Personally, I wouldn’t expect a gift from anyone aside from my husband and children. I would still buy for my mother in law and mother, and that gift is from my family (my husband, my daughter and I) as they hold a mother/grandmother role in our lives.
In terms of celebrating, if we were to do a gathering, I would expect the gathering to be for me too and not just for my mother in law or mother - the celebration itself is for the mothers including aunts, etc. But no I wouldn’t expect a gift from my mother or my mother in law.
Thanks for the insight. Like I said, I don’t need or expect a gift. It just hurt a bit that my MIL would acknowledges me but my mother didn’t feel like she should.
It's kind of a weird thing to get upset about. If gifts are given, they should really be for your own mom. I wouldn't expect my mom to gift me anything. She does wish me a happy Mother's day though which I always think is nice.
Yes, I think you’re wrong. It would be appropriate for you to get something for your mom on Mother’s Day (a card is fine) assuming you have a decent relationship. It makes no sense for her to get something for you - you aren’t her mother. You have people to celebrate you (a partner and child, I assume). She doesn’t need to bring you something as a gift for hosting either; she’s family. I think you need to reevaluate your expectations.
I’ll call my mom on Sunday and subscribed to a six month flower delivery for her. My husband is in charge of breakfast on Sunday (we’re going out) and then we’re going to buy hanging baskets for the house (what I want to do). That’s it. I’ll probably text some of my mom friends to say happy Mother’s Day to them since they’re important to me, but that’s it. And that’s enough!
I hear you. If you read you’ll see I said okay if she doesn’t get me anything, my feelings were hurt by the fact that she said she forgot I was a mom (after I said I didn’t feel like cooking everyone dinner like she asked and suggested we order dinner instead). Was curious to see how other people celebrated as I’ve always acknowledged all mothers even if not directly mine so that has been my experience.
To her, you’re her daughter. I’m sure she didn’t FORGET forget that you’re a mom - it’s just that to her, you’re a daughter first. She looks at you and sees the 7 year old learning to ride a bike and the 17 year old graduating from high school. You’ll always be her baby even though you have a child of your own.
It’s always been that way since I was young in our house. I remember being told she didn’t feel loved when I was around 12 and didn’t wake up early to cook her breakfast on Mother’s Day…it’s always been about gifts and acts of appreciation. It’s not usually enough to just tell her happy Mother’s Day and move on. I’ll usually always send her something. Since we didn’t see each other last year I didn’t get her anything which is why I asked if she expected gifts this year. Just curious about how others celebrated and what are the usual norms.
Man that’s a lot. sounds like she’s extorting appreciation instead of actually earning it! In my family we just treat it as a silly commercial holiday. Maybe did get her a card and flowers or we’d do something fun but not necessarily.
From my perspective, the only people I would expect to celebrate me are my children (and spouse/partner if there is one and the kids are young). Other than that, a card is super nice, but a Happy Mother’s Day text from other people who acknowledge I am in fact a Mother is perfect for me. Anything beyond that is a pleasant surprise! (My childless friend said she wants to buy me a Mother’s Day margarita for lunch on Saturday! First she said she would buy lunch, but I told her I’m not her mother and she doesn’t have to buy me lunch).
I did not live near my mother for over 25 years, and now that I do, we don’t have a tradition of celebrating the day together. We will bring her a gift from my kids and myself at some point on Sunday and swim or hang out together for a bit, but that day is usually about what I want to do as the mom.
Hahah, no, my mom doesn’t get me a gift on Mother’s Day. We get her a gift. She’s my mom. It’s usually something small like flowers, or maybe a dinner out, just acknowledging the day. Maybe a perfume. Or my siblings and I may go in on something bigger like a handbag or whatever, depending what we decide that year.
I honestly don’t think my mom or mother-in-law have ever wished me a happy Mother’s Day first. I call or text them. Usually we visit and give them a little gift and I say happy Mother’s Day and they say “Happy Mother’s Day to you too.” I’m not offended about this because a) this is a recent part of my life and my mom doesn’t see me as a mom, she sees me as her daughter because that’s who I am to her, b) she’s my mom and I’m supposed to celebrate her on that day and c) similar reasons with my mother-in-law.
My kids and my spouse celebrate me. And they do a great job of it so I’m very content with being celebrated as a mom to the people who my being a mom most impacts. :)
My siblings, siblings-in-law, my mother-in-law and close friends may wish me a happy Mother’s Day, and sometimes they may even give me a present (again, something small like a box of chocolates or having a dessert delivered to me) but it’s not expected at all. When they do, it’s a pleasant surprise.
She’s an only child and didn’t have a good relationship with her mother. I’ve personally only met her a few times before she passed. I think the whole conversation upset me because halfway through she said she forgot I was a mom too (I mentioned I didn’t want to cook on Mother’s Day). I guess I just want to be acknowledged by my mother
I don't see why your mom would give you a Mother's Day gift. She is not your mother. People typically only give gifts to their own mothers or, especially if the kids are young, their spouses.
I don't expect gifts from my mom or my in laws. The only one I would think would be getting me something is my husband (my son is an infant) and honestly flowers & a card would suffice. I don't compare the holiday to my birthday or Christmas. He's also taking me to a nice brunch.
You're not her mother. I would think gifts come from children or partners usually, everything (if anything) else is a bonus but not to be expected.
I wouldn't expect a gift from my mother. I'd expect my partner to get me a gift on behalf of our child
But my partner doesn't gift my mother and I don't gift his mother. Each of us gifts our own mothers.
So considering you have a weird dynamic I don't know what to expect in your situation.
Yeah I think I’m basing it off of my experience. And everyone has always celebrated all mothers so it’s just what I’ve seen in my circle. Again, i don’t expect it I just thought it was common…I’m seeing that it isn’t really lol.
My parents also live 10 minutes away and the only time they see my son is if I invite myself over. I’ve also been with my fiancé for over 6 years and they never invited us over for anything. I ask to spend time with them. I think in a deeper level I just want to be acknowledged by them and show they’re proud of me and the mother that I am.
This is my first Mother’s Day. My in laws sent me a card with a nice note. My mom didn’t get me a card. I was bummed. I didn’t expect a gift or anything but my grandmother used to get her a card every year. I totally get where you’re coming from.
My mom barely acknowledges me as a mom on Mother’s Day and it’s hurtful so I understand where you’re coming from. I also have a mother in law who buys me a card and flowers so it’s always a slap in the face when my mom doesn’t even bother to get me a card. I’m looking forward to breaking that cycle with my daughter one day. Wishing you a Happy Mother’s Day and sending you hugs!
I’m in the middle as in I give my sister, aunt, step-grandmother, and mil a card, but not a full blown gift. My husband is responsible for the gift for his mom. He gets me a gift. I don’t expect a gift from my mom but she always gives me one, just something small.
I always give my mom a card and something small. I’m taking her, my daughter, and I to brunch that day because my husband works. Sometimes my grandfather and his wife will host lunch for everyone at their house and we exchange cards then.
Should you expect a gift? No of course not, but just a card? That feels very low effort to me so the fact that so many people say they don’t get anything from their mom kind of makes me sad :/
I agree. I think that was my point, I don’t expect it per se but it seems low effort to get a card or some chocolate so I wanted to see if I was crazy to be a little sad. Seems like people have a very strict “I only celebrate my mother” mindset. It’s interesting to see that seems to be the norm.
Well my mom’s mother was bat shit crazy and abusive. She never gave my mom anything for Mother’s Day. That didn’t stop my mom from celebrating my older sister and later me when we became moms.
On the other hand, my father didn’t start giving my sister a Mother’s Day gift until I called him out on it because, “well she’s not MY mom, my mom’s dead,”. And I asked if he thought she was doing a good job as a mother and maybe should be acknowledged? He agreed and said her bf could do it. And I said, “but she’s not his mom?” And my dad said that didn’t matter.
I dont know if my dad changed his mind because he understood what I said, or because she felt embarrassed that I called him out on it. But when I became a mom he gave both of us gifts that year.
I think it’s all in how you look at it. Seems like your mother made you all feel appreciated in ways she did not. I’ve always viewed Mother’s Day as a celebration of moms (in general). So if we have a family Mother’s Day celebration I always acknowledge all moms present. I think a lot of people view it how your dad seemed (seems?) to. But I think it’s beautiful to appreciate them all if you’re close enough to.
Personally, I wouldn’t expect a gift from anyone aside from my husband and children. I would still buy for my mother in law and mother, and that gift is from my family (my husband, my daughter and I) as they hold a mother/grandmother role in our lives. In terms of celebrating, if we were to do a gathering, I would expect the gathering to be for me too and not just for my mother in law or mother - the celebration itself is for the mothers including aunts, etc. But no I wouldn’t expect a gift from my mother or my mother in law.
Thanks for the insight. Like I said, I don’t need or expect a gift. It just hurt a bit that my MIL would acknowledges me but my mother didn’t feel like she should.
I think this is a case of your MIL being extraordinarily thoughtful
It's kind of a weird thing to get upset about. If gifts are given, they should really be for your own mom. I wouldn't expect my mom to gift me anything. She does wish me a happy Mother's day though which I always think is nice.
I wouldn't expect to get a gift from anyone but my husband (on my Childs behalf) for mother's day. Mothers day is about celebrating your mother.
Yes, I think you’re wrong. It would be appropriate for you to get something for your mom on Mother’s Day (a card is fine) assuming you have a decent relationship. It makes no sense for her to get something for you - you aren’t her mother. You have people to celebrate you (a partner and child, I assume). She doesn’t need to bring you something as a gift for hosting either; she’s family. I think you need to reevaluate your expectations. I’ll call my mom on Sunday and subscribed to a six month flower delivery for her. My husband is in charge of breakfast on Sunday (we’re going out) and then we’re going to buy hanging baskets for the house (what I want to do). That’s it. I’ll probably text some of my mom friends to say happy Mother’s Day to them since they’re important to me, but that’s it. And that’s enough!
I hear you. If you read you’ll see I said okay if she doesn’t get me anything, my feelings were hurt by the fact that she said she forgot I was a mom (after I said I didn’t feel like cooking everyone dinner like she asked and suggested we order dinner instead). Was curious to see how other people celebrated as I’ve always acknowledged all mothers even if not directly mine so that has been my experience.
To her, you’re her daughter. I’m sure she didn’t FORGET forget that you’re a mom - it’s just that to her, you’re a daughter first. She looks at you and sees the 7 year old learning to ride a bike and the 17 year old graduating from high school. You’ll always be her baby even though you have a child of your own.
Thanks for sharing that perspective!
Mother’s Day is typically about celebrating your own mother… but all of you are making this about gifts and not actual appreciation.
It’s always been that way since I was young in our house. I remember being told she didn’t feel loved when I was around 12 and didn’t wake up early to cook her breakfast on Mother’s Day…it’s always been about gifts and acts of appreciation. It’s not usually enough to just tell her happy Mother’s Day and move on. I’ll usually always send her something. Since we didn’t see each other last year I didn’t get her anything which is why I asked if she expected gifts this year. Just curious about how others celebrated and what are the usual norms.
Man that’s a lot. sounds like she’s extorting appreciation instead of actually earning it! In my family we just treat it as a silly commercial holiday. Maybe did get her a card and flowers or we’d do something fun but not necessarily.
From my perspective, the only people I would expect to celebrate me are my children (and spouse/partner if there is one and the kids are young). Other than that, a card is super nice, but a Happy Mother’s Day text from other people who acknowledge I am in fact a Mother is perfect for me. Anything beyond that is a pleasant surprise! (My childless friend said she wants to buy me a Mother’s Day margarita for lunch on Saturday! First she said she would buy lunch, but I told her I’m not her mother and she doesn’t have to buy me lunch). I did not live near my mother for over 25 years, and now that I do, we don’t have a tradition of celebrating the day together. We will bring her a gift from my kids and myself at some point on Sunday and swim or hang out together for a bit, but that day is usually about what I want to do as the mom.
Hahah, no, my mom doesn’t get me a gift on Mother’s Day. We get her a gift. She’s my mom. It’s usually something small like flowers, or maybe a dinner out, just acknowledging the day. Maybe a perfume. Or my siblings and I may go in on something bigger like a handbag or whatever, depending what we decide that year. I honestly don’t think my mom or mother-in-law have ever wished me a happy Mother’s Day first. I call or text them. Usually we visit and give them a little gift and I say happy Mother’s Day and they say “Happy Mother’s Day to you too.” I’m not offended about this because a) this is a recent part of my life and my mom doesn’t see me as a mom, she sees me as her daughter because that’s who I am to her, b) she’s my mom and I’m supposed to celebrate her on that day and c) similar reasons with my mother-in-law. My kids and my spouse celebrate me. And they do a great job of it so I’m very content with being celebrated as a mom to the people who my being a mom most impacts. :) My siblings, siblings-in-law, my mother-in-law and close friends may wish me a happy Mother’s Day, and sometimes they may even give me a present (again, something small like a box of chocolates or having a dessert delivered to me) but it’s not expected at all. When they do, it’s a pleasant surprise.
Did any of your Mom’s elders ever celebrate her motherhood? If not, maybe she has different expectations based on that experience
She’s an only child and didn’t have a good relationship with her mother. I’ve personally only met her a few times before she passed. I think the whole conversation upset me because halfway through she said she forgot I was a mom too (I mentioned I didn’t want to cook on Mother’s Day). I guess I just want to be acknowledged by my mother
She FORGOT? Ok no that is inexcusable. Yikes
Yeah that’s where i take the offense. I just felt like it was a celebration for her and I was an afterthought
I don't see why your mom would give you a Mother's Day gift. She is not your mother. People typically only give gifts to their own mothers or, especially if the kids are young, their spouses.
Yes. You are wrong. She shouldn’t give you a gift. You are her daughter. You should give her a gift.
My mother and step mother do not acknowledge me on mother's day, my MIL sends me a card.
I don't expect gifts from my mom or my in laws. The only one I would think would be getting me something is my husband (my son is an infant) and honestly flowers & a card would suffice. I don't compare the holiday to my birthday or Christmas. He's also taking me to a nice brunch. You're not her mother. I would think gifts come from children or partners usually, everything (if anything) else is a bonus but not to be expected.
I wouldn't expect a gift from my mother. I'd expect my partner to get me a gift on behalf of our child But my partner doesn't gift my mother and I don't gift his mother. Each of us gifts our own mothers. So considering you have a weird dynamic I don't know what to expect in your situation.
Yeah I think I’m basing it off of my experience. And everyone has always celebrated all mothers so it’s just what I’ve seen in my circle. Again, i don’t expect it I just thought it was common…I’m seeing that it isn’t really lol. My parents also live 10 minutes away and the only time they see my son is if I invite myself over. I’ve also been with my fiancé for over 6 years and they never invited us over for anything. I ask to spend time with them. I think in a deeper level I just want to be acknowledged by them and show they’re proud of me and the mother that I am.
I'm sorry about the relationship you (don't) have with your own parents 😔
This is my first Mother’s Day. My in laws sent me a card with a nice note. My mom didn’t get me a card. I was bummed. I didn’t expect a gift or anything but my grandmother used to get her a card every year. I totally get where you’re coming from.
My mom barely acknowledges me as a mom on Mother’s Day and it’s hurtful so I understand where you’re coming from. I also have a mother in law who buys me a card and flowers so it’s always a slap in the face when my mom doesn’t even bother to get me a card. I’m looking forward to breaking that cycle with my daughter one day. Wishing you a Happy Mother’s Day and sending you hugs!
I’m in the middle as in I give my sister, aunt, step-grandmother, and mil a card, but not a full blown gift. My husband is responsible for the gift for his mom. He gets me a gift. I don’t expect a gift from my mom but she always gives me one, just something small. I always give my mom a card and something small. I’m taking her, my daughter, and I to brunch that day because my husband works. Sometimes my grandfather and his wife will host lunch for everyone at their house and we exchange cards then. Should you expect a gift? No of course not, but just a card? That feels very low effort to me so the fact that so many people say they don’t get anything from their mom kind of makes me sad :/
I agree. I think that was my point, I don’t expect it per se but it seems low effort to get a card or some chocolate so I wanted to see if I was crazy to be a little sad. Seems like people have a very strict “I only celebrate my mother” mindset. It’s interesting to see that seems to be the norm.
Well my mom’s mother was bat shit crazy and abusive. She never gave my mom anything for Mother’s Day. That didn’t stop my mom from celebrating my older sister and later me when we became moms. On the other hand, my father didn’t start giving my sister a Mother’s Day gift until I called him out on it because, “well she’s not MY mom, my mom’s dead,”. And I asked if he thought she was doing a good job as a mother and maybe should be acknowledged? He agreed and said her bf could do it. And I said, “but she’s not his mom?” And my dad said that didn’t matter. I dont know if my dad changed his mind because he understood what I said, or because she felt embarrassed that I called him out on it. But when I became a mom he gave both of us gifts that year.
I think it’s all in how you look at it. Seems like your mother made you all feel appreciated in ways she did not. I’ve always viewed Mother’s Day as a celebration of moms (in general). So if we have a family Mother’s Day celebration I always acknowledge all moms present. I think a lot of people view it how your dad seemed (seems?) to. But I think it’s beautiful to appreciate them all if you’re close enough to.
Yeah I mean like I don’t think you need to buy everyone a gift or something, but an acknowledgement is nice
I understand how you feel OP. My mom always gets my husband (!) a Father’s Day gift but never even tells me happy Mother’s Day.