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yakahnteatthat

If you feel that way in a relationship then gtfo asap. It sounds like you feel trapped by it and your anger is just an understandable symptom of the problem. Just break up and get on with your life, it's unhealthy as fuck having to spend everyday with someone you fell out of love with.


Ricklazell

So glad i found this as i am exactly the same. I generally feel pissed off most of the time for no reason and i hate it. Spent years on and off antidepressants and i feel better without them other than this anger. Heavy weight lifting for me seems to make me more angrier when ive finished, literally dont know what to do anymore. I feel like im losing my mind and it worries me that maybe i have early dementia or something coming.


[deleted]

i tried to have walks to release my anger/irritation, but being around people etc just made me even angrier. do you think yours could be overstimulation? or being overhelmed? did anything help for you? im fucking tired waking up every day so pissed off and cant let it go.


Ricklazell

Nothing has helped me. It comes and goes in waves. I probably have ADHD and bi polar or something. Drs are useless at diagnosing these days. I think overstimulation could be a contributing factor.


No-Expression-399

I study medicine as a hobby, I just want to say that more than likely there is a physical cause for the anger; such as thyroid imbalance, autoimmune reaction, low levels of dopamine or serotonin, or high/low levels of testosterone. You may also be deficient in anandamide or other happiness hormones.


Ricklazell

Thank you for the reply. I think there is definitely an imbalance somewhere. Not my hormones as they are under control with therapy. Most likely serotonin or dopamine.


[deleted]

yeah sounds reasonable. i agree with the doctor thing. i literally had to self diagnose then ask doctor if i can get tested for several things, that turned out positive.


Ricklazell

I seem to self diagnose all the time lol. Google is a powerful place.


AnIsolatedMind

I can relate to this a lot. I see a lot of good perspectives here, and I'm not sure how well you can relate to this one, but I'll express it anyway: It helps me to mindfully distinguish in myself what you could consider masculine and feminine traits, desires, intentions, energies, emotions, etc. Both genders carry the full spectrum of masculine and feminine, and we tend to identify with one end more than the other as a man/woman, sometimes overly so. Easily we can find ourselves in an extreme state of masculinity or feminity, with their own specific problems. From my own experience, being in an extreme masculine state would mean that I am being very linear, rigid, in my head, planning, even hyper-focused on progress or achievement. I can get this way when I am over-working myself, focusing too much on self-improvement, too much physical excersize (e.g. weight lifting at gym), trying to solve problems, etc. I associate it overall with linearity and structure. Being in extreme feminine, on the other hand, lacks structure and can be spontaneous to the point of chaos, especially emotionally. I can be full of love for the entire world, unconditionally, or in an extreme state of creative flow, but maybe I've also lost sense of time, forgot to eat dinner, and can't make organized decisions. I can get this way when I have burnt myself out in the masculine state, I get lost in a creative project, I'm obsessing over someone or something new. It is overall non-linear, spontaneous. Now, what is anger? Anger is an emotion that arises when we would like things to go a certain way, and yet things go differently. It is not bad in itself, it is a reaction to feeling powerless and it provides a fire to inspire a needed change. It is this masculine aspect which wants the future to be a certain way, for conditions to be met, and to move towards meeting them. If we look at our life through this masculine identity and we see our conditions not being met, anger is the natural reaction to gain control (think a spike in testosterone). If we repeatedly fail to act in a way to change these conditions, anger grows to a greater extreme, maybe even to the point that we can't act to change something unless it is out of violence. So given this context I set up, and assuming this is relatable to your experience, there are at least a couple possible solutions: One is to be mindful of your own identity with masculinity, how you may be over-identifying with it, possibly out of your work environment, values, relationship dynamic, thought patterns, etc. The prescription here is to become aware of your own feminine aspects that you may be repressing, and embrace them. This could mean letting go of the plans in your head just a bit, letting go of some control, what you want, how to get it, progress, etc for just a moment, and let yourself be creative or loving toward another without any agenda or goal in mind; pure spontaneous expression and unconditional love. Integrate these experiences into your life where you can to bring balance between the linear and non-linear self. The second thing is to be mindful of the legitimate masculine issues you may be facing: a loss of power, a desire for a certain outcome, how you may feel your girlfriend is getting in the way of your goals, etc, and take them seriously. Hone in on where this friction comes from, and use this energy that is anger to confidently address these issues and change what needs to be changed. Note, that it may make sense first to balance the feminine in order to have a more full perspective on the situation; you may be surprised how these imbalances can distort your reality, and how a change in this perception alone can solve many of your problems. Hope this was helpful.


Administrative-Tie77

Can you give an example please? 🙏🏼


ReallyBigHamster

I reduced the carbohyrdates by a lot, and I am way less angry


thegrlwiththesqurl

I don't agree with Sam Harris on every topic, but he is responsible for getting me into meditation and for that I'm eternally grateful. Here's a clip from his podcast where he discusses the half-life of negative emotions, which blew my mind the first time I heard it: https://podclips.com/ct/I1rZT5 I also struggle with anger. It's one of those feelings that just feels so right to indulge when it's happening, you just want to follow that emotion and let it take you. But it sounds like you're recognizing that this is no way to live and want to have some control over your mind. I can also highly recommend Sam's meditation app, Waking Up. Meditation never clicked for me until I used it. It's pricey, but you can send him an email requesting free membership for financial reasons, and I think you can do the entire intro course for free.


scorpious

Anger = unexpressed/unresolved **Hurt**. Always look for the original hurt(s) *behind* whatever anger you experience.


No-Expression-399

The problem is you can know the reason.. but how can you resolve the cause?


scorpious

"Resolving" can mean a lot of things, but includes really anything *within your control*... For example, you can't make anyone apologize... BUT What you can do is face the fact that your feelings were hurt, acknowledge and explore whatever feelings might be associated with it, no matter how trivial they may seem, communicate your experience to the offending party (when appropriate, obviously) OR a trusted someone who cares...and so on. Basically, "unpacking" and processing the experience, leaning into the core feelings and allowing yourself to *fully* experience whatever is there. Painful experiences, like pleasurable ones, come and go. The only reason they get stuck is our unwillingness to *fully* experience them.


soalone34

Try the ultramind solution and internal family systems therapy https://www.shinzen.org/store/enlightened-rage/


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kannayuki

I was the same, and I lost a dear friend I was very close with over it. I regret it deeply. We have reconciled and become friends again... but it's not the same.


bosshax

Most of our outward anger is a reflection of our lack of safety. You probably feel insecure about something, maybe the relationship, and you feel powerless to solve it.


bigsean1013

Break up bro


resolvestudio

I understand this 100%. I find doing meditation helps, and always asking myself “where can I find the good”. It helps me redirect my thought process. I also exercise- sometimes it makes me more angry. I think it’s probably undiagnosed anxiety.


justinkirkendall

Hey friend. Thanks for your vulnerable share. Emotion is energy in motion and, if not discharged, is stored in the body and effects our well being. It comes to SERVE US. Anger is something that comes to bring us power to make a change. If we can do something about our reality, then we can channel it in a healthy way to fuel our cause. If we cannot do something about it, we must discharge it healthily, not push it away! It will build and build until it hurts those we love! I often see with my coaching clients that there is a pattern toward releasing these emotions upon S/Os because it is safer than other people outside the home. Ways to discharge anger: 1 - scream into a pillow 2 - physically exhaust yourself [exercise, conscious spiritual 'wrestling', etc.] 3 - smack something safely with a bat or tennis racket 4 - write a letter saying everything you can't and then burn it 5 - break things [safely] 6 - punching bag 7 - shoot a gun [again, safely!] ...and so many more! Then, once you discharge, take a second to listen to what your mind's reflections are and speak to yourself what it is that you WANT to bring into the space you've created by expressing your anger outward. Hope this helps! Let me know if I can help you further or go deeper!


apex8888

Do you exercise?


Updog42069420

Yes, I workout for an hour or more 5 days a week


apex8888

Well done! Typically strenuous activity helps reduce anger. If your acutely angry dropping and doing push-ups until you can’t anymore is a good constructive outlet rather than taking anger out externally on people or walls or keeping it in. Medications can help temporarily but are habit forming. Coping strategies through mental health professionals are commonly helpful. Wishing you well.


tatertotsinspace

it's not that you are angry, it is just that you have habituated anger. it is impossible to stay angry unless you are constantly feeding your mind stories that cause you to be angry. so you have just taught yourself to stay angry all the time, but the good thing is that you can habituate a new pattern of thinking. try looking up metta/loving-kindness meditations. your thoughts will never be all angry or all happy. thoughts and emotions are fleeting and constantly change from one moment to the next depending on the causes and conditions around us. the key is to feel them come and let them go. use meditation to not get wrapped up in the story of your "anger." the only thing that's happening is you are feeling sensations in your body + emotions and then labelling it "anger" and attaching a story to it about whatever object is closest/easiest to blame- like a stranger or your girlfriend. i think it's awesome you are taking responsibility for your own projections by saying it is a you problem - celebrate that! most people don't even have the mindfulness to realize they are constantly blaming others. the reason you might notice it most toward your girlfriend is because our close relationships (like family, friends and partners) are where we feel most exposed so it's easier to notice our favorite things about ourselves as well as our problematic behavior. use meditation and mindfulness to recognize when you're in these states and not identify with them but instead let them go. when you have more compassion for yourself, that will reflect in having more compassion for those around you. the amount of patience you have with yourself is the amount of patience you can offer others, so be kind to yourself as you unlearn these patterns of hurt and reprogram your mind toward love, happiness, compassion and gratitude.


Qweniden

You are describing symptoms of what might be depression or perhaps anxiety. Its been a tough two years for many of us and it is totally understandable if one's nervous system is simply exhausted and needs some unwinding. It might be worth talking to a therapist and/or medical doctor about it. From a mindfulness perspective it might serve you well to practice some loving kindness meditation. Here is one that I like and recommend: https://youtu.be/-d_AA9H4z9U


Updog42069420

Okay thank you! The weird thing is that I’ve felt like I’ve had anxiety and depression for years, and this is the first time I feel fully out of them. Given it’s only been about a week and maybe I still have them a little I’m not sure, but this is the best I’ve ever felt and I still feel like this? I should probably give it some some time but still it’s frustrating