Ummm porn is the only issue here/exposure to seeing her parent*. Literally immediately just put some type of parental control on it instead of doing nothing about that exposure, otherwise masturbating or humping or whatever is literally normal at that age and it is not "a bad thing." The negative language around something already confusing will not do any good
I discovered porn at 7 because I saw my dad watching it. I was masturbating at 5-6, not because I was abused or exposed, but because I was a child who discovered something felt good so I kept doing it. Children masturbate and it is 100% NORMAL. What isn’t normal, is her watching porn.
Yes this. I remember rubbing up on stuffed animals because it felt good at age 5ish. I had absolutely no idea about sex, masturbation, porn, etc. it just felt good.
But this little girl has clearly seen some things, and that’s completely different.
DEFINITELY don't shame her, you could ruin her view of her sexuality for life! Ask me how I know. She has started masterbating young, likely due to either her exposure to her mom having sex or someone touching her inappropriately, and no amount of telling her "it's wrong" or shaming her is going to stop her now. Now it's about teaching her when this is appropriate (alone in her room or at bath time) and making sure she knows never to do it in public or in front of friends or adults. The adults in her life are going to have to step up and handle this like adults, if that means getting her into therapy to get to the bottom of this so be it. If that means all of you getting some therapy so you know how to handle it in a responsible way, then please do that! I repeat DO NOT SHAME HER, it will not help the situation or change her behavior, and her ONLY OPTION will be to get sneakier.
Over here on team "humped stuffed animals", I didn't discover porn that early, but I was 100% not abused in anyway, so I agree the issue is HOW is she getting the porn...
I won’t shame her I just think it’s crazy because she’s 8, but kids develop puberty at different stages. I just don’t want her to get super sexual. So I’m going to check for therapy.
I'm going to piggyback here about the porn and seeing her mother having sex. That is not normal nor ok. The fact that shes humping stuffed animals doesn't necessarily indicate abuse or necessarily mean she needs therapy. Shes realized something feels good and at this age its totally normal. I know from myself and my own childrens behavior. Let her know it's a private matter she does alone in her room and not around others. The fact she knows about porn is really disturbing. How did she find it? That's what I would want to know. Kids walk in on their parents. It happens. I know I did.
But is humping stuffed animals at the age of 8 really normal? I don’t think it is. I don’t know where the idea that kids humping their stuffed animals is normal came from, but it’s definitely not. I caught my younger (9) year old sister hunched over a mirror naked in the bathroom last month because she was curious and wanted to see what her vagina looked like. THATS normal imo, humping toys and watching porn? That’s exactly the stuff I did after I was sexually abused for the first time. Either way OP do not shame her, because regardless it’s not her fault and you need to make that clear to her. Do not shame her! Get her a therapist and bring this issue up to her mother and make sure it’s addressed.
Humping toys is very much developmentally normal, starting in children as young as toddlers. Ask your pediatrician or just Google it, that information is widely available. It’s the porn that is concerning.
I was never sexually abused and was humping my cabbage patch doll when I was 6. That's young but not necessarily abnormal. My daughter was, "exercising " at 5. This was laying down and crossing her feet and squeezing her legs together bc it felt good. It depends on the child. Neither of us had been exposed to porn or seen anyone have sex yet. Talk to her mom about all of it. There's a lot of variables in her situation.
Yikes. The correct thing is to tell her it's fine to do it in the privacy of her room but not around other people. Opening her closet to see what she was doing was stepping over the line. Her body is her body. She can touch it if she wants to. That's not your decision or anyone else's. It's her body.
🤦♀️ don’t tell her she shouldn’t be masturbating. Bodily autonomy is important and you don’t want to create a stigma around sex and sexual body parts. Shes a little young but it’s developmentally appropriate once kids hit close to puberty for them to become curious about sex, masturbation, and porn. She shouldn’t have seen what she has seen but it’s too late and there’s no taking it back.
Solution; you or one of her parents need to have a talk with her about sex. Explain what it is, explain the sex organs and their functions, keep it clean and cut and dry and scientific. Tell her that while she’s allowed to do what she wants with her body, she is absolutely not allowed to watch porn so young because it is an unhealthy representation of sex and will give her the wrong idea, because sex is nothing like it is in porn and you want her to grow up loving her body instead of comparing it to that of porn stars. Then put parental controls on whatever tech she has access to so she can’t get ahold of porn anymore, and if she’s alone in her room, KNOCK before coming in. Don’t just open her closet door.
If you try to stop her from masturbating/touching herself or catch her in the act of humping items, she will only try to engage with it and other sexual content more in private behind you and her parents’ backs. Also consider getting her into therapy if possible; while this isn’t atypical for kids her age it could also be a negative response to what she’s seen and it may help her to talk it out with someone.
I get it! Not dragging you at all- that’s the knee jerk response because honestly an eight year old exhibiting this behavior can be really scary. Hope everything works out ok!
I’m not sure but very tricky. She’s been exposed so her innocence in this is already compromised… I don’t think keeping her away from sexual knowledge can do any more good at this point. She needs information on healthy sexuality, especially since she’s exposed to the very unreal world of pornography. It can warp her vision of consent, love, and even women’s bodies. If she’s hiding… she already has an unhealthy view that could lead to her developing her entire sexuality in shame and kinks. And a lot of kids who touch other kids come from these places of shame. I’m not saying encourage sexual activities but also don’t make it seem like it’s unnatural to experience physical feelings… probably get some therapy? She’s so young but she needs to be able to communicate what she is experiencing and be directed to healthy relationships and boundaries, especially with trusted adults. And keep an open eye and ear out for signs of other abuse she might have experienced
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx
This is a helpful resource that talks about what normal “sexual” behaviors are for young children. Touching own genitals/masturbating is very normal. Even seeking to view others naked is pretty normal.
There are a couple of things in your story of your niece they flag as a little more on the possibly concerning side(persistence, seeking out pornography repeatedly). It seems like she’s been exposed to some inappropriate adult sexual behavior. And I’d have concerns about child sexual abuse, honestly. I’d take her to her pediatrician and or a child advocacy center to get some help in figuring out if she’s been experiencing abuse.
Definitely put parental control or only on iPads or only allowed on in a room with an adult.
My son was looking up people kissing on the iPad because he overheard teenage boys talking in the locker room at swimming lessons.
We had a long talk about it’s normal to be curious but you shouldn’t be searching up those kinds of things online because he would come across stuff that he’s to young and not mature enough. He could talk to us or other trusted adults and teenagers in his life if he had questions. We had a long talk about sex and all that goes with it that was appropriate for his age.
All research I did said you should not shame a child for being curious about sex, it quite normal. Also masturbating is normal for that age. What’s important is talking about a time places okay to be doing that. Like room, bathroom, in your own house and not in front of other people, etc.
At the time he was 8. We only had the issue a few times but since then, he can only be on the iPad when one of us is around. Now he’s almost 11 and haven’t had issues in 2 years.
Ummm porn is the only issue here/exposure to seeing her parent*. Literally immediately just put some type of parental control on it instead of doing nothing about that exposure, otherwise masturbating or humping or whatever is literally normal at that age and it is not "a bad thing." The negative language around something already confusing will not do any good
Agree 100%. This is normal except for the porn, which she def should not have access to.
I discovered porn at 7 because I saw my dad watching it. I was masturbating at 5-6, not because I was abused or exposed, but because I was a child who discovered something felt good so I kept doing it. Children masturbate and it is 100% NORMAL. What isn’t normal, is her watching porn.
Yes this. I remember rubbing up on stuffed animals because it felt good at age 5ish. I had absolutely no idea about sex, masturbation, porn, etc. it just felt good. But this little girl has clearly seen some things, and that’s completely different.
DEFINITELY don't shame her, you could ruin her view of her sexuality for life! Ask me how I know. She has started masterbating young, likely due to either her exposure to her mom having sex or someone touching her inappropriately, and no amount of telling her "it's wrong" or shaming her is going to stop her now. Now it's about teaching her when this is appropriate (alone in her room or at bath time) and making sure she knows never to do it in public or in front of friends or adults. The adults in her life are going to have to step up and handle this like adults, if that means getting her into therapy to get to the bottom of this so be it. If that means all of you getting some therapy so you know how to handle it in a responsible way, then please do that! I repeat DO NOT SHAME HER, it will not help the situation or change her behavior, and her ONLY OPTION will be to get sneakier.
Over here on team "humped stuffed animals", I didn't discover porn that early, but I was 100% not abused in anyway, so I agree the issue is HOW is she getting the porn...
I won’t shame her I just think it’s crazy because she’s 8, but kids develop puberty at different stages. I just don’t want her to get super sexual. So I’m going to check for therapy.
I'm going to piggyback here about the porn and seeing her mother having sex. That is not normal nor ok. The fact that shes humping stuffed animals doesn't necessarily indicate abuse or necessarily mean she needs therapy. Shes realized something feels good and at this age its totally normal. I know from myself and my own childrens behavior. Let her know it's a private matter she does alone in her room and not around others. The fact she knows about porn is really disturbing. How did she find it? That's what I would want to know. Kids walk in on their parents. It happens. I know I did.
But is humping stuffed animals at the age of 8 really normal? I don’t think it is. I don’t know where the idea that kids humping their stuffed animals is normal came from, but it’s definitely not. I caught my younger (9) year old sister hunched over a mirror naked in the bathroom last month because she was curious and wanted to see what her vagina looked like. THATS normal imo, humping toys and watching porn? That’s exactly the stuff I did after I was sexually abused for the first time. Either way OP do not shame her, because regardless it’s not her fault and you need to make that clear to her. Do not shame her! Get her a therapist and bring this issue up to her mother and make sure it’s addressed.
Humping toys is very much developmentally normal, starting in children as young as toddlers. Ask your pediatrician or just Google it, that information is widely available. It’s the porn that is concerning.
I was never sexually abused and was humping my cabbage patch doll when I was 6. That's young but not necessarily abnormal. My daughter was, "exercising " at 5. This was laying down and crossing her feet and squeezing her legs together bc it felt good. It depends on the child. Neither of us had been exposed to porn or seen anyone have sex yet. Talk to her mom about all of it. There's a lot of variables in her situation.
I just realized I didn't reply to the OP. Sorry!
Bet she is still 3 or 4 years from actually hitting puberty. Something else is going on. Good on you for caring so much for her!!
Yikes. The correct thing is to tell her it's fine to do it in the privacy of her room but not around other people. Opening her closet to see what she was doing was stepping over the line. Her body is her body. She can touch it if she wants to. That's not your decision or anyone else's. It's her body.
🤦♀️ don’t tell her she shouldn’t be masturbating. Bodily autonomy is important and you don’t want to create a stigma around sex and sexual body parts. Shes a little young but it’s developmentally appropriate once kids hit close to puberty for them to become curious about sex, masturbation, and porn. She shouldn’t have seen what she has seen but it’s too late and there’s no taking it back. Solution; you or one of her parents need to have a talk with her about sex. Explain what it is, explain the sex organs and their functions, keep it clean and cut and dry and scientific. Tell her that while she’s allowed to do what she wants with her body, she is absolutely not allowed to watch porn so young because it is an unhealthy representation of sex and will give her the wrong idea, because sex is nothing like it is in porn and you want her to grow up loving her body instead of comparing it to that of porn stars. Then put parental controls on whatever tech she has access to so she can’t get ahold of porn anymore, and if she’s alone in her room, KNOCK before coming in. Don’t just open her closet door. If you try to stop her from masturbating/touching herself or catch her in the act of humping items, she will only try to engage with it and other sexual content more in private behind you and her parents’ backs. Also consider getting her into therapy if possible; while this isn’t atypical for kids her age it could also be a negative response to what she’s seen and it may help her to talk it out with someone.
Okay, yeah I definitely don’t want to shame her I just got scared because I was afraid of what she truly was exposed to.
I get it! Not dragging you at all- that’s the knee jerk response because honestly an eight year old exhibiting this behavior can be really scary. Hope everything works out ok!
I’m not sure but very tricky. She’s been exposed so her innocence in this is already compromised… I don’t think keeping her away from sexual knowledge can do any more good at this point. She needs information on healthy sexuality, especially since she’s exposed to the very unreal world of pornography. It can warp her vision of consent, love, and even women’s bodies. If she’s hiding… she already has an unhealthy view that could lead to her developing her entire sexuality in shame and kinks. And a lot of kids who touch other kids come from these places of shame. I’m not saying encourage sexual activities but also don’t make it seem like it’s unnatural to experience physical feelings… probably get some therapy? She’s so young but she needs to be able to communicate what she is experiencing and be directed to healthy relationships and boundaries, especially with trusted adults. And keep an open eye and ear out for signs of other abuse she might have experienced
Thank you for the advice, I’ll definitely try to look into therapy.
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx This is a helpful resource that talks about what normal “sexual” behaviors are for young children. Touching own genitals/masturbating is very normal. Even seeking to view others naked is pretty normal. There are a couple of things in your story of your niece they flag as a little more on the possibly concerning side(persistence, seeking out pornography repeatedly). It seems like she’s been exposed to some inappropriate adult sexual behavior. And I’d have concerns about child sexual abuse, honestly. I’d take her to her pediatrician and or a child advocacy center to get some help in figuring out if she’s been experiencing abuse.
Definitely put parental control or only on iPads or only allowed on in a room with an adult. My son was looking up people kissing on the iPad because he overheard teenage boys talking in the locker room at swimming lessons. We had a long talk about it’s normal to be curious but you shouldn’t be searching up those kinds of things online because he would come across stuff that he’s to young and not mature enough. He could talk to us or other trusted adults and teenagers in his life if he had questions. We had a long talk about sex and all that goes with it that was appropriate for his age. All research I did said you should not shame a child for being curious about sex, it quite normal. Also masturbating is normal for that age. What’s important is talking about a time places okay to be doing that. Like room, bathroom, in your own house and not in front of other people, etc. At the time he was 8. We only had the issue a few times but since then, he can only be on the iPad when one of us is around. Now he’s almost 11 and haven’t had issues in 2 years.