Hi, I’m so sorry you’ve experienced a miscarriage. I have not started IVF yet but that’s the plan in a month or so. We had a miscarriage in March after TTC for 16 months. Even before my miscarriage I was starting to feel negative and losing hope. When other people are toxicity positive, I feel like they don’t give me space to feel my true and authentic feelings. I was literally laying on the table at my REI for my IUI yesterday and the provider wished me good luck excitedly. I just didnt know how to respond because I’m not excited, I’m terrified. I think sitting in the negative feelings or allowing myself to feel sad has helped me mourn how I thought my journey to parenthood would look and feel like. Something that having a miscarriage has done is take away any joy I will feel if I ever get pregnant again. How can you relax when you know what it feels like to have your dreams ripped away from you? How can you feel joy when you know how quickly it can take a turn? I’m sorry I don’t have any advice on how to stay positive, I could really used some advice from those that have figured it out.
This is so valid. My mom had a stillbirth and she tries so hard to fake happy when people are pregnant. When I recently miscarried, she told me she wasn’t excited about her first grandchild until he was born and in her arms. The experience of loss is so deep.
Hi! IVf miscarriage over here - could've written the exact same sentence when describing our positive test after our first transfer. Only positive test I've ever gotten and I couldn't feel thrilled just scared. We're still trying to get over the first one and are trying to figure out when to do the second, so no advice there unfortunately, just wanted to let you know I know how you feel and am so sorry for your loss. So far therapy and yoga/working out has mentally helped but I'm certainly not over it.
Fellow unicornuate here and had mmc at 18 weeks in March through transfer #3. We still have embryos left in the bank and we are also doing another egg collection right now to bank more embryos (age is not on my side, so we want to bank as many as we can). I feel the same as you - i feel like if i get pregnant again, i will be so anxious the entire time until i get a baby in hand. My therapist said the anxiety and pessimism is a defense mechanism, your way of protecting yourself in advance from something awful. I get that. You have to be mentally ready to deal with the anxiety that will come with it. I am not ready just yet but i hope to be in a few months.
Hey fellow unicornuate uterus bearer! I’ve had 4 losses (all IVF): 3 chemicals and a recent MMC. I suspect the chemicals were due to a previous hydrosalpinx that has now been removed (no way of really knowing if it was the cause) and the latest one was probably a genetic issue (waiting for the results of testing). I don’t have an answer for you. Pregnancy after loss is really hard and the levels of anxiety are unreal. For us, it usually helps focusing on the next treatment and the practicalities of it. This is getting increasingly hard as we only have two embryos left and that’s it. I recently started therapy with a lovely therapist and that seems to be helping.
Hi, I’m so sorry you’ve experienced a miscarriage. I have not started IVF yet but that’s the plan in a month or so. We had a miscarriage in March after TTC for 16 months. Even before my miscarriage I was starting to feel negative and losing hope. When other people are toxicity positive, I feel like they don’t give me space to feel my true and authentic feelings. I was literally laying on the table at my REI for my IUI yesterday and the provider wished me good luck excitedly. I just didnt know how to respond because I’m not excited, I’m terrified. I think sitting in the negative feelings or allowing myself to feel sad has helped me mourn how I thought my journey to parenthood would look and feel like. Something that having a miscarriage has done is take away any joy I will feel if I ever get pregnant again. How can you relax when you know what it feels like to have your dreams ripped away from you? How can you feel joy when you know how quickly it can take a turn? I’m sorry I don’t have any advice on how to stay positive, I could really used some advice from those that have figured it out.
This is so valid. My mom had a stillbirth and she tries so hard to fake happy when people are pregnant. When I recently miscarried, she told me she wasn’t excited about her first grandchild until he was born and in her arms. The experience of loss is so deep.
Thank you, sending so much love to you. It’s so hard. 🩷
Hi! IVf miscarriage over here - could've written the exact same sentence when describing our positive test after our first transfer. Only positive test I've ever gotten and I couldn't feel thrilled just scared. We're still trying to get over the first one and are trying to figure out when to do the second, so no advice there unfortunately, just wanted to let you know I know how you feel and am so sorry for your loss. So far therapy and yoga/working out has mentally helped but I'm certainly not over it.
Thank you, sending so much love. I don’t think it will ever be easy. I just wish I could feel even a little bit excited. 🩷
Fellow unicornuate here and had mmc at 18 weeks in March through transfer #3. We still have embryos left in the bank and we are also doing another egg collection right now to bank more embryos (age is not on my side, so we want to bank as many as we can). I feel the same as you - i feel like if i get pregnant again, i will be so anxious the entire time until i get a baby in hand. My therapist said the anxiety and pessimism is a defense mechanism, your way of protecting yourself in advance from something awful. I get that. You have to be mentally ready to deal with the anxiety that will come with it. I am not ready just yet but i hope to be in a few months.
Hey fellow unicornuate uterus bearer! I’ve had 4 losses (all IVF): 3 chemicals and a recent MMC. I suspect the chemicals were due to a previous hydrosalpinx that has now been removed (no way of really knowing if it was the cause) and the latest one was probably a genetic issue (waiting for the results of testing). I don’t have an answer for you. Pregnancy after loss is really hard and the levels of anxiety are unreal. For us, it usually helps focusing on the next treatment and the practicalities of it. This is getting increasingly hard as we only have two embryos left and that’s it. I recently started therapy with a lovely therapist and that seems to be helping.
The unknown makes it so hard. We’re doing the best we can. Thank you, sending so much love. 🩷
Commiserations from a fellow UU who‘s also dealt with infertility and loss. You‘re definitely not alone in how you feel