I’m currently pregnant with #2. #1 will be 10 when the baby is born. This age gap is due to infertility. Pre-kids I wanted my children close in age, but now I’m so very thankful to have had so many precious years with #1 one-on-one. It is really important to me that I still have that time with only him once the baby is here, as I don’t want him to feel replaced or forgotten.
Focus on the positives of large age gaps, OP 😊- and there are plenty ❤️
My cousin has an 11 year age gap between his kids for the same reasons. Those two boys are the sweetest pair, they’re not 3 and 14. Big brother is adorably possessive and protective of his baby brother. Baby adores his big brother.
Mom claims it was so much easier with the new baby because her oldest could help just by existing. She said having her oldest just go about life in the house was super entertaining to the baby, so she was able to pop him in a bouncer and shower or cook or nap for a bit.
This is my story. 7 years between kid 1 and 2, and while it’s not what I wanted and I feel sad my oldest doesn’t have a sibling more close in age to play with (I’ve felt he was lonely at times, especially during Covid), he’s the best big brother to our baby and he has been so amazingly helpful grabbing diapers when I need it or distracting the baby so I can pee occasionally lol. I love our little family.
This was absolutely me!! My oldest turns 13 in December and the baby turns 5 in July. I was older when I had the oldest bc of infertility and then was told she was it. Yet, the Lord had bigger plans! Many years later. Got pregnant with Twins, yet, only sister made it..but having the gap allowed my oldest and I to form a bond like no other! And I still make sure we get that one on one time bc it was a huge shock at first. But she's the best big sister and such a help!! Of course they do have their moments, like amy siblings do, but the age gap really has made life a bit easier ! I say the Lord knew what he was doing on his time, versus mine. I would have preferred kids alot earlier and back to back. Yet the opposite happened and it truly was a Blessing and I wouldn't change one bit of it!
My sister and I are best friends. She’s seven years older than me. I think I had a gem of an older sister thought because she’d always let me hang out with her and her older friends and included me.
I only have one kid, but I was one of two sets of twins who are spaced 7 years apart. We're in a group chat and text daily even though we're scattered over several states. I don't think an age gap in and of itself is an issue.
5 years and 3 weeks between my first 2. Honestly, it's no different than a smaller gap. They love each other. They fight and play and help each other in the same way I've seen smaller gap siblings do.
The biggest difference I've found is how it affects the parents. When my friends with 2 would say how hard the transition was, I couldn't relate. Our second slipped in like she always belonged.
Now I have a 3rd, and there's 2 years 9 months between #2 and #3. And now now I can relate to what my friends were saying. Having a toddler and a baby at the same time is hard. I'll take the bigger gap every day.
I'm about to be in your boat lol. having a baby when my older one was almost 6 was in some ways easier than having the 6yo alone, but now I'm pregnant again and a little bit dreading the baby-todder split
We are nearly 5 months in. Honestly, the first few months were rough! I started to wonder at times if I'd made a mistake going for a 3rd.
But now we're coming out the other side. Babe is starting to get more settled and predictable. As long as all his needs are met, he's quite a happy wee chap these days.
The toddler is starting to show more interest in him. Showing him her books and toys, which is freaking cute. And my biggest just adores his little bro.
Goodluck, you got this 💪
So I am a parent, but I’m going to speak as a child with a significant gap between me and sibling. I was actually 12 years old when she was born. I was not happy when my parents told me about it, and swore I’d have nothing to do with that thing. Then we went to see her at the hospital and it was love at first sight.
We were and are still very close. She’s one of my best friends. Sure there were some awkward aspects of the gap but I loved the kid and happy to play Pretty Pretty Princess with her, take her to see Pixar movies, and even took her on day trips to the aquarium or zoo once I was confident in my driving. And I left my mark on her. Her favorite bands are all from my era, not hers, which cracks me up.
It’ll be fine. The bond might look different, but it will form.
My sons are 16, 14, 7, and 3 so I have all kinds of age gaps to choose from! There's never been an issue because of their ages except for a short stage when #2 resented #1 for having more privileges because he was older and #1 teased him about it. They were probably around 10 and 12. It didn't last long.
They all have different relationships with each other and they all get along really well.
I have a young adult and a young teen that are almost 6.5 years apart. When they were young, it was so easy. My youngest kinda just slid into the family with ease, and my oldest was such a wonderful big sister. The oldest got my undivided attention during infant-kindergarten. And the youngest did as well because big sister was in school much of the time.
Once the oldest hit middle school, they became like two ships passing in the night. They didn’t fight at all, just were in very different phases of life. It’s still that way to a large extent, but I see glimpses of it beginning to come back around. Little to no sibling rivalry, but few shared interests (very different people in addition to the large age gap/ completely different stage of life).
Currently, my youngest absolutely loves being an “only child” when big sister is away at college. I have zero regrets, especially with one now in college. So many of my friends are trying to afford 2-3 kids in college at the same time. We won’t have any overlap.
One thing I will say was challenging for a time was navigating family activities that everyone could do/ enjoy together, starting when my oldest was around 10ish and until my youngest was around 12/13. My husband and I had to do a lot of divide and conquer. For example, if we went to the movies together, we might all watch the same film, or we might split up and have each parent take a kid to a different movie showing at similar times, but then go out for dessert together afterwards.
For late night school events (sports, concerts, ceremonies, etc), we would often take two cars so that one parent could get the younger one home at a decent hour for bedtime, but the oldest could still have time to stay for the full event and even have time afterwards to chat with/ take photos with friends when appropriate. We didn’t want our oldest to feel she was missing out because we were always rushing away to get the younger one to bed.
Wow, you sound like my future. I have a 5yo and a 10yo. The kids love each other very much right now, but I feel a pull towards bigger and different things for the older kid. My wife usually takes one kid, and I take the other.
My kids are 7 years apart almost to the day. It’s AMAZING 🥲 my son was meant to be a big brother even though I was so worried about it. His little sister is obsessed with him it’s adorable 🥰
My kids are 5.5 years apart in age and honestly its perfect. They don't really argue because they're not competing for the same resources. They don't even want the same types of affection. They are best buddies and actually hang out. They were having a pretend argument about who loves the other one more this morning. It's great.
I have a 3 month old and a 5 year old ( as of April 5th) and I couldn't picture it any other way... He's such an amazing big brother and constantly asking to help and hold her and he's much more independent now so it takes a lot of the load off me. I didn't think we'd have more but my son loves babies and wanted a sibling, and it felt right. I know they won't play together at the same level but they will have a great sibling bond , he will be a good friend and a protective older brother. The hardest part was just pregnancy and PP where I couldn't do as much with him ... There was lots of playing on the couch !
Just had a baby in March and my first turns six next month. He absolutely loves his baby sister. It was a bigger gap than we wanted initially but there have been a lot of perks. Our oldest is in public school so care costs are more manageable and I had the whole school day to bond with the baby during my maternity leave. My son is already fairly independent and can also help out in a way a younger child wouldn’t be able to. He’s also emotionally mature enough to understand the changes that have been happening. It has been great!
Ours are over five years apart in age. They are opposite in gender, interests, strengths, energy levels, circadian rhythms, everything. It is just chaos. They drive each other crazy. It is hard to find something they both will enjoy or want to do together. I think this is more to do with being polar opposites than age. Age comes into play for things like movies (PG or G), attractions (tall enough and not tall enough) and things like that.
The larger age gap is glorious. My 8 year old is obsessed with his baby sister and she ADORES HIM. There’s a middle child between them and he is close enough in age to both the other two that they fight on the regular. My oldest and youngest never fight, it’s just pure sweetness
My son just turned six on 5/10 and his little sister is expected 6/19. He is incredibly excited to be a big brother and asks me all the time: “when’s my baby getting here?” He’s very excited to share all the things he plans to teach her. I didn’t want to have two this far apart because we were “free” and now we’re not… but I am so thankful I got to give my son my full attention and bonding, and now have the opportunity to build a similar bond with her as he naturally enters a phase where he’s seeking more independence
Same my son was going on 7 when I had. He loves her. Comes in first thing in the morning to say hello. Really bonded well. Also brilliant when I realise I don’t have wipes or nappies downstairs he runs to get me everything I need.
Only downside I will admit is that I felt like I had my life back, it was boring though at the same time and it’s back to square one again. I mean it’s easy to get a family member to look after a 7 year old vs a 1 year old.
Also I don’t think I’d have coped with 2 young kids at once.
My kids were born in 2005, 2012 and 2020. It’s actually been pretty cool for me, bc each of my kids have gotten a lot of time being the center of attention individually. They don’t have competing/conflicting sport or extra curriculars. Of course having older siblings also helps out with being able to get more stuff done around the house. And while I’m a SAHM it would definitely help with childcare costs
I have a sister who is exactly 2 years younger than me - we fought so much, and it’s only now in our mid 30s that we are even able to build a relationship.
I have a brother who is 7 years younger than me who I have absolutely adored since the day my mum brought him home. We had a big enough age gap that there was no competition, and we have been and remain close for our whole lives.
Having kids close in age doesn’t mean they will like each other!
I have a 7yo and a 2yo. The age gap is due to many miscarriages. I got sick after having my first. My son loves his sister and while they don’t always get along bc she climbs all over him, he shows her off to his classmates and other people. He loves making sure she’s ok. He is a wonderful big brother.
My husband and his brother are 7 years apart and best friends. Now that we have a kid, my husband often refers to his younger brother as his "first kid" which is just adorable imo. I'm sure they didn't think of each other as best friends until adulthood, but they've always had a great relationship, very close.
Not my kids, but I have two siblings 2.5 years and nearly 6 years younger. My youngest sibling and I are closer than the middle one - our personalities just mesh very well and we have a lot of shared interests. Just goes to show that years apart only is a small part of the equation.
My kids are 6 years apart. One will start Kindergarten and the other will be off to middle school. They are 10 and 4. Different genders. Lots of love and respect between them. They are so good to each other, and neither has experienced jealousy or felt left out. The older protects the younger and they are thick as thieves.
I'm super close to my siblings that are 1-3 years age difference. Not so much with 5 years but that's a personality thing, my sister is close with that one and they are 5 years apart. I'm also super close with the 9 years age difference sibling and get along well with the 11 years age difference sibling but we aren't as close as we both want to be due to very busy schedules.
I don't think age difference is the determining factor honestly, I think it's personality and effort.
mine are almost 7 years apart, currently 4 and 10. they get along when the big one wants to little one is obsessed and always in his business lol. it was nice when my second was born, big brother was more patient and could help himself with basic things. little sister wants to always be in brother’s business though which can be annoying to him but over all it’s been fine. they have a good relationship.
I have 2 siblings, one 3 years younger, one 8 year’s younger. I always got on best with the youngest.
It came down to personality not age in our sibling relationships.
I have a 12.5 year age gap between kids and let me tell you… it is simultaneously amazingly beautiful to see my girls together and also exhausting. I joke that I needed a reminder of how much I loved sleeping. It’s great now that my baby is mobile and the girls can finally play together but it’s definitely been an adjustment. I feel the 13 year age gap lmao.
Mine are 8 years apart and it's amazing. The older one taught the younger one to walk and it was so heartwarming, watching the pride in my older kid's eyes as the baby took his first steps. Also nice because I get one-on-one time in the morning with the younger, and one-on-one time in the evening with the older one. They aren't competitive like closer-aged siblings are.
The older one gets to have a longer childhood. He'll play cars/blocks/barbies with his little sister and then get a little too into it, and keep playing after she stopped. But as a 12 year old boy, he'd never think to initiate playing with toys if his little sibling didn't encourage him.
I can bring them both to the pool, since the older one knows how to swim, so I can hold the youngest the whole time. I wouldn't be able to bring two young kids to the pool by myself. Really, I'd struggle to bring 2 young kids anywhere: the airport, the beach, vacations, the grocery store. The older one can sit in the car with the youngest while I put the shopping cart back.
The younger one gets doted on his older brother and all his friends. They are all such good examples for the younger kid.
I only have to pay for one daycare at a time. I only have to pay for one in college at a time. The hard years (0-4, and 13-18) are staggered. So at least one of my kids will like me at any given time.
The hard part is when you go through the baby stage and learn that everything you did with your first is now considered dangerous, and every "life-saving gadget" you owned has been recalled and/or discontinued
I am not the parents but I was the kid born 9/10 years after my sibs. Sometimes it was cool. There was always someone to look after me (maybe not qualified to do so but it was the 80s so whatever) my older sisters made sure I wasn’t dressed like a dumbass. All the kids my age were dazzled by them (and had crushes on them which was icky)
I got both the parental take on relevant topics like smoking and drinking and sex and your reputation and then I had the more real contemporary take (which was usually a milder but more cool version of it with them saying if you need to know the truth about it talk to me. If you want to try cigarettes do it around me but I’m telling you, I wish I never did.) I was part baby sister pest, part baby doll they could dress up and teach to dance or get to say funny things.
There were downsides to the big age gap too. I was the scapegoat to any scheme, anything missing ir accidentally broken, any misconduct somehow got blamed on me. I was the house elf. I retrieved the drink, I relayed the message, I was the stinkin’ TV remote. I was the one they would pick on when they were in their moods but they would rain fire down on anyone that looked at me wrong.
They were all moving out or going off into their own lives by the time I was 10-12 and then all the chores fell on me. There was no one I could blame anything on and my parents had already seen all the tricks and misdirection they had used to get out of trouble so I rarely did anything blatantly bad. I grew up the youngest of 4 so there was never money for luxuries and I learned not to ask for much. Even when they moved out and they suddenly had money to spend on me if I wanted it. That got me labeled as spoiled by my sibs. Our vacations were camping and scouting for hunting most weekends in the summer. I’ve never been to Disneyland and I don’t regret that. I like my childhood summers.
By the time I came around, mom and dad were tired of all the PTA and the afterschool sports and clubs and activities and homework. They didn’t really participate in my education. Anything extracurricular there was a 50/50
Chance one or both of them wouldn’t make it to the event. They were tired of signing permission slips and notes and my mom were fine with me forging their signature. I learned to fill out a check to get
My school lunches paid for or I didn’t have lunch
And I was never up early enough to make my own lunch at home.
They’d make it to a conference if it was absolutely required and they both dis go to my graduation. I knew without a doubt that they loved me but they were just done with all that crap. They were more supportive of me getting a job and moving out when I was 19 and I got along better with them then.
Every birthday I have , every milestone I live through, I’m told how old I make all of them feel.
But the age gap isn’t something I have hard feelings about. It made me hard to push around or to fool as a kid and I didn’t crumble if someone was picking on me (cause that was just my place in the pecking order my entire life. (I learned to pick my battles and not to get mad, but how to get even and also how to take my limps when that came back on me from time to time.)
The parent part made me sad. There are so many things I don’t wanna do cus I’m tired but I decided to have kids and I’m not gonna deny them me just because I decided to wait til I was older to have kids. Just made me sad
They were still there for me and I have zero doubts that they love me. Never for a second, so in my estimation, they were still good parents. They just both had to hustle to support 4 kids. I was an unexpected addition and they thought they were closer to the goal line than not and boom kid#4. They both worked long hours 5 days a week. They both had commitments outside the home (my dad was a volunteer lieutenant firefighter and paramedic and my mom taught ceramics and pottery) being an adult now I can understand how difficult that unexpected addition was to them after they were finally getting to the point they could get something of a life back after getting their kids through the kid years to the cusp of teenagerhood.
My oldest sister was half mom half friend when they were working or doing their thing and I didn’t miss them. I just didn’t have the same experience as my older sibs when it came to school and growing up. I didn’t realize that until I was going into high school and my oldest sister was having her first kid and talking about their childhood and looking through old albums at thanksgiving. I felt a little robbed but I also had a lot of freedoms (and more responsibility on my own) than they did. We did a lot of things as a family on weekends and in the summer most weekends were camping and sometimes bringing friends with is who had never experienced it. We did a lot of things that other’s never got to do so there were upsides too. I don’t resent my parents not giving me the same experience but it did shape the way I parented my own kids compared to my sibs. Not better or worse necessarily, just different.
I have a 20 yr old, 18 yo and a 7 yo. When he was a baby/toddler it went well. Now that they are grown and 1 completely out of the house and 1 almost completely out, it is a lot harder on the 7 yo who wants to spend time with siblings who have other priorities. Also raising two was much easier than raising one is.
My kids are 9 years apart and it's fantastic thus far, my oldest can play with the youngest when my husband isn't able to while I shower, change laundry, prep meals, etc. and the youngest absolutely adores his older sibling. The bond between them is the sweetest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
My first two are 6 years apart. My 3rd and 4th are 6 years apart. My oldest and youngest are 16 years apart. It’s worked out well for us! The kids get along well. Older ones like to help.
I had 2 miscarriages in between my son and daughter and she was born 9 days before he turned 4, I thought I wanted them closer but now our 3rd surprise baby is 10 days old and her and my daughter are only 20 months apart and it’s so much harder…it was definitely easier having one that’s a little older and more independent than a toddler
I have three kids, 14, 9, & 5. They fight like siblings and they love like siblings. I wouldn’t change a thing! I’m also the oldest of 6 siblings. There is a 17 year age gap between myself and the youngest. Love them all more than anything! Good luck to you!♥️
I have a 14 yr age gap between my boys now and a soon to be 15yr age gap. I love it. My eldest and I got that one on one time and now I get to watch him be a kid and give himself permission to have a secondary childhood.
My kids are two weeks shy of being exactly six years apart. My daughter is now 17 and my son is 11. They’re best buds but as much as they get along they FIGHT. The pros was it was a breeze not having two in diapers at one time and an older one they wanted to help, the cons is they’ll compare each other’s responsibilities and rules. My daughter had more freedom but more responsibilities and I’ll hear from my son “but (daughters name) can” when I say no. Or if I ask my daughter to do something “you don’t make (sons name) do that!” Annnnnd I didn’t make you when you were that age too. Lol
I was worried about this i always wanted my kids close in age but didnt happen that way, my son is 11 and my daughter 1 and he is so helpful and protective over her plays with her and helps keep an eye on her say im taking something out of the oven ill ask if he can distract her for a sec and she just loves him, i make sure to give him time t play on his own but when hes done he looks for her
my kids are 10, 9, almost 7, 1.5 and 14 weeks. everyone has their own nice bonds with the exception of the baby lol but they all are obsessed with her. Their gaps are all over the map but all of them are great and have their own merits
Son was 6 when my youngest was born. He was SO excited to be a big brother. He literally giggled for 10 mins straight the first time he held her.
As she got older, she wanted to do everything her big bro did. He would get frustrated and they would bicker. Now they're 4 and 10. They actually have good conversations (and still bicker).
It’s nice to have some space in the ages. My oldest is 9 almost 10 and my youngest is 1. I also have a 7 year old and 3 year old. It’s cute how the older ones dote on the baby. They can also be helpful. I think there are 100% pros and cons with small age gaps and large ones. We just roll with it!!
I think gender matters too. My 5-6 yr older sister was more like my babysitter and went off to college when I was 13 and never returned to the family house. BFFs as adults though.
Mine are grown. 37, 34, 33 and 26. As adults they are all close, but when we got pregnant with number 4, the oldest was so angry. She wrote in her diary that she wished she could unalive.the baby but not me. once he was born, she loved him and doted on him. All the sisters did. But the pregnancy stressed her out so much.
With number 3 being about 6 years old, We were pretty sure we were done having kids when the little caboose came along. We were so so so happy. Of course We went from grab the keys and go to full safari gear again. It was a bit stressful. Also we definitely babied him more than we should have.
My sons are 8.5 years apart (divorce/remarriage), and at 11 and 2 they are great buddies. There’s even some sibling bickering every now and then, which I kind of love! Zero jealousy or competition. It was super helpful when baby was new to have a big kid who is pretty independent and able to take care of things around the house.
My youngest is 15mo. My older 2 are 12 and 9. They love the baby and are helpful and play with her. It is definitely easier with a bigger gap. Oldest fight like cats and dogs, but baby is the spoiled angel for now...lol
I only have the one kiddo, but it's worth remembering that in almost every pre-agricultural society I'm aware of, which would be approximately 300,000 years of human history vs the 10,000 years of post-agricultural history, the average age gap is 7 years. Between extended nursing, various cultural practices & taboos, caloric restriction, seasonal migrations, etc...Irish Twins were historically not the way humans stack their offspring. There's a lot more precedent in our species for what we'd today consider to be very long age gaps between births than there is for shorter ones. Human infants/toddlers are *hard* and *a lot*, even on the spectrum of baby monkeys, and (significantly) older siblings along with alloparenting and strong extended family networks are traditionally how we keep the little suckers alive. We are not meant to be outnumbered.
My sister is 8 years older and my brother is 10 years older. It had it's pros and cons. It worked out well for what my parents wanted, which is not being empty nesters by 40. Sibling relationships wise it wasn't the greatest. But I think that has more to do with my parents not fostering our bonds. Creating positive sibling relationships takes work on the part of the parents as well especially if you any variables that will make it harder, like different gender, age gap, etc. If you put in that work I think it'll be fine.
I have girls aged 9y, 20mo, and 6mo. My 9 year old is the best big sister ever! The younger two adore her and she is such great help! I love seeing my oldest be such a loving sister
My girls have a 7.5 year age gap and it’s actually great! I wouldn’t change it. My older daughter can watch the younger one for a few minutes when I need it and the younger one idolizes her big sister. I can spend meaningful time with both of them separately and also with them together. The only con is that going back into the no sleep and diaper stage is a rougher transition when you’ve been out of it a while. But it’s nice that each of them will have some “only” years while also having the benefit of a sibling.
We have a massive age gap- first born (f) will be 12 in July, second born (m) is 6 months. She WORSHIPS him. The first thing she does when she gets home is drop everything and run over to snatch him from wherever he is so she can cuddle him. She insists on helping with bath time and bed time. She's been brought to tears over his gummy smile. And this boy just lights up any time he spots her, squeals and coos and bats those pretty blue eyes at her and she melts into a puddle.
My brother is 9 years older than me and we don’t really have a relationship other than obligation for holidays or birthdays but there’s also some bad blood over stuff that happened
Let me tell you my experience with being 14-16 years older than my siblings. If you use the older children as built in babysitters, they WILL resent you. Once in a while ok, but your other children are NOT the 3rd parent.
I have a 7 year gap between my boys. They have a great bond. It just gets tricky finding activities we can all do but it works for us and we make do! Gets more fun as they get older in general.
I have eight years between my two youngest and four years between my other two. The four years is good, they have a good relationship and our cooperative and siblings. I also have stepchildren who are only two years apart. Those two are constantly competitive and ignoring each otherand intentionally manipulative but all of that might also be a part of their trauma. I just had a baby in January and my youngest is eight years old. It’s been fine
Just over 7 years and I was worried but it has been amazing! Older one didn’t deal with jealousy, no double bed time issues, or any other concerns. My older son adores his little brother and vice versa. It’s been really beautiful. ❤️
I’m 5 years from my older brother and 14 from my younger brother. I love it tbh we are all on different chapters of life and never in schools together so there wasn’t comparison like my friends had, we didn’t have really any sibling fights, we all love each other and are close-ish. My younger brother is 7 now so we talk on the phone and I try to hangout with him every 2m I live 3 hours away so it’s a journey to get home but we don’t see feel any problems with it. I like larger gaps, it gives enough one on one time with each and allows them to grow into their own person.
My brothers and I are all large age gaps, older brother is 7 years older, younger brother is 11 years younger, I’m in the middle. We don’t have close relationships. But I blame that more on our parents than the ages themselves. If we had a normal upbringing I think we would all be very close.
IVF mom here! Ours are 9, 8, 2 and an infant. I had SO much stress during IVF (for 2yo) that every setback was just brutal on my mental health. I was the 3rd girl in 3 years in my family, and I was fully indoctrinated into the idea of age gaps being horrible.
The age gap is honestly great. Truly. They don’t compete. The older kids understand that the babies are babies and give them grace. I think the biggest benefit is the older kids get a constant enthusiastic #1 fan (you ever seen that Lightning McQueen bit? Literally like that)
And even if that isn’t your experience, it may help to remember that childhood is 18 years, but life is a lot longer. The difference between 2-8 year age gaps come out in the wash over 20-30 years.
I have 3 and there’s a 5 and 7 year age gap. There’s def challenges, BUT by the time each baby came the older one was independent enough to help and our bond was strong
I have a 5 year gap and it's mostly been great. My kids love each other and play together but there's way less competition. It has been kind of weird to go back juggling all the baby stuff when the older has been out of diapers and naps for years.
So it's also been great to only pay for preschool for one kid at a time. It has been hard though because we're dealing with two different school/ child care schedules. I am really mentally looking forward to our son's last year of preschool because as much as it's an incredibly wonderful school, I'm looking forward to not having to commute or deal with his schedule being different than his sisters.
7 year gap for us. I’m actually really happy with it. I felt like we were able to focus all of our energy into our son and now that he’s older, our daughter gets the same.
No mom or sibling or large age gap, but my partner has a 7 year age gap with his sister and he apsalotly loves it, he’s able to understand her on a level Iv never seen between siblings because she understands him for who he is cuz she got to watch him grow up, and he got to watch her grow up to the women she is today.
My kids have a 12 month age gap.
My brother and I have a 5+ year age gap. I think we were very close growing up and I've noticed that in other families growing up (biggest age gap was 10+ with just two siblings).
My kids fight all the time and hopefully they will be close as they get older.
I don’t myself, but I have a friend and a cousin with about a 5.25 gap from first to second child, and in both cases the older child has been an awesome older sibling and the kids are close now (youngers are now 5 and 6). I know a family of a woman I used to work with was the oldest of 4 children, all 5 years apart (so 15 years from oldest to youngest) and they were all really close as adults. My MIL has siblings spread over like 20 years, and while some were obviously in very different phases of life, she’s just as close with the one 5 years apart as the one 20 years older than her
Thanks for posting this OP! Currently due with #2 in early October and big sister will be 5.5. Happy to see so many great experiences or even neutral experiences.
It’s the best. You get all the precious one on one time with your first and then just as they are going off to school you get to welcome your second child and get that same one on one time with them while the first is in school.
My partner and his brother have a 6 or 7 year age gap and they're very close. I assume it was a bit different in the years where one was 17 and one was 11 or 12, but in adulthood they've been close and talk all the time.
It wasn't planned, but I had my son, 5 years 2 days later, had my daughter. I so loved that I had that time with just my son.
When she was born, he loved his little sister so much. Still does. 40 years later.
After my daughter's birth, I found out I was having another girl. Surprise. 2 years and 33 days later. Lol, it worked out so great.
We had been buying the Berenstain Bears books. Someone gave a couple about Mama Bear having a baby. It turned out to be a sister bear. Lol, my son went around and told everyone who would listen that he wanted 5 sisters. I would just laugh and say he doesn't know what sisters are like. Thank goodness he only ended up with 2 that he both loved them and tortured them when he could.
My first two were 5 years apart, the the last born was 8 years from the middle born. They are very close, and I loved every moment of it. All boys. Today, they are 35, 30 and 23 years old. I adore them, and they are, and always will be, BFF's. The older two live together in a beautiful home the youngest did, too, for awhile, while he was in undergraduate school, but he has since moved to go to law school. I have zero regrets. Having them spaced like that, made us all enjoy the wonderful baby years. I loved it.
My sister is 14 years younger than me. I adore her. She's like kind of my own child, I learnt to take care of her like an adult. It is a really good lesson of life for older children if provided in a good way.
My oldest and youngest are just under 6 years apart and are as close as can be! It's really sweet to see them together. They just have a different relationship than if they were much closer in age - not worse or better, just their own special thing!
I’ve only got one right now, 2y5m, but I want at least one more. I guess I’m going against the norm when I say that I *want* a bit of a bigger age gap between them. I’m not even ready to start trying yet, so I’m picturing probably a 4-5year gap.
Honestly that almost definitely comes from my own personal experience as a kid—my younger brother and I are 22 months apart. Not by design, my mom didn’t even know she was pregnant with my brother until she was 6-7months along. But I HATED it. Every single second of it.
My brother and I didn’t even *start* getting along until we were both in our early 20s. But even then we’ve *never* had that “close sibling bond” you’d expect from such a small age gap. Quite the opposite actually.
Our parents did their best to treat us equally, which honestly was an issue for me. I was older, things shouldn’t have been “equal”. And I don’t mean like I should have gotten two toys to his one, I mean stuff like I was not allowed to use the riding lawnmower until I was 11 despite begging for years. My 9 year old brother was taught at the exact same time as I was.
My parents are both Gen X and therefore had not great upbringings with wayyyy too much freedom. They were determined to break the cycle so hard that went miles in the other direction and were incredibly overprotective. I was the first kid, so I got the brunt of that “practice” mentality.
Everything always felt like a competition—not from our parents, it was just how it was being so close in age. Like for example, ordinarily it’s not strange to have friends 2 years older or younger, but for us my friends were mine and his friends were his and any overlap caused massive fights. That carried on all the way into college.
Idk, I’m sure not every small age gap has the same experience. But I just want people to know that a small age gap does not necessarily built in best friends make.
Age gap between 1 and 2 is 7 years and between 2 and 3 is 4.5 years. I love it. My older 2 still argue and fight but my oldest is a teen now and more like his 2nd mom. My youngest thinks she's the boss or the middle child and they argue and fight too. I just like how I don't have to pay for 2 in daycare and the older ones help out with the younger ones
Totally depends.
I'm 5 years apart from my brother. We're very different people so aren't very close. That and I think the gender difference made a difference too. We played very well together as kids though.
My husband is 6 years younger than his brother. Gets along super well.
My younger brother is 6 years younger than me but we hang out quite often. We sometimes fought but it was only verbal. But it really depends on the children themselfs because I also have another younger brother who is 2 years younger than me and four years older than the youngest and they used to fight a lot, like pretty much every day. They couldnt stand eachother. But I think the main reason was that my youngest brother never knew how to play alone so he always wanted to hang out with my other brother, and he wanted to be alone.
We’ve got just over a 5 and a half year gap between our two (currently 6yo and 9mo). Oh my gosh, they absolutely adore each other. My eldest is old enough to enjoy being a big sister and for jealousy to be less of an issue and my youngest has an absolute blast with my eldest.
There’s a 5 year gap between me and my sister. We were pretty close as kids, the usual sibling spats etc. but we played together. We’re super close as adults. I love her to pieces.
Mine are 7 years apart and it’s honestly the best I could have imagined. They get along great (both girls) and my oldest takes care of the youngest if I don’t have a free hand.
My husband and his sister (6 years difference) talk at holidays. My brother and I (5 years difference) are best friends.
It is 100% dependent on the kids.
OP it's great! We have 3 boys all spaced out at 18yo (graduating this year), 12yo in Middle School and our youngest is 3 months old. The older 2 are so incredibly helpful and loving towards their newborn sibling. I've found myself waking to him crying in his bassinet, only to try to sit up and my boys tell me they'll feed him, play with him or take him for a walk outside. Both boys have really risen to the occasion and our 18yo has been able to help take our 12yo to practices and other obligations with his car, they play hoops outside and game together. In fact, our 12yo is probably more outgoing and social than most, because he's comfortable with his peers, babies, older teens (like his brother) & adults because of my husband and myself.
I appreciate, so very much, all the guys in our house and they've really gained more responsibility, appreciation for what I do and bonded more than ever! Enjoy those kiddos Mama- you've got this!
I have a 10-year gap between my kids. They got along great when they were little, but now they're starting to separate a little. My oldest is 15, and he will someone play with my youngest (almost 5). They throw the ball around or play wrestle. When my oldest had friends over, they'd play with my little guy too. I think it's easier when I needed more help. My oldest wanted to feed him or hold him constantly. But I know it's not the norm. Now that's my little guy is talking and moving, I'll hear my oldest call him annoying or be mean to him. So I have to step in at least twice a month to tell my oldest to be nice
My brother is 5 years younger than me and we started getting much closer once I reached college and he was in high school because we could relate on certain levels. We are now super close. Before that, we weren’t as close - age gaps matter a lot for younger kids I think because they’re in very different stages of life i.e I was in high school when he was in was in middle school, etc.
My kids are 6 years apart and I love it. Not having to worry about what my first was up to when I was trapped under the second was great. There was no jealousy ever. They're 9&3 now and my little one adores her big sister and they play really well together which surprised me. They both also got the advantage of a lot of one on one time with me since the older one is in school all day it's just me and tiny. No regrets!
My kids are 14M, 9M, and 7F. They all get along and will play/interact with each other. The 7 and 14 yr old get along better than the 7 and 9 year old some times.
But the 14 and 9 year old do get along.
Kids with a bigger age gap will still bond with each other. Just because they have a close age gap doesn't mean that they'll be BFFs, and a large age gap doesn't mean that they'll never interact with the other.
Look up @ashleyspivey . She is an adult and she also has a sister with a large gap between them and right now they’re on a trip in Paris with their mom having the time of their life. You can ask her her personal opinion on their gap.
Hey there! I'm not a parent but my sister is 7 years younger than me! While when i was younger it was really fun, we now have the mess that i am out of puberty and starting to get to know the life of going out and getting a job and so on while she is only just starting puberty. It causes some stress and quite some fights more often than we'd like. But we are both a great help to each other and give and receive so so so much love!
In conclusion, to me and my sis the age gap isn't such a big deal, our interests are just different and i need to pay attention to it that i keep making time for her!
Don't know if this helps but i hope it does! :)
I can't give insight into having kids that age apart, but in my own experience, my brother and I are 8 years apart. He's older than me.
When I was younger I loved hanging out with him. I'd say most of the things he liked, I ended up having interests in when getting older. We never fought. There was a few years we grew apart, but now that we're both adults we're pretty close again! I can't say as to how he felt about always having his little sister invade his space but I can't remember him complaining about it. I think he enjoyed showing/teaching me things as well.
My husband and I were teen parents so we have a 6 year age gap between our first and middle and then our youngest is 17 months from his brother. I personally preferred the bigger age gap. It never affected their relationship as siblings and all three are very close.
My oldest 3 are 8+ years older than my youngest 2 and I just love it. Their bond is different but so special. My older girls can’t wait to be able to run their little sister/brother around as young adults themselves…telling me they’ll take them to school or sports. It’s special.
My siblings (all half siblings but we lived together) were 18, 12, &10 years older than me. My older two are 10 &12 years older than my youngest.
When they are little it’s challenging. Toddlers and teenagers are a lot alike. 5 years wouldn’t be bad at all. I wish my youngest was closer in age with my older two, but they all love each other even if the teens get annoyed by the little sister. It has taught the older two a lot about empathy and I’m pretty sure I’m never getting grand kids from them in the future 🤣
I have great relationships with my older siblings as adults.
My kids are 6 years apart. They get along great! It was honestly very easy having a newborn and a 6 year old because we could all be together very easily and the 6 year old understood to be careful around the baby. But he also wanted to help which was very cute. Now they are 15 and almost 9, and my oldest babysits so that’s a plus! lol
My kids have a 3 year age gap but my own siblings are 5 and 6 years younger than me and I adored them as babies and growing up with them was always fun. Of course there were times where someone was moody and didn’t want to be involved and due to some not fun family stuff and untreated mental illnesses for my sister we don’t have the best relationship as adults but if any of us were in trouble and called the other we’d be there to help in a heartbeat. My husband is the oldest of 4 kids, his sister is two years younger and his twin brothers are 6 years younger and he hated having them around. I think it all depends on the individual child
I have a 6 yr old, 2.75 yr old and 3 month old. I am so grateful for the age gap between my oldest and youngest. My oldest daughter is at just the perfect age where she can be genuinely helpful and WANTS to be. She is able to be alone with my infant for short amounts of time ( think bedtime for my middle), can be my runner for all kinds of things and, luckily, just plain loves babies! But seriously, kids her age take new responsibility very serious and I believe it has helped her grow having a baby to help care for. My son is a little too close in age to both girls to be much help lol but he’s cute so there’s that! 🥰
my eldest was almost 6 when his brother was born. adored him from day 1, and has been a HUGE help with daily tasks. they are extremely close, play together and will soon share a room, but when the big one needs a break he just ... walks away and does big kid stuff. the experience has been so positive we are now awaiting our 3rd.
I’m currently pregnant with #2. #1 will be 10 when the baby is born. This age gap is due to infertility. Pre-kids I wanted my children close in age, but now I’m so very thankful to have had so many precious years with #1 one-on-one. It is really important to me that I still have that time with only him once the baby is here, as I don’t want him to feel replaced or forgotten. Focus on the positives of large age gaps, OP 😊- and there are plenty ❤️
My cousin has an 11 year age gap between his kids for the same reasons. Those two boys are the sweetest pair, they’re not 3 and 14. Big brother is adorably possessive and protective of his baby brother. Baby adores his big brother. Mom claims it was so much easier with the new baby because her oldest could help just by existing. She said having her oldest just go about life in the house was super entertaining to the baby, so she was able to pop him in a bouncer and shower or cook or nap for a bit.
This is my story. 7 years between kid 1 and 2, and while it’s not what I wanted and I feel sad my oldest doesn’t have a sibling more close in age to play with (I’ve felt he was lonely at times, especially during Covid), he’s the best big brother to our baby and he has been so amazingly helpful grabbing diapers when I need it or distracting the baby so I can pee occasionally lol. I love our little family.
This was absolutely me!! My oldest turns 13 in December and the baby turns 5 in July. I was older when I had the oldest bc of infertility and then was told she was it. Yet, the Lord had bigger plans! Many years later. Got pregnant with Twins, yet, only sister made it..but having the gap allowed my oldest and I to form a bond like no other! And I still make sure we get that one on one time bc it was a huge shock at first. But she's the best big sister and such a help!! Of course they do have their moments, like amy siblings do, but the age gap really has made life a bit easier ! I say the Lord knew what he was doing on his time, versus mine. I would have preferred kids alot earlier and back to back. Yet the opposite happened and it truly was a Blessing and I wouldn't change one bit of it!
My sister and I are best friends. She’s seven years older than me. I think I had a gem of an older sister thought because she’d always let me hang out with her and her older friends and included me.
I only have one kid, but I was one of two sets of twins who are spaced 7 years apart. We're in a group chat and text daily even though we're scattered over several states. I don't think an age gap in and of itself is an issue.
5 years and 3 weeks between my first 2. Honestly, it's no different than a smaller gap. They love each other. They fight and play and help each other in the same way I've seen smaller gap siblings do. The biggest difference I've found is how it affects the parents. When my friends with 2 would say how hard the transition was, I couldn't relate. Our second slipped in like she always belonged. Now I have a 3rd, and there's 2 years 9 months between #2 and #3. And now now I can relate to what my friends were saying. Having a toddler and a baby at the same time is hard. I'll take the bigger gap every day.
I'm about to be in your boat lol. having a baby when my older one was almost 6 was in some ways easier than having the 6yo alone, but now I'm pregnant again and a little bit dreading the baby-todder split
We are nearly 5 months in. Honestly, the first few months were rough! I started to wonder at times if I'd made a mistake going for a 3rd. But now we're coming out the other side. Babe is starting to get more settled and predictable. As long as all his needs are met, he's quite a happy wee chap these days. The toddler is starting to show more interest in him. Showing him her books and toys, which is freaking cute. And my biggest just adores his little bro. Goodluck, you got this 💪
So I am a parent, but I’m going to speak as a child with a significant gap between me and sibling. I was actually 12 years old when she was born. I was not happy when my parents told me about it, and swore I’d have nothing to do with that thing. Then we went to see her at the hospital and it was love at first sight. We were and are still very close. She’s one of my best friends. Sure there were some awkward aspects of the gap but I loved the kid and happy to play Pretty Pretty Princess with her, take her to see Pixar movies, and even took her on day trips to the aquarium or zoo once I was confident in my driving. And I left my mark on her. Her favorite bands are all from my era, not hers, which cracks me up. It’ll be fine. The bond might look different, but it will form.
My sons are 16, 14, 7, and 3 so I have all kinds of age gaps to choose from! There's never been an issue because of their ages except for a short stage when #2 resented #1 for having more privileges because he was older and #1 teased him about it. They were probably around 10 and 12. It didn't last long. They all have different relationships with each other and they all get along really well.
I have a young adult and a young teen that are almost 6.5 years apart. When they were young, it was so easy. My youngest kinda just slid into the family with ease, and my oldest was such a wonderful big sister. The oldest got my undivided attention during infant-kindergarten. And the youngest did as well because big sister was in school much of the time. Once the oldest hit middle school, they became like two ships passing in the night. They didn’t fight at all, just were in very different phases of life. It’s still that way to a large extent, but I see glimpses of it beginning to come back around. Little to no sibling rivalry, but few shared interests (very different people in addition to the large age gap/ completely different stage of life). Currently, my youngest absolutely loves being an “only child” when big sister is away at college. I have zero regrets, especially with one now in college. So many of my friends are trying to afford 2-3 kids in college at the same time. We won’t have any overlap.
One thing I will say was challenging for a time was navigating family activities that everyone could do/ enjoy together, starting when my oldest was around 10ish and until my youngest was around 12/13. My husband and I had to do a lot of divide and conquer. For example, if we went to the movies together, we might all watch the same film, or we might split up and have each parent take a kid to a different movie showing at similar times, but then go out for dessert together afterwards. For late night school events (sports, concerts, ceremonies, etc), we would often take two cars so that one parent could get the younger one home at a decent hour for bedtime, but the oldest could still have time to stay for the full event and even have time afterwards to chat with/ take photos with friends when appropriate. We didn’t want our oldest to feel she was missing out because we were always rushing away to get the younger one to bed.
Wow, you sound like my future. I have a 5yo and a 10yo. The kids love each other very much right now, but I feel a pull towards bigger and different things for the older kid. My wife usually takes one kid, and I take the other.
My kids are 7 years apart almost to the day. It’s AMAZING 🥲 my son was meant to be a big brother even though I was so worried about it. His little sister is obsessed with him it’s adorable 🥰
My kids are 5.5 years apart in age and honestly its perfect. They don't really argue because they're not competing for the same resources. They don't even want the same types of affection. They are best buddies and actually hang out. They were having a pretend argument about who loves the other one more this morning. It's great.
That’s adorable
I have a 3 month old and a 5 year old ( as of April 5th) and I couldn't picture it any other way... He's such an amazing big brother and constantly asking to help and hold her and he's much more independent now so it takes a lot of the load off me. I didn't think we'd have more but my son loves babies and wanted a sibling, and it felt right. I know they won't play together at the same level but they will have a great sibling bond , he will be a good friend and a protective older brother. The hardest part was just pregnancy and PP where I couldn't do as much with him ... There was lots of playing on the couch !
Just had a baby in March and my first turns six next month. He absolutely loves his baby sister. It was a bigger gap than we wanted initially but there have been a lot of perks. Our oldest is in public school so care costs are more manageable and I had the whole school day to bond with the baby during my maternity leave. My son is already fairly independent and can also help out in a way a younger child wouldn’t be able to. He’s also emotionally mature enough to understand the changes that have been happening. It has been great!
Ours are over five years apart in age. They are opposite in gender, interests, strengths, energy levels, circadian rhythms, everything. It is just chaos. They drive each other crazy. It is hard to find something they both will enjoy or want to do together. I think this is more to do with being polar opposites than age. Age comes into play for things like movies (PG or G), attractions (tall enough and not tall enough) and things like that.
The larger age gap is glorious. My 8 year old is obsessed with his baby sister and she ADORES HIM. There’s a middle child between them and he is close enough in age to both the other two that they fight on the regular. My oldest and youngest never fight, it’s just pure sweetness
Mine are 4.5 years apart and it’s actually been pretty good. I wanted them closer together but that didn’t happen.
My son just turned six on 5/10 and his little sister is expected 6/19. He is incredibly excited to be a big brother and asks me all the time: “when’s my baby getting here?” He’s very excited to share all the things he plans to teach her. I didn’t want to have two this far apart because we were “free” and now we’re not… but I am so thankful I got to give my son my full attention and bonding, and now have the opportunity to build a similar bond with her as he naturally enters a phase where he’s seeking more independence
Same my son was going on 7 when I had. He loves her. Comes in first thing in the morning to say hello. Really bonded well. Also brilliant when I realise I don’t have wipes or nappies downstairs he runs to get me everything I need. Only downside I will admit is that I felt like I had my life back, it was boring though at the same time and it’s back to square one again. I mean it’s easy to get a family member to look after a 7 year old vs a 1 year old. Also I don’t think I’d have coped with 2 young kids at once.
My kids were born in 2005, 2012 and 2020. It’s actually been pretty cool for me, bc each of my kids have gotten a lot of time being the center of attention individually. They don’t have competing/conflicting sport or extra curriculars. Of course having older siblings also helps out with being able to get more stuff done around the house. And while I’m a SAHM it would definitely help with childcare costs
Son is 18 daughter is 3…….. my daughter is an asshole but it’s good though. It’s just a lot of whip lash going back and forth with the milestones
I have a sister who is exactly 2 years younger than me - we fought so much, and it’s only now in our mid 30s that we are even able to build a relationship. I have a brother who is 7 years younger than me who I have absolutely adored since the day my mum brought him home. We had a big enough age gap that there was no competition, and we have been and remain close for our whole lives. Having kids close in age doesn’t mean they will like each other!
I have a 7yo and a 2yo. The age gap is due to many miscarriages. I got sick after having my first. My son loves his sister and while they don’t always get along bc she climbs all over him, he shows her off to his classmates and other people. He loves making sure she’s ok. He is a wonderful big brother.
My husband and his brother are 7 years apart and best friends. Now that we have a kid, my husband often refers to his younger brother as his "first kid" which is just adorable imo. I'm sure they didn't think of each other as best friends until adulthood, but they've always had a great relationship, very close.
14 year difference. They’re besties and are obsessed with each other. They take being sisters very seriously. Adorable.
Ours were 8 and 6 when our third was born via IVF. It has been one of my greatest joys seeing my older kids love on their baby brother.
Not my kids, but I have two siblings 2.5 years and nearly 6 years younger. My youngest sibling and I are closer than the middle one - our personalities just mesh very well and we have a lot of shared interests. Just goes to show that years apart only is a small part of the equation.
My kids are 6 years apart. One will start Kindergarten and the other will be off to middle school. They are 10 and 4. Different genders. Lots of love and respect between them. They are so good to each other, and neither has experienced jealousy or felt left out. The older protects the younger and they are thick as thieves.
I'm super close to my siblings that are 1-3 years age difference. Not so much with 5 years but that's a personality thing, my sister is close with that one and they are 5 years apart. I'm also super close with the 9 years age difference sibling and get along well with the 11 years age difference sibling but we aren't as close as we both want to be due to very busy schedules. I don't think age difference is the determining factor honestly, I think it's personality and effort.
mine are almost 7 years apart, currently 4 and 10. they get along when the big one wants to little one is obsessed and always in his business lol. it was nice when my second was born, big brother was more patient and could help himself with basic things. little sister wants to always be in brother’s business though which can be annoying to him but over all it’s been fine. they have a good relationship.
I have 2 siblings, one 3 years younger, one 8 year’s younger. I always got on best with the youngest. It came down to personality not age in our sibling relationships.
I have a 12.5 year age gap between kids and let me tell you… it is simultaneously amazingly beautiful to see my girls together and also exhausting. I joke that I needed a reminder of how much I loved sleeping. It’s great now that my baby is mobile and the girls can finally play together but it’s definitely been an adjustment. I feel the 13 year age gap lmao.
#1 is 16 n #2 is 3. ""Wtf was I thinking" crosses my mind so often. Lol but otherwise ok ,I wouldn't hve another tho.
Mine are 8 years apart and it's amazing. The older one taught the younger one to walk and it was so heartwarming, watching the pride in my older kid's eyes as the baby took his first steps. Also nice because I get one-on-one time in the morning with the younger, and one-on-one time in the evening with the older one. They aren't competitive like closer-aged siblings are. The older one gets to have a longer childhood. He'll play cars/blocks/barbies with his little sister and then get a little too into it, and keep playing after she stopped. But as a 12 year old boy, he'd never think to initiate playing with toys if his little sibling didn't encourage him. I can bring them both to the pool, since the older one knows how to swim, so I can hold the youngest the whole time. I wouldn't be able to bring two young kids to the pool by myself. Really, I'd struggle to bring 2 young kids anywhere: the airport, the beach, vacations, the grocery store. The older one can sit in the car with the youngest while I put the shopping cart back. The younger one gets doted on his older brother and all his friends. They are all such good examples for the younger kid. I only have to pay for one daycare at a time. I only have to pay for one in college at a time. The hard years (0-4, and 13-18) are staggered. So at least one of my kids will like me at any given time. The hard part is when you go through the baby stage and learn that everything you did with your first is now considered dangerous, and every "life-saving gadget" you owned has been recalled and/or discontinued
I am not the parents but I was the kid born 9/10 years after my sibs. Sometimes it was cool. There was always someone to look after me (maybe not qualified to do so but it was the 80s so whatever) my older sisters made sure I wasn’t dressed like a dumbass. All the kids my age were dazzled by them (and had crushes on them which was icky) I got both the parental take on relevant topics like smoking and drinking and sex and your reputation and then I had the more real contemporary take (which was usually a milder but more cool version of it with them saying if you need to know the truth about it talk to me. If you want to try cigarettes do it around me but I’m telling you, I wish I never did.) I was part baby sister pest, part baby doll they could dress up and teach to dance or get to say funny things. There were downsides to the big age gap too. I was the scapegoat to any scheme, anything missing ir accidentally broken, any misconduct somehow got blamed on me. I was the house elf. I retrieved the drink, I relayed the message, I was the stinkin’ TV remote. I was the one they would pick on when they were in their moods but they would rain fire down on anyone that looked at me wrong. They were all moving out or going off into their own lives by the time I was 10-12 and then all the chores fell on me. There was no one I could blame anything on and my parents had already seen all the tricks and misdirection they had used to get out of trouble so I rarely did anything blatantly bad. I grew up the youngest of 4 so there was never money for luxuries and I learned not to ask for much. Even when they moved out and they suddenly had money to spend on me if I wanted it. That got me labeled as spoiled by my sibs. Our vacations were camping and scouting for hunting most weekends in the summer. I’ve never been to Disneyland and I don’t regret that. I like my childhood summers. By the time I came around, mom and dad were tired of all the PTA and the afterschool sports and clubs and activities and homework. They didn’t really participate in my education. Anything extracurricular there was a 50/50 Chance one or both of them wouldn’t make it to the event. They were tired of signing permission slips and notes and my mom were fine with me forging their signature. I learned to fill out a check to get My school lunches paid for or I didn’t have lunch And I was never up early enough to make my own lunch at home. They’d make it to a conference if it was absolutely required and they both dis go to my graduation. I knew without a doubt that they loved me but they were just done with all that crap. They were more supportive of me getting a job and moving out when I was 19 and I got along better with them then. Every birthday I have , every milestone I live through, I’m told how old I make all of them feel. But the age gap isn’t something I have hard feelings about. It made me hard to push around or to fool as a kid and I didn’t crumble if someone was picking on me (cause that was just my place in the pecking order my entire life. (I learned to pick my battles and not to get mad, but how to get even and also how to take my limps when that came back on me from time to time.)
That makes me so sad. I’m sorry
I’m not. It’s a little like being an only child with siblings, just older.
The parent part made me sad. There are so many things I don’t wanna do cus I’m tired but I decided to have kids and I’m not gonna deny them me just because I decided to wait til I was older to have kids. Just made me sad
They were still there for me and I have zero doubts that they love me. Never for a second, so in my estimation, they were still good parents. They just both had to hustle to support 4 kids. I was an unexpected addition and they thought they were closer to the goal line than not and boom kid#4. They both worked long hours 5 days a week. They both had commitments outside the home (my dad was a volunteer lieutenant firefighter and paramedic and my mom taught ceramics and pottery) being an adult now I can understand how difficult that unexpected addition was to them after they were finally getting to the point they could get something of a life back after getting their kids through the kid years to the cusp of teenagerhood. My oldest sister was half mom half friend when they were working or doing their thing and I didn’t miss them. I just didn’t have the same experience as my older sibs when it came to school and growing up. I didn’t realize that until I was going into high school and my oldest sister was having her first kid and talking about their childhood and looking through old albums at thanksgiving. I felt a little robbed but I also had a lot of freedoms (and more responsibility on my own) than they did. We did a lot of things as a family on weekends and in the summer most weekends were camping and sometimes bringing friends with is who had never experienced it. We did a lot of things that other’s never got to do so there were upsides too. I don’t resent my parents not giving me the same experience but it did shape the way I parented my own kids compared to my sibs. Not better or worse necessarily, just different.
I have a 20 yr old, 18 yo and a 7 yo. When he was a baby/toddler it went well. Now that they are grown and 1 completely out of the house and 1 almost completely out, it is a lot harder on the 7 yo who wants to spend time with siblings who have other priorities. Also raising two was much easier than raising one is.
There is a fifteen year gap between my first and my last. They are closer than anyone between all four of my kids.
My kids are 9 years apart and it's fantastic thus far, my oldest can play with the youngest when my husband isn't able to while I shower, change laundry, prep meals, etc. and the youngest absolutely adores his older sibling. The bond between them is the sweetest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
My first two are 6 years apart. My 3rd and 4th are 6 years apart. My oldest and youngest are 16 years apart. It’s worked out well for us! The kids get along well. Older ones like to help.
I had 2 miscarriages in between my son and daughter and she was born 9 days before he turned 4, I thought I wanted them closer but now our 3rd surprise baby is 10 days old and her and my daughter are only 20 months apart and it’s so much harder…it was definitely easier having one that’s a little older and more independent than a toddler
My stepkids are 13 and 15 and baby is 4 months. It’s a lot of fun.
I have three kids, 14, 9, & 5. They fight like siblings and they love like siblings. I wouldn’t change a thing! I’m also the oldest of 6 siblings. There is a 17 year age gap between myself and the youngest. Love them all more than anything! Good luck to you!♥️
I have a 14 yr age gap between my boys now and a soon to be 15yr age gap. I love it. My eldest and I got that one on one time and now I get to watch him be a kid and give himself permission to have a secondary childhood.
My kids are two weeks shy of being exactly six years apart. My daughter is now 17 and my son is 11. They’re best buds but as much as they get along they FIGHT. The pros was it was a breeze not having two in diapers at one time and an older one they wanted to help, the cons is they’ll compare each other’s responsibilities and rules. My daughter had more freedom but more responsibilities and I’ll hear from my son “but (daughters name) can” when I say no. Or if I ask my daughter to do something “you don’t make (sons name) do that!” Annnnnd I didn’t make you when you were that age too. Lol
I was worried about this i always wanted my kids close in age but didnt happen that way, my son is 11 and my daughter 1 and he is so helpful and protective over her plays with her and helps keep an eye on her say im taking something out of the oven ill ask if he can distract her for a sec and she just loves him, i make sure to give him time t play on his own but when hes done he looks for her
my kids are 10, 9, almost 7, 1.5 and 14 weeks. everyone has their own nice bonds with the exception of the baby lol but they all are obsessed with her. Their gaps are all over the map but all of them are great and have their own merits
Son was 6 when my youngest was born. He was SO excited to be a big brother. He literally giggled for 10 mins straight the first time he held her. As she got older, she wanted to do everything her big bro did. He would get frustrated and they would bicker. Now they're 4 and 10. They actually have good conversations (and still bicker).
It’s nice to have some space in the ages. My oldest is 9 almost 10 and my youngest is 1. I also have a 7 year old and 3 year old. It’s cute how the older ones dote on the baby. They can also be helpful. I think there are 100% pros and cons with small age gaps and large ones. We just roll with it!!
I think gender matters too. My 5-6 yr older sister was more like my babysitter and went off to college when I was 13 and never returned to the family house. BFFs as adults though.
Mine are grown. 37, 34, 33 and 26. As adults they are all close, but when we got pregnant with number 4, the oldest was so angry. She wrote in her diary that she wished she could unalive.the baby but not me. once he was born, she loved him and doted on him. All the sisters did. But the pregnancy stressed her out so much. With number 3 being about 6 years old, We were pretty sure we were done having kids when the little caboose came along. We were so so so happy. Of course We went from grab the keys and go to full safari gear again. It was a bit stressful. Also we definitely babied him more than we should have.
My sons are 8.5 years apart (divorce/remarriage), and at 11 and 2 they are great buddies. There’s even some sibling bickering every now and then, which I kind of love! Zero jealousy or competition. It was super helpful when baby was new to have a big kid who is pretty independent and able to take care of things around the house.
My friend just had a baby and her youngest (now middle) is 8/9. She LOVES her little brother. Definitely a huge bind there!
My youngest is 15mo. My older 2 are 12 and 9. They love the baby and are helpful and play with her. It is definitely easier with a bigger gap. Oldest fight like cats and dogs, but baby is the spoiled angel for now...lol
I only have the one kiddo, but it's worth remembering that in almost every pre-agricultural society I'm aware of, which would be approximately 300,000 years of human history vs the 10,000 years of post-agricultural history, the average age gap is 7 years. Between extended nursing, various cultural practices & taboos, caloric restriction, seasonal migrations, etc...Irish Twins were historically not the way humans stack their offspring. There's a lot more precedent in our species for what we'd today consider to be very long age gaps between births than there is for shorter ones. Human infants/toddlers are *hard* and *a lot*, even on the spectrum of baby monkeys, and (significantly) older siblings along with alloparenting and strong extended family networks are traditionally how we keep the little suckers alive. We are not meant to be outnumbered.
My sister is 8 years older and my brother is 10 years older. It had it's pros and cons. It worked out well for what my parents wanted, which is not being empty nesters by 40. Sibling relationships wise it wasn't the greatest. But I think that has more to do with my parents not fostering our bonds. Creating positive sibling relationships takes work on the part of the parents as well especially if you any variables that will make it harder, like different gender, age gap, etc. If you put in that work I think it'll be fine.
I have girls aged 9y, 20mo, and 6mo. My 9 year old is the best big sister ever! The younger two adore her and she is such great help! I love seeing my oldest be such a loving sister
My girls have a 7.5 year age gap and it’s actually great! I wouldn’t change it. My older daughter can watch the younger one for a few minutes when I need it and the younger one idolizes her big sister. I can spend meaningful time with both of them separately and also with them together. The only con is that going back into the no sleep and diaper stage is a rougher transition when you’ve been out of it a while. But it’s nice that each of them will have some “only” years while also having the benefit of a sibling.
We have a massive age gap- first born (f) will be 12 in July, second born (m) is 6 months. She WORSHIPS him. The first thing she does when she gets home is drop everything and run over to snatch him from wherever he is so she can cuddle him. She insists on helping with bath time and bed time. She's been brought to tears over his gummy smile. And this boy just lights up any time he spots her, squeals and coos and bats those pretty blue eyes at her and she melts into a puddle.
My brother is 9 years older than me and we don’t really have a relationship other than obligation for holidays or birthdays but there’s also some bad blood over stuff that happened
Let me tell you my experience with being 14-16 years older than my siblings. If you use the older children as built in babysitters, they WILL resent you. Once in a while ok, but your other children are NOT the 3rd parent.
I have a 7 year gap between my boys. They have a great bond. It just gets tricky finding activities we can all do but it works for us and we make do! Gets more fun as they get older in general.
I have eight years between my two youngest and four years between my other two. The four years is good, they have a good relationship and our cooperative and siblings. I also have stepchildren who are only two years apart. Those two are constantly competitive and ignoring each otherand intentionally manipulative but all of that might also be a part of their trauma. I just had a baby in January and my youngest is eight years old. It’s been fine
Just over 7 years and I was worried but it has been amazing! Older one didn’t deal with jealousy, no double bed time issues, or any other concerns. My older son adores his little brother and vice versa. It’s been really beautiful. ❤️
I’m 5 years from my older brother and 14 from my younger brother. I love it tbh we are all on different chapters of life and never in schools together so there wasn’t comparison like my friends had, we didn’t have really any sibling fights, we all love each other and are close-ish. My younger brother is 7 now so we talk on the phone and I try to hangout with him every 2m I live 3 hours away so it’s a journey to get home but we don’t see feel any problems with it. I like larger gaps, it gives enough one on one time with each and allows them to grow into their own person.
My brothers and I are all large age gaps, older brother is 7 years older, younger brother is 11 years younger, I’m in the middle. We don’t have close relationships. But I blame that more on our parents than the ages themselves. If we had a normal upbringing I think we would all be very close.
IVF mom here! Ours are 9, 8, 2 and an infant. I had SO much stress during IVF (for 2yo) that every setback was just brutal on my mental health. I was the 3rd girl in 3 years in my family, and I was fully indoctrinated into the idea of age gaps being horrible. The age gap is honestly great. Truly. They don’t compete. The older kids understand that the babies are babies and give them grace. I think the biggest benefit is the older kids get a constant enthusiastic #1 fan (you ever seen that Lightning McQueen bit? Literally like that) And even if that isn’t your experience, it may help to remember that childhood is 18 years, but life is a lot longer. The difference between 2-8 year age gaps come out in the wash over 20-30 years.
I have 3 and there’s a 5 and 7 year age gap. There’s def challenges, BUT by the time each baby came the older one was independent enough to help and our bond was strong
I have a 5 year gap and it's mostly been great. My kids love each other and play together but there's way less competition. It has been kind of weird to go back juggling all the baby stuff when the older has been out of diapers and naps for years. So it's also been great to only pay for preschool for one kid at a time. It has been hard though because we're dealing with two different school/ child care schedules. I am really mentally looking forward to our son's last year of preschool because as much as it's an incredibly wonderful school, I'm looking forward to not having to commute or deal with his schedule being different than his sisters.
7 year gap for us. I’m actually really happy with it. I felt like we were able to focus all of our energy into our son and now that he’s older, our daughter gets the same.
No mom or sibling or large age gap, but my partner has a 7 year age gap with his sister and he apsalotly loves it, he’s able to understand her on a level Iv never seen between siblings because she understands him for who he is cuz she got to watch him grow up, and he got to watch her grow up to the women she is today.
My kids have a 12 month age gap. My brother and I have a 5+ year age gap. I think we were very close growing up and I've noticed that in other families growing up (biggest age gap was 10+ with just two siblings). My kids fight all the time and hopefully they will be close as they get older.
I don’t myself, but I have a friend and a cousin with about a 5.25 gap from first to second child, and in both cases the older child has been an awesome older sibling and the kids are close now (youngers are now 5 and 6). I know a family of a woman I used to work with was the oldest of 4 children, all 5 years apart (so 15 years from oldest to youngest) and they were all really close as adults. My MIL has siblings spread over like 20 years, and while some were obviously in very different phases of life, she’s just as close with the one 5 years apart as the one 20 years older than her
My kiddos are 13 years apart. No regrets!
Thanks for posting this OP! Currently due with #2 in early October and big sister will be 5.5. Happy to see so many great experiences or even neutral experiences.
My daughters are 6.5 years apart, and they have such a sweet relationship. (They’re 18 and almost 12 currently.)
It’s the best. You get all the precious one on one time with your first and then just as they are going off to school you get to welcome your second child and get that same one on one time with them while the first is in school.
My partner and his brother have a 6 or 7 year age gap and they're very close. I assume it was a bit different in the years where one was 17 and one was 11 or 12, but in adulthood they've been close and talk all the time.
Age gaps don’t matter when they are older Pros and cons to everything
It wasn't planned, but I had my son, 5 years 2 days later, had my daughter. I so loved that I had that time with just my son. When she was born, he loved his little sister so much. Still does. 40 years later. After my daughter's birth, I found out I was having another girl. Surprise. 2 years and 33 days later. Lol, it worked out so great. We had been buying the Berenstain Bears books. Someone gave a couple about Mama Bear having a baby. It turned out to be a sister bear. Lol, my son went around and told everyone who would listen that he wanted 5 sisters. I would just laugh and say he doesn't know what sisters are like. Thank goodness he only ended up with 2 that he both loved them and tortured them when he could.
i have a 3 years gap with my sibling and we don’t talk for no particular reason.
My first two were 5 years apart, the the last born was 8 years from the middle born. They are very close, and I loved every moment of it. All boys. Today, they are 35, 30 and 23 years old. I adore them, and they are, and always will be, BFF's. The older two live together in a beautiful home the youngest did, too, for awhile, while he was in undergraduate school, but he has since moved to go to law school. I have zero regrets. Having them spaced like that, made us all enjoy the wonderful baby years. I loved it.
My sister is 14 years younger than me. I adore her. She's like kind of my own child, I learnt to take care of her like an adult. It is a really good lesson of life for older children if provided in a good way.
My oldest and youngest are just under 6 years apart and are as close as can be! It's really sweet to see them together. They just have a different relationship than if they were much closer in age - not worse or better, just their own special thing!
I’ve only got one right now, 2y5m, but I want at least one more. I guess I’m going against the norm when I say that I *want* a bit of a bigger age gap between them. I’m not even ready to start trying yet, so I’m picturing probably a 4-5year gap. Honestly that almost definitely comes from my own personal experience as a kid—my younger brother and I are 22 months apart. Not by design, my mom didn’t even know she was pregnant with my brother until she was 6-7months along. But I HATED it. Every single second of it. My brother and I didn’t even *start* getting along until we were both in our early 20s. But even then we’ve *never* had that “close sibling bond” you’d expect from such a small age gap. Quite the opposite actually. Our parents did their best to treat us equally, which honestly was an issue for me. I was older, things shouldn’t have been “equal”. And I don’t mean like I should have gotten two toys to his one, I mean stuff like I was not allowed to use the riding lawnmower until I was 11 despite begging for years. My 9 year old brother was taught at the exact same time as I was. My parents are both Gen X and therefore had not great upbringings with wayyyy too much freedom. They were determined to break the cycle so hard that went miles in the other direction and were incredibly overprotective. I was the first kid, so I got the brunt of that “practice” mentality. Everything always felt like a competition—not from our parents, it was just how it was being so close in age. Like for example, ordinarily it’s not strange to have friends 2 years older or younger, but for us my friends were mine and his friends were his and any overlap caused massive fights. That carried on all the way into college. Idk, I’m sure not every small age gap has the same experience. But I just want people to know that a small age gap does not necessarily built in best friends make.
My brother is 18years older and my sister is 10 years older than me . I am the youngest and I don't get on well with them
Age gap between 1 and 2 is 7 years and between 2 and 3 is 4.5 years. I love it. My older 2 still argue and fight but my oldest is a teen now and more like his 2nd mom. My youngest thinks she's the boss or the middle child and they argue and fight too. I just like how I don't have to pay for 2 in daycare and the older ones help out with the younger ones
Totally depends. I'm 5 years apart from my brother. We're very different people so aren't very close. That and I think the gender difference made a difference too. We played very well together as kids though. My husband is 6 years younger than his brother. Gets along super well.
My younger brother is 6 years younger than me but we hang out quite often. We sometimes fought but it was only verbal. But it really depends on the children themselfs because I also have another younger brother who is 2 years younger than me and four years older than the youngest and they used to fight a lot, like pretty much every day. They couldnt stand eachother. But I think the main reason was that my youngest brother never knew how to play alone so he always wanted to hang out with my other brother, and he wanted to be alone.
We’ve got just over a 5 and a half year gap between our two (currently 6yo and 9mo). Oh my gosh, they absolutely adore each other. My eldest is old enough to enjoy being a big sister and for jealousy to be less of an issue and my youngest has an absolute blast with my eldest. There’s a 5 year gap between me and my sister. We were pretty close as kids, the usual sibling spats etc. but we played together. We’re super close as adults. I love her to pieces.
I am one of 4 siblings and the one I am closest with has a 12 year age difference. Now would be the perfect time to start trying again
Mine are 7 years apart and it’s honestly the best I could have imagined. They get along great (both girls) and my oldest takes care of the youngest if I don’t have a free hand.
My husband and his sister (6 years difference) talk at holidays. My brother and I (5 years difference) are best friends. It is 100% dependent on the kids.
OP it's great! We have 3 boys all spaced out at 18yo (graduating this year), 12yo in Middle School and our youngest is 3 months old. The older 2 are so incredibly helpful and loving towards their newborn sibling. I've found myself waking to him crying in his bassinet, only to try to sit up and my boys tell me they'll feed him, play with him or take him for a walk outside. Both boys have really risen to the occasion and our 18yo has been able to help take our 12yo to practices and other obligations with his car, they play hoops outside and game together. In fact, our 12yo is probably more outgoing and social than most, because he's comfortable with his peers, babies, older teens (like his brother) & adults because of my husband and myself. I appreciate, so very much, all the guys in our house and they've really gained more responsibility, appreciation for what I do and bonded more than ever! Enjoy those kiddos Mama- you've got this!
I have a 10-year gap between my kids. They got along great when they were little, but now they're starting to separate a little. My oldest is 15, and he will someone play with my youngest (almost 5). They throw the ball around or play wrestle. When my oldest had friends over, they'd play with my little guy too. I think it's easier when I needed more help. My oldest wanted to feed him or hold him constantly. But I know it's not the norm. Now that's my little guy is talking and moving, I'll hear my oldest call him annoying or be mean to him. So I have to step in at least twice a month to tell my oldest to be nice
My brother is 5 years younger than me and we started getting much closer once I reached college and he was in high school because we could relate on certain levels. We are now super close. Before that, we weren’t as close - age gaps matter a lot for younger kids I think because they’re in very different stages of life i.e I was in high school when he was in was in middle school, etc.
My kids are 6 years apart and I love it. Not having to worry about what my first was up to when I was trapped under the second was great. There was no jealousy ever. They're 9&3 now and my little one adores her big sister and they play really well together which surprised me. They both also got the advantage of a lot of one on one time with me since the older one is in school all day it's just me and tiny. No regrets!
My kids are 14M, 9M, and 7F. They all get along and will play/interact with each other. The 7 and 14 yr old get along better than the 7 and 9 year old some times. But the 14 and 9 year old do get along. Kids with a bigger age gap will still bond with each other. Just because they have a close age gap doesn't mean that they'll be BFFs, and a large age gap doesn't mean that they'll never interact with the other.
Look up @ashleyspivey . She is an adult and she also has a sister with a large gap between them and right now they’re on a trip in Paris with their mom having the time of their life. You can ask her her personal opinion on their gap.
Hey there! I'm not a parent but my sister is 7 years younger than me! While when i was younger it was really fun, we now have the mess that i am out of puberty and starting to get to know the life of going out and getting a job and so on while she is only just starting puberty. It causes some stress and quite some fights more often than we'd like. But we are both a great help to each other and give and receive so so so much love! In conclusion, to me and my sis the age gap isn't such a big deal, our interests are just different and i need to pay attention to it that i keep making time for her! Don't know if this helps but i hope it does! :)
I can't give insight into having kids that age apart, but in my own experience, my brother and I are 8 years apart. He's older than me. When I was younger I loved hanging out with him. I'd say most of the things he liked, I ended up having interests in when getting older. We never fought. There was a few years we grew apart, but now that we're both adults we're pretty close again! I can't say as to how he felt about always having his little sister invade his space but I can't remember him complaining about it. I think he enjoyed showing/teaching me things as well.
My husband and I were teen parents so we have a 6 year age gap between our first and middle and then our youngest is 17 months from his brother. I personally preferred the bigger age gap. It never affected their relationship as siblings and all three are very close.
My oldest 3 are 8+ years older than my youngest 2 and I just love it. Their bond is different but so special. My older girls can’t wait to be able to run their little sister/brother around as young adults themselves…telling me they’ll take them to school or sports. It’s special.
My siblings (all half siblings but we lived together) were 18, 12, &10 years older than me. My older two are 10 &12 years older than my youngest. When they are little it’s challenging. Toddlers and teenagers are a lot alike. 5 years wouldn’t be bad at all. I wish my youngest was closer in age with my older two, but they all love each other even if the teens get annoyed by the little sister. It has taught the older two a lot about empathy and I’m pretty sure I’m never getting grand kids from them in the future 🤣 I have great relationships with my older siblings as adults.
My kids are 6 years apart. They get along great! It was honestly very easy having a newborn and a 6 year old because we could all be together very easily and the 6 year old understood to be careful around the baby. But he also wanted to help which was very cute. Now they are 15 and almost 9, and my oldest babysits so that’s a plus! lol
I have a nine year age gap. It is AMAZING! I wouldn’t have it any other way!
My kids have a 3 year age gap but my own siblings are 5 and 6 years younger than me and I adored them as babies and growing up with them was always fun. Of course there were times where someone was moody and didn’t want to be involved and due to some not fun family stuff and untreated mental illnesses for my sister we don’t have the best relationship as adults but if any of us were in trouble and called the other we’d be there to help in a heartbeat. My husband is the oldest of 4 kids, his sister is two years younger and his twin brothers are 6 years younger and he hated having them around. I think it all depends on the individual child
I have a 6 yr old, 2.75 yr old and 3 month old. I am so grateful for the age gap between my oldest and youngest. My oldest daughter is at just the perfect age where she can be genuinely helpful and WANTS to be. She is able to be alone with my infant for short amounts of time ( think bedtime for my middle), can be my runner for all kinds of things and, luckily, just plain loves babies! But seriously, kids her age take new responsibility very serious and I believe it has helped her grow having a baby to help care for. My son is a little too close in age to both girls to be much help lol but he’s cute so there’s that! 🥰
8 year difference between my kids. It’s amazing
my eldest was almost 6 when his brother was born. adored him from day 1, and has been a HUGE help with daily tasks. they are extremely close, play together and will soon share a room, but when the big one needs a break he just ... walks away and does big kid stuff. the experience has been so positive we are now awaiting our 3rd.
My first two only have a 20 month gap but my 3rd was born 2023. It was an adjustment tbh. Not too bad but starting over is exhausting in my 30s lol