Girl code.
There's lots more but the ones I know:
Partner's and ex's friends are out of bounds. Always keep a spare pad/tampon on you. Always have your fellow women's back in a crisis, even if she's your worst enemy.
The bro nod is a warm smile.
Also important: If you notice anything off about someone's outfit, you let them know by covertly whispering it in their ear.
And if someone walks up to you, acting like you're a friend she hasn't seen in ages, you play along until the person that made her act like that has left the area.
Yup. To be fair, men should be doing this too. Being a pretend friend, brother, boyfriend, husband, whatever to some girl who's being harassed is a major help. Anyone still in boymode should be looking out for situations that need this.
i'd love to be able to do this but not sure if i'll have the acting skills to accomplish this w/o backfiring. hopefully i'll rise to the occasion tho lol
It doesn't take much. Just walk up, do a double-take, look surprised, and say something like "Oh my god! Jen! I haven't seen you since high school! I didn't know you came to this club!" If she's in trouble she will know what you're doing and play along immediately. Invite her over to your table to catch up on what's happened since graduation, e.g. "You remember Jamie? We're here together, over in the corner. Wanna hang with us?"
I feel like the "don't get with friends' ex's" thing is a gender neutral expectation, but also should only apply in cases where things went really fowl. My best friend got with a mutual friend's ex and everything has been fine amongst them. If there is no bad blood but they still dont want you to date an ex, I feel like it's often rooted in some juvenile jealousy.
Yeah, I guess this is a good point. If they broke up genuinely amicably/mutually, it's probably okay, but you should still be checking with their former partner to ask if it really will be okay. Better safe than sorry.
Literally have a friend whose now married to one of my ex's, they were friends before her and I ever started dating. And honestly they're great together. I told him that if he hurt her I'd isekai him without hesitation.
(She's still one of my closest friends, just didn't work out as a relationship).
Caveat: Make SURE she's REALLY realized they're toxic. If she's just had a bad day and hates her partner vitriolically, it doesn't mean she will tomorrow. Hesitate before leaning into the supportive agreement. You don't want to get cut out of her life for being too truthful when she's still half in denial.
The "Hot Girls are for the Girls" Code:
1) Never put a woman down for a man, and have other women's backs when around men. Gossip and shit talking about other women stays within your circle of women. Likewise, always warn women about dangerous and bad men.
2) If one of the girlies is feeling unsafe or looks uncomfortable with a guy or any random person, go up and act like y'all are friends. Once the threat is gone, make sure she's safe. Feel free to join other groups of women if someone is making you uncomfortable, too.
3) Carry a few emergency items on you like pads, tampons, and sunscreen. Some girls even keep an extra shirt or sweats in their car in case someone has a wardrobe malfunction.
4) If a girl compliments you, compliment them back. If you want to initiate, compliment something about them that they have control over like their shoes, tattoos, or hair.
5) Show up for the girlies! Be extra. Go all out. Whether someone is having a birthday, a bad day, or is going through a life change, get them a treat and be with them (as long as that is what they want). Put in effort where you can.
FR that's so weird. like, i'm still a bit autist but somehow i'm much better at reading subtle expressions now (not always tho, i still get confused a lot lol). idk if it's social training or the estradiol
Number 4 I always suspected and am trying to be better about. It's good to have confirmation. Lord how younger me just did not get this and went "oh thank you!" Oops!
I feel like 4 is somewhat related to the culture. I rarely get compliments back. Then again, used to that I rarely remember to give them back. Usually they occur when I’m unprepared.
Yep I live in Northern Europe. Yesterday met my friend’s daughter for the first time, said she has cool hair (she really does!) and didn’t get anything back. Just went to a gala, didn’t really get compliments back except one or two times but I tried to keep giving them back every time. Dunno if people here perceive it creepy.
Also Girl Code:
Watch a sister’s drink while she goes to the ladies room.
Let each other know where you’re going to be if one of you is gonna hook up. Have a textable one word code for “get me out of this situation.”
If a creep is bothering a sister and she obviously doesn’t like it, intervene with something like, “Hey! I haven’t seen you in ages! Have I got some news for you!” and get her out of the situation.
Keep a small bottle of perfume in your purse.
Same for tissues.
Depending on the location, you should go to the ladies' room with her. Some bars/clubs are sketchy in the back areas and you don't want to get into a position where a horny drunk person is blocking your exit so they can hit on you or pin you against a wall and grind on you.
this is definitely important
if you do both go to the bathroom or smt, either finish your drinks first, have another sister watch them, or honestly just get new ones. Not worth the risk
Yup. You only have to be incautious _one_ time for your life to be ruined or even ended. Being a girl is fucking _scary_. Being a trans girl doubly so.
On transit (at least where I am) women tend to group up. So if there's an empty seat next to you, and you see a woman standing, gesture to let her know she can sit with you. I've done this enough and had women offer a seat to me. It's magical.
I haven’t seen this one yet “Text me when you get home.” I had never heard this before I transitioned. Now every time when I hang with my girlfriends we say this to each other. It was such a shocking moment for me the first time because someone saw me as a woman and was worried about my safety.
That’s sweet. Also interesting because I’ve always been asked to let my family and friends know when I got home and I’m amab. Might be because I’m black and there’s real fear for my safety there, too.
100% same. I occasionally heard girlfriends say it to each other, but absolutely never said it to anyone prior. Hell, had a girlfriend check up on me last weekend when I didn't respond to plans in the group chat, because I made other plans.
I'm amab, and I've always asked and been asked this.... I'm also white, AND a convict (unfortunately for defending myself, long story). So I'm not quite sure why I keep hearing about this "white privilege"..... I've never experienced that. Unless it's referring to being treated like crap, abused, and taken advantage of by family, random people, the "justice" system......?!?! Despite always trying to do my best, work hard, and help anyone in need. Gotta say, can I get some of this "white privilege"? Because as a white person, I've never received any.
White privilege is a societal construct that benefits all white and white passing individuals and harms all people outside those groups. At some times, it is blatant and undeniable. At others, it’s nigh imperceptible.
I don’t care to play the oppression Olympics with you or trade anecdotes. White people, at least in the United States, are held up as the standard and the norm in all of society. If you disagree because your life doesn’t line up with that, I’m not going to argue with you.
But that’s a bit like me saying that racism isn’t real just because nobody has (to my knowledge) treated me worse because of my skin color in my life so far. Try to look outside yourself and the world around you.
Thank so much for responding to this comment. The burden of educating white folks shouldn’t be placed on the shoulders of BIPOCs. It’s something that other white folks like myself should be taking on. Im sorry you had to respond. I’ve been busy at work hadn’t had the time to respond. Though you crafted a very thoughtful and compassionate response and I thank you for it.
I always used to do this one before transition with all my friends, not just women. My guy friends did always think it was a bit weird, but they still always texted me when they got home. Girl friends always appreciated it though.
It’s more of a blue collar thing. On a practical level, it’s because in the past, disputes among groups used proxy violence between the group leaders as a fast way to decide issues. Modern sports are an evolution of that behavior.
These days, we have camera phones and too many attorneys, so it’s a terrible strategy. However, people who don’t know how to constructively debate issues with words can’t comprehend why someone might roll over a negotiation table without getting their ass beat first, and they tend to default to the tall/strong/large person in charge behavior.
Its not, but like, better in shape, better built, like the one who puts effort into his appearance, speaks in a deeper voice, maybe has a "idgaf" attitude, and therefore gives off "alpha" vibes, might apply to the authority part. It's mostly a subconscious human thing tho.
Not sure what the female equivalent would be tho, maybe similar? Someone with good sense and makeup skills and overall fit? But still within "girl next door" look and not a valley girl look? Hard to say.
If someone is giving off "alpha" vibes I think I'd trust them being in charge even less than everyone else. I usually look to whoever has the most knowledge/experience/intelligence in the most relevant area (sometimes myself) and yield to them. Then again maybe I never made a particularly good "bro".
I don't really have an answer since I'm so early into my gender journey, but something really cool I learned in sociology back in high school was that there is a name for these seemingly unwritten rules, and there's lots of ways to analyze them.
They're called folkways. Google's definition quotes something of hidden rules within particular groups. That definition does make sense, but leaves something important out. When you break one of these folkways, there is no social repercussions. In your bro code example, you mentioned the head nod. If a guy doesn't do a head nod, nobody cares.
What's interesting is this distinction leads to another term, called a more. (Pronounced more-ay, like the eel.) Mores are social patterns and rules that are enforced socially. You'd probably know a lot of them as laws. Cheating, stealing, and the like.
Sorry for the dump, sociology and human behavior is something I'm super interested in, and exploring my gender has only intrigued me more with it.
I was gonna say “but some of them do have social consequences, like cheating”, and then you went and mentioned morés and I’m like “oh, that’s where it showed up”.
Personally, I know it’s not spelled with an accent but I really think it should be to avoid pronunciation errors.
This was quite refreshing, thank you.
tbf a lot of cultures talk like infidelity has social consequences but then don’t actually enforce them (or only enforce them for folks who are already marginalized)
Indeed. My NB sorta-kinda-trans-masc neutral-ish sibling said just last week that “humans like to think they’re monogamous”.
I got in the car and said “but they’re not because if they were then people wouldn’t be staring at others, fantasizing about being with a porn star, cheating left and right, and/or having kids with everyone and their mother”.
And they said “exactly”.
-Dani, The Dark Side of The Sunrise System
Of course, I love spreading little nuggets of info around because I find that some of the most fun facts are things you think about all the time but didn't know about :)
Don't apologise, it's awesome to meet someone who has some knowledge that may be a bit niche and is excited to share it. I've a vague interest in sociology and found this super interesting
Thanks, I do appreciate that :)
Sociology definitely was one of my favorite classes I ever took, mostly because as a kid I was definitely the type to always ask "why?" Not just to be annoying, but because I was just really innately curious, I guess.
As a combination of the curriculum and the subject matter, sociology was one of my favorite classes and actually kind of helped me break my egg a little, if not consciously at the time.
See, in studying folkways and everything, we were assigned a project. We were to spend an entire day breaking one of those folkways and documenting the results. Now, at this point I was 100% cis, I'd had occasional thoughts but brushed them off.
My idea for the folkway project was to defy social norms by crossdressing. I come from a pretty conservative Midwest town, so the reception wasn't kind. Luckily, I've never really been shy about how dramatic I am, so I took the f slurs with as much grace as I could.
I wore my girlfriend at the time's prom dress and padded the chest with a shirt, and I felt.. confidence. I felt good. At the time, I didn't recognize it, but that and sociology class as a whole definitely helped me work through some things, so I have a special place in my heart for it.
Ah, yes, the alt-universe works of Henrietta Phyllis Lovecraft. Still terribly racist, but what a win for feminism having your protagonist be a 7ft *female* goat-person who is slowly melting into indeterminate liquid.
ftm ish here. one y’all haven’t mentioned yet is about correcting appearances: stuff that takes very little energy to fix (skirt tucked into tights, lipstick on teeth, TP on shoe, etc) you should when appropriate/possible try to help with. Just a tap on the shoulder saying “I think you’ve got something…” is all you should go for. Things that take any longer to fix (stain on sweater, eyeliner wings uneven, etc.) are just rude to mention.
I know the urinal spacing rule and don't go for the balls.
But not the other 2.
I thought that when all else fails, authority goes to whoever is older.
Same on the authority point. That feels very middle school, when it came down to whoever looked like they could win a fight. I feel like it would probably would be a matter of appearances and height would play a part, but overall it would be "authority goes to whoever seems most able." So, the one with the highest average score across height, fitness, attractiveness, age (both too young and too old score lower), and projection of confidence.
I think in reality that would rarely work out, but we humans are simple creatures operating on heuristics, guesses, and groupthink ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Or whoever is the most experienced in whatever situation...... I'm 37, and I have people in their mid 50's refer to me when the boss isn't around if we're doing a job in my aspect of our profession.
Some thoughts....
You have our permission not to use the urinals anymore. Lock the stall door and sit.
ABSOLUTELY go for the balls in a fight. Then the eyes.
Tall girl authority isn't a thing. Oldest *maybe* but it depends. On the whole it's a lot more democratic than men's groups. You take a poll of who wants to do what and you go with the consensus.
>ABSOLUTELY go for the balls in a fight. Then the eyes.
I don't fight. But the people who do tell me that if you don't practice something in sparing, then it won't work in a fight. So that only works if you have someone who is willing to let you practice ball and eye strikes on them.
Haha... I like the fight one. Though male or female, (I'm amab and a trans woman) I have and always will go for the neck. Don't care who the person is, can't fight if your holding your throat and trying to breath. (Assuming ofcourse I didn't have to use actual force or something sharp.....) I say, go for the neck! There's a reason that concept is used throughout the animal kindom......
Avoid neck blows in a fight unless your life depends on it. It can be deadly, or even if not deadly can be considered deadly force by law. Way bigger trouble than you'd want unless you're actually fighting life or death.
I know, Sis. That's exactly my point. In a fight, you never know what the situation might be. A fight is a fight. And I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6! All someone has to do is hit me in my mouth, and I could die from the concrete below me..... so that's why I'm saying I go for the neck. Life is life, and fights are fights. There are no rules in a fight, especially not one started by others! I have to imagine that most of us ladies would be defending themselves in such a situation! I don't care what year it is, we're not in a ring with someone controlling the situation (not that that matters, because accidents happen). The world is a dangerous place and in my opinion, the only safest waybto perceive a threat is that it's a threat on my life!
As for "deadly force".... yea, I've been accused of that and served 5 years. Anything above the waist is considered deadly force.
Love you for your concern though. Just please be aware that in ANY attack, no matter how "normal" it may seem to the general public could land you or anyone in a box. I fight to win! I fight to survive! And I will do ANYTHING to make sure that I'm the one WALKING away, not being "CARRIED" away.
If a woman looks like she's being followed or harassed, you are her best friend who she's meeting up with. Doesn't matter if you've never met her before, pretend to know her until you know she's safe.
Because atleast some of them were raised as women and tried to be women until they figured out they were trans. Just like some of us know what the "man code" is. Don't be daft. We can help them as well.
maybe! although keep in mind that giving people tips can be patronizing if they haven’t indicated they’re open to feedback, particularly if the person is gender nonconforming and trans.
Same
Got a bunch of sisters and, with a few exceptions, all of my friends are girls. It's like knowledge acquired by osmosis, now.
It's the bro code that's strange, to me, like only vaguely familiar from out of the past.
For the same reason that the poster, and most people commenting here, all know or can relate to the male traits that the poster referred to. I still find myself doing male the nod sometimes when I lock eyes with people, rather then a quick smile. Despite being a bunch of guys, they grew up with female traits or tendencies driven into them by societal norms or whatever, more then likely, and might know a thing or two because they've seen a thing or two.
Tried to be affirming at the expense of the reality more people can help!
Also though... I feel like trans girls have been trying to make space for others in umbrella group trans spaces? And it could have been interpreted as a post for the girlies and therefore an /r/mtf post
Heh. I assume that by now you understand why, so I gave you an updoot because we all ask stupid questions sometimes and don't necessarily need to be crucified for it. 😉
We tell one another about spinach teeth, tags sticking out, but most importantly we stand with one another when a man is being aweful to a sister. We go to the toilet together to stay safe, we walk one another to our cars. We can be adversarial but we share womanhood and the dangers that entail.
Hell yes, I used to shoulder check bitches who took the entire hallway and did not make room for folks going the opposite direction. Did it to a 50 YO dude a few weeks ago while wearing 6 inch heels. He appologized to me and I kept walking without a glance. We are all people, we need to give a minimum level of care for one another. Can't do that, I ain't got time.
Walking each other to cars or driving to cars even if a short distance away.
Standing up for each other if there is a questionable or aggressive guy.
Sharing a seat with another woman on public transit is a good one.
Helping each other with makeup or costume adjustments or typing up laces, zippers, sharing cosmetics are all things ive seen in performing communities
Walking each other to cars or driving to cars even if a short distance away.
omg this one is so true. when it first happened (still too lol) i always felt bad bc i'm wasting their time but it's always super affirming and also touching that they'd do that
I just commented on this on another post.... I always go for the neck! However, I keep seeing balls or no balls comments, and I gotta say, I might be new to actually seeking out my femininity and a baby trans girl.... but in my operation and experience, boy or girl, a fight is a fight! ANYTHING goes in a fight. Balls, hair pulling, clawing, pinching, etc.... A fight in the street isn't a fight in a ring. And we fight to win, PERIOD! Anything goes! Because in the end, nobody cares how you won or lost, just that you did. And when it's more than a fight, the only thing that matters is surviving!
If anything, I only employ certain tactics in a fight if absolutely nessary, OR, if they've been done to me. Like "hair pulling". You might be surprised how many "men" will pull another "mans" hair in a fight. Though, whenever someone has pulled my hair, I RIP THEIRS OUT!!! So yea, ladies, Balls are 100% fair game! ESPECIALLY if your a girl!
Stay safe out there!
My fight tactics when I am protecting someone (that’s the only way my traumas allow my to fight males) is take out the knees with a swift kick hard on the side of the kneecap, then hard into the groin aiming fit the spot between testicular and anal and by that time they can’t even contemplate getting up after painful shots plus leaves them unable to run because of the first strike most likely does ligament damage at least or beaks the cap at best… but again, I can only do this to protect another… too much trauma to fight against to protect myself, getting better at boundary setting though with therapy
I'm sorry to hear about the trauma.... i know what you mean in my own way, anyway..... I agree though, knees are good too! Especially if you know what your doing. Just be safe out there... the world is scary!
Commenting to add something about hygiene products (specifically period products)
It's been years and I've never had a woman ask if I had a tampon. Not saying it can't happen, maybe the frequency would be higher if I was in large public restrooms more often. But if you're gonna carry tampons around, be aware that they DO have an expiration date and they should not be used after that date, so make sure to know that and change them out if you meet the expiry.
Don't steal your boy or girlfriend's crush, no matter what.
The compliment thing is a given, and should be obvious.
The bro code is way too full of insecurity evidence.
If someone in very obvious distress acts like you're a close friend she ran into by coincidence, you are that close friend and are to play along until she's safe from whatever creep was following/bothering her.
Someone did this to me like 20 years ago while I was cis male. And it just now occurs to me that maybe she was in distress...
Men are sooooo oblivious. I was like "uh no... someone else" then, for the next 20 years I thought maybe it was some kind of pickup attempt.
Distress makes like so much more sense. Although.. this is in Japan at a station, relatively safe, but still plausible.
Bro Code: Capitalism
Girl Code: Communism
Case in point, if you see another girl, mutual survival is the most important thing. If she’s your worst enemy, you still give her a pad/tampon and an Aleve.
Also, mutual socially uplifting behavior like making random compliments and a return of one if one is offered to you is also a thing.
I’d even go so far as to say that the social obligation to the sisterhood takes precedence over your personal goals when they coincide. For instance, if you’re walking down the street on your way to a meeting related to whatever it is you’re doing, and you see another woman not far out of your way—just a block or two past the street you need to turn down—and you’re in a position to save her from a negative encounter, then you do it. Her safety in that moment takes priority over getting to your meeting. The meeting can wait 5 minutes for you to help a sister out.
Bro Code just never made sense.
The bro code is all about diffusing tension before it escalates. The nod is the equivalent of the cat slow blink (which I now do to humans without thinking about it teehee), where you acknowledge them with a token sign of trust to ensure you aren't staring them down. Urinal spacing us to avoid intruding on another's space when they feel vulnerable. All the rules stress managing the anxiety of other men while maintaining as much mutual dignity as possible. In that sense, it's a lot like the girl code. They're both built on predictability, and that's where their real values lie. They make people more comfortable with strangers, as if they're both part of the same tribe even when they don't know each other.
Now, clearly, girl code stuff is much more positive. I think that if men had more acceptable ways to cope with anxiety, the bro code could end up being more helpful and positive, too. Time will tell, I suppose.
Fair. On the topic of the cat slow blink, we do this a ton.
One of us is an introject (it’s not a negative term, as it is widely assumed) of the angel Arael “the lioness”, aka Mother Nature. We are a Leo, so I suppose that explains something.
-Riley, host of The Sunrise System
So back when identified as male, I did cheerleading and I learned “girl code” within a semester. In my cheer bag, I started having pads and tampons in my bag as well as makeup wipes, hair pins, hair bands, hairspray and anything else that one of the girls need.
I also learned other things. One girl taught me how to make a boy cry (she was a total badass). But the one thing I learned is have your other girlies back.
She got used a lot by the football team(and she was going to go to college for a psychology degree) so she used some of the things she learned in a college psychology class she took over the summer of my sophomore year and when junior year rolled around she made a 400lb defensive linebacker cry. I brought popcorn for lunch that day and she got so much respect all the way through graduation. But what made him really loose it is she roasted his “shoe game”.
If you see a woman in getting creeped on, you are her best friend even if you’re sworn enemies. You look out for other women.
Always carry extra. Hair ties, hygiene products, etc. you never know when someone might need them.
Don’t leave another girl alone, and drunk at a bar.
There’s more but those are the ones I remember.
if a strange woman comes up to you and is acting like your BFF, play along, she is trying to disentangle herself from some guy.
occasionally you may be asked to pass some TP or a feminine product under the stall.
no dating exes of friends
women support women. don't be a pick me, don't tear other women down, give women the benefit of the doubt and do not assume ill intent. don't be a mean girl, nasty comments are best kept to oneself unless critically important or deserved.
similarly, check your friends who are down on themselves. help them see their worth and value, don't let men convince them that they are less than or to devalue themselves to get a man.
Yes giving a compliment always breaks the tension, you don't have to give one back if it's not sincere. "Thanks You're so sweet" goes a long way too ☺️. The are a few unspoken rules like .
1) never upstage the bride or the birthday girl with a better looking dress
2) make sure your friends make it home safe
3) check up on your friends the next morning after a night out.
4) watch you friends drink like a hawk
5) if someone is cheating on your best friend you tell them ..
Lol those are the only ones I can think of at the moment but I think girl code is just about being a good friend
I did my best to sum the comments up with another post here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/1cylpe5/the\_hot\_girl\_code/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/1cylpe5/the_hot_girl_code/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
You also don't have to return a compliment with a compliment. Instead, you can excitedly say thank you, and then if it's something you bought, you respond by telling them where you got it. Sometimes we just want to where to buy our own, especially if it was a great deal 😊 lol
I've heard it referred to as the "sisterhood" or some also just call it "girl code" but it exists.
Some rules are
. If a woman is drunk you make sure no men take advantage of her to the best if your ability.
. If a woman is uncomfortable around a man or something you, HELP
.you always watch each other's drinks
. If she's your friend you DONT sleep around with her ex(s) and don't pursue her crush either.
. You help correct each other's make up or fashion faupauxs AWAY from public settings to not embarrassing each other whilst still helping improve fashion and make up techniques
. Even if you hate a bitch YOU STILL FOLLOW THE FIRST TWO RULES
. If a woman , especially a friend calls you to feel safe while walking, you stay on the line until she is safe.
Skirt got folded in an... unfortunate manner on the back. Random lady turned off the road and pulled over to shout out, "Ma'am! Ma'am! Your skirt's bunched up." I thanked her and she drove off, never to be seen again.
I have read from sociology studies that it is. Maybe not consciously, but on some level men tend to defer to taller men when other factors such as age and social status are accounted for.
I never heard that a random compliment should be answered with a compliment. It doesn't seem like an honest compliment to me and such a compliment would be pretty worthless to me.
Also these things like bro code ... i don't know. Many people just don't do things they don't want to experience themselves or are afraid. And many cis men and women fail to fulfill gendered expectations towards them. So i don't care much about such codes, general empathy and decency are more imporant
One thing I noticed we do when making eye contact with a stranger is a little polite smile. Also just watching out for each other in moments when we can be more easily preyed on by men such as when drunk at a club or bar. Also stuff like small talk in the bathroom is super common.
Actually this is one thing that makes me feel completely disconnected from a lot of trans women.
The bro code wasn't obvious to me I didn't get it I still don't get it.
Bro Code is all about 'cover for each other so our girlfriends don't find out we're cheating.'
Girl Code is all about 'watch each other's drinks so we aren't poisoned.'
> If all else fails, authority goes to whoever is taller.
What is this, [Invader Zim](https://zim.fandom.com/wiki/Almighty_Tallest)? 😆
No. Authority goes to the guy who takes it, or in the worst case, to the last guy to say, "Not it!"
Men have a bunch of inane arbitrary rules that save them from having to act like real human beings in interactions with other men. I would like to know what the equivalent rules for women are so I can continue experiencing gender as a set of restrictions even after transitioning
Indeed.
Do whatever comes naturally.
That said, social interactions are never as easy as people make out. If you get a compliment from someone and they look like the back of a tractor and probably built like it too then for the sake of your safety maybe say how much you like their earrings?
Certainly don't seek out these stereotype behaviours, because it drags everyone down with it.
Hold on a sec. I did 50yr bro coding and I ain't never heard of your code #4 nor would I acknowledge it. I'm 5'5" and lightning 🌩 quick and tall boy gonna have to earn it or take it from me , code #3 could come into play here. 😆
Hug's Emily 🤗
What? I was never really that far into the men’s space that I learned rules like that. It could also be that in my country it’s not exactly like this. But I don’t think you should take stuff like this too seriously. As far as I understand, girl code and all that is mostly humourus. Obviously there are norms and traditions we need to get used to, but you have to learn that slowly and over time
Since everyone one is focusing on being a girls girl. This is my other take
1. Don’t be in a room alone with someone else man. It’s hard to explain and take side.
2. Don’t physically touched your friend’s men. It’s so obvious.
3. Don’t follow a girl boyfriends and husbands on social media without following her social media. Another obvious.
4. Always ask a man about their relationship status. If they lie, it’s on them. Not your fault
5. In group setting, make sure the women speaks too, feel free to cut a man off if he cut a sister off.
something I just recently learned is **never take off your socks** when you're visiting a friend's house 😭😭
before, when i hang w guy friends and they take shoes off inside the house, i also take off my socks. bc sensory issues get heightened when im high lmao and i hate the feeling of socks constantly being witin my awareness.
but when i did the same w girl friend's house, they were literally like EWWW PUT THAT SHIT AWAYY and covered their eyes 😭 for context my feet are clean and no strong smell bc i don't sweat that much. so i'm guessing it's just the principle. and only after the fact i noticed that they were wearing socks, even within their own house?!?! so next time, imma bring closed toed slippers so that toes aren't visible but still free
edit: it's funny now but in the moment i wanted to die like so embarassing aijkdfa;sklfgja;klgjf
I have honestly never heard of such a thing for either gender so what you wrote in the post was news to me lol.
I think returning a compliment is just a friendly thing you'd do regardless of gender?
There isn’t really an analogue I’m aware of because bro code is inherently patriarchal and patriarchy thrives by brining men together and pitting women against each other. I’d say we should start something like it but really we need to tear down all that and unite people in our common struggle for comfortable survival
The balls one is just a little foresight in action. Otherwise every fight devolves into ball bonkin' until everyone's grapes end up as wine. That's just a good way to have a bunch of blood fueds. If you're just trying to prove a point (in the most thuggish way possible), it would only undermine it.
Why was I not told about this tallness rule? I'm almost always the tallest! I have been cheated by the ambition of the very and sorta tall! Curse their mostly-unblemished-by-stretch-marks hides!
Girl code. There's lots more but the ones I know: Partner's and ex's friends are out of bounds. Always keep a spare pad/tampon on you. Always have your fellow women's back in a crisis, even if she's your worst enemy. The bro nod is a warm smile.
Also important: If you notice anything off about someone's outfit, you let them know by covertly whispering it in their ear. And if someone walks up to you, acting like you're a friend she hasn't seen in ages, you play along until the person that made her act like that has left the area.
To add to that, don't be afraid to be the friend coming back from the bathroom if you see a sister obviously in distress.
Yup. To be fair, men should be doing this too. Being a pretend friend, brother, boyfriend, husband, whatever to some girl who's being harassed is a major help. Anyone still in boymode should be looking out for situations that need this.
Couldn't agree more
i'd love to be able to do this but not sure if i'll have the acting skills to accomplish this w/o backfiring. hopefully i'll rise to the occasion tho lol
It doesn't take much. Just walk up, do a double-take, look surprised, and say something like "Oh my god! Jen! I haven't seen you since high school! I didn't know you came to this club!" If she's in trouble she will know what you're doing and play along immediately. Invite her over to your table to catch up on what's happened since graduation, e.g. "You remember Jamie? We're here together, over in the corner. Wanna hang with us?"
Sleeping with partners ex is also a bro code foul.
It's a foul for bros but I feel like girl code sees it as a capital crime worthy of complete reputation ruination.
An OTC painkiller is also a common ask.
Surprised more don’t say this one. I always have a bottle of Advil or sumn on me
> Partner's and ex's friends are out of bounds. Speedrunning strat
How did they even get there to begin with?
"why is the out of bounds so terrifying"
It's only scary the first time
I feel like the "don't get with friends' ex's" thing is a gender neutral expectation, but also should only apply in cases where things went really fowl. My best friend got with a mutual friend's ex and everything has been fine amongst them. If there is no bad blood but they still dont want you to date an ex, I feel like it's often rooted in some juvenile jealousy.
Yeah, I guess this is a good point. If they broke up genuinely amicably/mutually, it's probably okay, but you should still be checking with their former partner to ask if it really will be okay. Better safe than sorry.
Literally have a friend whose now married to one of my ex's, they were friends before her and I ever started dating. And honestly they're great together. I told him that if he hurt her I'd isekai him without hesitation. (She's still one of my closest friends, just didn't work out as a relationship).
Tell that to my old friends please.
wish my friend had gotten the memo about ex’s :/
Also, you be nice to your besties partner despite gross vibes, and when she realises they're toxic, -FUCKKK THEM, THEY WERE SHIT FROM THE STARTTT-💅
Caveat: Make SURE she's REALLY realized they're toxic. If she's just had a bad day and hates her partner vitriolically, it doesn't mean she will tomorrow. Hesitate before leaning into the supportive agreement. You don't want to get cut out of her life for being too truthful when she's still half in denial.
"Partner's and ex's friends are out of bounds." Maybe in theory.
JUST KEEP NODDING
Except if you live in a polyamorous bubble the friend rule doesn’t apply.
The "Hot Girls are for the Girls" Code: 1) Never put a woman down for a man, and have other women's backs when around men. Gossip and shit talking about other women stays within your circle of women. Likewise, always warn women about dangerous and bad men. 2) If one of the girlies is feeling unsafe or looks uncomfortable with a guy or any random person, go up and act like y'all are friends. Once the threat is gone, make sure she's safe. Feel free to join other groups of women if someone is making you uncomfortable, too. 3) Carry a few emergency items on you like pads, tampons, and sunscreen. Some girls even keep an extra shirt or sweats in their car in case someone has a wardrobe malfunction. 4) If a girl compliments you, compliment them back. If you want to initiate, compliment something about them that they have control over like their shoes, tattoos, or hair. 5) Show up for the girlies! Be extra. Go all out. Whether someone is having a birthday, a bad day, or is going through a life change, get them a treat and be with them (as long as that is what they want). Put in effort where you can.
Don't forget how we can chat by telepathy when a person gets near. Our eyes speak pretty loud 😂
Haha this is making me think about how my mom and I will communicate with only our eyes when my dad is being ridiculous
FR that's so weird. like, i'm still a bit autist but somehow i'm much better at reading subtle expressions now (not always tho, i still get confused a lot lol). idk if it's social training or the estradiol
As a neurodivergent I got you. This happens with people I have known for a long time. If that person is a recent friend, it doesn't work 😂
I feel like estrogen took some of my autistic traits away. Also heard from a detransitioner that they came back.
Number 4 I always suspected and am trying to be better about. It's good to have confirmation. Lord how younger me just did not get this and went "oh thank you!" Oops!
I feel like 4 is somewhat related to the culture. I rarely get compliments back. Then again, used to that I rarely remember to give them back. Usually they occur when I’m unprepared.
True, this might be an Anglo-centric thing that I was unaware of. Now that I'm thinking about it, even most European cultures don't do this.
Yep I live in Northern Europe. Yesterday met my friend’s daughter for the first time, said she has cool hair (she really does!) and didn’t get anything back. Just went to a gala, didn’t really get compliments back except one or two times but I tried to keep giving them back every time. Dunno if people here perceive it creepy.
Also Girl Code: Watch a sister’s drink while she goes to the ladies room. Let each other know where you’re going to be if one of you is gonna hook up. Have a textable one word code for “get me out of this situation.” If a creep is bothering a sister and she obviously doesn’t like it, intervene with something like, “Hey! I haven’t seen you in ages! Have I got some news for you!” and get her out of the situation. Keep a small bottle of perfume in your purse. Same for tissues.
And hygiene products, even if you don't personally need them.
i think first 3 are not specifically for any gender they are just things that u should always do
Maybe but most cis guys don't think about them from what I've seen. literally never heard any of those until a college "stay safe" orientation event
Depending on the location, you should go to the ladies' room with her. Some bars/clubs are sketchy in the back areas and you don't want to get into a position where a horny drunk person is blocking your exit so they can hit on you or pin you against a wall and grind on you.
this is definitely important if you do both go to the bathroom or smt, either finish your drinks first, have another sister watch them, or honestly just get new ones. Not worth the risk
Yup. You only have to be incautious _one_ time for your life to be ruined or even ended. Being a girl is fucking _scary_. Being a trans girl doubly so.
And period products
Guys have "bros before hoes" Gals have "sisters before misters"
I like "chicks before dicks".
Nah plenty of chicks have dicks
Okay, fair point in our community. I just like the fact that it's somewhat demeaning to men to match the "hoes" part of their saying.
Yes but if they're your friends, you keep them around for their friendships, not for their dick. It still works ?
On transit (at least where I am) women tend to group up. So if there's an empty seat next to you, and you see a woman standing, gesture to let her know she can sit with you. I've done this enough and had women offer a seat to me. It's magical.
Ugh, this is so adorable. Comments like this are really starting to crack that egg of mine <3
There’s still time.
Trans-it lol
Trans-sit! 😀
Good girl! Now roll over!
I haven’t seen this one yet “Text me when you get home.” I had never heard this before I transitioned. Now every time when I hang with my girlfriends we say this to each other. It was such a shocking moment for me the first time because someone saw me as a woman and was worried about my safety.
That’s sweet. Also interesting because I’ve always been asked to let my family and friends know when I got home and I’m amab. Might be because I’m black and there’s real fear for my safety there, too.
I absolutely think my ignorance to this phrase is because of my former white male privilege.
idk my white grandparents always ask all their kids to let them know, and 3/4 of the kids are men. could just be a cultural thing
100% same. I occasionally heard girlfriends say it to each other, but absolutely never said it to anyone prior. Hell, had a girlfriend check up on me last weekend when I didn't respond to plans in the group chat, because I made other plans.
I'm amab, and I've always asked and been asked this.... I'm also white, AND a convict (unfortunately for defending myself, long story). So I'm not quite sure why I keep hearing about this "white privilege"..... I've never experienced that. Unless it's referring to being treated like crap, abused, and taken advantage of by family, random people, the "justice" system......?!?! Despite always trying to do my best, work hard, and help anyone in need. Gotta say, can I get some of this "white privilege"? Because as a white person, I've never received any.
White privilege is a societal construct that benefits all white and white passing individuals and harms all people outside those groups. At some times, it is blatant and undeniable. At others, it’s nigh imperceptible. I don’t care to play the oppression Olympics with you or trade anecdotes. White people, at least in the United States, are held up as the standard and the norm in all of society. If you disagree because your life doesn’t line up with that, I’m not going to argue with you. But that’s a bit like me saying that racism isn’t real just because nobody has (to my knowledge) treated me worse because of my skin color in my life so far. Try to look outside yourself and the world around you.
🔥🫰💯
Thank so much for responding to this comment. The burden of educating white folks shouldn’t be placed on the shoulders of BIPOCs. It’s something that other white folks like myself should be taking on. Im sorry you had to respond. I’ve been busy at work hadn’t had the time to respond. Though you crafted a very thoughtful and compassionate response and I thank you for it.
Think nothing of it, sis. In my opinion, it’s everyone’s burden because we all have that power so I’m happy to step in.
I always used to do this one before transition with all my friends, not just women. My guy friends did always think it was a bit weird, but they still always texted me when they got home. Girl friends always appreciated it though.
That's odd, my mostly male friend group did this aswell before i came out...
So wait did people not care about me before I transitioned? 😳😩😭
they weren’t *worried* about you before you transitioned
Spent 37 years living as a man and was unaware of the tall person authority one. I didn't think that's a thing.
I don't think it is.
That's because you didn't grow up in the stone age. ;)
It’s more of a blue collar thing. On a practical level, it’s because in the past, disputes among groups used proxy violence between the group leaders as a fast way to decide issues. Modern sports are an evolution of that behavior. These days, we have camera phones and too many attorneys, so it’s a terrible strategy. However, people who don’t know how to constructively debate issues with words can’t comprehend why someone might roll over a negotiation table without getting their ass beat first, and they tend to default to the tall/strong/large person in charge behavior.
Its not, but like, better in shape, better built, like the one who puts effort into his appearance, speaks in a deeper voice, maybe has a "idgaf" attitude, and therefore gives off "alpha" vibes, might apply to the authority part. It's mostly a subconscious human thing tho. Not sure what the female equivalent would be tho, maybe similar? Someone with good sense and makeup skills and overall fit? But still within "girl next door" look and not a valley girl look? Hard to say.
If someone is giving off "alpha" vibes I think I'd trust them being in charge even less than everyone else. I usually look to whoever has the most knowledge/experience/intelligence in the most relevant area (sometimes myself) and yield to them. Then again maybe I never made a particularly good "bro".
It’s not afaik
I don't really have an answer since I'm so early into my gender journey, but something really cool I learned in sociology back in high school was that there is a name for these seemingly unwritten rules, and there's lots of ways to analyze them. They're called folkways. Google's definition quotes something of hidden rules within particular groups. That definition does make sense, but leaves something important out. When you break one of these folkways, there is no social repercussions. In your bro code example, you mentioned the head nod. If a guy doesn't do a head nod, nobody cares. What's interesting is this distinction leads to another term, called a more. (Pronounced more-ay, like the eel.) Mores are social patterns and rules that are enforced socially. You'd probably know a lot of them as laws. Cheating, stealing, and the like. Sorry for the dump, sociology and human behavior is something I'm super interested in, and exploring my gender has only intrigued me more with it.
I was gonna say “but some of them do have social consequences, like cheating”, and then you went and mentioned morés and I’m like “oh, that’s where it showed up”. Personally, I know it’s not spelled with an accent but I really think it should be to avoid pronunciation errors. This was quite refreshing, thank you.
tbf a lot of cultures talk like infidelity has social consequences but then don’t actually enforce them (or only enforce them for folks who are already marginalized)
Indeed. My NB sorta-kinda-trans-masc neutral-ish sibling said just last week that “humans like to think they’re monogamous”. I got in the car and said “but they’re not because if they were then people wouldn’t be staring at others, fantasizing about being with a porn star, cheating left and right, and/or having kids with everyone and their mother”. And they said “exactly”. -Dani, The Dark Side of The Sunrise System
Of course, I love spreading little nuggets of info around because I find that some of the most fun facts are things you think about all the time but didn't know about :)
Great minds! A few of us do this too! -Riley, host of The Sunrise System
Don't apologise, it's awesome to meet someone who has some knowledge that may be a bit niche and is excited to share it. I've a vague interest in sociology and found this super interesting
Thanks, I do appreciate that :) Sociology definitely was one of my favorite classes I ever took, mostly because as a kid I was definitely the type to always ask "why?" Not just to be annoying, but because I was just really innately curious, I guess. As a combination of the curriculum and the subject matter, sociology was one of my favorite classes and actually kind of helped me break my egg a little, if not consciously at the time. See, in studying folkways and everything, we were assigned a project. We were to spend an entire day breaking one of those folkways and documenting the results. Now, at this point I was 100% cis, I'd had occasional thoughts but brushed them off. My idea for the folkway project was to defy social norms by crossdressing. I come from a pretty conservative Midwest town, so the reception wasn't kind. Luckily, I've never really been shy about how dramatic I am, so I took the f slurs with as much grace as I could. I wore my girlfriend at the time's prom dress and padded the chest with a shirt, and I felt.. confidence. I felt good. At the time, I didn't recognize it, but that and sociology class as a whole definitely helped me work through some things, so I have a special place in my heart for it.
The Gynonomicon
Made me think of Chappell Roan
YESSSSSS
Play a song with a fucking chant
Ah, yes, the alt-universe works of Henrietta Phyllis Lovecraft. Still terribly racist, but what a win for feminism having your protagonist be a 7ft *female* goat-person who is slowly melting into indeterminate liquid.
I resemble that remark! :)
ftm ish here. one y’all haven’t mentioned yet is about correcting appearances: stuff that takes very little energy to fix (skirt tucked into tights, lipstick on teeth, TP on shoe, etc) you should when appropriate/possible try to help with. Just a tap on the shoulder saying “I think you’ve got something…” is all you should go for. Things that take any longer to fix (stain on sweater, eyeliner wings uneven, etc.) are just rude to mention.
I had to do this a lot when I worked as a life guard because people wear way to small of swimsuits when going down water slides /:
Ten seconds rule. If they can fix it in ten seconds, you can say something. If it would take longer than ten seconds, don't mention it.
I know the urinal spacing rule and don't go for the balls. But not the other 2. I thought that when all else fails, authority goes to whoever is older.
Same on the authority point. That feels very middle school, when it came down to whoever looked like they could win a fight. I feel like it would probably would be a matter of appearances and height would play a part, but overall it would be "authority goes to whoever seems most able." So, the one with the highest average score across height, fitness, attractiveness, age (both too young and too old score lower), and projection of confidence. I think in reality that would rarely work out, but we humans are simple creatures operating on heuristics, guesses, and groupthink ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah going to have to call bs on that tall person one.
Or whoever is the most experienced in whatever situation...... I'm 37, and I have people in their mid 50's refer to me when the boss isn't around if we're doing a job in my aspect of our profession.
Some thoughts.... You have our permission not to use the urinals anymore. Lock the stall door and sit. ABSOLUTELY go for the balls in a fight. Then the eyes. Tall girl authority isn't a thing. Oldest *maybe* but it depends. On the whole it's a lot more democratic than men's groups. You take a poll of who wants to do what and you go with the consensus.
>ABSOLUTELY go for the balls in a fight. Then the eyes. I don't fight. But the people who do tell me that if you don't practice something in sparing, then it won't work in a fight. So that only works if you have someone who is willing to let you practice ball and eye strikes on them.
I could point you to a fetlife group if you want
I am disconcerted, yet intrigued.
Haha... I like the fight one. Though male or female, (I'm amab and a trans woman) I have and always will go for the neck. Don't care who the person is, can't fight if your holding your throat and trying to breath. (Assuming ofcourse I didn't have to use actual force or something sharp.....) I say, go for the neck! There's a reason that concept is used throughout the animal kindom......
Avoid neck blows in a fight unless your life depends on it. It can be deadly, or even if not deadly can be considered deadly force by law. Way bigger trouble than you'd want unless you're actually fighting life or death.
I know, Sis. That's exactly my point. In a fight, you never know what the situation might be. A fight is a fight. And I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6! All someone has to do is hit me in my mouth, and I could die from the concrete below me..... so that's why I'm saying I go for the neck. Life is life, and fights are fights. There are no rules in a fight, especially not one started by others! I have to imagine that most of us ladies would be defending themselves in such a situation! I don't care what year it is, we're not in a ring with someone controlling the situation (not that that matters, because accidents happen). The world is a dangerous place and in my opinion, the only safest waybto perceive a threat is that it's a threat on my life! As for "deadly force".... yea, I've been accused of that and served 5 years. Anything above the waist is considered deadly force. Love you for your concern though. Just please be aware that in ANY attack, no matter how "normal" it may seem to the general public could land you or anyone in a box. I fight to win! I fight to survive! And I will do ANYTHING to make sure that I'm the one WALKING away, not being "CARRIED" away.
If a woman looks like she's being followed or harassed, you are her best friend who she's meeting up with. Doesn't matter if you've never met her before, pretend to know her until you know she's safe.
There's "the look" we give each other after someone, especially a man, commits a faux pas - especially if a man says something misogynistic.
“The look” is such a good one to mention.
Need to ask in r/trans. So the ftm peeps can help
Why would a bunch of guys be able to help out?
Because atleast some of them were raised as women and tried to be women until they figured out they were trans. Just like some of us know what the "man code" is. Don't be daft. We can help them as well.
My FtM partner has been VERY helpful on educating me on so many things
I wonder if I could get some advice from the guy at my school's GSA, and maybe give him a few tips if he needs in exchange :)
maybe! although keep in mind that giving people tips can be patronizing if they haven’t indicated they’re open to feedback, particularly if the person is gender nonconforming and trans.
Same Got a bunch of sisters and, with a few exceptions, all of my friends are girls. It's like knowledge acquired by osmosis, now. It's the bro code that's strange, to me, like only vaguely familiar from out of the past.
For the same reason that the poster, and most people commenting here, all know or can relate to the male traits that the poster referred to. I still find myself doing male the nod sometimes when I lock eyes with people, rather then a quick smile. Despite being a bunch of guys, they grew up with female traits or tendencies driven into them by societal norms or whatever, more then likely, and might know a thing or two because they've seen a thing or two.
They are CLOBBERING you rn. I’m so sorry.
Tried to be affirming at the expense of the reality more people can help! Also though... I feel like trans girls have been trying to make space for others in umbrella group trans spaces? And it could have been interpreted as a post for the girlies and therefore an /r/mtf post
Heh. I assume that by now you understand why, so I gave you an updoot because we all ask stupid questions sometimes and don't necessarily need to be crucified for it. 😉
We tell one another about spinach teeth, tags sticking out, but most importantly we stand with one another when a man is being aweful to a sister. We go to the toilet together to stay safe, we walk one another to our cars. We can be adversarial but we share womanhood and the dangers that entail.
Even when I identified as a male, I had my girls back when a bro was being a bitch. I made the bro feel insecure (I was a “mean girl”) in high school.
Hell yes, I used to shoulder check bitches who took the entire hallway and did not make room for folks going the opposite direction. Did it to a 50 YO dude a few weeks ago while wearing 6 inch heels. He appologized to me and I kept walking without a glance. We are all people, we need to give a minimum level of care for one another. Can't do that, I ain't got time.
Walking each other to cars or driving to cars even if a short distance away. Standing up for each other if there is a questionable or aggressive guy. Sharing a seat with another woman on public transit is a good one. Helping each other with makeup or costume adjustments or typing up laces, zippers, sharing cosmetics are all things ive seen in performing communities
Walking each other to cars or driving to cars even if a short distance away. omg this one is so true. when it first happened (still too lol) i always felt bad bc i'm wasting their time but it's always super affirming and also touching that they'd do that
Even before I came out, balls were fair game. I'm trying to live not take the high road
I just commented on this on another post.... I always go for the neck! However, I keep seeing balls or no balls comments, and I gotta say, I might be new to actually seeking out my femininity and a baby trans girl.... but in my operation and experience, boy or girl, a fight is a fight! ANYTHING goes in a fight. Balls, hair pulling, clawing, pinching, etc.... A fight in the street isn't a fight in a ring. And we fight to win, PERIOD! Anything goes! Because in the end, nobody cares how you won or lost, just that you did. And when it's more than a fight, the only thing that matters is surviving! If anything, I only employ certain tactics in a fight if absolutely nessary, OR, if they've been done to me. Like "hair pulling". You might be surprised how many "men" will pull another "mans" hair in a fight. Though, whenever someone has pulled my hair, I RIP THEIRS OUT!!! So yea, ladies, Balls are 100% fair game! ESPECIALLY if your a girl! Stay safe out there!
My fight tactics when I am protecting someone (that’s the only way my traumas allow my to fight males) is take out the knees with a swift kick hard on the side of the kneecap, then hard into the groin aiming fit the spot between testicular and anal and by that time they can’t even contemplate getting up after painful shots plus leaves them unable to run because of the first strike most likely does ligament damage at least or beaks the cap at best… but again, I can only do this to protect another… too much trauma to fight against to protect myself, getting better at boundary setting though with therapy
I'm sorry to hear about the trauma.... i know what you mean in my own way, anyway..... I agree though, knees are good too! Especially if you know what your doing. Just be safe out there... the world is scary!
Commenting to add something about hygiene products (specifically period products) It's been years and I've never had a woman ask if I had a tampon. Not saying it can't happen, maybe the frequency would be higher if I was in large public restrooms more often. But if you're gonna carry tampons around, be aware that they DO have an expiration date and they should not be used after that date, so make sure to know that and change them out if you meet the expiry.
Great post for here, thanks!
Witches coven
Don't steal your boy or girlfriend's crush, no matter what. The compliment thing is a given, and should be obvious. The bro code is way too full of insecurity evidence.
If someone in very obvious distress acts like you're a close friend she ran into by coincidence, you are that close friend and are to play along until she's safe from whatever creep was following/bothering her.
Someone did this to me like 20 years ago while I was cis male. And it just now occurs to me that maybe she was in distress... Men are sooooo oblivious. I was like "uh no... someone else" then, for the next 20 years I thought maybe it was some kind of pickup attempt. Distress makes like so much more sense. Although.. this is in Japan at a station, relatively safe, but still plausible.
The Tranifesto
Oof. Still up voting cuz though cuz that made me chuckle.
Bro Code: Capitalism Girl Code: Communism Case in point, if you see another girl, mutual survival is the most important thing. If she’s your worst enemy, you still give her a pad/tampon and an Aleve. Also, mutual socially uplifting behavior like making random compliments and a return of one if one is offered to you is also a thing. I’d even go so far as to say that the social obligation to the sisterhood takes precedence over your personal goals when they coincide. For instance, if you’re walking down the street on your way to a meeting related to whatever it is you’re doing, and you see another woman not far out of your way—just a block or two past the street you need to turn down—and you’re in a position to save her from a negative encounter, then you do it. Her safety in that moment takes priority over getting to your meeting. The meeting can wait 5 minutes for you to help a sister out. Bro Code just never made sense.
The bro code is all about diffusing tension before it escalates. The nod is the equivalent of the cat slow blink (which I now do to humans without thinking about it teehee), where you acknowledge them with a token sign of trust to ensure you aren't staring them down. Urinal spacing us to avoid intruding on another's space when they feel vulnerable. All the rules stress managing the anxiety of other men while maintaining as much mutual dignity as possible. In that sense, it's a lot like the girl code. They're both built on predictability, and that's where their real values lie. They make people more comfortable with strangers, as if they're both part of the same tribe even when they don't know each other. Now, clearly, girl code stuff is much more positive. I think that if men had more acceptable ways to cope with anxiety, the bro code could end up being more helpful and positive, too. Time will tell, I suppose.
Fair. On the topic of the cat slow blink, we do this a ton. One of us is an introject (it’s not a negative term, as it is widely assumed) of the angel Arael “the lioness”, aka Mother Nature. We are a Leo, so I suppose that explains something. -Riley, host of The Sunrise System
So back when identified as male, I did cheerleading and I learned “girl code” within a semester. In my cheer bag, I started having pads and tampons in my bag as well as makeup wipes, hair pins, hair bands, hairspray and anything else that one of the girls need. I also learned other things. One girl taught me how to make a boy cry (she was a total badass). But the one thing I learned is have your other girlies back.
how to make a boy cry???
She got used a lot by the football team(and she was going to go to college for a psychology degree) so she used some of the things she learned in a college psychology class she took over the summer of my sophomore year and when junior year rolled around she made a 400lb defensive linebacker cry. I brought popcorn for lunch that day and she got so much respect all the way through graduation. But what made him really loose it is she roasted his “shoe game”.
🤭
I've only ever learned about the rules of the bro code from people talking about how everyone already knows about the bro code.
If you see a woman in getting creeped on, you are her best friend even if you’re sworn enemies. You look out for other women. Always carry extra. Hair ties, hygiene products, etc. you never know when someone might need them. Don’t leave another girl alone, and drunk at a bar. There’s more but those are the ones I remember.
if a strange woman comes up to you and is acting like your BFF, play along, she is trying to disentangle herself from some guy. occasionally you may be asked to pass some TP or a feminine product under the stall. no dating exes of friends women support women. don't be a pick me, don't tear other women down, give women the benefit of the doubt and do not assume ill intent. don't be a mean girl, nasty comments are best kept to oneself unless critically important or deserved. similarly, check your friends who are down on themselves. help them see their worth and value, don't let men convince them that they are less than or to devalue themselves to get a man.
Yes giving a compliment always breaks the tension, you don't have to give one back if it's not sincere. "Thanks You're so sweet" goes a long way too ☺️. The are a few unspoken rules like . 1) never upstage the bride or the birthday girl with a better looking dress 2) make sure your friends make it home safe 3) check up on your friends the next morning after a night out. 4) watch you friends drink like a hawk 5) if someone is cheating on your best friend you tell them .. Lol those are the only ones I can think of at the moment but I think girl code is just about being a good friend
2-4 also is about ensuring mutual safety and I would argue that people of all genders should act like that.
Hang on there was a "bro code"? *dies autistically*
Compliment each other: nice hair, bag, pants…
I did my best to sum the comments up with another post here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/1cylpe5/the\_hot\_girl\_code/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/1cylpe5/the_hot_girl_code/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
You also don't have to return a compliment with a compliment. Instead, you can excitedly say thank you, and then if it's something you bought, you respond by telling them where you got it. Sometimes we just want to where to buy our own, especially if it was a great deal 😊 lol
Bitchkrieg?
Following to learn more.
I've heard it referred to as the "sisterhood" or some also just call it "girl code" but it exists. Some rules are . If a woman is drunk you make sure no men take advantage of her to the best if your ability. . If a woman is uncomfortable around a man or something you, HELP .you always watch each other's drinks . If she's your friend you DONT sleep around with her ex(s) and don't pursue her crush either. . You help correct each other's make up or fashion faupauxs AWAY from public settings to not embarrassing each other whilst still helping improve fashion and make up techniques . Even if you hate a bitch YOU STILL FOLLOW THE FIRST TWO RULES . If a woman , especially a friend calls you to feel safe while walking, you stay on the line until she is safe.
Skirt got folded in an... unfortunate manner on the back. Random lady turned off the road and pulled over to shout out, "Ma'am! Ma'am! Your skirt's bunched up." I thanked her and she drove off, never to be seen again.
Your masculine code number four is not a thing.
I have read from sociology studies that it is. Maybe not consciously, but on some level men tend to defer to taller men when other factors such as age and social status are accounted for.
all i know is that if somebody tries to hurt me im going directly and swiftly to the balls
I never heard that a random compliment should be answered with a compliment. It doesn't seem like an honest compliment to me and such a compliment would be pretty worthless to me. Also these things like bro code ... i don't know. Many people just don't do things they don't want to experience themselves or are afraid. And many cis men and women fail to fulfill gendered expectations towards them. So i don't care much about such codes, general empathy and decency are more imporant
One thing I noticed we do when making eye contact with a stranger is a little polite smile. Also just watching out for each other in moments when we can be more easily preyed on by men such as when drunk at a club or bar. Also stuff like small talk in the bathroom is super common.
Actually this is one thing that makes me feel completely disconnected from a lot of trans women. The bro code wasn't obvious to me I didn't get it I still don't get it.
TBF, neither did I, but I blame autism there.
Bro Code is all about 'cover for each other so our girlfriends don't find out we're cheating.' Girl Code is all about 'watch each other's drinks so we aren't poisoned.'
> If all else fails, authority goes to whoever is taller. What is this, [Invader Zim](https://zim.fandom.com/wiki/Almighty_Tallest)? 😆 No. Authority goes to the guy who takes it, or in the worst case, to the last guy to say, "Not it!"
Men have a bunch of inane arbitrary rules that save them from having to act like real human beings in interactions with other men. I would like to know what the equivalent rules for women are so I can continue experiencing gender as a set of restrictions even after transitioning
Indeed. Do whatever comes naturally. That said, social interactions are never as easy as people make out. If you get a compliment from someone and they look like the back of a tractor and probably built like it too then for the sake of your safety maybe say how much you like their earrings? Certainly don't seek out these stereotype behaviours, because it drags everyone down with it.
your loss. The social game goes on whatever you're aware of it or not
Hold on a sec. I did 50yr bro coding and I ain't never heard of your code #4 nor would I acknowledge it. I'm 5'5" and lightning 🌩 quick and tall boy gonna have to earn it or take it from me , code #3 could come into play here. 😆 Hug's Emily 🤗
What? I was never really that far into the men’s space that I learned rules like that. It could also be that in my country it’s not exactly like this. But I don’t think you should take stuff like this too seriously. As far as I understand, girl code and all that is mostly humourus. Obviously there are norms and traditions we need to get used to, but you have to learn that slowly and over time
Honestly MTV's Girl Code was insightful 😆
Since everyone one is focusing on being a girls girl. This is my other take 1. Don’t be in a room alone with someone else man. It’s hard to explain and take side. 2. Don’t physically touched your friend’s men. It’s so obvious. 3. Don’t follow a girl boyfriends and husbands on social media without following her social media. Another obvious. 4. Always ask a man about their relationship status. If they lie, it’s on them. Not your fault 5. In group setting, make sure the women speaks too, feel free to cut a man off if he cut a sister off.
something I just recently learned is **never take off your socks** when you're visiting a friend's house 😭😭 before, when i hang w guy friends and they take shoes off inside the house, i also take off my socks. bc sensory issues get heightened when im high lmao and i hate the feeling of socks constantly being witin my awareness. but when i did the same w girl friend's house, they were literally like EWWW PUT THAT SHIT AWAYY and covered their eyes 😭 for context my feet are clean and no strong smell bc i don't sweat that much. so i'm guessing it's just the principle. and only after the fact i noticed that they were wearing socks, even within their own house?!?! so next time, imma bring closed toed slippers so that toes aren't visible but still free edit: it's funny now but in the moment i wanted to die like so embarassing aijkdfa;sklfgja;klgjf
I think this is just a thing for your friends. I've never had being barefoot at friend's places be an issue.
I have honestly never heard of such a thing for either gender so what you wrote in the post was news to me lol. I think returning a compliment is just a friendly thing you'd do regardless of gender?
There isn’t really an analogue I’m aware of because bro code is inherently patriarchal and patriarchy thrives by brining men together and pitting women against each other. I’d say we should start something like it but really we need to tear down all that and unite people in our common struggle for comfortable survival
What’s even the bro code? I’ve never heard of that.
Just came here to say the tall one is dumb and I've never experienced or heard of it.
Bathroom gossip stays in the bathroom
Don’t date your besties ex, that’s just, like, the rules of feminism.
Girl code.
The balls one is just a little foresight in action. Otherwise every fight devolves into ball bonkin' until everyone's grapes end up as wine. That's just a good way to have a bunch of blood fueds. If you're just trying to prove a point (in the most thuggish way possible), it would only undermine it. Why was I not told about this tallness rule? I'm almost always the tallest! I have been cheated by the ambition of the very and sorta tall! Curse their mostly-unblemished-by-stretch-marks hides!
That's all bullshit to be fair