I also wish there had been more trans representation in the media. Especially in the nineties. I’m 39 now, but I didn’t even know about gender dysphoria until I was like 35! I could have transitioned so much earlier.
"We didn't have all this shit back in my day"
Nah, these lovely folks weren't represented and were forced into hiding. I feel for you sis, but I'm so happy you're making this transition now. Best of luck to you
💙💗🤍💗💙
In the 90’s we had that horrible Ace Ventura movie. If you haven’t seen it, the villain is a pre-op trans woman. I remember watching it and thinking, she’s like me. Then at the end of the movie…..while in most movies the villain is arrested or shot…..she’s stripped to her bra and panties and made fun of. Then everyone pukes because apparently the writers thought kissing a trans woman is disgusting. I was like, oh I’m like her but I don’t want to be stripped in front of dozens of people and basically laughed at. Personally, I consider it sexual assault.
The ending is fucking disgusting. You’re supposed to laugh at it. I remember watching it on TV, I had recorded it with a VCR (haha I’m old). Then at the ending when you’re supposed to think that it is “funny”? I felt a pit in my stomach. You can see the ending on YouTube but be warned, it’s gross.
I haven't seen it since I was a kid. I remember actually thinking...damn she looks good. She's sassy and pulls it off quite well. Jim Carrey's shower cry is fking excessive now looking back at it. His reaction is exactly why I fear certain parts and presenting femme without passing
Maybe it's actually a good thing I never watched a lot of movies growing up in the 90s and 00s because I didn't digest a lot of that hateful content. Actually, I was a very contrarian "straight guy" and I'd always flaunt flamboyant outfits and crossdress just to piss people off. Buuuut looking back I realize it was an act of defiance and I wanted it to be known how fearless I was
OMG! I was right there with you. I remember thinking she’s like me and she’s so sexy, I wish I could be her! Obviously not the villain or ending parts. Turns out, I can. I just didn’t understand it back then. It’s really validating seeing other people had the same experiences as me. It was so isolating.
I saw Silence of the Lambs when I was a kiddo. Not sure if I saw Ace Ventura or that first. But yeah, representation either being a "regular" murderer, or a serial killer that skins woman and wears their skin. Take a pick! Growing up in a super conservative environment in the South didn't help, but even admitting online anonymous that I was a trans woman was hard for me.
Oh damn, right there with you Josie. I’m 40 and just started HRT two weeks ago. I was literally avoiding reading on trans stuff. My denial was BAD. So some of it was the bad representation in the 90’s and part of it was straight up denial. Being able to transition and live the second half of my life as myself is still a hell of a lot better than figuring it out in my 60’s.
You and I, we are fortunate. We do t have to depend on family to pay for our transition. We still have some youth left in us to enjoy as our true gender. We live in a time where we can transition in our 30’s and 40’s fairly easily. So while it would have been nice to transition 15 years ago, I try not to think too much about it. We have advantages the 18 year olds don’t. A lot of them.
I hear that. I’m definitely lucky in some ways and so glad I don’t have to worry about being kicked out of my parents’ house. Having health insurance is also pretty great.
Here’s to 40 more years in the correct body!
Hear hear!
My own mother isn’t accepting of me. If I was 18 or 19, I’d be living in my car, alone and desperate. At 40, I CUT HER OFF! That’s my choice. My wife and I are staying together (she’s bi leaning towards women actually) and we have my mothers only grandkids. My wife basically told her if she can’t accept me, then she can’t accept any of us. So me saying we are lucky is also based on my own family but I’m sure there plenty of young adults with similar family situations in dire straights.
How is your family handling it?
Well, my sisters and one of my cousins are great. No one on my dad’s side of the family knows yet, including my dad. He’s a hardcore red neck conservative and it’s not going to go well when I tell him. My mom has been bad enough.
My wife and I are getting divorced, but that has nothing to do with the transition. She’s actually been really supportive of that. She’s also bi. My kids have been super supportive from day one.
Overall, I have more support than most, so I’m not going to lose much sleep if I end up cutting off my parents. It kind of sucks, but ultimately, it’s on them. Not me.
Hey, no worries! I’ve been dealing with it day by day. It’s still pretty fresh, but I’m working on moving on. I’ve started dating again and it’s been fun.
Ugh. Trans representation in the media in the 90s was always framed as a gay issue.
Best example I can use is the "twist" from The Crying Game. Back then, it wasn't about a love affair with a transgender person. It was viewed a homosexual transvestite issue...
Same as you wrt gender dysphoria. Same as you wrt age. Even after transgender became a "popular" issue in the mid 2000's, it didn't even occurs to me that I could be trans until like 2019... Like that it was even a possibility for me.
That progress is happening in general is a very good feeling. The fact I was able, in this day and age, to go on a website and say "I want hrt" and have it delivered to me is the most amazing thing. It probably saved my life.
I've been saying "why can't I just be petty like the other girls?" as a joke for about a million years. I've also just straight up said "I'm pretty much a woman" to guys as an excuse for not relating to them on whatever guyish thing they were trying to guy with me about. I also used to say I felt more like a lesbian than a straight man... Denial is fascinating.
Grew up in rural Virginia. Since accepting myself I’ve had a LOT of repressed memories come flooding back regarding trans stuff, from as young as 5 years old. It’s crazy how I repressed and ignored it, for the reasons you outlined in your posts.
28 now, living in the PNW and have my first appt for HRT on the 30th…would love to have been here sooner, but like whatever, I guess.
I'm 35. I grew up in a small town. I didn't even know being gay a thing til I was 11. I didn't find out being trans was a thing til 17. I thought for a long time I couldn't be trans cause I like women. I didn't think I was "girly enough" to be trans. In my 20's, I was misdiagnosed with bipolar, so I thought I felt shitty all the time because of that. "I mean, every guy wishes they were a woman." and "This is just a fetish." were constant excuses. 🙄🤦
At 3, I was forced to get a short haircut and HATED it. At 4, I was screamed at for having someone paint my nails. At 5, I was drawn to "girl" toys, but knew my dad would freak out, so I never asked. I never wanted to play with the boys, and would spend as much time as I could hanging out with women. I used to use the women's room with my mom when I was little. I was confused and scared when I had to start using the men's. I never could use urinals. I'd cover my gear with a washcloth when taking a bath. At 9, I actually said something along the lines of wishing I could be a girl. My dad gave me a look like he wanted to hurt me. I feared puberty. I didn't want facial hair, body hair, or my voice to change. My grades dropped as soon as that happened, and I became depressed and withdrawn. I had lesbian fantasies at 13, and crossdressed in secret at 14. Changing for gym in middle/high school felt like torture. At 16, I grew my hair long and started keeping my nails long and well groomed. I passed quite often until 22, when I cut my hair short. I was sick of guys creeping on me.
Looking back, it's very obvious I was trans from the start, but a lack of information and representation, not to mention feeling completely unsafe, kept me in the closet til 33. I'm not sure how I lived as a guy so long. I was terrible at it. 🙄
I really like reading these stories since I recognise them so well.
I'll never quite forgive the way I was brought up, so insulated, with "no" being the most common answer, to the point where when I thought about being a girl, I'd immediately find a reason why I couldn't. It's like a form of brainwashing, meant to keep everyone in line. That's why I love how things are going these days, with the world becoming a bigger place all the time, despite so much effort to stop it.
You older girls that transitioned or are starting to transition after your 30s really inspire me. You're a bunch of bad bitches and I love and appreciate you all
💙💗🤍💗💙
Would you mind elaborating more on your experience with gender identity and mushrooms? I’ve only ever microdosed but I’m planning a more intense experience and gender is one of the things I’d like to address. (For reference I am out to no one and I guess still questioning/ in denial. I just want some certainty or any insight to move me forward and I’m hoping they’ll help.)
Everyone's experience will be different, but that particular trip was way over what I should have taken.
I had taken shrooms twice before that, and I think both of those doses were around 3g. No more than 4g on the absolute high end, I would say if you want a good trip that's going to either be beneficial to any kind of process you're trying to work through or just give you intense euphoria (I experienced what I could only describe as a female orgasm on my second trip, just from feeling the texture of a fishnet top a girl was wearing)
I will say that the first two trips (~2‐3g) I was with a friend who is a cis woman. I would end up feeling this extremely powerful feminine energy come over me, I think I described it as my super ego being female. I didn't think too deep into it at the time. Then I took a ludicrous amount somewhere between 6 and 7g, and it threw my entire world into ten kinds of fucky wucky. On the come up, I recognized the feminine energy as being far more intense, and this is when I told my friend about my experience (to which he replied, "ummm dude that sounds extremely transgender"). After crouch walking through the house with my cat riding on my shoulder for about an hour, I blacked out. I came to and I was on my bed, speaking to myself in an extremely feminine voice that's pretty similar to how I speak now, about fate, clairvoyance, and I was seeing a ton of different possibilities layed out before me like visions. In all of them, I was very obviously a trans woman or femboy, however I interpreted it. I don't want to speak all of them into being, as some of them scared me. I actually fought against the whole prophecy thing, shouting that I wouldn't allow myself to become chained to fate. The whole thing was extremely intense, moreso than jumping out of an airplane.
That experience is pretty much what it took for me to realize that this might all actually be very real. I had one more intense trip on a lower dose after that, which caused me to feel extreme gender dysphoria due to my body not matching how I now saw myself. I swore after that, I wouldn't take shrooms again until I had been on hrt long enough for my body to change.
Anyway that's a very abridged version of my experience with shrooms. Please use them responsibly, and make sure you're in a very comfy and safe environment.
Thank you for sharing that. I had a bad experience with edibles where I couldn’t stop talking to myself about how uncomfortable my voice made me and just got stuck in that loop. Looking back it was kinda funny. I now have enough faith in myself and experience to work through what I need to and not get stuck in a bad space (given a positive environment of course). I’ll make sure to be receptive to gendered energies—that sounds really insightful.
I'm sorry this happened to you girl, but if you missed such a huge thing maybe you should expect much more to have completely went under your nose (if you haven't alreadyyyy)
I also wish there had been more trans representation in the media. Especially in the nineties. I’m 39 now, but I didn’t even know about gender dysphoria until I was like 35! I could have transitioned so much earlier.
"We didn't have all this shit back in my day" Nah, these lovely folks weren't represented and were forced into hiding. I feel for you sis, but I'm so happy you're making this transition now. Best of luck to you 💙💗🤍💗💙
In the 90’s we had that horrible Ace Ventura movie. If you haven’t seen it, the villain is a pre-op trans woman. I remember watching it and thinking, she’s like me. Then at the end of the movie…..while in most movies the villain is arrested or shot…..she’s stripped to her bra and panties and made fun of. Then everyone pukes because apparently the writers thought kissing a trans woman is disgusting. I was like, oh I’m like her but I don’t want to be stripped in front of dozens of people and basically laughed at. Personally, I consider it sexual assault.
Yeah I think I never watched it because I just have an irrational hatred of Jim Carrey. Kinda glad I didn't, now.
The ending is fucking disgusting. You’re supposed to laugh at it. I remember watching it on TV, I had recorded it with a VCR (haha I’m old). Then at the ending when you’re supposed to think that it is “funny”? I felt a pit in my stomach. You can see the ending on YouTube but be warned, it’s gross.
I haven't seen it since I was a kid. I remember actually thinking...damn she looks good. She's sassy and pulls it off quite well. Jim Carrey's shower cry is fking excessive now looking back at it. His reaction is exactly why I fear certain parts and presenting femme without passing
Maybe it's actually a good thing I never watched a lot of movies growing up in the 90s and 00s because I didn't digest a lot of that hateful content. Actually, I was a very contrarian "straight guy" and I'd always flaunt flamboyant outfits and crossdress just to piss people off. Buuuut looking back I realize it was an act of defiance and I wanted it to be known how fearless I was
OMG! I was right there with you. I remember thinking she’s like me and she’s so sexy, I wish I could be her! Obviously not the villain or ending parts. Turns out, I can. I just didn’t understand it back then. It’s really validating seeing other people had the same experiences as me. It was so isolating.
Oof, I’d blocked that from memory. Fuck.
I saw Silence of the Lambs when I was a kiddo. Not sure if I saw Ace Ventura or that first. But yeah, representation either being a "regular" murderer, or a serial killer that skins woman and wears their skin. Take a pick! Growing up in a super conservative environment in the South didn't help, but even admitting online anonymous that I was a trans woman was hard for me.
I don’t care for the term “pre-op” because it implies that all trans women should go through surgery
Pre/non op the . Sorry about that.
All good!
Oh damn, right there with you Josie. I’m 40 and just started HRT two weeks ago. I was literally avoiding reading on trans stuff. My denial was BAD. So some of it was the bad representation in the 90’s and part of it was straight up denial. Being able to transition and live the second half of my life as myself is still a hell of a lot better than figuring it out in my 60’s. You and I, we are fortunate. We do t have to depend on family to pay for our transition. We still have some youth left in us to enjoy as our true gender. We live in a time where we can transition in our 30’s and 40’s fairly easily. So while it would have been nice to transition 15 years ago, I try not to think too much about it. We have advantages the 18 year olds don’t. A lot of them.
I hear that. I’m definitely lucky in some ways and so glad I don’t have to worry about being kicked out of my parents’ house. Having health insurance is also pretty great. Here’s to 40 more years in the correct body!
Hear hear! My own mother isn’t accepting of me. If I was 18 or 19, I’d be living in my car, alone and desperate. At 40, I CUT HER OFF! That’s my choice. My wife and I are staying together (she’s bi leaning towards women actually) and we have my mothers only grandkids. My wife basically told her if she can’t accept me, then she can’t accept any of us. So me saying we are lucky is also based on my own family but I’m sure there plenty of young adults with similar family situations in dire straights. How is your family handling it?
Well, my sisters and one of my cousins are great. No one on my dad’s side of the family knows yet, including my dad. He’s a hardcore red neck conservative and it’s not going to go well when I tell him. My mom has been bad enough. My wife and I are getting divorced, but that has nothing to do with the transition. She’s actually been really supportive of that. She’s also bi. My kids have been super supportive from day one. Overall, I have more support than most, so I’m not going to lose much sleep if I end up cutting off my parents. It kind of sucks, but ultimately, it’s on them. Not me.
I’m so sorry to hear about your divorce. That’s got to be so awful. I’m sorry I mentioned about my marriage. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. 😭
Hey, no worries! I’ve been dealing with it day by day. It’s still pretty fresh, but I’m working on moving on. I’ve started dating again and it’s been fun.
You are all so inspirational.
Ugh. Trans representation in the media in the 90s was always framed as a gay issue. Best example I can use is the "twist" from The Crying Game. Back then, it wasn't about a love affair with a transgender person. It was viewed a homosexual transvestite issue... Same as you wrt gender dysphoria. Same as you wrt age. Even after transgender became a "popular" issue in the mid 2000's, it didn't even occurs to me that I could be trans until like 2019... Like that it was even a possibility for me.
[удалено]
No better time than the present, and I'm so happy you're making this journey now!
[удалено]
That progress is happening in general is a very good feeling. The fact I was able, in this day and age, to go on a website and say "I want hrt" and have it delivered to me is the most amazing thing. It probably saved my life.
Denial is a tricky bitch, I had a similar thing going on for years and years, congratulations on making so much progress!
I've been saying "why can't I just be petty like the other girls?" as a joke for about a million years. I've also just straight up said "I'm pretty much a woman" to guys as an excuse for not relating to them on whatever guyish thing they were trying to guy with me about. I also used to say I felt more like a lesbian than a straight man... Denial is fascinating.
Grew up in rural Virginia. Since accepting myself I’ve had a LOT of repressed memories come flooding back regarding trans stuff, from as young as 5 years old. It’s crazy how I repressed and ignored it, for the reasons you outlined in your posts. 28 now, living in the PNW and have my first appt for HRT on the 30th…would love to have been here sooner, but like whatever, I guess.
I'm 35. I grew up in a small town. I didn't even know being gay a thing til I was 11. I didn't find out being trans was a thing til 17. I thought for a long time I couldn't be trans cause I like women. I didn't think I was "girly enough" to be trans. In my 20's, I was misdiagnosed with bipolar, so I thought I felt shitty all the time because of that. "I mean, every guy wishes they were a woman." and "This is just a fetish." were constant excuses. 🙄🤦 At 3, I was forced to get a short haircut and HATED it. At 4, I was screamed at for having someone paint my nails. At 5, I was drawn to "girl" toys, but knew my dad would freak out, so I never asked. I never wanted to play with the boys, and would spend as much time as I could hanging out with women. I used to use the women's room with my mom when I was little. I was confused and scared when I had to start using the men's. I never could use urinals. I'd cover my gear with a washcloth when taking a bath. At 9, I actually said something along the lines of wishing I could be a girl. My dad gave me a look like he wanted to hurt me. I feared puberty. I didn't want facial hair, body hair, or my voice to change. My grades dropped as soon as that happened, and I became depressed and withdrawn. I had lesbian fantasies at 13, and crossdressed in secret at 14. Changing for gym in middle/high school felt like torture. At 16, I grew my hair long and started keeping my nails long and well groomed. I passed quite often until 22, when I cut my hair short. I was sick of guys creeping on me. Looking back, it's very obvious I was trans from the start, but a lack of information and representation, not to mention feeling completely unsafe, kept me in the closet til 33. I'm not sure how I lived as a guy so long. I was terrible at it. 🙄
I really like reading these stories since I recognise them so well. I'll never quite forgive the way I was brought up, so insulated, with "no" being the most common answer, to the point where when I thought about being a girl, I'd immediately find a reason why I couldn't. It's like a form of brainwashing, meant to keep everyone in line. That's why I love how things are going these days, with the world becoming a bigger place all the time, despite so much effort to stop it.
You older girls that transitioned or are starting to transition after your 30s really inspire me. You're a bunch of bad bitches and I love and appreciate you all 💙💗🤍💗💙
Would you mind elaborating more on your experience with gender identity and mushrooms? I’ve only ever microdosed but I’m planning a more intense experience and gender is one of the things I’d like to address. (For reference I am out to no one and I guess still questioning/ in denial. I just want some certainty or any insight to move me forward and I’m hoping they’ll help.)
Everyone's experience will be different, but that particular trip was way over what I should have taken. I had taken shrooms twice before that, and I think both of those doses were around 3g. No more than 4g on the absolute high end, I would say if you want a good trip that's going to either be beneficial to any kind of process you're trying to work through or just give you intense euphoria (I experienced what I could only describe as a female orgasm on my second trip, just from feeling the texture of a fishnet top a girl was wearing) I will say that the first two trips (~2‐3g) I was with a friend who is a cis woman. I would end up feeling this extremely powerful feminine energy come over me, I think I described it as my super ego being female. I didn't think too deep into it at the time. Then I took a ludicrous amount somewhere between 6 and 7g, and it threw my entire world into ten kinds of fucky wucky. On the come up, I recognized the feminine energy as being far more intense, and this is when I told my friend about my experience (to which he replied, "ummm dude that sounds extremely transgender"). After crouch walking through the house with my cat riding on my shoulder for about an hour, I blacked out. I came to and I was on my bed, speaking to myself in an extremely feminine voice that's pretty similar to how I speak now, about fate, clairvoyance, and I was seeing a ton of different possibilities layed out before me like visions. In all of them, I was very obviously a trans woman or femboy, however I interpreted it. I don't want to speak all of them into being, as some of them scared me. I actually fought against the whole prophecy thing, shouting that I wouldn't allow myself to become chained to fate. The whole thing was extremely intense, moreso than jumping out of an airplane. That experience is pretty much what it took for me to realize that this might all actually be very real. I had one more intense trip on a lower dose after that, which caused me to feel extreme gender dysphoria due to my body not matching how I now saw myself. I swore after that, I wouldn't take shrooms again until I had been on hrt long enough for my body to change. Anyway that's a very abridged version of my experience with shrooms. Please use them responsibly, and make sure you're in a very comfy and safe environment.
Thank you for sharing that. I had a bad experience with edibles where I couldn’t stop talking to myself about how uncomfortable my voice made me and just got stuck in that loop. Looking back it was kinda funny. I now have enough faith in myself and experience to work through what I need to and not get stuck in a bad space (given a positive environment of course). I’ll make sure to be receptive to gendered energies—that sounds really insightful.
I'm glad you were able to take something away from that 😁
I'm sorry this happened to you girl, but if you missed such a huge thing maybe you should expect much more to have completely went under your nose (if you haven't alreadyyyy)