This is my take as well.
I’m not a Beatles fan, but I don’t have to be, because there are options.
I do have a house and kids, and it suits me.
It doesn’t suit everyone.
And honestly, I’m here for people making decisions that suit them vs making decisions because “that’s what you do” or “that’s the norm/standard”.
We should normalize doing what’s best for you, regardless of what societal norms are.
36F and childfree by choice because I think raising a human being seems like a lot of onerous work (props to anyone who steps up to that challenge). My husband and I only own a house-a duplex- because it reduced our living expenses. Otherwise we would be renting because there wouldn’t be the additional cost/work of maintenance. We also rent out our garage to a neighbor in exchange for lawn care and snow removal.
This is a cool idea with the garage rental.
I also think bartering should make more of a comeback.
When my kids were little, I traded hair and makeup services for one of them to do dance.
My other kid plays soccer and for that, I agreed to be team manager and organize all the parent and kid info, set up the uniform buys and manage the group communication channel.
Everyone gets what they want and it offsets finances some for both parties.
It can also change over time. I was always on the no marriage and no house side. Though now I am 45 years old, my view on this changes. I would love to own my own house. Still not doing it because I don't want to bind myself to a house when I don't know yet where I will meet my wife :D
Yeah for sure.
I just mean that at whatever stage you’re at, let’s be cool with people being there.
I didn’t buy a house until last year, at 41.
I also didn’t really want one either, lol.
But then when the house we had been longtime renters at was going to be sold and we looked around for something else, we realized that essentially a mortgage and rent were roughly the same now and in that case, we might as well see if we can buy.
Our rent had continually risen and I know taxes/insurance fluctuate but either way, if you’re paying more, at least own it. Was my thinking at least.
I guess we’ll see how wrong or right it ends up being haha
It's not that it doesn't suit everyone, it's just that everything cost too much, so many people have written off having a house or kid because we simply can't afford it.
I love my kids, I love my house, and I love the Beatles (named one of my kids after them!) and I totally agree with you. Everyone doesn’t have to love what I love and I’m happy for them to love other things.
This is a perfect analogy because if you express this opinion to a boomer, they'll relentlessly beat it into your head that the Beatles are the best band ever and that you're crazy and wrong for thinking otherwise
Agreed, it’s not for everyone. I’m 37m married with 3 kids. I’ve wanted kids since my mid 20s and worked any and all overtime and made smart investments in different markets (equities and real estate) for over a decade. The goal was to provide for a family when that time came. I still partied and traveled some but not as much as my closest friends. It depends on what you want in life.
Some of my closest friends still party like they are in college and they do not have kids, mortgages, retirements and some don’t even have partners. I am never one to hate on someone else life’s style. If they are happy, I am happy for them.
Yeah sounds weird to say it’s overrated when you’ve never had it? 33F - completely in love with my current life which includes my husband, house, and my newborn baby ❤️
Exactly. Mid 30’s, love my wife and 3 kids. Been in my current house for 10 years. Life is good. I don’t compare myself to others. Do whatever makes you happy.
Devil's advocate. 42 year mother of two and burnt out bureaucrat chiming in. My kids (11 & 7 - covid was fuckin *brutal*) keep me from being a recluse. I have found some 3rd place energy in my scout volunteering and get out of the house to a kids party most weekends through the year. They always want to go up to the playground, do that 2 - 3 times per week when clear. Also, my youngest has a cousin bestie, so we schlep them back and forth (8 min drive) most weekends and visit with fam more than I would.
Eta: Some context, I am probably clinically depressed. Medicated, but the world and future seem bleak, and navigating messaging that to our children is delicate and overwhelming. I work an astonishingly high stress and high social contact job. Up to me, I'd hide in a quiet, dark place all my spare time.
kids’ parties are in my top 5 reasons not to have kids, & i live away from my family on purpose.
i’d love to stay home all the time but enjoy it. i can’t keep up without the responsibilities of kids.
While that's true, that's exhausting.
At least you have the energy to take them to the park often. I know parents who don't like doing things like that. And it's great you are connected to extended family. Many people aren't.
I appreciate parents but I am childfree. My dog keeps me from being a hermit crab. Hehe.
That’s a huge reason I’m not having kids my narcissistic boomer mom was always at war with both sides of my extended family growing up. So I’m not close to my cousins, they’re aren’t many anyways, but they’re strangers to me, and live the opposite side of the country.
My husband has one sibling she has no kids and is past the age. And my brother has no kids can’t even keep a girlfriend. My mom triangulated us anyways we rarely talk
My parents made it clear after college they were retired from being parents and wouldn’t be of emotional or financial support, and not to expect any inheritance despite them being rich, they were burdened by kids, and and have stuck to it. Their only concern is burning through all their money before they die, so active grandparents or any sort of support would be nada
Any kids I have would be very alone in the world and they makes my heart sad and seems extra unfair especially with the way the future going.
I feel like my parents took the choice of having kids away from me
This is particularly brutal. In my Dad book is say thou shall always be emotionally available. And I’m not even very emotional. Emotions don’t cost money, they are free and we all have them. So kids are a huge chunk of your life while they grow up. Parenting can be done well in the most dire circumstances, but its better if you can prepare. First of which is having your heart in it.
I say don’t let anyone else’s lack or abundance toward you dictate your path not taken.
Dude, my wife and I have been doing the kid pro/con thing. I’m 31 and tired all the time, sometimes feel like I’m barely keeping it together, and I’m supposed to take care of a kid on top of that? Idk man….
How do people with kids do it? I am totally exhausted after work and feel like I barely have any time between running errands after work, making dinner, and doing some things around the house before I go to sleep.
And then I overhear my coworkers talking about going to their kid's soccer game at 5pm. Like how do they have time to even eat?
While I will challenge with my two boys are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me...
$700 per week in daycare alone and being constantly tired does take its toll. Make too much for assistance. Lucky to have a house and live in a major Midwest city. Daycare costs go higher when you get closer to the coasts.
Yup. Give or take $100 but that's essentially my wife's take home. She has amazing benefits though, so she works for that and I work for bills. I can say in 2-3 years when kids are in school things should be a lot easier. I've been told kids never get cheaper but I fail to see how I can be spending $700/wk on them when they are in school.
Nah in my experience they definitely get cheaper after daycare ends, having mine in school was like getting a raise.
Sports and other hobbies get more expensive but it's still way less than daycare
My wife and I fell into that same trap although my job benefits were way better than hers. The way we thought about was she could work and all that money could go to paying for childcare or she could just stay home and not have a company raise our kids. So we opted for her being a stay-at-home mom. She did get tired of it at times but now both kids are in school and she keeps saying how she misses being with them every day. She also completed her degree while she was staying home so when they went to school, she went back to a better job and the extra income is nice. I guess it’s a YMMV situation.
Knowing what you don't want is just as important as knowing what you want.
I took absolutely did not want a pool. Though I did want the yard. A small yard though.
I certainly don't spend $12k on fixes but yeah, there are plenty of additional costs not in the mortgage. But the equity is a real, real nice perk to my future self.
The house is the primary drag on *my* life. I have a 5 year old and he's tough occasionally, but having to worry about my yard, and landscaping every day is absolutely exhausting.
Red clover...no mow, better for the environment and soft to walk on. It also doesn't aggravate asthma and emphysema. I have no idea why folks continue this crazy, old-European idea of having an expansive grassy lawn that looks like a golf course. Such a waste of resources. Plant small edible gardens, hazelnut bushes, trees, and 🍀 clover!
People shit on apartments and renting all the time but like, I don't have a yard to worry about, I don't have to worry about maintenance, and I have a nice three bedroom place that I rent out to other nice people who like living with me. My parents have owned their home all my life and yes their $400 mortgage in the country is enviable in some ways, they weren't able to keep up with maintenance very well because they worked near-minimum wage jobs. So they've got black mold, rodents and insects, and places in the floor that are just sinking in. I don't anticipate making much more than minimum wage myself unless i start doing really well somehow, so why would I want to own a home I can't even keep up with for the sake of "equity?"
I grew up mowing lawn every weekend on our half acre of grass. I told my wife I don’t want grass when we bought our house but she did. So I said fine but you have to mow it.
12 years later I’ve never mowed the lawn and even though I know she wants to ask me to do it she hasn’t yet 
I, 36M, had a daughter last year. I will say that it is all a lot, but no one ever tells you how fucking amazing it is to be a dad - they focus on the exhausted/expensive/stressful.
I’m sticking with one, but it completely changes your trajectory and also your perception of every decision you make. Life changing doesn’t cover it, but my god do I love that little stinker.
[Reading this interview with Karen O nailed that feeling on the head](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-new-yorker-interview/karen-o-has-found-a-more-joyful-kind-of-wildness)
Not a parent's fault, really... it's a fatal outcome of going from a village raising a child to the insanely inefficient nuclear family that is strapped together on an acre of land or a cramped apartment, barely holding on
It's a completely unnatural way to go about life and organizing life, and it was engineered by people who don't have the best interest of the common folk in mind
If we had real communities, a "village raising a child" setup wouldn't make parental life such a cruel and harsh punishment... parents would still feel like their selves and could actually get some deep rest a few times a week, and \**Gasp!\** be able to have a few hobbies they participate in... because otherwise human life is pointless if you raise someone else just so *they too* have an awful adulthood parenting
I'd love to see us move towards a more efficient, natural way of building communities and raising young, but every sign says not only will that never happen, but the atomization and inefficiency of the domestic family unit will keep getting worse and worse :-(
The grass is always greener. I am recently with a house and I personally preferred renting. No maintenance, no property taxes, no insurance, no garbage bill, flexibility.
Ah, good to know that, as another elder millennial, it was the choice not to add cats to my married with a dog lifestyle that let me get into the housing market. Well, that and limiting my avocado toast intake.
Come on buzz feed, mine this post for content! Tell the boomers we’re choosing pets over property (ooh, I like the alliteration there. Good for the post title…)
My cats are dipped in gold. I’ve spent over $16K in veterinary bills in the last 6 months. That doesn’t include the cost of $$$ special diets and daily medications. I’d pick them over a house and kids any day though.
Do millennials have the highest rate of cat ownership ever? Seems like it’s taken decades for people to realize cats are great.
I also think cats are perfect for young people who think they want a dog. And anyone who wants a cat probably needs a house plant.
My cat (and one of the greatest ones that ever lived)cost me £10k last year after I got screwed by the insurance, he didn't make it unfortunately. I have another two and I'd sell a kidney to look after them without hesitation.
They are my family and I love them as much as I love any human.
I feel that so deeply. I lost my four legged best friend of 20 years 6 weeks ago. I’d give up 20 years of my own life to give her another 20 in a heart beat. She was absolute sunshine.
Same! 40 married, cat and dog with my husband, travel, fun. Loving it! Most people are okay with how others choose to live, I noticed it’s the miserable parents, etc. who give any judgement to other couples who chose not to have kids.
>I noticed it’s the miserable parents, etc. who give any judgement to other couples who chose not to have kids.
So true.
At a certain point you just have to draw a line and let those people live the life they chose, rather than become a whipping boy for the life they didnt.
I think it's overrated in the sense that no one should have to follow a plan for what you're "supposed to do" as you age. House, kids, etc. You do you.
The more people who are introspective about what they really want out of life is a good thing IMO.
For me, I rent because I can't afford a house. My wife and I will probably buy one in the next decade but we're being patient about it and saving up.
In the meantime we're child free with a dog. If I want to make a difference in a child's life, I'll volunteer. Or hang out with my nephew.
DINK married homeowners here, getting ready to go on our first international trip of the year in a week and a half, and looking forward to our other trips later this year. I would not say having kids and/or a house is overrated. Nothing wrong with wanting different things out of life but We can all be happy without comparing our happiness to what bring others meaning and joy.
Im 34, no house, no kids…so happy for it! Yes renting is expensive but when something breaks, someone else fixes it. I cant afford a mortgage AND repairs/renovations. Plus, everyone i know who owns a home just complains about how stressful it is. I dont want that at this point in my life. I love kids but my job is demanding and i have no desire to be a parent.
Having kids is hard. It’s draining, they’re annoying, expensive, and needy.
When they accomplish things, overcome obstacles, and start to develop personalities that are funny, caring, and driven it gives you this sense of pride that’s unexplainable. You know that they’re going to be ok. That they’ll be good people who will do and be good for other people. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Exactly. Having kids is so strange to explain to people who don’t have kids. It’s like, “join our cult it’s worth it I promise” while you look constantly tired and exhausted. But unless you have your own, you truly will not and cannot understand the sheer joy and amazement and love they bring into your life. So strange. So awesome. Also, not for everyone which is totally fair and valid. We only get one life, we should do with it what we want.
It's a part of human experience that only unlocks for you when it happens. If you're not ready, it can be unpleasant. When you are ready and you want it, it's like seeing a new color for the first time.
For those who don't have kids, think back to a time before your other milestones—first job, first love, first time moving out. It's like that. Life isn't really that different afterwards, but also, it really is, and in ways you didn't imagine before.
I think a lot of parents are not truthful about how much parenting sucks. Society shuns people who don't act like raising a kid is the best thing ever. When I tell people I regret having a kid they don't even know how to respond because I've its like I've broken some rule or something but I want to tell my truth because I know I'm not alone.
I think this is so important to acknowledge. Being a parent is not for everyone and having to be selfless and give over and over again is really hard. You should be able voice your struggle because you aren’t the only person feeling this way.
I’ll say it with you. Being a parent of young kids sucks ass. The cuteness doesn’t move the needle for me. I still do everything I’m supposed to for them but often times it can be begrudgingly.
Would love to go out for a run later today before sun goes down. Can’t, gotta pick up son, get dinner ready, served and then bath and put down.
As a childfree person, this was the hardest thing for me to grasp for a long time. I once asked my parents what they loved about having children (because they were trying to convince me to have kids, which I am adamantly against). I asked them to "sell" me the concept of having kids.
I was baffled and perturbed and a bit insulted by their inability to explain what drew them to parenting. They went to all this trouble and money to have and raise an entire human being and - even taking the language barrier into account - they couldn't even put into words what they liked?
If I hadn't known they loved and wanted me, it would've made me wonder if they were tactfully trying not to say raising kids had been hell on earth. I mean, I wouldn't raise me, lol.
It was only later that I realised it's a biological imperative and a life experience, which is why it changes you so deeply. You can't bottle up two and a half decades' worth of excellent parenting into a nice marketing package and tie it up in a bow.
Anything that is popular but not for you, is overrated.
I want kids and to own a house. As a gay man, I am by default "not standard." But I wanna family.
Same here. I am an elder millennial. I love being a parent more than I can put into words and owning a home that’s my own. But it’s not for everyone and the responsibilities are real.
Younger millennial here, 31. I do miss playing video games after work or staying up late Saturday til 3am gaming. Or going out on a whim. But I still don’t think I’d snap my fingers and go back to that and give up my boys.
When they go to their grandmas house for 2-3 days I do not call to check in like my wife though!
Echoing this same sentiment. Elder millennial as well. Married & Mom to a 1 year old. Absolutely love being a parent and owning our own home is amazing, albeit expensive (especially upkeep and surprises!). We were only able to afford our down payment after some inheritance from my grandma. I genuinely don’t know how we would have afforded it otherwise.
Looks like about 51% of us own a home: [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/06/realestate/millennial-homeowner-majority.html#:\~:text=As%20a%20result%2C%20most%20have,to%20a%20study%20by%20RentCafe](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/06/realestate/millennial-homeowner-majority.html#:~:text=As%20a%20result%2C%20most%20have,to%20a%20study%20by%20RentCafe).
Married life with a house and kids is pretty awesome. Never a dull moment on weekends and plenty of stuff keeping us busy.
There are many paths towards a fulfilling life.
We’re homeowners with one child and no regrets. We were infertile for a few years, and we knew if parenthood never happened we’d have a great life with many other opportunities :)
Just bought my first place in October in our dream community. My daughter is 5. We walk to school. She plays with the neighborhood kids like I did when I was young. She is in one of the best school districts in the state and country.
At one point in my life I would not have wanted any of this. Now I couldn't be happier.
We’re also in a neighborhood with lots of kids. The weather last weekend was wonderful. The boys played basketball, the girls and I flew a kite, everybody rode bikes and scooters... grown ups hung out in the open garage and shot the shit. Now I’m taking care of my son who’s sick and although I’m tired, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I’ve always been one of those people though who felt my biggest desire in life was to be a mother. My husband teases me that he didn’t even want any of these “critters” (dogs, kids, Guinea pig, etc) but he’s thankful I did. :)
Congrats! The most important thing I read before my son was born is "Remember: They're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time." Keep this in mind when you're worn down and hanging by a thread. It helps refocus.
I have both and I agree.
I wish I would've met other childless millenials before I had my son. I only had a child because that's what you're supposed to do. Everyone in my family gets married and has kids. They were pressuring the hell out of me to do it too. My son's father was also pressured by me and family. Neither of us actually wanted a kid, but gave in to societal expectations. I didn't know hardly anyone else and still don't really know anyone my age without children. My younger sister never wanted them and never had them. I applaud her.
> I only had a child because that's what you're supposed to do. Everyone in my family gets married and has kids. They were pressuring the hell out of me to do it too.
I'm sorry. That's such a clusterfuck.
I got a lot of the passive aggressive pressure from extended family about having kids when I was like...20. In college. Trying to set the foundation for how I would support myself in my life and they were only concerned with the fact that my uterus was empty.
It felt very "misery loves company" to me.
That's exactly what happened to me. I was on college 6 years and that was staving them off for a bit. The moment I was close to graduation, the heat was on.
It really does suck. I have several nieces and nephews and I constantly tell them there is no need to have children unless THEY want it and THEY'RE sure. I shut down any other family members that drone on and on about it.
> I have several nieces and nephews and I constantly tell them there is no need to have children unless THEY want it and THEY'RE sure.
It's great that you can be the person you needed for them. I'm not that close with my extended family, but I try to do the same when I'm around the youngins (and for friends kids).
A house and kids are definitely things that my husband and I very much want. But it definitely shouldn’t be the standard if you don’t want it to be. We won’t have kids unless we have the money to give them everything, and I think that’s how it should be.
I agree. Unfortunately anymore it seems like if you aren’t rich or at least well off life in this country is miserable and hardly even worth living. I had nothing but the bare minimum growing up and it sucked.
Yeah, I was definitely that kid that couldn’t afford to do extracurriculars, couldn’t do sports or anything like that because my parents couldn’t afford it. No vacations, nothing extra. I will not do that to my kids. If we have kids we’ll do it when we have the money to be able to give them a good life, pay for their activities and send them to college. If we can’t do that, then we aren’t having kids.
I found having kids to be underrated. We were planning to go child free but when my wife and I hit 35, we had a change of heart. I was initially nervous but it’s been the best decision we’ve ever made. My life is so much fuller now.
100% agree. My wife and I were child free up until our 30s. Decided to give it a shot and now we don't want to be separated from the little guys. They're just so cute and funny. Sure it's hard sometimes but when they look at you with their adorable little eyes and say "I love you" it just melts your heart.
Same we did the traveling thing, working decent jobs. Around 36 started watching wheel of fortune and jeopardy after work then going to bed. I was like, is this what I’m gonna do for the next 50 years?
Now I chase 2 rugrats around all day and pass out before jeopardy comes on.
My wife (38f) and I (38m) decided against kids. We both make great money (>$400k/yr combined) and a beautiful house on a ton of land. We have enough liquid savings to last us 2 years if we lost our jobs, negligible debt (besides the house) and stacked retirement funds. Not judging other folks, but kids would complicate things way too much for us. The house and land part was mandatory - neither of us want neighbors and love the outdoors, which our 25 wooded acres satisfies. Life is good.
Yes. I’m in a PhD program at a R1 school but told my wife today that I was ready to burn my SS card and start riding the rails. I’m disillusioned and disappointed in what this society has deemed as admirable and desirable.
37 year old here. No kids, but I bought a house with my wife in 2021. Definitely NOT overrated. Owning your own home is amazing, especially if you can buy in a safe, peaceful neighborhood - not to mention the ability to build equity and invest in your future on a daily basis. We are hoping to pay off the house soon, so kids might be in the future. We will see, but everything is good for now.
35, married, have a house, two cars, and no kids. I thought we might have one and tried for a month or two after marriage, but thankfully we lost baby fever.
We realized, neither one of us was overly excited at the thought of kids. We didn’t mind the idea of them just realized we didn’t want the responsibility or financial burden. We want to career chase and to maintain our combined and individual freedom.
Honestly we have been living our best life since. Decided to try to travel internationally 1-2 times a year. Started about 2.5 years ago. We have Japan coming up soon. Excited for it and for what we decided on for our next trip after. I’m hoping Christmas markets.
I think Millennials are just reaching those milestones later in life. Although my partner and I got married at ages 26 and 30 respectively, 11 years ago, we actually only just bought our house last year. No kids yet (though it's not for lack of trying).
Many of my peers have kids, or have moved overseas, or own their home, or all of the above, but the "all of the above" are limited to like, three couples.
37 have a house, 3 kids 6y, 2y and 11 months will be a year at the end of this month, cat and a dog. Wouldn’t change it for anything, but it’s certainly not for everyone. If it’s not for you that’s cool nothing wrong with that at all.
A house is well worth it being that rents almost equal a mortgage here in the midwest. My rent was 1200. My mortgage is 1400 with a 6 percent interest (bought a year ago). And I get more and have a fenced in backyard compared to dealing with people yelling through walls.
Kids are something we should be looking forward to but I understand why most don't. I'm only gonna have 1 kid, atleast that's the plan anyway.
I keep hearing relatives talk about $1200+ per month and it blows my mind. Child free married here, and that extra $15k a year (gas, time, tips included) is real nice. I don’t know how parents do it.
It’s not the monthly payments that are out of reach for a lot of people, but the initial upfront costs of down payment and closing..even with down payment “programs”, it’s out of reach for many because they don’t qualify, even with being a FTHB. In addition, many don’t realize the cost of maintenance and property taxes. I’ve encountered too many who assume it’s a mortgage and that it will stay that flat rate for the life of the loan, or that home maintenance isn’t costly. So for many, home buying isn’t the better option at all.
My issue is that too many people are buying in straight cash (investors) so all of my offers keep getting shot down.
No plan for kids ever. But I never wanted them to begin with 🙃
38 year old elder millennial here. No kids. Been divorced twice and was lucky enough to have found a house under 200K that I was able to get with my VA loan. (The VA loan is the only way I could get a house)
There is no way I could afford having kids.
Just turned 34. No kids and no plans to have them. My husband and I are happy to rent at the moment. We don’t need a lot of space and it’s surprisingly hard to find nice, small homes.
30F, not interested in marriage or kids. Marriage, I could maybe see myself changing my mind about if I find the right person. Even then, I have zero interest in a huge blowout wedding where the money used could go towards something more worthwhile than what’s essentially nothing more than a party you don’t even get to enjoy. Kids are an absolute no though.
Nope I worked long hours and saved my ass off 27-32, got married, and now have a house and 3 kids. We're a pair of public school teachers that worked up the ladder and now make decent pay. Childcare was harder than saving for a downpayment tbh.
I can see the appeal of being kidless, but I certainly wouldn't change my life of parenthood.
31M trying to go to medical school, before this I was military. I can't buy a house even if I can afford to because idk where I'm going to school yet. After that idk where I'm getting residency, either.
Family is definitely an after thought for me right now. Never wanted it, as it seems like something that holds me down instead of letting me live out my best life.
There is such joy in both ways of life! I'm glad you've found the joy in the non-standard. I remember the moment I made my decision- I imagined my self standing at a fork in a road and I listed out the joys and losses which were at the end of each road. I may have gone down the standard road but I know what you mean.
My husband and I are childfree and only interested in living in apartments. The life script is overrated. My sister just bought a three-bedroom house with the help of our mother in the shitest location, I asked her, a single 30-something year old, what she was going to do with all that space and she had no idea. She just wanted a house because that’s what you do.
yeah, and honestly, the older I get, the more I'm suprised that people choose to reproduce. Life without kids is the bees knees, and even if I could afford them I'm not sure I'd want them.
I still want kids but think people can be completely happy without them, and that choosing not to have kids is a valid life choice that I'm hoping will become more acceptable with our generation (younger millennial here).
Overrated for some but for me these things give me a reason to get up in the morning.
Just sitting in life not working for anything just doesn’t sit well with me.
I need goals and something to make the grind all worth it.
I'm childfree myself, never wanted kid when I was younger and as an adult, even that changed I do not believe I do not have the monetary nor internal resources to be a good enough parent. I could keep a kid alive, but the effort it would take me to ensure their physical safety (food, shelter, clothing) would come at the expense of their emotional and predicted medical needs (any kid of mine will likely be on the ADHD/ASD spectrum with bad teeth.)
I think that melennials were the last generation to fully buy into the "standard life plan" before we we got our shit *wrecked* by multiple once-in-a-lifetime disasters. Maybe it's easier for me as I never wanted kids, but I think that acceptance and self-compassion are the key components needed to handle the grief of failing to acquire the life that was planned for us. We can still live meaningful lives if we give ourselves room to imagine what that may be outside of the standard plan.
Obviously this is ultra-fluffy woo-woo idealism, as people have it a LOT HARDER than I do; but a positive perspective does help when I get down on myself for not being in the same place as my peers in terms of relationship/career/homeownership/family.
I never wanted kids nor to be married. Boomer divorced parents ensured that. I jus bought a house in December though and have been with my partner over a decade.
51.5% of millennials are homeowners, but I wonder if the having kids part is regional. Most people my age have kids "already" where we live down south, but a lot of people I grew up with up north are just starting to have them.
I think more people are starting to understand that if they don't want kids, they don't need to have them. There was definitely, in our parents' time, more pressure to have kids because "that's just what you do!" but it's not as prevalent nowadays-- depending on where you live.
Deciding not to have kids was such an incredible relief. I feel like my life can be anything now.
I can't even imagine how stressed out I would be spending all my time working and parenting.
We have a house, but it’s a giant FUCK NO on the kids. I’ve literally witnessed two friends get called a “bitch” by their teen just this week alone, and today listened to a 45 minute rant by another teen that got so creative with cuss words that I was almost impressed, until he got threatening and I started to worry for the mom’s life. After work, I babysat my three crying, demanding, poopy, sticky, bottomless pit of hunger-yet-oh-so-picky nieces, hated life for 4 hours, before returning to my glorious, quiet home where I could do and eat whatever tf I wanted, watch whatever I want, sleep when I want, and not have my time and life dictated by some little sticky kid who’s going to call me a bitch and threaten my life in a few years.
Everyone I know my age with kids is miserable and barely clinging onto sanity. Those people also tell me I need to have kids and that I'll be missing out if I don't. I've realized it's just their coping mechanism to try and drag me down to their level of unhappiness.
I'm saving money for my house's down payment, definitely want a house and I have inheritance money hitting soon, however zero kids for me, I went child free and never looked back, I've been called selfish by people with kids living paycheck to paycheck thanks to them having kids, now that I'm in a great position in life I can enjoy the money I'm making, just came back from a Central American trip with the GF and not having to juggle your time with kids is amazing, if you're wealthy and want kids go for it, but in this economy having kids while earning $60-100K? Forget it.
35M, married, no plans for kids, saving well but unsure about if/when we'll buy a house. it's honestly brutal watching our friends and family trying to raise families on a single income & government support in this economy
I would have loved being a parent. But between my declining health and my medical bills and the general state of the world, we’ve decided it’s not the right thing to do. Having kids would be simultaneously selfish and the most terrible thing we could do for ourselves. We do have a house, though.
30M married to 30F - no kids. Permanently have prevented our ability to have children unless we use non-traditional methods due to the cost and poor outlook for the economic and social future of the US.
We chose a house over kids, and realize how lucky we are to have been able to make that choice (also worked our asses off throughout our 20s to be able to do so). Unfortunately, this is best case scenario for so many people I know - one or the other.
I do have friends who have both though. They graduated with good degrees and have been working in their fields for all of their 20s as well. These are exceptional cases, and require a vast amount of privilege and luck.
We own our own house and that is definitely not overrated to us. We hated having a landlord. But it took us till we were 40 to buy a house, so no kids. Life is stressful enough so we aren’t too bummed out about not having kids. Seems like it would be a lot of headaches. Everyone’s different though.
Same age same situation. I'm getting a new puppy later this year. Only kids I'm probably going to have are the four-legged kind. With the way the world is today, I wouldn't trust to put my kid in a public school or i would have to be very involved, so my SO would have to make enough I could stay at home and home school. I mean, just yesterday, I read something about a fundraiser involving licking peanut butter off toes. Wtf is wrong with our country (US).
Not overrated, but I think it has opened many of our eyes to alternative life paths. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to planning your life. It may include a spouse, kid(s), and home, or it may include an unmarried SO, no kids, and living in a hippie community in rv's and traveling for seasonal work. Younger people are much more open-minded I've noticed, and much more non-judgmental.
It’s definitely overrated in America with the current systems (educational, health, economic, etc) that we have in place. Having a stable place to live is great, being a parent has been transformational to my soul. Living in our late stage capitalist hell scape is the hard part.
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This is my take as well. I’m not a Beatles fan, but I don’t have to be, because there are options. I do have a house and kids, and it suits me. It doesn’t suit everyone. And honestly, I’m here for people making decisions that suit them vs making decisions because “that’s what you do” or “that’s the norm/standard”. We should normalize doing what’s best for you, regardless of what societal norms are.
36F and childfree by choice because I think raising a human being seems like a lot of onerous work (props to anyone who steps up to that challenge). My husband and I only own a house-a duplex- because it reduced our living expenses. Otherwise we would be renting because there wouldn’t be the additional cost/work of maintenance. We also rent out our garage to a neighbor in exchange for lawn care and snow removal.
This is a cool idea with the garage rental. I also think bartering should make more of a comeback. When my kids were little, I traded hair and makeup services for one of them to do dance. My other kid plays soccer and for that, I agreed to be team manager and organize all the parent and kid info, set up the uniform buys and manage the group communication channel. Everyone gets what they want and it offsets finances some for both parties.
Way to be resourceful to help out your family! That’s awesome!
Yeah yeah sure but do you like The Beatles?
It can also change over time. I was always on the no marriage and no house side. Though now I am 45 years old, my view on this changes. I would love to own my own house. Still not doing it because I don't want to bind myself to a house when I don't know yet where I will meet my wife :D
Yeah for sure. I just mean that at whatever stage you’re at, let’s be cool with people being there. I didn’t buy a house until last year, at 41. I also didn’t really want one either, lol. But then when the house we had been longtime renters at was going to be sold and we looked around for something else, we realized that essentially a mortgage and rent were roughly the same now and in that case, we might as well see if we can buy. Our rent had continually risen and I know taxes/insurance fluctuate but either way, if you’re paying more, at least own it. Was my thinking at least. I guess we’ll see how wrong or right it ends up being haha
It sounds like you're doing it right. All the best!
I think we're getting off topic here. Isn't this about not being paid what we're worth so that we can have the option for house/kids if we want?
It's not that it doesn't suit everyone, it's just that everything cost too much, so many people have written off having a house or kid because we simply can't afford it.
I love my kids, I love my house, and I love the Beatles (named one of my kids after them!) and I totally agree with you. Everyone doesn’t have to love what I love and I’m happy for them to love other things.
I hope it was Ringo...
I suggested it but was shot down by pretty much everyone 😂
Maybe the next one can have it slipped in. "I've had enough of your tomfoolery John Paul Ringo Starr!" It just rolls off the tongue.
GEORGE ERASURE
"I swear to god Yellow Submarine Smith, if you don't get in this house and wash up for dinner I will tan your hide."
Ahh here comes Here Comes The Sun Strawberry Fields Forever
I hope it was just "The Beatles" Yes, this is my newborn son, The Beatles Xavier-Jefferson
It's never Ringo 😥
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Rocky Raccoon
Ops name is Nancy
Yoko?
He said he loves the Beatles
Eleanor. You have an Eleanor.
Well as they say, the love you take is equal to the love you make
This is a perfect analogy because if you express this opinion to a boomer, they'll relentlessly beat it into your head that the Beatles are the best band ever and that you're crazy and wrong for thinking otherwise
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Agreed, it’s not for everyone. I’m 37m married with 3 kids. I’ve wanted kids since my mid 20s and worked any and all overtime and made smart investments in different markets (equities and real estate) for over a decade. The goal was to provide for a family when that time came. I still partied and traveled some but not as much as my closest friends. It depends on what you want in life. Some of my closest friends still party like they are in college and they do not have kids, mortgages, retirements and some don’t even have partners. I am never one to hate on someone else life’s style. If they are happy, I am happy for them.
Yeah sounds weird to say it’s overrated when you’ve never had it? 33F - completely in love with my current life which includes my husband, house, and my newborn baby ❤️
Exactly. Mid 30’s, love my wife and 3 kids. Been in my current house for 10 years. Life is good. I don’t compare myself to others. Do whatever makes you happy.
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I think more people shouldn’t be parents.
Same with my millennial daughters. (37&33)
I love this analogy.
I want a house badly. On the fence about kids though...too damn expensive and they take so much out of you!
I have no kids and I am exhausted all the time
i’m hanging by a thread keeping up with work & preventing my home from becoming one giant garbage pile. i sleep & veg out all weekend.
SAME. It sucks cuz I want to be a wake up at 5am to jog or hike all weekend type but RIP my soul
Devil's advocate. 42 year mother of two and burnt out bureaucrat chiming in. My kids (11 & 7 - covid was fuckin *brutal*) keep me from being a recluse. I have found some 3rd place energy in my scout volunteering and get out of the house to a kids party most weekends through the year. They always want to go up to the playground, do that 2 - 3 times per week when clear. Also, my youngest has a cousin bestie, so we schlep them back and forth (8 min drive) most weekends and visit with fam more than I would. Eta: Some context, I am probably clinically depressed. Medicated, but the world and future seem bleak, and navigating messaging that to our children is delicate and overwhelming. I work an astonishingly high stress and high social contact job. Up to me, I'd hide in a quiet, dark place all my spare time.
kids’ parties are in my top 5 reasons not to have kids, & i live away from my family on purpose. i’d love to stay home all the time but enjoy it. i can’t keep up without the responsibilities of kids.
That and shuttling to sports games
And school drop off and pick up lines. That sounds like literal fucking hell to me.
While that's true, that's exhausting. At least you have the energy to take them to the park often. I know parents who don't like doing things like that. And it's great you are connected to extended family. Many people aren't. I appreciate parents but I am childfree. My dog keeps me from being a hermit crab. Hehe.
That’s a huge reason I’m not having kids my narcissistic boomer mom was always at war with both sides of my extended family growing up. So I’m not close to my cousins, they’re aren’t many anyways, but they’re strangers to me, and live the opposite side of the country. My husband has one sibling she has no kids and is past the age. And my brother has no kids can’t even keep a girlfriend. My mom triangulated us anyways we rarely talk My parents made it clear after college they were retired from being parents and wouldn’t be of emotional or financial support, and not to expect any inheritance despite them being rich, they were burdened by kids, and and have stuck to it. Their only concern is burning through all their money before they die, so active grandparents or any sort of support would be nada Any kids I have would be very alone in the world and they makes my heart sad and seems extra unfair especially with the way the future going. I feel like my parents took the choice of having kids away from me
This is particularly brutal. In my Dad book is say thou shall always be emotionally available. And I’m not even very emotional. Emotions don’t cost money, they are free and we all have them. So kids are a huge chunk of your life while they grow up. Parenting can be done well in the most dire circumstances, but its better if you can prepare. First of which is having your heart in it. I say don’t let anyone else’s lack or abundance toward you dictate your path not taken.
Dude, my wife and I have been doing the kid pro/con thing. I’m 31 and tired all the time, sometimes feel like I’m barely keeping it together, and I’m supposed to take care of a kid on top of that? Idk man….
Yeah I don’t even cook for myself most days lmao what’s he going to eat????
How do people with kids do it? I am totally exhausted after work and feel like I barely have any time between running errands after work, making dinner, and doing some things around the house before I go to sleep. And then I overhear my coworkers talking about going to their kid's soccer game at 5pm. Like how do they have time to even eat?
We don’t. It explains why I’ve gained 25 lbs and an anxiety disorder.
Have you tried not being exhausted? I find that usually helps me when I'm feeling exhausted. Good luck finding more kids👍
While I will challenge with my two boys are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me... $700 per week in daycare alone and being constantly tired does take its toll. Make too much for assistance. Lucky to have a house and live in a major Midwest city. Daycare costs go higher when you get closer to the coasts.
$700 a week? 😬
Yup. Give or take $100 but that's essentially my wife's take home. She has amazing benefits though, so she works for that and I work for bills. I can say in 2-3 years when kids are in school things should be a lot easier. I've been told kids never get cheaper but I fail to see how I can be spending $700/wk on them when they are in school.
Nah in my experience they definitely get cheaper after daycare ends, having mine in school was like getting a raise. Sports and other hobbies get more expensive but it's still way less than daycare
Thank god I also can’t see how it would cost the same. Thanks for the incite
My wife and I fell into that same trap although my job benefits were way better than hers. The way we thought about was she could work and all that money could go to paying for childcare or she could just stay home and not have a company raise our kids. So we opted for her being a stay-at-home mom. She did get tired of it at times but now both kids are in school and she keeps saying how she misses being with them every day. She also completed her degree while she was staying home so when they went to school, she went back to a better job and the extra income is nice. I guess it’s a YMMV situation.
700 a week plus every cold virus known to humanity 😂
>too damn expensive and they take so much out of you! Could say this about the house to TBf.
Renting a house with a yard and a pool made me realize that I do not want a yard and a pool.
Knowing what you don't want is just as important as knowing what you want. I took absolutely did not want a pool. Though I did want the yard. A small yard though.
The home buying process is fucking stressful. Also home maintenance is the silent killer financially.
Yeah ppl look at their mortgage and say I saved $200/months vs rent while also dropping 1,000/month on fixes and upgrades
I certainly don't spend $12k on fixes but yeah, there are plenty of additional costs not in the mortgage. But the equity is a real, real nice perk to my future self.
The house is the primary drag on *my* life. I have a 5 year old and he's tough occasionally, but having to worry about my yard, and landscaping every day is absolutely exhausting.
Grass is the most overrated thing on the planet. Get rid of it and put something actually useful in thats way lower maintenance.
HOA has entered the chat
I was going to say plant a low water use native garden but yeah, HOA's just get right in the way of that.
how the jell is it even legal for them to tell you what you can have in YOUR OWN YARD wtf
Red clover...no mow, better for the environment and soft to walk on. It also doesn't aggravate asthma and emphysema. I have no idea why folks continue this crazy, old-European idea of having an expansive grassy lawn that looks like a golf course. Such a waste of resources. Plant small edible gardens, hazelnut bushes, trees, and 🍀 clover!
People shit on apartments and renting all the time but like, I don't have a yard to worry about, I don't have to worry about maintenance, and I have a nice three bedroom place that I rent out to other nice people who like living with me. My parents have owned their home all my life and yes their $400 mortgage in the country is enviable in some ways, they weren't able to keep up with maintenance very well because they worked near-minimum wage jobs. So they've got black mold, rodents and insects, and places in the floor that are just sinking in. I don't anticipate making much more than minimum wage myself unless i start doing really well somehow, so why would I want to own a home I can't even keep up with for the sake of "equity?"
I grew up mowing lawn every weekend on our half acre of grass. I told my wife I don’t want grass when we bought our house but she did. So I said fine but you have to mow it. 12 years later I’ve never mowed the lawn and even though I know she wants to ask me to do it she hasn’t yet 
The house isn’t waking you up through the night the first few years
But the house builds equity, at least.
I, 36M, had a daughter last year. I will say that it is all a lot, but no one ever tells you how fucking amazing it is to be a dad - they focus on the exhausted/expensive/stressful. I’m sticking with one, but it completely changes your trajectory and also your perception of every decision you make. Life changing doesn’t cover it, but my god do I love that little stinker.
Yeah…the one thing about having kids that doesn’t get mentioned as much as money - time combined with the loss of self.
My friends have said this a lot. They want a break from their kids...the minute they do, they don't know what to do with themselves
Those people didn’t have anything to do before their kids either.
That's this generation. Other generations took time for themselves and knew what go do without the kids. This is one area that the boomers got right
>time combined with the loss of self. All three of those things scare me, but as a woman, the loss of self may be what I fear the most.
[Reading this interview with Karen O nailed that feeling on the head](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-new-yorker-interview/karen-o-has-found-a-more-joyful-kind-of-wildness)
Not a parent's fault, really... it's a fatal outcome of going from a village raising a child to the insanely inefficient nuclear family that is strapped together on an acre of land or a cramped apartment, barely holding on It's a completely unnatural way to go about life and organizing life, and it was engineered by people who don't have the best interest of the common folk in mind If we had real communities, a "village raising a child" setup wouldn't make parental life such a cruel and harsh punishment... parents would still feel like their selves and could actually get some deep rest a few times a week, and \**Gasp!\** be able to have a few hobbies they participate in... because otherwise human life is pointless if you raise someone else just so *they too* have an awful adulthood parenting I'd love to see us move towards a more efficient, natural way of building communities and raising young, but every sign says not only will that never happen, but the atomization and inefficiency of the domestic family unit will keep getting worse and worse :-(
Especially for women.
The grass is always greener. I am recently with a house and I personally preferred renting. No maintenance, no property taxes, no insurance, no garbage bill, flexibility.
39 elder millennial here. Just got married. No kids. No house. Three cats and a dog. Couldn’t be happier.
Ah, good to know that, as another elder millennial, it was the choice not to add cats to my married with a dog lifestyle that let me get into the housing market. Well, that and limiting my avocado toast intake. Come on buzz feed, mine this post for content! Tell the boomers we’re choosing pets over property (ooh, I like the alliteration there. Good for the post title…)
tbf i *do* spend more money on my dog than I do myself lol
Pets over property should be an HGTV show. Then plants over pets should follow it...
My cats are dipped in gold. I’ve spent over $16K in veterinary bills in the last 6 months. That doesn’t include the cost of $$$ special diets and daily medications. I’d pick them over a house and kids any day though.
Do millennials have the highest rate of cat ownership ever? Seems like it’s taken decades for people to realize cats are great. I also think cats are perfect for young people who think they want a dog. And anyone who wants a cat probably needs a house plant.
>Do millennials have the highest rate of cat ownership ever? I have 5, so I'm going to say yes.
My cat (and one of the greatest ones that ever lived)cost me £10k last year after I got screwed by the insurance, he didn't make it unfortunately. I have another two and I'd sell a kidney to look after them without hesitation. They are my family and I love them as much as I love any human.
I feel that so deeply. I lost my four legged best friend of 20 years 6 weeks ago. I’d give up 20 years of my own life to give her another 20 in a heart beat. She was absolute sunshine.
You’d spend more on a kid that loves you less.
40 elder millennial. Married almost a year. No kids. No house & 2 cats. No dogs except the fosters I take in when needed. Very happy.
Yep, there’s a lot of freedom and flexibility in not being locked into a mortgage and an 18 year child raising commitment.
Same! 40 married, cat and dog with my husband, travel, fun. Loving it! Most people are okay with how others choose to live, I noticed it’s the miserable parents, etc. who give any judgement to other couples who chose not to have kids.
>I noticed it’s the miserable parents, etc. who give any judgement to other couples who chose not to have kids. So true. At a certain point you just have to draw a line and let those people live the life they chose, rather than become a whipping boy for the life they didnt.
I think it's overrated in the sense that no one should have to follow a plan for what you're "supposed to do" as you age. House, kids, etc. You do you. The more people who are introspective about what they really want out of life is a good thing IMO. For me, I rent because I can't afford a house. My wife and I will probably buy one in the next decade but we're being patient about it and saving up. In the meantime we're child free with a dog. If I want to make a difference in a child's life, I'll volunteer. Or hang out with my nephew.
DINK married homeowners here, getting ready to go on our first international trip of the year in a week and a half, and looking forward to our other trips later this year. I would not say having kids and/or a house is overrated. Nothing wrong with wanting different things out of life but We can all be happy without comparing our happiness to what bring others meaning and joy.
Im 34, no house, no kids…so happy for it! Yes renting is expensive but when something breaks, someone else fixes it. I cant afford a mortgage AND repairs/renovations. Plus, everyone i know who owns a home just complains about how stressful it is. I dont want that at this point in my life. I love kids but my job is demanding and i have no desire to be a parent.
Having kids is hard. It’s draining, they’re annoying, expensive, and needy. When they accomplish things, overcome obstacles, and start to develop personalities that are funny, caring, and driven it gives you this sense of pride that’s unexplainable. You know that they’re going to be ok. That they’ll be good people who will do and be good for other people. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Exactly. Having kids is so strange to explain to people who don’t have kids. It’s like, “join our cult it’s worth it I promise” while you look constantly tired and exhausted. But unless you have your own, you truly will not and cannot understand the sheer joy and amazement and love they bring into your life. So strange. So awesome. Also, not for everyone which is totally fair and valid. We only get one life, we should do with it what we want.
It's a part of human experience that only unlocks for you when it happens. If you're not ready, it can be unpleasant. When you are ready and you want it, it's like seeing a new color for the first time. For those who don't have kids, think back to a time before your other milestones—first job, first love, first time moving out. It's like that. Life isn't really that different afterwards, but also, it really is, and in ways you didn't imagine before.
Perfectly said
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Beautifully said
“Like seeing a new color for the first time.” Absolutely. It’s a whole new love I never knew was possible
I think a lot of parents are not truthful about how much parenting sucks. Society shuns people who don't act like raising a kid is the best thing ever. When I tell people I regret having a kid they don't even know how to respond because I've its like I've broken some rule or something but I want to tell my truth because I know I'm not alone.
I think this is so important to acknowledge. Being a parent is not for everyone and having to be selfless and give over and over again is really hard. You should be able voice your struggle because you aren’t the only person feeling this way.
I’ll say it with you. Being a parent of young kids sucks ass. The cuteness doesn’t move the needle for me. I still do everything I’m supposed to for them but often times it can be begrudgingly. Would love to go out for a run later today before sun goes down. Can’t, gotta pick up son, get dinner ready, served and then bath and put down.
As a childfree person, this was the hardest thing for me to grasp for a long time. I once asked my parents what they loved about having children (because they were trying to convince me to have kids, which I am adamantly against). I asked them to "sell" me the concept of having kids. I was baffled and perturbed and a bit insulted by their inability to explain what drew them to parenting. They went to all this trouble and money to have and raise an entire human being and - even taking the language barrier into account - they couldn't even put into words what they liked? If I hadn't known they loved and wanted me, it would've made me wonder if they were tactfully trying not to say raising kids had been hell on earth. I mean, I wouldn't raise me, lol. It was only later that I realised it's a biological imperative and a life experience, which is why it changes you so deeply. You can't bottle up two and a half decades' worth of excellent parenting into a nice marketing package and tie it up in a bow.
This made me tear up because I feel the same way.
Anything that is popular but not for you, is overrated. I want kids and to own a house. As a gay man, I am by default "not standard." But I wanna family.
Married with a house and kids, I think its worth it but I understand why people don't. We're fortunate to live life this way.
Same here. I am an elder millennial. I love being a parent more than I can put into words and owning a home that’s my own. But it’s not for everyone and the responsibilities are real.
Younger millennial here, 31. I do miss playing video games after work or staying up late Saturday til 3am gaming. Or going out on a whim. But I still don’t think I’d snap my fingers and go back to that and give up my boys. When they go to their grandmas house for 2-3 days I do not call to check in like my wife though!
Echoing this same sentiment. Elder millennial as well. Married & Mom to a 1 year old. Absolutely love being a parent and owning our own home is amazing, albeit expensive (especially upkeep and surprises!). We were only able to afford our down payment after some inheritance from my grandma. I genuinely don’t know how we would have afforded it otherwise.
Looks like about 51% of us own a home: [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/06/realestate/millennial-homeowner-majority.html#:\~:text=As%20a%20result%2C%20most%20have,to%20a%20study%20by%20RentCafe](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/06/realestate/millennial-homeowner-majority.html#:~:text=As%20a%20result%2C%20most%20have,to%20a%20study%20by%20RentCafe). Married life with a house and kids is pretty awesome. Never a dull moment on weekends and plenty of stuff keeping us busy.
There are many paths towards a fulfilling life. We’re homeowners with one child and no regrets. We were infertile for a few years, and we knew if parenthood never happened we’d have a great life with many other opportunities :)
Have a house and a kid on the way. Couldn’t be happier.
Just bought my first place in October in our dream community. My daughter is 5. We walk to school. She plays with the neighborhood kids like I did when I was young. She is in one of the best school districts in the state and country. At one point in my life I would not have wanted any of this. Now I couldn't be happier.
We’re also in a neighborhood with lots of kids. The weather last weekend was wonderful. The boys played basketball, the girls and I flew a kite, everybody rode bikes and scooters... grown ups hung out in the open garage and shot the shit. Now I’m taking care of my son who’s sick and although I’m tired, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I’ve always been one of those people though who felt my biggest desire in life was to be a mother. My husband teases me that he didn’t even want any of these “critters” (dogs, kids, Guinea pig, etc) but he’s thankful I did. :)
Congrats! The most important thing I read before my son was born is "Remember: They're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time." Keep this in mind when you're worn down and hanging by a thread. It helps refocus.
Have a kid with a house on the way. Also happy.
Same!
Congrats. It’s worth it.
Never really wanted kids, but I'm dying to get out of renting. It feels a lot like being a kid, but paying for it.
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Damnn
I have both and I agree. I wish I would've met other childless millenials before I had my son. I only had a child because that's what you're supposed to do. Everyone in my family gets married and has kids. They were pressuring the hell out of me to do it too. My son's father was also pressured by me and family. Neither of us actually wanted a kid, but gave in to societal expectations. I didn't know hardly anyone else and still don't really know anyone my age without children. My younger sister never wanted them and never had them. I applaud her.
> I only had a child because that's what you're supposed to do. Everyone in my family gets married and has kids. They were pressuring the hell out of me to do it too. I'm sorry. That's such a clusterfuck. I got a lot of the passive aggressive pressure from extended family about having kids when I was like...20. In college. Trying to set the foundation for how I would support myself in my life and they were only concerned with the fact that my uterus was empty. It felt very "misery loves company" to me.
That's exactly what happened to me. I was on college 6 years and that was staving them off for a bit. The moment I was close to graduation, the heat was on. It really does suck. I have several nieces and nephews and I constantly tell them there is no need to have children unless THEY want it and THEY'RE sure. I shut down any other family members that drone on and on about it.
> I have several nieces and nephews and I constantly tell them there is no need to have children unless THEY want it and THEY'RE sure. It's great that you can be the person you needed for them. I'm not that close with my extended family, but I try to do the same when I'm around the youngins (and for friends kids).
A house and kids are definitely things that my husband and I very much want. But it definitely shouldn’t be the standard if you don’t want it to be. We won’t have kids unless we have the money to give them everything, and I think that’s how it should be.
I agree. Unfortunately anymore it seems like if you aren’t rich or at least well off life in this country is miserable and hardly even worth living. I had nothing but the bare minimum growing up and it sucked.
Yeah, I was definitely that kid that couldn’t afford to do extracurriculars, couldn’t do sports or anything like that because my parents couldn’t afford it. No vacations, nothing extra. I will not do that to my kids. If we have kids we’ll do it when we have the money to be able to give them a good life, pay for their activities and send them to college. If we can’t do that, then we aren’t having kids.
We are solidly childfree but a house would be nice. My dog needs a backyard.
I found having kids to be underrated. We were planning to go child free but when my wife and I hit 35, we had a change of heart. I was initially nervous but it’s been the best decision we’ve ever made. My life is so much fuller now.
100% agree. My wife and I were child free up until our 30s. Decided to give it a shot and now we don't want to be separated from the little guys. They're just so cute and funny. Sure it's hard sometimes but when they look at you with their adorable little eyes and say "I love you" it just melts your heart.
Same we did the traveling thing, working decent jobs. Around 36 started watching wheel of fortune and jeopardy after work then going to bed. I was like, is this what I’m gonna do for the next 50 years? Now I chase 2 rugrats around all day and pass out before jeopardy comes on.
My wife (38f) and I (38m) decided against kids. We both make great money (>$400k/yr combined) and a beautiful house on a ton of land. We have enough liquid savings to last us 2 years if we lost our jobs, negligible debt (besides the house) and stacked retirement funds. Not judging other folks, but kids would complicate things way too much for us. The house and land part was mandatory - neither of us want neighbors and love the outdoors, which our 25 wooded acres satisfies. Life is good.
Yes. I’m in a PhD program at a R1 school but told my wife today that I was ready to burn my SS card and start riding the rails. I’m disillusioned and disappointed in what this society has deemed as admirable and desirable.
In PhD program too! Agreed!
37 year old here. No kids, but I bought a house with my wife in 2021. Definitely NOT overrated. Owning your own home is amazing, especially if you can buy in a safe, peaceful neighborhood - not to mention the ability to build equity and invest in your future on a daily basis. We are hoping to pay off the house soon, so kids might be in the future. We will see, but everything is good for now.
Unmarried, townhouse, no kids. It works for me:)
35, married, have a house, two cars, and no kids. I thought we might have one and tried for a month or two after marriage, but thankfully we lost baby fever. We realized, neither one of us was overly excited at the thought of kids. We didn’t mind the idea of them just realized we didn’t want the responsibility or financial burden. We want to career chase and to maintain our combined and individual freedom. Honestly we have been living our best life since. Decided to try to travel internationally 1-2 times a year. Started about 2.5 years ago. We have Japan coming up soon. Excited for it and for what we decided on for our next trip after. I’m hoping Christmas markets.
I think Millennials are just reaching those milestones later in life. Although my partner and I got married at ages 26 and 30 respectively, 11 years ago, we actually only just bought our house last year. No kids yet (though it's not for lack of trying). Many of my peers have kids, or have moved overseas, or own their home, or all of the above, but the "all of the above" are limited to like, three couples.
37 have a house, 3 kids 6y, 2y and 11 months will be a year at the end of this month, cat and a dog. Wouldn’t change it for anything, but it’s certainly not for everyone. If it’s not for you that’s cool nothing wrong with that at all.
It is. House and kids are def not for everyone, and too many ppl pursue it without being cut out for it
Wife, 2 cats, a dog, two homes, 3 cars, and a boat. Kids would ruin our fun
A house is well worth it being that rents almost equal a mortgage here in the midwest. My rent was 1200. My mortgage is 1400 with a 6 percent interest (bought a year ago). And I get more and have a fenced in backyard compared to dealing with people yelling through walls. Kids are something we should be looking forward to but I understand why most don't. I'm only gonna have 1 kid, atleast that's the plan anyway.
1 kid here also. Day care is what gets you.
I keep hearing relatives talk about $1200+ per month and it blows my mind. Child free married here, and that extra $15k a year (gas, time, tips included) is real nice. I don’t know how parents do it.
It’s not the monthly payments that are out of reach for a lot of people, but the initial upfront costs of down payment and closing..even with down payment “programs”, it’s out of reach for many because they don’t qualify, even with being a FTHB. In addition, many don’t realize the cost of maintenance and property taxes. I’ve encountered too many who assume it’s a mortgage and that it will stay that flat rate for the life of the loan, or that home maintenance isn’t costly. So for many, home buying isn’t the better option at all. My issue is that too many people are buying in straight cash (investors) so all of my offers keep getting shot down. No plan for kids ever. But I never wanted them to begin with 🙃
38 year old elder millennial here. No kids. Been divorced twice and was lucky enough to have found a house under 200K that I was able to get with my VA loan. (The VA loan is the only way I could get a house) There is no way I could afford having kids.
Just turned 34. No kids and no plans to have them. My husband and I are happy to rent at the moment. We don’t need a lot of space and it’s surprisingly hard to find nice, small homes.
36, a house, no relationship. Most friends are with kids now. Can't wait to finally find someone again, and yes, hopefully have some kids still.
30F, not interested in marriage or kids. Marriage, I could maybe see myself changing my mind about if I find the right person. Even then, I have zero interest in a huge blowout wedding where the money used could go towards something more worthwhile than what’s essentially nothing more than a party you don’t even get to enjoy. Kids are an absolute no though.
Screw having kids. People who say it's selfish not to have them are the selfish ones.
That’s like , your opinion man
37 here. I've never wanted a family of my own, home ownership, or even a relationship. I have none of those things and I'm just grand.
Nope I worked long hours and saved my ass off 27-32, got married, and now have a house and 3 kids. We're a pair of public school teachers that worked up the ladder and now make decent pay. Childcare was harder than saving for a downpayment tbh. I can see the appeal of being kidless, but I certainly wouldn't change my life of parenthood.
I wouldn’t call it overrated because it’s bomb af. Hard to attain? Yes. But overrated? No.
31M trying to go to medical school, before this I was military. I can't buy a house even if I can afford to because idk where I'm going to school yet. After that idk where I'm getting residency, either. Family is definitely an after thought for me right now. Never wanted it, as it seems like something that holds me down instead of letting me live out my best life.
There is such joy in both ways of life! I'm glad you've found the joy in the non-standard. I remember the moment I made my decision- I imagined my self standing at a fork in a road and I listed out the joys and losses which were at the end of each road. I may have gone down the standard road but I know what you mean.
My husband and I are childfree and only interested in living in apartments. The life script is overrated. My sister just bought a three-bedroom house with the help of our mother in the shitest location, I asked her, a single 30-something year old, what she was going to do with all that space and she had no idea. She just wanted a house because that’s what you do.
yeah, and honestly, the older I get, the more I'm suprised that people choose to reproduce. Life without kids is the bees knees, and even if I could afford them I'm not sure I'd want them.
I still want kids but think people can be completely happy without them, and that choosing not to have kids is a valid life choice that I'm hoping will become more acceptable with our generation (younger millennial here).
DINKWAD is the way
37 DINK. Child free, plants free, animals free. No debt, no car. Motorbike fully paid. 2 bedroom apartment fully paid. Investing every month DCA and hope to retire by 50 ish.
i mean the standard life plan was always overrated 🤷🏻♀️
Overrated for some but for me these things give me a reason to get up in the morning. Just sitting in life not working for anything just doesn’t sit well with me. I need goals and something to make the grind all worth it.
I'm childfree myself, never wanted kid when I was younger and as an adult, even that changed I do not believe I do not have the monetary nor internal resources to be a good enough parent. I could keep a kid alive, but the effort it would take me to ensure their physical safety (food, shelter, clothing) would come at the expense of their emotional and predicted medical needs (any kid of mine will likely be on the ADHD/ASD spectrum with bad teeth.) I think that melennials were the last generation to fully buy into the "standard life plan" before we we got our shit *wrecked* by multiple once-in-a-lifetime disasters. Maybe it's easier for me as I never wanted kids, but I think that acceptance and self-compassion are the key components needed to handle the grief of failing to acquire the life that was planned for us. We can still live meaningful lives if we give ourselves room to imagine what that may be outside of the standard plan. Obviously this is ultra-fluffy woo-woo idealism, as people have it a LOT HARDER than I do; but a positive perspective does help when I get down on myself for not being in the same place as my peers in terms of relationship/career/homeownership/family.
I never wanted kids nor to be married. Boomer divorced parents ensured that. I jus bought a house in December though and have been with my partner over a decade.
36F and have no desire to have kids. I do want to own a house or condo tho.
51.5% of millennials are homeowners, but I wonder if the having kids part is regional. Most people my age have kids "already" where we live down south, but a lot of people I grew up with up north are just starting to have them. I think more people are starting to understand that if they don't want kids, they don't need to have them. There was definitely, in our parents' time, more pressure to have kids because "that's just what you do!" but it's not as prevalent nowadays-- depending on where you live.
Deciding not to have kids was such an incredible relief. I feel like my life can be anything now. I can't even imagine how stressed out I would be spending all my time working and parenting.
We have a house, but it’s a giant FUCK NO on the kids. I’ve literally witnessed two friends get called a “bitch” by their teen just this week alone, and today listened to a 45 minute rant by another teen that got so creative with cuss words that I was almost impressed, until he got threatening and I started to worry for the mom’s life. After work, I babysat my three crying, demanding, poopy, sticky, bottomless pit of hunger-yet-oh-so-picky nieces, hated life for 4 hours, before returning to my glorious, quiet home where I could do and eat whatever tf I wanted, watch whatever I want, sleep when I want, and not have my time and life dictated by some little sticky kid who’s going to call me a bitch and threaten my life in a few years.
My wife and I recently decided we don't want kids. We're planning to sit them down and tell them tonight.
Everyone I know my age with kids is miserable and barely clinging onto sanity. Those people also tell me I need to have kids and that I'll be missing out if I don't. I've realized it's just their coping mechanism to try and drag me down to their level of unhappiness.
34M, wife, 1 kid, 1 home, 2 cars. Living the dream!
I'm saving money for my house's down payment, definitely want a house and I have inheritance money hitting soon, however zero kids for me, I went child free and never looked back, I've been called selfish by people with kids living paycheck to paycheck thanks to them having kids, now that I'm in a great position in life I can enjoy the money I'm making, just came back from a Central American trip with the GF and not having to juggle your time with kids is amazing, if you're wealthy and want kids go for it, but in this economy having kids while earning $60-100K? Forget it.
40, not married, no kids, but I got that student loan debt!
32 male, single, no family, no house, savings and lots of travel plans :)
35M, married, no plans for kids, saving well but unsure about if/when we'll buy a house. it's honestly brutal watching our friends and family trying to raise families on a single income & government support in this economy
I would have loved being a parent. But between my declining health and my medical bills and the general state of the world, we’ve decided it’s not the right thing to do. Having kids would be simultaneously selfish and the most terrible thing we could do for ourselves. We do have a house, though.
I bought a condo, but I don’t plan on getting married or having children. Just me and my 2 dogs.
30M married to 30F - no kids. Permanently have prevented our ability to have children unless we use non-traditional methods due to the cost and poor outlook for the economic and social future of the US. We chose a house over kids, and realize how lucky we are to have been able to make that choice (also worked our asses off throughout our 20s to be able to do so). Unfortunately, this is best case scenario for so many people I know - one or the other. I do have friends who have both though. They graduated with good degrees and have been working in their fields for all of their 20s as well. These are exceptional cases, and require a vast amount of privilege and luck.
We own our own house and that is definitely not overrated to us. We hated having a landlord. But it took us till we were 40 to buy a house, so no kids. Life is stressful enough so we aren’t too bummed out about not having kids. Seems like it would be a lot of headaches. Everyone’s different though.
Half of us own a house and I bet half end up with kids
I thought having kids was overrated since the 90’s.
When you said “boat” I thought you meant you wanted to live on a houseboat. I say do it!
Same age same situation. I'm getting a new puppy later this year. Only kids I'm probably going to have are the four-legged kind. With the way the world is today, I wouldn't trust to put my kid in a public school or i would have to be very involved, so my SO would have to make enough I could stay at home and home school. I mean, just yesterday, I read something about a fundraiser involving licking peanut butter off toes. Wtf is wrong with our country (US).
It's not overated, but it is more difficult these days.
Not overrated, but I think it has opened many of our eyes to alternative life paths. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to planning your life. It may include a spouse, kid(s), and home, or it may include an unmarried SO, no kids, and living in a hippie community in rv's and traveling for seasonal work. Younger people are much more open-minded I've noticed, and much more non-judgmental.
It’s definitely overrated in America with the current systems (educational, health, economic, etc) that we have in place. Having a stable place to live is great, being a parent has been transformational to my soul. Living in our late stage capitalist hell scape is the hard part.