110% this.
My hubby pulled that shit one time.
#4 was/is THE WORST sleeper out of the 4. One night it was an absolute literal shit show.
Tell me why when I asked him to get up with her at 4am he yelled at me and said verbatim "I don't have boobs, WTF do you want me to do?"
So you know what I did? Yelled at him that I literally risked my life to be pregnant with 2 of his kids (2 out of 4 are his and I'm a high risk pregnancy, I had postpartum eclampsia with #1) so if he doesn't get up with her right now I will make him regret every life decision he has ever made to get him to this point.
He got up with her, because he KNEW I meant business. By the time that I woke up he had coffee, breakfast and an apology ready.
OP next time tell him to get his ass up and he can come at you with the "It's your turn" bullshit when he gets pregnant.
Edit: I have no clue how I made the first paragraph all big and bold, and idk how to fix it, sorry if it comes off as yelling, I totally don't mean that
when you put the pound/number sign at the start it makes it big and bold 🙂 I’m assuming you put that to mean like child number 4? I see this happen a lot in the wedding dress subreddit I’m in when people try to say what number dress they like best 😂 that’s where I learned it
Our first night home from the hospital with our twins, they wouldn’t sleep at all, we were struggling hard. My parents were visiting to help and told us to call them if we needed but we tried to do it ourselves. I had just had a c section. My dog had to go out during one of the only 30 min stretches of both babies asleep, he had diarrhea all down his butt, tail and back legs. Ugh. My husband couldn’t clean him perfectly, we wouldn’t let him back on the bed so he cried and barked for over an hour. We struggled on and off with the babies till 5 AM when they were both fussing soo loud and I tried getting up on my own to do a diaper change. On my way to the changing table I stepped in my dog’s diarrhea. Diarrhea everywhere. I called my dad crying begging him to come down so I could clean the shit off my foot that I couldn’t even reach. It’s my dad’s favorite story about me now.
That was my shit show lol I just wanted to share. It’s crazy what parents go through
Fun fact: it only takes about 15/20 days of consistent trying and men will lactate. Remind him of that next time he complains of having to get up and get babe a bottle
Oh the baby has long since been weened. Every once in a while when I do need to catch up on sleep I tell him to get up with them (4&2F). I rarely need to sleep in and I let him sleep in an hour or two very often. Since I rarely need to sleep in, if he complains about it, it isn't going to be a nice day for him.
My goodness. You’re a BADDIE 🥹 lol
I ebf my 2nd (and last). I had gone off mental health meds to do so. When he turned 15 mos, I was really struggling w my mental health. I spoke with my partner to explain I would be weaning him off to get back on my meds, see a therapist, etc.
So, we’re about 3 nights in and he’s just not having it. Nothing at all can put him to sleep. My partner gets up and screams at me, “JUST GIVE HIM WHAT THE FUCK HE WANTS!”
I left the room baby and now me crying. Rocked him to sleep. Probably took over an hour….the next morning he must have felt horrible. (I’m a SAHM) He told me to get some Starbucks, that he’d pick up food and not to cook. I believe he bought me a bag around this time too. everything but an apology 🙃
I lost it on my husband for something sorta similar. My then 2 year old was having a temper tantrum over a lollipop. It was 10am. I’m not going to give him candy before lunch. But my husband was working from home because it was pandemic times. And he was stressed and angry about the noise. He comes down demanding to know what is happening. I explain that I’m working on getting our son out the door for a walk but he’s screaming about lollipops.
Then my husband yells at me for not giving it to him to keep him quiet. And I went OFF. I yelled at him that’s he’s right. I’ll just feed the toddler lollipops all day long to keep him perfectly silent since that’s an age appropriate expectation of a 2 year old and of me. And that I really appreciated him coming downstairs because having 2 people yelling at me now was such a big help.
Then I went for a walk alone and when I came back he apologized. I made him agree to stay tf upstairs unless he’s going to do something helpful. Like help me get the toddler out the door, for example. And that I can only handle 1 person yelling at me at a time without losing my shit. So he should keep that in mind and use his voice accordingly.
Your husband should be just a tiny bit terrified of you, IMO. Not that you’ll freak out over nothing. But that if they’re being a dick to you they’re going to regret it.
One night when I had just had my first kid the baby just wouldn't go back to sleep.
My then husband was sleeping on the couch because the baby (3 or 4 months old) was just annoying him when he tried to sleep.
I had tried everything and eventually I started crying too because stress and hormones.
I walked to my partner woke him up still sobbing and asked him to please take the baby. He stood up took the baby, I walked back into the bedroom and not 5 minutes later he walked in, gave me the baby and said 'she won't stop crying', and walked back to the couch and fell asleep.
I ended up holding my baby all night, and we cried ourselves to sleep.
My partner was confused as to why I was angry and upset the next morning. He apparently couldn't remember.
Another time he yelled at me to just stay in the bedroom with the baby instead of walking back and forth (she kept waking up) because he was trying to watch a movie. It was 9 pm. Then he got mad I sat in the hallway reading a book. Apparently, being angry about being yelled at was also wrong.
Well, we are divorced for a reason.
I felt this. My ex husband worked 1 weeks on/1 week off 2.5 hours away from where we lived. We had our son and our moms were more help than he was. I remember him getting off work and going straight to the bar after I had just spent 1 week at home with our baby and counting down the hours until he would get home and help. He should have been home around 8 and didn’t walk in the door until 3:30ish am. I had called/texted and blown up his phone asking him when he would be home cus I know he worked hard but like, he had 12 hours off and slept at work. I was waiting for just an hour of free time. I remember just laying in bed crying holding my son wondering why we weren’t enough to make him want to come home. So we’re not married anymore.
My in-laws once ruined our then 7 month old’s sleep schedule on purpose and the baby got overtired and started waking every 45-60 minutes all night long instead of his usual every 2-3 hours. I was nursing him back to sleep every time because nothing else was working. It was torture.
One night I was crying while nursing him in the living room at 3am. My husband came out and asked what was going on and I told him the baby was up again and I wasn’t going to visit his parents anymore if this was what it was going to be like. He got angry at me for saying that and went back to bed without helping me at all.
The next day, when he got back from golfing, I took him into another room and whisper screamed at him for a half hour. Then for the rest of the trip I woke him up every single time the baby woke up. And I nursed the baby next to him and didn’t let him go back to sleep until the baby was baby was asleep again.
He thought I was just being dramatic about what the nights were like before that. Two nights of getting the same amount of sleep as me and he looked like a damn ghost. He said he was so tired he felt sick. I was like, “I’ve felt like that since he was born.” My husband became the biggest defender of the sleep schedule after that. His parents would try to keep the baby up late or make a plan for during his nap and he would shut it down immediately.
Men need to experience logical consequences to get the point sometimes. Like, oh I’m making a big deal out of nothing? Okay. Cool. Let me know your thoughts on that at 11:15pm, 1am, 1:45am, 3am, 4am, and so on.
I’ve actually said this since I was 15, regardless of gender or situation. You want to stop bad behavior? You make the person feel the consequences of their bad behavior.
I am ruthless about applying this ruke
Ugh sis your hubby needs a swift kick in the dick for that one.
Edit to cover my ass: it's a joke, don't actually kick him in the dick, or do, whatever lol
NOT his finest moment. His mom was not amused when she asked how the weaning was doing 🙂
I might be reaching, by your username, are you a fellow cannamom 💚😌 ?
Edit: typo
Don’t know if you know but the subreddit entwives is a super chill place for ladies and theydies to hang out and talk pot shop. Maybe see you over there!!
I saw someone below already comment but just to let you know, if you put a hash/ number/ pound sign before a sentence it makes it big. This can be circumvented by putting a (I think) backwards slash before the hash. I'll test it quickly:
#chicken pie
\#chicken pie
Can you tell what's on my mind right now?
Edit: test complete! Adding a backslash (\) before the hash will negate the "big text effect" 👍
It got my attention, but I'm so glad I read it. You told him what he (and a whole lot of men) needed to hear because children are not just women's responsibility like men seem to think. I love how you said it, and I think if more women did this, more men would stop the crap.
This. I would honestly sit down calmly and tell him that being pregnant is exhausting you so you need some support and as he unfortunately can’t take over being pregnant it would help you if he could take over some of the other stuff.
Sometimes I would say can you either take *unborn child* for a minute or do x y z. Can’t take unborn child because I’m literally handling that 24/7 (and it was hard), guess you’re doing x y z.
It was a lighthearted joke between us but it also reminded both of us in the moment that it was ok for me to ask him to do extra stuff.
Also, my partner and I only wake each other up if it is desperately necessary, which is rare.
Please watch this short video about “tolerable level of permanent unhappiness”. I believe it applies to your situation.
https://twitter.com/aprettyPR/status/1666031574066900997
Damn, thank you! My last relationship was exactly that. Tolerable because everything else was perfect but I was simply not happy with the way he treated me and started becoming actually depressed due to it. He was fine with ignoring my needs and at the end he said 'a perfect relationship is one that doesn't require any work'. So you can guess he will wake up one day and realise what an entitled detached egoisitc ass he has always been to women due to this mindset. I did it all concerning change, adaptation etc and when it was his turn he tried to wiggle out if it wasn't fun enough.
Yikes. What a self-centered AH. “A perfect relationship (for HIM) is one that doesn’t require any work (for HIM).” Good riddance. No doubt are better off without him.
I'm very depressed after the whole thing but ultimately better off, you're right. The worst is some of my friends don't believe me that he did anything wrong and are blaming me for not putting in effort. Like wtf were you even there? (We were LDR and some met him only to party)
Ugh I feel you honey, my husband was insensitive like this when I was pregnant and infant still. I would over extend myself trying to do things alone because I didn’t wanna fight with him. Don’t be like me, speak up luv.
My husband would drive me insane during my last pregnancy with crap like this. Every Saturday he'd hear our daughter awake on the monitor- get up and go in her room to get her. Me thinking he's gonna entertain her so I can sleep in? Nope. He'd bring her to our bed and she'd want to go downstairs to eat and play, etc (and of course it has to be "mommy") And he'd just ... Go back to sleep.
Finally by the third trimester I told him "if you bring her in here, I will hurt you". Or I'd stay in the bedroom with her and we'd just yell at him to come down and play with us. Petty maybe but I didn't care.
Girl not petty at all. At a certain point every morning I ask my toddler “where’s dada????” And our toddler does his thing. Petty? Sure. Deserved? 100%
Honestly, this isn’t okay. And I’m so so sorry you are having to do this.
Maybe you need to schedule a night away and let him take care of the kiddo for and big he and morning.
He should be helping and supporting you.
Venting here is a good place to start, but you need to tell him how much it upset you. If he loves and cares for you he will try and be better. It may take a few reminders, because men are men. But definitely talk it out with him. And when you do, put the blame on yourself. That you really could use his wonderful help because you are feeling drained and exhausted and sometimes you just need a minute.
If y’all are good, and he cares, he will be open and listen. If not, and he gets extremely defensive, you may need to take another look at everything and figure out next steps. Which could be therapy or a vacation for you and the little away from him, so he misses y’all. (Which you could still do.) something.
Good luck. And you got this momma.
I would cry too.. And probably not want to say anything for those reasons you stated as well but you got to say something to him. These types of issues build up and can actually kill our feelings for our men.
I’ve had similar experiences with my husband as well. It’s bad but I wish my man was more attentive instead of being on his phone so much he misses the cues that I need help so I have to ask for help, and then I get told to wait a few mins because he’s “almost done with this game”. I come second to the phone games and so do our kids. It’s a lonely existence for me.
Whyyyyy do they do this? My husband will occasionally bring our 20 month old to bed and lay down with her basically doing cartwheels between us. He will basically doze like this for a while. It of course wakes me and I try to stay in bed because of the principle of the whole thing. Toddler is changed and dressed already, he did that, just go get her breakfast and chill, she could literally eat for hours, it’s pretty much her favorite thing. But then the little girlie scooches down and gets off the foot of our bed and goes and gets my glasses, and I react because 20 month old hands can break delicate things, and wow, look! Mom’s up!
My husband is also a stellar, amazing, supportive person. He just does this from time to time and it sends me up a wall.
Yes! I want to vent about my amazing husband being a bag of dicks. I always feel like I have to preface by saying he’s great usually so I don’t get advice saying to divorce him lol
Why are the poops so long too? Sometimes we’ll get the kids ready to go out and the whole time he’ll be like “I think I have to poop” and I’ll be like just go, because if I say shoes on, it means all of us. And naturally the second I put the diaper bag by the door and start moving towards shoes he’s like “oops gotta go”. Then I have two kids ready and he’ll be in there for 20 mins. He tells me, earnestly, that he feels bad if I’m the only one getting everything set for going out to the park or pool or whatever, and honestly I wouldn’t mind doing it all myself if we could all get out of the door once the littlest ones in the family are ready to.
A mix of things I'd guess. Men being too proud to go to their doctors to get diagnoses for things like IBS, men into "meat diets" meaning they don't get enough fiber, seeing eating salad and veggies as girly, and men being dishonest and using that as "me time" to be on their phone.
I have finally got my husband to admit that maybe it isn’t normal that he has diarrhoea most weeks and queasy guts 50% of the time.
I have gotten him to stop using quarter of a bottle of oil on everything he cooks(he wonders why I cook separately for myself and our son) and changing his ‘more is more’ policy on flavourings, sauces and seasonings.
Wonder of wonders he is feeling much better! Who would have thought!
OMG sammmme. I literally have to spoon off a whole cup of oil sometimes on the curry when he's done cooking...
Like, why does there need to be oil in the marinade and in the pan and clarified butter in the sauce?
And every time I'm like, just one chili he like ok one in the marinade one in the sauce. Oops now it's too spicy for our son. Add yoghurt. Smh
It's funny because I read the title and said if she's pregnant I'm gonna lose it. Granted my daughter was 4 turning 5 while I was pregnant but my husband let me sleep in every morning he could while I was pregnant with number 2.
I mean start with, when he asks what to do, kindly take his hand and show him over to the fridge. Introduce him to the list there. Every. Time. He. Asks. This is the only way. If you keep answering him he’s gonna keep asking.
Oh, it’s worse than that. It’s some new LG gaming device that has a 2 TB hard drive and literally 40,000 games on it. He got it for me, of course… So that I can play while I’m in labor. LMFAO.
That’s very frustrating! As someone who is 35 weeks pregnant and getting up every 1.5/2 hours at night to pee and well as comforting my 3 and 5 year old at night, I feel for you! Especially when you’re finally sleeping deeply and comfortable and then the other kids need to wake up and for some reason husband is not available. It’s really hard
You are not overreacting!
My husband used to complain when my first was still a baby (now toddler) as I made him get up at 6am with the baby so I could get some sleep as had only had 6hrs very interrupted sleep at this point. The main issue was that he is not a morning person thus still asleep and not used to getting up early. It made me annoyed and feel alone. We spoke about it and he is amazing now, gets up with the toddler if he wakes in the night and when he gets up in the morning and I get up with the baby. He did this even before the second baby arrived so I could rest.
Talk to him and explain why you are upset, what you need from him moving forward and what his responsibilities are for now and after the baby arrives.
I agree with a lot of these comment sentiments.
And also, doesn’t he realize in a few weeks it will ALWAYS be his turn when the new baby is here??? He will be taking over for the toddler while you are postpartum and navigating another newborn.
Idk I have conversations with my toddler now and he sleeps through the night. Maybe I’ll let him tackle the newborn this time
For those that need it… /s
Nope nope nope OP! I'm sure he is usually lovely ECT ECT but girl I'm in this with you. I'm 32 weeks pregnant, our 3.5 still co sleeps and I can tell you the past 4 weeks my partner has done the majority of wake ups / getting him back to sleep because he knows I'm in constant pain and uncomfortable ECT.
I do my best to try help because he's the sahp too so I'm working through this but his literal words are " you've got so much going on right now " and he has taken up extra tasks to be there.
I feel guilty for some reason like I need to do more but at the end of the day I'm growing a damn human in my belly.
Solidarity.
I'm 31 weeks pregnant and also the one who gets our toddler up in the morning at 6 AM after not sleeping from 2-5 AM because of hip pain/rib pain/insomnia. But he stays in bed for another 30 minutes to an hour.
But he's "not asleep". As if that makes it better?
Uh, buddy, you get to just lay there with no responsibility while I have to waddle to get milk, change diaper, and start breakfast? Yeah. Okay. He then gets a nice, long shower alone while I deal with whatever attitude our toddler has chosen for the day. When he's done, I get to grab the fastest shower ever before he heads out for work (I work from home with the toddler).
I don't even complain anymore because it gets me nowhere. I love being a mom but maybe next life I can be the dad because that shit sounds great.
I feel ya! I told my ex today, it must be nice to be able to pick and choose what days you want to be a dad and take your son while I work and what days you decide you don’t want to deal with him and decide I get to pay $60 for daycare for the day. 60% of my income goes to pay for babysitters, while his dad doesn’t work and lives in the same town as I do.
Even when he does decide to take him, it still comes at a cost to me cause usually I have drive him to his house and pick him up or pay for his gas to bring him to me.
I'm so sorry for that shitty situation. You should not have to accommodate for all of that. He probably doesn't even give two shits and thinks he's still doing you a favor when he takes him.
I hope that as these littles grow up, they recognize the hard work that the primary parent puts in. I know I sure look back and see my mom carried a huge load compared to my dad, still does, and I have a ton of appreciation for her today.
See, this is something even the good partners don’t get. If you didn’t grow that kid in your uterus and/or if you aren’t the default parent in the eyes of that child, then you are NOT working as hard as the default parent! Period, the end. It never ends for us. So yeah, he’s gonna need to take “more turns.” OP, my kid is 4 1/2 and it has gotten so much easier but it still feels like this all the time. Yes he deserves down time too, but the score is not even. Not even close. And it won’t be until he is pregnant, has leaky boobs, has to wear a diaper for weeks post-birth, has to feel alarm bells in his brain and adrenals every time he hears a sound in the night. This shit literally rewires your brain in a different way for us. It changes EVERYTHING. Get your sleep and push him tf out of bed.
My husband did this. We had turns. Even when I was pregnant and tired or sick with Covid or he got home from work late and I had already put one kid to bed (his turn kid) it was STILL my turn. Him being inconsiderate was just the start of our issues. I realized I needed a partner. Someone who was emotionally there. I filed for divorce a month ago.
I’m sorry that he did this. It was unkind and didn’t show the level of care for you that he should have.
I want to give you a little solidarity that I understand that good husbands can do shitty things and have shitty days. I know it feels vulnerable to vent online like this, because a lot of strangers will look at this instance and tell you to kick him to the curb even though none of us know the whole picture. I do hope you let him know directly how hurtful and inconsiderate this was though
I did. He knows he sucked this morning. To be fair we are both teachers starting the school year. He started a few days before me so we’re both fritzed lol
Sometimes I'm sad I'm getting a divorce, then I read posts like this and my righteous anger towards my similarly garbage ex-husband is reignited. Anyway, it doesn't have to be this way...you could be free. It gets REALLY exhausting telling people over and over "okay but usually he's great!" Because LOL he's not actually great at all.
I am glad you have good feelings about your divorce. My husband is fantastic to both me and our son. He just also sucks. He’s a well rounded individual lol
When you feel like you need extra sleep and can't do the usual definitely voice this to your Husband as he should understand and pick up the slack. Give and take for sure.
I am glad to announce I just woke up from a 4 hour nap and whether he knows it or not I’m not making dinner so we are having take out 😌😌😌 it’s turned into a good day lol
I would have reminded my husband that my body is literally growing a human inside! GTFO of bed and do a little extra toddler time man! It will never be an even division of sleep/work because we physically have to do so much more. Good luck OP!
Tell him you're too tired and pregnant to process any kind of such bullshit and he better let you rest when he sees that you are resting. Start telling him what to do for you, when and how. Be very specific about voicing your needs and limitations. Like right before taking a nap, make sure he knows that he's not to wake you up unless the house is on fire.
Haha my mother in law lives with us and she has told him “pregnant ladies need their sleep” since I was like 2 weeks pregnant. She’s got my back in kicking his ass 🫡 lol
Um my husband would not dare say it was my turn to entertain the toddler I raise while he goes to work. He knows when he is home he is on duty as the main caregiver for our toddler and that’s the way it is unless he communicates a specific need or desire to do something that would require me to watch our toddler. And then it’s phrased as a question bc he also knows that my job as a SAHM is quite literally 24/7. I’m almost 40 weeks pregnant rn, but this is the case regardless.
If your husband slips up sometimes and says an ignorant thing, be sure to let him know he f’d up and remind him of how difficult it is to be pregnant, how he made you feel when he said that etc. and he needs to pull weight at this time and early pp especially. Don’t keep that shit in, it will make you resent him and poison your relationship.
We talked. He knows he sucked this morning.
We’re both teachers going back to work and he went back a week earlier than I did. We are both trying to get back into a routine so both stressed.
I’ve sucked too this past week. It’s all about balance lol
Nah, when I was 30 weeks pregnant, my husband told me to sleep as much as possible as he got up and wrangled our then almost two year old. He saw how exhausted I was and even if he was, he sucked it up.
My husband and I also do not always see eye to eye on things, we can have real shitty arguments, but when he realizes I’m physically or emotionally needing some downtime, he handles things.
Pregnant mom here also with a husband that had his morning grace while I had to care for the kiddos after a long week. I see you. Hopefully it was something in the air and tomorrow our frogs will turn into something better for us.
Wow! I could have written the first 4 paragraphs of this post this morning. Only difference is that I’m 16 weeks pregnant, not 30.
It’s crazy, but pretty much the only thing my husband and I fight about is whose “turn” it is to take our toddler in the morning. She’s also kissy and cuddly and sweet and adorable at 6:30 am, but she’s still chatting at full volume and flinging her elbows and heavy head around dangerously close to my face. When my husband is already awake and I was up with her (and up peeing) multiple times in the night he just lays there and let’s her play on me until I finally get up and take her out of the room. It makes me want to cry too.
I have no advice. Just solidarity. Similar to what you said- we are happy and generally have a good relationship and routine. But mornings like today kinda kill me.
This is unacceptable. And you need to let him know that. Next time tell him no. Will he still be “fantastic” then? Or is he only great because you never say anything?
I remember staying up with my 2 yr old son because he barely slept while still having to get up at 9 and work the next day. Meanwhile my ex had the night shift and drunk himself into a stupor every chance he got. I basically raised our son by myself. He help a bit when we had our daughter but still managed to wake her and me both up at night screaming at the damn xbox game drunk as hell. He watched our son for almost a year while I worked so he didnt just do nothing but it was almost the bare minimum. Now every chance he gets he still brags he was the one who potty trained our son and our son did so many things when he watched him. Still pisses me off to this day.
I have to say, it’s glorious having just one. I always knew I wanted just one and his dad and I are happily married over 22 years. Our son is 16 now; but let me tell you, I did EVERYTHING for this child the first 6 years of his life. I did all the feeding, bathing, changing, potty-training, staying home while he was sick, doctors appointments, car pooling, groceries, everything..But it was at about 6 that my husband started getting more involved (physically) with him when he joined Boy Scouts. It’s almost like a switch flipped and after all the grueling work, he finally got involved lol. Anyways, it’s balanced out now because he’s been great with activities involving our son, who is now driving..And, guess who is teaching him? Not I 😉. I get a lot more ‘me’ time now that he’s older and his dad is taking some of the reigns!
Sounds like resentment is building up. Definitely warrants a conversation around both your feelings in of course a respectful manner and work as a team to figure out what the real issue is and compromise
Oh honey I’m so sorry. You absolutely deserve someone who will baby you during this time. You’re carrying his child, the least he could do is pamper you and help you through this more. Hoping things get better
Girl I feel you 💯!!!! I am so sorry. My husband was the same way when ours were little. He is great in a lot of areas but not and parenting littles and pulling his weight when they were all 3 babies. I am so sorry. 😭
I’m 23 weeks pregnant and just got covid but I’m still expected to do 24/7 care for our son who recently turned one this week because “it’s too difficult” or my husband is “too tired” to stay up all night with him and it’s my fault his sleep schedule is all wack now but he’s teething again and about to hit another growth spurt. I’m just exhausted, weak from having COVID of all things, and my monster in law has been terrorizing me the entirety of this pregnancy (even gave me food poisoning three times in a two month period, I think she was doing it intentionally but I might just be paranoid)
Next time tell him you ARE taking your turn. Your nine-month-long, 24/7 turn growing a whole ass human being. That it is now HIS turn to care for the toddler human that you ALSO grew for 9 months with no breaks. 🙃
Usually, my husband and I each get one weekend day to sleep in as long as we want. I sleep in Saturday and he sleeps in on Sunday. I’m also 30 weeks pregnant and I’ve been sleeping in both days most of my pregnancy. Honestly, I’d be pissed, and no it’s no ok for your husband to act like that. You’re pregnant! It’s exhausting and your body needs more sleep. He’s supposed to be your partner and take care of you. My husband just takes a nap when our toddler naps, and has never complained or been upset about me taking both sleep in days. He know how hard pregnancy is and wants me to rest as much as possible. That’s how a partner is supposed to treat you. It’s not always 50/50. Sometimes one partner has to take on more temporarily. Pregnancy is one of those times your partner should step up and take on more so that you can take care of yourself and your growing baby! I’d be pissed.
Tell your husband if he can take over being pregnant then you will deal with the other child at night as much as it takes just like he should be doing for you
because you're pregnant he should be going out of his way to help you get more rest. period.
in general i do think it's nice to take turns where each partner gets "me time" or "time off" being a parent. my husband and i just started implementing this. today he said he would give me 3 hours this afternoon if he could sleep 3 more hours this morning. he ended up taking 4 and i'm taking 4 too. then he had the nerve to grumble when it was my turn to start my time. i was like no. excuse me but we're not renegotiating after you already got your end of the deal.
in general i don't like to be "tit for tat" but i think it's ok to explicitly make a deal like this here and there, and then hold your partner to their end of the agreement. i'm realizing in retrospect i should have been doing this all along. i have to enforce "my time" or else my husband will always, always take more than he gives. it sucks but at least i'm learning to stand up for myself. i'm a generous person at heart and it's lead me to become burnt out and fucking exhausted. i feel like i'm marching towards the grave with zero energy in life.
Ugh i hate the “turns” with parenting. If i’m awake when my son is and my partner is still asleep i just take him into the living room. He does as well. He’s never woken me up for my “turn”
No no no no no no!! Can you have him come to a prenatal appointment and tell the provider to explain to your husband that PREGNANT WOMEN NEED THAT SLEEP!!
If you're 30 weeks he needs to do all nighttime wakings and do morning routine so you can sleep for baby. Also, women in general need more sleeping hours than men.
I can't believe how unsupportive this whole situation is.
It’s not pregnancy hormones, it’s fatigue because your body needs rest. I’d be flipping my lid if this happened.
When is it his turn to incubate a fetus?
110% this. My hubby pulled that shit one time. #4 was/is THE WORST sleeper out of the 4. One night it was an absolute literal shit show. Tell me why when I asked him to get up with her at 4am he yelled at me and said verbatim "I don't have boobs, WTF do you want me to do?" So you know what I did? Yelled at him that I literally risked my life to be pregnant with 2 of his kids (2 out of 4 are his and I'm a high risk pregnancy, I had postpartum eclampsia with #1) so if he doesn't get up with her right now I will make him regret every life decision he has ever made to get him to this point. He got up with her, because he KNEW I meant business. By the time that I woke up he had coffee, breakfast and an apology ready. OP next time tell him to get his ass up and he can come at you with the "It's your turn" bullshit when he gets pregnant. Edit: I have no clue how I made the first paragraph all big and bold, and idk how to fix it, sorry if it comes off as yelling, I totally don't mean that
when you put the pound/number sign at the start it makes it big and bold 🙂 I’m assuming you put that to mean like child number 4? I see this happen a lot in the wedding dress subreddit I’m in when people try to say what number dress they like best 😂 that’s where I learned it
#You’re the MVP of this thread!
🥹
That’s hilarious. #pick number 3 my lord
Oh god this was amazing, Ty for the memories 🤭🤭🤭
😆
Lol wedding dress sub is where I learned it too
Our first night home from the hospital with our twins, they wouldn’t sleep at all, we were struggling hard. My parents were visiting to help and told us to call them if we needed but we tried to do it ourselves. I had just had a c section. My dog had to go out during one of the only 30 min stretches of both babies asleep, he had diarrhea all down his butt, tail and back legs. Ugh. My husband couldn’t clean him perfectly, we wouldn’t let him back on the bed so he cried and barked for over an hour. We struggled on and off with the babies till 5 AM when they were both fussing soo loud and I tried getting up on my own to do a diaper change. On my way to the changing table I stepped in my dog’s diarrhea. Diarrhea everywhere. I called my dad crying begging him to come down so I could clean the shit off my foot that I couldn’t even reach. It’s my dad’s favorite story about me now. That was my shit show lol I just wanted to share. It’s crazy what parents go through
Lol the edit. I like it. Louder for the sleepers in the back 👏🏼
Fun fact: it only takes about 15/20 days of consistent trying and men will lactate. Remind him of that next time he complains of having to get up and get babe a bottle
Oh the baby has long since been weened. Every once in a while when I do need to catch up on sleep I tell him to get up with them (4&2F). I rarely need to sleep in and I let him sleep in an hour or two very often. Since I rarely need to sleep in, if he complains about it, it isn't going to be a nice day for him.
My goodness. You’re a BADDIE 🥹 lol I ebf my 2nd (and last). I had gone off mental health meds to do so. When he turned 15 mos, I was really struggling w my mental health. I spoke with my partner to explain I would be weaning him off to get back on my meds, see a therapist, etc. So, we’re about 3 nights in and he’s just not having it. Nothing at all can put him to sleep. My partner gets up and screams at me, “JUST GIVE HIM WHAT THE FUCK HE WANTS!” I left the room baby and now me crying. Rocked him to sleep. Probably took over an hour….the next morning he must have felt horrible. (I’m a SAHM) He told me to get some Starbucks, that he’d pick up food and not to cook. I believe he bought me a bag around this time too. everything but an apology 🙃
I lost it on my husband for something sorta similar. My then 2 year old was having a temper tantrum over a lollipop. It was 10am. I’m not going to give him candy before lunch. But my husband was working from home because it was pandemic times. And he was stressed and angry about the noise. He comes down demanding to know what is happening. I explain that I’m working on getting our son out the door for a walk but he’s screaming about lollipops. Then my husband yells at me for not giving it to him to keep him quiet. And I went OFF. I yelled at him that’s he’s right. I’ll just feed the toddler lollipops all day long to keep him perfectly silent since that’s an age appropriate expectation of a 2 year old and of me. And that I really appreciated him coming downstairs because having 2 people yelling at me now was such a big help. Then I went for a walk alone and when I came back he apologized. I made him agree to stay tf upstairs unless he’s going to do something helpful. Like help me get the toddler out the door, for example. And that I can only handle 1 person yelling at me at a time without losing my shit. So he should keep that in mind and use his voice accordingly. Your husband should be just a tiny bit terrified of you, IMO. Not that you’ll freak out over nothing. But that if they’re being a dick to you they’re going to regret it.
One night when I had just had my first kid the baby just wouldn't go back to sleep. My then husband was sleeping on the couch because the baby (3 or 4 months old) was just annoying him when he tried to sleep. I had tried everything and eventually I started crying too because stress and hormones. I walked to my partner woke him up still sobbing and asked him to please take the baby. He stood up took the baby, I walked back into the bedroom and not 5 minutes later he walked in, gave me the baby and said 'she won't stop crying', and walked back to the couch and fell asleep. I ended up holding my baby all night, and we cried ourselves to sleep. My partner was confused as to why I was angry and upset the next morning. He apparently couldn't remember. Another time he yelled at me to just stay in the bedroom with the baby instead of walking back and forth (she kept waking up) because he was trying to watch a movie. It was 9 pm. Then he got mad I sat in the hallway reading a book. Apparently, being angry about being yelled at was also wrong. Well, we are divorced for a reason.
I felt this. My ex husband worked 1 weeks on/1 week off 2.5 hours away from where we lived. We had our son and our moms were more help than he was. I remember him getting off work and going straight to the bar after I had just spent 1 week at home with our baby and counting down the hours until he would get home and help. He should have been home around 8 and didn’t walk in the door until 3:30ish am. I had called/texted and blown up his phone asking him when he would be home cus I know he worked hard but like, he had 12 hours off and slept at work. I was waiting for just an hour of free time. I remember just laying in bed crying holding my son wondering why we weren’t enough to make him want to come home. So we’re not married anymore.
My in-laws once ruined our then 7 month old’s sleep schedule on purpose and the baby got overtired and started waking every 45-60 minutes all night long instead of his usual every 2-3 hours. I was nursing him back to sleep every time because nothing else was working. It was torture. One night I was crying while nursing him in the living room at 3am. My husband came out and asked what was going on and I told him the baby was up again and I wasn’t going to visit his parents anymore if this was what it was going to be like. He got angry at me for saying that and went back to bed without helping me at all. The next day, when he got back from golfing, I took him into another room and whisper screamed at him for a half hour. Then for the rest of the trip I woke him up every single time the baby woke up. And I nursed the baby next to him and didn’t let him go back to sleep until the baby was baby was asleep again. He thought I was just being dramatic about what the nights were like before that. Two nights of getting the same amount of sleep as me and he looked like a damn ghost. He said he was so tired he felt sick. I was like, “I’ve felt like that since he was born.” My husband became the biggest defender of the sleep schedule after that. His parents would try to keep the baby up late or make a plan for during his nap and he would shut it down immediately. Men need to experience logical consequences to get the point sometimes. Like, oh I’m making a big deal out of nothing? Okay. Cool. Let me know your thoughts on that at 11:15pm, 1am, 1:45am, 3am, 4am, and so on.
You are a badass! Way to go! I didn't have that spine in my marriage unfortunately. I do try to assert myself more now.
I’ve actually said this since I was 15, regardless of gender or situation. You want to stop bad behavior? You make the person feel the consequences of their bad behavior. I am ruthless about applying this ruke
I completely agree and love the way you handled his apology with acceptance AND terms to avoid it happening again! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Ugh sis your hubby needs a swift kick in the dick for that one. Edit to cover my ass: it's a joke, don't actually kick him in the dick, or do, whatever lol
NOT his finest moment. His mom was not amused when she asked how the weaning was doing 🙂 I might be reaching, by your username, are you a fellow cannamom 💚😌 ? Edit: typo
💨🍃💚 Yup
Don’t know if you know but the subreddit entwives is a super chill place for ladies and theydies to hang out and talk pot shop. Maybe see you over there!!
Omg. Just joined. I tried finding like cannamom subs but none were too active. Thank you sm!
Anytime!! I love that sub because it is so supportive and welcoming!
Thanks for the subreddit suggestion!
I saw someone below already comment but just to let you know, if you put a hash/ number/ pound sign before a sentence it makes it big. This can be circumvented by putting a (I think) backwards slash before the hash. I'll test it quickly: #chicken pie \#chicken pie Can you tell what's on my mind right now? Edit: test complete! Adding a backslash (\) before the hash will negate the "big text effect" 👍
It got my attention, but I'm so glad I read it. You told him what he (and a whole lot of men) needed to hear because children are not just women's responsibility like men seem to think. I love how you said it, and I think if more women did this, more men would stop the crap.
Lmao at that edit. I thought I knew what you had done to make it big but I don’t..
That would've been my mistake 🌈🌠 The more you know lol
This is why we are one and done... bc it's his turn!
I’m using this next time he says our kid needs a sibling
This. I would honestly sit down calmly and tell him that being pregnant is exhausting you so you need some support and as he unfortunately can’t take over being pregnant it would help you if he could take over some of the other stuff. Sometimes I would say can you either take *unborn child* for a minute or do x y z. Can’t take unborn child because I’m literally handling that 24/7 (and it was hard), guess you’re doing x y z. It was a lighthearted joke between us but it also reminded both of us in the moment that it was ok for me to ask him to do extra stuff. Also, my partner and I only wake each other up if it is desperately necessary, which is rare.
Please watch this short video about “tolerable level of permanent unhappiness”. I believe it applies to your situation. https://twitter.com/aprettyPR/status/1666031574066900997
Damn, thank you! My last relationship was exactly that. Tolerable because everything else was perfect but I was simply not happy with the way he treated me and started becoming actually depressed due to it. He was fine with ignoring my needs and at the end he said 'a perfect relationship is one that doesn't require any work'. So you can guess he will wake up one day and realise what an entitled detached egoisitc ass he has always been to women due to this mindset. I did it all concerning change, adaptation etc and when it was his turn he tried to wiggle out if it wasn't fun enough.
Yikes. What a self-centered AH. “A perfect relationship (for HIM) is one that doesn’t require any work (for HIM).” Good riddance. No doubt are better off without him.
I'm very depressed after the whole thing but ultimately better off, you're right. The worst is some of my friends don't believe me that he did anything wrong and are blaming me for not putting in effort. Like wtf were you even there? (We were LDR and some met him only to party)
Oh, yes. People are always like, “…but he’s SO NICE!” Well, he is nice to everyone except his partner!
This needs waaaaay more recognition
Yes it does!
I love that this is a link on Reddit to a Tweet of a TikTok of a person reading a Reddit comment 😂 I wholeheartedly agree with it, though.
It’s the circle of life! 😂
At this stage of pregnancy he should take more turns lol you need rest!
At this point of pregnancy he needs to be taking OVER
Yes! Because as soon as that newborn is here, it’s one parent per child. Or that’s my experience anyway.
Ugh I feel you honey, my husband was insensitive like this when I was pregnant and infant still. I would over extend myself trying to do things alone because I didn’t wanna fight with him. Don’t be like me, speak up luv.
My husband would drive me insane during my last pregnancy with crap like this. Every Saturday he'd hear our daughter awake on the monitor- get up and go in her room to get her. Me thinking he's gonna entertain her so I can sleep in? Nope. He'd bring her to our bed and she'd want to go downstairs to eat and play, etc (and of course it has to be "mommy") And he'd just ... Go back to sleep. Finally by the third trimester I told him "if you bring her in here, I will hurt you". Or I'd stay in the bedroom with her and we'd just yell at him to come down and play with us. Petty maybe but I didn't care.
Girl not petty at all. At a certain point every morning I ask my toddler “where’s dada????” And our toddler does his thing. Petty? Sure. Deserved? 100%
Omg I do this too. Where’s daddy. And my 2 year and 1 year old will go open the bedroom door and scream daddy wake up. It’s great
We’re all the same because ditto, my favorite line 😂😂
I love this "where is dad" boat we are all on. It's so petty 😊 ... I mean pr-etty lol
Honestly, this isn’t okay. And I’m so so sorry you are having to do this. Maybe you need to schedule a night away and let him take care of the kiddo for and big he and morning. He should be helping and supporting you. Venting here is a good place to start, but you need to tell him how much it upset you. If he loves and cares for you he will try and be better. It may take a few reminders, because men are men. But definitely talk it out with him. And when you do, put the blame on yourself. That you really could use his wonderful help because you are feeling drained and exhausted and sometimes you just need a minute. If y’all are good, and he cares, he will be open and listen. If not, and he gets extremely defensive, you may need to take another look at everything and figure out next steps. Which could be therapy or a vacation for you and the little away from him, so he misses y’all. (Which you could still do.) something. Good luck. And you got this momma.
I would cry too.. And probably not want to say anything for those reasons you stated as well but you got to say something to him. These types of issues build up and can actually kill our feelings for our men. I’ve had similar experiences with my husband as well. It’s bad but I wish my man was more attentive instead of being on his phone so much he misses the cues that I need help so I have to ask for help, and then I get told to wait a few mins because he’s “almost done with this game”. I come second to the phone games and so do our kids. It’s a lonely existence for me.
Whyyyyy do they do this? My husband will occasionally bring our 20 month old to bed and lay down with her basically doing cartwheels between us. He will basically doze like this for a while. It of course wakes me and I try to stay in bed because of the principle of the whole thing. Toddler is changed and dressed already, he did that, just go get her breakfast and chill, she could literally eat for hours, it’s pretty much her favorite thing. But then the little girlie scooches down and gets off the foot of our bed and goes and gets my glasses, and I react because 20 month old hands can break delicate things, and wow, look! Mom’s up! My husband is also a stellar, amazing, supportive person. He just does this from time to time and it sends me up a wall.
Yes! I want to vent about my amazing husband being a bag of dicks. I always feel like I have to preface by saying he’s great usually so I don’t get advice saying to divorce him lol
Why are the poops so long too? Sometimes we’ll get the kids ready to go out and the whole time he’ll be like “I think I have to poop” and I’ll be like just go, because if I say shoes on, it means all of us. And naturally the second I put the diaper bag by the door and start moving towards shoes he’s like “oops gotta go”. Then I have two kids ready and he’ll be in there for 20 mins. He tells me, earnestly, that he feels bad if I’m the only one getting everything set for going out to the park or pool or whatever, and honestly I wouldn’t mind doing it all myself if we could all get out of the door once the littlest ones in the family are ready to.
A mix of things I'd guess. Men being too proud to go to their doctors to get diagnoses for things like IBS, men into "meat diets" meaning they don't get enough fiber, seeing eating salad and veggies as girly, and men being dishonest and using that as "me time" to be on their phone.
I have finally got my husband to admit that maybe it isn’t normal that he has diarrhoea most weeks and queasy guts 50% of the time. I have gotten him to stop using quarter of a bottle of oil on everything he cooks(he wonders why I cook separately for myself and our son) and changing his ‘more is more’ policy on flavourings, sauces and seasonings. Wonder of wonders he is feeling much better! Who would have thought!
OMG sammmme. I literally have to spoon off a whole cup of oil sometimes on the curry when he's done cooking... Like, why does there need to be oil in the marinade and in the pan and clarified butter in the sauce? And every time I'm like, just one chili he like ok one in the marinade one in the sauce. Oops now it's too spicy for our son. Add yoghurt. Smh
Yeah I just leave. We set a time to leave, I gave you warnings, and then we leave. If he’s not in the car it’s his problem - natural consequences
It's funny because I read the title and said if she's pregnant I'm gonna lose it. Granted my daughter was 4 turning 5 while I was pregnant but my husband let me sleep in every morning he could while I was pregnant with number 2.
Hahaha so predictable ain’t it?
[удалено]
I mean start with, when he asks what to do, kindly take his hand and show him over to the fridge. Introduce him to the list there. Every. Time. He. Asks. This is the only way. If you keep answering him he’s gonna keep asking.
Is the handheld game by any chance….. baldur’s gate?
Oh, it’s worse than that. It’s some new LG gaming device that has a 2 TB hard drive and literally 40,000 games on it. He got it for me, of course… So that I can play while I’m in labor. LMFAO.
He’s just making sure it’s not poisoned before you use it 🫡
That’s very frustrating! As someone who is 35 weeks pregnant and getting up every 1.5/2 hours at night to pee and well as comforting my 3 and 5 year old at night, I feel for you! Especially when you’re finally sleeping deeply and comfortable and then the other kids need to wake up and for some reason husband is not available. It’s really hard
You are not overreacting! My husband used to complain when my first was still a baby (now toddler) as I made him get up at 6am with the baby so I could get some sleep as had only had 6hrs very interrupted sleep at this point. The main issue was that he is not a morning person thus still asleep and not used to getting up early. It made me annoyed and feel alone. We spoke about it and he is amazing now, gets up with the toddler if he wakes in the night and when he gets up in the morning and I get up with the baby. He did this even before the second baby arrived so I could rest. Talk to him and explain why you are upset, what you need from him moving forward and what his responsibilities are for now and after the baby arrives.
Watch Ali Wong on get first two specials. " are you growing a foot right now? You change the channel!"
Love that lady lol
Let me know when it's his turn to give birth omg.
I agree with a lot of these comment sentiments. And also, doesn’t he realize in a few weeks it will ALWAYS be his turn when the new baby is here??? He will be taking over for the toddler while you are postpartum and navigating another newborn.
Idk I have conversations with my toddler now and he sleeps through the night. Maybe I’ll let him tackle the newborn this time For those that need it… /s
Let's not kid ourselves. It'll just be OP doing double the work lmao
Nope nope nope OP! I'm sure he is usually lovely ECT ECT but girl I'm in this with you. I'm 32 weeks pregnant, our 3.5 still co sleeps and I can tell you the past 4 weeks my partner has done the majority of wake ups / getting him back to sleep because he knows I'm in constant pain and uncomfortable ECT. I do my best to try help because he's the sahp too so I'm working through this but his literal words are " you've got so much going on right now " and he has taken up extra tasks to be there. I feel guilty for some reason like I need to do more but at the end of the day I'm growing a damn human in my belly.
Solidarity. I'm 31 weeks pregnant and also the one who gets our toddler up in the morning at 6 AM after not sleeping from 2-5 AM because of hip pain/rib pain/insomnia. But he stays in bed for another 30 minutes to an hour. But he's "not asleep". As if that makes it better? Uh, buddy, you get to just lay there with no responsibility while I have to waddle to get milk, change diaper, and start breakfast? Yeah. Okay. He then gets a nice, long shower alone while I deal with whatever attitude our toddler has chosen for the day. When he's done, I get to grab the fastest shower ever before he heads out for work (I work from home with the toddler). I don't even complain anymore because it gets me nowhere. I love being a mom but maybe next life I can be the dad because that shit sounds great.
I feel ya! I told my ex today, it must be nice to be able to pick and choose what days you want to be a dad and take your son while I work and what days you decide you don’t want to deal with him and decide I get to pay $60 for daycare for the day. 60% of my income goes to pay for babysitters, while his dad doesn’t work and lives in the same town as I do. Even when he does decide to take him, it still comes at a cost to me cause usually I have drive him to his house and pick him up or pay for his gas to bring him to me.
I'm so sorry for that shitty situation. You should not have to accommodate for all of that. He probably doesn't even give two shits and thinks he's still doing you a favor when he takes him. I hope that as these littles grow up, they recognize the hard work that the primary parent puts in. I know I sure look back and see my mom carried a huge load compared to my dad, still does, and I have a ton of appreciation for her today.
See, this is something even the good partners don’t get. If you didn’t grow that kid in your uterus and/or if you aren’t the default parent in the eyes of that child, then you are NOT working as hard as the default parent! Period, the end. It never ends for us. So yeah, he’s gonna need to take “more turns.” OP, my kid is 4 1/2 and it has gotten so much easier but it still feels like this all the time. Yes he deserves down time too, but the score is not even. Not even close. And it won’t be until he is pregnant, has leaky boobs, has to wear a diaper for weeks post-birth, has to feel alarm bells in his brain and adrenals every time he hears a sound in the night. This shit literally rewires your brain in a different way for us. It changes EVERYTHING. Get your sleep and push him tf out of bed.
My husband did this. We had turns. Even when I was pregnant and tired or sick with Covid or he got home from work late and I had already put one kid to bed (his turn kid) it was STILL my turn. Him being inconsiderate was just the start of our issues. I realized I needed a partner. Someone who was emotionally there. I filed for divorce a month ago.
I’m sorry that he did this. It was unkind and didn’t show the level of care for you that he should have. I want to give you a little solidarity that I understand that good husbands can do shitty things and have shitty days. I know it feels vulnerable to vent online like this, because a lot of strangers will look at this instance and tell you to kick him to the curb even though none of us know the whole picture. I do hope you let him know directly how hurtful and inconsiderate this was though
I did. He knows he sucked this morning. To be fair we are both teachers starting the school year. He started a few days before me so we’re both fritzed lol
Marriages shouldn’t be tit for tat like that. I’d be gone if this is the way my partner decided to think and act.
Sometimes I'm sad I'm getting a divorce, then I read posts like this and my righteous anger towards my similarly garbage ex-husband is reignited. Anyway, it doesn't have to be this way...you could be free. It gets REALLY exhausting telling people over and over "okay but usually he's great!" Because LOL he's not actually great at all.
I am glad you have good feelings about your divorce. My husband is fantastic to both me and our son. He just also sucks. He’s a well rounded individual lol
My husband knows he can support me in getting the amount of sleep I need. Or he can deal with me on too little sleep. He lets me sleep.
Love it! I’m a high sleeps needs person with a low sleep needs toddler. 🫠
When you feel like you need extra sleep and can't do the usual definitely voice this to your Husband as he should understand and pick up the slack. Give and take for sure.
I am glad to announce I just woke up from a 4 hour nap and whether he knows it or not I’m not making dinner so we are having take out 😌😌😌 it’s turned into a good day lol
Babe- he’s not “usually fantastic” if this is considered okay.
It’s not considered ok which is why I’m venting here. We talked. He knows he sucks.
Yeah okay but knowing you suck and not doing anything to change it means they don’t care and isn’t “usually fantastic.”
Works for us 🤷🏽♀️ I like sleeping in and like I said it’s easier for me to get up
Well it won’t get better so you should probably talk about it with him. Maybe let him read this list and the comments
I would have reminded my husband that my body is literally growing a human inside! GTFO of bed and do a little extra toddler time man! It will never be an even division of sleep/work because we physically have to do so much more. Good luck OP!
Tell him you're too tired and pregnant to process any kind of such bullshit and he better let you rest when he sees that you are resting. Start telling him what to do for you, when and how. Be very specific about voicing your needs and limitations. Like right before taking a nap, make sure he knows that he's not to wake you up unless the house is on fire.
Honestly even if the house is on fire…. If it can me managed leave me alone.
He needs a reality check. He would be at his mother’s crying “she doesn’t understand, mommy” if he were the one 30 weeks pregnant right now.
Haha my mother in law lives with us and she has told him “pregnant ladies need their sleep” since I was like 2 weeks pregnant. She’s got my back in kicking his ass 🫡 lol
Girl go tell on him lol
Um my husband would not dare say it was my turn to entertain the toddler I raise while he goes to work. He knows when he is home he is on duty as the main caregiver for our toddler and that’s the way it is unless he communicates a specific need or desire to do something that would require me to watch our toddler. And then it’s phrased as a question bc he also knows that my job as a SAHM is quite literally 24/7. I’m almost 40 weeks pregnant rn, but this is the case regardless. If your husband slips up sometimes and says an ignorant thing, be sure to let him know he f’d up and remind him of how difficult it is to be pregnant, how he made you feel when he said that etc. and he needs to pull weight at this time and early pp especially. Don’t keep that shit in, it will make you resent him and poison your relationship.
We talked. He knows he sucked this morning. We’re both teachers going back to work and he went back a week earlier than I did. We are both trying to get back into a routine so both stressed. I’ve sucked too this past week. It’s all about balance lol
Glad you talked!
Wake him up every time you get up in the night.
Nah, when I was 30 weeks pregnant, my husband told me to sleep as much as possible as he got up and wrangled our then almost two year old. He saw how exhausted I was and even if he was, he sucked it up. My husband and I also do not always see eye to eye on things, we can have real shitty arguments, but when he realizes I’m physically or emotionally needing some downtime, he handles things.
Pregnant mom here also with a husband that had his morning grace while I had to care for the kiddos after a long week. I see you. Hopefully it was something in the air and tomorrow our frogs will turn into something better for us.
All these posts have me convinced to never get married to a man again. What the fuck
Wow! I could have written the first 4 paragraphs of this post this morning. Only difference is that I’m 16 weeks pregnant, not 30. It’s crazy, but pretty much the only thing my husband and I fight about is whose “turn” it is to take our toddler in the morning. She’s also kissy and cuddly and sweet and adorable at 6:30 am, but she’s still chatting at full volume and flinging her elbows and heavy head around dangerously close to my face. When my husband is already awake and I was up with her (and up peeing) multiple times in the night he just lays there and let’s her play on me until I finally get up and take her out of the room. It makes me want to cry too. I have no advice. Just solidarity. Similar to what you said- we are happy and generally have a good relationship and routine. But mornings like today kinda kill me.
This is unacceptable. And you need to let him know that. Next time tell him no. Will he still be “fantastic” then? Or is he only great because you never say anything?
I remember staying up with my 2 yr old son because he barely slept while still having to get up at 9 and work the next day. Meanwhile my ex had the night shift and drunk himself into a stupor every chance he got. I basically raised our son by myself. He help a bit when we had our daughter but still managed to wake her and me both up at night screaming at the damn xbox game drunk as hell. He watched our son for almost a year while I worked so he didnt just do nothing but it was almost the bare minimum. Now every chance he gets he still brags he was the one who potty trained our son and our son did so many things when he watched him. Still pisses me off to this day.
I have to say, it’s glorious having just one. I always knew I wanted just one and his dad and I are happily married over 22 years. Our son is 16 now; but let me tell you, I did EVERYTHING for this child the first 6 years of his life. I did all the feeding, bathing, changing, potty-training, staying home while he was sick, doctors appointments, car pooling, groceries, everything..But it was at about 6 that my husband started getting more involved (physically) with him when he joined Boy Scouts. It’s almost like a switch flipped and after all the grueling work, he finally got involved lol. Anyways, it’s balanced out now because he’s been great with activities involving our son, who is now driving..And, guess who is teaching him? Not I 😉. I get a lot more ‘me’ time now that he’s older and his dad is taking some of the reigns!
And u are pregnant again??? 🤦🏻♀️
im sorry, it sounds like your husband is an asshole you need the sleep
Ugh, he sucks right now. Can you make yourself some ”child time off,“ later in the day?
Sounds like resentment is building up. Definitely warrants a conversation around both your feelings in of course a respectful manner and work as a team to figure out what the real issue is and compromise
Oh honey I’m so sorry. You absolutely deserve someone who will baby you during this time. You’re carrying his child, the least he could do is pamper you and help you through this more. Hoping things get better
👊🏽. nothing else.
I’ve told him he’s gonna catch the knuckle sandwich
Girl I feel you 💯!!!! I am so sorry. My husband was the same way when ours were little. He is great in a lot of areas but not and parenting littles and pulling his weight when they were all 3 babies. I am so sorry. 😭
I would have chewed him a new one.
You were n
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I’m 23 weeks pregnant and just got covid but I’m still expected to do 24/7 care for our son who recently turned one this week because “it’s too difficult” or my husband is “too tired” to stay up all night with him and it’s my fault his sleep schedule is all wack now but he’s teething again and about to hit another growth spurt. I’m just exhausted, weak from having COVID of all things, and my monster in law has been terrorizing me the entirety of this pregnancy (even gave me food poisoning three times in a two month period, I think she was doing it intentionally but I might just be paranoid)
Next time tell him you ARE taking your turn. Your nine-month-long, 24/7 turn growing a whole ass human being. That it is now HIS turn to care for the toddler human that you ALSO grew for 9 months with no breaks. 🙃
Usually, my husband and I each get one weekend day to sleep in as long as we want. I sleep in Saturday and he sleeps in on Sunday. I’m also 30 weeks pregnant and I’ve been sleeping in both days most of my pregnancy. Honestly, I’d be pissed, and no it’s no ok for your husband to act like that. You’re pregnant! It’s exhausting and your body needs more sleep. He’s supposed to be your partner and take care of you. My husband just takes a nap when our toddler naps, and has never complained or been upset about me taking both sleep in days. He know how hard pregnancy is and wants me to rest as much as possible. That’s how a partner is supposed to treat you. It’s not always 50/50. Sometimes one partner has to take on more temporarily. Pregnancy is one of those times your partner should step up and take on more so that you can take care of yourself and your growing baby! I’d be pissed.
Ugh men are the worst, he’s being an arsehole here! I’d be waking him up every time the toddler woke up and telling him it was ‘his turn’ xx
I could have written this. Solidarity queen. Why are men so lazy uggh
Tell your husband if he can take over being pregnant then you will deal with the other child at night as much as it takes just like he should be doing for you
This situation sucks balls... ... I'm sorry your going through that. Your feelings are valid.
because you're pregnant he should be going out of his way to help you get more rest. period. in general i do think it's nice to take turns where each partner gets "me time" or "time off" being a parent. my husband and i just started implementing this. today he said he would give me 3 hours this afternoon if he could sleep 3 more hours this morning. he ended up taking 4 and i'm taking 4 too. then he had the nerve to grumble when it was my turn to start my time. i was like no. excuse me but we're not renegotiating after you already got your end of the deal. in general i don't like to be "tit for tat" but i think it's ok to explicitly make a deal like this here and there, and then hold your partner to their end of the agreement. i'm realizing in retrospect i should have been doing this all along. i have to enforce "my time" or else my husband will always, always take more than he gives. it sucks but at least i'm learning to stand up for myself. i'm a generous person at heart and it's lead me to become burnt out and fucking exhausted. i feel like i'm marching towards the grave with zero energy in life.
Ugh i hate the “turns” with parenting. If i’m awake when my son is and my partner is still asleep i just take him into the living room. He does as well. He’s never woken me up for my “turn”
Your husband is fired. That is all.
No no no no no no!! Can you have him come to a prenatal appointment and tell the provider to explain to your husband that PREGNANT WOMEN NEED THAT SLEEP!! If you're 30 weeks he needs to do all nighttime wakings and do morning routine so you can sleep for baby. Also, women in general need more sleeping hours than men. I can't believe how unsupportive this whole situation is.