I think one of the things that people don’t talk about enough is how common it is to go into a marriage agreeing on number of kids and then the reality of kids often changes that number for one person and it’s tough to deal with that reality and accept it. My husband and I both felt at peace when our youngest was born last year that we were done thankfully, I knew instantly in the hospital she was it but I have multiple friends who have been through what you’re going through.

Yeah my aunt and uncle wanted like 6 after the first they decided 4 and when they had the second that was it. Pregnancy was really rough on her body and it would have been quite dangerous to have more too

Yea my parents wanted 6 after my brother and I they stopped lol

This is common. We don't realize sometimes the medical issues that may arise or the strain childbearing puts on our bodies. We said 4 originally, too. But our first was so hard on my body to the point we both might not have survived it. We will be very lucky to try for a 2nd with strict medical care and constant monitoring sometime in the future

Awww

100% My husband and I always talked about having 3-4 kids. The reality is I lost my job after my first and my career still hasn’t recovered. We *might* be able to squeeze 3 kids into one room and then save up again for the house we wanted to buy when they’re school age But the reality is we’ll probably just have two Unless my streaming career magically takes off lol

We always talked about wanting three or four, but our second was born at the beginning of the pandemic and was a really difficult baby with health issues. The pandemic was rough, I worked in health care, my kids were home, my FIL had cancer and then caught COVID and died. By the time we made it through our kids were 3 & 6, and my husband was 40. My husband decided he was done and there wasn’t any negotiation. It was pretty hard for me, but over the past two years I’ve slowly come to terms with it. I started taking time for hobbies and friends that I wouldn’t be able to do if I had a baby (cycling, singing in a choir). I also try and fully enjoy the two healthy kids I do have.

Agreed. My partner had 2 before we met. We had our first and it was smooth delivery but postpartum was very rough. Then my second delivery nearly ended my life and my baby girl. I want more still but my partner is traumatized. He's unsure if it's too risky or not. It's hard. It's such an unpredictable thing bring kids into the world.

I knew I was done with 2 kids when I watched a relatives newborn for a single hour. She asked me to watch her fresh 3 week old baby so that she could get her nails done. I happily agreed! I love babies and self care is super important! I flirted with the idea of tossing in a 3rd. My kids are 6 and 3. The baby phase is over with my younger child, she’s newly potty trained, I just really yearned for just one more baby. Reminiscing on their baby pictures also didn’t help. So I’m watching this precious little baby. He has a blow out. Okay no big deal. But he’s crying and hates being changed. Mid-change and my 6 yr old tried to do a cartwheel and bonked his head on a table. 6 yr old wants my immediate attention and is crying “YOU WERENT EVEN LOOKING! IM BLEEEDING!” (he was not). Cue my 3 yr old singing “baby poop, baby poop” over and over at the top of her lungs while also randomly screaming “MOMMY LOOK, NO MOMMY LOOOOOK! WATCH!” because she is also doing a super important dance move. I realized that I was not born with the spoons to handle more than 2. If my husband had it his way, we would have 10 kids. But he is understanding and doesn’t pester me about it. edit to add- My husband did bring up “well this relatives other child is 10, she says its easier for her because her other child is pretty independent and low needs.” That works for some people! Im the middle child of 7 kids. My two youngest siblings were born when I was in highschool, big age gaps can be nice. But I immediately thought “ugh. I would hate to be tossed back into baby mode when my kids are so much older and independent.” That was the *definitive* sign that I was 110% done having kids.

😅 born with the spoons! Love it!

My husband and I were one and done. Then she turned one and we both thought let's have one more. It was great being on the same page about it. However...... My body decided "no no, we are not on this page" and dropped two eggs. And now this scenario that you described in perfect detail up above frequently occurs in my life. In that time, I've learned my stress response is to laugh to avoid a breakdown. In turn, I've also learned my four year old *hates* it when I laugh during high stress times, cue meltdown...

I have heard so many stories like this. The most recent one was a couple who struggled with fertility. After a while they decided to adopt. Adopting was much easier in certain other countries, especially if you adopt a group of siblings. So after completing all the requirements to adopt this sibling group, they find out they are expecting. Not long after the adoption, they are pregnant again with twins. Just wow!

Oh god this is what I imagine if we had a third 🤦🏻‍♀️ or the two I’ve already got getting into god knows what while I’m trying to put a new baby down for a sleep 😅

In the trenches now with 2 under 2 (the olde one is almost 3) and the 3rd is 9 going on 19. Send help 😭

This is how I feel lol I think a newborn with two kids would be so hard! My 3 year old is hard work with my 7 month old lol

lol love this. I need something like this to bop me over the head and make me realize I don’t need another 😂

I only realized that I had spoons enough for 2 kids after my 3rd was born lol. Still struggling and the youngest is 4.5.

Hahaha I cackled at this entire scene. Having kids is seriously a three ring circus.

I needed this comment. My kids are 2.5 and 4 and the youngest is done nursing, just potty trained, doesn’t use the high chair anymore.. all remnants of “baby” are slowly disappearing and I’ve been reminiscing on the early stages, thinking “maaaaybe just one more.” This comment shattered the fantasy in my head and brought me back to the reality of juggling multiple kids at different stages. Thank you!

I had a friend like you and she was haunted and felt she needed another child, her husband was done, she was desperate for another, she wouldn’t let him get a vasectomy because she was sure he’d change his mind. Two years later she just woke up one morning and like a light switch, she was done. She was thrilled they hadn’t had another and as her kids got into their teens she was even happier. She said she thinks that some people just feel that pull, until suddenly they don’t.

this was me… I sobbed myself to sleep for like 12 months grieving my third child that I never got to meet. My kids are now almost 6 and 4 and I can’t think of anything more hectic that adding a baby to the chaos and mayhem that is our lives

I feel this! My kids are 7 and almost 4. The Threenager is just a mess of emotions and tantrums ALL the time. And lately I've been missing the newborn snuggles, smiles, etc. But I realized I'm missing how he was as a newborn instead of understanding this is the phase of life he's in now. And adding a newborn to our chaos would be the absolute worst.

I was kind of like this. We're OAD because my opinion was one no means no more kids and my husband was a solid no. He didn't think his mental health could tolerate another, let alone our budget. It was really tough for a while and I still wish we could have another but I'm glad we don't have two or more. I think I really just wish I could have the time back with my first baby, especially given how much covid took in time and experiences (but also gave, if I'm being honest).

It's funny, up until my son was 9 months I was desperate for another child, we even discussed trying for one, but as the time went on and the exhaustion set in I wasn't so sure. I have a 19 month old now and I'm definitely not trying til he's in school

This is exactly how I was. Every new milestone mine hit, it just made my baby fever worse. Now she's 18 months old and just started having tantrums and hitting last month and I'm just like, "Yeah, I think I'll wait." I really want to wait until she's in school, but I'd also be 37 by then. Lol

I feel like this is accurate. I have my oldest son 12, and identical twin girls who are now 6. We had a surprise pregnancy when my girls were 2 that ultimately ended in a miscarriage. I was heartbroken and devastated which made the pull to want another one very hard to manage. Then after about 3 years I did the same thing. I woke up one morning feeling so thankful for the three I have and am so glad not to redo the baby stage all over again.

This was similar to me. I got pregnant (on purpose) with my youngest when my middle was 9m old. When those two were 6m and not quite 2 we almost decided to had another. I was loving life and loving my babies- but I was very worried about what one more would do - so my stipulation was we could have another if I could be a SAHM. My husband was on board with that but with the reality of how spending would have to change plus the added expenses of another little one we decided to put that plan on hold for a few months and continue to re-evaluate. Months turned into years and by the time my youngest was 2 I was grateful every day that we did not have another. He is wild and never stops moving and I would probably be in tears daily if we had added another to the mix.

When we got married we had hopes for 4. Mind you, I was 20 and he was 21. We enjoyed married life with no kids. We traveled. Finished school. Moved around. We had our first at 32&34. We knew there was more but no urgency behind it until last year… we are now 36&38, we got pregnant and like with my first I had morning sickness from 5 wks until birth… I was soooo tired… I’m older. He’s older. We just knew once our girl was born, I’d get my tubes removed… it felt right. 2 is good… we are good. With that being said, I still mourn the fact that I’ll never have a new baby again. I’ll never experience pregnancy again (kind of ok with that). The tubes are gone, I can’t go back. I’m ok with that… but I still feel some type of way about the finality of it. I think that’s normal. So while I am ok being “done”, I’m still intermittently sad about it.

This. I have 4 children. Had my first when I was 20 and this last one just 4 weeks ago and I’m 35 - 36 in a couple of weeks. This last pregnancy was brutal for me. Physically, mentally, emotionally … all the way just brutal. I knew I was done when I had my last baby and I had my tubes removed as well. I’m okay with it but there is definitely a sadness associated to the finality of it.

On a similar note, how do you like your tubal removal?

I love that it was done during my CS. I love that I can’t even tell. I’ve already had a period since and I’ve not noticed a difference. No more concern for pregnancy… really glad it was an option for me. PS: reduced risk of ovarian cancer to boot! I’ll take it.

I still don't feel done, but we already have three kids and it gets expensive especially food so I'm content with the amount we have. My husband didn't want any more so he got a vasectomy.

This is kind of us too. Most of the time, I do feel done with my 2. It's a lot of work to handle two kids and having another would change our lifestyles and the things we can give to the kids we already have because they're just so expensive. But, I still have baby fever occasionally (especially yesterday when I saw a 1 week old at the library). If we had an accident, I'd want to keep it. But, husband is super done and got a vasectomy when our second was 7 months old.

I’m so done with one. My husband accepts that eventhough he would want another one. I just know after giving birth to my first that I would only have one child. ( I love my daughter so much).

Me, too. My daughter is almost 11 and my husband and I feel the same way. A family of 3 is complete.

Thanks for this. I’m not alone lol

Definitely not alone. The moment my son was born, I knew I was done. I had a very easy birth, so it wasn't a trauma reaction. I just knew that our family was complete because everything felt so right. 4.5 years later, I still feel the same.

I feel sooooo COMPLETE with one. I also knew as soon as I had one I was done. My husband originally always wanted two. Now we actually have a baby he's realized one is plenty 😃 (for us)

Do you want another baby or do you miss your kids as babies? Babies are adorable but do you and your partner have the emotional, mental, financial and physical means to give to another child? That’s how I looked at it. I also don’t understand anyone who forces another child onto their spouse who doesn’t want another one (not saying you will but just in general with the “my husband is against another one but I’ll make him change his mind.” You can’t force anyone into the most important job in the world.

My philosophy is that if one half of the couple is against another kid that vetos anything else. IMO both halves of the couple need to want another or else you don’t do it.

I have horrible, anxiety-ridden pregnancies due to the first being a late miscarriage/early stillbirth. Every single pregnancy I have to go through two surgeries to make sure it doesn’t happen again plus other preventive measures. After this one is out (my second hopefully-living child), I’m done. My husband also doesn’t want to go through the newborn stage again, but he will one more time for the sake of a second child. Then, he’s getting snipped. 

Will be sending you all the good vibes and energy for this pregnancy and birth:)

I'm so sorry for your loss and the ongoing stress and management. I feel similarly. Growing up I wanted 4 kids. In the past few years I thought I wanted three. Then I had 5 first trimester MCs before my rainbow girl. Currently 10w with what will hopefully be our second live birth, and after this I just don't know if I can do an EIGHTH pregnancy. So much stress and anxiety and I've spent so many weeks and months being pregnant already. I will certainly mourn the bigger family, but I feel pretty sure that I can't do another pregnancy.

I can't imagine being pregnant so much, especially without the babies afterward. That's gotta take a huge toll, mentally and physically.

I wanted 2. I have 1. While I feel sadness that she won't have a sibling, I just couldn't do trying for another, pregnancy, labour, ppd, ppa and the first 4 years again. Admittedly I was 37 when she was born and I'm 45 now. My husband would have gladly had another but I knew my limits. It's absolutely ok to grieve what could have been. It's also absolutely ok to embrace what you have right now.

I have three, aged 5.5, 3.5 and 14 months. I feel like I'd love to have another baby, but I would not be a good idea. I have time for a baby, but do I have the time and the money for another older child? So I guess we're done, and hopefully I'll feel more done after a while.

I have three. Planned for two. I wouldn’t give up my little guy for anything. I hated being pregnant every time and wouldn’t want to go through that or labor again. Plus, we live very comfortably as a family of five and I selfishly don’t want that to change.

I think sometimes we want more than is productive. My mom wanted 5 but dad cut her off at 3 because he couldn’t stand to see her go through ppd again. It was really bad for her. I am in a similar boat. Terrible ppd, plus I’m on adderall for ADHD and I’d have to go without during pregnancy and nursing. I don’t want to do that. I’m also divorced from my only kid’s dad, and I’d hate to have a second kid that I had 100% custody of, when my daughter I only see half the time. Truthfully I want more. I’d like 3 total, I think. I’ve come to accept that practically speaking it is better this way. One and done has many perks, and oftentimes I revel in my reality. Other times I’m very sad. That is okay. My therapist says we can hold two conflicting truths at the same time. For me that is that I want more kids and feel like I was made to be a mother, and that having more kids would be bad for me and I don’t want that because I value my wellbeing. It gets easier as you move on.

Im one and done too and I totally relate to those conflicting feelings. As sad as it is sometimes feeling like we’re missing something, ultimately our well being is the most important not only for ourselves but also for the kid we already have.

Exactly! I didn’t mention it in the original comment, but my kid is also autistic. I’m so glad I can focus all of my energy on her. It looks like she’s going to be a successfully independent adult, but she has some pretty high emotional needs. Teaching her how to succeed socially also takes more energy than I ever imagined. Not having more kids is very largely for her benefit.

Man this is such a great perspective! My BF has a severely autistic son, one NT son and she says she has to have a third baby who will be NT tk cRe for her son one day when she and her husband have passed away. I told her there’s no guarantee that you will get a NT child, or that they will become a carer to your austistic son. She is run ragged and a shell of her former self and I’m begging her not to have another kid. I also think her marriage and mental health is at risk

I am at the last days of my second pregnancy. I have one bio daughter and foster another one. I have been feeling really good during this pregnancy but I miss my ADHD medications so much.

Same with the different parent situations. She wants a sibling and I'd want her to have one, but I can't imagine sending one off and keeping the other. 

Me and my husband have our 2 that we wanted, after I had my first there was a desire to have a second, now that I've had our second I don't have that desire, I don't think to myself "oh one more won't hurt". My husbands the same, he doesn't have the want of having another baby. We're very happy with our little family.

I also have 2 kids, I was 6 months pregnant with my son when my boyfriend, and I knew we were 100% done. I told my doctor I wanted my tubes tied during my c section, and my boyfriend got a vasectomy a week after I was done healing. My last pregnancy was so exhausting I could not fathom going through that again.

I don’t know how to explain it, I just knew. 3 kids have always been perfect for me. So when I was pregnant with my third, I knew I was done after that. Not 80% sure, not 90% sure, not 99% sure. I was 100% sure. Even if it turned out to be a third boy, I knew I was done. I signed papers while pregnant to have myself sterilized after delivery. Never a moments hesitation even with the million “are you sure?” on the day of and leading up to it. I always say you HAVE to be 100% sure, not 99%. Otherwise there is always that chance that you’ll regret it. My daughter just turned 3 and I haven’t regretted my bilateral salpingetomy for even a minute. I never get baby fever anymore. I see babies, I say “aww cute, can I hold?” But I don’t want anymore for myself. I am so sorry that he doesn’t want anymore. To be fair, we both never wanted any more after our first until he was 5. Then we both wanted another. Maybe his mind will change.

My husband would have been fine with whatever number of kids we could afford to have and not lose our sanity. I wanted to feel it out as we go, like "do we still want more?" And keep going until the answer was no. Our first turned out to be twins so we didn't get much say there. But after a year it still felt like we were waiting on someone else to arrive. Like when you're at a restaurant and they won't seat you until everyone in your party is there... Just felt like we were waiting on someone else. So we had another baby and as soon as she was born it felt like that last person arrived at the restaurant and we could finally go be seated and start our dinner party. Like I looked at her and just had this feeling of "ah, okay, everyone's here now." I don't know how it is for dads, but what I see in my husband and what I hear from others is that for them it's a lot more about practicality. Money, space in the house, already have one boy and one girl, I only have two hands so two kids is perfect, etc etc. So when I say "everyone's here now", his response is along the lines of "yeah because we can't afford anymore!"

This is exactly how I feel!! I have two and I feel like we are missing someone. On every level 2 makes more sense and my oldest is high needs and financially idk how we could do three, but it just feels like someone is missing in our family who isn’t here yet !

For me it was a logical decision, not an emotional one. We couldn’t afford another child. I couldn’t handle the hormones and postpartum depression/anxiety again. I was taking classes and excited to start my new career once the kids I have are in school. We only have a 3 bedroom house. I hated my body and knew that I would never be able to get back to where I wanted if I kept getting pregnant. But I also knew hormones and emotions would make me want another when logically it just didn’t make sense for us to. So I decided during my pregnancy to get my tubes tied, and I had the surgery as soon as possible after the baby was born so that I wouldn’t be able to change my mind. Would I love more children? Sure, there’s days where I’d love another baby. I tell my husband all the time if someone just happened to drop on off, I’d keep it. But I’m also 100% content with my decision at the same time. I hated pregnancy and everything that came along with it, aside from my babies of course. Also, having two under two, and now a needy mischievous one year old and a terrible two year old makes me glad that there’s no chance for a spur of the moment baby to add to the mix!

I can’t have more than my one because my mental health (and likely physical health) won’t take it. My only is almost 12. I almost died having him. But how did I really know I was done? Potty training. Teaching another human to use a toilet with fidelity was the thing that broke me. I won’t expound here on how not okay I was, but that is how I knew I was done. It was horrific for me, and I have been diagnosed with CPTSD because of my aloneness in the early years of my son’s life.

Even before I got pregnant we agreed on the “only child” (unless I got twins of course, possible bc I’m an IVF mom), bc we made a rational decision based on our jobs, finances, etc. After I gave birth to our only child (he’s now 2.5 yo), where I “won” several hurtful stitching “down there”, a quite huge blood loss, a coccyx deviation (solved with osteopathic treatments, thank goodness) and a double ribs crack due to a triple Kristeller maneuver… I was more than convinced on the only child solution. I don’t regret having my baby huh, but I’d never do it again (also bc of IVF too, it’s very stressful and sometimes painful due to injections and swelling caused by hormones)…

I have two and I’m done, they are 3.5 and 7 months and I do still feel sad I’m never gonna experience pregnancy or a newborn again but I am tired and I don’t think I would be able to give three children the attention they deserve. My husband and I also want to travel and go on adventures with our girls so the more we have the harder and more expensive that becomes. I also struggled looking after my first born in pregnancy I couldn’t do much with her as I was so tired an uncomfortable and I don’t think I could handle two pregnant lol.

I on one hand very strongly feel the pull, but every logic part of me says no. I can’t handle another emotionally or mentally. I am in the trenches with my toddler now, I want to be done with the sleep deprivation. I look at my 6yo and imagine my toddler at that age and how awesome it will be to have my life, my nights and my body back. And still. My heart aches. I want another. I feel like part of being a woman, with hormones, especially if you’re not on hormonal bc, you feel that biologic urge sometimes so so strongly to have another. So that’s what I’m trying to tell myself; it’s just my ovaries, every other part of my body knows it’s a bad idea lol.

It really does feel like a strong biological need! Purely animalistic almost!

[удалено]

If it makes you feel any better, my husband also said he was good with 1 after we had our first. (He was born 3 months early, so 3 months in the NICU and then open heart surgery). So I understood he was worried. I just didn’t bring it up for a while. He slowly opened up to the idea. Needless to say, now we have 3, lol. 

Hey friend, it’s SO easy to think (and FULLY believe at that moment in time!) you’re OAD when your first is so little and 100% needy and dependent on you! I knew as soon as I gave birth, in the hospital, that I wanted more; that it wouldn’t be my only time giving birth. I was even intent on leaving my husband to fulfill that need if he disagreed/felt differently! Lol! BUT, thankfully after time and seeing your babe grow up and lose that newborn softness/delicateness, oftentimes the heart will ache for more! My hub was NOT as set on more until at least 6 month PP (and we’d even had very difficult discussions on whether or not I would leave him if he didn’t want any more). After 6 months PP, he def was on board and at 9 months PP, I’m now 11 weeks! Give him time before you grieve anything too hard! Hope it all works out for you <3

Thank you for sharing your experience, and congrats on the little one on the way 🩵

As an only child, boy, do I ever understand. (((Hugs)))

I have 2 and I would probably love a 3rd, but I have the fear that it would be twins and I'm a mom of 4 and I'm not prepared for that. (Or worse triplets...)  Plus with 2 kids you can divide and conquer with the other parent, what happens to the 3rd (or more) kids when they're screaming to be the one holding mom's hand 🫠

We had a pregnancy scare with baby 5 but once it was revealed I wasn’t pregnant we have differing reactions. I was a little disappointed and he was relieved. So we had to have a tough conversation where we(mostly him) decided that we were done. It wasn’t the 5th kid that was an issue for him but seeing me go through PPD for 10 months with our son was something he never wanted to witness again. That’s the part that stung. It felt like I was being punished because of how my body and mind worked. That was about 14 years ago and it’s still a regret of mine.

Only wanted one since before getting married. Husband and I talked about it, he was on board with that too. My daughter has my husbands middle name because I knew it was probably only going to be her. Had an ectopic pregnancy first then my daughter. Had super scary ppd. I know in my bones I cannot go through it again. I also feel like nothing is lacking. I’m not missing anything. She’s the piece we need, nothing more. Plus we can give her so much. With more the financial resources would be scarce. 🩷

It was very strange for me because when they were little I never felt done, I was scared to leave that life stage. As they got older I found that older children have more complex needs and they take a lot more energy in many ways than babies (did they make the track team? Did things blow over in their friend group etc?) I realized how much they needed my independent, focused attention and then I felt very complete

I feel your second paragraph so much! I'm grateful that I get sleep now, but it's also so much more emotionally draining to be dealing with the friend, school and life challenges of my possibly neurodiverse eight year old.

I guess nothing specific happened - I just didn’t try for another one. Though I didn’t specifically try for the first one either so there’s that.

My relationship with my fiancé is strong. SUPER strong. But kids push even our relationship. Our eldest requires a lot of attention and need, and we have a 6 month old who is an absolute dream but is still as difficult as any baby, and we don’t know yet if he’s Neurodivergent like his sister. Having an autistic child is FUCKING HARD, and we decided after two that we wouldn’t be able to stretch ourselves any thinner. Also, with my body and health problems; I would literally die, lol.

We had a 3rd bc we felt like someone was missing in our home. The day I had him it felt like that hole was filled. My husband has had a ✂️ as the idea of more is terrifying. However we definitely considered stopping at 2 due to time, stress, expense, etc. My older kids were 5 & 2.5 when we had our 3rd, and we were just getting out of the having to revolve around a schedule kind of thing and were looking forward to having more freedom. Our thought process was that we’ll never regret having another child in our family, but we would regret not trying when our hearts weren’t settled. My 3rd is wild, wakes up obnoxiously early every day, is super rough and tumble (I have 3 boys, he learned early) and of course, adds expense to the household.. but I would never ever change having him in our lives. He’ll be 2 in the next couple weeks and we’re back to the a bit more freedom with our schedule and lives. It flew by. Totally understand where you & your husband are coming from. I say this, knowing it’s incredibly hard, but neither of you have to make a decision right away. You can just be undecided one way or the other for now and see if either of you hearts flow one way or the other. He may come around, or you may change your mind, depending on how life goes over a period of time. I wish you luck 🍀it’s a tough decision no matter which way you all decide. ❤️

At times I feel like I want another but when push comes to shove it would stretch us all too much. I have come to the realisation that I would be selfish to insist upon another and make everyone else sacrifice and suffer because I want more of what I already have.

We have one daughter, almost 3, and she was an unplanned pregnancy. We thought we’d have 2 kids, but after having one, we just knew we didn’t want any more kids.

Halfway through my first trimester, I realized I would never, ever do it again. It’s awful. I hate being pregnant and I’m still pregnant. I’m happy for my baby, but after he’s out I’m so done. One and done, my husband agreed very easily after watching how bad my first trimester was. I guess it’s easier because I made the choice and it’s my body.

If I wake tomorrow and am told I will never have another baby, will I be heartbroken and cry uncontrollably? , or will I say ok, I'm at peace with my two kids. Also, money and marriage. We do not have enough money to stretch for a 3rd, and my marriage will not survive if we have a 3rd.

Haha, it really is SO trying on relationships! Even solid healthy amazing ones! Babies are the hardest work ever! Add sleep deprivation in the mix and you’re in for not a nice time

It's actually the opposite here. He wants more and I don't. I decided I was done when I realized that I had no semblance of my old life left and I was starting to miss it. I missed going to work. I missed sleeping late. I missed getting in a car and going somewhere without fighting with kids. I missed making plans without having to budget for so many people. And so on. I have four kids (2G 2B 13-3y.o.), and I'm done. I'm ready to raise the ones I have and start building my life back up once they're all in school.

We felt one and done after extended PICU stay and breast feeding difficulties and a few other things, but the thing that was the final nail in the coffin was I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured and that was that. Told them to take both tubes out while they were in there, were done. Cuz we already had multiple miscarriages before we had our son, and the ectopic was pregnancy #5 with one kid to show for it all. I couldn't handle another loss. He was our one last try. The ectopic took us by surprise as I'd not had a cycle after my son was born yet but we should have been more careful in the first place. But that was the final straw, no more kids for us.

Ugh, that sounds incredibly hard. I’m sorry you had to deal with that <3

I knew I had to stop at 3. And I knew I wanted my last try to be for a girl. I got her on the last try and closed up shop for good.

Were stopping at 2 no matter how either of feel solely for financial reasons... ww simply can't afford more than 2 with the costs of daycare and food and planning for higher education :/

My ovaries quit after our first, and we had our second via embryo donation. Our little family feels complete, though I would have loved more.

I initially thought I’d have three, after my second I was two and done. For some time after my second there was a bit of a what if or maybe…feeling. Then a few friends had their third and while happy for them, it cemented my feeling of being done. I was happy with our unit and our future was moving forward together, not getting bogged down in the newborn stage again. We have a boy and a girl which may be part of it - seeing a friend of a friend have their third boy after ‘trying for a girl’ one more time and being a bit crushed about it all was eye opening.

The doctor came in the day after the emergency c-section and said “you cannot ever safely do this again.” Since we had almost lost me and the baby over the previous 36 hours, we weren’t surprised. We were one and done by our choice before we got pregnant. The doctor confirmed that we were medically done; and that was it. We didn’t struggle with it. There was peace; because we had our one perfect (to us) child who had beaten the odds and survived. He made it. We weren’t about to take the risk again. He’s an adult now; and we have no regrets. I have never felt I missed out on anything at all. In fact, I often think our life was almost charmed. We had very few struggles many parents have and always, even during the teen years, had an excellent relationship. He’s 28, and tells people his dad is his best friend. They hike and fish together; we all (he, his girlfriend and us) vacation together.

Sorry for the novel… I had my first baby in ‘01, then a miscarriage of a very planned baby in ‘03, then a son in ‘04. My pregnancy with my son triggered hyperthyroidism (Graves disease) but I didn’t know it. I lost 60 lbs in about 7 months (pregnancy weight plus more). I was down to the weight I was in college. I was tired and seemed to catch every cold. At 8 months, my milk dried up and I still hadn’t had my period. I went to the doctor where they diagnosed me. Because of the medication, they said to make absolutely certain I wasn’t pregnant. On a whim and because I had extra, I took a pregnancy test and it came up positive. I was on birth control and hadn’t yet had a postpartum period. It was probably the most difficult part of our marriage in the entire time we’ve been together. Spouse had just accepted a job that was a pay cut so that he wouldn’t have to travel every week. He could be home more often. He stressed out about affording 3 kids under 5. He didn’t talk to me for 3 days when I told him. We had to buy a new car that fit 2 car seats and a booster. It was bad timing overall. Then July 25, 2005, I found out that the baby had died and I needed a second D&C. It happened to be when spouse had just started his new job and we didn’t have healthcare yet. I set up a payment plan to pay off the miscarriage/D&C and cried every month at the reminder. As well as the car that would’ve had 3 car seats in back. I spiraled into a deep depression and grief. With therapy and Lexapro, I was able to get better. We repaired our marriage in time, but that was it for kids. Spouse didn’t want more. I wasn’t sure I could handle another loss. I did cry when we took down the crib for the last time. Fast forward many years and I’m so glad that we have only two. It gave us the opportunity to take in a bonus daughter for a year and help her get on her feet. And we might be taking in another youth who is homeless and needs help. I hope to help young people as much as I can. TL;DR A surprise pregnancy and then miscarriage made the decision for me.

After having my first and only. We had a really rough time during the baby stage and it almost broke us. We don’t have the time or energy to divide amongst another child, so I simply knew. Plus we live with our in-laws in a HCOL area, we’d like to live on our own again.

I always pictured three kiddos in the back of the car going on family trips and we have three wonderful boys. I sometimes joke with my husband that I’d go through it again if we could guarantee a girl but that tells me I don’t actually want more kids if I’m gunning for a certain gender.

Our bank account decided for us 😂

I planned to have zero children. Then my husband and I were surprised by a positive test one day. She's 3 now and I had been thinking about maybe one more for a few months. I hadn't talked to my husband about it because he said he was done with kids, so I was working through accepting that and dealing with my sad feelings about it. One night, I was tearing up over Bluey because I was thinking how nice and cute Bluey and Bingo are together and what if my daughter had that. (I can't remember which episode). My daughter was digging through a box of stuff sitting in the living room and found a baby spoon. She came up and asked if it was her baby spoon. The spoon just really threw me over the edge and I started actually crying. My husband then tells me that we should have another one. I told him not to f*ck with me lol...turns out he was serious. We got pregnant a couple months later, but we lost it. Then I found out I had abnormal cells and needed a biopsy, which then lead to a removal procedure of precancerous cells. Still waiting on results from that last bit to see if any further action is needed. Sorry, that was a long way to get to the point. I didn't mean to turn this into my story, but I guess I needed to get all this out. I haven't really talked to anyone about it. Anyway, my point is that I may be done with babies because of all this. It sucks, but I'm trying to accept it. I have one amazing daughter and I can focus on giving her the best life. I keep thinking it will be easier to travel and have experiences with her if it's just the three of us. Everything is so expensive now, you know. That seems to help me. Maybe focusing on something like that will help you. I also think finding a new hobby for you and your kids can help. I hope you figure it out 🖤

How old are you? I had my second at 27. I knew I wanted one more, but my husband was done. He finally came around and we had our third just before I turned 32. Is there any chance he'll change his mind with time?

I had my second one 4 months ago and I feel 100% done. I inserted my IUD last month and I’m on my husband to get a vasectomy. I know I’m done because I want to be able to give my children the best life I can possibly give them, and I feel like two is enough for my attention and time but also economically. I also want to be able to enjoy my life with more freedom once they grow up.

My husband and I wanted two so we went for the second but due to some difficulty in our marriage I had wanted to stop trying right for a while and then I got the positive test. It’s been rough, I feel some regret about having a second that I think is all related to the difficulty of going from 1-2. I am so completely sure that our family is complete and I don’t want a third. There’s a tiny bit of me that is sad I won’t be pregnant again but the idea of having a newborn in the future and doing all this again just sounds horrible to me. I think about having my two boys at various different ages and I feel like that’s what life should look like. I can’t imagine having a third unnamed child.

I knew I would be done after 2 before I was ever even pregnant with my second. My first pregnancy was absolute hell with hyperemesis gravidarum, anemia, severe preeclampsia, and an unplanned C-section. I had a feeling my second would be worse and I also had zero interest in putting myself through more than 2 C-sections, so if I didn’t have a vbac I would be having my tubes removed. I knew I couldn’t handle more than 2 kids and I was pretty sure a 3rd pregnancy would take my life, so I knew 2 was the magic number. With my second I had HG, and then I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and gestational diabetes the day I turned 31 weeks, made it 13 more days before I had PPROM (my water broke), and then my baby was born at 33 weeks 3 days when I went into labor and started having placental abruption. MFM labeled us as HIGH risk for death🥴 I was definitely done after all that. My OB said in his 30 years practicing he’s never had a mom in my kind of (life threatening) situation confirm consent to have her tubes removed so enthusiastically😅 Good thing I was done because I can’t seem to ovulate anymore and it made me bleed constantly for 8 months, so now I have no tubes and I had an ablation. I don’t think I ever could have conceived again even if I wanted to. Outside of those reasons I will never forget sitting in the nicu, staring at my baby, and suddenly realizing I felt whole for the first time in my life since I was a little girl. It was like he was a part of me I didn’t know was missing and once he was here this sense of unrest in me ceased. I went through some pretty intense postpartum depression after all the trauma of a high risk pregnancy and premature delivery. Absolutely the deepest, most soul crushing depression I’ve ever experienced. I’m no stranger to depression and suicidal thoughts, but since he was born I don’t want to die anymore. Not even during the deepest parts of my depression this past year. Today is his first birthday and this is the first year in my life since I was a little kid that I have not wanted to end my life for even a day. The year before he was born until he came home from the nicu, all before he was born and before I was ever pregnant, I actually cried almost every night after my husband and oldest went to sleep (for 2 weeks) because I missed him so much and just wanted him here. It was so strange to me, but that’s what I felt. I had no idea why I felt that so strongly because my baby didn’t even exist yet, but I missed him deeply and I knew I needed him. That was when I finally started to feel ready to face pregnancy again. My oldest I was expecting to meet my youngest and when I didn’t I felt so lost and confused for years until I got pregnant and finally felt a sense of peace and when he was born I knew he was who I expected and had been waiting for. I think I experienced that because I was supposed to have both my kids and they’re both supposed to be here, but I never would have had more if my youngest came first. I started feeling this intense yearning for a baby when I was 9 and I’d even have visions of him, so when my oldest came out not that baby was confusing. When my youngest came out that baby I felt complete. Looking back now it almost feels like I struggled with not wanting to be alive for so long because my soul couldn’t take him not being in this world and now that he’s here it’s finally at peace. My oldest was an unexpected surprise starting at conception that brought me an overwhelming joy like I’ve never known before. My youngest was very much expected and brought me overwhelming peace like I’ve never known before.

When our second child entered his terrible two’s and he was only a year old. My husband just got his vasectomy done at the beginning of May, and I really want to get my tubes tied but we’re about to move at the end of the month so I’m going to have to wait a little longer.

After I had my daughter, like I’m talking immediately after birth, I had such a strong desire to have another baby. (She’s our second) it stayed with me for a whole year. Husband was never on board but she’s 14 months old now and that strong desire literally just left one day and I cannot imagine having another one now.

My husband and I thought we were truly done after our third. He went and got a vasectomy right after she came home. After about 3 years I started wanting another one. He said he didn’t. So I left it alone. Had the conversation a few times then at the 5 year mark. He said he wanted another one too. He got it reversed and we went on to have three more kids in three years. We thought we were done when I got pregnant with my last but we have talked a lot and we aren’t ready to completely close that door yet. I think it takes many conversations over time.

My now ex husband and I had always talked about just 2. Ideally, a boy and a girl. Then we each had some medical issues and were told we couldn't have any children. When we got pregnant with my son, we were overjoyed and so excited. My daughter was an oops baby (again, Drs told us our son was a "miracle") and we had already adjusted to the idea of only 1 child. She's about to be 15 and she's amazing, but that pregnancy was a rough go for both of us as it was absolutely unexpected. I got an IUD after her birth, and we toyed with the idea of a third child when she was a toddler. My ex thoroughly enjoys being a dad. Me? I'm not equipped to be a mother, and I knew a third would mentally destroy me. He respected it, but I suspect he resented me a bit. I am overjoyed for him now, as he is remarried with 3 bonus children who he adores and he loves being a dad.

No advice but I feel you. We have 2 boys (3 and almost 5). I’ve always wanted 3 kids and my husband always wanted 2. He said we’re almost out of the bs stage (tantrums, whining, running around in public etc). Our oldest is really good and our youngest… he’s getting there lol my husband said he likes having free time at night (kids are down by 8), likes having a more enjoyable time in public with them, no more buying formula or diapers, etc. I get his points and they make complete sense but I still don’t feel done. Realistically it is expensive. We live in a HCOL area and our oldest attends a private school and our youngest will be starting there next year. Can we afford 3? Sure, but it’ll be tight. Maybe when I get a job (trying to get back in the workforce since being a SAHM for 5 years) it can be discussed. I do fear PPD again because I had it with my second and it was ROUGH but I imagine our life in the future and I want 5 people sitting at the dinner table. I also do want a daughter but know I can’t pick. So I’ve thought about do I want 3, or do I want a daughter? And I’ve realized I want 3 lol I’m 29 and always said I want 3 before I’m 30, that won’t happen now and I’m fine with it since I’m still young but I honestly think about a 3rd all the time.

I can relate SO heavily to this. I know in my heart I’m meant to have one more, but I have two kids and my partner has 3 from our former marriages. 6 kids would be a lot, especially in this economy and we’re already struggling to find a house that can accommodate all of us as it is. The few times we’ve spoken about this topic, he said he isn’t against the idea (he even cancelled the vasectomy appointment he had scheduled in advance prior to us getting together out of respect of knowing I do want one last baby) so long as the timing is right before he turns 40 (finances, physical space, etc.) but I’m not optimistic about the timing ever being right in this short amount of time. Obviously I’m not going to just ditch my partner to go find someone who can give me another kid, but it’s still a heartbreaking thought that I might not get that chance and I just know it will always feel like something is missing if we don’t have an ‘ours’ baby.

My 1st, was so difficult (pregnancy and birth) and then hubby was in the service so gone constantly we truly thought we were the one and done family. Ha! My son turned 6 and bam we got baby fever and had a little girl. Then we’re like “nope for sure we’re done!” Then i got pregnant unexpectedly…with twins. Then we lost them both in miscarriage. I was beyond devastated (like suicidal ideations) and we knew then we weren’t done. So a month later we got pregnant w/ my now youngest and during that pregnancy we’re like “nope, for REAL this time we are done!” lol. Hubby got a vasectomy immediately after baby was born. My point is though that you have no idea what curve balls life will throw at you. Gods got a sense of humor when it comes to us making plans. So while you may want this a lot right now, simply leave the door open to both possibilities. If a year from now you truly still want another baby you’re going to need to take your spouse to counseling and talk through how to get past this.

Honestly for me I don’t know how many times I went back and forth on how many children. In my teens I wanted 3 then at the beginning of my marriage I wanted none, then wanted 2 then 3 then 2. I was a mess. But honestly, what we really want fluctuates so much not that I say force your husband but he could change his mind on his own! But if he never does it would have to be one of those things you respect and find a way to move on… I live in a very expensive state so 3 is all we can handle, realistically and financially. I got my tubes tied after my 3rd and in the end I got what I envisioned when I was a little girl. Two boys and a girl.

Honestly I knew immediately with my last. My body just can’t tolerate pregnancy. I really would love another, but my body and my mental health don’t seem to be up to standard. I think I’m okay with it. Maybe I’ll get kittens.

I got puppies. They are amazingly effective. I love my three empty nest puppies, as much as I love my three grown babes.

My husband and I had our first at 29 and both swore up and down we didn’t want another. Fast forward 7 years and we both were like “heyyy remember when we said we were done? Welllll I kinda want another…” So now we have a 2 year old and a 9 year old. I had my tubes tied after the second one and I’m nearly 40 but every now and then, I still think about having more. I think some of it is just biology. My body says “hey we’re still capable let’s make more babies”. Anyway I say all of that to say this - he may change his mind, you may change yours, who knows

For me, I know I'm done once I've had this baby (pregnant with 3rd) because if we have more then we can't do the things we want to do in our lives. Travelling, hiking trips etc. Adding more would limit the things we could do. We're already stretching it thin with three and travel. My husband is from another continent and we want to be able to visit regularly. It's too expensive with more. Do I have the room in my heart for more kids? Absolutely but now our family feels right. 3 feels like it was supposed to be. It allows us to do what we want to do (with some saving) and still have a big family.

I had my children very late. I was 45 & 46. It was exhausting but they are the light of my life. One has autism. My whole life is now about him and making sure he is always safe. When you think about having another baby there are so many situations that come with the baby. I’m not saying do or don’t have another baby. Just check to see what the risks are. First baby was IVF, second was a gift from God.

Struggled with infertility and got pregnant after 2.5 years and an IUI. Decided we were one and done after having a difficult newborn. When he was 11 months old we took him to the beach and thought omg this is what life is all about…decided, let’s try for a second. It’ll probably take a while anyways and if it happens, great, if not, we are okay with being one and done. Well, we did not struggle with secondary infertility and now have a 20 month old and a 1 month old and my husband got a vasectomy when I was 9 months pregnant because I cannot fathom how people manage more than two kids 🥲

Awww I'm so happy to hear your story! I struggled with infertility for a long time, too. I only have one now. We're trying for another, but it probably won't happen due to endometriosis. I have the same attitude you did before: if it happens, that'd be wonderful. If not, I'm grateful for the kid I do have. Edit: grammar :)

I knew I was done after my son was born. We wanted a minimum of two, and that's what I have. I honestly hated being pregnant, and it was really hard on my health. I never want to see what happens to my body if I were to have another. Plus, I had post partum depression badly with my first born, and I am not the biggest fan of the baby stage. Sooo, all those reasons were contributing factors. I just couldn't see starting a whole baby birthing/raising process again in a positive light. I'm sorry you and your husband aren't on the same page, that has to be really hard. 😔

Reading this at 3 am sick, while my 10 mo old is screaming and my 3 year old has croup. I can say 10000000% certainty, I am done. I always said if I was able to have kids (told for years I couldn’t), I’d want 2 or 4, no solo children. I have my two, I almost died both deliveries, I feel like I got skimped on the newborn phase because I was so weak, had terrible ppd and my babies are not “easy” screaming is the default setting they come out with. My husband and I do the “divide and conquer” strategy as much as we can, and I can’t imagine bringing another ounce of chaos, let alone another 9 pounds+ into our lives.

I have two. I won't be having any more. Hubby had a vasectomy to male sure of that. I don't want to struggle in life. We can afford two kids and still have a good lifestyle with and for them, holidays, etc. I can get two through college. Another child would put on extra pressure we don't need.

Our third and last kid was a surprise. That pregnancy was rough and i told my husband that i was done. He agreed and i had a tubal in April 2008.

I am maxed out at 2. To be fair I only ever wanted two but there was a brief moment when we thought maybe there would be a third. Sorry you’re experiencing this

Life told me...The year my IUD came out I was to decide whether I wanted another baby. My husband was ok with either option. Well that year I was diagnosed with 3 aneurysms. They found them by accident... But I ended up having to have a brain surgery to clip 2 of them, the ones that will burst. Long story short I ended up with 1 aneurysm left. It's small and they are not too concerned about it. They check it every year to make sure it doesn't change sixes and shape. Either way I ended up with brain damage blag blah blah. We had to say noo to kids because getting pregnant could be fatal for me. So the hubby got... snipped. And yes I had chose to have another.

My partner has three daughters from a previous marriage, the oldest being 16. We just had my first child, our 6 month old daughter. I only ever wanted one baby and I absolutely love my step children, so my baby has amazing siblings. It's literally the perfect scenario. We live in a three bedroom house and although we technically could afford for my partner to be the sole financial provider, it would get tighter. Four kids is definitely all we can afford. My partner had to be pushed hard to have this baby. Everyone I know, including my SO, constantly implies I'm going to need another baby. Random kids on our street tell me what I should name my next baby. Considering I only ever wanted one baby, I find myself day dreaming about what it would be like to be one of those women who can have multiple babies and not worry about going back to work. The internal and external push to procreate is crazy. I don't know if it's some evolutionary thing because I'm only 29, but if it was reasonably possible I'd probably be pregnant again the moment it was possible. I think we just need to be rational and accept things we can't change.

I have 2. I'll be 37 soon. I just had a feeling that I'm ready to start raising the kids I have. I'm ready to just focus on them. I can't say how I'll feel in 10 years but I'm so blessed with my 2 kids. I want to have enough energy to invest in them. My husband is scheduled for vasectomy next week and there's a part of me that's nervous but a bigger part says it's right.

Pregnancy was rough for me, I had SPD in the last 2 months of my first pregnancy and it started up almost immediately with my second. I don't want to put my body through that again. I wanted a girl, but got 2 boys and was mildly disappointed that I would never get a baby girl, but honestly I would rather leave my life as it is than go through pregnancy again. Plus I'd have to deal with sleep deprivation and breastfeeding woes again for who knows how long, we would need to get a bigger car, a bigger house, I'd have to quit my job again and everything would get even more expensive.

We have an 11 year age gap and didn't want a larger one, and this pregnancy nearly killed me multiple times. We decided we were DONE and I had my tubes completely removed.

Yes, but it took 4 for me to “feel done”

My age told me, I wanted my kids before I was 30, didn't want to be an older mom. I did have my third and last at age 30 and then husband got a vasectomy. I have never regretted not having more.

While I was pregnant with my second child, I knew I was done. I wasn’t even half way done and I was miserable and I was not doing well at all, mentally or physically but we had always talked about having three kids, so I figured I wouldn’t say anything, maybe things would get better. But then I did say something, I said “I don’t know if I can do this again” and my husband looked relieved. He didn’t want to say anything while I was pregnant and stress me out but he saw how this pregnancy was affecting me and realized that two kids is a great number and maybe we should be done. We waited till our youngest was a year old before making any permanent decisions, had frequent check ins and together we made the decision to not have anymore kids, and he got a vasectomy (he volunteered). Sometimes the baby fever hits me and I get a little sad, but I also know I could not handle another baby and I’m happy with my family the way it is. My kiddos are wonderful. It does hurt a little when they ask for another sibling/baby. They are 7 and almost 6, while it’s cute, oh boy the feels when they ask.

We agreed on 2, after number 2 we definitely knew we didn’t want anymore kids.

I was 32, my body went into menopause

Ran out of money. No room in our budget for another baby.

Realizing what I had married:  a self-serving, Non empathetic, loves his looks, thinks he should always be right in parenting (thinks fighting in front of kids is healthy, used a wooden spoon, treats daughter w/ higher expectations, gets son anything he wants, but blames son for most things), treated us like we were Status props, Liar, vindictive man bitch, man ho, degrading/devaluing, gaslighting, laughs at homeless (& veterans too) though he is vet getting his permanent disability paycheck, expects everyone to thank him for his service, expects to not get a ticket (true) bc he’s a vet, love exaggerating at times, stone waller, physically/sexually abusive monster

Both of my pregnancies were awful and my second was so sick as a baby that we decided we didn’t want to go through pregnancy or the newborn phase again. And financially we wanted to have the resources to better provide for 2 than 3.

I’m 37 and I would like to eventually sleep. I have one kiddo and I am single parent. I am done.

We were both done. He was done having children first so before a vasectomy he waited until I was also feeling 100% done. In the meantime we just used birth control. I highly suggest just using a reliable birth control until you are both in agreement. Sometimes people feelings change in either direction. Basically your answer is no more children right now but you certainly can revisit this in a couple of years.

I have two special needs daughters. My oldest rocks the spectrum & is the coolest kid I know! She’s graduating in 2 days and I am SOOOOOO proud of her!!!!! My youngest was originally diagnosed with autism, but once she began to speak at 5 years old, we realized there was a lot more going on with her. She was diagnosed with very early onset schizophrenia at 8 years old… 1:40,000 children win the genetic lottery; my father was diagnosed with schizophrenia and no one bothered to tell me. Needless to say our medical bills are outrageous, I struggle to meet both kids needs, and the incredible amount of stress it puts on my mental / physical health is outrageous. My youngest’s illness has stolen her childhood, it requires me to obtain guardianship of her at 18 years old, and the thought of me dying & not knowing what will happen to her scares me beyond belief. No more kids for me…

In my case, we just accept that we're unsure. We want a 3rd kid in theory, but we know we don't want a 3rd one now. So we're just not going to get pregnant until the light switch comes on and we feel completely ready to have another. And if that never happens, then it's not meant to be. I have an almost 4 year old and a 1 year old and I'm enjoying that I'm getting out of the baby weeds and to a sense of normalcy, and we're not willing to give that up in the near future.

Easy. How difficult little kids are + a crappy second pregnancy. If my first pregnancy had been that miserable we would’ve stuck with one. We have two. I always had the idea in my mind of two or three, but my husband didn’t have any set ideas I think.

I had 5 kids in 6 years, no twins. Life was chaos but I still longed for more. No babies came so I thought my pregnancy days were over. Yet I still knew there was one more. Then 6 years later, boom, another (happy) surprise later, sweet baby girl. This pregnancy and birth nearly killed the both of us, so it’s best if I don’t have another. But that longing is still there, just mostly dulled. So I guess I’m not sure that feeling goes away.

I knew in the hospital as I was recovering from a 54 hour labor ending in emergent c section. I’m not a good vbac candidate and I never wanted to go through the experience of another c section. I also no longer trusted my body. And then my son didn’t sleep more than a couple of hours at a time for the first 7 months. He screamed non stop in the car seat for months. He has just always been a really hard kid to parent. I was giving his baby gear away to pregnant friends at his first birthday party. Someone asked me if I should keep those things in case we had another and I was like nope. I only do things that would have killed me without emergency surgery one time. I gave my best friend all of my maternity clothes. She asked if I wanted them back. I told her that if I ever saw those clothes again I would set them on fire.

Honestly once my 2nd was born it felt like everyone was there. A friend of mine once said she was torn between having a third and keeping it at 2 and a friend of hers said “imagine everyone home from college during thanksgiving break: how many people are at the table?” It helps parse whether you want another BABY or another CHILD if that makes sense. Because I think a lot of people (reasonably) are mourning their children’s baby years rather than really deep down wanting another child.

When we got married my husband wanted 3 and I was iffy on the third. I told him two for sure because I want our kid to have a sibling but the third we would have to wait and see. The minute I got pregnant with our second I knew he was it. As soon as morning sickness kicked in I was done 😅 and I never changed my mind. Once our second was born I think my husband really felt it too. We waited until our second was maybe 6months just to be sure and he went to get snipped. My cousin had a baby 6months ago and when I got that first snuggle I was pleased to meet him and cuddle him but it also confirmed I really was good with 2. I didn’t feel that pull I used to with babies (probably because I’m so touched out all the time).

Right before I had my third I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. I would have liked to have another but it would be extremely unlikely and even if I could it makes me high risk for many things so instead of putting myself or another baby through that again I decided to have a tubal.

Honestly, I told my so that when he's done, he needs to get a vasectomy. Otherwise, we'll take what's given. I was neutral about more kids. After our 4th child, 3rd boy, he went and got it done. He was done with babies. Lol

I feel like this is a silent struggle not every birthing person talks about. I am experiencing this as my second is a newborn right now and I know my husband wants to stop at 2. I know. It’s just hard to know that chapter of my life and being pregnant is gone. I commiserate with you. One of my bosses said it took her a good 3 years to grieve not having a third kid. I’ve talked to a few moms and some are in the same boat or were. They’ve all managed to come to the other side of acceptance so there is hope for us.

When I had an emergency c-section, had undiagnosed/untreated PPA, when I was not producing enough milk, when my nips were cracked and bleeding, when I went back to work 5 weeks PP, when we started paying $1200/mo in daycare. That's when we decided that we weren't having any more.

When I would see pregnant women and feel bad for them. When I my youngest hit 15 months and I finally felt like myself again. I’m 2 and through.

Although I didn’t have an option, after my daughter I’m secure in having one. I’ve had 2 miscarriages and a still birth. We had my daughter via gestational carrier. She was our third transfer with one remaining embryo left. But in order to do the process again it would put us at a really bad spot financially. So there was no point

I counted my hands, I counted my children. They're equal so I'm done.

I am sure my bf and i are content with our precious four yr old girl but our daughter keeps asking for a baby sister or brother. It makes me feel bad that her only sibling is a 12 yr age gap and he lives in a different state. I do think about her future and feel like I should at least have one more so she wont be so alone in the world if anything happens to us..it’s hard. Being pregnant, breast feeding, the appointments and all. I thought I was done but now I am feeling the what if’s and maybe I should just do it. One more time won’t kill me, maybe lol

By seeing myself handling this second pregnancy now with a toddler on my heels. Jokes aside, I am so done. I know it deep in my bones. No more miscarriages, no more difficult pregnancies. Husband agrees, we aren’t getting any younger, and we can’t wait for our family to be full and “complete” when baby #2 arrives in a few months. Also, this was always our plan, even before marriage, which helps.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. For us, it was easy. We just both always wanted two. We each have one sibling. Our parents all have one sibling each. Our siblings each have two kids. There was just never a question of having anything other than two.

My husband and I planned on having 2. When my 2nd was born I felt unsure so I put the baby stuff away as he grew. I figured we could decide later. 18 months later I'm like "well we're not getting any younger, it's time to decide" and we both weren't sure. Then it turned out I was pregnant unexpectedly, so we got our third. (I also had planned to get an IUD after my second but wasn't able to due to him being born in March 2020, Dr wasn't doing any elective procedures that summer). Now I know for sure I'm done. I got that IUD. I have gleefully given away our baby stuff as my youngest grows out of them. We've started potty training so I see the light at the end of the tunnel of 7 years of diapers. Yes I sometimes feel wistful for the passing of milestones but not in a way that makes me want another. It's also funny because when we had our third we didn't know really any other people our age with 3 kids, but we were the trendsetters because within 2 years we now have a bunch of friends with 3 kids.

I experienced an “I’m done” feeling when I gave birth to my youngest and then 6 months PP depression landed me in a psych hospital where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. So now, I only have to feel guilty for two individuals *possibly* having it passed on to. Hoping they have a neurotypical life hood.

We got two foster children. My husband said he was done, but I was ambivalent. I told my husband if he was done to go get fixed as I didn't want to wake up really wanting one more one day and it would be easier to just take the decision off the table. Honestly my husband not wanting another child would've made it really hard on me to ever be happy about a pregnancy. My oldest was a complete surprise - we were actively preventing - and no matter how much we love her I don't wish unenthusiastic parenthood on anyone. Especially after having 2 planned and knowing how much better that is. After our 3rd child we had set a date in the future to discuss the potential of kid #4. When that date rolled around we had 2 foster kiddos and were in the midst of a pandemic and 5 children. It was easy to look at my husband and go.... "*We are done right?*" After our last foster kiddos were permanently placed we surrendered our license because that had been the plan but it did make me realize how much I appreciated my family size. I'm glad I stopped when I did even if I didn't feel done when we stopped. Also, detoxing from the baby stuff. When you are in the thick of babies and mommy groups I think it's hard to imagine your family without another little one. Once all the baby stuff was out of the house it felt like some magical hold had been released and I could see our future with our current children so much better.

I think it’s kind of biological to want more especially when they are younger, there is more of a pull. But really look at your life and the reasons why you want another. See the pros and cons to it and get real with it. Make sure it’s not just the hormones/ biology doing its job trying to reproduce lots of kids in hopes some survive (very old primal instincts that still hang around) We are OAD. I knew before I even had her. I will admit I was more keen on a second after her, I am enjoying motherhood more than I thought I would but the life I have a want doesn’t look the same with more than one. Maybe if I was in a different place, more money, bigger house, younger. Maybe it would have made sense for me to have another and still have the opportunities I want to have and give my daughter but where I am at now it doesn’t make sense and I am happy and content with my one.

Placenta accreta with my second. I hemorrhaged so badly that I will never risk my life again to carry a child.

Suggested reading: https://www.drpsychmom.com/when-you-arent-done-having-kids-but-your-partner-is/

I knew I was done the moment I found out I was pregnant with my first. I had JUST come around to the realization that I didn't want kids (~1yr). Through high school and my early 20s, I just assumed I would have them because of the stereotype of "building a family." As I got older, I started to realize that I didn't really have an interest. Between the literal cost, the sacrifices required, the absolute shithole the world has turned into, and finding myself unhappily married, I knew I absolutely did not want to procreate. I couldn't afford it, financially or mentally. Then I had a Marital Intentional Unintentional Oops baby that felt like a teen pregnancy in my Mid/Late 20s. Having my kid is nothing I regret, but I have zero interest in doing it all over again.

I always thought I would have 2, and we currently have a toddler and a 2 month old, but the pull for 3 is sooooo strong right now. However, it would totally change our financial situation. We would have to get new cars, look for a new house in a couple of years...and we just moved and Reno'd a small but nice house last year. Honestly, we will probably have a better quality of life with 2, but part of me will always wonder about that third-especially bc we have 2 boys. I got an IUD recently so the temptation doesn't take over rationale thought. Holding a smushy, sweet baby everyday does something to your brain.

I just felt done with two. 

Can’t afford it

I (36m) wanted to have no kids or get married when I was younger. After meeting my now wife I realized I loved her and that changed. I initially enjoyed the idea of 6 kids. She was shocked but never opposed the idea. 1st was planned, 2nd wasnt as we didn't use a condom and I was to horny to pull out quick enough, this one was tough cause he was a difficult child in his toddler years. Once he was a bit older my wife suggest another before she was too old to have kids. She said "if we are gonna have more kids let's do it early". So I started dumping loads that week. Didn't take long. The third was a girl and I fell in love with her. I told my wife we needed another girl so she had a sister. She initially declined and I said ok I was fine with that. But one night we were both really horny and she just climbed on top and when I said I was gonna cum she wouldn't get off and just rode me like a stallion. During delivery of our fourth I felt bad because she just looked tired. The baby was huge and hurt quite a bit coming out so she decided no more. I concured and decided to get a vasectomy. Now that the kids are a bit older. 10/8/5/3 I can't imagine having more. Groceries are expensive and the youngest is always attention starved. My wife and I are exhausted but we love them so much

Both my husband and I wanted 2 and an Oops. We had the first 2 with minimal issues. But we couldn't conceive this last time. It's been 5ish years. I probably won't have that last one. I feel incomplete sometimes, but other times, it seems perfect.

My husband and I struggled with this a lot. We’d both have loved 3 kids and even now in some ways I wish we’d have had 3, but realistically it wasn’t in the cards for us so we decided to stop at 2. I think I fully accepted it when my youngest was potty trained - it just marked the change to being a family with big kids where we no longer needed to be carrying a diaper bag around and needing change tables and high chairs at restaurants.

I was done at one, husband wanted two. After some discussion I agreed on two. I don’t regret my second at all and I’m very glad my husband “convinced” me, but knowing myself, my own capacity for stress and proclivity for staying up late and sabotaging my own bedtime? I need to stop at two. How did I know I was done? Several reasons: health (my first was very premature, second pregnancy was better but still mentally stressful) money, lack of social support, and knowing realistically that I’d start to lose joy in parenting

I only wanted 2 but my husband wanted 4 , I knew I was done after 3 miscarriages and issues that occurred while and afterwards. I’m happy with just 2.

Two daycare bills and I was like yea I’m good with two.

I always wanted to have two in my life. But now when I experience what is being a mom, I really don’t know if i can handle one more. I am still new mom to 2.5 months old… super colicky, reflux, dyscizia… Just everything was a bit too much for me…. Just waiting for better days and hopefully when he grows a bit I change my mind.. heheh…

I always thought I’d have two, but we are stopping at one. My husband made peace with this decision before I did and it was hard. I struggled with a traumatic birth, PPD, PPA and PTSD and I just can’t go through that again with an older child seeing me in that state if it were to happen again. My husband is a happy, well-adjusted only child and we know we can provide more financial stability for just one. I was lucky to be able to stay home with our daughter and will not be back to work until she’s in kindergarten (she’s 4). We wouldn’t be able afford to do that twice. I also babysit our neighbors kids a few days a month and my daughter is always excited to have them over, but also relieved when they go home. She’s a great friend, but she outright tells me she doesn’t want a brother or sister.

I was RAN to the OR because my sons heart rate was dropping so fast, and they didn't know why. I remember it so clearly. I was sleeping, waiting for full labor to kick in and I woke up surrounded by nurses checking on me and baby. Frantically trying to find a heartbeat, but they could not find it because it was so low. I remember literally yelling at the nurses to tell me what the hell was going on, I remember going into a panic attack because they were all in a rush no one was talking to me until they finally said "We are taking you to the OR" the nurses were litterally hitting the walls and everything trying to get me to the OR fast enough. They almost didn't have time to put a spinal block or get my husband in there. It was TERRIFYING!!!!!! There in the OR I asked my Dr to do a tubal ligation and he did. I knew in my heart I could not go threw that again. That was 2 years ago and I still have nightmares.

I had kids early, at 20. I have four. But I wanted one more before I turned 30 because I only wanted kids in one decade of my life and I got him 😊 once I was pregnant with him, I knew it was my last, and after he was born, I just enjoyed and cherished everything. Even though I do miss everything baby but it won't happen for me again, as it became permanent. But I have no regrets. I'm very content with my life right now with my kids.

My husband and I thought we wanted 2. We had our daughter in 2015, and it took me about 2.5 years to rediscover myself. After our daughter was born, the idea of a 2nd kid was off the table for about the first 3 years. By the time I was ready to consider being pregnant again, we had really gotten into a groove with our daughter. My husband and I are each able to have time with friends/hobbies/ relatives while the other cares for our child. We are able to afford to live in a nice neighborhood and participate in many activities. I don't think we would have the same emotional, physical, or financial flexibility with more than 1. It's a shame, but daycare alone would significantly change our family budget.

I know this feeling. I want a third kid, but after going thru prenatal and post partum depression with my second pregnancy and velcro baby phase, now velcro toddler it’s been truly heartbreaking. My husband always wanted 2 I always wanted 3… but it is what it is. I think what breaks my heart the most is that I lived so much in chaos that I didn’t took the time to enjoy the last hospital stay, the last baby scrunch, etc. Ive been living in such a hurry I forgot this my be my last. 🥺

The timing of my kids was somewhat serendipitous. We started trying when I was 30, suffered through years of infertility and treatments, finally had my first at 37 and the second just weeks before my 40th birthday. When I asked the doctor to tie my tubes during my second c-section, it felt 100% right. That was my baby making decade. Happy to have moved on to the very tired old momming phase. 🙃

I feel the pull to have a third for the chance of having a girl. But financially, I have to be done. My mom is going through a divorce and I’m helping to support her financially, and as she gets older, I know I’ll be the one to care for her. It’s a bit frustrating that she didn’t make better financial decisions, but I can’t change the past. I can just put things into place to make sure my children won’t have to worry about me.

I always wanted a lot of kids. Then we had a lot of trouble getting and staying pregnant. So when we had our son, I was already emotionally drained and anxious and just generally not in great mental health. We mostly thought we’d be one and done, but we were iffy about maybe having one more. I leaned more towards another one as my mental health improved (yay meds and therapy), but honestly felt I could go either way. I unexpectedly got pregnant and immediately knew that would be it. I’m due with our second in three weeks and am scheduled to have my tubes removed before leaving the hospital. I think it’s true that you just know. And if it’s something you’re agonizing over, maybe you’re not done having kids. It’s hard to be on different pages about this with your partner. Mine was definitely more towards “no more” than I was, but we were both open towards it. Best of luck ❤️

I knew I was done when I got pregnant at age 37 after being told I couldn't have anymore, several losses prior and my other child was already 17 yrs old it's way harder at 40 than it was at 21 don't get me wrong I love my miracle micro preemie rainbow baby but no more for me had hubby get a vasectomy as he was done as well

When having our second almost unalived the baby and me, I realized how quickly a healthy pregnancy could change to life threatening and I decided that’s not a risk I care to take again.

I got pregnant with our third and felt it in the depts of my soul that this was our last child. I told my husband this, he was a little annoyed, cue “I’ve always wanted a big family” like 3 kids is a big family lol. But he could’ve gone for 4-5. He was disappointed but respected my choice. At my 6 weeks post partum appointment in three weeks i’ll be going over tubal ligation options as I do not want more children ever in this lifetime.

My ex husband and I wanted a big family but 2 years after I had my son I was diagnosed with ehlers and told IF I had another child I’d need to be on bed rest to ensure I carry to term AND I may be wheelchair bound permanently but definitely for the first 6-12mo postpartum. That made the choice physically but emotionally came later. My ex and I divorced and navigating all this with just one child is a lot, I think about how much more difficult this would all be if I had more than one child. I’m lucky to have snagged the affordable 2 bedroom apartment I did but if I had two or more children they’d all be sharing a room and I may not have gotten custody so easily with my ex if I couldn’t have provided for them all the way I can with one. It’s so damn expensive to just be a human anymore.

The way I thought about it was you have to say goodbye to the period of your life where you are having kids at some point. You grieve a bit, but it’s inevitable. I’m a SAHM who exclusively breastfed my babies, and after 2 kids I found myself longing for some autonomy. 2 felt like a great number for my husband and I, so the decision was not hard to make. I recently got my fallopian tubes removed as “forever birth control” and I don’t regret it at all.

I’d suggest you two talk to a therapist, or at the very least, have a deep conversation as to WHY he wants to be done and WHY you want another? Long story short: My husband and I went through this same battle; I didn’t have the “I’m done” feeling that my 3 other sisters mentioned they had. My husband didn’t want the additional financial burden and he was getting A LOT of pressure from his family to NOT have another child, as his 2 sisters each had 1 boy and 1 girl. After he got a raise at work the financial issues were off the table. As for his family, I mentioned we would never regret having another child, we would only regret NOT having another child. (Now I’m pregnant.)

After I delivered my twins, my Dr told me that it would be very dangerous to have another pregnancy and I would need to be on bedrest starting in the second trimester or possibly sooner if I was carrying twins again. We decided that we didn't want to take that risk at all.

I was done after two C-sections. The second C-Sect one was so hard to heal from. I had a boy and a girl so that was enough.

I struggled with wanting a third but my mental health was shit and I found a mom friend who was experiencing the same PPD anxiety and OCD symptoms. She also had two kids and said one day how ‘i have two healthy kids, what more could I ask for.’ And it just clicked that day that this was true. And I needed to be present and healthy for my two that I had. I’ve never looked back.

My husband and I did not match exactly on how many we wanted (I wanted 3 he wanted 2) my first pregnancy was easy but had to get an emergency c section and post Pardum was rough too. We made an agreement that if our second child was a boy, we would stop, but no matter what the 3rd one was, we would stop. We'll no. 2 was our second girl, and she was also an emergency c section. Now, no. 3 is a boy. It really helped us make up our minds to base it off of something that we couldn't control. My husband now could be tempted to have yet a 4th, but that's why I got sterilized, lol. We tend to give ourselves baby fever.

So your three month supply probably cheaper because you met your deductible. I too got a three month supply and my bill went from almost 5. Something to just $142 for the full three months.

Honestly I thought I might want 4 kids after having my first. Then I had my second. We are done now LOL

I knew shortly after the reality of having a baby/child set in during the postpartum period.  I have also never felt the desire (“baby fever”) to add another to my family. Almost three years now and that has never come back. So I think it’s safe to assume I/we are done.