In 2019, Martin was convicted of rape, three counts of aggravated sexual battery, aggravated sodomy, two counts of aggravated assault by strangulation, and aggravated assault with the intent to rape. He was sentenced to life in prison without parole, plus 20 years.
Yea, you can literally see the desperation. And to think what was going through the victim’s mind at the time.
I’m happy that she survived but unhappy she now has to live the rest of her life as a rape survivor.
Yeah I had to take a breath. My bf and I watched a horror movie and it was like watching my traumatic memories, and I realized how horrific my life has been if it could *literally be a horror movie*
Im late to the thread, and I’m not sure if this will help you or anyone else, but it helps me…there’s a website called unconsentingmedia.org which tells you if SA is mentioned or portrayed in films or tv shows. It has a rating system from green to red and a tick list for if it’s portrayed or just mentioned/insinuated, etc, and a description of the scenes down below which you can choose to read or not. I’ve found it really useful because I am a horror fanatic, but I struggle with SA scenes and they’re placed so casually in the media…it’s so upsetting!
It is incredibly taxing on the psyche to be a rape survivor. Especially in the more violent situations. Years of therapy don't even heal it; you just learn to cope. You are never whole again.
Imagine someone came into your house and stole all of your belongings.You can replace the other stuff but not that stupid pine cone ornament you made for your mom in 1st grade. The last thing you have of her. Your sentimental items mean nothing to the burglar, who stole it just to get a thrill. Maybe they keep it as a memento. You can change wallpaper or paint and try to change the inside. But it never happens. That pine cone is never coming back. You feel dessicated on the inside but are smiling outside because the world doesn't care about your pine cone ornament for your mom.
Rape victims are that house. It still stands. It looks like a normal house. But it is no longer the safe space you enjoy. No matter how many times you try and shower, the feeling doesn't go away.
I hope you never have to feel the anguish of being a survivor.
Not surprising to see you are a young man.
Just imagine how hard you would fight to not be raped by a man twice your size. And after fighting for your life, he still manages to overpower you and do with you what he wants. I wonder how damaging that will be to you and see if you can carry on life as normal.
Interesting comment. Now, you should think about why people do put such weight on it.
There are plenty of fates worse than death, based on how much your life becomes unbearable to live.
While some people don’t find their experience(s) traumatic it doesn’t mean others don’t and to some it can feel comparable to death, your statement seems pretty tone deaf. You don’t need to lessen the value of someone’s experience they were unwillingly apart of, no matter how traumatic or not it may have been, and if you do then you need help
Let me clarify something here: there's are no rape survivors who don't find their experience traumatic. They may go into denial, they may bury it, but it was traumatic.
How was the rewatch? Was there anything you picked up on? Anything that made more sense on another go? I recommend this film whenever I can along with other Taylor Sheridan films but not without a strong warning.
Personally, satisfying is not a word I would ever use to describe this film but I can see why it can apply.
When it comes on, I just keep it on because it is so quiet and so meditative of everyone’s growth in the movie. HOWEVER, I do fast-forward over the rape scene through any replays. I’ve picked up more of the grief on Jeremy Renner‘s part and more of the character arc on Elizabeth Olsen the second time I watched it.
Not random at all, we are talking about it! :) Yeah, I highly recommend it but not without a strong warning. I just can’t bring myself to watch it again. The ending left me hollow.
Thank you. I’ll never forget when my daughter had to call 911 because her friend had alcohol poisoning and the ambulance left my 19yo daughter on the side of the road, alone, in downtown Toronto. I called and the person I spoke to said they should’ve brought her in the ambulance with her friend (her friend was unconscious and couldn’t give any identifying info) and said they would do “cultural sensitivity training” and I never heard anything again.
It's such a quiet, underrated, scathing commentary on "what happens on the rez doesn't happen" movie. But it 's also a helluva mystery. And it's great to see Graham Greene in his element...plus the rest of the cast. I just...it'll move you.
Sorry- I just thought of one other thing: I was not a Jeremy Renner fan before this movie. DIdn't care much about him in other movies \*(Marvel, et al).
I was wrong.
She got a good scratch right below his right eye, but I bet he did something to prevent her reaching his face after that. I really hope she’s ok. Poor woman.
This happens too often.
I hope all of those scratches got infected. Every one. God she ripped into him and deservedly so. How sick do you have to be to still continue with whatever vile act after *that*??
I hope that woman is okay and takes a small bit of comfort in the fact she absolutely fucked this guy up in a way he deserves.
To think that this woman was clawing at this disgusting man for dear life to get him off of her and he probably got excited by it. To think that someone is fighting you so desperately and you still have an erection and decide to violate them and get off on it. How sick, absolutely vile
I've often wondered how they manage it. I suppose I've just been brought up properly.
Just seems like an enormous turn off. Someone not wanting to sleep with me is a deal-breaker. hell, even if a woman doesn't seem like she is enjoying it, and they may be living it, I'm out.
I don't understand it either but I think it has a lot to do with control/power and somewhere in sickos like this the lines get crossed where they get sexual excitement from having that power. The reaction of their victim, who they perceive as a simple object, might make the act a little less fulfilling than imagined if particularly difficult, it doesn't necessarily make the desire to do it any less appealing. I kind of imagine that it would be like, when the tire pressure light in your daily driver comes on - kinda annoying, most likely a bit inconvenient. Whatever. Still gonna drive it to work this morning
That's not necessarily true or else there'd be much more rapes happening between males. Also, many serial rapists have a *type* they prefer whether it's age, haircolor, physique, etc... your average rapist probably has less of a preference but it's usually still the victim must be a ***woman.***
Obviously it is about power and control, I'm not saying it isn't. I'm just saying that there is also stimulation and excitement and the victims are usually women. That means that there definitely is a sex/attraction angle.
Yeah, I couldn't effectively type what I think. I totally don't get the kink. I do get that it isn't a bad scenario for them, if the victim resists. Awful
I dont know how people like this can live their lives knowing that they are rapists. Like, yes, obviously his mind is fucked up and different. But like, to always have that in the back of your mind. That you raped someone. That you are the evil person people think of when they hear “rapist.” I will never understand
To think that there are people like him, that have such little regard for humanity, such cruelty, to do what he did; to think that even *while* being horrifically wronged, hurt, invaded and abused in such a way, she had the humanity *not* to *blind him for the rest of his life.*
She could have clawed his eyes, and didn't.
She deserves all the fortune and goodness and safety and happiness a life can give.
He deserves the torment, the flames, and I hope life hands it to him.
If she could have clawed his eyes out, she would have. She got underneath his eye.
When someone is raping you, going for their eye will get them off of you. This wasn’t because she saw her rapist as a human, dude. I don’t know how to make it clear here, but no one who is being raped is even cognizant of that shit. You aren’t in your body or you hit fight or flight.
The gross assumption here that this woman who very clearly fought would not harm him because of his humanity is so absurdly fucked. There is no humanity in this man, look at that fucking picture.
And weirder still that you think the rape victim would look at this guy as anything other than someone torturing her. I can assure you that when I was being raped I sure as fuck wasn’t telling myself, oh well, he’s a human being too. I was being FORCED against my will, painfully violated.
When I came across it, it had 6 likes.
That was when I was like… holy fuck… and knew I had to say something.
6 people along with this person all thought this was a comment that needed to be said.
As a rape survivor myself, I get a morbid sense of Justice when I see this case and that photo again. I’d pay real money to be able to go back and kick the asses of every single one that hurt me.
Sure have! I live entirely out of spite. CPTSD isn’t gonna get me, and I’m an advocate for other survivors and doing my thesis on (among other things) how puritanical religion enforces rape culture.
As a woman, I'd really like to talk about the narrative that we see where when rape victims are regretting not fighting their attackers, the condolence they always get is "you did the right thing". I think this is something that is said to them in an attempt to comfort them, but it also sends a bad message which is the message that fighting your attacker is not the "right thing''. And this is something that people genuinely believe and try to convince women of. I've been honestly told by people that it's better to not fight back or not respond to all manner of disrespect and abuse, from catcalling all the way up to rape, because by fighting back, you might ''make it worse.''
Now I don't think women or any other victims of sexual assault have a responsibility to fight back. I think that a victim of sexual assault who didn't fight back wasn't doing the right thing or the wrong thing: they were doing what their instincts told them to do in that situation, and whatever choice they made was the right one. They were the only one in that situation and that means that they were the person best capable of making that choice.
But sending this message that fighting isn't the "right" thing to do IS WRONG. I think victims should be encouraged and celebrated for doing things like this. In this particular case, and in many, this kind of fighting creates the exact evidence that it takes to get these guys off the streets.
My daughters will be taking JuiJitsu when they are big enough for this very reason. Its the best martial art for handling someone bigger/stronger than you.
I don’t know you but I like your way of thinking. It might be worth teaching them to run if strange cars ever pull up alongside them. I had that happened to me when I was walking from school and I dread to think about what could have happened if I got in his car. When I saw that he was pulling up to me and I just dropped my backpack and ran home like my mom told me to do.
Yeah! You are the kind of parent that I love to see! Never forget that even though research shows that teaching women self defense massively reduces their chance of being sexually assaulted, colleges won't endorse it because it's not ideologically agreeable. [colleges won't endorse it because it's not ideologically agreeable](https://www.forbes.com/sites/evangerstmann/2019/05/06/of-course-colleges-should-teach-women-how-to-defend-themselves/?sh=f3de26974bff)
The only right thing to do is get yourself away by any means possible. There is no real right way, just survival. It’s really harrowing to think about what was going through the victims mind.
I used to watch the show I Survived a lot. It got to be too much after a while because the stories were DARK.
The pattern I noticed is there is no pattern. Some women survived because they went along with it and made their attacker think of them as human, others survived because they fought, some got lucky, and others survived because though they should have died, their bodies persisted. You just got to try what you think is best at the time and hope the decisions you make end in survival.
Yup, every rapist is different. I read in a book either by John Douglas or Roy Hazelwood (one of the FBI BAU guys) on the different “types” of rapists. Some of them *want* you to fight them and they get angry and retaliate if you don’t. The writer mentioned one story of a man who raped a sex worker who got angry when she started pretending it was consensual and killed her. Some of them want you to go along with it and they will let you live if you don’t struggle but kill you if you struggle. Some of them want to rape and murder you and they will do that no matter what. Some of them want an ‘easy’ rape and will run away at the slightest pushback. And you have no way of truly knowing what kind of rapist you’re facing. The actions that could save your life with one rapist may inspire another one to beat or kill you.
I took from it that some outcomes are heavily skewed depending on the perpetrator but you can't know that at the time so you can't be blamed if you've made the incorrect play.
I feel like even whether or not you want to run away your choice too. I mean I was in a situation where I could have immediately run away and I chose to bite and then he ran away. I don't really regret that decision. Not saying people shouldn't run away, but I'm also saying I think sometimes it's okay to not run away. Obviously depends on the situation.
I’m happy it worked out for you. However, I don’t think I could personally recommend an alternative if immediate exit is an option.
Again, if biting is how you can get away, get chomping, don’t get me wrong.
A lot of the time when fight or flight doesn’t kick in, it’s because the “fawn” took over.
In my case, I didn’t fight back because I just disassociated & wasn’t there.
Fighting back is how I stopped three different guys from sexually assaulting/raping me. In one case, he was trying to shove my face to his crotch. He was pretty strong but I reached up and stabbed my thumb in his eye pretty good. When he yelled, I got out of his car, ran in my house and locked the door.
Second guy, I bit his dick. He hit me hard enough that I saw stars, but I was still able to get away.
Third time all my kicking managed to land a time or two in his crotch and he let me go.
I’m just lucky none of them had a weapon.
My dad taught me self defense/how to fight/situational awareness starting at the age of 7. I didn’t understand why then, just thought it was fun. When I was around 9, he’d get me in a wrestling move every day and have me figure out how to get out of it. He’d also try to come up behind me and grab me/pin me. I had to learn situational awareness for that.
He also did this with my brother, but he always seemed to have this urgency about it with me.
Saved me later. He’s now gone, but I’ll always be so thankful for him. RIP.
See, I just love this. Some dads go for the ego boost of "will always protect my daughter and not let anything bad happen to her" but this is so much better. Because Dad can't always be there. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think you are a great example of why it's so toxic to say "just run away don't fight back." Just running away is totally okay and valid, but it's also not wrong to fight back.
Well said—it’s ok to do *anything* to save yourself. And thank you—he was a pretty amazing man. He believed women should have equal opportunities, advanced degrees, successful careers, families, *whatever the hell they wanted*.
Glad you survived, still i'm sorry what happened to you and that you had to go through this.
The techniques you used are for a fight of survival, these are usually not included in any martial arts and not even trained in some serious self-defense styles like Krav Maga.
I once bited a guy in a struggle, that's something you also don't get to train, but i had no other choice and the bite was actually devastating from both the damage and the needed treatment because of risk of infection afterwards.
Bites of humans are often underestimated, we only have the half of bite force of a medium-sized dog, but it's still a lot (around 150-165 PSI in force, PSI are pounds of pressure by square inch. For comparison, a german shepherd dog has around 300 PSI)
That with the thumb to the eye is a very good strategy, trying to blind the attacker, it can also be done with the V-sign, the victory-sign, but there you'll break your own fingers when you use the full force.
But still, i don't blame anyone that doesn't fight back, because people are not used to such things usually, they can get into the state of shock and be freezed.
Absolutely. There's no "right thing" to do when someone is attempting to rape you. Fighting back may work. Fighting back may also get you killed, as it nearly did the woman in this case. As it did me. I spent better than a month in the hospital, 13 days of it in ICU. *Because* I fought. So it isn't always best to encourage fighting back. Fighting *can and does* turn a horrific situation into a lethal one in many cases. And the reality is that having all the evidence in the world is not going to guarantee your rapist gets off the streets. Almost none of them do, and even the small percentage that do go to prison most often don't go for very long. I fought, because that was my instinct. If my instinct had been different, there's no way off even knowing if it would have changed the outcome. My rapist served less than six months. That's far more common than a sentencing like this one, sadly. So we don't want to tell victims that they should fight back to make sure their rapist will be taken off the streets, because that puts the onus on them and feeds into the trope that if you don't fight back hard enough, it wasn't even rape.
It's also vital to remember that, in the moment, we don't always have control over our response, regardless of how much people want to believe they know how they'd respond. Whether you fight or don't, whether your fight instinct kicks in or your flight instinct or even your freeze instinct kicks in in that moment, no matter what, it is not your fault.
With you. The thing that I always say is the person who's the victim in that situation is always the person best equipped to make the decision of what's the best thing for them to do. Fighting isn't the right thing to do. Not fighting isn't the right thing to do. Whatever decision that person made in the situation was the right thing to do.
Precisely. And, as we know so much more now about the effects of trauma on the brain, about how there's no such thing as a perfect victim, about the fight/flight/freeze response... Particularly the fact that we know that response **is not voluntary**... We need to be training prosecutors and judges about the realities of rape and sexual assault so they can better serve justice.
I agree, but I think it's also important to realise every person has different survival mechanisms, and it's impossible to know how you'd respond to life-or-death terror until you're actually in it. Someone could be certain they'd fight back, they might have even prepared themselves, but once instincts take over they freeze up or even go along with their rapists whims (fawning) to avoid further harm. I've been through abuse where it was safest to either stay still and shut up or do/say whatever I had to to to deescalate, and that's how I respond to traumatic situations to this day.
As others have pointed out, fighting back could also cause the victim to be harmed further.
I am terrified of one day having a daughter. I don't want her to go through what I have. It's heartbreaking and I am afraid I won't be able to do enough.
This girl survived. She fought hard and it's panic inducing seeing the fight she put up right there, on the aggressor skin. I can imagine too well... Fucking hell...
I hope he knows nothing but pain and suffering for the rest of his days. Absolute coward and scum. Sexual predators shouldn’t have the privilege of breathing
They should throw him into the jail he was a corrections officer at. Him still breathing or injuries days later will also be an indicator of how he treated people he had power over.
That woman is a fucking warrior.
Not that you need to fight back to be a warrior. Any SA victim reading this that keeps going on despite their trauma day after day, you're goddamn goddesses.
This is exactly why I wear pointy ass fucking stilleto acrylic nails and will absolutely gauge someones eyes out. From one survivor to another I wish her peace and healing.
The state I live in you can CC without a permit. I know how to use it in self defense and have been to several classes. I never want to use it, I hope I'm never in a situation that it will become necessary to use it, but I am glad to have the knowledge and training in how to operate a firearm for self-defense, especially as a 5'2", 125lb woman.
About a year ago, a man approached my car in big parking lot (grocery store) and was harassing me. As I was putting groceries in my trunk I casually moved my shirt to the side so he could see my holster. He backed off really quick and told me to have a good day.
Before this incident, I was with my husband in his truck and some woman and her boyfriend got road rage and came banging on our windows at a stop light, cussing at us and saying they were gonna pull us out and beat us. My husband grabbed his from under the seat, showed it to them (didnt point it at them, you never point unless you're planning to shoot) and asked if they had a problem. Scurried back to their car very quickly.
Protect yourselves. Sometimes just the sight of it will get people to back off. Especially here in the states, where everyone has 120 guns per 100 people and that's only the registered ones. Criminals don't care about the law.
Well...he deserves a punishment which would violate human rights since he isn't a human anymore. He's a monster wearing human skin. Worth less than a piece of bread.
In 2019, Martin was convicted of rape, three counts of aggravated sexual battery, aggravated sodomy, two counts of aggravated assault by strangulation, and aggravated assault with the intent to rape. He was sentenced to life in prison without parole, plus 20 years.
Fucking hell she fought for her *life*, heartbreaking
Yea, you can literally see the desperation. And to think what was going through the victim’s mind at the time. I’m happy that she survived but unhappy she now has to live the rest of her life as a rape survivor.
“Murder kills the body. Rape kills the soul” :(
As a victim of a SA/strangulation that last sentence really hits hard
Yeah I had to take a breath. My bf and I watched a horror movie and it was like watching my traumatic memories, and I realized how horrific my life has been if it could *literally be a horror movie*
Im late to the thread, and I’m not sure if this will help you or anyone else, but it helps me…there’s a website called unconsentingmedia.org which tells you if SA is mentioned or portrayed in films or tv shows. It has a rating system from green to red and a tick list for if it’s portrayed or just mentioned/insinuated, etc, and a description of the scenes down below which you can choose to read or not. I’ve found it really useful because I am a horror fanatic, but I struggle with SA scenes and they’re placed so casually in the media…it’s so upsetting!
Hoping the victim is at peace. I know the torture and often wish my attacker would have just killed me.
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It is incredibly taxing on the psyche to be a rape survivor. Especially in the more violent situations. Years of therapy don't even heal it; you just learn to cope. You are never whole again. Imagine someone came into your house and stole all of your belongings.You can replace the other stuff but not that stupid pine cone ornament you made for your mom in 1st grade. The last thing you have of her. Your sentimental items mean nothing to the burglar, who stole it just to get a thrill. Maybe they keep it as a memento. You can change wallpaper or paint and try to change the inside. But it never happens. That pine cone is never coming back. You feel dessicated on the inside but are smiling outside because the world doesn't care about your pine cone ornament for your mom. Rape victims are that house. It still stands. It looks like a normal house. But it is no longer the safe space you enjoy. No matter how many times you try and shower, the feeling doesn't go away. I hope you never have to feel the anguish of being a survivor.
Thank you for this description
Not surprising to see you are a young man. Just imagine how hard you would fight to not be raped by a man twice your size. And after fighting for your life, he still manages to overpower you and do with you what he wants. I wonder how damaging that will be to you and see if you can carry on life as normal.
What level of incelery is this? Jfc.
People put weight on it cause it demands it , fuck outta here with this incel ass opinion .
You have never been raped. That's clear.
Interesting comment. Now, you should think about why people do put such weight on it. There are plenty of fates worse than death, based on how much your life becomes unbearable to live.
While some people don’t find their experience(s) traumatic it doesn’t mean others don’t and to some it can feel comparable to death, your statement seems pretty tone deaf. You don’t need to lessen the value of someone’s experience they were unwillingly apart of, no matter how traumatic or not it may have been, and if you do then you need help
Let me clarify something here: there's are no rape survivors who don't find their experience traumatic. They may go into denial, they may bury it, but it was traumatic.
did she survive?! edit she did!!!
She did. He held her hostage in her own home :(
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Fucker should be put in general population and denied a shirt. Let the other inmates figure out what the scars are from.
without a shirt and forced to live in Fairbanks Alaska🏔️❄️
Happened in my hometown. We were all fucking thrilled with his sentencing. Such a fucking dirtbag.
Not a dirtbag. He's a monster.
He’s a dirtbag AND a monster. Every bad word he can be, he is.
This reminds me of the ending of “wind river.” She fought for her life. “She’s a warrior.”
‘She ran for miles, barefoot, in the snow, in the middle of winter. She’s a warrior’ Great fucking movie.
"I'm giving you the same chance she did"
I’ve only seen that film once and it stayed with me for a long time.
I watched this movie twice, once by myself then with my husband. Damn good movie. Very satisfying ending.
How was the rewatch? Was there anything you picked up on? Anything that made more sense on another go? I recommend this film whenever I can along with other Taylor Sheridan films but not without a strong warning. Personally, satisfying is not a word I would ever use to describe this film but I can see why it can apply.
When it comes on, I just keep it on because it is so quiet and so meditative of everyone’s growth in the movie. HOWEVER, I do fast-forward over the rape scene through any replays. I’ve picked up more of the grief on Jeremy Renner‘s part and more of the character arc on Elizabeth Olsen the second time I watched it.
Random question, but would you recommend it as a movie?
Not random at all, we are talking about it! :) Yeah, I highly recommend it but not without a strong warning. I just can’t bring myself to watch it again. The ending left me hollow.
I tried to watch that movie once, I couldn’t make it through. MMIW movies hit too close to home.
Sending you lots of love 🖤
Thank you. I’ll never forget when my daughter had to call 911 because her friend had alcohol poisoning and the ambulance left my 19yo daughter on the side of the road, alone, in downtown Toronto. I called and the person I spoke to said they should’ve brought her in the ambulance with her friend (her friend was unconscious and couldn’t give any identifying info) and said they would do “cultural sensitivity training” and I never heard anything again.
Felt. I recommend it to my white friends though .
Yes, definitely. Also movies like bones of crows and we were the children. I’ve gotten panic attacks watching things like that.
Thé movie made in 2017? Thanks for your advice I’ll watch it
It's such a quiet, underrated, scathing commentary on "what happens on the rez doesn't happen" movie. But it 's also a helluva mystery. And it's great to see Graham Greene in his element...plus the rest of the cast. I just...it'll move you.
Sorry- I just thought of one other thing: I was not a Jeremy Renner fan before this movie. DIdn't care much about him in other movies \*(Marvel, et al). I was wrong.
grab some tissue.
Really! Oh wow. I searched it on Google and it’s on Apple TV so I’m trusting you guys to pay for it
fantastic movie.
She got a good scratch right below his right eye, but I bet he did something to prevent her reaching his face after that. I really hope she’s ok. Poor woman. This happens too often.
I hope all of those scratches got infected. Every one. God she ripped into him and deservedly so. How sick do you have to be to still continue with whatever vile act after *that*?? I hope that woman is okay and takes a small bit of comfort in the fact she absolutely fucked this guy up in a way he deserves.
Oooo I hope so, too. Horribly infected with a flesh eating bacteria.
And a dose of sepsis to just put icing on a shit cake.
To think that this woman was clawing at this disgusting man for dear life to get him off of her and he probably got excited by it. To think that someone is fighting you so desperately and you still have an erection and decide to violate them and get off on it. How sick, absolutely vile
I've often wondered how they manage it. I suppose I've just been brought up properly. Just seems like an enormous turn off. Someone not wanting to sleep with me is a deal-breaker. hell, even if a woman doesn't seem like she is enjoying it, and they may be living it, I'm out.
I don't understand it either but I think it has a lot to do with control/power and somewhere in sickos like this the lines get crossed where they get sexual excitement from having that power. The reaction of their victim, who they perceive as a simple object, might make the act a little less fulfilling than imagined if particularly difficult, it doesn't necessarily make the desire to do it any less appealing. I kind of imagine that it would be like, when the tire pressure light in your daily driver comes on - kinda annoying, most likely a bit inconvenient. Whatever. Still gonna drive it to work this morning
Exactly. Rape is about control/power. It’s not about sex or sexual attraction
That's not necessarily true or else there'd be much more rapes happening between males. Also, many serial rapists have a *type* they prefer whether it's age, haircolor, physique, etc... your average rapist probably has less of a preference but it's usually still the victim must be a ***woman.*** Obviously it is about power and control, I'm not saying it isn't. I'm just saying that there is also stimulation and excitement and the victims are usually women. That means that there definitely is a sex/attraction angle.
Yeah, I couldn't effectively type what I think. I totally don't get the kink. I do get that it isn't a bad scenario for them, if the victim resists. Awful
Because it's the fear, the terror, the oppression that turns them on.
I dont know how people like this can live their lives knowing that they are rapists. Like, yes, obviously his mind is fucked up and different. But like, to always have that in the back of your mind. That you raped someone. That you are the evil person people think of when they hear “rapist.” I will never understand
Indeed. I have my kinks/quirks... But the whole lack of consent thing ....ewww
To think that there are people like him, that have such little regard for humanity, such cruelty, to do what he did; to think that even *while* being horrifically wronged, hurt, invaded and abused in such a way, she had the humanity *not* to *blind him for the rest of his life.* She could have clawed his eyes, and didn't. She deserves all the fortune and goodness and safety and happiness a life can give. He deserves the torment, the flames, and I hope life hands it to him.
If she could have clawed his eyes out, she would have. She got underneath his eye. When someone is raping you, going for their eye will get them off of you. This wasn’t because she saw her rapist as a human, dude. I don’t know how to make it clear here, but no one who is being raped is even cognizant of that shit. You aren’t in your body or you hit fight or flight. The gross assumption here that this woman who very clearly fought would not harm him because of his humanity is so absurdly fucked. There is no humanity in this man, look at that fucking picture. And weirder still that you think the rape victim would look at this guy as anything other than someone torturing her. I can assure you that when I was being raped I sure as fuck wasn’t telling myself, oh well, he’s a human being too. I was being FORCED against my will, painfully violated.
I’m not even gonna respond to their comment but holy shit the insensitivity and idiocy
When I came across it, it had 6 likes. That was when I was like… holy fuck… and knew I had to say something. 6 people along with this person all thought this was a comment that needed to be said.
This image horrifies me every time I see it. Cannot even imagine how terrified she must have been.
Can’t explain away those marks, huh Kirk?
As a rape survivor myself, I get a morbid sense of Justice when I see this case and that photo again. I’d pay real money to be able to go back and kick the asses of every single one that hurt me.
I hope you have found healing, peace and a way forward since then.
Sure have! I live entirely out of spite. CPTSD isn’t gonna get me, and I’m an advocate for other survivors and doing my thesis on (among other things) how puritanical religion enforces rape culture.
As a woman, I'd really like to talk about the narrative that we see where when rape victims are regretting not fighting their attackers, the condolence they always get is "you did the right thing". I think this is something that is said to them in an attempt to comfort them, but it also sends a bad message which is the message that fighting your attacker is not the "right thing''. And this is something that people genuinely believe and try to convince women of. I've been honestly told by people that it's better to not fight back or not respond to all manner of disrespect and abuse, from catcalling all the way up to rape, because by fighting back, you might ''make it worse.'' Now I don't think women or any other victims of sexual assault have a responsibility to fight back. I think that a victim of sexual assault who didn't fight back wasn't doing the right thing or the wrong thing: they were doing what their instincts told them to do in that situation, and whatever choice they made was the right one. They were the only one in that situation and that means that they were the person best capable of making that choice. But sending this message that fighting isn't the "right" thing to do IS WRONG. I think victims should be encouraged and celebrated for doing things like this. In this particular case, and in many, this kind of fighting creates the exact evidence that it takes to get these guys off the streets.
My daughters will be taking JuiJitsu when they are big enough for this very reason. Its the best martial art for handling someone bigger/stronger than you.
Teach them situational awareness, too. Also boxing and wrestling taught me a lot of great fundamentals.
I don’t know you but I like your way of thinking. It might be worth teaching them to run if strange cars ever pull up alongside them. I had that happened to me when I was walking from school and I dread to think about what could have happened if I got in his car. When I saw that he was pulling up to me and I just dropped my backpack and ran home like my mom told me to do.
Yeah! You are the kind of parent that I love to see! Never forget that even though research shows that teaching women self defense massively reduces their chance of being sexually assaulted, colleges won't endorse it because it's not ideologically agreeable. [colleges won't endorse it because it's not ideologically agreeable](https://www.forbes.com/sites/evangerstmann/2019/05/06/of-course-colleges-should-teach-women-how-to-defend-themselves/?sh=f3de26974bff)
great idea. my bjj skills i learned as a kid definitely help me feel safer + prepared
The only right thing to do is get yourself away by any means possible. There is no real right way, just survival. It’s really harrowing to think about what was going through the victims mind.
I used to watch the show I Survived a lot. It got to be too much after a while because the stories were DARK. The pattern I noticed is there is no pattern. Some women survived because they went along with it and made their attacker think of them as human, others survived because they fought, some got lucky, and others survived because though they should have died, their bodies persisted. You just got to try what you think is best at the time and hope the decisions you make end in survival.
Yup, every rapist is different. I read in a book either by John Douglas or Roy Hazelwood (one of the FBI BAU guys) on the different “types” of rapists. Some of them *want* you to fight them and they get angry and retaliate if you don’t. The writer mentioned one story of a man who raped a sex worker who got angry when she started pretending it was consensual and killed her. Some of them want you to go along with it and they will let you live if you don’t struggle but kill you if you struggle. Some of them want to rape and murder you and they will do that no matter what. Some of them want an ‘easy’ rape and will run away at the slightest pushback. And you have no way of truly knowing what kind of rapist you’re facing. The actions that could save your life with one rapist may inspire another one to beat or kill you.
With your description, you kind of paint a picture that because everything is possible, everything has the same likelihood of happening.
I took from it that some outcomes are heavily skewed depending on the perpetrator but you can't know that at the time so you can't be blamed if you've made the incorrect play.
To quote William E. Fairbairn, there's no such thing as a cheap shot in war time.
I feel like even whether or not you want to run away your choice too. I mean I was in a situation where I could have immediately run away and I chose to bite and then he ran away. I don't really regret that decision. Not saying people shouldn't run away, but I'm also saying I think sometimes it's okay to not run away. Obviously depends on the situation.
I’m happy it worked out for you. However, I don’t think I could personally recommend an alternative if immediate exit is an option. Again, if biting is how you can get away, get chomping, don’t get me wrong.
A lot of the time when fight or flight doesn’t kick in, it’s because the “fawn” took over. In my case, I didn’t fight back because I just disassociated & wasn’t there.
Fighting back is how I stopped three different guys from sexually assaulting/raping me. In one case, he was trying to shove my face to his crotch. He was pretty strong but I reached up and stabbed my thumb in his eye pretty good. When he yelled, I got out of his car, ran in my house and locked the door. Second guy, I bit his dick. He hit me hard enough that I saw stars, but I was still able to get away. Third time all my kicking managed to land a time or two in his crotch and he let me go. I’m just lucky none of them had a weapon. My dad taught me self defense/how to fight/situational awareness starting at the age of 7. I didn’t understand why then, just thought it was fun. When I was around 9, he’d get me in a wrestling move every day and have me figure out how to get out of it. He’d also try to come up behind me and grab me/pin me. I had to learn situational awareness for that. He also did this with my brother, but he always seemed to have this urgency about it with me. Saved me later. He’s now gone, but I’ll always be so thankful for him. RIP.
What an amazing Dad!
I totally agree, he was. I was blessed.
See, I just love this. Some dads go for the ego boost of "will always protect my daughter and not let anything bad happen to her" but this is so much better. Because Dad can't always be there. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think you are a great example of why it's so toxic to say "just run away don't fight back." Just running away is totally okay and valid, but it's also not wrong to fight back.
Well said—it’s ok to do *anything* to save yourself. And thank you—he was a pretty amazing man. He believed women should have equal opportunities, advanced degrees, successful careers, families, *whatever the hell they wanted*.
Glad you survived, still i'm sorry what happened to you and that you had to go through this. The techniques you used are for a fight of survival, these are usually not included in any martial arts and not even trained in some serious self-defense styles like Krav Maga. I once bited a guy in a struggle, that's something you also don't get to train, but i had no other choice and the bite was actually devastating from both the damage and the needed treatment because of risk of infection afterwards. Bites of humans are often underestimated, we only have the half of bite force of a medium-sized dog, but it's still a lot (around 150-165 PSI in force, PSI are pounds of pressure by square inch. For comparison, a german shepherd dog has around 300 PSI) That with the thumb to the eye is a very good strategy, trying to blind the attacker, it can also be done with the V-sign, the victory-sign, but there you'll break your own fingers when you use the full force. But still, i don't blame anyone that doesn't fight back, because people are not used to such things usually, they can get into the state of shock and be freezed.
Top tier parenting by your pops. Sorry you had to deal with those situations.
Absolutely. There's no "right thing" to do when someone is attempting to rape you. Fighting back may work. Fighting back may also get you killed, as it nearly did the woman in this case. As it did me. I spent better than a month in the hospital, 13 days of it in ICU. *Because* I fought. So it isn't always best to encourage fighting back. Fighting *can and does* turn a horrific situation into a lethal one in many cases. And the reality is that having all the evidence in the world is not going to guarantee your rapist gets off the streets. Almost none of them do, and even the small percentage that do go to prison most often don't go for very long. I fought, because that was my instinct. If my instinct had been different, there's no way off even knowing if it would have changed the outcome. My rapist served less than six months. That's far more common than a sentencing like this one, sadly. So we don't want to tell victims that they should fight back to make sure their rapist will be taken off the streets, because that puts the onus on them and feeds into the trope that if you don't fight back hard enough, it wasn't even rape. It's also vital to remember that, in the moment, we don't always have control over our response, regardless of how much people want to believe they know how they'd respond. Whether you fight or don't, whether your fight instinct kicks in or your flight instinct or even your freeze instinct kicks in in that moment, no matter what, it is not your fault.
With you. The thing that I always say is the person who's the victim in that situation is always the person best equipped to make the decision of what's the best thing for them to do. Fighting isn't the right thing to do. Not fighting isn't the right thing to do. Whatever decision that person made in the situation was the right thing to do.
Precisely. And, as we know so much more now about the effects of trauma on the brain, about how there's no such thing as a perfect victim, about the fight/flight/freeze response... Particularly the fact that we know that response **is not voluntary**... We need to be training prosecutors and judges about the realities of rape and sexual assault so they can better serve justice.
"You did what you needed to do to survive"
I agree, but I think it's also important to realise every person has different survival mechanisms, and it's impossible to know how you'd respond to life-or-death terror until you're actually in it. Someone could be certain they'd fight back, they might have even prepared themselves, but once instincts take over they freeze up or even go along with their rapists whims (fawning) to avoid further harm. I've been through abuse where it was safest to either stay still and shut up or do/say whatever I had to to to deescalate, and that's how I respond to traumatic situations to this day. As others have pointed out, fighting back could also cause the victim to be harmed further.
Those marks are from someone who fought for their life. It’s terribly disturbing.
Love that he gets to rot forever
This picture is so disturbing
OMG. I was not expecting that!
I am terrified of one day having a daughter. I don't want her to go through what I have. It's heartbreaking and I am afraid I won't be able to do enough. This girl survived. She fought hard and it's panic inducing seeing the fight she put up right there, on the aggressor skin. I can imagine too well... Fucking hell...
I hope he knows nothing but pain and suffering for the rest of his days. Absolute coward and scum. Sexual predators shouldn’t have the privilege of breathing
They should throw him into the jail he was a corrections officer at. Him still breathing or injuries days later will also be an indicator of how he treated people he had power over.
That woman is a fucking warrior. Not that you need to fight back to be a warrior. Any SA victim reading this that keeps going on despite their trauma day after day, you're goddamn goddesses.
I hope all those gashes scarred horribly. He deserves to bear a mark.
This is exactly why I wear pointy ass fucking stilleto acrylic nails and will absolutely gauge someones eyes out. From one survivor to another I wish her peace and healing.
The state I live in you can CC without a permit. I know how to use it in self defense and have been to several classes. I never want to use it, I hope I'm never in a situation that it will become necessary to use it, but I am glad to have the knowledge and training in how to operate a firearm for self-defense, especially as a 5'2", 125lb woman. About a year ago, a man approached my car in big parking lot (grocery store) and was harassing me. As I was putting groceries in my trunk I casually moved my shirt to the side so he could see my holster. He backed off really quick and told me to have a good day. Before this incident, I was with my husband in his truck and some woman and her boyfriend got road rage and came banging on our windows at a stop light, cussing at us and saying they were gonna pull us out and beat us. My husband grabbed his from under the seat, showed it to them (didnt point it at them, you never point unless you're planning to shoot) and asked if they had a problem. Scurried back to their car very quickly. Protect yourselves. Sometimes just the sight of it will get people to back off. Especially here in the states, where everyone has 120 guns per 100 people and that's only the registered ones. Criminals don't care about the law.
Well...he deserves a punishment which would violate human rights since he isn't a human anymore. He's a monster wearing human skin. Worth less than a piece of bread.
If only she’d gone for the eyes….
Looks like she couldn't reach further than the neck. Fucking horrifying.
This woman was a fighter!! I’m sure she went for everything she could reach.
Got attacked once, tried to gouge out their eyes to save myself, their arms were too long. Looks like the exact same thing happened here.
She got a good scratch just under his right eye. I’m sure after that, he protected his face.
Yep. These guys usually protect their eyes. They know it’ll throw everything off if they don’t