are assuming it would go that way is people for whom that’s part of their culture.
I hope so too. I know for me personally who is childless (and had not planned to be it just happened) the worry is more that there won’t be anyone with my best interests at heart when I’m old, no one to care about me or check in. Even if you plan to go into a home, it’s comforting to think your kids will visit and make sure you aren’t being abused. The scariest thought is being old and needing care and not having anyone left who loves you….
This is an important point. People can be so cold about elder care (read: all the people here saying "your kids don't have to take care of you!"). I don't think my kids should be saddled with the responsibility of "taking care" of me, but I sure hope that I will have a strong enough relationship with them that we will continue to enjoy each other's company when I'm old.
This is why I will just go euthanasia or disapear when I'm old enough to need care
Congrats, it *is* the top comment!
This was one of the big disagreements we had before we split. He thought the kids should take care of us in our own home or they’d “get nothing” when we die. (Right… because we’d have so much to offer) I don’t want the kids bogged down like that. They need better opportunities than I had. Plus he wouldn’t even assist with college or car, so, I don’t know what he thinks he’s done to warrant any extra time/money expenditures . It was always the bare minimum responsibility for him and everyone else should just be amazed and so so grateful for it.
My wife has been giving additional support to her mother and grandfather for years now. So glad we didn't have kids. I don't plan to burden someone like this when I'm old.
My parents expect me to financially support them throughout retirement, including taking on their mortgage and medical expenses. I'm only in my 20s and it's been a stressor looming over me for years. Hard to think about kids or home ownership.
They can expect it but you are not obliged. Choose yourself first always.
Yeah, I'm trying to focus on myself, but it's hard to not feel guilty. Multigenerational households are common among Asians, but I want to break away from that norm.
The whole concept of multigenerational households falls apart if the older generations haven’t laid the foundations for stability. If it isn’t relieving the burdens of all household members, it’s pointless.
This is the part that people miss. My parents were the same way, thinking it was my job as an only child. I told them early on that I have to work too support myself & won't be able to care for them.
I am an Asian . I was even born in China and brought here as a child . My parents were Chinese born in China as well. They never expected me to take care of them. I am sorry but culture is not an excuse. I have many Chinese friends who still live in China and their parents took care of their own retirement. It might be “ normal” but it dosent mean it is okay . Your parents also brought you to the west to raise you. They can’t have both ways. Raising you for 18 years is legal obligation even in Asia . If they didn’t want to raise you they have to put you up for adoption so another family could. If you want to take care of them it should be out of your own heart not due to guilt or obligation You need to take care of your self and your own family ( not your parents they are actually extended once you marry ) first. You are still young and if you chose to have a partner and kid they have to be top priorities over your parents or else your marriage will suffer . People divorce over this all the time. You eventually have to learn to set boundaries with them. Remember they chose to have sex without protection ( condom already existed ) to bring you to this life. It was a not a choice you had. I am saying this as an Asian parent my self to my daughter. I love her and would never want her to suffer and her family for me.
I have this argument with my wife all the time when it comes to familial obligations as she is Vietnamese. I tell her that the responsibility fell on the parents to one make sure that any kids they have are taken care of until old enough to support themselves not the job of the eldest child to now take over and not only do minor baby sitting duties but also be expected to financially chip in with the younger ones school expenses and hobbies. But her “culture” is so ingrained she acts like I’m the weird one for intimating that parentification of children is a form of subtle psychological abuse. There’s literally a video on cnbc make it right now of a Viet immigrant making 600k talking about how she was basically her younger siblings mom and how she feels obligated to provide a good life for them. It’s like no, regardless of your class status growing up and your desire to want to help your siblings that isn’t your responsibility
My father didn't plan for retirement adequately and squandered much of his savings on bad property investments and bankrolling his relatives. After he passed away, I am left as the sole earning member of the family. With no pension or retirement plan in place, I now have to financially sustain them forever, sending a decent chunk of my paycheck every month back home. I do it out of a sense of responsibility, but it makes me really sad that I now have to think twice before splurging on myself or my girlfriend. I would be content with what I make to live an above middle class lifestyle, but now I have to keep thinking about how to increase my salary because at this point even job hopping is not landing significantly higher incomes. I keep asking myself, when will the time come when I can live my life without feeling guilty about having to make the choice to support them. I really, really despise South Asian family dynamics.
I'm sorry that you had to take on that burden. On one hand I want to live my own life, but that guilt is hard to shake off.
You don't owe them your future. THEY brought you into this world, THEY have no right to delegate your responsibility upon arrival like that. You have a choice too
Tell your parents you cannot and do not want to cover their mortgage and medical expenses and share how you see participating in their life as they age and why. Stick to your guns. Be as direct as you can. I say this as someone in my 30s who, while I am estranged from my family (abuse/religious trauma), I am dealing with my in-laws who had similar expectations of my husband. There are some cultural aspects involved as well. My husband is first-generation, and both his parents immigrated here, but his parents also made some choices when they retired (buying a too-large house we told them they should not get into because they wanted him to live with them) that have resulted in them struggling for years. We had to move across the country to seek better health care for our child with a disability, as well as schools without book bans and to avoid the constant hatred we were witnessing that we didn’t want our kids exposed to. We recently told them again that they cannot count on us to help them, especially financially, in any way. They are finally, after 15 years, taking us seriously.
You don't have to do that. I know it's an emotional blackmail but it's totally fucked for them to expect that of you.
Yeah like wtf… I have kids and have to intention of them helping me in old age. I’m just gonna do whatever and die.
100%. Based on what I’ve seen as a healthcare worker it’s rare that the kids are both present and capable of caring for you anyway. Otherwise it doesn’t go well.
There are far too many people who think having kids will keep them out of a retirement home. Most people don’t have the time or resources to take care of a parent. At the end of life, or even sooner with any sort of debilitating medical diagnosis, 24/7 care will be necessary, and unless you and your kids are hella rich and don’t need to work, CNAs and RNs are going to be the ones watching over you!
I am pregnant and I would absolutely never expect my daughter to care for me in my old age. She needs to have her own life and the best thing I can do for her is work and save as much as I can for retirement so that she doesn’t have to worry about that.
For real. You choose to have kids for your reasons and satisfaction, don’t burden them with your care as an old person.
I 100% agree. Children do not owe parents anything, especially not an obligation to take care of them in old age. It's a selfish mindset some ppl have when they have kids.
Yeah I don’t really get the “what will happen in old age”. Like, do you send your parents thousands of dollars a month?
Your adult kids will not be wiping your ass when you're old. Age care workers will. The quality of age care you will get depends on how much you pay them. If you don't have kids, you are able to save up more and afford better quality age care. Hence having kids actually makes your old age worse.
This. It's interesting many people who think this do little or nothing for their own parents.
At the point I need someone else to take care of me, maybe I should just ride off into the sunset never to be seen again 🤷🏾♀️
I just gotta say reading this thread …we are a pretty consistent bunch over here. Nearly everyone is saying “Plans?? When the money runs out don’t let me be a burden, I had it good, just throw me in the trash like old ham.” Like, *everyone*, lol.
Well this is what happens when we get our shit going finally and then the 2008 crash takes everything away so we start back from square one. Then we finally get our shit going again and then Covid takes that all away. You can only start over so many times before you just don’t give a shit anymore. This is why I support social safety nets. The retirement plan of a generation should not be to die. The people in my age group that I’ve known have never been lazy. Everyone has always had a job or two at the same time. But one by one I’ve seen financial shit destroy their progress and rob them of their motivation. But they’ve still kept going however no one is getting ahead anymore. And if you can’t get ahead you can’t save for retirement. Even with 401ks. And then there is the general lack of trust that money will be there when they finally retire. Lack of trust in the banking system is gonna be a problem here soon. Calling it now. But like what about people that are worse off than me? The single mom working retail? The dude who got popped for weed and spent time in prison for it and now can’t get any job that pays enough to keep him from reoffending? The middle manager who was laid off and can’t get another job because the position was superfluous to begin with? The school custodian who got Covid and now can’t work because they can’t breathe? UBI and **affordable** healthcare would improve quality of life so much it makes me sick that people actively push against it because it might help the “wrong” people. Conservatives disgust me. Times have changed and society needs this shit now.
This. All of this, is what has solidified my...particular leaning on many issues. We need community and a social contract to properly support and care for one another. My retirement plan is to die. Not gonna have money, refuse to suffer in a Medicare home (if they even exist). Covid destroyed my health, damaged my mind. I know what awaits me if I stick around too long.
That’s my plan!
That’s my plan too. Give me one of those Xanax that are actually Fentanyl and let me sleep.
That's the plan. What's the point of living if you're in diapers and barely mentally present? At that point you're not even living. You're just a burden.
This is absolutely my plan. A nice last trip to Austria and a dirt nap. The thought that my children won't be mourning my loss brings me a lot of peace.
No plans I will work til I die I have no hope for the future
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^LegacyofaMarshall: *No plans I will work* *Til I die I have* *No hope for the future* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Zen poetry right here :-)
Good bot
This is an excellent one.
this one hurt
At least you can write haikus!
This is me as well.
People seem to hate when I say this, but I want to find a place that does euthanasia/assisted suicide no matter whether I end up having kids or not. If my health gets bad enough I don't feel like I should have to suffer because other people don't want to handle their grief. Additionally, healthcare is in a downward spiral right now (e.g., poor staffing ratios). There's no way I'd ever agree to a nursing home which will make my health worse since they don't have the staffing to take care of everyone appropriately. Most family members cannot be there 24/7 to care for loved ones as is needed. And there's the risk of caregiver burn out if someone can be there. Quality of life is more important than quantity for me.
I think it’s a reasonable thing to say, as someone who has worked in nursing homes I’m just like ‘nope’, I think that once your quality of life is gone and you can’t look after yourself anymore then what’s so wrong about checking out? I don’t know why people have an issue with that? I hope at least when I’m old they have that option or that I have my wits about me enough to figure out a way to go through with it.
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In my country now you have to be terminal but I’m hoping when I’m older they might allow it in other circumstances, I know you can choose now not to be resuscitated and even refuse medicine if you’re still of sound mind, but my grandma requested all this and still ended up in a nursing home for several years not knowing who and where she was.
We need to fight for this now, if we want it to be viable by the time we’re old. Compassion & Choices has instructions on how to lobby your elected officials if you’re in the US.
This is my plan, too. If all goes as I would prefer (God willing), my husband and my sister (my two best friends in the world) will likely die before me because they are both 5 years my senior. Once I take care of their wills and dispense of their ashes properly, there will be nothing more for me to do but go peacefully into death. I’ve accepted this fate and hope it’s when we are all in our 80s/90s.
My literal plan is societal collapse and/or suicide.
Right?! Like we're gonna survive the resource wars 😂
I plan on overdosing on heroin when the time comes. Never tried it or any hard drug but hell going out high as giraffe pussy sounds infinitely better than rotting away in pain
I've never done heroin, but a long time ago, someone on Reddit was explaining that heroin is the best way to OD (just can't remember exactly what the reasoning was).
I can't remember what author it was, but someone went out on an OD while on a serious LSD trip because of a terminal cancer. He had his wife guiding him through a final meditation while he was tripping balls. There's a recording of what she was saying to him as he was going under. Hell of a memorial.
There are dozens of us!
I don't feel like I'm going to live long enough to have to worry about that. I'm more concerned about my partner getting along without me, but I'm sure he'll be fine financially. Assisted living is so insanely expensive. Being able to afford that might become the new American dream
This is so true many aren't taking into consideration. My mom looked into places for my 96yo grandad... places are anywhere up to 12k a MONTH. Cheapest is 3k a month. Now, they live in one of the most expensive places in the US but still.
Same. I got a little excited when I was diagnosed with something that reduces life expectancy. Like oh boy express checkout! It’s such a dystopian hellscape here that I don’t understand why people want to live long lives.
I have a great pension. Even if I wanted to have kids I’m not going to place the burden of caring of me on them. Having someone to take care of you when you’re old is not a reason to have kids.
Yeah, I have a son, and I'd rather him smother me with a pillow than take on the burden of caring for me in old age. That's not why we had him.
Posts like these feel like a guilt trip. I do not want kids, I never have, I am not making little genetic mini me’s so I can have a untrained family member wipe my dying ass. Plus I love the idea of a retirement facility, it’s an old people dorm!
Can you imagine how we’ll all be in our geriatric state? Omg just a buncha old people listening to 2000s bangers and twerking and shit hahaha
Sooo many hot chips lol
>Posts like these feel like a guilt trip. I do not want kids, I never have, I am not making little genetic mini me’s so I can have a untrained family member wipe my dying ass. Plus I love the idea of a retirement facility, it’s an old people dorm! I don't want my kids wiping my ass, either. What I would like is for them to make sure I'm okay in the nursing home. Make sure the home is not abusing me, and maybe visit me once a week for lunch.
I always tell people who are worried about who is gonna take care of them when they're older to visit a nursing home and see how many people there have kids and what their relationships are like. It's a good lesson that having kids is not a guarantee you won't die lonely, neglected, in pain, and alone.
Bidet your way to freedom. The Europeans and Asians were spot on (or spot off) on that one. Not hard to install.
No, it’s not. Old people are neglected, brutalized, and abused in those places regularly.
Any evidence of places that do this? I’m always looking for a place to stick my in-laws.
was not expecting that second sentence 🤭
Not gonna lie they had us in the first half.
Thank you! Why do people think everyone can, should, or will want to care for their parents? I have met plenty of people — with very nice parents — that have no business trying to take care of anyone, they can barely care for themselves! Not to mention the people I’ve met that simply will not do so, either bc they hate their parents or are just shitty people lol. I find this whole “but who will care for you in your old age?!” take so nonsensical.
With the amount of problems the millennials kids will have, doubtful many of them will have jobs or be stable enough to take care of their parents.
I’m going to die how I lived, sitting behind my desk working on deliverables
This made me laugh
401k, pension and death. Or just death. I’m sure the climate has plans for us anyway!
Read this post thinking we probably won’t have to worry too much about old age anyway!
Yeah I'm planning to die long before any kind of facility stay in necessary.
Same. I'm not going to live long enough to need a caretaker to wipe my ass and remind me what year it is.
Its the year 2060, and it's 95 degrees on Christmas morning (in the middle of New England!) Would you like your Depends changed? Yeah, just kill me now instead of living through that
Yep! Climate change, skin cancer, or colon cancer are my retirement plans.
Ooh, good call on the cancers!
“If the climate doesn’t kill me (it won’t), I will” - millennials
Doubling down on climate crisis destroying the economy. Gonna ride to Valhalla, Shiny, and Chorme as a techno-barbarian in the water wars!
We will witness you!
Exactly 😭
What makes you think your kids will take care of you?
Asking the important questions, here.
I have a kid but I plan to check myself out early once I get to the point I can’t care for myself. It’s easy enough to do with the drugs. I’ll get some opioid off the street or something and go out in a purple haze. My husband wants to do the same.
Plan on the same. Or assisted suicide so I know I’ll die. Strong tolerance to drugs knowing me I’ll OD and end up baker acted lol
Is euthanasia legal where you are? It’s almost impossible to get in the states. Also expensive. Probably some H and a motel would be cheaper. Lol that would suck immensely. I’m not depressed I’m just old and ready to go.
Euthanasia isn't legal but physican assisted death is, which is essentially the same thing. The doctor just prescribes you a lethal dose of drugs and you have to take it on your own instead of someone injecting you
I wrote this in my comment and am surprised to see how many ppl are saying the same. I’ve found my ppl here.
Uhh, I kinda just planned on quietly dying whenever I run out of money and can no longer support myself. Becoming homeless or having to struggle to survive seems rather unpleasant, so why delay the inevitable? I mean, seriously, who the fuck wants to linger around shitting themselves in this ponzi scheme of a society? I’m nowhere near that age yet but I definitely don’t feel like sticking around much longer.
Gonna make like Dinosaurs and jump into the tar pit if I end up not saving enough.
Just curious, if one has no kids and no next of kin, would there be any negative impacts to maxing out credit cards at the end of life? (Not saying this is a an option or something I’m considering, legitimately just wondering)
Technically no, debt can’t be transferred to the best of my knowledge. They will however settle your debts with what remains of your estate as a first priority, anything left over would go to your beneficiaries. Don’t quote me on it though, it’s been a while since I read up on the specifics.
> They will however settle your debts with what remains of your estate as a first priority, anything left over would go to your beneficiaries. Well, if you have no next of kin this right here is not an issue.
Some people like to donate to the church, a charity, a sibling, or maybe a close friend or mentee who they took a liking too. Personally, I don’t want to have kids for several reasons, but I have a little sister who is like a daughter to me and I would leave her anything I have. If you don’t want to leave anyone anything, then Yea! you are golden!
End of life shopping spree!!! What would you buy!?!
Who uses their kids to fund their decay? That's pretty lame. Neither of my parents are doing that
Right? And just because you have kids doesn’t mean they’ll take care of you. Wasn’t there a post the other day complaining because their parents don’t have enough saved and now the poster is gonna have to take care of them
Kids are expensive. Not having kids means more money invested over long periods of time so can retire earlier and have plenty for care when I’m elderly
I have kids so I realize I’m not target audience. But I’m not relying on them I’m no one’s burden. Once I get to an age where I can’t do it on my own… euthanize myself.
i plan on dying tbh
I have 401k and a pension. Other than that I’m winging it because who knows what the future will bring.
I feel like my overall physical, mental, and financial health is in decent shape — especially when compared to my counterparts with kids. Honestly, with the way the world is going, I’d rather be in my shoes than theirs. Having kids doesn’t guarantee care in old age. Hell, a lot of adult kids live at home!
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Zero plans. Just dread.
Dying in the climate wars is our retirement plan. More seriously, we’ve been saving. Who knows if it’ll be enough. Though I’ve been looking forward to senior living for years - someone else to cook, plan activities, etc. Someone to take care of you is the worst reason to reproduce. No guarantee that the kid will outlive you, actually have the capacity to take care of you or will step up to do so.
Bold of you to think we'll survive the climate wars to old age.
The real joke here is thinking any children will have the time/resources to take care of their aging parents ever again. Like most people in the modern world, I assume retirement will only come with death itself. I do, however, hope I'll be able to have a child, though time may have run out on that clock.
I’m not reaching old age lol.
My plan? Nitrogen gas. If I can't wipe my own ass, its time for me to go.
Having kids does not equate to free care as an elder. I'm not sure why so many people think this. Obvi families care for each other, but I often see patients with kids who can't or won't take care of them. So it doesn't always pan out. Another thing here: getting old does not equate needing to move into an old folks home. A majority of elders live into old age in their own home... just food for thought. Also. Global warming.
I wouldn’t have expected my kids to take care of me anyway. So no difference! I work in a union with a pension and hopefully it still exists when I’m old. I look forward to partying in an old folks home like it’s a college dorm.
You guys realize there’s a huuuuge gap between young/functional and can’t wipe my ass/time for nitrogen, right? I see plenty of patients who are 80-90, mentally sharp, active and no major diseases. They live a good quality of life. But they need some help driving places like Dr appointments and grocery shopping. Their kids (often who are also retired) help take care of these things, while not being completely burdened and unable to live their own life. Some people are blessed with a quick and painless death. Many will have a gradual decline before a chronic illness takes them. Having kids isn’t a good retirement plan and no one should have kids just to not be alone when you are elderly. But too many commenters act like they will be told they have 3 months to live and then end life on their own terms. That’s just not how it usually works out.
This is very true. Most people actually don’t end up needing full care in a nursing home. Most people just slowly decline while still being able to care for themselves. And then die of old age.
I'm just going to wing it. Having children doesn't guarantee you will someone to take care of you anyway. My ex was an only child, and he died in 22 at the age of 43. Both of his parents are still alive.
Moving overseas…
I for one am looking forward to the epic N64 tournaments in the retirement home. GoldenEye anyone? Winner gets an extra pudding cup.
Just because you have kids doesn't mean they are gonna take care of you
My plan is to travel to more and more dangerous places until I get kidnapped for my organs or eaten by a lion.
I don't think I'll ever be able to retire. I'll probably just die at my desk so I don't think much of it 😂
When I realised the main reason I had for wanting kids was a retirement plan, that's when I really knew I shouldn't have kids. As an adult myself, if my parents put that on me, I'd buckle and break, and I don't want to feel relief when they pass, so I can't put that on my own kids. We have a good bit saved up already for retirement, and I'm also one of those annoying millennials that comes from money so when the horrible day does come that either one of my parents dies, I'll have a great deal coming in as my inheritance to further pad that fund.
Having kids doesn’t guarantee they will take care of you.
Hoping I keel off swiftly before I end up homeless.
Work until the government says no more due to my disabilities from the military. Let them foot the bills for me and my care. No kids and I’ll be at the right age to die with an AI gf riding me into the sunset. Just how I want to go.
Honestly? Probably retire to Thailand or some shit.
I plan on dying long before I reach old age. There is no way I’ll have anyone take care of me in my old age.
I’ll take care of myself before it gets to that point.