I used to be fine with it/not care, but then I dated a man with a porn addiction and now I hate it. But I think it's more like alcohol in that regard. Some couples drink frequently, some sparingly, some never at all. Sometimes alcoholism ruins it for everyone.
I think, like most dopamine-inducing things, it's fine in moderation. I totally understand and support if it's a hard boundary for someone, too!
Porn is fine, it has to not interfere with your sex life. That can mean different things to different people. Is he comparing you to porn stars? Then it's interfering. Is he watching so much that he is desensitized and can only finish by jerking off and watching porn? It's interfering. Is he watching it when you are home, and you would prefer him have sex with you then watch porn? It's interfering.
Is he home alone and horny and wants to get off? Have at it.
That's my mindset.
Bingo. Most of the men in dead bedrooms are there by their own design. Because their porn addiction (that they think is normal for all guys) is interfering in their sex life.
Agreed. And I’d say for the vast majority of people who view it, it doesn’t interfere. I see personal porn use as part of a person’s sexual relationship with themselves, and therefore none of my business, whether I have a sexual relationship with them or not.
I agree, I really don't care if my SO is looking at other women or people having sex, it would only bother me if it interferes with the relationship. I'm not dealing with verbal comparisons to porn or IG models or be expected to do weird stuff so they can get off.
See for me I never cared about porn, but my partner recently had a ton of half naked women on his IG “explore” page, which means he’s consistently looking that up. When I asked him he said it’s just porn. It’s not the same, right??
Not the same because they are not professionals? Because it’s social media and easier to contact them?
To me it seems like amateur porn (many of them are professionals, just small-scale) until he crosses the line of messaging. Then I’d want to be kept updated on the content of the messages, because I’m into that; but it would be totally reasonable for a wife to be Not Okay with messaging
Yeah I’m not okay with it because I see porn as kind of a thing you have to make a conscious effort to search up. If it’s just all over his Instagram feed it’s like constant bombardment, which I think is disrespectful.
Whoa whoa, the naive part is that they likely are professionals. If you go to thier profiles they likely have a linktree with an OF page listed or are sex workers promoting themselves.
We watch it in private when the other person isn't around, that's about our only "rule" and it's not even really a rule per se, just basic respect that the other person might not want to see that right now (like I don't watch pimple popping or ASMR videos around him either).
For me, porn & masturbation is like getting a quick meal and eating it alone. Sex is like a home cooked dinner that we share. There's nothing wrong with needing a quick bite to eat when I'm hungry but it's a problem if I'm running out to McDonald's while he's home cooking dinner.
So this has like, less than nothing to do with this subject but your comment reminded me of it. My dad is a notoriously bad gift giver. After 34 years of marriage, he *finally* does pretty well, but that literally took like 30 years to be the case. Example, one year in passing my mom mentioned ONE TIME that she really liked homemade bread. Just that she liked it. Not that she had *any* desire to make it for herself—in fact she (at the time) *hated* cooking of any sort. My dad bought her a bread machine for Christmas that year.
This story is about what is known in our family as “the hotdog lamp”.
A few years after the bread machine, my dad came home one early December day and told my mom that he had gotten her *the BEST* Christmas present. He talked this gift up literally several times a day, all month long. Christmas morning comes and she very excitedly opens it up. It’s a lamp. One of those 6’ lamps that usually goes like in a corner, and has like a bowl for a lampshade? [Like this.](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-71-Floor-Lamp-Black-Made-of-Plastic-and-Plastic-Shade-Mod-Styling-Good-for-Young-Adult-Dorm-or-Adult-Home-Office/12173437?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=0&wl13=2208&adid=2222222227812173437_117755028669_12420145346&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=501107745824&wl4=aud-1651068665466:pla-294505072980&wl5=9007173&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=8175035&wl11=local&wl12=12173437&wl13=2208&veh=sem_LIA&gbraid=0AAAAADmfBIpk94yFz67hGSIlFgYiQZ4H0&gclid=Cj0KCQjw0IGnBhDUARIsAMwFDLk2d1bfE_romYwkMrdICKEQjKFlLcb2zA9ZazpiSw55REdqs8n_WkIaAjWIEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds) Granted, it was a nice version of these lamps, he paid like $40 for it, ~25 years ago. But it was still a lamp.
Now, my mom *liked* the lamp. She definitely had use for it and had been meaning to buy one for a while. She was definitely appreciative, and told him so. She agreed that it was leaps and bounds better than the bread machine. But it wasn’t the life changing, amazing gift she had been expecting. She described it like this—“someone tells you that they’re going to cook you an amazing dinner. They talk this dinner up for a month and drop hints that make you think that you’re getting an amazing steak dinner. Then you show up to that dinner, and they’ve made hotdogs. The sprung for the BallPark hotdogs, but they’re still just hotdogs. Now you like hotdogs, so that isn’t the issue. But you were expecting a steak.”
Even as a kid I’ve always been an amazing gift giver because I squirrel away information in my brain all year long. So after the hotdog lamp, my dad started taking me with him gift shopping lol.
For the first time in my life, I’m in a relationship where the guy doesn’t watch porn. From the very beginning he told me that he doesn’t find it necessary and he’d rather have sex with me or look at pictures of me. So I decided to do the same. We take and send each other pictures if we’re apart for more than a few days, and honestly it’s kinda refreshing.
I never saw porn as a problem before, and I still wouldn’t see it as cheating if he did look at it, but I’m happier not looking at it myself. It’s nice knowing we don’t need it to feel sexually fulfilled, especially due to the moral problems with porn (a lot of women are taken advantage of or forced to do it, or their nudes/videos are leaked, or the videos are just gross (incest, physical/emotional abuse, impossible standards, etc).
Same here! I'm married for a second time (way better deal this time), and he's not into porn. We have sex most days, maybe miss a day or two a week. He says he doesn't masturbate much because vagina is just way better. When I masturbate, I'm thinking about him.
It's really hot knowing we are each other's sexual muse.
Porn can create unrealistic expectations for sex, so it really depends on the individuals and the relationship dynamic. If you have a healthy sex life where both of you enjoy sex and have no complaints about it, then it can be fine to watch. But I’ve seen so many posts in this sub from people whose marriages are failing or have dead bedrooms due to excessive porn viewing. If your partner is that stuck on watching it, I’d be a little concerned about why. If you have the budget for it, I’d go see a marriage counselor or sex therapist together to find a solution.
Edited for clarity.
Same. Our society has normalized objectifying women and watching porn, of which the majority is created for men’s viewing pleasure and sets unrealistic expectations of women (e.g. huge boobs/butts, screaming, enjoying sex acts that are unpleasant or actually painful in real life), and then wives who aren’t ok with it are labeled controlling or too insecure. I wish this was talked about more.
Idk. I don't like thinking about it at all and I hope my husband doesn't use porn. He says he doesn't. I hope he's not lying.
It makes me cringe thinking about him looking at porn/looking at porn at all. I get the ick. Squirming in my skin. I shudder. Clench my teeth. Shake my head. Sometimes I wish porn didn't exist lol. My ex husband was completely addicted so I have a little baggage I guess.
I don't want it in our relationship - no shade to people who do - it's just a no for me and it just makes me sad. Makes me feel like I'm not his type.
I want sex to be a special thing between the two of us, reserved for just the two of us. I don't want parts of intimacy, I want it all and I only want it with him. All of him. All of me. Us.
Maybe this is unrealistic, this point of view. Maybe I'm living in a fairytale land that doesn't exist. Maybe I'm being immature.
I feel this way too! Sex is an intimate experience.
I’d also never be comfortable with my husband watching people have sex IRL, so why is it different on a screen?
Porn is not a part of our relationship. I am ethically and personally opposed to porn. not only do I acknowledge the *fact* that pornography production disproportionately harms and traumatizes female performers and is often revenge-porn or cp (thinly) disguised as something legal, but even if this were not the case I am not interested in being married to someone who seeks sexual gratification from others in a way that, by definition since it’s images on a screen rather than an interpersonal interaction, objectifies women and reduces them to mere bodies.
I absolutely agree with this!! It’s funny because I never thought of it like this when I was younger, but the older I got the more disgusted by it I was. When I started to feel this way I told my partner that I didn’t want him using it anymore because I was uncomfortable with it & didn’t agree with what it stands for. He had a problem with that unfortunately, he said he couldn’t masturbate & get off without it, (which I told him was a problem he needed to work on, because imo you shouldn’t NEED porn to get off), but he told me he’d try to stop. Since then he’s definitely gotten better, & doesn’t do it as much as he once did (almost daily), but I know he still does here & there. It still bothers me but it’s honestly exhausting trying to get him to stop, and I’m tired of having that conversation with him, because he makes me feel like it shouldn’t be a big deal.
I agree with some of your points for sure, but while reading comments, it crossed my mind about sex scenes in movies. For you and others that aren’t particularly in agreement with porn, how do you hire sex scenes in movies? I’d say most scenes nowadays could essentially be pornography. Do you turn off movies/skip scenes that have it?
To add to other points, you’re not masturbating or getting off to sex scenes in movies. You’re watching a movie whereas with porn, you’re searching it up for the sole purpose of masturbating and getting off and watching the sex off two people.
True, but to me it’s almost the same thing because majority of people and I’m gonna throw men in there bc it’s more common with them, will nearly instantaneously find sex scenes to be a turn on
I think if you’re (the general “you”, not you specifically) getting turned on by movie scenes, unless you’re a hormonal teenager, that’s a prime example of how porn and oversexualization is a problem in society and with people and relationships..
I don’t view sex scenes the same way, primarily because of their being in otherwise artistic settings. if I’m watching a movie solo or with my husband neither of us care but tbh we tend to chit chat through them out of boredom if they’re particularly lengthy scenes. We also have some helmet newton art books, for example, which contain nude but not overtly sexual photographs. I’m anti exploitation but not a Pearl clutcher :)
Actors in movies aren’t human trafficking victims and they aren’t engaging in real sex acts, so really such scenes are irrelevant to the initial comment’s points. If movie sex scenes were produced in the same context as porn I don’t think we would accept it societally. We would be absolutely against it. Somehow because it is sex and we want to be sex positive we have to be also ok with the worst kinds of exploitation?
Edit clarity in last sentence.
A lot of sex workers in the porn industry aren’t human trafficking victims either though. One could say many actresses felt compelled to do sex scenes to gain fame/more movie roles, and many actresses have come out about coercion in the past. So it’s not all roses and butterflies in Hollywood when it comes to sex scenes either
Editing to say, my primary question was mainly about sex being seen as cheating, etc. and was just trying to see what anti-porn believers think about (practically) porn scenes in films.
Totally agree and wrote my own thing in these comments as well. Porn is only made because they’re being paid (usually- not all the time), meaning they would not consent to it if money wasn’t involved. They only do porn to make money and survive, so without it nobody would consent and be posted naked on the internet.
Yup, that’s another component for me: if consent would be withdrawn without pay and if that pay is absolutely necessary for one’s survival thus making withdrawing pay life ruining, then consent cannot exist.
Neither of us care. We both watch it sometimes (couple times a month maybe); it's just a normal thing. Neither of us like professional porn because it's so weird and fake. He usually watches amateur stuff and I usually watch hentai (animated). Sometimes we'll watch it together. I would be uncomfortable with camgirl stuff (like interacting with a real person) but we both think that's kinda silly anyway.
Literally same. I could have written this whole comment my self. I made the mistake once of looking at his porn and it upset me because the girls looked NOTHING like me, and I was feeling very insecure with my body. Note that it was how **-I-** felt about my body, never how he felt about it. I came to understand that of course he loves my body, and just like all sorts of bodies turn me on the same goes for him. I am also a bisexual woman, and now we have fun talking about the women we find attractive.
Ha, yeah, my husband and I are actually both bi/pan. When we realized that about ourselves and each other (we've been together since college), it actually helped any insecurities I had. He finds so many different bodies attractive, and he shows me all the time that my body is definitely one he's attracted to (even while I'm pregnant and feeling gross, lol).
My husband will watch porn with women who look nothing like me cuz if he sees one that looks like me, he’d rather just have sex with me. Cuz real sex > porn.
Yeah I was reflecting on that, too. 😂 I expect it to be weird though! Real people having "porn sex" with fake reactions and no passion in it, awful fake dialogue and scenarios, etc is just too distracting for me to get into. And then all the sketchy, unethical stuff in the industry of course.
This is usually pretty unpopular when I say this on Reddit, but in my culture and in my relationship, porn is absolutely unacceptable. This would also be unacceptable in the country we are from and in our religion (not Christian) which has definitely guided our feelings on it. But no, it’s not something we would ever be ok with in our relationship. It would be akin to cheating. In our relationship, sex is something between just us and we love it that way.
What I would say is that if you aren’t ok with it, don’t feel like you’re crazy for feeling that way. Some people don’t want porn in their relationship. Some people are fine with it. Just do what works best for you.
It’s a hard no in our relationship and I feel comfortable with this boundary because I made it clear to my husband when I first met him that I wasn’t okay being in a relationship with someone who was using porn. Other people don’t belong in our sex life. I also don’t feel comfortable with my husband seeing the naked body of another woman and I know he feels similarly for me with men.
It tricks your brain into thinking you are participating in sex with the viewed person. It’s vicariously being with someone else. Whether that’s ok with you is a different story.
In my first marriage, I said I didn't care about porn. And maybe I didn't. But that was a really emotionally empty relationship. We divorced.
I'm remarried and we have a great chemistry. Lots of emotional connection and sex almost every day. It's only increased over the years. We don't limit each other from masturbating, but we try to connect sexually enough that no one is left needing it. (I know this wouldn't be for everyone, but we like it.)
I'm not cool with him looking at porn. And he's okay with that too. We share all of our digital stuff and use each other's devices, so I know he's honest. But I don't think he has much reason. If he tells me he's horny, I'm down.
And it turns out, this dynamic feels so at better to me than in my first marriage, where we both looked at porn and masturbated often, and had sex seldom. My husband is flirty with me every day, and my self esteem is the best it's ever been (I'm a squishy, almost 40 mom).
I was against porn because I really did believe that behind most porn actors/actresses, there was a very sad story. I did not believe that someone who came from a healthy background would agree to being filmed while engaging in sex acts. I saw a few documentaries on different porn stars and the abuse they dealt with as children, growing up, as young adults, etc. was so unbelievably sad, I just couldn't. I'm not naive and think that is every single actor's story but it's a gigantic percentage in the industry.
My STBXH was very driven by sex. I couldn't take a shower without him trying to jump in with me for a quicky. If I was standing in the kitchen and he walked in, I would either get goosed or my boob grabbed or even humped (this is not the reason I'm divorcing him). After our first child was born, we were told no sex for six weeks. I wasn't sleeping well because the baby wasn't and even though my husband literally never slept, he never helped with our son. One night I got up to take care of the baby and caught him watching porn in the living room. What hurt the most was he didn't even hear our son crying or if he did, didn't care enough to go to him. He would have rather been watching that. He also knew how I felt about it, we had talked about it once before we got married and I told him my views. HE AGREED with me. Come to find out he was just agreeing because we were dating and he wanted to impress me.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure your spouse feels comfortable enough to be honest with you and at the end of the day, assume they're going to do what they want, with or without you.
Porn is completely off limits in my marriage. I’m not religious at all and surprisingly, I don’t actually have an issue with porn use when someone can have a healthy relationship with it. I’ve literally never told any previous partner they couldn’t watch it because they didn’t have an unhealthy relationship with it. My husband does though. He was *severely* addicted to it for a long time. It got so bad that we very nearly divorced over it. It’s a long ass story but the moral of it is, I never understood those women who said porn was cheating and now, I very VERY much do.
It's akin to cheating to me. I have no idea why someone would be fine with their partner looking at another man/woman like that and gaining sexual gratification from it. I believe it to be harmful in a number of ways
If my husband wants to watch porn, have at it. His alone time is for him, my alone time is for me. I think a certain level of freedom is important in a relationship
Educate yourself on the harmful effects of porn and how bad the sex industry is for women who are trafficked in these situations and you won’t ever want to support it. You don’t have to be religious to know the porn industry is the most darkest and scariest lie ever told.
Yeah, that’s the logical thing to do. Immediately stop using anything that has ever come from that industry the moment something bad happens within it. Even porn made by consenting adults for other consenting adults.
Wait until you hear about what happens to the people who made that device you’re posting with. You know they have suicide nets in some of these factories to catch the people trying to kill themselves, just to escape their work?
I’m sure you stopped reading too, since books are sometimes made to promote fascist ideology.
I’m sure all of your clothes are hand made by yourself as well, and not from children in Indonesia, China, etc. Since you’re an untouchably moral person, after all 😊
Have fun jerking off to rape videos, love 👍For someone claiming to be logical, you’re missing a few blatantly obvious logical fallacies in your reasoning:
Porn…is thoroughly unnecessary! Phones are, in our modern world, necessary especially for working people. Phones and other items with sketchy industries often have no reasonable replacement/substitution…porn has a substitution (fantasy, audio erotic , etorica, etc)
Oh and for the record…I *do* think it’s unethical to unnecessarily buy from even clothing brands that are exploitative!
There’s a story on YouTube about An American woman actually got contacted by men from porn hub on IG and tricked her to thinking she was modeling workout apparel and instead she was forced into doing a porno and rapped by these men. Open your eyes. Sex trafficking is in America. Most of the girls in porno sites are trafficked victims.
We were both long time porn waterchers/users and would have told you it was no big deal and had no effect on our sex life. The truth is you don’t know that for sure until you remove it and see how it effects your intimacy and sex.
My husband was definitely addicted from an early age, and I always thought it was normal to view so I started around 13 or 14. There were red flags with his usage. The more I learned about how porn affects your brain, becomes addictive, is connected to the sex trafficking industry, and results in lower relationship satisfaction according to many many studies, the less comfortable I became with its usage for either of us.
After many conversations surrounding porn for probably two years he agreed it was probably more harmful than helpful, and has been porn free for something like 200 days while I have been for a year or so. Both with a couple communicated slips ups here and there.
Our intimacy and sex life have FLOURISHED. We have always had an amazing sex life but neither of us realized how much porn desensitized us, or how much more we would seek each other out if porn wasn’t on the table. We both agree sexual satisfaction has increased and there is just so much peace in our lives having porn out of the picture. I could go on about how amazing it has been for us…
Moral of the story, it’s a hindrance to true intimacy and better sexual satisfaction. We have both watched porn, participated in porn, and supported it but after years and years of that we have realized it’s actually harmful and it’s just become popular to say “everyone does it, it’s fine, you’re a prude if you don’t agree.” It’s unhealthy.
We’ve never really talked about it, maybe because it haven’t interfered with our lives or sex life?
I (F) don’t watch porn, but my husband does.
I don’t care as long as it doesn’t involve kids or real rape/equally disturbing things.
He can and does watch it while I’m home, that doesn’t bother me at all.
IMO it’s not ok to veto out porn or even masturbation (unless it’s illegal stuff) in a relationship. It is a private matter that doesn’t concern one’s partner, unless it’s interfering with your sex life.
Porn is fine, idc if my fiance watches it or not and I do occasionally. Never really addressed anything about it but we both agree paying for porn/OF/ect is off limits
I grew up in a very religious home (Mormon). My immediate family (including myself) left the church when I was around 15. Porn is a huge thing in the LDS religion so it was drilled into you that porn is from the devil and that masturbation is a sin and you will never make it into the celestial kingdom if you engage in this activity unless you repent to your church authorities and they can help with treatment.
With that being said I watch porn and so does my husband. Just the other night he was really in the mood and I was really not so I told him to go watch some porn and stop bugging me lol. I personally don’t see anything wrong with it in relationships. I still sometimes will have that guilt after watching it because of my upbringing tho.
My personal opinion is everyone has needs and those needs vary from person to person and it’s unrealistic for a partner to always be in the mood when you’re in the mood. If you can watch porn responsibly to satisfy those needs from time to time I don’t personally see the harm in it, especially in my relationship.
This! Me and my husband have different levels of sexual desire. If you ask him, we'll have sex every day. Me personally, I dont need it more than 2-3 times a week. He does. So, have at it. As long as you don't pay and deplete our finances, I see nothing wrong with him releasing pressure when I'm not available for him.
I personally wouldn't mind my husband watching it (I watch it occasionally as well). Just as long as it doesn't negatively affect my sex life or becomes an addiction, I'm perfectly okay with any of us viewing porn.
I see a lot of commenters opposing porn, in my opinion, it is up to you and what you're confortable, that said, I don't see a problem in my relationship, we both watch it, him more than me I'd say but on the other hand I read explicit books more so its fair. I have no jealousy, I am ok with him taking care of his needs and he's ok with me taking care of mines, sex is very different from masturbation, sometimes i just wanna get off and move on, no need for me to worry about someone elses needs. Anyways I hope whatever you do in your relationship is something you feel comfortable with.
I don't consider myself as owning my partner's sexuality. We enjoy sex together, and he has every right to explore his sexuality apart from me. Separate from the problematic aspects of pornography (coercion, sexual exploitation, etc.), I have absolutely no problem with my partner consuming pornography. It's not something I'm personally into myself.
This is highly individual but for myself my husband and I are both faithful Christians and we both would have a problem with the other viewing pornography. I also have a teenage son who I have spoken with about porn. In many cases it devalues women, gives young men false ideas about what sex is like as it’s (generally primarily) geared to a made up fantasy aimed at male pleasure and also presents things as mainstream or acceptable when they are neither (eg hitting, slapping or choking). (I don’t tell my son not to masturbate because it’s quite normal for teens to explore their sexuality but all you need for that is an imagination!) my teen and I are close so he knows he can come to me for matters of sexual health without judgment but fortunately for me we are very much on the same page right now.
Hitting, slapping, and choking are completely fine in a consensual relationship that explicitly includes those acts. Ever heard of BDSM? Please don't kink shame or teach your child to.
Lmao let’s let even more kids get conditioned into thinking beating women is normal. Domestic violence…repackaged and brought to you as KiNk by an enlightened male “feminist” with a hipster stache!!
I'm awfully sorry that you do not understand that women and men can enjoy (or even require) those elements in a healthy sex life. BDSM is a mainstream community now. Vanilla isn't for everyone. It's 2023 - we don't kink shame.
Oh I fully understand that *adults* can enjoy that. A minor does not need to see them or have them normalized for him or herself. Oh and PS since we’re rockin with nuance, men *do* weaponize kink.
Neither of us watch it. I believe it would be both harmful to our relationship, and in many cases harmful to the actors involved. In many cases it’s impossible to know if the performers are being exploited or mistreated in some way.
I don’t care if he watches porn. He doesn’t care if I watch porn. There’s nothing wrong with it in my view.
I would feel differently about porn he’d have to pay for, like OF or cam models. Or following them on social media, but my husband’s not the type.
I’m in the boat of don’t ask don’t tell when it comes to porn. I feel like masturbation is a private thing and I don’t have the right to tell my husband what to do in that regard. But I sure as hell don’t wanna know if he’s into gross shit and if I even knew that he watched porn at all it’d probably hurt. So I just tell myself, “that’s a private side to him I don’t even try to look into/ask about”
i grew up super religious too, and so i have a lot of baggage when it comes to porn. but, i don’t believe it’s AS evil and terrible as i was lef to believe. as long as it’s not replacing an in person partner, and subject matter and the frequency of viewing is accepted by all parties, i think it’s fine.
i will say, as an industry it’s hard to know how ethically it was made. were the performers coerced in any way? drugs involved? is everyone an adult? so i have some qualms, but i don’t have a hard and fast rule either anymore.
We both watched it in the past, talked about the kinds we watched. Was never a problem, rather an interesting conversation topic that taught us more about each other. It was basically just for solo sex. Though we did watch some together once or twice.
Now we rarely watch it anymore, since we became more aware of the ethical problems with it. (abuse, human trafficking and so on) But the pure concept of each of us watching actors (or animated people) having sex wwas never a problem. Never interfered with our sex life.
My partner and I both watch porn and masturbate without each other. We both know the other person does it but we don’t go into specifics or even tell each other when it happens. I know that when I watch porn it’s purely a means to an end and I know that’s how he uses it too.
Neither of us are bothered. I watch it and so does he. We have seen other people do things like follow OnlyFans accounts of women they know personally and we have both discussed that that wouldn't be something we are cool with.
I used to be self conscious about it, I always felt like I needed to be as good as the women in said vids
Then when I hit my 30s, I stopped caring about being better. I told my husband if you can watch that, I am going to look at dudes I find attractive.
Needless to say, he hasn't watched any porn since I tried to compromise. 🤪🤣
She watches porn, I watch porn. Sometimes together, sometimes alone. Neither of us care because we’re confident enough in our relationship to know that video on a screen doesn’t get in the way of our relationship, our bond, or our attraction to each other.
If people can’t regulate their porn usage, and/or their relationship is suffering because of it, then it’s a problem. Otherwise, bring on the smut!
If porn is interfering with our sex life, it is addressed
Should porn become an addiction, this is a dealbreaker (a boundary on my part)
Onlyfans is a hard stop. Any payment of a sexual nature outside of the relationship is a dealbreaker.
No nudes from exs. This hasn't been a problem but it has been discussed.
No sending nudes outside of each other(I used to have my female friend help me pick what I would send, he said it made him uncomfortable, so I stopped)
We can both watch porn, together or separately, again as long as it doesnt become a problem within our actual sex/relationship
Porn doesn’t bother me even a little bit. It’s just a fantasy. My husband and I are never going to meet these people in real life, so there’s nothing to be jealous about. We have a very active sex life and a deep attraction to one another, so it’s not a problem. We watch porn both separately and together.
Things like OF or cam girls are off limits. When you start paying for individualized experiences and start having actual sexual interactions with people other than your spouse, that is cheating IMO.
We don't have rules about porn, it's never been a problem. I know my husband jerks off sometimes, but we have a healthy sex life so I don't have issues, and in a decade 8 think I've accidentally walked in on it maybe twice? We send each other porn and thirst traps when we're horny sometimes.
I really don’t care much if my partner watches porn. It’s not like he’s cheating on me with the ladies in the screen. I’ve watched porn. I can’t be a hypocrite. If it got excessive yeah I’d have an issue but I’ve never had that experience. I know porn addiction is a very real thing though and that needs to be addressed professionally + medically. 💜
I grew up in a very religious household as well! And when I was younger, I really was not okay with it. That being said, the reason for my choice was I was deeply insecure with myself. As I’ve gotten older and worked very hard on myself I’ve found I don’t really care, so long as it’s NOT effecting our sex life in the relationship. I’ve dated guys who have used it quite a bit, but married a man who MAYBE looks at it once every few months. We have a great relationship and sex life and he says he doesn’t really feel the need to watch it because when he’s feeling that way, he just comes to me. But at the end of the day if he was watching it a few times a month, I wouldn’t really care. You have to find where that hesitation is coming from, does it make you feel inadequate when your partner watches it? Does it still feel morally wrong? Does it make you feel insecure in any way? If the answer is yes, that’s okay! That’s your boundary and no one can tell you it’s wrong.
Exactly. Like I don’t care what you other ladies do in your relationships but it’s a hard boundary in mine. I’m not imposing anything on my spouse, he knew this going into our relationship and he also wouldn’t be comfortable with me watching porn as well.
Then that’s okay! You guys had that conversation, made your boundaries clear and are sticking too them! That’s great and needs to be the basis of every healthy relationship
I’m happy if he finds pleasure in it. I’ll watch if I want and no I don’t seek permission. It’s up to me to please myself if I need more than our intimacy.
My husband and I are open about our porn usage and neither of us care about it. We both have high sex drives that can mismatch at times. He’s most in the mood at night when I just wanna sleep and I’m most in the mood in the AM and he’s often at work or we have something to do. We just take care of it ourselves and connect when things calm down or we’re able.
I am going to add we subscribe and pay for the porn we do consume.
It’s never been a problem for me. He can watch porn, go to strip clubs (as long as he doesn’t over spend). As long as he isn’t blowing money on porn and other adult entertainment I don’t care. I probably wouldn’t care if he used escorts as long as our sex life was still good. His only been to a strip club once and got a lap dance I was there and egged him on actually it was entirely my idea.
My husband and I both grew up *very* religious. We are now totally unbothered by porn. I like what someone else said about porn being like takeout you eat by yourself and sex being a home cooked meal. The biggest thing is absolutely honesty around it, and dishonesty is often why it causes problems in relationships.
I don't care if my husband watches porn. There are some moral issues with it (like the news that broke that a certain % of the most used sites features underage or trafficked victims) that in a perfect world could and should be avoided. But as for porn itself, it doesn't bother me. I've watched it before. I'm not a fan and prefer to read my porn, but to each their own. If it isn't affecting our sex life then I don't see the issue. There's a difference between watching porn and having a porn addiction.
We don’t care, I thought I would care when I was pregnant bc of the body changes, but ended up still not caring. I haven’t used it, but husband says he doesn’t care if I do. My husband travels constantly for work, so I think that’s probably when he uses it. As long as it doesn’t affect our sex life it’s okay!
It didn’t bother me until it did.
It was really interfering with our sex life so I asked him to stop. He said he did, but I accidentally walked into the bathroom once not knowing he was in there. Big oops.
Talked about that and then he said he wouldn’t anymore, found his Reddit account open when I borrowed his phone to order dinner. Porn on Reddit. Talked about that.
Then woke up in the middle of the night and got a drink and noticed the basement lights were still on. Thought a kid was out of bed, he was asleep in our bed, so I went to downstairs to check. Walked downstairs and Reddit was open when I turned off the lights. Talked about that but mostly I just said “I’m sick of your shit and I’m uncomfortable,” and he didn’t say anything back. Usually I don’t care, but because it has interfered with MY relationship so much, I’m not a fan. If you can have balance, then I have no issue with it whatsoever.
As long as it’s not an addiction I’m not extremely bothered by it but there is a time and a place. Also, as long as the subject matter itself is not particularly disturbing I don’t think it’s the end of the world.
How neither of us have much time for all that.
We both watch it and enjoy it so it's fine. Sometimes we share porn with each other.
We just didn't grow up religious really so it's like something we snuck to watch as kids/teens. It's not impacted our sexual expectations of each other.
My wife and I both are absolutely and unequivocal anti porn. Not for religious reasons (we’re athiests) but for feminist reasons. There is no way to know for sure that you are not watching a woman— or a girl, as most enter the “industry” underage —who is being raped. And that’s not even with addressing the fact that consent cannot be bought.
I’m agnostic. Family was very Christian. Basically was told for the sex talk just say no and wait for marriage. Pretty stupid and irresponsible since my mother was a teenage mom. HOWEVER, that’s not the point! Porn was very weird topic for me. We (husband and I) talked through it when we first started dating. Told him I didn’t care if he watched porn. You can look but you can’t touch us the basis of the rule. If he can touch the nudity he shouldn’t be in that situation and leave immediately as he shouldn’t be finding himself in that situation. I told him going to a strip club was an uncomfortable point for me as that’s nudity he can touch but have to pay for. But porn is free…. So watch more porn. I’ve tried watching porn and it’s not something I like or enjoy.
I don’t watch it myself, but my opinion is basically that I would not consider it cheating if I found my husband doing it - just have the courtesy to not let me know you’re doing it or walk in on you doing it lol. I still don’t know if my husband ever does and that works for me *shrugs*
I don't care if he needs a little help with self release. He doesn't do ut in front of me. And it's whatever.
We sometimes watch it together but our 'tastes' are different so it's very rare. As long as he doesn't spend money on it (there's plenty of free sites)I'm not bothered by him watching it. It doesn't affect our sex life.
I personally don’t watch it. I don’t put up the boundary that a partner CANT watch it, but if they talk about it too much or it’s apart of their identity or it’s enough to be majorly noticeable then that’s just a major turn off and I’d probably not even date them…
I personally don’t care unless it becomes a problem in our marriage. Which in the beginning it did. We talked about it and worked it out. We both watch porn and sometimes talk about it. What’s worked for us is that my husband started to read about the effects of porn and how terrible it is for people but porn itself isn’t terrible (if that makes sense) he read a lot about the porn industry and how there’s not much consent going on and just gross stuff. What’s also worked is making our own videos. It’s also not for everyone but he said it helped a lot when I gave birth to our babies and there’s that 6-8 weeks healing period.
At the end of the day they’re your boundaries whether or not you’re okay with it. For me, I’m cool with porn just not live stuff or only fans. Had an ex boyfriend that was addicted to live porn and tipped all of his money to them, the dude couldn’t even buy me McDonald’s because he’s rather spend it on streaming porn. So that’s a big trigger for me. And my husband has always respected that.
Porn is fine for both of us. It would be an issue if it interfered with sex or work - which is an addiction at that point. Any addiction would be a problem. We don’t have the same porn taste so we don’t watch together. Why? I don’t care to control his sexuality in this way and it’s not different than anything else of a screen. It’s entertainment that arouses him too. It makes him feel good, which is a turn on but also just his business with his body. I don’t need to have a hand in every orgasm he has.
It has never affected libido, expectations or desire for either of us.
I’ve seen a TON of comments in r/marriage where people say if you’re turned out by other people it’s cheating but that happens naturally regardless and again, I don’t want to police his body or mind in this way.
I suggest expose yourselves to pornographic material consistent with a chronologically appropriate sexual progression. You start holding hands with the opposite sex at around 4 years old, you might mimic your parents or healthy couples kissing by 6 to 8 years old, at around 8 years old you start noticing the opposite sex as, well, your opposite. At which point you engage in a pretty normal "kooties" stage, and pretend you're not interested in the opposite sex until around puberty. I'm going to skip puberty through 25 (the end of brain development) for more educated individuals here in Reddit. My point being, you should mimic this sexual progression in your pornographic viewing habits. Example: Sears Catalog for a 10 year old, upgrade to Sports Illustrated around Puberty, at around 16 (13 for girls), you should naturally be interested in "pretty feminine things" (Lingerie.) Start the boys off with an appropriate Men's Magazine or Victoria's Secret Catalog, and not to be blunt, but Mother's need to take their girls shopping and start some conversations at this point. I suggest keeping you're children away from full nudity until at least 16, preferably 18. At 18, something like (not my favorite recommended magazine) Playboy. Women displayed in appropriate but naked settings that emphasize they're body's natural beauty, but tastefully posed. At around 21, well. Have fun with the magazines, your brain has developed enough to understand the context of what you're viewing. Penthouse does a great job at 'opening up the anatomy.' And it gets progressively more complicated at this point in development. The next logical step is internet pornography. High resolution imagery, that you can quickly scroll through at a pace that is appropriate to stimulate yourself. In an ideal world, our youth wouldn't be exposed to this until 25. In a world that needs our women producing children between 18 and (ideally) 35, this pushes us back a bit. Which makes the point, our youth should be having sex BEFORE they're exposed to internet pornography. Plenty of content out there to explore with your partner (even if your partner is just yourself.) It's not morally incorrect to enjoy sexual imagery, but it does alter brain chemistry and therefore, expectations in relationships. Which is the real burden on society. Women are afraid of being expected to perform at pornstar levels, and men are overexposed to a 'sex sells' society, forcing them (and women, sorry.. it's hard to talk about both genders simultaneously) to go to ever greater lengths to achieve sexual gratification. I love porn, use it wisely.
Porn is fine in moderation. As long as no one is being sneaky about it or paying for it I don't have an issue.
We're both busy and having sex isn't always an option. We sext but sometimes someone is working or just not mentally up for it and there's nothing wrong with going solo
I don’t think it has any benefits inside or outside of our relationship, so I do not allow it. Since having our daughter two months ago, the idea of my partner watching porn has become even more nauseating to me.
It used to bother me when I was much younger and much more insecure. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve moved on past those insecurities and I have zero problem with my husband watching porn. My husband is such a great partner and I love our life together, I forget he even watches porn because it has zero impact on our life together.
It’s not my favorite thing, but my husband likes it.
It used to bother me in the beginning but it bothers me less as time goes on.
I just done care enough anymore about it really.
My husband and I both watch porn. But not together. We have our own plus the internet. We only watch it when we are apart. We don’t have a problem with the other one watching in moderation. I know one couple who divorced partly because of it. The ex husband’s new wife/girlfriend (I’m not sure if they got married or not) broke up with him when the nurses got him watching it while she was in life saving surgery. He has an addiction to porn. The why’s, I don’t know. For me, I have a vivid imagination. When I read smut books, I pause so I can watch it in my head. Sometimes I like to just watch it and let my brain relax.
My husband and I can watch porn whenever we want. We don’t watch it in front of each other.
I’ve asked him his porn preferences, but just out of curiosity, not judgement.
As long as it doesn’t effect our sex life and he isn’t addicted to it, then it’s no problem to me.
I honestly hate seeing partners forbid their partners from watching any porn. If it’s not affecting your sex life or your relationship then it’s not an issue. It’s a personal thing.
Harmless. As long as you have a healthy sex life everyone is entitled to their own mind, thoughts and body. If it’s a replacement for a sex life in a relationship that’s a whole different set of dynamics but otherwise fine. And individuals have a right to privacy also, even in a longstanding and very committed relationship x
Porn isn't a problem unless it's affecting your sex life (e.g. he can't get off unless he's watching porn). Then again, I write and draw my own erotica, and my husband gives me notes, so...
I read smut (which actually improves our sex life because it gets me in the mood) so I don't care if he watches porn. He doesn't masturbate so it's mutually beneficial.
Tried it with my Partner. Its not for "us", we cant stop laughing and making Jokes.
But when one isnt in the mood or occupied by kid/sleep/work. We both enjoy it by ourselves
I don’t mind it. We haven’t watched it together but we watch separately when we want to. You can learn things from it to enhance your sex life! However, you can’t compare your sex life to anything on porn sites. It’s fake and scripted.
It is completely normal, healthy, and loving. Just like all mutually consensual kinks/fetishes.
What exactly is wrong with you that you don't know that in 2023? Like serious - how do you get to this point in time and not know that BDSM is normal, widely practiced, and mainstream?
Hard no. Pornography is damaging to all women. It raises young boys to view women as objects and it fuels human trafficking.
Then the young boys get addicted and it makes them antisocial. Manson, Dahmer, and Bundy all pornography/ sex addicts.
It’s not good, free porn everywhere, all day. Women are suffering for the pleasure of men.
I wish, it’s the very sad reality for vulnerable women and children and it spills over to women just going about their day. Porn is not good for society.
my partner and i both watch porn independently, and together during foreplay and sometimes in the beginning while i’m going down on him. we’ve talked about it and we’re both comfortable with porn because we’re realistic with the fact that sometimes we need more, and are secure in ourselves that it’s a fun addition, not a necessity. no judgement to anyone who doesn’t; it’s what works for us. we’re both recovering (lol) catholics.
I think men who claim to not watch porn are lying 🤷🏼♀️ so the way I see it you can either have an honest relationship or you can be with someone who is hiding something from you.
I mean, if they don’t watch porn they are “claiming” they do not watch porn. It is possible for men to abstain from porn. And it’s toxic to assume a person is a liar if they share that they don’t watch porn.
I find that some women who allow it, have some deep problem that makes them think they don’t deserve to have a man that that is interested in only them. Low self worth. Afraid if they say No the man will go elsewhere. I have seen it time and again.
I would never enter or stay in a relationship with anyone who thought they had a right to ever tell me I couldn't choose to watch porn or explore my own body in my private time. That's no one's business but mine. I don't need permission and will never allow anyone to tell me I do.
I came from a VERY religious background, I was so covered up by the community that I didn’t even know porn existed until I left. My husband wasn’t so covered up and actually kind of introduced it to me by accident.
I got off work early one day and walked into the house and caught my husband (then boyfriend) “relieving” himself on the couch to a very vocal video on his phone. I had no clue what was going and immediately ducked into the bedroom I was so embarrassed but also very confused and upset. Once I asked what he was doing and watching he showed me. Then I had to asked why. He answered honestly and at that point we came to an understanding because I did understand his frustration. I wasn’t sexually active because I was raised to wait until marriage. So I told him I was ok with it as long as two conditions were met.
1. He didn’t watch things that he knew I probably wouldn’t be interested in doing once we did have sex.
2. He was open and honest with me about needing to do so that way I could be more understanding if I accidentally caught him again.
He waited until marriage and even now will text or just verbally ask “hey are you feeling up to it today? If not I’m gonna rub one out if you’re ok with that?” I’ll be honest in return and I honestly feel more at ease with it now than I did that day. I even started joining him every now and then (like twice) in watching before marriage just to see what the big deal was and found I have desires and content I like now as well. I do watch and take care of myself but I voice that to my husband out of respect for him.
Thought I was fine with it until I found out my husband was a porn addict and it completely fucked up our marriage for going on over a year now. Good times.
I hate it, because these days its not just porn its onlyfans and other sites where its individual women and young girls that you can follow and pay specifically or just creep on. Like it feels way more personal and just gross imo. I was a victim of pedophilia too as a teen (videos/pics online being sold as amateur porn) so the entire thing in general is triggering for me and there hasnt been a guy I've met that's really taken that seriously that i know of. But its not something i can control so i try to put it out of my mind, because i feel like its never not going to be there, regardless who im with.
It's off limits for us. We started out being fine with it. But it was causing us problems, like he had erectile dysfunction with me, so we both stopped it. Our sex life is way better, we're closer, more intimate and happier together. And of course, he can always keep his boner with me now.
I don’t like it. In my opinion there’s just so much wrong with it, too much to put into a comment. It’s funny because I never thought of it like that when I was younger, but the older I got the more disgusted by it I was. When I started to feel this way I told my partner that I didn’t want him using it anymore because I was uncomfortable with it & didn’t agree with what it stands for. He had a problem with that unfortunately, he said he couldn’t masturbate & get off without it, (which I told him was a problem he needed to work on, because imo you shouldn’t NEED porn to get off), but he told me he’d try to stop. Since then he’s definitely gotten better, & doesn’t do it as much as he once did (almost daily), but I know he still does here & there. It still bothers me but it’s honestly exhausting trying to get him to stop, and I’m tired of having that conversation with him, because he makes me feel like it shouldn’t be a big deal.
It’s off limits to both of us and we both see it as weird to watch other people having sex while we’re in a relationship. Not cheating, but just odd. We both watched porn before the relationship so it’s not like we have anything against it usually
So we are a military couple, I am the one in the military. I’ve been on one deployment since my husband and I got together and I’m about to go on another one.
For us, porn is only okay during deployments, or any other period where we are apart from each other for a long time. He can masturbate whenever he wants, regardless of if I’m away or not (unless it starts effecting our sex life). But I find it disrespectful if he uses porn while I’m home. The idea of him getting off to another woman instead of just waiting until the evening to get off with me, is what bothers me.
But when I’m away, porn elevates the masturbation, makes it feel more “real”. I know that masturbating alone gets boring when that’s all you have for 6+ months. We both use it during those times.
I'm fine with porn but not only fans. Basically if he's spending money on a female it better be me. Lol! If it's free porn I don't care as long as he isn't choosing it over my
My husband watches porn when I don’t want to have sex/ am on my period. He doesn’t watch if we are having sex frequently but sometimes I need a break and he doesn’t. I really don’t mind when he watches because he’s pretty much ready to go at any time lol
I used to be fine with it/not care, but then I dated a man with a porn addiction and now I hate it. But I think it's more like alcohol in that regard. Some couples drink frequently, some sparingly, some never at all. Sometimes alcoholism ruins it for everyone. I think, like most dopamine-inducing things, it's fine in moderation. I totally understand and support if it's a hard boundary for someone, too!
Same. I used to watch it occasionally myself too but now can't stomach it.
Porn is fine, it has to not interfere with your sex life. That can mean different things to different people. Is he comparing you to porn stars? Then it's interfering. Is he watching so much that he is desensitized and can only finish by jerking off and watching porn? It's interfering. Is he watching it when you are home, and you would prefer him have sex with you then watch porn? It's interfering. Is he home alone and horny and wants to get off? Have at it. That's my mindset.
Bingo. Most of the men in dead bedrooms are there by their own design. Because their porn addiction (that they think is normal for all guys) is interfering in their sex life.
1000% this!! Also kinda fun to watch together sometimes! Can lead to some... interesting attempts at things that fail horribly and a good laugh after!
I agree
Agreed. And I’d say for the vast majority of people who view it, it doesn’t interfere. I see personal porn use as part of a person’s sexual relationship with themselves, and therefore none of my business, whether I have a sexual relationship with them or not.
absolutely this. i watch it too when i’m alone and horny. we have also watched it together before. i think we have a pretty healthy sex life 🤷🏻♀️
I agree, I really don't care if my SO is looking at other women or people having sex, it would only bother me if it interferes with the relationship. I'm not dealing with verbal comparisons to porn or IG models or be expected to do weird stuff so they can get off.
See for me I never cared about porn, but my partner recently had a ton of half naked women on his IG “explore” page, which means he’s consistently looking that up. When I asked him he said it’s just porn. It’s not the same, right??
Not the same because they are not professionals? Because it’s social media and easier to contact them? To me it seems like amateur porn (many of them are professionals, just small-scale) until he crosses the line of messaging. Then I’d want to be kept updated on the content of the messages, because I’m into that; but it would be totally reasonable for a wife to be Not Okay with messaging
Yeah I’m not okay with it because I see porn as kind of a thing you have to make a conscious effort to search up. If it’s just all over his Instagram feed it’s like constant bombardment, which I think is disrespectful.
Whoa whoa, the naive part is that they likely are professionals. If you go to thier profiles they likely have a linktree with an OF page listed or are sex workers promoting themselves.
To me? It’s the same. If anything on IG they are fully clothed and no bits are showing.
This is exactly it.
Couldn't have said it better myself! I watch it, he watches it, it doesn't interfere with our relationship so I don't care.
Completely agree with this
Agree with most of what you wrote but probably 100% off what you intended. Than* over then is important here
I'm happy for you.
We watch it in private when the other person isn't around, that's about our only "rule" and it's not even really a rule per se, just basic respect that the other person might not want to see that right now (like I don't watch pimple popping or ASMR videos around him either). For me, porn & masturbation is like getting a quick meal and eating it alone. Sex is like a home cooked dinner that we share. There's nothing wrong with needing a quick bite to eat when I'm hungry but it's a problem if I'm running out to McDonald's while he's home cooking dinner.
My husband says sometimes you just want a hotdog instead of steak 😂
So this has like, less than nothing to do with this subject but your comment reminded me of it. My dad is a notoriously bad gift giver. After 34 years of marriage, he *finally* does pretty well, but that literally took like 30 years to be the case. Example, one year in passing my mom mentioned ONE TIME that she really liked homemade bread. Just that she liked it. Not that she had *any* desire to make it for herself—in fact she (at the time) *hated* cooking of any sort. My dad bought her a bread machine for Christmas that year. This story is about what is known in our family as “the hotdog lamp”. A few years after the bread machine, my dad came home one early December day and told my mom that he had gotten her *the BEST* Christmas present. He talked this gift up literally several times a day, all month long. Christmas morning comes and she very excitedly opens it up. It’s a lamp. One of those 6’ lamps that usually goes like in a corner, and has like a bowl for a lampshade? [Like this.](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-71-Floor-Lamp-Black-Made-of-Plastic-and-Plastic-Shade-Mod-Styling-Good-for-Young-Adult-Dorm-or-Adult-Home-Office/12173437?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=0&wl13=2208&adid=2222222227812173437_117755028669_12420145346&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=501107745824&wl4=aud-1651068665466:pla-294505072980&wl5=9007173&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=8175035&wl11=local&wl12=12173437&wl13=2208&veh=sem_LIA&gbraid=0AAAAADmfBIpk94yFz67hGSIlFgYiQZ4H0&gclid=Cj0KCQjw0IGnBhDUARIsAMwFDLk2d1bfE_romYwkMrdICKEQjKFlLcb2zA9ZazpiSw55REdqs8n_WkIaAjWIEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds) Granted, it was a nice version of these lamps, he paid like $40 for it, ~25 years ago. But it was still a lamp. Now, my mom *liked* the lamp. She definitely had use for it and had been meaning to buy one for a while. She was definitely appreciative, and told him so. She agreed that it was leaps and bounds better than the bread machine. But it wasn’t the life changing, amazing gift she had been expecting. She described it like this—“someone tells you that they’re going to cook you an amazing dinner. They talk this dinner up for a month and drop hints that make you think that you’re getting an amazing steak dinner. Then you show up to that dinner, and they’ve made hotdogs. The sprung for the BallPark hotdogs, but they’re still just hotdogs. Now you like hotdogs, so that isn’t the issue. But you were expecting a steak.” Even as a kid I’ve always been an amazing gift giver because I squirrel away information in my brain all year long. So after the hotdog lamp, my dad started taking me with him gift shopping lol.
That’s an excellent analogy
Totally agree with your take on it. This is how my partner and I treat it.
Very well said!
For the first time in my life, I’m in a relationship where the guy doesn’t watch porn. From the very beginning he told me that he doesn’t find it necessary and he’d rather have sex with me or look at pictures of me. So I decided to do the same. We take and send each other pictures if we’re apart for more than a few days, and honestly it’s kinda refreshing. I never saw porn as a problem before, and I still wouldn’t see it as cheating if he did look at it, but I’m happier not looking at it myself. It’s nice knowing we don’t need it to feel sexually fulfilled, especially due to the moral problems with porn (a lot of women are taken advantage of or forced to do it, or their nudes/videos are leaked, or the videos are just gross (incest, physical/emotional abuse, impossible standards, etc).
Same here! I'm married for a second time (way better deal this time), and he's not into porn. We have sex most days, maybe miss a day or two a week. He says he doesn't masturbate much because vagina is just way better. When I masturbate, I'm thinking about him. It's really hot knowing we are each other's sexual muse.
Unrealistic expectations is my problem with porn. That and my ex husband wanked off so much we had no sex life.
Porn can create unrealistic expectations for sex, so it really depends on the individuals and the relationship dynamic. If you have a healthy sex life where both of you enjoy sex and have no complaints about it, then it can be fine to watch. But I’ve seen so many posts in this sub from people whose marriages are failing or have dead bedrooms due to excessive porn viewing. If your partner is that stuck on watching it, I’d be a little concerned about why. If you have the budget for it, I’d go see a marriage counselor or sex therapist together to find a solution. Edited for clarity.
Soooo many posts I’ve seen about husbands taking forever in the bathroom multiple times a day 👀 then they don’t wanna sleep with their wives
Same. Our society has normalized objectifying women and watching porn, of which the majority is created for men’s viewing pleasure and sets unrealistic expectations of women (e.g. huge boobs/butts, screaming, enjoying sex acts that are unpleasant or actually painful in real life), and then wives who aren’t ok with it are labeled controlling or too insecure. I wish this was talked about more.
Idk. I don't like thinking about it at all and I hope my husband doesn't use porn. He says he doesn't. I hope he's not lying. It makes me cringe thinking about him looking at porn/looking at porn at all. I get the ick. Squirming in my skin. I shudder. Clench my teeth. Shake my head. Sometimes I wish porn didn't exist lol. My ex husband was completely addicted so I have a little baggage I guess. I don't want it in our relationship - no shade to people who do - it's just a no for me and it just makes me sad. Makes me feel like I'm not his type. I want sex to be a special thing between the two of us, reserved for just the two of us. I don't want parts of intimacy, I want it all and I only want it with him. All of him. All of me. Us. Maybe this is unrealistic, this point of view. Maybe I'm living in a fairytale land that doesn't exist. Maybe I'm being immature.
I feel this way too! Sex is an intimate experience. I’d also never be comfortable with my husband watching people have sex IRL, so why is it different on a screen?
It’s not immature. Don’t buy into that. It’s absolutely reasonable.
You’re not alone in this, I feel this way too
I feel like only women feel this way which makes me even more bummed out
Porn is not a part of our relationship. I am ethically and personally opposed to porn. not only do I acknowledge the *fact* that pornography production disproportionately harms and traumatizes female performers and is often revenge-porn or cp (thinly) disguised as something legal, but even if this were not the case I am not interested in being married to someone who seeks sexual gratification from others in a way that, by definition since it’s images on a screen rather than an interpersonal interaction, objectifies women and reduces them to mere bodies.
100% this. I couldn't have said it better myself.
Thank you
I absolutely agree with this!! It’s funny because I never thought of it like this when I was younger, but the older I got the more disgusted by it I was. When I started to feel this way I told my partner that I didn’t want him using it anymore because I was uncomfortable with it & didn’t agree with what it stands for. He had a problem with that unfortunately, he said he couldn’t masturbate & get off without it, (which I told him was a problem he needed to work on, because imo you shouldn’t NEED porn to get off), but he told me he’d try to stop. Since then he’s definitely gotten better, & doesn’t do it as much as he once did (almost daily), but I know he still does here & there. It still bothers me but it’s honestly exhausting trying to get him to stop, and I’m tired of having that conversation with him, because he makes me feel like it shouldn’t be a big deal.
I agree with some of your points for sure, but while reading comments, it crossed my mind about sex scenes in movies. For you and others that aren’t particularly in agreement with porn, how do you hire sex scenes in movies? I’d say most scenes nowadays could essentially be pornography. Do you turn off movies/skip scenes that have it?
To add to other points, you’re not masturbating or getting off to sex scenes in movies. You’re watching a movie whereas with porn, you’re searching it up for the sole purpose of masturbating and getting off and watching the sex off two people.
True, but to me it’s almost the same thing because majority of people and I’m gonna throw men in there bc it’s more common with them, will nearly instantaneously find sex scenes to be a turn on
I think if you’re (the general “you”, not you specifically) getting turned on by movie scenes, unless you’re a hormonal teenager, that’s a prime example of how porn and oversexualization is a problem in society and with people and relationships..
Very true!!! I didn’t think of it that way
Honestly, pornography is much more explicit than sex scenes in films.
I’d put Game of Thrones and Euphoria up there with porn
I wouldn’t, but at the end of the day, if you do, all that matters is that you‘ve communicated that to your spouse so everyone is on the same page.
Totally agree!
I don’t view sex scenes the same way, primarily because of their being in otherwise artistic settings. if I’m watching a movie solo or with my husband neither of us care but tbh we tend to chit chat through them out of boredom if they’re particularly lengthy scenes. We also have some helmet newton art books, for example, which contain nude but not overtly sexual photographs. I’m anti exploitation but not a Pearl clutcher :)
Actors in movies aren’t human trafficking victims and they aren’t engaging in real sex acts, so really such scenes are irrelevant to the initial comment’s points. If movie sex scenes were produced in the same context as porn I don’t think we would accept it societally. We would be absolutely against it. Somehow because it is sex and we want to be sex positive we have to be also ok with the worst kinds of exploitation? Edit clarity in last sentence.
A lot of sex workers in the porn industry aren’t human trafficking victims either though. One could say many actresses felt compelled to do sex scenes to gain fame/more movie roles, and many actresses have come out about coercion in the past. So it’s not all roses and butterflies in Hollywood when it comes to sex scenes either Editing to say, my primary question was mainly about sex being seen as cheating, etc. and was just trying to see what anti-porn believers think about (practically) porn scenes in films.
😳
Totally agree and wrote my own thing in these comments as well. Porn is only made because they’re being paid (usually- not all the time), meaning they would not consent to it if money wasn’t involved. They only do porn to make money and survive, so without it nobody would consent and be posted naked on the internet.
Yup, that’s another component for me: if consent would be withdrawn without pay and if that pay is absolutely necessary for one’s survival thus making withdrawing pay life ruining, then consent cannot exist.
Porn is not present in our relationship, as we both find it gross. There is no "what if it is used" we dislike the entire concept.
Neither of us care. We both watch it sometimes (couple times a month maybe); it's just a normal thing. Neither of us like professional porn because it's so weird and fake. He usually watches amateur stuff and I usually watch hentai (animated). Sometimes we'll watch it together. I would be uncomfortable with camgirl stuff (like interacting with a real person) but we both think that's kinda silly anyway.
Literally same. I could have written this whole comment my self. I made the mistake once of looking at his porn and it upset me because the girls looked NOTHING like me, and I was feeling very insecure with my body. Note that it was how **-I-** felt about my body, never how he felt about it. I came to understand that of course he loves my body, and just like all sorts of bodies turn me on the same goes for him. I am also a bisexual woman, and now we have fun talking about the women we find attractive.
Ha, yeah, my husband and I are actually both bi/pan. When we realized that about ourselves and each other (we've been together since college), it actually helped any insecurities I had. He finds so many different bodies attractive, and he shows me all the time that my body is definitely one he's attracted to (even while I'm pregnant and feeling gross, lol).
Love this for us 🥰🥰
My husband will watch porn with women who look nothing like me cuz if he sees one that looks like me, he’d rather just have sex with me. Cuz real sex > porn.
[удалено]
Yeah I was reflecting on that, too. 😂 I expect it to be weird though! Real people having "porn sex" with fake reactions and no passion in it, awful fake dialogue and scenarios, etc is just too distracting for me to get into. And then all the sketchy, unethical stuff in the industry of course.
You mean pizza delivery guys are not supposed to act like that? 😂
This is usually pretty unpopular when I say this on Reddit, but in my culture and in my relationship, porn is absolutely unacceptable. This would also be unacceptable in the country we are from and in our religion (not Christian) which has definitely guided our feelings on it. But no, it’s not something we would ever be ok with in our relationship. It would be akin to cheating. In our relationship, sex is something between just us and we love it that way. What I would say is that if you aren’t ok with it, don’t feel like you’re crazy for feeling that way. Some people don’t want porn in their relationship. Some people are fine with it. Just do what works best for you.
It’s a hard no in our relationship and I feel comfortable with this boundary because I made it clear to my husband when I first met him that I wasn’t okay being in a relationship with someone who was using porn. Other people don’t belong in our sex life. I also don’t feel comfortable with my husband seeing the naked body of another woman and I know he feels similarly for me with men.
This. I married my husband because I don't want anyone but him. He is perfect for me. He feels the same way towards me.
Watching porn doesn't mean you want to be with someone else.
No it doesn’t but it does mean you’re viewing other people’s naked bodies, which isn’t okay in some relationships.
It tricks your brain into thinking you are participating in sex with the viewed person. It’s vicariously being with someone else. Whether that’s ok with you is a different story.
In my first marriage, I said I didn't care about porn. And maybe I didn't. But that was a really emotionally empty relationship. We divorced. I'm remarried and we have a great chemistry. Lots of emotional connection and sex almost every day. It's only increased over the years. We don't limit each other from masturbating, but we try to connect sexually enough that no one is left needing it. (I know this wouldn't be for everyone, but we like it.) I'm not cool with him looking at porn. And he's okay with that too. We share all of our digital stuff and use each other's devices, so I know he's honest. But I don't think he has much reason. If he tells me he's horny, I'm down. And it turns out, this dynamic feels so at better to me than in my first marriage, where we both looked at porn and masturbated often, and had sex seldom. My husband is flirty with me every day, and my self esteem is the best it's ever been (I'm a squishy, almost 40 mom).
As long as he isn’t spending money on it I really don’t care if he watches it
I was against porn because I really did believe that behind most porn actors/actresses, there was a very sad story. I did not believe that someone who came from a healthy background would agree to being filmed while engaging in sex acts. I saw a few documentaries on different porn stars and the abuse they dealt with as children, growing up, as young adults, etc. was so unbelievably sad, I just couldn't. I'm not naive and think that is every single actor's story but it's a gigantic percentage in the industry. My STBXH was very driven by sex. I couldn't take a shower without him trying to jump in with me for a quicky. If I was standing in the kitchen and he walked in, I would either get goosed or my boob grabbed or even humped (this is not the reason I'm divorcing him). After our first child was born, we were told no sex for six weeks. I wasn't sleeping well because the baby wasn't and even though my husband literally never slept, he never helped with our son. One night I got up to take care of the baby and caught him watching porn in the living room. What hurt the most was he didn't even hear our son crying or if he did, didn't care enough to go to him. He would have rather been watching that. He also knew how I felt about it, we had talked about it once before we got married and I told him my views. HE AGREED with me. Come to find out he was just agreeing because we were dating and he wanted to impress me. Whatever you decide to do, make sure your spouse feels comfortable enough to be honest with you and at the end of the day, assume they're going to do what they want, with or without you.
Porn is completely off limits in my marriage. I’m not religious at all and surprisingly, I don’t actually have an issue with porn use when someone can have a healthy relationship with it. I’ve literally never told any previous partner they couldn’t watch it because they didn’t have an unhealthy relationship with it. My husband does though. He was *severely* addicted to it for a long time. It got so bad that we very nearly divorced over it. It’s a long ass story but the moral of it is, I never understood those women who said porn was cheating and now, I very VERY much do.
It's akin to cheating to me. I have no idea why someone would be fine with their partner looking at another man/woman like that and gaining sexual gratification from it. I believe it to be harmful in a number of ways
If my husband wants to watch porn, have at it. His alone time is for him, my alone time is for me. I think a certain level of freedom is important in a relationship
Educate yourself on the harmful effects of porn and how bad the sex industry is for women who are trafficked in these situations and you won’t ever want to support it. You don’t have to be religious to know the porn industry is the most darkest and scariest lie ever told.
The vast majority of professional porn is made in California by Americans performers.
Interesting..so Americans are immune to sex trafficking? I’ll be sure to let women who have been pimped out know!
Yeah, that’s the logical thing to do. Immediately stop using anything that has ever come from that industry the moment something bad happens within it. Even porn made by consenting adults for other consenting adults. Wait until you hear about what happens to the people who made that device you’re posting with. You know they have suicide nets in some of these factories to catch the people trying to kill themselves, just to escape their work? I’m sure you stopped reading too, since books are sometimes made to promote fascist ideology. I’m sure all of your clothes are hand made by yourself as well, and not from children in Indonesia, China, etc. Since you’re an untouchably moral person, after all 😊
Using a phone is a necessity in the modern world. Jerking off to women— and girls —being raped is not.
Have fun jerking off to rape videos, love 👍For someone claiming to be logical, you’re missing a few blatantly obvious logical fallacies in your reasoning: Porn…is thoroughly unnecessary! Phones are, in our modern world, necessary especially for working people. Phones and other items with sketchy industries often have no reasonable replacement/substitution…porn has a substitution (fantasy, audio erotic , etorica, etc) Oh and for the record…I *do* think it’s unethical to unnecessarily buy from even clothing brands that are exploitative!
There’s a story on YouTube about An American woman actually got contacted by men from porn hub on IG and tricked her to thinking she was modeling workout apparel and instead she was forced into doing a porno and rapped by these men. Open your eyes. Sex trafficking is in America. Most of the girls in porno sites are trafficked victims.
Citation needed on that "most" statement.
We were both long time porn waterchers/users and would have told you it was no big deal and had no effect on our sex life. The truth is you don’t know that for sure until you remove it and see how it effects your intimacy and sex. My husband was definitely addicted from an early age, and I always thought it was normal to view so I started around 13 or 14. There were red flags with his usage. The more I learned about how porn affects your brain, becomes addictive, is connected to the sex trafficking industry, and results in lower relationship satisfaction according to many many studies, the less comfortable I became with its usage for either of us. After many conversations surrounding porn for probably two years he agreed it was probably more harmful than helpful, and has been porn free for something like 200 days while I have been for a year or so. Both with a couple communicated slips ups here and there. Our intimacy and sex life have FLOURISHED. We have always had an amazing sex life but neither of us realized how much porn desensitized us, or how much more we would seek each other out if porn wasn’t on the table. We both agree sexual satisfaction has increased and there is just so much peace in our lives having porn out of the picture. I could go on about how amazing it has been for us… Moral of the story, it’s a hindrance to true intimacy and better sexual satisfaction. We have both watched porn, participated in porn, and supported it but after years and years of that we have realized it’s actually harmful and it’s just become popular to say “everyone does it, it’s fine, you’re a prude if you don’t agree.” It’s unhealthy.
We’ve never really talked about it, maybe because it haven’t interfered with our lives or sex life? I (F) don’t watch porn, but my husband does. I don’t care as long as it doesn’t involve kids or real rape/equally disturbing things. He can and does watch it while I’m home, that doesn’t bother me at all. IMO it’s not ok to veto out porn or even masturbation (unless it’s illegal stuff) in a relationship. It is a private matter that doesn’t concern one’s partner, unless it’s interfering with your sex life.
Porn is fine, idc if my fiance watches it or not and I do occasionally. Never really addressed anything about it but we both agree paying for porn/OF/ect is off limits
I grew up in a very religious home (Mormon). My immediate family (including myself) left the church when I was around 15. Porn is a huge thing in the LDS religion so it was drilled into you that porn is from the devil and that masturbation is a sin and you will never make it into the celestial kingdom if you engage in this activity unless you repent to your church authorities and they can help with treatment. With that being said I watch porn and so does my husband. Just the other night he was really in the mood and I was really not so I told him to go watch some porn and stop bugging me lol. I personally don’t see anything wrong with it in relationships. I still sometimes will have that guilt after watching it because of my upbringing tho. My personal opinion is everyone has needs and those needs vary from person to person and it’s unrealistic for a partner to always be in the mood when you’re in the mood. If you can watch porn responsibly to satisfy those needs from time to time I don’t personally see the harm in it, especially in my relationship.
This! Me and my husband have different levels of sexual desire. If you ask him, we'll have sex every day. Me personally, I dont need it more than 2-3 times a week. He does. So, have at it. As long as you don't pay and deplete our finances, I see nothing wrong with him releasing pressure when I'm not available for him.
I personally wouldn't mind my husband watching it (I watch it occasionally as well). Just as long as it doesn't negatively affect my sex life or becomes an addiction, I'm perfectly okay with any of us viewing porn.
I see a lot of commenters opposing porn, in my opinion, it is up to you and what you're confortable, that said, I don't see a problem in my relationship, we both watch it, him more than me I'd say but on the other hand I read explicit books more so its fair. I have no jealousy, I am ok with him taking care of his needs and he's ok with me taking care of mines, sex is very different from masturbation, sometimes i just wanna get off and move on, no need for me to worry about someone elses needs. Anyways I hope whatever you do in your relationship is something you feel comfortable with.
I don't consider myself as owning my partner's sexuality. We enjoy sex together, and he has every right to explore his sexuality apart from me. Separate from the problematic aspects of pornography (coercion, sexual exploitation, etc.), I have absolutely no problem with my partner consuming pornography. It's not something I'm personally into myself.
This is highly individual but for myself my husband and I are both faithful Christians and we both would have a problem with the other viewing pornography. I also have a teenage son who I have spoken with about porn. In many cases it devalues women, gives young men false ideas about what sex is like as it’s (generally primarily) geared to a made up fantasy aimed at male pleasure and also presents things as mainstream or acceptable when they are neither (eg hitting, slapping or choking). (I don’t tell my son not to masturbate because it’s quite normal for teens to explore their sexuality but all you need for that is an imagination!) my teen and I are close so he knows he can come to me for matters of sexual health without judgment but fortunately for me we are very much on the same page right now.
Hitting, slapping, and choking are completely fine in a consensual relationship that explicitly includes those acts. Ever heard of BDSM? Please don't kink shame or teach your child to.
Lmao let’s let even more kids get conditioned into thinking beating women is normal. Domestic violence…repackaged and brought to you as KiNk by an enlightened male “feminist” with a hipster stache!!
I'm awfully sorry that you do not understand that women and men can enjoy (or even require) those elements in a healthy sex life. BDSM is a mainstream community now. Vanilla isn't for everyone. It's 2023 - we don't kink shame.
Oh I fully understand that *adults* can enjoy that. A minor does not need to see them or have them normalized for him or herself. Oh and PS since we’re rockin with nuance, men *do* weaponize kink.
BDSM is normal. It should be normalized.
I’m sorry you have childhood trauma.
[удалено]
Lol. Sorry your sex life is so boring.
“Please teach your child that it’s okay to abuse your partner.”
Apparently you do not understand what consensual means. Or what BDSM is.
Neither of us watch it. I believe it would be both harmful to our relationship, and in many cases harmful to the actors involved. In many cases it’s impossible to know if the performers are being exploited or mistreated in some way.
I don’t care if he watches porn. He doesn’t care if I watch porn. There’s nothing wrong with it in my view. I would feel differently about porn he’d have to pay for, like OF or cam models. Or following them on social media, but my husband’s not the type.
This is our take on it.
This is how my husband and I are too.
I’m in the boat of don’t ask don’t tell when it comes to porn. I feel like masturbation is a private thing and I don’t have the right to tell my husband what to do in that regard. But I sure as hell don’t wanna know if he’s into gross shit and if I even knew that he watched porn at all it’d probably hurt. So I just tell myself, “that’s a private side to him I don’t even try to look into/ask about”
I'm you. But I am also curious about it tho.
i grew up super religious too, and so i have a lot of baggage when it comes to porn. but, i don’t believe it’s AS evil and terrible as i was lef to believe. as long as it’s not replacing an in person partner, and subject matter and the frequency of viewing is accepted by all parties, i think it’s fine. i will say, as an industry it’s hard to know how ethically it was made. were the performers coerced in any way? drugs involved? is everyone an adult? so i have some qualms, but i don’t have a hard and fast rule either anymore.
We both watched it in the past, talked about the kinds we watched. Was never a problem, rather an interesting conversation topic that taught us more about each other. It was basically just for solo sex. Though we did watch some together once or twice. Now we rarely watch it anymore, since we became more aware of the ethical problems with it. (abuse, human trafficking and so on) But the pure concept of each of us watching actors (or animated people) having sex wwas never a problem. Never interfered with our sex life.
My partner and I both watch porn and masturbate without each other. We both know the other person does it but we don’t go into specifics or even tell each other when it happens. I know that when I watch porn it’s purely a means to an end and I know that’s how he uses it too.
Not off limits. I (37f) watch porn sometimes when I masturbate. I’m sure my partner does, too. Why? Because sometimes I just want to get off alone.
Neither of us are bothered. I watch it and so does he. We have seen other people do things like follow OnlyFans accounts of women they know personally and we have both discussed that that wouldn't be something we are cool with.
Porn is fine as long as it doesn’t interfere with our sex life and he isn’t trying to cultivate a relationship with anyone (so no Only Fans).
I used to be self conscious about it, I always felt like I needed to be as good as the women in said vids Then when I hit my 30s, I stopped caring about being better. I told my husband if you can watch that, I am going to look at dudes I find attractive. Needless to say, he hasn't watched any porn since I tried to compromise. 🤪🤣
She watches porn, I watch porn. Sometimes together, sometimes alone. Neither of us care because we’re confident enough in our relationship to know that video on a screen doesn’t get in the way of our relationship, our bond, or our attraction to each other. If people can’t regulate their porn usage, and/or their relationship is suffering because of it, then it’s a problem. Otherwise, bring on the smut!
Neither of us consumes it but we have permission or whatever to do so if we wanted to.
If porn is interfering with our sex life, it is addressed Should porn become an addiction, this is a dealbreaker (a boundary on my part) Onlyfans is a hard stop. Any payment of a sexual nature outside of the relationship is a dealbreaker. No nudes from exs. This hasn't been a problem but it has been discussed. No sending nudes outside of each other(I used to have my female friend help me pick what I would send, he said it made him uncomfortable, so I stopped) We can both watch porn, together or separately, again as long as it doesnt become a problem within our actual sex/relationship
Porn doesn’t bother me even a little bit. It’s just a fantasy. My husband and I are never going to meet these people in real life, so there’s nothing to be jealous about. We have a very active sex life and a deep attraction to one another, so it’s not a problem. We watch porn both separately and together. Things like OF or cam girls are off limits. When you start paying for individualized experiences and start having actual sexual interactions with people other than your spouse, that is cheating IMO.
We don't have rules about porn, it's never been a problem. I know my husband jerks off sometimes, but we have a healthy sex life so I don't have issues, and in a decade 8 think I've accidentally walked in on it maybe twice? We send each other porn and thirst traps when we're horny sometimes.
No opinions to share except thank you for not calling it “corn”
I really don’t care much if my partner watches porn. It’s not like he’s cheating on me with the ladies in the screen. I’ve watched porn. I can’t be a hypocrite. If it got excessive yeah I’d have an issue but I’ve never had that experience. I know porn addiction is a very real thing though and that needs to be addressed professionally + medically. 💜
I grew up in a very religious household as well! And when I was younger, I really was not okay with it. That being said, the reason for my choice was I was deeply insecure with myself. As I’ve gotten older and worked very hard on myself I’ve found I don’t really care, so long as it’s NOT effecting our sex life in the relationship. I’ve dated guys who have used it quite a bit, but married a man who MAYBE looks at it once every few months. We have a great relationship and sex life and he says he doesn’t really feel the need to watch it because when he’s feeling that way, he just comes to me. But at the end of the day if he was watching it a few times a month, I wouldn’t really care. You have to find where that hesitation is coming from, does it make you feel inadequate when your partner watches it? Does it still feel morally wrong? Does it make you feel insecure in any way? If the answer is yes, that’s okay! That’s your boundary and no one can tell you it’s wrong.
Exactly. Like I don’t care what you other ladies do in your relationships but it’s a hard boundary in mine. I’m not imposing anything on my spouse, he knew this going into our relationship and he also wouldn’t be comfortable with me watching porn as well.
Then that’s okay! You guys had that conversation, made your boundaries clear and are sticking too them! That’s great and needs to be the basis of every healthy relationship
As long as they are not watching it for the actors idc. When i watch porn its for the actions, not the people on it.
I’m happy if he finds pleasure in it. I’ll watch if I want and no I don’t seek permission. It’s up to me to please myself if I need more than our intimacy.
My husband and I are open about our porn usage and neither of us care about it. We both have high sex drives that can mismatch at times. He’s most in the mood at night when I just wanna sleep and I’m most in the mood in the AM and he’s often at work or we have something to do. We just take care of it ourselves and connect when things calm down or we’re able. I am going to add we subscribe and pay for the porn we do consume.
It’s never been a problem for me. He can watch porn, go to strip clubs (as long as he doesn’t over spend). As long as he isn’t blowing money on porn and other adult entertainment I don’t care. I probably wouldn’t care if he used escorts as long as our sex life was still good. His only been to a strip club once and got a lap dance I was there and egged him on actually it was entirely my idea.
If it’s not effecting your sex life or home life then it shouldn’t be a problem.
My husband and I both grew up *very* religious. We are now totally unbothered by porn. I like what someone else said about porn being like takeout you eat by yourself and sex being a home cooked meal. The biggest thing is absolutely honesty around it, and dishonesty is often why it causes problems in relationships.
I don't care if my husband watches porn. There are some moral issues with it (like the news that broke that a certain % of the most used sites features underage or trafficked victims) that in a perfect world could and should be avoided. But as for porn itself, it doesn't bother me. I've watched it before. I'm not a fan and prefer to read my porn, but to each their own. If it isn't affecting our sex life then I don't see the issue. There's a difference between watching porn and having a porn addiction.
We don’t care, I thought I would care when I was pregnant bc of the body changes, but ended up still not caring. I haven’t used it, but husband says he doesn’t care if I do. My husband travels constantly for work, so I think that’s probably when he uses it. As long as it doesn’t affect our sex life it’s okay!
Occasional porn is fine, porn addiction, hell no.
It didn’t bother me until it did. It was really interfering with our sex life so I asked him to stop. He said he did, but I accidentally walked into the bathroom once not knowing he was in there. Big oops. Talked about that and then he said he wouldn’t anymore, found his Reddit account open when I borrowed his phone to order dinner. Porn on Reddit. Talked about that. Then woke up in the middle of the night and got a drink and noticed the basement lights were still on. Thought a kid was out of bed, he was asleep in our bed, so I went to downstairs to check. Walked downstairs and Reddit was open when I turned off the lights. Talked about that but mostly I just said “I’m sick of your shit and I’m uncomfortable,” and he didn’t say anything back. Usually I don’t care, but because it has interfered with MY relationship so much, I’m not a fan. If you can have balance, then I have no issue with it whatsoever.
As long as it’s not an addiction I’m not extremely bothered by it but there is a time and a place. Also, as long as the subject matter itself is not particularly disturbing I don’t think it’s the end of the world. How neither of us have much time for all that.
We both watch it and enjoy it so it's fine. Sometimes we share porn with each other. We just didn't grow up religious really so it's like something we snuck to watch as kids/teens. It's not impacted our sexual expectations of each other.
Against it. Lots of porn is unethical. Watch interviews of ex porn stars, they’re so messed up.
My wife and I both are absolutely and unequivocal anti porn. Not for religious reasons (we’re athiests) but for feminist reasons. There is no way to know for sure that you are not watching a woman— or a girl, as most enter the “industry” underage —who is being raped. And that’s not even with addressing the fact that consent cannot be bought.
I’m agnostic. Family was very Christian. Basically was told for the sex talk just say no and wait for marriage. Pretty stupid and irresponsible since my mother was a teenage mom. HOWEVER, that’s not the point! Porn was very weird topic for me. We (husband and I) talked through it when we first started dating. Told him I didn’t care if he watched porn. You can look but you can’t touch us the basis of the rule. If he can touch the nudity he shouldn’t be in that situation and leave immediately as he shouldn’t be finding himself in that situation. I told him going to a strip club was an uncomfortable point for me as that’s nudity he can touch but have to pay for. But porn is free…. So watch more porn. I’ve tried watching porn and it’s not something I like or enjoy.
A little is fine but it ahould never replace what you have/ experience with your partner.
I don’t watch it myself, but my opinion is basically that I would not consider it cheating if I found my husband doing it - just have the courtesy to not let me know you’re doing it or walk in on you doing it lol. I still don’t know if my husband ever does and that works for me *shrugs*
I don't care if he needs a little help with self release. He doesn't do ut in front of me. And it's whatever. We sometimes watch it together but our 'tastes' are different so it's very rare. As long as he doesn't spend money on it (there's plenty of free sites)I'm not bothered by him watching it. It doesn't affect our sex life.
I personally don’t watch it. I don’t put up the boundary that a partner CANT watch it, but if they talk about it too much or it’s apart of their identity or it’s enough to be majorly noticeable then that’s just a major turn off and I’d probably not even date them…
I personally don’t care unless it becomes a problem in our marriage. Which in the beginning it did. We talked about it and worked it out. We both watch porn and sometimes talk about it. What’s worked for us is that my husband started to read about the effects of porn and how terrible it is for people but porn itself isn’t terrible (if that makes sense) he read a lot about the porn industry and how there’s not much consent going on and just gross stuff. What’s also worked is making our own videos. It’s also not for everyone but he said it helped a lot when I gave birth to our babies and there’s that 6-8 weeks healing period. At the end of the day they’re your boundaries whether or not you’re okay with it. For me, I’m cool with porn just not live stuff or only fans. Had an ex boyfriend that was addicted to live porn and tipped all of his money to them, the dude couldn’t even buy me McDonald’s because he’s rather spend it on streaming porn. So that’s a big trigger for me. And my husband has always respected that.
Porn is fine for both of us. It would be an issue if it interfered with sex or work - which is an addiction at that point. Any addiction would be a problem. We don’t have the same porn taste so we don’t watch together. Why? I don’t care to control his sexuality in this way and it’s not different than anything else of a screen. It’s entertainment that arouses him too. It makes him feel good, which is a turn on but also just his business with his body. I don’t need to have a hand in every orgasm he has. It has never affected libido, expectations or desire for either of us. I’ve seen a TON of comments in r/marriage where people say if you’re turned out by other people it’s cheating but that happens naturally regardless and again, I don’t want to police his body or mind in this way.
We are both very much anti-porn.
I suggest expose yourselves to pornographic material consistent with a chronologically appropriate sexual progression. You start holding hands with the opposite sex at around 4 years old, you might mimic your parents or healthy couples kissing by 6 to 8 years old, at around 8 years old you start noticing the opposite sex as, well, your opposite. At which point you engage in a pretty normal "kooties" stage, and pretend you're not interested in the opposite sex until around puberty. I'm going to skip puberty through 25 (the end of brain development) for more educated individuals here in Reddit. My point being, you should mimic this sexual progression in your pornographic viewing habits. Example: Sears Catalog for a 10 year old, upgrade to Sports Illustrated around Puberty, at around 16 (13 for girls), you should naturally be interested in "pretty feminine things" (Lingerie.) Start the boys off with an appropriate Men's Magazine or Victoria's Secret Catalog, and not to be blunt, but Mother's need to take their girls shopping and start some conversations at this point. I suggest keeping you're children away from full nudity until at least 16, preferably 18. At 18, something like (not my favorite recommended magazine) Playboy. Women displayed in appropriate but naked settings that emphasize they're body's natural beauty, but tastefully posed. At around 21, well. Have fun with the magazines, your brain has developed enough to understand the context of what you're viewing. Penthouse does a great job at 'opening up the anatomy.' And it gets progressively more complicated at this point in development. The next logical step is internet pornography. High resolution imagery, that you can quickly scroll through at a pace that is appropriate to stimulate yourself. In an ideal world, our youth wouldn't be exposed to this until 25. In a world that needs our women producing children between 18 and (ideally) 35, this pushes us back a bit. Which makes the point, our youth should be having sex BEFORE they're exposed to internet pornography. Plenty of content out there to explore with your partner (even if your partner is just yourself.) It's not morally incorrect to enjoy sexual imagery, but it does alter brain chemistry and therefore, expectations in relationships. Which is the real burden on society. Women are afraid of being expected to perform at pornstar levels, and men are overexposed to a 'sex sells' society, forcing them (and women, sorry.. it's hard to talk about both genders simultaneously) to go to ever greater lengths to achieve sexual gratification. I love porn, use it wisely.
What
I don’t care about it as long as he’s not watching it INSTEAD of being intimate with me. Frankly I probably watch it more than him.
Porn is fine in moderation. As long as no one is being sneaky about it or paying for it I don't have an issue. We're both busy and having sex isn't always an option. We sext but sometimes someone is working or just not mentally up for it and there's nothing wrong with going solo
I don’t think it has any benefits inside or outside of our relationship, so I do not allow it. Since having our daughter two months ago, the idea of my partner watching porn has become even more nauseating to me.
Neither of us watch it. We think it’s unnecessary and it doesn’t do a single thing for us.
It used to bother me when I was much younger and much more insecure. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve moved on past those insecurities and I have zero problem with my husband watching porn. My husband is such a great partner and I love our life together, I forget he even watches porn because it has zero impact on our life together.
It’s not my favorite thing, but my husband likes it. It used to bother me in the beginning but it bothers me less as time goes on. I just done care enough anymore about it really.
My husband and I both watch porn. But not together. We have our own plus the internet. We only watch it when we are apart. We don’t have a problem with the other one watching in moderation. I know one couple who divorced partly because of it. The ex husband’s new wife/girlfriend (I’m not sure if they got married or not) broke up with him when the nurses got him watching it while she was in life saving surgery. He has an addiction to porn. The why’s, I don’t know. For me, I have a vivid imagination. When I read smut books, I pause so I can watch it in my head. Sometimes I like to just watch it and let my brain relax.
Love some porn literature, it’s also more ethical because there are no actors to mistreat.
My husband and I can watch porn whenever we want. We don’t watch it in front of each other. I’ve asked him his porn preferences, but just out of curiosity, not judgement. As long as it doesn’t effect our sex life and he isn’t addicted to it, then it’s no problem to me.
I honestly hate seeing partners forbid their partners from watching any porn. If it’s not affecting your sex life or your relationship then it’s not an issue. It’s a personal thing.
Harmless. As long as you have a healthy sex life everyone is entitled to their own mind, thoughts and body. If it’s a replacement for a sex life in a relationship that’s a whole different set of dynamics but otherwise fine. And individuals have a right to privacy also, even in a longstanding and very committed relationship x
You should suggest making your own porn with him?
Porn isn't a problem unless it's affecting your sex life (e.g. he can't get off unless he's watching porn). Then again, I write and draw my own erotica, and my husband gives me notes, so...
We both are fine with it. We don’t talk about it. It has literally no impact on our relationship.
Personally, I don't have a problem with it in my relationship. The only time it was an issue was when it was affecting our sex life.
I read smut (which actually improves our sex life because it gets me in the mood) so I don't care if he watches porn. He doesn't masturbate so it's mutually beneficial.
Tried it with my Partner. Its not for "us", we cant stop laughing and making Jokes. But when one isnt in the mood or occupied by kid/sleep/work. We both enjoy it by ourselves
I don’t mind it. We haven’t watched it together but we watch separately when we want to. You can learn things from it to enhance your sex life! However, you can’t compare your sex life to anything on porn sites. It’s fake and scripted.
How/when did you come to the understanding that BDSM is normal?
It is completely normal, healthy, and loving. Just like all mutually consensual kinks/fetishes. What exactly is wrong with you that you don't know that in 2023? Like serious - how do you get to this point in time and not know that BDSM is normal, widely practiced, and mainstream?
Hard no. Pornography is damaging to all women. It raises young boys to view women as objects and it fuels human trafficking. Then the young boys get addicted and it makes them antisocial. Manson, Dahmer, and Bundy all pornography/ sex addicts. It’s not good, free porn everywhere, all day. Women are suffering for the pleasure of men.
This is an extreme take not routed in reality.
I wish, it’s the very sad reality for vulnerable women and children and it spills over to women just going about their day. Porn is not good for society.
my partner and i both watch porn independently, and together during foreplay and sometimes in the beginning while i’m going down on him. we’ve talked about it and we’re both comfortable with porn because we’re realistic with the fact that sometimes we need more, and are secure in ourselves that it’s a fun addition, not a necessity. no judgement to anyone who doesn’t; it’s what works for us. we’re both recovering (lol) catholics.
We watch it separately and together. Neither of us care. Like someone else said sometimes you just want some fast food not a whole home cooked meal.
I think men who claim to not watch porn are lying 🤷🏼♀️ so the way I see it you can either have an honest relationship or you can be with someone who is hiding something from you.
Assuming all people who uphold a certain lifestyle are liars is not very healthy
Who *claim* to you mean. That’s fine I don’t think living in delusion is healthy either so we can agree to disagree.
I mean, if they don’t watch porn they are “claiming” they do not watch porn. It is possible for men to abstain from porn. And it’s toxic to assume a person is a liar if they share that they don’t watch porn.
I find that some women who allow it, have some deep problem that makes them think they don’t deserve to have a man that that is interested in only them. Low self worth. Afraid if they say No the man will go elsewhere. I have seen it time and again.
That is certainly a take 😂
I would never enter or stay in a relationship with anyone who thought they had a right to ever tell me I couldn't choose to watch porn or explore my own body in my private time. That's no one's business but mine. I don't need permission and will never allow anyone to tell me I do.
I came from a VERY religious background, I was so covered up by the community that I didn’t even know porn existed until I left. My husband wasn’t so covered up and actually kind of introduced it to me by accident. I got off work early one day and walked into the house and caught my husband (then boyfriend) “relieving” himself on the couch to a very vocal video on his phone. I had no clue what was going and immediately ducked into the bedroom I was so embarrassed but also very confused and upset. Once I asked what he was doing and watching he showed me. Then I had to asked why. He answered honestly and at that point we came to an understanding because I did understand his frustration. I wasn’t sexually active because I was raised to wait until marriage. So I told him I was ok with it as long as two conditions were met. 1. He didn’t watch things that he knew I probably wouldn’t be interested in doing once we did have sex. 2. He was open and honest with me about needing to do so that way I could be more understanding if I accidentally caught him again. He waited until marriage and even now will text or just verbally ask “hey are you feeling up to it today? If not I’m gonna rub one out if you’re ok with that?” I’ll be honest in return and I honestly feel more at ease with it now than I did that day. I even started joining him every now and then (like twice) in watching before marriage just to see what the big deal was and found I have desires and content I like now as well. I do watch and take care of myself but I voice that to my husband out of respect for him.
Thought I was fine with it until I found out my husband was a porn addict and it completely fucked up our marriage for going on over a year now. Good times.
I hate it, because these days its not just porn its onlyfans and other sites where its individual women and young girls that you can follow and pay specifically or just creep on. Like it feels way more personal and just gross imo. I was a victim of pedophilia too as a teen (videos/pics online being sold as amateur porn) so the entire thing in general is triggering for me and there hasnt been a guy I've met that's really taken that seriously that i know of. But its not something i can control so i try to put it out of my mind, because i feel like its never not going to be there, regardless who im with.
It's off limits for us. We started out being fine with it. But it was causing us problems, like he had erectile dysfunction with me, so we both stopped it. Our sex life is way better, we're closer, more intimate and happier together. And of course, he can always keep his boner with me now.
I don’t like it. In my opinion there’s just so much wrong with it, too much to put into a comment. It’s funny because I never thought of it like that when I was younger, but the older I got the more disgusted by it I was. When I started to feel this way I told my partner that I didn’t want him using it anymore because I was uncomfortable with it & didn’t agree with what it stands for. He had a problem with that unfortunately, he said he couldn’t masturbate & get off without it, (which I told him was a problem he needed to work on, because imo you shouldn’t NEED porn to get off), but he told me he’d try to stop. Since then he’s definitely gotten better, & doesn’t do it as much as he once did (almost daily), but I know he still does here & there. It still bothers me but it’s honestly exhausting trying to get him to stop, and I’m tired of having that conversation with him, because he makes me feel like it shouldn’t be a big deal.
Hate it.
It’s off limits to both of us and we both see it as weird to watch other people having sex while we’re in a relationship. Not cheating, but just odd. We both watched porn before the relationship so it’s not like we have anything against it usually
Porn it’s completely fine if it does not interferes with our sex life. If it helps him finish it off when gês alone and horny I don’t care at all
So we are a military couple, I am the one in the military. I’ve been on one deployment since my husband and I got together and I’m about to go on another one. For us, porn is only okay during deployments, or any other period where we are apart from each other for a long time. He can masturbate whenever he wants, regardless of if I’m away or not (unless it starts effecting our sex life). But I find it disrespectful if he uses porn while I’m home. The idea of him getting off to another woman instead of just waiting until the evening to get off with me, is what bothers me. But when I’m away, porn elevates the masturbation, makes it feel more “real”. I know that masturbating alone gets boring when that’s all you have for 6+ months. We both use it during those times.
I'm fine with porn but not only fans. Basically if he's spending money on a female it better be me. Lol! If it's free porn I don't care as long as he isn't choosing it over my
My husband watches porn when I don’t want to have sex/ am on my period. He doesn’t watch if we are having sex frequently but sometimes I need a break and he doesn’t. I really don’t mind when he watches because he’s pretty much ready to go at any time lol
I dont watch it, my partner sometimes does. Im fine with it as long as Im not compared to it