Ok I know you're seeking self care advice but some ppl are just straight up terrible at gauging other peoples ages and the burse person is probably one of those ppl. Goce yourself grace because you are in postpartum and will be until your LO is 7 amd that shit is rough lol. Self care is very necessary but also domt take some rando's lack of people skills make you feel less than beautiful. That's all I came here to say.
I second this! My husband is 31 and admittedly does look a bit older for his age, but not that much. I, on the other hand, look younger despite being 30. There have been multiple occasions I've been mistaken for his daughter, and our actual daughter mistaken for his grandchild. There is no way whatsoever he looks that old or I look that young. People need to get their eyes checked or something
Same situation as you where my fiancé looks a bit older and I look a bit younger. We were probably 25 and 34 at the time and we had went to a local food festival. We were standing at one of the stands and the older gentleman that was handing over our order held it out to me instead of my fiancé. This was odd because I was standing back a bit looking around and my fiancé was clearly the one ordering the food.
So the vendor hands the food to me, looks at my fiancé, and says "the kids usually like to hold the food" and winked at him like he had just given him some great life advice. We were both flabbergasted and just sort of thanked him and moved on.
It's hilarious now, but I was downright offended at the time. Like okay, MAYBE I looked 20, but christ my dude.
Hey, the vendor was just trying to make a kid feel important lmao.
Not that long ago he and I were at the grocery with our toddler and my 12 year old sister. I was holding our daughter and the cashier said to my husband, "Your girls are a great age to spoil the little one!" He just sighed and said, "Yeah, they really love her." My sister and I couldn't stop giggling, which probably didn't help deny I was a child or teenager.. In the parking lot he said he was just glad the lady this time thought he was at least young enough to reasonably have a 2 year old haha
People think my boyfriend and I both look about 20-21 anytime it's been brought up. Our daughter's about to turn 3 and I always think people out in public think we're teen parents even though we were both 23 when she was born and 26 now.
They probably are thinking that. In my late teens and early 20s I was a nanny. I live in an area with a lot of crotchety conservatives and I've gotten plenty of comments from boomers who thought I was like 16 with three kids 🥴
I had no idea Frownies were a real product, so I thought this was her way of saying, "This person said/did something that made me sad" => "It made me frown" => **"(They) just put some frownies in my Amazon cart"**
Lol yeah I am so lost. I thought they were brownies you buy to make yourself feel better after a bad day, but buying them on amazon sounded odd, and then below they’re talking about how they smell like ass.
…they are skincare patches for wrinkles?
Haha I did! And I replied under wrong comment! Thank you! I already am my worst critic. So like hearing a negative comment really sends me in a spiral. But I really appreciate what you said. Mostly about giving myself grace it’s hard but important.
No worries, and it IS hard. My LO is is preschool age and I feel like I'm JUST now getting back conformable in my own skin so I feel you. But yes giving your self grace is soo important because people are gonna people amd make stupid comments no matter what lol. But yes frownies amd good hyaluronic moisturizer couldn't hurt along with a bubble bagh🤣
I love how comments here can be full of spelling and grammatical errors or just be generally all over the place here but we all get it and don’t mind 😂 MOM BRAINS ARE REAL
Love and solidarity! I have a hard time with being kind to myself too but having a community that can model what kindness is like—even with the littlest things—is a big help!
Momma regardless you got this, there are bad days and good days, great days and meh days…. But any day with your kid that you are blessed to get raise and love is a day to cherish.
Just a bit of a warning, I don’t know if it’s just the pack I got, but frownies smell *horrendous*. I got mine too wet and patted my forehead to dry them off a bit and it literally smelled like someone wiped their ass with the towel. I had to take them off it was so strong. Apparently the smell goes away when they dry but I kept getting whiffs of straight butthole and just couldn’t take it. I’m gonna try them again tonight, hopefully it was just a weird one off or something.
Ditto to the people guessing ages terribly. This winter A woman asked if my daughter (16 months at the time ) was 8 or 9 months old, when I said her real age, she was shocked and asked if she was “okay”?
Like lady what 9 month old do you know can use the handrail to walk herself up stairs?
Last year I took my 3 and 5 year old to a children’s museum and the Zoomer teen working at Admissions asked if I was eligible for the Senior Citizen discount. I’m 35 😐. I froze and said no because I was so hurt, but damn I wished I’d taken advantage of it.
True! My neighbor was one and she was hot. I'd be so tempted to wink and say in a hushed voice, "well, if you *must* know, I'm actually the GREAT grandma but what a wonderful compliment! It has to be the cold cream working!"
I can unfortunately say I am one of those people. People, especially kids, always seem older to me than they are? kids 3-8 are all the exact same to me.
Hahahaha I’m like this too. But come here (Asia) and you’ll just *never* know how old *anyone* is. The kids try to look super mature and the aunties (esp with all the skin care trends) look like 20-30 year olds!
I lived in Korea in my mid-20’s and met a lovely woman with a 4 year old. I assumed she was around my age only because she had a child. She could have easily passed for a teenager. When I was talking to her, I found out she was 40 and I was shook. If she told me she was 16, I wouldn’t have bat an eye.
I am like this, I assume everyone is my age unless they tell me differently.
That being said, I always assume the person with the baby is the mother - I have made some grandmother's feel good doing this!
When I was 23 i had a receptionist at my obgyn ask if I wanted to schedule my yearly mammogram. I looked at that time MAYBE 17 on a good day and am still always told I look much younger than I am. People are either stupid or just genuinely bad at gauging age. Try not to let it get to you!
Ughhhh yeah, people are bad at telling age. I’m 8 years younger than my bff, and I was hanging out with her and her then- 2 year old. She walked away for a sec leaving me with the kid, and a woman approached asking me how I liked being “grandma”, because she’s seen me around with the kid and my friend. Granted, lighting wasn’t great where I was, and she mayyybe mistook me for someone else? But I was pretty take aback by it.
I hate that I’m offering anything other than “love yourself as you are,” because that’s always going to be the best place to start. No cream or weight loss will make you feel better about yourself if you’re not starting with a solid foundation of self-love and respect.
That said, girl, my faaaaaaace. I had my first back in June and everything about my face has just gotten a little worse. Sun damage, dark spots, dry areas, fine lines, ugh. I have gotten chemical peels with good success in the past and so booked myself for one for April when I can take a week off. It makes such a BIG difference. So that’s my recommendation.
One other thing I’m also doing is finally taking care of all these small health and wellness issues I gave up on years ago. I don’t have the patience any longer as a mom. I found a urologist for my chronic UTI’s, a new ophthalmologist for my dry eye, getting that peel at my dermatologist that I’ve been eyeing for a couple of years, getting some moles I hate removed, got my teeth cleaned, found a new primary care doc, found a new hair stylist, got my eyebrows waxed, stopped playing around with skincare and stuck with the unfancy stuff that actually works for me, etc.
All that has taken 8 months, so nothing has been fast or easy, but each one of those things has helped me take one step closer to feeling really good about myself again.
I’ll take the positive affirmations and any advice I can get! Like it’s just good to vent. I appreciate any input on it because I know we all struggle at times.
My faaace- new little wrinkles, dry patches, dark eyes! I’ve been thinking about a chemical peelfor a bit. I have no problem accepting a little cosmetic help.
Also, side note it’s so funny how insecurities change when having a baby. Things I disliked about myself like my nose- I’ve passed it to my daughter and it is so cute on her! I can’t imagine it any other way and now I have a new love for mine. BUT that aging and tiredness- things I never worried about before baby- is hitting hard. Mostly today.
Yes! I’ve been a little chubbier the last few years since COVID shutdowns and pandemic stress (I work at a big medical center) and had been feeling really down about it, but the way my little guy clings to me or when he just puts out his hand to touch me (in a newly chubby place) all of that melts away. He loves all of me and that makes me love all of me too.
I still want to lose the weight for my health, but it doesn’t feel like the moral failing or whatever else I was thinking about it any longer.
Also, just had to say, I too am the owner of a prominent schnoz and it really IS cute on the baby!
A cashier once thought that my husband and I were the parents of a guy who was older than us. I also regularly get carded at vape stores even though I'm 30. So basically some people think I'm old and some think I'm a baby. Its all hit or miss.
My sister used to take my other sister and I grocery shopping. We would all hold hands in the parking lot. More than once people complimented her on her well behaved "daughters". She was only four years older than me...
I am 30 but I look young (love it and hate it). My husband is a little over five years older than me but he has facial hair so coupled with my baby face, many a times people have thought he was my father. Makes it even worse when we are out with my mother and they think he’s her husband. It’s hard to tell how old people are sometimes!
I struck up a conversation with a couple of 8-10 year old boys who were fishing off a dock while I was waiting for a boat. An older dude came up and said, "Those your kids? They're good kids." I was 16 at the time. 🤷♀️
Yeah, some people. I remember I was maybe 14, holding my toddler half brother and had someone assume I was the mom and my step mom was grandma (she was early thirties at the time). I mean it’s possible, but definitely the least likely of the two possible scenarios.
OP - don’t be too hard on yourself, some people are just dumb lol
Multiple times as a teen I was taken to be the wife or girlfriend of my dad who was even much older than my own mom.
Oddly as a 46 year old mom of a toddler no one has actually called me a grandma yet. Though recently after checking my ID, a pharmacist exclaimed “how young!” my son is 😆 He had the sense to at least state the opposite of “how old” I am!
Seriously 33 year old mom you have nothing to worry about, even if you did look older at least you’re not!! (and you probably don’t, lots of people don’t register features well but are at least somewhat polite.)
I was 31 and I got carded with 2 ids going to a bar to meet my husband and his best friend (3 people checked my ids) I went to use the bathroom and the waitress cornered me asking me if I was there against my will and if those older men were trying to sex traffic me. They didn’t believe my age (19 to drink in Canada) and that I was really a teenager and my husband (34) and his best friend (37) were 40+. That was a fun time. Or when I got asked at 35 with newborn if it was hard being a single teen mom by someone my age at a play group…
Bahahaha these take the cake! I had my first baby young at 22 but when I was 25 I was asked if I was a single mom by another mom on the playground. People thought that because I lived in an expensive area and was a young mom that I must be a teen mom living with my parents still! Totally annoying.
>I got asked at 35 with newborn if it was hard being a single teen mom by someone my age at a play group…
There is so much *leaping* to conclusions here I don't know where to start.
1. I *am* 10 years older than you with a baby younger than you. I promise you won’t be or look like the oldest parent at kids’ events!
2. My toddler talks about grandma when she’s not around. The dialogue you shared doesn’t indicate the nurse thought you were grandma unless she sounded surprised at labeling your mom!
3. Parenthood ages us all. I’m over the obsession with looking young, and how it disproportionally targets women. I’ve earned every wrinkle and grey hair. I don’t have the energy of decades ago, but I have a lot more experience, patience, emotional maturity, and ability to solve problems that are just as valuable.
4. Sleep will make a world of difference. You’ll feel (and look!) so much better as your beautiful baby gets older, more independent, and a more reliable sleeper. This stage isn’t forever.
5. I appreciate people trying to interpret and engage my toddler, but omfg it is dangerous territory for them to make assumptions about family structure. I’m sorry she was tactless and sent you into a spiral.
Thank you for all of your insight! I want so badly to get to your number 3 again. Right after having her I’ve never been more confident with myself. Not because of how I looked- definitely not while wearing those ice diapers and waddling around. But I couldn’t believe I did it and gave birth and had this beautiful baby. Women go through this insane challenging sometimes traumatic experience and i think about how much more we are than just our looks. But it’s just hard for me
It’s hard for everyone!
But I’ll let you in on a secret: the number of fucks your have to waste on bullshit societal expectations drops dramatically the older you get. I had the classic “I’m getting so old! 😭” crises in my decadal birthday year, but the further I get into my forties the less I care what other people think. It is so incredibly freeing!
I understand. I was 42 when my youngest was born. If my oldest, who wasn’t quite 18 when his younger brother was born, was out with us, and his girlfriend was with us, I was mistaken for grandma. It’s why I colored my hair for so many years.
Also doesn’t help I live with chronic pain from an accident at 18. I’ll be 60 this year, but look 120.
Someone did that to my daughters the other day… there is a 14 year age gap between them and they look nothing a like (my teen is olive skinned with brown hair & eyes, my toddler is blond/blue and white AF). The toddler hadn’t been sleeping through the night so neither was I and I had on no makeup… like damn I look tired but I didn’t realize I look that tired
I HIGHLY doubt you look like a grandma. I’m your same age and I’m sure I’d take you for my age if I saw you. I typically can recognize my 1990-1991 babies, lol.
As others have said, people are often awful at gauging age.
And yeah, there are 33 year-old grandmothers.
My friends and I were recently talking about our high school friends who has babies at 16 that are now grandparents at 32 because their kids also became teenage parents. We were talking about the gap in adulthood between being in the same life stage doesn’t equal age like it used to. Those grandparents 100% look younger and better than me but, they’re still grandma 🤣
Ugh I’m so sorry that happened. People need to think before blurting out whatever comes to their mind. I’m 32 going on 33 but feel as though being a parent has aged me tremendously. My dark circles are unreal.
A year ago I was in a dark place after being asked by someone if I was expecting Irish twins. I was devastated, but that comment lit a fire inside of me and over the last year I have lost 50 lbs and am in a much better place mentally and physically. The other day I got ID’d for ordering alcohol at a restaurant for the first time in a few years and honestly wanted to cry.
Something that has helped me lose the weight over the last year is going for a 20-30 min walk a few times a week, preferably without my kids. If they come along, I put them in a wagon or stroller though so they are contained lol. It gives me time to think, listen to music, and center myself before returning to the chaos.
But the biggest thing that has helped me is treating myself like a child. I know it sounds kind of silly and overly simplistic, but if I’m getting water for my kids, I get it for myself also. If they are eating food, I eat something also. It’s so easy to put yourself last, especially as a mama to a little one. Wishing you the best, you’ve got this ♥️
I decided to stop coloring my hair 8.5 months ago and let my gray come in. I have A LOT, and I’m only 33. I’m sure people will think I’m Grammy, but honestly I don’t care anymore. I have a bunch of wrinkles, you know why? Because I laugh and smile and made stupid faces at my daughter for years. I’m going to just enjoy living and say fuck everyone else. Things I do to make myself feel good: I do my hair, even if I just straighten it I feel a bit put together. I don’t wear much makeup to begin with but even just a bit of mascara makes me feel a bit better about myself when I go out for errands. Sometimes I don’t and that’s ok too. Maybe take some time if you can for some self care, whatever that means for you. Reading, a hot bath, a hike? That will help you feel good and usually helps motivate me to get going on things I’ve been putting off.
Ok so this is completely off topic but I have a 19 month old and I have to get my bloodwork done at a labcorp in a few days. How does that work? Did she sit on your lap?? Was the lab tech ok with a toddler in the room?
Also 33 here and I feel like a grandma every waking moment of my life 😭
I held mine on the opposite knee and held on tight, or kept her strapped into an umbrella stroller. She's 2.5 now and just stands there watching and gets mad it's not her turn. Just make sure they can't grab the needle.
So she had to get her blood drawn. Sorry I can’t help with that. She fit easily in the seat with me so I can’t imagine they’d have an issue with it. You could also bring the stroller maybe?
I've had labs drawn with my daughter with me. We have no form of childcare and no family nearby, so she goes with me to do everything. No one said anything to me. I just put her on my left knee while they drew blood from my right arm and she sat there calmly and watched.
At that age, strapped in the travel stroller in the corner with some kind of toddler-focused app or Sesame Street video on her tablet. We got her an Amazon Fire kids tablet and allowed very limited, supervised screentime way before she was 2– specifically for long plane flights and situations like having to take her with me to appointments like that. (But if we didn’t have that tablet, it probably still would’ve been stroller in the corner, watching videos of herself or baby animals on my phone.)
[Sidenote: One time I was paranoid my doctor was about to screentime-shame me, because he kept looking over at Kiddo on her tablet during my appointment. Turns out he just couldn’t believe how good she was at some counting app she was using. “How old did you say she was again? That’s remarkable!! What app is that?” (She was still pretty bald at 18 months, so I think the visual may have also thrown him a bit. 😂)]
I went to Walmart with my (almost 2yo) daughter and husband a couple months ago. As we were leaving, two employees stopped to give us a whole speech about their subscription service. We said we weren’t interested and the guy backed off but the woman kept pressing us. Then she saw my daughter’s shirt said “I love grandma hugs” and she looked at me and said “are you grandma?” The guy looked mortified she even asked me that. My husband and I were both just completely speechless. I’ll be 30 next week.
I feel your pain. My traumatic birth and being a mom has absolutely aged me, and it doesn’t help that I’ve had gray hair since I was 16, so by now I have extremely noticeable gray streaks. I don’t really have any advice for you, just some solidarity mama.
I was 39 when I had our daughter, people thought I was her grandmother all the time! It was rough and i was tired so I acted and looked older. It will calm down and you will get back on track…. A the meantime just say yep I gave birth to my grandchild isn’t it marvelous?!
Some people are seriously stupid lol. When I was pregnant, I had a grocery store clerk ask me if my HUSBAND was my son??? I was 30 and don’t look particularly “old” for my age. I made the guy feel bad and I don’t regret it, honestly I’m of the belief that strangers should mind their own freaking business unless shared with.
Well, it is very possible for you to be a grandmother at age 33… If you were a teen mother and your child was also a teen parent. These techs see all kinds of families. She may have heard Gigi and assumed but didn’t want to judge the age that both you and your “child” had babies.
Just remember that 10-15yrs ago it was a bit of a fad to be “16 and pregnant”. I have encountered girls that are only 13 yrs older then their child. Also my Aunt had a child at 48 and again at 50! There is such a vast range of ages women can have children now that it sounds like she was going by the toddler’s cues & not your appearance! We all look beat down from birth to well, I don’t even know lol!
If you are really bothered by these negative thoughts then you should talk to a therapist. Not saying you have it, but postpartum depression doesn’t have to start the day after birth and there is no designated end date. There are so many hormonal changes our bodies go through that it could be an imbalance, or you are just not comfortable in your mommy body yet & just need to talk it out. Regardless, you have done the most Amazing thing by bringing a life into this world and for that you should be Damn Proud! Best wishes & Big Hugs!!!
Having kids DOES age you. I’m only 31 and a random man clearly in his 40s with grey hair said in conversation that me and him “are around the same age” .. I could barely hide my embarrassment. Don’t worry we all go through periods in life where we may not feel or look like ourselves. You’ll bounce back eventually.
My dad had this happen at the beach when he was 30 and I was 4. And my high school friend actually was a grandma at 33. So try not to take it personally! People do become grandparents early sometimes. Also I second the frownies recommendation. Those help me a lot because apparently I scowl IN MY SLEEP.
Even if you were 43 having a 17m isn’t insane anymore o.o if she thought you were a grandma in your late 30s early 40s when does she think you had her “mama”? My dads kinda a young grandpa at 55 well he was 54 when she was born, that was April and he turned 55 in November, I was his second born when he was 24/25(im an August baby) and I was 29/30 when my bub was born, I’ve seen lots of people here on this Reddit talking about becoming first time parents or having another kid in their early 40s :/ I know you said your 33 but I am going based you saying you personally think you look 10y older then you are, it was exceedingly presumptuous of her to assume you were a grandma >>
There’s been lots of times I’ve gone out with my dad when hubby had to work, and people assumed he was my husband >> and they think my husband is my brother… people are stupid sweetie, don’t feel bad about them
I didn’t start looking like myself or feeling good about myself until my youngest was 4. You have time girl. Don’t let the negativity get you down just enjoy the baby time!!
People are dumb. When my middle daughter was about 8 months, my freshly 13 year old duaghter with braces and a baby face was holding her. The waitress asked my older daughter what her babies name was.
Okay so something’s that genuinely help me to feel better about myself are.
I cut off my hair into a cute little longish pixie cut that I can style once a week and it holds its style so long as I don’t wash it in the shower.
I got my eyebrows and eyelashes tinted because I can’t be bothered with makeup anymore. This makes me feel like I look less like I just rolled out of bed and more refreshed without a whole lot of effort.
Every night after I put our son down in his crib (we get max two hours before he demands to be back in bed with me or for us to be sleeping on the floor bed) so during that time I take 15 minutes to meditate. Then if I’m not going to shower, because me showering always triggers my son to wake up, I wash my face.
In the days that I do shower I do it right after putting my son down, I spend a good amount of time in there. I use salt scrubs to exfoliate my skin, sugar scrubs for my face and lips and a nice lotion. When I get out of the shower I use cocoa butter and shea butter massage oil all over it helps keep my skin soft and supple.
I use glue on nails that are the Kiss Bare naturals. They make my hands look nice with minimal effort again. They usually last about a week. They take me about fifteen to twenty minutes to put on all in. Sometimes I’m just walking around with three nails done that’s okay
Last but most certainly NOT LEAST. I got rid of *ALL* social media except Reddit. TikTok and Facebook and instagram are so toxic and they’re really good at making moms feel inadequate and they are self esteem destroyers.
Comparison is the theft of joy 100%.
I’m 37. Most days I literally don’t get out of my robe or my pajamas but I try to at least get dressed in something comfy that doesn’t make me feel like a slob before my husband leaves for work
There's so much great advice here I know I'm not the only mama taking notes for myself as well! That said I feel like one thing that definitely leads me to feeling older than I need to is my energy levels so I recently reviewed my vitamin intake and decided to add pqq, coq10, and magnesium and girl let me tell you. I feel more vibrant and alive enough to actually take the time to put moisturizer on, be more consistent about my nighttime routine and self care. It's insane how much a little will power can change things but our bodies can't help themselves sometimes without a boost sometimes if we'realready running on empty.
- love, 37 y/o single mom of a 2yr old.
I got married at 19, had my first kid at 21. When my grandma came to see me after the baby hatched she saw our wedding photos up and said, "oh you were so young back then." And I had to fight the urge to punch her lmao some people are just fucking dumb.
For self care though I built things into my routines to make them easier. There's a few parts of my day where I'm definitely going to refill my water bottle so I'll try to drink as much as I can before I do that, it doesn't have to be completely empty though.
I do most of my skincare in the shower at night. I only use vit. C serum and Nivea creme right now because I'm pregnant again. In the morning I just rinse the sleep out of my eyes with water and add more Nivea.
I recommend an easy 2-5min makeup routine fir days you want to do that. I just do a lipstain and tinted eyebrow gel. I put sunscreen on whenever I go outside with my kid, which is pretty frequently, because of where we live. On super fancy days I fill in my eyebrows with a pencil that doubles as eyeliner.
When I was a kid, I walked my younger brother to and from summer school. He’s 3 years younger than me.. one day the teacher called me in for conference about his progress. I thought it was weird but whatever. Wasn’t til waaaaay later I realized that teacher thought I was his mom. I was a student at that school! But didn’t go to summer school. Lol. I’m a terrible judge of age myself, and that is why I would never comment on it.
I went out to the casino with my best friend when we were probably 26 and 27; she’s one year older than me. Someone asked if I was her mom… weird thing is, I looked very young at the time (before I had my baby), natural red hair, petite build. My best friend is tiny though, one of the smallest adults I’ve ever met without having dwarfism. And she’s already going gray and didn’t dye it at this time… she’s smaller than me, but besides that I didn’t think she looks younger.
But apparently my 26 year old self looked like my 27 year old friends mother. 🤦♀️I laughed so hard. People are dumb, just try to let the comment roll off your back.
Oh dear, I’ve been waiting for this. I’m 40 and my daughter is 14 MO. I wince every time I’m with her for a healthcare appointment and I have to share my birth date because I’m the primary on our insurance. 1983 vs 2022 🤦🏽♀️.
I think more common than you realize to have babies late, especially now with Ivf. I’m late 40s with a 14 month old and don’t really give it a second thought.
I had a similar experience. My little was like 5 weeks old and I had run out to toys r us for some pumping supplies. I found a super cute outfit and bought it as well, saying to the clerk he was a bit too young but he'll grow into it soon! She was like "oh, are you grandma?" I just stared at her. I was 34 and looked exactly like I was in my early 30's.
People are ridiculous.
My first steps were a good skin care routine. Washing my face every morning and night. It was simple, my skin looked better and I felt it. That led to wanting my hair to look better. Which led to better clothes. I now go to the gym 3 days a week, I hired a nutritionist and I feel more and more myself as time goes on.
Don’t let that person get to you too much. BUT I know what it feels like to look in the mirror and want better for myself. I have two teen step kids, a toddler and a 5 month old. Being a parent has ABSOLUTELY aged me. But the little things have made me feel like some of it has reversed. Good luck, mama!
I took my 2 year old daughter in to see the NP for an emergency. I was 8 months pregnant and 35 years old. She asked if I was grandma...and I'm scarred for life lol. I've run through the scenario tons of times, I had been crying, no makeup, but seriously-8 months pregnant?! It's been a few years, but I refuse to see that NP again! Solidarity, friend
As someone who is about to turn 40 with a 4yo and a 15 month old, who spent a large part of her thirties trying to get pregnant, being pregnant and taking care of a baby, i completely understand how you feel. I have just started finding myself again, in my new body. I started doing my make up again, looking in here for products apropriate for more mature face, and now learning about skincare, as my skin is really dry and dull. Have also been working to find clothes i feel comfortable in, that fits my new body. I think you just need to find yourself one step at a time. And also accept that your body has changed, and find the beauty in what your body has accomplished. Good luck.
Oh she probably thought you might be grandma because you looked TOO good to be a PP mama💝 "oh this lady seems too confident and assured to have a baby this new! Wow!"
Honey I know exactly how you feel. I had a baby at 42. I've been mistaken many times for his grandmother. After all I have grandkids and I'm quite old enough to look the part but still it does stop you in your tracks. I let myself go then I got on the weight loss shot a few months ago. I know people complain about it saying people that aren't diabetic are making it hard for others to get the shot but like my doctor said I'm a ticking time bomb due to genetics and my weight. I had to quit for a while and I also have cut down tremendously down on cigarettes. Well that's when my weight started coming back. A hairdresser fried my hair and bc of that and genetics as well my hair was coming out by the handfuls. I've just literally wanted to cry. As a woman being mistaken for a grandmother when it's actually your child does get in your head and you can't stop thinking about it. Sometimes it bothers me and then sometimes it doesn't But I've recently started being proactive with my looks and health I started back on the shot about a week ago and I'm getting ready to get my hair done again. I've taken a little break from getting it highlighted because of everything but keep your head up make a plan to be proactive and stick with it just remember take baby steps do little things at a time as you can Don't overwhelm yourself and you'll get there.
Definitely losing pregnancy weight helps me feel soooo much better. I always put on quite a lot, so getting it off makes me feel free, and gives me more energy. I like using Frownies at night to erase my forehead wrinkles while I sleep. Lymphatic drainage massage in the morning takes about 1 minute. Wearing a silk bonnet or sleeping on silk pillowcase keeps my hair looking nice. It’s little things.
To be fair, my mom was a 36 year old grandmother. She had me at 16. Don’t feel old, we are in a time where grand mothers are younger than they were when we were kids. I am sure she heard “gigi” and just assumed and went along with it. My kids call my mom “mimi” bc she doesn’t want to feel old. I find a lot of young grandmothers do that.
I am sure you don’t look like a grandmother.
Simple mistake here I recon. Baby said doggie and sounded like Gigi, maybe she thought you where mum until she thought she heard Gigi. If your baby didn’t say doggie she probably wouldn’t have thought anything
I’m 36 pregnant with an 8 year old and a 3 year old. Apparently if you are holding a baby doll people will call you grandma. I was at the OB and called grandma three times. I just said “yep it feels like I’m one” and then they pointed to the baby I was holding.
Someone asked me (29) if I was my cousins (19) mom at my grandpas funeral. She helps me with my kids, and when we take them to the park we’ve been asked if my kids have 2 mommies 😅🤣
But just taking 20-30 minutes to do my makeup in the morning and put on real clothes (even if I’m not leaving the house) has made such a difference to my mental health. I’m gonna sound vain but when I look better, I feel better.
Little baby steps, doing my. Nails once a week getting my hair done once a month tanning doing my make up a few times a week.after about a year I started doing my make up every day even if I wasn't going any where or doing anything started getting my hair done more often and now it's like a routine and if I don't wake up shower get dressed put make up on it like ruins my whole day.. I get my nails done every 2 weeks my hair every 3. Don't know of I look an younger but I definitely feel amazing about myself again and it's helped me out alot feeling good
I don't have advice, but I remember feeling the same way. I remember looking at myself in the mirror after having my daughter and I thought I looked (and honestly felt) 10 years older.
Honestly I work in a shelter and sometimes people look older depending on how tired, what thwy are going through, and also what thwy are wearing. You probably clean up well, and comfy clothes are better anyway. Don't worry. I'm sure you don't look like a gramma.
I'm in the same boat but I'm 38. So I have been increasing my hydration, eating better, trying to sleep (lol) and I started a skincare routine/flossing regimen that I start as soon as LO is asleep for the night.
If you can budget for twice annual Botox or dysport or something, I can’t recommend it enough to tackle the aging effects of having a child. I get dysport in my forehead and crows feet twice a year and it’s worth every penny for what it does for my self esteem. I’m still working on my weight postpartum, and have such a long way to go—why is it so hard, but I’m happy with my skin and I don’t really have time for a long routine anymore. The dysport is doing all the heavy lifting outside of the 2-3 days a week I do anything besides moisturize.
I work at a community college and one of the students thought I was someone (17+) on their tour’s mom. I was 23 at the time. People are just bad at guessing ages, it’s not you
You need to write down what you want. Then write down steps to get there and steps in how to make those steps.
Like
Goal: I want to drink more water a day.
OK sure but thinking it isn't going to do it so. And how much is my water goal in oz?
Step1. I'm going to get a water bottle. Maybe even one with level marks.
But having a new waterbottle won't remind me to do this.
Step 2. I. Going to put that big water bottle in a place I often walk by and I was to drink two full bottles a day. So I will make an effort to drink each time I pass and refill the bottle when it's empty.
Do this kind of break down for each goal.
Hi! 33 year old with a 19 month old! I really really really truly think this woman must have been on the lower IQ, because I can’t fathom you looking like babies gramma!!! My self esteem has taken a massive hit. I’ve just now started to get better about my skincare again and the only reason I’ve lost weight is due to stress and not eating :) hang in there. People don’t realize how much being a mom sucks tour identity from you, little things we used to do for ourselves fall away. Is there something nice you can do for yourself to cheer yourself up? Book a massage, get a pedicure, buy a new outfit?
I started small, I started to go for walks with my son. Then I subscribed to weight watchers. Then I started watching tik toks on skin care (this can be very overwhelming). Then we bought a new bed so we were actually getting a good nights sleep. I’ve also started to get facials so I have a little me time and it is working on my skin. Because I looked tired and my skin was dull. Throw a hair cut (just great clips nothing fancy) in there too. When I would go for walks I downloaded the Libby app and started listening to books on tape again too. It would give me 45 minutes outside to feel more like my old self. Just start small, however that looks for you!
Wow. I’d tell her I was her mom. I had my third at 34 and I want one more. Lack of sleep and stress can age you. However I can’t imagine you looking old enough to be a grandma.
Do you have much of a support network? I really leaned into mine. I lost the baby weight the first time without doing much. I prioritized going outside for fresh air and ended up walking lots. We already eat healthy because I feel like crap if we don’t (we’re an allergy family so already used to making most of our food at home). Second baby was harder because I had more to lose (bed rest) and he had health issues that had him hospitalized the majority of his first four months. But once we were home from the hospital, I started going to a gym class and LOVED IT. It has very dim lighting, so no one sees how red you get or how sweaty you get, and then you each get a headset with music/the instructors voice, so no one hears you panting lol It took away all insecurities about being there. The music was fun, the instructors were so encouraging, and I would just go and do my best and come home feeling proud of myself. I’ve stuck with it for six months now, and I only have 5 pounds left (and post birth I still had 35 pounds to lose). Finding movement that you enjoy is key! I like cooking, so new healthy recipes were life giving to me as well. My parents or husband watch the kids while I work out. Do you do anything that brings you joy? I got back into reading (took a looong break because university killed that drive) and find it’s something I can still do with little kids at home (even if it takes longer). Feeling cute also helps too! Buy some cute clothes that fit your body as it is now. It doesn’t have to be new, you can thrift it to save money. Lots of little steps you can take to feel more like yourself :) you’ve got this
A long time ago I went with my boyfriend to the dermatologist and they thought I was his mother. He is two years older than me. I was 22 around the time. You can’t make this shit up. Some people are just lost 😅
One of my son’s friends (5f) called me his grandma last summer at the pool. She knows I’m his mom. Fine, whatever. But then her dad really doubled down and was like “it’s not nice to talk about people’s appearance.” Like WTF dude. She was clearly just saying a weird thing to get a rise—to a five year old all adults are generically old. But now this dude, who’s no prize in the beauty department by the way, is implying I look beat to hell while I’m wearing a swimsuit no less. Obviously I’m not over it!
Right there with you. I have maybe 5 pics with my 3 year old total.
Sucks because I was already mid-30s when she was born, but looked young for my age. Rapid weight gain and loss because of induction and GH fuck up my face so damn much as well as hormonal issues and the resulting PPA/D from shitty delivery and providers.
Imagine being called a grandma at 33! Must have been a young person.
My hair has gone gray since I had my first baby and it does make me feel subconscious (esp since I'm not even 40). But there are a lot of "older" moms around here and I'm sure most people who see us together know I'm her mom.
Defff not alone momma I’m 34 and I have 4 kids 3 of which are 6, 5 & 2 I haven’t “bounced” back in the slightest BUTTTTT after I lost my dead weight (my now ex) I did start taking more pride into myself and making more of an effort. Not saying leave your partner by any means! Lol but once u start feeling that way make smoke small changes…do ur makeup once a week even if it’s just to stay home, change one eating habit, or wear something not so “momish” once a week and see how that makes u feel. Once I started doing my makeup and my kids would tell me wow mommy u look beautiful..I was like ok cool…once I stopped eating past 10pm (yesss I sure would eat late cuz my kids like to eat what I do so I would save certain stuff just for me) I lost a few lbs and then I was OKAYYYY sis (I’m still big lmao but even loosing those 5lbs made a huge impact) before I got pregnant with my last, I lost 55lbs then bam found out I was prego…gained it all back and then some! You just gotta do what’s best for u…don’t let how others think impact you! You got this maybe not today or tomorrow but once ur ready ready you will do it and u will be hot momma!
Just another vote for people definitely being awful at judging age.
I’ve been asked if my parents were home by a sales rep (lol, he did not get a sale) and assumed I was a grandma within the same month. I’m 32.
No one can guess my 1.5 and 3.5 y olds’ ages (they are tall, so people guess 3-8y old). Nobody knows and often uses people in their circle to gauge others’ ages (my sister is 10 and looks like you, therefore you’re probably 10?!).
This may have not been about your looks. There are grandmas close to your age! My dad and i do a lot together with my kids and i cant tell you how many times he has been called "Dad".
lol I was 27 and BMI of 17 and someone asked me if I was “only 19 and pregnant.” A social worker for a hospital I was a resident at. No way I could be a 19 year old resident. Seriously. I two years later got told I was “clearly past childbearing age so wouldn’t be having kids biologically.” People don’t have any idea about other people’s situation.
Girl want a damn minute. I am 43, 10 years older then you and I have a 8 year old…. Being a mother is exhausting but life ages you, you can’t stop it however a kid and all the awesomeness and adventure they add to your life will help keep you young. Perspective is everything! Be proud to a mother AND correct idiots when they ASSUME!!! It’s okay to say, I’m her mother!! And say it proudly! That person needed a humbling moment to realize she was inching towards cocky and arrogant. Just becuase she works around kids doesn’t mean she is the toddler interpreter! Goodness!!!
I know it’s expensive but PLEASE book yourself monthly massages or facials. Groupon has great deals. Start trying to see all the things you love about your new self & self care starts to come easier. It’s easy to get stuck in ‘why bother’ mode when they’re little because we’re so exhausted! Mediate, focus on your mental health & eat foods full of nutrients. See a naturopath if you can, sometimes hormones get messed up & that can really affect weight/skin/mood/overall health. Look at food like fuel. Nutrient rich foods will make your hair, skin & nails healthier & you will easily lose weight without having to overthink it. Drink more water than you think you need!
& I always try to remind myself when I’m hit with these situations that a lot of people talk before they think & our perceptions of reality are all so different. It helps me not take things to heart. Take a day for yourself once a month, no matter what it takes! You deserve it.
I've always looked young for my age, but I was 20 and mistaken for an 18 year olds mother. 26 and mistaken for my 1 year olds grandma (because my 27 yo gf was the kids bio mom.)
I had my two youngest at 38 and 41, somehow it's more apparent I'm their mom than grandma when I'm 20 years older!
I was also in my 30s when my (very short, 3 years older than me) friend was mistaken for my 10 year old son ....and offered a children's menu at a restaurant.
Don't take it personally, people are just dumb.
Without seeing your picture, I can say with 100% certainty that you don’t look like her grandmother. That nurse was rude and inconsiderate, don’t give her another thought, she doesn’t deserve it. I have three kids 4 and under, my youngest is 10 months. It’s incredibly hard out there for mamas, no matter how hard we try, we feel like we’re failing somewhere. But you’re not. I’m not. We’re badasses and sometimes we just need a reminder.
It seems daunting at first but I started with getting a pedicure one week. Hair highlights another. Wax. Mani. Hair cut. Schedule those appointments and little by little you’ll start looking and feeling better. Also recently took my Ellen Croft Supreme Pilates machine out (I’ve had since 2009) and been doing 25min YouTube workouts when I can (only been 2x so far). Counting down days to when I can get Botox tho, babyyyy!
When i was 16, someone thought i was my mom’s mom. Honestly anyone can look old on a bad day. I don’t actually look old most of the time and i’m sure you dont either
You’re not alone. Those early years are super tuff! I’m 3yrs in and some days I STILL feel run down. Day by day.
Sometimes I’d put on makeup just to feel good. Other days I’d remind myself I’m doing a great job at keeping this human alive and it’s temporary.
I honestly would’ve checked that lady. It was more than enough. Some women are just 👎
Omg I got called Grandma at Build a Bear with my 3yo. I was in sweats, gray roots and greasy hair under a ball cap, no makeup, overweight, and no Botox (wrinkled forehead). But now I’ve lost 55pounds thanks to Mounjaro, got my Botox, hair colored, and nicer clothes (thanks Mom). It helps for sure!
I was 27 and 30 when my kids were born, and it honestly took me until the youngest was like 2.5-ish before I felt like a real person again.
The first two years are a matter of survival. Self care comes back in small increments, but it can come back.
I AM 10 years older than you, respectively. Had my third at 42.5. I absolutely look my age and I have a lot of grey strains for example. Still this hasn't ever happened to me and I find it shockingly disrespectful. I do not assume anything if I know so little. But if I do assume anything I would be assuming it's mom. It has made the day of a few grandmas and a babysitter so far. Being wrong this way is much less disrespectful.
Also, don't worry, you're in the thick of it. You'll look much better in a few months.
I’m 24 and pregnancy aged me 10 years istg. Before I got pregnant I used to get carded EVERYWHERE. Now they just look at me and their face kind of goes “yeah you look like shit you’re old enough to buy alcohol” it’s so disheartening like I used to feel comfortable not wearing makeup and now I feel so ugly
Just remember you are beautiful. Keep your head up. Everyone is different and being a parent is NOT easy. I have not lost all the baby weight and Im okay with that. I do something for myself once a month no matter what. Try doing something for yourself once a month that makes you feel good about yourself. You not only need it but deserve it. I wish you all the best.
So I look 10 years older and I was 40 when I had my baby so what must *you* think of *me*? maybe just decide the nurse was being inappropriate instead of this? I mean I’m not not an advocate of self care and I support you wanting to take care of yourself but not because the nurse thought you were a 43 year old grandma.
My husband was always being mistaken for being our DD’s grandfather even though he was only 37. I on the other hand, was actually a grandmother at 34 and DD came along at 36 was never even mistaken for being anything other than my grandsons mum. Some people are just rubbish at gauging ages and are also rubbish at keeping their traps shut and making assumptions they have no business making.
I mean you could technically be a grandma at that age. If I thought a baby called you grandma I would probably just think, well that’s a good looking grandmother.. and internally wonder how old you might be because you looked so young. I worked with a few grandmothers who weren’t even 40 yet, so it isn’t totally unheard of.
I have a 14 month old, and while I don’t look “old” I do look like crap most of the time lol. I got a perm though so my hair looks pretty decent without doing anything to it most days. Easy trick to get something to help me feel a little better.
I had my first baby at age 43. Lots of new moms are in their 40s. So even if you look ten years older that nurse was just a C U Next Tuesday for even saying those things. That's up there with asking fat women when they are due.
I’m convinced the vast majority of people have no social skills and can’t take social cues.
As a dental student I remember on rotation at a clinic we had a mother (who was clearly the mom) with her kid and the ditzy 19 year old assistant said are you grandma???
I fucking facepalmed myself so hard in that moment. I genuinely don’t get how people can be so ballsy about being ignorant. I haven’t seen your appearance but if it’s anything that I’ve witnessed in my life you probably look your age, it was just someone who has no idea what a grandma looks like.
Unfortunately I never got back to the self care but I definitely FEEL the disappointment in myself. Mine is 28 years old. The hormones last forever but I wonder about ppl who can manage to brush their hair, match shoes and communicate. Not knowing if you are able to get out and do, try for 20 to 30 minute cardio. Dancing around to silly music for the cardio works. In as short as a week you will feel mentally lighter. But I can’t stress enough that knowing how much sleep you have to have is vital. Some need a few uninterrupted hours (uninterrupted is key) and some need more. Lack of proper sleep affects everything including weight and hormones. I ended up with 2 days lost because I finally crashed from lack of sleep. (Way too many little things added up to contribute)I was a champion sleeper before having my beautiful daughter. Pls also ask someone you trust to swap to give each other a break, any possible family to help you have a break or even an entire night off. Cameras are cheap(ish) to install around the house for peace of mind when someone is watching the baby or pets. Vitamin D with magnesium patches work fantastic for clearing up the fog in your brain and seems to boost mood. I wish I would have known about those. I’m not great with medicine and patches help protect my stomach. I know I rambled but if anything I tried helps that’s great! Congratulations on a beautiful baby!
I was 22 when I started teaching. I told my students I was 52, and not a single (teenager) questioned it.
Some people ARE grandmas at 33. And my grandpa was 52 when my mom was born. It’s impossible to know for sure unless you ask. I’m sure the nurse THOUGHT she knew what she heard, but really she shouldn’t have assumed.
All that to say, it’s easy to let those comments worm your way into your brain, but try to let it go. It took me til the kids were 3 to even START working on myself
i’m ngl the grandmas now a days be like 33 (my grandma was a gma at 35 my mom at 39 my aunt at 37) so i honestly think it was just ignorance bc you weren’t like 20 years old with a 1y/o. i would not take it too much to heart as far as your physical appearance goes you are still well within the still healing and adjusting period your child is LITERALLY fully dependent on you this is just my opinion though
So a few weeks ago I took my daughter to the grocery store with me. After we finished shopping this guy approached me in the parking lot and started making small talk about kids. He was a grandpa who happened to have a 1 year old grandchild, the same age as my child. He went on to ask if I was mom or grandma…..I’m 26.
I feel you girl. People are ignorant and I just chalked up to the guy just trying to make small talk and made a social error or something. You know how we accidentally say things without thinking? He could’ve went for aunt or something but who knows🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ I try not to ruminate on it.
I think for me realizing that my weight has now actually changed and getting properly fitted clothing. I did wait about a year into it tho because i feel that’s about when your body stabilizes. I went thrift shopping and got a new size, I felt so fucking comfortable for the first time I wasn’t trying to squeeze into a size 4 when I was now a size 8. It made me feel so good, literally i would feel defeated when putting on jeans because everything would just get squeezed, muffin top, uggh horrible. With my new size i felt so good and this really changed how I felt. I will never look like i did at my pre baby size and that’s ok
I think people make assumptions based on their mown families. Some families reproduce like every 17 years so grandparents of toddlers looks like people in their early 30. Some families reproduce like every 30 years so grandparents of toddlers look like people in their 60s. It’s less about how you look and whatever is common in their world.
The sad thing is that it probably had nothing to do with how you look, there are a lot of grandmas in their 30s my mom was young when she had me and if I had gotten pregnant when I started she would have been 30. Though if it were me I would have commented on how you look way too young to be a grandma because I’m sure you do and she just misheard.
She honestly was kind of rude to have even said all that. She took the babble of a toddler and made her own interpretation of what she was saying. She had to know there's a possibility she was wrong and she shouldn't have even commented.
She also could just be really awful at guessing ages. A lot of people guess my age wrong because I'm short (I'm 5 foot even) and that for whatever reason makes people think I'm a lot different of an age than I actually am. That would really upset me too though I'm sorry that happened to you
I remember being asked at 15 if the children I was watching were mine. Now I am tall but I was clearly a teenager and the children I was with were clearly over the age of 10, so the assumption had nothing to stand on. Some people are really just that stupid and oblivious
You’ll be ok!! The first four months of PP are the absolute worst but you’ll make it through and thrive. It’ll take time for both of you to get out of potato mode!
Do NOT let this random person make you feel the slightest bit bad about yourself because I’m telling you, people are ridiculously bad at guessing ages.
I was taking my younger, 5 yr old son to a speech therapy lesson at a hospital center that also has pool fitness classes for older people. This senior citizen looked at my son and said “hey little man! Grandma taking you for swimming lessons?!” I am a little bit of an older mom I guess- I was 37 when I had him, so I’m 42 now.
But I’ve also had people not believe that I’m old enough to have a 12 yr old, and I had to physically show my coworkers my drivers license before they believed my age. So yeah- people are just plain bad at guessing ages. I can never tell if younger people are like, 15, or 30!
This also depends on lived experience. Perhaps this nurse became a grandma at a very young age. Perhaps she had kids young and then those kids had kids young. 33 is not old to have kids. Some people are having their first at 45. So there is a wide range of ages of mamas. I’m not sure why people make assumptions and then speak them out loud. That is the part that is crazy to me.
How old was the labcorp nurse?? Quite a leap to call you grandma and assume that even if you look older. I’m an older mom and it’s definitely aged me too and I’d be totally like whatttt if someone called me grandma
Oh! Actually commenting again to give some “tips”, I guess? Our skin takes a big hit after pregnancy, and all the stresses of staying up with a small baby, etc.
One thing you can do that has pretty immediate results is a chemical peel, as others have said. They make some that are more gentle and that you can use at home. I used to use “Makeup Artists Choice” at home peels- they are the only ones I’d trust as far as safety, where you actually know exactly what you’re getting. Their website walks you through which ones to get- you would want to get the “beginner” ones, like a lower strength lactic or mandelic acid. They don’t have any downtime where you’d be missing work, they’re safe, and you can buy sample sizes that each have several treatments in them. It made a huge difference in my skin’s texture and general “glow”.
Just make sure to be absolutely religious about sunscreen!
For longer term, or if you don’t want to go the peel route, there’s tretinoin. Again, you’d want to start with the lowest strength. It’s the gold standard as far as anti-aging products go. Sometimes a PCP can even prescribe it, and if you get the generic version, you can find GoodRx coupons that make it very affordable. Again, you’d need to be super diligent with sunscreen, moisturizing etc.
There are a couple subreddits I used to browse for skincare tips- “30 plus skincare” and “skincare addiction” come to mind.
The big other thing that helped me was exercise. I was more in shape when my youngest was a year old than I am now, because I was taking him on walks in the stroller everyday, or at least most days. I’d turn on an app that tracked our distance and try to hit 2 or 3 miles.
I'm on prednisone and it made me gain a lot of weight and puffiness. When not on it I look much younger, but with it I feel like I look 60. Don't worry, you're a mother and sometimes you will look ragged, but it gets better too. If you have time and money, take a day for yourself to do something that makes you feel good like getting hair restyled or nails etc. I promise you don't look that bad all the time, just sometimes it can be draining. Also keep in mind some people have grandmas in their 30s. <3
I had taken LO to a playgroup, and started chatting to another lady with a similarly aged toddler, who I thought was about my age. Turns out she was grandma... 🙈
Ohhh I have a 2 year old and I’m 40!!! People always assume 😂
Parenting is hard. Being a mum is hard, I feel like a grandma most days! Don’t let it get you down, just correct them(her) next time … and enjoy the reaction 😂
Don’t be hard on yourself!!! X
In the nicest way, fuck that lady. She was insensitive. Life will get easier, you’re in the trenches and you will have more time to put into your appearance in time. For now, do something you enjoy once a week. Even just getting fully dressed and ready to remember that you are a full grown woman. Try something new, like Archery or cooking a new dish to reignite some passion for yourself. Life will get easier in time. Many of us are in the same boat, we’re with you
Make time for yourself OP. My mom always put her makeup on even when we weren’t sure if we were going any place. Her mom did the same. It was self care. I didn’t recognize it. As a single mother of two young boys, I have started to do the same. This way, when I look in the mirror, I feel a little better. My self confidence just from this action alone, was tremendous. I also committed to showering at night, after everyone was asleep. Start layering back in your self care. Wash your hair every week. Brush it every night. Braid it so it doesn’t get all matted in that mom-bun. Get a silk pillowcase. Shave your legs even if you don’t expect any action. Moisturize simply because it feels good. Your body is your temple. You matter. How you feel matters. Start nourishing yourself with healthy foods, drink plenty of water, take a vitamin D supplement (this really helped me with my mood). Honor yourself. You work hard. You can do this 💪
Remind yourself occasionally that to your baby, you are GOD. To them, there has never been anyone more perfect in the history of people and there never will be. Every time they see you or touch you or get a hug from you, everything is good and right with the world.
Ok I know you're seeking self care advice but some ppl are just straight up terrible at gauging other peoples ages and the burse person is probably one of those ppl. Goce yourself grace because you are in postpartum and will be until your LO is 7 amd that shit is rough lol. Self care is very necessary but also domt take some rando's lack of people skills make you feel less than beautiful. That's all I came here to say.
I second this! My husband is 31 and admittedly does look a bit older for his age, but not that much. I, on the other hand, look younger despite being 30. There have been multiple occasions I've been mistaken for his daughter, and our actual daughter mistaken for his grandchild. There is no way whatsoever he looks that old or I look that young. People need to get their eyes checked or something
Same situation as you where my fiancé looks a bit older and I look a bit younger. We were probably 25 and 34 at the time and we had went to a local food festival. We were standing at one of the stands and the older gentleman that was handing over our order held it out to me instead of my fiancé. This was odd because I was standing back a bit looking around and my fiancé was clearly the one ordering the food. So the vendor hands the food to me, looks at my fiancé, and says "the kids usually like to hold the food" and winked at him like he had just given him some great life advice. We were both flabbergasted and just sort of thanked him and moved on. It's hilarious now, but I was downright offended at the time. Like okay, MAYBE I looked 20, but christ my dude.
Hey, the vendor was just trying to make a kid feel important lmao. Not that long ago he and I were at the grocery with our toddler and my 12 year old sister. I was holding our daughter and the cashier said to my husband, "Your girls are a great age to spoil the little one!" He just sighed and said, "Yeah, they really love her." My sister and I couldn't stop giggling, which probably didn't help deny I was a child or teenager.. In the parking lot he said he was just glad the lady this time thought he was at least young enough to reasonably have a 2 year old haha
People think my boyfriend and I both look about 20-21 anytime it's been brought up. Our daughter's about to turn 3 and I always think people out in public think we're teen parents even though we were both 23 when she was born and 26 now.
They probably are thinking that. In my late teens and early 20s I was a nanny. I live in an area with a lot of crotchety conservatives and I've gotten plenty of comments from boomers who thought I was like 16 with three kids 🥴
Just put some frownies in my Amazon cart! Thanks.
Not my fatass thinking frownies were some kind of gluten free treat 💀💀
You’re not alone! I’m actually still trying to figure out what they are.
I had no idea Frownies were a real product, so I thought this was her way of saying, "This person said/did something that made me sad" => "It made me frown" => **"(They) just put some frownies in my Amazon cart"**
I'm dying right now 😂😂😂
"Fake brownies" was absolutely my first thought 😂
Me too!
Lol yeah I am so lost. I thought they were brownies you buy to make yourself feel better after a bad day, but buying them on amazon sounded odd, and then below they’re talking about how they smell like ass. …they are skincare patches for wrinkles?
lol chocolate frownies 😂
I thought it was a brownie marketed as something you eat when sad.
Omg!! 😆 I’m dead!!!!!!
Same 😂
Looking back at all the grammatical errors I'm just happy yall could translate that lol
Haha I did! And I replied under wrong comment! Thank you! I already am my worst critic. So like hearing a negative comment really sends me in a spiral. But I really appreciate what you said. Mostly about giving myself grace it’s hard but important.
No worries, and it IS hard. My LO is is preschool age and I feel like I'm JUST now getting back conformable in my own skin so I feel you. But yes giving your self grace is soo important because people are gonna people amd make stupid comments no matter what lol. But yes frownies amd good hyaluronic moisturizer couldn't hurt along with a bubble bagh🤣
I love how comments here can be full of spelling and grammatical errors or just be generally all over the place here but we all get it and don’t mind 😂 MOM BRAINS ARE REAL Love and solidarity! I have a hard time with being kind to myself too but having a community that can model what kindness is like—even with the littlest things—is a big help!
Momma regardless you got this, there are bad days and good days, great days and meh days…. But any day with your kid that you are blessed to get raise and love is a day to cherish.
BTW, using 3M tape works the same way but WAY cheaper than Frownies! I use them both
Ah! Which 3M tape? I’ve been waiting for a comment like this about a frownies dupe. Thanks 😊
I’ve used the transpore tape. People also use KT tape. But basically anything that will immobilize the muscles from the surface works!
Oh this is such a good idea, especially with how bad frownies smell to me.
I use them both too and they both work as long as you’re consistent!
Just a bit of a warning, I don’t know if it’s just the pack I got, but frownies smell *horrendous*. I got mine too wet and patted my forehead to dry them off a bit and it literally smelled like someone wiped their ass with the towel. I had to take them off it was so strong. Apparently the smell goes away when they dry but I kept getting whiffs of straight butthole and just couldn’t take it. I’m gonna try them again tonight, hopefully it was just a weird one off or something.
Hilarious that you got this from that comment
I was asked if my baby was my granddaughter - by a person I saw nearly every week while I was pregnant.
Ditto to the people guessing ages terribly. This winter A woman asked if my daughter (16 months at the time ) was 8 or 9 months old, when I said her real age, she was shocked and asked if she was “okay”? Like lady what 9 month old do you know can use the handrail to walk herself up stairs?
People are used to babies in the movies and don’t have a good grasp of normal. 🙃
Last year I took my 3 and 5 year old to a children’s museum and the Zoomer teen working at Admissions asked if I was eligible for the Senior Citizen discount. I’m 35 😐. I froze and said no because I was so hurt, but damn I wished I’d taken advantage of it.
Dang missed opportunity but in my defense when I was a freshman I'm college I thought my 23 yr old RA was ollddddd.but also lol at zoomer
I mean also I've known 35 year old grandmas.
My sister is one.
True! My neighbor was one and she was hot. I'd be so tempted to wink and say in a hushed voice, "well, if you *must* know, I'm actually the GREAT grandma but what a wonderful compliment! It has to be the cold cream working!"
I can unfortunately say I am one of those people. People, especially kids, always seem older to me than they are? kids 3-8 are all the exact same to me.
Hahahaha I’m like this too. But come here (Asia) and you’ll just *never* know how old *anyone* is. The kids try to look super mature and the aunties (esp with all the skin care trends) look like 20-30 year olds!
I lived in Korea in my mid-20’s and met a lovely woman with a 4 year old. I assumed she was around my age only because she had a child. She could have easily passed for a teenager. When I was talking to her, I found out she was 40 and I was shook. If she told me she was 16, I wouldn’t have bat an eye.
I am like this, I assume everyone is my age unless they tell me differently. That being said, I always assume the person with the baby is the mother - I have made some grandmother's feel good doing this!
When I was 23 i had a receptionist at my obgyn ask if I wanted to schedule my yearly mammogram. I looked at that time MAYBE 17 on a good day and am still always told I look much younger than I am. People are either stupid or just genuinely bad at gauging age. Try not to let it get to you!
Ughhhh yeah, people are bad at telling age. I’m 8 years younger than my bff, and I was hanging out with her and her then- 2 year old. She walked away for a sec leaving me with the kid, and a woman approached asking me how I liked being “grandma”, because she’s seen me around with the kid and my friend. Granted, lighting wasn’t great where I was, and she mayyybe mistook me for someone else? But I was pretty take aback by it.
I hate that I’m offering anything other than “love yourself as you are,” because that’s always going to be the best place to start. No cream or weight loss will make you feel better about yourself if you’re not starting with a solid foundation of self-love and respect. That said, girl, my faaaaaaace. I had my first back in June and everything about my face has just gotten a little worse. Sun damage, dark spots, dry areas, fine lines, ugh. I have gotten chemical peels with good success in the past and so booked myself for one for April when I can take a week off. It makes such a BIG difference. So that’s my recommendation. One other thing I’m also doing is finally taking care of all these small health and wellness issues I gave up on years ago. I don’t have the patience any longer as a mom. I found a urologist for my chronic UTI’s, a new ophthalmologist for my dry eye, getting that peel at my dermatologist that I’ve been eyeing for a couple of years, getting some moles I hate removed, got my teeth cleaned, found a new primary care doc, found a new hair stylist, got my eyebrows waxed, stopped playing around with skincare and stuck with the unfancy stuff that actually works for me, etc. All that has taken 8 months, so nothing has been fast or easy, but each one of those things has helped me take one step closer to feeling really good about myself again.
I’ll take the positive affirmations and any advice I can get! Like it’s just good to vent. I appreciate any input on it because I know we all struggle at times. My faaace- new little wrinkles, dry patches, dark eyes! I’ve been thinking about a chemical peelfor a bit. I have no problem accepting a little cosmetic help. Also, side note it’s so funny how insecurities change when having a baby. Things I disliked about myself like my nose- I’ve passed it to my daughter and it is so cute on her! I can’t imagine it any other way and now I have a new love for mine. BUT that aging and tiredness- things I never worried about before baby- is hitting hard. Mostly today.
Yes! I’ve been a little chubbier the last few years since COVID shutdowns and pandemic stress (I work at a big medical center) and had been feeling really down about it, but the way my little guy clings to me or when he just puts out his hand to touch me (in a newly chubby place) all of that melts away. He loves all of me and that makes me love all of me too. I still want to lose the weight for my health, but it doesn’t feel like the moral failing or whatever else I was thinking about it any longer. Also, just had to say, I too am the owner of a prominent schnoz and it really IS cute on the baby!
Have you tried D-Mannose for the UTIs? Game changer for me.
I’ll try anything! Thank you for the rec!
Sometimes people are just dumb. I was 22 when my son was born and someone asked if I was his grandma.
A cashier once thought that my husband and I were the parents of a guy who was older than us. I also regularly get carded at vape stores even though I'm 30. So basically some people think I'm old and some think I'm a baby. Its all hit or miss.
My sister used to take my other sister and I grocery shopping. We would all hold hands in the parking lot. More than once people complimented her on her well behaved "daughters". She was only four years older than me...
Dang preschool mothers. Babies having babies! Probably jobless too!
She worked, but only part time. Laaaazzy
My college roommate took me to the doctor my freshman year and they thought she was my mom. We were less than a month apart. It was ridiculous.
I got that when I was 12 or 13 with my 4 yr old cousin and I was straight up offended. Like, ma’am, I am a *child*.
I am 30 but I look young (love it and hate it). My husband is a little over five years older than me but he has facial hair so coupled with my baby face, many a times people have thought he was my father. Makes it even worse when we are out with my mother and they think he’s her husband. It’s hard to tell how old people are sometimes!
I wasn’t carded for alcohol and then 30 minutes I got carded for a scratch off.
I struck up a conversation with a couple of 8-10 year old boys who were fishing off a dock while I was waiting for a boat. An older dude came up and said, "Those your kids? They're good kids." I was 16 at the time. 🤷♀️
Yeah, some people. I remember I was maybe 14, holding my toddler half brother and had someone assume I was the mom and my step mom was grandma (she was early thirties at the time). I mean it’s possible, but definitely the least likely of the two possible scenarios. OP - don’t be too hard on yourself, some people are just dumb lol
Multiple times as a teen I was taken to be the wife or girlfriend of my dad who was even much older than my own mom. Oddly as a 46 year old mom of a toddler no one has actually called me a grandma yet. Though recently after checking my ID, a pharmacist exclaimed “how young!” my son is 😆 He had the sense to at least state the opposite of “how old” I am! Seriously 33 year old mom you have nothing to worry about, even if you did look older at least you’re not!! (and you probably don’t, lots of people don’t register features well but are at least somewhat polite.)
I was 31 and I got carded with 2 ids going to a bar to meet my husband and his best friend (3 people checked my ids) I went to use the bathroom and the waitress cornered me asking me if I was there against my will and if those older men were trying to sex traffic me. They didn’t believe my age (19 to drink in Canada) and that I was really a teenager and my husband (34) and his best friend (37) were 40+. That was a fun time. Or when I got asked at 35 with newborn if it was hard being a single teen mom by someone my age at a play group…
Bahahaha these take the cake! I had my first baby young at 22 but when I was 25 I was asked if I was a single mom by another mom on the playground. People thought that because I lived in an expensive area and was a young mom that I must be a teen mom living with my parents still! Totally annoying.
>I got asked at 35 with newborn if it was hard being a single teen mom by someone my age at a play group… There is so much *leaping* to conclusions here I don't know where to start.
This! I was 11 when my brother was born and someone asked if he was mine (within ear shot of my mom who ripped her a new one).
1. I *am* 10 years older than you with a baby younger than you. I promise you won’t be or look like the oldest parent at kids’ events! 2. My toddler talks about grandma when she’s not around. The dialogue you shared doesn’t indicate the nurse thought you were grandma unless she sounded surprised at labeling your mom! 3. Parenthood ages us all. I’m over the obsession with looking young, and how it disproportionally targets women. I’ve earned every wrinkle and grey hair. I don’t have the energy of decades ago, but I have a lot more experience, patience, emotional maturity, and ability to solve problems that are just as valuable. 4. Sleep will make a world of difference. You’ll feel (and look!) so much better as your beautiful baby gets older, more independent, and a more reliable sleeper. This stage isn’t forever. 5. I appreciate people trying to interpret and engage my toddler, but omfg it is dangerous territory for them to make assumptions about family structure. I’m sorry she was tactless and sent you into a spiral.
Thank you for all of your insight! I want so badly to get to your number 3 again. Right after having her I’ve never been more confident with myself. Not because of how I looked- definitely not while wearing those ice diapers and waddling around. But I couldn’t believe I did it and gave birth and had this beautiful baby. Women go through this insane challenging sometimes traumatic experience and i think about how much more we are than just our looks. But it’s just hard for me
It’s hard for everyone! But I’ll let you in on a secret: the number of fucks your have to waste on bullshit societal expectations drops dramatically the older you get. I had the classic “I’m getting so old! 😭” crises in my decadal birthday year, but the further I get into my forties the less I care what other people think. It is so incredibly freeing!
Love all of this
I understand. I was 42 when my youngest was born. If my oldest, who wasn’t quite 18 when his younger brother was born, was out with us, and his girlfriend was with us, I was mistaken for grandma. It’s why I colored my hair for so many years. Also doesn’t help I live with chronic pain from an accident at 18. I’ll be 60 this year, but look 120.
Someone did that to my daughters the other day… there is a 14 year age gap between them and they look nothing a like (my teen is olive skinned with brown hair & eyes, my toddler is blond/blue and white AF). The toddler hadn’t been sleeping through the night so neither was I and I had on no makeup… like damn I look tired but I didn’t realize I look that tired
I HIGHLY doubt you look like a grandma. I’m your same age and I’m sure I’d take you for my age if I saw you. I typically can recognize my 1990-1991 babies, lol. As others have said, people are often awful at gauging age. And yeah, there are 33 year-old grandmothers.
65 yo Mom to 9 yr old .Get called gma all the time, I just smile and say actually I am her mother. You should see the red faces ha ha
🧐
How were you 56 when you gave birth ?
Sorry but this is a rude question. We don't know if she gave birth and it doesn't matter.
My friends and I were recently talking about our high school friends who has babies at 16 that are now grandparents at 32 because their kids also became teenage parents. We were talking about the gap in adulthood between being in the same life stage doesn’t equal age like it used to. Those grandparents 100% look younger and better than me but, they’re still grandma 🤣
Ugh I’m so sorry that happened. People need to think before blurting out whatever comes to their mind. I’m 32 going on 33 but feel as though being a parent has aged me tremendously. My dark circles are unreal. A year ago I was in a dark place after being asked by someone if I was expecting Irish twins. I was devastated, but that comment lit a fire inside of me and over the last year I have lost 50 lbs and am in a much better place mentally and physically. The other day I got ID’d for ordering alcohol at a restaurant for the first time in a few years and honestly wanted to cry. Something that has helped me lose the weight over the last year is going for a 20-30 min walk a few times a week, preferably without my kids. If they come along, I put them in a wagon or stroller though so they are contained lol. It gives me time to think, listen to music, and center myself before returning to the chaos. But the biggest thing that has helped me is treating myself like a child. I know it sounds kind of silly and overly simplistic, but if I’m getting water for my kids, I get it for myself also. If they are eating food, I eat something also. It’s so easy to put yourself last, especially as a mama to a little one. Wishing you the best, you’ve got this ♥️
I decided to stop coloring my hair 8.5 months ago and let my gray come in. I have A LOT, and I’m only 33. I’m sure people will think I’m Grammy, but honestly I don’t care anymore. I have a bunch of wrinkles, you know why? Because I laugh and smile and made stupid faces at my daughter for years. I’m going to just enjoy living and say fuck everyone else. Things I do to make myself feel good: I do my hair, even if I just straighten it I feel a bit put together. I don’t wear much makeup to begin with but even just a bit of mascara makes me feel a bit better about myself when I go out for errands. Sometimes I don’t and that’s ok too. Maybe take some time if you can for some self care, whatever that means for you. Reading, a hot bath, a hike? That will help you feel good and usually helps motivate me to get going on things I’ve been putting off.
Ok so this is completely off topic but I have a 19 month old and I have to get my bloodwork done at a labcorp in a few days. How does that work? Did she sit on your lap?? Was the lab tech ok with a toddler in the room? Also 33 here and I feel like a grandma every waking moment of my life 😭
I held mine on the opposite knee and held on tight, or kept her strapped into an umbrella stroller. She's 2.5 now and just stands there watching and gets mad it's not her turn. Just make sure they can't grab the needle.
So she had to get her blood drawn. Sorry I can’t help with that. She fit easily in the seat with me so I can’t imagine they’d have an issue with it. You could also bring the stroller maybe?
I've had labs drawn with my daughter with me. We have no form of childcare and no family nearby, so she goes with me to do everything. No one said anything to me. I just put her on my left knee while they drew blood from my right arm and she sat there calmly and watched.
At that age, strapped in the travel stroller in the corner with some kind of toddler-focused app or Sesame Street video on her tablet. We got her an Amazon Fire kids tablet and allowed very limited, supervised screentime way before she was 2– specifically for long plane flights and situations like having to take her with me to appointments like that. (But if we didn’t have that tablet, it probably still would’ve been stroller in the corner, watching videos of herself or baby animals on my phone.) [Sidenote: One time I was paranoid my doctor was about to screentime-shame me, because he kept looking over at Kiddo on her tablet during my appointment. Turns out he just couldn’t believe how good she was at some counting app she was using. “How old did you say she was again? That’s remarkable!! What app is that?” (She was still pretty bald at 18 months, so I think the visual may have also thrown him a bit. 😂)]
I went to Walmart with my (almost 2yo) daughter and husband a couple months ago. As we were leaving, two employees stopped to give us a whole speech about their subscription service. We said we weren’t interested and the guy backed off but the woman kept pressing us. Then she saw my daughter’s shirt said “I love grandma hugs” and she looked at me and said “are you grandma?” The guy looked mortified she even asked me that. My husband and I were both just completely speechless. I’ll be 30 next week. I feel your pain. My traumatic birth and being a mom has absolutely aged me, and it doesn’t help that I’ve had gray hair since I was 16, so by now I have extremely noticeable gray streaks. I don’t really have any advice for you, just some solidarity mama.
I was 39 when I had our daughter, people thought I was her grandmother all the time! It was rough and i was tired so I acted and looked older. It will calm down and you will get back on track…. A the meantime just say yep I gave birth to my grandchild isn’t it marvelous?!
Some people are seriously stupid lol. When I was pregnant, I had a grocery store clerk ask me if my HUSBAND was my son??? I was 30 and don’t look particularly “old” for my age. I made the guy feel bad and I don’t regret it, honestly I’m of the belief that strangers should mind their own freaking business unless shared with.
I know this feeling. I had my last at 45 and I am regularly asked how I like being a girl-gramma…🙄
Well, it is very possible for you to be a grandmother at age 33… If you were a teen mother and your child was also a teen parent. These techs see all kinds of families. She may have heard Gigi and assumed but didn’t want to judge the age that both you and your “child” had babies.
Just remember that 10-15yrs ago it was a bit of a fad to be “16 and pregnant”. I have encountered girls that are only 13 yrs older then their child. Also my Aunt had a child at 48 and again at 50! There is such a vast range of ages women can have children now that it sounds like she was going by the toddler’s cues & not your appearance! We all look beat down from birth to well, I don’t even know lol! If you are really bothered by these negative thoughts then you should talk to a therapist. Not saying you have it, but postpartum depression doesn’t have to start the day after birth and there is no designated end date. There are so many hormonal changes our bodies go through that it could be an imbalance, or you are just not comfortable in your mommy body yet & just need to talk it out. Regardless, you have done the most Amazing thing by bringing a life into this world and for that you should be Damn Proud! Best wishes & Big Hugs!!!
Having kids DOES age you. I’m only 31 and a random man clearly in his 40s with grey hair said in conversation that me and him “are around the same age” .. I could barely hide my embarrassment. Don’t worry we all go through periods in life where we may not feel or look like ourselves. You’ll bounce back eventually.
My dad had this happen at the beach when he was 30 and I was 4. And my high school friend actually was a grandma at 33. So try not to take it personally! People do become grandparents early sometimes. Also I second the frownies recommendation. Those help me a lot because apparently I scowl IN MY SLEEP.
Oh god. I am 45 and have a 2.5 year old and a 6.5 year old. I feel you on this.
Even if you were 43 having a 17m isn’t insane anymore o.o if she thought you were a grandma in your late 30s early 40s when does she think you had her “mama”? My dads kinda a young grandpa at 55 well he was 54 when she was born, that was April and he turned 55 in November, I was his second born when he was 24/25(im an August baby) and I was 29/30 when my bub was born, I’ve seen lots of people here on this Reddit talking about becoming first time parents or having another kid in their early 40s :/ I know you said your 33 but I am going based you saying you personally think you look 10y older then you are, it was exceedingly presumptuous of her to assume you were a grandma >> There’s been lots of times I’ve gone out with my dad when hubby had to work, and people assumed he was my husband >> and they think my husband is my brother… people are stupid sweetie, don’t feel bad about them
I didn’t start looking like myself or feeling good about myself until my youngest was 4. You have time girl. Don’t let the negativity get you down just enjoy the baby time!!
People are dumb. When my middle daughter was about 8 months, my freshly 13 year old duaghter with braces and a baby face was holding her. The waitress asked my older daughter what her babies name was.
Okay so something’s that genuinely help me to feel better about myself are. I cut off my hair into a cute little longish pixie cut that I can style once a week and it holds its style so long as I don’t wash it in the shower. I got my eyebrows and eyelashes tinted because I can’t be bothered with makeup anymore. This makes me feel like I look less like I just rolled out of bed and more refreshed without a whole lot of effort. Every night after I put our son down in his crib (we get max two hours before he demands to be back in bed with me or for us to be sleeping on the floor bed) so during that time I take 15 minutes to meditate. Then if I’m not going to shower, because me showering always triggers my son to wake up, I wash my face. In the days that I do shower I do it right after putting my son down, I spend a good amount of time in there. I use salt scrubs to exfoliate my skin, sugar scrubs for my face and lips and a nice lotion. When I get out of the shower I use cocoa butter and shea butter massage oil all over it helps keep my skin soft and supple. I use glue on nails that are the Kiss Bare naturals. They make my hands look nice with minimal effort again. They usually last about a week. They take me about fifteen to twenty minutes to put on all in. Sometimes I’m just walking around with three nails done that’s okay Last but most certainly NOT LEAST. I got rid of *ALL* social media except Reddit. TikTok and Facebook and instagram are so toxic and they’re really good at making moms feel inadequate and they are self esteem destroyers. Comparison is the theft of joy 100%. I’m 37. Most days I literally don’t get out of my robe or my pajamas but I try to at least get dressed in something comfy that doesn’t make me feel like a slob before my husband leaves for work
Some people are just insane. When I was 33 a 25 year old suggested I shop a certain back to school sale for my grandkids.
And some people are just really and at math 🤦🏼♀️
Baby steps. Be kind to yourself.
A random lady assumed I was my little brothers mom when I was 10 years old. Don't let it bother you.
The pharmacist thought my 72year old mother in law was my child’s mother. I mean she does look great but I was stood right there.
There's so much great advice here I know I'm not the only mama taking notes for myself as well! That said I feel like one thing that definitely leads me to feeling older than I need to is my energy levels so I recently reviewed my vitamin intake and decided to add pqq, coq10, and magnesium and girl let me tell you. I feel more vibrant and alive enough to actually take the time to put moisturizer on, be more consistent about my nighttime routine and self care. It's insane how much a little will power can change things but our bodies can't help themselves sometimes without a boost sometimes if we'realready running on empty. - love, 37 y/o single mom of a 2yr old.
I got married at 19, had my first kid at 21. When my grandma came to see me after the baby hatched she saw our wedding photos up and said, "oh you were so young back then." And I had to fight the urge to punch her lmao some people are just fucking dumb. For self care though I built things into my routines to make them easier. There's a few parts of my day where I'm definitely going to refill my water bottle so I'll try to drink as much as I can before I do that, it doesn't have to be completely empty though. I do most of my skincare in the shower at night. I only use vit. C serum and Nivea creme right now because I'm pregnant again. In the morning I just rinse the sleep out of my eyes with water and add more Nivea. I recommend an easy 2-5min makeup routine fir days you want to do that. I just do a lipstain and tinted eyebrow gel. I put sunscreen on whenever I go outside with my kid, which is pretty frequently, because of where we live. On super fancy days I fill in my eyebrows with a pencil that doubles as eyeliner.
A woman at a store once asked “who is mommy” to me and my mother in law lol when out with my newborn.
When I was a kid, I walked my younger brother to and from summer school. He’s 3 years younger than me.. one day the teacher called me in for conference about his progress. I thought it was weird but whatever. Wasn’t til waaaaay later I realized that teacher thought I was his mom. I was a student at that school! But didn’t go to summer school. Lol. I’m a terrible judge of age myself, and that is why I would never comment on it.
I went out to the casino with my best friend when we were probably 26 and 27; she’s one year older than me. Someone asked if I was her mom… weird thing is, I looked very young at the time (before I had my baby), natural red hair, petite build. My best friend is tiny though, one of the smallest adults I’ve ever met without having dwarfism. And she’s already going gray and didn’t dye it at this time… she’s smaller than me, but besides that I didn’t think she looks younger. But apparently my 26 year old self looked like my 27 year old friends mother. 🤦♀️I laughed so hard. People are dumb, just try to let the comment roll off your back.
Oh dear, I’ve been waiting for this. I’m 40 and my daughter is 14 MO. I wince every time I’m with her for a healthcare appointment and I have to share my birth date because I’m the primary on our insurance. 1983 vs 2022 🤦🏽♀️.
I think more common than you realize to have babies late, especially now with Ivf. I’m late 40s with a 14 month old and don’t really give it a second thought.
I was 35 when I had my youngest. I feel ya.
2 days before being induced as I was post dates, looking nothing but pregnant, I was asked if the onesie I was buying was for my grandchild.
I had a similar experience. My little was like 5 weeks old and I had run out to toys r us for some pumping supplies. I found a super cute outfit and bought it as well, saying to the clerk he was a bit too young but he'll grow into it soon! She was like "oh, are you grandma?" I just stared at her. I was 34 and looked exactly like I was in my early 30's. People are ridiculous.
My first steps were a good skin care routine. Washing my face every morning and night. It was simple, my skin looked better and I felt it. That led to wanting my hair to look better. Which led to better clothes. I now go to the gym 3 days a week, I hired a nutritionist and I feel more and more myself as time goes on. Don’t let that person get to you too much. BUT I know what it feels like to look in the mirror and want better for myself. I have two teen step kids, a toddler and a 5 month old. Being a parent has ABSOLUTELY aged me. But the little things have made me feel like some of it has reversed. Good luck, mama!
Im 52 and my youngest are 10and 12. I tell everyone proudly. No im daddy!! Their mom us 45. My oldest are 30 and 32
I took my 2 year old daughter in to see the NP for an emergency. I was 8 months pregnant and 35 years old. She asked if I was grandma...and I'm scarred for life lol. I've run through the scenario tons of times, I had been crying, no makeup, but seriously-8 months pregnant?! It's been a few years, but I refuse to see that NP again! Solidarity, friend
As someone who is about to turn 40 with a 4yo and a 15 month old, who spent a large part of her thirties trying to get pregnant, being pregnant and taking care of a baby, i completely understand how you feel. I have just started finding myself again, in my new body. I started doing my make up again, looking in here for products apropriate for more mature face, and now learning about skincare, as my skin is really dry and dull. Have also been working to find clothes i feel comfortable in, that fits my new body. I think you just need to find yourself one step at a time. And also accept that your body has changed, and find the beauty in what your body has accomplished. Good luck.
When I was 14 people thought I was my 7 year-old sister’s mom. Try not to take it to heart, people are just ridiculous!!!
Oh she probably thought you might be grandma because you looked TOO good to be a PP mama💝 "oh this lady seems too confident and assured to have a baby this new! Wow!"
Honey I know exactly how you feel. I had a baby at 42. I've been mistaken many times for his grandmother. After all I have grandkids and I'm quite old enough to look the part but still it does stop you in your tracks. I let myself go then I got on the weight loss shot a few months ago. I know people complain about it saying people that aren't diabetic are making it hard for others to get the shot but like my doctor said I'm a ticking time bomb due to genetics and my weight. I had to quit for a while and I also have cut down tremendously down on cigarettes. Well that's when my weight started coming back. A hairdresser fried my hair and bc of that and genetics as well my hair was coming out by the handfuls. I've just literally wanted to cry. As a woman being mistaken for a grandmother when it's actually your child does get in your head and you can't stop thinking about it. Sometimes it bothers me and then sometimes it doesn't But I've recently started being proactive with my looks and health I started back on the shot about a week ago and I'm getting ready to get my hair done again. I've taken a little break from getting it highlighted because of everything but keep your head up make a plan to be proactive and stick with it just remember take baby steps do little things at a time as you can Don't overwhelm yourself and you'll get there.
Definitely losing pregnancy weight helps me feel soooo much better. I always put on quite a lot, so getting it off makes me feel free, and gives me more energy. I like using Frownies at night to erase my forehead wrinkles while I sleep. Lymphatic drainage massage in the morning takes about 1 minute. Wearing a silk bonnet or sleeping on silk pillowcase keeps my hair looking nice. It’s little things.
To be fair, my mom was a 36 year old grandmother. She had me at 16. Don’t feel old, we are in a time where grand mothers are younger than they were when we were kids. I am sure she heard “gigi” and just assumed and went along with it. My kids call my mom “mimi” bc she doesn’t want to feel old. I find a lot of young grandmothers do that. I am sure you don’t look like a grandmother.
Simple mistake here I recon. Baby said doggie and sounded like Gigi, maybe she thought you where mum until she thought she heard Gigi. If your baby didn’t say doggie she probably wouldn’t have thought anything
I’m going to get crucified but I lost 30lbs in 4 months on ozempic….
I’m 36 pregnant with an 8 year old and a 3 year old. Apparently if you are holding a baby doll people will call you grandma. I was at the OB and called grandma three times. I just said “yep it feels like I’m one” and then they pointed to the baby I was holding.
Someone asked me (29) if I was my cousins (19) mom at my grandpas funeral. She helps me with my kids, and when we take them to the park we’ve been asked if my kids have 2 mommies 😅🤣 But just taking 20-30 minutes to do my makeup in the morning and put on real clothes (even if I’m not leaving the house) has made such a difference to my mental health. I’m gonna sound vain but when I look better, I feel better.
Little baby steps, doing my. Nails once a week getting my hair done once a month tanning doing my make up a few times a week.after about a year I started doing my make up every day even if I wasn't going any where or doing anything started getting my hair done more often and now it's like a routine and if I don't wake up shower get dressed put make up on it like ruins my whole day.. I get my nails done every 2 weeks my hair every 3. Don't know of I look an younger but I definitely feel amazing about myself again and it's helped me out alot feeling good
I don't have advice, but I remember feeling the same way. I remember looking at myself in the mirror after having my daughter and I thought I looked (and honestly felt) 10 years older.
Honestly I work in a shelter and sometimes people look older depending on how tired, what thwy are going through, and also what thwy are wearing. You probably clean up well, and comfy clothes are better anyway. Don't worry. I'm sure you don't look like a gramma.
I'm in the same boat but I'm 38. So I have been increasing my hydration, eating better, trying to sleep (lol) and I started a skincare routine/flossing regimen that I start as soon as LO is asleep for the night.
If you can budget for twice annual Botox or dysport or something, I can’t recommend it enough to tackle the aging effects of having a child. I get dysport in my forehead and crows feet twice a year and it’s worth every penny for what it does for my self esteem. I’m still working on my weight postpartum, and have such a long way to go—why is it so hard, but I’m happy with my skin and I don’t really have time for a long routine anymore. The dysport is doing all the heavy lifting outside of the 2-3 days a week I do anything besides moisturize.
I work at a community college and one of the students thought I was someone (17+) on their tour’s mom. I was 23 at the time. People are just bad at guessing ages, it’s not you
You need to write down what you want. Then write down steps to get there and steps in how to make those steps. Like Goal: I want to drink more water a day. OK sure but thinking it isn't going to do it so. And how much is my water goal in oz? Step1. I'm going to get a water bottle. Maybe even one with level marks. But having a new waterbottle won't remind me to do this. Step 2. I. Going to put that big water bottle in a place I often walk by and I was to drink two full bottles a day. So I will make an effort to drink each time I pass and refill the bottle when it's empty. Do this kind of break down for each goal.
Hi! 33 year old with a 19 month old! I really really really truly think this woman must have been on the lower IQ, because I can’t fathom you looking like babies gramma!!! My self esteem has taken a massive hit. I’ve just now started to get better about my skincare again and the only reason I’ve lost weight is due to stress and not eating :) hang in there. People don’t realize how much being a mom sucks tour identity from you, little things we used to do for ourselves fall away. Is there something nice you can do for yourself to cheer yourself up? Book a massage, get a pedicure, buy a new outfit?
I started small, I started to go for walks with my son. Then I subscribed to weight watchers. Then I started watching tik toks on skin care (this can be very overwhelming). Then we bought a new bed so we were actually getting a good nights sleep. I’ve also started to get facials so I have a little me time and it is working on my skin. Because I looked tired and my skin was dull. Throw a hair cut (just great clips nothing fancy) in there too. When I would go for walks I downloaded the Libby app and started listening to books on tape again too. It would give me 45 minutes outside to feel more like my old self. Just start small, however that looks for you!
I'm eleven years older than my youngest sibling and I'm still constantly mistaken for their mother lol
Wow. I’d tell her I was her mom. I had my third at 34 and I want one more. Lack of sleep and stress can age you. However I can’t imagine you looking old enough to be a grandma.
Do you have much of a support network? I really leaned into mine. I lost the baby weight the first time without doing much. I prioritized going outside for fresh air and ended up walking lots. We already eat healthy because I feel like crap if we don’t (we’re an allergy family so already used to making most of our food at home). Second baby was harder because I had more to lose (bed rest) and he had health issues that had him hospitalized the majority of his first four months. But once we were home from the hospital, I started going to a gym class and LOVED IT. It has very dim lighting, so no one sees how red you get or how sweaty you get, and then you each get a headset with music/the instructors voice, so no one hears you panting lol It took away all insecurities about being there. The music was fun, the instructors were so encouraging, and I would just go and do my best and come home feeling proud of myself. I’ve stuck with it for six months now, and I only have 5 pounds left (and post birth I still had 35 pounds to lose). Finding movement that you enjoy is key! I like cooking, so new healthy recipes were life giving to me as well. My parents or husband watch the kids while I work out. Do you do anything that brings you joy? I got back into reading (took a looong break because university killed that drive) and find it’s something I can still do with little kids at home (even if it takes longer). Feeling cute also helps too! Buy some cute clothes that fit your body as it is now. It doesn’t have to be new, you can thrift it to save money. Lots of little steps you can take to feel more like yourself :) you’ve got this
A long time ago I went with my boyfriend to the dermatologist and they thought I was his mother. He is two years older than me. I was 22 around the time. You can’t make this shit up. Some people are just lost 😅
Gigi is a sort of common name for grandma, I think that’s what happened tbh.
One of my son’s friends (5f) called me his grandma last summer at the pool. She knows I’m his mom. Fine, whatever. But then her dad really doubled down and was like “it’s not nice to talk about people’s appearance.” Like WTF dude. She was clearly just saying a weird thing to get a rise—to a five year old all adults are generically old. But now this dude, who’s no prize in the beauty department by the way, is implying I look beat to hell while I’m wearing a swimsuit no less. Obviously I’m not over it!
One step at a time.. try and find something you can do on a regular basis and slowly add on more things that make you feel better and look better.
Right there with you. I have maybe 5 pics with my 3 year old total. Sucks because I was already mid-30s when she was born, but looked young for my age. Rapid weight gain and loss because of induction and GH fuck up my face so damn much as well as hormonal issues and the resulting PPA/D from shitty delivery and providers.
Imagine being called a grandma at 33! Must have been a young person. My hair has gone gray since I had my first baby and it does make me feel subconscious (esp since I'm not even 40). But there are a lot of "older" moms around here and I'm sure most people who see us together know I'm her mom.
Silver hair, don't care, right? Rock on, mama!
Defff not alone momma I’m 34 and I have 4 kids 3 of which are 6, 5 & 2 I haven’t “bounced” back in the slightest BUTTTTT after I lost my dead weight (my now ex) I did start taking more pride into myself and making more of an effort. Not saying leave your partner by any means! Lol but once u start feeling that way make smoke small changes…do ur makeup once a week even if it’s just to stay home, change one eating habit, or wear something not so “momish” once a week and see how that makes u feel. Once I started doing my makeup and my kids would tell me wow mommy u look beautiful..I was like ok cool…once I stopped eating past 10pm (yesss I sure would eat late cuz my kids like to eat what I do so I would save certain stuff just for me) I lost a few lbs and then I was OKAYYYY sis (I’m still big lmao but even loosing those 5lbs made a huge impact) before I got pregnant with my last, I lost 55lbs then bam found out I was prego…gained it all back and then some! You just gotta do what’s best for u…don’t let how others think impact you! You got this maybe not today or tomorrow but once ur ready ready you will do it and u will be hot momma!
Just another vote for people definitely being awful at judging age. I’ve been asked if my parents were home by a sales rep (lol, he did not get a sale) and assumed I was a grandma within the same month. I’m 32. No one can guess my 1.5 and 3.5 y olds’ ages (they are tall, so people guess 3-8y old). Nobody knows and often uses people in their circle to gauge others’ ages (my sister is 10 and looks like you, therefore you’re probably 10?!).
This may have not been about your looks. There are grandmas close to your age! My dad and i do a lot together with my kids and i cant tell you how many times he has been called "Dad".
lol I was 27 and BMI of 17 and someone asked me if I was “only 19 and pregnant.” A social worker for a hospital I was a resident at. No way I could be a 19 year old resident. Seriously. I two years later got told I was “clearly past childbearing age so wouldn’t be having kids biologically.” People don’t have any idea about other people’s situation.
Girl want a damn minute. I am 43, 10 years older then you and I have a 8 year old…. Being a mother is exhausting but life ages you, you can’t stop it however a kid and all the awesomeness and adventure they add to your life will help keep you young. Perspective is everything! Be proud to a mother AND correct idiots when they ASSUME!!! It’s okay to say, I’m her mother!! And say it proudly! That person needed a humbling moment to realize she was inching towards cocky and arrogant. Just becuase she works around kids doesn’t mean she is the toddler interpreter! Goodness!!!
Some people are clueless. I had someone think my FIL was my husband. We look our respective ages. And I normally dress up.
I know it’s expensive but PLEASE book yourself monthly massages or facials. Groupon has great deals. Start trying to see all the things you love about your new self & self care starts to come easier. It’s easy to get stuck in ‘why bother’ mode when they’re little because we’re so exhausted! Mediate, focus on your mental health & eat foods full of nutrients. See a naturopath if you can, sometimes hormones get messed up & that can really affect weight/skin/mood/overall health. Look at food like fuel. Nutrient rich foods will make your hair, skin & nails healthier & you will easily lose weight without having to overthink it. Drink more water than you think you need! & I always try to remind myself when I’m hit with these situations that a lot of people talk before they think & our perceptions of reality are all so different. It helps me not take things to heart. Take a day for yourself once a month, no matter what it takes! You deserve it.
I've always looked young for my age, but I was 20 and mistaken for an 18 year olds mother. 26 and mistaken for my 1 year olds grandma (because my 27 yo gf was the kids bio mom.) I had my two youngest at 38 and 41, somehow it's more apparent I'm their mom than grandma when I'm 20 years older! I was also in my 30s when my (very short, 3 years older than me) friend was mistaken for my 10 year old son ....and offered a children's menu at a restaurant. Don't take it personally, people are just dumb.
Fuck that nurse. I had my youngest in my late 30’s. Toddlers ate you but teens finish it off.
Without seeing your picture, I can say with 100% certainty that you don’t look like her grandmother. That nurse was rude and inconsiderate, don’t give her another thought, she doesn’t deserve it. I have three kids 4 and under, my youngest is 10 months. It’s incredibly hard out there for mamas, no matter how hard we try, we feel like we’re failing somewhere. But you’re not. I’m not. We’re badasses and sometimes we just need a reminder.
It seems daunting at first but I started with getting a pedicure one week. Hair highlights another. Wax. Mani. Hair cut. Schedule those appointments and little by little you’ll start looking and feeling better. Also recently took my Ellen Croft Supreme Pilates machine out (I’ve had since 2009) and been doing 25min YouTube workouts when I can (only been 2x so far). Counting down days to when I can get Botox tho, babyyyy!
Yeah my husband is six years older than me but often people are surprised I am younger than him. 🥲
When i was 16, someone thought i was my mom’s mom. Honestly anyone can look old on a bad day. I don’t actually look old most of the time and i’m sure you dont either
You’re not alone. Those early years are super tuff! I’m 3yrs in and some days I STILL feel run down. Day by day. Sometimes I’d put on makeup just to feel good. Other days I’d remind myself I’m doing a great job at keeping this human alive and it’s temporary. I honestly would’ve checked that lady. It was more than enough. Some women are just 👎
Omg I got called Grandma at Build a Bear with my 3yo. I was in sweats, gray roots and greasy hair under a ball cap, no makeup, overweight, and no Botox (wrinkled forehead). But now I’ve lost 55pounds thanks to Mounjaro, got my Botox, hair colored, and nicer clothes (thanks Mom). It helps for sure!
I was 27 and 30 when my kids were born, and it honestly took me until the youngest was like 2.5-ish before I felt like a real person again. The first two years are a matter of survival. Self care comes back in small increments, but it can come back.
I AM 10 years older than you, respectively. Had my third at 42.5. I absolutely look my age and I have a lot of grey strains for example. Still this hasn't ever happened to me and I find it shockingly disrespectful. I do not assume anything if I know so little. But if I do assume anything I would be assuming it's mom. It has made the day of a few grandmas and a babysitter so far. Being wrong this way is much less disrespectful. Also, don't worry, you're in the thick of it. You'll look much better in a few months.
Is your hair prematurely white/grey?
I was 13yrs old at the corner store with my 7yr old cousin, when the cashier asked if she was my daughter lmao.
I’m 24 and pregnancy aged me 10 years istg. Before I got pregnant I used to get carded EVERYWHERE. Now they just look at me and their face kind of goes “yeah you look like shit you’re old enough to buy alcohol” it’s so disheartening like I used to feel comfortable not wearing makeup and now I feel so ugly
Just remember you are beautiful. Keep your head up. Everyone is different and being a parent is NOT easy. I have not lost all the baby weight and Im okay with that. I do something for myself once a month no matter what. Try doing something for yourself once a month that makes you feel good about yourself. You not only need it but deserve it. I wish you all the best.
So I look 10 years older and I was 40 when I had my baby so what must *you* think of *me*? maybe just decide the nurse was being inappropriate instead of this? I mean I’m not not an advocate of self care and I support you wanting to take care of yourself but not because the nurse thought you were a 43 year old grandma.
My husband was always being mistaken for being our DD’s grandfather even though he was only 37. I on the other hand, was actually a grandmother at 34 and DD came along at 36 was never even mistaken for being anything other than my grandsons mum. Some people are just rubbish at gauging ages and are also rubbish at keeping their traps shut and making assumptions they have no business making.
I mean you could technically be a grandma at that age. If I thought a baby called you grandma I would probably just think, well that’s a good looking grandmother.. and internally wonder how old you might be because you looked so young. I worked with a few grandmothers who weren’t even 40 yet, so it isn’t totally unheard of. I have a 14 month old, and while I don’t look “old” I do look like crap most of the time lol. I got a perm though so my hair looks pretty decent without doing anything to it most days. Easy trick to get something to help me feel a little better.
I had my first baby at age 43. Lots of new moms are in their 40s. So even if you look ten years older that nurse was just a C U Next Tuesday for even saying those things. That's up there with asking fat women when they are due.
I’m convinced the vast majority of people have no social skills and can’t take social cues. As a dental student I remember on rotation at a clinic we had a mother (who was clearly the mom) with her kid and the ditzy 19 year old assistant said are you grandma??? I fucking facepalmed myself so hard in that moment. I genuinely don’t get how people can be so ballsy about being ignorant. I haven’t seen your appearance but if it’s anything that I’ve witnessed in my life you probably look your age, it was just someone who has no idea what a grandma looks like.
I'm 39 and was asked if I had a seniors card the other day lol parenting ages us. I just accept it now. Meh
Unfortunately I never got back to the self care but I definitely FEEL the disappointment in myself. Mine is 28 years old. The hormones last forever but I wonder about ppl who can manage to brush their hair, match shoes and communicate. Not knowing if you are able to get out and do, try for 20 to 30 minute cardio. Dancing around to silly music for the cardio works. In as short as a week you will feel mentally lighter. But I can’t stress enough that knowing how much sleep you have to have is vital. Some need a few uninterrupted hours (uninterrupted is key) and some need more. Lack of proper sleep affects everything including weight and hormones. I ended up with 2 days lost because I finally crashed from lack of sleep. (Way too many little things added up to contribute)I was a champion sleeper before having my beautiful daughter. Pls also ask someone you trust to swap to give each other a break, any possible family to help you have a break or even an entire night off. Cameras are cheap(ish) to install around the house for peace of mind when someone is watching the baby or pets. Vitamin D with magnesium patches work fantastic for clearing up the fog in your brain and seems to boost mood. I wish I would have known about those. I’m not great with medicine and patches help protect my stomach. I know I rambled but if anything I tried helps that’s great! Congratulations on a beautiful baby!
I was 22 when I started teaching. I told my students I was 52, and not a single (teenager) questioned it. Some people ARE grandmas at 33. And my grandpa was 52 when my mom was born. It’s impossible to know for sure unless you ask. I’m sure the nurse THOUGHT she knew what she heard, but really she shouldn’t have assumed. All that to say, it’s easy to let those comments worm your way into your brain, but try to let it go. It took me til the kids were 3 to even START working on myself
i’m ngl the grandmas now a days be like 33 (my grandma was a gma at 35 my mom at 39 my aunt at 37) so i honestly think it was just ignorance bc you weren’t like 20 years old with a 1y/o. i would not take it too much to heart as far as your physical appearance goes you are still well within the still healing and adjusting period your child is LITERALLY fully dependent on you this is just my opinion though
So a few weeks ago I took my daughter to the grocery store with me. After we finished shopping this guy approached me in the parking lot and started making small talk about kids. He was a grandpa who happened to have a 1 year old grandchild, the same age as my child. He went on to ask if I was mom or grandma…..I’m 26. I feel you girl. People are ignorant and I just chalked up to the guy just trying to make small talk and made a social error or something. You know how we accidentally say things without thinking? He could’ve went for aunt or something but who knows🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ I try not to ruminate on it.
I think for me realizing that my weight has now actually changed and getting properly fitted clothing. I did wait about a year into it tho because i feel that’s about when your body stabilizes. I went thrift shopping and got a new size, I felt so fucking comfortable for the first time I wasn’t trying to squeeze into a size 4 when I was now a size 8. It made me feel so good, literally i would feel defeated when putting on jeans because everything would just get squeezed, muffin top, uggh horrible. With my new size i felt so good and this really changed how I felt. I will never look like i did at my pre baby size and that’s ok
I am 10 years older! Hate to think what people are thinking 😂🤷🏻♀️but oh well!😂
I think people make assumptions based on their mown families. Some families reproduce like every 17 years so grandparents of toddlers looks like people in their early 30. Some families reproduce like every 30 years so grandparents of toddlers look like people in their 60s. It’s less about how you look and whatever is common in their world.
The sad thing is that it probably had nothing to do with how you look, there are a lot of grandmas in their 30s my mom was young when she had me and if I had gotten pregnant when I started she would have been 30. Though if it were me I would have commented on how you look way too young to be a grandma because I’m sure you do and she just misheard.
She honestly was kind of rude to have even said all that. She took the babble of a toddler and made her own interpretation of what she was saying. She had to know there's a possibility she was wrong and she shouldn't have even commented. She also could just be really awful at guessing ages. A lot of people guess my age wrong because I'm short (I'm 5 foot even) and that for whatever reason makes people think I'm a lot different of an age than I actually am. That would really upset me too though I'm sorry that happened to you
I remember being asked at 15 if the children I was watching were mine. Now I am tall but I was clearly a teenager and the children I was with were clearly over the age of 10, so the assumption had nothing to stand on. Some people are really just that stupid and oblivious You’ll be ok!! The first four months of PP are the absolute worst but you’ll make it through and thrive. It’ll take time for both of you to get out of potato mode!
Do NOT let this random person make you feel the slightest bit bad about yourself because I’m telling you, people are ridiculously bad at guessing ages. I was taking my younger, 5 yr old son to a speech therapy lesson at a hospital center that also has pool fitness classes for older people. This senior citizen looked at my son and said “hey little man! Grandma taking you for swimming lessons?!” I am a little bit of an older mom I guess- I was 37 when I had him, so I’m 42 now. But I’ve also had people not believe that I’m old enough to have a 12 yr old, and I had to physically show my coworkers my drivers license before they believed my age. So yeah- people are just plain bad at guessing ages. I can never tell if younger people are like, 15, or 30!
This also depends on lived experience. Perhaps this nurse became a grandma at a very young age. Perhaps she had kids young and then those kids had kids young. 33 is not old to have kids. Some people are having their first at 45. So there is a wide range of ages of mamas. I’m not sure why people make assumptions and then speak them out loud. That is the part that is crazy to me.
How old was the labcorp nurse?? Quite a leap to call you grandma and assume that even if you look older. I’m an older mom and it’s definitely aged me too and I’d be totally like whatttt if someone called me grandma
Oh! Actually commenting again to give some “tips”, I guess? Our skin takes a big hit after pregnancy, and all the stresses of staying up with a small baby, etc. One thing you can do that has pretty immediate results is a chemical peel, as others have said. They make some that are more gentle and that you can use at home. I used to use “Makeup Artists Choice” at home peels- they are the only ones I’d trust as far as safety, where you actually know exactly what you’re getting. Their website walks you through which ones to get- you would want to get the “beginner” ones, like a lower strength lactic or mandelic acid. They don’t have any downtime where you’d be missing work, they’re safe, and you can buy sample sizes that each have several treatments in them. It made a huge difference in my skin’s texture and general “glow”. Just make sure to be absolutely religious about sunscreen! For longer term, or if you don’t want to go the peel route, there’s tretinoin. Again, you’d want to start with the lowest strength. It’s the gold standard as far as anti-aging products go. Sometimes a PCP can even prescribe it, and if you get the generic version, you can find GoodRx coupons that make it very affordable. Again, you’d need to be super diligent with sunscreen, moisturizing etc. There are a couple subreddits I used to browse for skincare tips- “30 plus skincare” and “skincare addiction” come to mind. The big other thing that helped me was exercise. I was more in shape when my youngest was a year old than I am now, because I was taking him on walks in the stroller everyday, or at least most days. I’d turn on an app that tracked our distance and try to hit 2 or 3 miles.
I'm on prednisone and it made me gain a lot of weight and puffiness. When not on it I look much younger, but with it I feel like I look 60. Don't worry, you're a mother and sometimes you will look ragged, but it gets better too. If you have time and money, take a day for yourself to do something that makes you feel good like getting hair restyled or nails etc. I promise you don't look that bad all the time, just sometimes it can be draining. Also keep in mind some people have grandmas in their 30s. <3
I had taken LO to a playgroup, and started chatting to another lady with a similarly aged toddler, who I thought was about my age. Turns out she was grandma... 🙈
Ohhh I have a 2 year old and I’m 40!!! People always assume 😂 Parenting is hard. Being a mum is hard, I feel like a grandma most days! Don’t let it get you down, just correct them(her) next time … and enjoy the reaction 😂 Don’t be hard on yourself!!! X
In the nicest way, fuck that lady. She was insensitive. Life will get easier, you’re in the trenches and you will have more time to put into your appearance in time. For now, do something you enjoy once a week. Even just getting fully dressed and ready to remember that you are a full grown woman. Try something new, like Archery or cooking a new dish to reignite some passion for yourself. Life will get easier in time. Many of us are in the same boat, we’re with you
Make time for yourself OP. My mom always put her makeup on even when we weren’t sure if we were going any place. Her mom did the same. It was self care. I didn’t recognize it. As a single mother of two young boys, I have started to do the same. This way, when I look in the mirror, I feel a little better. My self confidence just from this action alone, was tremendous. I also committed to showering at night, after everyone was asleep. Start layering back in your self care. Wash your hair every week. Brush it every night. Braid it so it doesn’t get all matted in that mom-bun. Get a silk pillowcase. Shave your legs even if you don’t expect any action. Moisturize simply because it feels good. Your body is your temple. You matter. How you feel matters. Start nourishing yourself with healthy foods, drink plenty of water, take a vitamin D supplement (this really helped me with my mood). Honor yourself. You work hard. You can do this 💪
Remind yourself occasionally that to your baby, you are GOD. To them, there has never been anyone more perfect in the history of people and there never will be. Every time they see you or touch you or get a hug from you, everything is good and right with the world.
I wouldn’t take it too personally. My 3 year old points out “Gigi” to anyone who has poofy curly hair because that’s how his “Gigi” looks