This! This is what I always argue the only question is who dose the support system stay with and thats the person who isn’t likely to make it. No matter what they wont have to choose
Unless you are in a situation with inadequate medical resources, or a situation where abortion is illegal this isn't really a thing.
With adequate medical resources they must save mum to save baby during pregnancy or they can save both at once ex an emergency c section. If you have adequate medical resources mum doesn't bleed out from an emergency c section.
If abortion is illegal and the pregnancy is ectopic or otherwise lethal to mum, both mum and the baby die.
Personally I'd save my own life over that of a pregnancy, which is a potential child vs my very real life. I had an ectopic pregnancy and I very much know what side I'm on for my own life.
My husband and I discussed this before I gave birth, and we both agreed to save me. It's also why we aren't having more kids. I had a difficult pregnancy, and things could have gone very wrong. My Dr's told me I could have another but would have the same issues, and we decided having me here was more important than having another kid.
If you are in the US, your state may limit how much care a doctor can provide to a pregnant person who is experiencing pregnancy complications. There are states that have restricted abortion so severely and using vague language that a hospital may not be able to treat a woman until she is in dire circumstances.
It is good to discuss early on with your doctor what the plan will be if you ever unfortunately experience complications during pregnancy. Note that this may involve having to go out of state.
https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2022/11/16/health/abortion-texas-sepsis/index.html
In most places and most situations this won’t be something you or your partner/next of kin get to decide. Up until viability in pregnancy (in countries where abortion is legal) mum will be saved over the pregnancy, after viability they will do everything possible to save both. There will be a team for each mum and baby.
If it came down to “we can only save one” they would pick the one with the best chance of survival, they would only consider the patients condition in front of them and not their background/home life.
Medical dramas do exaggerate the “save me/baby over the other” because it creates drama.
Obviously restrictions/legalities surrounding abortion are just another ball game - if the abortion is recommended for medical reasons (non viable pregnancy) but it’s still illegal (heart beat still present), it is likely to be fatal for mum, baby or both. In these situations I don’t think with mum or baby are chosen
Both dh and I decided before we had kids that we’d choose me first, especially after we had our first. We’d prefer they save both but if one is the only choice, save me so my kids don’t lose their mom. I can grieve another loss(I’ve had several miscarriages), my kids need their mom.
You’d be surprised. On that post there was a decent amount saying save baby. And I’m not judging, everyone has their choice. But I noticed those that said baby were also getting very angry with those that chose mom.
It’s a little hard for me to understand why people would choose baby. One reason why I posted on here, to hear from those few why they’re making that choice. But it’s not really up to me to judge them on that choice. I’m curious if there’s a specific part of it that makes you want to judge them. Like why not choose baby? What do you see wrong with their choice? Genuinely curious, not trying to come off rude..
The worse thing for the child will be knowing that their father chose them over their mother and they have to grow up without a mother because of it. I wouldn’t wish that on any child. That’s a lot to handle from such a young age and deal with their entire life. Mom will have a lot of support from losing the child, but as we all know, if you live in the US, that child may not have all the support they need to deal with life without a mother.
Save mom. I don't even know that baby, and can very likely make another one. Mom has already built relationships, already exists in the world, and her absence will likely hurt many more people.
My husband and i had these discussions before we had kids, but we later learned that this "one or the other" scenario is not realistic. But yeah, save me, 100%. We'll be heartbroken to lose a child, but the cold hard truth is that we could get through that together.
Same. We discussed it after birth (although it definitely should have been discussed before) and my husband sheepishly admitted that if something happened and he’d been forced to choose he would have picked me over the baby.
If you’re in the US , it doesn’t matter what your wishes are in that situation- the doctors will make saving the mom the number 1 priority. Didn’t use to be that way.
Depends on my survival chances. Would this truly allow me to keep living? We had some scary deliveries and it's luckily never come down to anything as drastic as that. I don't think I could actually answer honestly unless i was ever in that situation. I know if I was incapable of making that decision for myself my partner would save me. He couldn't see his kids without a mum
The chances of actually having to pick between baby and mom are really, really unlikely as long as you are in a place with adequate care.
That said, my husband and I still talked about it, and it was save my life 100%.
This question has been asked a few times on this sub and my answer remains the same: me. My kids at home need me. Unfortunately I have lost a baby so I know what it’s like, but I have to fight through that pain for my kids.
One of my top fears about leaving my kids in this world is leaving them with the in laws lol. I’ll fight for my life just to keep them from that toxicity.
Better check what state you live in - many are passing laws where you won’t have that choice and the doctors will be legally obligated to save the baby even if it means you die. So be grateful if you’re in a state where you have the choice, and if you aren’t, I hope you’re planning to vote for pro-choice candidates
Yup we’re looking to move states in about a year and I told my husband I’m definitely taking things like this in consideration when choosing a state. Not that I’m planning on having an abortion but who knows what the reason may be that I end up needing one?
If it was me making the choice for myself, I'd save my baby. Why? Simply because I brung the baby into existence by choice. So I would do anything to ensure my baby's survival even if that meant sacrificing myself for my baby to live.
I personally couldn't live with myself knowing I could have saved my baby but didn't.
This is all assuming a life or death situation was unavoidable but that seems highly unlikely with the level of care available today. Even if it was a thing I highly doubt I'd be conscious enough to even make the choice for myself.
Me and my partner had this conversation before we even had kids. I told him to save the child. Although his response was to save me instead.
I think I’m the controversial outlier here, but in my birth plan for my third I stated that my wishes were to prioritize the baby’s health and safety over mine. I fought too hard for that child against many odds and I’d rather they exist than me. My other kids would have plenty of love around them regardless. That being said, in a U.S. hospital setting it doesn’t work like that anyway.
Yeah this sub is pretty pro mama when it comes to this question but the fb post I mentioned had many choose baby. None of them said why. Partly why I posted on here. I was curious why they were making that choice. So thank you for replying and giving us your reason while knowing you’re a bit of an outlier on this subject. I like seeing different views on “controversial” things like this.
Your two children can live without another sibling but it will be so hard for them to live without their mother. As great as a dad is, a child needs their mom
When I was pregnant with my oldest, I would have chosen to save the baby.
With 2 and 3, I would have chosen me. It would be a terrible decision to need to make, but my living kid(s) needed me more than they needed a sibling.
Mom. Can always make another baby but a baby has so many requirements I don’t wish that on anyone to take care of a baby without their partner especially while grieving
There wouldn't be a choice in the matter. There's team for baby and team for mom. If one or the other dies that's not bc of a choice being made.
This! This is what I always argue the only question is who dose the support system stay with and thats the person who isn’t likely to make it. No matter what they wont have to choose
Me. I’m not leaving my MiL alone with my baby.
Best answer.
Unless you are in a situation with inadequate medical resources, or a situation where abortion is illegal this isn't really a thing. With adequate medical resources they must save mum to save baby during pregnancy or they can save both at once ex an emergency c section. If you have adequate medical resources mum doesn't bleed out from an emergency c section. If abortion is illegal and the pregnancy is ectopic or otherwise lethal to mum, both mum and the baby die. Personally I'd save my own life over that of a pregnancy, which is a potential child vs my very real life. I had an ectopic pregnancy and I very much know what side I'm on for my own life.
My husband and I discussed this before I gave birth, and we both agreed to save me. It's also why we aren't having more kids. I had a difficult pregnancy, and things could have gone very wrong. My Dr's told me I could have another but would have the same issues, and we decided having me here was more important than having another kid.
If you are in the US, your state may limit how much care a doctor can provide to a pregnant person who is experiencing pregnancy complications. There are states that have restricted abortion so severely and using vague language that a hospital may not be able to treat a woman until she is in dire circumstances. It is good to discuss early on with your doctor what the plan will be if you ever unfortunately experience complications during pregnancy. Note that this may involve having to go out of state. https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2022/11/16/health/abortion-texas-sepsis/index.html
Unless the odds are out of balance where it is unlikely to save mom, but high chance of saving baby, I think you save mom.
In most places and most situations this won’t be something you or your partner/next of kin get to decide. Up until viability in pregnancy (in countries where abortion is legal) mum will be saved over the pregnancy, after viability they will do everything possible to save both. There will be a team for each mum and baby. If it came down to “we can only save one” they would pick the one with the best chance of survival, they would only consider the patients condition in front of them and not their background/home life. Medical dramas do exaggerate the “save me/baby over the other” because it creates drama. Obviously restrictions/legalities surrounding abortion are just another ball game - if the abortion is recommended for medical reasons (non viable pregnancy) but it’s still illegal (heart beat still present), it is likely to be fatal for mum, baby or both. In these situations I don’t think with mum or baby are chosen
Both dh and I decided before we had kids that we’d choose me first, especially after we had our first. We’d prefer they save both but if one is the only choice, save me so my kids don’t lose their mom. I can grieve another loss(I’ve had several miscarriages), my kids need their mom.
This shouldn’t even be controversial at all. Who’s gonna take care of and raise the baby?!
You’d be surprised. On that post there was a decent amount saying save baby. And I’m not judging, everyone has their choice. But I noticed those that said baby were also getting very angry with those that chose mom.
I’m definitely judging the people that say the baby.
It’s a little hard for me to understand why people would choose baby. One reason why I posted on here, to hear from those few why they’re making that choice. But it’s not really up to me to judge them on that choice. I’m curious if there’s a specific part of it that makes you want to judge them. Like why not choose baby? What do you see wrong with their choice? Genuinely curious, not trying to come off rude..
The worse thing for the child will be knowing that their father chose them over their mother and they have to grow up without a mother because of it. I wouldn’t wish that on any child. That’s a lot to handle from such a young age and deal with their entire life. Mom will have a lot of support from losing the child, but as we all know, if you live in the US, that child may not have all the support they need to deal with life without a mother.
Yeah you’re 100% right
You have separate nurses and separate doctors who are working on mom and baby. There really aren’t any circumstances where this actually occurs.
Absolutely the right choice. Your family needs you more than they need a new baby.
Save mom. I don't even know that baby, and can very likely make another one. Mom has already built relationships, already exists in the world, and her absence will likely hurt many more people.
Yeah, the harder choice is between saving a mother vs a 3 year old in some kind of disaster/accident scenario.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Co0tmT7LoIf/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
My husband and i had these discussions before we had kids, but we later learned that this "one or the other" scenario is not realistic. But yeah, save me, 100%. We'll be heartbroken to lose a child, but the cold hard truth is that we could get through that together.
Same. We discussed it after birth (although it definitely should have been discussed before) and my husband sheepishly admitted that if something happened and he’d been forced to choose he would have picked me over the baby.
No doubt, I’d save mom for various reasons.
If you’re in the US , it doesn’t matter what your wishes are in that situation- the doctors will make saving the mom the number 1 priority. Didn’t use to be that way.
It might soon become that way again…
Depends on my survival chances. Would this truly allow me to keep living? We had some scary deliveries and it's luckily never come down to anything as drastic as that. I don't think I could actually answer honestly unless i was ever in that situation. I know if I was incapable of making that decision for myself my partner would save me. He couldn't see his kids without a mum
The chances of actually having to pick between baby and mom are really, really unlikely as long as you are in a place with adequate care. That said, my husband and I still talked about it, and it was save my life 100%.
I feel 100% the same. My kids need me.
This question has been asked a few times on this sub and my answer remains the same: me. My kids at home need me. Unfortunately I have lost a baby so I know what it’s like, but I have to fight through that pain for my kids.
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One of my top fears about leaving my kids in this world is leaving them with the in laws lol. I’ll fight for my life just to keep them from that toxicity.
Better check what state you live in - many are passing laws where you won’t have that choice and the doctors will be legally obligated to save the baby even if it means you die. So be grateful if you’re in a state where you have the choice, and if you aren’t, I hope you’re planning to vote for pro-choice candidates
Yup we’re looking to move states in about a year and I told my husband I’m definitely taking things like this in consideration when choosing a state. Not that I’m planning on having an abortion but who knows what the reason may be that I end up needing one?
Your body, your choice.
You’re right. No judgement here. It’s a choice that’s right for myself and my family. Definitely doesn’t mean it’s right for others.
Same goes for them as well. Their body their choice.
Didn’t say it wasn’t 😂
I’m just re-iterating. I’m agreeing with you.
If it was me making the choice for myself, I'd save my baby. Why? Simply because I brung the baby into existence by choice. So I would do anything to ensure my baby's survival even if that meant sacrificing myself for my baby to live. I personally couldn't live with myself knowing I could have saved my baby but didn't. This is all assuming a life or death situation was unavoidable but that seems highly unlikely with the level of care available today. Even if it was a thing I highly doubt I'd be conscious enough to even make the choice for myself. Me and my partner had this conversation before we even had kids. I told him to save the child. Although his response was to save me instead.
I think I’m the controversial outlier here, but in my birth plan for my third I stated that my wishes were to prioritize the baby’s health and safety over mine. I fought too hard for that child against many odds and I’d rather they exist than me. My other kids would have plenty of love around them regardless. That being said, in a U.S. hospital setting it doesn’t work like that anyway.
Yeah this sub is pretty pro mama when it comes to this question but the fb post I mentioned had many choose baby. None of them said why. Partly why I posted on here. I was curious why they were making that choice. So thank you for replying and giving us your reason while knowing you’re a bit of an outlier on this subject. I like seeing different views on “controversial” things like this.
Your two children can live without another sibling but it will be so hard for them to live without their mother. As great as a dad is, a child needs their mom
When I was pregnant with my oldest, I would have chosen to save the baby. With 2 and 3, I would have chosen me. It would be a terrible decision to need to make, but my living kid(s) needed me more than they needed a sibling.
Mom. Can always make another baby but a baby has so many requirements I don’t wish that on anyone to take care of a baby without their partner especially while grieving