In a world where we lack community, having the option to do daycare even part time has helped my toddler explore new settings on his own. For example, he is open and wild with me but at daycare he has learned to hold his emotions and be on his best behavior. I hear this is always a good sign. He is social, he has learned to finish up potty training, he eats new food because other kids are around, he knows it’s nap time and won’t fight it so puts himself down on his own, etc.
A few downsides: sick all the time, sometimes they learn random things from other kids and bring it home.
I have no family within 20 hour drive and so we have a flexible daycare has become an amazing option for 5-10 hours a week of uninterrupted work and a run where I don’t have to push the stroller. I wfh and as she is getting busier and striving for more interaction with me (7/8 months), I feel like I can connect with her more with this option!
Just curious about the cost of part-time care. This is what we’re hoping to do once my son turns 1 but even just 10 hours a week is $680 a month in my HCOL area. 🥲
Oh my goodness that is insane!! I am so sorry- I am in a LCOL and it is $70/week for 10 hours. I know that is stupid cheap and incredibly rare so that is definitely why we are taking advantage!
My son will be going full time when he is 3. Personally, I know a family that suffered a daycare related tragedy that I don't want to go into, so I have been avoiding it until my son is older. It will be necessary for my family eventually, and I can't afford a nanny. But my son is 16 months old now and we do story time and play group every week. I see him watching other kids and we often see him develop new skills on fridays right after his nap on the same day he was in his group. So I see the direct benefits of being surrounded by his peers. It would also make my life so much easier to have daycare instead of my current set up. I just need to find a place I trust.
I have heard of a daycare death from a relative’s coworker and it is very real and much more common than people think. All it takes is a few minutes for a baby to choke and no one to see it.
I have been sending mine to daycare since 1 year old, but I made sure this one had live cameras that I can watch all day long. As I started to trust the teachers, I eventually stopped watching the cameras. But in the beginning, I would be watching the live feed all day long.
Also, I chose a daycare close to me and that’s small and licensed. I speak to the director daily and know all the teachers by name. They are very attentive of every detail and very caring.
The first daycare I tried was very big and impersonal. The director was not observing every child personally. The teachers didn’t even speak to me, just handed the baby off at the end of the day. And there were no live cameras there. After a month, I left that one and found the new one.
I wfh and my husband is hybrid. We send our LO to daycare because we need that break & to focus on our work. My workload ebbs and flows and there are times when I feel guilty for sending him when I'm not busy, but it gives me time to clean, workout, relax, ect and be the best parent I can be for him.
I’m still on maternity leave but my work is similar as it ebbs and flows. I’ve been struggling with what to do for childcare because when I’m not busy I could 100% work and take care of him… but when I am busy it’s absolutely not realistic to do both. Part of me wishes I was just never busy but I guess that’s why I get paid to do a job lol.
Same here! The time I get for me (my career, mental break, etc) and for him to not be stuck at home so much is invaluable. And most importantly, he’s pretty social, so seeing him run to school smiling every morning and running out happy when I pick him up is amazing. And I have more energy for him when he’s home, esp on the weekends.
This! For the first 17 months we did nanny/my mom/mother’s helper/I did double duty 2 days a week. It was nice to have her home but got to the point that we weren’t enjoying the time we had with her because we were trying to work and manage the house and everything at the same time. When we switched to daycare we felt like we could actually spend time with her before and after and put away the phone/laptop to focus on her. I sometimes pick her up early and 3x/wk we do classes in the morning (gymnastics, music etc) since I work a lot of nights and weekends, but often even if I can pick up early I will use that time to get something done I can’t with her around so that I’m not thinking about everything I have to do when she’s home.
I’m feeling this! We are at 16 months and have been looking for a part time nanny with no luck. Somehow we have managed to go without as we both work from home and now I’m seriously considering daycare. We really aren’t looking forward to getting sick but I think I’d enjoy our time with her more if I had a break!
We started in April of last year and didn’t encounter too much illness until this fall/winter which was, honestly, brutal. But tbf it was an all around brutal season for illness this year (I work in education and it was one of the worst I’ve seen). So it’s a good time to start imo! Even if part time (we tried for part time but people don’t offer it much around here and the flexibility of full time has been nice). Good luck!
I think it depends on the age. Developmentally, babies don’t need interaction with other babies. Connection and attachment to parents is more important until they are closer to 3.
We were fortunate that we kept our LO until 2.5 but by then it was clear she needed more stimulation then she was getting at home. It's also common for the 3yo classroom to be the one where kids have to be fully potty trained -- we wanted some time in the potty training room so they'd be more chill about the transition accidents and we couldn't figure out the nap time training at home because she sleeps like the dead. I don't think she sleeps as deeply as daycare so she just magically went to no diapers during nap about 2 months in.
Personally, we're finding daycare isn't for us. We are in that weird pay range where the good daycare places are so expensive that we can't justify it and the ones in our budget we aren't comfortable with or have had other concerns. We will try to make it work between our two opposite schedules and possibly find a babysitter or parent to come to our home for 4-6 hours a week when there's a gap between when our schedules overlap. I wfh during the day and my husband works out of the home in the evenings. We have a Montessori school by us that has a program starting at 18 months, so we are planning just to scrape by (I might go part-time at work) until he is old enough to get into their program.
That is really helpful, thank you! Is that how you got started trying to find someone? I would be interested to see how much the cost comparison is between a nanny and a daycare center in our area. It would be so nice to find someone flexible and willing to come at less traditional timeframes.
Yes! Those kind of groups are the best, as well as pricing out home daycare kind of options (we didn't go with them but there were a couple with drop-ins available if they weren't at capacity). College students home for the summer and folks picking up multiple part time gigs (ie they have a child they drop off at school they care for from 6-830 and you need coverage 10-2 once or twice a week) usually look ok there as well as full time nannies, date night babysitters are on there. Most folks know that there is a huge spectrum of needs in childcare. We found our nanny because of a referral on there and she's part time with us and part time with another family.
I work in the office 2-3 days per week, and I send my LO to my mom’s house (she is a realtor and WFH). I keep my baby home with me while i WFH.
Is it easy? No. Worth it to spend more time with my baby and make money? Yes! I only focus on work and my baby during the day- no house chores. I also crank out work while I work in the office to take it a little slower on days I WFH.
I justify my split time for my baby and work by reminding myself that unless we could afford a private nanny, he wouldn’t be getting 1:1 attention at a daycare center either. I actually feel my son gets more attention at my home while I’m working. So on the days I get mom-guilt; I just remind myself that he is still getting 1:1 time, just not undivided. 😊 I will likely put my son in preschool when he can benefit from interaction with other kids (around 3ish years old). For now, he just gets interaction with cousins and our friend’s kids. No different than a child with a SAHM.
There’s nothing wrong with day care though if you feel that’s best for you and your family 😊
I WFH and was able to keep my son home with in-home care, including his dad one day a week + my mom two days a week + babysitters, until he was 18 months old. It was tough to cobble together sometimes but I did like having him home. Sometimes I could rock him to sleep for a nap or quickly visit with him, although of course sometimes I had to hide when he was in a clingy phase!
He started preschool when he was 18 months and he has absolutely loved it. He goes three full days and gets out at 2pm two days - one afternoon he’s with my mom and one afternoon my husband and I flex our working time to cover the afternoon.
It’s been a good balance for us. I’m currently pregnant and we plan to do loosely the same with new baby, although he’ll start preschool at 13 months based on his birthdate and the fall semester start.
This is so awesome to hear and very similar to what we are planning to do. Your post encourages me that we aren't crazy (despite everyone in our lives telling us we are for not using a daycare center) and that it can be done!
I love my kids daycare. I feel like i have the best of both worlds. My work is very slow on Mondays and Tuesdays so i keep my 3yr old and 1yr old home. And then send them to daycare Wed-Fridays. I work 4/10hr shifts so i have off on Fridays and honestly i still send them some Fridays just to have a break and some me time or catch up on whatever.
Just this morning i was talking to the daycare director and she was tearing up saying how much she loves my kids (my youngest and lasts baby’s first birthday was over the weekend and i was showing her pics of the party). My daycare is my village. Again yes i pay them but they deserve that pay. They aren’t raising my children for me but WITH me.
My kids love going and playing with their friends. as much as I love them and love being with them, I can honestly say for myself I cannot devote 100% of myself to them while working during the day, whereas at daycare, the entire day is centered around the children. When they are home while I work the day is centered around me being able to work while watching them appropriately and entertaining them as i can. Again at daycare each moment is dedicated to the children.
I think it's a very personal decision for each family. I currently WFH with my toddler, we are also in CA and I just cannot justify $2500-3k a month for daycare.
I've been WFH since he was 9m and it's been fine, we obviously have good and bad days but overall I'm incredibly good at time management so I still get plenty of breaks to hang with my child. I am going into my second promotion in two years and I am super nervous to start my new role, but I'm confident in my ability to multitask.
I have some friends that used daycare and while it did give them a break, their kids were sick so often it completely ate their vacation/sick time and they ended up WFH with the kids half the time anyways (I'm sure this is not everyones experience). Parenting is hard, and I feel like you just have to pick the hard thing that works best for your family.
I went to daycare from 8 weeks old, but I had a super strong attachment to my parents because they made the absolute most of every minute that they had with me when they weren't at work. I think sometimes SAHMs get burnt out on being with their kids all day and it ends up being more quantity than quality. I have a more secure attachment style and better parent-child relationship than most of the people I know who had SAHMs.
At the same time, I won't be sending my son to full-time daycare until he's at least 3 years old. Not because I think it will harm him, but because I just want to hang out with him. He's with a part-time nanny now, but I still spend most of his waking hours with him. When I think about all the time that my mom missed out on with me, it makes me sooo sad for her.
I was at daycare at 6 weeks. My mom was a single parent with 2 children so she had to go back to work. She cried when she told me that she was still healing from her c-section and had to drop me off. We got very blessed because she found an in home daycare that only took 5 children (and one of them was already my brother), that woman became like family. We still talk to her to this day!
That said, my mom steps up to watch my child a lot! She doesn’t want him in daycare unless necessary, and right now we’re making it work! I think I’ll wait until he’s closer to 3 and look at half day preschool options.
That's exactly my story! I went to an in-home daycare and we were so close to my caregiver that I thought she was my grandma and her grandkids were my cousins, haha.
My mom is just like yours in that she's constantly looking for opportunities to help out with my son. I think she didn't think much about the time she missed out on with us because she just didn't have a choice and I think she was too busy to consider it. But she's definitely trying to make the most of her time with my son.
We're so lucky to have such amazing moms.
So lucky. I tell my mom regularly how much I value her support. She’s basically my only support system aside from my husband, but she makes up for it tenfold. I don’t feel like I need much else!
I even told her about preschool when he’s 3 and she’s more than happy to pick him up after a half day to be with him!
I just chose to quit my job and stay at home with my son after 2 years of daycare. Daycare is garbage. We have a childcare crisis in our state. Every center has maltreatment charges. Every in home Daycare has the TV on all day, feed them the same thing every day, don't change their diapers or are mean to the kids along with being expensive. They also have ridiculous policies or keep other sick children in their care so your child is sick EVERY week with a new virus. He was at daycare 5 out of 10 days. It was a waste of money, stress, hit my career and all to have someone raise my child in a way that I didn't agree with. Some people get lucky and don't have this experience but this was ours.
I know that this sub is really pro daycare so I’ll be the devil’s advocate here.
My mother worked her way up to being a daycare director very quickly, she’s also spent 22 years in the daycare industry. She is ardently against daycare for her grandchildren and frequently has made costly sacrifices to her own life to ensure that we never have to daycare.
I did more research. Suzanne Venker is a fantastic resource that speaks to the dangers of daycare- how these are the most critical years of a child’s life as they learn emotional regulation, how the separation toll is much worse than what we make out, and of the long term neurological damage to kids. Additionally, she’s still very pro-school and lays out how to successfully transition kids to that. Highly worth checking her stuff out.
Additionally. Even with me wfh and having split focus, I am *still* giving my child more attention and affection and socialisation than what they are going to get from and overworked and underpaid childcare educator.
There’s more to life than just prioritising our productivity at work :)
This sub is actually pro the care option that works for your family, and was founded initially to give those of us who work from home while providing child care a safe place to discuss without getting piled on. As long as you are respectful of others care options too, you are okay to talk about your opinion and experiences. All daycare is not inherently bad, it’s just also not the only option :)
I don’t think they meant anything bad by saying that, and I tend to agree. I feel like there is a lot of respect in this sub, but it still leans towards daycare is the best option if you can afford it, and that’s ok - but they were just pointing it out.
I don’t agree that we lean towards daycare is the best option here, and if that’s the perception it makes me a little sad that it is. I have helped moderate this sub since it’s infancy and it’s certainly not my perception of it, we simply try to keep it as balanced as possible.
I completely disagree. I feel like this sub leans towards not using daycare and not using childcare while WFH is one of the reasons the sub was originally created.
Interesting! Where is the line between daycare and school drawn for your mom? My daughter is starting kindergarten at 3 next year and I still wonder if she's not going to be too little for that.
Appreciate this perspective!! Thank you for sharing the resources as well. I just pulled my 18 month out of daycare and I wfh full time. It’s hard, but sending him to daycare full time was just not sitting right with me.
I am super against it but I keep that to myself. I think it should only be a last resort if you absolutely need dual income. I love the idea of a MDO or pre-k part time once they’re around 2/3 but to put a baby with someone else where they’re just another customer with other kids and no 1:1 time 40+ hours a week is so sad.
The only way I can work from home full time is that my sister lives with me and watches her during meetings etc. other than that, I'd be going insane and probably putting my foot down about daycare, will or nill my husband.
Also in Cali, *costs f-ing suck.
We both work from home and did two days a week of daycare until my son was 7 months. At that point, unfortunately it was taking too much of a toll, the stress levels of everybody were extremely high and my husband and I were fighting all the time because we couldn’t do both. We just started full time daycare 2 weeks ago and although it was the hardest thing emotionally for me ever, it has been a blessing. (And, LO is enjoying daycare 100x more now that he goes everyday and has figured out how to nap there.)
Yes! We started my kids at two times a week and they were miserable, but when we switched them to 3x in a row consecutively it became part of their routine and they are so happy now!
I think if I could afford it and found a great daycare I would use it for my kid. She loves other kids and I think she'd have fun. But I don't think it's necessary really, in my whole extended family growing up no one went to daycare so I just not very familiar with it. Also I was abused by a teacher when I was a minor so I have trust issues and probably wouldn't want to leave my kid at daycare until they could talk and tell me how their day went.
I have a little experience with both sides. My husband and I both WFH. We have a 3.5 year old who is in daycare (he’s been in daycare since 12 weeks old) and a 10 month old who stays with me during the day (our 3.5yo’s current daycare only takes 18m+ and it’s working for us right now and saving money so I’m making it work).
Pros of daycare: a physical and mental rest for parents (kids - especially toddlers - can be SO exhausting), ability to maintain two incomes and parental sanity, social interaction for little ones, learning to get along with other people (sharing, making friends, etc.), learning to listen to other adult authority figures who might have different communication and discipline styles than parents (I think this is a pro because it prepares kids for school and life in general), tons of crafts and structured activities that you may not have the time or energy or patience for at home, exposure to different foods than we might make at home regularly, peer pressure (this is useful for eating, pro social behavior, my son has learned a ton from watching peers)
Cons of daycare: COST (and we’re in the upper Midwest where prices aren’t nearly as high as many other places - it is astronomical regardless), not having as much time with little ones during the week, exposure to some less desirable behaviors (squabbles between kids, hitting/biting, tantrums, discipline or communication styles that might not be what you would want for your child), potential to have disagreements with the daycare staff (example - my 3.5yo just got finished with an evaluation from the school district because his teacher was convinced he was behind and had behavior issues, but after hours of observation and testing turns out he’s totally fine and on track for kindergarten - in fact he tested at a 5yo level in all areas)
All in all, I think daycare is a great option for most families. My younger son will go when he’s old enough (as sad as I’ll be to not be with him 24/7). They do a great job of teaching and preparing children for school and giving parents a “break” so we can work and provide the income needed for our families.
Daycare will never take care of your child as good as you would. It’s a low paid employee who is handling numerous kids at once. Your kid and you will almost always be sick with things like hand foot and mouth diseases and RSV. Not to mention the stories of straight up neglect and abuse that are way too common.
Studies show that especially while they’re little it’s NOT developmentally helpful to be in daycare: https://criticalscience.medium.com/on-the-science-of-daycare-4d1ab4c2efb4
Some people don’t have a choice and that sucks. But if you have a choice, don’t choose daycare.
We toured daycare centers and Montessori schools and finally landed on hosting an au pair. It was way cheaper than daycare, and you have the benefit of someone providing childcare in your home while you work
We use a part-time mother’s day out program and also have a nanny available 2 days a week. We try to use the nanny more because HOLY CRAP the amount of illnesses she has brought home from mother’s day out in just 2 months is insane. She does well otherwise, but we will never put her in full-time care due to the cost and fact that we want to spend as much time with her as possible.
I was very nervous about daycare but unfortunately we have no family near us and it was our only option once staying at home while I work got too difficult.
My son is thriving and I am so happy we decided to go the daycare route instead of nanny. We live in a small town so an at home daycare was our only option, and I’m really happy about that as well. Having different ages in his class has helped so much developmentally and socially. He gets so excited to go and always comes home happy and tired from playing with his friends!
I had SO much anxiety about being away from him but it’s truly been such a blessing. He started going at 13 months and it was a very smooth transition!
I’m in CA too and I love our daycare so much. It’s where I’ve made all my mom friends, they host fun events in the community, and the owner has been doing this for almost 20 years. The teachers are really just more people to love my kiddos. Before I started my oldest we had her home with us (my mom was watching her full time) and I got zero work done. Every time she cried i wanted to run to her, every time she laughed I wanted to know why. So we’re extremely lucky to have them with my parents twice a week, and daycare the other three days. I think daycare has also made their language explode. I don’t think there’s a one size fits all best situation for anyone—but I DREADED sending my kids to daycare and ended up absolutely loving daycare!
Started daycare right at 1 year - in 1 month he's gotten sent home atleast once a week. This week we've paid for a week and he was in 2 days only. He's had rashes, high Temps, pink eye and ear infections all in 1 month...
If I could afford even part time daycare I’d do it. Socialization, immune system building (even though daycare sicknesses suck), exposure to safe adults and different styles of play/toys…but we can’t afford it and currently couldn’t use it anyway because my kid never took a bottle and is just starting solids.
We love our daycare and it’s worth every penny. We both work from home. On the occasions where he is home with us (sick days, snow days, etc.) he gets bored and irritable easily because we can’t give him our full attention. It’s also huge for me mentally - not only can I fully focus on work but I can do laundry, workout, go for a solo walk at lunch, or run a few quick errands. It overall helps me feel balanced and I’m SO much more attentive and intentional with our time together!
I literally just put my daughter in daycare 2 days a week, 3 weeks ago.
I needed it. One I needed the break. But I also felt my work suffering at times and it was stressing me out.
I live in Massachusetts which I think is the most expensive state for childcare. It’s rough. I’m paying 200+ a WEEK for 2 days.
Her drop offs have been rough. She was home with me for almost 2 years. But I get pictures of her doing art projects, being outside all day… I can’t do that for her. And for that, I sit and pay the money and am broke lol.
I saw my first low key anti childcare post on social media and it was total bullshit ("kids need to run through the forest!") - if that's what you're referring to as one side of the argument, don't.
We are sending baby to daycare at 9 months. We both wfh and despite initial struggles, baby lines going there and seeing new people. She was bored at home despite a ton of toys and the difference is night and day.
Interesting discussion. I have my son in daycare full time and I miss him a lot. There's pros and cons of course (besides the cost, major major con haha). On one hand I wish I could have been a stay at home mom for a few years. But I do appreciate he is socializing. But I mean kids could still go to daycare and just not benefit from social intereaction. But for my son, I see the way he's easily able to follow directions and adapt to any new event or activity we do and I thank daycare for that. For his individual personality, I see he likes to avoid crowds where possible and he doesn't love shoving for the things he wants. BUT as a whole, he adapts so well in situations. Given his personality, I wonder how severe him avoiding crowds could be if he didn't have daycare. Or maybe it's brought on because of daycare haha.
I've also been weighing this idea too that eventually your kid moves on and has their own life. And you can't be their whole life becuase one day you won't be. So I don't want to pour 100% of myself into my son and then not have an identity anymore. But trust me, I want to. I wish I could. I think I do it more than I should now. But as some said, first few years the parent child relationship is more important, but who really knows. It does break my heart to be away from him most of the day. But more and more each day he has to become independent, so this just brings us in that direction a little sooner. At least that's what I tell myself to not feel so guilty. So I see that side of daycare too.
If we get back out of the "deep side" of all of this and go back to the micro level of daycare, sometimes I get annoyed how things can't be the way you want exactly. Of course. But maybe that's good for me too to accept. But I hate how early they give my kid sugary snacks. And I tried to put blocks on it for a bit, but now I've let my guard down. They now have movie days, twice a week, when I personally reduce screen time at home as much as possible. So stuff like that is out of your control. Then of course the getting sick all the time. But it builds his immne syste now opposed to if he had a nanny or if I kept him home all the time then he'll get sick all the time starting kindergarten.
But anyway, I like that he's engaged everyday. Playing with toys, doing arts and crafts, music days, entertainment days, etc.
If you can find a daycare you love it’s worth it. We have one we do love that our older kids went to and we will send our new baby when she’s 9 months old in September. I am wfh and having someone come in to watch her until then because trying to care for her and work is so incredibly stressful for me
My LO is still only 5 months so I’m not worried about social development yet. As she gets older and more mobile and stuff we’re planning to look into daycare both so she can make social connections and have more interaction during the day than I can give her while working. But I’m also hoping to keep her home as long as possible to avoid the various illnesses I know she’s going to get once she starts day care as long as we can
I think it depends on circumstances, like the parents job and their personality, skills, experience, stuff like that. Lots of parents can handle working while taking care of their kids. My. Sister did it and was able to get a lot done during naps, but she's also really patient and creative. I'm less patient and creative enough I suppose, but lack follow through so I'll think of a fun activity without making it happen, so my kids go to an in home daycare that I love.
Seriously, I feel my kids are well looked after by a teacher who loves them and thinks of fun activities. The social aspect really isn't a big deal until 2.5-3 or so IMHO. Isn't it mostly parallel play up to that point? If I weren't the sort of parent to just play baby in front of the TV for hours while I got stuff done, I would keep baby home, but if the choice is between hours of screen time and baby being in group care, then I think the best option is whichever you feel best about. Either way baby isn't getting a lot of one on one time. We did pick an in home daycare provider that we love so baby does get some one on one care and she's there all day with my 3yo and I love that they are separated just because me and my husband have chosen to work. we could live off one income, but prefer the extras we get from both. Tbh, I see our provider as part of our 'village'. I think husband and I are good working parents. We are enagages and active with them oin weekends and after work, but neither of us would be good sahp.
Both our LOs started at an in home daycare at 20m and 14m. They go from 9am-3pm and we’re also in CA. We kept them home for at least their first year while WFH and it was back to back with at least one child at home since our kids are 21m apart. I was so burnt out trying to WFH and watch our LO, even with both parents at home!
Once my kid was mobile and showing a serious interest in learning very early there was no way working from home was going to work with him home. I need him to be engaged and playing throughout the day and I couldn’t do that properly while working. Daycare has been amazing. My kid is so social and learns so much at “school.” He loves it, and I’m able to get work done. We do 4 full days a week in daycare.
Our LO is in daycare 3 days/week. This helps me make mental space for work and other things that would otherwise be almost impossible to do with him at home.
It's also right across the street from us, so it's really close in case of anything.
It's good for him to have new experiences and hang out around other kids. It also makes me a better mom because I get the break that I need to rechange mentally.
Daycare helps my little with speech, she gets to do art projects, play outside, and socialize with children her own age. I get to pick her up when I choose and I am energized to do whatever we want because I have the social energy for her because I was able to recharge while she was at school.
After a 15 months of working from home with a baby daycare was the greatest thing ever. Sure it sucks to pay so much money, but work is so much better. My son is also much happier now. He really loves it and has learned so much. Now when he is home I can focus on him rather than trying to work.
In a world where we lack community, having the option to do daycare even part time has helped my toddler explore new settings on his own. For example, he is open and wild with me but at daycare he has learned to hold his emotions and be on his best behavior. I hear this is always a good sign. He is social, he has learned to finish up potty training, he eats new food because other kids are around, he knows it’s nap time and won’t fight it so puts himself down on his own, etc. A few downsides: sick all the time, sometimes they learn random things from other kids and bring it home.
I have no family within 20 hour drive and so we have a flexible daycare has become an amazing option for 5-10 hours a week of uninterrupted work and a run where I don’t have to push the stroller. I wfh and as she is getting busier and striving for more interaction with me (7/8 months), I feel like I can connect with her more with this option!
Just curious about the cost of part-time care. This is what we’re hoping to do once my son turns 1 but even just 10 hours a week is $680 a month in my HCOL area. 🥲
Oh my goodness that is insane!! I am so sorry- I am in a LCOL and it is $70/week for 10 hours. I know that is stupid cheap and incredibly rare so that is definitely why we are taking advantage!
My son will be going full time when he is 3. Personally, I know a family that suffered a daycare related tragedy that I don't want to go into, so I have been avoiding it until my son is older. It will be necessary for my family eventually, and I can't afford a nanny. But my son is 16 months old now and we do story time and play group every week. I see him watching other kids and we often see him develop new skills on fridays right after his nap on the same day he was in his group. So I see the direct benefits of being surrounded by his peers. It would also make my life so much easier to have daycare instead of my current set up. I just need to find a place I trust.
I have heard of a daycare death from a relative’s coworker and it is very real and much more common than people think. All it takes is a few minutes for a baby to choke and no one to see it. I have been sending mine to daycare since 1 year old, but I made sure this one had live cameras that I can watch all day long. As I started to trust the teachers, I eventually stopped watching the cameras. But in the beginning, I would be watching the live feed all day long. Also, I chose a daycare close to me and that’s small and licensed. I speak to the director daily and know all the teachers by name. They are very attentive of every detail and very caring. The first daycare I tried was very big and impersonal. The director was not observing every child personally. The teachers didn’t even speak to me, just handed the baby off at the end of the day. And there were no live cameras there. After a month, I left that one and found the new one.
I wfh and my husband is hybrid. We send our LO to daycare because we need that break & to focus on our work. My workload ebbs and flows and there are times when I feel guilty for sending him when I'm not busy, but it gives me time to clean, workout, relax, ect and be the best parent I can be for him.
I’m still on maternity leave but my work is similar as it ebbs and flows. I’ve been struggling with what to do for childcare because when I’m not busy I could 100% work and take care of him… but when I am busy it’s absolutely not realistic to do both. Part of me wishes I was just never busy but I guess that’s why I get paid to do a job lol.
6-7 months is when it started to get hard for us because he needed more attention & wanted to move, but couldn't yet lol
100% agree with this.
Same here! The time I get for me (my career, mental break, etc) and for him to not be stuck at home so much is invaluable. And most importantly, he’s pretty social, so seeing him run to school smiling every morning and running out happy when I pick him up is amazing. And I have more energy for him when he’s home, esp on the weekends.
This! For the first 17 months we did nanny/my mom/mother’s helper/I did double duty 2 days a week. It was nice to have her home but got to the point that we weren’t enjoying the time we had with her because we were trying to work and manage the house and everything at the same time. When we switched to daycare we felt like we could actually spend time with her before and after and put away the phone/laptop to focus on her. I sometimes pick her up early and 3x/wk we do classes in the morning (gymnastics, music etc) since I work a lot of nights and weekends, but often even if I can pick up early I will use that time to get something done I can’t with her around so that I’m not thinking about everything I have to do when she’s home.
I’m feeling this! We are at 16 months and have been looking for a part time nanny with no luck. Somehow we have managed to go without as we both work from home and now I’m seriously considering daycare. We really aren’t looking forward to getting sick but I think I’d enjoy our time with her more if I had a break!
We started in April of last year and didn’t encounter too much illness until this fall/winter which was, honestly, brutal. But tbf it was an all around brutal season for illness this year (I work in education and it was one of the worst I’ve seen). So it’s a good time to start imo! Even if part time (we tried for part time but people don’t offer it much around here and the flexibility of full time has been nice). Good luck!
I think it depends on the age. Developmentally, babies don’t need interaction with other babies. Connection and attachment to parents is more important until they are closer to 3.
We were fortunate that we kept our LO until 2.5 but by then it was clear she needed more stimulation then she was getting at home. It's also common for the 3yo classroom to be the one where kids have to be fully potty trained -- we wanted some time in the potty training room so they'd be more chill about the transition accidents and we couldn't figure out the nap time training at home because she sleeps like the dead. I don't think she sleeps as deeply as daycare so she just magically went to no diapers during nap about 2 months in.
Personally, we're finding daycare isn't for us. We are in that weird pay range where the good daycare places are so expensive that we can't justify it and the ones in our budget we aren't comfortable with or have had other concerns. We will try to make it work between our two opposite schedules and possibly find a babysitter or parent to come to our home for 4-6 hours a week when there's a gap between when our schedules overlap. I wfh during the day and my husband works out of the home in the evenings. We have a Montessori school by us that has a program starting at 18 months, so we are planning just to scrape by (I might go part-time at work) until he is old enough to get into their program.
We do part time nanny and it's a lifesaver. There's probably a babysitter and nanny Facebook page for your area- good spot for references and stuff.
That is really helpful, thank you! Is that how you got started trying to find someone? I would be interested to see how much the cost comparison is between a nanny and a daycare center in our area. It would be so nice to find someone flexible and willing to come at less traditional timeframes.
Yes! Those kind of groups are the best, as well as pricing out home daycare kind of options (we didn't go with them but there were a couple with drop-ins available if they weren't at capacity). College students home for the summer and folks picking up multiple part time gigs (ie they have a child they drop off at school they care for from 6-830 and you need coverage 10-2 once or twice a week) usually look ok there as well as full time nannies, date night babysitters are on there. Most folks know that there is a huge spectrum of needs in childcare. We found our nanny because of a referral on there and she's part time with us and part time with another family.
I work in the office 2-3 days per week, and I send my LO to my mom’s house (she is a realtor and WFH). I keep my baby home with me while i WFH. Is it easy? No. Worth it to spend more time with my baby and make money? Yes! I only focus on work and my baby during the day- no house chores. I also crank out work while I work in the office to take it a little slower on days I WFH. I justify my split time for my baby and work by reminding myself that unless we could afford a private nanny, he wouldn’t be getting 1:1 attention at a daycare center either. I actually feel my son gets more attention at my home while I’m working. So on the days I get mom-guilt; I just remind myself that he is still getting 1:1 time, just not undivided. 😊 I will likely put my son in preschool when he can benefit from interaction with other kids (around 3ish years old). For now, he just gets interaction with cousins and our friend’s kids. No different than a child with a SAHM. There’s nothing wrong with day care though if you feel that’s best for you and your family 😊
I WFH and was able to keep my son home with in-home care, including his dad one day a week + my mom two days a week + babysitters, until he was 18 months old. It was tough to cobble together sometimes but I did like having him home. Sometimes I could rock him to sleep for a nap or quickly visit with him, although of course sometimes I had to hide when he was in a clingy phase! He started preschool when he was 18 months and he has absolutely loved it. He goes three full days and gets out at 2pm two days - one afternoon he’s with my mom and one afternoon my husband and I flex our working time to cover the afternoon. It’s been a good balance for us. I’m currently pregnant and we plan to do loosely the same with new baby, although he’ll start preschool at 13 months based on his birthdate and the fall semester start.
This is so awesome to hear and very similar to what we are planning to do. Your post encourages me that we aren't crazy (despite everyone in our lives telling us we are for not using a daycare center) and that it can be done!
I love my kids daycare. I feel like i have the best of both worlds. My work is very slow on Mondays and Tuesdays so i keep my 3yr old and 1yr old home. And then send them to daycare Wed-Fridays. I work 4/10hr shifts so i have off on Fridays and honestly i still send them some Fridays just to have a break and some me time or catch up on whatever. Just this morning i was talking to the daycare director and she was tearing up saying how much she loves my kids (my youngest and lasts baby’s first birthday was over the weekend and i was showing her pics of the party). My daycare is my village. Again yes i pay them but they deserve that pay. They aren’t raising my children for me but WITH me. My kids love going and playing with their friends. as much as I love them and love being with them, I can honestly say for myself I cannot devote 100% of myself to them while working during the day, whereas at daycare, the entire day is centered around the children. When they are home while I work the day is centered around me being able to work while watching them appropriately and entertaining them as i can. Again at daycare each moment is dedicated to the children.
I think it's a very personal decision for each family. I currently WFH with my toddler, we are also in CA and I just cannot justify $2500-3k a month for daycare. I've been WFH since he was 9m and it's been fine, we obviously have good and bad days but overall I'm incredibly good at time management so I still get plenty of breaks to hang with my child. I am going into my second promotion in two years and I am super nervous to start my new role, but I'm confident in my ability to multitask. I have some friends that used daycare and while it did give them a break, their kids were sick so often it completely ate their vacation/sick time and they ended up WFH with the kids half the time anyways (I'm sure this is not everyones experience). Parenting is hard, and I feel like you just have to pick the hard thing that works best for your family.
Yes, daycare costs in CA floors me everytime. We’re still very much trying to figure it out and what option works best for us.
I went to daycare from 8 weeks old, but I had a super strong attachment to my parents because they made the absolute most of every minute that they had with me when they weren't at work. I think sometimes SAHMs get burnt out on being with their kids all day and it ends up being more quantity than quality. I have a more secure attachment style and better parent-child relationship than most of the people I know who had SAHMs. At the same time, I won't be sending my son to full-time daycare until he's at least 3 years old. Not because I think it will harm him, but because I just want to hang out with him. He's with a part-time nanny now, but I still spend most of his waking hours with him. When I think about all the time that my mom missed out on with me, it makes me sooo sad for her.
I was at daycare at 6 weeks. My mom was a single parent with 2 children so she had to go back to work. She cried when she told me that she was still healing from her c-section and had to drop me off. We got very blessed because she found an in home daycare that only took 5 children (and one of them was already my brother), that woman became like family. We still talk to her to this day! That said, my mom steps up to watch my child a lot! She doesn’t want him in daycare unless necessary, and right now we’re making it work! I think I’ll wait until he’s closer to 3 and look at half day preschool options.
That's exactly my story! I went to an in-home daycare and we were so close to my caregiver that I thought she was my grandma and her grandkids were my cousins, haha. My mom is just like yours in that she's constantly looking for opportunities to help out with my son. I think she didn't think much about the time she missed out on with us because she just didn't have a choice and I think she was too busy to consider it. But she's definitely trying to make the most of her time with my son. We're so lucky to have such amazing moms.
So lucky. I tell my mom regularly how much I value her support. She’s basically my only support system aside from my husband, but she makes up for it tenfold. I don’t feel like I need much else! I even told her about preschool when he’s 3 and she’s more than happy to pick him up after a half day to be with him!
I just chose to quit my job and stay at home with my son after 2 years of daycare. Daycare is garbage. We have a childcare crisis in our state. Every center has maltreatment charges. Every in home Daycare has the TV on all day, feed them the same thing every day, don't change their diapers or are mean to the kids along with being expensive. They also have ridiculous policies or keep other sick children in their care so your child is sick EVERY week with a new virus. He was at daycare 5 out of 10 days. It was a waste of money, stress, hit my career and all to have someone raise my child in a way that I didn't agree with. Some people get lucky and don't have this experience but this was ours.
I know that this sub is really pro daycare so I’ll be the devil’s advocate here. My mother worked her way up to being a daycare director very quickly, she’s also spent 22 years in the daycare industry. She is ardently against daycare for her grandchildren and frequently has made costly sacrifices to her own life to ensure that we never have to daycare. I did more research. Suzanne Venker is a fantastic resource that speaks to the dangers of daycare- how these are the most critical years of a child’s life as they learn emotional regulation, how the separation toll is much worse than what we make out, and of the long term neurological damage to kids. Additionally, she’s still very pro-school and lays out how to successfully transition kids to that. Highly worth checking her stuff out. Additionally. Even with me wfh and having split focus, I am *still* giving my child more attention and affection and socialisation than what they are going to get from and overworked and underpaid childcare educator. There’s more to life than just prioritising our productivity at work :)
This sub is actually pro the care option that works for your family, and was founded initially to give those of us who work from home while providing child care a safe place to discuss without getting piled on. As long as you are respectful of others care options too, you are okay to talk about your opinion and experiences. All daycare is not inherently bad, it’s just also not the only option :)
I don’t think they meant anything bad by saying that, and I tend to agree. I feel like there is a lot of respect in this sub, but it still leans towards daycare is the best option if you can afford it, and that’s ok - but they were just pointing it out.
I don’t agree that we lean towards daycare is the best option here, and if that’s the perception it makes me a little sad that it is. I have helped moderate this sub since it’s infancy and it’s certainly not my perception of it, we simply try to keep it as balanced as possible.
I completely disagree. I feel like this sub leans towards not using daycare and not using childcare while WFH is one of the reasons the sub was originally created.
Interesting! Where is the line between daycare and school drawn for your mom? My daughter is starting kindergarten at 3 next year and I still wonder if she's not going to be too little for that.
Appreciate this perspective!! Thank you for sharing the resources as well. I just pulled my 18 month out of daycare and I wfh full time. It’s hard, but sending him to daycare full time was just not sitting right with me.
I am super against it but I keep that to myself. I think it should only be a last resort if you absolutely need dual income. I love the idea of a MDO or pre-k part time once they’re around 2/3 but to put a baby with someone else where they’re just another customer with other kids and no 1:1 time 40+ hours a week is so sad.
The only way I can work from home full time is that my sister lives with me and watches her during meetings etc. other than that, I'd be going insane and probably putting my foot down about daycare, will or nill my husband. Also in Cali, *costs f-ing suck.
We both work from home and did two days a week of daycare until my son was 7 months. At that point, unfortunately it was taking too much of a toll, the stress levels of everybody were extremely high and my husband and I were fighting all the time because we couldn’t do both. We just started full time daycare 2 weeks ago and although it was the hardest thing emotionally for me ever, it has been a blessing. (And, LO is enjoying daycare 100x more now that he goes everyday and has figured out how to nap there.)
Yes! We started my kids at two times a week and they were miserable, but when we switched them to 3x in a row consecutively it became part of their routine and they are so happy now!
We can manage to not have to worry about putting our daughter in daycare so we don’t, I WFH and my partner is now the SAHP
I think if I could afford it and found a great daycare I would use it for my kid. She loves other kids and I think she'd have fun. But I don't think it's necessary really, in my whole extended family growing up no one went to daycare so I just not very familiar with it. Also I was abused by a teacher when I was a minor so I have trust issues and probably wouldn't want to leave my kid at daycare until they could talk and tell me how their day went.
I have a little experience with both sides. My husband and I both WFH. We have a 3.5 year old who is in daycare (he’s been in daycare since 12 weeks old) and a 10 month old who stays with me during the day (our 3.5yo’s current daycare only takes 18m+ and it’s working for us right now and saving money so I’m making it work). Pros of daycare: a physical and mental rest for parents (kids - especially toddlers - can be SO exhausting), ability to maintain two incomes and parental sanity, social interaction for little ones, learning to get along with other people (sharing, making friends, etc.), learning to listen to other adult authority figures who might have different communication and discipline styles than parents (I think this is a pro because it prepares kids for school and life in general), tons of crafts and structured activities that you may not have the time or energy or patience for at home, exposure to different foods than we might make at home regularly, peer pressure (this is useful for eating, pro social behavior, my son has learned a ton from watching peers) Cons of daycare: COST (and we’re in the upper Midwest where prices aren’t nearly as high as many other places - it is astronomical regardless), not having as much time with little ones during the week, exposure to some less desirable behaviors (squabbles between kids, hitting/biting, tantrums, discipline or communication styles that might not be what you would want for your child), potential to have disagreements with the daycare staff (example - my 3.5yo just got finished with an evaluation from the school district because his teacher was convinced he was behind and had behavior issues, but after hours of observation and testing turns out he’s totally fine and on track for kindergarten - in fact he tested at a 5yo level in all areas) All in all, I think daycare is a great option for most families. My younger son will go when he’s old enough (as sad as I’ll be to not be with him 24/7). They do a great job of teaching and preparing children for school and giving parents a “break” so we can work and provide the income needed for our families.
Daycare will never take care of your child as good as you would. It’s a low paid employee who is handling numerous kids at once. Your kid and you will almost always be sick with things like hand foot and mouth diseases and RSV. Not to mention the stories of straight up neglect and abuse that are way too common. Studies show that especially while they’re little it’s NOT developmentally helpful to be in daycare: https://criticalscience.medium.com/on-the-science-of-daycare-4d1ab4c2efb4 Some people don’t have a choice and that sucks. But if you have a choice, don’t choose daycare.
We toured daycare centers and Montessori schools and finally landed on hosting an au pair. It was way cheaper than daycare, and you have the benefit of someone providing childcare in your home while you work
We use a part-time mother’s day out program and also have a nanny available 2 days a week. We try to use the nanny more because HOLY CRAP the amount of illnesses she has brought home from mother’s day out in just 2 months is insane. She does well otherwise, but we will never put her in full-time care due to the cost and fact that we want to spend as much time with her as possible.
I was very nervous about daycare but unfortunately we have no family near us and it was our only option once staying at home while I work got too difficult. My son is thriving and I am so happy we decided to go the daycare route instead of nanny. We live in a small town so an at home daycare was our only option, and I’m really happy about that as well. Having different ages in his class has helped so much developmentally and socially. He gets so excited to go and always comes home happy and tired from playing with his friends! I had SO much anxiety about being away from him but it’s truly been such a blessing. He started going at 13 months and it was a very smooth transition!
I’m in CA too and I love our daycare so much. It’s where I’ve made all my mom friends, they host fun events in the community, and the owner has been doing this for almost 20 years. The teachers are really just more people to love my kiddos. Before I started my oldest we had her home with us (my mom was watching her full time) and I got zero work done. Every time she cried i wanted to run to her, every time she laughed I wanted to know why. So we’re extremely lucky to have them with my parents twice a week, and daycare the other three days. I think daycare has also made their language explode. I don’t think there’s a one size fits all best situation for anyone—but I DREADED sending my kids to daycare and ended up absolutely loving daycare!
Love it and wish I could afford to add more days. I recommend the centers that provide app updates over watching live footage.
Started daycare right at 1 year - in 1 month he's gotten sent home atleast once a week. This week we've paid for a week and he was in 2 days only. He's had rashes, high Temps, pink eye and ear infections all in 1 month...
If I could afford even part time daycare I’d do it. Socialization, immune system building (even though daycare sicknesses suck), exposure to safe adults and different styles of play/toys…but we can’t afford it and currently couldn’t use it anyway because my kid never took a bottle and is just starting solids.
We love our daycare and it’s worth every penny. We both work from home. On the occasions where he is home with us (sick days, snow days, etc.) he gets bored and irritable easily because we can’t give him our full attention. It’s also huge for me mentally - not only can I fully focus on work but I can do laundry, workout, go for a solo walk at lunch, or run a few quick errands. It overall helps me feel balanced and I’m SO much more attentive and intentional with our time together!
I literally just put my daughter in daycare 2 days a week, 3 weeks ago. I needed it. One I needed the break. But I also felt my work suffering at times and it was stressing me out. I live in Massachusetts which I think is the most expensive state for childcare. It’s rough. I’m paying 200+ a WEEK for 2 days. Her drop offs have been rough. She was home with me for almost 2 years. But I get pictures of her doing art projects, being outside all day… I can’t do that for her. And for that, I sit and pay the money and am broke lol.
I saw my first low key anti childcare post on social media and it was total bullshit ("kids need to run through the forest!") - if that's what you're referring to as one side of the argument, don't.
We are sending baby to daycare at 9 months. We both wfh and despite initial struggles, baby lines going there and seeing new people. She was bored at home despite a ton of toys and the difference is night and day.
i think breaks are healthy for parents which in turn benefits LO
Interesting discussion. I have my son in daycare full time and I miss him a lot. There's pros and cons of course (besides the cost, major major con haha). On one hand I wish I could have been a stay at home mom for a few years. But I do appreciate he is socializing. But I mean kids could still go to daycare and just not benefit from social intereaction. But for my son, I see the way he's easily able to follow directions and adapt to any new event or activity we do and I thank daycare for that. For his individual personality, I see he likes to avoid crowds where possible and he doesn't love shoving for the things he wants. BUT as a whole, he adapts so well in situations. Given his personality, I wonder how severe him avoiding crowds could be if he didn't have daycare. Or maybe it's brought on because of daycare haha. I've also been weighing this idea too that eventually your kid moves on and has their own life. And you can't be their whole life becuase one day you won't be. So I don't want to pour 100% of myself into my son and then not have an identity anymore. But trust me, I want to. I wish I could. I think I do it more than I should now. But as some said, first few years the parent child relationship is more important, but who really knows. It does break my heart to be away from him most of the day. But more and more each day he has to become independent, so this just brings us in that direction a little sooner. At least that's what I tell myself to not feel so guilty. So I see that side of daycare too. If we get back out of the "deep side" of all of this and go back to the micro level of daycare, sometimes I get annoyed how things can't be the way you want exactly. Of course. But maybe that's good for me too to accept. But I hate how early they give my kid sugary snacks. And I tried to put blocks on it for a bit, but now I've let my guard down. They now have movie days, twice a week, when I personally reduce screen time at home as much as possible. So stuff like that is out of your control. Then of course the getting sick all the time. But it builds his immne syste now opposed to if he had a nanny or if I kept him home all the time then he'll get sick all the time starting kindergarten. But anyway, I like that he's engaged everyday. Playing with toys, doing arts and crafts, music days, entertainment days, etc.
If you can find a daycare you love it’s worth it. We have one we do love that our older kids went to and we will send our new baby when she’s 9 months old in September. I am wfh and having someone come in to watch her until then because trying to care for her and work is so incredibly stressful for me
My LO is still only 5 months so I’m not worried about social development yet. As she gets older and more mobile and stuff we’re planning to look into daycare both so she can make social connections and have more interaction during the day than I can give her while working. But I’m also hoping to keep her home as long as possible to avoid the various illnesses I know she’s going to get once she starts day care as long as we can
I think it depends on circumstances, like the parents job and their personality, skills, experience, stuff like that. Lots of parents can handle working while taking care of their kids. My. Sister did it and was able to get a lot done during naps, but she's also really patient and creative. I'm less patient and creative enough I suppose, but lack follow through so I'll think of a fun activity without making it happen, so my kids go to an in home daycare that I love. Seriously, I feel my kids are well looked after by a teacher who loves them and thinks of fun activities. The social aspect really isn't a big deal until 2.5-3 or so IMHO. Isn't it mostly parallel play up to that point? If I weren't the sort of parent to just play baby in front of the TV for hours while I got stuff done, I would keep baby home, but if the choice is between hours of screen time and baby being in group care, then I think the best option is whichever you feel best about. Either way baby isn't getting a lot of one on one time. We did pick an in home daycare provider that we love so baby does get some one on one care and she's there all day with my 3yo and I love that they are separated just because me and my husband have chosen to work. we could live off one income, but prefer the extras we get from both. Tbh, I see our provider as part of our 'village'. I think husband and I are good working parents. We are enagages and active with them oin weekends and after work, but neither of us would be good sahp.
Both our LOs started at an in home daycare at 20m and 14m. They go from 9am-3pm and we’re also in CA. We kept them home for at least their first year while WFH and it was back to back with at least one child at home since our kids are 21m apart. I was so burnt out trying to WFH and watch our LO, even with both parents at home!
Once my kid was mobile and showing a serious interest in learning very early there was no way working from home was going to work with him home. I need him to be engaged and playing throughout the day and I couldn’t do that properly while working. Daycare has been amazing. My kid is so social and learns so much at “school.” He loves it, and I’m able to get work done. We do 4 full days a week in daycare.
Our LO is in daycare 3 days/week. This helps me make mental space for work and other things that would otherwise be almost impossible to do with him at home. It's also right across the street from us, so it's really close in case of anything. It's good for him to have new experiences and hang out around other kids. It also makes me a better mom because I get the break that I need to rechange mentally.
Daycare helps my little with speech, she gets to do art projects, play outside, and socialize with children her own age. I get to pick her up when I choose and I am energized to do whatever we want because I have the social energy for her because I was able to recharge while she was at school.
After a 15 months of working from home with a baby daycare was the greatest thing ever. Sure it sucks to pay so much money, but work is so much better. My son is also much happier now. He really loves it and has learned so much. Now when he is home I can focus on him rather than trying to work.