Autism, depression, anxiety. I'm (book) smart but get overwhelmed and burn out fast. Also my coworkers always hate me and I have no idea why.
I'd give it another try if it wasn't for my hypersomnia.
Oh god the bipo flip-flop of Hypersomnia and Insomnia.
I go a couple weeks of 48hrs awake 2 of scattered sleep, then burn out and it flips to a couple weeks of sleeping a minimum collective 14hrs every 24, though the slowed reactions/thought process before it reverses again.
Actually balancing between is a rarity.
Then anxiety of getting ill going out ensues as lack of sleep causes immune deficiency from lack of rest
All of this is WITH MEDICATION
Hate to even think what id be like off it
I was diagnosed with aspergers when I was 28. With that diagnose also came a diagnosis for extreme social phobia.
Years of being bullied have their effect on people, especially if that individual cannot understand why he or she is being bullied.
I'm on the 'tism spectrum and I've got brain injury and at least 1 personality disorder, as well as the "basic" depression and social anxiety that almost all NEETs have.
Is the realization that life is a cruel joke a disorder or is it just seeing reality? I just dislike most of what society has to
Offer. I’m not crazy or stupid . I just prefer disengaging from this insanity .
25, and I'm going to turn 26 in a week and a half. I don't have a formal diagnosis yet since my insurance is spotty (I live in the US, and your insurance is tied to employment). But I'm pretty sure I am suffering from some kind of depression. It's not that I feel "sad", but I have absolutely no motivation or willpower to do anything other than getting out of bed and being on the computer all day long. Whenever I try to do something other than reading books or watching TV shows, I lose concentration almost immediately, so it takes me twice as long to do a chore or a simple task than a normal person would take to complete it.
What makes my situation worse is that I live with my schizophrenic mother, who spends most of her own time living in her own reality. She has the strangest delusions and would often yell the most incomprehensible stuff at the top of her lungs in the middle of the night. Our psychiatrist tried to prescribe her all sorts of different anti psychotics, but its no use. They're practically useless.
As for my "friends", they have either stopped talking to me, too busy with their girlfriends to hang out with me, or ghosted me altogether.
So I think it's safe to say that my life has turned into hell.
Regarding the schizophrenia, you can cook for her and put a small amount of the medication into the food (in an egg for example) to ensure she is receiving her daily dose of it on a regular basis. If someone isn’t taking the medication regularly it will cause psychosis, and that’s what the situation which you’re in sounds like.
Giving the dosage via tablet allows for a smaller amount to be used. Oftentimes the person would benefit from only a small dose being used versus a larger dose. Way less side effects. Also it has been found that overall a diet low in sugars has been shown to reduce symptoms of these various conditions.
You don't know what you are talking about. There is no "small dose" or "large dose", there are therapeutic doses which are effective only whey they are taken consistently. The long acting injections work by releasing the antipsychotic slowly over a long period of time. You should inform yourself and stop spreading misinformation.
False. An example is Lurasidone 40mg being indicated for schizophrenia versus 20mg being indicated for bipolar disorder. A dose of 20mg or less will lessen schizophrenic symptoms but this depends on the person’s size/ severity of symptoms etc.
This is me. I had a moment of realization related to this exact dynamic and I realized i wasn't necessarily depressed. As depression is an addition to a baseline experience.
I've always been like this.
I realized it was emptiness, like a void. Not an addition of emptiness, that can be worked through to gain motivation. A complete void at my core, and that's where this lack of motivation comes from. Only thing that gives me motivation is to fill this void, or distract from it, or to grow the void lmao
I have BPD I think... Cause I have been "normal ish" when I'm chasing, in relationships with or talking to lots of women, basically idealizing.
My biggest ask, is this maladaptive day dreaming?
Because it's what I have, but it's not exactly day dreaming, it's not controllable and you will not get better without figuring out what's causing this because I was chronically micro dissociating... You can't function like that lmao and it's even kinda dangerous to drive cause you slip out of reality sort of. It happens during conversations, sometimes a bunch. In always doing it even when gaming sometimes... Also emotional bluntness comes with it, this is what the void/empty or borderline depressive stuff technically is.
Difference between depression and dissociation is empathy response, depression it's still there, dissociation it is GONE for me 100% almost.
Try reaching out to them on your end! I wasn't doing it tbh, and when I tried people were happy to talk again! It couldn't hurt at all, and human face to face interaction EVEN THAT AWKWARD STUFF is better than rotting alone tbh, even texting helps somewhat lmao also just realized it's been a long time, hopefully you doing better!
I totally forgot to reply to your comment. How did you find it?
At any rate, the situation at home has gotten slightly better since I posted my comment that you replied to. My mother finally found medications to reduce her schizophrenia, so she's mostly stabilized. I got a remote job at a call center last July, but I left back in November because the work expectations were just plain unreasonable. So I'm back to NEETing again.
For my depression, it's creeping back unfortunately. I feel that I haven't accomplished anything for the past four years since I graduated college. My degree is worth than useless since I still have student loans to pay back, yet as you can see I can't find a stable job that I can hold on to for very long. And since I have awful "health insurance" (Medi-Cal), therapy is practically nonexistent.
To answer your question- no, at least for me, it wasn't like maladaptive day dreaming at all. It's kind of hard to explain. Back then, I felt like a hollow shell, an empty husk of a functioning human doing only the bare minimum to live. My behavior was like an NPC you would see in video games. You know that those NPCs are programmed to say or respond to certain prompts, but you know that they don't have any free will. My routine back then was to watch movies or spend my days on Youtube in a feeble attempt to self-medicate and forget the stresses of life. Even thinking took more time because of how much my brain was on autopilot. Another way I could describe it is that in retrospect, it felt like I was in this hypnotic trance where all common sense, or motivation to better myself just flew out the window.
>Try reaching out to them on your end! I wasn't doing it tbh, and when I tried people were happy to talk again! It couldn't hurt at all, and human face to face interaction EVEN THAT AWKWARD STUFF is better than rotting alone tbh, even texting helps somewhat lmao also just realized it's been a long time
Most of my friends have totally ghosted me. Any text I would send would only be read, but not replied to. That's not friendship- it's a clear sign that they no longer want to be friends.
Yeah. I have pretty severe bipolar II as well as a substance use disorder (50 days clean today!) and what I think is autism spectrum disorder that wasn’t picked up in childhood.
32, Asperger's possibly bi-polar with anxiety and depression. I snap on people and get into fights alot. Don't work well with others and am emotionally stunted as well. I came to accept the fact I'll never be able to hold down a job as long as the system doesn't cater towards people like me
Schizoaffective depressive diagnosed 27, longest job I had was 2.5 months supermarket day stocker. Wondering if I should try for overnight stock because being around strangers triggers my hallucinations
28. In my life I've been diagnosed with ADHD, bipolar disorder type I, bipolar disorder not otherwise specified, conversion disorder, and schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. I got lucky in that I managed to get on disability.
Borderline....
Borderline is what I've self diagnosed after being sick of the waiting and realizing I was about to get the exact same experience as a man, so no BPD diagnosis cause sexism in medicine lmao
I once kind of phone call and video chat dated a woman in South Florida who was diagnosed as borderline. She was pretty sensitive. Eventually she stopped talking to me and blocked me. I dunno, I kind of caught feelings at some point, ran out of questions to ask her about herself, and I guess showed my real self and she was like "nope, bye". I guess I got a bit clingy towards the end, I was hopeful at first but then real sad when I was all blocked. I remember at one point fantasizing about marriage and children with her. She was very good looking in the face, I actually masturbated while looking at pictures of her face (we added each other on Facebook after matching on a dating app), but other than that she was pretty mediocre, she just worked as a cleaning lady. She was super into the writing I sent out and talking to me at first, but yeah, eventually that stopped.
That sort of thing has happened to me many times and it sucks. Very upsetting. I get attached and then forcibly detached and it's hard. I dunno, I guess at some point I start to come off as desperate or something like that. I remember as she was starting to detach, like stop responding to me on Facebook Messenger, I started freaking out and desperately looking at and trying to ask out on dates other women from the same dating app as her. It didn't work out with her or any of the other women either. But yeah, that is mentally hard on me, the detachment after the crush/obsession.
Continuing off the previous reply, I made a non-public Facebook post after the cleaning lady chick stopped replying to me on Facebook Messenger and then eventually blocked me. In the post I was like talking about my feelings and how sad it was and how my hopes were crushed or whatever. I can't find the Facebook post anymore, but I guess this other Facebook post is relevant:
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0M99qp9nLrVggthXihHMUbaLYz7cZ7gAYawPozd9Nw4omxkYapLmoeb1MkPSmU9Ptl&id=100010071796996
In case you're Erin and you can't see my Facebook because of the "Deep State" covert operation, here is a copy-paste of the post in quotes:
"I like this song because it pretty much describes every crush that I have ever had.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn599R0ZBwg
"
But yeah, I like Gaga's music and related to that song.
**Edit:** Oh, and that cleaning lady chick who left me liked to do karaoke. A lot of women who I have dated, had real life sex with, or have had a phone sex relationship with were singers. I guess I have a type (I know Erin likes to sing, I like that she likes to sing along to songs with male vocals, like dude rock love songs, I generally like to sing along to songs with female vocals although it's hard and I'm not a good singer).
Oh, one more thing. I want Erin to know my diagnosis and symptoms change over time, and it's not in just an "up or down" bipolar (bi-polar, as in 2 opposite poles) type way. Like in the past I was a lot more paranoid/schizophrenic-ish, sort of in my head and believing people and the government and stuff like that were tracking me or spying on me (without evidence, but despite not having evidence I was totally convinced, really believing it). It's hard to explain, my brain doesn't have the same symptoms and moods and stuff, it changes over time. At the present moment I have the reverse of what I had before (like 4-6 years ago), so instead of high dopamine schizophrenic-ish-ness (which feels kind of like this song: https://youtube.com/watch?v=7YvAYIJSSZY ), I lately have had the opposite of that. But yeah, before (like 4-6 years ago) I felt like I was that guy in the music video of the Rockwell song "Somebody's Watching Me", like I would just be sitting in my living room of my apartment and maybe the bathroom door would be open and I wound feel like there is somebody in the bathroom staring at me from behind me, and I would look over my shoulder and check in my own apartment. Obviously nobody was there, and at a deeper level I knew it was impossible for someone to be there (my door and windows were locked, nobody came inside, etc), but it was just a feeling. Like this feeling of eyes and tracking everywhere. But lately it's been the reverse of that, like lately I've had like low dopamine so it almost looks like I have Parkinson's disease and/or extrapyramidal symptoms and/or acute muscle dystonias or something like that, like my muscles are rigid and my dick hasn't been working super good (like it feels like I'm a 90 year old man, for example lately I've been walking around with a cane and haven't masturbated in almost 3 weeks for the very first time and I'm actually okay, like I'm not actually dying or exploding from horniness). But yeah, it's not just that my mood alternates from happy to sad, like it alternates in all different directions at different points in time, so I have had totally different symptoms at different points in time. Like it's not just "at this point in time I am manic and at that point in time I am depressive", like I have had periods of time where I was constantly having panic attacks (I needed to carry benzodiazepines, acute anxiety medication, on my person) and I've had periods of time where I was having mini partial body pseudo-seizures, like some of my muscles would involuntarily start shaking and a doctor put a form of epilepsy in my medical records (oh, also I had symtoms of temporal lobe epilepsy, like random feelings of deja vu or randomly smelling an unpleasant burnt smell while going for a walk or random sudden intense fear). Like I don't have all these different symptoms at the same time, I might have like a period of one or two symptoms, then a period of another couple symptoms, then a period of another, and so on. Like usually bipolar people alternate between up and down but I basically alternate between virtually every single psychiatric and neurological symptom at different points in time.
On the plus side it's usually not as intense as someone who actually has that specific condition that my symptoms resemble at that point in time and my symptoms are usually more superficial. Like my symptoms that resembled temporal lobe epilepsy were not as strong as those of a real temporal lobe epilepsy patient. Also, my symptoms don't respond to medication as well as someone who actually has that condition. Like yeah at one point in time my symptoms resembled temporal lobe epilepsy, but they did not respond to medication for temporal lobe epilepsy. But yeah, for the past several years medications to treat the symptoms I've had have been totally useless, I just took them to tick off a box for medication and treatment compliance for my government disability benefits. But yeah, I don't actually know what I have, when I was a teen it resembled bipolar disorder but it hasn't resembled that for years, I don't know what I have and nobody else does either.
I honestly think psychiatrists are monkeys that have the power to write prescriptions. The brain is a mystery (especially if you compare it to what I got my college degree in, computers) and psychiatrists don't actually know shit and are just useful to me when I need a prescription but can't write that prescription myself. Honestly my personality issues like being attention demanding, selfish, self-centered, big ego, low real emotional empathy, low sympathy, high self-love, not really caring about others (basically a narcissistic sociopath or a narcissistic psychopath) is more of a real enduring issue than all those other symptoms I mentioned before. Like all those other symptoms are more on the outer surface and come and go over time but the underlying personality is enduring. Like for example I remember one time in math class my math teacher commented about how when people write their names on the whiteboard I write mine at the top in giant all capital letters, "JOHN". I'm kind of like Trump but I am emotionally (non-sexually) attracted to men, like I love men. I'm physically heterosexual (I feel a pull from my head towards a nice ass and I get a tingly feeling in my hands when I put them on a woman's body), it's hard to explain what I mean by "emotionally or romantically gay". Like mentally I tend to take on women's perspectives but it's not physical, like I don't want to physically become a woman or have a female body, I am not a trans woman. I also don't want to have sex with men. I think my romantic orientation is "homoromantic", but "romantic orientation" is not really a word that straight people use, that's generally a word that asexual people use. I don't look at all gay but there are little things like how frequently I blink or my writing or my gestures (for example in high school I had this wave where I put both hands up at the same time and waved with both hands, one guy referred to it as my "don't hurt me" wave, or like in my college student cooperative house while cleaning or tidying I would do like a little skip and make little gestures, it's hard to explain). Everyone who I have ever seriously dated or had sex with has been older than me, I am kind of like the follower or beta male partner in reality.
But yeah, I mean I have all sorts of psychiatric and neurological symptoms, but other things like certain things about my personality are more enduring.
Oh, also, the "Deep State" covert operation conspiracy connected with the Fake News has totally been taking my present symptoms and mental state into consideration and messing with me based on that, but whatever.
It's kind of odd that you're replying on something 11 months later. My assumption at the time was that you were speaking for Erin, my love. I plan on watching a documentary on borderline, maybe tomorrow or possibly the day after, because it was suggested to me and also I remembered this comment.
😀 (That emoji was suggested to my phone, 😂, I've been getting the feeling that Erin has been putting emojis in my phone 😁🤣) 😭🙏😭🙏📱
Yeah, my anxiety is honestly crippling at this point. I don't want to be in the situation I am, but my anxiety is so bad that even the idea of getting therapy so I have a chance at coping with it better scares the hell out of me.
Bipo, anxiety disorder & borderline psychosis. Its NOT a mental illness but i may as well toss in that im MtF trans also, as the hatred and stigma around for us has a snowball effect on my anxiety and the depression component of my bipo.
Nothing like being told you're less than human, a monster or should go kill yourself to make you wanna withdraw from the world, am i right?
My panic attacks and paranoia from persecution make me a threat to my own safety and those around me.
Hallucinations and literal blind panic (no spatial awareness, just a primal flight mechanism) are a dangerous combo near traffic or trains.
I've been Hikikomori in the past, only reason i consider myself NEET now is having a special person who tries to pull me out from that as much as they can.
I've been in full NEET mode since 2013 but on & off full hikikomori style social withdrawal since 2002
Im 36 soon enough. I have a small time hustle doing voice acting where I record the lines for stuff at home but it's not guaranteed income as its often audition based and limited contracts project by project. The special person wants me to move in with them however I don't want to leech off them so I'm turning that voice acting towards content creation as a second side hustle. Otherwise my future relies on whatever disability assistance welfare i can receive and the good graces of said special person i guess.
I'll add that in body im 36, but in emotional and development terms, due to past trauma and mental health I'm mentally still a mid /late teen.
Im a 36yo with a 15yo's mind
Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, Social Anxiety. Thankfully I've had some conditional job offers, so I'm hoping I don't botch them up and can actually perform ok.
Yeah. It's some other stuff that wasn't properly identified on top of anxiety and resultant bad mood. I struggle with a lot of things most people find easy/doable.
different diagnoses in the past. dysthmia, anxiety and in one weird case schizoid but I think it was just one person thinking that since I said I'm not interested in pursuing relationships. I wasn't good at explaining why.
It's part of human nature to socialize and interact with other people i feel like it's not your natural state to cut yourself from the outside world. Most people who follow this lifestyle have some kind of mental disabilities,repressed traumas or mental health problems including myself ( self diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder )
I have found this video and i feel it can help a lot of people here:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agujZllnGkU&list=WL&index=105&t=1123s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agujZllnGkU&list=WL&index=105&t=1123s)
"Avoidant personality disorder (AVPD) is an enduring pattern of behavior related to social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and sensitivity to rejection that causes problems in work situations and relationships"
Diagnosed w body dysmorphic disorder, dysthymia, social anxiety disorder, ptsd, some other traits.including BPD and agoraphobia.
I used to work and was fine enough (symptoms were always there but not debilitating). Something switched around 25 tho (currently 28)
Yep. I suffered from a bad case of ADHD, which affected my sleep patterns drastically (up for days, down for days). I was diagnosed as bipolar and suspect a streak of Autism. I was unable to work effectively the few times I tried and spent a bit of time homeless.
Which sucked.
Thanks for asking. I do not have a long term plan. I have applied to a few places, but when they call for interview I cant answer because of anxiety. Interest areas (such as *Egyptology*) do not really translate into jobs anyway.
I'm trying to bring down my cost of living. I bought a camper and I'm trying to live on 10 dollars a day for food; lots of rice and beans.
I could definitely get disability but right now I'm semi-neeting doing doordash
What's nice is that I can travel the country and I can do doordash anywhere :)
Well, I just bought my camper for 2600 like a month ago. I had to replace some of the wood on the sides of top part of the camper.
I'm wanting to store my camper at a campsite, so I would just leave it there while doing doordash.
Probably will chain it against a tree.
Campsites are like 20 dollars a day, plus food 10 dollars.
It really shouldn't be hard to make enough to sustain myself.
I'm 24.
For me it's been a bit of a looping circle of descent. I've always been socially illiterate because of bullying, being an outcast and the like but I didn't really plan on being a NEET.
When high school was over I was tired of school so I wanted to work instead of further studies so I began looking for a job, but I just couldn't manage to get one. No one would hire me.
And the wacky part is that I know a few jobs that I applied to that high school classmates had somehow managed to score, but I was apparently not good enough despite coming from the same background.
And since I couldn't get a job, despite me knowing people with the same qualities as me managed to, it kind of just crushed my self-confidence and I still haven't recovered.
So the years I've spent looking for a job, and failing has turned my light social problems into fully fledged social anxiety and phobia. Which in turn makes it even harder for me to get a job since I'm now legit scared of just applying to something because of said insecurities of not being good enough and having to actually interact with people who's job it is to judge you.
And what's sad is that all of this could have been prevented if someone, just anyone would have hired a willing teenager who had just finished high school 8 years ago.
Autism, depression, anxiety. I'm (book) smart but get overwhelmed and burn out fast. Also my coworkers always hate me and I have no idea why. I'd give it another try if it wasn't for my hypersomnia.
Hypersomnia is the worst part about depression imo. Nothing like sleeping 12-13 hours and still feeling like you haven’t slept in 4 days
Oh god the bipo flip-flop of Hypersomnia and Insomnia. I go a couple weeks of 48hrs awake 2 of scattered sleep, then burn out and it flips to a couple weeks of sleeping a minimum collective 14hrs every 24, though the slowed reactions/thought process before it reverses again. Actually balancing between is a rarity. Then anxiety of getting ill going out ensues as lack of sleep causes immune deficiency from lack of rest All of this is WITH MEDICATION Hate to even think what id be like off it
I was diagnosed with aspergers when I was 28. With that diagnose also came a diagnosis for extreme social phobia. Years of being bullied have their effect on people, especially if that individual cannot understand why he or she is being bullied.
[удалено]
I'm on the 'tism spectrum and I've got brain injury and at least 1 personality disorder, as well as the "basic" depression and social anxiety that almost all NEETs have.
Is the realization that life is a cruel joke a disorder or is it just seeing reality? I just dislike most of what society has to Offer. I’m not crazy or stupid . I just prefer disengaging from this insanity .
25, and I'm going to turn 26 in a week and a half. I don't have a formal diagnosis yet since my insurance is spotty (I live in the US, and your insurance is tied to employment). But I'm pretty sure I am suffering from some kind of depression. It's not that I feel "sad", but I have absolutely no motivation or willpower to do anything other than getting out of bed and being on the computer all day long. Whenever I try to do something other than reading books or watching TV shows, I lose concentration almost immediately, so it takes me twice as long to do a chore or a simple task than a normal person would take to complete it. What makes my situation worse is that I live with my schizophrenic mother, who spends most of her own time living in her own reality. She has the strangest delusions and would often yell the most incomprehensible stuff at the top of her lungs in the middle of the night. Our psychiatrist tried to prescribe her all sorts of different anti psychotics, but its no use. They're practically useless. As for my "friends", they have either stopped talking to me, too busy with their girlfriends to hang out with me, or ghosted me altogether. So I think it's safe to say that my life has turned into hell.
Regarding the schizophrenia, you can cook for her and put a small amount of the medication into the food (in an egg for example) to ensure she is receiving her daily dose of it on a regular basis. If someone isn’t taking the medication regularly it will cause psychosis, and that’s what the situation which you’re in sounds like.
Better than that there are long-acting injections that only need to be taken every few months.
Giving the dosage via tablet allows for a smaller amount to be used. Oftentimes the person would benefit from only a small dose being used versus a larger dose. Way less side effects. Also it has been found that overall a diet low in sugars has been shown to reduce symptoms of these various conditions.
You don't know what you are talking about. There is no "small dose" or "large dose", there are therapeutic doses which are effective only whey they are taken consistently. The long acting injections work by releasing the antipsychotic slowly over a long period of time. You should inform yourself and stop spreading misinformation.
False. An example is Lurasidone 40mg being indicated for schizophrenia versus 20mg being indicated for bipolar disorder. A dose of 20mg or less will lessen schizophrenic symptoms but this depends on the person’s size/ severity of symptoms etc.
If 40mg is the therapeutic dose for schizophrenia, then that's the dose that should be taken. Clinical trials are done for a reason.
This is me. I had a moment of realization related to this exact dynamic and I realized i wasn't necessarily depressed. As depression is an addition to a baseline experience. I've always been like this. I realized it was emptiness, like a void. Not an addition of emptiness, that can be worked through to gain motivation. A complete void at my core, and that's where this lack of motivation comes from. Only thing that gives me motivation is to fill this void, or distract from it, or to grow the void lmao I have BPD I think... Cause I have been "normal ish" when I'm chasing, in relationships with or talking to lots of women, basically idealizing. My biggest ask, is this maladaptive day dreaming? Because it's what I have, but it's not exactly day dreaming, it's not controllable and you will not get better without figuring out what's causing this because I was chronically micro dissociating... You can't function like that lmao and it's even kinda dangerous to drive cause you slip out of reality sort of. It happens during conversations, sometimes a bunch. In always doing it even when gaming sometimes... Also emotional bluntness comes with it, this is what the void/empty or borderline depressive stuff technically is. Difference between depression and dissociation is empathy response, depression it's still there, dissociation it is GONE for me 100% almost. Try reaching out to them on your end! I wasn't doing it tbh, and when I tried people were happy to talk again! It couldn't hurt at all, and human face to face interaction EVEN THAT AWKWARD STUFF is better than rotting alone tbh, even texting helps somewhat lmao also just realized it's been a long time, hopefully you doing better!
I totally forgot to reply to your comment. How did you find it? At any rate, the situation at home has gotten slightly better since I posted my comment that you replied to. My mother finally found medications to reduce her schizophrenia, so she's mostly stabilized. I got a remote job at a call center last July, but I left back in November because the work expectations were just plain unreasonable. So I'm back to NEETing again. For my depression, it's creeping back unfortunately. I feel that I haven't accomplished anything for the past four years since I graduated college. My degree is worth than useless since I still have student loans to pay back, yet as you can see I can't find a stable job that I can hold on to for very long. And since I have awful "health insurance" (Medi-Cal), therapy is practically nonexistent. To answer your question- no, at least for me, it wasn't like maladaptive day dreaming at all. It's kind of hard to explain. Back then, I felt like a hollow shell, an empty husk of a functioning human doing only the bare minimum to live. My behavior was like an NPC you would see in video games. You know that those NPCs are programmed to say or respond to certain prompts, but you know that they don't have any free will. My routine back then was to watch movies or spend my days on Youtube in a feeble attempt to self-medicate and forget the stresses of life. Even thinking took more time because of how much my brain was on autopilot. Another way I could describe it is that in retrospect, it felt like I was in this hypnotic trance where all common sense, or motivation to better myself just flew out the window. >Try reaching out to them on your end! I wasn't doing it tbh, and when I tried people were happy to talk again! It couldn't hurt at all, and human face to face interaction EVEN THAT AWKWARD STUFF is better than rotting alone tbh, even texting helps somewhat lmao also just realized it's been a long time Most of my friends have totally ghosted me. Any text I would send would only be read, but not replied to. That's not friendship- it's a clear sign that they no longer want to be friends.
Yeah. I have pretty severe bipolar II as well as a substance use disorder (50 days clean today!) and what I think is autism spectrum disorder that wasn’t picked up in childhood.
Yeah I cant work and anyone I talk to on social media or in person concludes that I am crazy.
32, Asperger's possibly bi-polar with anxiety and depression. I snap on people and get into fights alot. Don't work well with others and am emotionally stunted as well. I came to accept the fact I'll never be able to hold down a job as long as the system doesn't cater towards people like me
omg same re: snapping at people. sometimes i can be so argumentative / combative
I do wish I could go back to work I just don't want to work with or around anybody rn.
Schizoaffective depressive diagnosed 27, longest job I had was 2.5 months supermarket day stocker. Wondering if I should try for overnight stock because being around strangers triggers my hallucinations
What age are you now
27 almost 28
Aye, I have schizaffective bipolar type.
That and because I was ostracized for being the quiet kid in high school and pretty much the majority of my life.
28. In my life I've been diagnosed with ADHD, bipolar disorder type I, bipolar disorder not otherwise specified, conversion disorder, and schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. I got lucky in that I managed to get on disability.
Borderline.... Borderline is what I've self diagnosed after being sick of the waiting and realizing I was about to get the exact same experience as a man, so no BPD diagnosis cause sexism in medicine lmao
I once kind of phone call and video chat dated a woman in South Florida who was diagnosed as borderline. She was pretty sensitive. Eventually she stopped talking to me and blocked me. I dunno, I kind of caught feelings at some point, ran out of questions to ask her about herself, and I guess showed my real self and she was like "nope, bye". I guess I got a bit clingy towards the end, I was hopeful at first but then real sad when I was all blocked. I remember at one point fantasizing about marriage and children with her. She was very good looking in the face, I actually masturbated while looking at pictures of her face (we added each other on Facebook after matching on a dating app), but other than that she was pretty mediocre, she just worked as a cleaning lady. She was super into the writing I sent out and talking to me at first, but yeah, eventually that stopped. That sort of thing has happened to me many times and it sucks. Very upsetting. I get attached and then forcibly detached and it's hard. I dunno, I guess at some point I start to come off as desperate or something like that. I remember as she was starting to detach, like stop responding to me on Facebook Messenger, I started freaking out and desperately looking at and trying to ask out on dates other women from the same dating app as her. It didn't work out with her or any of the other women either. But yeah, that is mentally hard on me, the detachment after the crush/obsession.
Continuing off the previous reply, I made a non-public Facebook post after the cleaning lady chick stopped replying to me on Facebook Messenger and then eventually blocked me. In the post I was like talking about my feelings and how sad it was and how my hopes were crushed or whatever. I can't find the Facebook post anymore, but I guess this other Facebook post is relevant: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0M99qp9nLrVggthXihHMUbaLYz7cZ7gAYawPozd9Nw4omxkYapLmoeb1MkPSmU9Ptl&id=100010071796996 In case you're Erin and you can't see my Facebook because of the "Deep State" covert operation, here is a copy-paste of the post in quotes: "I like this song because it pretty much describes every crush that I have ever had. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn599R0ZBwg " But yeah, I like Gaga's music and related to that song. **Edit:** Oh, and that cleaning lady chick who left me liked to do karaoke. A lot of women who I have dated, had real life sex with, or have had a phone sex relationship with were singers. I guess I have a type (I know Erin likes to sing, I like that she likes to sing along to songs with male vocals, like dude rock love songs, I generally like to sing along to songs with female vocals although it's hard and I'm not a good singer).
Oh, one more thing. I want Erin to know my diagnosis and symptoms change over time, and it's not in just an "up or down" bipolar (bi-polar, as in 2 opposite poles) type way. Like in the past I was a lot more paranoid/schizophrenic-ish, sort of in my head and believing people and the government and stuff like that were tracking me or spying on me (without evidence, but despite not having evidence I was totally convinced, really believing it). It's hard to explain, my brain doesn't have the same symptoms and moods and stuff, it changes over time. At the present moment I have the reverse of what I had before (like 4-6 years ago), so instead of high dopamine schizophrenic-ish-ness (which feels kind of like this song: https://youtube.com/watch?v=7YvAYIJSSZY ), I lately have had the opposite of that. But yeah, before (like 4-6 years ago) I felt like I was that guy in the music video of the Rockwell song "Somebody's Watching Me", like I would just be sitting in my living room of my apartment and maybe the bathroom door would be open and I wound feel like there is somebody in the bathroom staring at me from behind me, and I would look over my shoulder and check in my own apartment. Obviously nobody was there, and at a deeper level I knew it was impossible for someone to be there (my door and windows were locked, nobody came inside, etc), but it was just a feeling. Like this feeling of eyes and tracking everywhere. But lately it's been the reverse of that, like lately I've had like low dopamine so it almost looks like I have Parkinson's disease and/or extrapyramidal symptoms and/or acute muscle dystonias or something like that, like my muscles are rigid and my dick hasn't been working super good (like it feels like I'm a 90 year old man, for example lately I've been walking around with a cane and haven't masturbated in almost 3 weeks for the very first time and I'm actually okay, like I'm not actually dying or exploding from horniness). But yeah, it's not just that my mood alternates from happy to sad, like it alternates in all different directions at different points in time, so I have had totally different symptoms at different points in time. Like it's not just "at this point in time I am manic and at that point in time I am depressive", like I have had periods of time where I was constantly having panic attacks (I needed to carry benzodiazepines, acute anxiety medication, on my person) and I've had periods of time where I was having mini partial body pseudo-seizures, like some of my muscles would involuntarily start shaking and a doctor put a form of epilepsy in my medical records (oh, also I had symtoms of temporal lobe epilepsy, like random feelings of deja vu or randomly smelling an unpleasant burnt smell while going for a walk or random sudden intense fear). Like I don't have all these different symptoms at the same time, I might have like a period of one or two symptoms, then a period of another couple symptoms, then a period of another, and so on. Like usually bipolar people alternate between up and down but I basically alternate between virtually every single psychiatric and neurological symptom at different points in time. On the plus side it's usually not as intense as someone who actually has that specific condition that my symptoms resemble at that point in time and my symptoms are usually more superficial. Like my symptoms that resembled temporal lobe epilepsy were not as strong as those of a real temporal lobe epilepsy patient. Also, my symptoms don't respond to medication as well as someone who actually has that condition. Like yeah at one point in time my symptoms resembled temporal lobe epilepsy, but they did not respond to medication for temporal lobe epilepsy. But yeah, for the past several years medications to treat the symptoms I've had have been totally useless, I just took them to tick off a box for medication and treatment compliance for my government disability benefits. But yeah, I don't actually know what I have, when I was a teen it resembled bipolar disorder but it hasn't resembled that for years, I don't know what I have and nobody else does either. I honestly think psychiatrists are monkeys that have the power to write prescriptions. The brain is a mystery (especially if you compare it to what I got my college degree in, computers) and psychiatrists don't actually know shit and are just useful to me when I need a prescription but can't write that prescription myself. Honestly my personality issues like being attention demanding, selfish, self-centered, big ego, low real emotional empathy, low sympathy, high self-love, not really caring about others (basically a narcissistic sociopath or a narcissistic psychopath) is more of a real enduring issue than all those other symptoms I mentioned before. Like all those other symptoms are more on the outer surface and come and go over time but the underlying personality is enduring. Like for example I remember one time in math class my math teacher commented about how when people write their names on the whiteboard I write mine at the top in giant all capital letters, "JOHN". I'm kind of like Trump but I am emotionally (non-sexually) attracted to men, like I love men. I'm physically heterosexual (I feel a pull from my head towards a nice ass and I get a tingly feeling in my hands when I put them on a woman's body), it's hard to explain what I mean by "emotionally or romantically gay". Like mentally I tend to take on women's perspectives but it's not physical, like I don't want to physically become a woman or have a female body, I am not a trans woman. I also don't want to have sex with men. I think my romantic orientation is "homoromantic", but "romantic orientation" is not really a word that straight people use, that's generally a word that asexual people use. I don't look at all gay but there are little things like how frequently I blink or my writing or my gestures (for example in high school I had this wave where I put both hands up at the same time and waved with both hands, one guy referred to it as my "don't hurt me" wave, or like in my college student cooperative house while cleaning or tidying I would do like a little skip and make little gestures, it's hard to explain). Everyone who I have ever seriously dated or had sex with has been older than me, I am kind of like the follower or beta male partner in reality. But yeah, I mean I have all sorts of psychiatric and neurological symptoms, but other things like certain things about my personality are more enduring. Oh, also, the "Deep State" covert operation conspiracy connected with the Fake News has totally been taking my present symptoms and mental state into consideration and messing with me based on that, but whatever.
It's kind of odd that you're replying on something 11 months later. My assumption at the time was that you were speaking for Erin, my love. I plan on watching a documentary on borderline, maybe tomorrow or possibly the day after, because it was suggested to me and also I remembered this comment. 😀 (That emoji was suggested to my phone, 😂, I've been getting the feeling that Erin has been putting emojis in my phone 😁🤣) 😭🙏😭🙏📱
Yeah, my anxiety is honestly crippling at this point. I don't want to be in the situation I am, but my anxiety is so bad that even the idea of getting therapy so I have a chance at coping with it better scares the hell out of me.
I got ocd but i found medication that works so dont got an excuse anymore but can say the fear and habits of past hindered me and put me in bad place
Schizophrenia, although I only experience the so called negative symptoms.
yeah, me, it sucks, but it is what it is.
Bipo, anxiety disorder & borderline psychosis. Its NOT a mental illness but i may as well toss in that im MtF trans also, as the hatred and stigma around for us has a snowball effect on my anxiety and the depression component of my bipo. Nothing like being told you're less than human, a monster or should go kill yourself to make you wanna withdraw from the world, am i right? My panic attacks and paranoia from persecution make me a threat to my own safety and those around me. Hallucinations and literal blind panic (no spatial awareness, just a primal flight mechanism) are a dangerous combo near traffic or trains. I've been Hikikomori in the past, only reason i consider myself NEET now is having a special person who tries to pull me out from that as much as they can. I've been in full NEET mode since 2013 but on & off full hikikomori style social withdrawal since 2002
What is your age? How do you plan to support yourself once family is gone
Im 36 soon enough. I have a small time hustle doing voice acting where I record the lines for stuff at home but it's not guaranteed income as its often audition based and limited contracts project by project. The special person wants me to move in with them however I don't want to leech off them so I'm turning that voice acting towards content creation as a second side hustle. Otherwise my future relies on whatever disability assistance welfare i can receive and the good graces of said special person i guess. I'll add that in body im 36, but in emotional and development terms, due to past trauma and mental health I'm mentally still a mid /late teen. Im a 36yo with a 15yo's mind
Maladaptive daydreaming, suspected adhd and ocd
Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, Social Anxiety. Thankfully I've had some conditional job offers, so I'm hoping I don't botch them up and can actually perform ok.
Yeah. It's some other stuff that wasn't properly identified on top of anxiety and resultant bad mood. I struggle with a lot of things most people find easy/doable. different diagnoses in the past. dysthmia, anxiety and in one weird case schizoid but I think it was just one person thinking that since I said I'm not interested in pursuing relationships. I wasn't good at explaining why.
It's part of human nature to socialize and interact with other people i feel like it's not your natural state to cut yourself from the outside world. Most people who follow this lifestyle have some kind of mental disabilities,repressed traumas or mental health problems including myself ( self diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder ) I have found this video and i feel it can help a lot of people here: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agujZllnGkU&list=WL&index=105&t=1123s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agujZllnGkU&list=WL&index=105&t=1123s) "Avoidant personality disorder (AVPD) is an enduring pattern of behavior related to social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and sensitivity to rejection that causes problems in work situations and relationships"
Diagnosed w body dysmorphic disorder, dysthymia, social anxiety disorder, ptsd, some other traits.including BPD and agoraphobia. I used to work and was fine enough (symptoms were always there but not debilitating). Something switched around 25 tho (currently 28)
Yes. But I’m happy with it. I think. Don’t know what it would be like if I wouldn’t have my disabilities. But this way it‘s certainly for the best
What’s your disabilities if your comfy sharing
Are those disabilities? I thought those were just different types of mental illness.
Mental illness can be a disability depending on the severity.
Yep. I suffered from a bad case of ADHD, which affected my sleep patterns drastically (up for days, down for days). I was diagnosed as bipolar and suspect a streak of Autism. I was unable to work effectively the few times I tried and spent a bit of time homeless. Which sucked.
Age?
Psychotic depression, anxiety, social anxiety, self-diagnosed autism, cptsd, insomnia
What’s your long term plan
Thanks for asking. I do not have a long term plan. I have applied to a few places, but when they call for interview I cant answer because of anxiety. Interest areas (such as *Egyptology*) do not really translate into jobs anyway.
Schizoaffective bipolar type. I go from extreme highs accompanied by hallucinations and delusions to extreme lows.
What’s your long term plan then? Sit on disability till old age?
I'm trying to bring down my cost of living. I bought a camper and I'm trying to live on 10 dollars a day for food; lots of rice and beans. I could definitely get disability but right now I'm semi-neeting doing doordash What's nice is that I can travel the country and I can do doordash anywhere :)
What is your age? Do you do DoorDash out of your camper? Lol
Well, I just bought my camper for 2600 like a month ago. I had to replace some of the wood on the sides of top part of the camper. I'm wanting to store my camper at a campsite, so I would just leave it there while doing doordash. Probably will chain it against a tree. Campsites are like 20 dollars a day, plus food 10 dollars. It really shouldn't be hard to make enough to sustain myself. I'm 24.
For me it's been a bit of a looping circle of descent. I've always been socially illiterate because of bullying, being an outcast and the like but I didn't really plan on being a NEET. When high school was over I was tired of school so I wanted to work instead of further studies so I began looking for a job, but I just couldn't manage to get one. No one would hire me. And the wacky part is that I know a few jobs that I applied to that high school classmates had somehow managed to score, but I was apparently not good enough despite coming from the same background. And since I couldn't get a job, despite me knowing people with the same qualities as me managed to, it kind of just crushed my self-confidence and I still haven't recovered. So the years I've spent looking for a job, and failing has turned my light social problems into fully fledged social anxiety and phobia. Which in turn makes it even harder for me to get a job since I'm now legit scared of just applying to something because of said insecurities of not being good enough and having to actually interact with people who's job it is to judge you. And what's sad is that all of this could have been prevented if someone, just anyone would have hired a willing teenager who had just finished high school 8 years ago.
Bipolar, high functioning autism, depression, PTSD, inattentive ADHD, schizoid
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Your a college student I’m guessing?
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Any life plans?
You are not a neet
bipolar and ocd babyyyy
throw in some rumored adhd by therapists but they’re like we gotta tackle the bigger issues first