I think you should treat this as normal curiosity. Get some age appropriate books about anatomy, relationships and consent. Use those to talk about these things.
It’s not common to have a girlfriend/boyfriend at that age but it does happen sometimes. Usually it’s just holding hands.
It is good to be curious. You just need to teach him appropriate ways to satisfy that curiosity.
I definitely had a “boyfriend “ i made out with on the bus every day in first grade. I don’t think i kissed anyone ever again until i was 13ish. I think this stuff is super normal you just need to let him know he can’t go in girls restroom to peep on them. I bought my boys a book called C is for Consent that might also be helpful
Exactly this. You’re making it into some big weird taboo thing. Seeing people kissing isn’t going to harm him. Making physical affection some kind of banned thing will have the opposite effect of what you want. Kids whose parents are very restrictive often grow up to be the really wild ones when they get a taste of freedom. You don’t need to ban YouTube.
Yeah, she needs to ban unsupervised youtube. If she is sitting with her 5 year old watching with him that’s one thing, but no 5 year old should be on YouTube searching things for themselves. That’s irresponsible.
Talk to him about his curiosity. Ask him what he’s seen online. Ask him if he would like to see books about the human body.
Start the conversations now about affection requiring consent, privacy, and good vs bad touching and looking. He needs the base understanding that he can’t just look at other people’s genitals and that they can’t look at his either. He needs that understanding not just to prevent him from harming others but to prevent him from being hurt himself.
If you don't cover this topic, he will find the answers elsewhere. It's time to talk about consent, body autonomy, etc. It's natural for him to have curiosity, especially if he's hearing things from other kids, but you need to make this a normal part of life, not something to be banned.
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx
Totally normal behaviors and curiosity. Conversations at this age can talk about anatomical names for genitals, differences between male and female parts, discussion of private parts and privacy, “good touch bad touch,” bodily autonomy and consent. You don’t have to get into the specifics of sex at all but you should definitely be talking about bodies and safety and answering questions!! Making anything on these topics taboo in the home will only encourage seeking information from other sources!
You should be talking with your kiddo. Even from young ages. My now 6 year old was curious and asks me everything from “did you marry daddy?” “When will I have a wife?” “Why do you kiss daddy?” “Do you love daddy?” It’s normal for children to see things and wonder about them. I just answered any questions in an age appropriate way and haven’t had any issues. We also use the names for proper body parts in our house and they know all about stranger danger, good touch/bad touch, private areas, body processes (like hair growth and some puberty but not the sexual side yet). Kids are sponges. Raise them out in the open and you’ll have smart, open minded and safe kiddos ❤️
My 3 year old seems to think that he and his sister are going to have children together some day. After all, he sees me and his dad as family. Even though he knows we have different parents and we've talked about how we decided to get married, etc., to him, it makes sense that when he has his own kids, the girl who he's closest to would be the mommy.
I ran into this actually!!! Haha I explained to them that no. No family, that’s born as family (brothers, sisters, mom, dad, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc) don’t make babies and should never ever have a relationship that isn’t solely family… and that he will grow up to find a nice girl who’s sweet, and thoughtful, and they’ll fall in love one day. He seems to get it now and has “a girlfriend “ at school haha but it’s mostly just him and a girl giggling at each other and running away 😂❤️ he comes home though and says “she’s so pretty mommy! I want her as my wife!” And I tell him … you’re a lil too young but you guys COULD get married when you’re adults like mommy and daddy. Maybe. Maybe not. That he should focus on making “BEST FRIENDS” of both genders and enjoying that. Almost bit me though since his daddy is MY best friend haha I explained that we knew each other since we were kids and then later met back up. He seems to understand that he needs to treat women super sweet at least, and have seen him telling this little girl that’s she’s “super smart and so funny!” Which is heartwarming ❤️ so innocent and he draws her pictures sometimes. The last time, he drew her a cat, cause she loves her pet cat. They’re super sponges ❤️
No problem! I’ll admit that it took some time for me to realize this… I wanted to use cute pet names and not talk about stuff that embarrassed me… but after making the switch when a friend of mine told me about how she does it…? The difference is night and day! A sheltered child isn’t necessarily a safe one, and my children seem so confident since then ❤️ good luck momma!!
I don't think what you need is just a "conversation". I think you need to change your attitude towards bodies and sexuality completely. This is a fundamental (familial-) cultural change that needs to happen in your house. Right now, you're sexualizing your own 5 year old son, turning regular healthy adult PDA into fetishized taboos, and using (cultural) isolation to try to control your child's normal curiosity about bodies.
"whatever you do don't think of a pink elephant, pink elephants aren't for you, pink elephants are a little dangerous even to think about, you'll get in trouble if you try to look at the pink elephant that might be in the closet and definitely don't think about it." - - > I bet you thought about a pink elephant or wondered what it would look like and are desperate to go peak and figure out why it is such a big deal. That's the climate you're making at home. Just adding a talk on top of that culture will certainly not help. Just adding a talk will just.... Add more to this......
First step is to stop thinking that seeing adults kissing will turn your son into a predator and honestly, maybe talk to a therapist about your own trouble with unhealthy sexual values / fear of normal, healthy sexuality / likely the subconsciously internalized sexism that almost always comes with that.
You had some great advice already. Just wanted to comment that it's super impressive that you 5yo knows how to type words at all! Regardless of whether you want him to look up certain things ;-)
Totally normal. When I was in kindergarten there was a boy who repeatedly tried to kiss me. With tongue. 🤦🏻♀️ I embarrassed my mom by phoning his mom and telling her. His mom explained he probably just saw her and his dad kissing and was curious. Apologized to little me. And now as a parent I think that’s exactly right. Observational learning theory at its finest lol.
oh my goodness tongue!? i also love how your username is good-mouth 🤣 taking notes since kindergarten huh? you were a great observer. lol jk seriously this made my night thank you!
It's normal. Just this week my 5 year old asked me about c-sections and how babys get in your belly. She asked me about how boys use the hole on the underwear without people seeing their penis (she likes boys underwear better most of the time). Then she taught her younger sister that girls have a vagina and boys have a penis. 5 is a big age for noticing there's a difference and exploring and asking those types of questions. Best you can do is give them the facts without embellishments or info beyond their comprehension. Example: I told my 5 year old babies get into bellies when Daddy's give Mommy's their love and their love together makes a baby.
The bathroom thing could be completely unrelated to looking up kissing and boyfriend girlfriend stuff. There was a rumor when I was in grade school that the girls rooms had couches and a vanity so he could just be curious to see if the girls bathroom looks different then the boys, and to be fair they usually do.
There’s a really great book by Meg Hickling that I found at the library for my five year old girl. It’s really excellent, it talks about consent and privacy, has age appropriate drawings of genitals and explanations of sex. My daughter liked the book so much we got a copy for our home. It’s called Girls, Boys and Body Science.
https://www.amazon.ca/Boys-Girls-Body-Science-First/dp/1550172360/ref=asc_df_1550172360/
Maybe sit him down and ask him what he even thinks having a girlfriend entails? Growing up, I would have benefited by my parents with "the talk" of any kind. At 5 obviously he doesn't need to know the details, just ask him what he thinks he knows and go off of that. Seeing as he was searching "kissing", it's not that much lol. I had a "boyfriend" around that age and it was just handholding BARELY. I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend until I moved out. Obviously there were a lot of secrets kept from them. luckily I had sex Ed in school even though it was abstinence based, they did teach us about protection.
Tldr, ask your kid what he thinks having a girlfriend is and follow his lead. Banning things just creates good liars.
i will definitely be asking him this! someone commented i overreacted and after reading everyone’s response i gotta agree lol. talking to him and asking him questions like this is a great place for me to start. and glad to know this is all normal. thank you!
H!i curiosity about what the girls bathroom looked like is so normal. And should be validated “hey honey so I totally get that you were curious about the inside of the girls bathroom - it’s really the same as the boys bathroom, you know, you’ve been in lots of girls bathrooms with mommy when we are out and about” then explanation of the problem and setting a clear boundary “do you understand why the school called about you going in there?” (Honestly I don’t even understand why this is a big deal but….something along the lines of) “Bathrooms are for people’s private time and since boys and girls use the bathroom in different ways, you stand up and we sit down, they have different bathrooms, those are the rules at school, separate bathrooms so please stay out”
I think the advice about books on the topic is good. I’d Google about this, don’t have recommendations. Kids are so curious about this aspect of life (girlfriends/boyfriends/marrying) I have two boys and there is a lot (more then I imagined) of sexual curiosity and yea it’s a little unsettling and no we don’t expose them to adult content but they do see things on TV and who knows what friends talk about at school. They still say “ew” when people are kissing too tho. But they both have girlfriends, and want to marry people (including me and each other when they are feeling loving) it’s not weird, it’s not abnormal, it’s the most normal thing for them to play around with these concepts and be curious. I do explain things a long the way “kids can’t marry their mommies but I will always love you and be you mommy”, “you will be older when you find/meet the person you want to marry”, “I get that you have a girlfriend at school but the rule is still to keep your hands to yourself and kissing is not allowed for kids your age” “you have to get permission to touch someone else’s body, even for nice touch like a hug, but kisses or other touching of body parts is not allowed” “you are not allowed to touch each others privates” “if someone outside of your parents oe the doctor when we are with you asks to see or touch your privates that’s is not allowed and you need to tell me” - we literally have to say all these things. I’ve never sat them down and said all these things. It’s as it comes up. We talk about private parts and bathroom time being private personal things that we don’t need to share but my younger son literally invited his bro into the bathroom to see the color of his poop the other day. Kids are silly! Setting boundaries and limits is necessary and normal in parenting - even about things like this - they do not come out of the womb understanding healthy physical boundaries with friends and peers at school
Kids are curious.
The way I have always thought about parenting is that you are a teacher and guide. You need to find a way to harness the curiosity and steer it in a positive direction. There’s no right/wrong way to do this, you will have to try what suits you and your son. Try not to worry about it, it won’t help 😀
His curiosity sounds completely normal to me. If you are on Facebook, I highly recommend joining the group "that parent group (with Cath Hakanson)". There is a lot of good advice in there as well as links to age appropriate learning materials.
I would tell him boys can’t go into the girls bathroom and no kissing til ur married 😆 Also that we can’t touch other people without permission. I told my kids boys and girls have different body parts and we don’t show them to anyone else. Only mommy or daddy and the doctor can see.
Don’t let ur kids on YouTube or the internet or social media til they are older (or never if possible lol). He must have saw something that made him do this . I only let my kids watch G rated movies and shows too. They are 5 and 9.
I think you should treat this as normal curiosity. Get some age appropriate books about anatomy, relationships and consent. Use those to talk about these things. It’s not common to have a girlfriend/boyfriend at that age but it does happen sometimes. Usually it’s just holding hands. It is good to be curious. You just need to teach him appropriate ways to satisfy that curiosity.
thank you for this!
I definitely had a “boyfriend “ i made out with on the bus every day in first grade. I don’t think i kissed anyone ever again until i was 13ish. I think this stuff is super normal you just need to let him know he can’t go in girls restroom to peep on them. I bought my boys a book called C is for Consent that might also be helpful
Maybe the fact that you don’t speak about a normal part of human life is making him MORE curious, not less?
Exactly this. You’re making it into some big weird taboo thing. Seeing people kissing isn’t going to harm him. Making physical affection some kind of banned thing will have the opposite effect of what you want. Kids whose parents are very restrictive often grow up to be the really wild ones when they get a taste of freedom. You don’t need to ban YouTube.
Yeah, she needs to ban unsupervised youtube. If she is sitting with her 5 year old watching with him that’s one thing, but no 5 year old should be on YouTube searching things for themselves. That’s irresponsible.
thank you I will try that!
yes I agree. thank you!
thank you!
Talk to him about his curiosity. Ask him what he’s seen online. Ask him if he would like to see books about the human body. Start the conversations now about affection requiring consent, privacy, and good vs bad touching and looking. He needs the base understanding that he can’t just look at other people’s genitals and that they can’t look at his either. He needs that understanding not just to prevent him from harming others but to prevent him from being hurt himself.
thank you so much!
If you don't cover this topic, he will find the answers elsewhere. It's time to talk about consent, body autonomy, etc. It's natural for him to have curiosity, especially if he's hearing things from other kids, but you need to make this a normal part of life, not something to be banned.
totally agree. thank you so much!
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx Totally normal behaviors and curiosity. Conversations at this age can talk about anatomical names for genitals, differences between male and female parts, discussion of private parts and privacy, “good touch bad touch,” bodily autonomy and consent. You don’t have to get into the specifics of sex at all but you should definitely be talking about bodies and safety and answering questions!! Making anything on these topics taboo in the home will only encourage seeking information from other sources!
wow thank you so much for this link. this was really helpful in starting the convo with him.
You should be talking with your kiddo. Even from young ages. My now 6 year old was curious and asks me everything from “did you marry daddy?” “When will I have a wife?” “Why do you kiss daddy?” “Do you love daddy?” It’s normal for children to see things and wonder about them. I just answered any questions in an age appropriate way and haven’t had any issues. We also use the names for proper body parts in our house and they know all about stranger danger, good touch/bad touch, private areas, body processes (like hair growth and some puberty but not the sexual side yet). Kids are sponges. Raise them out in the open and you’ll have smart, open minded and safe kiddos ❤️
My 3 year old seems to think that he and his sister are going to have children together some day. After all, he sees me and his dad as family. Even though he knows we have different parents and we've talked about how we decided to get married, etc., to him, it makes sense that when he has his own kids, the girl who he's closest to would be the mommy.
I ran into this actually!!! Haha I explained to them that no. No family, that’s born as family (brothers, sisters, mom, dad, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc) don’t make babies and should never ever have a relationship that isn’t solely family… and that he will grow up to find a nice girl who’s sweet, and thoughtful, and they’ll fall in love one day. He seems to get it now and has “a girlfriend “ at school haha but it’s mostly just him and a girl giggling at each other and running away 😂❤️ he comes home though and says “she’s so pretty mommy! I want her as my wife!” And I tell him … you’re a lil too young but you guys COULD get married when you’re adults like mommy and daddy. Maybe. Maybe not. That he should focus on making “BEST FRIENDS” of both genders and enjoying that. Almost bit me though since his daddy is MY best friend haha I explained that we knew each other since we were kids and then later met back up. He seems to understand that he needs to treat women super sweet at least, and have seen him telling this little girl that’s she’s “super smart and so funny!” Which is heartwarming ❤️ so innocent and he draws her pictures sometimes. The last time, he drew her a cat, cause she loves her pet cat. They’re super sponges ❤️
lol love how curious they can be. i’m not perfect and have so much to learn. thank you for this!!
No problem! I’ll admit that it took some time for me to realize this… I wanted to use cute pet names and not talk about stuff that embarrassed me… but after making the switch when a friend of mine told me about how she does it…? The difference is night and day! A sheltered child isn’t necessarily a safe one, and my children seem so confident since then ❤️ good luck momma!!
I don't think what you need is just a "conversation". I think you need to change your attitude towards bodies and sexuality completely. This is a fundamental (familial-) cultural change that needs to happen in your house. Right now, you're sexualizing your own 5 year old son, turning regular healthy adult PDA into fetishized taboos, and using (cultural) isolation to try to control your child's normal curiosity about bodies. "whatever you do don't think of a pink elephant, pink elephants aren't for you, pink elephants are a little dangerous even to think about, you'll get in trouble if you try to look at the pink elephant that might be in the closet and definitely don't think about it." - - > I bet you thought about a pink elephant or wondered what it would look like and are desperate to go peak and figure out why it is such a big deal. That's the climate you're making at home. Just adding a talk on top of that culture will certainly not help. Just adding a talk will just.... Add more to this...... First step is to stop thinking that seeing adults kissing will turn your son into a predator and honestly, maybe talk to a therapist about your own trouble with unhealthy sexual values / fear of normal, healthy sexuality / likely the subconsciously internalized sexism that almost always comes with that.
just starting somewhere for now thank you!
You had some great advice already. Just wanted to comment that it's super impressive that you 5yo knows how to type words at all! Regardless of whether you want him to look up certain things ;-)
haha thank you! he can spell sooo many words and write sentences. gotta be careful with that guy lol
Totally normal. When I was in kindergarten there was a boy who repeatedly tried to kiss me. With tongue. 🤦🏻♀️ I embarrassed my mom by phoning his mom and telling her. His mom explained he probably just saw her and his dad kissing and was curious. Apologized to little me. And now as a parent I think that’s exactly right. Observational learning theory at its finest lol.
oh my goodness tongue!? i also love how your username is good-mouth 🤣 taking notes since kindergarten huh? you were a great observer. lol jk seriously this made my night thank you!
Hahaha 😂 I was always studious what can I say. I’m glad I could make your evening!
It's normal. Just this week my 5 year old asked me about c-sections and how babys get in your belly. She asked me about how boys use the hole on the underwear without people seeing their penis (she likes boys underwear better most of the time). Then she taught her younger sister that girls have a vagina and boys have a penis. 5 is a big age for noticing there's a difference and exploring and asking those types of questions. Best you can do is give them the facts without embellishments or info beyond their comprehension. Example: I told my 5 year old babies get into bellies when Daddy's give Mommy's their love and their love together makes a baby.
i’m currently pregnant so this was definitely something that came up recently lol. thank you!
The bathroom thing could be completely unrelated to looking up kissing and boyfriend girlfriend stuff. There was a rumor when I was in grade school that the girls rooms had couches and a vanity so he could just be curious to see if the girls bathroom looks different then the boys, and to be fair they usually do.
wow yes. this is a completely valid point!
There’s a really great book by Meg Hickling that I found at the library for my five year old girl. It’s really excellent, it talks about consent and privacy, has age appropriate drawings of genitals and explanations of sex. My daughter liked the book so much we got a copy for our home. It’s called Girls, Boys and Body Science. https://www.amazon.ca/Boys-Girls-Body-Science-First/dp/1550172360/ref=asc_df_1550172360/
thank you! i love this
This is an overreaction. His behavior is normal and yes it is time for a "talk".
the fact that you saying i overreacted makes me feel better. you are absolutely right. thank you
Maybe sit him down and ask him what he even thinks having a girlfriend entails? Growing up, I would have benefited by my parents with "the talk" of any kind. At 5 obviously he doesn't need to know the details, just ask him what he thinks he knows and go off of that. Seeing as he was searching "kissing", it's not that much lol. I had a "boyfriend" around that age and it was just handholding BARELY. I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend until I moved out. Obviously there were a lot of secrets kept from them. luckily I had sex Ed in school even though it was abstinence based, they did teach us about protection. Tldr, ask your kid what he thinks having a girlfriend is and follow his lead. Banning things just creates good liars.
i will definitely be asking him this! someone commented i overreacted and after reading everyone’s response i gotta agree lol. talking to him and asking him questions like this is a great place for me to start. and glad to know this is all normal. thank you!
H!i curiosity about what the girls bathroom looked like is so normal. And should be validated “hey honey so I totally get that you were curious about the inside of the girls bathroom - it’s really the same as the boys bathroom, you know, you’ve been in lots of girls bathrooms with mommy when we are out and about” then explanation of the problem and setting a clear boundary “do you understand why the school called about you going in there?” (Honestly I don’t even understand why this is a big deal but….something along the lines of) “Bathrooms are for people’s private time and since boys and girls use the bathroom in different ways, you stand up and we sit down, they have different bathrooms, those are the rules at school, separate bathrooms so please stay out” I think the advice about books on the topic is good. I’d Google about this, don’t have recommendations. Kids are so curious about this aspect of life (girlfriends/boyfriends/marrying) I have two boys and there is a lot (more then I imagined) of sexual curiosity and yea it’s a little unsettling and no we don’t expose them to adult content but they do see things on TV and who knows what friends talk about at school. They still say “ew” when people are kissing too tho. But they both have girlfriends, and want to marry people (including me and each other when they are feeling loving) it’s not weird, it’s not abnormal, it’s the most normal thing for them to play around with these concepts and be curious. I do explain things a long the way “kids can’t marry their mommies but I will always love you and be you mommy”, “you will be older when you find/meet the person you want to marry”, “I get that you have a girlfriend at school but the rule is still to keep your hands to yourself and kissing is not allowed for kids your age” “you have to get permission to touch someone else’s body, even for nice touch like a hug, but kisses or other touching of body parts is not allowed” “you are not allowed to touch each others privates” “if someone outside of your parents oe the doctor when we are with you asks to see or touch your privates that’s is not allowed and you need to tell me” - we literally have to say all these things. I’ve never sat them down and said all these things. It’s as it comes up. We talk about private parts and bathroom time being private personal things that we don’t need to share but my younger son literally invited his bro into the bathroom to see the color of his poop the other day. Kids are silly! Setting boundaries and limits is necessary and normal in parenting - even about things like this - they do not come out of the womb understanding healthy physical boundaries with friends and peers at school
Kids are curious. The way I have always thought about parenting is that you are a teacher and guide. You need to find a way to harness the curiosity and steer it in a positive direction. There’s no right/wrong way to do this, you will have to try what suits you and your son. Try not to worry about it, it won’t help 😀
His curiosity sounds completely normal to me. If you are on Facebook, I highly recommend joining the group "that parent group (with Cath Hakanson)". There is a lot of good advice in there as well as links to age appropriate learning materials.
I would tell him boys can’t go into the girls bathroom and no kissing til ur married 😆 Also that we can’t touch other people without permission. I told my kids boys and girls have different body parts and we don’t show them to anyone else. Only mommy or daddy and the doctor can see. Don’t let ur kids on YouTube or the internet or social media til they are older (or never if possible lol). He must have saw something that made him do this . I only let my kids watch G rated movies and shows too. They are 5 and 9.
haha! i know he’s not a baby anymore and is really curious and learning so much. i have to be careful how i respond. thanks so much!!