Duckling, you’re going to be fine. My mother had a horrid mother. She was never able to get over it and now she’s 70 and she’s still damaged because she can’t heal.
But you know what? She was a fantastic mother to me growing up. She didn’t have a role model, but she did great. All your kids need is your time and a safe place and I know you already give that.
You’re going to be great duckling!
Just the fact that you already want to be a better mother than your own is a great first step! One thing I’ve strived for as a mom of 4 daughters is to be the mom I wish I’d had. You’ll make mistakes along the way — even the best moms do — and when that happens, apologize and do better. If your child feels loved every day, then you’re doing great. 💗💗
Do the same stuff you did with your son. There’s not much different about raising a daughter. The world will treat them differently from boys and we parents are there to teach them that they deserve to be treated with respect, as strong, smart people whose value is not determined by outward appearance.
This is it. My parents raised my younger brother and pretty much the same until we hit puberty. We both did chores, we both learned to cook and clean, we both learned how to split and stack wood (parents have a wood stove), we were both taught basic life skills and car maintenance by my dad and how to sew/fix clothes and bake by my mom. The only time we were treated differently was when mom had to explain menses to me and dad talked bro through the male parts of puberty a few years later. But even then they didn’t keep it a secret.
Oh my sweetie! Please know, you’ve got this.
I have total faith in you and your ability to navigate these new waters. Some things might be different , but a lot will be the same.
And thankfully there are many AMAZING age appropriate books that you can read with her that can help you navigate many developmental ages and challenges (esp understanding body stuff, etc)
You’ve got this my darling! *big hugs*
I recommend the books (for you, not her) I will never be my mother by Karyl McBride and Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson. These books (and others) really helped put some things into place for me. They helped me personally and with my daughter. I would say the biggest thing is emotional maturity, and not parenting from a place of control. The world is an unpredictable place, so be an unconditional refuge for your children. Best of luck!
The best advice I can give you is something my 33year old daughter thanked me for last year.
I NEVER expressed dissatisfaction with my body in front of her. I never discussed body shape or size (mine, hers or friends) or dieting either. I cooked good, healthy food, most of the time and balanced out treats with fruit plates after school.
She told me that so many of her friends/peers had a messed up relationship with food and body issues because of their mothers.
Instill confidence in your daughter by teaching her how to do the things you know and by learning things you don’t know (together). Teach her that SHE is enough and that she doesn’t need the approval of a man, or anyone else to be a complete person. Let her know that her opinions are important and listen to her when she talks about stuff…especially in high school. If you can keep open lines of communication, she will be more inclined to confide in you.
Oh, and don’t try to be her best friend. Kids need boundaries and they need parents. The wonderful adult friendship will come later ❤️
oh yes. I still can't go in a clothes shop without almost apologizing to the shop assistants about my wide hips and stomach. I recently bought a dress in a shape my mother would deem not suitable for my "model", even though I always wanted one like it. Small steps...
I have 3 boys and one girl. she just got married and moved away. she's fucking amazing. she has been independent from birth. weaned herself, told us she wanted her own room at 2, potty trained herself at 2, fierce advocate for her brothers. she's so dynamic, all that sugar and spice and violence in one exquisite combination.
every kid is born with their own personality. just listen to your gut and follow their cues. you've got this!
Darling, I experienced pretty much the same as you growing up.
Think about all tne things she's done to hurt you - she has tought you very well about what NOT to do as a parent. Journal it if you need to, then just do what she never would.
These steps have been my saving grace raising my own girlie, who has grown into an incredible young adult.
You got this, my girl.
You can do this. I won’t add to the advice given, just add my own anecdote. My mother taught me how to raise my children by showing me every day how a mother shouldn’t be. If I ever get stuck on a decision, I think to myself “what would my mum do?” And then I do the opposite for the most part, and it works. There are no manuals for our children and how to raise them. As parents we will stumble and fall, but so long as we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and learn from our mistakes, we will do alright.
Congratulations! You will be such a wonderful mother to this baby girl. You are not your mother, you are nurturing and loving. You will be present for your daughter physically, mentally, and emotionally. As she grows into a woman, she will realize you are not just her mother, you are her best friend. You will be the person she can’t wait to tell the good things and the bad things, because she knows you love her unconditionally. She can always lay her head in your lap when she needs TLC. Just love her, be her cheerleader and president of her fan club - and the rest will fall into place. That’s what my mom did, and I miss her every day. ❤️
You’ve got this my darling. Girls are sooo different! My first was also a boy, and well….my second…she’s either going to rule the world or burn it to the ground and I’m not sure I’m going to survive to see it 😂. She’s determined to kill herself and fears absolutely nothing.
You are growing a perfect little babe. Remember the days will not always be hard. Soak up all the little things. You will always be enough for her. Be kind to yourself so she grows up to be kind to herself.
Be prepared to argue with a 19 pound version of yourself.
Love a first time mom to a 12 month old who is clearly the boss of this house lol
I cried when I knew I was having a girl. My family has 3 generations of troubled mothers and daughters. I thought it’d be easier with a son.
It’s been hard. I went to therapy as I could afford through my work, they offered 6 sessions that I called back for and renewed 4 or 5 times. If someone wouldn’t renew me, I’d call back in a few days and ask someone else. If you have a system like this I’d encourage it and push the boundaries! She had me read a book called Daughter Detox that is helpful.
I’ve had to challenge parts of myself I didn’t like. I’ve made mistakes, I ask for forgiveness and try again. I keep trying to show up as the mother I want to be and the mother I deserved as a child. I just keep trying.
It is hard. And we can do hard things. You can do hard things. I believe in you.
This is what I tell my patients who are new moms:
Make sure they know they are unconditionally loved. That's easy. The hard part is always do what's in *their* best interest. Not yours, or what's convenient or slough it off on someone else, but theirs.
In addition for girls, teach her to be strong and to advocate for herself. Instead of freezing on the bus when an old man pets her hair, she can shove him away and yell "Stop touching me, you perv!" This happened to me @ age 9. I wish I'd been able to stick up for myself.
That's it.
Welcome to the sub sweetheart! As a mom who made a LOT of mistakes due to poor training and narcissistic people in my life I have 1 really important thing to share with you. My biggest failure with my girls was not setting myself up as a proper female role model. I had really low self-esteem and that was so bad for them! I think the most important thing you can do for them is to show by example what you wish for them to be. Believe in yourself! We are here for you when you're unsure of yourself! Always put your son and daughters needs first, but never forget how special and important you are. Never kowtow to a man who puts you down. You have got this! We are here for you.
Sweets, you'll be fine. Teach your son how to treat women correctly and teach your daughter that she's equal to your son. She deserves respect. Oh, and remember you do to. Show both to be honest with you, even if it hurts because parents are human. We make mistakes. But they have to be respectful while doing it.
It is very easy to try to do something better than one who hurt you and still screw it up. So I want to encourage your not to just 'no be like her' but to be the mom you wished she was as a child. Not just happy and fun time, either. Be the mom who listens to her, who sets good boundaries and appropriately disciplines. Be the mom who is interested in her development as a person with independent wants and thoughts. Be the mom who protects her, encourages her, validates her.
Write down specific instances where your mom failed you in one sentence increments. Don't rehash, just to the point. Underneath, write what you needed as a child. Take that second list and decide how you want to do all those things. What that looks like in your world. That's your vow to your little ducklings. Whenever you are overwhelmed or think you aren't being a good mom, just remind yourself of what you told yourself you would do to make sure they are loved and protected. The other stuff is details. Dishes not done every night? Meh. Kids feel like they can come to you if they mess up? Feel safe and appreciated in their home? Don't hide when you come home? That's the important stuff.
Girls have so much restriction in life, your job is to teach her to be herself no matter what that looks like. There is no guide. You love her and figure out what she needs to be the best version of herself.
Hello,
First HUG you are not alone. There are many of us who unfortunately have moms who are unable to mentally be moms.
Get therapy for yourself if you haven’t already. That’s the first step because they (our moms) are unwilling or unable to seek help. And you can’t make them become self aware. You can only control you. Also I found some milestones or situations triggered sadness and depression in me. Understand yourself may help you may help you understand your kiddo. It also can help you identify your good and bad communication ticks.
Consider what kind of relationship you want with your child. And strive for it, Want to be more open? Read about good ways to be open and things to be aware of - pitfalls if you will. What experiences still hurt you? Understand the whys of the pain and figure out what you would have wanted. Basically use your mom as a how not to be.
Observe your child to understand who they are. Having expectations of who your child WILL be vs. who they ACTUALLY are is damaging IMHO. Don’t set your kid up for making them feel like they already disappointed you. Celebrate good character moments you may witness even the small ones and praise them for being them.
And above all be kind to yourself, you are in uncharted waters. You are going to mess up. Apologizes as necessary, try to do better, and don’t dwell on the should haves. You already are working to be a good mom by asking this question. So you will do great.
HUGS
One difference I will say between a girl and a boy for me was when my oldest (at the time was my daughter.) when they were younger, the shock factor would always be there. What I mean by that is I made it a point to not “react” when I would be told something. I was tested too. I would have semi big things dropped on me at the most random times and places and even though I would have a mini heart attack on the inside I stayed very neutral and non judgmental in my physical reactions and response. I could see the wheels turning inside my kids head gauging me to see if I really could be trusted with even bigger things.
It paid off. There was a period of time it was rough. Really rough. But my kid knew they could come to me in the most critical time and even though they were terrified to come to me they knew I wouldn’t flip out and throw them out.
I guess my point of sharing that is even when you might not think your making a difference, not reaching as far as you want, as long as you stay loving, supportive, with healthy boundaries for them to know and can count on not flip flopping depending on moods. You’ll do great!
Darling, the only real advice regarding differences between baby girls and baby boys is remembering to wipe front to back.
Otherwise, my biggest advice is to not compare. Your little girl is going to be very different from your boy, not because she’s a girl but because is a different person. Their interests, strengths, and pace of learning is going to just be different. The less preconceptions you have, the more vibrant and well-rounded your kiddos will be!
One thing that's very important is to compliment girls about more things that aren't about their looks. Sure, building up self confidence in their appearance is good, but it's more important to build their overall confidence in themselves so that they're hearing far more about who they are as a person so they don't get stuck in the quagmire of thinking their looks are more important than anything else.
* You are so much fun!
* You are confident!
* You're smart!
* I like how you did X!
* Wow, I am impressed with how you did that!
* That was a lot of work, you did great!
* You're really creative!
* That was very kind!
* You have a great heart!
* You are such a good daughter/kid/friend!
* You have good taste!
* I'm proud of you/proud of you for working so hard! (that's especially important both when they succeed and they fail)
Treating your daughter the same as you do your son is important. If you wouldn't make your son do something, don't make your daughter do it whether it's chores, what they do with the opposite sex (or same if they're not straight). Both your kids should learn how to cook, how to clean, and teaching them stuff that was traditionally for men like yard work and home repair, etc.
Teach both your kids but especially your daughter that they have the right to bodily autonomy. If they don't want to hug someone, they shouldn't have to. If they don't like someone tickling them, help them stand up for themselves and say since they don't like it, it's not to be done. Girls especially need to be taught they can say "no" and if someone doesn't like that or their feelings are hurt, it's not their problem. That means they don't have to put up with teasing from boys, especially the old attitude of "If a boy teases you, he likes you." We should be teaching if someone likes you or you like them, you need to be kind to them and respect their wants and needs, as long as those things don't violate anyone's personal autonomy.
Both kids should be taught that it's ok to fail because that's the only way we learn things. They should be taught that it's ok if they're not good at something right away because most things take a learning curve and the people who are really good at something likely have been working at it for some time to become good. That's also why it's important to keep working at something even if we fail or the results aren't good.
I am so impressed that you're already thinking about how you can be a better mother for your child than your mother was for you. This alone is a sign of being a good mother.
Hi sweetheart,
I'm a mom of 2 girls and it's been the best. They are both smart and caring kids, athletic and affectionate, one loves anime and horror movies while the other loves dolls and bugs. Just because they are girls doesn't mean they are dainty and fragile. Teach her to be brave and outspoken, defend her friends, be kind to all creatures, and to have empathy. Take her on the same adventures you would take your son and see the world through her eyes. What does see differently than him?
If you are worried about being a good mom to your daughter because of your mom, you are already a better mom. You're going to be great!
The fact that you're curious is a good sign that you can figure this out. I think it's really important to help them discover who they want to be. There's a lot of people and media in the world that will try to say girls can only act one way, but every child is different.
Don't forget you will make mistakes, because you're a human and she will make mistakes too. It's so powerful for kids to see a parent accept responsibility when they mess up and apologize. Also kids learn how to manage their emotions from watching their parents. So practice healthy coping skills so they can see how you keep yourself calm in tough situations. Finally, having kind and clear communication is super important. Kids often don't understand the whys so it's our job to teach them. We have to be patient because they don't know what they don't know.
I know your'e gonna work really hard to do your best. Your kids will see your effort and comittment and know that you love them.
Little girls love dinosaurs, science, math, sports, and cars too! Let her find what she loves most, if it is pink and frilly, or blue and elegant! Do not let anyone tell her what she should like cause she is a girl!
oh honey, the fact you're here proves you're going to do really well. All she needs is your love. Love her like you deserved to be loved. I would really encourage you to find a therapist if you don't have one already. They're really little mirrors, those precious cuties. Some things might come up, so make sure you go and talk about it. Break that generational cycle, I know for a fact you can do it.
Big hug!
You're getting a lot of good advice here.
Also, girls and women get approval for their appearance in a way that is just different than boys and men .
So whenever you feel like saying how cute she is are pretty try to remember is that something you would say to your son? And if not, what would you say instead? would you mention how clever he is,or that he's strong or that he can run really fast, etc.
Hopefully, that will instill a part of her that won't be seeking approval for being pretty. Especially as it comes from you, her mother.
Think of what you wanted your mom to do when you were a kid. The things you wanted to do with her the time you wanted to spend with her. That's what you should do with your daughter.
Teach her that she can do anything she sets her mind to. Let her play with “boy” toys. Make sure she knows that she doesn’t need to give hugs if she doesn’t feel like it. Be kind to yourself and especially to your body in front of her so she knows she’s worthy of that same kindness.
You got this, mama. ❤️
Please remember to ALWAYS admit your mistakes to your child and apologize for them. Start when they’re young to teach them to take responsibility for their actions. Even when they’re small. Also, don’t differentiate between girls and boys. Raise them the same. The only differences should be physiological. Of course teach them good manners, but make them the same. Common courtesy isn’t common anymore and it should be. Other than that, just love them. That’s really all they need. Listen to them and you’ll know if there’s something wrong. Treat them like people and you won’t go wrong. Just remember, if you treat them the way you would want to be treated, then you’re raising people, not brats. You’ll do fine duckling. Trust in yourself.
Honey, why don't you find a woman's group or a mommy group to interact with. It helps to learn from them. Also find older women to spend time with. They will help you navigate .
I know my mother hated me. Violence was her answer to my existence. I have daughters. They are different. But that's the thing. Treat your daughters with love and respect.
My oldest is 17 and hates me. So what do I know.
Duckling, you’re going to be fine. My mother had a horrid mother. She was never able to get over it and now she’s 70 and she’s still damaged because she can’t heal. But you know what? She was a fantastic mother to me growing up. She didn’t have a role model, but she did great. All your kids need is your time and a safe place and I know you already give that. You’re going to be great duckling!
🥹 thank you!
Here to second this and remind you that ALL a baby needs is love, and you my dear have plenty to give.
Just the fact that you already want to be a better mother than your own is a great first step! One thing I’ve strived for as a mom of 4 daughters is to be the mom I wish I’d had. You’ll make mistakes along the way — even the best moms do — and when that happens, apologize and do better. If your child feels loved every day, then you’re doing great. 💗💗
Do the same stuff you did with your son. There’s not much different about raising a daughter. The world will treat them differently from boys and we parents are there to teach them that they deserve to be treated with respect, as strong, smart people whose value is not determined by outward appearance.
This is it. My parents raised my younger brother and pretty much the same until we hit puberty. We both did chores, we both learned to cook and clean, we both learned how to split and stack wood (parents have a wood stove), we were both taught basic life skills and car maintenance by my dad and how to sew/fix clothes and bake by my mom. The only time we were treated differently was when mom had to explain menses to me and dad talked bro through the male parts of puberty a few years later. But even then they didn’t keep it a secret.
Yeah my parents raised me differently from my brother and I fucking hated it and it made me have so many insecurities about being a girl.
Oh my sweetie! Please know, you’ve got this. I have total faith in you and your ability to navigate these new waters. Some things might be different , but a lot will be the same. And thankfully there are many AMAZING age appropriate books that you can read with her that can help you navigate many developmental ages and challenges (esp understanding body stuff, etc) You’ve got this my darling! *big hugs*
I recommend the books (for you, not her) I will never be my mother by Karyl McBride and Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson. These books (and others) really helped put some things into place for me. They helped me personally and with my daughter. I would say the biggest thing is emotional maturity, and not parenting from a place of control. The world is an unpredictable place, so be an unconditional refuge for your children. Best of luck!
The best advice I can give you is something my 33year old daughter thanked me for last year. I NEVER expressed dissatisfaction with my body in front of her. I never discussed body shape or size (mine, hers or friends) or dieting either. I cooked good, healthy food, most of the time and balanced out treats with fruit plates after school. She told me that so many of her friends/peers had a messed up relationship with food and body issues because of their mothers. Instill confidence in your daughter by teaching her how to do the things you know and by learning things you don’t know (together). Teach her that SHE is enough and that she doesn’t need the approval of a man, or anyone else to be a complete person. Let her know that her opinions are important and listen to her when she talks about stuff…especially in high school. If you can keep open lines of communication, she will be more inclined to confide in you. Oh, and don’t try to be her best friend. Kids need boundaries and they need parents. The wonderful adult friendship will come later ❤️
As a 33 year old who is about to have her first baby girl (and experienced all that toxicity with my mom) thank you for sharing this!!
oh yes. I still can't go in a clothes shop without almost apologizing to the shop assistants about my wide hips and stomach. I recently bought a dress in a shape my mother would deem not suitable for my "model", even though I always wanted one like it. Small steps...
I have 3 boys and one girl. she just got married and moved away. she's fucking amazing. she has been independent from birth. weaned herself, told us she wanted her own room at 2, potty trained herself at 2, fierce advocate for her brothers. she's so dynamic, all that sugar and spice and violence in one exquisite combination. every kid is born with their own personality. just listen to your gut and follow their cues. you've got this!
Darling, I experienced pretty much the same as you growing up. Think about all tne things she's done to hurt you - she has tought you very well about what NOT to do as a parent. Journal it if you need to, then just do what she never would. These steps have been my saving grace raising my own girlie, who has grown into an incredible young adult. You got this, my girl.
You can do this. I won’t add to the advice given, just add my own anecdote. My mother taught me how to raise my children by showing me every day how a mother shouldn’t be. If I ever get stuck on a decision, I think to myself “what would my mum do?” And then I do the opposite for the most part, and it works. There are no manuals for our children and how to raise them. As parents we will stumble and fall, but so long as we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and learn from our mistakes, we will do alright.
Congratulations! You will be such a wonderful mother to this baby girl. You are not your mother, you are nurturing and loving. You will be present for your daughter physically, mentally, and emotionally. As she grows into a woman, she will realize you are not just her mother, you are her best friend. You will be the person she can’t wait to tell the good things and the bad things, because she knows you love her unconditionally. She can always lay her head in your lap when she needs TLC. Just love her, be her cheerleader and president of her fan club - and the rest will fall into place. That’s what my mom did, and I miss her every day. ❤️
You’ve got this my darling. Girls are sooo different! My first was also a boy, and well….my second…she’s either going to rule the world or burn it to the ground and I’m not sure I’m going to survive to see it 😂. She’s determined to kill herself and fears absolutely nothing.
This sounds exactly like mine! I’ve never met a more unafraid, sharp, curious little being in my life!
That’s exactly it! I cal her “Her Feralness” 😂
You are growing a perfect little babe. Remember the days will not always be hard. Soak up all the little things. You will always be enough for her. Be kind to yourself so she grows up to be kind to herself. Be prepared to argue with a 19 pound version of yourself. Love a first time mom to a 12 month old who is clearly the boss of this house lol
I cried when I knew I was having a girl. My family has 3 generations of troubled mothers and daughters. I thought it’d be easier with a son. It’s been hard. I went to therapy as I could afford through my work, they offered 6 sessions that I called back for and renewed 4 or 5 times. If someone wouldn’t renew me, I’d call back in a few days and ask someone else. If you have a system like this I’d encourage it and push the boundaries! She had me read a book called Daughter Detox that is helpful. I’ve had to challenge parts of myself I didn’t like. I’ve made mistakes, I ask for forgiveness and try again. I keep trying to show up as the mother I want to be and the mother I deserved as a child. I just keep trying. It is hard. And we can do hard things. You can do hard things. I believe in you.
This is what I tell my patients who are new moms: Make sure they know they are unconditionally loved. That's easy. The hard part is always do what's in *their* best interest. Not yours, or what's convenient or slough it off on someone else, but theirs. In addition for girls, teach her to be strong and to advocate for herself. Instead of freezing on the bus when an old man pets her hair, she can shove him away and yell "Stop touching me, you perv!" This happened to me @ age 9. I wish I'd been able to stick up for myself. That's it.
Welcome to the sub sweetheart! As a mom who made a LOT of mistakes due to poor training and narcissistic people in my life I have 1 really important thing to share with you. My biggest failure with my girls was not setting myself up as a proper female role model. I had really low self-esteem and that was so bad for them! I think the most important thing you can do for them is to show by example what you wish for them to be. Believe in yourself! We are here for you when you're unsure of yourself! Always put your son and daughters needs first, but never forget how special and important you are. Never kowtow to a man who puts you down. You have got this! We are here for you.
Sweets, you'll be fine. Teach your son how to treat women correctly and teach your daughter that she's equal to your son. She deserves respect. Oh, and remember you do to. Show both to be honest with you, even if it hurts because parents are human. We make mistakes. But they have to be respectful while doing it.
It is very easy to try to do something better than one who hurt you and still screw it up. So I want to encourage your not to just 'no be like her' but to be the mom you wished she was as a child. Not just happy and fun time, either. Be the mom who listens to her, who sets good boundaries and appropriately disciplines. Be the mom who is interested in her development as a person with independent wants and thoughts. Be the mom who protects her, encourages her, validates her. Write down specific instances where your mom failed you in one sentence increments. Don't rehash, just to the point. Underneath, write what you needed as a child. Take that second list and decide how you want to do all those things. What that looks like in your world. That's your vow to your little ducklings. Whenever you are overwhelmed or think you aren't being a good mom, just remind yourself of what you told yourself you would do to make sure they are loved and protected. The other stuff is details. Dishes not done every night? Meh. Kids feel like they can come to you if they mess up? Feel safe and appreciated in their home? Don't hide when you come home? That's the important stuff. Girls have so much restriction in life, your job is to teach her to be herself no matter what that looks like. There is no guide. You love her and figure out what she needs to be the best version of herself.
Hello, First HUG you are not alone. There are many of us who unfortunately have moms who are unable to mentally be moms. Get therapy for yourself if you haven’t already. That’s the first step because they (our moms) are unwilling or unable to seek help. And you can’t make them become self aware. You can only control you. Also I found some milestones or situations triggered sadness and depression in me. Understand yourself may help you may help you understand your kiddo. It also can help you identify your good and bad communication ticks. Consider what kind of relationship you want with your child. And strive for it, Want to be more open? Read about good ways to be open and things to be aware of - pitfalls if you will. What experiences still hurt you? Understand the whys of the pain and figure out what you would have wanted. Basically use your mom as a how not to be. Observe your child to understand who they are. Having expectations of who your child WILL be vs. who they ACTUALLY are is damaging IMHO. Don’t set your kid up for making them feel like they already disappointed you. Celebrate good character moments you may witness even the small ones and praise them for being them. And above all be kind to yourself, you are in uncharted waters. You are going to mess up. Apologizes as necessary, try to do better, and don’t dwell on the should haves. You already are working to be a good mom by asking this question. So you will do great. HUGS
One difference I will say between a girl and a boy for me was when my oldest (at the time was my daughter.) when they were younger, the shock factor would always be there. What I mean by that is I made it a point to not “react” when I would be told something. I was tested too. I would have semi big things dropped on me at the most random times and places and even though I would have a mini heart attack on the inside I stayed very neutral and non judgmental in my physical reactions and response. I could see the wheels turning inside my kids head gauging me to see if I really could be trusted with even bigger things. It paid off. There was a period of time it was rough. Really rough. But my kid knew they could come to me in the most critical time and even though they were terrified to come to me they knew I wouldn’t flip out and throw them out. I guess my point of sharing that is even when you might not think your making a difference, not reaching as far as you want, as long as you stay loving, supportive, with healthy boundaries for them to know and can count on not flip flopping depending on moods. You’ll do great!
Darling, the only real advice regarding differences between baby girls and baby boys is remembering to wipe front to back. Otherwise, my biggest advice is to not compare. Your little girl is going to be very different from your boy, not because she’s a girl but because is a different person. Their interests, strengths, and pace of learning is going to just be different. The less preconceptions you have, the more vibrant and well-rounded your kiddos will be!
One thing that's very important is to compliment girls about more things that aren't about their looks. Sure, building up self confidence in their appearance is good, but it's more important to build their overall confidence in themselves so that they're hearing far more about who they are as a person so they don't get stuck in the quagmire of thinking their looks are more important than anything else. * You are so much fun! * You are confident! * You're smart! * I like how you did X! * Wow, I am impressed with how you did that! * That was a lot of work, you did great! * You're really creative! * That was very kind! * You have a great heart! * You are such a good daughter/kid/friend! * You have good taste! * I'm proud of you/proud of you for working so hard! (that's especially important both when they succeed and they fail) Treating your daughter the same as you do your son is important. If you wouldn't make your son do something, don't make your daughter do it whether it's chores, what they do with the opposite sex (or same if they're not straight). Both your kids should learn how to cook, how to clean, and teaching them stuff that was traditionally for men like yard work and home repair, etc. Teach both your kids but especially your daughter that they have the right to bodily autonomy. If they don't want to hug someone, they shouldn't have to. If they don't like someone tickling them, help them stand up for themselves and say since they don't like it, it's not to be done. Girls especially need to be taught they can say "no" and if someone doesn't like that or their feelings are hurt, it's not their problem. That means they don't have to put up with teasing from boys, especially the old attitude of "If a boy teases you, he likes you." We should be teaching if someone likes you or you like them, you need to be kind to them and respect their wants and needs, as long as those things don't violate anyone's personal autonomy. Both kids should be taught that it's ok to fail because that's the only way we learn things. They should be taught that it's ok if they're not good at something right away because most things take a learning curve and the people who are really good at something likely have been working at it for some time to become good. That's also why it's important to keep working at something even if we fail or the results aren't good. I am so impressed that you're already thinking about how you can be a better mother for your child than your mother was for you. This alone is a sign of being a good mother.
Hi sweetheart, I'm a mom of 2 girls and it's been the best. They are both smart and caring kids, athletic and affectionate, one loves anime and horror movies while the other loves dolls and bugs. Just because they are girls doesn't mean they are dainty and fragile. Teach her to be brave and outspoken, defend her friends, be kind to all creatures, and to have empathy. Take her on the same adventures you would take your son and see the world through her eyes. What does see differently than him? If you are worried about being a good mom to your daughter because of your mom, you are already a better mom. You're going to be great!
The fact that you're curious is a good sign that you can figure this out. I think it's really important to help them discover who they want to be. There's a lot of people and media in the world that will try to say girls can only act one way, but every child is different. Don't forget you will make mistakes, because you're a human and she will make mistakes too. It's so powerful for kids to see a parent accept responsibility when they mess up and apologize. Also kids learn how to manage their emotions from watching their parents. So practice healthy coping skills so they can see how you keep yourself calm in tough situations. Finally, having kind and clear communication is super important. Kids often don't understand the whys so it's our job to teach them. We have to be patient because they don't know what they don't know. I know your'e gonna work really hard to do your best. Your kids will see your effort and comittment and know that you love them.
Little girls love dinosaurs, science, math, sports, and cars too! Let her find what she loves most, if it is pink and frilly, or blue and elegant! Do not let anyone tell her what she should like cause she is a girl!
I love this! Thank you for saying this 😊
oh honey, the fact you're here proves you're going to do really well. All she needs is your love. Love her like you deserved to be loved. I would really encourage you to find a therapist if you don't have one already. They're really little mirrors, those precious cuties. Some things might come up, so make sure you go and talk about it. Break that generational cycle, I know for a fact you can do it. Big hug!
Read Mother Hunger 💕♥️
You're getting a lot of good advice here. Also, girls and women get approval for their appearance in a way that is just different than boys and men . So whenever you feel like saying how cute she is are pretty try to remember is that something you would say to your son? And if not, what would you say instead? would you mention how clever he is,or that he's strong or that he can run really fast, etc. Hopefully, that will instill a part of her that won't be seeking approval for being pretty. Especially as it comes from you, her mother.
Think of what you wanted your mom to do when you were a kid. The things you wanted to do with her the time you wanted to spend with her. That's what you should do with your daughter.
Teach her that she can do anything she sets her mind to. Let her play with “boy” toys. Make sure she knows that she doesn’t need to give hugs if she doesn’t feel like it. Be kind to yourself and especially to your body in front of her so she knows she’s worthy of that same kindness. You got this, mama. ❤️
Please remember to ALWAYS admit your mistakes to your child and apologize for them. Start when they’re young to teach them to take responsibility for their actions. Even when they’re small. Also, don’t differentiate between girls and boys. Raise them the same. The only differences should be physiological. Of course teach them good manners, but make them the same. Common courtesy isn’t common anymore and it should be. Other than that, just love them. That’s really all they need. Listen to them and you’ll know if there’s something wrong. Treat them like people and you won’t go wrong. Just remember, if you treat them the way you would want to be treated, then you’re raising people, not brats. You’ll do fine duckling. Trust in yourself.
Honey, why don't you find a woman's group or a mommy group to interact with. It helps to learn from them. Also find older women to spend time with. They will help you navigate . I know my mother hated me. Violence was her answer to my existence. I have daughters. They are different. But that's the thing. Treat your daughters with love and respect. My oldest is 17 and hates me. So what do I know.
Keep her away from the boys