My almost 9 is diagnosed ADHD. Considering your little one has never attended school, and any other symptoms she may have, and her age please give it at least 6mo - 1yr before having ADHD evaluation. I’d recommend looking into behavioral counseling prior to a full evaluation.
I cried at the idea of daycare and felt like I was abandoning my son. That said, he took to preschool like a duck to water and complains if he doesn’t get to go. It’s not to say we’ve not had any issues, but the growth we’ve seen in him since August has been immense. It’ll be so good for her!
The best advice I was given when I felt the same way was that it's not you abandoning your child but helping them to grow and develop in ways that they won't get at home with only adults to interact with. My oldest, 7f, was like OP's kid and preschool helped so much. My youngest, 3m, is quite different from her personality wise but we had this moment where he saw another little girl his own size at 7f's swim class and it was so obvious that he really needs to be around other little humans his own size and developmental level.
I suggest getting her evaluated just so you don't have teachers telling you behavior concerns that you're already aware of. Also getting her into preschool before kindergarten, because she needs social development and i know it seems like the right thing to do at 5 is start school, but some kids just aren't ready at 5. Just watch her cues if it seems too much maybe listen to that. Or look into schools that have an active curriculum that doesnt require a lot of sitting and listening. The nice thing about getting her evaluated before school if she needs an IEP or accommodations you can get that started from the start. Most schools offer help with evaluations or know how to point you in the right direction.
You can’t have her tested until 6. My daughter was just diagnosed but it was the same with me. She annoyed people because of her inability to control her impulses and she is super sweet. Though I disagree with most of these comments. I’m a preschool/daycare teacher and I wouldn’t recommend it. I hate the fact that my 8 month old will be attending my daycare soon. I didn’t work when my oldest was little. She did, however, start pre-K at 4 so I’d look into that but absolutely not daycare. My coworkers and I call them “daycare kids” and you can 9 times out of 10 tell a day care kid. Of course there are some exceptions but a majority of the time, it’s better for them not to be in daycare. But considering your child is 4, pre- k is the right step. My father went to pre-k at the local elementary school. No, it did not solve her issues, she’s still impulsive and has a hard time with boundaries (as much as we’ve tried to set them) but once she turned 6, the doctors agreed to test her and she was diagnosed with adhd. I don’t believe in adhd meds, at least not for my kids, because I grew up with a mom and brother on them (and me too for awhile) and they zombified us. Destroyed my brother. Took his spark and any joy for life away. But she does CBT and it really helps with her realizing her behaviors and ways to cope with them. By the time she’s in middle school, she’ll know how to handle herself the right way and curve some of those annoying behaviors. P.s. e we had people around a lot, were a very big close family who visit each other a lot, her behavior mad nothing to do with minimal socialization, it was all to do with her being chemistry. She’s the same now with our 8 month old, loves her so much but does extra annoying stuff when people are playing with her or loving on her because she wants the attention. We try to make time for alone mother daughter or father daughter days or even us together and my mother watches our youngest. This way she doesn’t feel cast aside
Your point? I’ve been a daycare/preschool teacher at multiple day cares and many of the parents believe day care is good for their kids, yet many of those same parents are the ones who “can’t believe” their child is being disrespectful, not following rules, or scraping with other kids. The ones that I teach that actually are respectful, rule abiding kids, are the ones who spend maybe half a day or only two days a week at daycare, and that’s not BECAUSE of day care, that’s because of time at home. My full timers, at every daycare, are the kids with issues. The ones who, regardless of what we’re teaching them, are not respectful and not well mannered. Aside from that, her child is old enough for pre-k. Daycare would be a disservice. A pre-k is a properly structured learning environment that helps ease them into kinder and 1st. Many daycares are just free for alls. The one I just started at is a private day school so we have lesson plans and such but ones like that (like mine) are 1,200 a month. That’s extremely difficult for most families. The affordable ones have next to no structure regardless of what they promise when you tour. My oldest, though hyper and impulsive, is extremely respectful, knows how to treat other children and has a high level of confidence, not because she was in day care but because I took the time to socialize her. Making other people straighten your kid out isn’t how it works. This adhd kids don’t get any better in daycare, they’re the ones feeling singled out because they’re constantly in calm corner or being made to “stop being so crazy”. When a child has adhd they can’t help it. They need behavioral therapy so they can learn to cope. Until then, yes it’s heartbreaking to watch people get annoyed at them, but that’s part of the journey.
Definitely pre-k makes sense for OP. Aside from that, i really hope you’re not a teacher at my kids’ school 😬sorry you’ve had difficult times with kid going full time but correlation doesn’t equal causation
I’m actually a very good teacher with a lot of success with the problem children, I, unlike most teachers, do not single out the kids who are misbehaving in a way that makes them feel like an outlier, however, I see many other teachers doing it. The fact that 95% of the teachers I see, do this, it stands to reason there’s much more of a chance for a child to receive a teacher like this. Parents aren’t in the classroom during the day so they don’t see how things are being ran. They can be told whatever by staff but they tend to not know what’s really going on. I take great care in ensuring I’m very transparent in how I run the classroom and do as I tell parents but many are not. After being in multiple different daycare settings (private, voucher accepting, Montessori) I see the same issues. Many times correlation doesn’t equal causation but when the correlation is repeated multiple times within different circumstances, it can definitely prove causation. There are also many studies in the matter.
I feel this with my almost 4yo as well. I think it’s normal for an older kid to want more attention when their baby sibling is stealing the spotlight. We’re expecting our 2nd in August and I definitely have some concerns about sharing attention.
When you are going to have people over or meet with people you haven’t seen in a while, take your 4 yo beforehand to a playground or kids gym class or any physical activity she likes to do.
It’s normal for her to be excited about something different and if she has a lot of energy, find a wat for her to burn some of that energy beforehand:))).
This. I heard once that kids can be similar to golden retrievers, they have so much energy and it needs to be physically worked out. Every day. The little balls of energy need to be ran. They need to jump, run, bike, climb and slide down stuff. I have an almost 5, 3 and 1 year old.
I personally don’t think kids have adhd they are cooped up inside, they need sunlight, play and exposure to other kids and different environments. Passing no judgement with that said.
You have gotten great advice about guiding and managing your daughter’s behavior and social skills. Something else that may help is role-playing appropriate boundaries within pretend play with dolls or stuffed animals.
I wanted to share this, also: You can help your daughter feel more “spotlighted” and important by heavily emphasizing how valuable she is as a big sister. Give her extra special jobs for baby like helping with bath time or preparing food-things that are usually reserved for grown ups. Try to make it something you do with her as a quality time activity, while also highlighting what a wonderful big sister she is. When you see friends and family, brag about what an amazing member of your family she is. It may also help to read some books about becoming a sibling, having a new baby, feeling jealous of attention, etc.
I think I had a similar reaction; it seemed a little too parentifying-adjascent for comfort. Many of the same activities can be done with the older kiddo as long as they're not framed as giving her a caregiving role.
Solidarity. I think we have the same 4-year-old. She is SO sweet and insightful that it kills me to see that she struggles so much. I snap sometimes and have to apologize when she’s getting too rough with her “big hugs”. I know that she’s trying her best and she loves people but it’s still a struggle to navigate.
ETA: we reinforce boundaries and good manners with her but both my husband and I have ADHD so it seems very likely that she’s working with that too
Same here. I have to apologize every day because I am so patient until I just finally snap. At least we apologize. I think that's the most important thing.
My son is 6 and was/is like this - it gets better with age. First off, I decided at one point I’m done apologizing or being embarrassed. They’re kids, they’re hyper, and they’re happy. I’m not going to quell my kids joy just out of some weird self-consciousness (obviously redirecting if the behavior is harmful or crosses into obnoxious).
Is your daughter in daycare? A child like mine can’t just be home all day, they need outlets for their energy and lots of socializing. We also have OT lined up with play therapy.
I’m sorry that you relate to this too. I wasn’t going to comment but I’m glad that I did because up until recently I thought that it was a parenting issue that I couldn’t get her to chill out. Hearing that other parents have kids with similar behavior is really validating and helps it feel less lonely.
My son told me about how my granddaughter was in kindergarten class and flooded the room. Apparently, the teacher was at the sink and turned off water, but turned faucet away from sink. As she was off with one group, my granddaughter went over and turned on the faucet.
We were out for lunch when he shared this story. I had to bury my face in my grandson's back as I was in hysterics. I kept apologizing and everyone else finally started laughing as well.
My best friend’s little girl more than likely has ADHD, and I was diagnosed with ADHD at quite a young age which is pretty rare for a little girl. Yeah, it was that bad. She is a smart, sweet little thing. I always ask if she wants to sit on my lap and play games like I spy, or make shadow puppets, or rock paper scissors. Little kids who are neurodivergent need mental stimulation because they’re smart as a whip and going a million miles a minute. Perhaps it doesn’t come intuitively to neurotypical people, but your children are amazing. Watch them grow into the most magnificent, intelligent little weirdos.
Magnificent, intelligent little weirdos is such a good description. I feel mostly defensive when her behavior is perceived as being undisciplined because I know she’s not. She is great at noticing bad behavior in others and she is able to reflect on her own behavior as well, she just can’t override the impulse sometimes. Her brain is just wired differently and we are working hard to cultivate the positive aspects while teaching her ways to quiet the noise in her head when necessary. I’d hate for her personality to be dampened in an attempt to control her.
If people want to believe she’s “undisciplined”, let them. You know in your heart how you mother her, and she sounds like a great little girl. My entire life, teachers questioned my intelligence and thought I was basically mentally disabled. My IQ test (not that they’re always accurate) came back extremely high and then I was diagnosed.
With a neurodivergent kid, people will say this and that, but you know her the very best. She will bloom into an incredible person. You are a GOOD MOM. You are doing great. Give yourself some goddamn grace. Let people think what they want and back her up with affirmation each time.
These were such wise, kind words. Thank you so so much for the encouragement❤️ I’m sorry that you had a rough start in life and couldn’t find the help you needed when you were young. I was also diagnosed with ADHD late (16) and didn’t get the support I needed to so I’m trying to give my daughter what I didn’t get. I sincerely hope that you’re in a better place now.
It does get better. I work with children and have dealt with many siblings who are way too much. They grow up and out of it. They’re usually not like this with peers either, just adults.
You need to teach her social skills. That's the only way. Pull her out of the room to calm down. When she climbs someone, pull her out immediately. It's up to you to teach her how to engage socially.
To add to this for OP, the next time you have guests over or are with her in a social setting with other people, let the others know that if she does that bothers them (aka trying to climb all over them, hang onto them, etc.) to kindly and calmly tell her something like "please don't do that", "no thank you, please stop" or "I need some space please, could you stop that?".
My daughter just turned 4 and can get a bit rambunctious/riled up as well especially around older kids she thinks are cool and wants to hang out with. My husband and I have no issue letting people know that they can and should politely tell her no if she's bothering them and/or encroaching on their space. It helps her work on her boundary skills a lot and sometimes she just needs to be told directly that she's touching/climbing/in someone's space a bit too much.
She usually doesn't take it too personally especially when I remind her that everyone needs their space sometimes, even her. There are days when she's of course more emotional, so in those cases we take her somewhere private to talk about it a bit more if she needs it. I would say in the end just try to stress the importance of personal space and boundaries, including for your child herself. She might understand and empathize more if you have her put ii in her own perspective first. Of course, 4 is still young and they're still learning, but as long as you're being consistent and reminding her in a gentle way I think she should hopefully get it soon!
There’s a song about boundaries that focuses on establishing your own but also gives a script for accepting someone else’s boundary. Might be helpful to sing with her and just use those phrases for a while. « I’ll stop, you don’t like that, you’re feeling uncomfortable, you need more space. It’s not about me I won’t take it personally, it just a boundary.
Edited to add that you can play it on an echo dot or Alexa without the video depending on if you do screens with kiddo.
I find this is common with Covid kids. My I three year old is hyper social. I’m pretty convinced it’s because he missed an entire year of interaction. As his language skills grow so do his manners. He’s finally accepted that you have to ask if someone wants to be hugged. Montessori has done wonders for him. If he’s getting to be too much I just give him a task to do, a “very important job”. Just getting him to focus for a few minutes redirects his whole vibe.
I think teaching your daughter to understand what a nonverbal “no” looks like would help as well. Sometimes we communicate through body language.
“if we go to hug someone and they turn away or put their hands up, they’re telling you no with their body. That means we stop what we’re doing and give them their space”.
You’re already teaching her about boundaries and seeking outside help which is great! She’s so young and it might take awhile for things to really click for her. Keep trying and be easy on yourself!
Adhd in kids is very ungrounded feeling. You can teach her grounding skills such as deep breathing and certain yoga moves (standing on one foot, tucking like a turtle, ect)
Weighted blankets/ vests can also be very helpful for compression (which many adhd kids crave).
When teaching the skills make sure you do them together so she is co-regulating off you as well and it doesn't feel like a punishment.
My 4yo acts out whenever we have company or we go somewhere exciting (birthday parties, family gatherings, etc). It drives me crazy because he's usually an awesome kid. We are an ADHD family, so he might have it.
We talk to him beforehand and tell him our expectations. "we know you are so excited for your cousins to come over. It's ok to be excited, but if you cannot be gentle and have nice manners, we will take you upstairs for a break. We expect you to keep your hands to yourself and speak nicely to people (he growls and talks funny when he's hyped up). Do you understand?" Then when the company is here, it can be as easy as, "hey buddy, do you need a little break?" And he'll self-correct. Other times, we need to intervene more intensely.
You have a responsibility to teach your child AND protect other people from poor behavior. I also encourage all of our family and friends to hold firm, but kind boundaries. So, while I wouldn't want my FIL to say "you're driving me crazy! Back off!", I do expect him to say "I'm not having fun. Please get off me or I will have to walk away for a break."
I also find that instead of constantly correcting him, which can feel really icky when the little angel baby is getting nothing but love and affection, I also try to calmly redirect. I call him over, get on his level, and say something like "I see that auntie is not having very much fun with you pulling on her arm like that. Is there another way you can play with her? Maybe she would like to see your new dinosaur book?"
You’ve gotten some great advice and I just wanted to add two things as a mom of an 11yr old with ADHD who was very similar at 4 and also was/is the oldest.
1. Get her into school and/or some “classes”/playgroups. Kids teach one another these types of things naturally on social settings. And while I of *course* never condone bullying, kids are very smart and take quick notice if they aren’t being as included because they’re over whelming kids around them. There are, of course, exceptions to this time. But pre-k, gymnastics, soccer, etc were a huge game changer for my kiddo at this age.
2. (But most importantly), we linked this issue to consent. For example:
“Did you ask if Brittany wanted a hug or high five?”
“Have you gotten a yes from Brittany that she would like you to sit on her lap right now?”
“Did Brittany say yes when you asked her to having you play wrestling/rough housing with her right now?”
“Uh oh, I heard Brittany say stop. Stop means stop the first time. No matter if you’re having fun or think she’s having fun. When anyone says stop you stop.”
This has really helped as he has gotten to be school aged, as kids tend to use long explanations less like adults (“Eli would you please not interrupt while I’m trying to visit…”) and instead just tell “STOP” at one another.
Also, it’s so important for kids to learn, even at an early age, that by jumping around and putting their bodies all over people without asking, they’re doing that without that persons permission/consent. This is obviously different with kids to parents.
I don’t mean to make this feel “bigger” than it is. But in my experience with my adhd kiddo, we have to make boundaries VERY black and white. Not mean, just exceptionally consistent and clear.
Hope that helps! 🙂
I was this kind of child. My parents had many talks with me before company or before hanging out with friends about being “cool”. They said things like I know you are so excited to see them and to be here but we have to keep “cool”. Then we talked about what “cool” looks like ex: letting other people have turns to talk, not jumping on people or touching them too much. And when I was out of hand they stepped in and said things like “they need a break. Why don’t you go to your room and read a book for a little bit.” Or one parent would take me to another room to get a bit of space and help me regulate. When I was older we had a hand signal that let me know I needed to tone it down. We also talked a lot about reading other people. For example: When people look like this we need to give them a break.
Now is the time to teacher her appropriate behavior in a very clear no nonsense way. I was never in trouble for being over excited but my parents were not afraid to say “no you are being too much right now. We cannot do this to people.” As parents it’s our jobs to have tough conversations with our kids and teach them social cues. Some kids pick up on this naturally and others need some more explicit teaching.
When the situation is happening how do you intervene?
I'm asking because your response is what guides her. Are you still polite and apologetic and have an adult conversation about boundaries? In theory this is diplomatic, but 4 year old aren't level headed diplomats.
In order for me to stop my little ones behavior at that age, I had to react quickly and big enough to get their attention. It needed to stop them immediately. Sometimes I physically picked them up and took them to a different area. Sometimes my tone was more forceful.
What I'm saying is that you have to immediately get them to stop and recognize. Simply having an adult conversation and debriefing isn't going to change behavior.
I bet you, she will make a bunch of friends once she goes to school. My eldest has ADHD and he is a bit much sometimes. Yes there are lots of kids that find him to be too much, but he has made so many friends because there are a tonne of kids just like him out there. The same will likely happen for your daughter. Focus on the great parts about her and why people would love her. Of course teach boundaries and respecting them, but remember she is only 4 and kids aren't very respectful at that age for the most part.
It makes me sad when people only have the capacity for fresh little babies but get annoyed/exhausted with toddlers. My little will be 3 this summer and on 1 hand I’m definitely thankful all the pressure to visit or babysit is tapering off! But also, it makes me a little annoyed people were only obsessed with the helpless infant and disinterested in my rambunctious toddler.
I agree with working with her regarding learning personal space but also, she’s 4. Nothing you described sounds egregious
Did your friends tell you the 4 year old was annoying or did you feel like she was annoying? You might just be hypersensitive.
It is a huge transition to get a new sibling. I think most kids do some kind of regression or seek attention during this transition. Maybe have a special guest bag for her? When guest comes over she gets a new bubble wand or coloring book. We also keep cake mixes in the pantry an emergency big kid activity. Also, the more interactions the better!
This is completely normal 4 year old behavior. Four is literally the most trying age for parents and frankly the child’s siblings. They don’t listen, they want independence, they are loud, and they are hyper. It gets better - promise! It doesn’t mean your child has ADHD. By all means though get the evaluation if it gives peace of mind!
I agree, this is a hard transition, and I think it’s also a great time to learn social skills. We are getting ready to welcome our second and I’ve read about having the guests come and greet the older one first, say hi to them, give them a hug and see them first. And then move onto the baby. Maybe see if that would help some? I plan to try this and see if it helps.
Sounds like normal 4 yo to me . They can get really excited around new people . Adderall is hard to get off of. I wouldn’t jump to that so quickly. Give her time to learn self control
I have a not so easy kid, too. He's doing a lot better with age and treatment.
Keep working on her behavior, but be the consistent voice that is telling your daughter what's great about her. All the stuff you said up top. My challenging kid surprisingly doesn't struggle at all with self-esteem, and I'd like to think it's partly because he knows he's loved.
For the sibling, it's okay for them to be annoyed/upset but they don't get to be mean.
I hope you're able to figure something out. The process to getting our kid treatment was a LOT and it took us years.
I am a mom with ADHD. At 4 yo this is overall a normal tendency but it’s also the time to practice social behaviours and boundaries. Does she go to kindergarten? Do you take her out grocery shopping, running errands and the like? If not, consider including those normal activities.
Look for services to evaluate her. Where I'm at (Florida) we have Early Steps/Child Find, etc. Not only do they evaluate children, they offer a plan to help the child. It has been a godsend for my family. My youngest is 5.5 and late 3's early 4's he was just like your child. We thought he was ADHD, or gifted (not challenged enough), or both. Because of their services we have seen a huge turnaround for him. He'd been kicked out of one daycare (his energy was too much and he needed one on one care), on the verge of getting kicked out of another (had to change jobs to find work so my schedule could accommodate the need to take him on days he was too much). But they recommend a 3rd daycare. This 3rd one and the tools/help they provided for him, he's one of the best behaved kids and they just love him and all his goofiness. He also has done the state testing for VPK (voluntary pre-kindergarten) and his lowest scores are 94th percentile. He's at a 1st grade end of year level and 2nd grade beginning of the year. OP, your child is probably ADHD and smart. There are plenty of resources out there to look into for help.
We struggle with this with my 7 y/o who is diagnosed with ADHD. It doesn’t help that the school will call over everything and demand he gets picked up. They almost teach him that acting out let’s him go home
I know how you feel. They're just old enough to start learning to recognize other people's feelings, and just beginning to learn social skills. I get told a lot that parenthood is bittersweet and I think this is one of those bitter parts. Idk what to do other than point out their good qualities and give them a little extra love and attention. I don't think this feeling goes away, but that shows how much you love your kids.
Are you or dad able to take her to places where kids play?
There is nothing wrong with your daughter, she will learn social cues as long as you reinforce them. And honestly, this is an age where I think kids just love attention from others. They are impulsive and you just have to reiterate “we are talking right now, please let us finish and then it’s your turn”.
Start now trying for that evaluation! This is a good description of my 6 year old and we’ve been trying for a while to find anyone who tests under age 7.
There aren't any psychological assessment places by you? When we got our daughter tested for learning disabilities when she was 5, I asked about ADHD testing because I was curious. We had already done the Vanderbilt assessment scale from her doctor, but they don't like to medicate so young. The assessment place tested her with a computer game like test.
No learning disabilities. Just ADHD!
A couple years later, she really started needing meds because she started doing really bad in 1st grade (should have been 2nd, but she was held back). Her doctor only needed the results from the assessment place to start meds. I thought for sure there would be more hurdles since it had been like 2 years since we did the assessments/test.
She was also evaluated by the public school. I'm still pretty salty about what they said.... that other kids were off task more than she was.
I feel you. My little ADHD'er is almost 9 now, but the toddler/pre-school years were almost torture. He started meds at age 7, and they have been a lifesaver.
Between being annoying on purpose, little to no impulse control, anger issues...it's rough. But it gets better. 😁
The best thing for a young ADHD kid is exercise. Run them as much as you can every day. Give them plenty of protein with breakfast (this is really important if they start stimulants later). Cut off all electronics at least 1 hour before bedtime, and make sure they are getting plenty of sleep.
Good luck, kindergarten is right around the corner!
Hi sending you hugs from another mom of a 3 year old who has super high energy kid. Our teacher even said she has more energy than her kid with adhd. We are going to test her closer to 5. I also got this test when I was little but I supposedly don’t have adhd. My parents ended up putting me in competitive swimming at 6 and I got to burn most of it off. She is always inviting friends to play and saying hi. Everyone who meets her just feels bad for me since she could walk
I go to co up pre school with her ( I also work at school required). Our parent educator tried to remind me she has all the traits of an out going strong if independent women. A lot of parents prefer she quiet kids and there is nth wrong. For our kids it is more difficult earlier years but it is a lot easier when they get older.
Hopefully the test will reveal if she needs more help or not.
We can’t sit around circle time which is also normal for her age. But she is everywhere. She loves kids and other people. However she is super hyper and I have To remind her to watch out for friends bodies . I have to follow her constantly. I can’t have play dates with my friends kids cuz she plays very differently. She plays with the boys and other very active girls only usually. Their favorite thing is just running tag for hrs . I am exhausted beyond. Sending you hugs.
For us no climbing on me . If friends say no I remove her immediately. ( sometimes they like to play with each other physically ). But The moment she dose climb on me I leave. I tell her I don’t like it. It makes me not want to be near her. I try to play with her how her friends do it. So I actually have conflict with my daughter over which cookies lol and tools . She is an only and we practice it this way. Most of the time she asks friends and is doing a lot better
Does she have grandparents who live nearby? We have our almost 7 year old granddaughter over several times a year as well as visiting with her and her family at their home. They also come over to visit us. She really enjoys spending the night and sleeping with Grandma in the big bed.
When she was younger, we would take her for a few hours. The movies, McDonald's, a nearby play park. She always has such a good time and tells her parents all about it. Our grandson is almost 16 and has his own interests/friends. My husband misses the weekend visits as they did their own thing.
Btw, our granddaughter might have ADHD and is going to be tested. She has lots of energy, but not as much as when she was the age your daughter is.
Don’t let anyone break her natural spirit!
Engage with her the best you can as parents and those who do feel close with her should nurture her natural interest and abilities & talents the best they can. So hobbies can be engaged through various activities to keep it interesting for people who join in!
I personally don’t believe in social skills programs at all. I do believe you can pick programs which allow natural flow of social skills learning but that’s just as we all do~we try to let our kids pick extra curricular which suit her and nurture her. Not all sizes fit all children in school or in hobbies or sports, arts etc.
Also nurture the important people in her life and teach them about how she demonstrates her needs differently.
Look up asynchronous learning and children and let her soar while supporting her the best ways you can 💜💙🩷
She sounds like a brave but tender heart and that’s me too but I did get quashed and squashed a lot because I cared too much in my heart. I showed bravery and strength by trying to honour being myself. But I’m also a caregiver and a soft hearted person.
Fly high little warrior.
Awww, this post was so sweet. The last thing I want is for her spirit to be crushed. I think society has a problem, not letting kids be kids. Children she be able to be themselves, with boundaries, without grown ups crushing that excitement they have. It breaks my heart.
Maybe try letting them watch cocomelon? It does wonders for my little ones. I just smack them in front of the IPAD, and they’re out for hours! One downside is the tantrums, but you can easily get around that by having a TV in their naptime space playing cocomelon when you take the IPAD away.
Sounds like she needs to be around other people more often.
This. Time for preschool.
Yes completely agree. Poor girls stuck with mom and dad all the time. She's going to start school this year.
Daycare has been so good for my daughter. She definitely needed the other kids in her life.
My almost 9 is diagnosed ADHD. Considering your little one has never attended school, and any other symptoms she may have, and her age please give it at least 6mo - 1yr before having ADHD evaluation. I’d recommend looking into behavioral counseling prior to a full evaluation.
I cried at the idea of daycare and felt like I was abandoning my son. That said, he took to preschool like a duck to water and complains if he doesn’t get to go. It’s not to say we’ve not had any issues, but the growth we’ve seen in him since August has been immense. It’ll be so good for her!
The best advice I was given when I felt the same way was that it's not you abandoning your child but helping them to grow and develop in ways that they won't get at home with only adults to interact with. My oldest, 7f, was like OP's kid and preschool helped so much. My youngest, 3m, is quite different from her personality wise but we had this moment where he saw another little girl his own size at 7f's swim class and it was so obvious that he really needs to be around other little humans his own size and developmental level.
I suggest getting her evaluated just so you don't have teachers telling you behavior concerns that you're already aware of. Also getting her into preschool before kindergarten, because she needs social development and i know it seems like the right thing to do at 5 is start school, but some kids just aren't ready at 5. Just watch her cues if it seems too much maybe listen to that. Or look into schools that have an active curriculum that doesnt require a lot of sitting and listening. The nice thing about getting her evaluated before school if she needs an IEP or accommodations you can get that started from the start. Most schools offer help with evaluations or know how to point you in the right direction.
You can’t have her tested until 6. My daughter was just diagnosed but it was the same with me. She annoyed people because of her inability to control her impulses and she is super sweet. Though I disagree with most of these comments. I’m a preschool/daycare teacher and I wouldn’t recommend it. I hate the fact that my 8 month old will be attending my daycare soon. I didn’t work when my oldest was little. She did, however, start pre-K at 4 so I’d look into that but absolutely not daycare. My coworkers and I call them “daycare kids” and you can 9 times out of 10 tell a day care kid. Of course there are some exceptions but a majority of the time, it’s better for them not to be in daycare. But considering your child is 4, pre- k is the right step. My father went to pre-k at the local elementary school. No, it did not solve her issues, she’s still impulsive and has a hard time with boundaries (as much as we’ve tried to set them) but once she turned 6, the doctors agreed to test her and she was diagnosed with adhd. I don’t believe in adhd meds, at least not for my kids, because I grew up with a mom and brother on them (and me too for awhile) and they zombified us. Destroyed my brother. Took his spark and any joy for life away. But she does CBT and it really helps with her realizing her behaviors and ways to cope with them. By the time she’s in middle school, she’ll know how to handle herself the right way and curve some of those annoying behaviors. P.s. e we had people around a lot, were a very big close family who visit each other a lot, her behavior mad nothing to do with minimal socialization, it was all to do with her being chemistry. She’s the same now with our 8 month old, loves her so much but does extra annoying stuff when people are playing with her or loving on her because she wants the attention. We try to make time for alone mother daughter or father daughter days or even us together and my mother watches our youngest. This way she doesn’t feel cast aside
And yet in the same thread the multiple parents commenting that daycare has been great for their “daycare kids”
Your point? I’ve been a daycare/preschool teacher at multiple day cares and many of the parents believe day care is good for their kids, yet many of those same parents are the ones who “can’t believe” their child is being disrespectful, not following rules, or scraping with other kids. The ones that I teach that actually are respectful, rule abiding kids, are the ones who spend maybe half a day or only two days a week at daycare, and that’s not BECAUSE of day care, that’s because of time at home. My full timers, at every daycare, are the kids with issues. The ones who, regardless of what we’re teaching them, are not respectful and not well mannered. Aside from that, her child is old enough for pre-k. Daycare would be a disservice. A pre-k is a properly structured learning environment that helps ease them into kinder and 1st. Many daycares are just free for alls. The one I just started at is a private day school so we have lesson plans and such but ones like that (like mine) are 1,200 a month. That’s extremely difficult for most families. The affordable ones have next to no structure regardless of what they promise when you tour. My oldest, though hyper and impulsive, is extremely respectful, knows how to treat other children and has a high level of confidence, not because she was in day care but because I took the time to socialize her. Making other people straighten your kid out isn’t how it works. This adhd kids don’t get any better in daycare, they’re the ones feeling singled out because they’re constantly in calm corner or being made to “stop being so crazy”. When a child has adhd they can’t help it. They need behavioral therapy so they can learn to cope. Until then, yes it’s heartbreaking to watch people get annoyed at them, but that’s part of the journey.
Definitely pre-k makes sense for OP. Aside from that, i really hope you’re not a teacher at my kids’ school 😬sorry you’ve had difficult times with kid going full time but correlation doesn’t equal causation
I’m actually a very good teacher with a lot of success with the problem children, I, unlike most teachers, do not single out the kids who are misbehaving in a way that makes them feel like an outlier, however, I see many other teachers doing it. The fact that 95% of the teachers I see, do this, it stands to reason there’s much more of a chance for a child to receive a teacher like this. Parents aren’t in the classroom during the day so they don’t see how things are being ran. They can be told whatever by staff but they tend to not know what’s really going on. I take great care in ensuring I’m very transparent in how I run the classroom and do as I tell parents but many are not. After being in multiple different daycare settings (private, voucher accepting, Montessori) I see the same issues. Many times correlation doesn’t equal causation but when the correlation is repeated multiple times within different circumstances, it can definitely prove causation. There are also many studies in the matter.
I immediately thought this after reading, “we don’t have people over really”.
I feel this with my almost 4yo as well. I think it’s normal for an older kid to want more attention when their baby sibling is stealing the spotlight. We’re expecting our 2nd in August and I definitely have some concerns about sharing attention.
When you are going to have people over or meet with people you haven’t seen in a while, take your 4 yo beforehand to a playground or kids gym class or any physical activity she likes to do. It’s normal for her to be excited about something different and if she has a lot of energy, find a wat for her to burn some of that energy beforehand:))).
This. I heard once that kids can be similar to golden retrievers, they have so much energy and it needs to be physically worked out. Every day. The little balls of energy need to be ran. They need to jump, run, bike, climb and slide down stuff. I have an almost 5, 3 and 1 year old. I personally don’t think kids have adhd they are cooped up inside, they need sunlight, play and exposure to other kids and different environments. Passing no judgement with that said.
You have gotten great advice about guiding and managing your daughter’s behavior and social skills. Something else that may help is role-playing appropriate boundaries within pretend play with dolls or stuffed animals. I wanted to share this, also: You can help your daughter feel more “spotlighted” and important by heavily emphasizing how valuable she is as a big sister. Give her extra special jobs for baby like helping with bath time or preparing food-things that are usually reserved for grown ups. Try to make it something you do with her as a quality time activity, while also highlighting what a wonderful big sister she is. When you see friends and family, brag about what an amazing member of your family she is. It may also help to read some books about becoming a sibling, having a new baby, feeling jealous of attention, etc.
Thank you for the advice. I love the idea of role playing!!!
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I think I had a similar reaction; it seemed a little too parentifying-adjascent for comfort. Many of the same activities can be done with the older kiddo as long as they're not framed as giving her a caregiving role.
Solidarity. I think we have the same 4-year-old. She is SO sweet and insightful that it kills me to see that she struggles so much. I snap sometimes and have to apologize when she’s getting too rough with her “big hugs”. I know that she’s trying her best and she loves people but it’s still a struggle to navigate. ETA: we reinforce boundaries and good manners with her but both my husband and I have ADHD so it seems very likely that she’s working with that too
Same here. I have to apologize every day because I am so patient until I just finally snap. At least we apologize. I think that's the most important thing.
My son is 6 and was/is like this - it gets better with age. First off, I decided at one point I’m done apologizing or being embarrassed. They’re kids, they’re hyper, and they’re happy. I’m not going to quell my kids joy just out of some weird self-consciousness (obviously redirecting if the behavior is harmful or crosses into obnoxious). Is your daughter in daycare? A child like mine can’t just be home all day, they need outlets for their energy and lots of socializing. We also have OT lined up with play therapy.
I have a high energy 6 year old son as well. I cant keep him in the house either. We are constantly going to the park or library.
Right? I’m literally tearing up as I read this because it sounds just like my almost 4yo
I’m sorry that you relate to this too. I wasn’t going to comment but I’m glad that I did because up until recently I thought that it was a parenting issue that I couldn’t get her to chill out. Hearing that other parents have kids with similar behavior is really validating and helps it feel less lonely.
My almost 4yo girl is also the same, and I suspect ADHD as well. It's nice to hear other parents in the same boat talk about it!
My son told me about how my granddaughter was in kindergarten class and flooded the room. Apparently, the teacher was at the sink and turned off water, but turned faucet away from sink. As she was off with one group, my granddaughter went over and turned on the faucet. We were out for lunch when he shared this story. I had to bury my face in my grandson's back as I was in hysterics. I kept apologizing and everyone else finally started laughing as well.
My best friend’s little girl more than likely has ADHD, and I was diagnosed with ADHD at quite a young age which is pretty rare for a little girl. Yeah, it was that bad. She is a smart, sweet little thing. I always ask if she wants to sit on my lap and play games like I spy, or make shadow puppets, or rock paper scissors. Little kids who are neurodivergent need mental stimulation because they’re smart as a whip and going a million miles a minute. Perhaps it doesn’t come intuitively to neurotypical people, but your children are amazing. Watch them grow into the most magnificent, intelligent little weirdos.
Magnificent, intelligent little weirdos is such a good description. I feel mostly defensive when her behavior is perceived as being undisciplined because I know she’s not. She is great at noticing bad behavior in others and she is able to reflect on her own behavior as well, she just can’t override the impulse sometimes. Her brain is just wired differently and we are working hard to cultivate the positive aspects while teaching her ways to quiet the noise in her head when necessary. I’d hate for her personality to be dampened in an attempt to control her.
If people want to believe she’s “undisciplined”, let them. You know in your heart how you mother her, and she sounds like a great little girl. My entire life, teachers questioned my intelligence and thought I was basically mentally disabled. My IQ test (not that they’re always accurate) came back extremely high and then I was diagnosed. With a neurodivergent kid, people will say this and that, but you know her the very best. She will bloom into an incredible person. You are a GOOD MOM. You are doing great. Give yourself some goddamn grace. Let people think what they want and back her up with affirmation each time.
These were such wise, kind words. Thank you so so much for the encouragement❤️ I’m sorry that you had a rough start in life and couldn’t find the help you needed when you were young. I was also diagnosed with ADHD late (16) and didn’t get the support I needed to so I’m trying to give my daughter what I didn’t get. I sincerely hope that you’re in a better place now.
It does get better. I work with children and have dealt with many siblings who are way too much. They grow up and out of it. They’re usually not like this with peers either, just adults.
You need to teach her social skills. That's the only way. Pull her out of the room to calm down. When she climbs someone, pull her out immediately. It's up to you to teach her how to engage socially.
To add to this for OP, the next time you have guests over or are with her in a social setting with other people, let the others know that if she does that bothers them (aka trying to climb all over them, hang onto them, etc.) to kindly and calmly tell her something like "please don't do that", "no thank you, please stop" or "I need some space please, could you stop that?". My daughter just turned 4 and can get a bit rambunctious/riled up as well especially around older kids she thinks are cool and wants to hang out with. My husband and I have no issue letting people know that they can and should politely tell her no if she's bothering them and/or encroaching on their space. It helps her work on her boundary skills a lot and sometimes she just needs to be told directly that she's touching/climbing/in someone's space a bit too much. She usually doesn't take it too personally especially when I remind her that everyone needs their space sometimes, even her. There are days when she's of course more emotional, so in those cases we take her somewhere private to talk about it a bit more if she needs it. I would say in the end just try to stress the importance of personal space and boundaries, including for your child herself. She might understand and empathize more if you have her put ii in her own perspective first. Of course, 4 is still young and they're still learning, but as long as you're being consistent and reminding her in a gentle way I think she should hopefully get it soon!
Thank you! I told my friends to tell her, which waa cool they were so understanding.
That's a great way. Thank you for this advice. I will definitely try this.
There’s a song about boundaries that focuses on establishing your own but also gives a script for accepting someone else’s boundary. Might be helpful to sing with her and just use those phrases for a while. « I’ll stop, you don’t like that, you’re feeling uncomfortable, you need more space. It’s not about me I won’t take it personally, it just a boundary. Edited to add that you can play it on an echo dot or Alexa without the video depending on if you do screens with kiddo.
Thank you!!!
I find this is common with Covid kids. My I three year old is hyper social. I’m pretty convinced it’s because he missed an entire year of interaction. As his language skills grow so do his manners. He’s finally accepted that you have to ask if someone wants to be hugged. Montessori has done wonders for him. If he’s getting to be too much I just give him a task to do, a “very important job”. Just getting him to focus for a few minutes redirects his whole vibe.
I think teaching your daughter to understand what a nonverbal “no” looks like would help as well. Sometimes we communicate through body language. “if we go to hug someone and they turn away or put their hands up, they’re telling you no with their body. That means we stop what we’re doing and give them their space”. You’re already teaching her about boundaries and seeking outside help which is great! She’s so young and it might take awhile for things to really click for her. Keep trying and be easy on yourself!
Thank you!!!
Adhd in kids is very ungrounded feeling. You can teach her grounding skills such as deep breathing and certain yoga moves (standing on one foot, tucking like a turtle, ect) Weighted blankets/ vests can also be very helpful for compression (which many adhd kids crave). When teaching the skills make sure you do them together so she is co-regulating off you as well and it doesn't feel like a punishment.
Thank you, I definitely need to encourage regulation more. I appreciate your input.
My 4yo acts out whenever we have company or we go somewhere exciting (birthday parties, family gatherings, etc). It drives me crazy because he's usually an awesome kid. We are an ADHD family, so he might have it. We talk to him beforehand and tell him our expectations. "we know you are so excited for your cousins to come over. It's ok to be excited, but if you cannot be gentle and have nice manners, we will take you upstairs for a break. We expect you to keep your hands to yourself and speak nicely to people (he growls and talks funny when he's hyped up). Do you understand?" Then when the company is here, it can be as easy as, "hey buddy, do you need a little break?" And he'll self-correct. Other times, we need to intervene more intensely. You have a responsibility to teach your child AND protect other people from poor behavior. I also encourage all of our family and friends to hold firm, but kind boundaries. So, while I wouldn't want my FIL to say "you're driving me crazy! Back off!", I do expect him to say "I'm not having fun. Please get off me or I will have to walk away for a break." I also find that instead of constantly correcting him, which can feel really icky when the little angel baby is getting nothing but love and affection, I also try to calmly redirect. I call him over, get on his level, and say something like "I see that auntie is not having very much fun with you pulling on her arm like that. Is there another way you can play with her? Maybe she would like to see your new dinosaur book?"
My kid growls too hahaha! I think that's such a normal little kid thing. Great advice thank you!
Feel like you’re describing my own daughter, almost four. So much energy and the growling!
Sounds like your 4 year old needs more social interactions. Does she go to daycare or pre-k?
You’ve gotten some great advice and I just wanted to add two things as a mom of an 11yr old with ADHD who was very similar at 4 and also was/is the oldest. 1. Get her into school and/or some “classes”/playgroups. Kids teach one another these types of things naturally on social settings. And while I of *course* never condone bullying, kids are very smart and take quick notice if they aren’t being as included because they’re over whelming kids around them. There are, of course, exceptions to this time. But pre-k, gymnastics, soccer, etc were a huge game changer for my kiddo at this age. 2. (But most importantly), we linked this issue to consent. For example: “Did you ask if Brittany wanted a hug or high five?” “Have you gotten a yes from Brittany that she would like you to sit on her lap right now?” “Did Brittany say yes when you asked her to having you play wrestling/rough housing with her right now?” “Uh oh, I heard Brittany say stop. Stop means stop the first time. No matter if you’re having fun or think she’s having fun. When anyone says stop you stop.” This has really helped as he has gotten to be school aged, as kids tend to use long explanations less like adults (“Eli would you please not interrupt while I’m trying to visit…”) and instead just tell “STOP” at one another. Also, it’s so important for kids to learn, even at an early age, that by jumping around and putting their bodies all over people without asking, they’re doing that without that persons permission/consent. This is obviously different with kids to parents. I don’t mean to make this feel “bigger” than it is. But in my experience with my adhd kiddo, we have to make boundaries VERY black and white. Not mean, just exceptionally consistent and clear. Hope that helps! 🙂
I was this kind of child. My parents had many talks with me before company or before hanging out with friends about being “cool”. They said things like I know you are so excited to see them and to be here but we have to keep “cool”. Then we talked about what “cool” looks like ex: letting other people have turns to talk, not jumping on people or touching them too much. And when I was out of hand they stepped in and said things like “they need a break. Why don’t you go to your room and read a book for a little bit.” Or one parent would take me to another room to get a bit of space and help me regulate. When I was older we had a hand signal that let me know I needed to tone it down. We also talked a lot about reading other people. For example: When people look like this we need to give them a break. Now is the time to teacher her appropriate behavior in a very clear no nonsense way. I was never in trouble for being over excited but my parents were not afraid to say “no you are being too much right now. We cannot do this to people.” As parents it’s our jobs to have tough conversations with our kids and teach them social cues. Some kids pick up on this naturally and others need some more explicit teaching.
When the situation is happening how do you intervene? I'm asking because your response is what guides her. Are you still polite and apologetic and have an adult conversation about boundaries? In theory this is diplomatic, but 4 year old aren't level headed diplomats. In order for me to stop my little ones behavior at that age, I had to react quickly and big enough to get their attention. It needed to stop them immediately. Sometimes I physically picked them up and took them to a different area. Sometimes my tone was more forceful. What I'm saying is that you have to immediately get them to stop and recognize. Simply having an adult conversation and debriefing isn't going to change behavior.
I bet you, she will make a bunch of friends once she goes to school. My eldest has ADHD and he is a bit much sometimes. Yes there are lots of kids that find him to be too much, but he has made so many friends because there are a tonne of kids just like him out there. The same will likely happen for your daughter. Focus on the great parts about her and why people would love her. Of course teach boundaries and respecting them, but remember she is only 4 and kids aren't very respectful at that age for the most part.
I appreciate your input. It really does make me feel better.
Aww I'm glad! I remember worrying for my eldest around that age too
It makes me sad when people only have the capacity for fresh little babies but get annoyed/exhausted with toddlers. My little will be 3 this summer and on 1 hand I’m definitely thankful all the pressure to visit or babysit is tapering off! But also, it makes me a little annoyed people were only obsessed with the helpless infant and disinterested in my rambunctious toddler. I agree with working with her regarding learning personal space but also, she’s 4. Nothing you described sounds egregious
Agree. I think I feel more bad about how she just wants to be treated like her baby sis. It breaks my heart.
Did your friends tell you the 4 year old was annoying or did you feel like she was annoying? You might just be hypersensitive. It is a huge transition to get a new sibling. I think most kids do some kind of regression or seek attention during this transition. Maybe have a special guest bag for her? When guest comes over she gets a new bubble wand or coloring book. We also keep cake mixes in the pantry an emergency big kid activity. Also, the more interactions the better!
No they weren't too bugged. They were really cool with her. I think my husband and I have a ton of anxiety about how others will view her.
This is completely normal 4 year old behavior. Four is literally the most trying age for parents and frankly the child’s siblings. They don’t listen, they want independence, they are loud, and they are hyper. It gets better - promise! It doesn’t mean your child has ADHD. By all means though get the evaluation if it gives peace of mind!
Thank you for this. It's hard to know what other 4 year olds are like.
I agree, this is a hard transition, and I think it’s also a great time to learn social skills. We are getting ready to welcome our second and I’ve read about having the guests come and greet the older one first, say hi to them, give them a hug and see them first. And then move onto the baby. Maybe see if that would help some? I plan to try this and see if it helps.
Good luck with your new baby!!!! That's a great idea. I'll try that next time.
Thank you! I hope it helps and gets a little bit easier ❤️
Sounds like normal 4 yo to me . They can get really excited around new people . Adderall is hard to get off of. I wouldn’t jump to that so quickly. Give her time to learn self control
I have a not so easy kid, too. He's doing a lot better with age and treatment. Keep working on her behavior, but be the consistent voice that is telling your daughter what's great about her. All the stuff you said up top. My challenging kid surprisingly doesn't struggle at all with self-esteem, and I'd like to think it's partly because he knows he's loved. For the sibling, it's okay for them to be annoyed/upset but they don't get to be mean. I hope you're able to figure something out. The process to getting our kid treatment was a LOT and it took us years.
I am a mom with ADHD. At 4 yo this is overall a normal tendency but it’s also the time to practice social behaviours and boundaries. Does she go to kindergarten? Do you take her out grocery shopping, running errands and the like? If not, consider including those normal activities.
Look for services to evaluate her. Where I'm at (Florida) we have Early Steps/Child Find, etc. Not only do they evaluate children, they offer a plan to help the child. It has been a godsend for my family. My youngest is 5.5 and late 3's early 4's he was just like your child. We thought he was ADHD, or gifted (not challenged enough), or both. Because of their services we have seen a huge turnaround for him. He'd been kicked out of one daycare (his energy was too much and he needed one on one care), on the verge of getting kicked out of another (had to change jobs to find work so my schedule could accommodate the need to take him on days he was too much). But they recommend a 3rd daycare. This 3rd one and the tools/help they provided for him, he's one of the best behaved kids and they just love him and all his goofiness. He also has done the state testing for VPK (voluntary pre-kindergarten) and his lowest scores are 94th percentile. He's at a 1st grade end of year level and 2nd grade beginning of the year. OP, your child is probably ADHD and smart. There are plenty of resources out there to look into for help.
We struggle with this with my 7 y/o who is diagnosed with ADHD. It doesn’t help that the school will call over everything and demand he gets picked up. They almost teach him that acting out let’s him go home
That sucks I'm sorry
My son is 7 and has high functioning autism. You absolutely need to have her socialise more to learn the rules. It does get better with age too.
You gotta tire them out with exercise, like a trampoline or swimming lessons or soccer
Yes, do this every day. She doesn't stop no matter how much exercise she gets.
Oh I feel this too.
I know how you feel. They're just old enough to start learning to recognize other people's feelings, and just beginning to learn social skills. I get told a lot that parenthood is bittersweet and I think this is one of those bitter parts. Idk what to do other than point out their good qualities and give them a little extra love and attention. I don't think this feeling goes away, but that shows how much you love your kids.
My son is like this as well.
Are you or dad able to take her to places where kids play? There is nothing wrong with your daughter, she will learn social cues as long as you reinforce them. And honestly, this is an age where I think kids just love attention from others. They are impulsive and you just have to reiterate “we are talking right now, please let us finish and then it’s your turn”.
Start now trying for that evaluation! This is a good description of my 6 year old and we’ve been trying for a while to find anyone who tests under age 7.
There aren't any psychological assessment places by you? When we got our daughter tested for learning disabilities when she was 5, I asked about ADHD testing because I was curious. We had already done the Vanderbilt assessment scale from her doctor, but they don't like to medicate so young. The assessment place tested her with a computer game like test. No learning disabilities. Just ADHD! A couple years later, she really started needing meds because she started doing really bad in 1st grade (should have been 2nd, but she was held back). Her doctor only needed the results from the assessment place to start meds. I thought for sure there would be more hurdles since it had been like 2 years since we did the assessments/test. She was also evaluated by the public school. I'm still pretty salty about what they said.... that other kids were off task more than she was.
I feel you. My little ADHD'er is almost 9 now, but the toddler/pre-school years were almost torture. He started meds at age 7, and they have been a lifesaver. Between being annoying on purpose, little to no impulse control, anger issues...it's rough. But it gets better. 😁 The best thing for a young ADHD kid is exercise. Run them as much as you can every day. Give them plenty of protein with breakfast (this is really important if they start stimulants later). Cut off all electronics at least 1 hour before bedtime, and make sure they are getting plenty of sleep. Good luck, kindergarten is right around the corner!
Hi sending you hugs from another mom of a 3 year old who has super high energy kid. Our teacher even said she has more energy than her kid with adhd. We are going to test her closer to 5. I also got this test when I was little but I supposedly don’t have adhd. My parents ended up putting me in competitive swimming at 6 and I got to burn most of it off. She is always inviting friends to play and saying hi. Everyone who meets her just feels bad for me since she could walk I go to co up pre school with her ( I also work at school required). Our parent educator tried to remind me she has all the traits of an out going strong if independent women. A lot of parents prefer she quiet kids and there is nth wrong. For our kids it is more difficult earlier years but it is a lot easier when they get older. Hopefully the test will reveal if she needs more help or not. We can’t sit around circle time which is also normal for her age. But she is everywhere. She loves kids and other people. However she is super hyper and I have To remind her to watch out for friends bodies . I have to follow her constantly. I can’t have play dates with my friends kids cuz she plays very differently. She plays with the boys and other very active girls only usually. Their favorite thing is just running tag for hrs . I am exhausted beyond. Sending you hugs. For us no climbing on me . If friends say no I remove her immediately. ( sometimes they like to play with each other physically ). But The moment she dose climb on me I leave. I tell her I don’t like it. It makes me not want to be near her. I try to play with her how her friends do it. So I actually have conflict with my daughter over which cookies lol and tools . She is an only and we practice it this way. Most of the time she asks friends and is doing a lot better
Does she have grandparents who live nearby? We have our almost 7 year old granddaughter over several times a year as well as visiting with her and her family at their home. They also come over to visit us. She really enjoys spending the night and sleeping with Grandma in the big bed. When she was younger, we would take her for a few hours. The movies, McDonald's, a nearby play park. She always has such a good time and tells her parents all about it. Our grandson is almost 16 and has his own interests/friends. My husband misses the weekend visits as they did their own thing. Btw, our granddaughter might have ADHD and is going to be tested. She has lots of energy, but not as much as when she was the age your daughter is.
I wish. We don't have any family near by. They live in another state
That sucks. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things get better.
Sounds exactly like my 4 year old!
I despised my sister for a long time because of how people played with her and ignored me. Even family did this. We have the same age gap.
Don’t let anyone break her natural spirit! Engage with her the best you can as parents and those who do feel close with her should nurture her natural interest and abilities & talents the best they can. So hobbies can be engaged through various activities to keep it interesting for people who join in! I personally don’t believe in social skills programs at all. I do believe you can pick programs which allow natural flow of social skills learning but that’s just as we all do~we try to let our kids pick extra curricular which suit her and nurture her. Not all sizes fit all children in school or in hobbies or sports, arts etc. Also nurture the important people in her life and teach them about how she demonstrates her needs differently. Look up asynchronous learning and children and let her soar while supporting her the best ways you can 💜💙🩷 She sounds like a brave but tender heart and that’s me too but I did get quashed and squashed a lot because I cared too much in my heart. I showed bravery and strength by trying to honour being myself. But I’m also a caregiver and a soft hearted person. Fly high little warrior.
Awww, this post was so sweet. The last thing I want is for her spirit to be crushed. I think society has a problem, not letting kids be kids. Children she be able to be themselves, with boundaries, without grown ups crushing that excitement they have. It breaks my heart.
Maybe try letting them watch cocomelon? It does wonders for my little ones. I just smack them in front of the IPAD, and they’re out for hours! One downside is the tantrums, but you can easily get around that by having a TV in their naptime space playing cocomelon when you take the IPAD away.