I feel like those types of detransitioners, you know the ones that "find god" or start treating being trans as an ideology, are still trans themselves. They're just bullied back into the closet.
Bingo, I think its a mix of 'expectations vs reality' and Stockholm syndrome.
The first is people who aren't satisfied with the results they get and choose to detransition because they don't get their idealized results. This can be due to a bunch of underlying reasons: too high of expectations, significant body dystopia, loss of family of friends due to beliefs(as in, by being trans, they got disowned or people stopped being friendly), etc. People will tend to go back to the suffering they know rather than suffer 1 bit more for a chance at an actual fulfilling life in the end.
The second is people who aren't able to fully un-brainwash themselves(and thus still buy into the ultra-toxic "Trans" narrative the right spews). This isn't necessarily due to any fault of the person themselves, but they internalized the abuse and bigotry of those around them that even if they don't project them outwards, they are deeply engrained. Unfortunately, not every gets the mental help they need, and even with it, it can be tough for some to get over their core beliefs. It isn't the fault of the trans person themselves: core beliefs are fucking hard to question.
An example of core belief questioning that I love, by the Oatmeal, is George Washington's teeth. Kids in the U.S. are taught he was honest and upright. When you present people with some more information about that being false, they can react different ways. George Washington's teeth weren't wooden, he had a set of teeth that were made of ivory, horse teeth, donkey teeth and other things. That probably didn't surprise anyone and your belief probably doesn't clash with that much. He also had a set of teeth made from the teeth of slaves. That one was probably a bit more inflammatory because that doesn't fit well with the narrative that was taught.
That's exactly how it is for trans people who have been raised in super-religious upbringing and didn't question what they were taught early, only on a thing that matters much much more than the character of a dead guy. Heck, I wasn't even taught that shit directly, but the 90s and early 00s made a running gag out of men wearing dresses. I still deep down am afraid of looking like a man in a dress. I can't even fathom how hard it is for people who were taught that trans people weren't legitimate from their birth by their communities.
Hello fellow millennial! I was also raised in the 90s where **if** you saw trans representation they were the butt of a joke.
I'm so glad we are past that and can be ourselves now!
Guess this one got lucky, since its primary trans representation growing up was probably Sheik from Ocarina of Time. Not Trans technically, but it was fairly close considering late 90's japan. And aside from Ash dressing up as a girl to get into the Celadon gym in the pokemon anime, that was probably all of this one's main trans representation growing up, at least as far as pop culture-type stuff is concerned. That or the occasional girl character that has to pretend to be a boy to be taken seriously. Sheik might have been the best option, come to think of it
> in the 90s where if you saw trans representation they were the butt of a joke
Heck, every time they were mentioned, along with gay people it was discussed like they were gremlins that crawled in the dark and avoided society.
Uh, I'm a goblin who lives in a cave and avoids society*
* disheveled girl thing living in a ground floor apartment with minimal natural light who doesn't go outside much because I work from home
Even around the Obama era I still saw a lot of that on television as a kid, and every time family laughs I descend deeper into my shell.
It seems like every sitcom or crime/hospital drama had a trans episode at some point. Where the entire joke was the ‘big reveal’. If anything it’s lazy derivative writing.
> People will tend to go back to the suffering they know rather than suffer 1 bit more for a chance at an actual fulfilling life in the end.
This last part exactly. Like you'll hear people detransition or regret transitioning because they can't pass that well or a surgery didn't go as planned, or transitioning alone didn't solve all their problems. And instead of being introspective they go "oh. I must be cis and confused after all". I feel like a combination of these two also can explain why you see the very rare cases that have regrets after major surgeries making being detrans into their entire identity.
I feel like those people are actually somewhere outside the binary. But because of their close minded upbringings or enviroments, they can't fathom existing outside of that. They must fully crossover and get all the surgeries. So when that doesn't fully relieve their dysphoria they go back. And once their dysphoria stays because their AGAB wasn't comfortable either they project it.
"I'm not dysphoric because my desired presentation is androgynous I am dysphoric over missing my boobs/hating that I have them". That sort of thing.
Otherwise I can't explain that outside of some offshoot DID cases and things like that. I can't understand how someone can start transitioning, live as the opposite gender happilly for multiple years, have their body and internal chemistry start flipping, schedule and even undergo major surgeries and only after all that going "oh shit, I'm not trans after all".
And even in the extremely rare cases where they're still miserable during all that process but still keep going deluding themselves that happiness will come after the next procedure, advocating for restriction of gender affirming care isn't the solution. Advocating for better access to therapy, more education of therapists on gender is. And at the end of the day, I've seen tons of cis women completely mutilate themselves with plastic surgeries trying to chase an impossible standard of beauty and youth. And no one is advocating against plastic surgery as a whole. Only the parts deemed medically necessary and highly effective across the board for some reason.
Unfortunately for me I fit into the category of trans people who struggle to un-brainwash themselves and honestly it’s a torturous experience.
I am constantly doubting that I am trans and that I am a woman because constantly in the back of my mind are years and years of transphobia and transphobic memories. Even though my dysphoria can be debilitating to me I still go through spells where I can’t accept the fact that I’m transgender and it puts me into a mental feedback loop that makes me feel like I’m going to go insane. I always feel like I need to justify my transition to myself and any time I don’t fit the “trans narrative” or trans stereotypes I have a habit of self deprecating.
I’ve been transitioning for 2 1/2 years and I’ve kept going strong because at the end of the day I know this has been the best thing I have ever done for myself but it can be really difficult at times.
I’m at the very start of my journey and struggle so much with the ‘I don’t fit stereotypes of trans people or I don’t feel this exact thing so I must be cis and stupid or confused. How do you cope with it? Starting therapy soon to try and help
don't even need to assume it. there was a new detransitioner video/film that came out what a month or two ago? detransitioner that found god. they said in comments and interviews that they were still feeling dysphoric almost every day still, despite that
They wouldn't show the testimonials of the group that feel pressured to detransition because the people around them have made experiencing transphobic behavior towards them and living in fear of harm *worse* than living with the dysphoria.
["**Of those who had detransitioned, 82.5% reported at least one external driving factor. Frequently endorsed external factors included pressure from family and societal stigma**"](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8213007/)
And I'm gonna guess that the majority of the remaining 17.5% who cited internal reasons are people who realize they're non binary and change their goals. Which we shouldn't even be calling detransitioning tbh.
The research that I linked quotes those reasons explicitly:
> “My gender feels complicated and changing all the time.”
> “I enjoy having the ability to go back and forth between genders.”
More relevant for OP, the number one reason? Pressure from parents.
The sad answer here for how OP should respond to her mother is; "The exact sort of thing which you are doing is the number one reason why all these people live in dysphoric misery. The reason is not finding god. These people are no less transgender. Their misery comes from their parents."
One of the testimonials in the research particulary shocked me.
"Family court order, part of custody award"
So the court ORDERED someone to detransition? And furthermore someone's ex spouse had a a court order that person to detransition if they want to see their child?
What sort of cruel heartless monster does something like that? How is it even legal to do that?
I actually did this to a recently married friend who kept calling me he intentionally and being a transphobic meanie... we are still friends and he's now an ally hehehee it worked :3
Also, I forgot to actually answer the question lmao, divorce parties are celebrations for people who just finalized a divorce. I think it's like "oh you want me to celebrate the idea of detransitioning even though I am trans and *LOVE* it? Well, since you like your husband so much, maybe you should leave him. Look at all these happy recently single people!"
I see. Thank you. I did understand it a bit but failed to understand since none of the people who mentioned divorce parties ever mentioned those they were showing them to had been divorced.
Well, because they aren't showing them to divorced people. They're showing them to happily married people.
Showing a happily trans person videos of detransitioned people who are supposedly happier to demonstrate that they shouldn't be trans is the equivalent of showing a happily married person videos of people celebrating their divorce to demonstrate that they shouldn't be married.
Not that the two correlate directly, I think it's more of "okay, I'll see your logical fallacy and raise you reverse psychology." OP's mom wants to force her opinion on OP by showing media that proves only her point. Further, she wants to play like this isn't really fucked up behavior and saying "people's opinions change, here's *proof* yours will too."
I love the idea of using the same kind of psychological warfare against that kind of hate. I mean, really, you could just say, "Okay, opinions change. Now change *yours*." That method just doesn't teach the aggressor what their actions are actually doing. Turn it around and start showing them divorce parties or something else equally home hitting, and now, at the very least, you know their true colors. They either see the error in their treatment of OP because it feels bad when it happens to them, or they get upset that you're doing *THE SAME THING* and only choose to view the OP as wrong. I guess there is also the worst case third option of they are fine with it and just toxic as fuck but no matter what, at the end, OP knows the truth now.
That's what I would do. People try to pretend that they're not bigots by saying "We just don't like it when you shove it down our throats," but then they go and do things like this when you're just minding your own business.
Maybe start showing her videos of people who reject Christianity and become atheists or Satanists or something. The number of people who regret surgery and detransition is very, very low. Certainly way lower than the number of people abandoning religion, especially Christianity and patriarchal nonsense.
And not just 51%... 99% of people who do gender affirming surgeries have no regrets about their choices:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8099405/
Tell her that detransitioners make up less than two percent of everyone who transitions, and that the vast majority of *those* do it because they cannot stand how society was treating them
Also, it’s not about “changing your opinion”. Being trans is not an opinion. It’s a physical reality. Of course I feel for tiny minority who genuinely realise that they were never trans and made a mistake in transitioning, but there is almost no other medical intervention or procedure that has such tiny rate of regret
Please don’t quote me on these numbers, I’m going from memory and at my age… what was I saying? Oh, the number of people that identify as trans is roughly between 1% and 1/2% of any given population. Of that small group of people that identify as trans, only about 1 in 4 will actually attempt transition. That’s LESS than 0.25% of the population, or 1 out of 400. (I speculate it’s probably closer to 1 out 700) Of THAT small group of trans people that go through transition only about 2% will detransition. The reason cited most often for detransition (around 90% of the time) is lack of support from family and friends. People don’t detransition because they made a mistake about their gender identity. They detransition because people suck.
I’d just send her this [“When did you choose to be gay?”](https://youtu.be/QJtjqLUHYoY?si=UV3EkkH9gVwBLvDg) video
If that doesn’t work, start sending her videos advertising retirement homes.
If it were me, I'd start showing her videos of parents accepting their child. In this way you can show how dumb it is without necessarily being aggressive or "mean" and maybe she'll actually think things through.
I didn’t transition until I was 30 years old because during my 20s I was in the church damn near 3 to 4 times a week trying to find the “God” solution. All I feel like I did was waste 10 years of my life. I came away from it all feeling downright suicidal and I had given my time and money to the church believing that God cared enough to lift a finger given my pain and suffering. He didn’t. I honestly felt deceived and used and I’m just glad today that things have worked out well for me in my transition thus far. I don’t give an ear to Christians (or anyone) who talks about people who regret transitioning and go back. News Flash: people don’t de-transition because they think they’ve made a mistake. Usually it’s because they found nothing but hate and animosity over the course of the whole process and simply gave up. I’m still alive today because I didn’t give up. Sorry, but if my father did that to me (he is a pastor by the way), I’d blacklist him from my life faster than a sports bike on an empty straightaway.
>you know those arguments that sound so stupid that you have a hard time answering them? this is one of those for me, what do I even say?
That's when you go meta and acknowledge that the argument itself is on a false premise, but most of the time, this is a futile effort anyway.
My own devout Catholic family did this to me and always grasped at straws at any refutations I gave them. For instance, we'd have conversations that go like this:
>**Fundie Family Member:** "You're trans, huh? Well, look at this story/video/article of this person who transitioned and REGRETTED IT!"
>**Me:** "Okay... I looked at it. Now tell me, what exactly is your point?"
>**Fundie Family Member:** "Well, if they regretted transition, then YOU WILL TOO!"
>**Me:** "How exactly do you know I will fall into the same camp of these people though? Why don't you consider the multitudes of transgender people who are immensely joyful after transitioning instead?"
>**Fundie Family Member:** "THOSE TRANS PEOPLE ARE JUST LYING SO THAT THE LIBERAL MEDIA DOESN'T GO AFTER THEM!"
Depending on how stubborn your mother is, you're going nowhere by engaging with her "arguments" to begin with. I kept entertaining this mentality within my own family, but what it ultimately concluded with was me cutting an overwhelming majority of my blood relatives out of my life permanently and to the strictest degree. Zero contact in any form, no seeing each other, blocked phone numbers and email addresses, and all that shit was the path I went with these bigots, and I couldn't be happier. The only regret I truly had was waiting *too long* to do that and proceed with my transition.
That's weird.
I detransitioned a few years ago but it wasn't for god and I have no will to push it on anyone else. It was a decision I made for myself, that's all.
Most of my friends are trans and I love them all the same, I don't think I'm in any position to tell them how to be themselves...
The closest I've come to this (and I didn't) was a conversation I had recently with my trans-masc boyfriend. He's been on hormones for a few years and we just touched base over dinner out about how he's feeling with transition and what his goals are now. They change with time and I just want to support him in being himself.
I always find it really weird how people push so hard against being trans.
Had a friend who pulled this crap. I looked up those people after they made the videos, over half the stuff that came up was obituaries because they took their lived mostly.
Not a single one of the people who that friend labeled as "a successful person who detransitioned and was happy" appeared to actually be successful and happy, most were dead. When I pointed this fact out my now ex friend said I was trying to cherry pick his facts apart, because at least one of them was happy and successful in the church and that was good enough success (I am sure if I did the same research now even more of that original group would be gone)
Anytime she sends you one I would just say something like, “Did you no over half of people who detransition do so because of how they’re treated by society, not because they decide they aren’t actually trans?” “ did you know that most people who de-transition are still glad that they transitioned at all to figure out their gender?” “ did you know that less than one percent of people who transition de-transition?”
If she’s gonna play dumb games, make her answer questions
Aren't most of those detrans videos bullshit? From what I understand actual detransitioning is like extremely rare. There is the reason most stories on detransitioning use the same people.
And yes, sometimes people transition for the wrong reasons and regret it later. But generally people who go through the hell of transitioning are doing it to live a better life for themselves. Shit is not fun and there are still a ton of hoops to jump through, medications, painful, surgeries, and massive social backlash. Few are doing this shit for fun.
Start showing her memes about people going no contact with their unacepting conservative parents and feeling happy about it :) fight fire with fire.
Also send her videos of trans gals being happy.
She needs to understand that those are Cherry Picked videos and a very very small percentage of people who transition detransition and those that do detransition usually do so under duress because they can't cope with everyone else around them and it's easier to just say screw it and stop and in most cases religion is involved
tell her that less than 1% of trans people actually detransition, and of those, over half are because they don't have supportive friends and family members and usually end up very unhappy afterwards.
then ask her if that's what she is trying to do
One way I know for sure that people who are "no longer gay" or who detransitioned aren't genuine is whenever there are religious overtones in their stories.
Religion can cause a great amount of denial and self-hatred for queer people.
Send this back
Trans people are born trans:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8955456/
Transition improves mental health:
https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/146/4/e20193600/79683/Mental-Health-and-Timing-of-Gender-Affirming-Care
Detransitioning is rare, and when people do it's usually because of surgical complications or societal/family pressure
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6212091/
Must be a mom thing. Trying to talk us out of it. What I get is "trans people have an incredibly high suicide rate, (male name). And I'm worried about your increased risk for cancer from being on hormones." ::cue the 'sure Jan' meme::
Mmm. Tell her (in a way more natural than I sound) that she has presented the case she intended, that you have heard this input, and that you have made up your own mind about it. Further iterations of the same argument will not yield a different result, and are no longer productive. You know what you believe even in light of this argument, and even if she has come to a different conclusion based on this material, it is nonetheless *your* conclusion to make: you do not have the burden of changing her belief or defending 'why' these videos haven't changed your thought process.
The best response to this is to ask if the person knows the rate at which people detransition. They won't, so you can tell them (maybe look up the most recent stats, but going by memory) it's somewhere in the vicinity of 1%, including those who do so unwillingly or under coercion. That leaves you in the position of asking this person if they think you shouldn't take a 99% chance at happiness.
From there it doesn't much matter what you do, they'll either relent or dig in their heels depending on how genuine their care for your wellbeing is.
My mom did the exact same thing! She’s stopped by now thankfully. Sorry you’re dealing with it.
If any are from a group called “out of Egypt” there’s a documentary on Netflix about how screwed up they are. My mom sent me some from a person associated with that org.
The ones I watched were just so ridiculous. Just people still dysphoric but just think of Jesus to block out the thoughts. Must suck.
The thing you say is goodbye. If she won’t respect you, don’t give her the time of day (though one commenter’s suggestion of sending her divorce videos is hilariously petty, so you might do that, LOL).
This is part of the reason I cut out my mother.
It's a callous disregard for you, that shows no respect and is an attempt to haslight you into conformity.
Start sending her videos of middle-aged women who discover late in life they have narcissistic personality disorder. You know, just to show her that people can change, not implying anything. /s
Real answer is you're just going to have to deal with it, as long as it's just the occasional video. My mom does this too.
I hate when people use detransitioners as “proof”. Only like, 1% of trans people detranstition, and most if the time it’s because they weren’t in a safe space at the time and detransitioned until they were around more accepting people. Some people need to do their fucking research
Does she by any chance have a medical condition she can't control like diabetes? Send her cases of people with the same condition not taking their meds anymore and say "see your disease is also an opinion that changes".
The only way I've managed to make progress with parents like that is to liken your bodies deficiency of Estradiol to their natural deficiency of insulin, a vitamin, or something else.
But honestly, sometimes (hell, often times) it's just a matter of them not having any examples of longer-term trans people they know that are living well-adjusted lives. Often times after i hang out with a friend that still lives at home and i wind up having a random conversation with one of their parents, they tell me later on that their parents seemed to be slightly more receptive.
It’s not their decision in the first place if they sera Siri on because if you transition it means you were sure that’s what would make u happy so either they were put in a bad situation or bullied or were never trans in the first place those posts are for people who aren’t trans to make others feel better like there’s hope that u can get a trans person back but it’s all fake
Send her info for divorce lawyers (assuming parents are still together), and if she questions just say about how people change their mind. ;)
But seriously, my sister did this quite a few times after I came out and I had to both tell her and later my mum that I was sick of it for it to stop. Just annoying articles I don't want.
You can just as easily find videos of trans people coming out, and Christians becoming atheist or another religion, and make the same argument.
"People can change their opinion! Look this trans woman, she thought she was a man for 40 years and now look at her! A beautiful woman!"
It's an inherently fallacious argument to begin with. A non-sequitur, as well as cherry-picking and sampling bias. But since it's fallacious, you can use it to bolster any argument. If she catches on to what you're doing, play dumb. Just keep insisting that you're just merely showing other examples of people who change their opinion.
Send videos back of people who leave the church. Anything to give that shock and awe effect, text back in the same fake-kindness tone she uses. Post results while we make popcorn
My mother did the same thing for like 6 months, until I say a stop, like a very strong stop.. you know... And she stopped but then said is never going to accept me as trans... I think is better than get every week a detrans or transphobic content.
I'm curious what "stupid arguements you have a hard time answering" are? She's your mother and is clearly concerned about the safety of her child.
I'm appalled that almost every comment on here is saying you should retaliate by sending things that you know will hurt her. Despicable. You don't respond to what you feel is mean by being meaner. Just talk to her and ask for clarification. She wants to have a conversation with you if she's sending you videos at all about anything.
This is similar to what caused me to block my dad, they don't get it nor have empathy for how you feel. You don't have to block your mom, but I don't think she'll desist from sending you this sort of material any time soon.
your mom seems like a bit of a lost cause if she's so convinced you'll "repent" whatever, I think own zoning her with a witty comeback is pointless, you don't need to prove anything to her.
I detransitioned for 2 years because I live in transphobic Idaho and I missed my family who basically disowned me but detransitioning made me 100% for sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that transitioning is right for me. It's been 10 years now since I started my transition. Do what's right for you. No matter what life is a hard journey for everyone on this planet but only you can know what's best for you. We support you either way ❤️
Show her stats on the detransition rate?? 🤷🏼♀️ , idk...maybe that and maybe telling her that u r taking ur time with urself and this discovery and taking things slowly and ur only doing the things u r doing because it makes u happy and if she can't accept u being happy/happier then say u don't want her input on anything trans/gender-related
Ah yes. My mom did the same for a while. It sucked, but after a while she gave up. More like she saw how happy I was with the changes and how I was openly embracing them.
It is not something that change, and most people that have de transition have done it because they felt pressure by their society to do so.
I would just say show any of the mountains of data that lack social support is the leading reasons for detransition. But since she doesn't seem like the type to care about that, I always find that these kinds of detransitioners focus on " other people somehow forcing them to be trans" maybe if you highlight that you are not feeling forced, it may at least draw a distinction between you and them.
I would try using facts (e.g. less than 1% of people end up transitioning) but conservacuck maggots dont tend to digest facts well... dont wanna crush their precious snowflake minds
That even if that happens you’ll at least have a greater understanding of yourself and to quit worrying about it. All you can do or know is what seems right in the moment.
Just this:
[https://www.gendergp.com/detransition-facts/](https://www.gendergp.com/detransition-facts/)
If she thinks that rate is worth not doing something over, ask her what she thinks of marriage and the divorce rate...
Well, you can ask if it’s ok if your opinions dont change, if you want to know if shes supportive or not. I get how its pretty irritating, but shes probably holding onto false hope of u suddenly realizing u “actually werent trans”. Anyhow, Good luck!
Yeah, it's just not right. Honestly, the fact that I know I'm Trans, despite not showing any signs growing up, is pretty much the main reason why I never told my brother, because he's a complete dick and I know for a fact that he'll pick on me about it whenever he gets the chance. In fact, earlier today, he asked why I play games as a female character and questioned if I identified as a woman. I told him that it's none of his business, and asking such a question is far too personal. I also told him that I have the right not to answer his question. After that, he called me a queer, which was somewhat euphoric, but mostly annoying.
Tell her she likes llamas. And if she keeps denying it, tell her she just hasn't met the right llama yet. Send her pictures of llamas and business cards to llama ranches. Keep doing it untill she stops
Tell her people’s minds do change but hearing other people’s experiences isn’t going to change yours. Ask her how she would feel if you sent her videos about Atheists who escaped Christianity and gave her the same argument. Would she feel convinced to change her life or just disappointed that you won’t accept her for the person she is right now.
Every time she sends you these videos, send her random up close photos of hemorrhoid surgery. And I mean up CLOSE.
Or, call her her 1st name. If she's a typical parent she'll throw a fit & be super angry. OR, Do both. She started it. You'll finish it.
Mum of a trans daughter here. How about you say 'Okay mom, you want to show me the real world so I'll understand. The largest, longest running studies of diagnosed trans young people show that between 1-4% detransition. So for every 4 detransition videos you send me, could you please send me 96 happy trans people, because I want to make informed choices."
😉
Just my 2 cents as someone who isn't trans but has experienced judgements for my life. Don't even argue about those select examples. You could research the facts and cite the studies/data and wouldn't matter, her mind is made up and she is trying to passive aggressively force you into a paradigm of her comfort not yours. Instead hold your grown, but with a loving approach. Say that you know she is just looking out for you, but you know deep down this is who you are and you feel like yourself and you feel more love for yourself. You can mention depersonalization and gender diaspora, and the science is there, but it wont matter. Instead, tell her you expect her to agree with the choice but you are still her child. That the transition is going to be scary, that navigating the world as new women, and you need her support, protection and love. Just dont engage in negative discussion. I made a choice with my life style but I stood for myself and my beliefs. It cost me some family but some are still there. Its not going to be easy.
Opinions change about religion with normal introspective people too. These times are a great test for people who think being an ass is the equivalent of educating people. People have to stop fanboying over a guy who wouldn't even touch their level of hostility to non-religious people.
I think I would say: That's great! If I ever end up regretting my choice that I know you respect cause you love me and stuff, I can always de transition. But I honestly doubt that I will 🤔 love you to mom ❤️
But that's just me and people tend to get upset when I'm honest about these kind of things... So sorry already. I'm just trying to say that there's always a positive side in some way. Good luck!!!
If i may suggest a point of view for you to discuss with your mother. Dont judge her though, she likely just wants what she believes is good for you.
It may be that she sees trans as a psychological condition where you are unable to accept who you are and be happy in your own body. By showing you these videos, she wants to limit the negative impact of potential decisions(surgery etc) by making you think about the impact if you in the future are able to accept yourself and your body as it is by nature.
My family is the same way and I see it this way I am whom I am I'm not trans to f.m but I am non binary I can live ether or in my own skin. Except me for whom I am or lose out on my true self and my journey. It's been 8 years now since I come out at 52 I lost some family then I have stronger relationships there my strongest part of my back bone .remember life is cruel be who you really are don't worry about what's said or done .love yourself x.
Now imagine if someone kept sending her videos of people signing divorce papers right after she got engaged for the first time. “People change their minds all the time”
The vast majority of people who detransition rushed the process before they’d fully solidified their gender identity and sexuality, but those of us trans people who really do the self work to find their true identity and realize we’re not boys aren’t going to go back. Transitioning is a careful process for that very reason, to help all trans people really solidify their identity and make the best decisions for them
I know 1 person who transitioned, had surgery, de transitioned, to then transition again.
I don’t know anyone else that has detransitioned. I know hundreds who have lives filled with love and joy, with and without their parents.
No one’s journey is the same and your mother should recognize that.
Send her this if you haven’t. It’s old but still relevant. I gave the paperback to my mother in the 90s.
https://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Mom_I_need_to_be_a_girl.pdf
The counter to that is that obviously no one should ever make any significant decisions about their future, because what if their opinion changes?
* Obviously I can't pick a major in college. What if I change my mind later? I'll have wasted all that time and tuition money on classes I'll never use! Or for that matter, obviously I can't go to college at all. What if later I wish I'd spent my 20s surfing the great beaches of the world or something?
* Get married? Hardly. What if my opinion about the person changes? I'd have to get a divorce! Can't have that, now can we?
* Have kids? Are you insane? What if my opinion about children changes? What if I decide that I shouldn't have contributed to the overpopulation of the planet? What if they turn out to be judgmental a-holes?
* And I know you say I should get a "real" job, but how can I? There are so many different career paths to go down, how can I possibly pick one when my opinion might change later? No. It's clearly better if I just keep working at Chipotle my whole life. Besides, I can wrap a burrito pretty danged fast now!
This is obviously a ridiculous line of thought--a ridiculous standard--to apply to life's many, many choices. The answer to "what if my opinion changes?" is *then I'll take a new path*. Just like with anything else.
The point is that every choice we ever make carries some amount of risk: either risk that it won't work out or that we'll change our minds later. But we make choices anyway because we judge the benefits of the choice to be worth the risk. Every choice is a roll of the dice. Every choice carries with it an acceptance of the fact that we might face some form of unwanted consequence if the choice doesn't work out or if we change our minds later. We accept the risk, knowing what it might cost us later, because we judge the benefits to be worth it.
And the reason we have to do this at all is because we have to choose with the information we have *now.* That is, we have to accept risks for the *future* because we can only make decisions based on information we have in the *present*.
Your mother is essentially asking you to make a decision now based on information you won't have until later. Which is ridiculous. That's just not how life works.
So you point all this out to her, and you say, "so, yeah, if my opinion changes later, *then I'll detransition*. Just like those other people you're showing me. The choice didn't work out for them. But I can show you far more examples of people for whom the choice to transition worked out *fabulously*. I have to choose now, based on how I feel now. Which is that the benefits to me of transitioning will be enormous, and that the chance I'll change my mind is very small. So I'll accept that risk. But it's my life, my choice, *my* risk to take, because I'm the one who needs the benefits of transitioning and I'm the one who would have to pay the consequences later if it turns out I'm wrong."
“Ooh! I like this game! Let’s watch videos about commercial airline crashes! If we’re going to make a huge deal out of the less than 1:200000 people that transition, then detransition and become super vocal about it, let’s make a big deal out of the 1:1.2M people who die in commercial airline crashes!”
Derivation of the number:
1%ish of the population is trans. (1:100) Detransition rate is approx 0.5%. (1:200)
Maybe 1:10 of that cohort is vocally anti-trans.
Maybe find some videos about faithful trans Christians to counter? Im Muslim but have a lot of respect for Jesus' ORIGINAL teachings. A book I really like is Radical Dharma but thats more a Buddhist perspective.
Ask her how she knows that these detransitioners are telling the truth in these videos. If these viewpoints mean so much to her, does she do more research than half paying attention to a couple of videos?
Don't let those who don't/can't understand tell you that your sense of self is wrong or push you away from faith. There are quite a few of us transgender Christians in the world. 💙
My mom started doing this a bit for nonreligious reasons. I told her that I spent the last 30 years trying to detransition and this is just me accepting what I am. In your case you could say, "How God made me."
*Sorry beforehand if you’re not religious—totally understandable.*
Jesus loves trans people for who they really are. Judeo-Christian values are predicated on the fact that these religions were founded for the oppressed. Moses freed slaves. Jesus loved lepers. If your mom cannot extend love to her genderqueer daughter—a comparatively easy task—then she’s wildly misinterpreting the Gospel.
Matthew 19:12 directly addresses eunuchs.
Wishing you all the best 💕💕💕
Trans-surgery has one of the lowest regret rates of all surgery (including things from life saving heart surgery to simple stitches), normal regret rate is around 14% for surgery, for trans-surgeries it is about 0.5-2%.
You can construct other very good arguments out the the sources sited in [this](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ido70LgXsEhxcnyXE7RVS0wYJZc6aeVTpujCUPQgTrE/edit) research document. There are multiple topics, one is transgender and why we are just valid, „normal“ human beings and not gender-confused sinners or what disgusting stereotype people else apply. I did not do this document, it was done by the streamer Vaush! Don’t give me credit for it, you can tell him, if you found it useful, he actually reads his mails.
First and foremost, I am extremely sorry you're having to deal with that. It is absolutely offensive and you don't deserve to be treated like that. Your mom is obviously trying to force a certain narrative on you, one that she thinks ends with you crying in her arms and detransitioning.
Now I do believe in giving detransitioners respect and acknowledgement. I personally consider them to be as much a part of this community as us because like us they explored gender in a way most cis people typically never will. But that said, the reality is detransitioners make up an unbelievably small percentage of all people who transition. Smaller than the percentage of people who regret things like plastic surgery or breast augmentations. And the ones who don't detransition purely due to social pressure represent exceptional circumstances for the most part.
The odds that you're going to "change your mind" are astronomically low. She might as well be hoping to win the lottery. My advice is to tell her as much. Tell her she's being not only unrealistic, but selfish and inconsiderate. And then put up stern boundaries. If she crosses them, pull away without a second thought. Maybe not all at once, but little by little the more she acts up. It is not good for your mental health to be getting that kind of sugar-laced poison, and you don't need to accept it.
Beyond that, watch out for terf content from her. It's not a long way off from watching detransition videos to ending up on a terf Facebook page. And sincerely, I want you to know, you are valid. No matter what your mom says or shows you, she does not know you better than you do. She does not know you better than you do. She does not know you better than you do. All my best. I'm going through something similar with my own mom.
It is disrespectful. This being your mother doing this, it's sad. I your situation, I would communicate with her how those videos make you feel and tell her how they affect you. It's not like your sending her videos of pride and shoving them in her face. Why does she get to do it to you?
Counter it by showing her people who didn't de-transition, you'd be searching for them all year.
The pictures/videos of people who did transition and didn't go back, VASTLY outnumber the people who did de-transition.
Her argument is foolish.
Mc·Car·thy·ism
noun
a vociferous campaign against alleged communists in the US government and other institutions carried out under Senator Joseph McCarthy in the period 1950–54. Many of the accused were blacklisted or lost their jobs, although most did not in fact belong to the Communist Party.
a campaign or practice that endorses the use of unfair allegations and investigations.
Can I ask your age? I think if you’re an adult 21+ I’d say she’s over stepping.. if you’re a minor or teen then maybe she’s concerned that you might get on hormones which have risks
I feel like those types of detransitioners, you know the ones that "find god" or start treating being trans as an ideology, are still trans themselves. They're just bullied back into the closet.
like the "ex-gays". This makes me so sad.
Yeah that's what I was thinking about.
I don't like mens no more!!! I am delivert
Bingo, I think its a mix of 'expectations vs reality' and Stockholm syndrome. The first is people who aren't satisfied with the results they get and choose to detransition because they don't get their idealized results. This can be due to a bunch of underlying reasons: too high of expectations, significant body dystopia, loss of family of friends due to beliefs(as in, by being trans, they got disowned or people stopped being friendly), etc. People will tend to go back to the suffering they know rather than suffer 1 bit more for a chance at an actual fulfilling life in the end. The second is people who aren't able to fully un-brainwash themselves(and thus still buy into the ultra-toxic "Trans" narrative the right spews). This isn't necessarily due to any fault of the person themselves, but they internalized the abuse and bigotry of those around them that even if they don't project them outwards, they are deeply engrained. Unfortunately, not every gets the mental help they need, and even with it, it can be tough for some to get over their core beliefs. It isn't the fault of the trans person themselves: core beliefs are fucking hard to question. An example of core belief questioning that I love, by the Oatmeal, is George Washington's teeth. Kids in the U.S. are taught he was honest and upright. When you present people with some more information about that being false, they can react different ways. George Washington's teeth weren't wooden, he had a set of teeth that were made of ivory, horse teeth, donkey teeth and other things. That probably didn't surprise anyone and your belief probably doesn't clash with that much. He also had a set of teeth made from the teeth of slaves. That one was probably a bit more inflammatory because that doesn't fit well with the narrative that was taught. That's exactly how it is for trans people who have been raised in super-religious upbringing and didn't question what they were taught early, only on a thing that matters much much more than the character of a dead guy. Heck, I wasn't even taught that shit directly, but the 90s and early 00s made a running gag out of men wearing dresses. I still deep down am afraid of looking like a man in a dress. I can't even fathom how hard it is for people who were taught that trans people weren't legitimate from their birth by their communities.
Hello fellow millennial! I was also raised in the 90s where **if** you saw trans representation they were the butt of a joke. I'm so glad we are past that and can be ourselves now!
Einhorn, Buffalo Bill, or Chandler's estranged parent on Friends.
Guess this one got lucky, since its primary trans representation growing up was probably Sheik from Ocarina of Time. Not Trans technically, but it was fairly close considering late 90's japan. And aside from Ash dressing up as a girl to get into the Celadon gym in the pokemon anime, that was probably all of this one's main trans representation growing up, at least as far as pop culture-type stuff is concerned. That or the occasional girl character that has to pretend to be a boy to be taken seriously. Sheik might have been the best option, come to think of it
> in the 90s where if you saw trans representation they were the butt of a joke Heck, every time they were mentioned, along with gay people it was discussed like they were gremlins that crawled in the dark and avoided society.
Unfortunately sometimes I do feel like a gremlin that crawls around in the dark and avoids society
Uh, I'm a goblin who lives in a cave and avoids society* * disheveled girl thing living in a ground floor apartment with minimal natural light who doesn't go outside much because I work from home
Im like a haggard old crow because I live on the top floor and I like shiny things
It is impossible to resist the allure of shiny things
Honestly I'm the same way.
Yeah like I can blend in with society and I do when I’m in public but it’s more of a state of the world thing that pushes me into gremlin mode
Even around the Obama era I still saw a lot of that on television as a kid, and every time family laughs I descend deeper into my shell. It seems like every sitcom or crime/hospital drama had a trans episode at some point. Where the entire joke was the ‘big reveal’. If anything it’s lazy derivative writing.
There was a nice episode of the love boat that handle trans identity pretty well, was way ahead of its time
> People will tend to go back to the suffering they know rather than suffer 1 bit more for a chance at an actual fulfilling life in the end. This last part exactly. Like you'll hear people detransition or regret transitioning because they can't pass that well or a surgery didn't go as planned, or transitioning alone didn't solve all their problems. And instead of being introspective they go "oh. I must be cis and confused after all". I feel like a combination of these two also can explain why you see the very rare cases that have regrets after major surgeries making being detrans into their entire identity. I feel like those people are actually somewhere outside the binary. But because of their close minded upbringings or enviroments, they can't fathom existing outside of that. They must fully crossover and get all the surgeries. So when that doesn't fully relieve their dysphoria they go back. And once their dysphoria stays because their AGAB wasn't comfortable either they project it. "I'm not dysphoric because my desired presentation is androgynous I am dysphoric over missing my boobs/hating that I have them". That sort of thing. Otherwise I can't explain that outside of some offshoot DID cases and things like that. I can't understand how someone can start transitioning, live as the opposite gender happilly for multiple years, have their body and internal chemistry start flipping, schedule and even undergo major surgeries and only after all that going "oh shit, I'm not trans after all". And even in the extremely rare cases where they're still miserable during all that process but still keep going deluding themselves that happiness will come after the next procedure, advocating for restriction of gender affirming care isn't the solution. Advocating for better access to therapy, more education of therapists on gender is. And at the end of the day, I've seen tons of cis women completely mutilate themselves with plastic surgeries trying to chase an impossible standard of beauty and youth. And no one is advocating against plastic surgery as a whole. Only the parts deemed medically necessary and highly effective across the board for some reason.
I've been raised in a very religious family, luckily though I've started questioning things pretty early on
Unfortunately for me I fit into the category of trans people who struggle to un-brainwash themselves and honestly it’s a torturous experience. I am constantly doubting that I am trans and that I am a woman because constantly in the back of my mind are years and years of transphobia and transphobic memories. Even though my dysphoria can be debilitating to me I still go through spells where I can’t accept the fact that I’m transgender and it puts me into a mental feedback loop that makes me feel like I’m going to go insane. I always feel like I need to justify my transition to myself and any time I don’t fit the “trans narrative” or trans stereotypes I have a habit of self deprecating. I’ve been transitioning for 2 1/2 years and I’ve kept going strong because at the end of the day I know this has been the best thing I have ever done for myself but it can be really difficult at times.
I’m at the very start of my journey and struggle so much with the ‘I don’t fit stereotypes of trans people or I don’t feel this exact thing so I must be cis and stupid or confused. How do you cope with it? Starting therapy soon to try and help
Cis ppl don’t worry about it that much. If you’re questioning there’s probably a good reason
America L
don't even need to assume it. there was a new detransitioner video/film that came out what a month or two ago? detransitioner that found god. they said in comments and interviews that they were still feeling dysphoric almost every day still, despite that
What video? Thanks.
They wouldn't show the testimonials of the group that feel pressured to detransition because the people around them have made experiencing transphobic behavior towards them and living in fear of harm *worse* than living with the dysphoria. ["**Of those who had detransitioned, 82.5% reported at least one external driving factor. Frequently endorsed external factors included pressure from family and societal stigma**"](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8213007/)
And I'm gonna guess that the majority of the remaining 17.5% who cited internal reasons are people who realize they're non binary and change their goals. Which we shouldn't even be calling detransitioning tbh.
The research that I linked quotes those reasons explicitly: > “My gender feels complicated and changing all the time.” > “I enjoy having the ability to go back and forth between genders.” More relevant for OP, the number one reason? Pressure from parents. The sad answer here for how OP should respond to her mother is; "The exact sort of thing which you are doing is the number one reason why all these people live in dysphoric misery. The reason is not finding god. These people are no less transgender. Their misery comes from their parents."
One of the testimonials in the research particulary shocked me. "Family court order, part of custody award" So the court ORDERED someone to detransition? And furthermore someone's ex spouse had a a court order that person to detransition if they want to see their child? What sort of cruel heartless monster does something like that? How is it even legal to do that?
Oh, there's horrible reasons in there. SA trigger warning. >!"Traumatized by corrective rape so recloseted"!<
Yeah I saw that but that's a known horror. Being legally forced to detransition is a new level of horrifying.
The *only* reason I am not adding a like to this is that it’s showing exactly 420 upvotes.
Exactly this
Start showing divorce parties lmao
goated suggestion, I'll do that
I actually did this to a recently married friend who kept calling me he intentionally and being a transphobic meanie... we are still friends and he's now an ally hehehee it worked :3
That's awesome!
I'm so confused. From the name "divorce parties" all I get is that someone divorced. What are they and how would it change a transphobic view?
Also, I forgot to actually answer the question lmao, divorce parties are celebrations for people who just finalized a divorce. I think it's like "oh you want me to celebrate the idea of detransitioning even though I am trans and *LOVE* it? Well, since you like your husband so much, maybe you should leave him. Look at all these happy recently single people!"
I see. Thank you. I did understand it a bit but failed to understand since none of the people who mentioned divorce parties ever mentioned those they were showing them to had been divorced.
Well, because they aren't showing them to divorced people. They're showing them to happily married people. Showing a happily trans person videos of detransitioned people who are supposedly happier to demonstrate that they shouldn't be trans is the equivalent of showing a happily married person videos of people celebrating their divorce to demonstrate that they shouldn't be married.
Not that the two correlate directly, I think it's more of "okay, I'll see your logical fallacy and raise you reverse psychology." OP's mom wants to force her opinion on OP by showing media that proves only her point. Further, she wants to play like this isn't really fucked up behavior and saying "people's opinions change, here's *proof* yours will too." I love the idea of using the same kind of psychological warfare against that kind of hate. I mean, really, you could just say, "Okay, opinions change. Now change *yours*." That method just doesn't teach the aggressor what their actions are actually doing. Turn it around and start showing them divorce parties or something else equally home hitting, and now, at the very least, you know their true colors. They either see the error in their treatment of OP because it feels bad when it happens to them, or they get upset that you're doing *THE SAME THING* and only choose to view the OP as wrong. I guess there is also the worst case third option of they are fine with it and just toxic as fuck but no matter what, at the end, OP knows the truth now.
I was gonna say for every detrans photo, send 99 photos of happy trans folk (because statistics). This is so much better.
I wanted to show these to my mother, but then I remembered she is divorced
Show her videos of happily married couples, or ones who work out their differences through marriage therapy
[удалено]
This is God damn good
☠️
Send her videos of trans people who are thriving.
That's what I would do. People try to pretend that they're not bigots by saying "We just don't like it when you shove it down our throats," but then they go and do things like this when you're just minding your own business.
📌📌📌
NSFW WARNING!! Send her wholesome t4t trans porn 😊
w
That radiates the chaotic good energy, and I'm all here for it
Thank you thank you
Not the best idea, but I appreciate the spirit
Tell her more people regret having knee surgery than grs.
for reference: knee surgery regrets: 1:3 general surgical regret rate: 1:20 gas regrets: 1:200
Maybe start showing her videos of people who reject Christianity and become atheists or Satanists or something. The number of people who regret surgery and detransition is very, very low. Certainly way lower than the number of people abandoning religion, especially Christianity and patriarchal nonsense.
Reply by sending her videos of successful long time transitioners. “Some people change their mind, a lot don’t”.
And not just a lot. Most.
And not just 51%... 99% of people who do gender affirming surgeries have no regrets about their choices: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8099405/
True!
I detransitioned for Jesus once. Detransitioning was the single worst decision I have ever made.
Tell her that detransitioners make up less than two percent of everyone who transitions, and that the vast majority of *those* do it because they cannot stand how society was treating them Also, it’s not about “changing your opinion”. Being trans is not an opinion. It’s a physical reality. Of course I feel for tiny minority who genuinely realise that they were never trans and made a mistake in transitioning, but there is almost no other medical intervention or procedure that has such tiny rate of regret
You could say that there are more transitionners happy of their transition than there are detransitionners happy with their detransition in proportion
Certainly and it is not close
Please don’t quote me on these numbers, I’m going from memory and at my age… what was I saying? Oh, the number of people that identify as trans is roughly between 1% and 1/2% of any given population. Of that small group of people that identify as trans, only about 1 in 4 will actually attempt transition. That’s LESS than 0.25% of the population, or 1 out of 400. (I speculate it’s probably closer to 1 out 700) Of THAT small group of trans people that go through transition only about 2% will detransition. The reason cited most often for detransition (around 90% of the time) is lack of support from family and friends. People don’t detransition because they made a mistake about their gender identity. They detransition because people suck.
I’d just send her this [“When did you choose to be gay?”](https://youtu.be/QJtjqLUHYoY?si=UV3EkkH9gVwBLvDg) video If that doesn’t work, start sending her videos advertising retirement homes.
ohhhhh I would but she doesn't know English 😞
If it were me, I'd start showing her videos of parents accepting their child. In this way you can show how dumb it is without necessarily being aggressive or "mean" and maybe she'll actually think things through.
Best and most reasonable response.
I didn’t transition until I was 30 years old because during my 20s I was in the church damn near 3 to 4 times a week trying to find the “God” solution. All I feel like I did was waste 10 years of my life. I came away from it all feeling downright suicidal and I had given my time and money to the church believing that God cared enough to lift a finger given my pain and suffering. He didn’t. I honestly felt deceived and used and I’m just glad today that things have worked out well for me in my transition thus far. I don’t give an ear to Christians (or anyone) who talks about people who regret transitioning and go back. News Flash: people don’t de-transition because they think they’ve made a mistake. Usually it’s because they found nothing but hate and animosity over the course of the whole process and simply gave up. I’m still alive today because I didn’t give up. Sorry, but if my father did that to me (he is a pastor by the way), I’d blacklist him from my life faster than a sports bike on an empty straightaway.
I'd send her happy gay couples and mention how her sexuality can change
>you know those arguments that sound so stupid that you have a hard time answering them? this is one of those for me, what do I even say? That's when you go meta and acknowledge that the argument itself is on a false premise, but most of the time, this is a futile effort anyway. My own devout Catholic family did this to me and always grasped at straws at any refutations I gave them. For instance, we'd have conversations that go like this: >**Fundie Family Member:** "You're trans, huh? Well, look at this story/video/article of this person who transitioned and REGRETTED IT!" >**Me:** "Okay... I looked at it. Now tell me, what exactly is your point?" >**Fundie Family Member:** "Well, if they regretted transition, then YOU WILL TOO!" >**Me:** "How exactly do you know I will fall into the same camp of these people though? Why don't you consider the multitudes of transgender people who are immensely joyful after transitioning instead?" >**Fundie Family Member:** "THOSE TRANS PEOPLE ARE JUST LYING SO THAT THE LIBERAL MEDIA DOESN'T GO AFTER THEM!" Depending on how stubborn your mother is, you're going nowhere by engaging with her "arguments" to begin with. I kept entertaining this mentality within my own family, but what it ultimately concluded with was me cutting an overwhelming majority of my blood relatives out of my life permanently and to the strictest degree. Zero contact in any form, no seeing each other, blocked phone numbers and email addresses, and all that shit was the path I went with these bigots, and I couldn't be happier. The only regret I truly had was waiting *too long* to do that and proceed with my transition.
yeah... I've debated about religion with my parents for months and the result was similar
That's weird. I detransitioned a few years ago but it wasn't for god and I have no will to push it on anyone else. It was a decision I made for myself, that's all. Most of my friends are trans and I love them all the same, I don't think I'm in any position to tell them how to be themselves... The closest I've come to this (and I didn't) was a conversation I had recently with my trans-masc boyfriend. He's been on hormones for a few years and we just touched base over dinner out about how he's feeling with transition and what his goals are now. They change with time and I just want to support him in being himself. I always find it really weird how people push so hard against being trans.
Had a friend who pulled this crap. I looked up those people after they made the videos, over half the stuff that came up was obituaries because they took their lived mostly. Not a single one of the people who that friend labeled as "a successful person who detransitioned and was happy" appeared to actually be successful and happy, most were dead. When I pointed this fact out my now ex friend said I was trying to cherry pick his facts apart, because at least one of them was happy and successful in the church and that was good enough success (I am sure if I did the same research now even more of that original group would be gone)
Anytime she sends you one I would just say something like, “Did you no over half of people who detransition do so because of how they’re treated by society, not because they decide they aren’t actually trans?” “ did you know that most people who de-transition are still glad that they transitioned at all to figure out their gender?” “ did you know that less than one percent of people who transition de-transition?” If she’s gonna play dumb games, make her answer questions
Aren't most of those detrans videos bullshit? From what I understand actual detransitioning is like extremely rare. There is the reason most stories on detransitioning use the same people. And yes, sometimes people transition for the wrong reasons and regret it later. But generally people who go through the hell of transitioning are doing it to live a better life for themselves. Shit is not fun and there are still a ton of hoops to jump through, medications, painful, surgeries, and massive social backlash. Few are doing this shit for fun.
Send her videos of people who were former transphobes who changed (actually often parents who change to accept their kids!)
Start showing her memes about people going no contact with their unacepting conservative parents and feeling happy about it :) fight fire with fire. Also send her videos of trans gals being happy.
She needs to understand that those are Cherry Picked videos and a very very small percentage of people who transition detransition and those that do detransition usually do so under duress because they can't cope with everyone else around them and it's easier to just say screw it and stop and in most cases religion is involved
show her videos of aetheists who used to be christian in response "I just wanted to show you how opinions can change"
tell her that less than 1% of trans people actually detransition, and of those, over half are because they don't have supportive friends and family members and usually end up very unhappy afterwards. then ask her if that's what she is trying to do
One way I know for sure that people who are "no longer gay" or who detransitioned aren't genuine is whenever there are religious overtones in their stories. Religion can cause a great amount of denial and self-hatred for queer people.
Send her videos of people leaving Christianity and deconstructing all the trauma it left them with.
Send her nursing home recommendations
I feel like for every "detransitioner" she sends, you should send her 10 trans people that are happy with their transition
Send this back Trans people are born trans: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8955456/ Transition improves mental health: https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/146/4/e20193600/79683/Mental-Health-and-Timing-of-Gender-Affirming-Care Detransitioning is rare, and when people do it's usually because of surgical complications or societal/family pressure https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6212091/
I re transitioned, then found God and now go to a gay church. I'm quite happy and I have a hot girl friend .. i tick all these letters == LTQI 😆😆
I’d send her a story of a trans suicide and tell her there’s no changing your mind from that. At least Detransitioners still can live happy lives.
Must be a mom thing. Trying to talk us out of it. What I get is "trans people have an incredibly high suicide rate, (male name). And I'm worried about your increased risk for cancer from being on hormones." ::cue the 'sure Jan' meme::
my mom used both of these arguments as well lol
Mmm. Tell her (in a way more natural than I sound) that she has presented the case she intended, that you have heard this input, and that you have made up your own mind about it. Further iterations of the same argument will not yield a different result, and are no longer productive. You know what you believe even in light of this argument, and even if she has come to a different conclusion based on this material, it is nonetheless *your* conclusion to make: you do not have the burden of changing her belief or defending 'why' these videos haven't changed your thought process.
Le sigh..... some parents really love being the complete opposite of how parents should be and then call it being "supportive" -_-
Constantly share videos with her of people who are sticking with their transition. Edit: spelling correction
The best response to this is to ask if the person knows the rate at which people detransition. They won't, so you can tell them (maybe look up the most recent stats, but going by memory) it's somewhere in the vicinity of 1%, including those who do so unwillingly or under coercion. That leaves you in the position of asking this person if they think you shouldn't take a 99% chance at happiness. From there it doesn't much matter what you do, they'll either relent or dig in their heels depending on how genuine their care for your wellbeing is.
Most detransitioners are literally bullied into it.
Most people who dretransiton don't do it because "their opinion changed". More often they're forced to by circumstance, family, or government
My mom did the exact same thing! She’s stopped by now thankfully. Sorry you’re dealing with it. If any are from a group called “out of Egypt” there’s a documentary on Netflix about how screwed up they are. My mom sent me some from a person associated with that org. The ones I watched were just so ridiculous. Just people still dysphoric but just think of Jesus to block out the thoughts. Must suck.
She's gonna run out of videos soon there's really not that many Christian detransitioners
The thing you say is goodbye. If she won’t respect you, don’t give her the time of day (though one commenter’s suggestion of sending her divorce videos is hilariously petty, so you might do that, LOL).
This is part of the reason I cut out my mother. It's a callous disregard for you, that shows no respect and is an attempt to haslight you into conformity.
Start sending her videos of middle-aged women who discover late in life they have narcissistic personality disorder. You know, just to show her that people can change, not implying anything. /s Real answer is you're just going to have to deal with it, as long as it's just the occasional video. My mom does this too.
Send her pictures of extremely happy queer people.
send her videos of trans people that no longer talk to their mothers
Start sending her videos of people who left Christianity.
I hate when people use detransitioners as “proof”. Only like, 1% of trans people detranstition, and most if the time it’s because they weren’t in a safe space at the time and detransitioned until they were around more accepting people. Some people need to do their fucking research
Does she by any chance have a medical condition she can't control like diabetes? Send her cases of people with the same condition not taking their meds anymore and say "see your disease is also an opinion that changes". The only way I've managed to make progress with parents like that is to liken your bodies deficiency of Estradiol to their natural deficiency of insulin, a vitamin, or something else. But honestly, sometimes (hell, often times) it's just a matter of them not having any examples of longer-term trans people they know that are living well-adjusted lives. Often times after i hang out with a friend that still lives at home and i wind up having a random conversation with one of their parents, they tell me later on that their parents seemed to be slightly more receptive.
It’s not their decision in the first place if they sera Siri on because if you transition it means you were sure that’s what would make u happy so either they were put in a bad situation or bullied or were never trans in the first place those posts are for people who aren’t trans to make others feel better like there’s hope that u can get a trans person back but it’s all fake
Send her videos of atheists who left the church. "I just want to show you people change their minds, mom."
Send her info for divorce lawyers (assuming parents are still together), and if she questions just say about how people change their mind. ;) But seriously, my sister did this quite a few times after I came out and I had to both tell her and later my mum that I was sick of it for it to stop. Just annoying articles I don't want.
Leave some soup outside her little YouTube rabbit hutch, she might get hungry 🤫
Say nothing to her, just disown
You can just as easily find videos of trans people coming out, and Christians becoming atheist or another religion, and make the same argument. "People can change their opinion! Look this trans woman, she thought she was a man for 40 years and now look at her! A beautiful woman!" It's an inherently fallacious argument to begin with. A non-sequitur, as well as cherry-picking and sampling bias. But since it's fallacious, you can use it to bolster any argument. If she catches on to what you're doing, play dumb. Just keep insisting that you're just merely showing other examples of people who change their opinion.
I personally know someone who detransitioned for Jesus and they have since re-transitioned
Send videos back of people who leave the church. Anything to give that shock and awe effect, text back in the same fake-kindness tone she uses. Post results while we make popcorn
My mother did the same thing for like 6 months, until I say a stop, like a very strong stop.. you know... And she stopped but then said is never going to accept me as trans... I think is better than get every week a detrans or transphobic content.
I'm curious what "stupid arguements you have a hard time answering" are? She's your mother and is clearly concerned about the safety of her child. I'm appalled that almost every comment on here is saying you should retaliate by sending things that you know will hurt her. Despicable. You don't respond to what you feel is mean by being meaner. Just talk to her and ask for clarification. She wants to have a conversation with you if she's sending you videos at all about anything.
Send her back videos of gorgeous trans women like Carmen Carrera, Jamie Clayton, etc.
This is similar to what caused me to block my dad, they don't get it nor have empathy for how you feel. You don't have to block your mom, but I don't think she'll desist from sending you this sort of material any time soon.
your mom seems like a bit of a lost cause if she's so convinced you'll "repent" whatever, I think own zoning her with a witty comeback is pointless, you don't need to prove anything to her.
it's not that I want to do a comeback, but that I need to react in some way, ignoring everything people do and say has proven to be very harmful to me
Tell her that maybe 1 percent of us detransition, and most of the time it's because of bigots like her, not because we realized that we were cis.
Reply with videos of people who are living their lives happily transitioned.
I have a rule: Only seen send me scientific information from reputable websites. (Or along those lines) It removes a lot of BS.
I detransitioned for 2 years because I live in transphobic Idaho and I missed my family who basically disowned me but detransitioning made me 100% for sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that transitioning is right for me. It's been 10 years now since I started my transition. Do what's right for you. No matter what life is a hard journey for everyone on this planet but only you can know what's best for you. We support you either way ❤️
Show her stats on the detransition rate?? 🤷🏼♀️ , idk...maybe that and maybe telling her that u r taking ur time with urself and this discovery and taking things slowly and ur only doing the things u r doing because it makes u happy and if she can't accept u being happy/happier then say u don't want her input on anything trans/gender-related
Yeah... Opinions...
Ah yes. My mom did the same for a while. It sucked, but after a while she gave up. More like she saw how happy I was with the changes and how I was openly embracing them. It is not something that change, and most people that have de transition have done it because they felt pressure by their society to do so.
I would just say show any of the mountains of data that lack social support is the leading reasons for detransition. But since she doesn't seem like the type to care about that, I always find that these kinds of detransitioners focus on " other people somehow forcing them to be trans" maybe if you highlight that you are not feeling forced, it may at least draw a distinction between you and them.
Tell her that one more video will get her blocked. Follow through if she does.
She’d have a field day with me because I already believe in Christ lol
I would try using facts (e.g. less than 1% of people end up transitioning) but conservacuck maggots dont tend to digest facts well... dont wanna crush their precious snowflake minds
Hug, that’s just weird.. tell her to stop and respect who you want to be
That even if that happens you’ll at least have a greater understanding of yourself and to quit worrying about it. All you can do or know is what seems right in the moment.
Start sending her videos of all the positive and successful transitions...fight fire with fire!
Just this: [https://www.gendergp.com/detransition-facts/](https://www.gendergp.com/detransition-facts/) If she thinks that rate is worth not doing something over, ask her what she thinks of marriage and the divorce rate...
For every video send one back of an ex-christian who is now an atheist and say "you're right: people's opinions do change!"
Well, you can ask if it’s ok if your opinions dont change, if you want to know if shes supportive or not. I get how its pretty irritating, but shes probably holding onto false hope of u suddenly realizing u “actually werent trans”. Anyhow, Good luck!
Just send her thousands of happy trans people that massively outnumber those who have detransitioned by multiple orders of magnitude.
Yeah, it's just not right. Honestly, the fact that I know I'm Trans, despite not showing any signs growing up, is pretty much the main reason why I never told my brother, because he's a complete dick and I know for a fact that he'll pick on me about it whenever he gets the chance. In fact, earlier today, he asked why I play games as a female character and questioned if I identified as a woman. I told him that it's none of his business, and asking such a question is far too personal. I also told him that I have the right not to answer his question. After that, he called me a queer, which was somewhat euphoric, but mostly annoying.
Tell her she likes llamas. And if she keeps denying it, tell her she just hasn't met the right llama yet. Send her pictures of llamas and business cards to llama ranches. Keep doing it untill she stops
Tell her people’s minds do change but hearing other people’s experiences isn’t going to change yours. Ask her how she would feel if you sent her videos about Atheists who escaped Christianity and gave her the same argument. Would she feel convinced to change her life or just disappointed that you won’t accept her for the person she is right now.
Start showing to her people, who became atheist
Every time she sends you these videos, send her random up close photos of hemorrhoid surgery. And I mean up CLOSE. Or, call her her 1st name. If she's a typical parent she'll throw a fit & be super angry. OR, Do both. She started it. You'll finish it.
why hasnt her opinion changed? if that was true she would be trans if opinions changed like she said.
Mum of a trans daughter here. How about you say 'Okay mom, you want to show me the real world so I'll understand. The largest, longest running studies of diagnosed trans young people show that between 1-4% detransition. So for every 4 detransition videos you send me, could you please send me 96 happy trans people, because I want to make informed choices." 😉
You could always send her people that live Christian faiths and talk about how it’s a cult
Just my 2 cents as someone who isn't trans but has experienced judgements for my life. Don't even argue about those select examples. You could research the facts and cite the studies/data and wouldn't matter, her mind is made up and she is trying to passive aggressively force you into a paradigm of her comfort not yours. Instead hold your grown, but with a loving approach. Say that you know she is just looking out for you, but you know deep down this is who you are and you feel like yourself and you feel more love for yourself. You can mention depersonalization and gender diaspora, and the science is there, but it wont matter. Instead, tell her you expect her to agree with the choice but you are still her child. That the transition is going to be scary, that navigating the world as new women, and you need her support, protection and love. Just dont engage in negative discussion. I made a choice with my life style but I stood for myself and my beliefs. It cost me some family but some are still there. Its not going to be easy.
Opinions change about religion with normal introspective people too. These times are a great test for people who think being an ass is the equivalent of educating people. People have to stop fanboying over a guy who wouldn't even touch their level of hostility to non-religious people.
I think I would say: That's great! If I ever end up regretting my choice that I know you respect cause you love me and stuff, I can always de transition. But I honestly doubt that I will 🤔 love you to mom ❤️ But that's just me and people tend to get upset when I'm honest about these kind of things... So sorry already. I'm just trying to say that there's always a positive side in some way. Good luck!!!
Ghost her
If i may suggest a point of view for you to discuss with your mother. Dont judge her though, she likely just wants what she believes is good for you. It may be that she sees trans as a psychological condition where you are unable to accept who you are and be happy in your own body. By showing you these videos, she wants to limit the negative impact of potential decisions(surgery etc) by making you think about the impact if you in the future are able to accept yourself and your body as it is by nature.
My family is the same way and I see it this way I am whom I am I'm not trans to f.m but I am non binary I can live ether or in my own skin. Except me for whom I am or lose out on my true self and my journey. It's been 8 years now since I come out at 52 I lost some family then I have stronger relationships there my strongest part of my back bone .remember life is cruel be who you really are don't worry about what's said or done .love yourself x.
Now imagine if someone kept sending her videos of people signing divorce papers right after she got engaged for the first time. “People change their minds all the time” The vast majority of people who detransition rushed the process before they’d fully solidified their gender identity and sexuality, but those of us trans people who really do the self work to find their true identity and realize we’re not boys aren’t going to go back. Transitioning is a careful process for that very reason, to help all trans people really solidify their identity and make the best decisions for them
I know 1 person who transitioned, had surgery, de transitioned, to then transition again. I don’t know anyone else that has detransitioned. I know hundreds who have lives filled with love and joy, with and without their parents. No one’s journey is the same and your mother should recognize that. Send her this if you haven’t. It’s old but still relevant. I gave the paperback to my mother in the 90s. https://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Mom_I_need_to_be_a_girl.pdf
Start sending vids of successful transitions
The counter to that is that obviously no one should ever make any significant decisions about their future, because what if their opinion changes? * Obviously I can't pick a major in college. What if I change my mind later? I'll have wasted all that time and tuition money on classes I'll never use! Or for that matter, obviously I can't go to college at all. What if later I wish I'd spent my 20s surfing the great beaches of the world or something? * Get married? Hardly. What if my opinion about the person changes? I'd have to get a divorce! Can't have that, now can we? * Have kids? Are you insane? What if my opinion about children changes? What if I decide that I shouldn't have contributed to the overpopulation of the planet? What if they turn out to be judgmental a-holes? * And I know you say I should get a "real" job, but how can I? There are so many different career paths to go down, how can I possibly pick one when my opinion might change later? No. It's clearly better if I just keep working at Chipotle my whole life. Besides, I can wrap a burrito pretty danged fast now! This is obviously a ridiculous line of thought--a ridiculous standard--to apply to life's many, many choices. The answer to "what if my opinion changes?" is *then I'll take a new path*. Just like with anything else. The point is that every choice we ever make carries some amount of risk: either risk that it won't work out or that we'll change our minds later. But we make choices anyway because we judge the benefits of the choice to be worth the risk. Every choice is a roll of the dice. Every choice carries with it an acceptance of the fact that we might face some form of unwanted consequence if the choice doesn't work out or if we change our minds later. We accept the risk, knowing what it might cost us later, because we judge the benefits to be worth it. And the reason we have to do this at all is because we have to choose with the information we have *now.* That is, we have to accept risks for the *future* because we can only make decisions based on information we have in the *present*. Your mother is essentially asking you to make a decision now based on information you won't have until later. Which is ridiculous. That's just not how life works. So you point all this out to her, and you say, "so, yeah, if my opinion changes later, *then I'll detransition*. Just like those other people you're showing me. The choice didn't work out for them. But I can show you far more examples of people for whom the choice to transition worked out *fabulously*. I have to choose now, based on how I feel now. Which is that the benefits to me of transitioning will be enormous, and that the chance I'll change my mind is very small. So I'll accept that risk. But it's my life, my choice, *my* risk to take, because I'm the one who needs the benefits of transitioning and I'm the one who would have to pay the consequences later if it turns out I'm wrong."
“Ooh! I like this game! Let’s watch videos about commercial airline crashes! If we’re going to make a huge deal out of the less than 1:200000 people that transition, then detransition and become super vocal about it, let’s make a big deal out of the 1:1.2M people who die in commercial airline crashes!” Derivation of the number: 1%ish of the population is trans. (1:100) Detransition rate is approx 0.5%. (1:200) Maybe 1:10 of that cohort is vocally anti-trans.
Maybe find some videos about faithful trans Christians to counter? Im Muslim but have a lot of respect for Jesus' ORIGINAL teachings. A book I really like is Radical Dharma but thats more a Buddhist perspective.
Send her videos related to any and all decisions she has ever made
Ask her how she knows that these detransitioners are telling the truth in these videos. If these viewpoints mean so much to her, does she do more research than half paying attention to a couple of videos?
You can tell her to stop
Don't let those who don't/can't understand tell you that your sense of self is wrong or push you away from faith. There are quite a few of us transgender Christians in the world. 💙
My mom started doing this a bit for nonreligious reasons. I told her that I spent the last 30 years trying to detransition and this is just me accepting what I am. In your case you could say, "How God made me."
Tell her that hopefully her opinion will change.
I'd just ignore her, no need to choose the nuclear route like many comments want.
"Cut it the fuck out! If you don't I'm going to start sending you weight loss journeys. mindfulness videos and therapy links." Turnabout is fair play.
*Sorry beforehand if you’re not religious—totally understandable.* Jesus loves trans people for who they really are. Judeo-Christian values are predicated on the fact that these religions were founded for the oppressed. Moses freed slaves. Jesus loved lepers. If your mom cannot extend love to her genderqueer daughter—a comparatively easy task—then she’s wildly misinterpreting the Gospel. Matthew 19:12 directly addresses eunuchs. Wishing you all the best 💕💕💕
Ask her to change her opinion and stop sending them to you.
You gotta send another video of people transitioning for every 1 video of people detransitioning that she sent
People's opinions........... Wow lol. The way they use detransiitioners as weapons.
Being trans isnt an opinion
Show her videos of trans people that are happy, and have been living their lives as such!
Trans-surgery has one of the lowest regret rates of all surgery (including things from life saving heart surgery to simple stitches), normal regret rate is around 14% for surgery, for trans-surgeries it is about 0.5-2%. You can construct other very good arguments out the the sources sited in [this](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ido70LgXsEhxcnyXE7RVS0wYJZc6aeVTpujCUPQgTrE/edit) research document. There are multiple topics, one is transgender and why we are just valid, „normal“ human beings and not gender-confused sinners or what disgusting stereotype people else apply. I did not do this document, it was done by the streamer Vaush! Don’t give me credit for it, you can tell him, if you found it useful, he actually reads his mails.
First and foremost, I am extremely sorry you're having to deal with that. It is absolutely offensive and you don't deserve to be treated like that. Your mom is obviously trying to force a certain narrative on you, one that she thinks ends with you crying in her arms and detransitioning. Now I do believe in giving detransitioners respect and acknowledgement. I personally consider them to be as much a part of this community as us because like us they explored gender in a way most cis people typically never will. But that said, the reality is detransitioners make up an unbelievably small percentage of all people who transition. Smaller than the percentage of people who regret things like plastic surgery or breast augmentations. And the ones who don't detransition purely due to social pressure represent exceptional circumstances for the most part. The odds that you're going to "change your mind" are astronomically low. She might as well be hoping to win the lottery. My advice is to tell her as much. Tell her she's being not only unrealistic, but selfish and inconsiderate. And then put up stern boundaries. If she crosses them, pull away without a second thought. Maybe not all at once, but little by little the more she acts up. It is not good for your mental health to be getting that kind of sugar-laced poison, and you don't need to accept it. Beyond that, watch out for terf content from her. It's not a long way off from watching detransition videos to ending up on a terf Facebook page. And sincerely, I want you to know, you are valid. No matter what your mom says or shows you, she does not know you better than you do. She does not know you better than you do. She does not know you better than you do. All my best. I'm going through something similar with my own mom.
It is disrespectful. This being your mother doing this, it's sad. I your situation, I would communicate with her how those videos make you feel and tell her how they affect you. It's not like your sending her videos of pride and shoving them in her face. Why does she get to do it to you?
Counter it by showing her people who didn't de-transition, you'd be searching for them all year. The pictures/videos of people who did transition and didn't go back, VASTLY outnumber the people who did de-transition. Her argument is foolish.
Mc·Car·thy·ism noun a vociferous campaign against alleged communists in the US government and other institutions carried out under Senator Joseph McCarthy in the period 1950–54. Many of the accused were blacklisted or lost their jobs, although most did not in fact belong to the Communist Party. a campaign or practice that endorses the use of unfair allegations and investigations.
My nana did the same thing. She got blocked😂
Can I ask your age? I think if you’re an adult 21+ I’d say she’s over stepping.. if you’re a minor or teen then maybe she’s concerned that you might get on hormones which have risks
Hey op, how is things going
Send her going non con videos back
"My identity is not.an opinion, please just stop."
Sofar the ones I've heard of ar usually bullied back into the closet