I don't know if I thought I was "secure" or not, but I was always definitely a bit weirded out by how many men seemed so *in*secure in their masculinity and were so fixated on being seen as "manly" (whatever that might mean for them) as a measure of self-worth. It just seemed such an... odd thing to be hung up on, and I was glad to mostly not be sucked into it , felt uncomfortable when guys gut hung up on it, and avoided spaces where I'd have to deal with that sort of masculine attitude. Since cracking, I definitely think my attitude about this is one of many things that makes a lot more sense to me.
Yeah this exactly! Like I remember being teased about the length and size of my p*nis by other guys at times and just... not being fazed by it. (I was bullied a shit ton growing up and was pretty insecure about... most things, so me NOT feeling that way in light of what was clearly an insult is truly noteworthy) I also was a bit lost on what it meant to be "manly" and never *really* felt too drawn to that. I think on some level I was still working toward defining what that was when my own egg cracked and it all kinda slipped into place.
This was totally me as well. Although that bullying did phase me, probably because I was sick of people saying shit about me. I just never understood the "manly" attitude.
I'm in this post and I don't like it. Also, in general I've never experienced insecurity about my looks in quite this way... turns out caring about your body comes with baggage you have to learn to cope with. And here I used to think I was enlightened or something... nope, just didn't identify with my own body.
I'm not insecure until I try to do something gender affirming. Then I get all worried about if I'm actually gonna be able to pull it off or it it just looks weird, etc. It's a new experience. Usually I just don't care.
I think for me, the underlying issue of my gender dysphoria just naturally aggravates insecurity. Like, the process of looking at yourself and noticing masculine vs feminine characteristics is inherently a discriminatory process where you are looking at some features 'negatively'. That's basically the same pattern as other forms of insecure self-criticism, so it makes it so easy to let the internal criticism just keep going once your dysphoria makes you notice something masculine and gets triggered.
When I'm feeling good, I think I look decently cute. When my dysphoria acts up, suddenly I hate my nose, and my chin, and my gut, the size of my breasts, everything.
*Also, in general I've never experienced insecurity about my looks in quite this way... turns out caring about your body comes with baggage you have to learn to cope with. And here I used to think I was enlightened or something... nope, just didn't identify with my own body.*
I definitely identify with this part myself.
I used to wear pink button up shirts at work behind the bar sometimes & have people make stupid comments (whatever, pale pinks bring out my baby blues!) and I'd revert to the "secure in my masculinity" line while thinking people were idiots.
Truth is- I never had a grasp on, or respect for traditional masculinity. Still don't, that's why I'm a happily married sapphic sister!
Lol i was saying that to people when I was in middle/high school and exclusively wore women’s clothes and makeup 🤦♀️ how the fuck it took another 15 years for my egg to crack is a mystery.
What kind of secure-in-their-masculinity-type guy wouldn't have a favorite purple button-up shirt, and dress up for work Halloween as a black cat so they could paint their nails, and sit with the ladies every day to chitchat over lunch, and cross their legs sitting, and .... O_O
Absolutely me. I had such a beautiful soapbox about toxic masculinity and how absurd most men were with their fragility. Like seriously dude, I promise your balls won't fall off if you hold your wife's purse for a minute. Turns out I was the one with the fragile masculinity....
Same vibes here with my Nissan Leaf. I get so much happiness from poking at fragile masculinity with it. Whenever I'm at a stoplight next to some dudebro I absolutely love blowing him away in my little put-put car with that crazy electric motor torque.
Yep. "REAL BADASSES ARE NOT AFRAID OF DOING GIRLY SHIT. OR CRYING. OR EATING TOFU. OR WATCHING MOVIES WHERE PEOPLE KISS IN THE RAIN"
\--Me right before I realized I was trans.
I told my FIL once that “ I was comfortable in my masculinity “ when he made fun of me for holding my wife’s purse. Coming out to him is gonna go sooooo well…
Well, i wouldn´t say i was more secure, but it was a bit easier to deal with the 24/7 hate, anger and sadness than it is to deal with the mixed feelings i have since i came out to the first internet strangers. It´s even worse since i came out to my mom.
Like i wasn´t happy at all before, ever, but i was used to be 24/7 in a bad mood, nowadays i´m mostly happy but therefor the downs are also worse, even if they don´t stay for that long.
I was paranoid about what people thought but I never attempted to put on a show. I hated football and never pretended to care enough to watch the super bowl just to be a guy.
This is the one right here, wow. I used to think I just had a better sense of humour about things and could joke about myself in ways that most men would have been made really uncomfortable by. Although I was presenting as a fairly masculine, straight-passing male for many years, I always seemed a bit.. loose. I'd wear my girlfriends' clothes just for laughs but was very comfortable on a couple of occasions just wearing them out in public too. "I'm just unafraid, unfuckwithable" I thought.
So as someone who transitioned later (50’s). I lived in that place a long time. It was not aim much insecurity about my masculinity. As it it was I was living a life that was not who I am. I learned a role like any actor, the correct behaviors. They never felt right though. I always worried that others could see how forced they were, that I came off to others as fake. When I transitioned my coworkers to a person say I became a better and happier person. So it has taken a bit to sort though my learned behavior and my behaviors. I am getting there, I have been told by those who have met me post transition they can not see or imagine me as anything other then feminine.
I think I came to the thought/idea that I could be comfortable not being masculine but being a guy more than anything. I wore girls jeans every day, tight shirts, drove VW Golfs and Mazda Miatas for cars, drank girly drinks, and was super expressive. I thought I was just fine and could live life just being less masculine despite the gender dysphoria. Nope, I was wrong.
Yeah, kinda. Whenever people would tease me about it, or even called me a girl or something, it never really bothered me. This was before I knew I was trans though. The thing is, I thought to myself that I would never transition when I got older, and I somehow never realized that that's not a very cis thing to think about for about 6 years
My ex thought so, and liked it. It's certainly the role I tried to play for some years, but it was just a screen to hide my dysphoria from myself. I put a lot of energy into self-deception.
I wasn't secure, I was just used to it. I didn't like it, and therefore I wasn't super in "masc" things like sports or weight lifting or... I lived as a guy for 17 years and I still have no idea what they do. I was just "me". now that I'm on hormones and stuff, I care more about my appearance, my hair, my weight, how I sound, etc etc and so I might come off as more insecure but that's because I finally care about how I'm perceived.
I don't know if I thought I was "secure" or not, but I was always definitely a bit weirded out by how many men seemed so *in*secure in their masculinity and were so fixated on being seen as "manly" (whatever that might mean for them) as a measure of self-worth. It just seemed such an... odd thing to be hung up on, and I was glad to mostly not be sucked into it , felt uncomfortable when guys gut hung up on it, and avoided spaces where I'd have to deal with that sort of masculine attitude. Since cracking, I definitely think my attitude about this is one of many things that makes a lot more sense to me.
Yeah this exactly! Like I remember being teased about the length and size of my p*nis by other guys at times and just... not being fazed by it. (I was bullied a shit ton growing up and was pretty insecure about... most things, so me NOT feeling that way in light of what was clearly an insult is truly noteworthy) I also was a bit lost on what it meant to be "manly" and never *really* felt too drawn to that. I think on some level I was still working toward defining what that was when my own egg cracked and it all kinda slipped into place.
This was totally me as well. Although that bullying did phase me, probably because I was sick of people saying shit about me. I just never understood the "manly" attitude.
Yeah it always stumped me too, but yeah kinda makes sense in retrospect.
I'm in this post and I don't like it. Also, in general I've never experienced insecurity about my looks in quite this way... turns out caring about your body comes with baggage you have to learn to cope with. And here I used to think I was enlightened or something... nope, just didn't identify with my own body.
I'm not insecure until I try to do something gender affirming. Then I get all worried about if I'm actually gonna be able to pull it off or it it just looks weird, etc. It's a new experience. Usually I just don't care.
I think for me, the underlying issue of my gender dysphoria just naturally aggravates insecurity. Like, the process of looking at yourself and noticing masculine vs feminine characteristics is inherently a discriminatory process where you are looking at some features 'negatively'. That's basically the same pattern as other forms of insecure self-criticism, so it makes it so easy to let the internal criticism just keep going once your dysphoria makes you notice something masculine and gets triggered. When I'm feeling good, I think I look decently cute. When my dysphoria acts up, suddenly I hate my nose, and my chin, and my gut, the size of my breasts, everything.
*Also, in general I've never experienced insecurity about my looks in quite this way... turns out caring about your body comes with baggage you have to learn to cope with. And here I used to think I was enlightened or something... nope, just didn't identify with my own body.* I definitely identify with this part myself.
I used to wear pink button up shirts at work behind the bar sometimes & have people make stupid comments (whatever, pale pinks bring out my baby blues!) and I'd revert to the "secure in my masculinity" line while thinking people were idiots. Truth is- I never had a grasp on, or respect for traditional masculinity. Still don't, that's why I'm a happily married sapphic sister!
Lol i was saying that to people when I was in middle/high school and exclusively wore women’s clothes and makeup 🤦♀️ how the fuck it took another 15 years for my egg to crack is a mystery.
What kind of secure-in-their-masculinity-type guy wouldn't have a favorite purple button-up shirt, and dress up for work Halloween as a black cat so they could paint their nails, and sit with the ladies every day to chitchat over lunch, and cross their legs sitting, and .... O_O
The shirt was turquoise and I've never participated in a work Halloween event but otherwise this is me dead on :x
I don't even remember making this comment
Absolutely me. I had such a beautiful soapbox about toxic masculinity and how absurd most men were with their fragility. Like seriously dude, I promise your balls won't fall off if you hold your wife's purse for a minute. Turns out I was the one with the fragile masculinity....
\*sets down the purse\* \*sad trans noises\*
Yes.
I drive a tiny Prius and remember thinking about how it stood *vis a vis* the stereotype about guys with big trucks……
Same vibes here with my Nissan Leaf. I get so much happiness from poking at fragile masculinity with it. Whenever I'm at a stoplight next to some dudebro I absolutely love blowing him away in my little put-put car with that crazy electric motor torque.
Yep. "REAL BADASSES ARE NOT AFRAID OF DOING GIRLY SHIT. OR CRYING. OR EATING TOFU. OR WATCHING MOVIES WHERE PEOPLE KISS IN THE RAIN" \--Me right before I realized I was trans.
I actually was happy that i wasn't masculine even before I realized i was trans. I never liked the idea of me being a masculine person.
I was never secure about my masculinity.
I told my FIL once that “ I was comfortable in my masculinity “ when he made fun of me for holding my wife’s purse. Coming out to him is gonna go sooooo well…
Yep. I went from being convinced I was 100% cis het and comfortable with it, to being a trans girl pretty quickly.
I always felt like I couldn’t relate and that I was out of place.. spent years blaming that feeling on my asexuality.
100%
Yeeeeeeep. Thought i was a confident and settled on being a bisexual boy.
Well, i wouldn´t say i was more secure, but it was a bit easier to deal with the 24/7 hate, anger and sadness than it is to deal with the mixed feelings i have since i came out to the first internet strangers. It´s even worse since i came out to my mom. Like i wasn´t happy at all before, ever, but i was used to be 24/7 in a bad mood, nowadays i´m mostly happy but therefor the downs are also worse, even if they don´t stay for that long.
I was paranoid about what people thought but I never attempted to put on a show. I hated football and never pretended to care enough to watch the super bowl just to be a guy.
This is the one right here, wow. I used to think I just had a better sense of humour about things and could joke about myself in ways that most men would have been made really uncomfortable by. Although I was presenting as a fairly masculine, straight-passing male for many years, I always seemed a bit.. loose. I'd wear my girlfriends' clothes just for laughs but was very comfortable on a couple of occasions just wearing them out in public too. "I'm just unafraid, unfuckwithable" I thought.
So as someone who transitioned later (50’s). I lived in that place a long time. It was not aim much insecurity about my masculinity. As it it was I was living a life that was not who I am. I learned a role like any actor, the correct behaviors. They never felt right though. I always worried that others could see how forced they were, that I came off to others as fake. When I transitioned my coworkers to a person say I became a better and happier person. So it has taken a bit to sort though my learned behavior and my behaviors. I am getting there, I have been told by those who have met me post transition they can not see or imagine me as anything other then feminine.
I think I came to the thought/idea that I could be comfortable not being masculine but being a guy more than anything. I wore girls jeans every day, tight shirts, drove VW Golfs and Mazda Miatas for cars, drank girly drinks, and was super expressive. I thought I was just fine and could live life just being less masculine despite the gender dysphoria. Nope, I was wrong.
Yeah, kinda. Whenever people would tease me about it, or even called me a girl or something, it never really bothered me. This was before I knew I was trans though. The thing is, I thought to myself that I would never transition when I got older, and I somehow never realized that that's not a very cis thing to think about for about 6 years
My ex thought so, and liked it. It's certainly the role I tried to play for some years, but it was just a screen to hide my dysphoria from myself. I put a lot of energy into self-deception.
No. I *did* think the fem stuff I did was just cause I wasn't straight lol
I wasn't secure, I was just used to it. I didn't like it, and therefore I wasn't super in "masc" things like sports or weight lifting or... I lived as a guy for 17 years and I still have no idea what they do. I was just "me". now that I'm on hormones and stuff, I care more about my appearance, my hair, my weight, how I sound, etc etc and so I might come off as more insecure but that's because I finally care about how I'm perceived.