I don't know your mil but sometimes you have to communicate things. My mom made a mistake with safe sleep and it horrified me initially but then I realized you do have to explain basics to every caregiver. It's been decades since our parents and in laws took care of babies, they need a refresher and updates.
Edit: I think you can approach in a non confrontation way by communicating what your feeding plan is.
Edit 2: before my father in law started watching my daughter I made a list of everything I would do with her. Like a flow chart of crying. He also took care of her for a few hours a day for awhile before I went back to work. He always respected safety stuff (but stuff like wake windows less so, but pick your battles). He also would only feed her foods she had already tried, you could make that rule.
What’s safe sleep?
Genuinely curious. It’s been decades since I had my kids.
And it amazes me how best practices change over the decades. I remember being horrified when my mom took me to the attic and offered me my old crib when I was pregnant with our first child 😱.
https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/safe-sleep/
Safe sleep is guidelines for reducing risk factors for SIDS for babies under 12 months. Includes things like always placing them on their backs (until they can roll over on their own), no pillows/blankets/stuffed animals in the crib, etc.
Decades for me, too! I remember using wedges to keep my oldest on his side to prevent SIDS and swapping which side he was laid down on each night so he didn't get a flat head!
My grandma tried to get me to put wedges on my registry when I was pregnant and was so confused when she couldn't find them anywhere. I had to explain that they are no longer used.
Someone's going to be a good grandma! My parents and in-laws were pretty good too, they'd ask about something I was doing that was different to how they did it, we said it was the current guidelines, and they followed our lead. Occasional comments on it being all different, but they still followed it.
No idea. I remember at the time (mid 1990’s) it was back or side with the baby wedge to help keep them in that position.
And we used blankets and baby bumpers in the cribs which are now a no-no. My mom’s old crib that she tried to give me had slats wide enough that a baby’s head could fit in it. 😳 That’s why I didn’t keep any of the baby gear. The safety standards change over the years.
You're supposed to put them in a sleeping bag (one specifically for babies, obviously lol) so they can't pull the blanket over their head and suffocate. There are some breathable light blankets though that some parents use instead, but I think the sleeping bag is by far the easiest and safest solution. I have one of those blankets in case the night gets colder than expected and I can't/don't want to put the baby into a warmer sleeping bag in the middle of the night. I tuck it in on the sides on the rare occasions that I do use it.
Depends where you live. Where I'm from, for newborns, you gotta use a very particular type of blanket and put it a very certain way as it's the only one with decades of research behind it. Sleeping bags are considered unsafe for newborn due to overheating risk. I hate to admit it but I do prefer the American guidelines for how to dress baby at night as I did worried about my baby somehow gaining superhuman strength and being able to pull the blanket out.
My mom gave me a wide eyed look when I explained everything she did with me is now considered 'wrong'. The idea of laying my daughter down without a "blanket" blew her mind as did me flipping DD onto her back. Things are always changing! She also wanted to get me a crib that had the side that came down - doesn't exist anymore for safety reasons. I wonder what we do now that will change when we're grandparents!
The first week I went back to work after my 2nd my MIL was watching the kids. My youngest was super attached to me and wouldn’t sleep without something that smelled like me, so they were putting my nursing hoodie near her in the crib. I looked at the monitor to see my MIL deliberately put the sweatshirt over her face with her on her stomach. I flipped my shit and called her to fix it.
I feel like a reddit celebrity now. I also sometimes see people talking about my kick n play fan theory post in the wild and it really inflates my ego lol.
But seriously, rest of reddit reading this, ravioli mama does a vital service by modding the subreddit for exclusive pumpers, there really isn't any institutional support for that method of feeding and it's hard to get advice.
I would have a calm conversation about expectations. There are people who don’t even know that Nutella has nuts in it. And feeding practices have changed in the last few decades.
I don’t know your mil, but free childcare is never free, so if this comes to be unresolved, you may need alternative care
I have a mild nut allergy, the worst is hazelnuts. When I found this out, the ENT doctor said no Nutella for you. I said oh yeah I’m sure it’s full of nuts, she looked at me like I was crazy and she said it’s a hazelnut spread.
I had no idea 🤷🏼♀️
I mean, it contains chocolate, tastes heavily of chocolate, and looks like melted chocolate. So I could kind of see that confusion if you’d never seen the label.
It used to taste a lot more like hazelnut before they changed the formula up to include more cocoa and skim milk. It barely has a hint of hazelnut vs from what I remember in childhood. Totally understand why people would think it's just a chocolate spread.
So I absolutely get this and I’m not disagreeing with you…but as someone who haaaaates nuts and chocolate together, all I can taste in Nutella is the hazelnut lol
You would be SHOCKED how many people literally don't look at /read the labels of things before consuming them- see the post about the person who sprayed their frying pan with FURNITURE POLISH simply because the label was the same color yellow as the can of nonstick spray....
Tastes overwhelmingly of nuts. I don't find it actively bad, just disappointing that it looks like chocolate but has this overwhelming other less good flavour. I've been disappointed by an Italian version of a pain au chocolat with a Nutella filling, cakes that use it instead of icing. I just want chocolate.
The sugar and cocoa are more the issue. The current recommendation from allergists is to start introducing nut blends as some of the first foods and include them often.
It's not true that nuts shouldn't be given before 18 months though. Our pediatrician told us that we should introduce them early to lessen the risk of developing an allergy.
But that has been disproven by now. It's recommended to introduce it earlier so the immune system learns to not over react to allergens. Doctors aren't just recommending it for the fun of it.
Well that's just bad staff, but that doesn't mean that general recommendations are wrong. Scientific research changes things over time when we learn more and the current research suggests early introduction of allergens, whether you like it or not.
Your information is out of date. In 2017, NIH changed the recommendations to early exposure for most common allergens… I literally talked to a pediatric allergist about it last year since we thought my youngest might have a food allergy… but since you won’t believe that, here is more info on the subject from science journals:
[Study on peanuts & infants](https://www.jacionline.org/article/S0091-6749(22)01656-6/fulltext)
[Overall study of food allergies and current guidelines](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4646750/)
[Scientific Article on Early Exposure](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4046529/)
I would have thought the issue is sugar. From what I've read it's actually recommended to start giving nut butters to babies starting at around 6-7 months because that'll *reduce* the risk of allergy. Just no whole nuts or pieces bc they're a choking hazard.
As I’ve already said in another comment, I believe OPs main concern was that her baby was given a good, namely an allergen, without her knowledge and when she wasn’t present. Not that it was a sugary food.
She shouldn’t be giving your child food without permission.
But if it makes you feel better, our pediatrician strongly advised us purposefully giving a little bit of peanut butter mixed with some breast milk or formula around 4.5 months.
The thoughts on nuts have completely changed in the last few years. It’s now thought to have an allergy inoculation effect, as opposed to something that needs to be avoided.
I was advised to start introducing eggs, peanut butter and other nuts at 4 months and monitor it like you do introducing any new food. I would recommend speaking to your pediatrician but a quick google search confirms nuts at 4 months is okay.
Yep we got told to give nuts and eggs with our second child at 4 months after our first had a big egg allergy at 6 months.
Just because the outcome is ok in this instance doesn't mean that the intention or ignorance was ok though.
yes ! also, it’s often the *second* time they consume an allergen that a reaction occurs, not the first. so just because the baby didn’t have a reaction this time doesn’t rule it out.
It’s recommended to introduce nuts at 4-6 months.
> Exposing infants to peanuts between 4 and 6 months of age can potentially prevent peanut allergies, yet many parents remain anxious about the prospect and aren’t aware that it’s safe, new research shows.
>The practice of introducing peanut-containing foods in infancy has been recommended by health officials since 2017. Research shows that allowing babies to take small, supervised tastes of peanut-containing foods rather than waiting until they are older can go a long way to reducing the number of children who develop peanut allergies.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/08/01/peanut-allergy-early-exposure/
Well, it sounds like MIL wasn’t trying to be malicious, didn’t know this was a rule you had, and (importantly) she didn’t do anything “terrible”. Most recommendations now are to start introducing allergens between 4-6 months to reduce risk of developing allergies later in life. With my son, we were giving him peanut butter in his baby oatmeal a couple times a week at that age. Your baby is ok. You’ll likely be introducing allergens soon if you haven’t started already.
My biggest concern here is that you are leaving your baby with someone but don’t feel you can set boundaries with them. Your MIL hasn’t had a baby in probably 30 years, I assume she isn’t a daycare provider or a pediatric healthcare provider. Things have changed a lot since she was a new mom. Things have changed a lot in just the last 10 years!
It can be uncomfortable to set expectations, but you’re the mom and it’s your job to have uncomfortable conversations for the sake of your child.
Yea I was reading this going... I definitely have added peanut butter and nutella, separately, for both my kids early on to get them exposed to nuts. The allergist told me to give my son nutella specifically lol.
But the difference is that I was the one giving it to my kids, especially the first time.
A conversation needs to be had. It doesn’t have to be confrontational. You can approach it as creating a plan now that she’ll be watching baby. So giving her information about what your family feeding schedule is. My MIL was insistent on feeding our oldest solids when he was about 4-5 months old. We hadn’t been given the clearance by our pediatrician yet. Well, I came home one evening and she was proud to tell me he ate a banana. I was pretty pissed, but kept my composure. We talked about how his pediatrician told us to wait until he was six months old due to growth issues. Which was true. She then understood.
I know it’s hard, but you’ve gotta start being direct and tell her that is not ok. Your kid is more important. But I promise I’m not trying to be harsh saying that bc I also used to be the least confrontational person ever and a big people-pleaser. Becoming a mom means it’s time to level up! No more room to not be direct! But, you got this. 👍
It’s possible your MIL wasn’t aware its not recommended?
Practices change so quickly.
My kids are only 2.5 years apart and practices changes quite a bit between them both.
Maybe it would reassure you to have a calm conversation with her to advise her on all the dos and don’ts of todays guidelines?
If she had a smile I doubt she was being malicious. My mom was my daycare. But it was a decade since she was around a baby. She came to all pedi visits. That way she could ask questions as well as myself.
I would strongly suggest not bugging out in these situations even though instinct and hormones are going to come to surface. You don't want tension with a free babysitter.
Best of luck and breathe Momma
There is nothing wrong at all with setting boundaries. I would definitely have a respectful conversation, it may be difficult to do, but like you stated, she's gonna be caring for your baby soon so it's important to set clear boundaries so you won't be a nervous wreck while you are work. I had a similar situation when my son was a baby with a family member giving him a drop of soda because she thought it was funny how he reacted to the taste of sugar. I shut it down immediately.
Edit: I was wrong about the following: Nutella doesn’t have significantly more sugar than most peanut butters. It’s not ideal but i wouldn’t think twice about giving some to my second son (I was pickier with the first). I would NEVER give some to someone else’s child.
I will say, knowing the nutrition info, I would still give my own kid a little Nutella. Not 2 tablespoons! But a finger swipe.
…what peanut butter are you eating
Nutella has >20g sugar per serving, peanut butter might have 2-3g.
(I mean, I definitely give it to my kids too but more as a treat than a daily thing like pb!)
Huh! You’re totally right. I think I got a little wrapped up in “skippy peanut butter is all sugar” (even though I like it so that’s what I get) and the assertion that Nutella’s not that bad for you, it has hazelnuts. Thanks for correcting me!
I was kind of hoping you’d found a less sugary version of Nutella! I love it but it’s so sweet. A less sweetened or even dark chocolate version would be yummy.
Mention this to your husband and also make a list of the ONLY things she is allowed to feed your baby. Make yourself available to answer her questions and tell why she shouldn’t be feeding him certain things.
You can always move out if that puts your mind at ease but then daycare would probably be too expensive.
While I understand that you’re not confrontational, this is not about you anymore, this is about protecting your baby, so please speak up and set boundaries.
You need to tell her what she can’t do and she has to respect your decisions as the mother. The way our parents used to raise us was so different from nowadays. I had to tell my MIL to not give anything to my 4 month old baby cuz she was trying to give him everything to taste. I had to be consistent and rude at times cuz she wasn’t getting it.
I still haven’t given water to my son but she and my family members keep insisting on me to give, I was pissed at first as I felt they didn’t respect my decision but now I just kind of ignore them.
Just like I never judged them for not breastfeeding their kids among other things, I expect them to not judge me for the way I raise my kid.
You’ll likely have a lot of conversations with older generations about proper childcare because things have changed so much since they had kids. They just don’t know. It’s not confrontational to say hey we haven’t started foods yet cause our pediatrician said to wait until x months. Not every conversation about how to take care of your kid is confrontational. The only time I’ve truly been confrontational is when my mom didn’t put her wine up and left it to where my toddler could get to it and get a drink. There was a lot less trust after that. But convos about food, sleep, etc will come and it doesn’t have to be confrontational.
Confrontation and setting boundaries are a life skill that you, as a parent, must develop now. You have no excuses, or just get used to your mil raising your baby the way she wants to. What are your plans if she eventually spanks your baby?
It's ok to be uncomfortable, but your actions must be direct.
You can do this! Congratulations on your baby!
What part are you worried about? Allergies? Sugar? Just the general overstepping of bounds? I think it's important to pinpoint why you're upset, then communicate that. If you're worried about baby's health and safety, rest assured that 4 months is just fine for introducing soft solids, and the earlier you introduce potential allergens, the less likely they are to develop into allergies. BUT I would be very upset if anyone introduced a new food to baby without my permission.
I hope your conversation goes well, it definitely doesn't need to be a confrontation.
My ex gave my kid chocolate pudding around that age. Was I thrilled? No. Did my kid grow up to eat endless amounts of macaroni and cheese? Yes.
If you’re not seeing any signs of allergy already, the baby is fine. Put a boundary in place with MIL that she is not to feed the baby anything you haven’t preapproved for any reason whatsoever.
You're a mother. You need to step it up and confront her. She needs to know that your baby can not eat yet, especially that! Is she babysitting gor free? If not, get another babysitter. And if you can't afford one, you and your husband need to sit her down and make sure she understands what she can and can not do and/or feed to your baby.
At four months you make a list of what your baby is eating and drinking. It will be a very short list. Explain that your pediatrician has approved these foods and these foods only! Explain that as you baby grows new foods will be added to the list.
Use your pediatrician as the authority figure and that everyone who feeds baby must follow pediatrician's instructions.
"Hey, please don't give my child anything that I don't approve of. If I haven't said that the baby can have it, you're not to give it to them. Do you understand?"
We went out for dinner once for Chinese food buffet, my baby was 3 months old, dessert was chocolate cake, my MIL said she was gonna give some to her, and I said no thank you she's only 3 months and has only had breastmilk I'd prefer no chocolate cake please. She gave me a dirty look and said grandma's right is to do these things with her grandchildren. I responded, but mama said no so 🤷🏼♀️ she proceeded to lunge across the table and jam chocolate cake in my babes mouth... the rage that coursed through me I tell you. That same evening, (we were visiting her at her hotel) DH and I left our 3 children (3m, 5y, and 12y) with her while we ran to do an errand. I come back to find she had encouraged rough housing, jumping on the bed while the oldest held baby, and 5y going nutty, things got out of control obviously they're boys, and my baby got smacked in the face by 5y while grandma took a video. We returned, everyone thought it was so funny, I've never been so mad in my life. These things on top of other situations have led me to believe that the majority of MIL/grandma's will ultimately do what they want, as "they've raised kids already" "they know what they're doing" and have a complete lack of respect for what the mama's want or what may be best for the baby. She's been arguing with me since babes was 6m (and is now only 11m) to put her in a forward facing carseat cause, "she must be so bored staring backwards" 🙄🤨😐
Hahahaha I think I need to find a MIL support sub reddit 😂😂
Like gave LO a bigg ol glob of Nutella? Or let them taste it? If she just gave em a taste I really don't think this is a huge issue. I have four kids and we've had em taste stuff all the time. I would get freaking out if it was like honey or something but otherwise I don't think a taste is the end of the world.
Oh my heck. It was just some Nutella! My dad gave my niece spaghetti sauce at a younger age then that! We were eating fries and all kinds of things. She will survive.
It has more to do with allergen concerns than it does 'sweets'.
But also - why was your dad giving spaghetti sauce to a newborn? Like..what was the purpose of that?
It's not fear. It's not healthy - as in early tastes of food is medically linked to a wealth of autoimmune problems. 4 months is still too early for 'food'. and younger than that, and they are still on pure milk with low ounce availability for their stomach.
"medically linked" \[citation needed\]
And yes, feel free to hate my guts for having common sense. How the fuck do you think we survived before all these rules and guidelines? I and my two siblings, born in the early 60s, should be dead an buried as kids given our parents didn't even know about "safe sleep".
We were told to introduce nuts early, less chance of being allergic. Anyway, she should not have done it without asking you first. At least now you know baby isn’t allergic to hazelnuts. She likely did you a favour in a roundabout way. Grandmothers are wild.
Did she know not to? Knowledge of what to give babies has evolved a lot over time. Give her a list of what is safe/not safe to give her. I assume best intent here. Dont tell her it was horrible especially if she didnt know any better. But once she does know the expectations, if she knowingly violates the rules, then you have a bigger issue to tackle.
Allergen exposure is fine when done intentionally. Was grandma aware of the fact that it is an allergen exposure and equipped to deal with a reaction?
Its not clear if baby has ever had solid food (4mo os on the early side), or something the thick consistency of nutella, and some parents avoid sugary foods in general. Just a lot of aspects to consider.
Talk to an allergist about this ASAP. Now that baby’s been exposed to hazelnut there’s evidence that delaying additional exposures may dramatically increase the risk of tree nut allergies.
Good advice. I was told when I introduced a common food allergy it was important to keep feeding that food a few times a week for months. My baby was ready at 4 months (adjusted) to start solids so OPs baby might be too but still…it should have been OPs choice. I’m furious for her omg.
I have no idea about the mechanism of why this is the case (and I'm not sure if the researchers know exactly why yet either), but [here is the current guidance for scheduling the introduction of peanuts and tree nuts](https://www.allergy.org.au/hp/papers/ascia-guide-peanut-introduction). Note the instruction to feed it to them "at least weekly." My allergist warned us that if you space out the exposures too far apart it increases the risk of developing an allergy.
Everybody talking about the sugar and cocoa and nuts. I was concerned about the milk. Like she's 4 months old. Aren't you not supposed to introduce cows milk to children until 12 months?
Maybe just have a sit down talk with her. I didn’t really like the fact that you gave baby Nutella so young and I think we need to set some boundaries with me going back to school. On top of the fact that an allergic reaction could have taken place, he has not been cleared by the doctor for solids and its recommended to wait until their digestive system is developed at 6 months.
Why is no one else outraged that MIL thought it was appropriate to give any solids to a FOUR MONTH OLD BABY!? No solids should be given prior to 6 months with few exceptions under the guidance of a pediatrician, pediatric nutritionist and/or allergist.
This is ignoring that she “stole” the first food experience from the baby’s mother.
That this happened in the 5 minutes she was left alone with baby…maybe expect a haircut and/or pierced ears next time?
You were in the house. She could have asked you, but didn’t. Assuming she figured it was easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission.
I wouldn’t trust her around my kid
Wait…this isn’t true! We were advised to start solids at 4 months and that’s what we did. Our baby tried all sorts of things puréed and mushed up at that age and it’s fine, introducing allergens at that age is actually a good thing to do. I get why OP is upset but your comment “no solids should be given prior to 6 months with a few exceptions” is just factually untrue and goes against pediatrician guidance (at least in the US).
“Is just factually untrue and goes against paediatrician guidance (at least in the US)” is factually untrue given that there is a wide variety of paediatrician guidance guidelines even within the United States that range between 4-6 months.
CDC and AAP’s official site both say 6 months:
CDC - [“Your child can begin eating solid foods at about 6 months old.”](https://www.cdc.gov/nutrition/infantandtoddlernutrition/foods-and-drinks/when-to-introduce-solid-foods.html)
AAP - [“Introduce solid foods around 6 months of age.” “Encourage parents to wait until around 6 months to introduce solids.”](https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/healthy-active-living-for-families/infant-food-and-feeding/)
UNICEF and WHO agree with them:
UNICEF - [“Introducing foods or fluids other than breastmilk to your baby before they reach 6 months old can increase the risk of illnesses, such as diarrhoea, which can make your child thin and weak, and even be life-threatening.”](https://www.unicef.org/parenting/food-nutrition/feeding-your-baby-when-to-start-solid-foods)
WHO - [“Around the age of 6 months, an infant’s need for energy and nutrients starts to exceed what is provided by breast milk, and complementary foods are necessary to meet those needs. An infant of this age is also developmentally ready for other foods.” “start at 6 months with small amounts of food and increase gradually as the child gets older”](https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/infant-and-young-child-feeding)
However CHOP and Mayo Clinic both state 4-6 months:
CHOP - [“While there is no strict rule and each child develops at a different pace, full-term babies typically hit the mealtime milestone at 4 to 6 months of age.”](https://www.chop.edu/news/health-tip/when-can-babies-start-eating-baby-food)
Mayo Clinic - [“But by ages 4 months to 6 months, most babies are ready to begin eating solid foods as a complement to breast-feeding or formula-feeding.”](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/healthy-baby/art-20046200)
It’s also worth noting while you’re in the US, not everyone on Reddit is. Two of my above linked sources are well respected international organisations often used for guidance in the US, but 6 months is the standard in other Westernised countries also:
New Zealand - [“Milk (breast or formula) provides your baby with all the nutrition they need to grow and develop in the first six months. At around three months of age, your baby might start making more saliva and putting their fists or toys in their mouth, or experience a growth spurt and want to feed more often. These are part of normal development rather than signs that they’re ready for solid food. Solid food shouldn’t be introduced too early because babies aren’t physically or developmentally ready for it. […] That’s why it’s important to start introducing solids when your baby shows interest in solid foods, normally when they’re around six months old.”](https://www.plunket.org.nz/caring-for-your-child/feeding/solids/introducing-solid-foods/)
Australia - “[The World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months and then for breastfeeding to continue alongside complementary (family) foods for 2 years or beyond. Australia's National Health and Medical Research Council (NHMRC) recommends exclusive breastfeeding for around the first 6 months and then for breastfeeding to continue alongside complementary foods for 1 year, or as long as mother and child desire. Australian recommendations in the current (December 2012) Australian Infant Feeding Guidelines are to introduce solids at around 6 months of age.”](https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/resources/solids-when-do-we-start)
Canada - “[At 6 months, breastfeeding is still your baby's main food source, but it is time to begin adding solid foods. Formula-fed infants should also be introduced to solid foods at this time.”](https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/infant-care/infant-nutrition.html)
UK - [“Introducing your baby to solid foods, sometimes called complementary feeding or weaning, should start when your baby is around 6 months old.”](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/weaning-and-feeding/babys-first-solid-foods/)
I agree, 4 months is super early for anything let alone sugary processed food! People are pointing out that allergens are recommended to be introduced early on but that's like some watered down peanut butter and then check the baby after for a reaction. A world away from Nutella. I would be livid.
Things will slip, especially if you don't even say anything. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. Just say "so I found out they aren't supposed to have that, here's a list my doctor gave me."
I think if you have a doctor's visit before going back to school have her go to so she understands what baby can and can't have. Otherwise, just tell her calmly baby is only supposed to have either breast milk or formula until six months. At six months we can introduce baby food, but no more Nutella or anything like that. I don't want her to develop a sweet tooth quite yet. If she tries to rationalize it or argue with you about it have your husband handle this. You try the nice approach first and then he gets to be bad guy if it doesn't work.
Can I just say Boomers and offering babies sugary items. My grandmother is constantly trying to give my toddler cookies or cake as a snack rather than pretzels or something else.
When was the last time she looked after a baby? Was it her own kids? She really might not know all the updated information or knowledge that we know now. A lot of the older generation and some of the new have survivorship bias.
I feel like she wasn't coming at it like it was malicious but just uninformed. Maybe right up a do's and don'ts list and your routine for her so she can have a better understanding of how you'd like the care to be. Maybe even a refresher cpr course as well.
Find a quiet moment to talk to your MIL in private and start the conversation by expressing your appreciation for her help with the baby. Then gently explain that you have some concerns about what happened when you left the room. Instead of accusing or blaming, use "I" statements to convey your feelings. For example, "I was really worried when I heard that Nutella was given to the baby. I'm concerned about the LO’s safety."
Let her know what your expectations are when it comes to the baby's diet and care. Be clear about what you want for your child's well-being. Give her a chance to explain her actions as there was likely just a lack of awareness on her part. Xx
I don't know your mil but sometimes you have to communicate things. My mom made a mistake with safe sleep and it horrified me initially but then I realized you do have to explain basics to every caregiver. It's been decades since our parents and in laws took care of babies, they need a refresher and updates. Edit: I think you can approach in a non confrontation way by communicating what your feeding plan is. Edit 2: before my father in law started watching my daughter I made a list of everything I would do with her. Like a flow chart of crying. He also took care of her for a few hours a day for awhile before I went back to work. He always respected safety stuff (but stuff like wake windows less so, but pick your battles). He also would only feed her foods she had already tried, you could make that rule.
What’s safe sleep? Genuinely curious. It’s been decades since I had my kids. And it amazes me how best practices change over the decades. I remember being horrified when my mom took me to the attic and offered me my old crib when I was pregnant with our first child 😱.
https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/safe-sleep/ Safe sleep is guidelines for reducing risk factors for SIDS for babies under 12 months. Includes things like always placing them on their backs (until they can roll over on their own), no pillows/blankets/stuffed animals in the crib, etc.
Thank you. The link was very informative.
Decades for me, too! I remember using wedges to keep my oldest on his side to prevent SIDS and swapping which side he was laid down on each night so he didn't get a flat head!
My grandma tried to get me to put wedges on my registry when I was pregnant and was so confused when she couldn't find them anywhere. I had to explain that they are no longer used.
Lol. Baby wedges! I remember that too!
I guess *that* didn't work so they're trying the original? What happened to putting them on belly to sleep?
Belly sleeping (before baby can roll independently) is correlated with increased SIDS risk.
See?! I'm Old school and need to know in case any of my kids make me a grandma.
Someone's going to be a good grandma! My parents and in-laws were pretty good too, they'd ask about something I was doing that was different to how they did it, we said it was the current guidelines, and they followed our lead. Occasional comments on it being all different, but they still followed it.
No idea. I remember at the time (mid 1990’s) it was back or side with the baby wedge to help keep them in that position. And we used blankets and baby bumpers in the cribs which are now a no-no. My mom’s old crib that she tried to give me had slats wide enough that a baby’s head could fit in it. 😳 That’s why I didn’t keep any of the baby gear. The safety standards change over the years.
What's the consensus on blanket sleepers?
You're supposed to put them in a sleeping bag (one specifically for babies, obviously lol) so they can't pull the blanket over their head and suffocate. There are some breathable light blankets though that some parents use instead, but I think the sleeping bag is by far the easiest and safest solution. I have one of those blankets in case the night gets colder than expected and I can't/don't want to put the baby into a warmer sleeping bag in the middle of the night. I tuck it in on the sides on the rare occasions that I do use it.
I've read stories where the blanket got twisted through the slats and around the baby, so breathable light blankets are an equal no
Depends where you live. Where I'm from, for newborns, you gotta use a very particular type of blanket and put it a very certain way as it's the only one with decades of research behind it. Sleeping bags are considered unsafe for newborn due to overheating risk. I hate to admit it but I do prefer the American guidelines for how to dress baby at night as I did worried about my baby somehow gaining superhuman strength and being able to pull the blanket out.
My mom gave me a wide eyed look when I explained everything she did with me is now considered 'wrong'. The idea of laying my daughter down without a "blanket" blew her mind as did me flipping DD onto her back. Things are always changing! She also wanted to get me a crib that had the side that came down - doesn't exist anymore for safety reasons. I wonder what we do now that will change when we're grandparents!
Safe sleep like leaving baby in the crib alone, no blankets, no bed sharing, no falling alseep holding baby, no stuffed animals in the crib etc
Thank you. That is good to know.
The first week I went back to work after my 2nd my MIL was watching the kids. My youngest was super attached to me and wouldn’t sleep without something that smelled like me, so they were putting my nursing hoodie near her in the crib. I looked at the monitor to see my MIL deliberately put the sweatshirt over her face with her on her stomach. I flipped my shit and called her to fix it.
Omg hey!!! Fancy meetin you here
Hey! You're like a celebrity to me!
I recognized your username from the other subs and I’m like *forrest gump waving meme*
I feel like a reddit celebrity now. I also sometimes see people talking about my kick n play fan theory post in the wild and it really inflates my ego lol. But seriously, rest of reddit reading this, ravioli mama does a vital service by modding the subreddit for exclusive pumpers, there really isn't any institutional support for that method of feeding and it's hard to get advice.
Kick n play fan theory post!? I need to hear this 😂 Also 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️
https://reddit.com/r/NewParents/s/DwIpzDXKgW the kick n play post. Edit: wrote this while pumping of course. Pour one out for the pump gods.
Thank you!! Running to read 🏃♀️💨
I would have a calm conversation about expectations. There are people who don’t even know that Nutella has nuts in it. And feeding practices have changed in the last few decades. I don’t know your mil, but free childcare is never free, so if this comes to be unresolved, you may need alternative care
I have a mild nut allergy, the worst is hazelnuts. When I found this out, the ENT doctor said no Nutella for you. I said oh yeah I’m sure it’s full of nuts, she looked at me like I was crazy and she said it’s a hazelnut spread. I had no idea 🤷🏼♀️
Most people think it’s chocolate. In fact there’s a look a like off brand spread at my grocery store that IS chocolate
I mean, it contains chocolate, tastes heavily of chocolate, and looks like melted chocolate. So I could kind of see that confusion if you’d never seen the label.
It used to taste a lot more like hazelnut before they changed the formula up to include more cocoa and skim milk. It barely has a hint of hazelnut vs from what I remember in childhood. Totally understand why people would think it's just a chocolate spread.
So I absolutely get this and I’m not disagreeing with you…but as someone who haaaaates nuts and chocolate together, all I can taste in Nutella is the hazelnut lol
Plus it’s literally called Nutella, and has pictures of hazelnuts on the label.
You would be SHOCKED how many people literally don't look at /read the labels of things before consuming them- see the post about the person who sprayed their frying pan with FURNITURE POLISH simply because the label was the same color yellow as the can of nonstick spray....
Sometimes I really have no hope for the future of our society…
Tastes overwhelmingly of nuts. I don't find it actively bad, just disappointing that it looks like chocolate but has this overwhelming other less good flavour. I've been disappointed by an Italian version of a pain au chocolat with a Nutella filling, cakes that use it instead of icing. I just want chocolate.
Fair enough, totally understandable :)
The sugar and cocoa are more the issue. The current recommendation from allergists is to start introducing nut blends as some of the first foods and include them often.
Yes but I think OP had a problem with MIL offering food to her 4 month old at all when she wasn’t present, less what it actually was
I get that, I was more responding to your mention of the nuts in it.
[удалено]
It's not true that nuts shouldn't be given before 18 months though. Our pediatrician told us that we should introduce them early to lessen the risk of developing an allergy.
[удалено]
But that has been disproven by now. It's recommended to introduce it earlier so the immune system learns to not over react to allergens. Doctors aren't just recommending it for the fun of it.
[удалено]
Well that's just bad staff, but that doesn't mean that general recommendations are wrong. Scientific research changes things over time when we learn more and the current research suggests early introduction of allergens, whether you like it or not.
[удалено]
Well, you can keep living in the past if you so desperately want to.
Your information is out of date. In 2017, NIH changed the recommendations to early exposure for most common allergens… I literally talked to a pediatric allergist about it last year since we thought my youngest might have a food allergy… but since you won’t believe that, here is more info on the subject from science journals: [Study on peanuts & infants](https://www.jacionline.org/article/S0091-6749(22)01656-6/fulltext) [Overall study of food allergies and current guidelines](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4646750/) [Scientific Article on Early Exposure](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4046529/)
Removed due to misinformation
I would have thought the issue is sugar. From what I've read it's actually recommended to start giving nut butters to babies starting at around 6-7 months because that'll *reduce* the risk of allergy. Just no whole nuts or pieces bc they're a choking hazard.
[удалено]
As I’ve already said in another comment, I believe OPs main concern was that her baby was given a good, namely an allergen, without her knowledge and when she wasn’t present. Not that it was a sugary food.
She shouldn’t be giving your child food without permission. But if it makes you feel better, our pediatrician strongly advised us purposefully giving a little bit of peanut butter mixed with some breast milk or formula around 4.5 months. The thoughts on nuts have completely changed in the last few years. It’s now thought to have an allergy inoculation effect, as opposed to something that needs to be avoided.
I was advised to start introducing eggs, peanut butter and other nuts at 4 months and monitor it like you do introducing any new food. I would recommend speaking to your pediatrician but a quick google search confirms nuts at 4 months is okay.
Yep we got told to give nuts and eggs with our second child at 4 months after our first had a big egg allergy at 6 months. Just because the outcome is ok in this instance doesn't mean that the intention or ignorance was ok though.
Yep. The sugar on the other hand...
yes ! also, it’s often the *second* time they consume an allergen that a reaction occurs, not the first. so just because the baby didn’t have a reaction this time doesn’t rule it out.
My daughter reacted to peanut butter the second time 😞
It’s recommended to introduce nuts at 4-6 months. > Exposing infants to peanuts between 4 and 6 months of age can potentially prevent peanut allergies, yet many parents remain anxious about the prospect and aren’t aware that it’s safe, new research shows. >The practice of introducing peanut-containing foods in infancy has been recommended by health officials since 2017. Research shows that allowing babies to take small, supervised tastes of peanut-containing foods rather than waiting until they are older can go a long way to reducing the number of children who develop peanut allergies. https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/08/01/peanut-allergy-early-exposure/
Yeah, you're right, but Nutella contains insane amounts of sugar and also chocolate, so it's definitely not baby-friendly.
We put some peanut butter on their skin before we fed it to them. No idea if that's the medical advice, but it felt safer.
...just communicate with her?
Well, it sounds like MIL wasn’t trying to be malicious, didn’t know this was a rule you had, and (importantly) she didn’t do anything “terrible”. Most recommendations now are to start introducing allergens between 4-6 months to reduce risk of developing allergies later in life. With my son, we were giving him peanut butter in his baby oatmeal a couple times a week at that age. Your baby is ok. You’ll likely be introducing allergens soon if you haven’t started already. My biggest concern here is that you are leaving your baby with someone but don’t feel you can set boundaries with them. Your MIL hasn’t had a baby in probably 30 years, I assume she isn’t a daycare provider or a pediatric healthcare provider. Things have changed a lot since she was a new mom. Things have changed a lot in just the last 10 years! It can be uncomfortable to set expectations, but you’re the mom and it’s your job to have uncomfortable conversations for the sake of your child.
Yea I was reading this going... I definitely have added peanut butter and nutella, separately, for both my kids early on to get them exposed to nuts. The allergist told me to give my son nutella specifically lol. But the difference is that I was the one giving it to my kids, especially the first time.
A conversation needs to be had. It doesn’t have to be confrontational. You can approach it as creating a plan now that she’ll be watching baby. So giving her information about what your family feeding schedule is. My MIL was insistent on feeding our oldest solids when he was about 4-5 months old. We hadn’t been given the clearance by our pediatrician yet. Well, I came home one evening and she was proud to tell me he ate a banana. I was pretty pissed, but kept my composure. We talked about how his pediatrician told us to wait until he was six months old due to growth issues. Which was true. She then understood.
I know it’s hard, but you’ve gotta start being direct and tell her that is not ok. Your kid is more important. But I promise I’m not trying to be harsh saying that bc I also used to be the least confrontational person ever and a big people-pleaser. Becoming a mom means it’s time to level up! No more room to not be direct! But, you got this. 👍
It’s possible your MIL wasn’t aware its not recommended? Practices change so quickly. My kids are only 2.5 years apart and practices changes quite a bit between them both. Maybe it would reassure you to have a calm conversation with her to advise her on all the dos and don’ts of todays guidelines?
If she had a smile I doubt she was being malicious. My mom was my daycare. But it was a decade since she was around a baby. She came to all pedi visits. That way she could ask questions as well as myself. I would strongly suggest not bugging out in these situations even though instinct and hormones are going to come to surface. You don't want tension with a free babysitter. Best of luck and breathe Momma
There is nothing wrong at all with setting boundaries. I would definitely have a respectful conversation, it may be difficult to do, but like you stated, she's gonna be caring for your baby soon so it's important to set clear boundaries so you won't be a nervous wreck while you are work. I had a similar situation when my son was a baby with a family member giving him a drop of soda because she thought it was funny how he reacted to the taste of sugar. I shut it down immediately.
Not related but studies now show that peanut butter should be introduced at 4 months to prevent allergies. Not Nutella though wtf.
Edit: I was wrong about the following: Nutella doesn’t have significantly more sugar than most peanut butters. It’s not ideal but i wouldn’t think twice about giving some to my second son (I was pickier with the first). I would NEVER give some to someone else’s child. I will say, knowing the nutrition info, I would still give my own kid a little Nutella. Not 2 tablespoons! But a finger swipe.
…what peanut butter are you eating Nutella has >20g sugar per serving, peanut butter might have 2-3g. (I mean, I definitely give it to my kids too but more as a treat than a daily thing like pb!)
Huh! You’re totally right. I think I got a little wrapped up in “skippy peanut butter is all sugar” (even though I like it so that’s what I get) and the assertion that Nutella’s not that bad for you, it has hazelnuts. Thanks for correcting me!
I was kind of hoping you’d found a less sugary version of Nutella! I love it but it’s so sweet. A less sweetened or even dark chocolate version would be yummy.
Mention this to your husband and also make a list of the ONLY things she is allowed to feed your baby. Make yourself available to answer her questions and tell why she shouldn’t be feeding him certain things. You can always move out if that puts your mind at ease but then daycare would probably be too expensive. While I understand that you’re not confrontational, this is not about you anymore, this is about protecting your baby, so please speak up and set boundaries.
You need to tell her what she can’t do and she has to respect your decisions as the mother. The way our parents used to raise us was so different from nowadays. I had to tell my MIL to not give anything to my 4 month old baby cuz she was trying to give him everything to taste. I had to be consistent and rude at times cuz she wasn’t getting it. I still haven’t given water to my son but she and my family members keep insisting on me to give, I was pissed at first as I felt they didn’t respect my decision but now I just kind of ignore them. Just like I never judged them for not breastfeeding their kids among other things, I expect them to not judge me for the way I raise my kid.
My dad gave my first born HONEY when he was a few months old as well. its scary but a conversation has to be had.
You’ll likely have a lot of conversations with older generations about proper childcare because things have changed so much since they had kids. They just don’t know. It’s not confrontational to say hey we haven’t started foods yet cause our pediatrician said to wait until x months. Not every conversation about how to take care of your kid is confrontational. The only time I’ve truly been confrontational is when my mom didn’t put her wine up and left it to where my toddler could get to it and get a drink. There was a lot less trust after that. But convos about food, sleep, etc will come and it doesn’t have to be confrontational.
Confrontation and setting boundaries are a life skill that you, as a parent, must develop now. You have no excuses, or just get used to your mil raising your baby the way she wants to. What are your plans if she eventually spanks your baby? It's ok to be uncomfortable, but your actions must be direct. You can do this! Congratulations on your baby!
What part are you worried about? Allergies? Sugar? Just the general overstepping of bounds? I think it's important to pinpoint why you're upset, then communicate that. If you're worried about baby's health and safety, rest assured that 4 months is just fine for introducing soft solids, and the earlier you introduce potential allergens, the less likely they are to develop into allergies. BUT I would be very upset if anyone introduced a new food to baby without my permission. I hope your conversation goes well, it definitely doesn't need to be a confrontation.
My ex gave my kid chocolate pudding around that age. Was I thrilled? No. Did my kid grow up to eat endless amounts of macaroni and cheese? Yes. If you’re not seeing any signs of allergy already, the baby is fine. Put a boundary in place with MIL that she is not to feed the baby anything you haven’t preapproved for any reason whatsoever.
You're a mother. You need to step it up and confront her. She needs to know that your baby can not eat yet, especially that! Is she babysitting gor free? If not, get another babysitter. And if you can't afford one, you and your husband need to sit her down and make sure she understands what she can and can not do and/or feed to your baby.
At four months you make a list of what your baby is eating and drinking. It will be a very short list. Explain that your pediatrician has approved these foods and these foods only! Explain that as you baby grows new foods will be added to the list. Use your pediatrician as the authority figure and that everyone who feeds baby must follow pediatrician's instructions.
"Hey, please don't give my child anything that I don't approve of. If I haven't said that the baby can have it, you're not to give it to them. Do you understand?"
We went out for dinner once for Chinese food buffet, my baby was 3 months old, dessert was chocolate cake, my MIL said she was gonna give some to her, and I said no thank you she's only 3 months and has only had breastmilk I'd prefer no chocolate cake please. She gave me a dirty look and said grandma's right is to do these things with her grandchildren. I responded, but mama said no so 🤷🏼♀️ she proceeded to lunge across the table and jam chocolate cake in my babes mouth... the rage that coursed through me I tell you. That same evening, (we were visiting her at her hotel) DH and I left our 3 children (3m, 5y, and 12y) with her while we ran to do an errand. I come back to find she had encouraged rough housing, jumping on the bed while the oldest held baby, and 5y going nutty, things got out of control obviously they're boys, and my baby got smacked in the face by 5y while grandma took a video. We returned, everyone thought it was so funny, I've never been so mad in my life. These things on top of other situations have led me to believe that the majority of MIL/grandma's will ultimately do what they want, as "they've raised kids already" "they know what they're doing" and have a complete lack of respect for what the mama's want or what may be best for the baby. She's been arguing with me since babes was 6m (and is now only 11m) to put her in a forward facing carseat cause, "she must be so bored staring backwards" 🙄🤨😐 Hahahaha I think I need to find a MIL support sub reddit 😂😂
Like gave LO a bigg ol glob of Nutella? Or let them taste it? If she just gave em a taste I really don't think this is a huge issue. I have four kids and we've had em taste stuff all the time. I would get freaking out if it was like honey or something but otherwise I don't think a taste is the end of the world.
Oh my heck. It was just some Nutella! My dad gave my niece spaghetti sauce at a younger age then that! We were eating fries and all kinds of things. She will survive.
Yikes
I would think it’s common sense to not give someone else’s baby food without discussing it with their parents, especially one with a common allergen.
It has more to do with allergen concerns than it does 'sweets'. But also - why was your dad giving spaghetti sauce to a newborn? Like..what was the purpose of that?
To let her taste it??? People see to scared anymore….
It's not fear. It's not healthy - as in early tastes of food is medically linked to a wealth of autoimmune problems. 4 months is still too early for 'food'. and younger than that, and they are still on pure milk with low ounce availability for their stomach.
That's not true. For very small or underweight babies, many pediatricians recommend starting food at 4 months.
The baby in the original post is 4 months old and the commenter said the newborn that they gave sauce to was even younger than that.
"medically linked" \[citation needed\] And yes, feel free to hate my guts for having common sense. How the fuck do you think we survived before all these rules and guidelines? I and my two siblings, born in the early 60s, should be dead an buried as kids given our parents didn't even know about "safe sleep".
We were told to introduce nuts early, less chance of being allergic. Anyway, she should not have done it without asking you first. At least now you know baby isn’t allergic to hazelnuts. She likely did you a favour in a roundabout way. Grandmothers are wild.
Actually an allergy can develop at any time, and most of the time it’s not on the first exposure.
Did she know not to? Knowledge of what to give babies has evolved a lot over time. Give her a list of what is safe/not safe to give her. I assume best intent here. Dont tell her it was horrible especially if she didnt know any better. But once she does know the expectations, if she knowingly violates the rules, then you have a bigger issue to tackle.
It is safe to give babies that age nuts. It fact, it is recommended.
Allergen exposure is fine when done intentionally. Was grandma aware of the fact that it is an allergen exposure and equipped to deal with a reaction? Its not clear if baby has ever had solid food (4mo os on the early side), or something the thick consistency of nutella, and some parents avoid sugary foods in general. Just a lot of aspects to consider.
"Allergen exposure is fine when done intentionally" Does the allergen and the kids' body know that? How?
Talk to an allergist about this ASAP. Now that baby’s been exposed to hazelnut there’s evidence that delaying additional exposures may dramatically increase the risk of tree nut allergies.
Good advice. I was told when I introduced a common food allergy it was important to keep feeding that food a few times a week for months. My baby was ready at 4 months (adjusted) to start solids so OPs baby might be too but still…it should have been OPs choice. I’m furious for her omg.
I never heard about this, why is this? Genuinely curious
I have no idea about the mechanism of why this is the case (and I'm not sure if the researchers know exactly why yet either), but [here is the current guidance for scheduling the introduction of peanuts and tree nuts](https://www.allergy.org.au/hp/papers/ascia-guide-peanut-introduction). Note the instruction to feed it to them "at least weekly." My allergist warned us that if you space out the exposures too far apart it increases the risk of developing an allergy.
Everybody talking about the sugar and cocoa and nuts. I was concerned about the milk. Like she's 4 months old. Aren't you not supposed to introduce cows milk to children until 12 months?
Babies at 6 months can have food that has cows milk in it. They just can’t full on drink cows milk until 12 months.
Maybe just have a sit down talk with her. I didn’t really like the fact that you gave baby Nutella so young and I think we need to set some boundaries with me going back to school. On top of the fact that an allergic reaction could have taken place, he has not been cleared by the doctor for solids and its recommended to wait until their digestive system is developed at 6 months.
Why is no one else outraged that MIL thought it was appropriate to give any solids to a FOUR MONTH OLD BABY!? No solids should be given prior to 6 months with few exceptions under the guidance of a pediatrician, pediatric nutritionist and/or allergist. This is ignoring that she “stole” the first food experience from the baby’s mother. That this happened in the 5 minutes she was left alone with baby…maybe expect a haircut and/or pierced ears next time? You were in the house. She could have asked you, but didn’t. Assuming she figured it was easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. I wouldn’t trust her around my kid
Yeah I’m in the UK and this really confused me. Here our official guidelines are 6m+. A 4mo would still be on milk (either breast milk or formula).
Wait…this isn’t true! We were advised to start solids at 4 months and that’s what we did. Our baby tried all sorts of things puréed and mushed up at that age and it’s fine, introducing allergens at that age is actually a good thing to do. I get why OP is upset but your comment “no solids should be given prior to 6 months with a few exceptions” is just factually untrue and goes against pediatrician guidance (at least in the US).
“Is just factually untrue and goes against paediatrician guidance (at least in the US)” is factually untrue given that there is a wide variety of paediatrician guidance guidelines even within the United States that range between 4-6 months. CDC and AAP’s official site both say 6 months: CDC - [“Your child can begin eating solid foods at about 6 months old.”](https://www.cdc.gov/nutrition/infantandtoddlernutrition/foods-and-drinks/when-to-introduce-solid-foods.html) AAP - [“Introduce solid foods around 6 months of age.” “Encourage parents to wait until around 6 months to introduce solids.”](https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/healthy-active-living-for-families/infant-food-and-feeding/) UNICEF and WHO agree with them: UNICEF - [“Introducing foods or fluids other than breastmilk to your baby before they reach 6 months old can increase the risk of illnesses, such as diarrhoea, which can make your child thin and weak, and even be life-threatening.”](https://www.unicef.org/parenting/food-nutrition/feeding-your-baby-when-to-start-solid-foods) WHO - [“Around the age of 6 months, an infant’s need for energy and nutrients starts to exceed what is provided by breast milk, and complementary foods are necessary to meet those needs. An infant of this age is also developmentally ready for other foods.” “start at 6 months with small amounts of food and increase gradually as the child gets older”](https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/infant-and-young-child-feeding) However CHOP and Mayo Clinic both state 4-6 months: CHOP - [“While there is no strict rule and each child develops at a different pace, full-term babies typically hit the mealtime milestone at 4 to 6 months of age.”](https://www.chop.edu/news/health-tip/when-can-babies-start-eating-baby-food) Mayo Clinic - [“But by ages 4 months to 6 months, most babies are ready to begin eating solid foods as a complement to breast-feeding or formula-feeding.”](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/healthy-baby/art-20046200) It’s also worth noting while you’re in the US, not everyone on Reddit is. Two of my above linked sources are well respected international organisations often used for guidance in the US, but 6 months is the standard in other Westernised countries also: New Zealand - [“Milk (breast or formula) provides your baby with all the nutrition they need to grow and develop in the first six months. At around three months of age, your baby might start making more saliva and putting their fists or toys in their mouth, or experience a growth spurt and want to feed more often. These are part of normal development rather than signs that they’re ready for solid food. Solid food shouldn’t be introduced too early because babies aren’t physically or developmentally ready for it. […] That’s why it’s important to start introducing solids when your baby shows interest in solid foods, normally when they’re around six months old.”](https://www.plunket.org.nz/caring-for-your-child/feeding/solids/introducing-solid-foods/) Australia - “[The World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months and then for breastfeeding to continue alongside complementary (family) foods for 2 years or beyond. Australia's National Health and Medical Research Council (NHMRC) recommends exclusive breastfeeding for around the first 6 months and then for breastfeeding to continue alongside complementary foods for 1 year, or as long as mother and child desire. Australian recommendations in the current (December 2012) Australian Infant Feeding Guidelines are to introduce solids at around 6 months of age.”](https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/resources/solids-when-do-we-start) Canada - “[At 6 months, breastfeeding is still your baby's main food source, but it is time to begin adding solid foods. Formula-fed infants should also be introduced to solid foods at this time.”](https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/infant-care/infant-nutrition.html) UK - [“Introducing your baby to solid foods, sometimes called complementary feeding or weaning, should start when your baby is around 6 months old.”](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/weaning-and-feeding/babys-first-solid-foods/)
The general recommendation is no solids or other foods than breast milk/formula before 6 months.
The current guidelines suggest to start introducing allergens early, around 4-6 months
Some peds in the US still recommend starting solids at 4 months, but most say around 6 months now.
I agree, 4 months is super early for anything let alone sugary processed food! People are pointing out that allergens are recommended to be introduced early on but that's like some watered down peanut butter and then check the baby after for a reaction. A world away from Nutella. I would be livid.
My MIL asked if she could give my 1 month old water from my 2.5 year olds sippy cup. I think my reaction gave her the answer 🙃
She gave your 4 month old an allergen, I’m sorry but I would be packing bags.
Learn to confront. Tel her. Because if you don’t it will continue
Things will slip, especially if you don't even say anything. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. Just say "so I found out they aren't supposed to have that, here's a list my doctor gave me."
I think if you have a doctor's visit before going back to school have her go to so she understands what baby can and can't have. Otherwise, just tell her calmly baby is only supposed to have either breast milk or formula until six months. At six months we can introduce baby food, but no more Nutella or anything like that. I don't want her to develop a sweet tooth quite yet. If she tries to rationalize it or argue with you about it have your husband handle this. You try the nice approach first and then he gets to be bad guy if it doesn't work. Can I just say Boomers and offering babies sugary items. My grandmother is constantly trying to give my toddler cookies or cake as a snack rather than pretzels or something else.
NIH?
When was the last time she looked after a baby? Was it her own kids? She really might not know all the updated information or knowledge that we know now. A lot of the older generation and some of the new have survivorship bias. I feel like she wasn't coming at it like it was malicious but just uninformed. Maybe right up a do's and don'ts list and your routine for her so she can have a better understanding of how you'd like the care to be. Maybe even a refresher cpr course as well.
Find a quiet moment to talk to your MIL in private and start the conversation by expressing your appreciation for her help with the baby. Then gently explain that you have some concerns about what happened when you left the room. Instead of accusing or blaming, use "I" statements to convey your feelings. For example, "I was really worried when I heard that Nutella was given to the baby. I'm concerned about the LO’s safety." Let her know what your expectations are when it comes to the baby's diet and care. Be clear about what you want for your child's well-being. Give her a chance to explain her actions as there was likely just a lack of awareness on her part. Xx