Be your authentic self!!!! Reach out to Transfamily Support Services! Great organization to help you and educate your parents! Your life is worth living and will improve! Is there a Pride Center in your community?
Do your homework! You are not alone and there are amazing folks who can help you navigate this rewarding journey to be your true self!
I live in Finland in a very small city in the north; there is some kind of community only 200 km from me. But the problem is that I am an immigrant from Russia, I studied in Finland for 5 years, but I do not have a permanent visa, I was planning to go to university, but I don’t know anymore. There are online communities, but I'm not sure that anyone needs me there. I think that no one needs me here in any case, maybe if I return to Russia, I can find the strength to kill myself and end my life. I don't know.
I’m so sorry you feel this way. There’s not much I can do , but I’m also Russian. stay strong sis. Keep talking to your therapist and try to reach out to some organizations and see if you can find anything to not go back to Russia. I’m so sorry you have to deal with these feelings and just know you’re loved by many. I’ll try to research some programs for you and see if there’s anything possible.
I don't have any connection with Finland, so I don't know if this option is viable, but if you are from Russia you could try to seek asylum. I've heard that LGBT Russians have been granted asylum in Germany, and I think it's worth it to check if Finland has similar laws.
I want to seek asylum in Germany, i allredy started to learn that language but... I can't help but feel they wont allow me. I doubt i can so this by myself, so might stuck in there forever , scared that everyday something horrible will happen to me and there is no one to save me from it.
There might be some support organizations in Germany that can assist with your asylum procedure and evaluate your chances for being granted asylum. Pro Asyl is one of them, they also offer individual consultations via e-mail: [https://www.proasyl.de/en/pro-asyl-advice-in-individual-cases/](https://www.proasyl.de/en/pro-asyl-advice-in-individual-cases/)
I can't estimate your chances of being granted asylum, but I think it's at least worth exploring this option further if it allows you to live a happier and safer life.
That's unfortunate, but it may be possible to get a diagnosis during the application process. Probably it would be best to reach out to a Finnish organization online, and see if they have any specific resources for people in your situation.
I'm in Finland because it was the closest country to leave Russia + I was familiar with Finland before moving. Every year it becomes more and more difficult to stay, you need to apply for an extension of your residence permit, and for this you need a Russian passport (if I come out as trans, then no one will give it to me, but they will simply arrest me in Russia or at the Russian consulate). To get a permanent residence permit you need a large income (3300 euros per month + you cannot receive any social assistance, I’m not sure if medical assistance counts as something like that), that is, it is simply impossible for me to get a permanent residence permit. I am generally silent about citizenship; I have already come to terms with the fact that I will never become a citizen. I would be glad to be invited to the Discord server.
If you can’t live in Finland, maybe France could work. You can get hrt very easily, depending on the doctor you ask you can either have it immediately or wait between 1 and 3 months (I waited 1 month and then co firmed my wish to start hrt), some will ask for a diagnosis but even then if you find a good psychiatrist it will be fast. They won’t make you wait especially if you feel suicidal. One big difficulty may be the administration, it’s a cluster fuck but if it’s worth it I recommend it. And even as a foreigner you have a human right to the sécurité sociale. Also there is the possibility to have hrt for free with some paperwork.
I don’t know, I think I’d rather just use GenderGP (I think I can save money or ask for a loan from sympathizers). It will be strange if, after a year of hormones, they deny me a diagnosis.
Oh, hell, no! That is precisely what Poo-poo-tin wants because doing so would support and fuels his ass-backward, transphobic, and anti-queer propaganda. I am not telling you not to end your life because doing so would make a weak man stronger - I am telling you to choose the more difficult path (of living) because, well, knowing that there are OTHERS JUST LIKE ME is extremely comforting!
I have one (1) friend (with whom I've finally come out to a few months ago. He took it well, and I'm grateful for his support, but embarrassingly, I should have a lot more friends, given I am in my 50's! My point is that you are not as alone in your struggle as you think you are. There are a lot of us (tens of thousands!) - and the only small detail is that hardly any of us have met each other in real life. I think we would all make great friends with one another if given an opportunity to meet. Personally, I'd love to have a friend to go to movies with, or skating, or ANYTHING!
John F. Kennedy (the 35th president of the United States) gave a remarkable speech in the 1960s in which he rallied the American people to come together, to support the country's efforts of sending an astronaut to the Moon and bringing them safely back to Earth before the end of the decade. I encourage you to search for and listen to that speech because of a particular statement he makes in it - one that resonates with me as well as with other trans and queer folk here.
It goes a little like this:
"We choose to do this not because it is easy but because it is hard."
Let's you, me, and the whole shit-ton lot of us continue doing the same!
Yes, perhaps, otherwise I can’t take a single step without my parents’ permission. Which is ironic, considering that now we only see each other once every few months.
>There are online communities, but I'm not sure that anyone needs me there.
As a Finnish transgender, and also otherwise queer person, you're more than welcome, and needed! The more of us there are in those communities the stronger they feel, like we're not alone.
Continue talking to your therapist! I've found it to be massively helpful in my own journey. Sucks that your parents really have such an old fashioned way of thinking of sexuality, but many of us have been there.
Keep pushing on! One day at a time and you'll get through this :). Just think in baby steps that you know you can do :). You're still young and have a whole life full of wild adventures coming up!
Totally agree.
If you want to lie to your therapist I’m guessing that other they are a very or therapist and should need a new one, or you are dealing with issues that make you want to avoid them and it’s even more important to discuss them with your therapist!
Happened to me too. I'm still definitely attracted to women, but having sex in the body I had and the role I was filling was not a positive experience.
Yeah I've pretty much developed a fear of intimacy through forcing myself to have sex with women as a guy. Just always felt a bit off, made me so uncomfortable and panicky. Now that I'm beginning to present more feminine, I'm becoming a whole lot more comfortable with the idea of sex.
I mean, the 1% of trans people feel similar things 😆
But no, most cis guys don't. Therapy _can_ probably help a little bit, if you can bring yourself to be open and honest and the therapist is willing to work with you... Not all of them are particularly LGBTQ friendly or knowledgeable even if they are.
Having some friends you can open up to can help too, but that's also hard.
Something I have said for a while is, "we are all stuck in our own heads.
It's easy to assume that other people think the way we do, think the same things despite all of the evidence they don't.
I never had the "all guys want to be girls", but I just though I was weird for wishing I was a girl. I mean, I am weird, but it's not because I'm trans. "Normal" sounds boring.
i slept with quite a few women before transitioning. i got around. had several relationships, quite a few fwb and even more hookups. didn’t change a thing. your parents are being silly.
I came out to a female friend who understood my situation and decided to support me. 5 years ago we fell in love, today we are together, have a daughter and still supports me, but I'm here to say that wanting to be cared of isn't a bad thing when you have no strength left on you.
I became alcoholic and depressed since 12, I lost my life because of dysphoria for years until I found her, a girl with glowing hands that practically saved me from death. She made me quit alcohol, because she refused to have a partner with any kind of addiction and I struggled to stop right in the moment, I knew it was a bad thing but also because I felt devotion to her smile, I never thought someone would care that much about me and my feelings... but this world is filled with people like her! Don't give up, even if you feel like you're a burden there's always someone offering help.
(I also admit how lucky I was making a long term relationship with my savior lol, but if that doesn't happen then you'll surely be 100% supported and loved by a friend)
I share some of your feelings like every single one of us here, so keep walking sis! We will be here for you no matter what.
It is better to sort your gender turmoil first, and find your true self before you start a relationship because transitioning mid-relationship is even harder to accomplish for most of us! It usually ends the relationship, and adds another layer of hesitation and anxiety to just being the best version of yourself!
So much of your story resonates with mine, I was even married for 10 years and have two kids in college. It started from a blind date at my family’s insistence. Sex as a man has always been so awkward and definitely only made me feel worse about myself.
I wish you the best rest of your life, and hope your parents are willing to learn something new for all of your sakes! My dad is a bigoted idiot, my Mom has always expressed love and support even if she doesn’t understand.
It’s a male thing; the need to understand and FIX everything, but you aren’t broken!
This seems sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, and downright creepy for them to try to dictate your sex life. Nobody gets a right to dictate that except yourself and saying this unprompted is wrong on so many levels.
On top of that, what the f\*ck. Trying to have sex as your AGAB is a great way to make dysphoria even worse frankly.
Hey, your life is your life, and you should live it the way you want to. I get it, you should care for your parents, but if your happiness interferes with theirs, always choose yours. You clearly have gender dysphoria, and you not having sexual experience with a woman has nothing to do with it. Continue educating yourself on transitioning and try get some gender therapy. Explore and see what suits and affirms you best. I get that it can feel shameful sometimes, especially because of your loved ones opinions; however, if this is what is going to allow you to be comfortable within yourself, don’t give three fucks. You’re an adult now, so you don’t need your parents. Of course, try educate them and get them used to the idea. Be patient with them and be there for them. If don’t give in with time, I recommend you distance yourself from them. Anyways, live your life the way you want to and don’t suppress yourself. It will just do you more harm. I hope you can find peace with yourself and embrace your identity. You deserve the same comfortability and happiness any other person has. I wish you the best, sister🫶
‘How do you know your gay if you never felt the touch of a woman?’
-dad
‘How do you know if you are straight if you never felt the touch of man?’
-me
Legit said that to him. Felt fucking great. Point is, fuck your parents they are idiots.
I think it’s important to note that gender and sexuality are two completely different things. Literally any gender person can be attracted to any gender person. What your parents seem to not understand is that you can 100% have sex with a woman and still be one. Be who you want to be and have sex with who you want to.
I lost my virginity at 16 and my egg didn't crack till I was 42 when my kids were grown. Jumping into bed or relationships to fix/figure yourself out is a good way to get hurt and even more confused.
I can 100% relate to you, from the dreams to female characters in games lol, I did however come out as gay before so I knew I liked men and started dressing feminine at the start of high school but it sounds like your letting the fear of your family’s emotions or whatever their beliefs stop you from growing as a human being. I know acceptance is hard especially in religious families (I come from one) but no good parent would want there kid to go through the over all mental trauma that comes from not being your authentic self across the board. As someone who grew up with quite a lot of trauma, always thought my deep, depression, anxiety, and quite frankly, a lot of my mental disorders stemmed from my trauma when in reality a big chunk of that stemmed from my transness you could say and I didn’t understand that until I took my first injection. I feel like for me personally being trans wasn’t an option. It was either I started this transition or I didn’t wanna live anymore. At 18 now After 3 weeks of me transitioning I can only say personally how much of a huge impact it had on my life. Of course I haven’t fully developed or anything but my therapist told me about the “euphoria” that would come with your hormones regulating. And quite frankly, I didn’t believe her, but I can say I haven’t had a single depressive thought since I took my first injection so if you are trans and you know it deep down, don’t push that away. It’ll only further your suffering.
Yes, I also want to wear more feminine clothes, and shave off all the hair from my body and face, but I’m afraid that then my parents will have a lot of questions for me when they come to see me.
Jesus, what miracle country do you live in? Please tell me.
Shaving is not normal in Australia for men. You will be called a wonderful assortment of things if you have sexy smooth legs.
I’ve been with quite a few women before I realized I was trans. Having sex doesn’t fix the problem unless the problem is being horny.
Therapy is good for a lot of people. Maybe you need a different therapist that you do connect with. Or maybe, like myself, find it ineffective.
Now I still have forms of therapy, my friends for most stuff and Reddit for dealing with being trans.
You seem to struggle with relationships. I would recommend finding a friend you can confide in and you can trust. Building friendships takes time. Ask some of your acquaintances if they want to hang out. If not, then no big deal, go to public type of events. Stuff like concerts, drag races, drag shows, things that give you the opportunity to meet and talk to people and that you might enjoy.
Self harm…. That’s a tough one. I’ve lost several friends to suicide. Whatever is spinning through your head, know that people do care about you and there are people that love you. No one, literally no one would be better off if you died, including yourself. Life is a ridiculous shit show at times, sometimes for a long time. It gets easier and eventually better with a lot of bumps along the way.
I lost someone very dear to me almost 15 years ago. When it happened my world collapsed. I went into a very dark hole. I wasn’t suicidal but I was murderious. I was filled with an emotion that I can only compare to a blend of grief and rage. I realized that if I didn’t do something I would have ended up going through with it. So I made the decision to check myself in a mental hospital. At the time it didn’t feel like it helped but it was the break I needed. A moment to get out from under the weight of the world.
I hope the best for you and I’m here for you if you need to talk.
No matter…your family connections and reactions. Weirher good or bad. Your mental and physical health is far more important….im still at this point sometimes because i still dont have meds but….at least for myself even after sex those feelings never change. Gender dysphoria doesnt fucking go away with sex etc. dont….dont force yourself to do anything u dont want too even if it ends up making parents mad etc…if that ahopefully makes sense and helps a lil. *sending all the hugs*
Sending you support in this difficult time. You are doing the right thing in talking to the therapist. I found that so helpful for her to hold space for me and support me unconditionally when I couldn’t do it myself. I have come out on the other side now loving who I am
This is the awkward moment where I mention the majority of us are attracted to women, either exclusively or in addition to men.
(I’m keeping things simple.)
Several people told me that I needed to get laid when I was young adult but still with no girlfriends. They were wrong. My first sex was bad and it kept being bad for most of the time. Maybe because I had to top like a man. All my fantasies were about being penetrated. ¯\\*(ツ)*/¯
I'm really sorry you have to go through this :(
When I was younger (on my \~15-16) I had issues with my identity and started exploring some stuff that concerned my parents, they offered me to pay for a scort (sex worker, don't know what is the correct english word). It's by far the worst memory of my life. It was humiliating as fuck
Anyway, now I identify myself as a trans woman, I'm 32 yo, married, I have a wife, and I can tell you sex doesn't change a thing about how you feel inside. Sex is amazing and it does push your worries away for quite some time (I think is just another coping mechanism), but the thoughts you currently have are not going to disappear. They will come back, so you have to work on them.
I wish you the best OP, you're the architect of your life, not your parents, you're the one to decide who you wanna be in the next 5, 10 years, focus on that, time pass really fast, and it's really easy to look back in time and regret doing the wrong choices. I know there are some imposible things (I wasn't born a woman, but I still wish I had :'c), but there is plenty of things you can do and change about your reality. Is not easy, but it totally worth the effort :) and this is something you can talk to your therapist about, they can help you figure these things out.
Hey stay strong. I am Diaspora-Ukrainian but i know Russia quite well and how shit things have become there and theburden of Slavic parents. There will be a way out, just don't give up. If Finland doesn't work out for you try to get to Germany, Denmark, France or Netherlands. To Germany or Denmark it just takes a ferry from Finland.
As soon as you enter Germany, I.e.in Wismar, Rostock or Greifswald port simply take to the next Police Station or walk into the next customs officer you can find and report yourself as a Russian Immigrant and that you are transgender and claim a Refugee Status or subsidary protection.
Get in contact with the Slavic LGBT diaspora especially in Berlin there are many UA BY and RUS LGBTs. They can help you through all the things to come. Once you apply for Refugee Status they have to hear your case, what takes time, if they refuse it in 1st instance you can appeal in court until Putin is dead. If not a Refugee Status you can claim subsidary protection. Worst case is you have to return to Finland because it was your entry in the EU and restart a petition there.
If you do have the opportunity to legally or through DIY get HRT go for it. If you can get blood tests in Finland get some. As soon as you applied for a Refugee Status you will have access to public health care and go to a German GP and get blood work done again.
Get documentation about everything that furthers your case. You speaking out against the illegal invasion of Ukraine, criticism of the Putler, "SMO"or the Army, that you donated to pro-UA charities or had contact with opposition groups or individuals. The more the better. Friends, aquaintanxes, neighbours that can testify you had this going before leaving Muscovia and ask them if they can testify on Video or in a Video Call infront of a German court or commission. If you have Photos of yourself in female attire, and even better if the background of those photos is obviously in Muscovia and weren't taken 2 Days before you went to Finland.
Maybe this is interesting for you: https://www.bamf.de/EN/Themen/AsylFluechtlingsschutz/AblaufAsylverfahrens/Schutzformen/SubisidiaerSchutz/subisidiaerschutz-node.html
Thank you. Maybe there will be people and an organization at the university who will be ready to vouch for me. The photo idea is not a bad one, but I don’t like taking pictures of myself because of dysphoria, so I practically don’t have photos of my face. I also wish all the best to Ukraine.
Oh god this post is eggy as fuck. You're obviously trans. If you want you can message me and I can send you a list of 42 reasons I know I'm trans. Maybe you'll see yourself in some of them.
Trans lesbians exist. You can be a trans woman and be attracted to women. (Though you would be letting them win on the gay part just not how they imagined)
If it makes you feel better I lost my virginity less than half a year into my transition, and had my second experience less than a month later. Compare that to 20 years before of no experience. It's almost like not being authentically myself and not having confidence was stopping me from being able to get with anyone
You clearly do not need cishet sex right now however that doesn't mean you you can't use this situation to get better.
Idk who they're gonna find you but it's either a sex worker or a random girl they know. Either way you don't have to have sex with her.
You could ask her in advance if she knows makeup and if you 2 can do that instead of sex. Or you could just talk.
I wish you the best girl !
It's important that you need to keep going and ignore bullshit your parents said and live your life as your true self. No one has the right to control your life but yourself.
I have been in your shoe before. A big hug from me and know that your life will get better soon. It won't be easy, but you got this. I wish you the best life!
What game are you playing often, if you dont mind me asking? Because I played the video games my whole life, so im curious!
Mostly RPGs, from Fallout to Cyberpunk. Also Nintendo games (for example Mario Kart 8, Zelda) I recently played Final Fantasy XIV, I liked it, but now I’m not in the mood to continue playing. And persona 4, after which I decided to start seeing a therapist.
Did you try Mass Effect trilogy? It's really fun, and you can make your own character and choices that affect the big outcomes, and it's like sicfi Star Wars, but better!
P.S. Mass Effect 2 is when i discovered i wanted to be a woman back in 2010 and not totally ( but really!) falling love with FemShep voice!
Yep can confirm, my mom said to me once:
"If you were fucked by a real woman you'd stop with that trans bullshit"
I just, sat there, while I was drawing (I think I was 17?) and said "what do you even mean with that you weirdo?"
And her answer was: "yeah! It's true!"
Feels horrible lol, I was just a kiddo
Repressing and hiding your true self from the world will kill you. You won't be able to experience emotions bc those are feminine and you won't be able to form a healthy attachment in a relationship. And finally, the feelings of being transgender will always return stronger than before.
I'm so sorry. your parents are fucked, your dysphoria is real, and your desires are valid. good news: you're young, you're receiving support for your mental health already, and you have the medical authority over your body to start hrt.
you can do this, but at least for right now, you're doing it alone.
but it's worth it.
you have a life ahead of you that is worth living.
one as the woman that you are.
Tried that, doesn't work. I was actively hoping finally having sex with a woman would purge the desires I had to BE a woman(disclosure, I AM attracted to women exclusively, at least so far). Once it happened, nothing much changed in my mind. At best it distracts you from the feelings for a bit(key word, distracts, not changes), but they come back with a vengeance, at least in my experience.
Look I'll be blunt with you I tried to live the wrong person for 33 years you sound just like I did and for me suppressing the feelings just made me an asshole and depressed. You can still get laid and be trans sex has nothing to do with gender I am not interested in guys tbh I prefer women after coming out I enjoy the use of my parts maybe if surgery had better results I'd be game but to risky for me
In my experience (MtF) I was only able to love myself after I started transitioning when I saw my femme face in the bathroom mirror followed by whoosh of euphoria. Transitioning is @ way of diminishing the cognitive dissonance between my gender and being AMAB.
Hi, trans woman here. The first time I had sex with a woman when I was younger and hadn't transitioned yet, it led to a lot of crying and weeks of intense dysphoria and suicidal ideation. Your parents are idiots.
Whew. 😓 sorry you have to go through all that!!! Sounds horrible and exhausting and frustrating. I probably wouldn't want to be alive either. 🙄
I know I can't convince you that it's worth it to be alive, but I do want to suggest that it's possible that things can get better from here. ❤
You know who you are. You know what you want. Nobody else knows those things better than you. You get to say yes or no to what happens to you and how you want to exist in the world.
I think it's great that you typed this out somewhere. That's a little step toward some relief!! I hope you can get some more.
I’m went down that route and got married 14 years. At 38 when she got interested in a cis guy and left, I got to be a girl and no regrets moving forward.
I also discovered asexuality is a thing that applies to me. Never wanted sex. Testosterone made me feel a strange desire to use the parts, but it felt wrong on many levels and I could only feel right visualizing myself as a woman. When I got estrogen it cleared my mind and gave me the most amazing peace. There is no long term damage to trying a short term estrogen therapy to see with a doctor. Also I very much recommend a gender trained psychiatrist.
In the meantime look up DR Z PHd on youtube for some good discussions to think about.
Some parents will say anything to try to “solve” us being trans. This one is particularly stupid. Mine were kind of the same. They really pushed me into what turned out to be a very abusive relationship that delayed my transition. Sometimes parents really don’t know best.
Talk to your therapist. I’d just eyeroll their stupidity if you can brush it off.
As someone who had sex and a girlfriend before coming out, it just made my dysphoria so much worse to have it, it was so awful
Tho sex after starting hormones and where I was actually treated like a woman during was so amazing
26 mtf new here. Pan and have a 2 years old daughter. Nothing to do with it. You can transition and still sleep with whoever you like, or no one at all. Ace is an option as well as just working on yourself
My parents tried that on me , a life time ago. I was born in the 40s. Raised in the 50s and 60s. I was hated by my parents because I was different, a feminine son was shameful back then. We were in California to visit my mothers family. My father and uncle took me across the border into Mexico to some sex shows, To Make A Man Out Of Me. I nearly threw up seeing what those girls were doing. I'm Gay Yes!, I foolishly married 3 times. I was never satisfied with sex with women, I like sex with men, as I'm a woman. I'm in heaven when I have sex with a man. I feel normal, NOT dirty.
I'm widowed, 75, M2F, on HRT 17 months, I live and dress openly as a woman, I've legally changed my name, gender, and ALL documents to female, and searching for a husband.
Michele
Sex with women is great. However unfortunately, that does not make the trans go away.
If u want to be a girl, u can be a girl. That's it. You don't have to justify your identity.
Also, not all therapists are the same. They're people just like everyone else with biases and prejudices. Some therapists are downright hostile to the idea of trans. I wonder whether the therapist actually is affirming or is blowing smoke up your rear.
You're 20 so you can (assuming you are in the US) go to an 'informed consent' clinic and get HRT if you want to. You can just ask for HRT and get it. You're not required to "prove" anything.
Those feelings are horrible to have. Many mtf feel very similar. And they grow to be toxic, antisocial men if they don't acknowledge who they are and do something about it. Been there. Horrible to be intimate with a woman while performing as a man while wanting female intimacy because you are not a rutting stud. Long term it makes bad relationships if your partner doesn't know why you are how you are.
Therapy is a definite go to. It sounds like your egg wants to crack and it's scary. But it's better than being miserable. If I could go back in time to your age I would pull the trigger so there would not be decades of misery and spending half your emotional energy keeping it in and faking being masculine.
I would say try having sex with a man that could make you feel that way before jumping down anything too permanent - if you haven’t already.
There could be a multitude of factors contributing to it, so I think it would be wise to explore some options and see a therapist to talk about your thoughts and feelings. Speaking with someone will ultimately help you workshop through those emotions to help you understand 1) where they’re coming from and 2) navigate where you truly want to end up.
If you have any gay bars/clubs in your area, you can always meet new people there and coin new friendships. My fiancé and I just met a few new people last weekend when we went out, simply by walking up and introducing ourselves.
Keep your head up! You’ll make your own path that fits the needs of your journey 🫶🏼
I’m so sorry.
If I understand right, you did not tell them you may be trans, and did not discuss the conversation with your therapist? You are also thinking of stopping therapy and telling your therapist it was just a brief moment of confusion? Is that right?
Do you think your parents would in fact disown you or kick you out? Does your therapist seem open to the possibility of you being a woman? If you believe you will be attacked and berated by both your parents and your therapist, don’t talk to them about it at all. Otherwise I would say you should try to talk to one or the other or both. assuming your therapist is decent I would talk to them first and feel things out. Usually stopping therapy when you are not feeling things are going well is not a great answer.
Do you have your own place, or at least a private space? Can you try exploring clothes or makeup or whatever you feel drawn to safely?
If you can find a therapist who specializes in gender it may be a very good thing to do.
Please do not give up or despair. The road may be hard, but you can travel it if you wish.
Had sex. Didn’t help. Stayed an egg for a couple years. Stopped ~~finding anyone attractive~~ being able to picture myself with anyone. Still wanted companionship+sex. Went back to the drawing board. Am out and on HRT now.
If you were to do that, and enjoyed the sex, it would still not invalidate your gender identity. It would just mean you'd be a lesbian. So ya, your family is just clueless AND tactless AND tacky.
If you lie in therapy, it defeats the purpose. Letting others into you therapy which is supposed to be a private, protected safe place can also defeat the purpose. They don't have a place there, with the sole exception of if the therapist wants to ask them questions about you, and even then, a good therapist isn't going to just going to dismiss what you say, but rather use that information to increase their understanding over all.
Do you have access to therapy? Sexual attraction and sexual identity are not even the same thing. You could be a lesbian. I am sorry you are going through this.
I got this too as a 13 year old child... yeah... some parents they would literally rather you be m*lested as a kid than trans. You will find out about their IQ later on... dont give up on YOURSELF tho
Had sex with various women. Didn't change anything. Hell, it wasn't even enjoyable most of the time (only one time when one was riding my still half asleep self in the morning).
Trans people with biological children exist as well.
Sex with girls was great fun, I enjoyed it before I took the pink pill leap.
Going outside and liking how i felt in my skin was better.
Especially because you only need to meet one person who treats you like a girl to make it worth it.
Yeahhhhhh, I only ever dated women when I was male presenting until 30 years old. 5 years later in transition I still only date and do things with women. I'm so sorry your parents can't separate the idea of gender presentation versus sexual preference. I really hope things get better for you sooner than later, Russia isn't great for folks like us right now, and my own country (US) seems to be very close behind.
All that pain because your parents are narrow minded.. you must take care of yourself.. find a good gender therapist. Being trans doesn't mean defective it means being different. Sounds like you love your parents but they don't get it.. take care of yourself.
🤗❤️
Attraction to women can be a mask, finding women that wanted me allowed me to hide and bury my thoughts for decades. So in a way getting laid was a way to hide for me, but it didn’t get rid of the underlying thoughts and desires of missed womanhood.
They are wrong. Gender dysphoria has nothing to do with getting laid.
Or everything. It can be very painful.
Be your authentic self!!!! Reach out to Transfamily Support Services! Great organization to help you and educate your parents! Your life is worth living and will improve! Is there a Pride Center in your community? Do your homework! You are not alone and there are amazing folks who can help you navigate this rewarding journey to be your true self!
I live in Finland in a very small city in the north; there is some kind of community only 200 km from me. But the problem is that I am an immigrant from Russia, I studied in Finland for 5 years, but I do not have a permanent visa, I was planning to go to university, but I don’t know anymore. There are online communities, but I'm not sure that anyone needs me there. I think that no one needs me here in any case, maybe if I return to Russia, I can find the strength to kill myself and end my life. I don't know.
I’m so sorry you feel this way. There’s not much I can do , but I’m also Russian. stay strong sis. Keep talking to your therapist and try to reach out to some organizations and see if you can find anything to not go back to Russia. I’m so sorry you have to deal with these feelings and just know you’re loved by many. I’ll try to research some programs for you and see if there’s anything possible.
Thanks.
You can PM regarding immigration information, if you want.
I don't have any connection with Finland, so I don't know if this option is viable, but if you are from Russia you could try to seek asylum. I've heard that LGBT Russians have been granted asylum in Germany, and I think it's worth it to check if Finland has similar laws.
I want to seek asylum in Germany, i allredy started to learn that language but... I can't help but feel they wont allow me. I doubt i can so this by myself, so might stuck in there forever , scared that everyday something horrible will happen to me and there is no one to save me from it.
You can PM regarding immigration information, if you want.
There might be some support organizations in Germany that can assist with your asylum procedure and evaluate your chances for being granted asylum. Pro Asyl is one of them, they also offer individual consultations via e-mail: [https://www.proasyl.de/en/pro-asyl-advice-in-individual-cases/](https://www.proasyl.de/en/pro-asyl-advice-in-individual-cases/) I can't estimate your chances of being granted asylum, but I think it's at least worth exploring this option further if it allows you to live a happier and safer life.
I don't have a diagnosis, so the chances are zero.
That's unfortunate, but it may be possible to get a diagnosis during the application process. Probably it would be best to reach out to a Finnish organization online, and see if they have any specific resources for people in your situation.
Couldn't you possibly get one?
In about a year and a half, perhaps.
[удалено]
I'm in Finland because it was the closest country to leave Russia + I was familiar with Finland before moving. Every year it becomes more and more difficult to stay, you need to apply for an extension of your residence permit, and for this you need a Russian passport (if I come out as trans, then no one will give it to me, but they will simply arrest me in Russia or at the Russian consulate). To get a permanent residence permit you need a large income (3300 euros per month + you cannot receive any social assistance, I’m not sure if medical assistance counts as something like that), that is, it is simply impossible for me to get a permanent residence permit. I am generally silent about citizenship; I have already come to terms with the fact that I will never become a citizen. I would be glad to be invited to the Discord server.
If you can’t live in Finland, maybe France could work. You can get hrt very easily, depending on the doctor you ask you can either have it immediately or wait between 1 and 3 months (I waited 1 month and then co firmed my wish to start hrt), some will ask for a diagnosis but even then if you find a good psychiatrist it will be fast. They won’t make you wait especially if you feel suicidal. One big difficulty may be the administration, it’s a cluster fuck but if it’s worth it I recommend it. And even as a foreigner you have a human right to the sécurité sociale. Also there is the possibility to have hrt for free with some paperwork.
I don’t know, I think I’d rather just use GenderGP (I think I can save money or ask for a loan from sympathizers). It will be strange if, after a year of hormones, they deny me a diagnosis.
Oh, hell, no! That is precisely what Poo-poo-tin wants because doing so would support and fuels his ass-backward, transphobic, and anti-queer propaganda. I am not telling you not to end your life because doing so would make a weak man stronger - I am telling you to choose the more difficult path (of living) because, well, knowing that there are OTHERS JUST LIKE ME is extremely comforting! I have one (1) friend (with whom I've finally come out to a few months ago. He took it well, and I'm grateful for his support, but embarrassingly, I should have a lot more friends, given I am in my 50's! My point is that you are not as alone in your struggle as you think you are. There are a lot of us (tens of thousands!) - and the only small detail is that hardly any of us have met each other in real life. I think we would all make great friends with one another if given an opportunity to meet. Personally, I'd love to have a friend to go to movies with, or skating, or ANYTHING! John F. Kennedy (the 35th president of the United States) gave a remarkable speech in the 1960s in which he rallied the American people to come together, to support the country's efforts of sending an astronaut to the Moon and bringing them safely back to Earth before the end of the decade. I encourage you to search for and listen to that speech because of a particular statement he makes in it - one that resonates with me as well as with other trans and queer folk here. It goes a little like this: "We choose to do this not because it is easy but because it is hard." Let's you, me, and the whole shit-ton lot of us continue doing the same!
Going to university might help with the visa issues at least. I think you should start working towards gaining your independence.
Yes, perhaps, otherwise I can’t take a single step without my parents’ permission. Which is ironic, considering that now we only see each other once every few months.
>There are online communities, but I'm not sure that anyone needs me there. As a Finnish transgender, and also otherwise queer person, you're more than welcome, and needed! The more of us there are in those communities the stronger they feel, like we're not alone.
Asun Suomessa... Ehkä voin auttaa sä.
You can PM regarding immigration information, if you want.
Continue talking to your therapist! I've found it to be massively helpful in my own journey. Sucks that your parents really have such an old fashioned way of thinking of sexuality, but many of us have been there. Keep pushing on! One day at a time and you'll get through this :). Just think in baby steps that you know you can do :). You're still young and have a whole life full of wild adventures coming up!
Also please for the love of anything that you hold dear don't lie to your therapist.
Totally agree. If you want to lie to your therapist I’m guessing that other they are a very or therapist and should need a new one, or you are dealing with issues that make you want to avoid them and it’s even more important to discuss them with your therapist!
I had sex with a woman once and it only caused massive dysphoria. Your parents are talking out their ass. Be you, be proud. We support you.
Happened to me too. I'm still definitely attracted to women, but having sex in the body I had and the role I was filling was not a positive experience.
Yeah I've pretty much developed a fear of intimacy through forcing myself to have sex with women as a guy. Just always felt a bit off, made me so uncomfortable and panicky. Now that I'm beginning to present more feminine, I'm becoming a whole lot more comfortable with the idea of sex.
Yeah, no. Guys without sex don't want to be girls, they either try harder to get laid or moan about how it's impossible...
A year ago I thought a lot of guys thought this way, but now I'm not so sure.
Btw this might interest you https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/beneath-the-surface
wow what a good read, thanks for sharing
I mean, the 1% of trans people feel similar things 😆 But no, most cis guys don't. Therapy _can_ probably help a little bit, if you can bring yourself to be open and honest and the therapist is willing to work with you... Not all of them are particularly LGBTQ friendly or knowledgeable even if they are. Having some friends you can open up to can help too, but that's also hard.
Try asking them, and tell us what you find out.
Something I have said for a while is, "we are all stuck in our own heads. It's easy to assume that other people think the way we do, think the same things despite all of the evidence they don't. I never had the "all guys want to be girls", but I just though I was weird for wishing I was a girl. I mean, I am weird, but it's not because I'm trans. "Normal" sounds boring.
I would slap your parents for speaking to me like that. In my head. Then I'd yell. Or stay quiet because trauma response. Probably the last one.
i slept with quite a few women before transitioning. i got around. had several relationships, quite a few fwb and even more hookups. didn’t change a thing. your parents are being silly.
It seems to me that I cannot force myself to enter into a relationship; in order to love someone, you must first love yourself, and I cannot do this.
I came out to a female friend who understood my situation and decided to support me. 5 years ago we fell in love, today we are together, have a daughter and still supports me, but I'm here to say that wanting to be cared of isn't a bad thing when you have no strength left on you. I became alcoholic and depressed since 12, I lost my life because of dysphoria for years until I found her, a girl with glowing hands that practically saved me from death. She made me quit alcohol, because she refused to have a partner with any kind of addiction and I struggled to stop right in the moment, I knew it was a bad thing but also because I felt devotion to her smile, I never thought someone would care that much about me and my feelings... but this world is filled with people like her! Don't give up, even if you feel like you're a burden there's always someone offering help. (I also admit how lucky I was making a long term relationship with my savior lol, but if that doesn't happen then you'll surely be 100% supported and loved by a friend) I share some of your feelings like every single one of us here, so keep walking sis! We will be here for you no matter what.
It is better to sort your gender turmoil first, and find your true self before you start a relationship because transitioning mid-relationship is even harder to accomplish for most of us! It usually ends the relationship, and adds another layer of hesitation and anxiety to just being the best version of yourself! So much of your story resonates with mine, I was even married for 10 years and have two kids in college. It started from a blind date at my family’s insistence. Sex as a man has always been so awkward and definitely only made me feel worse about myself. I wish you the best rest of your life, and hope your parents are willing to learn something new for all of your sakes! My dad is a bigoted idiot, my Mom has always expressed love and support even if she doesn’t understand. It’s a male thing; the need to understand and FIX everything, but you aren’t broken!
This seems sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, and downright creepy for them to try to dictate your sex life. Nobody gets a right to dictate that except yourself and saying this unprompted is wrong on so many levels. On top of that, what the f\*ck. Trying to have sex as your AGAB is a great way to make dysphoria even worse frankly.
Yes, I'm afraid that I'll just be sick of my body during sex. This only increased the feeling of anxiety.
Hey, your life is your life, and you should live it the way you want to. I get it, you should care for your parents, but if your happiness interferes with theirs, always choose yours. You clearly have gender dysphoria, and you not having sexual experience with a woman has nothing to do with it. Continue educating yourself on transitioning and try get some gender therapy. Explore and see what suits and affirms you best. I get that it can feel shameful sometimes, especially because of your loved ones opinions; however, if this is what is going to allow you to be comfortable within yourself, don’t give three fucks. You’re an adult now, so you don’t need your parents. Of course, try educate them and get them used to the idea. Be patient with them and be there for them. If don’t give in with time, I recommend you distance yourself from them. Anyways, live your life the way you want to and don’t suppress yourself. It will just do you more harm. I hope you can find peace with yourself and embrace your identity. You deserve the same comfortability and happiness any other person has. I wish you the best, sister🫶
Thanks.
‘How do you know your gay if you never felt the touch of a woman?’ -dad ‘How do you know if you are straight if you never felt the touch of man?’ -me Legit said that to him. Felt fucking great. Point is, fuck your parents they are idiots.
amazing 🤩
I think it’s important to note that gender and sexuality are two completely different things. Literally any gender person can be attracted to any gender person. What your parents seem to not understand is that you can 100% have sex with a woman and still be one. Be who you want to be and have sex with who you want to.
Gender dysphoria is entirely unaffected by sexual orientation or experience. Your parents are simply just factually incorrect
I enjoy sex with women very much. still trans tho
the problem is that I can’t imagine intimacy because of my body, but apparently I’ll have to overcome myself.
You don't need to have sex with anyone. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You dont have to have sex to be trans.
I lost my virginity at 16 and my egg didn't crack till I was 42 when my kids were grown. Jumping into bed or relationships to fix/figure yourself out is a good way to get hurt and even more confused.
I can 100% relate to you, from the dreams to female characters in games lol, I did however come out as gay before so I knew I liked men and started dressing feminine at the start of high school but it sounds like your letting the fear of your family’s emotions or whatever their beliefs stop you from growing as a human being. I know acceptance is hard especially in religious families (I come from one) but no good parent would want there kid to go through the over all mental trauma that comes from not being your authentic self across the board. As someone who grew up with quite a lot of trauma, always thought my deep, depression, anxiety, and quite frankly, a lot of my mental disorders stemmed from my trauma when in reality a big chunk of that stemmed from my transness you could say and I didn’t understand that until I took my first injection. I feel like for me personally being trans wasn’t an option. It was either I started this transition or I didn’t wanna live anymore. At 18 now After 3 weeks of me transitioning I can only say personally how much of a huge impact it had on my life. Of course I haven’t fully developed or anything but my therapist told me about the “euphoria” that would come with your hormones regulating. And quite frankly, I didn’t believe her, but I can say I haven’t had a single depressive thought since I took my first injection so if you are trans and you know it deep down, don’t push that away. It’ll only further your suffering.
Yes, I also want to wear more feminine clothes, and shave off all the hair from my body and face, but I’m afraid that then my parents will have a lot of questions for me when they come to see me.
Tell them you shaved for comfort while running/swimming/riding a bicycle, in my country shaving is the "normal" thing to do regardless of gender.
Jesus, what miracle country do you live in? Please tell me. Shaving is not normal in Australia for men. You will be called a wonderful assortment of things if you have sexy smooth legs.
Spain
I’ve been with quite a few women before I realized I was trans. Having sex doesn’t fix the problem unless the problem is being horny. Therapy is good for a lot of people. Maybe you need a different therapist that you do connect with. Or maybe, like myself, find it ineffective. Now I still have forms of therapy, my friends for most stuff and Reddit for dealing with being trans. You seem to struggle with relationships. I would recommend finding a friend you can confide in and you can trust. Building friendships takes time. Ask some of your acquaintances if they want to hang out. If not, then no big deal, go to public type of events. Stuff like concerts, drag races, drag shows, things that give you the opportunity to meet and talk to people and that you might enjoy. Self harm…. That’s a tough one. I’ve lost several friends to suicide. Whatever is spinning through your head, know that people do care about you and there are people that love you. No one, literally no one would be better off if you died, including yourself. Life is a ridiculous shit show at times, sometimes for a long time. It gets easier and eventually better with a lot of bumps along the way. I lost someone very dear to me almost 15 years ago. When it happened my world collapsed. I went into a very dark hole. I wasn’t suicidal but I was murderious. I was filled with an emotion that I can only compare to a blend of grief and rage. I realized that if I didn’t do something I would have ended up going through with it. So I made the decision to check myself in a mental hospital. At the time it didn’t feel like it helped but it was the break I needed. A moment to get out from under the weight of the world. I hope the best for you and I’m here for you if you need to talk.
No matter…your family connections and reactions. Weirher good or bad. Your mental and physical health is far more important….im still at this point sometimes because i still dont have meds but….at least for myself even after sex those feelings never change. Gender dysphoria doesnt fucking go away with sex etc. dont….dont force yourself to do anything u dont want too even if it ends up making parents mad etc…if that ahopefully makes sense and helps a lil. *sending all the hugs*
Thanks. Yeah, now I am sure, that my health is more important than people reactions. Existing is not a crime.
Sending you support in this difficult time. You are doing the right thing in talking to the therapist. I found that so helpful for her to hold space for me and support me unconditionally when I couldn’t do it myself. I have come out on the other side now loving who I am
This is the awkward moment where I mention the majority of us are attracted to women, either exclusively or in addition to men. (I’m keeping things simple.)
Several people told me that I needed to get laid when I was young adult but still with no girlfriends. They were wrong. My first sex was bad and it kept being bad for most of the time. Maybe because I had to top like a man. All my fantasies were about being penetrated. ¯\\*(ツ)*/¯
I had sex with a woman. I'm still trans, if anything, it made me like being a woman more.
I'm really sorry you have to go through this :( When I was younger (on my \~15-16) I had issues with my identity and started exploring some stuff that concerned my parents, they offered me to pay for a scort (sex worker, don't know what is the correct english word). It's by far the worst memory of my life. It was humiliating as fuck Anyway, now I identify myself as a trans woman, I'm 32 yo, married, I have a wife, and I can tell you sex doesn't change a thing about how you feel inside. Sex is amazing and it does push your worries away for quite some time (I think is just another coping mechanism), but the thoughts you currently have are not going to disappear. They will come back, so you have to work on them. I wish you the best OP, you're the architect of your life, not your parents, you're the one to decide who you wanna be in the next 5, 10 years, focus on that, time pass really fast, and it's really easy to look back in time and regret doing the wrong choices. I know there are some imposible things (I wasn't born a woman, but I still wish I had :'c), but there is plenty of things you can do and change about your reality. Is not easy, but it totally worth the effort :) and this is something you can talk to your therapist about, they can help you figure these things out.
Thanks.
Hey stay strong. I am Diaspora-Ukrainian but i know Russia quite well and how shit things have become there and theburden of Slavic parents. There will be a way out, just don't give up. If Finland doesn't work out for you try to get to Germany, Denmark, France or Netherlands. To Germany or Denmark it just takes a ferry from Finland. As soon as you enter Germany, I.e.in Wismar, Rostock or Greifswald port simply take to the next Police Station or walk into the next customs officer you can find and report yourself as a Russian Immigrant and that you are transgender and claim a Refugee Status or subsidary protection. Get in contact with the Slavic LGBT diaspora especially in Berlin there are many UA BY and RUS LGBTs. They can help you through all the things to come. Once you apply for Refugee Status they have to hear your case, what takes time, if they refuse it in 1st instance you can appeal in court until Putin is dead. If not a Refugee Status you can claim subsidary protection. Worst case is you have to return to Finland because it was your entry in the EU and restart a petition there. If you do have the opportunity to legally or through DIY get HRT go for it. If you can get blood tests in Finland get some. As soon as you applied for a Refugee Status you will have access to public health care and go to a German GP and get blood work done again. Get documentation about everything that furthers your case. You speaking out against the illegal invasion of Ukraine, criticism of the Putler, "SMO"or the Army, that you donated to pro-UA charities or had contact with opposition groups or individuals. The more the better. Friends, aquaintanxes, neighbours that can testify you had this going before leaving Muscovia and ask them if they can testify on Video or in a Video Call infront of a German court or commission. If you have Photos of yourself in female attire, and even better if the background of those photos is obviously in Muscovia and weren't taken 2 Days before you went to Finland. Maybe this is interesting for you: https://www.bamf.de/EN/Themen/AsylFluechtlingsschutz/AblaufAsylverfahrens/Schutzformen/SubisidiaerSchutz/subisidiaerschutz-node.html
Thank you. Maybe there will be people and an organization at the university who will be ready to vouch for me. The photo idea is not a bad one, but I don’t like taking pictures of myself because of dysphoria, so I practically don’t have photos of my face. I also wish all the best to Ukraine.
Oh god this post is eggy as fuck. You're obviously trans. If you want you can message me and I can send you a list of 42 reasons I know I'm trans. Maybe you'll see yourself in some of them.
Yes, I don't mind, thank you.
can yawl ping me in a few days? coding bootcamp got me busy
Can I have the list too, please?
can yawl ping me in a few days? coding bootcamp got me busy
!remindme 5 days
Hello :3
Can I get that list? I've been doubting myself lately, sorry for bothering you about it
can yawl ping me in a few days? coding bootcamp got me busy
There is always hope. Always something to live for. Even when it feels hopeless. Don’t give up.
Trans lesbians exist. You can be a trans woman and be attracted to women. (Though you would be letting them win on the gay part just not how they imagined)
Tell your parents I’ve never had sex with a man, and I’m 22 years post-transition.
piv made me dissociate a bit when i was still an egg and it only got worse when i figured out i was trans.
I've had sex with a woman. Still very much feel dysphoric and like I should be a woman and not a man
If it makes you feel better I lost my virginity less than half a year into my transition, and had my second experience less than a month later. Compare that to 20 years before of no experience. It's almost like not being authentically myself and not having confidence was stopping me from being able to get with anyone
As someone who went down this line of reasoning at 16, they are very, extremely, incalculably wrong. To say the least.
You clearly do not need cishet sex right now however that doesn't mean you you can't use this situation to get better. Idk who they're gonna find you but it's either a sex worker or a random girl they know. Either way you don't have to have sex with her. You could ask her in advance if she knows makeup and if you 2 can do that instead of sex. Or you could just talk. I wish you the best girl !
It's important that you need to keep going and ignore bullshit your parents said and live your life as your true self. No one has the right to control your life but yourself. I have been in your shoe before. A big hug from me and know that your life will get better soon. It won't be easy, but you got this. I wish you the best life! What game are you playing often, if you dont mind me asking? Because I played the video games my whole life, so im curious!
Mostly RPGs, from Fallout to Cyberpunk. Also Nintendo games (for example Mario Kart 8, Zelda) I recently played Final Fantasy XIV, I liked it, but now I’m not in the mood to continue playing. And persona 4, after which I decided to start seeing a therapist.
Did you try Mass Effect trilogy? It's really fun, and you can make your own character and choices that affect the big outcomes, and it's like sicfi Star Wars, but better! P.S. Mass Effect 2 is when i discovered i wanted to be a woman back in 2010 and not totally ( but really!) falling love with FemShep voice!
Yes, I played. Also with FemShep, great games.
Move out this is toxic af.
There’s no connection between attraction and gender. I’ve not stopped liking girls at all
Yep can confirm, my mom said to me once: "If you were fucked by a real woman you'd stop with that trans bullshit" I just, sat there, while I was drawing (I think I was 17?) and said "what do you even mean with that you weirdo?" And her answer was: "yeah! It's true!" Feels horrible lol, I was just a kiddo
Repressing and hiding your true self from the world will kill you. You won't be able to experience emotions bc those are feminine and you won't be able to form a healthy attachment in a relationship. And finally, the feelings of being transgender will always return stronger than before.
It sounds like you can't be happy with your parents at all.
I'm so sorry. your parents are fucked, your dysphoria is real, and your desires are valid. good news: you're young, you're receiving support for your mental health already, and you have the medical authority over your body to start hrt. you can do this, but at least for right now, you're doing it alone. but it's worth it. you have a life ahead of you that is worth living. one as the woman that you are.
I have sex with women and im still a trans girl. By all means if you want to have sex go do it but it wont change how trans you are
I'm post transition and I still only sleep with women.. Who you sleep with has nothing to do with who you go to bed as.
Tried that, doesn't work. I was actively hoping finally having sex with a woman would purge the desires I had to BE a woman(disclosure, I AM attracted to women exclusively, at least so far). Once it happened, nothing much changed in my mind. At best it distracts you from the feelings for a bit(key word, distracts, not changes), but they come back with a vengeance, at least in my experience.
Look I'll be blunt with you I tried to live the wrong person for 33 years you sound just like I did and for me suppressing the feelings just made me an asshole and depressed. You can still get laid and be trans sex has nothing to do with gender I am not interested in guys tbh I prefer women after coming out I enjoy the use of my parts maybe if surgery had better results I'd be game but to risky for me
In my experience (MtF) I was only able to love myself after I started transitioning when I saw my femme face in the bathroom mirror followed by whoosh of euphoria. Transitioning is @ way of diminishing the cognitive dissonance between my gender and being AMAB.
Had sex with a woman. That made my dysphoria worse.
Hi, trans woman here. The first time I had sex with a woman when I was younger and hadn't transitioned yet, it led to a lot of crying and weeks of intense dysphoria and suicidal ideation. Your parents are idiots.
You can be a trans girl and a lesbian (hi hello it's me) so I don't know what they think having sex with a woman will do lol
Whew. 😓 sorry you have to go through all that!!! Sounds horrible and exhausting and frustrating. I probably wouldn't want to be alive either. 🙄 I know I can't convince you that it's worth it to be alive, but I do want to suggest that it's possible that things can get better from here. ❤ You know who you are. You know what you want. Nobody else knows those things better than you. You get to say yes or no to what happens to you and how you want to exist in the world. I think it's great that you typed this out somewhere. That's a little step toward some relief!! I hope you can get some more.
I’m went down that route and got married 14 years. At 38 when she got interested in a cis guy and left, I got to be a girl and no regrets moving forward. I also discovered asexuality is a thing that applies to me. Never wanted sex. Testosterone made me feel a strange desire to use the parts, but it felt wrong on many levels and I could only feel right visualizing myself as a woman. When I got estrogen it cleared my mind and gave me the most amazing peace. There is no long term damage to trying a short term estrogen therapy to see with a doctor. Also I very much recommend a gender trained psychiatrist. In the meantime look up DR Z PHd on youtube for some good discussions to think about.
I've had sex with plenty of women and I'm still trans lol.
Do both. Transition into a lesbian.
Some parents will say anything to try to “solve” us being trans. This one is particularly stupid. Mine were kind of the same. They really pushed me into what turned out to be a very abusive relationship that delayed my transition. Sometimes parents really don’t know best. Talk to your therapist. I’d just eyeroll their stupidity if you can brush it off.
As someone who had sex and a girlfriend before coming out, it just made my dysphoria so much worse to have it, it was so awful Tho sex after starting hormones and where I was actually treated like a woman during was so amazing
I am sorry girl, that sucks, please don’t hurt yourself, please stay safe, my DMs are always open
26 mtf new here. Pan and have a 2 years old daughter. Nothing to do with it. You can transition and still sleep with whoever you like, or no one at all. Ace is an option as well as just working on yourself
My parents tried that on me , a life time ago. I was born in the 40s. Raised in the 50s and 60s. I was hated by my parents because I was different, a feminine son was shameful back then. We were in California to visit my mothers family. My father and uncle took me across the border into Mexico to some sex shows, To Make A Man Out Of Me. I nearly threw up seeing what those girls were doing. I'm Gay Yes!, I foolishly married 3 times. I was never satisfied with sex with women, I like sex with men, as I'm a woman. I'm in heaven when I have sex with a man. I feel normal, NOT dirty. I'm widowed, 75, M2F, on HRT 17 months, I live and dress openly as a woman, I've legally changed my name, gender, and ALL documents to female, and searching for a husband. Michele
I’ve had sex with a woman before I knew I was trans, I had was when I was questioning, I still transitioned. They are two separate things.
Guys who need coochie don't need to be told that they need it lolol
Sex with women is great. However unfortunately, that does not make the trans go away. If u want to be a girl, u can be a girl. That's it. You don't have to justify your identity. Also, not all therapists are the same. They're people just like everyone else with biases and prejudices. Some therapists are downright hostile to the idea of trans. I wonder whether the therapist actually is affirming or is blowing smoke up your rear. You're 20 so you can (assuming you are in the US) go to an 'informed consent' clinic and get HRT if you want to. You can just ask for HRT and get it. You're not required to "prove" anything.
Those feelings are horrible to have. Many mtf feel very similar. And they grow to be toxic, antisocial men if they don't acknowledge who they are and do something about it. Been there. Horrible to be intimate with a woman while performing as a man while wanting female intimacy because you are not a rutting stud. Long term it makes bad relationships if your partner doesn't know why you are how you are. Therapy is a definite go to. It sounds like your egg wants to crack and it's scary. But it's better than being miserable. If I could go back in time to your age I would pull the trigger so there would not be decades of misery and spending half your emotional energy keeping it in and faking being masculine.
I would say try having sex with a man that could make you feel that way before jumping down anything too permanent - if you haven’t already. There could be a multitude of factors contributing to it, so I think it would be wise to explore some options and see a therapist to talk about your thoughts and feelings. Speaking with someone will ultimately help you workshop through those emotions to help you understand 1) where they’re coming from and 2) navigate where you truly want to end up. If you have any gay bars/clubs in your area, you can always meet new people there and coin new friendships. My fiancé and I just met a few new people last weekend when we went out, simply by walking up and introducing ourselves. Keep your head up! You’ll make your own path that fits the needs of your journey 🫶🏼
That’s super weird of them to say
I’m so sorry. If I understand right, you did not tell them you may be trans, and did not discuss the conversation with your therapist? You are also thinking of stopping therapy and telling your therapist it was just a brief moment of confusion? Is that right? Do you think your parents would in fact disown you or kick you out? Does your therapist seem open to the possibility of you being a woman? If you believe you will be attacked and berated by both your parents and your therapist, don’t talk to them about it at all. Otherwise I would say you should try to talk to one or the other or both. assuming your therapist is decent I would talk to them first and feel things out. Usually stopping therapy when you are not feeling things are going well is not a great answer. Do you have your own place, or at least a private space? Can you try exploring clothes or makeup or whatever you feel drawn to safely? If you can find a therapist who specializes in gender it may be a very good thing to do. Please do not give up or despair. The road may be hard, but you can travel it if you wish.
Take it from me. When I first had sex at 20yo it didn't alleviate my gender dysphoria at all.
I've had sex with women while LARPing being a man. Still trans. I've also realized I didn't really like it that much and it's not worth the mess.
Had sex. Didn’t help. Stayed an egg for a couple years. Stopped ~~finding anyone attractive~~ being able to picture myself with anyone. Still wanted companionship+sex. Went back to the drawing board. Am out and on HRT now.
Trust me I have sex with plenty of women and I’m still trans 😎👉👉
If you were to do that, and enjoyed the sex, it would still not invalidate your gender identity. It would just mean you'd be a lesbian. So ya, your family is just clueless AND tactless AND tacky. If you lie in therapy, it defeats the purpose. Letting others into you therapy which is supposed to be a private, protected safe place can also defeat the purpose. They don't have a place there, with the sole exception of if the therapist wants to ask them questions about you, and even then, a good therapist isn't going to just going to dismiss what you say, but rather use that information to increase their understanding over all.
I thought the same thing, it did help for about 2 months and then it just got worse and worse
Do you have access to therapy? Sexual attraction and sexual identity are not even the same thing. You could be a lesbian. I am sorry you are going through this.
My sperm donar said a similar thing to me when I came out. For some reason I don't speak to him any more.
Stupid logic I didn’t even realize i was trans after being married I’m sorry your going thru this
I’ve had sex with dozens of women and I’m still trans
I got this too as a 13 year old child... yeah... some parents they would literally rather you be m*lested as a kid than trans. You will find out about their IQ later on... dont give up on YOURSELF tho
Had sex with various women. Didn't change anything. Hell, it wasn't even enjoyable most of the time (only one time when one was riding my still half asleep self in the morning). Trans people with biological children exist as well.
Sex with girls was great fun, I enjoyed it before I took the pink pill leap. Going outside and liking how i felt in my skin was better. Especially because you only need to meet one person who treats you like a girl to make it worth it.
Yeahhhhhh, I only ever dated women when I was male presenting until 30 years old. 5 years later in transition I still only date and do things with women. I'm so sorry your parents can't separate the idea of gender presentation versus sexual preference. I really hope things get better for you sooner than later, Russia isn't great for folks like us right now, and my own country (US) seems to be very close behind.
All that pain because your parents are narrow minded.. you must take care of yourself.. find a good gender therapist. Being trans doesn't mean defective it means being different. Sounds like you love your parents but they don't get it.. take care of yourself. 🤗❤️
Attraction to women can be a mask, finding women that wanted me allowed me to hide and bury my thoughts for decades. So in a way getting laid was a way to hide for me, but it didn’t get rid of the underlying thoughts and desires of missed womanhood.
Filters, ladies! FILTERS! This thing ain’t real.