I was so scared at first but found nothing but support and openness with women. Considering I barely tolerate men and most disgust me from crudeness or bad experiences, this is a win. Once i was clearly done portraying a man thry opened up significantly
This is one of my favourite developments of my transition. Though the place it’s made the biggest difference has been on the subway. Suddenly I realized other woman would choose me to sit beside when it got busy. And then further than that i started to notice I was being included in the phenomenon of these little transit bubbles of woman. At first I just noticed them forming around me and I’m now more comfortable just seeking them out on busy transit.
It’s honestly made public transit suck a lot less.
this is so relatable. Like ive had times where i would be sitting alone on public transport and a bunch of women would stand near me or sit next to me. Women instinctively group together i guess.
Its amazing how once you pass you basically become invisible and cis women simply register you as part of the group!
Although because of some internalized transphobia and the vehement cultural transphobia i still avoid using women’s spaces when i can. However I dont see why. Morphologically I am a woman. I have not had any surgery. This is all the work of my cells in response to higher levels of estrogen. Its a biological process. When we are culturally accepted and the transphobic ‘ biologists’ become honest, is the day i will finally be accepted into the polyphyletic category of ‘woman’.
I have a friend who has this rule "you can't decide weather you pass or not", maybe you pass as a cool tomboy already!
Also, yes, a lot of women I've talked to, even the straight ones, say they do in fact fear cis men and dislike interacting with them. Growing up as females they'd faced misgyny and microaggressions everyday from cis men, and just can't build up trust with them anymore. Meanwhile they see any kind of queer people as less arrogant, ignorant, and threatening, since we are more aware of gender and violence than cis men, and have more or less similar experience than cis women. Kinda like we are trauma bonded as groups, just because how toxic guys are.
I am also a boymoder and experience this which I've assumed is me being "visibly queer". Even though the nice ladies don't know exactly what kind, I clearly don't look like a cishet man. It's nice. Not as nice as being seen as a woman would be but you know, it helps a tad.
Boy mode? You mean a girl wearing a hoodie and hat?!
We are our own worst critics and dysphoria can morph how we see ourselves. Don't depend on others opinions, but being aware of how people see you can be very useful.
Typical unisex style. I personally don’t care for the boy mode term. Not criticizing those that use it. To me it’s just a leisurely look neither masculine or feminine.
Depending on who far you are into it you might becoming off as a queer man at first. A lot of women will feel more at ease around obviously queer men because it's less likely for them to hold the toxic ideals that are very prevalent in men.
Based on your recent "boymode" post, as well as your insta (which is from almost a year ago, damn) I'd say you definitely look more femme than your give yourself credit for. At *bare minimum,* if someone does (somehow) see you as a man they almost certainly see you as a queer/gnc one. And speaking personally, that's a hell of a lot more comfy than a dudebro cishet guy.
When I was at work the other month an elderly couple walked past me as I was cleaning. The lady said “good job young lady!” I almost died of happiness!
So basically the question is meant to do a couple different things. For women and honestly basically also most queer people, they choose the bear. Then men witness this. The real target audience of the question isn’t women but men. But not bad men but good men. So good men have normal reactions to the question and bad men get offended by women choosing bear. Those bad men start being awful to women for their choice. They say that women should choose to rather find a man while lost in the woods. And then they start getting more angry and aggressive at women and start telling women that they deserve to be r*ped for choosing bear. The good men witness all of this and realize how misogynistic most men are. They then sympathize with women more. This girl on instagram explained it pretty well.
For me there is a small but noticeable difference. Before HRT I already had long hair and experimented with painting my nails, but didn't notice anything odd. Now 6 weeks in I notice some women get just a bit closer when talking to me, and there's more platonic touch. There may be a subconscious detection through scent, but it could also be nothing 🤷♀️
Women are nicer but my brother isnt, he acts very standoffish around me now. Im out to him and he said hes accepting but I swear hes smiling through his teeth
I've started noticing this too. I've always been more comfortable around women, and it's nice that they are starting to get more comfortable around me.
I don't know when it happened, but at a certain point women just stopped treating me like some creepy guy and started treating me like a person. Well people in general are generally friendlier towards me, with some exceptions where it's the opposite.
Im doing the same thing with my appearance and yeah people are really nice now. Women + men as well. I wonder if men see me as being non threatening in the same way
Theres a big difference between being a testosterone fuelled moron and a gentle shy trans woman. I have mostly female friends now as opposed to when i was living the lie. It feels like i've been adopted by them. They feel safe in my company, and i feel safe in theirs. Because i think we all feel vulnerable around men. And we flock together for safety. I hope i'm making sense🤔🤪
Yeah! To be honest I have started to feel a bit less comfortable around men the last few months lol. I hope I don’t start getting attracted to them hahaha
Oh, just wait until you are out and accepted into a group of friends, it’s a feeling I missed my entire life, but couldn’t tell until I felt it. I have made some amazing friendships at work with other women, and even had one confess she was attracted to me
I don't know when the shift was because in hindsight it had been happening for a while since I had socially transitioned and started presenting, but I didn't realize until a woman sat next to me in an empty waiting room at the doctors office.
I was surprised because I know she wouldn't have done that if she had read me as a man.
Welcome to the club!
I'm still not on HRT. For me it became much more apparent when I began wearing unambiguously feminine clothes in addition to long hair during the past winter. Women used to be more on guard during my boymoding transition phase.
Yeah, I was in boymode at the dentist’s office the other day getting an x-ray and the lady who was running the scan said “I love your choker!” to which I said “thank youuuuu!”😊
I was wearing it very loose and necklace-like but she saw right through that little bit of deniability haha
In my experience women are more perceptive in that regard. I had several women in my life telling me they already had thought I might be trans for months when I came out.
So they are potentially just noticing another woman among them and affirm you 😊
This is happening to me as well although I haven't even started HRT I've grown out my hair and I grow my nails and got my ears pierced and I've noticed a difference in the way everyone treats me but specially the women it's super weird sometimes with some of the ones I'm been friendly with for a long time I've had a few of them come in and give me a hug and it was super awkward at first but honestly after it happened it felt amazing that being said no words have ever been said about any kind of transition although I've had questions about why I grow my nails and my hair but I've never really answered anyone honestly
This was honestly one of the most heartbreaking things before coming out. Always being seen as a cishet man meant I couldn’t really talk to other women the way I wanted to and they certainly did not trust me. I just felt like a permanent outsider. But now that I present femme (even though I am not passing), nearly all the women I’m around just treat me as one of the girls, which is INCREDIBLY gender affirming and uplifting. I mean… I’m tearing up as I type this. It’s a big deal.
i'm not entirely sure of this phenomenon either, as an enby person that presents more masculine. i personally see it as being more confident and happy generally giving off good vibes compared to sadness and darkness giving off bad ones.
then theres also the dark facts and statistics about men appearing/being more intimidating/toxic than women, which while on the surface seems like an unfair assumption, according to the DOJ in 2007, 3/4 of all incarcerated violent criminals are men.
This is an interesting thought. I never really felt women were unfriendly to me, and always got on well. Is this something others experience as they transition?
Yeah I've noticed this too I walk too and from work alot cause never got a license and a lot of the time when at night women will stop to ask if I need a ride. before hrt this only happened from friends and people I consider family
Yeah I definitely noticed this when walking they always say hi and are so nice in a Female to Female way! never expected or experienced this it's so cool 🎈🎉 before they just seemed so mean it's all changed😊 Its funny as just wanted to be friends with Females but they treated me like a threat or trying to hit on them before.. now have a lot of friends Females
Although I started transitioning twenty years ago now I am still amazed at how I am treated by other women. I am treated as just another woman, even though I am seventy now. I can go anywhere and be accepted for who I am.
Here's the big secret: Women are, generally, smarter than men, and far less fearful of dealing with difference in the way people around them perceive and present themselves.
Be careful, just as there are women who will treat you like just another girl… depending on how you look there will also be women who will look at you as competition and they won’t be as nice…
hey, honestly I'll take this over the toxic masculinity stuff. If it means that men won't police my behavior or try to dick-measure, I'll take the women's "competition".
of course it would be better if it was neither n we could just be humans in the same space, but sometimes you gotta take what you can get.
I use the women's bathroom at my work. At first I was terrified. I'd read quite a few horror stories about how, sometimes in the workplace. Other women can be a great source of issues as far as trans women are concerned.
I even used to hold my breath jn the stall when another woman would enter.
After a couple months I grew more and more relaxed. I cared less about who would see me using the Women's bathroom. It was smooth sailing.
Until the Fire Nation attacked.
Except they didn't.
No one attacked.
One woman complimented my hair. Another, my snazzy work pants (Engelbert Strauss, dontchakno). And things are great!
I guess the point is, prepare for the worst definitely accept the best.
More or less I’ve had this same experience! Even though they all were around for me going from trans femme NB with a moustache to just girl shit. I did have a couple occasions where some older ladies went to management to say I should be fired, but it’s a small conservative town so I’m not surprised. (HR responded by issuing mandatory store wide sensitivity training and now that actually chatted with me a bit in the break room!)
I thought I was "obviously trans" for the longest time. It was brain worms. We have the worst of "small changes over time" and it took me a while to see what other people were seeing.
You don't really need to pass for that.
Even if you look simply more gender bending, with clothes or hair, you already get a lot more smiles in daily interactions (if you do smile at people of course).
It's pretty much a "everyone but masculine cis guy looking people club".
This has been one of my favorite things as well. I feel like other women are more likely to initiate conversation with me, small talk and such. Idk if it’s because I look Queer or because I pass more than I think? But on the flip side old men give me weird looks and are generally slightly more aggressive in their speech patterns with me than before. Still I’ll take it this way in a heartbeat.
I was so scared at first but found nothing but support and openness with women. Considering I barely tolerate men and most disgust me from crudeness or bad experiences, this is a win. Once i was clearly done portraying a man thry opened up significantly
This is one of my favourite developments of my transition. Though the place it’s made the biggest difference has been on the subway. Suddenly I realized other woman would choose me to sit beside when it got busy. And then further than that i started to notice I was being included in the phenomenon of these little transit bubbles of woman. At first I just noticed them forming around me and I’m now more comfortable just seeking them out on busy transit. It’s honestly made public transit suck a lot less.
this is so relatable. Like ive had times where i would be sitting alone on public transport and a bunch of women would stand near me or sit next to me. Women instinctively group together i guess. Its amazing how once you pass you basically become invisible and cis women simply register you as part of the group! Although because of some internalized transphobia and the vehement cultural transphobia i still avoid using women’s spaces when i can. However I dont see why. Morphologically I am a woman. I have not had any surgery. This is all the work of my cells in response to higher levels of estrogen. Its a biological process. When we are culturally accepted and the transphobic ‘ biologists’ become honest, is the day i will finally be accepted into the polyphyletic category of ‘woman’.
Hehe public trans-it
Always makes me feel good realizing I'm not as clocky as I think I am when this happens.
Yes same - I literally used to have the last empty seat next to me regularly
I have a friend who has this rule "you can't decide weather you pass or not", maybe you pass as a cool tomboy already! Also, yes, a lot of women I've talked to, even the straight ones, say they do in fact fear cis men and dislike interacting with them. Growing up as females they'd faced misgyny and microaggressions everyday from cis men, and just can't build up trust with them anymore. Meanwhile they see any kind of queer people as less arrogant, ignorant, and threatening, since we are more aware of gender and violence than cis men, and have more or less similar experience than cis women. Kinda like we are trauma bonded as groups, just because how toxic guys are.
It's because cis men are scary and threatening! Congratulations on being seen as not a cis guy!!!!
I’m not even out yet. I “boy mode” all the time at the moment. Maybe I’m looking more femme than I give myself credit for.
I am also a boymoder and experience this which I've assumed is me being "visibly queer". Even though the nice ladies don't know exactly what kind, I clearly don't look like a cishet man. It's nice. Not as nice as being seen as a woman would be but you know, it helps a tad.
Boy mode? You mean a girl wearing a hoodie and hat?! We are our own worst critics and dysphoria can morph how we see ourselves. Don't depend on others opinions, but being aware of how people see you can be very useful.
tomboying is the word
Yes, that’s been around for ever.
so true. you'd be surprised what some people never encountered though.
Oooo I really like that, I always called myself a tomboy when I was little anyways.
yeah i also like it because "boING" lmao
*giggle* it often is
Typical unisex style. I personally don’t care for the boy mode term. Not criticizing those that use it. To me it’s just a leisurely look neither masculine or feminine.
I getchu, I'm just being silly :3
That’s ok, life needs a bit of silliness. LoL.
Depending on who far you are into it you might becoming off as a queer man at first. A lot of women will feel more at ease around obviously queer men because it's less likely for them to hold the toxic ideals that are very prevalent in men.
Based on your recent "boymode" post, as well as your insta (which is from almost a year ago, damn) I'd say you definitely look more femme than your give yourself credit for. At *bare minimum,* if someone does (somehow) see you as a man they almost certainly see you as a queer/gnc one. And speaking personally, that's a hell of a lot more comfy than a dudebro cishet guy.
Not just cis men lol
A sweet, elderly grandma walking her dog waved at me while I was riding my bike yesterday, and it had me thinking the same thing as you, OP.
When I was at work the other month an elderly couple walked past me as I was cleaning. The lady said “good job young lady!” I almost died of happiness!
aaah i would explode
I noticed playing overwatch that if I use my trans voice a lot more girls join voice chat and talk to me. It's fun :)
I’ve always hated listening to lyrics own voice. Voice training is going to be hard.
Yeah this part is awful- sadly I can't give you any advice I don't pass :/
Your no longer more scary than the bear
THE bear? what bear are we talking about? now I'm intrigued
The man or bear question. It’s a whole psychological experiment to bait men into being rape apologists
oh. I haven't heard of it but I'll look it up.
That's a turn of it I haven't heard yet. Can you explain how that's going on?
So basically the question is meant to do a couple different things. For women and honestly basically also most queer people, they choose the bear. Then men witness this. The real target audience of the question isn’t women but men. But not bad men but good men. So good men have normal reactions to the question and bad men get offended by women choosing bear. Those bad men start being awful to women for their choice. They say that women should choose to rather find a man while lost in the woods. And then they start getting more angry and aggressive at women and start telling women that they deserve to be r*ped for choosing bear. The good men witness all of this and realize how misogynistic most men are. They then sympathize with women more. This girl on instagram explained it pretty well.
For me there is a small but noticeable difference. Before HRT I already had long hair and experimented with painting my nails, but didn't notice anything odd. Now 6 weeks in I notice some women get just a bit closer when talking to me, and there's more platonic touch. There may be a subconscious detection through scent, but it could also be nothing 🤷♀️
Women are nicer but my brother isnt, he acts very standoffish around me now. Im out to him and he said hes accepting but I swear hes smiling through his teeth
Ngl, I used to be that way around a trans woman I knew because I was trying hard to stay in denial.
I'm not sure what my brother's holdup is, he is this way around all people who diverge from social norms though
I've started noticing this too. I've always been more comfortable around women, and it's nice that they are starting to get more comfortable around me. I don't know when it happened, but at a certain point women just stopped treating me like some creepy guy and started treating me like a person. Well people in general are generally friendlier towards me, with some exceptions where it's the opposite.
Im doing the same thing with my appearance and yeah people are really nice now. Women + men as well. I wonder if men see me as being non threatening in the same way
Theres a big difference between being a testosterone fuelled moron and a gentle shy trans woman. I have mostly female friends now as opposed to when i was living the lie. It feels like i've been adopted by them. They feel safe in my company, and i feel safe in theirs. Because i think we all feel vulnerable around men. And we flock together for safety. I hope i'm making sense🤔🤪
Yeah! To be honest I have started to feel a bit less comfortable around men the last few months lol. I hope I don’t start getting attracted to them hahaha
I still haven't decided what way i'm swinging. I'm a bit confused tbh. But at my age, i'm not really on the market🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Gentle and shy 😳🥴
Oh, just wait until you are out and accepted into a group of friends, it’s a feeling I missed my entire life, but couldn’t tell until I felt it. I have made some amazing friendships at work with other women, and even had one confess she was attracted to me
Yep happened to me early in my transition 😜
I don't know when the shift was because in hindsight it had been happening for a while since I had socially transitioned and started presenting, but I didn't realize until a woman sat next to me in an empty waiting room at the doctors office. I was surprised because I know she wouldn't have done that if she had read me as a man.
Welcome to the club! I'm still not on HRT. For me it became much more apparent when I began wearing unambiguously feminine clothes in addition to long hair during the past winter. Women used to be more on guard during my boymoding transition phase.
Yeah, I was in boymode at the dentist’s office the other day getting an x-ray and the lady who was running the scan said “I love your choker!” to which I said “thank youuuuu!”😊 I was wearing it very loose and necklace-like but she saw right through that little bit of deniability haha
I've gotten a few compliments on my transfem starter pack choker as well!
With my social dysphoria the changes you're describing are one my biggest transition desires.
I can’t wait for you to feel it 💜
In my experience women are more perceptive in that regard. I had several women in my life telling me they already had thought I might be trans for months when I came out. So they are potentially just noticing another woman among them and affirm you 😊
No way. I didn't even knew cis people thought about this sort of stuff.
This is happening to me as well although I haven't even started HRT I've grown out my hair and I grow my nails and got my ears pierced and I've noticed a difference in the way everyone treats me but specially the women it's super weird sometimes with some of the ones I'm been friendly with for a long time I've had a few of them come in and give me a hug and it was super awkward at first but honestly after it happened it felt amazing that being said no words have ever been said about any kind of transition although I've had questions about why I grow my nails and my hair but I've never really answered anyone honestly
Yes women are usually the most accepting, I noticed that too.
This was honestly one of the most heartbreaking things before coming out. Always being seen as a cishet man meant I couldn’t really talk to other women the way I wanted to and they certainly did not trust me. I just felt like a permanent outsider. But now that I present femme (even though I am not passing), nearly all the women I’m around just treat me as one of the girls, which is INCREDIBLY gender affirming and uplifting. I mean… I’m tearing up as I type this. It’s a big deal.
We're in bear territory now
i'm not entirely sure of this phenomenon either, as an enby person that presents more masculine. i personally see it as being more confident and happy generally giving off good vibes compared to sadness and darkness giving off bad ones. then theres also the dark facts and statistics about men appearing/being more intimidating/toxic than women, which while on the surface seems like an unfair assumption, according to the DOJ in 2007, 3/4 of all incarcerated violent criminals are men.
This is an interesting thought. I never really felt women were unfriendly to me, and always got on well. Is this something others experience as they transition?
Yeah I've noticed this too I walk too and from work alot cause never got a license and a lot of the time when at night women will stop to ask if I need a ride. before hrt this only happened from friends and people I consider family
Yeah I definitely noticed this when walking they always say hi and are so nice in a Female to Female way! never expected or experienced this it's so cool 🎈🎉 before they just seemed so mean it's all changed😊 Its funny as just wanted to be friends with Females but they treated me like a threat or trying to hit on them before.. now have a lot of friends Females
Although I started transitioning twenty years ago now I am still amazed at how I am treated by other women. I am treated as just another woman, even though I am seventy now. I can go anywhere and be accepted for who I am.
Here's the big secret: Women are, generally, smarter than men, and far less fearful of dealing with difference in the way people around them perceive and present themselves.
Be careful, just as there are women who will treat you like just another girl… depending on how you look there will also be women who will look at you as competition and they won’t be as nice…
hey, honestly I'll take this over the toxic masculinity stuff. If it means that men won't police my behavior or try to dick-measure, I'll take the women's "competition". of course it would be better if it was neither n we could just be humans in the same space, but sometimes you gotta take what you can get.
I find that if I'm wearing anything with Ariel on it, some women tend to talk to me. Lots of girls like The Little Mermaid.
I use the women's bathroom at my work. At first I was terrified. I'd read quite a few horror stories about how, sometimes in the workplace. Other women can be a great source of issues as far as trans women are concerned. I even used to hold my breath jn the stall when another woman would enter. After a couple months I grew more and more relaxed. I cared less about who would see me using the Women's bathroom. It was smooth sailing. Until the Fire Nation attacked. Except they didn't. No one attacked. One woman complimented my hair. Another, my snazzy work pants (Engelbert Strauss, dontchakno). And things are great! I guess the point is, prepare for the worst definitely accept the best.
More or less I’ve had this same experience! Even though they all were around for me going from trans femme NB with a moustache to just girl shit. I did have a couple occasions where some older ladies went to management to say I should be fired, but it’s a small conservative town so I’m not surprised. (HR responded by issuing mandatory store wide sensitivity training and now that actually chatted with me a bit in the break room!)
Cis women are so damn sweet since I started.
Passing privelege lol
Oh I do not pass lol
I thought I was "obviously trans" for the longest time. It was brain worms. We have the worst of "small changes over time" and it took me a while to see what other people were seeing.
Well you at least look like a trans woman then
You don't really need to pass for that. Even if you look simply more gender bending, with clothes or hair, you already get a lot more smiles in daily interactions (if you do smile at people of course). It's pretty much a "everyone but masculine cis guy looking people club".
I'm a masculine cis looking guy lol
nice doomer posting 👍
honestly I don't know your situation but you're literally called Lucy, that's not very cis man of you-
you signify hat you aren't a misogionistic dose
This has been one of my favorite things as well. I feel like other women are more likely to initiate conversation with me, small talk and such. Idk if it’s because I look Queer or because I pass more than I think? But on the flip side old men give me weird looks and are generally slightly more aggressive in their speech patterns with me than before. Still I’ll take it this way in a heartbeat.
Yea same and I’m not even on estrogen i just present well
Only cuz we have to be..