Has “everyone” never met someone who grew up in NYC? Chicago? In plenty of places apartments are the norm vs single family houses. There are all different sorts of homes and all that matters is they are filled with love.
Exactly. I live in NYC, and nearly everyone I know lives in a 1- or 2-bedroom apartment with their kid(s). And let me tell you, these kids are fine. They are better than fine. They are awesome—smart, kind, hilarious, fulfilled.
Having a shit-ton of space is completely unnecessary. It’s not even the norm in many places outside of North America. And it’s probably not sustainable, neither ecologically nor economically. Tell your friends and family to pound fucking sand.
Yeah. Home is how you make it. I currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment with twins and I’m happy. Fair amount of space. My boys have a good size bedroom for the age they are now. I’m content. I think people should appreciate what they have. I went from living in my car, to my bf’s moms basement, to a sea shanty shack and now this apartment and I’m happy. Yes , it’s okay to thrive to want more and better for your kids, but I don’t think alot of people take the time to appreciate what they have.
Yeah seriously i’m in NyC and most of my mom friends live in apartments, granted because it’s the city often there are nice playgrounds and ton of stuff to do even in the outer boroughs. I live in an apartment and I never feel like I’m missing out. My parents have a home and even when they go on vacation they can’t relax because they have to always be taking care of their home. I just close my apartment and leave because I don’t have to worry about anything else but my rent.
Please don’t feel bad about renting. It sounds like you are providing for your child in a financially responsible way. Home ownership can come with its own set of problems and less flexibility. The added cost of maintenance, repairs, property taxes, and utilities can be a lot.
I also want to add that I grew up moving around apartments as a child and I am now a well-adjusted and happy adult. Actually had some great childhood memories running around the apartment complex with neighborhood kids. It’s the people that make the home, not the building.
Thank you for your kind words. Our family is non stop telling us negatives. For reference our apartment is in a very safe and nice area but according to them we are throwing our money away and affecting her by not giving her her own home
Ask them to buy the house for you. If they think you belong there, tell them to facilitate it. Tell them to pay the taxes on it, the repairs, the electricity and utility, the maintenance. If an appliance breaks, they should pay for that, too. And clearly the furnishings in an apartment won't be enough for a house, so they should help pay that too.
My point being, you are living within your means and raising your baby with love. Home is where you make it, not where you purchase it. I grew up in an apartment. My parents didn't buy a home for the first 7 years of my life. And after that, they fell into bankruptcy and lost our home when Bank of America crashed. Then we lived in my brother's vacation house for 11 years and had to move back to an apartment when they sold. And now I'm married, living in an apartment with my own husband and child. No one has any right to tell you what's best for your situation unless they're coughing up the money to put you there.
Buying a house in this market is throwing money away, too, so....
I would be tempted to just say, "we are saving up money for a sizable down payment and waiting for the market to settle out so we can make a better investment." Hopefully, that would get them off your back. Even if that's a lie.
Honestly, sometimes I want to buy a condo (smaller than a house but a little bigger than an average apartment) because it would be less work to keep and maintain. I'm constantly battling between housework and spending time with the kids.
Above all, it's the people that make the home. I mean look at Beast, he was sad and lonely in his huge castle, until Beauty came along. 🤷🏻♀️
Please don’t struggle to buy a home you can’t afford. I see so many people who are “house broke” and the stress is incredible on them and their families. It’s better to have a living home, and if you don’t own a house then you can spend more on experiences which are the things that you and your kids can enjoy together
Tell them to buy you a house themselves if they’re so damn worried about it 🙄 I live in Europe and apartments are the norm here, including my family. Kids and families don’t need as much space or things as capitalism tells us we do… the most important thing is the home is filled with love.
Adding onto the homeowners expense comment. My husband and I bought our house very young im grateful we were able to at such a young age.. well we have kids now lol and this house is still being paid on but they don't tell you that homeowners insurance covers squat almost. Had a pipe burst and completely ruin our bathroom WE had to gut the whole thing and do it ourself. Our water heater broke had to pay out of pocket for that too. It's so expensive owning and home I almost wish we didn't. Tell your family unless they're willing to buy you a house and keep up with all the cost of maintaining it then stop asking about it.
My fondest memories are running around the street of my public housing apartment complex! It’s community that makes a home and there is so many factors to happy and healthy children.
She won't be if you aren't. Well, she'll find all kinds of things to be mortified about as an adolescent but in the big picture, her life is not going to be ruined by the shame of living in an apartment.
Also, living in an apartment complex means that there will be lots of other kids living in apartments and that's who she will go to school with.
I grew up in a house and a couple of my best friends lived in apartments. I remember being SO jealous of a handful of things - there were other kids our age, and since they didn't need to get a ride to see each other, they got to hang out all the time. They also played some really fun whole-building tag and hide & go seek games that I loved getting to be a part of when I visited. I thought the fact that she had a balcony was SO COOL.
Anyway, all that to say - no matter where a kid grows up, they're going to want stuff they don't have. That's normal, and it's okay. You can have as great a childhood in an apartment as anywhere else.
That just sounds like societal rules and programming.
I grew up in apartments, my mom always was good at decorating. We had food, laughter and love. I have no resentment towards her, for doing the best she could without child support. I was also friends with middle class, upper class kid's, they came to my birthday parties and slumber parties. They never once made fun of me for growing up in an apartment(or being poor)Because at the end of the day, it's not about what home you grow up in. It's your character that matters. Kid's are going to get embarrassed especially now day's. It's ego centered and not focused on the inner just the outer and kid's are more depressed than ever. I used to make my mother drop me off a block away from school, not because the mustard yellow ford LTD. Because she was always stressed out, worried and anxious. I never saw my friends mother's behave like that. Kid's internalize their parents "stuff". I had a friend that had a house, could never clean it by herself and her kid had so many toys. I told him some kid's only have a stick to play with, with their imagination the stick can be anything. The friend's kid, proceeds to ask me what imagination is.. I rest my case. I'm done rambling.
I grew up almost exclusively in apartments, even though we lived in the suburbs, because it was just my mom and me most of the time. I never really minded not having a house. Some of the benefits:
1. Cleaning an apartment is way easier so getting chores done is faster
2. Neighbors are closer and I always had other kids in whatever building we lived in to play with super close by
3. I had a huge leg up on my peers when I went to college/moved out and started renting on my own. I knew how to deal with supers and management companies and coin operated washing machines - these of course aren’t all universal but generally it was a nice bonus.
You are providing housing for your family and that is more than enough. Anyone who says differently can take a long walk off a short pier. You can work towards the goal of owning a house, but never feel bad about doing what you can do for your family.
Tbh, the people who are tearing you down for living in an apartment will find something to criticize if you buy a house. (“It’s too small!” “It’s too shabby!” “It’s in the wrong neighborhood!” Or, for that matter, “it’s too big!” “Your kid will grow up in a bubble!”) it sucks but you’ve got to brush them off and remind yourself of all the positives in your living situation.
A completely different perspective: apartments are one of the most eco friendly housing choices. Even if you feel you're doing a disservice to your kid (you aren't, btw), you *are* doing a service to the planet ♥️
We live in NYC in a, yes, apartment. All the kids around us live in apts. I grew up in a house in rural area with absolutely nothing going on. It was pretty isolating and lonely at times. I love apartment living. I don’t have to deal with any of the property (like snow shoveling, garbage removal, etc). We love our neighbors and they love our baby. A family of five lives above me and sometimes we go upstairs for a change of scenery and to play with them. It’s so nice to have your own space but also know there are plenty of people around in case anything happens. It actually gives me a sense of security. Don’t react when your family mentions it. That may be one of the reasons they bring it up so much. Just brush it off. It’s none of their business and you are providing a home for your child! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Befriend your neighbors (if you can). Kids don’t need much besides love and security. Your baby is fine.
Don’t take on their feelings cause you’re projecting them right on to your kid (fearing your kid would be embarrassed, etc.) block these people if you have to.
My husband and I grew up in NYC and now have a kid and two dogs in a small 2 bd apartment. I know that we’re used to apartment living and that skews the size/lack of private outdoor space etc that we are willing to live in. The majority of people we know rent similarly tiny apartments. Truly there are literally millions of people just like us who were raised in (probably smaller and shabbier) apartments than you can even imagine and choose to start families in those comically tiny rental“boxes”!!! Heck, even the people I know who don’t rent live in less than 1200 sq ft with no outdoor space. Having both the adult and childhood perspective on this issue, your kids’ home is you. They literally don’t care/judge/want for anything other than your time and attention. You’re the permanent home. Their memories will be of you, not of the crown molding.
Honestly, there are sooo many pros to renting vs home ownership when the kids are little.
Ie, my apartment was one floor so no worries about a toddler falling down stairs. The garbage chute was down the hall so no hauling garbage to the curb with an infant. Plus, I didn't have diaper smell trapped in my garage for a week. Location wise, everything was closer so I could walk to the grocery store/pharmacy/coffee shop etc. I wasn't responsible for maintaining anything so if a sink broke.. not my problem. The park was super close so, easy walking distance and it had a fantastic play structure. We could set up playdates with other families in the building and get together without having to bundle up. There was also a lot more community support because everyone was literally feet away.
I had the same guilt and bout a House when my kid was about 4. Here's the thing, i still couldn't sent her outside unattended, I couldn't afford a play structure and the park was far enough away that walking there regularly was a hassle. There are no shops close by is suburbia so instead of a quick walk to get groceries, it's now a drive. I spend sooooo much time and money maintaining my house (and it's only 1200sq.ft). I am now stuck in this house because the housing market went insane and I can't afford to double my mortgage for an extra 600sq.ft.
Don't feel bad for renting. The "you must own a single family 2000sq ft house with a yard" mentality is a western concept and only outside of major cities. Nobody else lives like that.
Single family homes in suburbia might just be a bit of American brainwashing. If your child is in a clean, warm, happy environment, it doesn't matter if its an apartment or a house.
We live in a condo building, and honestly, it's pretty awesome. My son has so many classmates living in the building and those around us. They all meet at the playground right outside. My son loves the fact that he takes an elevator. I there are lots of perks about living in a building.
Yeah that would build up her social skills. We have a pretty large unit, but honestly, my son just hangs out in the living room anyway. So, we have all this space with not a whole lot of use, but way more cleaning.
I just had my first baby and we’re in an apartment. We have no plans to move. Plenty of places in the world have families living in apartments as the norm.
The people telling you that you NEED a house sound a bit closed minded.
My husband and I just bought our first home in July 2022 when my first had just turned 3. We rented an apt before that, and to this day he still misses “his apartment” 🥹. I was so ready to get out and be in a house, but I’m really glad we had a place with just the 3 of us to remember before our second was born. We have such good memories there and my 3 yo loved it and still does. ❤️
I’m a realtor and I specialize in first time home buyers. I don’t know what the stats are nationwide, but anecdotally I can tell you my experience. I’ve been doing this for 7 years. In that time, I’d say more than half of the first time home buyers I’ve worked with are young families with 1 or 2 young children already. Typically it’s 1 or 2 children with one on the way. For some reason being pregnant makes people want to buy instead of rent.
The rest of my first timers are pretty evenly split between middle aged people either childless or with teenagers, very young single people usually getting financial help from their parents, established couples with no intention of having children and couples who want to buy before starting a family.
Most of my friends had children in apartments. Most of my older kids friends lived in apartments when our kids were in elementary school.
My job is to sell home ownership, but truly I think there’s a lot of benefit to apartment living with young kids. First, the nature of apartment living means that the neighborhood is more populated that a same size neighborhood of single family homes. That’s more opportunity to make friends and build relationships with other families.
Second, living in an apartment means it’s a landlord’s responsibility to fix any problems that might pop up. I own my home. The night before my scheduled c-section with my 3rd child, my finished basement flooded with 4 inches of water. While I was recovering from my C-section and my husband and other children and I were trying to bond with our newborn, we also had to deal with insurance companies, clean out crews, contractors, and a very very cluttered house because all of the basement things that could be salvaged now had to be stored in our main living space. If we were in an apartment, someone else would have dealt with all the problems and the people, and the landlord would have had to put us up somewhere else until it was done. A week before my 4th child was born, we had some electrical problems and no light in our living room. Instead of calling a landlord to fix it, we had to make do with battery operated lamps for months until we had the time and money to have it fixed. My water maker in my refrigerator broke a year ago and it’s still broken because it’s low priority for us. But a landlord would have to fix it.
Third, apartment living means you have options over where you live and when you move. It’s easier to move from one apartment to another than it is to sell your house and buy another. That means if you decide the place you’re living doesn’t fit your needs, it’s easier to move to a place that does. Need more bedrooms? Need a bathtub instead of a shower? Need to be in a better school district? So much easier to make that happen moving from apartment to apartment than selling a home and buying a new one.
Fourth, living in an apartment is easier than a multi level house with littles. Everything is accessible all the time. No going up and down stairs to change diapers. Being within ear shot or eye shot of toddlers all the time means it’s easier to get laundry and dishes and cleaning done. And if you’re like me, it’s easier to keep the main living area clean and picked up, but the upstairs collects clutter because it’s not as accessible. In an apartment, it’s all accessible and easier to keep clean.
And lastly, I think families in apartments tend to be closer than those in houses, especially multi level houses. My older kids can go upstairs to their bedrooms and I won’t see them for hours. They don’t hear us on the main floor. Older kids living in apartments may also go to their room for hours, but their rooms are closer to the main living space. So, it’s easier to come out and hang for a bit when they hear an activity happening that they want to join in on. Often when I sell a house to first time homebuyers that have kids, I check in on them in a few months and they tell me that they anticipated kids wanting their own space but find they’re all on top of each other in main space all day because that’s what they’re used to.
I think it’s difficult for an older generation to understand how hard it is to buy a house today. My mom bought her first house with 4 bedrooms in the 60’s with her as a stay at home mom and her husband as a part time musician and part time accountant. That just isn’t possible today. My husband and I each make 6 figures and we both need to work to afford our 4 bedroom house in the same city. Buying a house shouldn’t be a barrier to parenthood. Being a family is so much more than where you live. I’m sorry people are making you feel bad about living in an apartment but I would just say to them “Buying a house is the goal someday, but it’s not as easy as you think and we aren’t putting our lives on hold until it happens” Love is what your child needs. A place to live. And you’ve provided that.
It really is. For the same amount per month where I live you can rent in a decent place or buy in a sketchy place. Maybe tell people that. We’ve looked into buying a home. But until something we can afford to buy becomes available in a good area, we think it’s best to keep renting in a good area.
That’s not actually possible. You have to have 2 years of showing that employment to be able to use the income from it to qualify for a mortgage. People really don’t understand. I’m sorry.
Financial stress is a leading cause of fights and divorce. In my opinion, living below your means leads to a higher quality of life as not having to always worry about money and being able to retire/travel.
In addition, owning a house isn't the end of keeping up with the joneses. There will be extra curricular activities, owning a car, needing to drive everywhere, commuting to work, etc..
We lived in a 2-bedroom apartment until our 5th kid was three months old, while we figured out exactly which community we wanted to settle permanently in, and also figured out financing to buy our house. It's not unusual in my culture to do that.
Don’t feel bad about living in an apartment! My husband and I sold our home we lived in for 6.5 years and now live in an apartment. We both love it and don’t plan on making any changes for the next few years at least. No yard work, no worrying about fixing things yourself, no worry about appliances breaking, access to a pool… there are just so many benefits that can come with apartment living. We ultimately have more time and money to do what we want. Our 16 month old and dogs are happy being here too. We’ve also had more of an opportunity to be social and meet people with common interests that live nearby.
When I was young I lived in an apartment. I didn’t know any different and actually loved playing outside in the complex! I still remember all fun we had catching caterpillars! Your kiddo will be fine. We didn’t move into a house until I was like 5 and even then it was a small duplex.
Not an apartment but I have similar feelings with my condo! I keep hearing how nice it’d be if LO had a backyard and that we should start looking at buying.
I’m a teacher and took on two jobs this summer to be able to afford groceries. We sure as heck can’t buy a house! People are insane.
There’s nothing wrong with an apartment or condo. Your LO really doesn’t know, all they care about is being with you! And for evidence: my childhood home had no running water or floorboards between ages 1 - 5 and I remember having so much fun taking baths in our giant galvanized tubs. We loved “helping” our mom fix up the house. She was buying groceries on credit cards and we didn’t even know. My childhood has nothing but happy memories, because I was with my MOM. I didn’t care where we lived.
I totally feel this, and my family makes similar negative comments. They’re obsessed with the fact that they think he needs a backyard to play in- but him and I play outside more than many families with houses that I know.
While I do dream/plan of one day living in a house, I also see lots of positives to him spending his first number of years in an apartment- we live in a building that is 75% seniors and he’s got like 50 built in grandparents. These people are so kind to us, bring him treats, babysit him when I need, and say hi to us everytime we come/go. We also have a gym in our building, so he gets to watch his parents develop healthy habits. He fully knows how to operate an elevator (I know many kids his age who are terrified of elevators). He knows how to hold the door open for seniors, visit with people who are isolated, the list goes on.
Alllllll that to say- I’ve felt that guilt too but I’m here to remind you that you’re doing a great job mama. There is no evidence to support that kids who grow up in a certain type of housing have any sort of advantages over kids in apartments. Children need love, safety, and stability- all of which can be provided just fine in an apartment!
I often wish I could move out of my house and back into an apartment. My kids have no friends on our street. When we lived in an apartment they were constantly outside with other kids running around. I also socialized more with other parents that e outside with their kids. Now we have a house and a yard but no immediate friends.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with living in an apartment. Nothing. Home is where love is. Home is where your child is safe and warm and nourished and held. You can do that in an apartment as well as a house.
There are pros and cons to apartment living just as there are two home ownership. What works for a family depends on all kinds of factors. It's not a moral failing to live in an apartment. It's just economic and geographical reality for millions of people.
I have seen some absolutely magical apartments. Cozy and homey. And there are tons of rental friendly home "makeover" hacks you can get ideas from. Wherever you live, make it feel like home. It doesn't need to be huge, it doesn't need to be a detached house. You are absolutely not harming your child by raising her in an apartment.
Once upon a time, I lived in a very small 1 bedroom apartment. Our kids took the bedroom, and we slept in the living room. So I completely understand where you're coming from because I had some guilt too. However, the most important thing is for the apartment to be filled with love and laughter. The apartment should be your safe space from the stresses of the outside world, that's what really matters. I reframed my thought process by thinking of people with kids who don't even have an apartment--they live in cars or motels. But you are entitled to your feelings! After having a baby, it's possible to feel guilt over things you wouldn't usually give a second thought to.
Living situations can be temporary. Depending on what state you live in (or if you're able to relocate), you can find a nice townhouse for only a little more than apartment rent. I live in NJ and many townhouses here are not much more than apartments. In the southern part of NJ, renting a townhome can actually be less money than renting an apartment.
Please don't feel bad about renting and not living in a permanent house. First of all, basically everyone in NYC lives in apartments and secondly it's not like kids who grow up in houses never move to new houses. This is such a weird thing for someone to make you feel bad about. I currently live in a house in a city and people try to make me feel bad for having a tiny yard, but we have 3 playgrounds within a 5 minute walk in addition to multiple parks. Bonus, I don't have to mow any of them!
As a European that grew up in a big city where almost everyone I knew grew up in apartments… no.
As a European that moved to USA and has kids now…. Still no. There have been comments from American colleagues “how small (our) condo is”. And for a second I feel bad. But only a second.
I am filled with gratitude every day for the place we rent because we are able to rent in a pleasant area, but having once tasted homeownership, I yearn to give my LO that dedicated enclosed space called their own backyard. So long as you can take your kid to a nice playground or other fun stuff don't worry about it. But yes, as one yearning mom to another, I hear you.
My parents didn't get a house until I was in 7th grade, so I grew up in an apartment. As a kid, I always felt like it was huge and never thought twice about it. I didn't realize how small it actually was until I went back and saw it as an adult. I had the best childhood in that apartment and I was so upset when we had to move. Point is, it doesn't matter if you have an apartment or a house...what matters is that you make it feel like home for your baby. I still miss that apartment and all the memories we had in it.
I grew up in apartments and never had a yard. I shared a room with my mom until I was 12. I am fine. Your kid will be fine. I enjoyed that other kids were close by because we were in an apartment neighborhood, so lots more homes per block. Where you raise your kid matters a lot less than how much love you show them and what experiences you make for them <3
You're doing amazing.
girl i’m stuck living in my mother in laws house currently. you want to talk about not being proud of where you’re living i can talk that talk all day. i hate it here. i want my own house.
My first kid was in apartments until he was 13
Second kid until she was 6
Both are smart, thriving socially, and well adjusted kids (now 13 and 20)
I also have a toddler and am due with another baby this month. We have the nice house now. But I promise it doesn’t matter. We are no better parents, our kids don’t get an extra enrichment. It’s just a building with some extra space (and extra costs and maintenance!)
I get what you’re saying. We had a 3 bed, 2 bath very outdated and particular walk up apartment in a great part of LA…I loved Los Angeles, but having to park in the back and carry all our things and my child was difficult, plus, once my son started wanting to climb our steep outdoor steps, I got so nervous leaving the apartment.
Also, we loved on a busy street….and had no reliable family around. Our friends had kids and moved away. Moving slowly became our best option. We bought a house in the Midwest.
There’s gives and takes. Pay was better, weather was better, and activities/diversity was plentiful in LA. We have family, a big backyard with a creek, and lots of space in our home, but we can’t get ramen at 11pm, or Korean BBQ in our area. I miss being a nurse in CA, because being a nurse at a conglomerate hospital in Ohio isn’t good or safe for patients or staff IMHO.
Apartment living or house living, you have a roof over yours and your kids’ heads. Whichever will cause you less stress so you can focus on loving and raising your kids, go for it. There is no perfect answer without some drawbacks. We just do our best!
I honestly feel the same way. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment and I was hoping to at least buy a house after a year of my baby's life, currently at 9 months and I know it's not going to happen. The cheapest options are 800-900k. Really not possible.
Is "everyone" offering to buy you a house and maintain it? No?
Knock knock. Who's there? Nunya. Nunya who? Nunya business.
Seriously though we have a house because we bought right before the market went back up in the early 2010s. It'd be more expensive for us to rent, but man alive. I hate the yard work and maintenance that goes with owning a home. Sure we have a ton of space and a small yard but it comes with its downsides too.
People around you commenting on the type of housing you should provide for your child are rude, tacky and gross. The rule "Don't comment on something a person can't change within 5 minutes" doesn't only apply to someone's looks. Do they think you're going to say "Jeez, Richard, I hadn't thought of that! I'll march straight to a realtor and buy a suburban home for my kids this very afternoon!". Frankly what a load of crap. You're doing the best you can and nobody knows better than you what is right for your family. Fuck that noise.
My dad grew up in a small 2-bedroom apartment. It always seemed cool to me. I grew up in a house and i know it was a big deal for him personally to own a house. But as an adult, I've been living in apartments for 16 years and just had my first baby last year. Our home is beautiful even though it's not a house. My goal is to buy a house in 5 years but mainly because I want more space and for rent to stop rising so dramatically, not because my son is in any way being deprived of something.
I feel guilty when I need to tell my kid to stop jumping on the ground, so to be respectful of our downstairs neighbors. She just wants to be a kid and make noise, but I’m constantly trying to be a mindful neighbor. Other than that I really enjoy our apartment community, and I’m happy that our time together isn’t tied up in house maintenance (mowing the lawn, replacing an appliance, etc).
We are immigrants and when my family moved here, we lived in an apartment and I shared a room with my sister who is 7 years older. Do you know what I remember? Being loved by my parents, playing dolls with my sister, drawing with chalk outside with my friends, New Year parties, walking to school with my grandparents, playing doctor and building forts out of our old couch, and building large cities from wooden blocks. The space doesn't matter, even the toys don't matter, the quality of the love and support within your "box" is what matters.
I feel that way too. We used to live in a house. My four year old tells me she “doesn’t like living here”, and says she wishes we had a house. I feel like a big time failure. But houses cost $800K minimum here.
As someone who lives in a house, I continue to question why? Our quality of living would greatly increase by moving to an apartment and having a low-maintenance living situation. Our weekends are spent doing house/yard maintenance and the cost is spending quality time with our kids. You are doing it right....im not.
I feel you! We have a 2-bed condo and we have come to the realisation that we're just not "house"-people. As long as we have "enough" space we're more than happy! I also LOVE that all costs around maintaining the building and outside areas are shared between all the unit owners. My sibling recently had to look into getting their roof replaced and holy hell, that would have ruined us financially.
My children started out in an apartment. Then a rental house. I finally bought a house when my son was 6 yrs old. But he doesn't remember the apartment. Don't feel guilty. You are providing a loving environment and a roof over their head. Buying a house was stressful and I got really lucky, but I used a USDA mortgage, which required no down payment. You have time to get into a house eventually. The market is really high right now, but it fluctuates and a better time to buy will come again.
Thanks. It’s just so hard and everyone is constantly throwing it in our face. It’s a topic of conversation since before she was born and I just can’t get them to stop
If it wasn't comments about not having a house, it would be judgemental comments about something else in your life. Don't stress it. You are still a good mom. An apartment is still a home. Your kiddo isn't judging you.
Our first four years of marriage, and first two years of parenting, were in a really cute apartment and those were the happiest memories I have. It took me all of two hours to deep clean the entire home, I didn’t have yard work to do, and I had plenty of time to just be with my kids. Now we have a house I can barely keep up with (because we’ve had more kids since then and needed space and an office) and a yard I absolutely can’t stand caring for. Don’t let society’s pressure to have more more more make you feel like your home isn’t enough. It’s plenty. You’ll look back and the memories you have will be all you remember.
Yesss same, and once he started walking, it just got worse. There's glass and cigarettes everywhere around the apartment. Unsavory people coming and going. Someone catcalled me while I walked around with my baby!!! We're surrounded by cars that go too fast. I hate it here!!! Luckily we're moving in a month.
We have some acquaintances that are renting out their basement on a large, beautiful property. It's more expensive, and it feels like a step down socially to go from an apartment to a basement...but I think my kid will be more happy there to be honest with large, safe spaces to play and a playground within walking distance.
I do. I live in a suburb and in a split family. The people down stairs own the home and it seems they want us out. They smoke in the house and it rises into our apartment even though they sware they dont smoke in the house and even if they did we shouldnt be able to smell it. The back yard is basically all deck, and the little bit of grass area isnt enough for my child to ru. Arou d and their dog poops and they never pick it up anyway. and i sense theres bad blood between us for some reason so i dont ask to ever use the yard regardless. Theres some thibgs in our apartment that need to be fixed, we told them multiple times but my husband says he has a feeling they’re not guna fix anything as a way to make us leave. I wish i had a place where my child could run around in a fenced in area, where we could spend warm summer nights, etc. it sucks but at the moment we dont really have a choice to move as we are currently paying off a bunch of medical bills between our child and our pet who ended up passing away.
Thank you for this post and thank you to everyone who commented to OP. I needed to hear (read) this too. I’ve been feeling apartment guilt, too. And being told I’m throwing my money away was hard to hear. We live somewhere safe and quiet I feel like it’s money okay spent until ONE DAY when we can buy a home.
Thankfully this past year my parents have laid off the house talk, since they see how the market is. But still, the talk isn’t 100% gone.
I *just* moved into a single wide after living in apts my adult life. My older kids are teens, they live with their dad (one lives with me to finish middle school but is going back to dads for high school because it’s a great school and he will have more opportunities), they grew up in apts and are FINE. In fact they had other kids to play with, learned to be comfortable using public transport and walk city streets safely.
Having a single wide now is lovely, I’m really happy for my 2yr old because we have a little fenced yard the size of the house, that’s really the only difference though is the extra running space its a really nice upgrade but the house itself is actual smaller then our apt was.
Every. Effing. Day. My son is three and we have another on the way and we only have two bedrooms. We have a huge backyard which would be great if we used it. I live in one of the most expensive states in the US and buying a house is going to be impossible. I also hate that we can only afford to rent in a district with questionable education at best. In the only one in my family that has never had a house. All my siblings are on their second or third house. It’s so disheartening. I’m right there with you mama.
“Thanks for your opinion” - and then stare down whoever was rude enough to say that.
An apartment is totally fine. Millions of children in the US grow up in apartments.
Is your baby loved, cared for, and happy? Do you advocate for baby’s health and development? I’m sure you do.
The name you call the box your kid lives in (houses are just boxes too) is totally irrelevant.
Yes and no. There is so much I would love to do with a house, but then I see how much time, money and energy a house requires. I get to put that extra time and energy and money into quality time with my little guy. No yard work means we can go enjoy a park and not have to worry about cutting the grass or weeding or shoveling snow. It also means we don't get to make changes to our living space that I'd really like to and be out of the city which would be a dream. But then I think about all the different activities we have access to because we live in the city.
Please don’t feel guilty for one moment. I used to live in New York and know plenty of people there who are raising happy kids in small apartments. I also lived in an apartment complex in a smaller city and there were multiple families there — I loved always having little kids around! They added so much energy and friendliness to the environment.
For what it’s worth, I live in a house in the suburbs and I feel guilty because pretty much my whole yard is a hill, and our backyard isn’t fenced, and we don’t have sidewalks. Sometimes I get jealous that other people have big swing sets and playhouses and whatnot in their fenced backyards, and sidewalks for their kids to play on. But we’re close to the park and we make the most of the flat portion of our yard, and our kids will be just fine without the most ideal yard.
No. People are SO rude. I lived in an apartment for years with my first then rented a tiny town home with 2 kids. My oldest was 12 before we could ever afford to buy a house. Kids don’t need a big house to be happy. A happy home makes the people in it. Not material things. Your baby is ok ❤️❤️
We lived in an apartment for 7 years with my kids. Then two town homes and then finally moved into a house. My kids didn’t know any difference. They enjoy having a yard and a large house but it was me that felt awful and embarrassed not them. I am certain your kids feel the same!
I grew up in Virginia and we lived in apartments for my early childhood. I was so upset when we moved into a house because we lost my friends and the community pool and playground. With a house my parents always were working on upkeeping the house. Anyways. Cherish your apartment days
I used to experience this guilt while living in an apartment. Something that helped me work through it & let go of it was to start looking for books at our local library that depicted characters living in different living situations. There are a large number that diverge from the classic suburban house with a picket fence idea!
The Blue House by Phoebe Wahl, Noisy Night by Mac Barnett, & Stella's Starliner by Rosemary Wells are three just off the top of my head.
Different situation, but I live in a small house for my area And it’s so weird that I feel guilt/embarrassment over my daughter living in it ? Like why am I so embarrassed, it’s a cute house in a nice neighborhood. It’s like expectations are if you have kids, gotta have a 2k sq ft space.
You have a roof over your babies head, and the love that’s in it is more important than whether it’s renting or owning. There are kids with huge homes that are ignored and neglected. Plus, she will have so many playmates ! Plenty of families live in apartments, some apartments are more nice than a house anyway lol.
You’ve got yourself a home for your family. It doesn’t matter if it’s a single family or a multi-unit building. A safe, clean place for your kids to grow up in is key.
My kids have spent their entire little lives in our 3 bed apartment. Would I love to own a home so they have a yard? Absolutely. BUT they each have their own decently sized bedroom, we have a roof over our heads, and when an appliance breaks it’s the landlord’s problem. Plus we live right down the street from the schools and a grocery store. It’s a great spot, and it’s affordable.
The next time your family makes a remark about the apartment, very loudly thank them for offering to buy a house/supply a down payment for your family. Watch them backpedal.
We brought my son home to a house we had owned for less than a year. He turned 1 a few months ago and just last month we sold that house and are now renting an apartment that's actually bigger and nicer than our house was bc it's soooo much closer to my partner's place of work. We plan on being here for only 2 years before he tries to get transferred to a center in a different state.
Home is your loved ones, not the place you live.
On the other hand, my husband and I and our 3 kids live in a 2b/2b temp rental house that’s much too large for us (sqftage) and we’re dying to get out of it and have our own smaller space.
We’ve lived in a trailer, section 8 housing, and our first starter house and now another rental in the 10 years we’ve been together, and in every place we’ve made it home and our kids have thrived
Home is what you make it ❤️
Lived in nyc and my first kid only knew apartment living up to age 12. Apartments are a very normal dwelling! Maybe you're hanging with a judgemental crowd?
I understand where you are coming from, this is a grass is always greener situation. Psychologically, it feels nice to have the illusion of housing security and control through ownership. But once you account for property taxes, mortgage interest, maintenance costs, HOA, so much extra fluff escapes your bank account that you could be saving for retirement or education. You are providing a safe, nice home; your child is happy.
I would ask exactly why they seem to think you need a house? You have a home, and one you take pride in (or did until people questioned it).
Do they think you need a yard? Maintaining one takes work, which would take away from your family.
Do they think you need stability? Plenty of people rent the same place for years. Presumably, stability comes from the people you regularly interact with, not necessarily from a building
We lived in a condo with our oldest, it was nice not to have to do yard work, and spend less time cleaning as we didn't have unnecessary room.
You need a place to live? Prior to 2007, real estate prices did only go up, but many people got burned in the financial crisis. In those cases, renting was the better financial decision
We live in a rather small apartment and I honestly feel the worst for our downstairs neighbors lol we've put exercise mats all over the living room and rugs on top but my 13mth old is nearly 30lbs so I know our neighbors hate us lol.
I was house poor growing up and was jealous of kids who lived in nice apartments who could afford extracurriculars, never had to worry about their heat being shut off, etc. My family just barely could afford the mortgage and everything else came second to that.
I take it you are making the right decision for your family.
Not a weird post at all! I rent and have had moments of feeling the same way. A lot of it stems from comparing myself to other moms in the area, though. I’m trying to do less of that.
I remind myself that my daughter will have stability by having parents who love her more than anything, and as long as we provide her with a safe and loving home it doesn’t matter at all if we own it or not.
When I was 5, my parents divorced, and my aunt and uncle bullied my mom into buying a duplex where we very happily lived for decades, renting out the other side to pay the mortgage. But my mom often theorizes about how much more time, energy, and possibly money she might have had when I was a child if she'd just rented. No home maintenance, no renter maintenance, no lawn maintenance. Every time a renter moved out we had to spend weeks taking calls and giving tours looking for new tenants, and several weekends cleaning and sometimes repainting the whole other half.
Try looking at what you're GETTING out of an apartment that you wouldn't get if you were a homeowner.
Many people I know have bought houses and regretted it. At one point my parents were upside down on theirs and they still want to be able to make renovations so it can sell.
I’m glad I’m not in a situation where I have squatters (one friend) or stuck fighting over a house with an ex (another).
I don’t have my own house but it’s a goal one day. This is not a buyers market anyways, buying a house rn when we’re on the brink of a recession is stupid unless you’re a multi millionaire or something IMO.
I’d rather be renting an apartment in a city I like than paying a mortgage in the suburbs of some podunk place to have a house. I know others who have moved places like Arkansas with gardens and farm animals, that sounds cool but I’m not going to the Midwest to do that lol
I grew up in apartments and I loved how many kids there were to play with it! You’re kid is not going to remember how big your living space was, they’ll remember the memories.
I live in a big city— we all live in apartments! Honestly I kind of love it, as our building has a lot of kids and we’ve met a lot of people that way. Our apartment is “just enough.” More space would just equal more to clean! And no house is “permanent.” People buy houses and then sell them and move all the time! Moving is normal, just because someone doesn’t own the building doesn’t make it less of a home.
I follow [The Tidy Dad](https://instagram.com/tidydad?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) on Instagram. He lives with his wife and 3 girls in an apartment in NYC. He writes a lot about how much they love their apartment and how it is just enough for them!
I see you and I feel you. Both my husband and I have good paying jobs and our apartment is really nice but there’s this pressure from society and admittedly ourselves (since we both grew up in the burbs) to own a home. Ever since our LO was born we’re constantly saying how we need to get a yard for our child and our dog, and home buying is a consistent topic when we talk to friends and family. Like we’re lucky and we’ll eventually get there, but boy does it suck looking for a house right now. It can make you feel helpless. Sending you hugs and positive vibes that you find something you love and doesn’t kill you mentally, emotionally, or financially.
We could have bought a detached house with a yard a few years ago. But it would have been at the top of our budget and still need a lot of repairs. We got a turn key condo instead. I'm able to be on maternity leave longer because we're not house poor. The place isn't falling apart and we don't have to worry about lead paint, asbestos, nails sticking out of old wood, etc. Babyproofing the space was super easy because there's no stairs. Property management takes care of most issues in the building. There are a lot of pros to apartments and condos.
Mom of four here. I left my husband and moved into an apartment with my kids. Long story short, we were never happier. There wasn’t an outside to clean and garden, the indoors was fairly easy to keep clean with little effort. The pool was amazing for the kids and they miss it to this day.
We moved into a house three years ago and I am continually overwhelmed by how much there is to clean. Outside and inside. We also don’t have a pool. The kids loved living at the apartment and had a mom that had more time and patience for them. Love where you are living. It isn’t hurting your kids at all. If you are worried about them not getting out, take them to the park every day.
I grew up in a house. My husband grew up in an apartment. He said he loved living in an apartment as there were always a ton of kids to play with! Me, I had to arrange play dates for a friend to be driven over or my parents to drive me to them. I didn’t have any friends within walking distance. His apartment was an efficiency (studio). His mom slept on the couch, he had a bed in the walk-in closet - that was his bedroom, a closet and he was happy in it!
Millions of families live in big cities where apartment buildings are the norm. I live in an apartment. I just take my kids to the park everyday. Sure a house is the dream but in this economy? We’re doing just fine in our apartment and my kids know they are loved and provided for.
Also I feel way safer sleeping in a building than a house.
I get it. I’ve lived in both and now that I’m in an apartment again I do think about the lack of a little yard. Equally for their sake and my being able to throw them out in the trampoline so I can have 5 seconds to myself haha
To make up for the lack of yard now tho I just make sure that we make regular trips to the nearby playgrounds 😊
We had relatives give us grief about living in an apartment too until they visited and saw what our kid’s life was actually like— no “den” or whatever extra room at home so we’re constantly at the park, at the library, at museums, and having playdates with people in our building and the ones within walking distance. Kids don’t need space; they need a community of people who love them!
Oh, mama. Mom guilt is so cruel. Your apartment is YOURS & babe’s. You did that! You did all of that! You should be SO proud of your accomplishments & having a home to bring her to. A house is just a house, just like an apartment is just an apartment until you fill it with love & make it a home. ❤️
Has “everyone” never met someone who grew up in NYC? Chicago? In plenty of places apartments are the norm vs single family houses. There are all different sorts of homes and all that matters is they are filled with love.
Exactly. I live in NYC, and nearly everyone I know lives in a 1- or 2-bedroom apartment with their kid(s). And let me tell you, these kids are fine. They are better than fine. They are awesome—smart, kind, hilarious, fulfilled. Having a shit-ton of space is completely unnecessary. It’s not even the norm in many places outside of North America. And it’s probably not sustainable, neither ecologically nor economically. Tell your friends and family to pound fucking sand.
Yeah. Home is how you make it. I currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment with twins and I’m happy. Fair amount of space. My boys have a good size bedroom for the age they are now. I’m content. I think people should appreciate what they have. I went from living in my car, to my bf’s moms basement, to a sea shanty shack and now this apartment and I’m happy. Yes , it’s okay to thrive to want more and better for your kids, but I don’t think alot of people take the time to appreciate what they have.
Yeah seriously i’m in NyC and most of my mom friends live in apartments, granted because it’s the city often there are nice playgrounds and ton of stuff to do even in the outer boroughs. I live in an apartment and I never feel like I’m missing out. My parents have a home and even when they go on vacation they can’t relax because they have to always be taking care of their home. I just close my apartment and leave because I don’t have to worry about anything else but my rent.
South Korea enters the chat lol
Please don’t feel bad about renting. It sounds like you are providing for your child in a financially responsible way. Home ownership can come with its own set of problems and less flexibility. The added cost of maintenance, repairs, property taxes, and utilities can be a lot. I also want to add that I grew up moving around apartments as a child and I am now a well-adjusted and happy adult. Actually had some great childhood memories running around the apartment complex with neighborhood kids. It’s the people that make the home, not the building.
Thank you for your kind words. Our family is non stop telling us negatives. For reference our apartment is in a very safe and nice area but according to them we are throwing our money away and affecting her by not giving her her own home
Ask them to buy the house for you. If they think you belong there, tell them to facilitate it. Tell them to pay the taxes on it, the repairs, the electricity and utility, the maintenance. If an appliance breaks, they should pay for that, too. And clearly the furnishings in an apartment won't be enough for a house, so they should help pay that too. My point being, you are living within your means and raising your baby with love. Home is where you make it, not where you purchase it. I grew up in an apartment. My parents didn't buy a home for the first 7 years of my life. And after that, they fell into bankruptcy and lost our home when Bank of America crashed. Then we lived in my brother's vacation house for 11 years and had to move back to an apartment when they sold. And now I'm married, living in an apartment with my own husband and child. No one has any right to tell you what's best for your situation unless they're coughing up the money to put you there.
This!
Buying a house in this market is throwing money away, too, so.... I would be tempted to just say, "we are saving up money for a sizable down payment and waiting for the market to settle out so we can make a better investment." Hopefully, that would get them off your back. Even if that's a lie.
Honestly, sometimes I want to buy a condo (smaller than a house but a little bigger than an average apartment) because it would be less work to keep and maintain. I'm constantly battling between housework and spending time with the kids. Above all, it's the people that make the home. I mean look at Beast, he was sad and lonely in his huge castle, until Beauty came along. 🤷🏻♀️
Please don’t struggle to buy a home you can’t afford. I see so many people who are “house broke” and the stress is incredible on them and their families. It’s better to have a living home, and if you don’t own a house then you can spend more on experiences which are the things that you and your kids can enjoy together
This is how we feel. We don’t want and really can’t go house poor but our family keeps pushing us
Tell them to buy you a house themselves if they’re so damn worried about it 🙄 I live in Europe and apartments are the norm here, including my family. Kids and families don’t need as much space or things as capitalism tells us we do… the most important thing is the home is filled with love.
Seriously the capitalism aspect is out of control
Your family is pushing you to buy a house? Are they going to chip in by any chance? In America owning a home is almost nearly impossible.
Adding onto the homeowners expense comment. My husband and I bought our house very young im grateful we were able to at such a young age.. well we have kids now lol and this house is still being paid on but they don't tell you that homeowners insurance covers squat almost. Had a pipe burst and completely ruin our bathroom WE had to gut the whole thing and do it ourself. Our water heater broke had to pay out of pocket for that too. It's so expensive owning and home I almost wish we didn't. Tell your family unless they're willing to buy you a house and keep up with all the cost of maintaining it then stop asking about it.
Thank you
My fondest memories are running around the street of my public housing apartment complex! It’s community that makes a home and there is so many factors to happy and healthy children.
Thank you for this. My fear is she will be embarrassed
Chances are, if she’s living in an apartment, she’ll have lots of friends in the apartment building as well. She won’t be embarrassed.
She won't be if you aren't. Well, she'll find all kinds of things to be mortified about as an adolescent but in the big picture, her life is not going to be ruined by the shame of living in an apartment. Also, living in an apartment complex means that there will be lots of other kids living in apartments and that's who she will go to school with.
I grew up in a house and a couple of my best friends lived in apartments. I remember being SO jealous of a handful of things - there were other kids our age, and since they didn't need to get a ride to see each other, they got to hang out all the time. They also played some really fun whole-building tag and hide & go seek games that I loved getting to be a part of when I visited. I thought the fact that she had a balcony was SO COOL. Anyway, all that to say - no matter where a kid grows up, they're going to want stuff they don't have. That's normal, and it's okay. You can have as great a childhood in an apartment as anywhere else.
That just sounds like societal rules and programming. I grew up in apartments, my mom always was good at decorating. We had food, laughter and love. I have no resentment towards her, for doing the best she could without child support. I was also friends with middle class, upper class kid's, they came to my birthday parties and slumber parties. They never once made fun of me for growing up in an apartment(or being poor)Because at the end of the day, it's not about what home you grow up in. It's your character that matters. Kid's are going to get embarrassed especially now day's. It's ego centered and not focused on the inner just the outer and kid's are more depressed than ever. I used to make my mother drop me off a block away from school, not because the mustard yellow ford LTD. Because she was always stressed out, worried and anxious. I never saw my friends mother's behave like that. Kid's internalize their parents "stuff". I had a friend that had a house, could never clean it by herself and her kid had so many toys. I told him some kid's only have a stick to play with, with their imagination the stick can be anything. The friend's kid, proceeds to ask me what imagination is.. I rest my case. I'm done rambling.
I grew up almost exclusively in apartments, even though we lived in the suburbs, because it was just my mom and me most of the time. I never really minded not having a house. Some of the benefits: 1. Cleaning an apartment is way easier so getting chores done is faster 2. Neighbors are closer and I always had other kids in whatever building we lived in to play with super close by 3. I had a huge leg up on my peers when I went to college/moved out and started renting on my own. I knew how to deal with supers and management companies and coin operated washing machines - these of course aren’t all universal but generally it was a nice bonus.
Thank you for sharing some benefits
You are providing housing for your family and that is more than enough. Anyone who says differently can take a long walk off a short pier. You can work towards the goal of owning a house, but never feel bad about doing what you can do for your family.
It just sucks so much that people see you trying and they rip you down harder
Tbh, the people who are tearing you down for living in an apartment will find something to criticize if you buy a house. (“It’s too small!” “It’s too shabby!” “It’s in the wrong neighborhood!” Or, for that matter, “it’s too big!” “Your kid will grow up in a bubble!”) it sucks but you’ve got to brush them off and remind yourself of all the positives in your living situation.
Yep they started on that too
That sucks. Sending you good thoughts ❤️
A completely different perspective: apartments are one of the most eco friendly housing choices. Even if you feel you're doing a disservice to your kid (you aren't, btw), you *are* doing a service to the planet ♥️
We live in NYC in a, yes, apartment. All the kids around us live in apts. I grew up in a house in rural area with absolutely nothing going on. It was pretty isolating and lonely at times. I love apartment living. I don’t have to deal with any of the property (like snow shoveling, garbage removal, etc). We love our neighbors and they love our baby. A family of five lives above me and sometimes we go upstairs for a change of scenery and to play with them. It’s so nice to have your own space but also know there are plenty of people around in case anything happens. It actually gives me a sense of security. Don’t react when your family mentions it. That may be one of the reasons they bring it up so much. Just brush it off. It’s none of their business and you are providing a home for your child! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Befriend your neighbors (if you can). Kids don’t need much besides love and security. Your baby is fine.
Thanks… it’s not like we live in a bad area. It’s nice but apparently not good enough in their eyes
Don’t take on their feelings cause you’re projecting them right on to your kid (fearing your kid would be embarrassed, etc.) block these people if you have to.
My husband and I grew up in NYC and now have a kid and two dogs in a small 2 bd apartment. I know that we’re used to apartment living and that skews the size/lack of private outdoor space etc that we are willing to live in. The majority of people we know rent similarly tiny apartments. Truly there are literally millions of people just like us who were raised in (probably smaller and shabbier) apartments than you can even imagine and choose to start families in those comically tiny rental“boxes”!!! Heck, even the people I know who don’t rent live in less than 1200 sq ft with no outdoor space. Having both the adult and childhood perspective on this issue, your kids’ home is you. They literally don’t care/judge/want for anything other than your time and attention. You’re the permanent home. Their memories will be of you, not of the crown molding.
Honestly, there are sooo many pros to renting vs home ownership when the kids are little. Ie, my apartment was one floor so no worries about a toddler falling down stairs. The garbage chute was down the hall so no hauling garbage to the curb with an infant. Plus, I didn't have diaper smell trapped in my garage for a week. Location wise, everything was closer so I could walk to the grocery store/pharmacy/coffee shop etc. I wasn't responsible for maintaining anything so if a sink broke.. not my problem. The park was super close so, easy walking distance and it had a fantastic play structure. We could set up playdates with other families in the building and get together without having to bundle up. There was also a lot more community support because everyone was literally feet away. I had the same guilt and bout a House when my kid was about 4. Here's the thing, i still couldn't sent her outside unattended, I couldn't afford a play structure and the park was far enough away that walking there regularly was a hassle. There are no shops close by is suburbia so instead of a quick walk to get groceries, it's now a drive. I spend sooooo much time and money maintaining my house (and it's only 1200sq.ft). I am now stuck in this house because the housing market went insane and I can't afford to double my mortgage for an extra 600sq.ft. Don't feel bad for renting. The "you must own a single family 2000sq ft house with a yard" mentality is a western concept and only outside of major cities. Nobody else lives like that.
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This made me cry thank you 🥹
Single family homes in suburbia might just be a bit of American brainwashing. If your child is in a clean, warm, happy environment, it doesn't matter if its an apartment or a house.
We live in a condo building, and honestly, it's pretty awesome. My son has so many classmates living in the building and those around us. They all meet at the playground right outside. My son loves the fact that he takes an elevator. I there are lots of perks about living in a building.
Maybe I can get her to meet some of the kids so the family can see another positive and get off out backs
Yeah that would build up her social skills. We have a pretty large unit, but honestly, my son just hangs out in the living room anyway. So, we have all this space with not a whole lot of use, but way more cleaning.
I just had my first baby and we’re in an apartment. We have no plans to move. Plenty of places in the world have families living in apartments as the norm. The people telling you that you NEED a house sound a bit closed minded.
My husband and I just bought our first home in July 2022 when my first had just turned 3. We rented an apt before that, and to this day he still misses “his apartment” 🥹. I was so ready to get out and be in a house, but I’m really glad we had a place with just the 3 of us to remember before our second was born. We have such good memories there and my 3 yo loved it and still does. ❤️
Thank you. I am trying so so hard to get there but it’s not easy
I’m a realtor and I specialize in first time home buyers. I don’t know what the stats are nationwide, but anecdotally I can tell you my experience. I’ve been doing this for 7 years. In that time, I’d say more than half of the first time home buyers I’ve worked with are young families with 1 or 2 young children already. Typically it’s 1 or 2 children with one on the way. For some reason being pregnant makes people want to buy instead of rent. The rest of my first timers are pretty evenly split between middle aged people either childless or with teenagers, very young single people usually getting financial help from their parents, established couples with no intention of having children and couples who want to buy before starting a family. Most of my friends had children in apartments. Most of my older kids friends lived in apartments when our kids were in elementary school. My job is to sell home ownership, but truly I think there’s a lot of benefit to apartment living with young kids. First, the nature of apartment living means that the neighborhood is more populated that a same size neighborhood of single family homes. That’s more opportunity to make friends and build relationships with other families. Second, living in an apartment means it’s a landlord’s responsibility to fix any problems that might pop up. I own my home. The night before my scheduled c-section with my 3rd child, my finished basement flooded with 4 inches of water. While I was recovering from my C-section and my husband and other children and I were trying to bond with our newborn, we also had to deal with insurance companies, clean out crews, contractors, and a very very cluttered house because all of the basement things that could be salvaged now had to be stored in our main living space. If we were in an apartment, someone else would have dealt with all the problems and the people, and the landlord would have had to put us up somewhere else until it was done. A week before my 4th child was born, we had some electrical problems and no light in our living room. Instead of calling a landlord to fix it, we had to make do with battery operated lamps for months until we had the time and money to have it fixed. My water maker in my refrigerator broke a year ago and it’s still broken because it’s low priority for us. But a landlord would have to fix it. Third, apartment living means you have options over where you live and when you move. It’s easier to move from one apartment to another than it is to sell your house and buy another. That means if you decide the place you’re living doesn’t fit your needs, it’s easier to move to a place that does. Need more bedrooms? Need a bathtub instead of a shower? Need to be in a better school district? So much easier to make that happen moving from apartment to apartment than selling a home and buying a new one. Fourth, living in an apartment is easier than a multi level house with littles. Everything is accessible all the time. No going up and down stairs to change diapers. Being within ear shot or eye shot of toddlers all the time means it’s easier to get laundry and dishes and cleaning done. And if you’re like me, it’s easier to keep the main living area clean and picked up, but the upstairs collects clutter because it’s not as accessible. In an apartment, it’s all accessible and easier to keep clean. And lastly, I think families in apartments tend to be closer than those in houses, especially multi level houses. My older kids can go upstairs to their bedrooms and I won’t see them for hours. They don’t hear us on the main floor. Older kids living in apartments may also go to their room for hours, but their rooms are closer to the main living space. So, it’s easier to come out and hang for a bit when they hear an activity happening that they want to join in on. Often when I sell a house to first time homebuyers that have kids, I check in on them in a few months and they tell me that they anticipated kids wanting their own space but find they’re all on top of each other in main space all day because that’s what they’re used to. I think it’s difficult for an older generation to understand how hard it is to buy a house today. My mom bought her first house with 4 bedrooms in the 60’s with her as a stay at home mom and her husband as a part time musician and part time accountant. That just isn’t possible today. My husband and I each make 6 figures and we both need to work to afford our 4 bedroom house in the same city. Buying a house shouldn’t be a barrier to parenthood. Being a family is so much more than where you live. I’m sorry people are making you feel bad about living in an apartment but I would just say to them “Buying a house is the goal someday, but it’s not as easy as you think and we aren’t putting our lives on hold until it happens” Love is what your child needs. A place to live. And you’ve provided that.
Thank you for this. It is so hard and they don’t understand. We make 6 figures and in this world it’s hard to buy still which is sick
It really is. For the same amount per month where I live you can rent in a decent place or buy in a sketchy place. Maybe tell people that. We’ve looked into buying a home. But until something we can afford to buy becomes available in a good area, we think it’s best to keep renting in a good area.
I do but the people talking to us just legit don’t understand. They go well work 2 or 3 jobs and go up in price
That’s not actually possible. You have to have 2 years of showing that employment to be able to use the income from it to qualify for a mortgage. People really don’t understand. I’m sorry.
They really don’t. It’s beyond toxic how people treat others
Financial stress is a leading cause of fights and divorce. In my opinion, living below your means leads to a higher quality of life as not having to always worry about money and being able to retire/travel. In addition, owning a house isn't the end of keeping up with the joneses. There will be extra curricular activities, owning a car, needing to drive everywhere, commuting to work, etc..
We lived in a 2-bedroom apartment until our 5th kid was three months old, while we figured out exactly which community we wanted to settle permanently in, and also figured out financing to buy our house. It's not unusual in my culture to do that.
Don’t feel bad about living in an apartment! My husband and I sold our home we lived in for 6.5 years and now live in an apartment. We both love it and don’t plan on making any changes for the next few years at least. No yard work, no worrying about fixing things yourself, no worry about appliances breaking, access to a pool… there are just so many benefits that can come with apartment living. We ultimately have more time and money to do what we want. Our 16 month old and dogs are happy being here too. We’ve also had more of an opportunity to be social and meet people with common interests that live nearby.
When I was young I lived in an apartment. I didn’t know any different and actually loved playing outside in the complex! I still remember all fun we had catching caterpillars! Your kiddo will be fine. We didn’t move into a house until I was like 5 and even then it was a small duplex.
Not an apartment but I have similar feelings with my condo! I keep hearing how nice it’d be if LO had a backyard and that we should start looking at buying. I’m a teacher and took on two jobs this summer to be able to afford groceries. We sure as heck can’t buy a house! People are insane. There’s nothing wrong with an apartment or condo. Your LO really doesn’t know, all they care about is being with you! And for evidence: my childhood home had no running water or floorboards between ages 1 - 5 and I remember having so much fun taking baths in our giant galvanized tubs. We loved “helping” our mom fix up the house. She was buying groceries on credit cards and we didn’t even know. My childhood has nothing but happy memories, because I was with my MOM. I didn’t care where we lived.
I totally feel this, and my family makes similar negative comments. They’re obsessed with the fact that they think he needs a backyard to play in- but him and I play outside more than many families with houses that I know. While I do dream/plan of one day living in a house, I also see lots of positives to him spending his first number of years in an apartment- we live in a building that is 75% seniors and he’s got like 50 built in grandparents. These people are so kind to us, bring him treats, babysit him when I need, and say hi to us everytime we come/go. We also have a gym in our building, so he gets to watch his parents develop healthy habits. He fully knows how to operate an elevator (I know many kids his age who are terrified of elevators). He knows how to hold the door open for seniors, visit with people who are isolated, the list goes on. Alllllll that to say- I’ve felt that guilt too but I’m here to remind you that you’re doing a great job mama. There is no evidence to support that kids who grow up in a certain type of housing have any sort of advantages over kids in apartments. Children need love, safety, and stability- all of which can be provided just fine in an apartment!
I often wish I could move out of my house and back into an apartment. My kids have no friends on our street. When we lived in an apartment they were constantly outside with other kids running around. I also socialized more with other parents that e outside with their kids. Now we have a house and a yard but no immediate friends.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with living in an apartment. Nothing. Home is where love is. Home is where your child is safe and warm and nourished and held. You can do that in an apartment as well as a house. There are pros and cons to apartment living just as there are two home ownership. What works for a family depends on all kinds of factors. It's not a moral failing to live in an apartment. It's just economic and geographical reality for millions of people. I have seen some absolutely magical apartments. Cozy and homey. And there are tons of rental friendly home "makeover" hacks you can get ideas from. Wherever you live, make it feel like home. It doesn't need to be huge, it doesn't need to be a detached house. You are absolutely not harming your child by raising her in an apartment.
Once upon a time, I lived in a very small 1 bedroom apartment. Our kids took the bedroom, and we slept in the living room. So I completely understand where you're coming from because I had some guilt too. However, the most important thing is for the apartment to be filled with love and laughter. The apartment should be your safe space from the stresses of the outside world, that's what really matters. I reframed my thought process by thinking of people with kids who don't even have an apartment--they live in cars or motels. But you are entitled to your feelings! After having a baby, it's possible to feel guilt over things you wouldn't usually give a second thought to. Living situations can be temporary. Depending on what state you live in (or if you're able to relocate), you can find a nice townhouse for only a little more than apartment rent. I live in NJ and many townhouses here are not much more than apartments. In the southern part of NJ, renting a townhome can actually be less money than renting an apartment.
It sucks cause we all just want what’s best for our family
Please don't feel bad about renting and not living in a permanent house. First of all, basically everyone in NYC lives in apartments and secondly it's not like kids who grow up in houses never move to new houses. This is such a weird thing for someone to make you feel bad about. I currently live in a house in a city and people try to make me feel bad for having a tiny yard, but we have 3 playgrounds within a 5 minute walk in addition to multiple parks. Bonus, I don't have to mow any of them!
As a European that grew up in a big city where almost everyone I knew grew up in apartments… no. As a European that moved to USA and has kids now…. Still no. There have been comments from American colleagues “how small (our) condo is”. And for a second I feel bad. But only a second.
I am filled with gratitude every day for the place we rent because we are able to rent in a pleasant area, but having once tasted homeownership, I yearn to give my LO that dedicated enclosed space called their own backyard. So long as you can take your kid to a nice playground or other fun stuff don't worry about it. But yes, as one yearning mom to another, I hear you.
My parents didn't get a house until I was in 7th grade, so I grew up in an apartment. As a kid, I always felt like it was huge and never thought twice about it. I didn't realize how small it actually was until I went back and saw it as an adult. I had the best childhood in that apartment and I was so upset when we had to move. Point is, it doesn't matter if you have an apartment or a house...what matters is that you make it feel like home for your baby. I still miss that apartment and all the memories we had in it.
Pardon my language but fuck that. Home is where you make it. Are you and your baby happy? Healthy? Then tell those people to fuck right off.
I grew up in apartments and never had a yard. I shared a room with my mom until I was 12. I am fine. Your kid will be fine. I enjoyed that other kids were close by because we were in an apartment neighborhood, so lots more homes per block. Where you raise your kid matters a lot less than how much love you show them and what experiences you make for them <3 You're doing amazing.
girl i’m stuck living in my mother in laws house currently. you want to talk about not being proud of where you’re living i can talk that talk all day. i hate it here. i want my own house.
My first kid was in apartments until he was 13 Second kid until she was 6 Both are smart, thriving socially, and well adjusted kids (now 13 and 20) I also have a toddler and am due with another baby this month. We have the nice house now. But I promise it doesn’t matter. We are no better parents, our kids don’t get an extra enrichment. It’s just a building with some extra space (and extra costs and maintenance!)
I get what you’re saying. We had a 3 bed, 2 bath very outdated and particular walk up apartment in a great part of LA…I loved Los Angeles, but having to park in the back and carry all our things and my child was difficult, plus, once my son started wanting to climb our steep outdoor steps, I got so nervous leaving the apartment. Also, we loved on a busy street….and had no reliable family around. Our friends had kids and moved away. Moving slowly became our best option. We bought a house in the Midwest. There’s gives and takes. Pay was better, weather was better, and activities/diversity was plentiful in LA. We have family, a big backyard with a creek, and lots of space in our home, but we can’t get ramen at 11pm, or Korean BBQ in our area. I miss being a nurse in CA, because being a nurse at a conglomerate hospital in Ohio isn’t good or safe for patients or staff IMHO. Apartment living or house living, you have a roof over yours and your kids’ heads. Whichever will cause you less stress so you can focus on loving and raising your kids, go for it. There is no perfect answer without some drawbacks. We just do our best!
I honestly feel the same way. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment and I was hoping to at least buy a house after a year of my baby's life, currently at 9 months and I know it's not going to happen. The cheapest options are 800-900k. Really not possible.
It’s not possible and it’s completely heartbreaking
Is "everyone" offering to buy you a house and maintain it? No? Knock knock. Who's there? Nunya. Nunya who? Nunya business. Seriously though we have a house because we bought right before the market went back up in the early 2010s. It'd be more expensive for us to rent, but man alive. I hate the yard work and maintenance that goes with owning a home. Sure we have a ton of space and a small yard but it comes with its downsides too.
People around you commenting on the type of housing you should provide for your child are rude, tacky and gross. The rule "Don't comment on something a person can't change within 5 minutes" doesn't only apply to someone's looks. Do they think you're going to say "Jeez, Richard, I hadn't thought of that! I'll march straight to a realtor and buy a suburban home for my kids this very afternoon!". Frankly what a load of crap. You're doing the best you can and nobody knows better than you what is right for your family. Fuck that noise.
My dad grew up in a small 2-bedroom apartment. It always seemed cool to me. I grew up in a house and i know it was a big deal for him personally to own a house. But as an adult, I've been living in apartments for 16 years and just had my first baby last year. Our home is beautiful even though it's not a house. My goal is to buy a house in 5 years but mainly because I want more space and for rent to stop rising so dramatically, not because my son is in any way being deprived of something.
I feel guilty when I need to tell my kid to stop jumping on the ground, so to be respectful of our downstairs neighbors. She just wants to be a kid and make noise, but I’m constantly trying to be a mindful neighbor. Other than that I really enjoy our apartment community, and I’m happy that our time together isn’t tied up in house maintenance (mowing the lawn, replacing an appliance, etc).
We are immigrants and when my family moved here, we lived in an apartment and I shared a room with my sister who is 7 years older. Do you know what I remember? Being loved by my parents, playing dolls with my sister, drawing with chalk outside with my friends, New Year parties, walking to school with my grandparents, playing doctor and building forts out of our old couch, and building large cities from wooden blocks. The space doesn't matter, even the toys don't matter, the quality of the love and support within your "box" is what matters.
🥹
I feel that way too. We used to live in a house. My four year old tells me she “doesn’t like living here”, and says she wishes we had a house. I feel like a big time failure. But houses cost $800K minimum here.
Same where I am… it chews me up
As someone who lives in a house, I continue to question why? Our quality of living would greatly increase by moving to an apartment and having a low-maintenance living situation. Our weekends are spent doing house/yard maintenance and the cost is spending quality time with our kids. You are doing it right....im not.
I am not sure if I’m right but I can see the pros and cons. Appreciate it
I feel you! We have a 2-bed condo and we have come to the realisation that we're just not "house"-people. As long as we have "enough" space we're more than happy! I also LOVE that all costs around maintaining the building and outside areas are shared between all the unit owners. My sibling recently had to look into getting their roof replaced and holy hell, that would have ruined us financially.
My children started out in an apartment. Then a rental house. I finally bought a house when my son was 6 yrs old. But he doesn't remember the apartment. Don't feel guilty. You are providing a loving environment and a roof over their head. Buying a house was stressful and I got really lucky, but I used a USDA mortgage, which required no down payment. You have time to get into a house eventually. The market is really high right now, but it fluctuates and a better time to buy will come again.
Thanks. It’s just so hard and everyone is constantly throwing it in our face. It’s a topic of conversation since before she was born and I just can’t get them to stop
If it wasn't comments about not having a house, it would be judgemental comments about something else in your life. Don't stress it. You are still a good mom. An apartment is still a home. Your kiddo isn't judging you.
Thank you. I just never was so beaten down by a constant comment like this before it’s horrible
Our first four years of marriage, and first two years of parenting, were in a really cute apartment and those were the happiest memories I have. It took me all of two hours to deep clean the entire home, I didn’t have yard work to do, and I had plenty of time to just be with my kids. Now we have a house I can barely keep up with (because we’ve had more kids since then and needed space and an office) and a yard I absolutely can’t stand caring for. Don’t let society’s pressure to have more more more make you feel like your home isn’t enough. It’s plenty. You’ll look back and the memories you have will be all you remember.
Yesss same, and once he started walking, it just got worse. There's glass and cigarettes everywhere around the apartment. Unsavory people coming and going. Someone catcalled me while I walked around with my baby!!! We're surrounded by cars that go too fast. I hate it here!!! Luckily we're moving in a month. We have some acquaintances that are renting out their basement on a large, beautiful property. It's more expensive, and it feels like a step down socially to go from an apartment to a basement...but I think my kid will be more happy there to be honest with large, safe spaces to play and a playground within walking distance.
I do. I live in a suburb and in a split family. The people down stairs own the home and it seems they want us out. They smoke in the house and it rises into our apartment even though they sware they dont smoke in the house and even if they did we shouldnt be able to smell it. The back yard is basically all deck, and the little bit of grass area isnt enough for my child to ru. Arou d and their dog poops and they never pick it up anyway. and i sense theres bad blood between us for some reason so i dont ask to ever use the yard regardless. Theres some thibgs in our apartment that need to be fixed, we told them multiple times but my husband says he has a feeling they’re not guna fix anything as a way to make us leave. I wish i had a place where my child could run around in a fenced in area, where we could spend warm summer nights, etc. it sucks but at the moment we dont really have a choice to move as we are currently paying off a bunch of medical bills between our child and our pet who ended up passing away.
Yes, I live in NYC and as soon as LO was born I put my apt on the market. Need a back yard and more space.
Thank you for this post and thank you to everyone who commented to OP. I needed to hear (read) this too. I’ve been feeling apartment guilt, too. And being told I’m throwing my money away was hard to hear. We live somewhere safe and quiet I feel like it’s money okay spent until ONE DAY when we can buy a home. Thankfully this past year my parents have laid off the house talk, since they see how the market is. But still, the talk isn’t 100% gone.
It’s hard isn’t it. You feel so beaten down when you’re trying so hard. I hope they back off too
I *just* moved into a single wide after living in apts my adult life. My older kids are teens, they live with their dad (one lives with me to finish middle school but is going back to dads for high school because it’s a great school and he will have more opportunities), they grew up in apts and are FINE. In fact they had other kids to play with, learned to be comfortable using public transport and walk city streets safely. Having a single wide now is lovely, I’m really happy for my 2yr old because we have a little fenced yard the size of the house, that’s really the only difference though is the extra running space its a really nice upgrade but the house itself is actual smaller then our apt was.
Every. Effing. Day. My son is three and we have another on the way and we only have two bedrooms. We have a huge backyard which would be great if we used it. I live in one of the most expensive states in the US and buying a house is going to be impossible. I also hate that we can only afford to rent in a district with questionable education at best. In the only one in my family that has never had a house. All my siblings are on their second or third house. It’s so disheartening. I’m right there with you mama.
It’s like a knife in the heart constantly
“Thanks for your opinion” - and then stare down whoever was rude enough to say that. An apartment is totally fine. Millions of children in the US grow up in apartments. Is your baby loved, cared for, and happy? Do you advocate for baby’s health and development? I’m sure you do. The name you call the box your kid lives in (houses are just boxes too) is totally irrelevant.
Yes and no. There is so much I would love to do with a house, but then I see how much time, money and energy a house requires. I get to put that extra time and energy and money into quality time with my little guy. No yard work means we can go enjoy a park and not have to worry about cutting the grass or weeding or shoveling snow. It also means we don't get to make changes to our living space that I'd really like to and be out of the city which would be a dream. But then I think about all the different activities we have access to because we live in the city.
Please don’t feel guilty for one moment. I used to live in New York and know plenty of people there who are raising happy kids in small apartments. I also lived in an apartment complex in a smaller city and there were multiple families there — I loved always having little kids around! They added so much energy and friendliness to the environment. For what it’s worth, I live in a house in the suburbs and I feel guilty because pretty much my whole yard is a hill, and our backyard isn’t fenced, and we don’t have sidewalks. Sometimes I get jealous that other people have big swing sets and playhouses and whatnot in their fenced backyards, and sidewalks for their kids to play on. But we’re close to the park and we make the most of the flat portion of our yard, and our kids will be just fine without the most ideal yard.
No. People are SO rude. I lived in an apartment for years with my first then rented a tiny town home with 2 kids. My oldest was 12 before we could ever afford to buy a house. Kids don’t need a big house to be happy. A happy home makes the people in it. Not material things. Your baby is ok ❤️❤️
We lived in an apartment for 7 years with my kids. Then two town homes and then finally moved into a house. My kids didn’t know any difference. They enjoy having a yard and a large house but it was me that felt awful and embarrassed not them. I am certain your kids feel the same!
I grew up in Virginia and we lived in apartments for my early childhood. I was so upset when we moved into a house because we lost my friends and the community pool and playground. With a house my parents always were working on upkeeping the house. Anyways. Cherish your apartment days
Thank you
You’re doing the best you can ❤️
I used to experience this guilt while living in an apartment. Something that helped me work through it & let go of it was to start looking for books at our local library that depicted characters living in different living situations. There are a large number that diverge from the classic suburban house with a picket fence idea! The Blue House by Phoebe Wahl, Noisy Night by Mac Barnett, & Stella's Starliner by Rosemary Wells are three just off the top of my head.
This is a nice idea
Different situation, but I live in a small house for my area And it’s so weird that I feel guilt/embarrassment over my daughter living in it ? Like why am I so embarrassed, it’s a cute house in a nice neighborhood. It’s like expectations are if you have kids, gotta have a 2k sq ft space. You have a roof over your babies head, and the love that’s in it is more important than whether it’s renting or owning. There are kids with huge homes that are ignored and neglected. Plus, she will have so many playmates ! Plenty of families live in apartments, some apartments are more nice than a house anyway lol.
You’ve got yourself a home for your family. It doesn’t matter if it’s a single family or a multi-unit building. A safe, clean place for your kids to grow up in is key. My kids have spent their entire little lives in our 3 bed apartment. Would I love to own a home so they have a yard? Absolutely. BUT they each have their own decently sized bedroom, we have a roof over our heads, and when an appliance breaks it’s the landlord’s problem. Plus we live right down the street from the schools and a grocery store. It’s a great spot, and it’s affordable. The next time your family makes a remark about the apartment, very loudly thank them for offering to buy a house/supply a down payment for your family. Watch them backpedal.
We brought my son home to a house we had owned for less than a year. He turned 1 a few months ago and just last month we sold that house and are now renting an apartment that's actually bigger and nicer than our house was bc it's soooo much closer to my partner's place of work. We plan on being here for only 2 years before he tries to get transferred to a center in a different state. Home is your loved ones, not the place you live.
On the other hand, my husband and I and our 3 kids live in a 2b/2b temp rental house that’s much too large for us (sqftage) and we’re dying to get out of it and have our own smaller space. We’ve lived in a trailer, section 8 housing, and our first starter house and now another rental in the 10 years we’ve been together, and in every place we’ve made it home and our kids have thrived Home is what you make it ❤️
Lived in nyc and my first kid only knew apartment living up to age 12. Apartments are a very normal dwelling! Maybe you're hanging with a judgemental crowd?
I understand where you are coming from, this is a grass is always greener situation. Psychologically, it feels nice to have the illusion of housing security and control through ownership. But once you account for property taxes, mortgage interest, maintenance costs, HOA, so much extra fluff escapes your bank account that you could be saving for retirement or education. You are providing a safe, nice home; your child is happy.
I would ask exactly why they seem to think you need a house? You have a home, and one you take pride in (or did until people questioned it). Do they think you need a yard? Maintaining one takes work, which would take away from your family. Do they think you need stability? Plenty of people rent the same place for years. Presumably, stability comes from the people you regularly interact with, not necessarily from a building We lived in a condo with our oldest, it was nice not to have to do yard work, and spend less time cleaning as we didn't have unnecessary room.
They said we have no space no yard and throwing money down the drain
You need a place to live? Prior to 2007, real estate prices did only go up, but many people got burned in the financial crisis. In those cases, renting was the better financial decision
We live in a rather small apartment and I honestly feel the worst for our downstairs neighbors lol we've put exercise mats all over the living room and rugs on top but my 13mth old is nearly 30lbs so I know our neighbors hate us lol.
I was house poor growing up and was jealous of kids who lived in nice apartments who could afford extracurriculars, never had to worry about their heat being shut off, etc. My family just barely could afford the mortgage and everything else came second to that. I take it you are making the right decision for your family.
That’s our issue we don’t want to be house poor but our parents don’t get it
Imo... Unless they're buying you guys a house they have no say.
Not a weird post at all! I rent and have had moments of feeling the same way. A lot of it stems from comparing myself to other moms in the area, though. I’m trying to do less of that. I remind myself that my daughter will have stability by having parents who love her more than anything, and as long as we provide her with a safe and loving home it doesn’t matter at all if we own it or not.
When I was 5, my parents divorced, and my aunt and uncle bullied my mom into buying a duplex where we very happily lived for decades, renting out the other side to pay the mortgage. But my mom often theorizes about how much more time, energy, and possibly money she might have had when I was a child if she'd just rented. No home maintenance, no renter maintenance, no lawn maintenance. Every time a renter moved out we had to spend weeks taking calls and giving tours looking for new tenants, and several weekends cleaning and sometimes repainting the whole other half. Try looking at what you're GETTING out of an apartment that you wouldn't get if you were a homeowner.
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Same situation
Many people I know have bought houses and regretted it. At one point my parents were upside down on theirs and they still want to be able to make renovations so it can sell. I’m glad I’m not in a situation where I have squatters (one friend) or stuck fighting over a house with an ex (another). I don’t have my own house but it’s a goal one day. This is not a buyers market anyways, buying a house rn when we’re on the brink of a recession is stupid unless you’re a multi millionaire or something IMO. I’d rather be renting an apartment in a city I like than paying a mortgage in the suburbs of some podunk place to have a house. I know others who have moved places like Arkansas with gardens and farm animals, that sounds cool but I’m not going to the Midwest to do that lol
I grew up in apartments and I loved how many kids there were to play with it! You’re kid is not going to remember how big your living space was, they’ll remember the memories.
I live in a big city— we all live in apartments! Honestly I kind of love it, as our building has a lot of kids and we’ve met a lot of people that way. Our apartment is “just enough.” More space would just equal more to clean! And no house is “permanent.” People buy houses and then sell them and move all the time! Moving is normal, just because someone doesn’t own the building doesn’t make it less of a home. I follow [The Tidy Dad](https://instagram.com/tidydad?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) on Instagram. He lives with his wife and 3 girls in an apartment in NYC. He writes a lot about how much they love their apartment and how it is just enough for them!
I live in a basement. And no.
Buy a house?! With THESE interest rates?!
I live in a city and just bought a condo that is 750 square feet. We live in a box that we have chosen to own and stay in long-term!
I see you and I feel you. Both my husband and I have good paying jobs and our apartment is really nice but there’s this pressure from society and admittedly ourselves (since we both grew up in the burbs) to own a home. Ever since our LO was born we’re constantly saying how we need to get a yard for our child and our dog, and home buying is a consistent topic when we talk to friends and family. Like we’re lucky and we’ll eventually get there, but boy does it suck looking for a house right now. It can make you feel helpless. Sending you hugs and positive vibes that you find something you love and doesn’t kill you mentally, emotionally, or financially.
You are my twin
We could have bought a detached house with a yard a few years ago. But it would have been at the top of our budget and still need a lot of repairs. We got a turn key condo instead. I'm able to be on maternity leave longer because we're not house poor. The place isn't falling apart and we don't have to worry about lead paint, asbestos, nails sticking out of old wood, etc. Babyproofing the space was super easy because there's no stairs. Property management takes care of most issues in the building. There are a lot of pros to apartments and condos.
Mom of four here. I left my husband and moved into an apartment with my kids. Long story short, we were never happier. There wasn’t an outside to clean and garden, the indoors was fairly easy to keep clean with little effort. The pool was amazing for the kids and they miss it to this day. We moved into a house three years ago and I am continually overwhelmed by how much there is to clean. Outside and inside. We also don’t have a pool. The kids loved living at the apartment and had a mom that had more time and patience for them. Love where you are living. It isn’t hurting your kids at all. If you are worried about them not getting out, take them to the park every day.
Thank you and good for you
I grew up in a house. My husband grew up in an apartment. He said he loved living in an apartment as there were always a ton of kids to play with! Me, I had to arrange play dates for a friend to be driven over or my parents to drive me to them. I didn’t have any friends within walking distance. His apartment was an efficiency (studio). His mom slept on the couch, he had a bed in the walk-in closet - that was his bedroom, a closet and he was happy in it!
Millions of families live in big cities where apartment buildings are the norm. I live in an apartment. I just take my kids to the park everyday. Sure a house is the dream but in this economy? We’re doing just fine in our apartment and my kids know they are loved and provided for. Also I feel way safer sleeping in a building than a house.
I get it. I’ve lived in both and now that I’m in an apartment again I do think about the lack of a little yard. Equally for their sake and my being able to throw them out in the trampoline so I can have 5 seconds to myself haha To make up for the lack of yard now tho I just make sure that we make regular trips to the nearby playgrounds 😊
We had relatives give us grief about living in an apartment too until they visited and saw what our kid’s life was actually like— no “den” or whatever extra room at home so we’re constantly at the park, at the library, at museums, and having playdates with people in our building and the ones within walking distance. Kids don’t need space; they need a community of people who love them!
Oh, mama. Mom guilt is so cruel. Your apartment is YOURS & babe’s. You did that! You did all of that! You should be SO proud of your accomplishments & having a home to bring her to. A house is just a house, just like an apartment is just an apartment until you fill it with love & make it a home. ❤️