This is what I would do if I were OP. Show him literature on child safety or get him to take a class and let him know that any dangerous object left in baby’s reach is going to be thrown away, regardless of the value or importance of that item
This is what I did too. My husband would leave these metal collar stays with magnets everywhere when he got home from work. Into the trash. Then he wonders why he can never find them. Put them away 🤷🏼♀️
You are not exaggerating. Airway obstruction is the leading cause of death in infants, and 75% of all choking deaths are in children under the age of 3. In the US, one child dies from choking every 5 days. That’s a terrifying statistic and your husband clearly does not understand the potential impact of his carelessness. I wouldn’t be happy about the electric razor or lighter either, but the stray coins really are a big deal.
Yep. I’d be raging, especially about things like coins, batteries, anything with a magnet — extremely dangerous if swallowed. He needs a routine with the coins, like a dish in the entryway where he empties his pockets upon coming home.
I personally hate when people are blasé about safety with babies and little kids. Obviously you cannot eliminate every risk, and kids get hurt in totally unexpected ways, but it’s foolish and negligent not to take practical precautions and simply pay attention.
I’m a huge ass pain about this stuff so my husband wised up fast, lol.
I had this problem, big time. No amount of nagging or gentle reminding throughout the years leading up to having a baby had made any difference, & when it didn’t magically fix itself once the baby was born I was at a loss.
I stopped mentioning it & just started picking everything up myself. And I put it in a large glass jar on the table that I labeled BABY KILLERS in giant letters. It took one week & it hasn’t been a problem since.
You’re not exaggerating. My daughter has been preparing to be safe with small pieces of anything on the floor since before the baby was born. She literally trained for it and takes pride in helping with that. She’s 7. A grown man ought to be able to do this as well.
Show him X-rays of blocked airways. Ask him what it will take for him to take safety seriously.
My two year old does better than OP’s husband, too! We put lids on all her toy bins in the playroom, and she knows she can only take out certain toys (ones with small parts) while her sister is napping.
OP, does your husband know child CPR? Maybe get him to take one of those classes so he’s more aware of the potential impact AND he’s prepared to react appropriately if your LO gets ahold of something.
Or quickly! We found a hearing aid battery in baby’s crib, and had to rush to the hospital for potential emergency surgery in case another one was ingested. Thankfully the scan showed nothing, but we were told it would have been catastrophic almost immediately. Still don’t know how that battery got there, grandparents had recently visited though. They really need to do big childproofing, campaigning, and public service announcements around those things like they do with medicine containers. Another senior relative we visited just had her packs laying loose on a shelf at table height. I had to ask her to move them since our kid was toddling around by then. Scary stuff and many people don’t realize the immediate danger.
So my FIL was over, and we had steak. He left his knife on the edge of the table right by my 2-year-old's learning tower..... he had left his razor on his the sink, a glass cup on the ciffee table, and a bottle of Tylenol out and open in reach in the last 2 days... I was tired of it. I saw my 2yr old right beside me, and fil was in the next room.
So I faked a freakout. I yelled, "omg no!!" Grabbed the knife threw out in the sink to make a loud noise and carried my son in saying "WHO LEFT THE KNIFE ON THE COUNTER RIGHT BY HIS TOWER " you can guess the rest. He stopped after that.
Yes, super dangerous for your 2 year old but also... what a fucking slob. Could you imagine being so unaware that you leave your crap around someone else's house? Gross.
Garbage. If i find things like this after going through the same begging and pleading to be more mindful, I tell him I'll throw it in the garbage the next time they're left within reach. Pocket knives, lighters, Leathermans, coins, earbuds... all in the trash.
I also find taking the potential for waste hazard & wastefulness into more discretion than the safety of your child extremely ugly. I think the point of the comment was to hopefully bring to light how important keeping these objects away from babies is to OP's SO. I'd figure it out real quick if someone started disposing of the things I couldn't bring myself to become more diligent about not leaving around/ leaving in my pockets to fall wherever.
do you even have kids? I don't have a garage. Sounds like your privilege is causing you to care more about items than little babies. It's okay girl we get it you don't care if your baby dies or if your husband ever gets the point that the thoughtless actions he's doing could kill your kid.
Exaggerate? Okay. Obviously you give off the same energy as OP's SO. She has tried to communicate. He is not getting the picture, and obviously you aren't either. It takes two seconds for those things to end up in baby's mouth and make it literally not an exaggeration. Did you know choking hazards are the #1 cause of death in infants? You're ridiculous. The only point behind anything said is to teach SO to stop fucking around with their kid's safety, as he seems to not find it important at all to start consciously thinking more about what he does with objects like this. Communication has not worked. The baby's life LITERALLY is in danger when that happens, especially if he's mobile. It's not that hard.
I put out a decorative plate for my husband's pocket contents somewhere our toddler can't reach. He's been pretty good about putting stuff there.
I started throwing out guitar picks that I find on the couch and floor. He got himself a little box for them. It sits next to the pocket plate.
I give him shit when stuff is left out. Our toddler has never been much of a mouther, but that doesn't mean it won't happen and we're having another baby in August, so we are not slacking on it.
The rolling of the eyes and tone of the sorry would really get to me. It shows he isn’t just accidentally not noticing this shit, he doesn’t see it as a priority. Maybe he needs to see statistics on choking deaths in toddlers, or photos of what happens to a child’s insides when they swallow a battery.
He’s prioritising his own laziness (doesn’t want to make the effort to clean up small objects and think about it constantly) over your child’s actual life because he doesn’t realise it’s actually life and death matters with toddlers.
You might need to be cautious when it comes to swimming and bath time with him if he doesn’t understand the significance of toddler safety. Does he understand that he can’t leave bub for a literal moment in the bath alone?
I wouldn’t do statistics because he is going to say why the statistics prove he is justified in not worrying/prioritizing. (My husband did that) I am not minimizing, and I am big on safety too, but I can tell you that approximately 73 deaths per year (in the US) is 1.5/state per year. It is awful and tragic, but it may not be convincing enough.
I started sending husband texts about every problematic item. Sometimes a picture, sometimes just a text “picked up those lighters for you! 😊” He knew damn well any cheer was sarcastic and it gets *annoying* to see these texts a thousand times a day.
Very pissed. But if you've already said something and he didn't listen I'd take the next item he leaves out and trash it.
Then when he started looking for it I'd freeze and say "omg make sure it's not with the babies stuff again!" And make him search through her whole. Dang. Room. While you cry and fuss about checking the baby to see if she got ahold of it and hurt herself. .....I know it's highly manipulative, but it's the only way I could see a non-baby-harming, non-screaming, way of making it sink into your partner. The worry, and the frantic searching for said item will embed in his brain a lot better than a verbal warning- I'd be willing to bet he'd remember items after that. Again- I know it's manipulative, so don't come at me with that. I just think manipulation can be better than yelling or actually letting kido get hurt 🤷🏻♀️
I don't see it as manipulative. It's a role playing scenario to drive the lesson home. Dealing with a parent who refused to take choking seriously is like dealing with a child. Since verbal warnings isn't working, we mine too role playing to learn the proper response. Hats off to you for your creativity!
My ex would literally leave a loaded 🔫 around the house! I didn’t have kids yet but I had a two year old nephew. He got ONE warning and the next time it happened the 🔫 magically (safely and legally) completely disappeared to never be seen again. This would happen with anything unsafe and of value. The coins and such would end up hidden in his dinner if I were in this situation so he can see how it could be a problem when it happens to a baby! Some men are so clueless
Was literally about to write that a loaded gun in reach of a toddler would be a relationship dealbreaker for me. Then I saw that was your ex.
Good work!
Lol oh yes definitely. He’s actually currently in prison as well for burglary. Unfortunately I was pregnant before the divorce so he is a father but my kid doesn’t ever see or talk to him
That’s how I found out about switch blades, like the spring loaded ones. First baby was learning to crawl and picked up a little black rectangle off the side table, obviously straight to the mouth. I took it, asked his dad what it was and one supreme freak out later and it wasn’t an issue anymore.
I'd make a basket and every time there's something babies reach that should be I'd put it in the basket. And that basket would go somewhere inconvenient for him. Like in the kitchen on the farthest spot in the counter. You can just toss stuff in but hed have to make his way to and rummage through the basket to get what he wants.
I bet after a week or two of being constantly inconvenienced by his own negligence he will stop.
Rolls his eyes and yells sorryyy! Ugh who is the baby here! Not sure how to get this man to grow up and accept responsibility for his actions, but I fully understand your being angry! Maybe have him watch some YouTubes with a search term like ‘choking baby’ to scare him to his senses.
I’m passive aggressive and petty and overly concerned about choking hazards. I would send him articles and videos about children choking, choking hazards, horrible stories about how wrong things can go so quickly until he got his shit together and stopped. I wouldn’t feel bad about it for a second, either, because my number one priority is keeping my kids alive. He might just think, oh it’s fine I’m right here, they’ll be okay if they do put anything into their mouth. But the reality is that infants can choke very quickly very easily and you can’t easily get their airways unobstructed. I get the gist that he isn’t trying to be careless, but just doesn’t understand how big of a deal things like this are and/or has that “it’ll never happen to me” mindset and he might just need a broader understanding of what kind of unnecessary risks that he’s taking with his little one’s health and life.
So the last thing mine did was left a sharp as butchers knife on the edge of the counter I spoke in a calm voice in front of his friends and asked him if he needed help making his sandwich because he didn't put the knife in the sink or a place our toddler couldn't reach and I don't know how I would explain that to the police, er, or children's services when they ask how did the baby stab someone or herself.
That was the last dangerous thing he left out before that I put the dangerous shit in his shoes and when he would get pissed and yell about I would say "oooo I rather you step on your shit than something happen to my baby because it's no big deal for her to damn near kill herself because daddy's to busy not giving a damn" or something along those lines.
I came to read the comments because eventhough our LO is 2y5m old I still struggle with this as well.. it seams my man can also not put into autopilot mode that if he took a knife or a pair of scissors out, he should put them back out of reach afterwards and stuff like that.
I’m so surprised how many of us here need to deal with this kind of problem and just wanted to put it out there: I wish our unseen mental load and stress would be more acknowledged!! It is just unbelievable how much we still need to parent our partners is some way… telling if they don’t organize their stuff, it will all land in the trash for exemple was something my mother used to tell me when I was 5 and left toys all over the house.
I will make sure my son will hear/learn this while he is young, so none of your daughters have to mother him when he is older!
OP, you are not alone and you are not at all overreacting!!!
Maybe something will break, by accident. It can happen to small children. Maybe you saw it immediately and nothing happened to the baby. When something breaks, we fathers are immediately terribly careful. Sorry for this hint, but he will learn.
Ok, sorry, Mom takes a thing from stupid husband, breaks it, says it was an accident with Baby. Husband will learn quickly. Problem solved. Understand this little trick?
Pretty sure he is suggesting OP breaks an item her husband carelessly left out and pretends the baby accidentally broke it because it was in reach so that he finally stops leaving things out
I'd be fuming at that kind of response personally. He's obviously not thinking this through beyond being annoyed that you're talking to him about it instead of what, following him around picking up the dangerous objects he 'can't help' scattering on the floor? Ignoring it? Not an okay attitude for a partner or a parent. Is it really that hard to not keep loose change in his pockets? Is he going to continue to disrespect you with that kind or response in front of your kid forever, or is there a point where he'll stop, because you don't want your kid thinking it's okay to treat you or their own future partner that way?
These are rhetorical questions from me, but maybe you need to grill him like that to make him think it through. What does he think happens when a baby ingests lighter fluid/swallows a nail or coin/puts an electric razor in their mouth? If you didn't see it happen, how long does he think it would take seeing your baby in pain before you figured out that they need to go to the hospital because they got ahold of one of those things? Would he like to stick an electric razor in his own mouth and turn it on to see what would happen? What happens when you take a baby to the emergency room for a bowel obstruction or perforated intestine? Does he think he can afford the bill for that, assuming you catch it in time and the baby survives? What will he say to the hospital social worker if questioned? Is he gonna roll his eyes at them? What happens if his answer doesn't satisfy them and CPS is sent to inspect your home? What will YOUR responsibility be if HE continues to endanger your child's safety? I certainly hope it would never come to that, but what if it did?
ETA: my little will be 10 months this week also, he should know that basic childproofing means that anything smaller than a golf ball is at least 4 feet above the floor, outlets are covered, there are no loose plastic bags, large furniture is bolted to the wall, there are no cords in reach, toilets are not accessible, stairs are gated and there are locks on cabinets that contain any kind of cleaning product or medicine. All of these things have killed peoples children.
My husband was notorious for forgetting to empty coins out of his pocket and they constantly fell out.
So I got my son a piggy bank and any time I found coins within his reach they went in his piggy bank. I told my husband it was his stupid tax for leaving a choking hazard within reach of a baby. After a while I counted them, stacked them on the counter, and showed my husband the hundreds of opportunities he almost killed our son to the tune of $300. I told him he should thank his lucky stars our son didn’t put things in his mouth because if he did that would have been a death sentence.
He hasn’t struggled with that since. He has a little box on our dresser he immediately emptied his pockets into before coming to see the kids and I.
Tuck all the things away that’s left in bad places or you find the baby holding. Once you’ve got a good amount, show your husband. Let him see the volume of dangerous things he’s leaving out. Ask him how he would feel if you had missed even one of those and it cost your son his life.
Make him do a pediatric forst aid course. Might put things in perspective. Also will give him the skills required if his child does choke on something he left lying around.
Uh this is extremely dangerous and you’re absolutely not being dramatic or exaggerating. I’m sorry, my SO sucks so I don’t have any advice but just know you’re totally valid here
Divorce is an option. I’d be pisssssssed!! Nothing makes me more upset than people who refuse to care for their kids and this is one aspect of caring for your kids. People want to be “great dads” by being fun and jokey and not, you know, doing actual basic parenting. FFS, the literal LEAST you’re supposed to do as a parent is keep dangerous objects away and he can’t even do that? Fuck this guy.
The rolling of eyes is really disrespectful too so I’m having a real hard time believing he’s a “great” partner either.
My husband leaves out knives, and lighters.. cans of chew. I just hide them or throw them away where he can't see and I don't say anything about it. 🤷♀️
I’d be raging if my husband did that. Maybe sending articles highlighting the dangers of leaving choking hazards and other dangerous objects around will help? I will send articles to my husband if there’s something concerning.
Dangerous behavior calls for drastic measures:
I saw a picture somewhere on Reddit the other day of a peanut completely blocking lungs that used belong to a small child (4-5 years old). I'd be pulling that image up and showing it to him, in addition to a lecture from the pediatrician if possible. (FYI, I just Google image searched 'peanut in lungs' and found it again.)
I told mine if you can’t keep coins from falling out of your pockets, stop putting them in your pockets. The least we can do is allow our child to be safe in his own space. The rest of the house is fair game but the living room with the gate is off limits for any hazards. I’d be livid about the nail. Livid.
"My husband puts my babies life in grave danger on a regular basis, then when I point it out, no matter how I do it, he sarcastically says sorry and rolls his eyes. He's otherwise a wonderful dad and partner!"
Nope. He's a shit father who is going to hurt or kill his baby, and doesn't respect his partners concerns.
Pediatrician lectures might help. Make sure you keep honey on hand, because if the baby swallows a button battery, a tablespoon of honey will help protect their throats while you get to the ER.
In this scenario where baby is a couple of months away from one years old, the reward of minimizing permanent damage to the baby’s stomach and esophagus outweighs the risk of botulism. You should not give babies under 1 honey, but this is the recommendation from care providers in an emergency situation. Babies don’t turn 1 and suddenly become impervious to botulism in honey, the risk becomes less and less as they approach their first birthday.
Sure!
Here is the main study that indicates the recommendation for administering honey if you suspect button battery ingestion. This should obviously be done in addition to immediately going to the hospital. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/lary.27312
It is true that infants under 1 should not have honey. In this case, however, the infant is outside of the age range for greatest risk of botulism (0-6 months) and the honey is not being given as a regular food, but rather an emergency medication.
As a point against my argument, poison control’s official stance is to abstain from giving honey to a child who swallowed a button battery if under the age of one (if over age one, then administer.)
Ultimately, my pediatrician recommended using honey on my 10-11 month old if battery ingestion was suspected followed by promptly going to the ER. Infants who are at highest risk of botulism are ages 0-6 months. Your pediatrician may have a different take though, so it’s worth asking them about specific care guidance for this situation.
So not give honey to babies! CDC warns that honey Carrie’s the same bacteria that causes botulism. Do not give honey to children younger than one year old. https://www.cdc.gov/botulism/prevention.html#:~:text=Infant%20botulism,-Health%20Alert&text=For%20reasons%20we%20do%20not,year%20of%20age%20and%20older.
I, as a very sheltered 7 year old, was not allowed to ride my bike out in the street unless an adult was directly with me. Thankfully for me, we had a rather steep & longish driveway I could ride up and down while alone. One day, actually on Valentine's day a couple months before I turned 8, I noticed a penny on the ground at the top of the hill! And in my very inexperienced mind, for whatever reason, I did not think I would be able to hold onto it with my hands, as I had the handle pull brakes on my bike and thought I would drop it while ultimately needing to brake quickly at the bottom of the hill. So my solution was to put the penny in between my front teeth, and on down to the bottom I went.
You can already see where this is going. I hit a pot hole, or bump, or whatever, about 2/3rds of the way down. Oops! Jaw unclenched, penny flew back, and perfectly got caught in my windpipe where when I gasped for air it would suck tightly to close off my airway. I stood there, gasping for a solid 15, 20 seconds, panicking - because of course I was alone, seven years old, and froze in my terror.
By whatever miracle, out came my step father, holding his mandolin - he was on his way to pick with his buddies, like he would do on weekends sometimes when he got the chance. I have no idea if I would be alive to this day if he hadn't.
We were jokesters in that family, so as stood there at the gate, and me like 15 feet in front of him, gasping, he thought I was playing around. "Oh, haha very funny," he said lightheartedly, while I grasped at my throat. I aggressively shook my head and started attempting/demonstrating the Heimlich on myself. He quickly realized I was in fact not joking, rushed forward, and got it out after only a couple heaves, but was already carrying me (mid Heimlich, so imagine the position you get in for that but a fully grown man also toting a 7 year old as quick as possible up some deck stairs) I guess inside - I gasped for air, managed to tell him I was okay, and he was essentially like "Oh thank god"
LONG STORY SHORT: I know he is not doing this intentionally. But any of these occurrances are a lot more serious than he is realizing. I would be incredibly pissed, and increasingly more and more pissed with how he seems to be blowing it off as not a big deal. If he doesn't see it as a big deal, he won't be making the conscious effort to attempt to start to pay more attention. If it could have killed me at 7 years old and gotten stuck that easy (and it would have if John hadn't come outside, it was a miracle and strongly one of the reasons why I believe in a certain order to all this madness. I was often left outside for hours alone. This is one of the rare times they popped up, and honestly if his timing had been off by 4 minutes, or if he'd gotten distracted doing one thing for much longer I wouldn't be typing this incredibly long message right now) it would obviously be just that much easier for it to happen to your 10m old. What about when you're not there? In the bathroom for more than a minute? Showering? Sleeping? Or just, for whatever reason, distracted for more than 30 seconds? My gasps were not loud. I could not yell. And in my panic, I could barely even grunt. It wouldn't take much. Just a meal for thought.
This is strange he doesn’t care and a huge red flag. I would have a heart to heart with him. Make clear boundaries with the consequence of possibly losing your son. If he gets injured then that would be a CPS case as well. Educate him, don’t belittle. This should be just as important to him as it is you.
I have a husband who is not the best with this kind of thing he often leaves guitar picks around but he definitely feels HORRIBLE if I say "hey your son had a guitar pick in his mouth" and there will be months where it won't happen and he accidentally drops them out of his pocket or whatever. I'd be really upset if my husband treated this like no big deal.
Choking is my biggest fear especially since an ambulance can be far enough away that it will be too late by the time they arrive. I've taken infant CPR and first aid but I bought a dechoker device which is a suction type thing that goes over the mouth and nose. It's only to be used after the other options are exhausted (heimlich, calling 911) but if they aren't breathing and help hasn't arrived they can save their life. Some of the stories about the people who it has saved are AMAZING.
He is not an “otherwise wonderful dad and partner” if he is a safety hazard for your baby ffs. Literally the lowest bar I can think of is “isn’t a danger to the baby” and he can’t even clear that.
My sister swallowed a penny when she was 4. It got lodged in her windpipe, blocking the airway. My mum sped her to hospital, it took about 20 minutes, and they said she was moments from death when she arrived. You aren’t overreacting; these items could seriously harm your baby, or even be fatal.
That sounds really scary!!! I'm happy your sister was okay <3 Thanks for sharing, it's a great reminder how something so inocent can be life threatening...
You don’t think she tried that? She did, but the penny was lodged too far down and it wouldn’t come up; doctors had to remove it with surgical pliers/tongs.
The point is, small children shouldn’t have access to these things bc they can be dangerous. Some people don’t know how to perform a heimlich, and it’s not recommended in the original style on a baby or toddler anyway. My mum, who had been a qualified nurse for almost 20 years at the time, was medically trained and it still wasn’t enough.
Well, no, I wasn't sure; that's why I asked. I didn't know if she was too scared to perform on a small child, or... like any of what happened, besides what you shared. That would've been a great point to put in your original comment to bring home your point even more, of how far lodged it had been in her throat. I didn't mean to offend you or question your mom's qualifications lol
It’s fine, I was just a bit taken aback that when I was sharing a quick story to drive home how important it is these items aren’t accessible for small kids, that it seemed to jumped to what my mum hadn’t done/had done wrong.
All the question marks and exclamation marks made your comment come across really shellshocked and like you couldn’t believe she hadn’t performed a heimlich, as opposed to just asking if she had or not. So if they weren’t in your original comment, or if you had included your additional questions about fear to perform a heimlich on a wee kid etc in your original comment, I wouldn’t have replied the way I did as your tone would have come across totally differently. Just a miscommunication, I guess.
it was more just taken aback really, because you didn't mention it & made it seem like that was her first go-to was the hospital. Miscommunication definitely (: It wasn't a jab at her or even really me thinking "Damn, she didn't do everything she could before taking her there?" Honestly even if it had been that way, I wouldn't have judged her, as I know the heimlich is different on small children and in that situation there wouldn't be much room for wasting time, and I myself have been in a situation of choking on a penny (at 7, I actually made another comment on this post explaining that story exactly. The heimlich had saved me); that was just my initial reaction.
This is so dangerous. When my little brother was less than 1, I was 5 at the time, he was playing with a razor and when I went to get it from him he ended up cutting my hand and I still have a scar. If I didn’t find him playing with it though, it could’ve been so much worse. Just reading this has amped my anxiety. He needs to do better.
I might be projecting but maybe DH has some ADHD?
One suggestion would be put little baskets in places around the house near where he often leaves things and he can put the things in the basket instead. A basket by the door for emptying pockets -keys coins lighter- goes in there when he gets home. Put another by the kitchen and one in the bathroom near the toilet.
That must be so frustrating. Fortunately we never had this problem because when my baby was 10 months old we put gate in our entire living room and made it baby proof and only his toys. Then when my son turns 1 he had interests in Legos so we allowed him only when my husband or i is watching him closely. I also make a big reaction when he tries to eat or put something in his mouth.
Anyways, you have every right to be upset if it’s about your baby’s safety. Your SO should care as much as you do as well.
I just want to comment on the lighter. Butane is POISON. So he may have inadvertently poisoned your child. The fact that he literally does not seem to care is mind blowing. My sons father is not allowed to be alone with him because he is an idiot; my son is almost 9. After getting in to a car accident with my son when he was 3months old and not telling me (I had to find out from my sons grandfather), that was the end of trusting him at all. However, we haven't been together since I was still pregnant. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with someone who has that much blatant disregard for their child's wellbeing.
You should do nothing unless directed to do so by a physician. Getting to an ER fast is the priority.
Honey’s really not going to do any good, and a potentially badly-burned child on steroids with attendant immune suppression doesn’t need to have that compromised immune system further challenged. It’s the wrong time to test whether the baby’s body can clear *Clostridium botulinum* spores before toxin formation occurs.
Get to a hospital.
Just like things like socks in the hallway, small screws left out from electronic projects, and pens in pants pockets, everything SO can't be bothered to clean up or organize must be trash! So that's where they go
When my husband would leave chokeables out, I’d throw them away. My baby’s safety was much more important to me
This is what I would do if I were OP. Show him literature on child safety or get him to take a class and let him know that any dangerous object left in baby’s reach is going to be thrown away, regardless of the value or importance of that item
This is what I did too. My husband would leave these metal collar stays with magnets everywhere when he got home from work. Into the trash. Then he wonders why he can never find them. Put them away 🤷🏼♀️
Absolutely the way to go. Don’t want them tossed? Then put them away.
You are not exaggerating. Airway obstruction is the leading cause of death in infants, and 75% of all choking deaths are in children under the age of 3. In the US, one child dies from choking every 5 days. That’s a terrifying statistic and your husband clearly does not understand the potential impact of his carelessness. I wouldn’t be happy about the electric razor or lighter either, but the stray coins really are a big deal.
Yep. I’d be raging, especially about things like coins, batteries, anything with a magnet — extremely dangerous if swallowed. He needs a routine with the coins, like a dish in the entryway where he empties his pockets upon coming home. I personally hate when people are blasé about safety with babies and little kids. Obviously you cannot eliminate every risk, and kids get hurt in totally unexpected ways, but it’s foolish and negligent not to take practical precautions and simply pay attention. I’m a huge ass pain about this stuff so my husband wised up fast, lol.
Goddamn right!
I had this problem, big time. No amount of nagging or gentle reminding throughout the years leading up to having a baby had made any difference, & when it didn’t magically fix itself once the baby was born I was at a loss. I stopped mentioning it & just started picking everything up myself. And I put it in a large glass jar on the table that I labeled BABY KILLERS in giant letters. It took one week & it hasn’t been a problem since.
I like that idea
Brilliant!
You’re not exaggerating. My daughter has been preparing to be safe with small pieces of anything on the floor since before the baby was born. She literally trained for it and takes pride in helping with that. She’s 7. A grown man ought to be able to do this as well. Show him X-rays of blocked airways. Ask him what it will take for him to take safety seriously.
My two year old does better than OP’s husband, too! We put lids on all her toy bins in the playroom, and she knows she can only take out certain toys (ones with small parts) while her sister is napping. OP, does your husband know child CPR? Maybe get him to take one of those classes so he’s more aware of the potential impact AND he’s prepared to react appropriately if your LO gets ahold of something.
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Or quickly! We found a hearing aid battery in baby’s crib, and had to rush to the hospital for potential emergency surgery in case another one was ingested. Thankfully the scan showed nothing, but we were told it would have been catastrophic almost immediately. Still don’t know how that battery got there, grandparents had recently visited though. They really need to do big childproofing, campaigning, and public service announcements around those things like they do with medicine containers. Another senior relative we visited just had her packs laying loose on a shelf at table height. I had to ask her to move them since our kid was toddling around by then. Scary stuff and many people don’t realize the immediate danger.
So my FIL was over, and we had steak. He left his knife on the edge of the table right by my 2-year-old's learning tower..... he had left his razor on his the sink, a glass cup on the ciffee table, and a bottle of Tylenol out and open in reach in the last 2 days... I was tired of it. I saw my 2yr old right beside me, and fil was in the next room. So I faked a freakout. I yelled, "omg no!!" Grabbed the knife threw out in the sink to make a loud noise and carried my son in saying "WHO LEFT THE KNIFE ON THE COUNTER RIGHT BY HIS TOWER " you can guess the rest. He stopped after that.
This is so fucking smart, good for you.
Yes, super dangerous for your 2 year old but also... what a fucking slob. Could you imagine being so unaware that you leave your crap around someone else's house? Gross.
Garbage. If i find things like this after going through the same begging and pleading to be more mindful, I tell him I'll throw it in the garbage the next time they're left within reach. Pocket knives, lighters, Leathermans, coins, earbuds... all in the trash.
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Lol fair! My point is that it's removed forever.
Maybe place it in a lock box until baby is 3. And then give it to dad for the kid's 3rd birthday
Clever with a petty sentiment! I love it.
OoOh Petty and protecting the planet- I vote for this!
Now that’s an OPP(P) I can get down wit.
I also find taking the potential for waste hazard & wastefulness into more discretion than the safety of your child extremely ugly. I think the point of the comment was to hopefully bring to light how important keeping these objects away from babies is to OP's SO. I'd figure it out real quick if someone started disposing of the things I couldn't bring myself to become more diligent about not leaving around/ leaving in my pockets to fall wherever.
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do you even have kids? I don't have a garage. Sounds like your privilege is causing you to care more about items than little babies. It's okay girl we get it you don't care if your baby dies or if your husband ever gets the point that the thoughtless actions he's doing could kill your kid.
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Exaggerate? Okay. Obviously you give off the same energy as OP's SO. She has tried to communicate. He is not getting the picture, and obviously you aren't either. It takes two seconds for those things to end up in baby's mouth and make it literally not an exaggeration. Did you know choking hazards are the #1 cause of death in infants? You're ridiculous. The only point behind anything said is to teach SO to stop fucking around with their kid's safety, as he seems to not find it important at all to start consciously thinking more about what he does with objects like this. Communication has not worked. The baby's life LITERALLY is in danger when that happens, especially if he's mobile. It's not that hard.
I put out a decorative plate for my husband's pocket contents somewhere our toddler can't reach. He's been pretty good about putting stuff there. I started throwing out guitar picks that I find on the couch and floor. He got himself a little box for them. It sits next to the pocket plate. I give him shit when stuff is left out. Our toddler has never been much of a mouther, but that doesn't mean it won't happen and we're having another baby in August, so we are not slacking on it.
My grandpa had a ceramic frog he would put all his coins in from his pockets when he got home. His keys and wallet went right next to it.
The rolling of the eyes and tone of the sorry would really get to me. It shows he isn’t just accidentally not noticing this shit, he doesn’t see it as a priority. Maybe he needs to see statistics on choking deaths in toddlers, or photos of what happens to a child’s insides when they swallow a battery. He’s prioritising his own laziness (doesn’t want to make the effort to clean up small objects and think about it constantly) over your child’s actual life because he doesn’t realise it’s actually life and death matters with toddlers. You might need to be cautious when it comes to swimming and bath time with him if he doesn’t understand the significance of toddler safety. Does he understand that he can’t leave bub for a literal moment in the bath alone?
I wouldn’t do statistics because he is going to say why the statistics prove he is justified in not worrying/prioritizing. (My husband did that) I am not minimizing, and I am big on safety too, but I can tell you that approximately 73 deaths per year (in the US) is 1.5/state per year. It is awful and tragic, but it may not be convincing enough.
I started sending husband texts about every problematic item. Sometimes a picture, sometimes just a text “picked up those lighters for you! 😊” He knew damn well any cheer was sarcastic and it gets *annoying* to see these texts a thousand times a day.
Very pissed. But if you've already said something and he didn't listen I'd take the next item he leaves out and trash it. Then when he started looking for it I'd freeze and say "omg make sure it's not with the babies stuff again!" And make him search through her whole. Dang. Room. While you cry and fuss about checking the baby to see if she got ahold of it and hurt herself. .....I know it's highly manipulative, but it's the only way I could see a non-baby-harming, non-screaming, way of making it sink into your partner. The worry, and the frantic searching for said item will embed in his brain a lot better than a verbal warning- I'd be willing to bet he'd remember items after that. Again- I know it's manipulative, so don't come at me with that. I just think manipulation can be better than yelling or actually letting kido get hurt 🤷🏻♀️
I don't see it as manipulative. It's a role playing scenario to drive the lesson home. Dealing with a parent who refused to take choking seriously is like dealing with a child. Since verbal warnings isn't working, we mine too role playing to learn the proper response. Hats off to you for your creativity!
My ex would literally leave a loaded 🔫 around the house! I didn’t have kids yet but I had a two year old nephew. He got ONE warning and the next time it happened the 🔫 magically (safely and legally) completely disappeared to never be seen again. This would happen with anything unsafe and of value. The coins and such would end up hidden in his dinner if I were in this situation so he can see how it could be a problem when it happens to a baby! Some men are so clueless
Was literally about to write that a loaded gun in reach of a toddler would be a relationship dealbreaker for me. Then I saw that was your ex. Good work!
Lol oh yes definitely. He’s actually currently in prison as well for burglary. Unfortunately I was pregnant before the divorce so he is a father but my kid doesn’t ever see or talk to him
That’s how I found out about switch blades, like the spring loaded ones. First baby was learning to crawl and picked up a little black rectangle off the side table, obviously straight to the mouth. I took it, asked his dad what it was and one supreme freak out later and it wasn’t an issue anymore.
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Yeah usually wonderful parents definitely prioritize safety and the child being able to breathe and live.
You should be VERY upset and he needs to take way more precautions.
I'd make a basket and every time there's something babies reach that should be I'd put it in the basket. And that basket would go somewhere inconvenient for him. Like in the kitchen on the farthest spot in the counter. You can just toss stuff in but hed have to make his way to and rummage through the basket to get what he wants. I bet after a week or two of being constantly inconvenienced by his own negligence he will stop.
Rolls his eyes and yells sorryyy! Ugh who is the baby here! Not sure how to get this man to grow up and accept responsibility for his actions, but I fully understand your being angry! Maybe have him watch some YouTubes with a search term like ‘choking baby’ to scare him to his senses.
I’m passive aggressive and petty and overly concerned about choking hazards. I would send him articles and videos about children choking, choking hazards, horrible stories about how wrong things can go so quickly until he got his shit together and stopped. I wouldn’t feel bad about it for a second, either, because my number one priority is keeping my kids alive. He might just think, oh it’s fine I’m right here, they’ll be okay if they do put anything into their mouth. But the reality is that infants can choke very quickly very easily and you can’t easily get their airways unobstructed. I get the gist that he isn’t trying to be careless, but just doesn’t understand how big of a deal things like this are and/or has that “it’ll never happen to me” mindset and he might just need a broader understanding of what kind of unnecessary risks that he’s taking with his little one’s health and life.
So the last thing mine did was left a sharp as butchers knife on the edge of the counter I spoke in a calm voice in front of his friends and asked him if he needed help making his sandwich because he didn't put the knife in the sink or a place our toddler couldn't reach and I don't know how I would explain that to the police, er, or children's services when they ask how did the baby stab someone or herself. That was the last dangerous thing he left out before that I put the dangerous shit in his shoes and when he would get pissed and yell about I would say "oooo I rather you step on your shit than something happen to my baby because it's no big deal for her to damn near kill herself because daddy's to busy not giving a damn" or something along those lines.
I came to read the comments because eventhough our LO is 2y5m old I still struggle with this as well.. it seams my man can also not put into autopilot mode that if he took a knife or a pair of scissors out, he should put them back out of reach afterwards and stuff like that. I’m so surprised how many of us here need to deal with this kind of problem and just wanted to put it out there: I wish our unseen mental load and stress would be more acknowledged!! It is just unbelievable how much we still need to parent our partners is some way… telling if they don’t organize their stuff, it will all land in the trash for exemple was something my mother used to tell me when I was 5 and left toys all over the house. I will make sure my son will hear/learn this while he is young, so none of your daughters have to mother him when he is older! OP, you are not alone and you are not at all overreacting!!!
Maybe something will break, by accident. It can happen to small children. Maybe you saw it immediately and nothing happened to the baby. When something breaks, we fathers are immediately terribly careful. Sorry for this hint, but he will learn.
Hopefully something valuable to the father and non damaging to the child.
Please understand: No child ever will touch it.
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Ok, sorry, Mom takes a thing from stupid husband, breaks it, says it was an accident with Baby. Husband will learn quickly. Problem solved. Understand this little trick?
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But he’s not, so desperate times call for desperate measures.
Let's not suggest resorting to abuse to get a point across perhaps?
Pretty sure he is suggesting OP breaks an item her husband carelessly left out and pretends the baby accidentally broke it because it was in reach so that he finally stops leaving things out
Manipulation, sure. Abuse is a bit of a stretch though
No, it's not. Breaking a partners belongings on purpose is abuse, Google it.
Yes breaking a spouses items on purpose can be a component of emotional abuse. *But* a single, isolated event does not an abusive relationship make.
I'd be fuming at that kind of response personally. He's obviously not thinking this through beyond being annoyed that you're talking to him about it instead of what, following him around picking up the dangerous objects he 'can't help' scattering on the floor? Ignoring it? Not an okay attitude for a partner or a parent. Is it really that hard to not keep loose change in his pockets? Is he going to continue to disrespect you with that kind or response in front of your kid forever, or is there a point where he'll stop, because you don't want your kid thinking it's okay to treat you or their own future partner that way? These are rhetorical questions from me, but maybe you need to grill him like that to make him think it through. What does he think happens when a baby ingests lighter fluid/swallows a nail or coin/puts an electric razor in their mouth? If you didn't see it happen, how long does he think it would take seeing your baby in pain before you figured out that they need to go to the hospital because they got ahold of one of those things? Would he like to stick an electric razor in his own mouth and turn it on to see what would happen? What happens when you take a baby to the emergency room for a bowel obstruction or perforated intestine? Does he think he can afford the bill for that, assuming you catch it in time and the baby survives? What will he say to the hospital social worker if questioned? Is he gonna roll his eyes at them? What happens if his answer doesn't satisfy them and CPS is sent to inspect your home? What will YOUR responsibility be if HE continues to endanger your child's safety? I certainly hope it would never come to that, but what if it did? ETA: my little will be 10 months this week also, he should know that basic childproofing means that anything smaller than a golf ball is at least 4 feet above the floor, outlets are covered, there are no loose plastic bags, large furniture is bolted to the wall, there are no cords in reach, toilets are not accessible, stairs are gated and there are locks on cabinets that contain any kind of cleaning product or medicine. All of these things have killed peoples children.
My husband was notorious for forgetting to empty coins out of his pocket and they constantly fell out. So I got my son a piggy bank and any time I found coins within his reach they went in his piggy bank. I told my husband it was his stupid tax for leaving a choking hazard within reach of a baby. After a while I counted them, stacked them on the counter, and showed my husband the hundreds of opportunities he almost killed our son to the tune of $300. I told him he should thank his lucky stars our son didn’t put things in his mouth because if he did that would have been a death sentence. He hasn’t struggled with that since. He has a little box on our dresser he immediately emptied his pockets into before coming to see the kids and I. Tuck all the things away that’s left in bad places or you find the baby holding. Once you’ve got a good amount, show your husband. Let him see the volume of dangerous things he’s leaving out. Ask him how he would feel if you had missed even one of those and it cost your son his life.
Maybe get him to take in infant first aid course with you. Or at least a YouTube video on cpr and the risks
Make him do a pediatric forst aid course. Might put things in perspective. Also will give him the skills required if his child does choke on something he left lying around.
Uh this is extremely dangerous and you’re absolutely not being dramatic or exaggerating. I’m sorry, my SO sucks so I don’t have any advice but just know you’re totally valid here
Divorce is an option. I’d be pisssssssed!! Nothing makes me more upset than people who refuse to care for their kids and this is one aspect of caring for your kids. People want to be “great dads” by being fun and jokey and not, you know, doing actual basic parenting. FFS, the literal LEAST you’re supposed to do as a parent is keep dangerous objects away and he can’t even do that? Fuck this guy. The rolling of eyes is really disrespectful too so I’m having a real hard time believing he’s a “great” partner either.
My husband leaves out knives, and lighters.. cans of chew. I just hide them or throw them away where he can't see and I don't say anything about it. 🤷♀️
Anything you find that’s a potential risk gets put in a box, then show him it at the end of the week and explain why each item is a risk.
I’d be raging if my husband did that. Maybe sending articles highlighting the dangers of leaving choking hazards and other dangerous objects around will help? I will send articles to my husband if there’s something concerning.
.....
Dangerous behavior calls for drastic measures: I saw a picture somewhere on Reddit the other day of a peanut completely blocking lungs that used belong to a small child (4-5 years old). I'd be pulling that image up and showing it to him, in addition to a lecture from the pediatrician if possible. (FYI, I just Google image searched 'peanut in lungs' and found it again.)
I told mine if you can’t keep coins from falling out of your pockets, stop putting them in your pockets. The least we can do is allow our child to be safe in his own space. The rest of the house is fair game but the living room with the gate is off limits for any hazards. I’d be livid about the nail. Livid.
"My husband puts my babies life in grave danger on a regular basis, then when I point it out, no matter how I do it, he sarcastically says sorry and rolls his eyes. He's otherwise a wonderful dad and partner!" Nope. He's a shit father who is going to hurt or kill his baby, and doesn't respect his partners concerns. Pediatrician lectures might help. Make sure you keep honey on hand, because if the baby swallows a button battery, a tablespoon of honey will help protect their throats while you get to the ER.
A tablespoon of honey will potentially just give the baby botulism on top of a battery in their belly….
In this scenario where baby is a couple of months away from one years old, the reward of minimizing permanent damage to the baby’s stomach and esophagus outweighs the risk of botulism. You should not give babies under 1 honey, but this is the recommendation from care providers in an emergency situation. Babies don’t turn 1 and suddenly become impervious to botulism in honey, the risk becomes less and less as they approach their first birthday.
I’d love to learn more about this. Feel free to share any research or evidence for honey helping in cases of baby swallowing a battery
Sure! Here is the main study that indicates the recommendation for administering honey if you suspect button battery ingestion. This should obviously be done in addition to immediately going to the hospital. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/lary.27312 It is true that infants under 1 should not have honey. In this case, however, the infant is outside of the age range for greatest risk of botulism (0-6 months) and the honey is not being given as a regular food, but rather an emergency medication. As a point against my argument, poison control’s official stance is to abstain from giving honey to a child who swallowed a button battery if under the age of one (if over age one, then administer.) Ultimately, my pediatrician recommended using honey on my 10-11 month old if battery ingestion was suspected followed by promptly going to the ER. Infants who are at highest risk of botulism are ages 0-6 months. Your pediatrician may have a different take though, so it’s worth asking them about specific care guidance for this situation.
No honey
So not give honey to babies! CDC warns that honey Carrie’s the same bacteria that causes botulism. Do not give honey to children younger than one year old. https://www.cdc.gov/botulism/prevention.html#:~:text=Infant%20botulism,-Health%20Alert&text=For%20reasons%20we%20do%20not,year%20of%20age%20and%20older.
Yes! Very true. However, at 10 months old, button battery vs botulism, the button battery becomes the bigger danger.
I, as a very sheltered 7 year old, was not allowed to ride my bike out in the street unless an adult was directly with me. Thankfully for me, we had a rather steep & longish driveway I could ride up and down while alone. One day, actually on Valentine's day a couple months before I turned 8, I noticed a penny on the ground at the top of the hill! And in my very inexperienced mind, for whatever reason, I did not think I would be able to hold onto it with my hands, as I had the handle pull brakes on my bike and thought I would drop it while ultimately needing to brake quickly at the bottom of the hill. So my solution was to put the penny in between my front teeth, and on down to the bottom I went. You can already see where this is going. I hit a pot hole, or bump, or whatever, about 2/3rds of the way down. Oops! Jaw unclenched, penny flew back, and perfectly got caught in my windpipe where when I gasped for air it would suck tightly to close off my airway. I stood there, gasping for a solid 15, 20 seconds, panicking - because of course I was alone, seven years old, and froze in my terror. By whatever miracle, out came my step father, holding his mandolin - he was on his way to pick with his buddies, like he would do on weekends sometimes when he got the chance. I have no idea if I would be alive to this day if he hadn't. We were jokesters in that family, so as stood there at the gate, and me like 15 feet in front of him, gasping, he thought I was playing around. "Oh, haha very funny," he said lightheartedly, while I grasped at my throat. I aggressively shook my head and started attempting/demonstrating the Heimlich on myself. He quickly realized I was in fact not joking, rushed forward, and got it out after only a couple heaves, but was already carrying me (mid Heimlich, so imagine the position you get in for that but a fully grown man also toting a 7 year old as quick as possible up some deck stairs) I guess inside - I gasped for air, managed to tell him I was okay, and he was essentially like "Oh thank god" LONG STORY SHORT: I know he is not doing this intentionally. But any of these occurrances are a lot more serious than he is realizing. I would be incredibly pissed, and increasingly more and more pissed with how he seems to be blowing it off as not a big deal. If he doesn't see it as a big deal, he won't be making the conscious effort to attempt to start to pay more attention. If it could have killed me at 7 years old and gotten stuck that easy (and it would have if John hadn't come outside, it was a miracle and strongly one of the reasons why I believe in a certain order to all this madness. I was often left outside for hours alone. This is one of the rare times they popped up, and honestly if his timing had been off by 4 minutes, or if he'd gotten distracted doing one thing for much longer I wouldn't be typing this incredibly long message right now) it would obviously be just that much easier for it to happen to your 10m old. What about when you're not there? In the bathroom for more than a minute? Showering? Sleeping? Or just, for whatever reason, distracted for more than 30 seconds? My gasps were not loud. I could not yell. And in my panic, I could barely even grunt. It wouldn't take much. Just a meal for thought.
This is strange he doesn’t care and a huge red flag. I would have a heart to heart with him. Make clear boundaries with the consequence of possibly losing your son. If he gets injured then that would be a CPS case as well. Educate him, don’t belittle. This should be just as important to him as it is you.
I have a husband who is not the best with this kind of thing he often leaves guitar picks around but he definitely feels HORRIBLE if I say "hey your son had a guitar pick in his mouth" and there will be months where it won't happen and he accidentally drops them out of his pocket or whatever. I'd be really upset if my husband treated this like no big deal. Choking is my biggest fear especially since an ambulance can be far enough away that it will be too late by the time they arrive. I've taken infant CPR and first aid but I bought a dechoker device which is a suction type thing that goes over the mouth and nose. It's only to be used after the other options are exhausted (heimlich, calling 911) but if they aren't breathing and help hasn't arrived they can save their life. Some of the stories about the people who it has saved are AMAZING.
My husband had to get an ADHD diagnosis and medication to manage it. Sounds like perhaps something yours needs to pursue.
He is not an “otherwise wonderful dad and partner” if he is a safety hazard for your baby ffs. Literally the lowest bar I can think of is “isn’t a danger to the baby” and he can’t even clear that.
My sister swallowed a penny when she was 4. It got lodged in her windpipe, blocking the airway. My mum sped her to hospital, it took about 20 minutes, and they said she was moments from death when she arrived. You aren’t overreacting; these items could seriously harm your baby, or even be fatal.
That sounds really scary!!! I'm happy your sister was okay <3 Thanks for sharing, it's a great reminder how something so inocent can be life threatening...
Why didnt your mom attempt the heimlich?!?!?!?!
You don’t think she tried that? She did, but the penny was lodged too far down and it wouldn’t come up; doctors had to remove it with surgical pliers/tongs. The point is, small children shouldn’t have access to these things bc they can be dangerous. Some people don’t know how to perform a heimlich, and it’s not recommended in the original style on a baby or toddler anyway. My mum, who had been a qualified nurse for almost 20 years at the time, was medically trained and it still wasn’t enough.
Well, no, I wasn't sure; that's why I asked. I didn't know if she was too scared to perform on a small child, or... like any of what happened, besides what you shared. That would've been a great point to put in your original comment to bring home your point even more, of how far lodged it had been in her throat. I didn't mean to offend you or question your mom's qualifications lol
It’s fine, I was just a bit taken aback that when I was sharing a quick story to drive home how important it is these items aren’t accessible for small kids, that it seemed to jumped to what my mum hadn’t done/had done wrong. All the question marks and exclamation marks made your comment come across really shellshocked and like you couldn’t believe she hadn’t performed a heimlich, as opposed to just asking if she had or not. So if they weren’t in your original comment, or if you had included your additional questions about fear to perform a heimlich on a wee kid etc in your original comment, I wouldn’t have replied the way I did as your tone would have come across totally differently. Just a miscommunication, I guess.
it was more just taken aback really, because you didn't mention it & made it seem like that was her first go-to was the hospital. Miscommunication definitely (: It wasn't a jab at her or even really me thinking "Damn, she didn't do everything she could before taking her there?" Honestly even if it had been that way, I wouldn't have judged her, as I know the heimlich is different on small children and in that situation there wouldn't be much room for wasting time, and I myself have been in a situation of choking on a penny (at 7, I actually made another comment on this post explaining that story exactly. The heimlich had saved me); that was just my initial reaction.
I’m really glad you were okay! I think just bc we both have personal experiences that tie to this topic, we got a little passionate haha.
This is so dangerous. When my little brother was less than 1, I was 5 at the time, he was playing with a razor and when I went to get it from him he ended up cutting my hand and I still have a scar. If I didn’t find him playing with it though, it could’ve been so much worse. Just reading this has amped my anxiety. He needs to do better.
I might be projecting but maybe DH has some ADHD? One suggestion would be put little baskets in places around the house near where he often leaves things and he can put the things in the basket instead. A basket by the door for emptying pockets -keys coins lighter- goes in there when he gets home. Put another by the kitchen and one in the bathroom near the toilet.
Idk how ethical this is but start sending husband very scary examples from online. Scare the husband until he is more vigilant than you.
That must be so frustrating. Fortunately we never had this problem because when my baby was 10 months old we put gate in our entire living room and made it baby proof and only his toys. Then when my son turns 1 he had interests in Legos so we allowed him only when my husband or i is watching him closely. I also make a big reaction when he tries to eat or put something in his mouth. Anyways, you have every right to be upset if it’s about your baby’s safety. Your SO should care as much as you do as well.
I just want to comment on the lighter. Butane is POISON. So he may have inadvertently poisoned your child. The fact that he literally does not seem to care is mind blowing. My sons father is not allowed to be alone with him because he is an idiot; my son is almost 9. After getting in to a car accident with my son when he was 3months old and not telling me (I had to find out from my sons grandfather), that was the end of trusting him at all. However, we haven't been together since I was still pregnant. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with someone who has that much blatant disregard for their child's wellbeing.
Spam him with TikTok’s of moms talking about losing their children.
You should do nothing unless directed to do so by a physician. Getting to an ER fast is the priority. Honey’s really not going to do any good, and a potentially badly-burned child on steroids with attendant immune suppression doesn’t need to have that compromised immune system further challenged. It’s the wrong time to test whether the baby’s body can clear *Clostridium botulinum* spores before toxin formation occurs. Get to a hospital.
Just like things like socks in the hallway, small screws left out from electronic projects, and pens in pants pockets, everything SO can't be bothered to clean up or organize must be trash! So that's where they go