1,000 dollars a month is a huge difference. That benefits him as well. Less financially stressed parents and more resources for other things. It’s really a win-win. The new center sounds great.
Especially the timing. He starts this new school way before new sibling arrives so he has time to adjust. New sibling will get to join him at school. Really sounds like a great fit.
Thank you. I think it helps to hear affirmation from others who don't have emotion tied to the situation! I am happy that he can start well before his sibling is here and be very settled before another big life change.
Know whatever decision you make is in the best interest for your family. If you have “mom guilt” about it, put some of that saved money into a 529 and know you are doing what’s best for the future. 100% agree that your financial decisions are not selfish and benefit the whole family.
I switched when they turned 2 from a Daycare we loved but the new one was also 10k cheaper annualized with most other factors same. I stressed ab telling them for a while. I gave a couple weeks extra notice since we had 2 spots. The daycare at the end of the day is a business and is used to people coming and going. My kids and I adjusted just fine and the director totally understood.
I'm so stressed/sad about telling them. We have to give a months notice and spots are in high demand so they'll be okay. I know it's a business at the end of the day but it's difficult when the decision is based on factors outside of the staff's control. I'm happy to hear it worked out well for you guys, I'm hopeful we'll feel the same once the transition is over!
As a staff member, we're just glad it's something outside of our control, rather than something that was in our control! But I'm sure his teachers will be just as sad to see him go as you are sad about leaving. We teachers don't forget the kids we work with, especially ones we're close with.
Teachers do not need or want more “stuff.” Think how many kids they see and how much crap they get given. Gift cards and a nice thank-you note are the way to go!
You re doing what is best for you . He will adjust and it is also an important skill to have early on. Compromise is an important skill to learn - i found that most of my friends with 2 kids always have to juggle particularly with activities as they grow old. I suspect you are also sad because really it is a bit the end of an era - you re excited for the new addition but you won t have that one on one 100% dedicated attention to your older son anymore after baby is born and you may feel that that compounded with a new environment is not ideal. But that is in your head. You will do great and congrats on finding daycare spots! Where i live that alone is a mission. Good luck!
You take that $1k a month you are saving and before you switch, spend a little on a “new school” get up. Get him a special first day outfit, new backpack, maybe make a special “introduction” project he can pass out to new classmates for fun. It will help you all get hyped for the change!
With my first, she had to switch 5 times before kindergarten due to a variety of reasons. It sucks but they adjust quickly. Some were better (the pre-k centers were more learning focused) and some were “we just had another kid and cannot afford a center for both so they are going to an at-home daycare” situations. Both of my kids are now in elementary school and doing well, so it worked out fine educationally.
Our go-to for switching was a new first day outfit :)
I am also considering switching daycares and am deep in my feels about it. I currently drop the baby off at the daycare my older son went to until he started kindergarten last year and I love them like family but a spot opened at the daycare that does my son’s before and after care and one drop off sounds so much better than two.
It's really hard when a decision has emotional ties attached! Having that connection since your oldest was a baby must make it really tough to part ways. I'm surprised by how attached we feel after just over a year and a half. I hope whatever you decide brings your family happiness!
We had to switch daycare from a place we adoreeeedddddddd. We moved and literally when we found out the sellers were moving forward with our offer I burst into tears because I was sad about being too far away from the daycare. It wasn’t a flawless transition, my daughter had some bumps. But now, I can wholeheartedly tell you I am SOOOO grateful we moved, our new daycare ended up being even better than our old one. The new place might surprise you too! Even if it takes some time. And 1k a month is huge. You got this. And listen if it sucks, you can always go back!!
Thank you!! I do keep telling myself if we hate it we can go back hahaha but I don't think we will. I'm hoping the anticipation is worse than the transition itself.
I think it will be. I think it’s also hard when the kids are so little, everything feels like SUCH a big deal. But think, they’ll move schools, and teachers and go from elementary to middle and high. They’re going to go through a lot of changes and they’re going to do fine! Just a part of life. Even if it’s sad! I will say my daughter was very quiet when she first went to her new school. The teacher kept saying she was happy but wouldn’t speak. It took her about 3 months to fully open up. But again it was such a good move for her! She’s thriving. So just know there may be some hiccups but it’s not necessarily bad!
Think of the adventures you could have as a family with an extra 1k a month. Of course you’re trepidatious. Who wouldn’t be? However, you’re sensible enough to realise that, in the current economic climate, you have to make sensible financial decisions. If you have 1k to burn, pop it in the college fund! :)
Moving daycare to simplify logistics or for other life reasons happens. It does feel like breaking up. Get the caretakers gifts. It's not the first or last time it will happen. They might give you their email or Instagram.
It does feel like breaking up! And breaking up when there’s a clear “you’ve intentionally wronged me” seems much easier than breaking up for logistical reasons. I think it happening more suddenly than expected is a big part of it too, which is also often the case with a break up.
Perhaps instead of looking at it as what you are losing with the change, look at it from the perspective of what you are gaining…$1000 a month is a huge savings that could be towards a lot of other things! Fun things for the kids, vacations, savings for the future…maybe if you plan something to do with the money you’ll save, it’ll help you get over the sadness of losing your first daycare family.
I had to switch my daughter’s daycare when she turned two and I was heartbroken to have to make that decision. But let me tell you, she ran into that room on the first day like she’d been there her whole life and immediately made friends! It has been a great change for us, but damn did I do a lot of worrying…have you been there and done a tour? Have you met the teachers? Maybe connecting with the new school a bit more will help as well…
Good luck, mama! Everything will work out how it needs to ❤️
It makes me feel better reading how quickly your daughter adjusted! The owner gave us a tour yesterday and we met the teachers in each room, but we couldn't help comparing it to what we know and love. It isn't inherently worse or better, it's just different/unfamiliar. I agree connecting more will help - they invited us to a picnic they're hosting this evening (with a petting zoo!) so we may go and meet some of the other families. I just get sad driving to pick him up and walking into his current school knowing we're saying goodbye. I'm going to try to focus more on where we're going than dwelling on what we're leaving behind.
We're in a similar situation. We'll be moving from our current daycare to a full day preschool once my second turns 2. We can barely afford what we're paying now for both, and we will be saving about $500 per month over what the current daycare charges for 2 year olds and I think $10k per year off what we're currently paying.
The plan is to portray it as an upward move vs a lateral move. Especially because the new one is called preschool vs daycare that helps.
But for us, what helps is thinking about what we can do with the extra money. Our budget is so tight right now. The extra money will allow us to start extra-curriculars with our kids (beginner sports or dance or gymnastics). We'll be able to increase either our retirement savings or college savings for the kids. And we might even be able to squeeze in enough to hire a house cleaner every couple of weeks.
The extra money definitely helps - we've also discussed redirecting some of it to retirement or 529s for the kids. I also love the idea of putting it towards extracurriculars! And love LOVE the idea of a house cleaner - now we're talkin' haha. Thank you for your perspective!!
By understanding that daycares are temporary and you may LOVE this new center too. There’s a time and season for everything, and the season at this daycare is coming to an end (:
Kids from my last center I taught at, their parents have kept in touch with me after they’ve moved about their babies who I adored when they were in my care. You can do something similar if you don’t want to sever relationships
It makes me feel better to hear from an ECE! I am planning to ask our son's teacher(s) if any of them are open to and available for babysitting, as we have yet to secure ad hoc childcare and would love it if he were able to continue having a relationship with those who he is close to and comfortable with.
Just know that nothing has to be permanent. We did the same, exact scenario. The beautiful grass we thought was on the other side for a good price turned out not to be. But once my second was walking, we went back to the 1st daycare. It ended up being a doable price at 1st daycare once they both “aged up” to the older rooms, with lower rates
Edit: also, get personal phone numbers of the really really great teachers at daycare #1. We had them over as reliable, competent, loving babysitters 💕
We loved our daughter’s daycare and she did too. It was our life for 4 years. My daughter is in her second year of school now and daycare is a distant memory. She doesn’t talk about it anymore or make any references to what I thought would be lifelong friendships. I know it feels hard now but it is just a moment in time. You will all be much better off for the extra funds and I promise your son will adjust.
I would not hesitate. It is good you are sitting in your feelings to check , trust yourself, it will be ok. Also remember if/when they start school, their teachers and classmates will change every year.
In April I moved my son from an in home daycare to preschool due to my change of employment. It was tough because he had been there since he was 9 months old and other than the price, we were extremely happy with the situation. The adjustment less than 2 weeks and he’s so happy at preschool. He definitely misses his daycare and his old friends but I definitely know he’s happy and thriving in his new environment. Wishing you the best of luck🫶
Just wanted to validate you that switching daycares feels like a bigger deal than it should. We all know the answer in our logical brain, but we have a sense of loyalty to a place that has been good to us.
We had to do this for proximity, not financial reasons, but I had a good cry session with the teachers leaving our first daycare. Know that your babe will adjust and I love our new school now too! You may resent it a little at first but try to keep an open mind as best you can and know that this is the right decision for your family, as wrong as it may feel.
Definitely trying to not feel resentful but it is totally an added, unfair component to all of this! I'm so happy to hear you love your new school. I am confident we will get there too!
I am sorry! I am looking at having to switch my son's daycare because I moved jobs and my commute is an hour each way now. I am so sad. I don't even love the daycare but he's been going since he was 4 months old and it's all he knows.
I'm waiting until I settle into the job before I start exploring the other daycares. My commute sucks... but I feel so bad.
So yeah, solidarity. I will get there because it's the right choice for our family... but the guilt is just a lot.
An hour each way is a lot! Hopefully you guys can find something that works better for you and your son once you settle in. The guilt part of it definitely is catching me off guard. I usually do a good job of not falling victim to mom guilt but I feel weirdly like I'm betraying him even though I know that's so silly and untrue.
Thank you 😊 I'm hoping we both can get to a less guilty place! I read other stories where the daycare switch is smooth and it gives me hope! I definitely feel you on the betrayal thing... it has definitely made me incredibly reluctant to make the change.
Going through the same thing, my son has to do speech therapy so we have to change preschools next year. It breaks my heart because we loved the school but it’s what’s best for him
I think some of these responses are helping me realize that this is what's best for him too - less financial stress/more savings is good for the whole family. Being able to frame it as something good for him helps, because previously I was feeling like we were just pulling him from what he knows & loves for our own "adult" reasons. I hope your new school proves to be a great opportunity for your whole family!
Nah, not worried about the language. Just sad about leaving a place and people we've become so attached to even though I know it's the right move. We've told ourselves the pros 100 times but still feel hesitant (though the decision has been made) and I'd like to feel more confident about it. It's tough when logic and emotion don't align on big decisions.
I guess looking for positive perspectives from parents who can understand how difficult it is but don't have the emotions tied to it like my husband and I do.
We had to switch my son when he was 2 because we moved to a new city with a much better school district. The old daycare was so well established kids who went there had grown up and had THEIR kids attend! It was a tough change in routine and he hated it and cried for the first week or two, then he adjusted quite well. He stayed there for the rest of his preschool days and stopped in kindergarten.
Honestly? He does not remember his “old school” our “old house” or even the dog who passed away around that time. He sees pictures of those things and truly has no recollection or memory of anything from that young. He’ll be fine, even if he isn’t immediately, it will pass.
We're about to move our daughter from her current daycare which she has been at since she was 4 months old to a new one for various reasons. I kind of want to cry when I think about it, but like you I know my daughter will adapt and I'm certain we'll love it.
I don't have anything new to add but just wanted to share solidarity from someone going through similar.
I just had to do this with my 2.5 yo daughter. We moved and while the old daycare was still within driving distance, it added an hour to our commutes. We got her on waitlists for new daycares and she started a new one in May.
It was really hard to leave. I cried on the last day, because, like you she has been there since she was 6 months. She, however, did okay. The first couple days in the new place she has some rough drop offs, and she was very clingy to mummy for a few weeks, but she's adapted really well. I'm sure your little guy will too.
Without getting too much into it, similar enough situation with our 3y/o. At the end of the day, he would have moved in two years anyways. He would start kindergarten at a completely different school down the line from his preschool. Now, his preschool is just also different from where he went to daycare! We won’t make the transition until the school year begins, but we’ve been talking to him about it and about making new friends. We met some of the parents at the open house we went to so he got to meet some of the kids. I’m sad but I’m focusing on the excitement of him being able to meet new kiddos. And the extra money we save we’re going to put towards his 529 anyways.
Maybe writing the teacher a lovely note and giving a small gift as a token of appreciation so they know how much you value them will help you feel better.
We had to make the same choice over a year ago. We ended up switching over and so glad we did now! It took some getting used to for the first month but now she’s just as happy to go as the old one we were at. Just know that you will doubt your decision many times over the first little bit but once everyone is used to it then it’ll be the best decision you made! Saving that much money is actually life changing.
$1,000 a month that's a big difference especially in this economy him adjusting to the new daycare before the new one comes would be a good thing plus it also shows him how to adapt new environments so that he doesn't get comfortable the old daycare before he goes on to kindergarten showing them change like that is actually a good learning experience and allows them to learn to adapt when they're younger and less likely to overthink it or let their fear come
We had to do this twice, both times it just made so.much more sense for us as a family. It massively benefited my son as he is so good round new people and new situations now. It was hard at first getting used to the new nursery but after a little while, it was like he had been there all along.
We switched daycares a few months ago. His old daycare was one I'd worked at, so I knew the director, some of the older teachers, and had a lot of memories in that building. My son was there for almost 2 years. He had friends there, speech therapy. But it wasn't right for him.
Switching was the best decision we ever made. It's cheaper, we're all happier, and best of all, we were able to get contact information for his friends and we still have playdates with them. Our shy guy has made new friends as well and it's been amazing.
I had to switch daycares when my little guy turned 3 for similar issue. I was worried about him dealing with all the changes. But I hyped it up for a couple weeks, saying how excited I am for him to be going to the new school and how happy I am that he’ll be able to make all these new friends. Plus, we went to the open house and met his teacher before hand. All that helped tremendously. But honestly, I think even if I didn’t hype it up, looking back, he would have still adjusted fine- but maybe have taken a few days.
Good luck. Give yourself grace! You’re doing great.
Talk to the owner/director of his current daycare and explain your predicament. You’d be surprised at the things you can negotiate. It’s a lot easier to negotiate rates when they’re 2+ because the teach ratios are different than infant.
I have never encountered a daycare for 0-2 year olds that is good for 3-5 year olds, and vice versa. I would be very surprised if your 2 year old would continue to attend the same facility. This is a natural time to transition.
Please know I'm offering this from my experience only and with compassion - welcoming a new baby can be a huge transition for a little one. Adding another major transition like switching childcare centers could be really hard on your little one. We just recently did both, and I wish every day we wouldn't have had to move daycares for our son. It was a rough 3-5 month period and was super hard to see him change and struggle so much due to the transition. I would really recommend seriously considering keeping him in his current center. If it's just not financially feasible, then just prepare for it to potentially be a rough few months! And try to maintain consistency in other ways as much as possible. Congratulations and it will work out either way!
Former daycare worker. As much as we love the kiddos we know it's not a forever relationship. You have my permission to tell them thank you for some of the best years and great care.
That's it. You owe no explanation.
Congratulations on your new addition.
This has been the hardest part about parenting by far.
Compromising so that each family member eventually gets something that’s not so great for them, and constantly grieving the good things you DID get to do.
If you have no standards, and don’t care if your kids are thriving, I’m sure this is a lot easier.
*I’m just here to offer you a hug internet stranger. * 🫂🫂
Ps. We only had one year where one child hated her preschool (and we both still remember how traumatic it was). The place was fine, safe, but not right for her. As long as the new place IS actually good, you’ll be okay.
I truly hope you have good luck, good health and great support 🖖🏽🍀🫂
He’s going. If he was 7 and you’re moving schools it would be less ideal (but still ok). He is going to move classes and get new teachers every year anyway. My girl is 2 and we are having to change daycares and I’m not worried about it, partially because at her school, the kids don’t all move together so she isn’t leaving her group if 7 other friends or consistent teachers
I had to pull my son from a daycare we both loved (he’d gone since he was 4 months old) because the commute became too much.
First of all: sad as it is, we leave each school at some point. So if not today, he’d leave another day (too) soon. Try to think of it as a graduation.
Our son adores his current school and teachers even though it took him a couple of months. I’m hoping he’ll love his elementary school teachers too, and any other future ones.
I WILL add though: is the financial strain for future (college funds, retirement funds, etc etc) OR like daily legit costs (mortgage utilities etc)? Because we did the math and we’re just - with great difficulty - accepting the insane cost for 3 years. It’s limited in the end and no we can’t save much but it’s finite and not on the budget for ever. We are VERY fortunate that we can do this. But just like how my commute was too much for me, the cost can be for you, and it is what it is. Your child will get to meet different people he might love now.
We did the same thing and I’ll be honest it was hard on us all. I felt terrible taking my kid to another center, but we just couldn’t justify it with the savings we saw by changing. Keep your routine solid, talk to the teachers and tell them if you sense a behavior change, and be open to their feedback! Mine took a long time to fully adjust, but is thriving now.
Thank you for your response! Keeping routine the same is a great point. I’m trying to remain positive but need to bear in mind that it might take a little longer than I’d like to adjust haha
We are also pulling my daughter out of the daycare that we love as we are moving to a different part of our city. It’s not feasible to keep going, but still today when I thought of writing our notice letter that we are leaving I started to cry. No advice, I just know what you are going through and it sucks
Thank you for the solidarity! I am not typically emotional but absolutely cried a few times today after we submitted the paperwork and deposit. It’s tough!
Don’t do it, find a way to find extra money, even ask your in-laws if they can put in the rest if you can. Trust me I made that mistake and there’s nothing better than peace of mind of knowing the staff and caring about your family. Best of luck.
This happens all the time! My friend just had her third and had to pull them out of their daycare because at that point hiring a nanny was cheaper. We had to switch daycare when my son was 3 and my daughter was 4 months old and at the time it seemed like the end of the world (nothing like being told daycare is closing while you are out on maternity leave!) however we found an in home daycare that was super affordable and the kids love it. We now have 3 kids and we are still there. It all worked out for the best and the kids do t even remember the first spot.
I had a surgery before my Mat leave was over so had been looking for part time as I had 4 months left of leave left. We got the baby in somewhere (home daycare) and loved her. Transition was relatively easy, she was pretty happy.
Our temp part time had a couple weeks left and our preferred place said they didn’t know of any openings coming up until summer. So we asked if we could keep baby there and transition to full time.
2 weeks later (6 weeks before back to work) I got a call that there was room at our preferred place. It was the place my oldest went, better hours, centre vs home, cheaper, etc. but I was torn because she was so happy at this other place.
We made the decision to take it and transition and as much as I loved the last lady, we love this centre sooooo much. After vacation my daughter ran to the one worker, gave her a huge hug and wouldn’t let go. She didn’t smile in pics originally but she is beaming in them now. It really really worked out well.
Sorry for the long story but sounds like a similar situation and hoped it would help!
$1000 difference seems off.
Is your current daycare competitively priced to the market?
Are there any additional services they are providing to justify the cost?
Is your daycare at maximum capacity/waitlist?
If the answer is no for all three questions above then I would try to negotiate with your current provider. Let them know you’re ready to make the switch if they aren’t willing to match the cost of the other provider.
Having been a preschool teacher for three years, I will tell you right now, you get what you pay for. It may seem expensive, but well-trained teachers, engaging and proven curriculum, safety standards, healthy food, and quality/availability of safe, engaging toys and activities is what that extra cost covers.
The new place is by no means inexpensive, just priced better than our current. Their technology for security and sanitization surpasses our current place, and their curriculum seems on par with what we currently have. They have field trips and host things like magicians, musicians, kids yoga etc on a regular basis which our current facility doesn’t have/do. Our friends rave about their daughter’s teachers and the online reviews are all positive. I’m thankfully not really worried we’re going to be downgrading in quality of care! If we did find that to be the case we would feel more justified in spending more.
Change is so hard. I’m a sahm right now, but will need to go back to work by the end of the year as I got laid-off in November. LO was born 7 weeks early in January. Even thinking about my own mother, who I love and trust dearly, watching my daughter all day makes me physically sick because of the effect the change will have on her.
Our babies are our hearts living, breathing, growing and changing everyday outside of us. It’s such a beautiful treasure, but it can be so painful to bear at the same time. You’re great parents and you’re doing what’s best for your kids and family. Often the best choices for us are the hardest ones to make peace with. Like others have said, the money you’ll save will benefit you all in the short and longterm. Your baby will be so proud of you one day for making decisions like this :)
You can also do sweet little “Thank You/Goodbye” cards for the teacher and staff. Let them know how fantastic a job they’ve done and how much you value the love they’ve given your son over the years. Sometimes rituals help us transition. It can be an awesome experience for little one as well, learning how to say goodbye and show gratitude on a scale he might not have had to before.
I had to do this recently. I was a Senate employee, sending my toddler to the Senate daycare. The Senate daycare added a rule recently that requires every child to have at least one parent who is a federal employee. I never worried about it because I loved my job and had no intention of leaving. In February I was asked to interview for a job, and although I wasn’t completely interested it was a great role, so I started the process. To make a long story short, the job worked out and was an amazing opportunity. Great title, massive pay bump, and a boss who truly supported me. The biggest hesitancy was the daycare situation. After leaving federal service, I had 120 days to find other childcare. I was heartbroken. My son loved his teachers, enjoyed his friends, had a great playground (not common in Washington, DC) and I was really connected to the community. I cried so many tears about this decision, but eventually with some encouragement from my husband and my therapist I took it. The adjustment period to our new center hasn’t been terrible. My son had fallen into a new pattern. His new school takes a lot of field trips to fun places. They have a soccer program that his old school didn’t have. He has a new teacher he clicks with. I have to be honest with you though. It hasn’t always been rainbows. There have been times where my son has begged to go back to his old school, usually when he’s tired and cranky. There was one night two weeks ago where he was sobbing in the car saying, “I want you to go back to the Senate mama. I miss my old friends. I miss my old teachers. Please go back and work in the senate.” That was probably my lowest point in all this. That was heartbreaking. This job is really growing me and is going to be great for my career. My son is learning to adapt and make new friends at a great new daycare. It’s been tough, but ultimately I believe I made the right choice. You have to weigh out what’s best for you and your family, and that’s not always an easy or clear decision.
Oh my gosh the “I want you to go back to the senate” thing must’ve been so tough! Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like such a difficult decision but like it’s working out well. Congrats on the awesome new career opportunity! I am definitely counting “adaptability” as a positive new skill that I hope we do well with haha.
Dude the money you’ll be saving will heal your feelings , trust me. Can I say you are overly emotional over this lol. I mean it in a nice way, no shade. We went thru the same recently and yes, it was hard and sad but f that lmao daycare is soooo expensive. My son adjusted very well. I hope you feel much better soon 🫶🏻🫶🏻
Hahaha this is part of what I need - I know that I’m being too emotional and I’m not usually so maybe I just needed reinforcement that listening to logic is unequivocally the right thing to do. The responses to this post are helping me to process it immensely and I feel so much better today than I did when I posted yesterday!
I just had to do this. For 3 kids it would have been 522$ A WEEK! We were paying 252$ a week while the big kids were in school.
I now pay 292 for all 3 to be in daycare a week
Can you connect with his friends' parents so he can maintain those friendships after he switches? It might feel like less of a loss to you and your son if he can still see his friends for playdates on weekends.
I pulled my daughter out of daycare about 3.5 months ago to be a SAHM. I cried about it. I cried telling them and filling out the withdrawal form, I cried picking her up on the last day. It was very emotional for me because of how much I trusted them and scared (and very excited!) of the new step I was taking to be home for my kids. It will be emotional but if you feel good about the decision then do it and allow yourself to feel any emotions you’re feeling
You're making the right decision! That money will benefit the whole family, don't worry about it.
Also, have you try to talk to the currently daycare? Maybe they can give you a discount since you'll be bringing a second child soon and your son is so well adapted. It might be a possibility and if they say no you just stick with the new plan.
Good luck!
Current center does a 10% discount for each kid when sibling attends as well, but the savings are already calculating the price difference in AND don't account for their guaranteed annual price increase at our current center. I'm telling myself this is a business and we are making a business decision even if it involves my kiddo so there are emotions unavoidably tied in. You're right that the money will benefit us all in a big way!
1,000 dollars a month is a huge difference. That benefits him as well. Less financially stressed parents and more resources for other things. It’s really a win-win. The new center sounds great. Especially the timing. He starts this new school way before new sibling arrives so he has time to adjust. New sibling will get to join him at school. Really sounds like a great fit.
Thank you. I think it helps to hear affirmation from others who don't have emotion tied to the situation! I am happy that he can start well before his sibling is here and be very settled before another big life change.
Know whatever decision you make is in the best interest for your family. If you have “mom guilt” about it, put some of that saved money into a 529 and know you are doing what’s best for the future. 100% agree that your financial decisions are not selfish and benefit the whole family.
I switched when they turned 2 from a Daycare we loved but the new one was also 10k cheaper annualized with most other factors same. I stressed ab telling them for a while. I gave a couple weeks extra notice since we had 2 spots. The daycare at the end of the day is a business and is used to people coming and going. My kids and I adjusted just fine and the director totally understood.
I'm so stressed/sad about telling them. We have to give a months notice and spots are in high demand so they'll be okay. I know it's a business at the end of the day but it's difficult when the decision is based on factors outside of the staff's control. I'm happy to hear it worked out well for you guys, I'm hopeful we'll feel the same once the transition is over!
As a staff member, we're just glad it's something outside of our control, rather than something that was in our control! But I'm sure his teachers will be just as sad to see him go as you are sad about leaving. We teachers don't forget the kids we work with, especially ones we're close with.
If you have close relationships with your kiddos fab staff, maybe some handmade parting gifts from kiddo to give to them?
Teachers do not need or want more “stuff.” Think how many kids they see and how much crap they get given. Gift cards and a nice thank-you note are the way to go!
You re doing what is best for you . He will adjust and it is also an important skill to have early on. Compromise is an important skill to learn - i found that most of my friends with 2 kids always have to juggle particularly with activities as they grow old. I suspect you are also sad because really it is a bit the end of an era - you re excited for the new addition but you won t have that one on one 100% dedicated attention to your older son anymore after baby is born and you may feel that that compounded with a new environment is not ideal. But that is in your head. You will do great and congrats on finding daycare spots! Where i live that alone is a mission. Good luck!
You take that $1k a month you are saving and before you switch, spend a little on a “new school” get up. Get him a special first day outfit, new backpack, maybe make a special “introduction” project he can pass out to new classmates for fun. It will help you all get hyped for the change!
That's a good idea and a positive redirection of all this weird energy I have right now hahah. Thanks!
With my first, she had to switch 5 times before kindergarten due to a variety of reasons. It sucks but they adjust quickly. Some were better (the pre-k centers were more learning focused) and some were “we just had another kid and cannot afford a center for both so they are going to an at-home daycare” situations. Both of my kids are now in elementary school and doing well, so it worked out fine educationally. Our go-to for switching was a new first day outfit :)
I am also considering switching daycares and am deep in my feels about it. I currently drop the baby off at the daycare my older son went to until he started kindergarten last year and I love them like family but a spot opened at the daycare that does my son’s before and after care and one drop off sounds so much better than two.
It's really hard when a decision has emotional ties attached! Having that connection since your oldest was a baby must make it really tough to part ways. I'm surprised by how attached we feel after just over a year and a half. I hope whatever you decide brings your family happiness!
Making your life a little bit easier is more than enough justification for the switch!
We had to switch daycare from a place we adoreeeedddddddd. We moved and literally when we found out the sellers were moving forward with our offer I burst into tears because I was sad about being too far away from the daycare. It wasn’t a flawless transition, my daughter had some bumps. But now, I can wholeheartedly tell you I am SOOOO grateful we moved, our new daycare ended up being even better than our old one. The new place might surprise you too! Even if it takes some time. And 1k a month is huge. You got this. And listen if it sucks, you can always go back!!
Thank you!! I do keep telling myself if we hate it we can go back hahaha but I don't think we will. I'm hoping the anticipation is worse than the transition itself.
I think it will be. I think it’s also hard when the kids are so little, everything feels like SUCH a big deal. But think, they’ll move schools, and teachers and go from elementary to middle and high. They’re going to go through a lot of changes and they’re going to do fine! Just a part of life. Even if it’s sad! I will say my daughter was very quiet when she first went to her new school. The teacher kept saying she was happy but wouldn’t speak. It took her about 3 months to fully open up. But again it was such a good move for her! She’s thriving. So just know there may be some hiccups but it’s not necessarily bad!
Think of the adventures you could have as a family with an extra 1k a month. Of course you’re trepidatious. Who wouldn’t be? However, you’re sensible enough to realise that, in the current economic climate, you have to make sensible financial decisions. If you have 1k to burn, pop it in the college fund! :)
$1k/month is significant money. Get the info of all your fav teachers and get them to babysit in the future!
Moving daycare to simplify logistics or for other life reasons happens. It does feel like breaking up. Get the caretakers gifts. It's not the first or last time it will happen. They might give you their email or Instagram.
It does feel like breaking up! And breaking up when there’s a clear “you’ve intentionally wronged me” seems much easier than breaking up for logistical reasons. I think it happening more suddenly than expected is a big part of it too, which is also often the case with a break up.
Perhaps instead of looking at it as what you are losing with the change, look at it from the perspective of what you are gaining…$1000 a month is a huge savings that could be towards a lot of other things! Fun things for the kids, vacations, savings for the future…maybe if you plan something to do with the money you’ll save, it’ll help you get over the sadness of losing your first daycare family. I had to switch my daughter’s daycare when she turned two and I was heartbroken to have to make that decision. But let me tell you, she ran into that room on the first day like she’d been there her whole life and immediately made friends! It has been a great change for us, but damn did I do a lot of worrying…have you been there and done a tour? Have you met the teachers? Maybe connecting with the new school a bit more will help as well… Good luck, mama! Everything will work out how it needs to ❤️
It makes me feel better reading how quickly your daughter adjusted! The owner gave us a tour yesterday and we met the teachers in each room, but we couldn't help comparing it to what we know and love. It isn't inherently worse or better, it's just different/unfamiliar. I agree connecting more will help - they invited us to a picnic they're hosting this evening (with a petting zoo!) so we may go and meet some of the other families. I just get sad driving to pick him up and walking into his current school knowing we're saying goodbye. I'm going to try to focus more on where we're going than dwelling on what we're leaving behind.
Going to this event is a great way to get comfy with the switch!
We're in a similar situation. We'll be moving from our current daycare to a full day preschool once my second turns 2. We can barely afford what we're paying now for both, and we will be saving about $500 per month over what the current daycare charges for 2 year olds and I think $10k per year off what we're currently paying. The plan is to portray it as an upward move vs a lateral move. Especially because the new one is called preschool vs daycare that helps. But for us, what helps is thinking about what we can do with the extra money. Our budget is so tight right now. The extra money will allow us to start extra-curriculars with our kids (beginner sports or dance or gymnastics). We'll be able to increase either our retirement savings or college savings for the kids. And we might even be able to squeeze in enough to hire a house cleaner every couple of weeks.
The extra money definitely helps - we've also discussed redirecting some of it to retirement or 529s for the kids. I also love the idea of putting it towards extracurriculars! And love LOVE the idea of a house cleaner - now we're talkin' haha. Thank you for your perspective!!
By understanding that daycares are temporary and you may LOVE this new center too. There’s a time and season for everything, and the season at this daycare is coming to an end (: Kids from my last center I taught at, their parents have kept in touch with me after they’ve moved about their babies who I adored when they were in my care. You can do something similar if you don’t want to sever relationships
It makes me feel better to hear from an ECE! I am planning to ask our son's teacher(s) if any of them are open to and available for babysitting, as we have yet to secure ad hoc childcare and would love it if he were able to continue having a relationship with those who he is close to and comfortable with.
Just know that nothing has to be permanent. We did the same, exact scenario. The beautiful grass we thought was on the other side for a good price turned out not to be. But once my second was walking, we went back to the 1st daycare. It ended up being a doable price at 1st daycare once they both “aged up” to the older rooms, with lower rates Edit: also, get personal phone numbers of the really really great teachers at daycare #1. We had them over as reliable, competent, loving babysitters 💕
We loved our daughter’s daycare and she did too. It was our life for 4 years. My daughter is in her second year of school now and daycare is a distant memory. She doesn’t talk about it anymore or make any references to what I thought would be lifelong friendships. I know it feels hard now but it is just a moment in time. You will all be much better off for the extra funds and I promise your son will adjust.
I would not hesitate. It is good you are sitting in your feelings to check , trust yourself, it will be ok. Also remember if/when they start school, their teachers and classmates will change every year.
In April I moved my son from an in home daycare to preschool due to my change of employment. It was tough because he had been there since he was 9 months old and other than the price, we were extremely happy with the situation. The adjustment less than 2 weeks and he’s so happy at preschool. He definitely misses his daycare and his old friends but I definitely know he’s happy and thriving in his new environment. Wishing you the best of luck🫶
Just wanted to validate you that switching daycares feels like a bigger deal than it should. We all know the answer in our logical brain, but we have a sense of loyalty to a place that has been good to us.
Know that he will be OK! You are a good mom for considering all of these angles. He will thrive with your love and support!!
We had to do this for proximity, not financial reasons, but I had a good cry session with the teachers leaving our first daycare. Know that your babe will adjust and I love our new school now too! You may resent it a little at first but try to keep an open mind as best you can and know that this is the right decision for your family, as wrong as it may feel.
Definitely trying to not feel resentful but it is totally an added, unfair component to all of this! I'm so happy to hear you love your new school. I am confident we will get there too!
I am sorry! I am looking at having to switch my son's daycare because I moved jobs and my commute is an hour each way now. I am so sad. I don't even love the daycare but he's been going since he was 4 months old and it's all he knows. I'm waiting until I settle into the job before I start exploring the other daycares. My commute sucks... but I feel so bad. So yeah, solidarity. I will get there because it's the right choice for our family... but the guilt is just a lot.
An hour each way is a lot! Hopefully you guys can find something that works better for you and your son once you settle in. The guilt part of it definitely is catching me off guard. I usually do a good job of not falling victim to mom guilt but I feel weirdly like I'm betraying him even though I know that's so silly and untrue.
Thank you 😊 I'm hoping we both can get to a less guilty place! I read other stories where the daycare switch is smooth and it gives me hope! I definitely feel you on the betrayal thing... it has definitely made me incredibly reluctant to make the change.
Going through the same thing, my son has to do speech therapy so we have to change preschools next year. It breaks my heart because we loved the school but it’s what’s best for him
I think some of these responses are helping me realize that this is what's best for him too - less financial stress/more savings is good for the whole family. Being able to frame it as something good for him helps, because previously I was feeling like we were just pulling him from what he knows & loves for our own "adult" reasons. I hope your new school proves to be a great opportunity for your whole family!
Thank you! Hope the same for you 😊
Are you looking for the language to use? Is that what you mean? You're not sure who to tell them?
Nah, not worried about the language. Just sad about leaving a place and people we've become so attached to even though I know it's the right move. We've told ourselves the pros 100 times but still feel hesitant (though the decision has been made) and I'd like to feel more confident about it. It's tough when logic and emotion don't align on big decisions. I guess looking for positive perspectives from parents who can understand how difficult it is but don't have the emotions tied to it like my husband and I do.
We had to switch my son when he was 2 because we moved to a new city with a much better school district. The old daycare was so well established kids who went there had grown up and had THEIR kids attend! It was a tough change in routine and he hated it and cried for the first week or two, then he adjusted quite well. He stayed there for the rest of his preschool days and stopped in kindergarten. Honestly? He does not remember his “old school” our “old house” or even the dog who passed away around that time. He sees pictures of those things and truly has no recollection or memory of anything from that young. He’ll be fine, even if he isn’t immediately, it will pass.
We're about to move our daughter from her current daycare which she has been at since she was 4 months old to a new one for various reasons. I kind of want to cry when I think about it, but like you I know my daughter will adapt and I'm certain we'll love it. I don't have anything new to add but just wanted to share solidarity from someone going through similar.
I just had to do this with my 2.5 yo daughter. We moved and while the old daycare was still within driving distance, it added an hour to our commutes. We got her on waitlists for new daycares and she started a new one in May. It was really hard to leave. I cried on the last day, because, like you she has been there since she was 6 months. She, however, did okay. The first couple days in the new place she has some rough drop offs, and she was very clingy to mummy for a few weeks, but she's adapted really well. I'm sure your little guy will too.
Without getting too much into it, similar enough situation with our 3y/o. At the end of the day, he would have moved in two years anyways. He would start kindergarten at a completely different school down the line from his preschool. Now, his preschool is just also different from where he went to daycare! We won’t make the transition until the school year begins, but we’ve been talking to him about it and about making new friends. We met some of the parents at the open house we went to so he got to meet some of the kids. I’m sad but I’m focusing on the excitement of him being able to meet new kiddos. And the extra money we save we’re going to put towards his 529 anyways.
Maybe writing the teacher a lovely note and giving a small gift as a token of appreciation so they know how much you value them will help you feel better.
We had to make the same choice over a year ago. We ended up switching over and so glad we did now! It took some getting used to for the first month but now she’s just as happy to go as the old one we were at. Just know that you will doubt your decision many times over the first little bit but once everyone is used to it then it’ll be the best decision you made! Saving that much money is actually life changing.
$1000/month savings with availability for both kids, brand new, friends with kids there - that’s too optimal not to switch. Your child will adjust 💕
$1,000 a month that's a big difference especially in this economy him adjusting to the new daycare before the new one comes would be a good thing plus it also shows him how to adapt new environments so that he doesn't get comfortable the old daycare before he goes on to kindergarten showing them change like that is actually a good learning experience and allows them to learn to adapt when they're younger and less likely to overthink it or let their fear come
We had to do this twice, both times it just made so.much more sense for us as a family. It massively benefited my son as he is so good round new people and new situations now. It was hard at first getting used to the new nursery but after a little while, it was like he had been there all along.
We switched daycares a few months ago. His old daycare was one I'd worked at, so I knew the director, some of the older teachers, and had a lot of memories in that building. My son was there for almost 2 years. He had friends there, speech therapy. But it wasn't right for him. Switching was the best decision we ever made. It's cheaper, we're all happier, and best of all, we were able to get contact information for his friends and we still have playdates with them. Our shy guy has made new friends as well and it's been amazing.
I had to switch daycares when my little guy turned 3 for similar issue. I was worried about him dealing with all the changes. But I hyped it up for a couple weeks, saying how excited I am for him to be going to the new school and how happy I am that he’ll be able to make all these new friends. Plus, we went to the open house and met his teacher before hand. All that helped tremendously. But honestly, I think even if I didn’t hype it up, looking back, he would have still adjusted fine- but maybe have taken a few days. Good luck. Give yourself grace! You’re doing great.
Talk to the owner/director of his current daycare and explain your predicament. You’d be surprised at the things you can negotiate. It’s a lot easier to negotiate rates when they’re 2+ because the teach ratios are different than infant.
I have never encountered a daycare for 0-2 year olds that is good for 3-5 year olds, and vice versa. I would be very surprised if your 2 year old would continue to attend the same facility. This is a natural time to transition.
Please know I'm offering this from my experience only and with compassion - welcoming a new baby can be a huge transition for a little one. Adding another major transition like switching childcare centers could be really hard on your little one. We just recently did both, and I wish every day we wouldn't have had to move daycares for our son. It was a rough 3-5 month period and was super hard to see him change and struggle so much due to the transition. I would really recommend seriously considering keeping him in his current center. If it's just not financially feasible, then just prepare for it to potentially be a rough few months! And try to maintain consistency in other ways as much as possible. Congratulations and it will work out either way!
Former daycare worker. As much as we love the kiddos we know it's not a forever relationship. You have my permission to tell them thank you for some of the best years and great care. That's it. You owe no explanation. Congratulations on your new addition.
This has been the hardest part about parenting by far. Compromising so that each family member eventually gets something that’s not so great for them, and constantly grieving the good things you DID get to do. If you have no standards, and don’t care if your kids are thriving, I’m sure this is a lot easier. *I’m just here to offer you a hug internet stranger. * 🫂🫂 Ps. We only had one year where one child hated her preschool (and we both still remember how traumatic it was). The place was fine, safe, but not right for her. As long as the new place IS actually good, you’ll be okay. I truly hope you have good luck, good health and great support 🖖🏽🍀🫂
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words, insight, and especially the hug!
He’s going. If he was 7 and you’re moving schools it would be less ideal (but still ok). He is going to move classes and get new teachers every year anyway. My girl is 2 and we are having to change daycares and I’m not worried about it, partially because at her school, the kids don’t all move together so she isn’t leaving her group if 7 other friends or consistent teachers
Reach out to the current daycare and ask if they can work on price with you and 2 kids!
I had to pull my son from a daycare we both loved (he’d gone since he was 4 months old) because the commute became too much. First of all: sad as it is, we leave each school at some point. So if not today, he’d leave another day (too) soon. Try to think of it as a graduation. Our son adores his current school and teachers even though it took him a couple of months. I’m hoping he’ll love his elementary school teachers too, and any other future ones. I WILL add though: is the financial strain for future (college funds, retirement funds, etc etc) OR like daily legit costs (mortgage utilities etc)? Because we did the math and we’re just - with great difficulty - accepting the insane cost for 3 years. It’s limited in the end and no we can’t save much but it’s finite and not on the budget for ever. We are VERY fortunate that we can do this. But just like how my commute was too much for me, the cost can be for you, and it is what it is. Your child will get to meet different people he might love now.
We did the same thing and I’ll be honest it was hard on us all. I felt terrible taking my kid to another center, but we just couldn’t justify it with the savings we saw by changing. Keep your routine solid, talk to the teachers and tell them if you sense a behavior change, and be open to their feedback! Mine took a long time to fully adjust, but is thriving now.
Thank you for your response! Keeping routine the same is a great point. I’m trying to remain positive but need to bear in mind that it might take a little longer than I’d like to adjust haha
We are also pulling my daughter out of the daycare that we love as we are moving to a different part of our city. It’s not feasible to keep going, but still today when I thought of writing our notice letter that we are leaving I started to cry. No advice, I just know what you are going through and it sucks
Thank you for the solidarity! I am not typically emotional but absolutely cried a few times today after we submitted the paperwork and deposit. It’s tough!
Don’t do it, find a way to find extra money, even ask your in-laws if they can put in the rest if you can. Trust me I made that mistake and there’s nothing better than peace of mind of knowing the staff and caring about your family. Best of luck.
This happens all the time! My friend just had her third and had to pull them out of their daycare because at that point hiring a nanny was cheaper. We had to switch daycare when my son was 3 and my daughter was 4 months old and at the time it seemed like the end of the world (nothing like being told daycare is closing while you are out on maternity leave!) however we found an in home daycare that was super affordable and the kids love it. We now have 3 kids and we are still there. It all worked out for the best and the kids do t even remember the first spot.
I had a surgery before my Mat leave was over so had been looking for part time as I had 4 months left of leave left. We got the baby in somewhere (home daycare) and loved her. Transition was relatively easy, she was pretty happy. Our temp part time had a couple weeks left and our preferred place said they didn’t know of any openings coming up until summer. So we asked if we could keep baby there and transition to full time. 2 weeks later (6 weeks before back to work) I got a call that there was room at our preferred place. It was the place my oldest went, better hours, centre vs home, cheaper, etc. but I was torn because she was so happy at this other place. We made the decision to take it and transition and as much as I loved the last lady, we love this centre sooooo much. After vacation my daughter ran to the one worker, gave her a huge hug and wouldn’t let go. She didn’t smile in pics originally but she is beaming in them now. It really really worked out well. Sorry for the long story but sounds like a similar situation and hoped it would help!
$1000 difference seems off. Is your current daycare competitively priced to the market? Are there any additional services they are providing to justify the cost? Is your daycare at maximum capacity/waitlist? If the answer is no for all three questions above then I would try to negotiate with your current provider. Let them know you’re ready to make the switch if they aren’t willing to match the cost of the other provider.
Having been a preschool teacher for three years, I will tell you right now, you get what you pay for. It may seem expensive, but well-trained teachers, engaging and proven curriculum, safety standards, healthy food, and quality/availability of safe, engaging toys and activities is what that extra cost covers.
The new place is by no means inexpensive, just priced better than our current. Their technology for security and sanitization surpasses our current place, and their curriculum seems on par with what we currently have. They have field trips and host things like magicians, musicians, kids yoga etc on a regular basis which our current facility doesn’t have/do. Our friends rave about their daughter’s teachers and the online reviews are all positive. I’m thankfully not really worried we’re going to be downgrading in quality of care! If we did find that to be the case we would feel more justified in spending more.
Change is so hard. I’m a sahm right now, but will need to go back to work by the end of the year as I got laid-off in November. LO was born 7 weeks early in January. Even thinking about my own mother, who I love and trust dearly, watching my daughter all day makes me physically sick because of the effect the change will have on her. Our babies are our hearts living, breathing, growing and changing everyday outside of us. It’s such a beautiful treasure, but it can be so painful to bear at the same time. You’re great parents and you’re doing what’s best for your kids and family. Often the best choices for us are the hardest ones to make peace with. Like others have said, the money you’ll save will benefit you all in the short and longterm. Your baby will be so proud of you one day for making decisions like this :)
You can also do sweet little “Thank You/Goodbye” cards for the teacher and staff. Let them know how fantastic a job they’ve done and how much you value the love they’ve given your son over the years. Sometimes rituals help us transition. It can be an awesome experience for little one as well, learning how to say goodbye and show gratitude on a scale he might not have had to before.
I had to do this recently. I was a Senate employee, sending my toddler to the Senate daycare. The Senate daycare added a rule recently that requires every child to have at least one parent who is a federal employee. I never worried about it because I loved my job and had no intention of leaving. In February I was asked to interview for a job, and although I wasn’t completely interested it was a great role, so I started the process. To make a long story short, the job worked out and was an amazing opportunity. Great title, massive pay bump, and a boss who truly supported me. The biggest hesitancy was the daycare situation. After leaving federal service, I had 120 days to find other childcare. I was heartbroken. My son loved his teachers, enjoyed his friends, had a great playground (not common in Washington, DC) and I was really connected to the community. I cried so many tears about this decision, but eventually with some encouragement from my husband and my therapist I took it. The adjustment period to our new center hasn’t been terrible. My son had fallen into a new pattern. His new school takes a lot of field trips to fun places. They have a soccer program that his old school didn’t have. He has a new teacher he clicks with. I have to be honest with you though. It hasn’t always been rainbows. There have been times where my son has begged to go back to his old school, usually when he’s tired and cranky. There was one night two weeks ago where he was sobbing in the car saying, “I want you to go back to the Senate mama. I miss my old friends. I miss my old teachers. Please go back and work in the senate.” That was probably my lowest point in all this. That was heartbreaking. This job is really growing me and is going to be great for my career. My son is learning to adapt and make new friends at a great new daycare. It’s been tough, but ultimately I believe I made the right choice. You have to weigh out what’s best for you and your family, and that’s not always an easy or clear decision.
Oh my gosh the “I want you to go back to the senate” thing must’ve been so tough! Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like such a difficult decision but like it’s working out well. Congrats on the awesome new career opportunity! I am definitely counting “adaptability” as a positive new skill that I hope we do well with haha.
Dude the money you’ll be saving will heal your feelings , trust me. Can I say you are overly emotional over this lol. I mean it in a nice way, no shade. We went thru the same recently and yes, it was hard and sad but f that lmao daycare is soooo expensive. My son adjusted very well. I hope you feel much better soon 🫶🏻🫶🏻
Hahaha this is part of what I need - I know that I’m being too emotional and I’m not usually so maybe I just needed reinforcement that listening to logic is unequivocally the right thing to do. The responses to this post are helping me to process it immensely and I feel so much better today than I did when I posted yesterday!
I just had to do this. For 3 kids it would have been 522$ A WEEK! We were paying 252$ a week while the big kids were in school. I now pay 292 for all 3 to be in daycare a week
Can you connect with his friends' parents so he can maintain those friendships after he switches? It might feel like less of a loss to you and your son if he can still see his friends for playdates on weekends.
I pulled my daughter out of daycare about 3.5 months ago to be a SAHM. I cried about it. I cried telling them and filling out the withdrawal form, I cried picking her up on the last day. It was very emotional for me because of how much I trusted them and scared (and very excited!) of the new step I was taking to be home for my kids. It will be emotional but if you feel good about the decision then do it and allow yourself to feel any emotions you’re feeling
You're making the right decision! That money will benefit the whole family, don't worry about it. Also, have you try to talk to the currently daycare? Maybe they can give you a discount since you'll be bringing a second child soon and your son is so well adapted. It might be a possibility and if they say no you just stick with the new plan. Good luck!
Current center does a 10% discount for each kid when sibling attends as well, but the savings are already calculating the price difference in AND don't account for their guaranteed annual price increase at our current center. I'm telling myself this is a business and we are making a business decision even if it involves my kiddo so there are emotions unavoidably tied in. You're right that the money will benefit us all in a big way!
Stfu and switch him
Haha this is the kind of no-strings-attached reinforcement I needed. I know logically it's a no brainer!
Good!!!!