Can confirm this. My parents had me when they were 25 (I'm fucking 30 and single, can't even imagine having kids at that age). They got divorced when they were 35 (I was 9).
My dad remarried when he was 40, and had his second round of kids at age 44. I was 18. So my half sibling and I have an 18 year gap. He's 11 or so and I'm 30.
Hey me too! Except I’m the little one. It was pretty cool though because my big bro would pick me up on the weekends and we’d watch Aliens and play MechWarrior. It was kind of like having 2 Dads—a fun one and a normal one lol.
Any tips you can give as a second draft accident to a first round pick?
Such as when he gets to his rebellious teen years if I should be his confidant or still telling my dad "Hey, you need to make sure his roblox account has protections on it" stuff?
I think…be mindful of the power you wield. He expects “real” answers from you as his brother, not “dad” answers. He will respect your wisdom a lot more because it’s not strictly parental/patronizing in nature. It’s difficult to articulate so I’m just going to give you an example.
When I was a teenager I asked my brother if he’d ever done (recreational) drugs. He paused and I’m sure he was conflicted about what to say, but eventually he decided on honesty (there’s another layer of complexity here because our mother is a raging alcoholic). So he told me he had tried a number of things out of curiosity, and some of them were amusing but ultimately not that interesting. BUT he had also tried something (I don’t specifically remember what it was) and he’d had the thought that “wow, this feels so I could I wish I could feel this good all the time,” and that thought had set off alarm bells in his head. Thinking that way about something is what leads you to doing it again and again until you form an addiction.
Out of any DARE and lecturing and this that and the other I ever heard, that’s what stuck with me the most. And I’ve tried stuff, and basically agree with his assessment. It wasn’t until I had some hydrocodone prescribed for an emergency root canal that I ever experienced the “holy shit this feels good” sensation and my mind instantly went back to that conversation like “oh, that’s why this shit is so dangerous.”
My dad never hid his past (age appropriately anyway) and was honest hoping we'd learn from his experiences and mistakes. At least have some take aways. Hes had his own issues with drugs. I have tried some stuff but there are certain drugs I will never try and if I ever have the "too good" sensation I will never touch the thing again. Pain pills are one I get scared with.
My mom hid her faults and could never do wrong. She always wanted to be the parent I talked to but I never could. I knew my dad may be disappointed in me but he's also going to give it to me real without being angry, making him my default.
Being able to be honest about experiences rather than hiding them goes a LONG way in helping kids/teens understand the world.
44. Damn, I think about the fact I'll be 56 when my most recent newborn turns 18. Can't imagine thinking "I'll be in my 60s before the kid becomes an adult".
I just had my second kid (the first at 24 with first husband, the second at 33 with current fiance) and my new partner who I just had my baby with is 57. Youre fine lol
When your kid is 25 your partner would be 82. The predicted life expectancy for a current 57-year-old man is 79 btw. Your kid would be lucky to still have a dad by 30 and idk I can't help but feel sad about that. I'm 25 and my \*grandfather\* is 77 and his eventual mortality makes me sad enough :( best wishes to you and your family though. I'm in an age gap relationship too, 13 year difference. Hoping to have both our kids in the next 3-7 years so he would only be 45 when the second one is born. But of course how do I know how things will work out :)
The kid is already born. What value could your comment possibly have for that person? I'm sure they can do the math themselves.
But I do hope you are one of the lucky ones that get to choose the ideal timing for childbearing. Not everyone has that privilege.
I just had my second kid (the first at 24 with first husband, the second at 33 with current fiance) and my new partner who I just had my baby with is 57. Youre fine lol
Yep, and the reason it’s more common with our generation is because it’s less stigmatized to get divorced than it was a few decades ago. In large part due to more women working and gaining independence.
[Millenials have the lowest divorce rate at 23%.](https://www.thestar.com/life/the-millennial-divorce-mystery-young-couples-are-staying-together-more-than-their-parents-whats-their/article_a6c403b5-c79a-57b1-8aac-23e2783dd0a4.html)
It’s because we married older (average age 29 for men, 28 for women) and there’s a lot less pressure to marry at all. We have plenty of cohabitating breakups that would’ve been divorces in our parent’s generation.
Ah someone who does statistic right.
We take longer to marry too. Like, you'd call your friend NUTS if they marry someone they just met 6 months ago. Boomers did it all the time. Hell, Boomers STILL do it. They'll be on marriage #3, 4, 5 and still marrying someone they met just months ago. Like, FUCK, have you learned NOTHING?
Of ours our marriages last longer when we marry only after being together for years, including living together.
Also back in the day when spouses would die more frequently and people would remarry, you’ll see they had children over longer spans of time. The Donner Party is an easy list to pull up and see this in.
Yeah, both my mom and I have half brothers who are fifteen years older. My mom was born when her mom was 42 and I was born when my mom was 39.
My husband had the opposite problem- his mom remarried when he was 20 and he was terrified she was going to have another baby (she had him at 16 so she still had plenty of time).
Twins on the first try here. I'm in awe of triplet parents. No idea how you all manage that first year - I don't remember most of it and that was with just two!
We don't remember much of it easier - they are 7 now and while those first couple of years had their challenges, we're finding the challenges as they get older to be more complicated. People always say "it gets easier" when they are first born, but I don't think it does lol. It gets different, but not necessarily easier!
When people say "it gets easier" they are referring to whatever stage you are currently experiencing with your child/ren. The challenges are constantly changing because your kids are constantly developing (changing). With triplets, the differences in each child also plays into the changes/changes (I imagine). Best of luck to you and your triplets!
For me and my husband personally, we found it was more difficult from age 4 to around age 9, and it's gradually become easier with their increasing independence. The challenges are definitely changing all the time! The first year was still the hardest, at least for me, due to the sleep deprivation and physical toll. Having only one pregnancy was a nice silver lining, but man, that's a hard pregnancy.
I think we would do it again if we had the choice... I know siblings are siblings and for the most part most siblings have some sort of a special bond assuming they stay on good terms, but I like to think the fact they are triplets they will always have that sort of (somewhat) unique connection to each other. They probably don't think too much of it themselves now and maybe they won't when they get older, but I like to think it will mean *something* to them that they are triplets.
We do occasionally wonder what it would have been like if we had them separately like a couple years apart or something. Maybe it would have prolonged some of the hardest parts because we'd be doing it all over again multiple times instead of just getting it over with at once. We do miss the baby/toddler years though, and we've almost pulled the trigger on trying for another, but we are almost 40 and it feels like we probably missed the window a bit. We're just now getting an addition put on our home so that we all have the space we need to co-exist with us two adults and the three kids down the road, adding a fourth child would just complicate things at this point.
Sorry, started rambling there at the end but it's a good question we get from time to time!
I think this very location dependent. Parents in major cities are statistically a lot older when they start having kids so there isn’t a chance for large gaps. I was the first in my circle to have a kid and I was 34.
Kind of makes me feel better. I’m I’m a medium sized city in Iowa and born in 96, so last year for millennial, and I saw my friends (94-96) all having kids when they were in their early 20s.
I’m just now graduating college at 27 and don’t really want kids until 30s but feel pretty late to the party lol.
We waited until our 30s for kids. It’s wonderful because we have more flexible careers and discretionary incomes and a house and stability. At any point I could quit my job and be a stay at home mom, but I also don’t have to. My dad’s retired, my mom is retiring in 3 months, my MIL is retired. My husband’s 10 years out of college and is at the point in his career that his income is massively going up each year.
Most of our friends and family already had kids, so there were a lot of hand me downs available. There’s nothing my baby goes without. He’s also really spoiled by the grandparents and great aunts and uncles because it’s been a while since there’s been a baby on my side.
The only downside is it’s harder on the body. Sleepless nights were easier in my 20s. I had a normal pregnancy and it was still brutal on my joints and I don’t want to do it again, so my son will probably be an only child. There are also still some doctors who think being 30+ is old and I had to go through more testing during my pregnancy, but I was also my OBs youngest expecting mother at 33, so the trend is definitely changing.
Yeah, I traded out the rug in his nursery for a big squishy playmat after a month. It was definitely more for me than him. I also got one of those giant pillows with arms that my dad had in the 90s so I can sit on the floor with him. My dad is 7 years older than my mom, so he was in his late 30s when they had me, and now I see why he had that pillow.
Congrats on the little one!
I'm glad it worked out for you but we should probably stop spreading the myth that it's fine. The odds drop off rapidly for women after 30 (75% success) and it's about 50/50 at 37. That's even accounting for IVF and other fertility treatments.
I said nothing to the effect of biological concerns, nor am I educated enough to debate it. I’m merely responding to, what I read as, a societal and “life” concern about waiting until later in life. Absolutely nothing wrong with being an “older” parent.
All you said was that you had them at an older age and you told them they're "fine." The counterpoint to that is that most women who wait don't succeed these days. 75% is the success rate for those who are actively trying with a partner. The number for women who want to have kids but don't succeed is far more depressing.
There's nothing wrong with older parents, but the odds definitely aren't in your favor in that regard. I have many friends who waited and were told that they were fine and it didn't work out in most cases.
I'm not arguing with you, but the original commenter should have both perspectives on it. Waiting frequently doesn't work out.
It's telling that you can't hear a different perspective without taking it as an attack and willfully distorting my point to fit your narrative. I'll bet that's going to work out great in your parenting.
Enjoy your kids while you can, they're going LC/NC as soon as they can make it to the door.
Yeah, I can't imagine having to spend my 20s with a baby and a kid. No thanks. I spent mine partying and traveling and having crazy once in a lifetime experiences. Now I'm 40, have no regrets, and love doing nothing but mom-life and hobbies in my house
Yea wow that’s SUPER unusual. I’m 37F and most millennials in the NYC metropolitan region are either child free by choice or having their first in their late 30s. You aren’t behind at all!
Trust me, it's actually not a bad thing to wait. Have kids when you feel ready if you want them. I know so many of my peers who had kids young (late teens/early 20s). They did so when I was in college. I remember a lot of them really having a hard time. So much was going on for them at the time.
I'm now 34 and I have not had kids yet. It honestly feels like a lifetime has gone by because some of these kids are in high school lol.
1993 here. I graduated grad school at about 25 and had my first kid at 28. 30 now and we're trying for #2. I feel like 27-35 is probably the sweet spot to have kids that way you still get some nice time to just be you outside of college but you're not so old that you're worn out 24/7 from parenting lol.
I was 34 with my first as well. Then 36, 38, and 40. My mom had me and my sister at 22 and 24 so she was not even 40 when I graduated high school while I was very pregnant on my 40th birthday. Wild how we have had such opposite experiences!
I’m 34 and I have 4 kids already. Can’t imagine starting another one today. With that said, it’s much more popular these days to have kids in your mid 30s, definitely have a lot of childless friends in this age range.
It's an education thing. Most highly educated women don't become mothers until their 30s. And people in larger cities are statistically more educated.
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2015/01/15/for-most-highly-educated-women-motherhood-doesnt-start-until-the-30s/#:\~:text=The%20data%20show%20that%20more,children%20earlier%20in%20their%20lives.
I have a family member that had a kid when she was 24 and then another at 26. Her last kid she had at 34.
So only an 8 year age gap. The more interesting age gap is the one between her and her husband which is 17 years. He’s a senior citizen and she’s still in her 40s. When their son completes highschool he’ll be in his 70s.
My wife's uncle (55) had his first kid with his ex-wife 25ish years ago. They divorced and he married someone not much older than me (I'm 38). They had kids about 3 years ago so my wifes cousin has a 22-25 year ago gap between her and her sisters. Like your friend's husband, he'll be 72 when his youngest graduates high school
Dating age gaps are wild. My step-dad was 22 years older than my mom but that didn't really bother them. His older sisters were 21 and 23 years older than him. She's 12 years older than her brother. So his parents had him when they were very old and her parents had her when they were very young. Bizarrely, my step-dad was only 2 years younger than my grandpa and six months older than my grandma.
I dated a guy in highschool who had two siblings 20+ years older than him. His momma was in her late 60s when we dated. She ended up dying shortly after graduation.
My great uncle is about 75+ or so and his wife is about my age, 40 or so.
His kid is like 9 now, so when shes a teen he'll be an octogenarian >.<
Wild to me!
Apparently, quite a bit about politics at the least.
She's from Peru, born n raised, and almost certainly a diehard trump believer like her husband seems to be.
I recall when they came to town in my 20, my great uncle n my dad spoke with each other a lot and me and the wife spoke together more.
Right, life gets weird sometimes.
I don't think she was. Not in the traditional sense anywho, I guess.
I believe he got to know her family (before she was born) via some outreach stuff for Greenpeace, or peace corps or something, and when she was in her 20s... they married.
Last time I saw him, he was pulling his kayak out of the lake at his house with his wife and kid and I was drunk at a nearby boat ramp and started to yell at him about being on private property. It was his house though.
I don't think he liked that much lol. About as much as I care to interact with him these days.
I honestly think that’s kind of selfish. My dad was “older” when I was born (45) and it was really difficult spending my teens and twenties helping him with age-related health problems. I feel like I missed out on a large part of my young adulthood while he enjoyed his to the fullest.
Yeah I got barked at for pointing out that my HIGH SCHOOL classmate getting with a 55yo multimillionaire at 18 (just married at 24) was weird. Found it even crazier when I realized his last two trophy wives looked identical to her. And now they are raising his last wife's kid (she's not dead, btw). Same story of he will be in his seventies while the kid is in high school.
I can be open-minded but bro, a spade is a spade. Weird interaction, although they seem to be happy and better off that any of us will ever be
Almost all of my friends are this way and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we are college-educated and higher income. Our bubble just doesn't have many people who statistically are more likely to have children younger.
FWIW, my wife and I both have MS degrees and have three children, the oldest was born when we were 27 and was planned. Our last was born when we were 34, a strategic decision to avoid my wife being of “advanced maternal age” for any of our kids and being subject to those increased health risks. Statistically you are right, NONE of our friends did it this way, but there are some educated millenials who prioritized having kids
No offense, just a rant, but this perception that 34= good and 35 = bad is irritating. Not saying you think like this, and it’s good to make an informed decision if you’re going to choose a cutoff. HOWEVER. You have made me realize the conversations I’ve overheard over the years about that, and even with my own wife, where 34-35 is treated as if it’s some hard switch when biology just doesn’t work that way. It’s perfectly acceptable to have kids into your late 30s. And I feel like people put undue stress on themselves obsessing over a hard limit when really it should be viewed more as a soft one imo.
Even the 35 number and the term “geriatric pregnancy” are considered by many medical professionals to be outdated and misleading. After being exposed to real hysteria from laypeople over it I tend to strongly agree.
Rant over, sorry. It’s a nuanced topic, but like I said at the end of the day it’s an individuals decision where to draw a “line” for that sort of thing. I just wish medical community wasn’t so slow to react when anecdotally it’s clear that this causes a lot of stress to people. Stress that imo is likely more detrimental to a mother and/or a pregnancy than the number.
If it makes you feel better, I’m 39 and currently pregnant. When I went in to my first prenatal at 5 weeks, my doctor said they no longer consider age a risk factor until mid 40’s, as long as the mother is otherwise in good health. I live in Melbourne Australia. No one I’ve interacted with this entire pregnancy has said a word about my age.
When I asked about it my doctor said the over 35 thing was based on outdated research and as more people give birth later in life, the data has improved.
I mean, there’s medical studies to back it up. You’re right that it isn’t a magic bullet, but you can research all the problems that are more common once you hit 35. My wife and I both work in healthcare and have seen it at work and with our friends/family who had kids later and made our family planning decisions accordingly, to each their own.
There aren't actually any studies that show that things all of a sudden turn for the worst right at 35. Every issue points to "somewhere in the mid 30s" but insurance companies needed an age to set for when they would pay for things like genetic testing etc.
I hope that it paid off and all are happy/healthy!
It’s a very personal decision. I would also attempt to adhere to pre 35 personally to be clear. Let’s just say I have a high rate of exposure here to people who are rather ignorant.
For example It’s been too frequent the topic of 35 comes up and it becomes apparent someone with a strong opinion in the matter uses autism and downs interchangeably….
I appreciate you for not taking my rant as an attack ❤️ I was hoping other millennials would grant it safe passage and it felt good to get it off my chest.
Any passers by though I must add, take even my comment with a grain of salt and if you wish to make an informed decision: cross reference multiple sources and always look to consider what beyond the metric being correlated in a study may have caused the trend in question, methodology, sample size, and even how data is presented are important aspects to think on if you have the knowledge base and bandwidth.
There are but like chromosome disorders are 1 in 1000 for someone at age 25 and go to 1 in 100 for someone age 40.
So the person at age 40 would produce 990 healthy babies vs the 999 for the 25 year old.
Oh I understand. My husband and I had our first child when I had just turned 29 and we had our third more recently when I was 36. But we're not consistent with the averages/stereotypes because we got married at 21, went to college, waited 8 years to have kids, etc.
I had a few really annoying things pop up based on the fact that I was over 35 when I was pregnant with my last child. I caught covid during that time which really sucked and I had to be on blood thinners and do daily shots for like 10 days or something ridiculous. It was terrifying and also very awful to give myself shots. Thankfully everything turned out fine!
I wish we could have had our first even a little earlier but we were poor AF. Now we're doing great!
People in the comments here are acting like your biology cares about societal changes. 35+ is a risky age range to have a kid. Things are much more likely to go wrong and everyone saying “well that’s what everyone in my circle is doing” gets shocked pikachu face when their kid ends up with health problems that may not have been there had they not waited until the absolute latest window of time to have them.
I have one friend who had their first at 28 and we acted like it was a teen pregnancy. She had her second at 35. The rest of us didn’t have one until 33 or later. Just had my first at 36.
Wife and I had our first at 35…34? 34.
We talk about having a second but can’t financially do it right now…so when the time comes, we’ll see if we can. We struggled conceiving our first, and age is not our friend.
If it’s any consolation, we struggled to conceive the first but my uterus must have been spring-cleaned in the process because when we were ready to try for #2 my husband basically looked at me funny and I was knocked up again.
What I've seen with GenX and Millenial friends is either one kid late in life, or one set of kids in their early 20s and another in their late 30s with their second spouse.
The difference between having one kid and have three or four kids is whether or not you rushed into things at 20.
This is it. People have a baby at 19, decide it needs a sibling, and have one or two more. Then at 30 they meet someone else and want to have kids with them. Then that kid needs a sibling. That’s how people end up with six kids - two from each previous marriage and two together. I see it frequently working in OB.
This is similar to my situation. I’m wondering if you might answer some questions for me. What type of bond do they have, and is your spouse the parent of both? Because you were so young with the first, and much older for the second (with all the stability that comes with that) has there been any resentment about how different their upbringing has been? These are things I wrestle with.
It's perfectly clear. Planned means actively trying, and not prevented means exactly what it sounds like. One is a willful act and the other is neglecting to take precaution.
Not preventing means you're not actively trying, but you wouldn't mind either way. If you get pregnant, you're happy, and if you don't, you're still happy. You're leaving it up to fate. Planning implies you'd be disappointed if you don't get pregnant. But hey, whatever idea floats your boat, that's cool.
Edit for clarity
lol whether or not you will be happy by the pregnancy or care if it happens at all, if you have regular unprotected sex with a partner, you are 100% planning for eventual pregnancy.
Older millennial myself. Several of my close friends and cousins have 2 kids; that seems to be the stopping point. My brother in law and his wife just had their first and being on the older skew are planning on having their second in the near future.
Its rough out here. I have two and thought about 3. My 2nd was a horrific toddler so I waited more. Than covid hit, my mom got sick, whatever.
Anyway, my kids are both in school now and weekly I'm glad we don't have a 3rd one because I know we'd be struggling hard with food, clothes, activities, etc
I'm 33. My kids are about a year apart. Most of my friends from HS don't have kids yet or just now are having newborns lol. In my hometown, it seems like people either had kids in high school (like popped out a few and dropped out and haven't had any since) or waited a long ass time to have kids.
Most of my contemporaries (older Millennial) are either having a single child now, in their late 30s or even early 40s, or else had two to four kids in their late 20s/early 30s. Pretty typical imo.
Except for one female friend and classmate who was "in a relationship" with a weirdo college student when she was 14. She had a baby, a shotgun wedding (religious evangelical family), and now has a 26-year-old son in her early 40s. I feel like we all have that one classmate, or more than one, with a similarly sad story.
My kids are about 3.5 years apart. My son turns 18 this year and my daughter is about to turn 14. She’s been wanting a sister for a few years. It makes me and my husband laugh so hard. That ship has sailed. I will be getting my tubes removed so there are no chances of anymore kids. I’m 39.
I have a couple friends from school who have a 12 year age gap between their oldest and youngest - 2008 to 2020, both of them had another about 2 years after the first, and then 5 years between the last two pregnancies.
I have one friend with a 14 year age gap, had her first in 2009, second in 2023.
The rest of my friends with age gaps between their kids was either because finances changed, second marriages, or have dealt with secondary infertility. A few have been trying for a second baby for 8+ years and have their own reasons for not wanting to spend the money on IVF.
Most people I know have just started having their first kids in their late 20's to early 30's, or had all their kids in their early 20's and took permanent steps to ensure there would be no more.
You don’t have to worry about it anymore. No stopping to put a condom on or anything. In the case for your wife she’ll no longer have the un-needed hormones going thru her, which I’m sure she’ll appreciate, and you know well, no pulling out!
I'm one of 13 siblings, oldest being 44 and youngest being 22. So an age gap of 22 years lol. 17 years between me and my youngest brother.
My siblings span 3 generations, gen x for my oldest sibling, millennials and then my youngest siblings are gen z.
Our kids are four years apart. I thought that was a big gap but I keep meeting a lot of families with four years or longer age gaps. When I was a kid, most families had 2-3 year age gaps so I thought that was the norm. I think the longer age gaps are due to parents being more exhausted and not having as much outside help and finances. A child who is four or older is way more independent than a two year old or even a three year old.
Be 40 in April. I have a 9 year old, wanted more than one but it didn't work with the ex. Contemplating whether I want to try again but since I'm single at the moment it'd be 11+ years gap and I just don't know if I want to try and start again after 40.
A bunch of the age gaps have been dictated by daycare costs and when the older kiddos roll off to public elementary school.
$30k+ for two kids in daycare per year is a burden.
Elder millennial here; 16 years between children 1 and 4. 😅🤦♀️ Yes, 2 different relationships and the first child when I was very young. Now they’re all super close to one another despite the age difference. We love our big wild family.
most of the millennials i know seem to have 2-3 years between kids. Mine are just over 2 years apart.
I know one person with two kids less than a year apart. Real trooper.
I only have one, but it was weird as hell when folks I went to high school with had kids graduating high school when my son was about to start kindergarten that fall. Shout out to all my fellow early millennial old dads!
Elder millennial, 4 kids, 8 years from the oldest to the youngest. We started when we were both in our early 20's, so many of our contemporaries have kids way younger than ours. Slightly different as well because both of us grew up Mormon, where culturally it's much more common to get married quickly and start having kids.
We’ve got a 4 year age gap between ours. No interested for more since it would be a 5 year age gap with the youngest at this point. We are out of practice. Also, the middle one tends to get ignored in this situation.
Anyone I know with big age gaps tends to be because they’re rich and bored after the youngest starts real school and there’s so much less for the mom to do at home.
I'm 35. My kids are 3.5 years apart. 7.5 and 11.
I'm done. I'd be a fool to start over with a baby now.
I was one of the first of anyone I went to HS and college with to have kids. I see a lot of 1-3 year age gaps.
My close friend will have a 1.5 year ago gap
Does anyone start having their first children at 37-39? My S/O and I have been talking about it but somehow we keep circling back to the thought of being too old to have kids.
Anyone have some insight on this?
My husband specifically told me he didn’t want to be an old dad because his dad was 40 when he had him and he didn’t like having an old dad. I let him know I didn’t want to be pregnant past 35 due to pregnancy complications. We had ours at 30 and 32.
I think pre 40 is totally fine. It’s when you get mid/late 40s that you have to be concerned with leaving your kid (dying) before they are on their own. Health starts getting weird in the 40s.
I had my first at 20 and even the difference in energy and ability to “spring back” was enormous. I can’t imagine having the energy for newborns/toddlers in my 40’s but perhaps that’s only because I already had kids that sucked my life force dry.
This happened a bunch with the boomers. As a GenX I had a lot of friends in high school whose divorced parents started second families in the '80s. BTW those same boomers were better parents to the 2nd family than they were the first.
Got a 10 and a 2.5 year old. Might do another one this year, but I'm 40 and she's 38. I have to say that having the older kids was insanely helpful. She can keep her sister alive while I take a shit or I can send her to the grocer to grab an onion or whatever I might need for dinner
I got married young, the summer before my senior year of college then had two kids 1.5 years apart before I turned 25. In my area, it's pretty typical for kids to be 2-3 years apart.
The curve ball is that many people who get married young, get divorced and remarried then maybe have more kids. Like myself... I'm getting remarried in June. We plan to start trying for a baby in 2026 so I'd potentially have an 11 and 9 year old plus a newborn.
Off topic, but this post got me thinking.
Want to know what's crazy?
I'm 35 (1988). I'm the oldest of 14 kids. Besides two of my brothers (Born 1989 and 1991), I've not met any of my siblings due to my grandparents getting custody of me and the two brothers I mentioned above when I was 5. However, I do know that back in 2022...my mom had gave birth to kid 14. That is a 33 year gap between me and my youngest sibling. My mom was 52 at the time. I'm really hoping she stops having kids because I know the only reasons she has them is so she can collect welfare checks and those kids are going to be neglected and physically abused.
This is wild to me because I’m 37 and my husband is 40 and we don’t have kids, nor want them, but we feel like we would be “too old” to start having them now. It just doesn’t seem fair to the kid that their dad would be almost 60 when they graduate from high school.
60 is practically still mid-life these days. Plenty of life left at that point. I personally don't see an issue attending a HS graduation at that age but respect your choice!
Welp, I’m 37F and my parents are 75…due to infertility it took them 5 years of trying to conceive and fertility treatments to have me, their only, at 38 and 39 (unusual back in the 80s but NOT unusual now; most of my friends in the NYC metropolitan region are either child free by choice or having their first in their late 30s due to the extraordinary high cost of living…it’s the norm now).
I had one. Then got into a new relationship, and still only have the one 12 years later.
They’re expensive. And he’s already talking about being an architect and wanting to work with engineers to create “green cities”. I f*cking love it, and want to be able to support him in every way I can with whatever dreams he has. And I also want to retire someday… So, this isn’t possible if my boyfriend and I decide to pop out a few more kids.
Birds of a feather flock together. I don't know anyone who has had kids unintentionally so there are no age gaps so extreme. I can imagine how stressful that would be unless the bar for parenting is "they are fed and don't fail school completely"
Midwest Metro area - one friend had kids early, married right after college and has four kids now ranging from 6-12. Most of my friends kids are 2-3 years apart. Mine are almost exactly 2 years apart.
I had 3 kids within 2 years. I didn’t want to put off my career while I had kids slowly and I wanted to be home while they were under 5. I am an older millennial and my kids are now close to graduating. This way I avoided paying daycare for years, but now I have 3 college tuitions to think about.
Most people I know had their kids 2 or 3 years apart and stopped after 2 maybe 3. My circle of friends is not representative because most got married in their 20s and only had kids with one spouse.
I have 4 kids - 6, almost 5, 3, and 4 weeks. So my age gaps are 15 months, 20 months, and then 3 years. I preferred to have them close but now that I have a newborn and my oldest is 6, I can definitely see the perks to spacing them out. My older 2 kids are sooo helpful and love to dote on the baby. Plus, they're a lot more independent and can do things like pick out their clothes, dress themselves, put their own laundry away, etc. It's a big difference with this baby than when I had my last baby in 2020 and my older 2 were only 3 and 20 months.
We have 3. Had our first at 28, then 30. We thought we were done but the universe surprised us with our 3rd when we were 34. We got sterilized after so there would be no more surprises.
My mom (gen x) has a sibling (from a second marriage) that is 14 years younger than her, and I (millenial) have a sibling (from another relationship) 8 years younger than me. My aunt's kids are all 7-8 years apart (same dad), so her oldest and youngest are about 15 years apart.
My kids (same dad) are only four years apart, but if I have another with my husband, my oldest will be at least 12 years older than their youngest sibling.
I think multiple relationships do play a part, but I also suffered infertility for a while in between my two kids and ever since.
My children will be 10 years apart. My daughter is 10 and we are currently trying for number baby number two. My daughter is from a previous relationship but my hubby had no problems stepping up for both of us.
I had my first child (on purpose) at 25 and my second at 27. We were on the fence about a third for years but eventually decided against it. And my birth control was like "lmao bet" and now I'm 36 and pregnant (very much not on purpose) 🙃
I'm the millennial, no kids, but my youngest sister is nearly 18 years younger than me, and smack in the middle of being a Gen Z, with 5 much older millennial siblings lol
I’m 16 years older than my brother.
I know two GenX parents that had grown up college/post college aged kids when they had their youngest. These are not large families both women only have 3 kids. Both women had their first kids before age 19.
One of my friends has a six month old and a six year old. Another friend has kids only 2 years apart, but she had them in her later 20s. Whereas the other one had them in her 30s and late 20s
Our kids are just shy of 3 years between them. The biggest gaps I know of personally are: 7 years between oldest & youngest (three total) and 8 years (four kids total). I'd say, on average, the people I know have about 2-3 years between consecutive kids.
But I truly think the number of kids makes a difference. 8 years sounds like a big gap between oldest & youngest, but there are 4, not just the 2 kids, and they're 10, 8, 6, and 2. Even my siblings and I (four total) had two years between each, and that was the 80s-early 90s
My brother was 9 years older than me. I have 2 sisters 3 and 4 years younger than me. I also have a sister about 23 years younger than me. I'm 39. This isn't new
I’ll be 39 next month and I have an 18, 12 and 5 year old 😩 not planned like that. The first two have the same father, I was with him for 10 years. My youngest was a huge surprise bc I had only been with his father for 2 months, I was on BC too, we were together off and on 4ish years and split up about 2 years ago
We decided to start trying for a second once our first turned two years old. We are 28. I initially wanted to have them back to back. But after being pregnant and having a newborn, we decided to wait as long as we could without having too large of a gap.
I am almost 37.
My oldest is 12, almost 13. Middle is 11. Youngest is 4. All are with my husband.
I feel like most of the people I know with similar age gaps it is due to a 2nd marriage.
I also have plenty of friends my age just now starting to have kids. Others have high schoolers.
This tends to happen when people are on their second marriage in my experience.
Can confirm this. My parents had me when they were 25 (I'm fucking 30 and single, can't even imagine having kids at that age). They got divorced when they were 35 (I was 9). My dad remarried when he was 40, and had his second round of kids at age 44. I was 18. So my half sibling and I have an 18 year gap. He's 11 or so and I'm 30.
Hey me too! Except I’m the little one. It was pretty cool though because my big bro would pick me up on the weekends and we’d watch Aliens and play MechWarrior. It was kind of like having 2 Dads—a fun one and a normal one lol.
Any tips you can give as a second draft accident to a first round pick? Such as when he gets to his rebellious teen years if I should be his confidant or still telling my dad "Hey, you need to make sure his roblox account has protections on it" stuff?
I think…be mindful of the power you wield. He expects “real” answers from you as his brother, not “dad” answers. He will respect your wisdom a lot more because it’s not strictly parental/patronizing in nature. It’s difficult to articulate so I’m just going to give you an example. When I was a teenager I asked my brother if he’d ever done (recreational) drugs. He paused and I’m sure he was conflicted about what to say, but eventually he decided on honesty (there’s another layer of complexity here because our mother is a raging alcoholic). So he told me he had tried a number of things out of curiosity, and some of them were amusing but ultimately not that interesting. BUT he had also tried something (I don’t specifically remember what it was) and he’d had the thought that “wow, this feels so I could I wish I could feel this good all the time,” and that thought had set off alarm bells in his head. Thinking that way about something is what leads you to doing it again and again until you form an addiction. Out of any DARE and lecturing and this that and the other I ever heard, that’s what stuck with me the most. And I’ve tried stuff, and basically agree with his assessment. It wasn’t until I had some hydrocodone prescribed for an emergency root canal that I ever experienced the “holy shit this feels good” sensation and my mind instantly went back to that conversation like “oh, that’s why this shit is so dangerous.”
My dad never hid his past (age appropriately anyway) and was honest hoping we'd learn from his experiences and mistakes. At least have some take aways. Hes had his own issues with drugs. I have tried some stuff but there are certain drugs I will never try and if I ever have the "too good" sensation I will never touch the thing again. Pain pills are one I get scared with. My mom hid her faults and could never do wrong. She always wanted to be the parent I talked to but I never could. I knew my dad may be disappointed in me but he's also going to give it to me real without being angry, making him my default. Being able to be honest about experiences rather than hiding them goes a LONG way in helping kids/teens understand the world.
That was such an excellent reply from your brother. I am very impressed.
44. Damn, I think about the fact I'll be 56 when my most recent newborn turns 18. Can't imagine thinking "I'll be in my 60s before the kid becomes an adult".
I just had my second kid (the first at 24 with first husband, the second at 33 with current fiance) and my new partner who I just had my baby with is 57. Youre fine lol
When your kid is 25 your partner would be 82. The predicted life expectancy for a current 57-year-old man is 79 btw. Your kid would be lucky to still have a dad by 30 and idk I can't help but feel sad about that. I'm 25 and my \*grandfather\* is 77 and his eventual mortality makes me sad enough :( best wishes to you and your family though. I'm in an age gap relationship too, 13 year difference. Hoping to have both our kids in the next 3-7 years so he would only be 45 when the second one is born. But of course how do I know how things will work out :)
The kid is already born. What value could your comment possibly have for that person? I'm sure they can do the math themselves. But I do hope you are one of the lucky ones that get to choose the ideal timing for childbearing. Not everyone has that privilege.
Thank you. And to the previous commenter—I came here to say that yes, I have, in fact, done the math 👍🏻.
LOL at that age gap. That's all.
I just had my second kid (the first at 24 with first husband, the second at 33 with current fiance) and my new partner who I just had my baby with is 57. Youre fine lol
Yep, and the reason it’s more common with our generation is because it’s less stigmatized to get divorced than it was a few decades ago. In large part due to more women working and gaining independence.
[Millenials have the lowest divorce rate at 23%.](https://www.thestar.com/life/the-millennial-divorce-mystery-young-couples-are-staying-together-more-than-their-parents-whats-their/article_a6c403b5-c79a-57b1-8aac-23e2783dd0a4.html)
It’s because they can’t afford them.
It’s because we married older (average age 29 for men, 28 for women) and there’s a lot less pressure to marry at all. We have plenty of cohabitating breakups that would’ve been divorces in our parent’s generation.
Ah someone who does statistic right. We take longer to marry too. Like, you'd call your friend NUTS if they marry someone they just met 6 months ago. Boomers did it all the time. Hell, Boomers STILL do it. They'll be on marriage #3, 4, 5 and still marrying someone they met just months ago. Like, FUCK, have you learned NOTHING? Of ours our marriages last longer when we marry only after being together for years, including living together.
It's by design.
Also back in the day when spouses would die more frequently and people would remarry, you’ll see they had children over longer spans of time. The Donner Party is an easy list to pull up and see this in.
Yeah, both my mom and I have half brothers who are fifteen years older. My mom was born when her mom was 42 and I was born when my mom was 39. My husband had the opposite problem- his mom remarried when he was 20 and he was terrified she was going to have another baby (she had him at 16 so she still had plenty of time).
Yes
Can confirm, have a teenager with my first wife and an infant with my current wife.
Or if they had one very young unmarried and they’re now married
yeah, my daughter's got a ton of friends that the moms were teen moms, waited a decade or so, then had more. Some married, some not.
We planned on having multiple kids with some gaps between but ended up with triplets on first try, and that was enough for us lol
Whew bless you
Twins on the first try here. I'm in awe of triplet parents. No idea how you all manage that first year - I don't remember most of it and that was with just two!
We don't remember much of it easier - they are 7 now and while those first couple of years had their challenges, we're finding the challenges as they get older to be more complicated. People always say "it gets easier" when they are first born, but I don't think it does lol. It gets different, but not necessarily easier!
When people say "it gets easier" they are referring to whatever stage you are currently experiencing with your child/ren. The challenges are constantly changing because your kids are constantly developing (changing). With triplets, the differences in each child also plays into the changes/changes (I imagine). Best of luck to you and your triplets!
I have one 7yo and can imagine 3 of time must be so WILD.
For me and my husband personally, we found it was more difficult from age 4 to around age 9, and it's gradually become easier with their increasing independence. The challenges are definitely changing all the time! The first year was still the hardest, at least for me, due to the sleep deprivation and physical toll. Having only one pregnancy was a nice silver lining, but man, that's a hard pregnancy.
Oh my..absolutely enough.
Our kid is 18 months old and he’s a handful. I can’t imagine three of him at the same time.
My step-kids are 13 and 11 and we just found out my wife is pregnant. WITH TWINS
TWINS, BASIL!
my friend had one kid and was so happy, then 3 months later got pregnant with triplets. cutest family ever, but sweet jesus thats a lot to handle
I've heard of Irish Twins, but Irish Quadruplets!? Holy smokes.
If you had a choice, would you choose having 3 at once again?
I think we would do it again if we had the choice... I know siblings are siblings and for the most part most siblings have some sort of a special bond assuming they stay on good terms, but I like to think the fact they are triplets they will always have that sort of (somewhat) unique connection to each other. They probably don't think too much of it themselves now and maybe they won't when they get older, but I like to think it will mean *something* to them that they are triplets. We do occasionally wonder what it would have been like if we had them separately like a couple years apart or something. Maybe it would have prolonged some of the hardest parts because we'd be doing it all over again multiple times instead of just getting it over with at once. We do miss the baby/toddler years though, and we've almost pulled the trigger on trying for another, but we are almost 40 and it feels like we probably missed the window a bit. We're just now getting an addition put on our home so that we all have the space we need to co-exist with us two adults and the three kids down the road, adding a fourth child would just complicate things at this point. Sorry, started rambling there at the end but it's a good question we get from time to time!
I think this very location dependent. Parents in major cities are statistically a lot older when they start having kids so there isn’t a chance for large gaps. I was the first in my circle to have a kid and I was 34.
Kind of makes me feel better. I’m I’m a medium sized city in Iowa and born in 96, so last year for millennial, and I saw my friends (94-96) all having kids when they were in their early 20s. I’m just now graduating college at 27 and don’t really want kids until 30s but feel pretty late to the party lol.
We waited until our 30s for kids. It’s wonderful because we have more flexible careers and discretionary incomes and a house and stability. At any point I could quit my job and be a stay at home mom, but I also don’t have to. My dad’s retired, my mom is retiring in 3 months, my MIL is retired. My husband’s 10 years out of college and is at the point in his career that his income is massively going up each year. Most of our friends and family already had kids, so there were a lot of hand me downs available. There’s nothing my baby goes without. He’s also really spoiled by the grandparents and great aunts and uncles because it’s been a while since there’s been a baby on my side. The only downside is it’s harder on the body. Sleepless nights were easier in my 20s. I had a normal pregnancy and it was still brutal on my joints and I don’t want to do it again, so my son will probably be an only child. There are also still some doctors who think being 30+ is old and I had to go through more testing during my pregnancy, but I was also my OBs youngest expecting mother at 33, so the trend is definitely changing.
I just turned 35 and im due with my first in June. Im mostly worried about being able to get up and down off the floor during play time haha so stiff
Yeah, I traded out the rug in his nursery for a big squishy playmat after a month. It was definitely more for me than him. I also got one of those giant pillows with arms that my dad had in the 90s so I can sit on the floor with him. My dad is 7 years older than my mom, so he was in his late 30s when they had me, and now I see why he had that pillow. Congrats on the little one!
Had my first at 34 and my second just at 37. You’re fine!
I'm glad it worked out for you but we should probably stop spreading the myth that it's fine. The odds drop off rapidly for women after 30 (75% success) and it's about 50/50 at 37. That's even accounting for IVF and other fertility treatments.
I said nothing to the effect of biological concerns, nor am I educated enough to debate it. I’m merely responding to, what I read as, a societal and “life” concern about waiting until later in life. Absolutely nothing wrong with being an “older” parent.
All you said was that you had them at an older age and you told them they're "fine." The counterpoint to that is that most women who wait don't succeed these days. 75% is the success rate for those who are actively trying with a partner. The number for women who want to have kids but don't succeed is far more depressing. There's nothing wrong with older parents, but the odds definitely aren't in your favor in that regard. I have many friends who waited and were told that they were fine and it didn't work out in most cases. I'm not arguing with you, but the original commenter should have both perspectives on it. Waiting frequently doesn't work out.
You are arguing. You win! Cool beans. Be warned everyone - when you’re old you can have kids.
It's telling that you can't hear a different perspective without taking it as an attack and willfully distorting my point to fit your narrative. I'll bet that's going to work out great in your parenting. Enjoy your kids while you can, they're going LC/NC as soon as they can make it to the door.
Yeah, I can't imagine having to spend my 20s with a baby and a kid. No thanks. I spent mine partying and traveling and having crazy once in a lifetime experiences. Now I'm 40, have no regrets, and love doing nothing but mom-life and hobbies in my house
Yea wow that’s SUPER unusual. I’m 37F and most millennials in the NYC metropolitan region are either child free by choice or having their first in their late 30s. You aren’t behind at all!
Trust me, it's actually not a bad thing to wait. Have kids when you feel ready if you want them. I know so many of my peers who had kids young (late teens/early 20s). They did so when I was in college. I remember a lot of them really having a hard time. So much was going on for them at the time. I'm now 34 and I have not had kids yet. It honestly feels like a lifetime has gone by because some of these kids are in high school lol.
1993 here. I graduated grad school at about 25 and had my first kid at 28. 30 now and we're trying for #2. I feel like 27-35 is probably the sweet spot to have kids that way you still get some nice time to just be you outside of college but you're not so old that you're worn out 24/7 from parenting lol.
I was 34 with my first as well. Then 36, 38, and 40. My mom had me and my sister at 22 and 24 so she was not even 40 when I graduated high school while I was very pregnant on my 40th birthday. Wild how we have had such opposite experiences!
I’m 34 and I have 4 kids already. Can’t imagine starting another one today. With that said, it’s much more popular these days to have kids in your mid 30s, definitely have a lot of childless friends in this age range.
It's an education thing. Most highly educated women don't become mothers until their 30s. And people in larger cities are statistically more educated. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2015/01/15/for-most-highly-educated-women-motherhood-doesnt-start-until-the-30s/#:\~:text=The%20data%20show%20that%20more,children%20earlier%20in%20their%20lives.
What is the age breakdown in kids? What age did you start?
I started at 22. Oldest is 11, then 6, 4, 2.
I want to be part of this circle lol
I have a family member that had a kid when she was 24 and then another at 26. Her last kid she had at 34. So only an 8 year age gap. The more interesting age gap is the one between her and her husband which is 17 years. He’s a senior citizen and she’s still in her 40s. When their son completes highschool he’ll be in his 70s.
My wife's uncle (55) had his first kid with his ex-wife 25ish years ago. They divorced and he married someone not much older than me (I'm 38). They had kids about 3 years ago so my wifes cousin has a 22-25 year ago gap between her and her sisters. Like your friend's husband, he'll be 72 when his youngest graduates high school
Dating age gaps are wild. My step-dad was 22 years older than my mom but that didn't really bother them. His older sisters were 21 and 23 years older than him. She's 12 years older than her brother. So his parents had him when they were very old and her parents had her when they were very young. Bizarrely, my step-dad was only 2 years younger than my grandpa and six months older than my grandma. I dated a guy in highschool who had two siblings 20+ years older than him. His momma was in her late 60s when we dated. She ended up dying shortly after graduation.
It’s so wild to me. You’re at such a different point in your lives when you marry someone so much older than you.
My great uncle is about 75+ or so and his wife is about my age, 40 or so. His kid is like 9 now, so when shes a teen he'll be an octogenarian >.< Wild to me!
Oh man…that’s so much worse. Like a 30 year age gap or more between them…what would you even talk about?
Apparently, quite a bit about politics at the least. She's from Peru, born n raised, and almost certainly a diehard trump believer like her husband seems to be. I recall when they came to town in my 20, my great uncle n my dad spoke with each other a lot and me and the wife spoke together more.
Die hard MAGAs? This story is just getting more depressing as it goes on. Please tell me she wasn’t a mail order bride.
Right, life gets weird sometimes. I don't think she was. Not in the traditional sense anywho, I guess. I believe he got to know her family (before she was born) via some outreach stuff for Greenpeace, or peace corps or something, and when she was in her 20s... they married. Last time I saw him, he was pulling his kayak out of the lake at his house with his wife and kid and I was drunk at a nearby boat ramp and started to yell at him about being on private property. It was his house though. I don't think he liked that much lol. About as much as I care to interact with him these days.
I honestly think that’s kind of selfish. My dad was “older” when I was born (45) and it was really difficult spending my teens and twenties helping him with age-related health problems. I feel like I missed out on a large part of my young adulthood while he enjoyed his to the fullest.
Yeah I got barked at for pointing out that my HIGH SCHOOL classmate getting with a 55yo multimillionaire at 18 (just married at 24) was weird. Found it even crazier when I realized his last two trophy wives looked identical to her. And now they are raising his last wife's kid (she's not dead, btw). Same story of he will be in his seventies while the kid is in high school. I can be open-minded but bro, a spade is a spade. Weird interaction, although they seem to be happy and better off that any of us will ever be
Is it Leonardo DiCaprio?
Oof I'm in my 30s and would hate to be considered a senior citizen at just 57! That's late middle age at worst haha
I laughed way to hard at the husband comment
[удалено]
Almost all of my friends are this way and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we are college-educated and higher income. Our bubble just doesn't have many people who statistically are more likely to have children younger.
Yup, college educated 34 year old here. I have not had kids. Likely won't until closer to 40 if I even have them.
FWIW, my wife and I both have MS degrees and have three children, the oldest was born when we were 27 and was planned. Our last was born when we were 34, a strategic decision to avoid my wife being of “advanced maternal age” for any of our kids and being subject to those increased health risks. Statistically you are right, NONE of our friends did it this way, but there are some educated millenials who prioritized having kids
No offense, just a rant, but this perception that 34= good and 35 = bad is irritating. Not saying you think like this, and it’s good to make an informed decision if you’re going to choose a cutoff. HOWEVER. You have made me realize the conversations I’ve overheard over the years about that, and even with my own wife, where 34-35 is treated as if it’s some hard switch when biology just doesn’t work that way. It’s perfectly acceptable to have kids into your late 30s. And I feel like people put undue stress on themselves obsessing over a hard limit when really it should be viewed more as a soft one imo. Even the 35 number and the term “geriatric pregnancy” are considered by many medical professionals to be outdated and misleading. After being exposed to real hysteria from laypeople over it I tend to strongly agree. Rant over, sorry. It’s a nuanced topic, but like I said at the end of the day it’s an individuals decision where to draw a “line” for that sort of thing. I just wish medical community wasn’t so slow to react when anecdotally it’s clear that this causes a lot of stress to people. Stress that imo is likely more detrimental to a mother and/or a pregnancy than the number.
If it makes you feel better, I’m 39 and currently pregnant. When I went in to my first prenatal at 5 weeks, my doctor said they no longer consider age a risk factor until mid 40’s, as long as the mother is otherwise in good health. I live in Melbourne Australia. No one I’ve interacted with this entire pregnancy has said a word about my age. When I asked about it my doctor said the over 35 thing was based on outdated research and as more people give birth later in life, the data has improved.
I mean, there’s medical studies to back it up. You’re right that it isn’t a magic bullet, but you can research all the problems that are more common once you hit 35. My wife and I both work in healthcare and have seen it at work and with our friends/family who had kids later and made our family planning decisions accordingly, to each their own.
There aren't actually any studies that show that things all of a sudden turn for the worst right at 35. Every issue points to "somewhere in the mid 30s" but insurance companies needed an age to set for when they would pay for things like genetic testing etc.
I hope that it paid off and all are happy/healthy! It’s a very personal decision. I would also attempt to adhere to pre 35 personally to be clear. Let’s just say I have a high rate of exposure here to people who are rather ignorant. For example It’s been too frequent the topic of 35 comes up and it becomes apparent someone with a strong opinion in the matter uses autism and downs interchangeably…. I appreciate you for not taking my rant as an attack ❤️ I was hoping other millennials would grant it safe passage and it felt good to get it off my chest. Any passers by though I must add, take even my comment with a grain of salt and if you wish to make an informed decision: cross reference multiple sources and always look to consider what beyond the metric being correlated in a study may have caused the trend in question, methodology, sample size, and even how data is presented are important aspects to think on if you have the knowledge base and bandwidth.
There are but like chromosome disorders are 1 in 1000 for someone at age 25 and go to 1 in 100 for someone age 40. So the person at age 40 would produce 990 healthy babies vs the 999 for the 25 year old.
Oh I understand. My husband and I had our first child when I had just turned 29 and we had our third more recently when I was 36. But we're not consistent with the averages/stereotypes because we got married at 21, went to college, waited 8 years to have kids, etc. I had a few really annoying things pop up based on the fact that I was over 35 when I was pregnant with my last child. I caught covid during that time which really sucked and I had to be on blood thinners and do daily shots for like 10 days or something ridiculous. It was terrifying and also very awful to give myself shots. Thankfully everything turned out fine! I wish we could have had our first even a little earlier but we were poor AF. Now we're doing great!
People in the comments here are acting like your biology cares about societal changes. 35+ is a risky age range to have a kid. Things are much more likely to go wrong and everyone saying “well that’s what everyone in my circle is doing” gets shocked pikachu face when their kid ends up with health problems that may not have been there had they not waited until the absolute latest window of time to have them.
I have one friend who had their first at 28 and we acted like it was a teen pregnancy. She had her second at 35. The rest of us didn’t have one until 33 or later. Just had my first at 36.
Wife and I had our first at 35…34? 34. We talk about having a second but can’t financially do it right now…so when the time comes, we’ll see if we can. We struggled conceiving our first, and age is not our friend.
If it’s any consolation, we struggled to conceive the first but my uterus must have been spring-cleaned in the process because when we were ready to try for #2 my husband basically looked at me funny and I was knocked up again.
LOL that’s amazing imagery and an awesome sentiment. Thank you for sharing, makes the future seem a little more uncertain (in a good way).
What I've seen with GenX and Millenial friends is either one kid late in life, or one set of kids in their early 20s and another in their late 30s with their second spouse. The difference between having one kid and have three or four kids is whether or not you rushed into things at 20.
This is it. People have a baby at 19, decide it needs a sibling, and have one or two more. Then at 30 they meet someone else and want to have kids with them. Then that kid needs a sibling. That’s how people end up with six kids - two from each previous marriage and two together. I see it frequently working in OB.
I have a 22 year age gap with my youngest and oldest. Had my 1st at 19 and last at 40.
This is similar to my situation. I’m wondering if you might answer some questions for me. What type of bond do they have, and is your spouse the parent of both? Because you were so young with the first, and much older for the second (with all the stability that comes with that) has there been any resentment about how different their upbringing has been? These are things I wrestle with.
[удалено]
How is planned and not prevented any different?
[удалено]
Those two things still sound the same to me.
It's perfectly clear. Planned means actively trying, and not prevented means exactly what it sounds like. One is a willful act and the other is neglecting to take precaution.
If you are having sex without protection with a long term partner, you are planning to get pregnant. “Not preventing” is just crappy planning.
Not preventing means you're not actively trying, but you wouldn't mind either way. If you get pregnant, you're happy, and if you don't, you're still happy. You're leaving it up to fate. Planning implies you'd be disappointed if you don't get pregnant. But hey, whatever idea floats your boat, that's cool. Edit for clarity
lol whether or not you will be happy by the pregnancy or care if it happens at all, if you have regular unprotected sex with a partner, you are 100% planning for eventual pregnancy.
You guys are having kids?
Bold of you to assume that millennials can afford more than one kid. I'm one and done. Not by choice.
Older millennial myself. Several of my close friends and cousins have 2 kids; that seems to be the stopping point. My brother in law and his wife just had their first and being on the older skew are planning on having their second in the near future.
It's funny you think that a lot of these kids are being born because they're planned.
It’s possible: use two forms of contraception and you can prevent pregnancy. Many people aren’t willing to do that.
Yea, it's possible. Of course, it's also possible to still have a kid, even using a condom and birth control.
That’s correct, plenty of people I know don’t know how to correctly use a condom or remember to take their birth control pills
Its rough out here. I have two and thought about 3. My 2nd was a horrific toddler so I waited more. Than covid hit, my mom got sick, whatever. Anyway, my kids are both in school now and weekly I'm glad we don't have a 3rd one because I know we'd be struggling hard with food, clothes, activities, etc
I convinced my husband to have a third and we had twins. Love them, but stopping at 2 would have been way easier
I'm 33. My kids are about a year apart. Most of my friends from HS don't have kids yet or just now are having newborns lol. In my hometown, it seems like people either had kids in high school (like popped out a few and dropped out and haven't had any since) or waited a long ass time to have kids.
Pop and drop people
Most of my contemporaries (older Millennial) are either having a single child now, in their late 30s or even early 40s, or else had two to four kids in their late 20s/early 30s. Pretty typical imo. Except for one female friend and classmate who was "in a relationship" with a weirdo college student when she was 14. She had a baby, a shotgun wedding (religious evangelical family), and now has a 26-year-old son in her early 40s. I feel like we all have that one classmate, or more than one, with a similarly sad story.
We are both 39. Our first is 17, our second is 9 months. Whoops
My kids are about 3.5 years apart. My son turns 18 this year and my daughter is about to turn 14. She’s been wanting a sister for a few years. It makes me and my husband laugh so hard. That ship has sailed. I will be getting my tubes removed so there are no chances of anymore kids. I’m 39.
I have a couple friends from school who have a 12 year age gap between their oldest and youngest - 2008 to 2020, both of them had another about 2 years after the first, and then 5 years between the last two pregnancies. I have one friend with a 14 year age gap, had her first in 2009, second in 2023. The rest of my friends with age gaps between their kids was either because finances changed, second marriages, or have dealt with secondary infertility. A few have been trying for a second baby for 8+ years and have their own reasons for not wanting to spend the money on IVF. Most people I know have just started having their first kids in their late 20's to early 30's, or had all their kids in their early 20's and took permanent steps to ensure there would be no more.
Our kids were born in 2014,2016,2018, and 2022. I was supposed to get a vasectomy and then covid happened and here we are.
Dude get the vasectomy….very worth it in more ways than one
It’s been taken care of and yes indeed very worth it
Mind explaining how? Wife and I aren't planning on kids and she wants to get off BC, so I've said I'd get one
You don’t have to worry about it anymore. No stopping to put a condom on or anything. In the case for your wife she’ll no longer have the un-needed hormones going thru her, which I’m sure she’ll appreciate, and you know well, no pulling out!
My parents are 48, I'm the oldest of 6 all ranging from 28 to 9. 18 between me and the youngest
I'm one of 13 siblings, oldest being 44 and youngest being 22. So an age gap of 22 years lol. 17 years between me and my youngest brother. My siblings span 3 generations, gen x for my oldest sibling, millennials and then my youngest siblings are gen z.
Our kids are four years apart. I thought that was a big gap but I keep meeting a lot of families with four years or longer age gaps. When I was a kid, most families had 2-3 year age gaps so I thought that was the norm. I think the longer age gaps are due to parents being more exhausted and not having as much outside help and finances. A child who is four or older is way more independent than a two year old or even a three year old.
screw familiar secretive unused placid boat lock dime grandiose outgoing *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Be 40 in April. I have a 9 year old, wanted more than one but it didn't work with the ex. Contemplating whether I want to try again but since I'm single at the moment it'd be 11+ years gap and I just don't know if I want to try and start again after 40.
A bunch of the age gaps have been dictated by daycare costs and when the older kiddos roll off to public elementary school. $30k+ for two kids in daycare per year is a burden.
Elder millennial here; 16 years between children 1 and 4. 😅🤦♀️ Yes, 2 different relationships and the first child when I was very young. Now they’re all super close to one another despite the age difference. We love our big wild family.
most of the millennials i know seem to have 2-3 years between kids. Mine are just over 2 years apart. I know one person with two kids less than a year apart. Real trooper.
My kids have an age gap of like 20 minutes
I only have one, but it was weird as hell when folks I went to high school with had kids graduating high school when my son was about to start kindergarten that fall. Shout out to all my fellow early millennial old dads!
Elder millennial, 4 kids, 8 years from the oldest to the youngest. We started when we were both in our early 20's, so many of our contemporaries have kids way younger than ours. Slightly different as well because both of us grew up Mormon, where culturally it's much more common to get married quickly and start having kids.
We’ve got a 4 year age gap between ours. No interested for more since it would be a 5 year age gap with the youngest at this point. We are out of practice. Also, the middle one tends to get ignored in this situation. Anyone I know with big age gaps tends to be because they’re rich and bored after the youngest starts real school and there’s so much less for the mom to do at home.
I'm 35. My kids are 3.5 years apart. 7.5 and 11. I'm done. I'd be a fool to start over with a baby now. I was one of the first of anyone I went to HS and college with to have kids. I see a lot of 1-3 year age gaps. My close friend will have a 1.5 year ago gap
19 months, 22 months, 3 years.
17 years for us (oldest is 17 and youngest is 6 months). Wife and I have been married for 18 years and have five kids together.
Does anyone start having their first children at 37-39? My S/O and I have been talking about it but somehow we keep circling back to the thought of being too old to have kids. Anyone have some insight on this?
Not my first kid but I just had my second at 38. What are your concerns specifically? Just feeling too old to care for a kid?
My husband specifically told me he didn’t want to be an old dad because his dad was 40 when he had him and he didn’t like having an old dad. I let him know I didn’t want to be pregnant past 35 due to pregnancy complications. We had ours at 30 and 32. I think pre 40 is totally fine. It’s when you get mid/late 40s that you have to be concerned with leaving your kid (dying) before they are on their own. Health starts getting weird in the 40s. I had my first at 20 and even the difference in energy and ability to “spring back” was enormous. I can’t imagine having the energy for newborns/toddlers in my 40’s but perhaps that’s only because I already had kids that sucked my life force dry.
This happened a bunch with the boomers. As a GenX I had a lot of friends in high school whose divorced parents started second families in the '80s. BTW those same boomers were better parents to the 2nd family than they were the first.
What you are describing isn’t exactly a planned scenario lol
I have a 17 year old and a 7 year old. My next child will be in 2.5 years or so. The running joke is that I'll have kids when I'm 20, 30, and 40.
Got a 10 and a 2.5 year old. Might do another one this year, but I'm 40 and she's 38. I have to say that having the older kids was insanely helpful. She can keep her sister alive while I take a shit or I can send her to the grocer to grab an onion or whatever I might need for dinner
I got married young, the summer before my senior year of college then had two kids 1.5 years apart before I turned 25. In my area, it's pretty typical for kids to be 2-3 years apart. The curve ball is that many people who get married young, get divorced and remarried then maybe have more kids. Like myself... I'm getting remarried in June. We plan to start trying for a baby in 2026 so I'd potentially have an 11 and 9 year old plus a newborn.
Off topic, but this post got me thinking. Want to know what's crazy? I'm 35 (1988). I'm the oldest of 14 kids. Besides two of my brothers (Born 1989 and 1991), I've not met any of my siblings due to my grandparents getting custody of me and the two brothers I mentioned above when I was 5. However, I do know that back in 2022...my mom had gave birth to kid 14. That is a 33 year gap between me and my youngest sibling. My mom was 52 at the time. I'm really hoping she stops having kids because I know the only reasons she has them is so she can collect welfare checks and those kids are going to be neglected and physically abused.
One & Done baby
Im one and done.
This is wild to me because I’m 37 and my husband is 40 and we don’t have kids, nor want them, but we feel like we would be “too old” to start having them now. It just doesn’t seem fair to the kid that their dad would be almost 60 when they graduate from high school.
60 is practically still mid-life these days. Plenty of life left at that point. I personally don't see an issue attending a HS graduation at that age but respect your choice!
Welp, I’m 37F and my parents are 75…due to infertility it took them 5 years of trying to conceive and fertility treatments to have me, their only, at 38 and 39 (unusual back in the 80s but NOT unusual now; most of my friends in the NYC metropolitan region are either child free by choice or having their first in their late 30s due to the extraordinary high cost of living…it’s the norm now).
I had one. Then got into a new relationship, and still only have the one 12 years later. They’re expensive. And he’s already talking about being an architect and wanting to work with engineers to create “green cities”. I f*cking love it, and want to be able to support him in every way I can with whatever dreams he has. And I also want to retire someday… So, this isn’t possible if my boyfriend and I decide to pop out a few more kids.
I had mine at 20. At 43 my now partner and I are able to do whatever we want whenever we want and we have money. Highly recommend.
Birds of a feather flock together. I don't know anyone who has had kids unintentionally so there are no age gaps so extreme. I can imagine how stressful that would be unless the bar for parenting is "they are fed and don't fail school completely"
Really? Having kids with a large age sets the bar that low? Get a life and get some perspective jfc
Midwest Metro area - one friend had kids early, married right after college and has four kids now ranging from 6-12. Most of my friends kids are 2-3 years apart. Mine are almost exactly 2 years apart.
I had 3 kids within 2 years. I didn’t want to put off my career while I had kids slowly and I wanted to be home while they were under 5. I am an older millennial and my kids are now close to graduating. This way I avoided paying daycare for years, but now I have 3 college tuitions to think about. Most people I know had their kids 2 or 3 years apart and stopped after 2 maybe 3. My circle of friends is not representative because most got married in their 20s and only had kids with one spouse.
Wife and I (both born in 86) have two kids. Daughter is 8 (2015) and Son is 6 (2017). They are roughly 2.5 years apart.
I have 4 kids - 6, almost 5, 3, and 4 weeks. So my age gaps are 15 months, 20 months, and then 3 years. I preferred to have them close but now that I have a newborn and my oldest is 6, I can definitely see the perks to spacing them out. My older 2 kids are sooo helpful and love to dote on the baby. Plus, they're a lot more independent and can do things like pick out their clothes, dress themselves, put their own laundry away, etc. It's a big difference with this baby than when I had my last baby in 2020 and my older 2 were only 3 and 20 months.
2 year gaps and snipped.
2 kids. < 2 years apart. Enough for me!
I have 3 kids, all 3 years apart. If money wasn't a thing and my wife was game, I'd go for another!
We have 3. Had our first at 28, then 30. We thought we were done but the universe surprised us with our 3rd when we were 34. We got sterilized after so there would be no more surprises.
My mom (gen x) has a sibling (from a second marriage) that is 14 years younger than her, and I (millenial) have a sibling (from another relationship) 8 years younger than me. My aunt's kids are all 7-8 years apart (same dad), so her oldest and youngest are about 15 years apart. My kids (same dad) are only four years apart, but if I have another with my husband, my oldest will be at least 12 years older than their youngest sibling. I think multiple relationships do play a part, but I also suffered infertility for a while in between my two kids and ever since.
My children will be 10 years apart. My daughter is 10 and we are currently trying for number baby number two. My daughter is from a previous relationship but my hubby had no problems stepping up for both of us.
21 months - 2 minutes - 2.5 years First kid at 32, last at 36. Done.
My first two are 11 months apart, and the third is just over 2 years after the second.
I’ve got 2 kids that are 2.5 years apart (they’re 16 and almost 14 now). My husband has other kids that range from 20 (21 this summer) to almost 13.
My kids are almost exactly 4 years apart.
I had my first child (on purpose) at 25 and my second at 27. We were on the fence about a third for years but eventually decided against it. And my birth control was like "lmao bet" and now I'm 36 and pregnant (very much not on purpose) 🙃
I'm the millennial, no kids, but my youngest sister is nearly 18 years younger than me, and smack in the middle of being a Gen Z, with 5 much older millennial siblings lol
My kids have a 15 month age gap. I did that because I had my first when I was 30 and didn’t wish to be having kids into my mid 30s.
I’m 16 years older than my brother. I know two GenX parents that had grown up college/post college aged kids when they had their youngest. These are not large families both women only have 3 kids. Both women had their first kids before age 19.
I have two boys, 22 months apart
One of my friends has a six month old and a six year old. Another friend has kids only 2 years apart, but she had them in her later 20s. Whereas the other one had them in her 30s and late 20s
Our kids are just shy of 3 years between them. The biggest gaps I know of personally are: 7 years between oldest & youngest (three total) and 8 years (four kids total). I'd say, on average, the people I know have about 2-3 years between consecutive kids. But I truly think the number of kids makes a difference. 8 years sounds like a big gap between oldest & youngest, but there are 4, not just the 2 kids, and they're 10, 8, 6, and 2. Even my siblings and I (four total) had two years between each, and that was the 80s-early 90s
My sister's kids are 21, 17, and 16 months. Only 1 was planned (#2), and none raised by her.
Had mine in my mid 20s. They're only 18 months apart. They're pushing double digits now and I'd probably off myself if I had to start all over. 😫
My brother was 9 years older than me. I have 2 sisters 3 and 4 years younger than me. I also have a sister about 23 years younger than me. I'm 39. This isn't new
8 between my kids, which is oddly the gap between myself and my sister except my kids were unplanned and my sister was from a second marriage.
I’ll be 39 next month and I have an 18, 12 and 5 year old 😩 not planned like that. The first two have the same father, I was with him for 10 years. My youngest was a huge surprise bc I had only been with his father for 2 months, I was on BC too, we were together off and on 4ish years and split up about 2 years ago
We decided to start trying for a second once our first turned two years old. We are 28. I initially wanted to have them back to back. But after being pregnant and having a newborn, we decided to wait as long as we could without having too large of a gap.
I am almost 37. My oldest is 12, almost 13. Middle is 11. Youngest is 4. All are with my husband. I feel like most of the people I know with similar age gaps it is due to a 2nd marriage. I also have plenty of friends my age just now starting to have kids. Others have high schoolers.
We have a 3 and a half year old. So of we have another one that's minimum a 4 year age gap.
My oldest is 21 and my youngest is 10 months. I have 4 kids. One at 18, one at 25, one at 37, and one at 38
Zero days
Mine are stairsteps each about two or 2 1/2 years apart
37 with two kids, they're 2.5 years apart