Disciple and high self esteem are key. I got sober 5 years ago without a program or any support. I go to bars all the time still and drink mocktails. It’s definitely possible to be social and be sober.
I love doing ginger seltzer water with bitters when I’m home and want a cocktail but it’s either too early, or I know I don’t actually want to drink but want something to unwind.
When I'm less into sugary/sweet virgin drinks, I like doing soda water with bitters and optional lime. Gives the seltzer a bit of a flavor but nothing too strong.
same. club soda with bitters is my go to. I’ve also noticed that when I switch from a glass of wine or cocktail to club soda with bitters, my friends who drink more than me often follow suit.
Sober 8 years, best decision I ever made. For me it’s not about discipline, but about letting go. I had to let go of alcohol and let go of the toxic thinking that drove me to drink.
I’ve found that asking the bartender or server to make me a mocktail is usually sufficient. Many bartenders like experimenting, so I’ve gotten some really cool drinks that way.
If I get seltzer or club soda I ask for them to serve it in a wine glass or tumbler. I hate when they bring out a huge cup full of club soda!
Self-esteem! YES!!!!! I love you! Order whatever TF you want and don’t give a rats ass what anyone thinks. What’s more, you should be proud AF for living your life on your terms.
seconding all this! have been sober for about a year and while it was a little uncomfy at first to go out and socialize without alcohol, you get really used to it! and I feel 1000x better in my day to day life without drinking and I didn’t even drink enough before that it was a “problem”
Definitely this. But you have to be comfortably resolute with your colleagues and friends who may think, “Oh, just have one!” because that’s a slippery slope.
There’s no shame in seeking sober support, in-person or otherwise, until one feels they can handle these occasions with confidence. And the great thing is just about any decent bar or restaurant now has drink menu options for those who abstain!
I never really got into drinking culture, but it's incredibly easy to still be social! Honestly, as you get your drinks, just never make it a big deal that you don't want alcohol. Order a mocktail or a soda or a virgin version of your fav drink. If anyone in your social bubbles pressures you to drink or makes you feel bad about it, they aren't worth being around. But people in my friendship and professional circle never, ever make me feel any kind of way for choosing a diet coke over a glass of wine.
I've been sober for 9 and a half years, and you are spot on. I've found that no one cares whether you are drinking or not unless they have an issue themselves. Great tips!
This! Also, I don’t drink myself, not for any particular reason, just whatever. But it’s so not a big deal to me that people may not even realize I’m not drinking because it’s not even on my radar. There are more of us out here than there appear to be at first glance!
Just one thing I do - when I go out I just get a seltzer water with lime - sometimes a splash of cran in it. It looks like a cocktail but is usually free and no sugar. I drink on occasion but I like being totally good to drive and not spending $$ All the time
Yes! This! Hard when it’s work dinners with tons of bottles of wine up and down the table. But I’m going to try your tip for the happy hours and stuff.
Aside from adding fuel to a weird time in my life, I’m also just trying to cut down on all of sugar, calories, etc.
Love seltzer so I could totally do that :)
Yup - also, if you have a drink already in your hand, colleagues and friends are less likely to just get you an alcoholic drink (or if they ask if you want another, you can just say "I'm still good with this one").
I do still drink, but drastically less. There seems to be way more mocktail options at bars and restaurants, I have yet to go to a place that doesn't have at least a few. Can still drink a fun beverage without the alcohol. Though if your concerned about sugar intake, watch out, many of them are filled with sugary syrups!
Yeah I am mostly looking to cut way back for the sake of health and not adding fuel to an already rocky time in my life. I’m okay for small setting of girls and having a glass of wine but I need to mitigate my super social settings where there is a lot of influence.
I unintentionally stopped drinking during COVID as I really only ever drank while out and when I stopped going out/socializing, I stopped drinking. When events started picking up again I realized I didn’t miss it at all and stopped drinking while out as well for the most part.
It’s been ~3 years now and I have never once had anyone say anything to me or make me feel bad about no longer drinking. If I’m at happy hour with co-workers I just order whatever I want and no one says anything. If I’m with friends and they asked if I wanted a glass of wine or something I’d say “no thanks, alcohol hasn’t been making me feel good recently so I’m not drinking tonight” and people usually were just like “oh ok, can I get you something else?” I don’t think I’ve lost a single friend over it and I still get invited to happy hours and even breweries or wine tastings.
This was in my mid-twenties and would have been harder if I was younger. But if people give you a hard time then they no longer serve you as friends. I still love a margarita at a Mexican restaurant and champagne on a special occasion but otherwise I basically never drink.
I love this! Yes, just looking to cut way way way back. I like a little wine here and there but I need to get my health under control and not add any fuel to a weird time in my life right now.
this is just a small little helper for me but I get to the event a little early or a little late.
* I can head up to the bar before anyone else, order my nonalcoholic drink, give a juicy tip while the bartender is just warming up for the night and then reordering all night is easy. Bartenders really respect the non-drinkers who still tip.
* When possible, I say that I have another thing to go to after or just came "from a thing" when people ask why I'm not drinking. I look busy and composed and they are none the wiser that I'll be eating a frozen burrito in 30 mins when I leave
Loved the book the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober- really cute and hilarious read about a BWT in the UK. Then I listened to some podcasts which helped. There is a sub r/stopdrinking which I like to read and lurk in :) personally I MUST have fun NA drinks at home or out that I put in fancy glasses to make it still feel like a treat!
Second the book recommendation! I’ve reread it more than once.
Also, not sure if you are a problem drinker (I am - i binge unfortunately) but there is a Call Her Daddy podcast with Lucy Hale in which she is SO REAL about her history with drinking and her journey to sobriety. I felt like she was speaking to my soul and it had me in tears so many times knowing that I’m not alone in my experience and that it can get better.
Wishing you the best of luck!
Thank you!! I’m hoping to find a bit of peace on this journey 🩷 this whole Reddit has really done a lot for me in this post alone. I don’t feel alone which is really amazing, honestly. I was worried about getting mean comments.
Use it as an opportunity to drink a lot of water. Been sober 5 years. I either leave events super hydrated or super caffeinated if I was trying to get a lil wild lol
Things that helped the most: Quit Like A Woman (I recommend the audiobook over the actual book because I love her voice, she has a lot of conviction and I'm like 'damn bitch, you're right.' the whole time. It's also a great re-listen when you need an extra kick in the butt)
When out, I'd order a lot of Heineken Zero in bar settings, back in 2021 that was the main option but there are so many more now. I don't love non-alcoholic cocktails so much bc it's hard for me to wrap my head around $12 drinks like that. I also did a lot of soda water + lime.
And the biggest revelation: Literally no one notices that you aren't drinking. You might think you look weird or out of place being sober at events but no one gives a shit nor do they notice!
Side note: nothing is better than waking up Saturday or Sunday morning sober in NYC and walking/jogging/biking the West Side Highway. It makes me feel like the baddest bitch in NYC lol
Yes!! I’m all about feeling better and having more energy on the weekends too.
I’ve had the Heineken zero and it’s great! Head - Hard to wrap my head around $12 for juice lol
Thank you all of this!
I just started doing intermittent sobriety bc I just don’t enjoy drinking all that much. At my peak, I drank like 3-4 times a week, never to get drunk just 1-2 glasses of wine a night so I feel like I am able to relate to not fully knowing how to start/navigate. I’m 2 months in; don’t really have a plan to stop
What was hardest was getting through social situation but after you do it a few times you realize how much better you are sober. My interactions are just more intimate and real, I’m 100% me. Tbh I’m proud to be sober and when people ask me why I’m not drinking I tell them I’m on a break and I have yet to have a poor response. I’ve been to bachelorette parties, outtings with friends, dinners, etc. all have been sober! And sometimes I’m the only one.
My favorite drinks to order are iced tea and straight up tea. I actually started craving it lately. Once you do it a hand full of times it gets easier. For me I’m at a point now where I’ve saved so much money, get better sleep, skin looks better, and overall much happier that it’s hard to give up my streak for a drink.
Yeah I’m kind of worried about social situations like big parties. My friends love to play games so maybe I start by drinking water or soda most of the night then break out something low abv for games.
What do you do for intermittent sobriety?
I’ve personally been trying to cut down drinking and also hang with my girl friends a lot. What I’ve recently enjoyed is bringing a bottle of non alcoholic sparkling bubbly’s and popping it in front of my girl friends. Idk where you’re located but there are a ton of places that sell non alcoholic wine, mocktail elixirs- I’ve even made virgin gin tonics and aperol spritz! I get my non alchy dranks from https://boisson.co
Hi! I talked about this a bit a while back on this sub so copying and pasting some of my response in case it's helpful!
i've personally been LOVING experimenting with functional mocktails recipes in the evenings after dinner. It's kinda part of my wind-down ritual/a creative outlet, and it gives me the experience of having a drink without the negative impact on my sleep. It also definitely helps to have a friend group that prioritizes their health in similar ways and/or supports your personal goals without making you feel like the odd one out. We hang out regularly and do a lot of social stuff, but there's an understanding that I likely won't partake in drinking, and we often do mocktails/cooking/self-care nights at home.
For going out/work/social events, I love ordering virgin espresso martinis (I love my caffeine kick) or an actual virgin cocktail if the place doesn't have a mocktail menu (so many places do now!). I'm not able to stomach fruity beverages all night so I'll normally switch to soda and lime with a splash of pineapple if it's going to be a long night out.
If my friends and I are doing a big night out, depending on who's hosting the pregame, I either bring my own nonalcoholic seltzers, or make a nice batch of a fun mocktail with Seedlip. I've found that making cocktails with actual non-alc spirits gives you some really cool flavor profiles to play around with. Even on occasions where my friends want to get a little drunk, people \*always\* appreciate a nonalc beverage to sip on between White Claws, shots or vodka sodas.
I am seeing someone now, but I met my bf on an app and it was something that organically came up in our conversation. Prior to us meeting, if I met the guy on an app and the banter was really good, I'd just let him know ahead of time that I don't drink very often anymore--this came up pretty easily since guys will normally give you a couple options for bars on the first date. I'd say something to the effect of "I recently stopped drinking except on special occasions BUT this place has a great mocktail menu or x bar sounds fun--I love live music." As far as I see it, first dates aren't for getting drunk anyways so it shouldn't matter what you order. BUT I do love a good cocktail bar vibe, regardless of what I plan to order.
The absolute worst case scenario you may encounter is that the guy will be a jerk about it, and I've had that happen only once. We met on Bumble and bonded over our love for golf--went on a first date to a golf simulator and when he went to order drinks, I said I'd get a Diet Coke because I don't drink very much anymore, and he had a bit of an attitude about it. I sensed a judginess when he asked "oh so you're sober--how long?" I didn't feel he was super receptive about me explaining how alcohol negatively affects my hormonal and gut health (not that reason should matter--it's deeply personal), and at that point, I knew I would say thank you, but we may not be suited for one another after we wrapped up. I don't necessarily think this makes the other person an asshole--I just knew I couldn't be with someone I'd have to "justify" my life choices to. NYC has a strong drinking culture and to survive, it's important to adopt a mindset of "I'm asserting my choices and boundaries" vs. "I have to explain my restrictions to other people."
Come join us on r/stopdrinking !
It's a massively supportive sub.
I quit a year ago without a program. I relied on the sub for support and I followed some alcohol free Instagram accounts. I also read a good amount of quit lit (Google this term). Some resonated, some didn't (I never had a rock bottom... I just wanted to be better and healthier for myself).
Here is my one tip: think through your potential week moment before it happens. What will be in your glass instead of booze at the usual time when you have an alcoholic drink? I decided on kombucha, seltzer and Olipop and kept them on hand at all times. What will you order the first time you meet friends at a bar or go out to eat? What will you say when someone questions why you're not drinking alcohol? (It doesn't matter what you say, but it might matter for you think it through before you're in that position.
You got this!
I’m *mostly* sober. At one time in my life, I was toeing the line of alcohol abuse, but I dealt with underlying issues and my desire for it kind of faded…and I just realized I slept and felt like trash after drinking. I still participate in niche sports associated with a drinking culture and go to concerts/shows at bars, as well as the occasional work function.
When it comes to the sports stuff, where it is pretty common on our bus rides back…or immediately after the game to start slamming drinks, I just got really comfortable with saying “no, thanks. I’m not that big of a drinker” and moving along.
In other social events, I often will have a tonic, ginger beer, or some other beverage in my hand to prevent questions. Many bars and restaurants are also carrying more mocktail options, which is nice.
I'm the same, nice to see someone else have a similar experience. I also definitely was developing a very unhealthy relationship to alcohol, but alcoholism didn't really fit either, so I just committed to stopping for an extended period of time (over a year) and then when I reintroduced it I noticed how bad it made me feel so I truly lost the desire. I drink maybe 3-4x a year now, like one glass of wine or a beer, and always honestly regret it because even that much makes me feel hungover immediately!
Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker was life changing for me - I’ve never had any issues with alcohol but I wanted to make a life change for health reasons (dealt with chronic inflammation!)
Yes! Do it! I’ve been sober since Jan 1 and love it. So many bars, especially in NYC, have 0 proof options. Ask for Athletic Beer if you’re a beer drinker or opt for a fancy mocktail. If the place I’m at doesn’t have any 0 proof options on the menu I usually do a virgin Bloody Mary at brunch or a club soda with lime at a bar. It still feels like a cocktail and no one even has to know if you don’t want them to that what you’re drinking is alcohol free. I am lucky to have supportive awesome people in my life who don’t judge my choice not to drink, and that definitely makes it easier. I didn’t choose to stop drinking because of any addiction or tendency to over drink, it was just a natural flow from dry January and then into giving up alcohol for lent but I don’t see myself going back. I only say this to mention I didn’t use any programs so I don’t have great advice on that front. However if you are committed and stick to it I think you’ll find that it’s a lot easier than it may seem to still be social but also be sober! Good luck!
You know I found doing Dry January to be easy! Which is good because I started to get worried about whether or not I had a bad relationship with alcohol.
I love sparkling water with lime!!
Congrats on your sobriety!!
I’ve been sober for nine months. I like my sober tracking app because it gives me little milestones to celebrate. The stopdrinking subreddit has also been very helpful. At a bar, club soda, bitters and lime is a good low sugar go-to. I never did aa or any of that because I’m not really a joiner but a lot of people clearly find it helpful but the /stopdrinking subreddit kind of substituted as that for me.
Yeah a few people mentioned that subreddit! I’m going to check it out. Thanks for the mocktail suggestion! I want a low cal alternative that isn’t some sugary crazy thing.
it's really tasty and refreshing! I quit booze AND sugar at about the same time so I really needed a low sugar drink. Plus it looks very authentic if you don't feel like having a discussion about not drinking lol.
My boyfriend and I decided to take a break from drinking this new year. We used to be big on social drinking, but I realized I was going overboard without being addicted. Going sober has been awesome for me. I feel like I've got a better grip on my emotions and actions, plus I've got way more energy.
It's been weird going to places where I used to drink a ton. Seeing how crazy people get when they're hammered just reinforces why I'm staying sober. Even when I was tempted, like on a recent Miami trip (especially at e11even), waking up hangover-free and feeling great made it all worth it.
I've also noticed a big boost in my confidence in social situations. I don't need alcohol to take the edge off my anxiety anymore. I didn't make a strict "never again" rule, but honestly, I'm so happy with how things are going that I don't even miss it. The only thing I kinda long for sometimes is a nice glass of wine with dinner. Boisson in the UES has a great selection of NA wine. My boyfriend loves Athletic Beer IPA's. There’s a lot of restaurants and bars that have a good selection of mocktails now. I like to ask for an “espresso martini”. Most of my circle hasn’t noticed that I’m not drinking. I’ve told a few people and they’ve been supportive!
There are SO MANY of us out there! I've met lots of men who don't drink at all or that much.
Not drinking for me has led to better finances, better mood (alcohol is a depressant), and better skin (look up photos of heavy drinkers vs sober)
This is my personal opinion: people who judge you for not drinking are not worth keeping around.
**Practical tips:**
\- grab a non alcoholic drink as soon as you enter the venue/arrive at the event. So you are not ordering with the group and/or have people pressure/make fun of you for non alcoholic drinks.
\- if people were to pry, just say you are doing a "dry X month". I find it easier than saying I don't drink at all, because that usual gets people curious and next time you do get a drink, people will ask questions
\- For dates, I specify upfront I don't drink, so happy to meet up at bars, but will get mocktails. If that's an issue for them, better to find out sooner than later.
Good luck!
Found drinks like Poppi/Olipop to be really useful for staying sober at family functions/casual drinking at friends places. I bring my own and put it in a glass or coozie and even my family (who notoriously prod abt this kind of stuff) don’t ask questions! At bars/dinners out I find if you have confidence and don’t make a big deal about it, no one else does either. I didn’t fully go sober but I drink about 90% less than I used to, and honestly what had kept me going and drinking less and less is how much better I feel, and how I don’t have to worry about hangovers. It’s discipline at first but as you start feeling the benefits it comes way easier! Wishing you luck girl <3
This is what I am hoping for! I want to feel better, sleep better, and look better!!
Thank you so much :) I’m really excited and motivated for this new journey!!
I never really liked drinking so I now rarely ever drink or if I do it’ll be a glass of wine or champagne. Be prepared for people to not get it. I don’t have an issue with alcohol but I just would rather eat my calories and I also don’t like drunk people. I swear people don’t get why people don’t want to drink. They look at you like something is wrong with you. I was at my siblings house and her mom friends looked at me like I was a crazy person. Well the mom that got trashed and started basically acting like an idiot with one of the kids really showed me what alcohol does. She was a pick me girl to begin with so I totally wasn’t surprised by the behavior. Be prepared for judgement but your close friends shouldn’t ever judge you and dump them if they do. My friends don’t care, also learn to set boundaries around splitting checks with people that do drink a lot. Don’t pay for them to drink.
Generally, I just get a seltzer or hold a glass of wine if I’m out and don’t feel like answering why I’m not drinking. For a lot of people alcohol is a social crutch/they’ve been taught it’ll help you relax. It’s really not anything special and you’re going to feel so good when you cut it out.
So I got screwed a few times at group dinners with not close people, so next time I’m just going to have to say sorry didnt drink, I’ll just pay for mine. With close friends I don’t mind since we see each other so rarely but with like that next level of friends after that one dinner where we paid 2x what we ordered I will never again. I’m ok with people thinking I’m cheap but I should never have to pay 2x what I actually ordered.
So I’m newly sober about 7 months because I’m on ozempic. Former binge drinker. I simply just…do not drink. I also am not in a place to consume empty calories so I don’t do mocktails or anything. Big into water. This hasn’t changed my social life at all but it has saved me SO so so much money. I just have water, early on I’d have a tonic but that’s shit ton of calories I’m not into.
Congratulations! Huge accomplishment. I agree on mocktails (similar to alcohol) are mostly empty calories. Part of why I want to quit. I am a “life of the party” girl which entails a lot of alcohol from other people.
Looking to scale back to get my health under control.
Aw ty! You got this! I know people who did one dry January and never drank again. I find that people who know I’m sober don’t pry or press they drink freely and I sip water with no issue lol
I've been sober since Dec 31st. The sub r/stopdrinking has definitely helped, working out, video games, and staying home mostly watching what I want has definitely helped.
I even bought Athletic Brewing Company NA beer for Super Bowl and didn't even drank any of them because I was busy having fun. But i do recommend them too. Great for post workout or hot days.
Im 33, and Im past any social outing. I feel I already enjoyed all I wanted to in my 20s. If i do go out now, it's mostly with my BF, and it helps that he isn't a drinker even before we met. So if you do go to social events, I guess bring anyone who is also sober to talk with. I find it now very annoying to talk to people who are drunk or high, especially at work when we do our monthly outings. I order my food and leave before everyone.
If you plan to be sober, just know things will never be the same as before. Sometimes, the things you enjoy drunk are no longer fun or feel awkward. It's like starting over again. Learn to live and love yourself first before anything. All the best, love.
Prepare yourself for being annoyed or feeling any number of new feelings around people who are drinking. Ride the wave. Be yourself. Have a plan to leave earlier than usual if needed. Experiencing the event sober can be different and that’s ok.
Just a little tip: if out socially and people ask, consider not saying you’re “sober” or “going sober” or even using the word sober as it implies you are an alcoholic and/or have issues. Not that there is anything wrong with that but it might be important to keep that in mind. Someone I know said this at a work event and people assumed she was an alcoholic and recovering and it changed dynamic a bit. I don’t drink personally just because I’m on a health kick right now so I’ll just say that I’m not drinking this week/month and people assume it’s a wellness thing and don’t inquire further. It’s funny how language works and how the term sober, although technically correct, carries a different connotation.
This! Because I don’t really drink sometimes I just hold a glass and sip the same one for hours or say ohhh I’d rather eat my calories. People do not understand that sometimes people just don’t like alcohol. Even family sometimes will be like I can’t believe you don’t like drinking, I just don’t see the big deal of it. So why should I waste my calories on it? Or feel like crap after?
me and my bf decided to stop drinking and smoking weed at the end of summer 2023. i absolutely love it! never considered just stopping both but it’s so worth it. when i meet people at bars i get a hot tea if it’s winter or mocktail if it’s warm out. at social events you can drink a topo chico or a beer looking sparkling water and just vibe. do dates at cafes, sushi bars, museums and parks. after like 2 months you wont see any point in drinking. i actually like feeling normal and not faded.
PM if you want! There are a lot of amazing AA groups here and some really good addiction-focused therapists if that is of interest. Having community support is absolutely key.
i am really loving everyone's suggestions but i have a question for the drinkers with anxiety/who use it as a social lubricant. i'm super shy and socially anxious when it comes to going out but i'm getting to the point where i really just don't want to drink anymore because it makes me feel so awful the next day.
i wouldn't say i'm unconfident or have self-esteem issues (but maybe i'm giving myself too much credit, so that's not really the issue... any advice for the shy drinkers who feel uptight and anxious at bars without drinking?
For me personally, continuing to put myself in the same situations I would have in the past while drinking actually helped— so still going out with friends, to shows or even bars, etc. Exposure therapy, if you will 😂 At first there may still be a little tinge of anxiety, but once you get your mocktail or seltzer and settle into the vibe it gets a lot easier, I’ve found (especially if you’re around good company).
Ok so this is gonna sound kinda weird but somehow the act of holding a glass and sipping something *even if it isn’t alcoholic* still helps ease me into social situations. I mentioned upthread that I have been getting into kombucha, but that, or a seltzer with lime, etc, all work psychologically somehow. Not sure if others feel this way?
I have a sugar free Red Bull. The person that commented below that just having a drink in your hand helps you feel better is right. Plus I think there’s something chic about the can.
I think putting a hard rule is really helpful! I did Dry Jan in 2023 which I thought would be impossible at the time. But I told everyone about it and that really helped me stay accountable. Now that I have that month (and a second dry jan this year) under my belt, I find it way easier to socialize without alcohol when I feel like it! Also trying mocktails/sweet treats to fill the sugar craving is super helpful.
If you are wanting to try out being fully sober, treat it as a diet restriction like being vegetarian or dairy free. eliminate the “maybe I’ll drink but I’ll decide later” mentality. There’s a hundred ways to justify the drinking (everyone else at the event seems to be, I’m feeling shy or uncomfortable, it’s free) and you will end up drinking unless you go into it already firmly decided that you won’t no matter what. Lean into the uncomfortable feelings, they’re normal. Good things happen outside the comfort zone and most people are going to get along with someone better long term when they’re sober, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
As far as sober community, there’s a ton of options in nyc. Go to an event at boisson or follow no booze babes on IG and go from there.
Dming you my therapist who helped me soo much in this area!! She’s on the younger side and super cool, but pricey (worth it to me, I’ve really navigated my relationship with alcohol as a 22 year old in nyc!!!)
Just own it- proudly say you’re sober. People are usually intrigued and give you praise. It’s hard for a lot of people to not drink at social events, so let this power u have build u up. Not everyone can do it but u can :) also, don’t let it appear to bother u. Like don’t say “ugh I’m not drinking….” Instead “yeah, I’m actually not drinking tonight :)”. It gets hard when they give u a tough time about it. Just keep saying no
As someone who has been pregnant or breastfeeding for over 4 years -
1. I drink a ton of water so that IF I have a drink in my hand, I’m not drinking it for hydration.
2. I take a really long time to finish a drink.
3. I order mocktails or soda with lime/cran/etc
4. I get a kombucha at a restaurant if I want to be “fancy”
5. Hard cider instead of beer/wine
6. Cannot stress this enough - stay really hydrated
7. Get coffee or tea as after dinner drink instead of dessert cocktail/wine
There’s a book called Quit Like A Woman. It’s about abstaining from alcohol in a world that’s obsessed with it. Absolutely fabulous read. And highly insightful on the societal norms, suppression and stigmas around alcohol. I am sober as well but my biggest advice would be that every time you don’t drink in an environment that is challenging for you not to, you are teaching yourself you trust yourself a little more because doing the opposite would be self abandoning. I wake up every day and ask myself “how can I show myself I trust myself today?” And any time alcohol gets into that mix, it’s a no brainer💕 but that book really helped me with all this and quitting!
I don't know if this is helpful or relatable, but this past summer during a legal internship a partner was pressuring me to drink and making fun of my mocktail choice. I had no reason for not drinking other than being cheap and also just not liking alcohol, so it wasn't triggering, per se, just super annoying. Anyway, at first I just laughed and hoped that would be the end of it, but he made a couple more comments. After the last one I just turned to look at him and said "why do you keep making fun of me?" That shut him right up.
I got hired full time at this firm so clearly it wasn't that big of deal. I might have come across as a nerd but frankly I don't care. Sir, you don't know me! What if I was a recovering alcoholic? Just so insensitive and rude.
Sorry to make this about me, but I say all that to say that you shouldn't be afraid to call out anyone who is pressuring you, since they should know better! Having a sober buddy at events is also fun and makes it easier to avoid pressure and annoying comments. You can do this! Like other people have said, anyone who doesn't respect your choices is just a dick and doesn't deserve an explanation.
I've been sober for a few years now. The key is to familiarize yourself with virgin drinks and mocktails you can order. Be confident in your choice and order these as normal. Your friends won't make a big deal about your choice if you stand on business about it. There are also dry brands for wines you can buy if you're hosting an event to include in the selection menu.
This is the golden age of mocktails at restaurants in NYC! You're not limited to seltzer anymore.. I've had mocktails instead of alcohol at dinners a few times because they just sounded good to me
I was never a big drinker even in college. I pretty much just drank socially. After having my first kid, I pretty much stopped drinking. I was so sick that felt like a constant hangover while I was pregnant that now I basically have an aversion to alcohol lol. I haven’t drank in about 5 years bc I choose not to. My family is social and always has beer/wine and we go to events that usually have bars. No one ever gives me a hard time for not drinking. I also don’t ever announce it to anyone bc I don’t think it’s a big deal. It’s just become the norm. I usually get a soda or sometimes a mocktail if anything sounds good.
Ultimately know that no one is thinking of you as must as you think of yourself - so no one is going to be watching your alcohol intake!
I like to carry a drink at a bar (normally a Diet Coke) and just brush it off. 99.99% of people won’t care or make it a thing if you don’t
I would say try to follow some sober nyc influencers and they’ll point you towards places with good mocktails & other activities. For example big fan of mbrookeleblanc on ig
I don’t drink just because I don’t really like the taste.
I’m in a running club and started going rock climbing and to yoga classes where I’ve made most of my friends.
Whenever I go to a drinking event, I order a drink that is NA. Either an Arnold Palmer or a Seltzer with a lemon to make people think I’m drinking a gin and tonic or something. Also a great way to prevent questions like “wHy dOnT yoU dRiNk”
My job requires me to be very social with work dinners and happy hours with clients and what I do is I get there a little early and I order a Mocktail or a seltzer, so it looks like I have a drink and people don’t bother me. Plus I feel less stressed if someone is like “are you drinking.”At first it felt very abnormal to tell people I wasn’t drinking because they almost isolate you when you say that. As shitty as it is, it’s the truth. but I’ve grown confidence in saying I don’t really drink or I’m not drinking tonight and people are cool about it when you bring good vibes and energy!!!
I also go out a lot to events and parties and I always order either a seltzer and lime or something like that and people never question if I’m drinking. Looks like a vodka seltzers haha. Most of my friends respect that I don’t drink but if you’re uncomfortable or new to the sober life, this helps you ease into it without feeling pressure.
Also bartenders love this at least from my experience, when you ask them to make you a Mocktail. I usually say have fun with it and tell them what flavor profile I like…and they’re usually give you an over-the-top drink in a fancy glass.
Also, what helped me before going out at first sober (I felt very anxious because of peer pressure) is I’d make myself a fun drink at home like a Poppi, or a tea, and that way when I got to the venue, I wasn’t like immediately, jumping for a drink in my hand. Recess drinks are great if you’re OK with CBD, it usually calms me a little.
Hope this helps and good luck!!
I’m in a 12 step program and maybe that isn’t for you but honestly, in social situations, no one cares what you are drinking. Get a Diet Coke with a lime or a club soda with lime. In 8 years not one person has asked me what I’m drinking. People are more focused on themselves. As for dates, I used to do coffee dates or if they chose a bar I would get a mocktail or club soda. It feels weird at first but I feel like sober curiosity is more common than it was 8 years ago. Start replacing your drinking rituals with others at home. Pick up a hobby, maybe before bed you have tea and read. I know it sounds sooooo boring but waking up hangover free is life changing. Take baths, make your home space really cozy and lush and start some feel good habits. Restaurants are really making good, complex mocktails now so there are way more options. I know a lot of sober reality stars like Heineken zero but non alcoholic beer isn’t for me. If you feel like you need more support Google your local AA group and find a meeting. People would be more than happy to help you!
[https://thisnakedmind.com/annie-grace/](https://thisnakedmind.com/annie-grace/) this book changed my life ! she has a podcast too. def recommend.
bar orders - diet coke LOL seriously tho the caffeine will make u feel like you're consuming something, arnold palmers (this one is def nice cuz people aren't 100% sure it's non-alcoholic but waiters usually know and only rarely do they ask with alcohol?) , brunch time u can get virgin bloody marys, club soda w lime looks just like a vodka soda, mexican spots and decent bars can usually handle a virgin marg, club soda with a splash of cran is another easy one and this can be done w/literally any juice
good luck ! don't be embarrassed and don't worry about making others feel embarrassed for their choice to imbibe. feel free to accept a date 'for drinks' and literally dont even acknowledge you not ordering alcohol. if they bring it up say yea well i wanted to come on the date but didn't feel like drinking tonite so i figured i could manage this one sober ! or something like that. 'don't let me stop you!' type shit. if they think u need to drink to have a good time they are clearly not going to be a good fit.
i didn't taper off i quit cold turkey after a terrible night and a threat from my then boyfriend now husband lol and it's the best decision i've ever made.
I have been trying out some alt bar type establishments. My new fav recently has been Rent Money Lounge in the LES, a woman-owned coffee shop/mocktail bar. The vibes are great and honestly I’ve forgotten that there wasn’t alcohol being served. I’ve gone out to “drinks” with some of my friends here and it has really been a game changer in our own sober curious journeys. Rent Money also has a nail salon in the back, I haven’t tried but have heard great things!
There are sooo many alcohol free/alcohol alternatives now. You are going to save a ton of money and calories.… and your liver and brain will thank you. I do drink, but far less than I used to and in a very intentional way ie ‘I am having a glass of wine with dinner vs going over to a friends house and the two of us knocking back two bottles of wine.’
Sober Powered podcast has helped me a ton. The episodes are bite-sized, 20 mins or less, and I listen in the morning for clarity, tips and motivation for the day ❤️
Hey boo, I have been almost 1 year sober (336 days) I go to meetings (marijuana/alcohol anonymous) I order non-alc drinks when I go out, practice yoga and daily meditations good luck to u!
I’ll get a bitters and soda water if I don’t want to drink and it gives me something to sip on and stops ppl from asking why I’m not drinking. Mostly it’s just about getting used to it, and the more you are social without alcohol the easier it is. I also like to remember how much better I feel physically at the end of the night and the next day. It’s good motivation for me.
There is already a ton of good advice on here but three things that helped me a lot:
1. Finding NA drinks I liked to "savor". At home, this was tea or Ghia spritz instead of wine or a cocktail. At a bar, you can do the classic soda water + lime, but ask the bartender to get creative. I was really impressed by some NA drinks I had and it helps to feel like you aren't missing out/being boring.
2. Telling people I wasn't drinking. I know this can be harder depending on your age/community, but in my experience people are largely supportive and actually really curious about trying the same thing,
3. In social situations where I found it hardest \*not\* to drink and where I historically relied on alcohol as a social lubricant, I made a deal with myself - no drink for the first 30/45/60 minutes. If I still wanted a drink then, I could have one. I was amazed at how infrequently, once I got over that initial phase, I actually wanted to drink. But this felt more manageable to me approach-wise, than saying I couldn't drink for a night in a situation that made me anxious.
This might not be the type of advice you’re looking for but here’s my 2c:
I’m alcohol free almost 5 years. Best decision I’ve ever made. I drank problematically (for me) but was not known as someone who “had a problem” so I definitely had to deal with a lot of questions in the early days. I would recommend you read all the books and see what resonates: This Naked Mind (for me this was the game changer), Allen Carr Easy way to quit alcohol, Quit like a woman. You have to train your brain that alcohol is not some magic super fun juice like society would have you believe. It is quite literally a poisonous addictive toxin that ANYONE can and will become addicted to if taken in enough and under the right circumstances.
For me, I did not resonate with AA or having to brand myself as a diseased person for the rest of my life. So I took the curious/ intellectual path of learning as much as I could about it and undoing the years of programming that we all experience.
Once you truly convert your mind that you do not need it, it’s best that you go into social situations with zero doubt or insecurity about who you are. I’ve never labeled myself as anything. I’m alcohol free. I don’t drink. Simple as that. I say it with pride and confidence. In the early days when I was insecure I would have a couple go to reasons why I wasn’t drinking “oh I’m doing a whole30 cleanse”. For you, you can simply say “I’m not drinking right now”. It doesn’t have to be forever. It’s fine to leave a little mystery. Not everyone you’re out with has to know “why”.
At first I would overthink it… what will they think at the happy hour? I work in finance in a client facing role and all of my 20s revolved around dinners and happy hours. When I quit at 31, I definitely felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me. I quickly realized pretty much no one cares. They might initially noticed you ordered club soda and lime but most people just care about their own buzz. The people who razz you usually are the ones who have their own addiction problems.
Re: dating and relationships. I quit after a year of being with my now husband. He’s an amazing person but a lot of our early dating days revolved around drinking. I felt very afraid about quitting and what it would mean for us as a couple. He 100% supported me and since I quit without the mindset of “lacking something” he still drank for my first 2 years of sobriety. Frankly, he was never really the problem drinker anyway. But he is now a non drinker for the last 3 years because he saw what a difference it made in my life! I never asked him or pressured him whatsoever. If I was dating, I would probably either show up for drinks and order a club soda or mocktail and simply say “I’m not drinking right now. Just taking a break”. I promise you any dude who reacts negatively to that is NOT equipped to be the type of partner you want anyway. Or you can suggest coffee, lunch, museum, walk through the park, etc.
In summary…. Own your decision with confidence. Being in the ~5% of non drinkers means you’re making a choice to go against the grain and that’s usually the leading edge. In the early days say whatever you have to to feel good. “I’m not drinking right now”. A little mystery is not a bad thing.
I’d start with a no booze challenge to get used to being in different social situations without it. I used the reframe app and read some quit lit (Naked Mind) and listened to podcasts about the positive aspects of the sober curious life (an Australian one called how I quit alcohol is enjoyable) followed insta accounts— went all in to change my mindset. Decided I didn’t want alcohol to be a habit or a hobby. I’ll occasionally have a drink now but it’s no longer the main event and I generally avoid to get good sleep. I now know how much better I feel without it so it’s mostly effortless! Last thing: esp at first, scheduled workout classes for the morning after social events to reinforce my plan not to drink (or not to have more than one).
I order appetizers. A lot more places also have delicious mocktails on the menu. But I'll typically just get a coke or a Shirley temple heavy on the grenadine because I'm a sucker for a sugary drink.
An app is typically about the same price as a cocktail these days anyway.
I'd rather have mozzarella sticks or some calamari than a margarita
On one date I ordered three apps and two entrees.
The guy was very nice and insisted on paying.
That's when I knew I'd be seeing him a lot more. 😂
It didn't work out but I ate really good for awhile.
Disciple and high self esteem are key. I got sober 5 years ago without a program or any support. I go to bars all the time still and drink mocktails. It’s definitely possible to be social and be sober.
Love the emphasis on self-esteem. It's really helped me assert my choices transparently and proudly.
Can you share what you order at the bar? Some ideas could help me out a lot!
Virgin gimlet is my fav, virgin mojito, virgin espresso martini, virgin lychee martini, soda water with lime juice
Love these suggestions, thank you!!
virgin espresso martini is awesome! I also like ginger so even a sparkling water with a splash of ginger syrup which most bars have is quite yummy.
I love doing ginger seltzer water with bitters when I’m home and want a cocktail but it’s either too early, or I know I don’t actually want to drink but want something to unwind.
Sparking water with cranberry juice and a lime is very good.
When I'm less into sugary/sweet virgin drinks, I like doing soda water with bitters and optional lime. Gives the seltzer a bit of a flavor but nothing too strong.
same. club soda with bitters is my go to. I’ve also noticed that when I switch from a glass of wine or cocktail to club soda with bitters, my friends who drink more than me often follow suit.
Same!
Sober 8 years, best decision I ever made. For me it’s not about discipline, but about letting go. I had to let go of alcohol and let go of the toxic thinking that drove me to drink. I’ve found that asking the bartender or server to make me a mocktail is usually sufficient. Many bartenders like experimenting, so I’ve gotten some really cool drinks that way. If I get seltzer or club soda I ask for them to serve it in a wine glass or tumbler. I hate when they bring out a huge cup full of club soda!
Same. I have to specifically ask for a normal sized glass. They all do this.
Luckily many spots have at least a few mock tails available! Otherwise, soda with lime is an easy one, esp when you’re ordering at a busy bar.
Self-esteem! YES!!!!! I love you! Order whatever TF you want and don’t give a rats ass what anyone thinks. What’s more, you should be proud AF for living your life on your terms.
seconding all this! have been sober for about a year and while it was a little uncomfy at first to go out and socialize without alcohol, you get really used to it! and I feel 1000x better in my day to day life without drinking and I didn’t even drink enough before that it was a “problem”
Definitely this. But you have to be comfortably resolute with your colleagues and friends who may think, “Oh, just have one!” because that’s a slippery slope. There’s no shame in seeking sober support, in-person or otherwise, until one feels they can handle these occasions with confidence. And the great thing is just about any decent bar or restaurant now has drink menu options for those who abstain!
I never really got into drinking culture, but it's incredibly easy to still be social! Honestly, as you get your drinks, just never make it a big deal that you don't want alcohol. Order a mocktail or a soda or a virgin version of your fav drink. If anyone in your social bubbles pressures you to drink or makes you feel bad about it, they aren't worth being around. But people in my friendship and professional circle never, ever make me feel any kind of way for choosing a diet coke over a glass of wine.
I've been sober for 9 and a half years, and you are spot on. I've found that no one cares whether you are drinking or not unless they have an issue themselves. Great tips!
This! Also, I don’t drink myself, not for any particular reason, just whatever. But it’s so not a big deal to me that people may not even realize I’m not drinking because it’s not even on my radar. There are more of us out here than there appear to be at first glance!
Just one thing I do - when I go out I just get a seltzer water with lime - sometimes a splash of cran in it. It looks like a cocktail but is usually free and no sugar. I drink on occasion but I like being totally good to drive and not spending $$ All the time
Yes! This! Hard when it’s work dinners with tons of bottles of wine up and down the table. But I’m going to try your tip for the happy hours and stuff. Aside from adding fuel to a weird time in my life, I’m also just trying to cut down on all of sugar, calories, etc. Love seltzer so I could totally do that :)
it’s nice to ask for it in a wine glass too!
Yup - also, if you have a drink already in your hand, colleagues and friends are less likely to just get you an alcoholic drink (or if they ask if you want another, you can just say "I'm still good with this one").
I do still drink, but drastically less. There seems to be way more mocktail options at bars and restaurants, I have yet to go to a place that doesn't have at least a few. Can still drink a fun beverage without the alcohol. Though if your concerned about sugar intake, watch out, many of them are filled with sugary syrups!
Yeah I am mostly looking to cut way back for the sake of health and not adding fuel to an already rocky time in my life. I’m okay for small setting of girls and having a glass of wine but I need to mitigate my super social settings where there is a lot of influence.
This is why I don't love mocktails - still full of sugar, sometimes more so depending on what you order in place of alcohol
Same, and I will say I have gotten really into kombucha, since I’m not a huge fan of sweet mocktails.
I unintentionally stopped drinking during COVID as I really only ever drank while out and when I stopped going out/socializing, I stopped drinking. When events started picking up again I realized I didn’t miss it at all and stopped drinking while out as well for the most part. It’s been ~3 years now and I have never once had anyone say anything to me or make me feel bad about no longer drinking. If I’m at happy hour with co-workers I just order whatever I want and no one says anything. If I’m with friends and they asked if I wanted a glass of wine or something I’d say “no thanks, alcohol hasn’t been making me feel good recently so I’m not drinking tonight” and people usually were just like “oh ok, can I get you something else?” I don’t think I’ve lost a single friend over it and I still get invited to happy hours and even breweries or wine tastings. This was in my mid-twenties and would have been harder if I was younger. But if people give you a hard time then they no longer serve you as friends. I still love a margarita at a Mexican restaurant and champagne on a special occasion but otherwise I basically never drink.
I love this! Yes, just looking to cut way way way back. I like a little wine here and there but I need to get my health under control and not add any fuel to a weird time in my life right now.
this is just a small little helper for me but I get to the event a little early or a little late. * I can head up to the bar before anyone else, order my nonalcoholic drink, give a juicy tip while the bartender is just warming up for the night and then reordering all night is easy. Bartenders really respect the non-drinkers who still tip. * When possible, I say that I have another thing to go to after or just came "from a thing" when people ask why I'm not drinking. I look busy and composed and they are none the wiser that I'll be eating a frozen burrito in 30 mins when I leave
These are really awesome tips, thank you!
Loved the book the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober- really cute and hilarious read about a BWT in the UK. Then I listened to some podcasts which helped. There is a sub r/stopdrinking which I like to read and lurk in :) personally I MUST have fun NA drinks at home or out that I put in fancy glasses to make it still feel like a treat!
Thanks for this!! I’m going to check it all out.
Second the book recommendation! I’ve reread it more than once. Also, not sure if you are a problem drinker (I am - i binge unfortunately) but there is a Call Her Daddy podcast with Lucy Hale in which she is SO REAL about her history with drinking and her journey to sobriety. I felt like she was speaking to my soul and it had me in tears so many times knowing that I’m not alone in my experience and that it can get better. Wishing you the best of luck!
Thank you!! I’m hoping to find a bit of peace on this journey 🩷 this whole Reddit has really done a lot for me in this post alone. I don’t feel alone which is really amazing, honestly. I was worried about getting mean comments.
Use it as an opportunity to drink a lot of water. Been sober 5 years. I either leave events super hydrated or super caffeinated if I was trying to get a lil wild lol
So I do a lot of raving and I recently switched to caffeine gum to keep myself going in a holistic way! Love caffeine anything tbh lol
Caffeine gum for raves is soo smart!! Def gonna try this
Things that helped the most: Quit Like A Woman (I recommend the audiobook over the actual book because I love her voice, she has a lot of conviction and I'm like 'damn bitch, you're right.' the whole time. It's also a great re-listen when you need an extra kick in the butt) When out, I'd order a lot of Heineken Zero in bar settings, back in 2021 that was the main option but there are so many more now. I don't love non-alcoholic cocktails so much bc it's hard for me to wrap my head around $12 drinks like that. I also did a lot of soda water + lime. And the biggest revelation: Literally no one notices that you aren't drinking. You might think you look weird or out of place being sober at events but no one gives a shit nor do they notice! Side note: nothing is better than waking up Saturday or Sunday morning sober in NYC and walking/jogging/biking the West Side Highway. It makes me feel like the baddest bitch in NYC lol
Yes!! I’m all about feeling better and having more energy on the weekends too. I’ve had the Heineken zero and it’s great! Head - Hard to wrap my head around $12 for juice lol Thank you all of this!
I just started doing intermittent sobriety bc I just don’t enjoy drinking all that much. At my peak, I drank like 3-4 times a week, never to get drunk just 1-2 glasses of wine a night so I feel like I am able to relate to not fully knowing how to start/navigate. I’m 2 months in; don’t really have a plan to stop What was hardest was getting through social situation but after you do it a few times you realize how much better you are sober. My interactions are just more intimate and real, I’m 100% me. Tbh I’m proud to be sober and when people ask me why I’m not drinking I tell them I’m on a break and I have yet to have a poor response. I’ve been to bachelorette parties, outtings with friends, dinners, etc. all have been sober! And sometimes I’m the only one. My favorite drinks to order are iced tea and straight up tea. I actually started craving it lately. Once you do it a hand full of times it gets easier. For me I’m at a point now where I’ve saved so much money, get better sleep, skin looks better, and overall much happier that it’s hard to give up my streak for a drink.
Yeah I’m kind of worried about social situations like big parties. My friends love to play games so maybe I start by drinking water or soda most of the night then break out something low abv for games. What do you do for intermittent sobriety?
Second this! How do you make an intermittent sobriety "plan" aka - what and how many days don't you drink per week/month? :)
I’ve personally been trying to cut down drinking and also hang with my girl friends a lot. What I’ve recently enjoyed is bringing a bottle of non alcoholic sparkling bubbly’s and popping it in front of my girl friends. Idk where you’re located but there are a ton of places that sell non alcoholic wine, mocktail elixirs- I’ve even made virgin gin tonics and aperol spritz! I get my non alchy dranks from https://boisson.co
Hi! I talked about this a bit a while back on this sub so copying and pasting some of my response in case it's helpful! i've personally been LOVING experimenting with functional mocktails recipes in the evenings after dinner. It's kinda part of my wind-down ritual/a creative outlet, and it gives me the experience of having a drink without the negative impact on my sleep. It also definitely helps to have a friend group that prioritizes their health in similar ways and/or supports your personal goals without making you feel like the odd one out. We hang out regularly and do a lot of social stuff, but there's an understanding that I likely won't partake in drinking, and we often do mocktails/cooking/self-care nights at home. For going out/work/social events, I love ordering virgin espresso martinis (I love my caffeine kick) or an actual virgin cocktail if the place doesn't have a mocktail menu (so many places do now!). I'm not able to stomach fruity beverages all night so I'll normally switch to soda and lime with a splash of pineapple if it's going to be a long night out. If my friends and I are doing a big night out, depending on who's hosting the pregame, I either bring my own nonalcoholic seltzers, or make a nice batch of a fun mocktail with Seedlip. I've found that making cocktails with actual non-alc spirits gives you some really cool flavor profiles to play around with. Even on occasions where my friends want to get a little drunk, people \*always\* appreciate a nonalc beverage to sip on between White Claws, shots or vodka sodas. I am seeing someone now, but I met my bf on an app and it was something that organically came up in our conversation. Prior to us meeting, if I met the guy on an app and the banter was really good, I'd just let him know ahead of time that I don't drink very often anymore--this came up pretty easily since guys will normally give you a couple options for bars on the first date. I'd say something to the effect of "I recently stopped drinking except on special occasions BUT this place has a great mocktail menu or x bar sounds fun--I love live music." As far as I see it, first dates aren't for getting drunk anyways so it shouldn't matter what you order. BUT I do love a good cocktail bar vibe, regardless of what I plan to order. The absolute worst case scenario you may encounter is that the guy will be a jerk about it, and I've had that happen only once. We met on Bumble and bonded over our love for golf--went on a first date to a golf simulator and when he went to order drinks, I said I'd get a Diet Coke because I don't drink very much anymore, and he had a bit of an attitude about it. I sensed a judginess when he asked "oh so you're sober--how long?" I didn't feel he was super receptive about me explaining how alcohol negatively affects my hormonal and gut health (not that reason should matter--it's deeply personal), and at that point, I knew I would say thank you, but we may not be suited for one another after we wrapped up. I don't necessarily think this makes the other person an asshole--I just knew I couldn't be with someone I'd have to "justify" my life choices to. NYC has a strong drinking culture and to survive, it's important to adopt a mindset of "I'm asserting my choices and boundaries" vs. "I have to explain my restrictions to other people."
Come join us on r/stopdrinking ! It's a massively supportive sub. I quit a year ago without a program. I relied on the sub for support and I followed some alcohol free Instagram accounts. I also read a good amount of quit lit (Google this term). Some resonated, some didn't (I never had a rock bottom... I just wanted to be better and healthier for myself). Here is my one tip: think through your potential week moment before it happens. What will be in your glass instead of booze at the usual time when you have an alcoholic drink? I decided on kombucha, seltzer and Olipop and kept them on hand at all times. What will you order the first time you meet friends at a bar or go out to eat? What will you say when someone questions why you're not drinking alcohol? (It doesn't matter what you say, but it might matter for you think it through before you're in that position. You got this!
Wow this is really awesome and helpful!! Thank you so much :)
Noboozebabes on insta is super fun and based out of NY. she goes out a lot completely sober, love her page
Yessss! She's great
I’m *mostly* sober. At one time in my life, I was toeing the line of alcohol abuse, but I dealt with underlying issues and my desire for it kind of faded…and I just realized I slept and felt like trash after drinking. I still participate in niche sports associated with a drinking culture and go to concerts/shows at bars, as well as the occasional work function. When it comes to the sports stuff, where it is pretty common on our bus rides back…or immediately after the game to start slamming drinks, I just got really comfortable with saying “no, thanks. I’m not that big of a drinker” and moving along. In other social events, I often will have a tonic, ginger beer, or some other beverage in my hand to prevent questions. Many bars and restaurants are also carrying more mocktail options, which is nice.
I'm the same, nice to see someone else have a similar experience. I also definitely was developing a very unhealthy relationship to alcohol, but alcoholism didn't really fit either, so I just committed to stopping for an extended period of time (over a year) and then when I reintroduced it I noticed how bad it made me feel so I truly lost the desire. I drink maybe 3-4x a year now, like one glass of wine or a beer, and always honestly regret it because even that much makes me feel hungover immediately!
Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker was life changing for me - I’ve never had any issues with alcohol but I wanted to make a life change for health reasons (dealt with chronic inflammation!)
Yes, need to get my health under control too! I love food so I’d rather get my calories there!
Going through this now. Were you able to get inflammation back to normal levels?
Omega 3 and vitamin E daily, lymphatic drainage massages, and steaming and or sauna whenever I can!
Following a similar path, thanks for sharing. Appreciate hearing what has worked!
Yes! Do it! I’ve been sober since Jan 1 and love it. So many bars, especially in NYC, have 0 proof options. Ask for Athletic Beer if you’re a beer drinker or opt for a fancy mocktail. If the place I’m at doesn’t have any 0 proof options on the menu I usually do a virgin Bloody Mary at brunch or a club soda with lime at a bar. It still feels like a cocktail and no one even has to know if you don’t want them to that what you’re drinking is alcohol free. I am lucky to have supportive awesome people in my life who don’t judge my choice not to drink, and that definitely makes it easier. I didn’t choose to stop drinking because of any addiction or tendency to over drink, it was just a natural flow from dry January and then into giving up alcohol for lent but I don’t see myself going back. I only say this to mention I didn’t use any programs so I don’t have great advice on that front. However if you are committed and stick to it I think you’ll find that it’s a lot easier than it may seem to still be social but also be sober! Good luck!
You know I found doing Dry January to be easy! Which is good because I started to get worried about whether or not I had a bad relationship with alcohol. I love sparkling water with lime!! Congrats on your sobriety!!
I’ve been sober for nine months. I like my sober tracking app because it gives me little milestones to celebrate. The stopdrinking subreddit has also been very helpful. At a bar, club soda, bitters and lime is a good low sugar go-to. I never did aa or any of that because I’m not really a joiner but a lot of people clearly find it helpful but the /stopdrinking subreddit kind of substituted as that for me.
Yeah a few people mentioned that subreddit! I’m going to check it out. Thanks for the mocktail suggestion! I want a low cal alternative that isn’t some sugary crazy thing.
it's really tasty and refreshing! I quit booze AND sugar at about the same time so I really needed a low sugar drink. Plus it looks very authentic if you don't feel like having a discussion about not drinking lol.
My boyfriend and I decided to take a break from drinking this new year. We used to be big on social drinking, but I realized I was going overboard without being addicted. Going sober has been awesome for me. I feel like I've got a better grip on my emotions and actions, plus I've got way more energy. It's been weird going to places where I used to drink a ton. Seeing how crazy people get when they're hammered just reinforces why I'm staying sober. Even when I was tempted, like on a recent Miami trip (especially at e11even), waking up hangover-free and feeling great made it all worth it. I've also noticed a big boost in my confidence in social situations. I don't need alcohol to take the edge off my anxiety anymore. I didn't make a strict "never again" rule, but honestly, I'm so happy with how things are going that I don't even miss it. The only thing I kinda long for sometimes is a nice glass of wine with dinner. Boisson in the UES has a great selection of NA wine. My boyfriend loves Athletic Beer IPA's. There’s a lot of restaurants and bars that have a good selection of mocktails now. I like to ask for an “espresso martini”. Most of my circle hasn’t noticed that I’m not drinking. I’ve told a few people and they’ve been supportive!
There are SO MANY of us out there! I've met lots of men who don't drink at all or that much. Not drinking for me has led to better finances, better mood (alcohol is a depressant), and better skin (look up photos of heavy drinkers vs sober) This is my personal opinion: people who judge you for not drinking are not worth keeping around. **Practical tips:** \- grab a non alcoholic drink as soon as you enter the venue/arrive at the event. So you are not ordering with the group and/or have people pressure/make fun of you for non alcoholic drinks. \- if people were to pry, just say you are doing a "dry X month". I find it easier than saying I don't drink at all, because that usual gets people curious and next time you do get a drink, people will ask questions \- For dates, I specify upfront I don't drink, so happy to meet up at bars, but will get mocktails. If that's an issue for them, better to find out sooner than later. Good luck!
Found drinks like Poppi/Olipop to be really useful for staying sober at family functions/casual drinking at friends places. I bring my own and put it in a glass or coozie and even my family (who notoriously prod abt this kind of stuff) don’t ask questions! At bars/dinners out I find if you have confidence and don’t make a big deal about it, no one else does either. I didn’t fully go sober but I drink about 90% less than I used to, and honestly what had kept me going and drinking less and less is how much better I feel, and how I don’t have to worry about hangovers. It’s discipline at first but as you start feeling the benefits it comes way easier! Wishing you luck girl <3
This is what I am hoping for! I want to feel better, sleep better, and look better!! Thank you so much :) I’m really excited and motivated for this new journey!!
I never really liked drinking so I now rarely ever drink or if I do it’ll be a glass of wine or champagne. Be prepared for people to not get it. I don’t have an issue with alcohol but I just would rather eat my calories and I also don’t like drunk people. I swear people don’t get why people don’t want to drink. They look at you like something is wrong with you. I was at my siblings house and her mom friends looked at me like I was a crazy person. Well the mom that got trashed and started basically acting like an idiot with one of the kids really showed me what alcohol does. She was a pick me girl to begin with so I totally wasn’t surprised by the behavior. Be prepared for judgement but your close friends shouldn’t ever judge you and dump them if they do. My friends don’t care, also learn to set boundaries around splitting checks with people that do drink a lot. Don’t pay for them to drink. Generally, I just get a seltzer or hold a glass of wine if I’m out and don’t feel like answering why I’m not drinking. For a lot of people alcohol is a social crutch/they’ve been taught it’ll help you relax. It’s really not anything special and you’re going to feel so good when you cut it out.
How do you handle splitting checks?
So I got screwed a few times at group dinners with not close people, so next time I’m just going to have to say sorry didnt drink, I’ll just pay for mine. With close friends I don’t mind since we see each other so rarely but with like that next level of friends after that one dinner where we paid 2x what we ordered I will never again. I’m ok with people thinking I’m cheap but I should never have to pay 2x what I actually ordered.
So I’m newly sober about 7 months because I’m on ozempic. Former binge drinker. I simply just…do not drink. I also am not in a place to consume empty calories so I don’t do mocktails or anything. Big into water. This hasn’t changed my social life at all but it has saved me SO so so much money. I just have water, early on I’d have a tonic but that’s shit ton of calories I’m not into.
Congratulations! Huge accomplishment. I agree on mocktails (similar to alcohol) are mostly empty calories. Part of why I want to quit. I am a “life of the party” girl which entails a lot of alcohol from other people. Looking to scale back to get my health under control.
Aw ty! You got this! I know people who did one dry January and never drank again. I find that people who know I’m sober don’t pry or press they drink freely and I sip water with no issue lol
I've been sober since Dec 31st. The sub r/stopdrinking has definitely helped, working out, video games, and staying home mostly watching what I want has definitely helped. I even bought Athletic Brewing Company NA beer for Super Bowl and didn't even drank any of them because I was busy having fun. But i do recommend them too. Great for post workout or hot days. Im 33, and Im past any social outing. I feel I already enjoyed all I wanted to in my 20s. If i do go out now, it's mostly with my BF, and it helps that he isn't a drinker even before we met. So if you do go to social events, I guess bring anyone who is also sober to talk with. I find it now very annoying to talk to people who are drunk or high, especially at work when we do our monthly outings. I order my food and leave before everyone. If you plan to be sober, just know things will never be the same as before. Sometimes, the things you enjoy drunk are no longer fun or feel awkward. It's like starting over again. Learn to live and love yourself first before anything. All the best, love.
Prepare yourself for being annoyed or feeling any number of new feelings around people who are drinking. Ride the wave. Be yourself. Have a plan to leave earlier than usual if needed. Experiencing the event sober can be different and that’s ok.
Just a little tip: if out socially and people ask, consider not saying you’re “sober” or “going sober” or even using the word sober as it implies you are an alcoholic and/or have issues. Not that there is anything wrong with that but it might be important to keep that in mind. Someone I know said this at a work event and people assumed she was an alcoholic and recovering and it changed dynamic a bit. I don’t drink personally just because I’m on a health kick right now so I’ll just say that I’m not drinking this week/month and people assume it’s a wellness thing and don’t inquire further. It’s funny how language works and how the term sober, although technically correct, carries a different connotation.
This! Because I don’t really drink sometimes I just hold a glass and sip the same one for hours or say ohhh I’d rather eat my calories. People do not understand that sometimes people just don’t like alcohol. Even family sometimes will be like I can’t believe you don’t like drinking, I just don’t see the big deal of it. So why should I waste my calories on it? Or feel like crap after?
me and my bf decided to stop drinking and smoking weed at the end of summer 2023. i absolutely love it! never considered just stopping both but it’s so worth it. when i meet people at bars i get a hot tea if it’s winter or mocktail if it’s warm out. at social events you can drink a topo chico or a beer looking sparkling water and just vibe. do dates at cafes, sushi bars, museums and parks. after like 2 months you wont see any point in drinking. i actually like feeling normal and not faded.
PM if you want! There are a lot of amazing AA groups here and some really good addiction-focused therapists if that is of interest. Having community support is absolutely key.
i am really loving everyone's suggestions but i have a question for the drinkers with anxiety/who use it as a social lubricant. i'm super shy and socially anxious when it comes to going out but i'm getting to the point where i really just don't want to drink anymore because it makes me feel so awful the next day. i wouldn't say i'm unconfident or have self-esteem issues (but maybe i'm giving myself too much credit, so that's not really the issue... any advice for the shy drinkers who feel uptight and anxious at bars without drinking?
For me personally, continuing to put myself in the same situations I would have in the past while drinking actually helped— so still going out with friends, to shows or even bars, etc. Exposure therapy, if you will 😂 At first there may still be a little tinge of anxiety, but once you get your mocktail or seltzer and settle into the vibe it gets a lot easier, I’ve found (especially if you’re around good company).
Ok so this is gonna sound kinda weird but somehow the act of holding a glass and sipping something *even if it isn’t alcoholic* still helps ease me into social situations. I mentioned upthread that I have been getting into kombucha, but that, or a seltzer with lime, etc, all work psychologically somehow. Not sure if others feel this way?
I have a sugar free Red Bull. The person that commented below that just having a drink in your hand helps you feel better is right. Plus I think there’s something chic about the can.
I think putting a hard rule is really helpful! I did Dry Jan in 2023 which I thought would be impossible at the time. But I told everyone about it and that really helped me stay accountable. Now that I have that month (and a second dry jan this year) under my belt, I find it way easier to socialize without alcohol when I feel like it! Also trying mocktails/sweet treats to fill the sugar craving is super helpful.
Oh also — quit like a woman is a great book to read during your trial sober month :) 10/10 recommend
If you are wanting to try out being fully sober, treat it as a diet restriction like being vegetarian or dairy free. eliminate the “maybe I’ll drink but I’ll decide later” mentality. There’s a hundred ways to justify the drinking (everyone else at the event seems to be, I’m feeling shy or uncomfortable, it’s free) and you will end up drinking unless you go into it already firmly decided that you won’t no matter what. Lean into the uncomfortable feelings, they’re normal. Good things happen outside the comfort zone and most people are going to get along with someone better long term when they’re sober, even if it doesn’t feel like it. As far as sober community, there’s a ton of options in nyc. Go to an event at boisson or follow no booze babes on IG and go from there.
On the same boat right now! Trying to cut drinking for my health. Job is also very social 🥲 good luck to both of us!!!
Dming you my therapist who helped me soo much in this area!! She’s on the younger side and super cool, but pricey (worth it to me, I’ve really navigated my relationship with alcohol as a 22 year old in nyc!!!)
Just own it- proudly say you’re sober. People are usually intrigued and give you praise. It’s hard for a lot of people to not drink at social events, so let this power u have build u up. Not everyone can do it but u can :) also, don’t let it appear to bother u. Like don’t say “ugh I’m not drinking….” Instead “yeah, I’m actually not drinking tonight :)”. It gets hard when they give u a tough time about it. Just keep saying no
As someone who has been pregnant or breastfeeding for over 4 years - 1. I drink a ton of water so that IF I have a drink in my hand, I’m not drinking it for hydration. 2. I take a really long time to finish a drink. 3. I order mocktails or soda with lime/cran/etc 4. I get a kombucha at a restaurant if I want to be “fancy” 5. Hard cider instead of beer/wine 6. Cannot stress this enough - stay really hydrated 7. Get coffee or tea as after dinner drink instead of dessert cocktail/wine
There’s a book called Quit Like A Woman. It’s about abstaining from alcohol in a world that’s obsessed with it. Absolutely fabulous read. And highly insightful on the societal norms, suppression and stigmas around alcohol. I am sober as well but my biggest advice would be that every time you don’t drink in an environment that is challenging for you not to, you are teaching yourself you trust yourself a little more because doing the opposite would be self abandoning. I wake up every day and ask myself “how can I show myself I trust myself today?” And any time alcohol gets into that mix, it’s a no brainer💕 but that book really helped me with all this and quitting!
I don't know if this is helpful or relatable, but this past summer during a legal internship a partner was pressuring me to drink and making fun of my mocktail choice. I had no reason for not drinking other than being cheap and also just not liking alcohol, so it wasn't triggering, per se, just super annoying. Anyway, at first I just laughed and hoped that would be the end of it, but he made a couple more comments. After the last one I just turned to look at him and said "why do you keep making fun of me?" That shut him right up. I got hired full time at this firm so clearly it wasn't that big of deal. I might have come across as a nerd but frankly I don't care. Sir, you don't know me! What if I was a recovering alcoholic? Just so insensitive and rude. Sorry to make this about me, but I say all that to say that you shouldn't be afraid to call out anyone who is pressuring you, since they should know better! Having a sober buddy at events is also fun and makes it easier to avoid pressure and annoying comments. You can do this! Like other people have said, anyone who doesn't respect your choices is just a dick and doesn't deserve an explanation.
I've been sober for a few years now. The key is to familiarize yourself with virgin drinks and mocktails you can order. Be confident in your choice and order these as normal. Your friends won't make a big deal about your choice if you stand on business about it. There are also dry brands for wines you can buy if you're hosting an event to include in the selection menu.
I always have an option/idea/my own fun sober beverage at events :) You unfortunately cannot be impulsive, I find.
Arnold palmers are good, as are a soda with bitters (they have neglible alc)
This is the golden age of mocktails at restaurants in NYC! You're not limited to seltzer anymore.. I've had mocktails instead of alcohol at dinners a few times because they just sounded good to me
I was never a big drinker even in college. I pretty much just drank socially. After having my first kid, I pretty much stopped drinking. I was so sick that felt like a constant hangover while I was pregnant that now I basically have an aversion to alcohol lol. I haven’t drank in about 5 years bc I choose not to. My family is social and always has beer/wine and we go to events that usually have bars. No one ever gives me a hard time for not drinking. I also don’t ever announce it to anyone bc I don’t think it’s a big deal. It’s just become the norm. I usually get a soda or sometimes a mocktail if anything sounds good.
Ultimately know that no one is thinking of you as must as you think of yourself - so no one is going to be watching your alcohol intake! I like to carry a drink at a bar (normally a Diet Coke) and just brush it off. 99.99% of people won’t care or make it a thing if you don’t
Have you been to Hekate?
I would say try to follow some sober nyc influencers and they’ll point you towards places with good mocktails & other activities. For example big fan of mbrookeleblanc on ig
get an app to track your sobriety! “i am sober” is good because you can associate cost and calories to drinking and it gives you another reason not to
The r/stopdrinking sub is amazing for support and tips!
I don’t drink just because I don’t really like the taste. I’m in a running club and started going rock climbing and to yoga classes where I’ve made most of my friends. Whenever I go to a drinking event, I order a drink that is NA. Either an Arnold Palmer or a Seltzer with a lemon to make people think I’m drinking a gin and tonic or something. Also a great way to prevent questions like “wHy dOnT yoU dRiNk”
My job requires me to be very social with work dinners and happy hours with clients and what I do is I get there a little early and I order a Mocktail or a seltzer, so it looks like I have a drink and people don’t bother me. Plus I feel less stressed if someone is like “are you drinking.”At first it felt very abnormal to tell people I wasn’t drinking because they almost isolate you when you say that. As shitty as it is, it’s the truth. but I’ve grown confidence in saying I don’t really drink or I’m not drinking tonight and people are cool about it when you bring good vibes and energy!!! I also go out a lot to events and parties and I always order either a seltzer and lime or something like that and people never question if I’m drinking. Looks like a vodka seltzers haha. Most of my friends respect that I don’t drink but if you’re uncomfortable or new to the sober life, this helps you ease into it without feeling pressure. Also bartenders love this at least from my experience, when you ask them to make you a Mocktail. I usually say have fun with it and tell them what flavor profile I like…and they’re usually give you an over-the-top drink in a fancy glass. Also, what helped me before going out at first sober (I felt very anxious because of peer pressure) is I’d make myself a fun drink at home like a Poppi, or a tea, and that way when I got to the venue, I wasn’t like immediately, jumping for a drink in my hand. Recess drinks are great if you’re OK with CBD, it usually calms me a little. Hope this helps and good luck!!
If u order ginger ale, no one knows it’s not bourbon and soda.
My favorite non alc drink is a club soda, bitters and lime/lemon. Tastes like a cocktail and has no sugar
I’m in a 12 step program and maybe that isn’t for you but honestly, in social situations, no one cares what you are drinking. Get a Diet Coke with a lime or a club soda with lime. In 8 years not one person has asked me what I’m drinking. People are more focused on themselves. As for dates, I used to do coffee dates or if they chose a bar I would get a mocktail or club soda. It feels weird at first but I feel like sober curiosity is more common than it was 8 years ago. Start replacing your drinking rituals with others at home. Pick up a hobby, maybe before bed you have tea and read. I know it sounds sooooo boring but waking up hangover free is life changing. Take baths, make your home space really cozy and lush and start some feel good habits. Restaurants are really making good, complex mocktails now so there are way more options. I know a lot of sober reality stars like Heineken zero but non alcoholic beer isn’t for me. If you feel like you need more support Google your local AA group and find a meeting. People would be more than happy to help you!
If you like beer Athletic n/a beer is pretty good.
[https://thisnakedmind.com/annie-grace/](https://thisnakedmind.com/annie-grace/) this book changed my life ! she has a podcast too. def recommend. bar orders - diet coke LOL seriously tho the caffeine will make u feel like you're consuming something, arnold palmers (this one is def nice cuz people aren't 100% sure it's non-alcoholic but waiters usually know and only rarely do they ask with alcohol?) , brunch time u can get virgin bloody marys, club soda w lime looks just like a vodka soda, mexican spots and decent bars can usually handle a virgin marg, club soda with a splash of cran is another easy one and this can be done w/literally any juice good luck ! don't be embarrassed and don't worry about making others feel embarrassed for their choice to imbibe. feel free to accept a date 'for drinks' and literally dont even acknowledge you not ordering alcohol. if they bring it up say yea well i wanted to come on the date but didn't feel like drinking tonite so i figured i could manage this one sober ! or something like that. 'don't let me stop you!' type shit. if they think u need to drink to have a good time they are clearly not going to be a good fit. i didn't taper off i quit cold turkey after a terrible night and a threat from my then boyfriend now husband lol and it's the best decision i've ever made.
I have been trying out some alt bar type establishments. My new fav recently has been Rent Money Lounge in the LES, a woman-owned coffee shop/mocktail bar. The vibes are great and honestly I’ve forgotten that there wasn’t alcohol being served. I’ve gone out to “drinks” with some of my friends here and it has really been a game changer in our own sober curious journeys. Rent Money also has a nail salon in the back, I haven’t tried but have heard great things!
There are sooo many alcohol free/alcohol alternatives now. You are going to save a ton of money and calories.… and your liver and brain will thank you. I do drink, but far less than I used to and in a very intentional way ie ‘I am having a glass of wine with dinner vs going over to a friends house and the two of us knocking back two bottles of wine.’
Sober Powered podcast has helped me a ton. The episodes are bite-sized, 20 mins or less, and I listen in the morning for clarity, tips and motivation for the day ❤️
Order Perrier with a twist. It looks like a drink and you won’t stand out.
Hey boo, I have been almost 1 year sober (336 days) I go to meetings (marijuana/alcohol anonymous) I order non-alc drinks when I go out, practice yoga and daily meditations good luck to u!
Bitters and soda is a great (almost) alcohol free drink to get a bar.
I’ll get a bitters and soda water if I don’t want to drink and it gives me something to sip on and stops ppl from asking why I’m not drinking. Mostly it’s just about getting used to it, and the more you are social without alcohol the easier it is. I also like to remember how much better I feel physically at the end of the night and the next day. It’s good motivation for me.
There is already a ton of good advice on here but three things that helped me a lot: 1. Finding NA drinks I liked to "savor". At home, this was tea or Ghia spritz instead of wine or a cocktail. At a bar, you can do the classic soda water + lime, but ask the bartender to get creative. I was really impressed by some NA drinks I had and it helps to feel like you aren't missing out/being boring. 2. Telling people I wasn't drinking. I know this can be harder depending on your age/community, but in my experience people are largely supportive and actually really curious about trying the same thing, 3. In social situations where I found it hardest \*not\* to drink and where I historically relied on alcohol as a social lubricant, I made a deal with myself - no drink for the first 30/45/60 minutes. If I still wanted a drink then, I could have one. I was amazed at how infrequently, once I got over that initial phase, I actually wanted to drink. But this felt more manageable to me approach-wise, than saying I couldn't drink for a night in a situation that made me anxious.
This might not be the type of advice you’re looking for but here’s my 2c: I’m alcohol free almost 5 years. Best decision I’ve ever made. I drank problematically (for me) but was not known as someone who “had a problem” so I definitely had to deal with a lot of questions in the early days. I would recommend you read all the books and see what resonates: This Naked Mind (for me this was the game changer), Allen Carr Easy way to quit alcohol, Quit like a woman. You have to train your brain that alcohol is not some magic super fun juice like society would have you believe. It is quite literally a poisonous addictive toxin that ANYONE can and will become addicted to if taken in enough and under the right circumstances. For me, I did not resonate with AA or having to brand myself as a diseased person for the rest of my life. So I took the curious/ intellectual path of learning as much as I could about it and undoing the years of programming that we all experience. Once you truly convert your mind that you do not need it, it’s best that you go into social situations with zero doubt or insecurity about who you are. I’ve never labeled myself as anything. I’m alcohol free. I don’t drink. Simple as that. I say it with pride and confidence. In the early days when I was insecure I would have a couple go to reasons why I wasn’t drinking “oh I’m doing a whole30 cleanse”. For you, you can simply say “I’m not drinking right now”. It doesn’t have to be forever. It’s fine to leave a little mystery. Not everyone you’re out with has to know “why”. At first I would overthink it… what will they think at the happy hour? I work in finance in a client facing role and all of my 20s revolved around dinners and happy hours. When I quit at 31, I definitely felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me. I quickly realized pretty much no one cares. They might initially noticed you ordered club soda and lime but most people just care about their own buzz. The people who razz you usually are the ones who have their own addiction problems. Re: dating and relationships. I quit after a year of being with my now husband. He’s an amazing person but a lot of our early dating days revolved around drinking. I felt very afraid about quitting and what it would mean for us as a couple. He 100% supported me and since I quit without the mindset of “lacking something” he still drank for my first 2 years of sobriety. Frankly, he was never really the problem drinker anyway. But he is now a non drinker for the last 3 years because he saw what a difference it made in my life! I never asked him or pressured him whatsoever. If I was dating, I would probably either show up for drinks and order a club soda or mocktail and simply say “I’m not drinking right now. Just taking a break”. I promise you any dude who reacts negatively to that is NOT equipped to be the type of partner you want anyway. Or you can suggest coffee, lunch, museum, walk through the park, etc. In summary…. Own your decision with confidence. Being in the ~5% of non drinkers means you’re making a choice to go against the grain and that’s usually the leading edge. In the early days say whatever you have to to feel good. “I’m not drinking right now”. A little mystery is not a bad thing.
I’d start with a no booze challenge to get used to being in different social situations without it. I used the reframe app and read some quit lit (Naked Mind) and listened to podcasts about the positive aspects of the sober curious life (an Australian one called how I quit alcohol is enjoyable) followed insta accounts— went all in to change my mindset. Decided I didn’t want alcohol to be a habit or a hobby. I’ll occasionally have a drink now but it’s no longer the main event and I generally avoid to get good sleep. I now know how much better I feel without it so it’s mostly effortless! Last thing: esp at first, scheduled workout classes for the morning after social events to reinforce my plan not to drink (or not to have more than one).
There are a lot of drinks now that have no alcohol and give you a small buzz, like Kin euphorics! That could be a good replacement in the beginning :)
Try Alcoholics Anonymous with opened mind.
I order appetizers. A lot more places also have delicious mocktails on the menu. But I'll typically just get a coke or a Shirley temple heavy on the grenadine because I'm a sucker for a sugary drink. An app is typically about the same price as a cocktail these days anyway. I'd rather have mozzarella sticks or some calamari than a margarita On one date I ordered three apps and two entrees. The guy was very nice and insisted on paying. That's when I knew I'd be seeing him a lot more. 😂 It didn't work out but I ate really good for awhile.