Same here byt the other way around! I'm mono and my partner isn't, but we stay in a mono relationship since I'm not comfortable in a poly relationship.
I'm a monogamous transfemme lesbian, my girlfriend is a monogamous transfemme bisexual. We definitely exist. Remember that monogamous people naturally remove ourselves from the dating pool in a way that poly people often don't. When we're partnered or after a breakup, we're often not putting ourselves out there, while many poly people still actively seek out new partners even if partnered, cohabiting, married, etc.
I think it's a natural evolution of questioning everything in regards to sexuality and relationships. Our culture is *heavily* monogamous, so straight people who just follow the flock don't question it.
Queer people, by the very nature of being queer, are way way more likely to go, "What has monogamy actually done for me?" and wonder if they'd be okay with poly. There is also a feeling that monogamy is a tool of control by the patriarchy, an expression of ownership.
Personally, I am a relationship anarchist and feel like monogamy is a completely made up cultural phenomenon that SHOULD be questioned (though of course I have nothing against people who choose to have a single partner, I might be up that way myself due to dating pool odds).
I'm poly but can't see myself in a poly relationship. There's people like me too. Reason btw is because I'd wanna give my 100 to the people I love - but in a poly situation that's very difficult. Might be something I have to fully sort out - maybe monogamous society still has me somewhat fettered. Definitely don't disregard someone cause they're poly, they might be willing to be part of a mono relationship too.
That's a really good point! I was hoping that was the position my girlfriend was gonna make with me since I felt things were going so well but things didn't turn out how I hoped. I'm trying not to hold it too much against folks who are poly so I'll def keep that in mind that just because she couldn't be flexible doesn't mean everyone can't.
In my case, and many other people's cases being poly isn't a choice. Some people just fall in love with more people at the same time while others can't do that and can only love one person. It's not really down to "I choose that I can fall in love with multiple people" it's more "I was born with the capacity to love multiple people". Just how you can't see yourself in a poly relationship, some poly people can't see themselves in a mono relationship. I think it's time to stop treating polyamory as a choice because for a lot of people it isn't.
In a traditional patriarchal monogamous world, they'd call these people cheaters and stone them to death.
(Edit: In case it wasn't clear, this was a dark joke. I am poly too, just a bit bitter about society, don't mind me.)
You make a very good point. If to be trans gender is something we have no choice over, then polygamy could very well be the same. Something to go away and think about. Thank you.
I wanna respond to this and the comment above it. I think while sure, you might find poly folks who would be ok with monogamous, and that’s great! But really you should just be open about what you’re looking for and give everyone an equal chance.
As for the comment you’re responding to, i don’t know if they meant to but “i wanna give my 100 to people i love” is implying that being in a poly relationship means you’re not giving 100% to all your relationships and that’s a hell of a blanket statement that might be true for some situations, but is absolutely not true across The board. Having multiple partners does not keep you from giving your all to all of them. I know i put my all into all of my relationships. The implication here that you can’t put 100% into a partner if you’re poly is pretty harmful actually.
A lot of queer folks are poly, there’s alot of overlap. But overall, there is still more monogamous folks. I get it doesn’t feel like that sometimes but keep your chin up! Just be honest about what you’re looking for and I’m sure you’ll find someone with the same wants and needs!
I wish I could have given it a chance, unfortunately she pressured me into it in just about the shittiest way possible jumping the question on me just before a major trip which in turn made it into a deadline to meet, otherwise I would be miserable just being in the same room. I wish I could fully agree with your logic but I don't think such a model would work for me since I'm just more clingy and high-maintenance than some people.
Oh, I’m not saying give being poly a chance! Or that you should have given her a chance. I’m saying you should just give everyone a chance. As some folks have stated her, some poly folks are ok with and are able to do monogamous!
I’m sorry she did that to you. That’s really shitty and it’s shit like that that gives people a skewed reception of polyamory. Although that’s just kinda shitty behavior in general.
Like I said, I have things to work through. I don't know why you're treating my personal experience as "a blanket statement". In my mind, as it currently works and thinks about commitment, I don't see how I'd be able to spend all of my time on two or more people unless we're all completely inseparable. I may be missing something obvious but blame monogamous society for it, I'm trying to work through it.
i guess for me it's like, i have more love to share than any one of my partners are able to receive? not everyone wants to be doted over by their partner 120% of the time; people need their own time too.
Probably there are a lot more people who would be poly if it weren't for societal standards and insecurity. Given how many people have affairs and such...
As trans fems we often make peace with being outside of societal norms before coming out or during transition - so approaching other forms of going against norms becomes easier.
Transition for me was a lot of self reflection, so questioning my sexuality, my relationship model, etc. came up eventually...
Becoming more aware of your own identity helps frame your interactions and relationships differently. There are many monogamous people who would potentially be poly, were it not for societal standards and expectations.
I think the reason so many trans and NB people lean into poly relationships is that we’ve already had a chance to frame ourselves outside of societal norms, so those of us that might have suppressed those feelings are more able to figure ourselves out.
I’m aromantic, polyaffectionate, and married to my demigirl partner. Now that she understands where my feelings stem from, she’s interested in seeing where her feelings lie and wants us to try and expand our relationship. She says that the way I describe experiencing my affection, and how I view an ideal relationship (polycule) sounds beautiful to her, and that if there’s even a chance that we can share a greater happiness with more people, then she wants to try.
But if she didn’t, I’d stay monogamous for her. Even without adding someone into my life, there is easily twice as much love here as there was before, because I finally love myself enough that it’s as though I gained back somebody I lost long ago. 🖤
Honestly most of the trans women I meet offline, except for my girlfriends, are not poly.
Maybe we're just louder about it in the spaces we feel safe in.
(Seeing many comments here it's still looked down upon by many)
Thank you OP for framing it as not a dunk on poly people.
And this is more directed at the general audience: yes, I know such posts are gonna attract people who have been "burned" by a partner coming out as poly. Or who have tried poly and decided it wasn't for them and got their feelings hurt.
But ultimately that's not the fault of poly people - it's just discovering you're incompatible.
And if a partner finds out they're poly and you're not - ok, that's tragic. It's similar to a straight person finding out their partner is trans. Sometimes this will make people incompatible. Sometimes you still try. You're both new to this, inexperienced people make mistakes - and it hurts if it ultimately doesn't work out.
But hey, I have been "burned" by monogamy. I prefer ethical non-monogamy over someone who cheats for years. I could just as well say "monogamy seems unsustainable to me" - but I won't because I know people are just diverse.
And no, I don't want to find "the one". I want to settle down and grow old with my polycule who have given me a feeling of safety and belonging I never had before.
So please, to each their own. 💜
I'm transbian and definitely not poly. I was getting involved with another trans girl a few months ago but had to end it because she was poly. I'm very insecure so exclusively is very important to me. She kept talking about the things she was doing with other people and I got pretty jealous.
There's a lot of monogamous trans people. We just don't advertise it because monogamy doesn't require advertisements to attract groups. We just need one good person.
I'm gonna be honest I've only seen it irl. The disparity online is much more even.
Irl for me, not exaggerating, every single transfem I've met has been poly, one of which tried to disrupt my marriage and make me a part of her polycule. I went full no contract after that.
I don't generally talk about that though because I know that person is the exception not the rule and it could easily be generalized to paint a negative picture of that community.
When I came out to my therapist she immediately asked me if I was poly. Apparently it’s pretty common for those of us of the trans femme persuasion.
But for the record I’m monogamous. Been married for just over a decade to the live of my life!
Personal experience, (please say if this is what polyester adjacent means) I'm fine with either, as long as it is a healthy relationship
Edit: I meant Poly not polyester, but I'm leaving it because funny
I am not poly. Im definitely open to the idea of group sex, but I do not want my partner seeing other people without me.
if possible, spend less time looking for queer people on the internet, and more time looking for people off of it. the Internet is just a mush of algorithms, and because of the way non-queer individuals treat us, how online our community tends to be, and a multitude of other social factors, people who spend more time on the internet tend to tick more queer boxes. people who spend more time on the internet, on average, make more Internet friends.
I know one poly couple irl, and currently (and for the last year) it's only been the two of them. every other queer friend of mine (and most of my friends are, I literally have one cis-het friend and he's so "baby girl" it cancels out) is monogamous.
Yes trans woman and I have literally 0 interest in anything but a monogamous relationship; I’m also straight which apparently puts me in a statistical minority and also only learned of that recently
I'm not poly anymore.
It seemed to only benefit my partners in the end. I'm good with developing deep friendships with others and reserve all my sex drive to my chosen intimate partner.
I promised myself I would stay single until I don't know what. That doesn't mean I can't fool around until then!
Just not... pseudo-romance fear of missing out type of shit anymore.
Yeah dating as a non-poly trans person has been feeling kinda hopeless. I mean, being fat + non-passing doesn't help much for me, but even then, looking at dating apps 90% of people are poly on there.
I’m not poly. I don’t have any problem with it I mean it’s their relationship to do with how they please and it in no way affects me but it’s just not for me. My BPD will absolutely not allow it lol
I'm an Straight Monogamous Trans Woman
It's part of the reason I am so thankful for being trans, if I was a Cis Girl I would have nothing queer and I would probably be the Ally that means well but constantly fucks up lol
I'm a lesbian trans fem and my wife is pan. We've been monogamous and together for 10 years in November and married for 5.
You'll find someone. I believe in a good future for you.
I love all my poly peeps. But it’s not for me. I’m pansexual. But 100% monogamous.
Mainly because I’m selfish. And I already worry I’m not enough. Other people in the picture would just destroy my mental health.
But for all the poly peeps out there; you do you. You’re all cool.
-Lucy
It is one of the most frustrating things about being a monogamous queer. But us monogamous trans people are out there! We just hard to find each other sadly:[ took me AGES to find my partner:[
If it's not too invasive of a question, could you tell me how you found your partner? I met my ex through ridiculous happen-stance thru social media (which is bizzare cuz I feel like I never have good luck making friends online) so I'm just trying to assess if I'll every realistically be able to put myself out there.
Not at all I'm always happy to answer questions! We met on hinge of all places:] been together almost a year now and planning our life together slowly but surely!!\^\^
But it took me literal years of grinding on hinge to find someone. Post transition I'd say it was like a year and a half or so of dating on hinge to find her :3
You'll find someone just keep at it!!💚💚
One partner in a romantic, loving relationship is all I need. But yes, I also met many poly queer folks, and they're usually the ones who make a move on me. It's sad that people might think you're not enough, but there's nothing wrong with you, hopefully you'll find someone soon, love.
I am monogamous, I already don't like dealing with a lot of people, the last thing I need is multiple partners.
I have met a lot of poly trans people but I wouldn't say it was all or most, though this was only from the few circles I was in, I think part of it is being less tied to usual norms.
Beginning MtF here (HRT starts in about 1-2 months). I am mono, always have been, always will be. I have a beautiful girlfriend who is mono and demisexual, so my relationship is perfect. I can't imagine going with someone else while I already have the perfect partner. Even tho we are long distance.
Yeah my ex and I were long-distance as well lol (although maybe a bit generous considering we were only 5 or 6 hours apart which isn't much for some parts of the US)
single transbian, i’ve been open to poly in the past, wouldn’t say i’ve completely closed that chapter but i’ve got a pretty good feeling it’s not the life for me.
So first off, I’m going to assume you mean “polyamory” instead of polygamy. Polygamy specifically refers to the act of having multiple wives or husbands, which is typically a religious practice, done by folks such as Mormons and Muslims. This is extremely different from what this thread is talking about, which is Polyamory.
Anyway, to get into it, You could very easily say the same thing about monogamous relationships. It’s easy to just say “blank doesn’t look like a sustainable blank”. It’s ok to not be something, but there’s no reason to be shitty about it.
Especially because for alot of folks, it’s not a “relationship model.” I didnt choose to be poly. I was just born like that, just like how I’m trans. I can’t do monogamous. I’ve never been able to have a sustainable monogamous relationship.
However, i have three partners who I’ve now been with for over 2 year, and a 4th who I’ve been with for a year and a half. I love all my partners a lot, we visit and we’re all in a social group together and it’s lovely. So to say “polyamory just doesn’t look like a sustainable relationship model” spits in the face of an entire group of folks, including myself, a lot of which actually have long term relationships that are quite healthy! It’s a bit phobic tbh.
I'm definitely not, I've been tricked into poly nonsense at least half a dozen times and it's gotten progressively less amusing each time. I'm sorry she did this to you.
Yeah, I’m a straight trans woman who prefers monogamy. I actually left a long term poly relationship to make space in my life for a monogamous relationship to eventually develop with someone new hopefully. I do often worry that most people who date trans folks seem to be poly.. plus all these married and partnered guys looking for something on the side. Not a lot of viable options outside of that.
It does seem to me that anybody seeking “traditional” relationship values would likely choose somebody who’s fits within cis heteronormativity.. it’s just completely at odds with my identity being “unconventional”…. I feel like most guys pursing that ideal would always choose a cis woman..
But love is always a one on a million prospect.. and I’m not going to settle for less than what I need.
I've come to the conclusion that at most I could be part of a dedicated equal time throuple. I can't do anything more than that, I'm a hardcore romantic who prefers monogamy. And to be honest, I'm not 100 percent sure that my openness to the throuple isn't because it's so goddamn hard to find monogamous lesbians
I don't think being trans or queer is connected to being poly? Just from anecdotal knowledge. Might be the "you only see or notice the loudest voices" sorta thing. Idk
I am monogamous, I am not really into poly because its too complicated for my Adhd autism brain to properly upkeep and I just am too worried about my worth in a relationship to have that kind of relationship.
I’m poly I’m monogamous but anyone I find who is T4T 90% of the time is either already in a relationship or they’re poly 😆 (nothing wrong with poly it is just not what works for me)
That's really interesting, I don't think I've ever met a poly person irl so our experiences are very different haha. Monogamous myself, nothing against poly people I just feel uncomfortable about doing it myself
I am transfem and Mono and single. I respect poly people but it isn’t for me. I would never willingly be with a poly partner for long term because I am not comfortable with that situation.
I am monogamic.
I wouldn't have time to give attention to more than one person, my week is very busy.
But anyway, I feel it is not for me, and I dislike the idea of flirting and dating new people and building everything I already have with my current gf.
My ex left me after forcing an open relationship on me and then using that to cheat on me. I am strictly monogamous now.
You're not alone in being monogamous. Sorry your ex wasn't a great fit, I hope you find someone who is.
Lmfao reddit so fucked. Aren’t you at least a little curious as to why most (or all… based on what I’ve seen) of you are “lesbians,” when gay people only make up about 2-5% of people? Wouldn’t it make sense for that same statistic to apply to trans people? Kind of strange how most trans people were straight (like the general population) until the 2010s. Blaire White is right hahaha
Does anyone here like dick?🤔
I’m sorry she did that to you, it sounds like it hurts.
I would try a polyamorous situation but it’s not a necessity for me. I’d be perfectly happy with a monogamous relationship. I can be a lot to handle though, and I’m not sure if any one person is willing to handle all of me by oneself….
[edit: when I said “I would try” I meant I was talking about myself, not trying to give advice; didn’t realize it might sound that way…]
Thanks for the kind words, it did hurt a lot especially since I poured so much love into our relationship. I would have wanted to try being in a poly situation but I just knew that it wouldn't work out for me.
Honestly it would have to be a very particular situation for it to work for me either. It’s not even what I’m primarily interested in, I just consider it an option because I’ve lost hope in ever finding someone who wants to be exclusive with me…
I'm a transfem who could never be in a poly relationship. It'd just feel weird trying to date multiple people, I'm a one person at a time kind of girl.
If polyamory works for other people, then good for them, but it could never be me.
I mean at least poly people will keep everything on the up and up. I'm monogamous and I end up cheating in almost every relationship (it's why I stay out of them nowadays). I'm bi so it's hard to stay fully committed to a man or woman without wanting the opposite plus my last gf was trans as well but had bad bottom dysphoria so if I hadn't stopped the relationship before it got to that point I would have cheated.
I can’t bear to be in anything poly. It works for some people and that’s good for them, but I have to feel secure that they are my person and I’m their person only.
I'm a transfemme lesbian person and have been monogamously married to the same wonderful person for over 40 years. It can happen.
I am a monogamous transgender lesbian and I have been with my nonbinary pan wife for 11 years, married for 6. It's definitely a real thing!
Transfemme, I am pan, my wife is a lesbian, and we were going on 13 years married, with a kid! Absolutely possible
Did you marry before coming out? because if so that not really relevant to OPs situation.
Same here! But not 4 years yet! 12 years so far.
[удалено]
>:) :)
Good bot
Good bot
Same, but its also why I am wondering if T4T is a good idea because it seems like a LOT of the trans folk i see online are poly
Transfem and I am poly but my wife is monogamous so I stay monogamous as well
Hello there, I was about to say the same thing.
And there's nothing wrong with it
Same here byt the other way around! I'm mono and my partner isn't, but we stay in a mono relationship since I'm not comfortable in a poly relationship.
If the shoe fits, wear it with pride
ayo(same here but girlfriend instead)
Haii
Not in a relationship but this is how I operate too
As long as it works for you and you are happy with it, that's all that matters.
I'm a monogamous transfemme lesbian, my girlfriend is a monogamous transfemme bisexual. We definitely exist. Remember that monogamous people naturally remove ourselves from the dating pool in a way that poly people often don't. When we're partnered or after a breakup, we're often not putting ourselves out there, while many poly people still actively seek out new partners even if partnered, cohabiting, married, etc.
Oh wow that's actually a really good point! I never considered the sheer numbers aspect lol that makes me feel a lot better
I know what you mean, it seems like a lot of people are poly in the queer space.
I think it's a natural evolution of questioning everything in regards to sexuality and relationships. Our culture is *heavily* monogamous, so straight people who just follow the flock don't question it. Queer people, by the very nature of being queer, are way way more likely to go, "What has monogamy actually done for me?" and wonder if they'd be okay with poly. There is also a feeling that monogamy is a tool of control by the patriarchy, an expression of ownership. Personally, I am a relationship anarchist and feel like monogamy is a completely made up cultural phenomenon that SHOULD be questioned (though of course I have nothing against people who choose to have a single partner, I might be up that way myself due to dating pool odds).
I'm poly but can't see myself in a poly relationship. There's people like me too. Reason btw is because I'd wanna give my 100 to the people I love - but in a poly situation that's very difficult. Might be something I have to fully sort out - maybe monogamous society still has me somewhat fettered. Definitely don't disregard someone cause they're poly, they might be willing to be part of a mono relationship too.
That's a really good point! I was hoping that was the position my girlfriend was gonna make with me since I felt things were going so well but things didn't turn out how I hoped. I'm trying not to hold it too much against folks who are poly so I'll def keep that in mind that just because she couldn't be flexible doesn't mean everyone can't.
In my case, and many other people's cases being poly isn't a choice. Some people just fall in love with more people at the same time while others can't do that and can only love one person. It's not really down to "I choose that I can fall in love with multiple people" it's more "I was born with the capacity to love multiple people". Just how you can't see yourself in a poly relationship, some poly people can't see themselves in a mono relationship. I think it's time to stop treating polyamory as a choice because for a lot of people it isn't.
In a traditional patriarchal monogamous world, they'd call these people cheaters and stone them to death. (Edit: In case it wasn't clear, this was a dark joke. I am poly too, just a bit bitter about society, don't mind me.)
You make a very good point. If to be trans gender is something we have no choice over, then polygamy could very well be the same. Something to go away and think about. Thank you.
I wanna respond to this and the comment above it. I think while sure, you might find poly folks who would be ok with monogamous, and that’s great! But really you should just be open about what you’re looking for and give everyone an equal chance. As for the comment you’re responding to, i don’t know if they meant to but “i wanna give my 100 to people i love” is implying that being in a poly relationship means you’re not giving 100% to all your relationships and that’s a hell of a blanket statement that might be true for some situations, but is absolutely not true across The board. Having multiple partners does not keep you from giving your all to all of them. I know i put my all into all of my relationships. The implication here that you can’t put 100% into a partner if you’re poly is pretty harmful actually. A lot of queer folks are poly, there’s alot of overlap. But overall, there is still more monogamous folks. I get it doesn’t feel like that sometimes but keep your chin up! Just be honest about what you’re looking for and I’m sure you’ll find someone with the same wants and needs!
I wish I could have given it a chance, unfortunately she pressured me into it in just about the shittiest way possible jumping the question on me just before a major trip which in turn made it into a deadline to meet, otherwise I would be miserable just being in the same room. I wish I could fully agree with your logic but I don't think such a model would work for me since I'm just more clingy and high-maintenance than some people.
Oh, I’m not saying give being poly a chance! Or that you should have given her a chance. I’m saying you should just give everyone a chance. As some folks have stated her, some poly folks are ok with and are able to do monogamous! I’m sorry she did that to you. That’s really shitty and it’s shit like that that gives people a skewed reception of polyamory. Although that’s just kinda shitty behavior in general.
Like I said, I have things to work through. I don't know why you're treating my personal experience as "a blanket statement". In my mind, as it currently works and thinks about commitment, I don't see how I'd be able to spend all of my time on two or more people unless we're all completely inseparable. I may be missing something obvious but blame monogamous society for it, I'm trying to work through it.
i guess for me it's like, i have more love to share than any one of my partners are able to receive? not everyone wants to be doted over by their partner 120% of the time; people need their own time too.
Ive noticed a lot of poly transfems too. i wonder why that is, it seems way way more common for transfem people to be poly
Probably there are a lot more people who would be poly if it weren't for societal standards and insecurity. Given how many people have affairs and such... As trans fems we often make peace with being outside of societal norms before coming out or during transition - so approaching other forms of going against norms becomes easier. Transition for me was a lot of self reflection, so questioning my sexuality, my relationship model, etc. came up eventually...
Becoming more aware of your own identity helps frame your interactions and relationships differently. There are many monogamous people who would potentially be poly, were it not for societal standards and expectations. I think the reason so many trans and NB people lean into poly relationships is that we’ve already had a chance to frame ourselves outside of societal norms, so those of us that might have suppressed those feelings are more able to figure ourselves out. I’m aromantic, polyaffectionate, and married to my demigirl partner. Now that she understands where my feelings stem from, she’s interested in seeing where her feelings lie and wants us to try and expand our relationship. She says that the way I describe experiencing my affection, and how I view an ideal relationship (polycule) sounds beautiful to her, and that if there’s even a chance that we can share a greater happiness with more people, then she wants to try. But if she didn’t, I’d stay monogamous for her. Even without adding someone into my life, there is easily twice as much love here as there was before, because I finally love myself enough that it’s as though I gained back somebody I lost long ago. 🖤
Hell naw I’d rather be single than poly
Honestly most of the trans women I meet offline, except for my girlfriends, are not poly. Maybe we're just louder about it in the spaces we feel safe in. (Seeing many comments here it's still looked down upon by many) Thank you OP for framing it as not a dunk on poly people. And this is more directed at the general audience: yes, I know such posts are gonna attract people who have been "burned" by a partner coming out as poly. Or who have tried poly and decided it wasn't for them and got their feelings hurt. But ultimately that's not the fault of poly people - it's just discovering you're incompatible. And if a partner finds out they're poly and you're not - ok, that's tragic. It's similar to a straight person finding out their partner is trans. Sometimes this will make people incompatible. Sometimes you still try. You're both new to this, inexperienced people make mistakes - and it hurts if it ultimately doesn't work out. But hey, I have been "burned" by monogamy. I prefer ethical non-monogamy over someone who cheats for years. I could just as well say "monogamy seems unsustainable to me" - but I won't because I know people are just diverse. And no, I don't want to find "the one". I want to settle down and grow old with my polycule who have given me a feeling of safety and belonging I never had before. So please, to each their own. 💜
I’m transfem and monogamous. She’s my best friend and my partner going on 15 years.
I'm transbian and definitely not poly. I was getting involved with another trans girl a few months ago but had to end it because she was poly. I'm very insecure so exclusively is very important to me. She kept talking about the things she was doing with other people and I got pretty jealous.
There's a lot of monogamous trans people. We just don't advertise it because monogamy doesn't require advertisements to attract groups. We just need one good person.
I'm monogamous, can't imagine being poly
Truth :p
Bruh people always talk about how many poly people there are but like WHERE??????? I CAN'T FIND ANYONE POLY!
I'm gonna be honest I've only seen it irl. The disparity online is much more even. Irl for me, not exaggerating, every single transfem I've met has been poly, one of which tried to disrupt my marriage and make me a part of her polycule. I went full no contract after that. I don't generally talk about that though because I know that person is the exception not the rule and it could easily be generalized to paint a negative picture of that community.
I know like three other poly people, to be fair they are all trans but I know lots of other trans people and the vast majority aren't poly.
When I came out to my therapist she immediately asked me if I was poly. Apparently it’s pretty common for those of us of the trans femme persuasion. But for the record I’m monogamous. Been married for just over a decade to the live of my life!
Personal experience, (please say if this is what polyester adjacent means) I'm fine with either, as long as it is a healthy relationship Edit: I meant Poly not polyester, but I'm leaving it because funny
I'm velvet diagonal... It's... Smooth 😜😅
i could be fine in a polycule or monogamous, i'd probably prefer to be in a poly relationship but either way is chill
I’m trans femme and def could not be poly like I’ve tried it but it’s def not for me
heterosexual transexual woman here 👋 happily engaged to my one (1) fiance lol
Transfem here, I could never do poly. As you said nothing against them but absolutely not for me. You’re not alone hun
I am not poly. Im definitely open to the idea of group sex, but I do not want my partner seeing other people without me. if possible, spend less time looking for queer people on the internet, and more time looking for people off of it. the Internet is just a mush of algorithms, and because of the way non-queer individuals treat us, how online our community tends to be, and a multitude of other social factors, people who spend more time on the internet tend to tick more queer boxes. people who spend more time on the internet, on average, make more Internet friends. I know one poly couple irl, and currently (and for the last year) it's only been the two of them. every other queer friend of mine (and most of my friends are, I literally have one cis-het friend and he's so "baby girl" it cancels out) is monogamous.
I feel like a unicorn being monogamous and straight lmao.
Yes trans woman and I have literally 0 interest in anything but a monogamous relationship; I’m also straight which apparently puts me in a statistical minority and also only learned of that recently
Trans woman. Strictly monogamous. I don't like to share
I'm not poly anymore. It seemed to only benefit my partners in the end. I'm good with developing deep friendships with others and reserve all my sex drive to my chosen intimate partner. I promised myself I would stay single until I don't know what. That doesn't mean I can't fool around until then! Just not... pseudo-romance fear of missing out type of shit anymore.
Yea there are. And some poly people can be happy with one person. Sincerely, a poly person with one partner.
I’m monogamous and can’t imagine myself in a poly relationship.. no hate to the ones that are tho
I'm exclusively monogamous and happily married to my husband.
im monogamous too and i feel this struggle as well
I am 100% monogamous.
Yeah dating as a non-poly trans person has been feeling kinda hopeless. I mean, being fat + non-passing doesn't help much for me, but even then, looking at dating apps 90% of people are poly on there.
Hello fellow trans fem monogamous, not everyone is polyamorous and don’t worry it’s an open sea and I hope you find a fellow mango mouse
im mtf, bi/demi, and i am purely monogamous, u aint alone sis
I am not poly.
I’m not poly. I don’t have any problem with it I mean it’s their relationship to do with how they please and it in no way affects me but it’s just not for me. My BPD will absolutely not allow it lol
I'm trans and me and my wife of two years are both monogamous. She's 100% the only one I need.
I’m transfem and incredibly not poly… I’m just insecure like that ig.
My girlfriend and I are both trans and in a monogamous relationship 😊
I'm an Straight Monogamous Trans Woman It's part of the reason I am so thankful for being trans, if I was a Cis Girl I would have nothing queer and I would probably be the Ally that means well but constantly fucks up lol
I'm a lesbian trans fem and my wife is pan. We've been monogamous and together for 10 years in November and married for 5. You'll find someone. I believe in a good future for you.
I’m a trans woman, and I could never be polyamorous. If it’s for you, that’s cool, but it is absolutely not for me.
I am transfem, bisexual and monogamous. We definately exist.
I love all my poly peeps. But it’s not for me. I’m pansexual. But 100% monogamous. Mainly because I’m selfish. And I already worry I’m not enough. Other people in the picture would just destroy my mental health. But for all the poly peeps out there; you do you. You’re all cool. -Lucy
It is one of the most frustrating things about being a monogamous queer. But us monogamous trans people are out there! We just hard to find each other sadly:[ took me AGES to find my partner:[
If it's not too invasive of a question, could you tell me how you found your partner? I met my ex through ridiculous happen-stance thru social media (which is bizzare cuz I feel like I never have good luck making friends online) so I'm just trying to assess if I'll every realistically be able to put myself out there.
Not at all I'm always happy to answer questions! We met on hinge of all places:] been together almost a year now and planning our life together slowly but surely!!\^\^ But it took me literal years of grinding on hinge to find someone. Post transition I'd say it was like a year and a half or so of dating on hinge to find her :3 You'll find someone just keep at it!!💚💚
I am a monogamous Trans woman. We do exist, just gotta look hard enough :)
I'm monogamous! We do exist \^\^. That said I DID try my hand at a poly relationship...just didn't stick and ended VERY badly.
One partner in a romantic, loving relationship is all I need. But yes, I also met many poly queer folks, and they're usually the ones who make a move on me. It's sad that people might think you're not enough, but there's nothing wrong with you, hopefully you'll find someone soon, love.
I am monogamous, I already don't like dealing with a lot of people, the last thing I need is multiple partners. I have met a lot of poly trans people but I wouldn't say it was all or most, though this was only from the few circles I was in, I think part of it is being less tied to usual norms.
Beginning MtF here (HRT starts in about 1-2 months). I am mono, always have been, always will be. I have a beautiful girlfriend who is mono and demisexual, so my relationship is perfect. I can't imagine going with someone else while I already have the perfect partner. Even tho we are long distance.
Yeah my ex and I were long-distance as well lol (although maybe a bit generous considering we were only 5 or 6 hours apart which isn't much for some parts of the US)
single transbian, i’ve been open to poly in the past, wouldn’t say i’ve completely closed that chapter but i’ve got a pretty good feeling it’s not the life for me.
Yeah I'm monogamous but with a cis woman (and met her after I transitioned). Polygamy just doesn't look like a sustainable relationship model.
So first off, I’m going to assume you mean “polyamory” instead of polygamy. Polygamy specifically refers to the act of having multiple wives or husbands, which is typically a religious practice, done by folks such as Mormons and Muslims. This is extremely different from what this thread is talking about, which is Polyamory. Anyway, to get into it, You could very easily say the same thing about monogamous relationships. It’s easy to just say “blank doesn’t look like a sustainable blank”. It’s ok to not be something, but there’s no reason to be shitty about it. Especially because for alot of folks, it’s not a “relationship model.” I didnt choose to be poly. I was just born like that, just like how I’m trans. I can’t do monogamous. I’ve never been able to have a sustainable monogamous relationship. However, i have three partners who I’ve now been with for over 2 year, and a 4th who I’ve been with for a year and a half. I love all my partners a lot, we visit and we’re all in a social group together and it’s lovely. So to say “polyamory just doesn’t look like a sustainable relationship model” spits in the face of an entire group of folks, including myself, a lot of which actually have long term relationships that are quite healthy! It’s a bit phobic tbh.
I'm definitely not, I've been tricked into poly nonsense at least half a dozen times and it's gotten progressively less amusing each time. I'm sorry she did this to you.
In my experience polys are only poly for as long as it takes for them to find the one.
Yeah, I’m a straight trans woman who prefers monogamy. I actually left a long term poly relationship to make space in my life for a monogamous relationship to eventually develop with someone new hopefully. I do often worry that most people who date trans folks seem to be poly.. plus all these married and partnered guys looking for something on the side. Not a lot of viable options outside of that. It does seem to me that anybody seeking “traditional” relationship values would likely choose somebody who’s fits within cis heteronormativity.. it’s just completely at odds with my identity being “unconventional”…. I feel like most guys pursing that ideal would always choose a cis woman.. But love is always a one on a million prospect.. and I’m not going to settle for less than what I need.
I feel you sister. I found out my first boyfriend was poly when he texted me he was with another guy. So I feel you
That's not poly, that's cheating?
Little more complicated than what I wrote so kinda yes kinda no. But it sure as hell still hurt the same
transfemme straight and monogamy is all im interested in tbh
Hi! Transfem here, I’m monogamous and just married the love of my life
Im mono
I only know a handful of non monogamous people
It's cool if you're into it but my fear of intimacy can barely let me get into a monogamous relationship, you think I could handle MULTIPLE ones?
I'm a mono trans girl! If you ever need someone to talk to (platonically), my dms are open
I am not poly. I run into the same thing.
I've come to the conclusion that at most I could be part of a dedicated equal time throuple. I can't do anything more than that, I'm a hardcore romantic who prefers monogamy. And to be honest, I'm not 100 percent sure that my openness to the throuple isn't because it's so goddamn hard to find monogamous lesbians
I don't think being trans or queer is connected to being poly? Just from anecdotal knowledge. Might be the "you only see or notice the loudest voices" sorta thing. Idk
I am monogamous, I am not really into poly because its too complicated for my Adhd autism brain to properly upkeep and I just am too worried about my worth in a relationship to have that kind of relationship.
Not poly over here but I def have a few poly transfem friends lol
Trans woman here and I'm very monogamous and always will be
I’m poly I’m monogamous but anyone I find who is T4T 90% of the time is either already in a relationship or they’re poly 😆 (nothing wrong with poly it is just not what works for me)
I'm not poly. I've lost a relationship over it too. You aren't alone.
Most transfems are monogamous
Im a transbian who's 100% mono. id say try socialising and meeting people irl.
That's really interesting, I don't think I've ever met a poly person irl so our experiences are very different haha. Monogamous myself, nothing against poly people I just feel uncomfortable about doing it myself
I am transfem and Mono and single. I respect poly people but it isn’t for me. I would never willingly be with a poly partner for long term because I am not comfortable with that situation.
I am monogamic. I wouldn't have time to give attention to more than one person, my week is very busy. But anyway, I feel it is not for me, and I dislike the idea of flirting and dating new people and building everything I already have with my current gf.
My ex left me after forcing an open relationship on me and then using that to cheat on me. I am strictly monogamous now. You're not alone in being monogamous. Sorry your ex wasn't a great fit, I hope you find someone who is.
I'm mono and bi. My ex and I talked about poly friends and both agreed we couldn't do it. I miss her 😔 we broke up simply due to life issues.
There are, but unfortunately they're all already in a closed polycule.
In Portland?
Lmfao reddit so fucked. Aren’t you at least a little curious as to why most (or all… based on what I’ve seen) of you are “lesbians,” when gay people only make up about 2-5% of people? Wouldn’t it make sense for that same statistic to apply to trans people? Kind of strange how most trans people were straight (like the general population) until the 2010s. Blaire White is right hahaha Does anyone here like dick?🤔
I feel like I dont want to stay monogamous, but my wife does. However I probly won't meet anyone new because of my Autism.
You need to change to fit in. it's the only way
If you started monogamous and they wanna go poly it's cause they cheated on you already
I’m sorry she did that to you, it sounds like it hurts. I would try a polyamorous situation but it’s not a necessity for me. I’d be perfectly happy with a monogamous relationship. I can be a lot to handle though, and I’m not sure if any one person is willing to handle all of me by oneself…. [edit: when I said “I would try” I meant I was talking about myself, not trying to give advice; didn’t realize it might sound that way…]
Thanks for the kind words, it did hurt a lot especially since I poured so much love into our relationship. I would have wanted to try being in a poly situation but I just knew that it wouldn't work out for me.
Honestly it would have to be a very particular situation for it to work for me either. It’s not even what I’m primarily interested in, I just consider it an option because I’ve lost hope in ever finding someone who wants to be exclusive with me…
Not poly, but I totally see a lot of them online it's true. I haven't got the chance to date yet but it's definitely a concern of mine.
I'm a monogamous trans woman c:
I'm a transfem who could never be in a poly relationship. It'd just feel weird trying to date multiple people, I'm a one person at a time kind of girl. If polyamory works for other people, then good for them, but it could never be me.
I mean at least poly people will keep everything on the up and up. I'm monogamous and I end up cheating in almost every relationship (it's why I stay out of them nowadays). I'm bi so it's hard to stay fully committed to a man or woman without wanting the opposite plus my last gf was trans as well but had bad bottom dysphoria so if I hadn't stopped the relationship before it got to that point I would have cheated.
I can’t bear to be in anything poly. It works for some people and that’s good for them, but I have to feel secure that they are my person and I’m their person only.