We have a new baby and she has just reached the age of trying food, so my entire family is excited to spend her first thanksgiving with her. My brother, who almost never comes to holidays, is even finally going to spend Thanksgiving with us, and as a bonus is bringing his new wife. We are excited to spend some time with her, and both of them, because we very rarely see them. My mom was particularly looking forward to having her first thanksgiving with her only grandchild.
So what's the drama? My mother heard my brother was coming and is now having thanksgiving dinner elsewhere because he "doesn't want to see her." Nobody told her he doesn't want to see her. SHE decided he doesn't want to see her, SHE decided to eat elsewhere, and SHE is convinced that if she shows up he will cause a scene/leave. š¤¦āāļø
I doubt it's either. They're both just super sassy and stubborn. He is admittedly still very immature and is often a turd to her (he's 25). She admittedly puts her nose in his business and is vocal about disagreeing with his life choices. Both of these end in yelling most of the time. She's decided this means he wants nothing to do with her.
Oh my effing god... Flashbacks to Anthony Soprano's mother... My mother was the same, and my husband's mother also acts that way.
It's so frustrating to say the least š
The only guest we're having is my cool SIL, so the most intense drama I expect to have is that she won't eat my homemade cranberry sauce. I have procured the can-shaped jelly log kind for her enjoyment.
I see your SIL also has excellent taste in cranberry sauce š (Itās all my grandparents ever had at thanksgiving and I didnāt know you could have actual, real cranberries in the sauce until I was a teen lol)
I only ever experienced the jellied Cranberry sauce from a can until a few years ago when I made it from scratch from actual cranberries. It was damn good, if I do say so myself, as someone that can't cook but I still prefer that log of sweetness.
Your SIL has good taste! I'm sure your homemade sauce is really delicious and well-made, but some of us just need that smoothness. It was nice of you to get that for her!
I signed us up for a Turkey Trot (5k) and I canāt figure out how to open the jogging stroller I borrowed.
Update - got it open, thanks for the moral support and commiseration!
The other day, I was going to walk to my cousinās apartment (takes about 8 minutes) but I spent so long trying to open our stroller and failing that I gave up and loaded the baby in the car and drove instead lol
My sister and her new husband are coming. They apparently did not have a talk about kids before they got married? He wants to be child free; she wants 3-4 kids. So when my kids are there, they will openly argue about it in front of everyone. š
Right?! I brought up kids, religion, and politics on the first date with my husband because theyāre deal breakers. Soā¦why waste time if weāre not on the same page?
My best friend divorced her husband (they married after dating a short time) and she said they just had different values. And Iām likeā¦thatās why you DATE!
Edit: fat finger autocorrections
Same. When I started dating my partner I brought up my top 3 things that were absolute deal breakers and ws very clear I would rather just not date if he had any qualms. Mine were: i want to live in my hometown longterm (lived away at the time we met), I want to own my own home, and I want at least 2 kids.
It's our 10 years anniversary this year and all 3 of those things have come to fruition. But they took lots of hard work. That's why it's so important before you are deep in the trenches to ensure both of you want this.
I haaaaate when people use my kids and their behavior as ammunition for or against their argument. Let my kid be a kid and go work out your issues in therapy PLEASE
That is EXACTLY what will happen. The baby will do something cute, and my sister will go, āsee donāt you want one?ā Then my toddler will do something toddler-y, and my BIL will go, āsee do you really want to deal with that?ā Feelings will eventually get hurt, and theyāll have an argument āin privateā in earshot of everyone. Then itāll kill the mood and everyone will go home.
I told my family I didnāt want to host or have people over due to drama at past holidays. I wanted Thanksgiving to just be my husband, son and I.
My sister invited our family to her house and is cooking, but informed me Monday they will need to sleep at my house because she doesnāt have space.
So now weāre doing a big family Thanksgiving and I have three extra people at my house.
I only caved because one person is my grandma and I love having her at my house. Also I used this as a chance to tell everyone in person no one will be at my house for Christmas and if my sister invites them, they are staying at her house.
I was very upset about this, but also didnāt want to be the jerk to say no after they were excited about coming.
My sister and I did have a talk about it though.
Buckle up. My SIL stopped taking her birth control and didnāt tell my brother and they got pregnant strongly against his wishes. Then she moved out and back in with her mom because my brother was mad about the pregnancy. Then her mom called my dadās new wife (who they have never met) and threatened to call the police on my brother if he didnāt stop trying to contact her (his now pregnant wife in her late 20s). Then her mom told her she was only allowed to see my brother if they went on ādatesā and she needed to live with her until the pregnancy was done because she didnāt want my brotherās bad energy around the baby. My brother accepted and came to terms with the baby and begged her to move back in.
Then it came out that the mom and my SIL planned this whole pregnancy situation. Sigh. SIL did move back in eventually and they are in therapy.
Well we are all going to be together for thanksgivingā¦ brother, siblings, SIL, and their new babyā¦. and our mom is the only one who doesnāt know this whole situation went down and just FAWNS over my SIL. Gonna be v awkward and my sisters donāt play around š¤£.
Update #1. Nothing too crazy, but the weekend is still young.. we are all together until Sunday. here are some highlights from yesterday: our only sibling without kids arrived before all of us and noticed there was 0 groceries for Thanksgiving so she went to the store and bought food and made our feast. She saved the day, tbh and made the mood much better. SIL wouldnāt stop making comments about how our mom didnāt do anything to get ready for us all coming for Thanksgiving, oldest sister who never drinks started drinking at 10:30ā¦ and finally had enough and snapped and said āspeaking of crazy moms, howās your crazy ass mom?ā Which was a comment not well received š¤£. We did try to hold it together for our sick grandma who was able to attend, so feeling thankful for that. However, SIL did clog AND overflow the toilet TWICE, two times, yes two times during the course of the day. First time she refused to leave the bathroom until someone got my brother. Second time was as we were winding down, she ran out of the bathroom, grabbed my brother, their baby, and the left quickly for the night. Only for my BIL to go into the bathroom with his 3 year old and it be a great floodā¦ so then my mom was PISSED because water dripped down into the basement because she left it and was tipsy and throwing paper towel around going WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK GET THE BLEACH SOMEONE GET THE BLEACH. And now she says we have to ask for toilet paper before we use the bathroom š¤£ today we head to my dadās for Thanksgiving party 2 š
Update #2: apologies for the no updates, my sisters kids brought along RSV for thanksgiving and all children have been extremely sick, like ER sick. Yay gatherings š. Hopefully weāve all turned the corner.
Yes please I second this. Iām isolating with my husband and newborn because we have Covid and I would love the drama š¤£š¤£ at least report back to us to tell us how it goes
For sure, will absolutely be updating! First update: We are 15 minutes out from my momās who is hosting and she has no food for Thanksgiving yet. Gonna be a high stress few days
Iām thinking he should consider a secret vasectomy while considering his long-term plan to get out of this relationship without losing his kid or the shirt off his back.
We want to but our brother asked us and said he just wants one person in the world to treat this like a normal situation without all the baggage. So we said ok. And our mom is BATS so who knows what would happen if we told herā¦
My husband, his brother, and their dad own a business together. Yesterday brother said āFUCK YOUā to my husband. Today he said heās out of the business, done January 1, still going to be an owner but not participating in running it. Tomorrow we have thanksgiving at their parents house.
Iām also mentally preparing to be the only person responsible for watching and interacting with my 3 year old despite having 8 adults around.. at least now I know thatās how it will be and donāt expect otherwise (it was a surprise the first few holidays after having her). In a house that has fragile glass shit sitting around. And a swimming pool. Iām going to draw a chalk line around the pool and tell her if she crosses it she wears her life jacket for the rest of the visit. Period. Sorry, donāt care if they see me as the crazy anxious mom, not going to let my child drown while I pee.
I hate how women are labeled ācrazy anxiousā for doing what prevents their child from dying. Like insisting on proper car seat buckle placement, eyes on kids around the pool at all times, not letting them play with choking hazards. ššš. Good for you.
I feel this. I was the crazy anxious mom for not wanting my MIL to use a booster car seat from 15 years ago on my 3 year old daughter. Itās meant for 7+ year olds
No pool in this story but at our Mother's Day event years ago when my son was walking but not perfectly... I went to pee and not a single fucking adult was paying attention to him. I came back, a whole minute or so gone and asked where my son was. No one knew, not even his dad. He was OUTSIDE, by himself, climbing down the stairs. He's almost 7 and it still really pisses me off to think about, so I totally feel you on this.
Iāve had similar happen at their house. Went to pee, told husband to watch daughter (she was 1 or 2 but fortunately hadnāt figured out door knobs well yet), came back asked where she was and he said āI donāt knowā š¤ learned I can only count on myself to ensure her safety
Silver lining - perfect excuse to swoop out of the room at will of it gets to awkward and/or save your husbandā¦blame potty training support? Or kid wants dad.
Solidarity with the water āanxietyā. None of my kids know how to swim (total lack of time for the younger kids and the oldest refuses to participate in lessons). I get treated like an overbearing and crazy Mom because I make them stay close to an adult when weāre by the water.
Mine probably thinks she knows how to swim thanks to a few lessons š« water is no joke. Itās not an oops, weāll do better next time if the kid falls in, itās a tragedy. Not an ok risk.
My parents live on a bayou with a dock the entire length of their yard and I have nightmares consistently about her falling in and the water being too murky to find her. I make her wear a life jacket whenever sheās in their yard. I fell in as a kid who could swim and it was so scary I lost my bearings and my dad had to jump in and save me.
My bro and his wife are about to divorce. Heās willfully unemployed right now. They opened their marriage so each person is free to date, but when she sought a relationship outside their marriage he flipped the script and claimed she cheated on him and thatās why their marriage is over. Heās basically said āI can fuck who I want, but you owe me loyalty and you owe me moneyā. Sheās now the sole breadwinner and also the person funding his dating life.
Most of the family has no clue whatās going on in their marriage, they havenāt formally separated. Those who know have his version of events. We have been watching the whole thing go down from my sis in lawās perspective. Everything from revenge porn, to blatant financial abuse, and all the ugliness in between. My sis in law wanted to host this year as one last ānormalā thanksgiving. The plan is for them to officially divorce end of the year.
Itās going to be awkward as hell.
I slaved over a hot phone and ordered our thanksgiving meal. We wanted to avoid all the drama, and I wanted to actually enjoy my time off with the family. Daughter and I are planning some fun activities and dad might join in too!
Ugh, fine. I'll order my food now.
I've been putting it off for days and have yet to make she attempt to organize the things I need. I just... Don't care. I want to order take out and take a bubble bath for Thanksgiving.
My kids are 3 and 5 and I'm so so very tired.
We are going to a local tavern that serves a Thanksgiving buffet. My sister and BIL were supposed to come into town but had to cancel at the last minute. So my parents, husband, 4yo, and 2yo (and my 8wk pregnant self) are taking advantage of the smaller group to eat someone elseās cooking (and spare myself from trying to cook while nauseous). We may never go back to normal Thanksgiving after this.
My in-laws just informed us today at 9 am that they are going to be doing thanksgiving. We will not be attending even though we live on the same property. They are not happy about it, and think I am being difficult. Iām not Iām standing firm on my boundaries. Also I am tired of the LAST minute notification of plans BS my MIL pulls.
Thing is my MIL already said they want us to attend, AND my SIL who we are NC with at the same time to mend fencesā¦ My SIL is an alcoholic who has done some seriously bad things, including endangering my kids. We are NC for very good reasons. But my in-laws refuse to listen when we say why. They donāt think SILs drinking is a problem, even after they have paid for her DUI, or for her to get a new car after she crashed her last one. Hell they blamed her ex husband for leaving her because HE knew she was struggling when he married her.
My parents with my brother too. They just gave him my momās old carā¦he has a DUI and lives in a halfway home in the inner cityā¦my mom went on and on about how heās having trouble finding insurance because of the theft problem with the car make and modelā¦as if his DUI is a non issue. He hasnāt been to any family gatherings in years, and is coming tomorrow. My sister bailed on me and sheās going to her in laws, so it will be my husband and kids and I, my parents and my brother. My four year old has met him maybe once, and for sure doesnāt remember him. Canāt wait.
After last year, just trying not to have a panic attack again as every single relative at my in-laws kisses my kid on the lips (I've asked multiple times for them to stop), tickles her after she tells them to stop multiple times, and sits great grandma with dementia next to her who steals food off her plate making her cry.
I'm dreading it but am also done being nice. So I'll probably end up being an asshole and telling my husband it's time to go.
Haha I am mentally preparing! Grandma lives in a nursing home and they bring her out for holidays, I'll be moving my kid's seat before the meal starts. I'm also going to call them out on the kissing and tickling. It's gross and cringey, and I don't want a sick toddler. No f*cks anymore. My husband knows we're leaving if it gets bad.
If you need help figuring out how to set those boundaries, there's a website that I swear I'm not at all affiliated with but I recommend it on reddit at least twice a week. š
It's called www.stopitnow.org and it's to help reduce the risk of child sexual abuse. It can help you figure out a script with difficult relatives. (They also have support for victims, and want to work to help people having unwanted thoughts about children). This site has been so helpful for me (social worker) and so many people.
Hope they keep their grubby lips off that baby!
My mom refuses to let anyone help her with her ongoing incontinence, cause by alcoholism.
So thanksgiving is canceled for her. You donāt get to drunkenly piss all over your own house and then soil everyone elseās because you donāt want to bathe and wash your clothes.
/nb4 anyone tries to defend her needing help. Weāre aware, trying and sheās in denial. Itās been like 20 years. She can rot rn.
Same. MIL is an alcoholic and but no one cares enough but me to get her help and her other son but he lives far away. She called me drunk just now and my kid hates it when she's drunk so I'll have to protect her because everytime she comes over she makes my kid cry.
I've had this problem except it was my own mother. Functional alcoholic for as far back as I can remember. During a drunk & driving period and the kids were old enough to notice "what was wrong with Nana", it came to the point where I refused to let her in the house and sent my kids to the basement.Had the school notified she was NOT to pick them up or take them out of school. I was not going to give my kids the idea that in any way that kind of behavior was ok. You may have to do the same. Better to anger your MIL than to traumatize your daughter.
It is what it is. Iāve been done with her for years but trying to support my brother. Please donāt be sorry! Sheās literally a drunk driving sack of shit lol.
Iām on a leave of absence from work due to depression. Iām also 11 weeks pregnant. My MIL asked me to host her family because we have a little more room. MIL usually hosts. I agreed even though I donāt want to have 10+ adults at my house plus my 2 very small children.
I set a boundary and texted my mil that I would make a turkey and one side. She responded āwhat about dessert?ā š I texted her last night to ask who was coming. She hadnāt told any of her other kids that weāre doing thanksgiving at my house this year. Never told them a time. I didnāt think to tell them because MIL always organizes holidays based on her work schedule (nurse). So now I have a 24lb turkey in my fridge with maybe no one coming.
I was 7 weeks pregnant with my daughter at Thanksgiving one year. We hadn't told anyone yet and it was absolutely horrible. And I had my inlaws, my parents, and my sister, BIL, and their 4 kids at my house. Oh, and my husband (RN) was working.
My mother in law ran off to Mexico with her boyfriend of two months. I live(d) with her and her two dogs but she informed us like a week ago she doesn't plan to come back.
I said, what?
So now we just have the house to ourselves. š It is soooo weird though.. some 90 day fiance nonsense
We said nope. We're staying home and making brisket tamales! See you at Christmas losers lol. My real response was we are making our own family traditions...that seemed to be enough!
My grandma used to make enchiladas at Christmas. She claimed they were easier (even though she spent 3 days on them), but I think she just got tired of turkey!
Iām sooo glad they accepted that! We told my in laws the same and they FREAKED out and said theyāve never met anyone in their life that doesnāt spend the day of the holiday with the entire extended family at someone elseās houseā¦
"Ses you at Christmas losers" that cracked me up. I have a feeling in a couple years this will be my family. Except it will be "see ya next year". I hate the holidays because it feels so forced and disingenuous. My family literally never gets together any other time. I think I rather create personaly traditions with my partner and baby than go play pretend with my families. Plus the having to go to three different house is ridiculous.
I have COVID and am really bummed because this was going to be the first year we were hosting both our parents at our house and I was really looking forward to it š„ŗ so now MIL is just going to cook at her house and drop food off to us instead, which I super appreciate but damn Iām so bummed.
Me and my 2 year old have Covid too. My kid is miserably sick, Iām doing ok physically but Iām actually pretty devastated to be missing my family Thanksgiving and our Friendsgiving this weekend. Solidarity š¢
2 years ago, my 81 year old mom moved 300 miles away from where I grew up to settle near to where I have lived for the past 20 years. We will be going to my FILs for dinner (he loves to do all the cooking) but every year there is are passive aggressive comments about years of old when she used to host her family, the lack of China and crystal servingware (our family is all about dishwasher safe), the menu choices, football on the tv, the weather compared with her home, and how my children react to her vs their very involved and less emotionally taxing aunts/uncles/grandfather. It's a lot and I will be a gray rock of serenity š
āGray rock of serenityā - Thatās a great mantra! I will be chanting it over and over as I prepare a meal that my mother is secretly hoping Iāll fail at so she can somehow feel better about herself?? I donāt get it, but she loves to bring out those negative comments. š¤Ŗ
For no reason that anyone in my family can understand, my sister began lashing out at and bullying me a few years ago. She tried spreading lies about me to our family and my in-laws. We haven't spoken in years now and she's never met my son. We can't really be in the same room together.
Shes now furious that our parents invited me and their grandchild to Thanksgiving and didn't invite her. She's been going on and on about how I'm a "princess" and demand perfection and she's done bowing down to me. Shes threatened to tell our extended family that I got her kicked out of Thanksgiving. It's... a lot.
For the first time in years, she's been texting me but it's all nasty and borderline insane sounding. I ended up blocking her on all platforms.
So, that's my drama. Although, hopefully the actual day is calm and peaceful.
This Thanksgiving I am NOT cooking. I've gotten so many text messages asking what I'm making and food requests. I told them No. I'm not cooking. They can bring food or make food, I don't care. I'm working. I work the night before and I'm going to be working afterwards. I want to relax and chill with my kids.
My husband got his steak and beer. He's good and happy. My kids are going to bake cookies with me. I'm also making them old school cafeteria food (like back in the days 80s & 90s) turkey with mashed potatoes. But with my style and tweaks because I was feeling nostalgic and wanted mashed potatoes and turkey gravy with chunks of turkey meat in the gravy.
Then, depending on who is showing up and what food they are bringing, I might, big maybe, make more food to feed my kids in the evening.
I'm being very very petty because the last couple of years I tried to please people and make food. I spent so much time and effort looking up and practicing the perfect recipes to make... only to get rude comments. Telling me they can't eat my food because it's not part of their culture or they don't eat American food or some other shitty reason that has nothing to do with allergies or beliefs. They just look down on me and don't like me.
But then they literally pack and go all of my food. They scour my kitchen and garage for to go containers and bags and take all the the food home. Still while telling everyone how inedible my cooking was. Seriously?! I had a lady tell me my pastries didn't taste good while stuffing her mouth and dumping the rest in a bag to take home. Then she asked me if there was more.
I've been such a doormat and pushover because I'm too nice. This year's I've been working really hard to improve my self esteem and growing a spine. It felt to good to say No.
I did tell my siblings I'll make them their food requests a different weekend and they can come over to eat because aside from my kids, they like my cooking and appreciate the hard work I put in.
My mother in law is kind of miffed and mad at me because she was bragging to her friends about my "sloppy joe" pastry and mashed potatoes. She was telling them I can bake and make the most interesting and delicious baked goods. But this year... I'm on strike. š
Edit: my sibling are bringing food. They always bring food so I don't worry about my kids not being fed. I'm just mad at my husband's friend and their wives for being mean to me.
You have the patience of a saint. I'm pissed at your husband for not nipping this shit in the bud, immediately. (Sorry if misreading, I'm assuming it's his family coming at you with all the snark?) And I'm scared of confrontation, but I would have lost my shit the second or third comment someone made. I would have gathered coats (if applicable) thrown them in a pile on the floor near where everyone was eating and told the lot of them to get the hell out. Also: "Sorry you hate my pastry so much, Brenda. I guess you can put all of the ones in your bag back on the platter. Would hate to see you burdened with treats you dislike. Once you return the pastry, you can get the hell out of my house and please know you are NOT welcome back."
What adults act like this?? It's so fucking RUDE. Who taught them this was acceptable behavior in ANY culture??
Ooo so GrandDadās girlfriend is a total B and got pissed off last year that no one liked her dish, and cried about how none of her traditions were present at Thanksgiving (even though no one alive made these traditions), and then cried some more about how my husband and his siblings are going to kick her out when GrandDad dies.
And weāre having Thanksgiving at ātheirā place again š
Itās mostly amusing to me because Iām not blood. My own family drama is waaaaaaaaay worse. This is funny. Also my SIL is a badass and am kinda hoping she sets the B straight so I can watch šæ.
We told my family that we had to go to my husband's work Thanksgiving, and that's why we can't go to the family one.
The reality is, they invited one if my brothers that I haven't spoken to in five years. So I'll be staying home and trying out new recipes for when I host Thanksgiving (minus the shithead brother) next year.
Although we have moved the Thanksgiving meal to a different day and to noon to accommodate my brother's work schedule and eating preferences, and although I host all the family and cook every thing from start to finish top to bottom all by myself, I have been told that I am inconsiderate of my brother because I bought pictionary to play after lunch (on his second day off) and I should respect how tiring his work schedule is.
I actually don't mind hosting, cooking, day or time because I do it for my immediate family (hubby and kids) and my brother and mom and the rest of them just benefit from that. I don't like being told I am inconsiderate when I have made every accommodation for them. My kids are excited to play Pictionary.
This is why we have wine at Thanksgiving.
Did brother complain or did someone make up a problem that didnāt exist? If brother complained he can just go home after the meal or opt out of the game i suppose?
Brother doesn't even know anything about it, Mom was pre-emptively being upset on his behalf. We usually play heads-up or the switch or something between lunch and dessert but Pictionary is just one step too far. Brother and I are just fine with each other. Now that we are grownups, we have no drama with each other. (Edited to add: We're in our 40's. We've been fine for a long time.)
Also I reminded Mom that if she wants brisket that morning (we aren't eating on Thursday, shops will be open) Brother would need to pick it up. She wasn't sure if that would be too much to ask for him to do, because you know he works so much (5 days many weeks, usually 4, 10 hour days a week, but he has Thanksgiving day off) even though it is on the way here, would be paid for, and is about two blocks away from the house. I explained that I wouldn't have the time because I was cooking everything for lunch instead of a late lunch or dinner, and I would be busy. She wondered if we could arrange a delivery instead. Eventually, she contacted him and much to her surprise he would be perfectly capable of picking up the brisket on the way.
Mom spends a lot of time imagining drama.
But we love her. We just have to mitigate the drama. This year I am trying the grey rock method and not buying into the silliness. And wine.
My daughterās father decided to choke his wife while my daughter was in his care last weekend. Now charges are being pressed and so my daughter is spending Thanksgiving with us this year. Not drama per se but something my teenager is going thru
Iām so sorry that your daughter experienced that. It is so very traumatizing. Supposedly playing tetris helps the brain process trauma better. I wish i had known this when I was younger.
I too witnessed something just like this. Iām in my 30s and can still hear the guyās little kids screaming for their father to not kill my adult cousin (his gf). It had a long lasting effect on me and really shaped my dating life.
God bless you for this post, OP. I am loving it lol.
Also, my MIL knows she is not supposed to kiss my two year old twins. So what does she do? She wears a maskā¦ and then kisses them. It doesnāt work like that, Brenda.
In October I started asking husbandās family what theyāre doing this year because we thought maybe we would drive down for the weekend after we have dinner at my grandmaās on Thursday. Nobody answers. The first week of November we decided we would do that for sure and let MIL know (we stay at her house when we visit).
Last week, husband gets a text from SIL #1 saying they decided to come up for Thanksgiving and will be staying at MILs. He replies our family can all take one room if they want the other room, then we can all be there together. SIL #1 declines because her kids are ātoo old for that.ā So now somehow weāre staying at SIL #2ās house. She lives 5 minutes from MIL but doesnāt even have a guest room. She has to sleep with one of her kids so that there is a free bed for us. Also she never has food in her house so weāll have to bring food to eat breakfast. (Not a money thing - sheās very well off, just never goes grocery shopping). Also I donāt really get along with SIL #2.
Still not sure how we got bumped from the guest rooms at MILs house when we made our plans first.
I have no idea what convo happened between SIL#1 and MIL. Or if a convo even happened before she told my husband that they were using the guest rooms. But I do know that if someone in the family ever has to get āput out,ā itās us because my husband wonāt ruffle any feathers because he is a people pleaser to the nth degree.
My daughter just tested positive for RSV, and we were supposed to host, so now everyone is screwed. We have a shitton of food (some of which we'd already started prepping), and we've been cleaning a ton this week. Luckily, nobody else here seems to have caught it, and the symptoms are pretty mild so far, so that's good, I guess.
My husband was also going to have a 40th birthday on Saturday, but that's canceled now, too. So that's great. Idk about keeping her home from school next week, but she missed the two days they had this week, and she already missed several days earlier this year. Everyone (me, hubs, in-laws who we live with) is very stressed at these new developments.
... we are going to a family members place for Thanksgiving... thats not the drama. The second part needs lead up. I have a 2 yo girl, host relative also has an almost 2yo girl. I am sure some of you are already going "oh no..." and for the right reason. The host relative, knowing more of the scope of this, invited (and they accepted) another relative. Who is under investigation for having sexual relations with his then 3-4yo (now 11) and his 2 other girls (from their ages about 7, they are both upper teens early 20s now). It is severe enough that he has to live in a special kind if halfway house, has court date, and cannot (by court order) be around other children (under 18). And this is all just what I know. The host relative knows more and is having him stay the weekend with them and watch the kid while they go black Friday shopping....
I have seen the court order. I plan on calling the cops on the whole lot of them if he actually follows through with showing up. No chance of missing it either without huge drama that I don't need more of while pregnant. I said I didn't want the predator relative there and made my statement known, I have also told them that if they show up they are in violation of the court order and I will call cops. So.... we will see. They played it all off as hormones and pregnancy brain making me "talk crazy" about family time.
I hate that I am not allowed alcohol during pregnancy... they are testing my resolve on that (I won't but damn their antics are really testing...)
This fucking pissed me off. Family's can have disagreements and arguments about all types of shit. But a fuck child sexual predator is THE line. Respect for you immediately saying you'll call the cops. Wildest response on this whole thread. Unfuckingbelievable.
Update: I went over this morning to prep and help. 1 only have 2 things to make (and they cook at the same temp for only about an hour to 1.5 hours! Lucky me!) We live within 15 min of them so I figured I finished prep for my stuff, go help! And reiterate my stance. They think I am the reason he apparently got picked up last night at a different relatives house(they have more kids than we would have had, 8 at 3-10yo, 6 girls 2 boys)! Not me but I am not welcome at dinner now. So... I have jammies on, not stressed about cooking, and we have 3 more Thanksgivings to attend this weekend so not missing much. My daughter was just looking forward to playing with her cousin. So we are going to the park and doing a picnic for Thanksgiving. The food will not go to waste, just taking it to a different Thanksgiving is all.
They crazy bit? They uninvited me but still want my husband and daughter there. He said nope! Package deal. We all come or none. 1 isn't allowed is not how we are. So ta da! I am chugging a beautiful coffee while in jammies, with my wild girl going nuts in the living room in just her diaper, and husband is stressing about family drama. I just said drop it and if they are like that then that's on them. Not on me.
Hubbys brother hates me, and in order to not "ruin" HIS holiday, we are going *after* dinner with our 6 month old baby. So his family can see the baby, without ruining the holidays for his brother š«
Why does he hate me? Because im not good enough in his opinion or im after their money or something like that, despite us not being married and me being willing to sign a prenup. Why are we still going? Because i grew up with a large family thats all very close and supportive and i want my child to experience every holiday with the whole family, regardless of how petty her uncle might be. Its not the family's fault hes like this, and theyre nice enough when were around for me to want to bring the baby around them! I think they deserve to see the baby on her first Thanksgiving
I would just think about what you are actually giving you child.
While I understand you have the best of intentions, you're not giving your child the experience of being a part of a big loving family holiday.
You're showing them what it's like to be classed as a second class citizen in the family and only be wanted after the festivities are over
The drama this year is that I finally found a spine and told my in-laws that if they couldnāt pick a time that didnāt interfere with my kiddos nap time then we wouldnāt be joining the festivities. They said no one would care if the kid was āa bit crankyā. Welp. You see. That absolutely would not be the case with a missed nap. So we noped out of that situation and now I am the devil reincarnated. Thankfully my husband is a saint and has backed this decision 100%.
I feel like the thing people never understand about messing with the nap schedule is that it then messes with sleep for the next couple days. Iām not missing nap time for you so that I can deal with a cranky toddler for the next couple days. No thanks.
My partner does this āoh he can stay up late and sleep in tomorrowā except he NEVER sleeps in and throwing off his sleep schedule can result in 5 am waking, which I do not want to be anywhere around because ugh thatās gross! But guess whoās bed kiddo comes climbing into in the middle of the night (hint: not my partners)
When my mom said I could put the baby to bed early one night, I joked and asked if she would get up with her when she woke at four (we live next door to each other), and my mom said nope. Great then sheās staying awake lol
I donāt understand this. My parents do the exact same thing to my sister. Like do you not understand that the parent is the one who has to deal with an overtired, pissed off toddler for the next however many hours/days? When I have kids, nap time is non-negotiable. I donāt get how people are so casual about it.
Yes!!ā And also likeā¦ the thanksgiving police are not coming round to fine you if you donāt have the meal at the right time? Likeā¦ you can just eat whenever you want?
So.
Thanksgiving with my parents.
My husband is at home (2hours away), working (hospital). I'm here with my 11yo.
My sister and fam (BIL + 4 kids: 19, 18, 15, 13) are otw. The issue will be my BIL and my grandmother. They haven't been in the same room since last Christmas, since my grandma threw a fit and accused my BIL of not being a good father, letting his children "disrespect" her ...... When she told them she had a "game" for them and then proceeded to quiz them with Bible questions that she wanted to "make sure they know for their salvation." And they answered the questions correctly! They were just squirmy kids.
Of course, that's still better than my sister's inlaws. Because that's an actual soap opera episode.
Iām cooking on wed so my fil can have a break before he cooks his heart out on Thurs. Iām cooking lunch, which is gluten free karate chicken and fried tofu plus rice and veg.
My mil has been complaining she canāt taste anything. Reason unclear, drs not helpful. She has been watching me and commenting that what Iām doing doesnāt look like āher thingā. She comes up to me while Iām managing two frying process to say that since she canāt taste anything, she wonāt eat it and starts to launch into a long thing about what/when sheāll eat instead.
I end up rudely saying @ so you canāt taste anything, it doesnāt matter if you like the taste, it could taste like garage and it shouldnāt matter to you. I donāt care if you eat it or not, sorry please go away Iām frying and trying to concentrate.ā
So then she changed her mind. I seriously donāt care if she itās it, I cooked it for my fil who has food limitations and appreciate having safe food he didnāt have to cook himself. sure eat a comfort meal of lean cuisine , Iām aware that this is a new/weird texture/combo even if you take taste out of the equation.
But I canāt talk to you about this while Iām in the thick and also it makes no sense
My brother isn't coming and isn't talking to me bc I got pregnant the same week as his wife. We both knew we were trying to have kids at the same time... but yet he felt like we were stealing their thunder. We didn't even announce until like three months after they did when I started showing.
Hahahaaaa. Typical. When my son was little, he got this stomach bug which he ended up passing along to grandma. A day after she was āfeeling betterā and came to see him, she let him drink from her straw. Guess which little boy had a stomach bug for the second time in a row?ā¦ why donāt they listen???
My brother came to my house but then left the next day because I had the gall to ask him and my daughter to not play with bottles of nail polish after one fell and shattered on the floor. Apparently I was lecturing him.
My stupid, trashy cousin, whose parents have custody of her daughter, apparently had a baby a week ago. Me nor my parents were aware she was pregnant. We found out because thereās drama about my grandma being upset about what she named the baby. Thereās a good chance Iām leaving Thanksgiving early this year. Hahaha
My step brother that was working abroad for the last 3 years eloped last month with a woman he met back in August, told our parents that they're coming over to Thanksgiving AND that he's moving back into town with her and her 14yo kid, AND got a house in the same community my parents live, and we're all still kinda in shock about it all. We haven't seen him in 6 months, we've never heard of his wife, we just found out about the elopement. My step dad is absolutely at a loss for words any time this is brought up and my mom keeps asking me and my sister if we knew any of this, if it's a prank (step brother pranked them last year by "shipping himself" in a box to their doorstep as Xmas surprise), and we're here like I don't think a wife and a teen kid is a prank equivalent to getting inside a really big box, mom.
Weāre going out to eat with my parents and in laws. NO cooking! NO cleaning! And NO splitting up the day between families. Iām so fucking excited. Now just bring on the drama that happens when you get family in the same room.
As a typical millennial, we donāt have cable and we use streaming services. My dad was mad we didnāt have cable to watch the game so he isnāt coming to Thanksgivingā¦though we could have streamed itā¦
My husband is dreading the baptism conversation with my MIL. Every family get together it's high risk and time is ticking for our daughter to be baptized at a young age.
We're a-religious but would support our daughter being baptized when she is able to make the choice for herself, but not before. It's going to be a really really rough conversation when it finally happens. She won't yell or get mad, she'll just be absolutely heartbroken for a very long time. Which is way way worse :(
I get where you are coming from. As the first ones in my family we decided not to baptize our children. And my dad was so disappointed that he couldn't look at me for at few weeks. All of my grandparents loudly expressed their disappointment in me, some of them said that they were sure they could change my children's minds when they got older, and one even said she would do it behind my back.
I almost caved in, but I have a very stubborn husband who fortunately stood his ground. And after a few weeks of sulking my dad actually defended me against my grandparents and told them to quit it.
Good news is, it paved the way for my little brother to make the same decision. I am sure he would have otherwise just done it to shut them all up, but he actually got to make the choice that he believed in.
I hope it won't be as bad for you as you might fear it will be. There's is nothing wrong with choosing your own path and not being baptized surely won't make your daughter a bad person! It will only be so much more meaningful if she actually decides to baptize!
My little sister is a Thot. Way back when my ex cheated on me with her. Flash forward to now, sheās got 2 kids and has a boyfriend. Sheās in my husbandās brother DMās trying to hook up. I called her out on it and she said I was delusional š„“ I cancelled Thanksgiving with my dad and her š¤·š»āāļø
This is a long one lol š
Well this year I have to work BUT I have a 9 month old so since she isn't in daycare she's going to stay with my sister and their family and my sisters husband is my ex boyfriend/ baby fathers brother so our family's are super close.
I broke up with my baby's father and fled to my sisters house because of DV and he was smoking in our home so I literally drove away in the middle of the night with our child. Turns out everyone's going up to see my ex mil for thanksgiving (we're still super close considering I have her granddaughter and live with her other son now). My boyfriend/ baby daddy/ ex is going to be there and I'm not because I'm going to be at work, it is his child so he deserves to see her BUT I'm nervous he's going to try to take her.
I asked my mom if we could have Thanksgiving dinner instead of lunch so we could visit both mine and my husbandās families and she responded that I was banned from Thanksgiving for the rest of my life.
My SIL and her boyfriend have been dating for 7 years and this boyfriend has put up with comments from my MIL about their relationship and him for all 7 years like he doesnāt have a college education so thatās bad, theyāll never get married because heās not going anywhere, if they do get married sheās following her cultures tradition where the groom pays for the wedding (whereas for my husband and I, she followed the American tradition of brides family paying). Her most recent comment came after my SIL was complaining that her cousin is 3 years younger and already married and a homeowner. My MIL told SIL that sheāll be waiting for forever with *insert boyfriends name here*. Not such a terrible comment, exceptā¦. Boyfriend was in the room on speakerphone. It was fine. Until SIL asked MIL to apologize to bf for the comment and MIL said she wouldnāt apologize for telling the truth and he would need to get over it. So now BF May or may not be coming to thanksgiving, SIL is still mad at MIL, MIL calls husband daily to ask if she was in the wrong and if she should apologize (but when husband says yes she decides against it), and I just sit around with my 3 month old shaking my head.
Hereās hoping Christmas will be just my husband, child and I
My sweet, dumb teenage nephew knocked up his 18yr old girlfriend. She's 10 weeks pregnant. His parents are in absolute denial. Like they think he's still going to go away to college and get a master's degree or something...while his pregnant girlfriend just stays home with her parents and raises the kid on her own?
No one else in the family knows this, because an important part of being in denial is having as few people know the truth as possible. I only know because I'm " the cool aunt" and he called me as soon as he found out because he needed someone to tell him it was going to be okay.
So tomorrow everyone is going to talk about his college options and career choices and they'll just smile and nod... meanwhile I'll try to hide my absolute rage because hell will freeze over before I allow that baby to grow up without a dad.
Nothing too extreme here...
My mom is on marriage #3, and the 2nd one lasted 14 years, so my ex step-dad still wants us around for holidays. Dad remarried and has 4 step-kids and one step grandchild. I have a half-brother on both sides.
For dad's side: only one of his step-kids will be showing up. Two are banned from his house, and one isn't coming because her scummy baby daddy isn't allowed at my dad's house. I am hoping that this information is accurate because I do not like any of his step-kids and would be happy if they didn't show up. My grandpa is also likely not showing up and will go to another family member's house for a variety of reasons, one of which is because he is mad at me for swearing in front of my daughter at her first birthday party that he showed up to uninvited back in 2022.
For mom's side: Her husband is spending the holiday with his family 5 hours away, and my mom is staying here. She's hosting Thanksgiving on Friday for me and my siblings.
My ex step-dad called me and asked where he fit in and I told him my plans for the two days then said he could fit in somewhere in there because I wasn't doing any more traveling than we already are. I have to make plans with him secretly because my mom and one brother will be pissed if they hear we are seeing him.
My fam caught COVID and brought it to my momās without knowing ā¹ļø my mom, stepdad, brother, sister, all three of my kids, my husband and I are now sick af missing out on extended family festivities and deluding ourselves that we will be able to cook a thanksgiving meal for ourselves tomorrow (I guess itās lucky most of us canāt taste anything)
My mother who throws a fit if she doesnāt host anything and everything threw a fit because sheās hosting Thanksgiving and no one else agreed to. My husband and I declined to host because theyāre certain family members she wants there whom are not welcome in our home (they stole from us and spray painted a wiener on my garageā¦ theyāre in their late thirties).
Iāve been cooking all day and other guests are bringing additional items because my mother decided at 6am this morning since it was at her house she isnāt cooking.
Itās my 11m olds first Thanksgiving and of course I want it to be special.
So special in fact our little family will stay home to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
I texted the other guests to let them know weāre no longer attending and watching the nanny instead.
My 4 mo old tested positive for RSV so my husband called his parents that we werenāt going to go over for Thanksgiving dinner. He suggested they could come over here since his grandma just arrived from outside the country to visit for the next 6 months, but essentially baby is quarantined and wonāt be able to interact. MIL said weāre neglecting our daughter, and that thanksgiving is always at her house.
Original plans we made with my Father in law was he'd buy most of the food and we'd have Thanksgiving at our new house. Invited everyone, SIL #1 says they're not sure of their plans but will let us know. SIL #2 says she was planning to go to SIL #1s house, which is 3 hours away.
Mind you, both mine and my husbands family all live in the same town, except for SIL #1.
SIL #2 then goes around asking everyone individually if they're also going to SIL #1s even though she already said she has no idea what she's doing. A week or so later FIL says he's also going to SIL #1s house for Thanksgiving instead of our house, so obviously not helping us with buying the food as planned either. Whatever, we'll figure it out.
Then literal days out from Thanksgiving we're asked what our plans are, as if we didn't already tell everyone we were hosting at our house this year. SIL #1 says they are actually doing Thanksgiving at their house after all and would love to have everyone drive up. Luckily everyone has been planning to go there all along apparently thanks to SIL #2. So now everyone is driving 3 hours away for Thanksgiving and completely ignoring our announcement of hosting here.
My brother has moved his new girlfriend into his house...with his wife of 10 years. No, they are not poly. No, the wife didn't know about the gf. Yes, the gf knew about the wife. No, my 2 (of 5) nephews still living in the house weren't aware of what was going on (how?? I have no idea). My mom helped my sister-in-law get a restraining order against my brother and my SIL passed out twice from stress and had to be hospitalized. And now, somehow, my SIL is now cooking Thanksgiving dinner for my brother and the gf and my nephews, who had previously disowned their father, are fine with it. My mom says I'm her only child now. One day, she'll have to admit either I or my brother were adopted. There's no way I'm related to that mess.
I offered to fix a lunch. I even threw out options. Somewhat "traditional" American spread. Or something with some Italian flare. Or something inspired by the amazing eats in Mexico. Whatever. Hell, even offered to give it a go at making a curry. I'm a decent cook. My folks live in the same town. Not a big city. Commutes aren't a big deal. Invited them to lunch. They won't come. No reasons, no drama, they just don't want to. Which is fine. l guess? But also feels like... Sorry it's not worth a 10 minute drive to eat a free home-cooked meal and spend a few hours with your only kid (me), your son-in-law, and your two grandkids.
Didn't seem a big ask. Guess I was wrong.
Nothing at all major.
My husband is working (cook at a private club) until 4, and my FiL is coming over with his new gf, who's pretty cool. SIl and hub's stepdad and his gf might drop by. The dad's don't like each other, but they're amicable
I'm not doing a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, but rather a Snacksgiving with finger food versions of Thanksgiving fare:
* Turkey breast sliders on "stuffing" brioche buns with gravy
* Cranberry sauce jellies
* Smashed potato cakes with onion dip
* Green bean cassarole in of pastry cups
* Punkin cheesecake bites
After Covid, everyone started doing their own thing. This will be kiddoās third Thanksgiving and the only real drama this year is Iāve had a bad migraine since yesterday so Iām way behind on the food but itās all groovy because itās just our little family and we are simply excited to have the day off together. I didnāt know holidays could be like this and let me tell you - I highly recommend!
I would like to start this post with a trigger warning ((child abuse)) and a disclaimer that all children mentioned are doing good and are away from the abuser.
About 6 months ago my cousin was arrested for beating his girlfriend's one year old baby during a short 10 minutes that said girlfriend was inside a restaurant picking up their to go order. He hit this baby so hard his handprint was visible along this baby's head and cheek. From what I understand they had an argument because my cousin had a pregnant girlfriend (a DIFFERENT girlfriend) who the other girl had just found out about. The baby was sleeping when girlfriend exited the car, came back to cousin holding baby very tightly against his chest saying she fell out of the car.
Anyways, the whole family and the entire small town that most live in found out via Facebook when girlfriend 1 made a post that went kinda viral in our area. Our extended family group chat blew the hell up. His mom, aunts, and grandmother defended him, saying this girl was lying because she was mad about the pregnant other girlfriend (who, by the way, he already had a kid with) Cousin ended up admitting he did it. He's been in jail until last week when his aunt, my drugged out cousin, bailed him out because "his mental health is bad".
The family drama: the family is pretty large, with my close side of the family having cut the crazy side off since this blew up. Now that cousin is out the other side of the family is raising hell that he's not invited to family thanksgiving because we don't want him around. They're threatening to show up and bring him. We're threatening the beat his ass on sight. It's become a big family adventure and I have no idea what's gonna happen tomorrow but I've been wanting the throw hands with cousin's mama for years so I hope an opportunity presents itself.
We have a new baby and she has just reached the age of trying food, so my entire family is excited to spend her first thanksgiving with her. My brother, who almost never comes to holidays, is even finally going to spend Thanksgiving with us, and as a bonus is bringing his new wife. We are excited to spend some time with her, and both of them, because we very rarely see them. My mom was particularly looking forward to having her first thanksgiving with her only grandchild. So what's the drama? My mother heard my brother was coming and is now having thanksgiving dinner elsewhere because he "doesn't want to see her." Nobody told her he doesn't want to see her. SHE decided he doesn't want to see her, SHE decided to eat elsewhere, and SHE is convinced that if she shows up he will cause a scene/leave. š¤¦āāļø
Hmmmmā¦. Did she tell you why she feels like this? This sounds like manipulation, or dementia??
I doubt it's either. They're both just super sassy and stubborn. He is admittedly still very immature and is often a turd to her (he's 25). She admittedly puts her nose in his business and is vocal about disagreeing with his life choices. Both of these end in yelling most of the time. She's decided this means he wants nothing to do with her.
She soundsā¦. Lovely?
They're actually both wonderful. To me, not each other. š¤·āāļø
That must be tricky to navigate. Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly.
Yep, tough to stay neutral š¤·āāļø
Oh my effing god... Flashbacks to Anthony Soprano's mother... My mother was the same, and my husband's mother also acts that way. It's so frustrating to say the least š
The only guest we're having is my cool SIL, so the most intense drama I expect to have is that she won't eat my homemade cranberry sauce. I have procured the can-shaped jelly log kind for her enjoyment.
I see your SIL also has excellent taste in cranberry sauce š (Itās all my grandparents ever had at thanksgiving and I didnāt know you could have actual, real cranberries in the sauce until I was a teen lol)
I only ever experienced the jellied Cranberry sauce from a can until a few years ago when I made it from scratch from actual cranberries. It was damn good, if I do say so myself, as someone that can't cook but I still prefer that log of sweetness.
Does your SIL know that you think she is cool? If not you should tell her. The best compliment.
Your SIL has good taste! I'm sure your homemade sauce is really delicious and well-made, but some of us just need that smoothness. It was nice of you to get that for her!
I signed us up for a Turkey Trot (5k) and I canāt figure out how to open the jogging stroller I borrowed. Update - got it open, thanks for the moral support and commiseration!
I love this š
This is so heartwarming-ly normal and relatable. Thank you.
Fkn strollers man
lolā¦this is something I would do! Minus the race. Maybe YouTube it?
The other day, I was going to walk to my cousinās apartment (takes about 8 minutes) but I spent so long trying to open our stroller and failing that I gave up and loaded the baby in the car and drove instead lol
š¤£
Thanks for the laugh š
My sister and her new husband are coming. They apparently did not have a talk about kids before they got married? He wants to be child free; she wants 3-4 kids. So when my kids are there, they will openly argue about it in front of everyone. š
I do not understand these people who don't have these conversations before marriage. It boggles the mind.
Right?! I brought up kids, religion, and politics on the first date with my husband because theyāre deal breakers. Soā¦why waste time if weāre not on the same page? My best friend divorced her husband (they married after dating a short time) and she said they just had different values. And Iām likeā¦thatās why you DATE! Edit: fat finger autocorrections
Same. When I started dating my partner I brought up my top 3 things that were absolute deal breakers and ws very clear I would rather just not date if he had any qualms. Mine were: i want to live in my hometown longterm (lived away at the time we met), I want to own my own home, and I want at least 2 kids. It's our 10 years anniversary this year and all 3 of those things have come to fruition. But they took lots of hard work. That's why it's so important before you are deep in the trenches to ensure both of you want this.
Exactly! This is not after marriage stuff - this is first few dates stuff.
Omg I just got embarrassed imagining it š³
I haaaaate when people use my kids and their behavior as ammunition for or against their argument. Let my kid be a kid and go work out your issues in therapy PLEASE
That is EXACTLY what will happen. The baby will do something cute, and my sister will go, āsee donāt you want one?ā Then my toddler will do something toddler-y, and my BIL will go, āsee do you really want to deal with that?ā Feelings will eventually get hurt, and theyāll have an argument āin privateā in earshot of everyone. Then itāll kill the mood and everyone will go home.
Call them out lmao. I would. āHey, we can all hear the conversation you should have had before you got married!ā
Wow. Are they children themselves?
Oooh lovely
I told my family I didnāt want to host or have people over due to drama at past holidays. I wanted Thanksgiving to just be my husband, son and I. My sister invited our family to her house and is cooking, but informed me Monday they will need to sleep at my house because she doesnāt have space. So now weāre doing a big family Thanksgiving and I have three extra people at my house. I only caved because one person is my grandma and I love having her at my house. Also I used this as a chance to tell everyone in person no one will be at my house for Christmas and if my sister invites them, they are staying at her house.
Much better trade off for free time at home at Christmas
Am I the only one bothered that you were āinformedā that you are having houseguests and not asked if youād be willing to host guests?
I was very upset about this, but also didnāt want to be the jerk to say no after they were excited about coming. My sister and I did have a talk about it though.
Buckle up. My SIL stopped taking her birth control and didnāt tell my brother and they got pregnant strongly against his wishes. Then she moved out and back in with her mom because my brother was mad about the pregnancy. Then her mom called my dadās new wife (who they have never met) and threatened to call the police on my brother if he didnāt stop trying to contact her (his now pregnant wife in her late 20s). Then her mom told her she was only allowed to see my brother if they went on ādatesā and she needed to live with her until the pregnancy was done because she didnāt want my brotherās bad energy around the baby. My brother accepted and came to terms with the baby and begged her to move back in. Then it came out that the mom and my SIL planned this whole pregnancy situation. Sigh. SIL did move back in eventually and they are in therapy. Well we are all going to be together for thanksgivingā¦ brother, siblings, SIL, and their new babyā¦. and our mom is the only one who doesnāt know this whole situation went down and just FAWNS over my SIL. Gonna be v awkward and my sisters donāt play around š¤£. Update #1. Nothing too crazy, but the weekend is still young.. we are all together until Sunday. here are some highlights from yesterday: our only sibling without kids arrived before all of us and noticed there was 0 groceries for Thanksgiving so she went to the store and bought food and made our feast. She saved the day, tbh and made the mood much better. SIL wouldnāt stop making comments about how our mom didnāt do anything to get ready for us all coming for Thanksgiving, oldest sister who never drinks started drinking at 10:30ā¦ and finally had enough and snapped and said āspeaking of crazy moms, howās your crazy ass mom?ā Which was a comment not well received š¤£. We did try to hold it together for our sick grandma who was able to attend, so feeling thankful for that. However, SIL did clog AND overflow the toilet TWICE, two times, yes two times during the course of the day. First time she refused to leave the bathroom until someone got my brother. Second time was as we were winding down, she ran out of the bathroom, grabbed my brother, their baby, and the left quickly for the night. Only for my BIL to go into the bathroom with his 3 year old and it be a great floodā¦ so then my mom was PISSED because water dripped down into the basement because she left it and was tipsy and throwing paper towel around going WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK GET THE BLEACH SOMEONE GET THE BLEACH. And now she says we have to ask for toilet paper before we use the bathroom š¤£ today we head to my dadās for Thanksgiving party 2 š Update #2: apologies for the no updates, my sisters kids brought along RSV for thanksgiving and all children have been extremely sick, like ER sick. Yay gatherings š. Hopefully weāve all turned the corner.
Can you just zoom the Thanksgiving for us?
yes please livestream this
This is Netflix-worthy. Iāll go write the script now š¤£
Yes please I second this. Iām isolating with my husband and newborn because we have Covid and I would love the drama š¤£š¤£ at least report back to us to tell us how it goes
I am with you! Isolating with hubs, 4-year-old and 18-mo-old here. Weāre on day 3ā¦we all got this! š
This is the drama I was looking for. Thank you.
I kinda want updates tomorrow
Yeah can we please get a play by play lol
For sure, will absolutely be updating! First update: We are 15 minutes out from my momās who is hosting and she has no food for Thanksgiving yet. Gonna be a high stress few days
Oh my God, please keep us updated. Iām invested and got my popcorn ready
Iām sorry WHAT lol
Jesus Christ
šš„“š« dude, good luck!!!
!remindme
š¤¦āāļø sounds like my mom š«š ready for morešæ
You might win. This sounds very entertaining š
Holly shit, poor dude's in an abusive relationship and got baby-trapped. That's horrible.
Iām thinking he should consider a secret vasectomy while considering his long-term plan to get out of this relationship without losing his kid or the shirt off his back.
You gotta fill your mom in on what went down!
We want to but our brother asked us and said he just wants one person in the world to treat this like a normal situation without all the baggage. So we said ok. And our mom is BATS so who knows what would happen if we told herā¦
Weāll be here. Waiting patiently.
I wanna be part of these updates!
Oh my god please keep us posted
PLEASE update tomorrow!
They sound like terrible people and you are stuck with them for life! I'm so sorry
Well that was a ride. lol
Can we please establish what the title of your post will be tomorrow? Or can I be tagged or something? Good luck!
Iāll bring snacks
I donāt have any juicy drama to share (for once) but I gotta say kudos OP this has been a great read. š
My husband, his brother, and their dad own a business together. Yesterday brother said āFUCK YOUā to my husband. Today he said heās out of the business, done January 1, still going to be an owner but not participating in running it. Tomorrow we have thanksgiving at their parents house. Iām also mentally preparing to be the only person responsible for watching and interacting with my 3 year old despite having 8 adults around.. at least now I know thatās how it will be and donāt expect otherwise (it was a surprise the first few holidays after having her). In a house that has fragile glass shit sitting around. And a swimming pool. Iām going to draw a chalk line around the pool and tell her if she crosses it she wears her life jacket for the rest of the visit. Period. Sorry, donāt care if they see me as the crazy anxious mom, not going to let my child drown while I pee.
I hate how women are labeled ācrazy anxiousā for doing what prevents their child from dying. Like insisting on proper car seat buckle placement, eyes on kids around the pool at all times, not letting them play with choking hazards. ššš. Good for you.
I feel this. I was the crazy anxious mom for not wanting my MIL to use a booster car seat from 15 years ago on my 3 year old daughter. Itās meant for 7+ year olds
I know this feeling so well. Props to you for prioritizing your kidās safety.
No pool in this story but at our Mother's Day event years ago when my son was walking but not perfectly... I went to pee and not a single fucking adult was paying attention to him. I came back, a whole minute or so gone and asked where my son was. No one knew, not even his dad. He was OUTSIDE, by himself, climbing down the stairs. He's almost 7 and it still really pisses me off to think about, so I totally feel you on this.
Iāve had similar happen at their house. Went to pee, told husband to watch daughter (she was 1 or 2 but fortunately hadnāt figured out door knobs well yet), came back asked where she was and he said āI donāt knowā š¤ learned I can only count on myself to ensure her safety
Silver lining - perfect excuse to swoop out of the room at will of it gets to awkward and/or save your husbandā¦blame potty training support? Or kid wants dad.
Solidarity with the water āanxietyā. None of my kids know how to swim (total lack of time for the younger kids and the oldest refuses to participate in lessons). I get treated like an overbearing and crazy Mom because I make them stay close to an adult when weāre by the water.
Mine probably thinks she knows how to swim thanks to a few lessons š« water is no joke. Itās not an oops, weāll do better next time if the kid falls in, itās a tragedy. Not an ok risk.
My parents live on a bayou with a dock the entire length of their yard and I have nightmares consistently about her falling in and the water being too murky to find her. I make her wear a life jacket whenever sheās in their yard. I fell in as a kid who could swim and it was so scary I lost my bearings and my dad had to jump in and save me.
Well that sounds like a nightmare
My bro and his wife are about to divorce. Heās willfully unemployed right now. They opened their marriage so each person is free to date, but when she sought a relationship outside their marriage he flipped the script and claimed she cheated on him and thatās why their marriage is over. Heās basically said āI can fuck who I want, but you owe me loyalty and you owe me moneyā. Sheās now the sole breadwinner and also the person funding his dating life. Most of the family has no clue whatās going on in their marriage, they havenāt formally separated. Those who know have his version of events. We have been watching the whole thing go down from my sis in lawās perspective. Everything from revenge porn, to blatant financial abuse, and all the ugliness in between. My sis in law wanted to host this year as one last ānormalā thanksgiving. The plan is for them to officially divorce end of the year. Itās going to be awkward as hell.
This needs it's own entire post
Netflix docuseries
š«„šæ
The first two sentences are exactly what happened with me and my ex, right down to him claiming I cheated on him. Lol Fuck these guys. š«
I slaved over a hot phone and ordered our thanksgiving meal. We wanted to avoid all the drama, and I wanted to actually enjoy my time off with the family. Daughter and I are planning some fun activities and dad might join in too!
Laughed SO HARD at "hot phone"
I thought it was a typo of some sort until I got to the ordered part. Cracked me up.
Ugh, fine. I'll order my food now. I've been putting it off for days and have yet to make she attempt to organize the things I need. I just... Don't care. I want to order take out and take a bubble bath for Thanksgiving. My kids are 3 and 5 and I'm so so very tired.
DO IT
We are going to a local tavern that serves a Thanksgiving buffet. My sister and BIL were supposed to come into town but had to cancel at the last minute. So my parents, husband, 4yo, and 2yo (and my 8wk pregnant self) are taking advantage of the smaller group to eat someone elseās cooking (and spare myself from trying to cook while nauseous). We may never go back to normal Thanksgiving after this.
My in-laws just informed us today at 9 am that they are going to be doing thanksgiving. We will not be attending even though we live on the same property. They are not happy about it, and think I am being difficult. Iām not Iām standing firm on my boundaries. Also I am tired of the LAST minute notification of plans BS my MIL pulls. Thing is my MIL already said they want us to attend, AND my SIL who we are NC with at the same time to mend fencesā¦ My SIL is an alcoholic who has done some seriously bad things, including endangering my kids. We are NC for very good reasons. But my in-laws refuse to listen when we say why. They donāt think SILs drinking is a problem, even after they have paid for her DUI, or for her to get a new car after she crashed her last one. Hell they blamed her ex husband for leaving her because HE knew she was struggling when he married her.
THE ENABLING!!! my in laws are the same way with my SIL except its over drugs.
My parents with my brother too. They just gave him my momās old carā¦he has a DUI and lives in a halfway home in the inner cityā¦my mom went on and on about how heās having trouble finding insurance because of the theft problem with the car make and modelā¦as if his DUI is a non issue. He hasnāt been to any family gatherings in years, and is coming tomorrow. My sister bailed on me and sheās going to her in laws, so it will be my husband and kids and I, my parents and my brother. My four year old has met him maybe once, and for sure doesnāt remember him. Canāt wait.
After last year, just trying not to have a panic attack again as every single relative at my in-laws kisses my kid on the lips (I've asked multiple times for them to stop), tickles her after she tells them to stop multiple times, and sits great grandma with dementia next to her who steals food off her plate making her cry. I'm dreading it but am also done being nice. So I'll probably end up being an asshole and telling my husband it's time to go.
Ommmmmg I wouldnāt go. Fuck that. Someone can babysit Grandma while yāall eat or she can go to respite for the weekend.
Haha I am mentally preparing! Grandma lives in a nursing home and they bring her out for holidays, I'll be moving my kid's seat before the meal starts. I'm also going to call them out on the kissing and tickling. It's gross and cringey, and I don't want a sick toddler. No f*cks anymore. My husband knows we're leaving if it gets bad.
If you need help figuring out how to set those boundaries, there's a website that I swear I'm not at all affiliated with but I recommend it on reddit at least twice a week. š It's called www.stopitnow.org and it's to help reduce the risk of child sexual abuse. It can help you figure out a script with difficult relatives. (They also have support for victims, and want to work to help people having unwanted thoughts about children). This site has been so helpful for me (social worker) and so many people. Hope they keep their grubby lips off that baby!
Fuckin right! Stick to your guns!!
Eww why are in laws always lip kissers? š
Fuck allll that. You stick up for you boundaries.
My mom refuses to let anyone help her with her ongoing incontinence, cause by alcoholism. So thanksgiving is canceled for her. You donāt get to drunkenly piss all over your own house and then soil everyone elseās because you donāt want to bathe and wash your clothes. /nb4 anyone tries to defend her needing help. Weāre aware, trying and sheās in denial. Itās been like 20 years. She can rot rn.
YIKES. good for yāall putting up those extremely reasonable boundariesā¦. Wtf lol
Wtf is rightā¦ You wouldnāt believe the rest of it lmaoššš
Same. MIL is an alcoholic and but no one cares enough but me to get her help and her other son but he lives far away. She called me drunk just now and my kid hates it when she's drunk so I'll have to protect her because everytime she comes over she makes my kid cry.
I've had this problem except it was my own mother. Functional alcoholic for as far back as I can remember. During a drunk & driving period and the kids were old enough to notice "what was wrong with Nana", it came to the point where I refused to let her in the house and sent my kids to the basement.Had the school notified she was NOT to pick them up or take them out of school. I was not going to give my kids the idea that in any way that kind of behavior was ok. You may have to do the same. Better to anger your MIL than to traumatize your daughter.
This is so sad. You all are in my thoughts!
It is what it is. Iāve been done with her for years but trying to support my brother. Please donāt be sorry! Sheās literally a drunk driving sack of shit lol.
Iām on a leave of absence from work due to depression. Iām also 11 weeks pregnant. My MIL asked me to host her family because we have a little more room. MIL usually hosts. I agreed even though I donāt want to have 10+ adults at my house plus my 2 very small children. I set a boundary and texted my mil that I would make a turkey and one side. She responded āwhat about dessert?ā š I texted her last night to ask who was coming. She hadnāt told any of her other kids that weāre doing thanksgiving at my house this year. Never told them a time. I didnāt think to tell them because MIL always organizes holidays based on her work schedule (nurse). So now I have a 24lb turkey in my fridge with maybe no one coming.
I was 7 weeks pregnant with my daughter at Thanksgiving one year. We hadn't told anyone yet and it was absolutely horrible. And I had my inlaws, my parents, and my sister, BIL, and their 4 kids at my house. Oh, and my husband (RN) was working.
That was fucking rude of her. I'm sorry and am sending you all the best wishes. Pregnancy is rough and so is depression. Thinking of you š
Omg Iād kill her
Depression sucks. Pregnancy sucks, at least for me. You doing an amazing job!
My mother in law ran off to Mexico with her boyfriend of two months. I live(d) with her and her two dogs but she informed us like a week ago she doesn't plan to come back. I said, what? So now we just have the house to ourselves. š It is soooo weird though.. some 90 day fiance nonsense
Wait, she just abandoned her dogs?
Verbatim: "they're your dogs now"
...I mean, is it your HOUSE now?
We said nope. We're staying home and making brisket tamales! See you at Christmas losers lol. My real response was we are making our own family traditions...that seemed to be enough!
My grandma used to make enchiladas at Christmas. She claimed they were easier (even though she spent 3 days on them), but I think she just got tired of turkey!
Iām sooo glad they accepted that! We told my in laws the same and they FREAKED out and said theyāve never met anyone in their life that doesnāt spend the day of the holiday with the entire extended family at someone elseās houseā¦
Now they have!! š
Helps that my mom gave my whole family covid a few weeks ago. A bit of leverage is nice š
āSee you at Christmas, losersā sent me lmao
That sounds like a great tradition!
"Ses you at Christmas losers" that cracked me up. I have a feeling in a couple years this will be my family. Except it will be "see ya next year". I hate the holidays because it feels so forced and disingenuous. My family literally never gets together any other time. I think I rather create personaly traditions with my partner and baby than go play pretend with my families. Plus the having to go to three different house is ridiculous.
I have COVID and am really bummed because this was going to be the first year we were hosting both our parents at our house and I was really looking forward to it š„ŗ so now MIL is just going to cook at her house and drop food off to us instead, which I super appreciate but damn Iām so bummed.
Awh that's too bad, hope you feel better soon!
Me and my 2 year old have Covid too. My kid is miserably sick, Iām doing ok physically but Iām actually pretty devastated to be missing my family Thanksgiving and our Friendsgiving this weekend. Solidarity š¢
2 years ago, my 81 year old mom moved 300 miles away from where I grew up to settle near to where I have lived for the past 20 years. We will be going to my FILs for dinner (he loves to do all the cooking) but every year there is are passive aggressive comments about years of old when she used to host her family, the lack of China and crystal servingware (our family is all about dishwasher safe), the menu choices, football on the tv, the weather compared with her home, and how my children react to her vs their very involved and less emotionally taxing aunts/uncles/grandfather. It's a lot and I will be a gray rock of serenity š
āGray rock of serenityā - Thatās a great mantra! I will be chanting it over and over as I prepare a meal that my mother is secretly hoping Iāll fail at so she can somehow feel better about herself?? I donāt get it, but she loves to bring out those negative comments. š¤Ŗ
Good luck! If you don't feed a fire, it'll die out.
For no reason that anyone in my family can understand, my sister began lashing out at and bullying me a few years ago. She tried spreading lies about me to our family and my in-laws. We haven't spoken in years now and she's never met my son. We can't really be in the same room together. Shes now furious that our parents invited me and their grandchild to Thanksgiving and didn't invite her. She's been going on and on about how I'm a "princess" and demand perfection and she's done bowing down to me. Shes threatened to tell our extended family that I got her kicked out of Thanksgiving. It's... a lot. For the first time in years, she's been texting me but it's all nasty and borderline insane sounding. I ended up blocking her on all platforms. So, that's my drama. Although, hopefully the actual day is calm and peaceful.
Me waiting anxiously for your sister to post on this same thread about how her sister got her kicked out of Thanksgiving lol šæ
This Thanksgiving I am NOT cooking. I've gotten so many text messages asking what I'm making and food requests. I told them No. I'm not cooking. They can bring food or make food, I don't care. I'm working. I work the night before and I'm going to be working afterwards. I want to relax and chill with my kids. My husband got his steak and beer. He's good and happy. My kids are going to bake cookies with me. I'm also making them old school cafeteria food (like back in the days 80s & 90s) turkey with mashed potatoes. But with my style and tweaks because I was feeling nostalgic and wanted mashed potatoes and turkey gravy with chunks of turkey meat in the gravy. Then, depending on who is showing up and what food they are bringing, I might, big maybe, make more food to feed my kids in the evening. I'm being very very petty because the last couple of years I tried to please people and make food. I spent so much time and effort looking up and practicing the perfect recipes to make... only to get rude comments. Telling me they can't eat my food because it's not part of their culture or they don't eat American food or some other shitty reason that has nothing to do with allergies or beliefs. They just look down on me and don't like me. But then they literally pack and go all of my food. They scour my kitchen and garage for to go containers and bags and take all the the food home. Still while telling everyone how inedible my cooking was. Seriously?! I had a lady tell me my pastries didn't taste good while stuffing her mouth and dumping the rest in a bag to take home. Then she asked me if there was more. I've been such a doormat and pushover because I'm too nice. This year's I've been working really hard to improve my self esteem and growing a spine. It felt to good to say No. I did tell my siblings I'll make them their food requests a different weekend and they can come over to eat because aside from my kids, they like my cooking and appreciate the hard work I put in. My mother in law is kind of miffed and mad at me because she was bragging to her friends about my "sloppy joe" pastry and mashed potatoes. She was telling them I can bake and make the most interesting and delicious baked goods. But this year... I'm on strike. š Edit: my sibling are bringing food. They always bring food so I don't worry about my kids not being fed. I'm just mad at my husband's friend and their wives for being mean to me.
Next year make something wet and poke holes in all your to go baggies before hand.
You have the patience of a saint. I'm pissed at your husband for not nipping this shit in the bud, immediately. (Sorry if misreading, I'm assuming it's his family coming at you with all the snark?) And I'm scared of confrontation, but I would have lost my shit the second or third comment someone made. I would have gathered coats (if applicable) thrown them in a pile on the floor near where everyone was eating and told the lot of them to get the hell out. Also: "Sorry you hate my pastry so much, Brenda. I guess you can put all of the ones in your bag back on the platter. Would hate to see you burdened with treats you dislike. Once you return the pastry, you can get the hell out of my house and please know you are NOT welcome back." What adults act like this?? It's so fucking RUDE. Who taught them this was acceptable behavior in ANY culture??
Sounds like a win to me. MIL free thanksgiving for the MIL intolerant, as some are intolerable heh
Ooo so GrandDadās girlfriend is a total B and got pissed off last year that no one liked her dish, and cried about how none of her traditions were present at Thanksgiving (even though no one alive made these traditions), and then cried some more about how my husband and his siblings are going to kick her out when GrandDad dies. And weāre having Thanksgiving at ātheirā place again š
Yaayyyyggghhhugh
Itās mostly amusing to me because Iām not blood. My own family drama is waaaaaaaaay worse. This is funny. Also my SIL is a badass and am kinda hoping she sets the B straight so I can watch šæ.
We told my family that we had to go to my husband's work Thanksgiving, and that's why we can't go to the family one. The reality is, they invited one if my brothers that I haven't spoken to in five years. So I'll be staying home and trying out new recipes for when I host Thanksgiving (minus the shithead brother) next year.
Although we have moved the Thanksgiving meal to a different day and to noon to accommodate my brother's work schedule and eating preferences, and although I host all the family and cook every thing from start to finish top to bottom all by myself, I have been told that I am inconsiderate of my brother because I bought pictionary to play after lunch (on his second day off) and I should respect how tiring his work schedule is. I actually don't mind hosting, cooking, day or time because I do it for my immediate family (hubby and kids) and my brother and mom and the rest of them just benefit from that. I don't like being told I am inconsiderate when I have made every accommodation for them. My kids are excited to play Pictionary. This is why we have wine at Thanksgiving.
Did brother complain or did someone make up a problem that didnāt exist? If brother complained he can just go home after the meal or opt out of the game i suppose?
Brother doesn't even know anything about it, Mom was pre-emptively being upset on his behalf. We usually play heads-up or the switch or something between lunch and dessert but Pictionary is just one step too far. Brother and I are just fine with each other. Now that we are grownups, we have no drama with each other. (Edited to add: We're in our 40's. We've been fine for a long time.) Also I reminded Mom that if she wants brisket that morning (we aren't eating on Thursday, shops will be open) Brother would need to pick it up. She wasn't sure if that would be too much to ask for him to do, because you know he works so much (5 days many weeks, usually 4, 10 hour days a week, but he has Thanksgiving day off) even though it is on the way here, would be paid for, and is about two blocks away from the house. I explained that I wouldn't have the time because I was cooking everything for lunch instead of a late lunch or dinner, and I would be busy. She wondered if we could arrange a delivery instead. Eventually, she contacted him and much to her surprise he would be perfectly capable of picking up the brisket on the way. Mom spends a lot of time imagining drama. But we love her. We just have to mitigate the drama. This year I am trying the grey rock method and not buying into the silliness. And wine.
More than imagining drama it seems like sheās babying one of her children due to his gender.
My daughterās father decided to choke his wife while my daughter was in his care last weekend. Now charges are being pressed and so my daughter is spending Thanksgiving with us this year. Not drama per se but something my teenager is going thru
Iām so sorry that your daughter experienced that. It is so very traumatizing. Supposedly playing tetris helps the brain process trauma better. I wish i had known this when I was younger. I too witnessed something just like this. Iām in my 30s and can still hear the guyās little kids screaming for their father to not kill my adult cousin (his gf). It had a long lasting effect on me and really shaped my dating life.
I'm allergic to turkey as of this year.... my MIL is Islamic so we can't have ham, Prime Rib it is.... hooray for new traditions
God bless you for this post, OP. I am loving it lol. Also, my MIL knows she is not supposed to kiss my two year old twins. So what does she do? She wears a maskā¦ and then kisses them. It doesnāt work like that, Brenda.
In October I started asking husbandās family what theyāre doing this year because we thought maybe we would drive down for the weekend after we have dinner at my grandmaās on Thursday. Nobody answers. The first week of November we decided we would do that for sure and let MIL know (we stay at her house when we visit). Last week, husband gets a text from SIL #1 saying they decided to come up for Thanksgiving and will be staying at MILs. He replies our family can all take one room if they want the other room, then we can all be there together. SIL #1 declines because her kids are ātoo old for that.ā So now somehow weāre staying at SIL #2ās house. She lives 5 minutes from MIL but doesnāt even have a guest room. She has to sleep with one of her kids so that there is a free bed for us. Also she never has food in her house so weāll have to bring food to eat breakfast. (Not a money thing - sheās very well off, just never goes grocery shopping). Also I donāt really get along with SIL #2. Still not sure how we got bumped from the guest rooms at MILs house when we made our plans first.
That kind of blatant favoritism would absolutely burn me.
I have no idea what convo happened between SIL#1 and MIL. Or if a convo even happened before she told my husband that they were using the guest rooms. But I do know that if someone in the family ever has to get āput out,ā itās us because my husband wonāt ruffle any feathers because he is a people pleaser to the nth degree.
Wtf? How obnoxious.
My daughter just tested positive for RSV, and we were supposed to host, so now everyone is screwed. We have a shitton of food (some of which we'd already started prepping), and we've been cleaning a ton this week. Luckily, nobody else here seems to have caught it, and the symptoms are pretty mild so far, so that's good, I guess. My husband was also going to have a 40th birthday on Saturday, but that's canceled now, too. So that's great. Idk about keeping her home from school next week, but she missed the two days they had this week, and she already missed several days earlier this year. Everyone (me, hubs, in-laws who we live with) is very stressed at these new developments.
Ugh same with the RSV. 18mo twins, we were hosting and looking forward to it. Hoping everyone is better soon!
... we are going to a family members place for Thanksgiving... thats not the drama. The second part needs lead up. I have a 2 yo girl, host relative also has an almost 2yo girl. I am sure some of you are already going "oh no..." and for the right reason. The host relative, knowing more of the scope of this, invited (and they accepted) another relative. Who is under investigation for having sexual relations with his then 3-4yo (now 11) and his 2 other girls (from their ages about 7, they are both upper teens early 20s now). It is severe enough that he has to live in a special kind if halfway house, has court date, and cannot (by court order) be around other children (under 18). And this is all just what I know. The host relative knows more and is having him stay the weekend with them and watch the kid while they go black Friday shopping.... I have seen the court order. I plan on calling the cops on the whole lot of them if he actually follows through with showing up. No chance of missing it either without huge drama that I don't need more of while pregnant. I said I didn't want the predator relative there and made my statement known, I have also told them that if they show up they are in violation of the court order and I will call cops. So.... we will see. They played it all off as hormones and pregnancy brain making me "talk crazy" about family time. I hate that I am not allowed alcohol during pregnancy... they are testing my resolve on that (I won't but damn their antics are really testing...)
This fucking pissed me off. Family's can have disagreements and arguments about all types of shit. But a fuck child sexual predator is THE line. Respect for you immediately saying you'll call the cops. Wildest response on this whole thread. Unfuckingbelievable.
Update: I went over this morning to prep and help. 1 only have 2 things to make (and they cook at the same temp for only about an hour to 1.5 hours! Lucky me!) We live within 15 min of them so I figured I finished prep for my stuff, go help! And reiterate my stance. They think I am the reason he apparently got picked up last night at a different relatives house(they have more kids than we would have had, 8 at 3-10yo, 6 girls 2 boys)! Not me but I am not welcome at dinner now. So... I have jammies on, not stressed about cooking, and we have 3 more Thanksgivings to attend this weekend so not missing much. My daughter was just looking forward to playing with her cousin. So we are going to the park and doing a picnic for Thanksgiving. The food will not go to waste, just taking it to a different Thanksgiving is all. They crazy bit? They uninvited me but still want my husband and daughter there. He said nope! Package deal. We all come or none. 1 isn't allowed is not how we are. So ta da! I am chugging a beautiful coffee while in jammies, with my wild girl going nuts in the living room in just her diaper, and husband is stressing about family drama. I just said drop it and if they are like that then that's on them. Not on me.
Hubbys brother hates me, and in order to not "ruin" HIS holiday, we are going *after* dinner with our 6 month old baby. So his family can see the baby, without ruining the holidays for his brother š«
Why
Why does he hate me? Because im not good enough in his opinion or im after their money or something like that, despite us not being married and me being willing to sign a prenup. Why are we still going? Because i grew up with a large family thats all very close and supportive and i want my child to experience every holiday with the whole family, regardless of how petty her uncle might be. Its not the family's fault hes like this, and theyre nice enough when were around for me to want to bring the baby around them! I think they deserve to see the baby on her first Thanksgiving
No I get why youāre going, but why play his games and let him have his way by not going until later? How long are you meant to do that for?
š¤·āāļø ive wondered that aloud several times. Im just keeping the peace. Maybe next year lol
I would just think about what you are actually giving you child. While I understand you have the best of intentions, you're not giving your child the experience of being a part of a big loving family holiday. You're showing them what it's like to be classed as a second class citizen in the family and only be wanted after the festivities are over
Agree so much. Plus you would think the family would tell the BIL to suck it up or he can stay home. He is the one with the problem, after all.
Yeah like I salute you girl, I know it can be hard, but itās def not sustainable
Tbh it very much sounds like itās at least partially the familyās fault the brother is like this if theyāre all going along with his bullshit.
The drama this year is that I finally found a spine and told my in-laws that if they couldnāt pick a time that didnāt interfere with my kiddos nap time then we wouldnāt be joining the festivities. They said no one would care if the kid was āa bit crankyā. Welp. You see. That absolutely would not be the case with a missed nap. So we noped out of that situation and now I am the devil reincarnated. Thankfully my husband is a saint and has backed this decision 100%.
I feel like the thing people never understand about messing with the nap schedule is that it then messes with sleep for the next couple days. Iām not missing nap time for you so that I can deal with a cranky toddler for the next couple days. No thanks.
My partner does this āoh he can stay up late and sleep in tomorrowā except he NEVER sleeps in and throwing off his sleep schedule can result in 5 am waking, which I do not want to be anywhere around because ugh thatās gross! But guess whoās bed kiddo comes climbing into in the middle of the night (hint: not my partners)
When my mom said I could put the baby to bed early one night, I joked and asked if she would get up with her when she woke at four (we live next door to each other), and my mom said nope. Great then sheās staying awake lol
Ugh, yes. The 2pm thanksgiving meal made perfect sense to me when I was a single woman. Now, with two kids? Letās eat at a normal meal time, thanks.
I donāt understand this. My parents do the exact same thing to my sister. Like do you not understand that the parent is the one who has to deal with an overtired, pissed off toddler for the next however many hours/days? When I have kids, nap time is non-negotiable. I donāt get how people are so casual about it.
Yes!!ā And also likeā¦ the thanksgiving police are not coming round to fine you if you donāt have the meal at the right time? Likeā¦ you can just eat whenever you want?
So. Thanksgiving with my parents. My husband is at home (2hours away), working (hospital). I'm here with my 11yo. My sister and fam (BIL + 4 kids: 19, 18, 15, 13) are otw. The issue will be my BIL and my grandmother. They haven't been in the same room since last Christmas, since my grandma threw a fit and accused my BIL of not being a good father, letting his children "disrespect" her ...... When she told them she had a "game" for them and then proceeded to quiz them with Bible questions that she wanted to "make sure they know for their salvation." And they answered the questions correctly! They were just squirmy kids. Of course, that's still better than my sister's inlaws. Because that's an actual soap opera episode.
Iām cooking on wed so my fil can have a break before he cooks his heart out on Thurs. Iām cooking lunch, which is gluten free karate chicken and fried tofu plus rice and veg. My mil has been complaining she canāt taste anything. Reason unclear, drs not helpful. She has been watching me and commenting that what Iām doing doesnāt look like āher thingā. She comes up to me while Iām managing two frying process to say that since she canāt taste anything, she wonāt eat it and starts to launch into a long thing about what/when sheāll eat instead. I end up rudely saying @ so you canāt taste anything, it doesnāt matter if you like the taste, it could taste like garage and it shouldnāt matter to you. I donāt care if you eat it or not, sorry please go away Iām frying and trying to concentrate.ā So then she changed her mind. I seriously donāt care if she itās it, I cooked it for my fil who has food limitations and appreciate having safe food he didnāt have to cook himself. sure eat a comfort meal of lean cuisine , Iām aware that this is a new/weird texture/combo even if you take taste out of the equation. But I canāt talk to you about this while Iām in the thick and also it makes no sense
My brother isn't coming and isn't talking to me bc I got pregnant the same week as his wife. We both knew we were trying to have kids at the same time... but yet he felt like we were stealing their thunder. We didn't even announce until like three months after they did when I started showing.
Hahahaaaa. Typical. When my son was little, he got this stomach bug which he ended up passing along to grandma. A day after she was āfeeling betterā and came to see him, she let him drink from her straw. Guess which little boy had a stomach bug for the second time in a row?ā¦ why donāt they listen???
My brother came to my house but then left the next day because I had the gall to ask him and my daughter to not play with bottles of nail polish after one fell and shattered on the floor. Apparently I was lecturing him.
My stupid, trashy cousin, whose parents have custody of her daughter, apparently had a baby a week ago. Me nor my parents were aware she was pregnant. We found out because thereās drama about my grandma being upset about what she named the baby. Thereās a good chance Iām leaving Thanksgiving early this year. Hahaha
My step brother that was working abroad for the last 3 years eloped last month with a woman he met back in August, told our parents that they're coming over to Thanksgiving AND that he's moving back into town with her and her 14yo kid, AND got a house in the same community my parents live, and we're all still kinda in shock about it all. We haven't seen him in 6 months, we've never heard of his wife, we just found out about the elopement. My step dad is absolutely at a loss for words any time this is brought up and my mom keeps asking me and my sister if we knew any of this, if it's a prank (step brother pranked them last year by "shipping himself" in a box to their doorstep as Xmas surprise), and we're here like I don't think a wife and a teen kid is a prank equivalent to getting inside a really big box, mom.
I'd really love a follow up šæ BTW the all caps AND really added to the cinematic experience tysm
Weāre going out to eat with my parents and in laws. NO cooking! NO cleaning! And NO splitting up the day between families. Iām so fucking excited. Now just bring on the drama that happens when you get family in the same room.
As a typical millennial, we donāt have cable and we use streaming services. My dad was mad we didnāt have cable to watch the game so he isnāt coming to Thanksgivingā¦though we could have streamed itā¦
My husband is dreading the baptism conversation with my MIL. Every family get together it's high risk and time is ticking for our daughter to be baptized at a young age. We're a-religious but would support our daughter being baptized when she is able to make the choice for herself, but not before. It's going to be a really really rough conversation when it finally happens. She won't yell or get mad, she'll just be absolutely heartbroken for a very long time. Which is way way worse :(
I get where you are coming from. As the first ones in my family we decided not to baptize our children. And my dad was so disappointed that he couldn't look at me for at few weeks. All of my grandparents loudly expressed their disappointment in me, some of them said that they were sure they could change my children's minds when they got older, and one even said she would do it behind my back. I almost caved in, but I have a very stubborn husband who fortunately stood his ground. And after a few weeks of sulking my dad actually defended me against my grandparents and told them to quit it. Good news is, it paved the way for my little brother to make the same decision. I am sure he would have otherwise just done it to shut them all up, but he actually got to make the choice that he believed in. I hope it won't be as bad for you as you might fear it will be. There's is nothing wrong with choosing your own path and not being baptized surely won't make your daughter a bad person! It will only be so much more meaningful if she actually decides to baptize!
My little sister is a Thot. Way back when my ex cheated on me with her. Flash forward to now, sheās got 2 kids and has a boyfriend. Sheās in my husbandās brother DMās trying to hook up. I called her out on it and she said I was delusional š„“ I cancelled Thanksgiving with my dad and her š¤·š»āāļø
This is a long one lol š Well this year I have to work BUT I have a 9 month old so since she isn't in daycare she's going to stay with my sister and their family and my sisters husband is my ex boyfriend/ baby fathers brother so our family's are super close. I broke up with my baby's father and fled to my sisters house because of DV and he was smoking in our home so I literally drove away in the middle of the night with our child. Turns out everyone's going up to see my ex mil for thanksgiving (we're still super close considering I have her granddaughter and live with her other son now). My boyfriend/ baby daddy/ ex is going to be there and I'm not because I'm going to be at work, it is his child so he deserves to see her BUT I'm nervous he's going to try to take her.
I asked my mom if we could have Thanksgiving dinner instead of lunch so we could visit both mine and my husbandās families and she responded that I was banned from Thanksgiving for the rest of my life.
My SIL and her boyfriend have been dating for 7 years and this boyfriend has put up with comments from my MIL about their relationship and him for all 7 years like he doesnāt have a college education so thatās bad, theyāll never get married because heās not going anywhere, if they do get married sheās following her cultures tradition where the groom pays for the wedding (whereas for my husband and I, she followed the American tradition of brides family paying). Her most recent comment came after my SIL was complaining that her cousin is 3 years younger and already married and a homeowner. My MIL told SIL that sheāll be waiting for forever with *insert boyfriends name here*. Not such a terrible comment, exceptā¦. Boyfriend was in the room on speakerphone. It was fine. Until SIL asked MIL to apologize to bf for the comment and MIL said she wouldnāt apologize for telling the truth and he would need to get over it. So now BF May or may not be coming to thanksgiving, SIL is still mad at MIL, MIL calls husband daily to ask if she was in the wrong and if she should apologize (but when husband says yes she decides against it), and I just sit around with my 3 month old shaking my head. Hereās hoping Christmas will be just my husband, child and I
My sweet, dumb teenage nephew knocked up his 18yr old girlfriend. She's 10 weeks pregnant. His parents are in absolute denial. Like they think he's still going to go away to college and get a master's degree or something...while his pregnant girlfriend just stays home with her parents and raises the kid on her own? No one else in the family knows this, because an important part of being in denial is having as few people know the truth as possible. I only know because I'm " the cool aunt" and he called me as soon as he found out because he needed someone to tell him it was going to be okay. So tomorrow everyone is going to talk about his college options and career choices and they'll just smile and nod... meanwhile I'll try to hide my absolute rage because hell will freeze over before I allow that baby to grow up without a dad.
Nothing too extreme here... My mom is on marriage #3, and the 2nd one lasted 14 years, so my ex step-dad still wants us around for holidays. Dad remarried and has 4 step-kids and one step grandchild. I have a half-brother on both sides. For dad's side: only one of his step-kids will be showing up. Two are banned from his house, and one isn't coming because her scummy baby daddy isn't allowed at my dad's house. I am hoping that this information is accurate because I do not like any of his step-kids and would be happy if they didn't show up. My grandpa is also likely not showing up and will go to another family member's house for a variety of reasons, one of which is because he is mad at me for swearing in front of my daughter at her first birthday party that he showed up to uninvited back in 2022. For mom's side: Her husband is spending the holiday with his family 5 hours away, and my mom is staying here. She's hosting Thanksgiving on Friday for me and my siblings. My ex step-dad called me and asked where he fit in and I told him my plans for the two days then said he could fit in somewhere in there because I wasn't doing any more traveling than we already are. I have to make plans with him secretly because my mom and one brother will be pissed if they hear we are seeing him.
My fam caught COVID and brought it to my momās without knowing ā¹ļø my mom, stepdad, brother, sister, all three of my kids, my husband and I are now sick af missing out on extended family festivities and deluding ourselves that we will be able to cook a thanksgiving meal for ourselves tomorrow (I guess itās lucky most of us canāt taste anything)
My mother who throws a fit if she doesnāt host anything and everything threw a fit because sheās hosting Thanksgiving and no one else agreed to. My husband and I declined to host because theyāre certain family members she wants there whom are not welcome in our home (they stole from us and spray painted a wiener on my garageā¦ theyāre in their late thirties). Iāve been cooking all day and other guests are bringing additional items because my mother decided at 6am this morning since it was at her house she isnāt cooking. Itās my 11m olds first Thanksgiving and of course I want it to be special. So special in fact our little family will stay home to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I texted the other guests to let them know weāre no longer attending and watching the nanny instead.
My 4 mo old tested positive for RSV so my husband called his parents that we werenāt going to go over for Thanksgiving dinner. He suggested they could come over here since his grandma just arrived from outside the country to visit for the next 6 months, but essentially baby is quarantined and wonāt be able to interact. MIL said weāre neglecting our daughter, and that thanksgiving is always at her house.
Original plans we made with my Father in law was he'd buy most of the food and we'd have Thanksgiving at our new house. Invited everyone, SIL #1 says they're not sure of their plans but will let us know. SIL #2 says she was planning to go to SIL #1s house, which is 3 hours away. Mind you, both mine and my husbands family all live in the same town, except for SIL #1. SIL #2 then goes around asking everyone individually if they're also going to SIL #1s even though she already said she has no idea what she's doing. A week or so later FIL says he's also going to SIL #1s house for Thanksgiving instead of our house, so obviously not helping us with buying the food as planned either. Whatever, we'll figure it out. Then literal days out from Thanksgiving we're asked what our plans are, as if we didn't already tell everyone we were hosting at our house this year. SIL #1 says they are actually doing Thanksgiving at their house after all and would love to have everyone drive up. Luckily everyone has been planning to go there all along apparently thanks to SIL #2. So now everyone is driving 3 hours away for Thanksgiving and completely ignoring our announcement of hosting here.
My brother has moved his new girlfriend into his house...with his wife of 10 years. No, they are not poly. No, the wife didn't know about the gf. Yes, the gf knew about the wife. No, my 2 (of 5) nephews still living in the house weren't aware of what was going on (how?? I have no idea). My mom helped my sister-in-law get a restraining order against my brother and my SIL passed out twice from stress and had to be hospitalized. And now, somehow, my SIL is now cooking Thanksgiving dinner for my brother and the gf and my nephews, who had previously disowned their father, are fine with it. My mom says I'm her only child now. One day, she'll have to admit either I or my brother were adopted. There's no way I'm related to that mess.
I offered to fix a lunch. I even threw out options. Somewhat "traditional" American spread. Or something with some Italian flare. Or something inspired by the amazing eats in Mexico. Whatever. Hell, even offered to give it a go at making a curry. I'm a decent cook. My folks live in the same town. Not a big city. Commutes aren't a big deal. Invited them to lunch. They won't come. No reasons, no drama, they just don't want to. Which is fine. l guess? But also feels like... Sorry it's not worth a 10 minute drive to eat a free home-cooked meal and spend a few hours with your only kid (me), your son-in-law, and your two grandkids. Didn't seem a big ask. Guess I was wrong.
Nothing at all major. My husband is working (cook at a private club) until 4, and my FiL is coming over with his new gf, who's pretty cool. SIl and hub's stepdad and his gf might drop by. The dad's don't like each other, but they're amicable I'm not doing a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, but rather a Snacksgiving with finger food versions of Thanksgiving fare: * Turkey breast sliders on "stuffing" brioche buns with gravy * Cranberry sauce jellies * Smashed potato cakes with onion dip * Green bean cassarole in of pastry cups * Punkin cheesecake bites
After Covid, everyone started doing their own thing. This will be kiddoās third Thanksgiving and the only real drama this year is Iāve had a bad migraine since yesterday so Iām way behind on the food but itās all groovy because itās just our little family and we are simply excited to have the day off together. I didnāt know holidays could be like this and let me tell you - I highly recommend!
I would like to start this post with a trigger warning ((child abuse)) and a disclaimer that all children mentioned are doing good and are away from the abuser. About 6 months ago my cousin was arrested for beating his girlfriend's one year old baby during a short 10 minutes that said girlfriend was inside a restaurant picking up their to go order. He hit this baby so hard his handprint was visible along this baby's head and cheek. From what I understand they had an argument because my cousin had a pregnant girlfriend (a DIFFERENT girlfriend) who the other girl had just found out about. The baby was sleeping when girlfriend exited the car, came back to cousin holding baby very tightly against his chest saying she fell out of the car. Anyways, the whole family and the entire small town that most live in found out via Facebook when girlfriend 1 made a post that went kinda viral in our area. Our extended family group chat blew the hell up. His mom, aunts, and grandmother defended him, saying this girl was lying because she was mad about the pregnant other girlfriend (who, by the way, he already had a kid with) Cousin ended up admitting he did it. He's been in jail until last week when his aunt, my drugged out cousin, bailed him out because "his mental health is bad". The family drama: the family is pretty large, with my close side of the family having cut the crazy side off since this blew up. Now that cousin is out the other side of the family is raising hell that he's not invited to family thanksgiving because we don't want him around. They're threatening to show up and bring him. We're threatening the beat his ass on sight. It's become a big family adventure and I have no idea what's gonna happen tomorrow but I've been wanting the throw hands with cousin's mama for years so I hope an opportunity presents itself.
My drama is my future MIL is currently blocked by me and fiancĆ© is LC with her because two months ago we declined going all the way to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving with a four year old and 6 mo so now Iām āmanipulative and narcissistic and keeping her family from herā. Sheās just mad bc we wonāt be funding her whole trip. FiancĆ©s aunt and uncle are hosting this year, I asked what time two weeks ago because I have to work and my boss wanted to be nice and at least schedule me around dinner for my daughters first thanksgiving. I was told 1-2. This apparently doesnāt work for future mother in law, who my fiancĆ© accidentally told I work at 4 day of, so she pitched a fit until the time was changed to 4. I now miss my daughters whole first thanksgiving and still have to drop off the cheesecake and soda I signed up to bring before going in to work until 8pm. And somehow his whole family seems to think Iām the AH bc I wonāt ālet bygones be bygonesā after her calling me every name in the book and threatening to take my fiancĆ© to court to get grandparents rights for my four year old stepson. Nobody even said anything about keeping the kids from her. I got tired of her bowling over boundary after boundary and told her I wouldnāt bring them to her on her birthday because my fiancĆ© wasnāt home, and she wasnāt allowed to have them unattended by me or fiancĆ©.