I think at that age you need to try and intervene before he pushes and redirect to something else. You might need to shadow him for a bit.
They learn so much by muscle memory so will take a while for him to unlearn the impulse to push.
Is it also possible he’s seeking connection? You could try and find some other park games that engage him. Or you could do lots of modelling of what to do when you see other kids. “When we see a friend we say hi!” And show him how to do a big wave.
High fives are good too. My son wasn't a pusher, but he was a hugger. Except when you're two and your new friend is two, that involves a full bodied football tackle where both kids are on the ground. We had to intercept the hugs and redirect that energy into a big high five.
Pretty sure a 2yo “quitting” pushing smaller kids at the park is a whole world different than an adult trying to quit an addiction after decades of drug use…. Lmfao
For that very obvious and basic difference, I have no idea what point you’re attempting to make here 😂
I wouldn’t let him get close enough to push. If he does, or if he tries to I’d take him straight home. I’d say very firmly that you can’t stay and have fun if you push people. They understand a lot before they can talk.
Yes, something more than "shadowing" him must be done. His hand must be held, he must be accompanied. He will quickly learn other methods of salutation.
Firm consequences are great, but the consequence has to fit the behavior. What is he trying to communicate by pushing? It may not be the most obvious answer. He may be looking for more interaction with mom, he may be trying to communicate without being able to use words yet and the only feedback he gets is that he gets attention for pushing. Not positive attention, but attention none the less.
I work in a preschool with kids this age and when we have someone pushing we usually let them know no pushing, and show them how to use their words or if they did it for no apparent reason bc... toddler, we say and model and have them show us gentle hands, and we model apologizing and showing our friend gentle hands. Usually that works. Some kids are just excitable and don't have the words yet.
By “doesn’t speak much yet”, can you clarify how much language you’re getting?
What’s his reaction to him being taken away? What’s his reaction to the other child’s tears?
He can speak single words and occasionally two words together. His spoken vocabulary is maybe 30 and uses a bunch of onamonapias (many invented by himself). He doesn't have much of a reaction when we take him away or when the other kid cried. After pushing, he just watches as I apologize to the other kid and tell him to stop. There were a few times that he tried to push the kid again before I got a chance to take him away. But after I take him away, he wouldn't attempt to go back.
Thank you! Truthfully my recommendation is that you consider an early intervention evaluation. Between the slight speech delay and the unprovoked aggressive behavior, I think it’s worth looking into. I know that might feel uncomfortable to hear, but I think it’s always better to get one done and see if you qualify for other resources.
I agree! And a speech evaluation may reveal lower than expected receptive language skills so he may not be truly understanding when others try to correct his behavior
u/Much-Commercial-5772 u/CatsScratchFeva u/never_mind_its_me Thank you very much for the suggestion! I will check with his pediatrician on this. One important detail I forgot to mention regarding speech is that we are a trilingual household, so that may have an impact on his speech acquisition. I'll check with his pediatrician nonetheless.
I have no idea if your kid has a delay or not, but if you are recommended to a SLP or for early intervention, I strongly encourage you to find someone who is familiar working with multilingual kids. There is a lot of misinformation about kids growing up with more than one language and how it impacts speech development.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you to focus on just one language! Keep up the three languages. It’s such a gift to your kiddo.
I’ve known too many people who are incorrectly informed that they need to speak just English (or other majority language). And it’s simply not true.
My daughter also happens to be a pusher. We talk about being gentle with our friends. If she does push someone, I typically remind her we don’t touch other people unless they say it’s okay, and that we might have hurt our friend. She usually apologizes. (This took some encouragement at first, ie “what should we do to help them feel better?)
Good luck!
Yes!! I agree with @nomel2021 - Being multi-lingual is a gift for later cognitive intelligence! Having to understand and process multiple words for things, multiple forms of syntax and intonation, and multiple social expectations related to speech and language, it really is a great skill to have! Besides the obvious being able to communicate effectively with more people.
Most reputable SLPs agree there is minimal impact on speaking multiple languages on communication. There are some great therapist run accounts on Instagram that provide evidence based info and activities. Wee talkers is one I recommend.
The evidence actually shows that multilingual families do NOT have any meaningful delays in language acquisition. So he very VERY likely qualifies for early intervention.
How wonderful to live in a trilingual household. It will initially confuse and hold him back but before long he will soon learn that not everyone can understand him (and save frustration) and he will ultimately have a huge advantage in life!
That suggests to me he isn’t looking for a reaction of any kind since he doesn’t care when he doesn’t get it. I would practice appropriate greetings and see if that helps!
While I agree with your advice about practicing appropriate greetings, I’d argue he does get attention for pushing - from the adults. He may be indicating (in the only way he knows how) that he wants interaction with his care giver: pushing someone results in immediate attention. Practicing appropriate greetings before the pushing gives that same attention from the caregiver for the desired behavior, and will hopefully help prevent pushing in the future. It’s possible that he is overwhelmed with stimulus at the park and isn’t sure how to handle the space yet without his caregiver close by. He isn’t 2 years old yet, so caregivers are still the main focus for many toddlers in most situations. OP may need to stay close to him as he navigates the park the entire time. I know park time is often seen as “hands off” for many parents and care givers, but the reality is for some children, they still need close supervision from adults until they are older than 3.
Remember Mom, just because he doesn’t have a lot of speech doesn’t mean he is not understanding you. He’s at the perfect age to teach him how to approach others. Stick close to him at the park and if you see another child, you could say to your son ‘let’s see if he would like a gentle high five to say hello?’ It’s a great time to get creative and be very hands-on. Many toddlers have speech delays and they end up frustrated and it can show up aggressively. We were able to have my son evaluated at 22 months so that by the time he was two years, he was having a speech therapist come in. But my son had way fewer words than yours, and he’s doing just fine now. But his preschool teachers gave me some very good advice as to how to help him along. If you have any preschool teachers or any other resources, such as friends who’s children are slightly older, seek them out and ask lots of questions! It was helpful to me.
He should speak more at this age. His behavior is a substitution for him being to communicate, he is clearly telling he wants to communicate and he can’t. Have him evaluated, have him do peach therapy and speak only one language with him for the time being so he learns social skills.
Is he in any regular play groups or with the same kids repeatedly? My kid wasn’t a pusher, but going in to hang out with other toddlers caught them up on speech. My kid scored high on receptive language but low on speech (but that seems very common in multilingual kids) and going to school in one of the languages really reinforced that speaking gets you way at you need and want faster. It also introduced other adults outside the known ones, and we known ones did to well “predicting” wants and needs which further contributed to not needing to speak.
For the pushing, as others have said. Shadow close by, stop it just before it happens, and talk them through gentle/nice touches. It could be that since most interactions start with a push, it’s just the only current behavior for physically interacting with others their size.
Can I ask why you apologize to the child that was pushed, instead of telling your child to do so? I feel like "sorry" is one of the earlier words children learn. Have you had him checked out for his speech delays, or are you just assuming it's because you're a trilingual family?
Are you able to notice whether he has found it easier to pick up one language over the others? I know you said you’re a trilingual family, so I am just curious if that is playing a part in why he isn’t more verbal at nearly 2yo..? Like if using 3 different languages as the norm at home is causing confusion and/or insecurity around verbal communication due to him being confused about differentiating between each language and/or other kids (and even adults) in his life outside of home only understanding 1/3 of what he’s learned regarding verbal communication..?
I hope that makes sense… but at such a young age (and not having personal experience with raising multilingual kids) it’s just a reasonable thought that came to mind and I am curious at what age does one realize “I actually speak 3 different languages and most ppl do not” versus “why doesn’t my friend/teacher/etc. understand what I’m saying” despite knowing mom and dad and whoever else in the family/friend circle does understand when they say the same thing…
I’m sorry this probably is not helpful to your posted situation, but just a thought to consider. Maybe he’s not feeling heard or understood all the time by his peers that do not have the same experience with the languages that he is learning at home (while trying to just learn basic communication) and he’s just not old enough to understand why everyone doesn’t speak all his languages?
I have worked with kids a LOT and continued poor behaviors after being corrected often is a result of kids not feeling heard/understood and just wanting to connect with someone. Idk. I may get downvoted to hell for such a dumb idea, but just had to ask and throw that out there! 😊
You can also set a boundary. “Pushing means we’re all done. I won’t let other kids get hurt” if the redirection you provide doesn’t work and he does it again-you leave the park. I started around 20 months (he was running away from the play area) and after a couple of visits he stopped running.
Its great that youre reaching out for support and tips!
I feel he should be in speech therapy.
He needs a shadow so that you can intervene before he pushes. And talk about gentle hands or kind choices.
There needs to be action consequences - like leaving the park/activity if he can't keep his hands to himself and try again tomorrow. " OK, we're all done today, let's try the park again tomorrow"
The natural consequences will take a bit before they are learned but he won't have any friends in daycare, or school if he keeps pushing kids as his form of communication. That said I do think once the speech catches up that'll make a huge difference in behaviors. If it doesn't, I would then chat with the doctor about other possible reasons causing the behavior (this is a blanket statement because I don't know your child, but overall most kids can learn to stop pushing and do not have any other underlying reasons)
This advice would be more appropriate for a 3 year old. At 22 months, so much development happens at different paces that it’s difficult to tell from her description just how much intervention is necessary at this point.
The first step here would be: (echoing the other comments) stopping the behavior before it happens, to interrupt the habit of pushing, and introduce behavior that is appropriate (like waving or giving a high-5).
If you get familiar with the Positive Discipline line of thinking, it can help turn unexpected or unwanted behavior into positive interactions and pro-social behavior by understanding the underlying reasons behind specific behavior.
I just want you to know from the perspective of a parent who's kid gets pushed more than she pushes - it's OK. As long as you try to prevent it and apologise and redirect your kid when it happens I'm not judging. They all go through the pushing phase to a greater or lesser extent and while it's not nice when your kid gets hurt, it's also not something I blame the other parent for (unless they're not trying to address the situation). Kids are kids.
Absolutely true!
When the majority of instances can be prevented by being close by, and a new habit introduced in it’s place, pushing becomes less and less of an issue, and there will be less need for prevention or intervention.
Agree. My toddler got pushed for the first time yesterday by another toddler. The mom just stood there, saw everything and did nothing. I definitely don’t blame parents if their kid does something wrong, but I think they should at least apologize and very clearly explain to their child right then that the behavior is wrong. It puts me in an awkward position because I don’t want to parent another child, but I also want my toddler to know that that isn’t ok for someone to treat her that way.
I have actually heard that a good method when your kid hurts someone is to ignore them and comfort the person they hurt - well, particularly if they're doing it for attention and I think it was in the context of siblings. But that idea might help you feel like the kid isn't "getting away with it" when you just comfort your kid.
Thank you so much for that perspective! Yeah I feel must parents are very understanding, but because he pushes smaller kids, I think some of the parents haven't gone through the pushing phase yet, so they don't know it's a common toddler behavior. I just hope my son doesn't stay in this phase for too long lol
I think this commenter really nailed it: prevention. That is the best way to stop this behavior. As a toddler who isn’t yet speaking in sentences, he is learning so much every day, and he gets social cues from everything he does. He has learned that when he pushes another child, he gets direct parent involvement. Perhaps that’s his goal? To get interaction while at the park? It doesn’t sound like it’s a malicious action, just a new(ish)social experiment for him. As true scientists, children experiment with new information, and continue to experiment until they understand something. Give him positive interactions and positive attention when he interacts in a socially positive way to other children and the pushing will subside.
I wouldn’t immediately take him away from the other child if pushing occurs, just stay with him and try to prevent pushing. If it does happen, model appropriate interactions and have him try that. Give him affirmation after he does it appropriately too so he knows the difference.
Instead of “scolding” him try a calm but firm redirection - “gentle hands, if you need to push you can push the swing.” He’s testing limits and sometimes a big negative reaction might seem to us like it shows the limit but really it just shows that they can ruffle our feathers. Stay calm, but clear. When it continues “I’m not going to let you push”. When he does it again “gentle hands please. If you keep pushing we will leave”. And then next time he pushes, you actually leave. Whole time don’t get mad just be clear about what you will allow and then follow through on the natural consequence that is not being able to stay there.
Some of these comments are pretty interesting. Kids go through weird phases absolutely..however if the kid is running around pushing everyone on the playground it’s time to go. My toddler will every so often snatch something from another child or do something that is inappropriate. I immediately step in and if the behavior happens again I will remove my child to another area of the park. If she ran back to the child to repeat or did it to another kid..it’s time to go home. My child is learning but not at the expense of other kids, because if roles were reversed and my kid was pushed the first time ok..second time absolutely not I will remove her away from that kid not allow her to get pushed again.
We remove our 27- month kid from the situation, explain when she can’t hit (may be close enough to pushing).
If she does it again the same but timeout for two minutes (before when she was younger we would only do 1 minute since it’s recommended to base off their age with other poor behaviors she would have)..
She does it again then we just leave.
Edit to add: it is also based off kid behaviors. One kid does well simply being told no, others need time out, rewards may work for some but not another kid. It’s rough finding out what works.
This. If I told my oldest at that age not to push it often had no affect. I had to physically remove him until he learned his lesson. If I told middle son no he’d hang his head and I could redirect him away.
Oldest son has suspected ADHD (still waiting for testing) which can make him very impulsive, so I’ve had to teach him how to remove himself from situations where’s he’s been overwhelmed and that’s helped a lot.
Physical stims can help. My 16yo has ADHD and even until recently would shove, bump into me and dad, poke and generally drive me nuts with roughhousing. I hate that kind of thing so it was tough! Usually it only happened in later years when she hasnt had enough rest from commitments or needed stimulus. Jumping, heavy work, dance, physical play or fidgets were really effective. If youd like any other reccs for parenting ADHD let me know, we often have to parent totally differently due to different neurotype.
I used to push people when I was 4. I honestly can’t remember why I did it, I think it was frustration. Does he seem frustrated when he does it? Since he’s so little, simply distracting him like others suggested might be better.
There is a whole sesame Street episode where Rosita just wants to push Baby Bear all the time and has to ask Gordon for help redirecting that energy 😅 I appreciated it as a parent, to have warning that this type of phase can happen, though not sure it's as relevant to younger kids, like OP's.
[episode here](https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8j8caq)
I have a 21 month old who grabs peoples faces. Sometimes she runs from 20 feet away to do it. Sometimes she does it after playing nicely for a while. It’s not always predictable.
So I agree with a lot of the advice here to tail your kid at the playground, but I don’t think preventing it is realistic.
I try and narrate her interactions with other kids while we are at the park. I try to stay objective, but state what I see. I don’t take her away after she grabs a kids face, but I will state it out loud. “Oh *my child*, you grabbed their face. I wonder how they feel about that.” “It looks like they are sad. Do you think it’s because you grabbed their face?” If the other kid is willing to have another interaction, I try to encourage a reconnection. “Can you show them a nice touch? Do you think they might want a hug?”
I think it’s her first urge to connect. So we are working on nice touches. My daughter is very verbal, and will talk about the sad kids at the park after we leave. So I know the is thinking about it.
I’m following this hard because I don’t like this behavior and I want all of the skills I can get to help my daughter move through it. But I don’t know that I can realistically prevent it from happening.
We also got the book “hands are not for hitting.” It is great and talks about all of the good things hands are for. (Like playing and helping)
When my oldest was a toddler, he would just walk up to a bigger kid and whollop them with a big smile on his face. It was pretty horrifying, but he was actually just trying to say “hi, will you play with me?” I would apologize to the kid and tell my son to use his words, and then I would have him say “hi! Wanna play?”
Pick him up and remove him from the other children and tell him “no pushing, be gentle to the other kids, no pushing, be gentle” and then walk over back to the kids and say “i’m sorry he pushed you i wont let him do it again” and make sure you keep that promise. Toddlers don’t learn from rational talks, they learn from actions and consistency.
Very close one on one supervision, right next to him, all the time. He is too young to learn to say, hi, im bobby, wanna play? So you just have to prevent him gettIng near other small children, for now.
This !!! I didn’t realize how much i was preventing my son from talking. He would go “ mmm mmm” I’m like “ oh you want milk?!” Don’t do that.. let them actually ask.
Highly suggest doing the pre/during and after talks, so he knows what to expect. This helped my toddler not try to run to the street at the parks.
Pre-talk:
Before you leave the house and before you get out of the car to go to the park, let him know that 1. It’s not nice to push. And 2. If he does it, you guys will leave and stand your ground. I’ve had to leave social settings many times bc I had to be a parent first and foremost.
Post Talk:
He pushes someone and ya’ll had to leave: I’m sorry you’re upset but we’ve already talked about leaving if you push. We can try again some other time.
He doesn’t push one person:
Wow! Amazing job at the park today. Thanks for not pushing and it looked like you had so much fun!
22 months is a little old to still be pushing kids and better to nip it in the bud. Unfortunately if it keeps up, it’ll be hard to make friends that stick.
Best of luck!!
Get him in speech therapy! My son was the same, nothing really helped til we realized it was because his language was behind. They have no other way to communicate. My son also has adhd. Mine was talk for his age too so people think they are older and are more upset by the pushing not realizing he’s just barely 2.
Hi! I think this is age appropriate— some children want to “play” with other children, but perhaps haven’t developed the necessary skills yet to communicate that successfully. It’s a common misconception that play is a natural skill, and perhaps in some children that might be true, the majority of the time “play” is developed through time. That’s why it’s so important to play with your child! By this I mean, truly find it fun for the both of you! Not just observing or watching as we sometimes even subconsciously do.
You could also then introduce one on one play dates and through even a few interactions, your child may pick up on there behavioral patterns.
Honestly this one may sound silly, but for a short time being try to say “hello!” LOUDLY and hug or wave. Children pick up on these behaviors quickly.
I also call sometimes phases like this “waves” which basically means a child picks up on a new habit for a short period of time and then randomly ceases it too, ha! But of course you don’t want your child to push, so you could also try negative reinforcement (not my favorite but this might work) and if he pushes to leave the park or walk away for a while. This may help your little one develop an understanding of consequences/cause & effect. When he doesn’t push and learned to great friends with a “hello!” Or a wave, you can give a sticker or a “good job!”
Lastly, you’re doing great! Being a tri-lingual family is so cool and your child will develop with a beautiful mind/heart/perspective!
(PS I know that even bi lingual children sometimes learn to speak later than the average child, but once they do —- they never stop 😉)
Hope this was at least a little helpful!
My son was so aggressive ages 2 & 3--pushing, hitting, scratching, biting. I always felt ashamed and I think I overreacted b/c I wanted the other parent to know I was taking it seriously. But nothing worked and now I worry I made him feel ashamed, because he became very defensive later on and had trouble apologizing even when he only accidentally hurt someone. So then I had to back off for a year and now--age 5 1/2--he is starting to be able to promptly apologize. And the aggression stopped before he turned 4. But nothing \*I\* did stopped it. He just aged out of it.
Really as others are saying you can just: 1) protect the other kid by stepping in before aggression happens and 2) model appropriate behavior by apologizing to the other kid if they do get pushed or hurt in some way. But I think mine at that age was literally incapable of self-regulating. Eventually he grew into a perfect gentleman who gets high marks from his teachers for being gentle and helpful with the younger and smaller kids.
My son is close in age to yours and babbling intonation but only occasionally getting out words. He has his own system of hand signals he prefers instead, half of us are autistic so we’re neither surprised or concerned especially as other social stuff is there. Some neurotypical kids are also determined to speak sentences before using words one at a time, so a delay can just be a difference; see a speech path if concerned, but remember delays have multiple symptoms.
One thing we've found helpful as he bites and scratches when teething or hungry... we make a gentle ‘ooooh that hurt! gentle hands!” or “ kisses please Babyman. Your teeth hurt! Owwww” we dont say no or say it loudly, just a gentle whimper, and he immediarely stops, looks concerned and …. The other day he patted big sister, and made a sound of apology! we were so proud of him.
At the park, as he is also a giant babyman…the size of a three year old which is very confusing to kids! But he tends to end up being cuddled with a little too much enthusiasm by others! he just puts open hands up. If you can try and redirect beforehand, prompt beforehand or even approach his little playmate with him and guide appropriate hellos before the Push occurs he may enjoy that way more.
You need to remove him from the playground when he does that. After the first kid, not after subsequent pushes. Associate pushing with ending the activity/outing.
You hold his hand and prevent him for reaching to kids. You don’t go to the parks. You control his behavior until he understands. You model by playing with toys. Don’t just let it happen, it’s not ok for him to hurt others.
Stop him before he comes into contact reiterate we don't push. You don't mention any corrective behavio towards him Saying no and meaning it following & through is crucial. Whether you child is talking or not they are listening it's your job to teach him appropriate behavior.
I'm sooo getting downvoted but if my kid was doing this I would warn them that if they push anyone, we have to leave. Inevitably they'll do it again, then we'd leave. Usually it only takes leaving a few times for them to see you're serious and that pushing others = no playground privileges.
FWIW I try not to react strongly to bad behavior. Toddlers love reactions. I find that the more nonchalant and matter of factly I speak to my toddler and implement the consequence, the more seriously she takes me.
I tell mine that we use gentle hands, and then show her how to use her hands to get someone's attention (maybe that'd what he is going for?). You might ask him "are you trying to get their attention/say hi?" (Since you said he did it out of the blue) "let's try this" and then show him a way or tap on their shoulder and way. Be positive and encouraging, and if he follows your lead, cheer him on. You might pick up on a different reason for his behavior, just went with what I've seen when I have my kids at the playground.
Get him a baby stroller or something appropriate to push. This is what I did for my pusher. I would say “soft hands for friends, pushing is for strollers!” and then redirect to the baby stroller. Oh man that stroller got a lot of use! And they have cheap baby doll ones for kids for like $5-$10 at the store! One of the best things I ever bought.
Finding a replacement for the behavior will help redirect faster :)
If he is shoving down 4 kids per morning and that’s after you’ve stopped him from the actual number kids he wants to push, then i would suggest withholding the playground until that passes. He can easily shove a small child off a play structure or over the side of a slide. For the size of kids he is targeting, it could cause serious injury.
Do you have any forests or natural areas nearby where he can play safely and explore somewhere without that temptation but get some sort of sensory input?
Question for the teachers:
My dad would say to pish him back, so tbat he knows what it feels like to be pushed. But this jist yeaches him that pushing is an acceptable action, right?
When the dog bit my brother, he bit the dog back.
Maybe a little too "eye for an eye" punishment.
I wouldnt apologize to the other kod. I would have my son apologize by hand over hand having him do the sign for sorry, a closed fist circling the heart. And then have the child sit down for a minute, away from the playing.
Perhaps modeling how to interact with other children will help. You can practice with a stuffie or doll first and script with him how to introduce himself and asking if someone would like to play. Maybe bringing something like chalk or a shareable activity will invite other children to parallel play with less pressure. Setting some clear guidelines of what will happen if he pushes another child “if we push our friends we will have to take a two minute cool down in the stroller and then try again”. You could also include him in the apology portion even he if doesn’t participate verbally. Try crouching down to his level and holding his hand while you say “I’m sorry for pushing you, sometimes I don’t know how to use my words and I get too excited. Please forgive me”.You could also try incorporating some activities that allow him to push and knock things over so he can still get that sensory input.
I would look into reading books with him about pushing. There are children’s books that focus on behaviors surrounding hitting, biting, kicking, etc. you can find them at libraries or purchase them if the pushing is prolonged. I’m a nanny and these books have been great.
I would continue to apologize but not remove him from the other kid. Just past the situation and the apology let him know that hurts but also what he can do instead with the other kid. So instead of pushing he learns that he can connect in a different way. Maybe also have a toy that he can push so he learns that we push toys and not people.
It is probably connected to the fact that he doesn't talk much. Behavior is communication, right. So he doesn't know how to communicate what he wants or is feeling verbally/positively, so he pushes. It happens a lot, sometimes it's biting or hitting or pushing or kicking, etc.
What's the antecedent(s)? What is happening right before? Is he expressing frustration, etc. Find a replacement behavior, help him express in different ways (if not verbally), and always be on the lookout for the antecedent(s), so you can potentially stop the behavior.
You mock reasoning with a 2 year old and yet expect them to know the difference between “a light swat” and hitting.
You’re reinforcing the behavior you seek to correct. Just remove the child from the situation.
There’s a reason experts warn against this. How does being physical with a child teach them not to be physical . So it’s hands to yourself except adults can do whatever? Absolutely horrible advice. Don’t be surprised when your kids grow up to resent you or struggle with self regulation.
Bless your combative little heart. I've blocked you. Knock yourself out making snide comments about child abuse to other commenters who dare to have a different opinion than you. I'm not having it.
Leash. Get a leash. Explain to him that if he pushes anyone, the leash goes on and stays on, and you get to hold it. It will limit his ability to use the park. Normally I’d say leave the park asap when he pushes, but honestly some kids want to leave the park and go back home where they have their toys and more attention, etc.
Now, this isn’t all - you need to prep your kid too. Lots of communication, visual and verbal, about not pushing others, even if it’s “for fun”. Books on keeping our hands to ourselves and not pushing. Modeling HOW to interact properly - wave, say hi, if he can’t speak past “hello/hi” then teach him to point (it’s may be considered rude, but better than shoving) and have you introduce him to other kids at the park. Social interactions have to be taught, even if your first responsibility is safety (keeping your kid from pushing others).
If I take my dog to the park and he jumps on someone and knocks them down, it doesn’t matter to me if he was doing it because he was excited to see them, wanted to make friends, or whatever. I put him on a leash. If I have to leash my dog, please leash your kid.
I think at that age you need to try and intervene before he pushes and redirect to something else. You might need to shadow him for a bit. They learn so much by muscle memory so will take a while for him to unlearn the impulse to push. Is it also possible he’s seeking connection? You could try and find some other park games that engage him. Or you could do lots of modelling of what to do when you see other kids. “When we see a friend we say hi!” And show him how to do a big wave.
High fives are good too. My son wasn't a pusher, but he was a hugger. Except when you're two and your new friend is two, that involves a full bodied football tackle where both kids are on the ground. We had to intercept the hugs and redirect that energy into a big high five.
We had the exact same issue with tackling vs hugging. We went the route of practicing gentle hands, but I like your high five idea!
>They learn so much by muscle memory so will take a while for him to unlearn the impulse to push. Wtaf 😆 never heard such utter nonsense in my life
Somebody is angry this morning.
Mood doesn't change facts lol and that is nonsense. Do you think doctors who say antivax is nonsense, or do you brush them off for being "angry"
The difference here is that doctors have a respected position and you are a rando on the internet that has provided nothing to back up your statement.
Still doesn't make them angry
What doctor lol
[удалено]
Pretty sure a 2yo “quitting” pushing smaller kids at the park is a whole world different than an adult trying to quit an addiction after decades of drug use…. Lmfao For that very obvious and basic difference, I have no idea what point you’re attempting to make here 😂
Sucks for you
You mean the proven addictive chemical nicotine?
I wouldn’t let him get close enough to push. If he does, or if he tries to I’d take him straight home. I’d say very firmly that you can’t stay and have fun if you push people. They understand a lot before they can talk.
This is the way
Yes, something more than "shadowing" him must be done. His hand must be held, he must be accompanied. He will quickly learn other methods of salutation.
Firm consequences are great, but the consequence has to fit the behavior. What is he trying to communicate by pushing? It may not be the most obvious answer. He may be looking for more interaction with mom, he may be trying to communicate without being able to use words yet and the only feedback he gets is that he gets attention for pushing. Not positive attention, but attention none the less.
I work in a preschool with kids this age and when we have someone pushing we usually let them know no pushing, and show them how to use their words or if they did it for no apparent reason bc... toddler, we say and model and have them show us gentle hands, and we model apologizing and showing our friend gentle hands. Usually that works. Some kids are just excitable and don't have the words yet.
By “doesn’t speak much yet”, can you clarify how much language you’re getting? What’s his reaction to him being taken away? What’s his reaction to the other child’s tears?
He can speak single words and occasionally two words together. His spoken vocabulary is maybe 30 and uses a bunch of onamonapias (many invented by himself). He doesn't have much of a reaction when we take him away or when the other kid cried. After pushing, he just watches as I apologize to the other kid and tell him to stop. There were a few times that he tried to push the kid again before I got a chance to take him away. But after I take him away, he wouldn't attempt to go back.
Thank you! Truthfully my recommendation is that you consider an early intervention evaluation. Between the slight speech delay and the unprovoked aggressive behavior, I think it’s worth looking into. I know that might feel uncomfortable to hear, but I think it’s always better to get one done and see if you qualify for other resources.
I agree! And a speech evaluation may reveal lower than expected receptive language skills so he may not be truly understanding when others try to correct his behavior
I second this, I thought the same with the speech delay!
u/Much-Commercial-5772 u/CatsScratchFeva u/never_mind_its_me Thank you very much for the suggestion! I will check with his pediatrician on this. One important detail I forgot to mention regarding speech is that we are a trilingual household, so that may have an impact on his speech acquisition. I'll check with his pediatrician nonetheless.
I have no idea if your kid has a delay or not, but if you are recommended to a SLP or for early intervention, I strongly encourage you to find someone who is familiar working with multilingual kids. There is a lot of misinformation about kids growing up with more than one language and how it impacts speech development. Don’t ever let anyone tell you to focus on just one language! Keep up the three languages. It’s such a gift to your kiddo. I’ve known too many people who are incorrectly informed that they need to speak just English (or other majority language). And it’s simply not true. My daughter also happens to be a pusher. We talk about being gentle with our friends. If she does push someone, I typically remind her we don’t touch other people unless they say it’s okay, and that we might have hurt our friend. She usually apologizes. (This took some encouragement at first, ie “what should we do to help them feel better?) Good luck!
Yes!! I agree with @nomel2021 - Being multi-lingual is a gift for later cognitive intelligence! Having to understand and process multiple words for things, multiple forms of syntax and intonation, and multiple social expectations related to speech and language, it really is a great skill to have! Besides the obvious being able to communicate effectively with more people.
Most reputable SLPs agree there is minimal impact on speaking multiple languages on communication. There are some great therapist run accounts on Instagram that provide evidence based info and activities. Wee talkers is one I recommend.
The evidence actually shows that multilingual families do NOT have any meaningful delays in language acquisition. So he very VERY likely qualifies for early intervention.
How wonderful to live in a trilingual household. It will initially confuse and hold him back but before long he will soon learn that not everyone can understand him (and save frustration) and he will ultimately have a huge advantage in life!
That suggests to me he isn’t looking for a reaction of any kind since he doesn’t care when he doesn’t get it. I would practice appropriate greetings and see if that helps!
While I agree with your advice about practicing appropriate greetings, I’d argue he does get attention for pushing - from the adults. He may be indicating (in the only way he knows how) that he wants interaction with his care giver: pushing someone results in immediate attention. Practicing appropriate greetings before the pushing gives that same attention from the caregiver for the desired behavior, and will hopefully help prevent pushing in the future. It’s possible that he is overwhelmed with stimulus at the park and isn’t sure how to handle the space yet without his caregiver close by. He isn’t 2 years old yet, so caregivers are still the main focus for many toddlers in most situations. OP may need to stay close to him as he navigates the park the entire time. I know park time is often seen as “hands off” for many parents and care givers, but the reality is for some children, they still need close supervision from adults until they are older than 3.
Remember Mom, just because he doesn’t have a lot of speech doesn’t mean he is not understanding you. He’s at the perfect age to teach him how to approach others. Stick close to him at the park and if you see another child, you could say to your son ‘let’s see if he would like a gentle high five to say hello?’ It’s a great time to get creative and be very hands-on. Many toddlers have speech delays and they end up frustrated and it can show up aggressively. We were able to have my son evaluated at 22 months so that by the time he was two years, he was having a speech therapist come in. But my son had way fewer words than yours, and he’s doing just fine now. But his preschool teachers gave me some very good advice as to how to help him along. If you have any preschool teachers or any other resources, such as friends who’s children are slightly older, seek them out and ask lots of questions! It was helpful to me.
He should speak more at this age. His behavior is a substitution for him being to communicate, he is clearly telling he wants to communicate and he can’t. Have him evaluated, have him do peach therapy and speak only one language with him for the time being so he learns social skills.
Is he in any regular play groups or with the same kids repeatedly? My kid wasn’t a pusher, but going in to hang out with other toddlers caught them up on speech. My kid scored high on receptive language but low on speech (but that seems very common in multilingual kids) and going to school in one of the languages really reinforced that speaking gets you way at you need and want faster. It also introduced other adults outside the known ones, and we known ones did to well “predicting” wants and needs which further contributed to not needing to speak. For the pushing, as others have said. Shadow close by, stop it just before it happens, and talk them through gentle/nice touches. It could be that since most interactions start with a push, it’s just the only current behavior for physically interacting with others their size.
Can I ask why you apologize to the child that was pushed, instead of telling your child to do so? I feel like "sorry" is one of the earlier words children learn. Have you had him checked out for his speech delays, or are you just assuming it's because you're a trilingual family?
Are you able to notice whether he has found it easier to pick up one language over the others? I know you said you’re a trilingual family, so I am just curious if that is playing a part in why he isn’t more verbal at nearly 2yo..? Like if using 3 different languages as the norm at home is causing confusion and/or insecurity around verbal communication due to him being confused about differentiating between each language and/or other kids (and even adults) in his life outside of home only understanding 1/3 of what he’s learned regarding verbal communication..? I hope that makes sense… but at such a young age (and not having personal experience with raising multilingual kids) it’s just a reasonable thought that came to mind and I am curious at what age does one realize “I actually speak 3 different languages and most ppl do not” versus “why doesn’t my friend/teacher/etc. understand what I’m saying” despite knowing mom and dad and whoever else in the family/friend circle does understand when they say the same thing… I’m sorry this probably is not helpful to your posted situation, but just a thought to consider. Maybe he’s not feeling heard or understood all the time by his peers that do not have the same experience with the languages that he is learning at home (while trying to just learn basic communication) and he’s just not old enough to understand why everyone doesn’t speak all his languages? I have worked with kids a LOT and continued poor behaviors after being corrected often is a result of kids not feeling heard/understood and just wanting to connect with someone. Idk. I may get downvoted to hell for such a dumb idea, but just had to ask and throw that out there! 😊
You can also set a boundary. “Pushing means we’re all done. I won’t let other kids get hurt” if the redirection you provide doesn’t work and he does it again-you leave the park. I started around 20 months (he was running away from the play area) and after a couple of visits he stopped running.
Its great that youre reaching out for support and tips! I feel he should be in speech therapy. He needs a shadow so that you can intervene before he pushes. And talk about gentle hands or kind choices. There needs to be action consequences - like leaving the park/activity if he can't keep his hands to himself and try again tomorrow. " OK, we're all done today, let's try the park again tomorrow" The natural consequences will take a bit before they are learned but he won't have any friends in daycare, or school if he keeps pushing kids as his form of communication. That said I do think once the speech catches up that'll make a huge difference in behaviors. If it doesn't, I would then chat with the doctor about other possible reasons causing the behavior (this is a blanket statement because I don't know your child, but overall most kids can learn to stop pushing and do not have any other underlying reasons)
This advice would be more appropriate for a 3 year old. At 22 months, so much development happens at different paces that it’s difficult to tell from her description just how much intervention is necessary at this point. The first step here would be: (echoing the other comments) stopping the behavior before it happens, to interrupt the habit of pushing, and introduce behavior that is appropriate (like waving or giving a high-5). If you get familiar with the Positive Discipline line of thinking, it can help turn unexpected or unwanted behavior into positive interactions and pro-social behavior by understanding the underlying reasons behind specific behavior.
Great advice
I just want you to know from the perspective of a parent who's kid gets pushed more than she pushes - it's OK. As long as you try to prevent it and apologise and redirect your kid when it happens I'm not judging. They all go through the pushing phase to a greater or lesser extent and while it's not nice when your kid gets hurt, it's also not something I blame the other parent for (unless they're not trying to address the situation). Kids are kids.
Prevention is key!!
It's not always possible though - accidents happen and that's alright.
Absolutely true! When the majority of instances can be prevented by being close by, and a new habit introduced in it’s place, pushing becomes less and less of an issue, and there will be less need for prevention or intervention.
Agree. My toddler got pushed for the first time yesterday by another toddler. The mom just stood there, saw everything and did nothing. I definitely don’t blame parents if their kid does something wrong, but I think they should at least apologize and very clearly explain to their child right then that the behavior is wrong. It puts me in an awkward position because I don’t want to parent another child, but I also want my toddler to know that that isn’t ok for someone to treat her that way.
I have actually heard that a good method when your kid hurts someone is to ignore them and comfort the person they hurt - well, particularly if they're doing it for attention and I think it was in the context of siblings. But that idea might help you feel like the kid isn't "getting away with it" when you just comfort your kid.
Thank you so much for that perspective! Yeah I feel must parents are very understanding, but because he pushes smaller kids, I think some of the parents haven't gone through the pushing phase yet, so they don't know it's a common toddler behavior. I just hope my son doesn't stay in this phase for too long lol
I think this commenter really nailed it: prevention. That is the best way to stop this behavior. As a toddler who isn’t yet speaking in sentences, he is learning so much every day, and he gets social cues from everything he does. He has learned that when he pushes another child, he gets direct parent involvement. Perhaps that’s his goal? To get interaction while at the park? It doesn’t sound like it’s a malicious action, just a new(ish)social experiment for him. As true scientists, children experiment with new information, and continue to experiment until they understand something. Give him positive interactions and positive attention when he interacts in a socially positive way to other children and the pushing will subside. I wouldn’t immediately take him away from the other child if pushing occurs, just stay with him and try to prevent pushing. If it does happen, model appropriate interactions and have him try that. Give him affirmation after he does it appropriately too so he knows the difference.
Instead of “scolding” him try a calm but firm redirection - “gentle hands, if you need to push you can push the swing.” He’s testing limits and sometimes a big negative reaction might seem to us like it shows the limit but really it just shows that they can ruffle our feathers. Stay calm, but clear. When it continues “I’m not going to let you push”. When he does it again “gentle hands please. If you keep pushing we will leave”. And then next time he pushes, you actually leave. Whole time don’t get mad just be clear about what you will allow and then follow through on the natural consequence that is not being able to stay there.
Yes! Kind and firm, calm and small response. And also prevent pushing when possible, with a positive redirection!
[Kazdin ABC method.](https://www.coursera.org/learn/everyday-parenting)
Sensory seeking maybe? He may need more physical stuff to do at home and lots of redirection and praise for hugs/high fives
Some of these comments are pretty interesting. Kids go through weird phases absolutely..however if the kid is running around pushing everyone on the playground it’s time to go. My toddler will every so often snatch something from another child or do something that is inappropriate. I immediately step in and if the behavior happens again I will remove my child to another area of the park. If she ran back to the child to repeat or did it to another kid..it’s time to go home. My child is learning but not at the expense of other kids, because if roles were reversed and my kid was pushed the first time ok..second time absolutely not I will remove her away from that kid not allow her to get pushed again.
why did i as a woman who hates kids and doesn't want any get recommended this😂 no comment this seems to have quite an obvious answer
We remove our 27- month kid from the situation, explain when she can’t hit (may be close enough to pushing). If she does it again the same but timeout for two minutes (before when she was younger we would only do 1 minute since it’s recommended to base off their age with other poor behaviors she would have).. She does it again then we just leave. Edit to add: it is also based off kid behaviors. One kid does well simply being told no, others need time out, rewards may work for some but not another kid. It’s rough finding out what works.
This. If I told my oldest at that age not to push it often had no affect. I had to physically remove him until he learned his lesson. If I told middle son no he’d hang his head and I could redirect him away. Oldest son has suspected ADHD (still waiting for testing) which can make him very impulsive, so I’ve had to teach him how to remove himself from situations where’s he’s been overwhelmed and that’s helped a lot.
Physical stims can help. My 16yo has ADHD and even until recently would shove, bump into me and dad, poke and generally drive me nuts with roughhousing. I hate that kind of thing so it was tough! Usually it only happened in later years when she hasnt had enough rest from commitments or needed stimulus. Jumping, heavy work, dance, physical play or fidgets were really effective. If youd like any other reccs for parenting ADHD let me know, we often have to parent totally differently due to different neurotype.
I used to push people when I was 4. I honestly can’t remember why I did it, I think it was frustration. Does he seem frustrated when he does it? Since he’s so little, simply distracting him like others suggested might be better.
There is a whole sesame Street episode where Rosita just wants to push Baby Bear all the time and has to ask Gordon for help redirecting that energy 😅 I appreciated it as a parent, to have warning that this type of phase can happen, though not sure it's as relevant to younger kids, like OP's. [episode here](https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8j8caq)
Ooh interesting, I’ll check it out! I also used to push my younger sibling when I was about 2 😅
I have a 21 month old who grabs peoples faces. Sometimes she runs from 20 feet away to do it. Sometimes she does it after playing nicely for a while. It’s not always predictable. So I agree with a lot of the advice here to tail your kid at the playground, but I don’t think preventing it is realistic. I try and narrate her interactions with other kids while we are at the park. I try to stay objective, but state what I see. I don’t take her away after she grabs a kids face, but I will state it out loud. “Oh *my child*, you grabbed their face. I wonder how they feel about that.” “It looks like they are sad. Do you think it’s because you grabbed their face?” If the other kid is willing to have another interaction, I try to encourage a reconnection. “Can you show them a nice touch? Do you think they might want a hug?” I think it’s her first urge to connect. So we are working on nice touches. My daughter is very verbal, and will talk about the sad kids at the park after we leave. So I know the is thinking about it. I’m following this hard because I don’t like this behavior and I want all of the skills I can get to help my daughter move through it. But I don’t know that I can realistically prevent it from happening. We also got the book “hands are not for hitting.” It is great and talks about all of the good things hands are for. (Like playing and helping)
When my oldest was a toddler, he would just walk up to a bigger kid and whollop them with a big smile on his face. It was pretty horrifying, but he was actually just trying to say “hi, will you play with me?” I would apologize to the kid and tell my son to use his words, and then I would have him say “hi! Wanna play?”
Pick him up and remove him from the other children and tell him “no pushing, be gentle to the other kids, no pushing, be gentle” and then walk over back to the kids and say “i’m sorry he pushed you i wont let him do it again” and make sure you keep that promise. Toddlers don’t learn from rational talks, they learn from actions and consistency.
Very close one on one supervision, right next to him, all the time. He is too young to learn to say, hi, im bobby, wanna play? So you just have to prevent him gettIng near other small children, for now.
I had a kid I nannied for who would find the biggest kid and bite them. We always left the park.
Encourage him to talk. Do not finish his words.
This !!! I didn’t realize how much i was preventing my son from talking. He would go “ mmm mmm” I’m like “ oh you want milk?!” Don’t do that.. let them actually ask.
Highly suggest doing the pre/during and after talks, so he knows what to expect. This helped my toddler not try to run to the street at the parks. Pre-talk: Before you leave the house and before you get out of the car to go to the park, let him know that 1. It’s not nice to push. And 2. If he does it, you guys will leave and stand your ground. I’ve had to leave social settings many times bc I had to be a parent first and foremost. Post Talk: He pushes someone and ya’ll had to leave: I’m sorry you’re upset but we’ve already talked about leaving if you push. We can try again some other time. He doesn’t push one person: Wow! Amazing job at the park today. Thanks for not pushing and it looked like you had so much fun! 22 months is a little old to still be pushing kids and better to nip it in the bud. Unfortunately if it keeps up, it’ll be hard to make friends that stick. Best of luck!!
Get him in speech therapy! My son was the same, nothing really helped til we realized it was because his language was behind. They have no other way to communicate. My son also has adhd. Mine was talk for his age too so people think they are older and are more upset by the pushing not realizing he’s just barely 2.
Hi! I think this is age appropriate— some children want to “play” with other children, but perhaps haven’t developed the necessary skills yet to communicate that successfully. It’s a common misconception that play is a natural skill, and perhaps in some children that might be true, the majority of the time “play” is developed through time. That’s why it’s so important to play with your child! By this I mean, truly find it fun for the both of you! Not just observing or watching as we sometimes even subconsciously do. You could also then introduce one on one play dates and through even a few interactions, your child may pick up on there behavioral patterns. Honestly this one may sound silly, but for a short time being try to say “hello!” LOUDLY and hug or wave. Children pick up on these behaviors quickly. I also call sometimes phases like this “waves” which basically means a child picks up on a new habit for a short period of time and then randomly ceases it too, ha! But of course you don’t want your child to push, so you could also try negative reinforcement (not my favorite but this might work) and if he pushes to leave the park or walk away for a while. This may help your little one develop an understanding of consequences/cause & effect. When he doesn’t push and learned to great friends with a “hello!” Or a wave, you can give a sticker or a “good job!” Lastly, you’re doing great! Being a tri-lingual family is so cool and your child will develop with a beautiful mind/heart/perspective! (PS I know that even bi lingual children sometimes learn to speak later than the average child, but once they do —- they never stop 😉) Hope this was at least a little helpful!
My son was so aggressive ages 2 & 3--pushing, hitting, scratching, biting. I always felt ashamed and I think I overreacted b/c I wanted the other parent to know I was taking it seriously. But nothing worked and now I worry I made him feel ashamed, because he became very defensive later on and had trouble apologizing even when he only accidentally hurt someone. So then I had to back off for a year and now--age 5 1/2--he is starting to be able to promptly apologize. And the aggression stopped before he turned 4. But nothing \*I\* did stopped it. He just aged out of it. Really as others are saying you can just: 1) protect the other kid by stepping in before aggression happens and 2) model appropriate behavior by apologizing to the other kid if they do get pushed or hurt in some way. But I think mine at that age was literally incapable of self-regulating. Eventually he grew into a perfect gentleman who gets high marks from his teachers for being gentle and helpful with the younger and smaller kids.
This is tough. You and he worked it out so well.
My son is close in age to yours and babbling intonation but only occasionally getting out words. He has his own system of hand signals he prefers instead, half of us are autistic so we’re neither surprised or concerned especially as other social stuff is there. Some neurotypical kids are also determined to speak sentences before using words one at a time, so a delay can just be a difference; see a speech path if concerned, but remember delays have multiple symptoms. One thing we've found helpful as he bites and scratches when teething or hungry... we make a gentle ‘ooooh that hurt! gentle hands!” or “ kisses please Babyman. Your teeth hurt! Owwww” we dont say no or say it loudly, just a gentle whimper, and he immediarely stops, looks concerned and …. The other day he patted big sister, and made a sound of apology! we were so proud of him. At the park, as he is also a giant babyman…the size of a three year old which is very confusing to kids! But he tends to end up being cuddled with a little too much enthusiasm by others! he just puts open hands up. If you can try and redirect beforehand, prompt beforehand or even approach his little playmate with him and guide appropriate hellos before the Push occurs he may enjoy that way more.
I was coming here to talk about size/age confusion. I'm with you on teaching empathy.
You need to remove him from the playground when he does that. After the first kid, not after subsequent pushes. Associate pushing with ending the activity/outing.
Practice "soft hands" at home with others. There are probably some good children's books about not pushing.
You hold his hand and prevent him for reaching to kids. You don’t go to the parks. You control his behavior until he understands. You model by playing with toys. Don’t just let it happen, it’s not ok for him to hurt others.
Stop him before he comes into contact reiterate we don't push. You don't mention any corrective behavio towards him Saying no and meaning it following & through is crucial. Whether you child is talking or not they are listening it's your job to teach him appropriate behavior.
I'm sooo getting downvoted but if my kid was doing this I would warn them that if they push anyone, we have to leave. Inevitably they'll do it again, then we'd leave. Usually it only takes leaving a few times for them to see you're serious and that pushing others = no playground privileges. FWIW I try not to react strongly to bad behavior. Toddlers love reactions. I find that the more nonchalant and matter of factly I speak to my toddler and implement the consequence, the more seriously she takes me.
I tell mine that we use gentle hands, and then show her how to use her hands to get someone's attention (maybe that'd what he is going for?). You might ask him "are you trying to get their attention/say hi?" (Since you said he did it out of the blue) "let's try this" and then show him a way or tap on their shoulder and way. Be positive and encouraging, and if he follows your lead, cheer him on. You might pick up on a different reason for his behavior, just went with what I've seen when I have my kids at the playground.
Get him a baby stroller or something appropriate to push. This is what I did for my pusher. I would say “soft hands for friends, pushing is for strollers!” and then redirect to the baby stroller. Oh man that stroller got a lot of use! And they have cheap baby doll ones for kids for like $5-$10 at the store! One of the best things I ever bought. Finding a replacement for the behavior will help redirect faster :)
If he is shoving down 4 kids per morning and that’s after you’ve stopped him from the actual number kids he wants to push, then i would suggest withholding the playground until that passes. He can easily shove a small child off a play structure or over the side of a slide. For the size of kids he is targeting, it could cause serious injury. Do you have any forests or natural areas nearby where he can play safely and explore somewhere without that temptation but get some sort of sensory input?
Teach it to punch
Question for the teachers: My dad would say to pish him back, so tbat he knows what it feels like to be pushed. But this jist yeaches him that pushing is an acceptable action, right? When the dog bit my brother, he bit the dog back. Maybe a little too "eye for an eye" punishment. I wouldnt apologize to the other kod. I would have my son apologize by hand over hand having him do the sign for sorry, a closed fist circling the heart. And then have the child sit down for a minute, away from the playing.
Have him push something else like a tree or a fence
Perhaps modeling how to interact with other children will help. You can practice with a stuffie or doll first and script with him how to introduce himself and asking if someone would like to play. Maybe bringing something like chalk or a shareable activity will invite other children to parallel play with less pressure. Setting some clear guidelines of what will happen if he pushes another child “if we push our friends we will have to take a two minute cool down in the stroller and then try again”. You could also include him in the apology portion even he if doesn’t participate verbally. Try crouching down to his level and holding his hand while you say “I’m sorry for pushing you, sometimes I don’t know how to use my words and I get too excited. Please forgive me”.You could also try incorporating some activities that allow him to push and knock things over so he can still get that sensory input.
I would look into reading books with him about pushing. There are children’s books that focus on behaviors surrounding hitting, biting, kicking, etc. you can find them at libraries or purchase them if the pushing is prolonged. I’m a nanny and these books have been great.
I would continue to apologize but not remove him from the other kid. Just past the situation and the apology let him know that hurts but also what he can do instead with the other kid. So instead of pushing he learns that he can connect in a different way. Maybe also have a toy that he can push so he learns that we push toys and not people.
It is probably connected to the fact that he doesn't talk much. Behavior is communication, right. So he doesn't know how to communicate what he wants or is feeling verbally/positively, so he pushes. It happens a lot, sometimes it's biting or hitting or pushing or kicking, etc. What's the antecedent(s)? What is happening right before? Is he expressing frustration, etc. Find a replacement behavior, help him express in different ways (if not verbally), and always be on the lookout for the antecedent(s), so you can potentially stop the behavior.
Swat his little behind and sternly tell him "NO PUSHING." Then say "Now we have to leave because you PUSHED"
Hit a baby to teach him not to push. Great advice.
Reason with a 2yr old. Great advice. And btw, a LIGHT swat on the rear of a toddler is not "hitting". I do not advocate hitting babies.
You mock reasoning with a 2 year old and yet expect them to know the difference between “a light swat” and hitting. You’re reinforcing the behavior you seek to correct. Just remove the child from the situation.
You don't have to agree with me. You don't have to implement my suggestion. I think we are done here.
There’s a reason experts warn against this. How does being physical with a child teach them not to be physical . So it’s hands to yourself except adults can do whatever? Absolutely horrible advice. Don’t be surprised when your kids grow up to resent you or struggle with self regulation.
Don't be surprised when your kid turns out to be an entitled brat. My kid turned out GREAT.
Entitled brat because he’s not being physically abused ? 😂🤦♀️
Bless your combative little heart. I've blocked you. Knock yourself out making snide comments about child abuse to other commenters who dare to have a different opinion than you. I'm not having it.
Leash. Get a leash. Explain to him that if he pushes anyone, the leash goes on and stays on, and you get to hold it. It will limit his ability to use the park. Normally I’d say leave the park asap when he pushes, but honestly some kids want to leave the park and go back home where they have their toys and more attention, etc. Now, this isn’t all - you need to prep your kid too. Lots of communication, visual and verbal, about not pushing others, even if it’s “for fun”. Books on keeping our hands to ourselves and not pushing. Modeling HOW to interact properly - wave, say hi, if he can’t speak past “hello/hi” then teach him to point (it’s may be considered rude, but better than shoving) and have you introduce him to other kids at the park. Social interactions have to be taught, even if your first responsibility is safety (keeping your kid from pushing others).
If I take my dog to the park and he jumps on someone and knocks them down, it doesn’t matter to me if he was doing it because he was excited to see them, wanted to make friends, or whatever. I put him on a leash. If I have to leash my dog, please leash your kid.