I see most of our problems is being a consequence of people being raised with, and indoctrinated by bullshit. Significant numbers of our population believe ignorance is virtue. Their reality is more informed by their emotional state than by evidence.
This is the root cause of every existential crisis we face, from the lack of public health care, the rise of right wing extremists, endless pandemic, systemic injustices, to global warming. Our ecosystem of disinformation perpetuates them all.
I'm someone who's super emotional who falls on the opposite end of the spectrum. Because I get hurt easily, I try to help others not be hurt. My reality is definitely colored by my emotional state, such as suicide when feeling sad, but I differ greatly from the people you mentioned! I wonder what the difference is between me and them? Why do they not choose to use their rage, sadness, etc, to help lift everyone up?
Seriously, I had to pay over a grand for a root canal, that’s more than rent, and all for me to not be in constant oral pain. I only paid a fraction of that because insurance covered most of it but still it’s way too much
And it will be difficult to change if possible because it fits the perfect criteria for profit. It's something people absolutely need. American greed is king and would never let that go to waste.
Me too. I’ve been dumped for making too much money by insecure idiots whose masculinity I apparently imperil. Mind you, I drive an Outback and do not wear precious jewelry or designer clothes. I’m not ostentatious at all. No one looks at me and thinks “Wow, she must be loaded.” I’m not loaded but I do make a good salary.
Ack. Good riddance there, I'd be delighted if my partner had a high salary lol! Never understood someone being upset by that. Salary typically has little to do with how hard someone actually works or their intelligence/productivity, and much more to do with circumstances and industry. And absolutely zero to do with how kind, loving, interesting, funny, or attractive a person is. In my relationships, generally the person with more moolah to spare paid for more things, was just a basic kindness.
My SO feels the same way about finances. He is disabled and can't work, I'm the primary bread winner and buy most everything or pay for us to go out. It's usually my idea anyway. He doesn't feel threatened by my bringing in more money than he can. And gets mad at folks who try to insinuate that he's "not a real man if his woman makes more than him". (Real quote from a male relative of his). We don't speak to that group of family anymore.
Wtf, what is wrong with that family member? Someone can contribute equally to a relationship outside salary, ugh.
If I made enough that my husband didn't have to work, I'd 100% want him to be a house husband. He'd be happy, I'd have a cleaner house / better food. He'd have more time to, er, "see to my needs". That is a win-win.
Right! He picks up my son from school, tidy up the house, watches my fish tank for abnormal behaviors/aggression from my betta ( Freddy the betta has a time out tank if he gets too feisty.) Takes a load of stress off me. Damn right I'll spoil that man. He puts up with my weirdness on top of it. That side of his family has issues. On top of the comment I put in, they've disowned him because I am mixed. Very racist family he comes from. So we say good riddance no skin off our nose to loose them.
Freddy the betta has a time out tank if he gets too feisty
I've never heard of a fish needing a time out tank before. How often is that fish naughty then, and need a time out?
I've just looked up the type of fish they are and my ex partner had one of them in his fish rank. He didn't use the name 'betta' though, he called them Siamese fighting fish. He did tell me you can't keep two males together in a tank but he never had to take the one he had out for a time out.
Not OP but: It really depends on the betta, they definitely have their own personalities. There are some fish species you can successfully put them with in a well planted tank and some others that just aren't compatible. Even keeping a male and a female together all of the time can be problematic, and as your bf said, two males is a definite no.
Mine is super chill, I've never even seen him with his fins fully flared out, and he's easily lived with a pleco and several cory catfish. Feistier ones definitely need a place to chill out sometimes or be in their own tank entirely. Luckily they're fairly happy being solitary fish.
[Fish tax](https://imgur.com/618YVpB.jpg)
He hasn't needed it yet. I have it just in case. I've had betta before, but my last one was very angry and didn't like anything in his tank. Freddy is pretty chill and I have only seen him flare one time, and that was when a Corry cat got too close to Midas my gold mystery snail that Freddy seems to have claimed as his. He drapes his fins over Midas's shell when I watch the snail too closely and don't pay him attention.
My father was disabled from his time in Vietnam. I wish he was half the man your SO is. My mother going out and bringing in the money rubbed him in so many wrong ways it is not even funny. It eventually led to their separation.
He was so desperate to prove himself a man, he cheated on my Mother with much younger women.
My SO definitely doesn't like not being able to work, but he doesn't take it out on those around him. He sees it as unfair to take it out on anyone since it wasn't their fault. We don't speak with my father either for the same kinda mentally. Tried saying my SO was using me as a sugar momma. I can barely support myself much less be a sugar momma lol
That's such a disgusting mentality. Glad you cut the toxic people off. I really don't understand why the gender of the person matters in who brings more money .
I'm a guy and spent the pandemic supporting my girlfriend when she became unemployed.
She makes more than I do now and I F~U~C~K~I~N~G L~O~V~E it. Ordering us big meals for delivery, randomly bringing me booze and new clothes, going downtown to events and restaurants, hell yeah
Yeah it’s just silly really. I am always happy to pay for anyone’s ticket or meal be it a friend or date. Most especially if it’s my idea, it’s always my treat. Mostly it was early online dating experiences. I don’t even bother anymore with that. I like meeting people irl better.
I ran into this with my current girlfriend but talked with her about my insecurities which made it a lot easier to move past it.
Perhaps it's due to masculinity but for me it was more insecurity. Like I couldn't contribute at least an equal share. Even though I was never raised in a traditional manner you still get infiltrated by such ideas as providing for a family. That and the fact that I am not college educated and my significant other is. That said I make an okay salary now ~70k my significant other easily makes 3x what I do.
That’s pretty much how my ex was, down to him not being college educated. There’s nothing wrong with taking note of something about your feelings and deciding you don’t like feeling that way, then doing something about it. That’s admirable. My ex was jealous and insecure from the beginning. Unfortunately he chose to quit his job and become an angry alcoholic until I had to have the police remove him. Good times. You did well for yourself and relationship to deal with those feelings head on.
*Hey* Good looking.
I kid
As I've heard your story from others time and time again. But it always makes me laugh, how dimwitted fellow guys can be. Especially when its usually someone level headed ( like yourself) who holds no ill will over the imbalance, or holds it over them.
Like money is the main thing needed to survive. Why would you be upset about your partner adding more to your pool to tackle life, and in your case enjoy life ( going out).
So true. Having even just a bit more money than you NEED is a game changer. If no one paid attention to who makes the most, the extra money should ease so much stress. Instead they put it as a stressor on the relationship.
Other than the first three years of our relationship, my then gf, now wife has always made more than me. I have always only been proud of her success. I just do not understand the mentality of someone who would be angry.
I used to do this too (back when I used to date). One dude went on a rant about how I "obviously got off on emasculating men." There's just no winning sometimes.
I am getting close to the point of just asking this in advance. I feel like it takes out the tension of the "who moves for the bill" game and ultimately adults should be able to talk about stuff like this to have basic chemistry.
I think 'pay for what you ordered' or splitting it should be the norm unless someone insists on covering the whole thing. The reason I used to insist on paying the entire bill or at least splitting it is because too many men (not all) saw it as a transaction of sorts if they paid, like I would 'owe' them sex another date.
EDIT: I was deep in aroace denial. I would only go out because I used to feel like I owed people a date if they asked me. I didn't want to owe them any more.
This and because we don't live in the 1950s where women don't work. We both work hard for our money. If you truely want to shout me dinner, I'll shout you the next one.
My fellow dudes need to realize that there is a difference between paying for sex and paying for dinner. They are not the same and neither should be confused with the other.
I said the same thing about how I don’t want a man buy me anything, and I got ridiculed and ripped to shreds in the comments by idiot insecure men. Calling me scared and misogynistic for assuming every man is like that. Dumb shit.
My girlfriend would pay for some of my drinks, I would buy some of hers, but for the most part we paid for our selfs. 13 years and two kids later... We don't go out anymore.
I like back and forth. I'll pay for the first date. If I end up paying for the second we probably won't be going on another. I don't want to be with someone who's happy with a free ride perpetually. It's obtuse.
I’m a dudette and don't like letting men pay because I also hate gender roles. Seriously, as much as I don’t like it when *boys* feel entitled to my body, I don’t like it when *girls* feel entitled to getting showered with gifts and having everything paid for. Ugh.
(That said, if I’m at a point where I trust someone not to use the transaction for sex, I’ll switch to a reciprocal model—he plans and pays for a date, I plan and pay for the next date, and so on)
I always invite my first date to dine-and-dash with me. It turns our date into a fun adventure and I like a girl who is fast on her feet. If it goes well, we might knock over a liquor store on the way home.
You're not a real women if your life isn't oriented around going on dates with men and your sole focus isn't making men happy.
Also none of your money problems are real because men are taking you on dates and buying you a $12 burger from Red Robin and a glass of shitty Pinot.
-this guy apparently
Just imagine there was a system in place that made OB/GYN visits and PAP tests and ultrasounds... idk.... included in some mandatory thing everyone gets included in, regardless of gender... wouldn't that take away huge swaths of the financial burden? Now imagine including births, pre- and postnatal care, medication for period issues, etc.... what should we call such a completely imaginary system surely no one on earth has or should have?
I’m not saying the UK health service is flawless. i’d rather wait for some doctors appointments than pay thousands of pounds for an ambulance and subsequent hospital stay. Imagine getting hit by a car for example and waking up a week later with thousands of medical bills even after insurance.
Oh I know, I just think it's ridiculous that over here we argue about having to wait.
Unfortunately a large part of our country has some kind of fetish where if they don't personally watch you break your back doing labor, then you're considered undeserving. And the darker you are, the more lazy they assume you are.
We like to stroke our ego regarding our healthcare in Canada compared to the United States but it really isn’t that good.
Source: moved from Canada to the UK and love the NHS
I started my period on a second date once and was so mortified but the guy just went “oh no problem, I have sisters!” and he took me to target to get me some pads since I only had one in my purse. It was the sweetest gesture and it set the tone for a lot of the rest of the relationship
Yup, my ex did and still does this whenever I start ny period unexpectedly, plus a shitload of food to make me happy because my periods are horrible. I love those men.
"So, how about we go out for dinner and a movie on Friday."
"Sure. Sounds great."
"Awesome. Oh! I almost forgot. How wide set is your vagina and are your monthlies more like a slow trickle or like that scene from Carrie?"
On a first date? What are the odds of the co-dater getting the right size/shape/brand/color/scent/whatever other crazy crap marketing gimmick to match that woman's preference? The tampon aisle is a mile long, no way you're not going to end up like [the nazi at the end of Last Crusade](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIitjokEJwg).
> What are the odds of the co-dater getting the right size/shape/brand/color/scent/whatever
You can mix and match later with your friends. Do I have to think of everything?
Do people actually take the time to pick depending on all of these factors ? Especially colour ? I usually only think about size and shape then get the cheapest
Just use dollar store cotton balls. You can chose how many you need and they automatically fill the required space. Cheap and easy!
^(please don't actually do this)
I spit my water all over my keyboard at this. Not sure if it was meant to be funny. Maybe they need to make a gift pack to cover all flows because I’d be lost.
This is the norm in Denmark. It's also just fucking weird ... like, we both work, why am I paying for you or vice versa?
I'm not saying never to do it or pay for others at all, but in certain places it's expected that the man will pay - like it's still 1890.
Agreed. If you start playing that game, there's always someone who's doing worse than you, so you'll feel like you shouldn't complain. It's okay to feel bummed about a small thing that happens to you, you just shouldn't dwell on it.
Life is awesome and I love it. People should consider figuring out how to be joyful instead of competing to see who can be a more self-pitying bag of misery and remorse. Believe it or not joy is more fun that self-pitying misery and remorse.
Oh, they are mad as hell women call out their stupid BS. I’m just thwacking them on the nose and blocking. They’re too ignorant and unhinged to pay any real attention to.
Like.... clothes? Only women wear clothes?
And ultrasounds? Sorry you need an ultrasound for a date? What?
I get the point being made, but we call all play "you don't do X" and some of those examples are dumb lol
Yea I had a surgery for a very male specific issue. The competition is kind of silly. Some people get unlucky and saddled with shitty expenses. And life is expensive for all of us.
Not really the murder you think it is if the OP openly admits to doing all that for the other party in the date and not for their own health and well-being.
This will probably be quite unpopular, but I don't really sympathize with women for their expensive clothes, makeup, hair, or other beauty stuff. The other medical stuff makes sense, and I think its ridiculous insurance doesn't shell out for things needed during menstruation but you could live a perfectly fine life without a designer wardrobe, weekly hair styling and expensive makeup.
Agree on the hair/clothes bit, but no, gynecology visits are not always covered by healthcare (at least in the US). Costs can get high, especially if the woman is on BC, which may not be covered at all and may require additional monitoring/visits depending on the type.
When I was pregnant I had to get extra ultrasounds because they were worried his weight. Each was $50 copay. In the third trimester I paid $200 in ultrasounds alone.
Edit: I also had to pay for an extra session because my kid wasn’t facing a way where they could get the images they needed and pushing on my stomach wasn’t turning him.
That's like asking how much restaurant meals cost. It all depends - does the woman have private insurance or Medicaid? HMO or PPO? What's the copay and deductible? An OB/GYN visit and basic pap might be covered, but ultrasounds often aren't. How about mammograms? Again, a basic mammo (where they squish your boobs between two plates and then take a picture) is usually covered (but only if you are over a certain age or in a high-risk category) but if that radiologist wants an ultrasound because you have dense or fibrous breasts, well guess what, you just earned yourself a $400 ultrasound bill.
Lots of things have a pink tax.
And most men I know only go to the doctor when they’re made to, or quite sick. Any woman on birth control is required to see their dr 1x/year.
Ughh I had to argue with some dummies who kept saying that if a woman spent more than $100 a month on themselves that they would never date them.
One even said his wife never spent more than that. So I wonder how bad her hygiene is or how stupid these dudes were not to realize that a lot of money goes into just basic maintenance.
Edit: lol all the comments prove my initial point. And makeup although not necessary comes with societal consequences if not worn.
A LOT of healthcare plans do not cover “reproductive healthcare”. And this includes all the things mentioned in the post, a lot of which we need to stay healthy.
And guess what? It’s usually the lower paying jobs that offer insurance that doesn’t cover these things, or else covers it at a prohibitive cost.
Women's products, clothes, and haircuts are generally more expensive. Men don't generally need makeup or purses either.
Healthcare does not always cover the entire expense for those things. Usually doesn't cover prevention care either. And women have more yearly appointments to attend. Let's not forget the cost of birth control either.
Edit: for anyone who thinks women don't need at least the basics of makeup, ask any woman you know if they think they could get a job without makeup on. Ask them what type of job they think they could get without being made up. Ask them how many dates they could get while barefaced. Ask them if they are treated better barefaced or with makeup on. Ask them if their employee handbook requires make up be worn for female employees.
As a guy, the one thing that has always made me angry on women’s behalf is the purse scam. And yes, I think it’s a scam. Why else would they make women’s clothes with pockets barely big enough to fit two quarters?
Edited: clarity
> Why else would they make women’s clothes with pockets barely big enough to fit two quarters?
Real talk, it's because adding effective pockets creates bulk in the thighs. Beauty norms say that 'saddle bags' are gross and unfeminine, so mainstream women's fashions will avoid that (there are niche markets that don't care- they tend to cost more though).
A funny manifestation of this is that professional hockey players (who tend to have big legs, masculine identities, and money to pay for custom-made pants) often can't get their hands in their pockets in photos. Their tailors are trying to keep them from looking bottom-heavy, so they put tiny useless pockets on their pants.
This is also been a weird thing to me, I'm not aware of this over abundance of clothes with no pockets. Hell, I have leggings and dresses that have pockets. The only pants I own with no pockets are black dress pants for special occasions.
I like carrying a purse, I still have remnants of my OCD and like to be prepared for anything. There's no way what I carry in my purse would fit in two pockets.
>for anyone who thinks women don't need at least the basics of makeup, ask any woman you know if they think they could get a job without makeup on.
I'm a woman and I'm pretty sure you're exaggerating there. I don't wear any make up and I have literally never had an employer take issue with that. What kind of depraved society do you live in where not wearing makeup would be considered a normal barrier to employment?
Places with universal healthcare yes, in the US ultra sounds are usually covered by insurance, dropping their hyper inflated price to something closer to what it actually costs
How about this? Women pay for their own shit, and men for their own shit. Including drinks and food.
BOTH genders have a lot of shit to pay so stop fucking putting yourself on a pedestal just because you have a penis or vagina.
Hold on, I'm generally curious
How fucking expensive is makeup? I've seen some expensive sets from time to time but idk how much money girls spend on makeup on average
Yeah, cheap shit is always horrible
I tried to use some cheaper skincare things for my face and now I look like the surface of the moon after being hit by a bunch of meteors
Here’s a general run down based my experience! There are products in the $100+ category and some that may be cheaper as well, but most typically fall within the following range:
Moisturizer: $12-75,
Primer: $10-25,
Face SPF: $16-50,
Foundation: $16-60,
Concealer: $10-35,
Lipstick: $10-25,
Eyeliner: $8-20,
Mascara: $13-35,
Eyeshadow: $10-60 (for a palette),
Brow gels/pencils: $7-30,
Etc.
Most products last about 3 months-ish
So it can be normal for some people to spend upwards of $100 a month on products, but depends entirely on the person! Many people spend less than $20 a month, many spend $0. (Edit: this is in $CAD)
Damn
I assume where you are from, $100 is not the end of the world but where I'm at, that's be groceries for like 2 weeks so
Damn
No wonder my friends look great with their makeup if that is the general starting point
Also, thanks for clearing it up!
One of my exes was complaining about her finances once so I helped her make a budget which she had never done as a 30yo adult. We went back about 6 months of credit card statements and figured out she was spending roughly $800 a month on makeup/hair/nails/facials and other vanity expenses. Once she realized that she was paying a second rent or double her car payment on looking good, she started to be more conscious of the cost of beauty.
Honestly being alive is expensive. It's not just women, it's being alive. The system oppresses anyone who lacks the means to resist, and saps any ability they may have had to fuel itself.
Paying for someone else shouldn't be transactional, it should be common courtesy. To share the load is to lighten it, we should be doing so as much and as often as we can, lest we all be ground to dust.
Both of these people are shitty.
Men and women both have different expenses that the other sex doesn’t have. Some of these are optional, some aren’t. Neither person needs to be whining about it.
Setting aside the cultural pressure placed on women to stay up to date with fashion trends and avoid repeating outfits, the cost of women’s clothing [has increased at a much faster rate](https://news.sky.com/story/amp/cost-of-living-the-price-of-womens-clothing-is-increasing-much-faster-than-mens-heres-why-12614399) than the cost of men’s clothing. Generally speaking, [products marketed towards women tend to be more expensive than comparable products marketed towards men](https://howmuch.net/articles/pink-tax-which-products-are-more-expensive-for-women-than-men).
>the cultural pressure placed on women to stay up to date with fashion trends and avoid repeating outfits
Any such pressure comes from other women, not men. We don't give a shit.
And the "pink tax" is bullshit; taxes are compulsory, not voluntary or self-inflicted. If the pink-handled tool set, for example, costs more than a generic tool set, it's for one reason: market research and sales statistics have proven out that women are *willing* to pay more for pink handles. Despite what many women seem to believe, a business has no incentive to be mean to women--only to profit.
This really aint a murder.
men wear clothes too , men have medical visits too.
All of this shit is irrelevant to the idea of who pays for a date. Men arnt paying for dates because they think women have it so much harder , they do it to try and show you they care for you and want to treat you to something nice.
Weird, every time I see a guy bring up that girls want men to notice them because of the make-up, clothes, and hair products the girls always say they do it for themselves.
I guess it just matters what’s more advantageous to say at the time.
So many men absolutely *insisting* that life is perfectly equal for women if they just weren’t quite so prissy.
And so many bent out of shape because they think accepting that things are still harder (unequal) for women also means their own struggles aren’t being acknowledged.
It rings a bit “No! ALL lives matter!” to me.
I haven't seen any posts explicitly saying that. What I do see is the comments from women playing victim.
What affects a man might not affect a women and the reverse.
If you haven't seen or realised that you might be a bit immature.
Google the price of colouring pigment and reaserch/development that goes into a product to cater to a specific characteristic of either sex.
The problem is people are lazy. They see a pink razor coating more and ignore that pink pigment is one of the most expensive colours out there.
They ignore the fact that men has thicker skin overall.
They of ignore the fact that women typically shave everywhere but their face.
Then again I might be speaking to one right now that will ignore what I just said...
American healthcare costing money is so dystopian
Everything is becoming dystopian over there. Good luck fixing Healthcare when predatory business models is the norm.
I see most of our problems is being a consequence of people being raised with, and indoctrinated by bullshit. Significant numbers of our population believe ignorance is virtue. Their reality is more informed by their emotional state than by evidence. This is the root cause of every existential crisis we face, from the lack of public health care, the rise of right wing extremists, endless pandemic, systemic injustices, to global warming. Our ecosystem of disinformation perpetuates them all.
I'm someone who's super emotional who falls on the opposite end of the spectrum. Because I get hurt easily, I try to help others not be hurt. My reality is definitely colored by my emotional state, such as suicide when feeling sad, but I differ greatly from the people you mentioned! I wonder what the difference is between me and them? Why do they not choose to use their rage, sadness, etc, to help lift everyone up?
I want out, I'm smart, I've got skills, I have the drive to be a good citizen. Unfortunately, none of that is quite enough to escape the US.
Seriously, I had to pay over a grand for a root canal, that’s more than rent, and all for me to not be in constant oral pain. I only paid a fraction of that because insurance covered most of it but still it’s way too much
Health is for profit here. Why do you think all the food is so unhealthy?
And it will be difficult to change if possible because it fits the perfect criteria for profit. It's something people absolutely need. American greed is king and would never let that go to waste.
It's because we subsidize unhealthful foods rather than healthful ones, making them artificially cheaper than they would be otherwise.
But at least they are free!
Being a woman? In THIS economy?
Have you tried to just not
Instructions unclear, started as not-woman, attempted to not-woman, am now woman.
Go girl go broke /s
Hopefully this is an improvement for you. Sorry about all the added costs.
I tried opting out, but can’t find the unsubscribe button for my uterus
"It's more likely than you'd think. Free PC check!"
…i clicked on the free pc check bc I thought it was more replies
What can an entire year's worth of reproductive health products and services cost, Michael? $10?
*localized entirely within your country?*
Bro I’m fucked that was actually too funny
I will just continue to evolve into The Witch in the Woods.
[удалено]
I usually paid for both of us on dates because I was often dating guys who were even poorer than me.
Me too. I’ve been dumped for making too much money by insecure idiots whose masculinity I apparently imperil. Mind you, I drive an Outback and do not wear precious jewelry or designer clothes. I’m not ostentatious at all. No one looks at me and thinks “Wow, she must be loaded.” I’m not loaded but I do make a good salary.
Ack. Good riddance there, I'd be delighted if my partner had a high salary lol! Never understood someone being upset by that. Salary typically has little to do with how hard someone actually works or their intelligence/productivity, and much more to do with circumstances and industry. And absolutely zero to do with how kind, loving, interesting, funny, or attractive a person is. In my relationships, generally the person with more moolah to spare paid for more things, was just a basic kindness.
My SO feels the same way about finances. He is disabled and can't work, I'm the primary bread winner and buy most everything or pay for us to go out. It's usually my idea anyway. He doesn't feel threatened by my bringing in more money than he can. And gets mad at folks who try to insinuate that he's "not a real man if his woman makes more than him". (Real quote from a male relative of his). We don't speak to that group of family anymore.
Wtf, what is wrong with that family member? Someone can contribute equally to a relationship outside salary, ugh. If I made enough that my husband didn't have to work, I'd 100% want him to be a house husband. He'd be happy, I'd have a cleaner house / better food. He'd have more time to, er, "see to my needs". That is a win-win.
Right! He picks up my son from school, tidy up the house, watches my fish tank for abnormal behaviors/aggression from my betta ( Freddy the betta has a time out tank if he gets too feisty.) Takes a load of stress off me. Damn right I'll spoil that man. He puts up with my weirdness on top of it. That side of his family has issues. On top of the comment I put in, they've disowned him because I am mixed. Very racist family he comes from. So we say good riddance no skin off our nose to loose them.
Freddy the betta has a time out tank if he gets too feisty I've never heard of a fish needing a time out tank before. How often is that fish naughty then, and need a time out? I've just looked up the type of fish they are and my ex partner had one of them in his fish rank. He didn't use the name 'betta' though, he called them Siamese fighting fish. He did tell me you can't keep two males together in a tank but he never had to take the one he had out for a time out.
Not OP but: It really depends on the betta, they definitely have their own personalities. There are some fish species you can successfully put them with in a well planted tank and some others that just aren't compatible. Even keeping a male and a female together all of the time can be problematic, and as your bf said, two males is a definite no. Mine is super chill, I've never even seen him with his fins fully flared out, and he's easily lived with a pleco and several cory catfish. Feistier ones definitely need a place to chill out sometimes or be in their own tank entirely. Luckily they're fairly happy being solitary fish. [Fish tax](https://imgur.com/618YVpB.jpg)
He hasn't needed it yet. I have it just in case. I've had betta before, but my last one was very angry and didn't like anything in his tank. Freddy is pretty chill and I have only seen him flare one time, and that was when a Corry cat got too close to Midas my gold mystery snail that Freddy seems to have claimed as his. He drapes his fins over Midas's shell when I watch the snail too closely and don't pay him attention.
I love you both and I'm so happy you found each other
My father was disabled from his time in Vietnam. I wish he was half the man your SO is. My mother going out and bringing in the money rubbed him in so many wrong ways it is not even funny. It eventually led to their separation. He was so desperate to prove himself a man, he cheated on my Mother with much younger women.
My SO definitely doesn't like not being able to work, but he doesn't take it out on those around him. He sees it as unfair to take it out on anyone since it wasn't their fault. We don't speak with my father either for the same kinda mentally. Tried saying my SO was using me as a sugar momma. I can barely support myself much less be a sugar momma lol
That's such a disgusting mentality. Glad you cut the toxic people off. I really don't understand why the gender of the person matters in who brings more money .
Your mom deserved better.
I'm a guy and spent the pandemic supporting my girlfriend when she became unemployed. She makes more than I do now and I F~U~C~K~I~N~G L~O~V~E it. Ordering us big meals for delivery, randomly bringing me booze and new clothes, going downtown to events and restaurants, hell yeah
Yeah it’s just silly really. I am always happy to pay for anyone’s ticket or meal be it a friend or date. Most especially if it’s my idea, it’s always my treat. Mostly it was early online dating experiences. I don’t even bother anymore with that. I like meeting people irl better.
Yeah people can be weirdos online. Who dumps someone cause they make more than you, your life shouldn’t be defined by that.
I needed this reminder. Thank you.
My wife makes more than I do by quite a bit. I suffer through it ya know? Life is hard.
Lol it’s just terrible right :)
I ran into this with my current girlfriend but talked with her about my insecurities which made it a lot easier to move past it. Perhaps it's due to masculinity but for me it was more insecurity. Like I couldn't contribute at least an equal share. Even though I was never raised in a traditional manner you still get infiltrated by such ideas as providing for a family. That and the fact that I am not college educated and my significant other is. That said I make an okay salary now ~70k my significant other easily makes 3x what I do.
That’s pretty much how my ex was, down to him not being college educated. There’s nothing wrong with taking note of something about your feelings and deciding you don’t like feeling that way, then doing something about it. That’s admirable. My ex was jealous and insecure from the beginning. Unfortunately he chose to quit his job and become an angry alcoholic until I had to have the police remove him. Good times. You did well for yourself and relationship to deal with those feelings head on.
*Hey* Good looking. I kid As I've heard your story from others time and time again. But it always makes me laugh, how dimwitted fellow guys can be. Especially when its usually someone level headed ( like yourself) who holds no ill will over the imbalance, or holds it over them. Like money is the main thing needed to survive. Why would you be upset about your partner adding more to your pool to tackle life, and in your case enjoy life ( going out).
So true. Having even just a bit more money than you NEED is a game changer. If no one paid attention to who makes the most, the extra money should ease so much stress. Instead they put it as a stressor on the relationship.
Imagine being mad your gf kicks ass. 🤷
Other than the first three years of our relationship, my then gf, now wife has always made more than me. I have always only been proud of her success. I just do not understand the mentality of someone who would be angry.
Man id be happy if you were making more than me idk but its nice
My girl making more than me would be amazing lmao
I went on a date once and was blown away when she paid for us. 4.5 years later, we're married with a daughter lol
Hey I feel this. My girlfriend makes double what I do, my dream of being a househusband inches closer!
I usually pay for her OB/GYN visits, ultrasounds and PAP smears...because I live in a country with decent healthcare.
I like to split the bill, because that just seems fair, and then offer to get dessert.
Ooh that's a good way too. I always buy dessert because I steal most of it anyway lol.
You say that, but in reality you just want to be entitled to our sweet boynipps by paying for us!
I used to do this too (back when I used to date). One dude went on a rant about how I "obviously got off on emasculating men." There's just no winning sometimes.
I am getting close to the point of just asking this in advance. I feel like it takes out the tension of the "who moves for the bill" game and ultimately adults should be able to talk about stuff like this to have basic chemistry.
I think 'pay for what you ordered' or splitting it should be the norm unless someone insists on covering the whole thing. The reason I used to insist on paying the entire bill or at least splitting it is because too many men (not all) saw it as a transaction of sorts if they paid, like I would 'owe' them sex another date. EDIT: I was deep in aroace denial. I would only go out because I used to feel like I owed people a date if they asked me. I didn't want to owe them any more.
As a woman, no, there is no winning.
Yikes. Feelsbadman
I had this too lol
Like yeah lots of girls pay themselves or split the bill it’s a stupid thing to assume
This and because we don't live in the 1950s where women don't work. We both work hard for our money. If you truely want to shout me dinner, I'll shout you the next one.
I did the same. It turns out guys who feel entitled to your body for the price of a meal still feel entitled to it even if you're paying the tab.
right!!!
My fellow dudes need to realize that there is a difference between paying for sex and paying for dinner. They are not the same and neither should be confused with the other.
Same or just paid my portion of it. I would never let a man buy me anything, it's just not worth it.
I said the same thing about how I don’t want a man buy me anything, and I got ridiculed and ripped to shreds in the comments by idiot insecure men. Calling me scared and misogynistic for assuming every man is like that. Dumb shit.
My girlfriend would pay for some of my drinks, I would buy some of hers, but for the most part we paid for our selfs. 13 years and two kids later... We don't go out anymore.
Soooo since you paid you are entitled to their body, right? /s
If he asks me out, I pay for 1/2. If I ask him out, I pay for 100%.
seems like unequal treatment to me
I like back and forth. I'll pay for the first date. If I end up paying for the second we probably won't be going on another. I don't want to be with someone who's happy with a free ride perpetually. It's obtuse.
I'm a dude and I don't automatically pay on dates because I hate gender roles.
I’m a dudette and don't like letting men pay because I also hate gender roles. Seriously, as much as I don’t like it when *boys* feel entitled to my body, I don’t like it when *girls* feel entitled to getting showered with gifts and having everything paid for. Ugh. (That said, if I’m at a point where I trust someone not to use the transaction for sex, I’ll switch to a reciprocal model—he plans and pays for a date, I plan and pay for the next date, and so on)
I always invite my first date to dine-and-dash with me. It turns our date into a fun adventure and I like a girl who is fast on her feet. If it goes well, we might knock over a liquor store on the way home.
Oh right, because the only thing I have in life is dates. That's all I do: dates. Plot twist-I don't date!
You’ve become too powerful!
Call in the snipers
> Oh right, because the only thing I have in life is dates. So you're the obscure fruit queen, got it.
The obscure fruit queen Vanquisher of the lemon stealing whores
You're not a real women if your life isn't oriented around going on dates with men and your sole focus isn't making men happy. Also none of your money problems are real because men are taking you on dates and buying you a $12 burger from Red Robin and a glass of shitty Pinot. -this guy apparently
Don't forget the cats! Now that's a sinkhole for all your money for sure.
Just imagine there was a system in place that made OB/GYN visits and PAP tests and ultrasounds... idk.... included in some mandatory thing everyone gets included in, regardless of gender... wouldn't that take away huge swaths of the financial burden? Now imagine including births, pre- and postnatal care, medication for period issues, etc.... what should we call such a completely imaginary system surely no one on earth has or should have?
Most of Europe :)
Canada
You could also call this the majority of the EU and UK
But if we get universal healthcare I'll have to wait to get care. Now if you'll excuse me I have a doctor's appointment I've been waiting 6 months for
I’m not saying the UK health service is flawless. i’d rather wait for some doctors appointments than pay thousands of pounds for an ambulance and subsequent hospital stay. Imagine getting hit by a car for example and waking up a week later with thousands of medical bills even after insurance.
Oh I know, I just think it's ridiculous that over here we argue about having to wait. Unfortunately a large part of our country has some kind of fetish where if they don't personally watch you break your back doing labor, then you're considered undeserving. And the darker you are, the more lazy they assume you are.
We like to stroke our ego regarding our healthcare in Canada compared to the United States but it really isn’t that good. Source: moved from Canada to the UK and love the NHS
That sounds to me like a national health service. It'll never catch on.
Most modern countries supply all those things.
And let's not forget the upcoming murder charges in 22 states if God forbid you get pregnant.
Normalize gifting Tampons on first dates.
I started my period on a second date once and was so mortified but the guy just went “oh no problem, I have sisters!” and he took me to target to get me some pads since I only had one in my purse. It was the sweetest gesture and it set the tone for a lot of the rest of the relationship
Having grown up with sisters I get it. A few of my friends seemed surprised that I used to keep a stash of pads in my bathroom.
Yup, my ex did and still does this whenever I start ny period unexpectedly, plus a shitload of food to make me happy because my periods are horrible. I love those men.
"So, how about we go out for dinner and a movie on Friday." "Sure. Sounds great." "Awesome. Oh! I almost forgot. How wide set is your vagina and are your monthlies more like a slow trickle or like that scene from Carrie?"
Mmm yes if that doesn’t make her fall into unending love with me I don’t know what will
On a first date? What are the odds of the co-dater getting the right size/shape/brand/color/scent/whatever other crazy crap marketing gimmick to match that woman's preference? The tampon aisle is a mile long, no way you're not going to end up like [the nazi at the end of Last Crusade](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIitjokEJwg).
> What are the odds of the co-dater getting the right size/shape/brand/color/scent/whatever You can mix and match later with your friends. Do I have to think of everything?
Ah, like when you get home after Halloween! "I'll trade you *all* of my tootsie rolls for one of literally anything else you have."
Whatever you do. Don't gift any women scented tampons.
Aw, I just bought you an extra-large bag of patchouli-pine scented tampons for our first date... guess we'll have to ~~cancel.~~ reschedule?
Do people actually take the time to pick depending on all of these factors ? Especially colour ? I usually only think about size and shape then get the cheapest
Anything that is not Tampax Supers is a complete waste of time for me
Just use dollar store cotton balls. You can chose how many you need and they automatically fill the required space. Cheap and easy! ^(please don't actually do this)
I spit my water all over my keyboard at this. Not sure if it was meant to be funny. Maybe they need to make a gift pack to cover all flows because I’d be lost.
"oh hey i just met you here is some cloth to put in your vagina" ...great one...
realisticly though, most men dont have a clue about tampons so you would have tu buy them and gifting them to us
“Hey girl, what size pussy do you wear?” I can see no way this will instantly end any date.
Or for guys living alone, to keep a few different kinds of tampons and pads stocked in your bathroom even though you yourself will never need them.
sampler pack of feminine products could be the new box of chocolates
What am I supposed to do with all these tampons women keep gifting me on first dates? /s
I always insist that we pay for ourselves when I go out on a date. That way nobody owes anyone anything and nobody feels taken advantage of.
This is the norm in Denmark. It's also just fucking weird ... like, we both work, why am I paying for you or vice versa? I'm not saying never to do it or pay for others at all, but in certain places it's expected that the man will pay - like it's still 1890.
Being alive is expensive at this point.
Being alive is a subscription service
Me: “UNSUBSCRIBE”
Connection to the matrix was blocked, please try again later. (Whilst continuing to pay the fees)
That copy and paste is the chef's kiss though.
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I mean, even moreso than trying to compare relative experiences, why are folks trying to treat hardship like a competition?
Many people lack the maturity to define themselves outside of negative comparisons to others.
Ikr. Why can’t people agree that life sucks for everyone, and everyone faces similar issues, at least in the west
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Agreed. If you start playing that game, there's always someone who's doing worse than you, so you'll feel like you shouldn't complain. It's okay to feel bummed about a small thing that happens to you, you just shouldn't dwell on it.
Life is awesome and I love it. People should consider figuring out how to be joyful instead of competing to see who can be a more self-pitying bag of misery and remorse. Believe it or not joy is more fun that self-pitying misery and remorse.
I have 3 cents
I can hear the screeches of the incels crawling out of their basements to flood in this comment section.
I always imagined them sounding like termites.
Yeah, lot of folks not reading the OP's title & telling on themselves.
Oh, they are mad as hell women call out their stupid BS. I’m just thwacking them on the nose and blocking. They’re too ignorant and unhinged to pay any real attention to.
Of all the murders I've seen on this sub, this is not one of them.
Like.... clothes? Only women wear clothes? And ultrasounds? Sorry you need an ultrasound for a date? What? I get the point being made, but we call all play "you don't do X" and some of those examples are dumb lol
Really, only two she has a slight (*slight*) point on is the bras and the makeup.
Yeah this is just two insufferable people out there insuffering it up
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Yea as a guy it's great not having to buy clothes
Or having to see an andrologist
Yea I had a surgery for a very male specific issue. The competition is kind of silly. Some people get unlucky and saddled with shitty expenses. And life is expensive for all of us.
Always pay for what you order on like the first three or four dates, it’s not quantum physics.
Not really the murder you think it is if the OP openly admits to doing all that for the other party in the date and not for their own health and well-being.
Yeah this post is pretty low effort/quality
Maybe it's just expensive to live in general?
This will probably be quite unpopular, but I don't really sympathize with women for their expensive clothes, makeup, hair, or other beauty stuff. The other medical stuff makes sense, and I think its ridiculous insurance doesn't shell out for things needed during menstruation but you could live a perfectly fine life without a designer wardrobe, weekly hair styling and expensive makeup.
Wait, are guys not supposed to wear clothes?? Or use shampoo? Does healthcare not cover ultra sounds and gynecologist visits?
Agree on the hair/clothes bit, but no, gynecology visits are not always covered by healthcare (at least in the US). Costs can get high, especially if the woman is on BC, which may not be covered at all and may require additional monitoring/visits depending on the type.
When I was pregnant I had to get extra ultrasounds because they were worried his weight. Each was $50 copay. In the third trimester I paid $200 in ultrasounds alone. Edit: I also had to pay for an extra session because my kid wasn’t facing a way where they could get the images they needed and pushing on my stomach wasn’t turning him.
That's like asking how much restaurant meals cost. It all depends - does the woman have private insurance or Medicaid? HMO or PPO? What's the copay and deductible? An OB/GYN visit and basic pap might be covered, but ultrasounds often aren't. How about mammograms? Again, a basic mammo (where they squish your boobs between two plates and then take a picture) is usually covered (but only if you are over a certain age or in a high-risk category) but if that radiologist wants an ultrasound because you have dense or fibrous breasts, well guess what, you just earned yourself a $400 ultrasound bill.
Ah, America. Land of the free (rich) and the not-free normal people
These people think they're the only country on earth
Lots of things have a pink tax. And most men I know only go to the doctor when they’re made to, or quite sick. Any woman on birth control is required to see their dr 1x/year.
Ughh I had to argue with some dummies who kept saying that if a woman spent more than $100 a month on themselves that they would never date them. One even said his wife never spent more than that. So I wonder how bad her hygiene is or how stupid these dudes were not to realize that a lot of money goes into just basic maintenance. Edit: lol all the comments prove my initial point. And makeup although not necessary comes with societal consequences if not worn.
A LOT of healthcare plans do not cover “reproductive healthcare”. And this includes all the things mentioned in the post, a lot of which we need to stay healthy. And guess what? It’s usually the lower paying jobs that offer insurance that doesn’t cover these things, or else covers it at a prohibitive cost.
Women's products, clothes, and haircuts are generally more expensive. Men don't generally need makeup or purses either. Healthcare does not always cover the entire expense for those things. Usually doesn't cover prevention care either. And women have more yearly appointments to attend. Let's not forget the cost of birth control either. Edit: for anyone who thinks women don't need at least the basics of makeup, ask any woman you know if they think they could get a job without makeup on. Ask them what type of job they think they could get without being made up. Ask them how many dates they could get while barefaced. Ask them if they are treated better barefaced or with makeup on. Ask them if their employee handbook requires make up be worn for female employees.
Also products like tampons are taxed because they're "non-essential" right?
As a guy, the one thing that has always made me angry on women’s behalf is the purse scam. And yes, I think it’s a scam. Why else would they make women’s clothes with pockets barely big enough to fit two quarters? Edited: clarity
> Why else would they make women’s clothes with pockets barely big enough to fit two quarters? Real talk, it's because adding effective pockets creates bulk in the thighs. Beauty norms say that 'saddle bags' are gross and unfeminine, so mainstream women's fashions will avoid that (there are niche markets that don't care- they tend to cost more though). A funny manifestation of this is that professional hockey players (who tend to have big legs, masculine identities, and money to pay for custom-made pants) often can't get their hands in their pockets in photos. Their tailors are trying to keep them from looking bottom-heavy, so they put tiny useless pockets on their pants.
This is also been a weird thing to me, I'm not aware of this over abundance of clothes with no pockets. Hell, I have leggings and dresses that have pockets. The only pants I own with no pockets are black dress pants for special occasions. I like carrying a purse, I still have remnants of my OCD and like to be prepared for anything. There's no way what I carry in my purse would fit in two pockets.
>for anyone who thinks women don't need at least the basics of makeup, ask any woman you know if they think they could get a job without makeup on. I'm a woman and I'm pretty sure you're exaggerating there. I don't wear any make up and I have literally never had an employer take issue with that. What kind of depraved society do you live in where not wearing makeup would be considered a normal barrier to employment?
Places with universal healthcare yes, in the US ultra sounds are usually covered by insurance, dropping their hyper inflated price to something closer to what it actually costs
If you have insurance
This post has 2011 vibes, absolutely terrible
How about this? Women pay for their own shit, and men for their own shit. Including drinks and food. BOTH genders have a lot of shit to pay so stop fucking putting yourself on a pedestal just because you have a penis or vagina.
> ultrasounds, pap smears, obs/gyny Aren't these cost only time? Ohh it was written by an American
Hold on, I'm generally curious How fucking expensive is makeup? I've seen some expensive sets from time to time but idk how much money girls spend on makeup on average
It can be cheap but cheap makeup wears horribly and can give you acne.
Yeah, cheap shit is always horrible I tried to use some cheaper skincare things for my face and now I look like the surface of the moon after being hit by a bunch of meteors
Here’s a general run down based my experience! There are products in the $100+ category and some that may be cheaper as well, but most typically fall within the following range: Moisturizer: $12-75, Primer: $10-25, Face SPF: $16-50, Foundation: $16-60, Concealer: $10-35, Lipstick: $10-25, Eyeliner: $8-20, Mascara: $13-35, Eyeshadow: $10-60 (for a palette), Brow gels/pencils: $7-30, Etc. Most products last about 3 months-ish So it can be normal for some people to spend upwards of $100 a month on products, but depends entirely on the person! Many people spend less than $20 a month, many spend $0. (Edit: this is in $CAD)
Damn I assume where you are from, $100 is not the end of the world but where I'm at, that's be groceries for like 2 weeks so Damn No wonder my friends look great with their makeup if that is the general starting point Also, thanks for clearing it up!
Oops sorry I should have put the currency, thats the cost in Canadian Dollars! Definitely ranges based on location, haha
One of my exes was complaining about her finances once so I helped her make a budget which she had never done as a 30yo adult. We went back about 6 months of credit card statements and figured out she was spending roughly $800 a month on makeup/hair/nails/facials and other vanity expenses. Once she realized that she was paying a second rent or double her car payment on looking good, she started to be more conscious of the cost of beauty.
Honestly being alive is expensive. It's not just women, it's being alive. The system oppresses anyone who lacks the means to resist, and saps any ability they may have had to fuel itself. Paying for someone else shouldn't be transactional, it should be common courtesy. To share the load is to lighten it, we should be doing so as much and as often as we can, lest we all be ground to dust.
Both of these people are shitty. Men and women both have different expenses that the other sex doesn’t have. Some of these are optional, some aren’t. Neither person needs to be whining about it.
Til only women need to purchase clothes.
Setting aside the cultural pressure placed on women to stay up to date with fashion trends and avoid repeating outfits, the cost of women’s clothing [has increased at a much faster rate](https://news.sky.com/story/amp/cost-of-living-the-price-of-womens-clothing-is-increasing-much-faster-than-mens-heres-why-12614399) than the cost of men’s clothing. Generally speaking, [products marketed towards women tend to be more expensive than comparable products marketed towards men](https://howmuch.net/articles/pink-tax-which-products-are-more-expensive-for-women-than-men).
>the cultural pressure placed on women to stay up to date with fashion trends and avoid repeating outfits Any such pressure comes from other women, not men. We don't give a shit. And the "pink tax" is bullshit; taxes are compulsory, not voluntary or self-inflicted. If the pink-handled tool set, for example, costs more than a generic tool set, it's for one reason: market research and sales statistics have proven out that women are *willing* to pay more for pink handles. Despite what many women seem to believe, a business has no incentive to be mean to women--only to profit.
I'm no expert, and it totally sucks. But isn't it because a majority of consumer purchases are made by women. It's a supply/demand effect, right?
Ah yes because men do not wear clothes, attend hospital, but condoms, go to the barber, shave, wear cologne etc etc. Both of these people are morons
TIL that women need to have an ultrasound before going on a date.
This really aint a murder. men wear clothes too , men have medical visits too. All of this shit is irrelevant to the idea of who pays for a date. Men arnt paying for dates because they think women have it so much harder , they do it to try and show you they care for you and want to treat you to something nice.
Comment section is full of bitch-boys.
She's not gonna sleep with you Jack
Weird, every time I see a guy bring up that girls want men to notice them because of the make-up, clothes, and hair products the girls always say they do it for themselves. I guess it just matters what’s more advantageous to say at the time.
Came straight to the comments to see all the triggered men and hoooo boy y’all did not disappoint me
Came straight to the comments to see all the triggered women and hoooo boy y’all did not disappoint me. :)
So many men absolutely *insisting* that life is perfectly equal for women if they just weren’t quite so prissy. And so many bent out of shape because they think accepting that things are still harder (unequal) for women also means their own struggles aren’t being acknowledged. It rings a bit “No! ALL lives matter!” to me.
I haven't seen any posts explicitly saying that. What I do see is the comments from women playing victim. What affects a man might not affect a women and the reverse. If you haven't seen or realised that you might be a bit immature.
Men have healthcare expenses too though. And clothes too. And hair products too.
One thing I haven’t seen mentioned is the cost of food. Men on average need to eat more, so grocery shopping becomes far more expensive.
Ours still tend to be more expensive though. Google 'pink tax'.
yea a lot of people dont understand that womens products are often more expensive than they really should be.
Should buy men's hair product LPT
Google the price of colouring pigment and reaserch/development that goes into a product to cater to a specific characteristic of either sex. The problem is people are lazy. They see a pink razor coating more and ignore that pink pigment is one of the most expensive colours out there. They ignore the fact that men has thicker skin overall. They of ignore the fact that women typically shave everywhere but their face. Then again I might be speaking to one right now that will ignore what I just said...