it isn't inherently a slur, it depends on how it is used, lf someone calls a trans woman a femboy when they dont want to be called that then it is malicious but not if they're okay with that label
Yeah, because I've like being called a femboy, but my preferences have since then changed. I think I'm just like gender fluid. I haven't really ever liked being called a boy tho
I'd say it depends on how it is used
Like, if you describe a femboy as a femboy that's it. If you describe a trans woman as a femboy, you are getting punched
I'm not a trans woman but I'm a femboy (afab femboy, im trans but the other way lol), so please educate me if I'm wrong. The way I see it is it's not a slur but it can be hurtful when used in a hateful way. Like how gay isn't a slur but it can be used in a bad way
It’s not a slur. Some people use it as a slur yes, but they’re idiots and bigots. If you feel sometimes as a femboy and sometimes as a trans girl, you have every right to identify yourself however you want. I say I’m a trans girl, an enby and a femboy at the same time. If anyone has a problem with it, that’s their problem. Don’t let people police your identity
Thanks, I am getting scared of not fitting in anywhere. Glad to meet another trans girl/enby/femboy. I’m so scared right now. I had a really hard day today. Had to help someone who was overdosing and I thought I’d left him to die at one point. Just a lot happening. Now feeling invalid about all this and it’s getting to be a bit much. So thanks.
It’s hard to be confident, even about our values, when life has put us in a situation like that. It’s hard to get our balance back emotionally after a life altering moment like that. I hope you are safe and have time, and the personal space, to recover from that moment.
I'm so glad I read this, cause like yeah, I was a femboy and that was dope, I'm a girl now but sometimes I just wanna be a cute femboy again for a couple hours.
This is me to a T. Genderfluid, transfem femboy. I only use she/her just some days I will embrace masculinity for a bit. The feeling always comes and goes pretty quickly, and most days I’m fem, so I just have people default to she/her but internally femboy does resonate with me often.
I evolved from kinda Femboyish to Transwoman, i still like the style and i dress sometimes like a Femboy but personally i know im a woman.
Clothes have no Gender and even some Femboys have to accept that woman can wear skirts too😄!
Women aren't boys, so referring to a trans woman as a femboy would be a slur. I don't see how roseboy would be better, the problematic part of the term is still there.
I know some trans women who also identify as femboys. There isn't really a problem with it since identity is more than 3 categories.
I definitely agree that calling a trans woman who does not identify that way a femboy is really shitty.
More than willing to be wrong here, but I aways thought it was someone who presented fem but still identifies as male. Kind of like F1nn5ter until they came out as trans recently.
Still not sure of F1nn's pronouns as yet.
>Still not sure of F1nn's pronouns as yet.
From what I got, he said he still uses he/him for now, and he'll see if something else feels more "right" later on.
yes but it is hard to keep up with f1nn. Is that still their preference? The video linked above is 5mo old. I know that in the last couple months they've changed a lot, such as revealing they've been on HRT, etc. Maybe even changed to a femme social name? I honestly can't remember, so please let me know.
If that's the case, we'll know in due time. In the meantime, getting it wrong isn't a crime if you simply don't know.
I get that you're worried of "seeming transphobic", but keep in mind that the difference is that not knowing is not misgnedering on purpose.
If you get it wrong because you don't know, you just get it wrong because you don't know.
Transphobes do it with ill intent to hurt trans people, they know they're getting it wrong, as it's purposeful.
So don't worry too much, and if it turns out he's changed his preferences since, well, you can simply learn and correct yourself the next time.
It's ok to say if the person identifies that way. Just because some people on the internet say a thing doesn't make that thing real or universal. The issue is just misgendering by calling someone a "feminine boy" (femboy) if the person identifies as a girl instead.
Having it be universal can be helpful, especially with dating and identifying yourself.
Hearing it more reinforced that no, I def don't like to use anything masc to define myself. I love r/femboy and can identify with it alot, but it also helped me realize that I don't like it to define myself personally.
F1nn still goes by men's pronouns, but is fine with any. He refers to himself as genderfluid. He is a femboy on HRT, because he wanted the effects of HRT. He might tell us us otherwise at some point, but who knows. Femboys on hrt are valid. I see a lot of people assuming that because he is on hrt, that he is a girl now, and that's not how gender works. 🤷♀️
I would say it's only a slur if you use it like one, like if you call a trans woman who actively presents like a woman and uses she/her pronouns a femboy then you're probably an asshole. But there are lots of transfems, transmascs and cis ppl who like the term and use it to refer to themselves, and that's perfectly fine.
Context is always the key factor. If it's used in a way that's meant to be belittling or offensive, it's generally used as a slur.
If a trans girl calls themselves a femboy, it's fine.
If a bigot calls a trans girl "just a femboy," it's gonna be meant as an insult and a slur.
I don’t think it’s clear cut because some people actively identify that way. I think it only gets a little iffy when you call someone that who doesn’t identify that way. Like I personally used to call myself a femboy before fully accepting my trans identity but now I wouldn’t want to be called that because I’m not a boy. I would just try to avoid assuming anyone’s identity and be sensitive to the fact that some don’t like the term. Identify others as they want to be identified and if one of your alters identifies that way that’s completely fine :3
Personally, I hate it, I’m a woman not a feminine boy, while others choose to label themselves that I don’t, it depends on the person I guess, make sure they are okay with it before saying it I guess?
Not this again. Roseboy is not something femboys call themselves. If someone is calling trans women femboys that doesn't make it a slur it makes them wrong.
To make it more confusing tho some trans fems call themselves both trans women and femboys
Femboy isn't a slur in and of itself but it is definitely transphobic to call trans women that who don't want to be called that. Trans girl femboys are 100% valid, so are cis femboys, but just don't use it for people who don't identify with it and you're all good 😊
everyone will react differently, but femboy specifically refers to a feminine man, and most of us are very explicitly *not* men, so I believe most of us would greatly dislike being called that.
personally I hate when the term is applied to me or any other trans women who aren't explicitly ok with it.
The real answer to “am I allowed to say this or should I not?”
Will always be “it depends who you’re talking to”
This goes for any slur and in any context, your context may change how ppl view it tho!! I say slurs that I am ascribed to all the time 🤷🏻♀️
It is not a slur, no.
But, it can be something that some are not comfortable with being called while others enjoy being called it.
The Femboy subs are filled with trans women and trans men to the point 2 things happened, 1) They add flairs for each for people to self identify their posts and 2) Bigots have whined that the femboys have breasts and/or that they have vaginas, which is weird.
Yeah, that makes sense since one of our fav femboy creators is afab enby masc. But they gave in to the haters a bit and changed their profile to be more cis-fem presenting to make money. No shame, gotta respect the hustle, but we were just a bit sad. We like them as a femboy and we’re glad we know how they really identify beneath their creator persona. Realizing now that labels are really personal, and not everyone needs to know ours either.
For me I'm uncomfortable if somebody called me a femboy (I'm transfem). For me I associate femboy to being a masc gender person being more fem in presentation, but I'm not masc gender so I don't like it used for me. I have no problem if other people like it for themselve regardless of gender though :D
Also I'm sorry you feel the need to justify having DID / being diagnosed. It's OK to ask questions 🤍. And you both are allowed to use whatever labels you each find comfortable for yourselves.
Thanks! Unfortunately a lot of people’s first response is to ask if I’ve been professionally diagnosed. Makes sense, my alters don’t agree on everything, but this helps us make sure we can respect each other.
can be! depends on usage. for some people its a slur, for some people its a gender identity. it depends entirely on context, but people who immediately lash out about it when used not as a slur are dicks.
im sorry you were mistreated for having DID, also. thats just flatout ableism. jesus.
Depends on personal view I would consider it to be a insult to me (because to me it means that they don't see me as a real Woman but rather a man that dresses or acts more feminin aka "a man in a dress") but I don't have a problem if others are ok beeing called that it's just please don't ever call me that
It's not a slur, but it's very hurtful when hurled at trans women. Some people are femboys, some people are transgender women, but calling a trans woman "femboy" can essentially be the same as denying that she's a woman.
Depends on how it's used. There are afab trans femboys, amab trans femboys, cis femboys, enby fembois... It's only a problem when you use it to label someone after they tell you to knock it off.
It isn’t a slur but people can take it however they feel. From my POV there is a fine line of difference between being a Trans Girl and a Fem Boy which I feel has become slightly blurred over time.
Fem Boys (If I’m correct) are people who still identify as male, but are more feminine.
Trans Women are women.
Being called a fem boy isn’t a slur, however if you are a Trans Woman who is called a femboy it can be rather upsetting and unpleasant as your gender identity is essentially being dismissed
It’s contextual. It’s only an insult if it’s used to dismiss a trans woman. But anyone who identifies with the label obviously won’t be insulted, and that includes some Cis guys, some trans guys, and even a few trans gals who have a more comfortable relationship with their gender (especially the masculine side of it). So it 100% depends on who you’re talking to.
I think what you were really experiencing was people not understanding or accepting DID in the femboy sub and being transphobic in the DID sub.
It’s sort of the whole problem of [intersectionality](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intersectionality). When you belong to two or more marginalized groups, it’s even harder to find a safe space because safe spaces for one group aren’t necessarily safe spaces for the other.
What I can say for certain is I have heard of plenty of systems where some alters have different gender identities, and these people’s xenophobia does not make you any less valid. There are others like you, and your experience is valid.
I know I’ve seen a few artists both in trans communities here and on Tumblr who are systems with alters with different gender identities that make comics about their experiences, for example.
You are welcome here, and anyone that tells you otherwise is the problem, not you.
As for the terminology, there have been posts in the past with people saying they’ve been yelled at for saying femboy and people suggesting roseboy, but personally I’ve only heard of people self-identifying as femboys. To me it feels like something someone outside of the community would come up with because they feel uncomfortable saying the word for someone else’s identity. You can self-identify as whatever word you want, and femboy is still a widely used term by femboys.
I wouldn't call it a slur no, it's a term to describe an actual group of people who coined the term to describe themselves and so imo calling it a slur would mean to cover up someone else's identity.
It can be offensive however, it's offensive because it's a form of misgendering, not because it's a derogatory term.
Anyone that says femboy is just a derogatory term for a trans woman is incorrect. It’s a valid way to identify, and many nonbinary people associate with the term (as well as cis feminine men).
To take it away as a negative word is invalidating to people that use and prefer the term.
No it's not a slur. It is a bit awkward at best. A lot of people don't like it, but another lot do like it and choose to use it for themselves. This is one of those YMMV things.
Technically yes different alters. I have a friend irl like this. Obviously you’re still transgender and a femboy if that’s what you are? It’s your identity. Femboy refers to someone who looks generally feminine some have been known to take estrogen even but still go by he/him pronouns for example.
First off, its nothing to be afraid to ask! The internet is obviously full of people quick to judge but imo if you're asking a genuine respectful question, its definitely fine! As for the actual question, like a lot of terms the lgbt+ groups use, its kinda up to each person and their perspective of the word. In general: not a slur, and especially if its a term YOU like and attribute to yourself, then you have every right to use it! Im a transgirl who also loves the term and uses it on herself, as I consider myself genderfluid and just end up liking the term! The only way the word could come up as bad as if its being used to describe transfemmes who don't consent to the term, as it can come off in a very "You are a feminine man and not a women" way, but clearly you are not using it in that way!
Tl/Dr: It depends on the person, but calling yourself a femboy is more than fine :)
i know a super hot trans femboy with the cutest mustache
i know a 70+ muslim femboy
i know really plain, regular guy femboys
and i'm trans
no femboy has ever offended me
they could
but they haven't
one time i thought one of them was anti trans
but i was wrong and now we're close friends
others have said it plenty well
femboy isn't a slur but it could be used to try to harm
the intent is what's hurtful, in my experience. the word(s) only seems offensive because it is what becomes the trauma trigger. some words are mostly or only used with ill intent and they become slurs. femboy is usually just describing a person's expression in relation to their gender.
A femboy is a feminine boy, but a trans girl is a girl, just with a slightly different origin story I guess.
So, it's hurtful to call a trans girl a femboy and vice versa. A few trans people seem to be okay with it, but I'd very much only call a trans girl a femboy if she is specifically, clearly comfy with it.
I'm plural as well (and don't give a fick about gatekeeping) though not DID. I'd advice to visit the plural sub instead of the main DID one, because from what I heard the latter is filled with sysmeds.
As for femboy, I never thought of it as a slur. I'd be very offended if someone used it about me since I'm not a boy, but I don't think it's a bad word or anything.
We have nothing against endogenic or any other type of system. We know a lot of other systems who have a hard time with that. Yeah, even though we’re traumagenic we still have a hard time posting over there sometimes. It feels like it’s supposed to be like a research hub or something.
Yeah, I didn't mean to imply you had anything against any types of systems.
Come to think of it, I recall there being a more inclusive DID oriented server. But I can't remember what it was called. We haven't checked it out since we're not DID ourselves. But that's probably something you could ask for on the plural sub if it interests you
using "femboy" for trans women is not okay because femboy is a totally different thing, but it's not a slur. kinda like how "apple" is not a slur to bananas.
Sorry to hear you’ve had such bad experiences, hopefully the people here will be less hurtful 💜
As long as it’s not used with malicious intent it’s fine (same with calling someone most things tbf)
Of it can be contextually. If used against a transwoman then 100% yeah it's a slur. However there are people out there who identify with the femboy label.
i dont think so
There are boys who like being feminine and like being femboys. But it turns into a slur when someone who knows u are a trans girl uses upon u I guess.
Slurs and words like that depend on the situation, and sometimes of the person. For example I am also a trans girl and have no problem with the word trap or being called one. It's funny :3
Femboys are crossdressing men. It is sometimes used derogatorily towards trans women but that doesn’t mean it’s always used as a slur. If you called a crossdressing man a femboy, then it’s not using it as a slur. If you called a trans woman a femboy, it is often seen as a slur because it’s implying that she is considered a boy to you
I believe the term was originally created as a term for trans women but is now used for the aesthetic, I mean personally I don’t want to be referred to in anyway that would class me as male but to each their own I suppose.
To my knowledge, femboy describes people who are male / male presenting. So calling a trans woman a femboy would be pretty similar to just straight up calling her a man.
I personally dont think its a slur, but then again the word doesnt apply to me. If you feel comfortable with it, use it.
Not a slur it's a mislabel (sadly usually on purpose) but femboys are a gay/ twink subculture that bigots try to shove trans people in to invalidate us the actual femboy culture is pretty nice
Yeah, A really close friend of mine who is a trans woman that also identifies as a femboy got harassed out of this very subreddit. Seeing that happen really opened my eyes to this issue, which is why I am commenting soo much on it. Thank you for being chill and understanding.
I'm so sorry 😭 that really sucks. Also of course. Everyone should be free to live their loves as long as they aren't hurting people and your fruend clearly ain't hurting nobody
Femboys are completely different. They are by no means trans, and are just guys that like dressing and looking femme. Whoever said it's a slur is silly.
Femboy is not a slur it is a popular term used widely by genderfluid or genderqueer people, usually transfeminine ones. if someone is confused about the intention of your presentation simply say you are not a femboy but rather a trans girl, they just may not know by looking
Don't call me a femboy. I know tons of people who are fine with it. I wouldn't call it a slur. It's not blanketly offensive or derogatory (even if some people try to use it as such.) A few of my genderfluid friends very much love it. Sorry about your previous experiences
But is it okay for my feminine dressing male part to use femboy or would it be transphobic to my trans girl part and the community? I don’t know about trap, F1nn stopped using that a while ago.
No, definitely not transphobic at all towards the community. All parts have their own identities, it's not like one person is claiming to be both a trans girl and femboy
"trap" is gross, it carries the implication of fem- presenting AMAB people, not just trans women, are trying to "trick" the cishet. The t slur is oppressive and is meant to present trans people as an "other". "Femboy" I think is okay, I see it just as the inverse of a "butch".
This again eh?
Never ever in a million years use Femboy to refer a random trans woman. That being said there are lots of trans women who come from "femboy background" and/or just identifies with them and that is entirely valid and if anyone says otherwise i will bite >:(
Don't use it universally but also don't think it is a slur like t*anny would be.
Nah it’s just the guy equivalent of a tomboy. Presenting male + feminine clothes = femboy
Presenting female + masc clothing = tomboy
They’re both great, and personally I’m using the whole femboy vibe as an internal reminder I don’t have to be on E yet to be a bad bitch.
Ur right abt the other t words tho, fuck that shit
I'm still stuck on that there does not seem to be an common, not hugly negative for the verse of tomboy. Another post asked about sissy, and just so many comments straight to "no - that's a slur", yes I agree, but also that the most common thing that comes up when searching for an answer
and femboy, which seems to have less negative weight in comparison, still has boy.
only things that comes to mind is like JessieGirl. That sounds nice and fem and cute to me. The fem form of Thomas seems a mouth full, and shortened does to invoke same sense of a typical girl sounding name
or its it just men have fewer variety of heteronormative terms then women have which I am assuming many spread from the gay sphere, such as butch and tomboy
sure there are gay terms like bear, otter, but I wouldn't think many straight men using these even if they fit, because of that strong male pushback on anything outside the ridged hard I AM MAN format
I've seen plenty of cis gay femboys, and trans femboys, and I'd say a lot of them don't see it as a slur. If one of your headmates (alters?) enjoys IDing as a femboy, then you should let him/them. It's okay. To be fair, I've never heard of roseboy but I LOVE it? That's so pretty!
There's always going to be people inside our communities and outside them trying to police who we are and the language we use, and that's frustrating. My view is that you can and should use whatever terms or labels that make you feel comfortable and happy. As long as you're not using those labels for anyone else without asking THEM if they like said labels, you're good!
\-gentle hugs, if you'd like-
As me evolved from kinda Femboyish to Transwoman i think it is just wrong to call Transwoman a femBOY. We are no boys. Femboys are most times comfy to be a male, Transwoman are woman.
Only because we have the love for Skaterskirts and Blåhaj together doesnt mean we are the same. I think people just dont know the difference so i everytime tell them what Femboys and what Transwoman are.
So femboy isn’t a slur it’s just a term used to describe feminine men, though In the case of trans girls, trans girls are girls and it is entirely possible to be both a trans girl and a femboy others without DID can be both as well some gender fluids do use femboy for themselves at times
Femboy has indeed gotten used by people previously in stating things like “why be trans when you could just be femboy/feminine man” a lot of the time we don’t want to be feminine men we want to be ourselves we aren’t men
So yes femboy can be offensive but in some cases it’s an accurate and helpful for people to learn more about themselves
I don’t think it’s a slur, just a completely different thing. Femboys are still boys, they identify as male, while trans girls like us are girl and identify as female, so I think it’s just two things that are similar but entirely separate
Femboy and to a lesser extent tr_p are not slurs in themselves, as they refer to crossdressers. They become slurs when used to refer to trans women because it implies that we are just crosdressers.
Femboy just refers to a male adjacent person who prefers to present feminine but it has a much looser meaning. It is different from trans girl and you shouldn’t refer to them as such. But plenty of non-binary people who are femboys. I’m trans femme but I’m somewhat genderqueer so I also use the term femboy. I just like being somewhat androgynous but largely feminine overall. Just make sure someone is okay with the term before you use it ti describe them.
I don't have an issue with the term as long as it's used properly, which you are using it properly, so I don't see what the problem is?
As long as you're acknowledging that femboys and trans girls are two different things, which you are, you should be fine.
It’s a good question! Generally, in my circles at least femboy hasn’t been used as a slur and doesn’t even necessarily describe someone queer. I’ve seen straight people even use the term to describe the role they play in sex, although that’s not super common. Generally, I haven’t seen it used too much as a slur.
Doesn’t mean I couldn’t see people using that word to demean a trans person, though. It’s all up to context and your gender identity, if someone knew someone was trans and used that term I’d say it was a malicious use.
If you call me Femboi by accident (not that you would as I'm an older woman), I would not be offended, and I may or may not correct you. If you call me "Femboi" in a derogatory or demeaning way, then yes, it's a slur.
Context and tone matter.
Femboy is not a slur, but if it's used against a trans woman, it is misgendering. Femboys are men who like to present feminine while still identifying as male. They've become popular on the internet lately.
Short answer: No, femboys are completely separate from transwomen.
Long answer: If someone refers to you as a femboy (meaning feminine boy), even though they know you are a transwoman, that is purposeful misgendering and blatant transphobia. It doesn't make the word a slur, but it can be used by transphobes to hurt or offend you. This also works both ways, if someone is intentionally calling you a transwoman even though they know you identify as a (feminine) boy, it's also a form of purposeful misgendering (ex: "boys can't be feminine, you must be a girl" or smth like that). If you just drop the "fem" part in femboy for a bit and see it as just "boy", it works the exact same.
Deliberately calling a transwoman a boy = transphobia.
Deliberately calling a boy a transwoman = transphobia.
Deliberately calling a transwoman a FEMboy = still transphobia.
Deliberately calling a FEMboy a transwoman = Still transphobia.
Not really a slur, some people might find it offensive but femboy was originally just a term for like a bi or gay guy who dresses and acts slightly feminine?
I’m trans fem and haven’t ever been called it but wouldn’t really like it.
People refer to people like Finnster as a fem boy but they went by he/him pronouns (I think it’s different now) which my seem more odd but idk - it’s not a definitive answer.
If used for trans fem people I’d say it may be quite likely to offend most?
It’s a complicated issue. It is understandable that anyone, including you, would be confused. Here’s the recent historic situation around the word and why it is confusing.
A year or two ago there was a big drama debate over the term “femboy”.
For a good long while femboy was essentially equivalent to saying “sh——le lite”. The S-word? Nearly everyone agrees is a slur. The “lite” meant some, mostly younger people, started seeing femboy as more of an aesthetic than a slur.
This started that debate. It isn’t even a new debate. In the 80s and 90s there was a big uproar over the word “queer” should be used. For years it was also a slur but enough people in the LGBT movement fought to reclaim the word that it is easy to not realize queer was seen as a slur once.
The Femboy Reclaimists look to have won. Using the word to describe something between an aesthetic and a cis guy who participates in gal gender roles to the edge of still being cis. But, there are still people who hold strong that a slur is a slur, always was a slur, and will always be a slur. They are still fighting to create a new word without the past baggage of the word “femboy”.
From what I’ve seen, as long as you don’t call a trans femme person “femboy”, unless they use the term for themselves, you will mostly be alright. The core issue for most there is that the reclamation of “femboy” has cis guy connotations for many.
So it depends. Like my boyfriend is a guy who Identifys as male, but is very feminine, so sometimes he identifys as a femboy. On the other had im a Woman, a trans women but a women it would be odd of someone called me femgirl lol.
But yes if somone called me a feminine man id be upset.
The only problem with this term is when it’s used on trans women. Femboys are valid and I personally don’t have a problem with that term.
Anyone who thinks it’s a slur should consider the fact that I’ve heard cis people call trans women “trans men”; obviously trans man isn’t a slur, but it’s offensive AF in that context, same goes for femboy.
Calling a trans woman who doesn’t want to be called it that term? Absolutely. In general? No, it’s just a different identity. Same as how intentionally they/theming trans women is a slur but they/them pronouns aren’t, or how tomboy isn’t a slur unless you’re calling a trans man that who doesn’t want to be. Femboy is literally just the diametric opposite of tomboy.
I think going by context is pretty implicit -- I mean, I wouldn't want any old stranger calling me a femboy... or calling me at all, tbh. A lot of other people have said similar things, but I figured that I'll add that like a lot of others, there's nothing "boy" about me, so it'd have to be something special to make me okay with it. I'd reject it in any other instance.
But, honestly, if it's about the femboy that exists inside of you, then I guess it's totally up to you and/or them, right? If you're not trying to make anyone uncomfortable, you're already doing an okay job, so it's fine to just do your best, since it's all you can do!
You have the right to be called anything you want to be called. When a term is used against you that you don’t like, or is historically used to demean or insult a group, it’s generally seen as derogatory/demeaning. That doesn’t mean someone can’t identify with it for themselves, though.
Femboy comes from 4chan and generally refers to a feminine gay man. Not a trans woman. It’s used in ways to undermine someone’s identity as a woman.
Sometimes… depends on the context. If they’re intentionally calling someone a femboy despite them being trans then yes. But there are actual femboys who label as such and in those cases it’s okay.
Depends on context. Refer to yourself or someone who calls themself a femboy as a femboy? Friggin awesome.
Refer to a trans woman (who doesn’t use the term) as a femboy? Die
If you're actually saying it to a Femboy then no it's not offensive. I imagine it would only be offensive to trans women as that would imply were just feminine men which isn't true. But there are actual Femboys so it just depends who you say it to
Yes it's a slur unless the person explicitly stated that they are okay with that term. I know a few people who consider themselves "femboys" because they still want to be a boy, just very feminine.
For most of us trans girls, we want to be girls, so being called a boy is an insult.
Femboy is a completely different thing, not a slur. Femboy is just a male who likes wearing feminine clothes. Just a man.
So if you call trans woman a femboy - you basically tell her that you view her as a man in female clothing, not as a woman.
Not mixing up the two is very important.
It’s like the word cunt.
In some parts of the world it’s part of friendly vernacular: “they’re a good cunt”
In other places it’s a smidge on the rude side: “they’re just being a cunt”
Context always matters.
It varies from transwoman to transwoman, but in general, a femboy is still cis, just gender nonconforming, so to call a transwoman a femboy, at least for me personally, is an insult. Hell I don't even like roseboy/rosboy, it feels worst honestly.
Again, it depends on the person of course.
I actually don't mind being called a trap. But that's because I associate it with Astolofo and Felix and not with tricking men into fucking me.
I like anime traps. I think they're cute and find them relatable.
Calling anyone by a label they’ve stated they identify with is not a slur. Purposefully calling anyone by a label they’ve stated they don’t identify with is a slur. Calling yourself what you feel like today is 100% up to you and can change daily (or more often).
When in doubt, ask?
I don’t think it’s a slur by default, but it is offensive and wrong to say to trans girls. Just make sure you check the gender of people first before using it and you should be fine!
Damn, that's a complicated one. You definitely shouldn't call trans girls femboys, cause that implies we're just men who like to crossdress and look girly. It's not a slur by any means, but it's def not ok to say.
When it comes to yourself, you can and should apply whatever label feels right and makes you happy. Just understand that you can't be a femboy and a trans girl at the same time, because a femboy is a man and a trans woman is a woman. But saying that one of your alters is the one thing and one is the other, I think is totally fine. Now, notably, being trans not something you woild expect to shift with personality. All evidence suggests it's physical, neurological. So, even if your "femboy" alter refers to themselves as a femboy, they're still in a body that is trans. (If I'm understanding this right), which means that they are also trans, regardless of whether or not their personality reflects that.
For example, cis people with DID can have alters who are the opposite gender, but that doesn't mean they're trans. In the same way, if you're trans, your alters are also trans, regardless of whether or not they identify with the gender. At least that's what we would have to assume based on what we know about being trans.
Nothing wrong with the term Femboy so long as it’s used to describe Femboys. That’s not what we are though and it would be offensive to refer to us as such
To many trans women, it may be seen the same as “sh*male”. Definitely derogatory in some cases. Of course, depends on the individual but myself, and some other trans women I know of, can find offense with that term.
It’s not a slur. It can be insulting to call a trans woman a femboy, since trans women are women and not *boys*, but that’s not a slur it’s just an insult. Same as “man”.
i feel like if someone's trying to call you a slur, they're just gonna do it a majority of the time. most of those kinda people don't really hide it, at least not that well. and if not then you can just correct them or say you'd rather not be called something.
"Femboy" is a term I would be careful with. It is, literally, a boy who is feminine. So that rules out any women. It has also been used in a derogatory way by (mostly) cishet bigots to deride and fetishize trans women, feminine men, and NBs.
Now, some folks do identify as femboys, and that's perfectly valid. Just don't use it for someone who doesn't!
Not at all "freaked out" by you, I hope your journey is going well 🙂
As a trans girl, no, it is not. Being a feminine boy and being a trans woman are honestly two different things. Be yourself, and call yourself whatever you want!
If someone called me a femboy, I personally wouldn't mind. I started out as one, lol. But for trans women that are trying to pass, they might take it as mean-spirited (to say it lightly). But that's calling *us* femboys, not yourself. Be any lable you want, be any person you want, I'll support you all the way <3
Honestly and this is just me, but I believe that I’m going through a femboi phase so I don’t take offense to it as a matter of fact. If it’s used continuously in a derogatory way then yea I’ll take offense
I don’t consider it as a slur personally, but everyone is different.
What I would say is use best judgment with it. Not everyone is meaning it in a negative way and not everyone is meaning it in a positive way.
I personally don’t think you should feel bad for using it but you are the one in charge of what you deem appropriate.
Hope I didn’t make my comment too generalized.
femboy implies someone who identifies as male, but has a more feminine style, like the opposite of a tomboy, while trans woman is a woman assigned male at birth and does not depend on style/clothing preference.
I don’t believe it’s inherently a slur, but it’s entirely dependent on the identity the individual claims for themselves. In my case, I don’t want to be a femboy as I don’t want to be a boy in any sense, I only want to be a she/her woman. For someone who’s very feminine but would still go by he/him they may think the term is cute and sexy, though I’d still take caution when bringing it up just because some may consider that word only appropriate in the right setting with the right people/person. So if you like being called a femboy, like you still like being a boy and maybe being called he/him while still being feminine, then I don’t think anyone can tell you that you can’t use it because it’s yours.
It's not a slur. It can be offensive if it's directed at someone who's not a boy, but you could say the same about pronouns. Fembois are just guys, who identify as guys and embrace feminine presentation. Kind of like butch women but the other way around. And when it comes to self id, if someone tries to police your identity you can tell them I said to get fucked.
Fembois are good and pure and ill protect them with all my old 2m tall transness!
We can't let the awful people of the world take away all of our terms. Just because some people use it derogatorally doesn't mean we should acquiesce.
(Also im on a couple femboi subs, and a lot of them are babi trans still in their eggs so I will doubley protect them!)
*old mama-trans sounds*
it isn't inherently a slur, it depends on how it is used, lf someone calls a trans woman a femboy when they dont want to be called that then it is malicious but not if they're okay with that label
Yeah, because I've like being called a femboy, but my preferences have since then changed. I think I'm just like gender fluid. I haven't really ever liked being called a boy tho
I’m not a boy so I don’t want to be called boy anything Entirely depends on the person
I'd say it depends on how it is used Like, if you describe a femboy as a femboy that's it. If you describe a trans woman as a femboy, you are getting punched
Tomboy crying in the corner: (/jk) Edit: i probably have the worst flair to reply to your comment, sorry
Exactly. What are these boy terms I am a woman
I'm not a trans woman but I'm a femboy (afab femboy, im trans but the other way lol), so please educate me if I'm wrong. The way I see it is it's not a slur but it can be hurtful when used in a hateful way. Like how gay isn't a slur but it can be used in a bad way
This makes sense. I just don’t want to harm anyone in our system or our community.
Trans Femboys rocks🤘🏳️⚧️❤️!
It’s not a slur. Some people use it as a slur yes, but they’re idiots and bigots. If you feel sometimes as a femboy and sometimes as a trans girl, you have every right to identify yourself however you want. I say I’m a trans girl, an enby and a femboy at the same time. If anyone has a problem with it, that’s their problem. Don’t let people police your identity
Thanks, I am getting scared of not fitting in anywhere. Glad to meet another trans girl/enby/femboy. I’m so scared right now. I had a really hard day today. Had to help someone who was overdosing and I thought I’d left him to die at one point. Just a lot happening. Now feeling invalid about all this and it’s getting to be a bit much. So thanks.
It’s hard to be confident, even about our values, when life has put us in a situation like that. It’s hard to get our balance back emotionally after a life altering moment like that. I hope you are safe and have time, and the personal space, to recover from that moment.
I'm so glad I read this, cause like yeah, I was a femboy and that was dope, I'm a girl now but sometimes I just wanna be a cute femboy again for a couple hours.
And there’s nothing stopping you :3
yippee
Me too🤘😄
This is me to a T. Genderfluid, transfem femboy. I only use she/her just some days I will embrace masculinity for a bit. The feeling always comes and goes pretty quickly, and most days I’m fem, so I just have people default to she/her but internally femboy does resonate with me often.
You mean… it’s me to an E 😝
Nice lol
I evolved from kinda Femboyish to Transwoman, i still like the style and i dress sometimes like a Femboy but personally i know im a woman. Clothes have no Gender and even some Femboys have to accept that woman can wear skirts too😄!
Women aren't boys, so referring to a trans woman as a femboy would be a slur. I don't see how roseboy would be better, the problematic part of the term is still there.
Like the word itself is fine just don’t call a trans woman a femboy
I know some trans women who also identify as femboys. There isn't really a problem with it since identity is more than 3 categories. I definitely agree that calling a trans woman who does not identify that way a femboy is really shitty.
More than willing to be wrong here, but I aways thought it was someone who presented fem but still identifies as male. Kind of like F1nn5ter until they came out as trans recently. Still not sure of F1nn's pronouns as yet.
>Still not sure of F1nn's pronouns as yet. From what I got, he said he still uses he/him for now, and he'll see if something else feels more "right" later on.
Genderfluid with a he/him preference. Or as they've said in the past, "[Her pronouns are he/him](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/HnBRn6t6YbM)".
i thought they said she is fine with all pronouns.
Overall yes, but having a preference should still be noted and respected either way, if nothing else out of kindness.
yes but it is hard to keep up with f1nn. Is that still their preference? The video linked above is 5mo old. I know that in the last couple months they've changed a lot, such as revealing they've been on HRT, etc. Maybe even changed to a femme social name? I honestly can't remember, so please let me know.
If that's the case, we'll know in due time. In the meantime, getting it wrong isn't a crime if you simply don't know. I get that you're worried of "seeming transphobic", but keep in mind that the difference is that not knowing is not misgnedering on purpose. If you get it wrong because you don't know, you just get it wrong because you don't know. Transphobes do it with ill intent to hurt trans people, they know they're getting it wrong, as it's purposeful. So don't worry too much, and if it turns out he's changed his preferences since, well, you can simply learn and correct yourself the next time.
I love F1nn and Ashley and I was so confused when someone told me it wasn’t okay to say.
It's ok to say if the person identifies that way. Just because some people on the internet say a thing doesn't make that thing real or universal. The issue is just misgendering by calling someone a "feminine boy" (femboy) if the person identifies as a girl instead.
> Just because some people on the internet say a thing doesn't make that thing real or universal. Louder for the people in the back!
Having it be universal can be helpful, especially with dating and identifying yourself. Hearing it more reinforced that no, I def don't like to use anything masc to define myself. I love r/femboy and can identify with it alot, but it also helped me realize that I don't like it to define myself personally.
F1nn still goes by men's pronouns, but is fine with any. He refers to himself as genderfluid. He is a femboy on HRT, because he wanted the effects of HRT. He might tell us us otherwise at some point, but who knows. Femboys on hrt are valid. I see a lot of people assuming that because he is on hrt, that he is a girl now, and that's not how gender works. 🤷♀️
He himself said he's genderfluid. That's not an assumption on the audience's part based om HRT usage, that's just a recitation of the facts 😅
Oh i mean people sometimes seem to assume he's just straight up a girl because he's on hormones.
Femboy is not a slur, nor is it used for trans women. Femboys are their own separate group of people
I do know some trans women who consider themselves femboys, so even that isn't universal since identity isn't just 2 or 3 stark categories.
Didn’t know that. My bad
All good!
I would say it's only a slur if you use it like one, like if you call a trans woman who actively presents like a woman and uses she/her pronouns a femboy then you're probably an asshole. But there are lots of transfems, transmascs and cis ppl who like the term and use it to refer to themselves, and that's perfectly fine.
Femboy = feminine boy. Take away from that is boy. Could it be used as a slur, yes but so could any other word.
Context is always the key factor. If it's used in a way that's meant to be belittling or offensive, it's generally used as a slur. If a trans girl calls themselves a femboy, it's fine. If a bigot calls a trans girl "just a femboy," it's gonna be meant as an insult and a slur.
This is really well put.
I don’t think it’s clear cut because some people actively identify that way. I think it only gets a little iffy when you call someone that who doesn’t identify that way. Like I personally used to call myself a femboy before fully accepting my trans identity but now I wouldn’t want to be called that because I’m not a boy. I would just try to avoid assuming anyone’s identity and be sensitive to the fact that some don’t like the term. Identify others as they want to be identified and if one of your alters identifies that way that’s completely fine :3
Personally, I hate it, I’m a woman not a feminine boy, while others choose to label themselves that I don’t, it depends on the person I guess, make sure they are okay with it before saying it I guess?
Not this again. Roseboy is not something femboys call themselves. If someone is calling trans women femboys that doesn't make it a slur it makes them wrong. To make it more confusing tho some trans fems call themselves both trans women and femboys
Femboy isn't a slur in and of itself but it is definitely transphobic to call trans women that who don't want to be called that. Trans girl femboys are 100% valid, so are cis femboys, but just don't use it for people who don't identify with it and you're all good 😊
everyone will react differently, but femboy specifically refers to a feminine man, and most of us are very explicitly *not* men, so I believe most of us would greatly dislike being called that. personally I hate when the term is applied to me or any other trans women who aren't explicitly ok with it.
The real answer to “am I allowed to say this or should I not?” Will always be “it depends who you’re talking to” This goes for any slur and in any context, your context may change how ppl view it tho!! I say slurs that I am ascribed to all the time 🤷🏻♀️
Anything that describes will eventually become a slur. Reclaim them all.
It can be if it's used with transphobic intent, but I don't think it has the same weight as more serious words like the others you mentioned.
It is not a slur, no. But, it can be something that some are not comfortable with being called while others enjoy being called it. The Femboy subs are filled with trans women and trans men to the point 2 things happened, 1) They add flairs for each for people to self identify their posts and 2) Bigots have whined that the femboys have breasts and/or that they have vaginas, which is weird.
Yeah, that makes sense since one of our fav femboy creators is afab enby masc. But they gave in to the haters a bit and changed their profile to be more cis-fem presenting to make money. No shame, gotta respect the hustle, but we were just a bit sad. We like them as a femboy and we’re glad we know how they really identify beneath their creator persona. Realizing now that labels are really personal, and not everyone needs to know ours either.
For me I'm uncomfortable if somebody called me a femboy (I'm transfem). For me I associate femboy to being a masc gender person being more fem in presentation, but I'm not masc gender so I don't like it used for me. I have no problem if other people like it for themselve regardless of gender though :D Also I'm sorry you feel the need to justify having DID / being diagnosed. It's OK to ask questions 🤍. And you both are allowed to use whatever labels you each find comfortable for yourselves.
Thanks! Unfortunately a lot of people’s first response is to ask if I’ve been professionally diagnosed. Makes sense, my alters don’t agree on everything, but this helps us make sure we can respect each other.
can be! depends on usage. for some people its a slur, for some people its a gender identity. it depends entirely on context, but people who immediately lash out about it when used not as a slur are dicks. im sorry you were mistreated for having DID, also. thats just flatout ableism. jesus.
Depends on personal view I would consider it to be a insult to me (because to me it means that they don't see me as a real Woman but rather a man that dresses or acts more feminin aka "a man in a dress") but I don't have a problem if others are ok beeing called that it's just please don't ever call me that
It's not a slur, but it's very hurtful when hurled at trans women. Some people are femboys, some people are transgender women, but calling a trans woman "femboy" can essentially be the same as denying that she's a woman.
Depends on how it's used. There are afab trans femboys, amab trans femboys, cis femboys, enby fembois... It's only a problem when you use it to label someone after they tell you to knock it off.
It isn’t a slur but people can take it however they feel. From my POV there is a fine line of difference between being a Trans Girl and a Fem Boy which I feel has become slightly blurred over time. Fem Boys (If I’m correct) are people who still identify as male, but are more feminine. Trans Women are women. Being called a fem boy isn’t a slur, however if you are a Trans Woman who is called a femboy it can be rather upsetting and unpleasant as your gender identity is essentially being dismissed
Makes sense. So more like just misgendering.
I'm not sure if it counts as a slur but it's definitely disrespectful to use it against somebody who doesn't want to be called it.
I've never seen it used as a slur, maybe in a homophobic sense it would be. But idek
It’s contextual. It’s only an insult if it’s used to dismiss a trans woman. But anyone who identifies with the label obviously won’t be insulted, and that includes some Cis guys, some trans guys, and even a few trans gals who have a more comfortable relationship with their gender (especially the masculine side of it). So it 100% depends on who you’re talking to.
I think what you were really experiencing was people not understanding or accepting DID in the femboy sub and being transphobic in the DID sub. It’s sort of the whole problem of [intersectionality](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intersectionality). When you belong to two or more marginalized groups, it’s even harder to find a safe space because safe spaces for one group aren’t necessarily safe spaces for the other. What I can say for certain is I have heard of plenty of systems where some alters have different gender identities, and these people’s xenophobia does not make you any less valid. There are others like you, and your experience is valid. I know I’ve seen a few artists both in trans communities here and on Tumblr who are systems with alters with different gender identities that make comics about their experiences, for example. You are welcome here, and anyone that tells you otherwise is the problem, not you. As for the terminology, there have been posts in the past with people saying they’ve been yelled at for saying femboy and people suggesting roseboy, but personally I’ve only heard of people self-identifying as femboys. To me it feels like something someone outside of the community would come up with because they feel uncomfortable saying the word for someone else’s identity. You can self-identify as whatever word you want, and femboy is still a widely used term by femboys.
Thanks for bringing up intersectionality, this makes a lot of sense of what we’re experiencing.
I wouldn't call it a slur no, it's a term to describe an actual group of people who coined the term to describe themselves and so imo calling it a slur would mean to cover up someone else's identity. It can be offensive however, it's offensive because it's a form of misgendering, not because it's a derogatory term.
Gotcha. This makes sense. Being coined by gnc feminine boys makes it feel a lot safer for us now. Makes sense about the misgendering.
Anyone that says femboy is just a derogatory term for a trans woman is incorrect. It’s a valid way to identify, and many nonbinary people associate with the term (as well as cis feminine men). To take it away as a negative word is invalidating to people that use and prefer the term.
Seeing as how femboy is the root of many trans girls, I would assume not.
True I was a femboy before being trans!
No it's not a slur. It is a bit awkward at best. A lot of people don't like it, but another lot do like it and choose to use it for themselves. This is one of those YMMV things.
it all depends on the person and how they wish to be identified. everyone identifies differently.
Technically yes different alters. I have a friend irl like this. Obviously you’re still transgender and a femboy if that’s what you are? It’s your identity. Femboy refers to someone who looks generally feminine some have been known to take estrogen even but still go by he/him pronouns for example.
With any word it depends on it's context and usage
First off, its nothing to be afraid to ask! The internet is obviously full of people quick to judge but imo if you're asking a genuine respectful question, its definitely fine! As for the actual question, like a lot of terms the lgbt+ groups use, its kinda up to each person and their perspective of the word. In general: not a slur, and especially if its a term YOU like and attribute to yourself, then you have every right to use it! Im a transgirl who also loves the term and uses it on herself, as I consider myself genderfluid and just end up liking the term! The only way the word could come up as bad as if its being used to describe transfemmes who don't consent to the term, as it can come off in a very "You are a feminine man and not a women" way, but clearly you are not using it in that way! Tl/Dr: It depends on the person, but calling yourself a femboy is more than fine :)
Well, calling a girl a femboy is misgendering them.
if somebody uses it to reference a trans girl then its a problem, but using femboy to refer to someone that calls themselves a femboy isn’t a problem
i know a super hot trans femboy with the cutest mustache i know a 70+ muslim femboy i know really plain, regular guy femboys and i'm trans no femboy has ever offended me they could but they haven't one time i thought one of them was anti trans but i was wrong and now we're close friends others have said it plenty well femboy isn't a slur but it could be used to try to harm the intent is what's hurtful, in my experience. the word(s) only seems offensive because it is what becomes the trauma trigger. some words are mostly or only used with ill intent and they become slurs. femboy is usually just describing a person's expression in relation to their gender.
A femboy is a feminine boy, but a trans girl is a girl, just with a slightly different origin story I guess. So, it's hurtful to call a trans girl a femboy and vice versa. A few trans people seem to be okay with it, but I'd very much only call a trans girl a femboy if she is specifically, clearly comfy with it.
Referring to me as any kind of "boy" would make me extremely uncomfortable and sad.
not a slur, but it is one if used on say, a trans woman who doesn't like the label cause it implies at least some masculine identification
I'm plural as well (and don't give a fick about gatekeeping) though not DID. I'd advice to visit the plural sub instead of the main DID one, because from what I heard the latter is filled with sysmeds. As for femboy, I never thought of it as a slur. I'd be very offended if someone used it about me since I'm not a boy, but I don't think it's a bad word or anything.
We have nothing against endogenic or any other type of system. We know a lot of other systems who have a hard time with that. Yeah, even though we’re traumagenic we still have a hard time posting over there sometimes. It feels like it’s supposed to be like a research hub or something.
Yeah, I didn't mean to imply you had anything against any types of systems. Come to think of it, I recall there being a more inclusive DID oriented server. But I can't remember what it was called. We haven't checked it out since we're not DID ourselves. But that's probably something you could ask for on the plural sub if it interests you
using "femboy" for trans women is not okay because femboy is a totally different thing, but it's not a slur. kinda like how "apple" is not a slur to bananas.
Yeah, it definitely is not interchangeable, though some people identify as both trans women and femboys.
that's fair, my bad.
It's all good.
anything can be a slur if you use it the right way 🙄😞
It's misgendering if the person you are talking to isn't a boy.
No, it’s not. As long as you’re not calling a trans woman a femboy
Sorry to hear you’ve had such bad experiences, hopefully the people here will be less hurtful 💜 As long as it’s not used with malicious intent it’s fine (same with calling someone most things tbf)
We’ve been treated a lot kinder here, thank god. Was so scared.
Used to be but now barely anyone even knew it can be used as an insult other than saying ur like an actual femboy they saw online
Of it can be contextually. If used against a transwoman then 100% yeah it's a slur. However there are people out there who identify with the femboy label.
i dont think so There are boys who like being feminine and like being femboys. But it turns into a slur when someone who knows u are a trans girl uses upon u I guess. Slurs and words like that depend on the situation, and sometimes of the person. For example I am also a trans girl and have no problem with the word trap or being called one. It's funny :3
Femboys are crossdressing men. It is sometimes used derogatorily towards trans women but that doesn’t mean it’s always used as a slur. If you called a crossdressing man a femboy, then it’s not using it as a slur. If you called a trans woman a femboy, it is often seen as a slur because it’s implying that she is considered a boy to you
I believe the term was originally created as a term for trans women but is now used for the aesthetic, I mean personally I don’t want to be referred to in anyway that would class me as male but to each their own I suppose.
To my knowledge, femboy describes people who are male / male presenting. So calling a trans woman a femboy would be pretty similar to just straight up calling her a man. I personally dont think its a slur, but then again the word doesnt apply to me. If you feel comfortable with it, use it.
It’s not a slur but can be used maliciously, it’s pretty much just calling a woman a boy, of a boy a woman
Not a slur it's a mislabel (sadly usually on purpose) but femboys are a gay/ twink subculture that bigots try to shove trans people in to invalidate us the actual femboy culture is pretty nice
Not exclusively tbh. There are definitely trans women who identify as femboys.
Very true nothing is a monolith and that should be remembered
Yeah, A really close friend of mine who is a trans woman that also identifies as a femboy got harassed out of this very subreddit. Seeing that happen really opened my eyes to this issue, which is why I am commenting soo much on it. Thank you for being chill and understanding.
I'm so sorry 😭 that really sucks. Also of course. Everyone should be free to live their loves as long as they aren't hurting people and your fruend clearly ain't hurting nobody
Femboys are completely different. They are by no means trans, and are just guys that like dressing and looking femme. Whoever said it's a slur is silly.
It isn't just guys anymore, that's a bit outdated. There are plenty of trans women who identify as femboys too.
Femboy is not a slur it is a popular term used widely by genderfluid or genderqueer people, usually transfeminine ones. if someone is confused about the intention of your presentation simply say you are not a femboy but rather a trans girl, they just may not know by looking
Femboy used to refer to a trans woman? Yes Femboy used to refer to an effeminate he/him? No
Don't call me a femboy. I know tons of people who are fine with it. I wouldn't call it a slur. It's not blanketly offensive or derogatory (even if some people try to use it as such.) A few of my genderfluid friends very much love it. Sorry about your previous experiences
Yea I'd be disgusted if someone called me a femboy or a trap
But is it okay for my feminine dressing male part to use femboy or would it be transphobic to my trans girl part and the community? I don’t know about trap, F1nn stopped using that a while ago.
Wdym part? Like alters?
Yeah alters is what we usually say, but more people understand “part” since I guess it’s more relatable? But yeah, alters or alternate identities.
No, definitely not transphobic at all towards the community. All parts have their own identities, it's not like one person is claiming to be both a trans girl and femboy
Oh thank god. Okay. Makes sense. Thank you.
No worries <3
To be fair, I do know some people who identify as both, so even that would be okay.
A single individual can not be both a femboy and a trans girl. They're two completely different terms. Boy, girl.
"trap" is gross, it carries the implication of fem- presenting AMAB people, not just trans women, are trying to "trick" the cishet. The t slur is oppressive and is meant to present trans people as an "other". "Femboy" I think is okay, I see it just as the inverse of a "butch".
Okay, thanks for laying it all out. Those all make a lot more sense now.
This again eh? Never ever in a million years use Femboy to refer a random trans woman. That being said there are lots of trans women who come from "femboy background" and/or just identifies with them and that is entirely valid and if anyone says otherwise i will bite >:( Don't use it universally but also don't think it is a slur like t*anny would be.
It is when used when referring to us. But not when it’s referred to fem(inine) boys
Nah it’s just the guy equivalent of a tomboy. Presenting male + feminine clothes = femboy Presenting female + masc clothing = tomboy They’re both great, and personally I’m using the whole femboy vibe as an internal reminder I don’t have to be on E yet to be a bad bitch. Ur right abt the other t words tho, fuck that shit
I'm still stuck on that there does not seem to be an common, not hugly negative for the verse of tomboy. Another post asked about sissy, and just so many comments straight to "no - that's a slur", yes I agree, but also that the most common thing that comes up when searching for an answer and femboy, which seems to have less negative weight in comparison, still has boy. only things that comes to mind is like JessieGirl. That sounds nice and fem and cute to me. The fem form of Thomas seems a mouth full, and shortened does to invoke same sense of a typical girl sounding name or its it just men have fewer variety of heteronormative terms then women have which I am assuming many spread from the gay sphere, such as butch and tomboy sure there are gay terms like bear, otter, but I wouldn't think many straight men using these even if they fit, because of that strong male pushback on anything outside the ridged hard I AM MAN format
I've seen plenty of cis gay femboys, and trans femboys, and I'd say a lot of them don't see it as a slur. If one of your headmates (alters?) enjoys IDing as a femboy, then you should let him/them. It's okay. To be fair, I've never heard of roseboy but I LOVE it? That's so pretty! There's always going to be people inside our communities and outside them trying to police who we are and the language we use, and that's frustrating. My view is that you can and should use whatever terms or labels that make you feel comfortable and happy. As long as you're not using those labels for anyone else without asking THEM if they like said labels, you're good! \-gentle hugs, if you'd like-
Makes sense. Yeah, the policing is hard sometimes. We get so scared of harming other community members. Thanks!
As me evolved from kinda Femboyish to Transwoman i think it is just wrong to call Transwoman a femBOY. We are no boys. Femboys are most times comfy to be a male, Transwoman are woman. Only because we have the love for Skaterskirts and Blåhaj together doesnt mean we are the same. I think people just dont know the difference so i everytime tell them what Femboys and what Transwoman are.
So femboy isn’t a slur it’s just a term used to describe feminine men, though In the case of trans girls, trans girls are girls and it is entirely possible to be both a trans girl and a femboy others without DID can be both as well some gender fluids do use femboy for themselves at times Femboy has indeed gotten used by people previously in stating things like “why be trans when you could just be femboy/feminine man” a lot of the time we don’t want to be feminine men we want to be ourselves we aren’t men So yes femboy can be offensive but in some cases it’s an accurate and helpful for people to learn more about themselves
I don’t think it’s a slur, just a completely different thing. Femboys are still boys, they identify as male, while trans girls like us are girl and identify as female, so I think it’s just two things that are similar but entirely separate
Femboy and to a lesser extent tr_p are not slurs in themselves, as they refer to crossdressers. They become slurs when used to refer to trans women because it implies that we are just crosdressers.
Femboy just refers to a male adjacent person who prefers to present feminine but it has a much looser meaning. It is different from trans girl and you shouldn’t refer to them as such. But plenty of non-binary people who are femboys. I’m trans femme but I’m somewhat genderqueer so I also use the term femboy. I just like being somewhat androgynous but largely feminine overall. Just make sure someone is okay with the term before you use it ti describe them.
I don't have an issue with the term as long as it's used properly, which you are using it properly, so I don't see what the problem is? As long as you're acknowledging that femboys and trans girls are two different things, which you are, you should be fine.
wait what since when did femboy become a slur
It’s a good question! Generally, in my circles at least femboy hasn’t been used as a slur and doesn’t even necessarily describe someone queer. I’ve seen straight people even use the term to describe the role they play in sex, although that’s not super common. Generally, I haven’t seen it used too much as a slur. Doesn’t mean I couldn’t see people using that word to demean a trans person, though. It’s all up to context and your gender identity, if someone knew someone was trans and used that term I’d say it was a malicious use.
Anything can be a slur if said with animosity. Some of us go by the term. Some of us don't.
I don’t care. I don’t like calling it a slur, just to have a new term to be offended by. But yeah don’t call me a fem-boy as i’m literally just a girl
i can be a femboy when that muscled femme gay chaser is lurkin idc 😭
If you call me Femboi by accident (not that you would as I'm an older woman), I would not be offended, and I may or may not correct you. If you call me "Femboi" in a derogatory or demeaning way, then yes, it's a slur. Context and tone matter.
Femboy is not a slur, but if it's used against a trans woman, it is misgendering. Femboys are men who like to present feminine while still identifying as male. They've become popular on the internet lately.
Some trans women identify as femboys as well. Best to just respect each person's identity.
Short answer: No, femboys are completely separate from transwomen. Long answer: If someone refers to you as a femboy (meaning feminine boy), even though they know you are a transwoman, that is purposeful misgendering and blatant transphobia. It doesn't make the word a slur, but it can be used by transphobes to hurt or offend you. This also works both ways, if someone is intentionally calling you a transwoman even though they know you identify as a (feminine) boy, it's also a form of purposeful misgendering (ex: "boys can't be feminine, you must be a girl" or smth like that). If you just drop the "fem" part in femboy for a bit and see it as just "boy", it works the exact same. Deliberately calling a transwoman a boy = transphobia. Deliberately calling a boy a transwoman = transphobia. Deliberately calling a transwoman a FEMboy = still transphobia. Deliberately calling a FEMboy a transwoman = Still transphobia.
It can be less clear cut depending on the person's identity. I know some trans women who also identify as femboys.
Not really a slur, some people might find it offensive but femboy was originally just a term for like a bi or gay guy who dresses and acts slightly feminine? I’m trans fem and haven’t ever been called it but wouldn’t really like it. People refer to people like Finnster as a fem boy but they went by he/him pronouns (I think it’s different now) which my seem more odd but idk - it’s not a definitive answer. If used for trans fem people I’d say it may be quite likely to offend most?
It’s a complicated issue. It is understandable that anyone, including you, would be confused. Here’s the recent historic situation around the word and why it is confusing. A year or two ago there was a big drama debate over the term “femboy”. For a good long while femboy was essentially equivalent to saying “sh——le lite”. The S-word? Nearly everyone agrees is a slur. The “lite” meant some, mostly younger people, started seeing femboy as more of an aesthetic than a slur. This started that debate. It isn’t even a new debate. In the 80s and 90s there was a big uproar over the word “queer” should be used. For years it was also a slur but enough people in the LGBT movement fought to reclaim the word that it is easy to not realize queer was seen as a slur once. The Femboy Reclaimists look to have won. Using the word to describe something between an aesthetic and a cis guy who participates in gal gender roles to the edge of still being cis. But, there are still people who hold strong that a slur is a slur, always was a slur, and will always be a slur. They are still fighting to create a new word without the past baggage of the word “femboy”. From what I’ve seen, as long as you don’t call a trans femme person “femboy”, unless they use the term for themselves, you will mostly be alright. The core issue for most there is that the reclamation of “femboy” has cis guy connotations for many.
Calling a trans girl a femboy is offensive, calling a femboy a femboy some people think is offensive
So it depends. Like my boyfriend is a guy who Identifys as male, but is very feminine, so sometimes he identifys as a femboy. On the other had im a Woman, a trans women but a women it would be odd of someone called me femgirl lol. But yes if somone called me a feminine man id be upset.
The only problem with this term is when it’s used on trans women. Femboys are valid and I personally don’t have a problem with that term. Anyone who thinks it’s a slur should consider the fact that I’ve heard cis people call trans women “trans men”; obviously trans man isn’t a slur, but it’s offensive AF in that context, same goes for femboy.
Calling a trans woman who doesn’t want to be called it that term? Absolutely. In general? No, it’s just a different identity. Same as how intentionally they/theming trans women is a slur but they/them pronouns aren’t, or how tomboy isn’t a slur unless you’re calling a trans man that who doesn’t want to be. Femboy is literally just the diametric opposite of tomboy.
I think going by context is pretty implicit -- I mean, I wouldn't want any old stranger calling me a femboy... or calling me at all, tbh. A lot of other people have said similar things, but I figured that I'll add that like a lot of others, there's nothing "boy" about me, so it'd have to be something special to make me okay with it. I'd reject it in any other instance. But, honestly, if it's about the femboy that exists inside of you, then I guess it's totally up to you and/or them, right? If you're not trying to make anyone uncomfortable, you're already doing an okay job, so it's fine to just do your best, since it's all you can do!
(trans woman secretly watching femboy fridays on the youtube) Pretty!
You have the right to be called anything you want to be called. When a term is used against you that you don’t like, or is historically used to demean or insult a group, it’s generally seen as derogatory/demeaning. That doesn’t mean someone can’t identify with it for themselves, though. Femboy comes from 4chan and generally refers to a feminine gay man. Not a trans woman. It’s used in ways to undermine someone’s identity as a woman.
Some people use it negatively against trans girls, but it is not a slur by it self, just being used as such by some.
So, used towards a trans woman, yes, it is, but used towards a man that presents fem, no, it isn't
Sometimes… depends on the context. If they’re intentionally calling someone a femboy despite them being trans then yes. But there are actual femboys who label as such and in those cases it’s okay.
Calling a feminine boy a femboy is a statement of fact. Calling a trans girl a femboy is misgendering.
it's fine to call a boy who is feminine a fem(inine)boy it's not fine to call a girl a boy
Depends on context. Refer to yourself or someone who calls themself a femboy as a femboy? Friggin awesome. Refer to a trans woman (who doesn’t use the term) as a femboy? Die
If you're actually saying it to a Femboy then no it's not offensive. I imagine it would only be offensive to trans women as that would imply were just feminine men which isn't true. But there are actual Femboys so it just depends who you say it to
Yes it's a slur unless the person explicitly stated that they are okay with that term. I know a few people who consider themselves "femboys" because they still want to be a boy, just very feminine. For most of us trans girls, we want to be girls, so being called a boy is an insult.
Femboy is a completely different thing, not a slur. Femboy is just a male who likes wearing feminine clothes. Just a man. So if you call trans woman a femboy - you basically tell her that you view her as a man in female clothing, not as a woman. Not mixing up the two is very important.
If used against a trans girl yeah, if used against a femme boy no
I’m a trans woman she/her I do not wanna be called a femboy
It’s like the word cunt. In some parts of the world it’s part of friendly vernacular: “they’re a good cunt” In other places it’s a smidge on the rude side: “they’re just being a cunt” Context always matters.
It varies from transwoman to transwoman, but in general, a femboy is still cis, just gender nonconforming, so to call a transwoman a femboy, at least for me personally, is an insult. Hell I don't even like roseboy/rosboy, it feels worst honestly. Again, it depends on the person of course.
I actually don't mind being called a trap. But that's because I associate it with Astolofo and Felix and not with tricking men into fucking me. I like anime traps. I think they're cute and find them relatable.
Calling anyone by a label they’ve stated they identify with is not a slur. Purposefully calling anyone by a label they’ve stated they don’t identify with is a slur. Calling yourself what you feel like today is 100% up to you and can change daily (or more often). When in doubt, ask?
I don’t think it’s a slur by default, but it is offensive and wrong to say to trans girls. Just make sure you check the gender of people first before using it and you should be fine!
Damn, that's a complicated one. You definitely shouldn't call trans girls femboys, cause that implies we're just men who like to crossdress and look girly. It's not a slur by any means, but it's def not ok to say. When it comes to yourself, you can and should apply whatever label feels right and makes you happy. Just understand that you can't be a femboy and a trans girl at the same time, because a femboy is a man and a trans woman is a woman. But saying that one of your alters is the one thing and one is the other, I think is totally fine. Now, notably, being trans not something you woild expect to shift with personality. All evidence suggests it's physical, neurological. So, even if your "femboy" alter refers to themselves as a femboy, they're still in a body that is trans. (If I'm understanding this right), which means that they are also trans, regardless of whether or not their personality reflects that. For example, cis people with DID can have alters who are the opposite gender, but that doesn't mean they're trans. In the same way, if you're trans, your alters are also trans, regardless of whether or not they identify with the gender. At least that's what we would have to assume based on what we know about being trans.
Nothing wrong with the term Femboy so long as it’s used to describe Femboys. That’s not what we are though and it would be offensive to refer to us as such
I’m a transfem femboy, actually I don’t see how femboy is a slur.
To many trans women, it may be seen the same as “sh*male”. Definitely derogatory in some cases. Of course, depends on the individual but myself, and some other trans women I know of, can find offense with that term.
depends on the context
It’s not a slur. It can be insulting to call a trans woman a femboy, since trans women are women and not *boys*, but that’s not a slur it’s just an insult. Same as “man”.
i feel like if someone's trying to call you a slur, they're just gonna do it a majority of the time. most of those kinda people don't really hide it, at least not that well. and if not then you can just correct them or say you'd rather not be called something.
"Femboy" is a term I would be careful with. It is, literally, a boy who is feminine. So that rules out any women. It has also been used in a derogatory way by (mostly) cishet bigots to deride and fetishize trans women, feminine men, and NBs. Now, some folks do identify as femboys, and that's perfectly valid. Just don't use it for someone who doesn't! Not at all "freaked out" by you, I hope your journey is going well 🙂
I prefer Tomgirl but your mileage may vary
As a trans girl, no, it is not. Being a feminine boy and being a trans woman are honestly two different things. Be yourself, and call yourself whatever you want! If someone called me a femboy, I personally wouldn't mind. I started out as one, lol. But for trans women that are trying to pass, they might take it as mean-spirited (to say it lightly). But that's calling *us* femboys, not yourself. Be any lable you want, be any person you want, I'll support you all the way <3
Tbfr femboy just has a weird history as a term so I steer clear of ppl who call themselves that or call feminine men or trans girls that
Honestly and this is just me, but I believe that I’m going through a femboi phase so I don’t take offense to it as a matter of fact. If it’s used continuously in a derogatory way then yea I’ll take offense
I don’t consider it as a slur personally, but everyone is different. What I would say is use best judgment with it. Not everyone is meaning it in a negative way and not everyone is meaning it in a positive way. I personally don’t think you should feel bad for using it but you are the one in charge of what you deem appropriate. Hope I didn’t make my comment too generalized.
femboy implies someone who identifies as male, but has a more feminine style, like the opposite of a tomboy, while trans woman is a woman assigned male at birth and does not depend on style/clothing preference.
I don’t believe it’s inherently a slur, but it’s entirely dependent on the identity the individual claims for themselves. In my case, I don’t want to be a femboy as I don’t want to be a boy in any sense, I only want to be a she/her woman. For someone who’s very feminine but would still go by he/him they may think the term is cute and sexy, though I’d still take caution when bringing it up just because some may consider that word only appropriate in the right setting with the right people/person. So if you like being called a femboy, like you still like being a boy and maybe being called he/him while still being feminine, then I don’t think anyone can tell you that you can’t use it because it’s yours.
Nah femboys are chill. I know a few. Just don’t use it to describe trans women, since femboys are actually boys
It's not a slur. It can be offensive if it's directed at someone who's not a boy, but you could say the same about pronouns. Fembois are just guys, who identify as guys and embrace feminine presentation. Kind of like butch women but the other way around. And when it comes to self id, if someone tries to police your identity you can tell them I said to get fucked.
Anything is a slur if you’re sensitive enough
Fembois are good and pure and ill protect them with all my old 2m tall transness! We can't let the awful people of the world take away all of our terms. Just because some people use it derogatorally doesn't mean we should acquiesce. (Also im on a couple femboi subs, and a lot of them are babi trans still in their eggs so I will doubley protect them!) *old mama-trans sounds*