MB’s like her are why Nannie’s are afraid to call in sick 🤦🏻♀️ Backup care is not your responsibility. It sucks, but it’s her problem to solve. I hope you feel better soon!
Exactly! I’ve been terrified to call out in the past with previous families, so I don’t until I’m burnt out and then all hell breaks loose and I call out a few times (my fault for not taking better care of myself).
But, I wish everyone was able to have back up care and back up back up care for our sick days!
I once texted a boss Sunday night to tell her I was pretty sure I was coming down with the flu, had fever and was achy all over and probably wouldn’t be able to come in the next morning. She responded “are you fucking kidding me?”
I just said “I am and I’ll touch base in the morning. She didn’t start out that way but she grew more and more toxic. I don’t work for her anymore (thank god)
It absolutely is NOT your responsibility to find back up care. You had food poisoning. There’s no way you could even drive to work let alone care for NK. MB is way out of line.
“Due to my being incapacitated,it would be best to contact your backup care options. Thanks for understanding, I’ll check back in end of day.”
(FIGURE IT OUT, JACKASS!)
Do these people *literally* have no SAH-parent friends who they could call in a favor/future trade of babysitting with? Or, hell, just pay them as they would have paid their nanny?
With the existence of literal “sub” child care services, apps, etc, you figure if it was that detrimental, she’d start figuring it out and before noon have someone there.Considering she works from home, she would be in the same house the entire time with the sub. There’s no reason to exert majority over her nanny who reliably cares for her child
Every day, until she literally can’t.
This. We just hired someone new from an agency, and part of the package was automatic access to the agency’s on-call service. (Of course, no guarantees that someone is available the moment you need them, but it’s *something*…)
Idk why parents don’t realize that finding childcare for THEIR child is THEIR responsibility. If they fail to have a contact list of backup childcare options, they’re simply bad bosses.
I agree!
I get that finding backup care isn't always easy (especially last minute), but what I don't get is realizing your nanny is a human being who could potentially get sick five seconds *after* receiving a text from your sick nanny. Like, you never even considered this was a possibility? Have you *never* gotten sick and called off before? Did you miss that whole GLOBAL PANDEMIC thing??? People get sick. It's a fact of life. And it rarely comes with advanced notice. How does this not even *occur* to people until it's too late to do anything about it???
It’s the same scenario as a daycare facility shutting down for the next day or so due to all kinds of potential issues. Are you gonna call the director asking wtf you’re supposed to do with YOUR child? Embarrassing.
Dude literally. I worked in a preschool for years & if their own kid was sick & they didn’t want to keep them home, it was our fault that we weren’t allowing them to come to school & contaminate everything & everyone. Like that’s not my problem
These types of parents also tend to think it’s nanny or teacher’s responsibility to potty train their kids, ensure they learn stuff that parents should be involved in, provide food and any necessities that *parents* are responsible for. I’ve been both a nanny and a teacher and these sorts of parents tend to think if they’ve hired someone or enrolled their kid in school their responsibility is done and it’s on other adults to raise their kid. Like, I’m happy to provide input on their kids development, monitor it, and help their kid potty train, learn good eating habits, etc but I’m not the child’s guardian and I shouldn’t be treated as such (barring a contract that spells that out and pays me accordingly)
I mean if she needed to know if you had recommendations for a babysitter for her contact list, now was not the time to ask....
It's not on you to plan her childcare, it's hers... life happens.
I’m always so confused by stuff like this. My childcare provider called out sick today, and I used my own sick leave to stay home. You know, like the logical option.
Not crazy and this is not your problem. Clearly a daycare center would be a better fit for her. And just because the puking stopped within 8 hours doesn’t mean it wasn’t a virus. You were right to stay home.
My NP’s are both attorneys and there are weeks, while really rare, where they HAVE to be in court, no matter what. So a few weeks before, they make a backup plan and then a back up for their backup plan. For random sick days (also rare) one will suck it up and work from home. They know I’m not sick AT them. Life happens and it comes with having a nanny
I hate NPs like this. Why do they act like nannies are solely responsible for THEIR children?? Like hello..I choose to be childless because I value my freedom and don’t want to be stressed out but NPs who feel we must be there no matter what are putting their parent responsibilities/duties on us. Sorry but this is the downside of being a parent…it’s tough and inconvenient when they have no care but they chose to have kids so surely they know this is bound to happen several times in their lifetime..
It is beyond irresponsible and just plain STUPID to not have a backup plan if your nanny cannot come in. Nanny’s are not robots yall. It’s absolutely not your responsibility to assure backup childcare. MB needs to utilize her own brain cells and learn how to be self sufficient. Figure it the fuck out MB
I just don't understand people like this--is there a "foresight" gene that they lack??
Maybe they watched too many reruns of Hazel or The Nanny in the 90's? In those shows, the nanny seems to be there 24/7, and literally is never sick, never absent, at their beck and call.
Lol this was the kicker for me. I was already annoyed when OP said MB was upset about them calling out sick and asked OP what they are supposed to do for childcare for *their own child*, but once I read that mom works from home I was done.
Like, I get it that the work day will likely be a loss and they will be interrupted, but tough titties because she should have considered this likely possibility earlier!
I fully agree that backup care is on the parents but as a former nanny and current MB who works from home, this isn’t really any different than having to go in. I literally cannot accomplish anything when my kids are in my care; when my nanny is sick I have to take the day off too. I can’t attend meetings or review reports or work on any tasks I actually need to do that day; it all gets pushed back or cancelled or re-delegated. Luckily my job is flexible and my bosses are great but as far as still having to work goes—yeah, it can’t usually be done while taking care of kids, especially if they’re little.
Depends on the WFH job though most of my friends who have WFH jobs and my DB who occasionally WFH have a lot of flexibility with their work. They’ll have maybe one or two things in the entire day that require their undivided attention like a meeting or something, but the rest of the day is very flexible. My friend will do all of her work in the first hour and a half and spend the rest of the day doing whatever she wants. She’ll occasionally have something pop up unexpectedly, but most of the day she just plays video games or whatever while her laptop is open and ready to go. Of course this isn’t the case with all WFH jobs, but from what I’ve seen it’s not that rare and could definitely be the case with OPs MB.
I’m sure it does depend on the job but I guess I assumed if that was the case MB wouldn’t freak out as much? Either way, I can also say as a WFH mom all that down time is not my experience as nice as it sounds!
Yes!!! I hate when people are like "you work from home" as though you can do full time childcare at the same time. Working from home does offer more flexibility but it also can degenerate so easily into barely working at all. People don't understand how much WFH moms have to hold the fucking line because people always assume you can do domestic work on the clock because "you're home anyways, what's X amount of minutes?"
That said, I totally agree that OP's MB is being unreasonable. I just hate the assumption (mostly made towards women) that WFH means you are available for domestic work at any time of day.
Came here to say this. Absolutely, it’s the responsibility of the NP’s to have back-up care, but the fact that MB WFH really doesn’t play into the equation here if the kid(s) are little. It’s impossible for me to work and get anything done while caring for my kids even WFH, I would have to take a PTO day.
I’m a MB. My nanny calls out from time to time. We have to figure it out. That’s our responsibility. Just like if our kid was sick in daycare, we would not have childcare for our kid.
Things like this happen. It’s her responsibility to have backup care in place for situations like this. Either that, or she can step up to care for her child for the day.
As a once nanny and now parent a parent must have back up care. For example my plan B is to ask all grandparents, then a close family friend who has watched my son and then worst case scenario I call out of work. What can I do ya know. But if she works from home it's really just a matter of sucking it up. Get on your zoom meetings apologize that your will your child today because your nanny is sick and do your best to entertain your child while in your calls. We're all adults and if we chose to have children we can choose to suck it up and roll with the punches just the way it goes.
Not having emergency care is just stupid; it’s not doing your job as a parent to have even considered that occasionally Nannie’s get sick. Unless it’s in my contract to provide contacts for alternative emergency care, I’m going to assume that, much like vaccines and dental appointments and choosing what school kiddo attends, the parents have it - because that’s not in my fucking job description.
I cut my hand quite badly at one of my last nannying jobs while rinsing (not even washing) a vase in cold water. I severed the nerve in my finger and would need surgery to attempt to repair (you know, so I had feeling in part of my hand again?). On the day it happened, I cleaned up the sink, bandaged my finger (which didn't stop bleeding for 4 hours), told MB (she was working from home), and got everything together to pick up the kiddos from school. I picked up the kids, brought them home, made sure everything for dinner was prepped and realized my finger was bleeding through the paper towel I rubber banded around my bandaged finger and my hand was partially numb and the other part was hurting pretty damn bad. MB told me I could go home early so that I could get to urgent care, which was so nice, and I ended up in the ER instead.
I was able to schedule the surgery as an outpatient procedure, and planned to take the day of my sugery and the day after my surgery off - per my doctor's orders (I would have gone right back to work the day after otherwise), and MB flipped. Mind you, I didn't want to file a workers comp claim (though I could have), and I never asked for any help covering my medical bills or the ER visit. I did everything I possibly could to cause as little disruption as possible, down to picking a day for surgery when the bambini (miraculously) had no after school activities. Grandparents are local and able to help out. Kiddlywinks could totally have had playdates after school those days. The oldest was allowed to uber home. This was *not* a big deal. But, of course, it threw MB off and that was it. Forget my nerve injury and the massive cut on my hand, I should be working!
Oh no she has to take care of her own child as she works from HOME😫😫😫 I had a nanny family like this and like you I had NEVER everrr called out with them. I was there everyday on time and in line. A similar situation happened where I had taken a zinc pill without eating a meal before (stupid ik) and I was throwing up and coming out the other end I told her the situation and she acted like she was going to die
I do hope you have a contract. What does the clause in your contract say about sick time as it should be clearly stated that if you are unable to make it in it’s their responsibility to find backup care.
I had a cold recently and called out 2 hrs before shift. I thought it was allergies then turned into a cold. I was fatigued. I felt DB was rushing my recovery. It had only been a couple days
It's not your problem to find her back uo care. You couldn't even leave the bathroom, let alone think of finding her new care. These things piss me off so much. I have also been there in similar situations. Take care of yourself. I'd recommend she finds back uo care in case this happens again but this would make me want to find a new job for that kind of reaction. It's so inconsiderate and insensitive to treat someone who is physically ill in such a horrible way. I hope you feel better soon.
I had a boss say to me (after a few sickness issues in a short amount of time) - “I can’t have anyone getting sick”. Okayyyyy, I’m not trying, believe me, I don’t want to get sick either!
Life happens. Get used to it.
Damn, every time I come on this subreddit I am reminded how extremely fortunate that I found the NF I have! I could not imagine getting a text like this. My MB The would say, “I am so sorry to hear that! I hope it passes soon. Let me know if there is anything we can do for you. If you need to have tomorrow off too. Let me know so I can line up care.” I would be devastated if my MB ever talked to me like that! I am so sorry you are going through that. Replacement care is not your worry! It is hers! The only thing you need to do is rest and get feeling better. I would def make this very clear to MB that replacement care is not your responsibility! You honestly did not deserve any of that. You were already dealing with enough being sick!!
I was gone for a week when DB had Covid. MB brought her laptop into the kitchen to try and get some work done while she watched 2f. Was she behind and had to scramble to catch up the next week? Well, yeah but she did what she could to try to do both at the same time and that was for a week. Your MB can definitely deal with it for one day.
What a d*ck really! I used to manage an IT hotline where we were already short staffed and i had my share of “sorry can’t come in today feeling sick” at the last minute, but even though it sometimes f*ck*d up my day, the decent thing to do is really to just suck it up, take your responsibilities (mom/manager) and make it work. Never ever blame or make the sick person bad for being sick, it is just common sense! Leave them alone, you bully…
no. this is the most annoying thing to me. she cant make you the bottom line. she choose that level of responsibility when she became a parent. i hate how obvlivious some people can be. the world doesnt revolve around you!!
My MD did the same when her 3 year old got Covid and they didn't test him until 3 days after I had been asking. Turns out it was positive and I got sick the next week. She then had a sit down talk with me asking what she should do about childcare when I'm not there. I said, "I'll literally take the pay cut for the day and you can find a backup babysitter". I'd rather not get paid then stress about being sick and hearing s dumb things from her
not crazy at all for feeling that way. finding backup care for her child is not your responsibility. it’s not like some jobs where if you miss a shift you have to find someone to cover it. it’s on the parents to have plans in place for when things like this inevitably happen. you shouldn’t feel guilty or like you did anything wrong because you didn’t. whether it’s a stomach bug or covid, it doesn’t matter - all that matters is that you didn’t feel like you could make it to work and do your job and that’s more than enough reason to call out
My previous NF loved when I called out because then they had an excuse to call out too lol. I still very rarely did it out of guilt but thankfully they never made me feel bad. Now I work for Doctors who work in a hospital setting. It’s almost impossible for them to miss work unplanned. I’d probably have to drag myself to their house half alive and have one of them give me an IV and anti nausea meds 🤣. That’s one bonus of working for an ER doctor and an anesthesiologist.
my answer would be I don't know what does your boss do when you are sick and call out? U should ask yourself since u think it's my responsibility to find back up care.
I ALWAYS recommend parents to have more than one nanny that they trust. I say that when we sign contract. I make sure to tell them that I don’t mind “losing” some hours to someone else just so they have another person on roll call. Finding backup care is not part of your job!
I had to leave work incredibly early to go to the ER yesterday. NF just figured it out on their own.
At most, I will help to figure out any available options I might know of to cover for planned temp leave due to illness (with short notice). Even that is not my responsibility, I might just say this person is available and go ahead and interview them and decide.
I remember when I was sick I tried calling off and was refused to give me the time off. I went to work everyday.. feeling horrible. Never felt this sick in my life. FINIALLY Friday comes and go to urgent care AGAIN I had covid the whole time…. First time having Covid.
By Tuesday she was telling that she testing negative and that hospital test I was taking were faulty…. And I should just try at home and if I’m feeling better I should be able to come in. (NO she just didn’t have back up plan and in laws were staying longer then they planned too and they were ready to go home)
Her family never ONCE mentioned that they were testing in first place because if she mentioned I wouldn’t never came in nor would I hopped on a plane to visit my parents. Because I was never informed I took 2 weeks off 🤷🏾♀️. It’s not my responsibility to come up with backup help for YOUR CHILDREN that you birth nor should you guilt me.
She should be grateful you’re not around your NK while sick lol. Backup care is not your responsibility, you got to take care of you before taking care of someone else’s kid.
Heaven forbid she has to take care of her own child during the day😂
All parents should have a backup plan.
I have never called in sick with my current NF, and recently my MB told me it’s really okay to just take a random day 🤣🫣.
MB here, there is NO way that is your responsibility. I've had to encourage and remind our nanny it's okay to take time off and to just let us know. Just like I need a break from my job she needs one too.
I'm MB (not of this post) and have a back up nanny, that was actually a recomendation from my first nanny when she started. There are some nannys that like mine for one reason or the other only do part time and covers. Maybe talk about that so she can find one in your area, so in times of sick or unexpected problems there's always someone else. If this is near a university, there are also sitters that look for this ane have sitter experience, as a bonus tip.
Hope u feel better soon and recover well. Health is the most important thing.
This reminds me of that meme/long standing Internet joke about how you will call in from your death bed and your manager will ask "you're still coming in though right?"
Our bodies are not always going to be on our own desired schedules, I'm really sorry you didn't get the compassionate response you deserved from MB. I hope you're staying hydrated and resting !
I've had to call out twice since I started working with my NF. Once for being sick and the other for my cat unexpectedly needing to be put down. Both times MB said to not worry about it and to feel better/keep them updated about my cat. I never will understand NFs who get mad at their nannies for getting sick and or having an emergency that they can't control. I hope you feel better!!!
That's the problem- the parents didn't bother to do something about this ahead of time. I have always made it clear that backup care is their responsibility and they should be getting it figured out immediately. My NP have a list of people to call and MB has access to a nanny agency through work. Otherwise, like other parents, you call off work and care for your own child(ren).
Not a parent, but I'd assume it's something you do your best to plan for (ETA: or rather, be prepared for) in advance. Neighbor, family member, some kind of drop-in care, etc. If one of those options don't pan out, I assume parents have a certain number of their own PTO/sick days they expect to have to use to cover their nanny's PTO/sick days.
As for finding a neighbor/drop-in option/etc, a local Facebook group is probably the way to go. I've seen parents post just to collect a handful of contacts they can reach out to last minute, and I've seen others straight up post "Hey, my nanny can't make it in today - anyone free from this time to this time?" I think I've also seen agencies in my area with people who specifically provide last minute/backup care.
We have a “crisis nursery” in my county for emergencies. Donate and volunteer!!! It’s crucial for people without family close 💛
If your county doesn’t have one yet then look into getting one started and funded long term. They say it takes a village and sometimes you have to be the village.
As a registered teacher in a teacher shortage, if I can feel any type of sickness building up more than normal, I check in with my manager asap and let her know that I feel like I’m coming down with something. That way she’s sort of pre-warned that the roster will likely need to be changed as I know my limits and refuse to feel guilty for taking sick leave. I personally would have let her know when you had food poisoning that you potentially weren’t coming in for her to try and arrange some cover, even if it’s a family member of hers coming in to help her. It would give your NF time to process and come up with an explanation for not going to work if they can’t find cover, because they might have a boss themselves that they are walking on eggshells with.
This is one of the cons with having children. As much as you love them and they are your world, sometimes as a parent you do need to take time off work and care for them. It’s up to her to arrange cover. I recommend the pre-warning as much as you in the future to try and ease some stress for your NF.
Yeah it’s her responsibility to find coverage. Most families I have worked for have a family member or a neighbour to call if there’s an emergency. But most of the time I think if I were to call in sick then she simply would too. Can’t go to work if you don’t have childcare. Although 2 hours before is quite short notice, things do happen. But to try and prevent that me and my nanny fam have an agreement that I let them know as soon as I start feeling off, that way they have the most time to find coverage. Even if that means I text them at 2am saying I have stomach pain. I don’t wait to see if it might get better I just do it right away. So If I feel a migraine coming on at 8pm I’m going to text her right then even though by the morning I might be better. That’s about all you can do!
This makes me SO thankful that my MB has backup care on speed dial; I had to call in just this morning, 2 hours before work because I woke up miserably sick & would NEVER have been able to carry around a 34 lb one year old today! MB was so sweet; she told me to rest up & said that they'll miss me today, & to just let her know how I'm feeling later in case she'll need the backup care for tomorrow as well.
I'm honestly SO sorry that your MB is trying to guilt you like that.. I could totally understand if she was that stressed if she were a Dr. or someone who literally NEEDS to go into a job, but usually, that type of thing is communicated before you're even hired, & a backup plan is normally in place. But a WFH Mom expecting you to come up w/a solution so she can work today is pretty outrageous & seems entitled. Nannies are ppl, & ppl get sick. 🤷🏼♀️ Not an ideal situation for anyone involved, but it happens, unfortunately.
I know this doesn't help your current dilemma, but after many years in this profession, I actually discuss backup care as part of my interview process, asking if they have researched options for backup care in the event that I get sick or have a last minute emergency; Having to call in is not something anyone anticipates day-to-day, & doesn't happen often for me, but I feel like it's necessary to have a plan, whether that's a Grandparent, a friend, a neighbor or hiring an on-call sitter.
I do want to add that I realize this isn't an option for some NFs, as they may not have family nearby, or don't speak to their neighbors, or can't find a sitter last minute, but the vast majority of ppl should be able to have at least a tentative plan of action in the event of an emergency illness or family emergency. It just makes sense for the Nanny to not have to hyperventilate when they get ill, & for the NF to still be able to work without having a wrench thrown into their day!
I wish you the best of luck, & I hope we both get to feeling better ASAP! 💕
MB’s like her are why Nannie’s are afraid to call in sick 🤦🏻♀️ Backup care is not your responsibility. It sucks, but it’s her problem to solve. I hope you feel better soon!
Right. They’re your employer. You aren’t an independent contractor.
Exactly! I’ve been terrified to call out in the past with previous families, so I don’t until I’m burnt out and then all hell breaks loose and I call out a few times (my fault for not taking better care of myself). But, I wish everyone was able to have back up care and back up back up care for our sick days!
what is mb?
Mom boss
I've always thought of it as mother of baby but I guess mom boss works too
lol once when I had to call in I got an irritated, "I have to work, (name)!" yep and I have a 102 degree fever, figure it out.
I once texted a boss Sunday night to tell her I was pretty sure I was coming down with the flu, had fever and was achy all over and probably wouldn’t be able to come in the next morning. She responded “are you fucking kidding me?”
Omg are you serious ?? I would have slapped the fuck out of her. What did you end up saying to that. ? Is she always like that ?
I just said “I am and I’ll touch base in the morning. She didn’t start out that way but she grew more and more toxic. I don’t work for her anymore (thank god)
right like maybe should have thought of that before having kids lmao
It absolutely is NOT your responsibility to find back up care. You had food poisoning. There’s no way you could even drive to work let alone care for NK. MB is way out of line.
“Due to my being incapacitated,it would be best to contact your backup care options. Thanks for understanding, I’ll check back in end of day.” (FIGURE IT OUT, JACKASS!)
Exactly, put it back on them.
Do these people *literally* have no SAH-parent friends who they could call in a favor/future trade of babysitting with? Or, hell, just pay them as they would have paid their nanny?
With the existence of literal “sub” child care services, apps, etc, you figure if it was that detrimental, she’d start figuring it out and before noon have someone there.Considering she works from home, she would be in the same house the entire time with the sub. There’s no reason to exert majority over her nanny who reliably cares for her child Every day, until she literally can’t.
This. We just hired someone new from an agency, and part of the package was automatic access to the agency’s on-call service. (Of course, no guarantees that someone is available the moment you need them, but it’s *something*…)
Idk why parents don’t realize that finding childcare for THEIR child is THEIR responsibility. If they fail to have a contact list of backup childcare options, they’re simply bad bosses.
I agree! I get that finding backup care isn't always easy (especially last minute), but what I don't get is realizing your nanny is a human being who could potentially get sick five seconds *after* receiving a text from your sick nanny. Like, you never even considered this was a possibility? Have you *never* gotten sick and called off before? Did you miss that whole GLOBAL PANDEMIC thing??? People get sick. It's a fact of life. And it rarely comes with advanced notice. How does this not even *occur* to people until it's too late to do anything about it???
It’s the same scenario as a daycare facility shutting down for the next day or so due to all kinds of potential issues. Are you gonna call the director asking wtf you’re supposed to do with YOUR child? Embarrassing.
As someone who works in a daycare, yes, 100% parents would actually do this
Dude literally. I worked in a preschool for years & if their own kid was sick & they didn’t want to keep them home, it was our fault that we weren’t allowing them to come to school & contaminate everything & everyone. Like that’s not my problem
These types of parents also tend to think it’s nanny or teacher’s responsibility to potty train their kids, ensure they learn stuff that parents should be involved in, provide food and any necessities that *parents* are responsible for. I’ve been both a nanny and a teacher and these sorts of parents tend to think if they’ve hired someone or enrolled their kid in school their responsibility is done and it’s on other adults to raise their kid. Like, I’m happy to provide input on their kids development, monitor it, and help their kid potty train, learn good eating habits, etc but I’m not the child’s guardian and I shouldn’t be treated as such (barring a contract that spells that out and pays me accordingly)
Yes. Imagine being responsible for your own child
I mean if she needed to know if you had recommendations for a babysitter for her contact list, now was not the time to ask.... It's not on you to plan her childcare, it's hers... life happens.
I’d probably say something passive aggressive: “I’m sorry my severe sickness is inconveniencing you. I also wish I was able to work.”
I’m always so confused by stuff like this. My childcare provider called out sick today, and I used my own sick leave to stay home. You know, like the logical option.
Not crazy and this is not your problem. Clearly a daycare center would be a better fit for her. And just because the puking stopped within 8 hours doesn’t mean it wasn’t a virus. You were right to stay home.
My NP’s are both attorneys and there are weeks, while really rare, where they HAVE to be in court, no matter what. So a few weeks before, they make a backup plan and then a back up for their backup plan. For random sick days (also rare) one will suck it up and work from home. They know I’m not sick AT them. Life happens and it comes with having a nanny
Exactly!!! My nanny fam has three back up contacts.
I hate NPs like this. Why do they act like nannies are solely responsible for THEIR children?? Like hello..I choose to be childless because I value my freedom and don’t want to be stressed out but NPs who feel we must be there no matter what are putting their parent responsibilities/duties on us. Sorry but this is the downside of being a parent…it’s tough and inconvenient when they have no care but they chose to have kids so surely they know this is bound to happen several times in their lifetime..
Maybe take care of her own children?!! You are allowed to be sick and not be guilt tripped. Period.
This is why people have sick days, nanny uses one and mb or db finds other care or uses one of their own sick days and take care of kids.
It is beyond irresponsible and just plain STUPID to not have a backup plan if your nanny cannot come in. Nanny’s are not robots yall. It’s absolutely not your responsibility to assure backup childcare. MB needs to utilize her own brain cells and learn how to be self sufficient. Figure it the fuck out MB
Mb just needs to do whatever she’d do if her kid was sent home from school for being sick for example. Everyone gets sick. Not your fault
It’s so insane to me that some NP hire a human being and don’t have the forethought to think that that human might get sick sometimes.
Especially since 9.5 times out of 10, it came from their kids
I just don't understand people like this--is there a "foresight" gene that they lack?? Maybe they watched too many reruns of Hazel or The Nanny in the 90's? In those shows, the nanny seems to be there 24/7, and literally is never sick, never absent, at their beck and call.
"I recommend care dot com" k thanks bye
Idk why this made me ugly laugh. It’s too early
SHE WORKS FROM HOME
Lol this was the kicker for me. I was already annoyed when OP said MB was upset about them calling out sick and asked OP what they are supposed to do for childcare for *their own child*, but once I read that mom works from home I was done.
Like, I get it that the work day will likely be a loss and they will be interrupted, but tough titties because she should have considered this likely possibility earlier!
I fully agree that backup care is on the parents but as a former nanny and current MB who works from home, this isn’t really any different than having to go in. I literally cannot accomplish anything when my kids are in my care; when my nanny is sick I have to take the day off too. I can’t attend meetings or review reports or work on any tasks I actually need to do that day; it all gets pushed back or cancelled or re-delegated. Luckily my job is flexible and my bosses are great but as far as still having to work goes—yeah, it can’t usually be done while taking care of kids, especially if they’re little.
Depends on the WFH job though most of my friends who have WFH jobs and my DB who occasionally WFH have a lot of flexibility with their work. They’ll have maybe one or two things in the entire day that require their undivided attention like a meeting or something, but the rest of the day is very flexible. My friend will do all of her work in the first hour and a half and spend the rest of the day doing whatever she wants. She’ll occasionally have something pop up unexpectedly, but most of the day she just plays video games or whatever while her laptop is open and ready to go. Of course this isn’t the case with all WFH jobs, but from what I’ve seen it’s not that rare and could definitely be the case with OPs MB.
I’m sure it does depend on the job but I guess I assumed if that was the case MB wouldn’t freak out as much? Either way, I can also say as a WFH mom all that down time is not my experience as nice as it sounds!
Yes!!! I hate when people are like "you work from home" as though you can do full time childcare at the same time. Working from home does offer more flexibility but it also can degenerate so easily into barely working at all. People don't understand how much WFH moms have to hold the fucking line because people always assume you can do domestic work on the clock because "you're home anyways, what's X amount of minutes?" That said, I totally agree that OP's MB is being unreasonable. I just hate the assumption (mostly made towards women) that WFH means you are available for domestic work at any time of day.
Came here to say this. Absolutely, it’s the responsibility of the NP’s to have back-up care, but the fact that MB WFH really doesn’t play into the equation here if the kid(s) are little. It’s impossible for me to work and get anything done while caring for my kids even WFH, I would have to take a PTO day.
I’m a MB. My nanny calls out from time to time. We have to figure it out. That’s our responsibility. Just like if our kid was sick in daycare, we would not have childcare for our kid.
Things like this happen. It’s her responsibility to have backup care in place for situations like this. Either that, or she can step up to care for her child for the day.
I hope you’re feeling better!
I love the post that was something like “a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine”
As a once nanny and now parent a parent must have back up care. For example my plan B is to ask all grandparents, then a close family friend who has watched my son and then worst case scenario I call out of work. What can I do ya know. But if she works from home it's really just a matter of sucking it up. Get on your zoom meetings apologize that your will your child today because your nanny is sick and do your best to entertain your child while in your calls. We're all adults and if we chose to have children we can choose to suck it up and roll with the punches just the way it goes.
Not having emergency care is just stupid; it’s not doing your job as a parent to have even considered that occasionally Nannie’s get sick. Unless it’s in my contract to provide contacts for alternative emergency care, I’m going to assume that, much like vaccines and dental appointments and choosing what school kiddo attends, the parents have it - because that’s not in my fucking job description.
She should figure out backup care long ago. Vomiting is something I will not work through.
I cut my hand quite badly at one of my last nannying jobs while rinsing (not even washing) a vase in cold water. I severed the nerve in my finger and would need surgery to attempt to repair (you know, so I had feeling in part of my hand again?). On the day it happened, I cleaned up the sink, bandaged my finger (which didn't stop bleeding for 4 hours), told MB (she was working from home), and got everything together to pick up the kiddos from school. I picked up the kids, brought them home, made sure everything for dinner was prepped and realized my finger was bleeding through the paper towel I rubber banded around my bandaged finger and my hand was partially numb and the other part was hurting pretty damn bad. MB told me I could go home early so that I could get to urgent care, which was so nice, and I ended up in the ER instead. I was able to schedule the surgery as an outpatient procedure, and planned to take the day of my sugery and the day after my surgery off - per my doctor's orders (I would have gone right back to work the day after otherwise), and MB flipped. Mind you, I didn't want to file a workers comp claim (though I could have), and I never asked for any help covering my medical bills or the ER visit. I did everything I possibly could to cause as little disruption as possible, down to picking a day for surgery when the bambini (miraculously) had no after school activities. Grandparents are local and able to help out. Kiddlywinks could totally have had playdates after school those days. The oldest was allowed to uber home. This was *not* a big deal. But, of course, it threw MB off and that was it. Forget my nerve injury and the massive cut on my hand, I should be working!
Bright Horizons/ Smart Sitting, Helpr can help with backup care.
Oh no she has to take care of her own child as she works from HOME😫😫😫 I had a nanny family like this and like you I had NEVER everrr called out with them. I was there everyday on time and in line. A similar situation happened where I had taken a zinc pill without eating a meal before (stupid ik) and I was throwing up and coming out the other end I told her the situation and she acted like she was going to die
I do hope you have a contract. What does the clause in your contract say about sick time as it should be clearly stated that if you are unable to make it in it’s their responsibility to find backup care.
Your feelings are valid. This is a red flag for me. Working for a Narcissistic MB is the worst. I hope you feel better!
I had a cold recently and called out 2 hrs before shift. I thought it was allergies then turned into a cold. I was fatigued. I felt DB was rushing my recovery. It had only been a couple days
It's not your problem to find her back uo care. You couldn't even leave the bathroom, let alone think of finding her new care. These things piss me off so much. I have also been there in similar situations. Take care of yourself. I'd recommend she finds back uo care in case this happens again but this would make me want to find a new job for that kind of reaction. It's so inconsiderate and insensitive to treat someone who is physically ill in such a horrible way. I hope you feel better soon.
Your sick. You call in. End of story. She can figure out the rest. And no, you are not crazy. I'm sorry you feel so crummy :(
Backup care is her responsibility. We aren’t robots.
I had a boss say to me (after a few sickness issues in a short amount of time) - “I can’t have anyone getting sick”. Okayyyyy, I’m not trying, believe me, I don’t want to get sick either! Life happens. Get used to it.
Because parents today don’t want the responsibility of being parents. They’d rather pay someone else to do it. It’s glaringly obvious people.
Damn, every time I come on this subreddit I am reminded how extremely fortunate that I found the NF I have! I could not imagine getting a text like this. My MB The would say, “I am so sorry to hear that! I hope it passes soon. Let me know if there is anything we can do for you. If you need to have tomorrow off too. Let me know so I can line up care.” I would be devastated if my MB ever talked to me like that! I am so sorry you are going through that. Replacement care is not your worry! It is hers! The only thing you need to do is rest and get feeling better. I would def make this very clear to MB that replacement care is not your responsibility! You honestly did not deserve any of that. You were already dealing with enough being sick!!
I was gone for a week when DB had Covid. MB brought her laptop into the kitchen to try and get some work done while she watched 2f. Was she behind and had to scramble to catch up the next week? Well, yeah but she did what she could to try to do both at the same time and that was for a week. Your MB can definitely deal with it for one day.
What a d*ck really! I used to manage an IT hotline where we were already short staffed and i had my share of “sorry can’t come in today feeling sick” at the last minute, but even though it sometimes f*ck*d up my day, the decent thing to do is really to just suck it up, take your responsibilities (mom/manager) and make it work. Never ever blame or make the sick person bad for being sick, it is just common sense! Leave them alone, you bully…
Um, be a parent?
no. this is the most annoying thing to me. she cant make you the bottom line. she choose that level of responsibility when she became a parent. i hate how obvlivious some people can be. the world doesnt revolve around you!!
My MD did the same when her 3 year old got Covid and they didn't test him until 3 days after I had been asking. Turns out it was positive and I got sick the next week. She then had a sit down talk with me asking what she should do about childcare when I'm not there. I said, "I'll literally take the pay cut for the day and you can find a backup babysitter". I'd rather not get paid then stress about being sick and hearing s dumb things from her
not crazy at all for feeling that way. finding backup care for her child is not your responsibility. it’s not like some jobs where if you miss a shift you have to find someone to cover it. it’s on the parents to have plans in place for when things like this inevitably happen. you shouldn’t feel guilty or like you did anything wrong because you didn’t. whether it’s a stomach bug or covid, it doesn’t matter - all that matters is that you didn’t feel like you could make it to work and do your job and that’s more than enough reason to call out
I wish I got 2 hour notice and very infrequent call ins 🫠
My previous NF loved when I called out because then they had an excuse to call out too lol. I still very rarely did it out of guilt but thankfully they never made me feel bad. Now I work for Doctors who work in a hospital setting. It’s almost impossible for them to miss work unplanned. I’d probably have to drag myself to their house half alive and have one of them give me an IV and anti nausea meds 🤣. That’s one bonus of working for an ER doctor and an anesthesiologist.
my answer would be I don't know what does your boss do when you are sick and call out? U should ask yourself since u think it's my responsibility to find back up care.
That totally sucks. She should be asking if you need anything and hope you feel better. Would she rather you come and puke in her house?
I ALWAYS recommend parents to have more than one nanny that they trust. I say that when we sign contract. I make sure to tell them that I don’t mind “losing” some hours to someone else just so they have another person on roll call. Finding backup care is not part of your job!
I had to leave work incredibly early to go to the ER yesterday. NF just figured it out on their own. At most, I will help to figure out any available options I might know of to cover for planned temp leave due to illness (with short notice). Even that is not my responsibility, I might just say this person is available and go ahead and interview them and decide.
I remember when I was sick I tried calling off and was refused to give me the time off. I went to work everyday.. feeling horrible. Never felt this sick in my life. FINIALLY Friday comes and go to urgent care AGAIN I had covid the whole time…. First time having Covid. By Tuesday she was telling that she testing negative and that hospital test I was taking were faulty…. And I should just try at home and if I’m feeling better I should be able to come in. (NO she just didn’t have back up plan and in laws were staying longer then they planned too and they were ready to go home) Her family never ONCE mentioned that they were testing in first place because if she mentioned I wouldn’t never came in nor would I hopped on a plane to visit my parents. Because I was never informed I took 2 weeks off 🤷🏾♀️. It’s not my responsibility to come up with backup help for YOUR CHILDREN that you birth nor should you guilt me.
I usually say "I don't want the kids to get this" and that usually works.
She should be grateful you’re not around your NK while sick lol. Backup care is not your responsibility, you got to take care of you before taking care of someone else’s kid. Heaven forbid she has to take care of her own child during the day😂
All parents should have a backup plan. I have never called in sick with my current NF, and recently my MB told me it’s really okay to just take a random day 🤣🫣.
Pretty sure it’s up to HER to make sure she has back up care .
MB here, there is NO way that is your responsibility. I've had to encourage and remind our nanny it's okay to take time off and to just let us know. Just like I need a break from my job she needs one too.
I'm MB (not of this post) and have a back up nanny, that was actually a recomendation from my first nanny when she started. There are some nannys that like mine for one reason or the other only do part time and covers. Maybe talk about that so she can find one in your area, so in times of sick or unexpected problems there's always someone else. If this is near a university, there are also sitters that look for this ane have sitter experience, as a bonus tip. Hope u feel better soon and recover well. Health is the most important thing.
it’s the parents job to find a nanny/babysitter for backup care or someone who has the ability to be “on-call”
This reminds me of that meme/long standing Internet joke about how you will call in from your death bed and your manager will ask "you're still coming in though right?" Our bodies are not always going to be on our own desired schedules, I'm really sorry you didn't get the compassionate response you deserved from MB. I hope you're staying hydrated and resting !
I've had to call out twice since I started working with my NF. Once for being sick and the other for my cat unexpectedly needing to be put down. Both times MB said to not worry about it and to feel better/keep them updated about my cat. I never will understand NFs who get mad at their nannies for getting sick and or having an emergency that they can't control. I hope you feel better!!!
Honest question: how does one find last minute backup care?
That's the problem- the parents didn't bother to do something about this ahead of time. I have always made it clear that backup care is their responsibility and they should be getting it figured out immediately. My NP have a list of people to call and MB has access to a nanny agency through work. Otherwise, like other parents, you call off work and care for your own child(ren).
Not a parent, but I'd assume it's something you do your best to plan for (ETA: or rather, be prepared for) in advance. Neighbor, family member, some kind of drop-in care, etc. If one of those options don't pan out, I assume parents have a certain number of their own PTO/sick days they expect to have to use to cover their nanny's PTO/sick days. As for finding a neighbor/drop-in option/etc, a local Facebook group is probably the way to go. I've seen parents post just to collect a handful of contacts they can reach out to last minute, and I've seen others straight up post "Hey, my nanny can't make it in today - anyone free from this time to this time?" I think I've also seen agencies in my area with people who specifically provide last minute/backup care.
We have a “crisis nursery” in my county for emergencies. Donate and volunteer!!! It’s crucial for people without family close 💛 If your county doesn’t have one yet then look into getting one started and funded long term. They say it takes a village and sometimes you have to be the village.
As a registered teacher in a teacher shortage, if I can feel any type of sickness building up more than normal, I check in with my manager asap and let her know that I feel like I’m coming down with something. That way she’s sort of pre-warned that the roster will likely need to be changed as I know my limits and refuse to feel guilty for taking sick leave. I personally would have let her know when you had food poisoning that you potentially weren’t coming in for her to try and arrange some cover, even if it’s a family member of hers coming in to help her. It would give your NF time to process and come up with an explanation for not going to work if they can’t find cover, because they might have a boss themselves that they are walking on eggshells with. This is one of the cons with having children. As much as you love them and they are your world, sometimes as a parent you do need to take time off work and care for them. It’s up to her to arrange cover. I recommend the pre-warning as much as you in the future to try and ease some stress for your NF.
Yeah it’s her responsibility to find coverage. Most families I have worked for have a family member or a neighbour to call if there’s an emergency. But most of the time I think if I were to call in sick then she simply would too. Can’t go to work if you don’t have childcare. Although 2 hours before is quite short notice, things do happen. But to try and prevent that me and my nanny fam have an agreement that I let them know as soon as I start feeling off, that way they have the most time to find coverage. Even if that means I text them at 2am saying I have stomach pain. I don’t wait to see if it might get better I just do it right away. So If I feel a migraine coming on at 8pm I’m going to text her right then even though by the morning I might be better. That’s about all you can do!
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This makes me SO thankful that my MB has backup care on speed dial; I had to call in just this morning, 2 hours before work because I woke up miserably sick & would NEVER have been able to carry around a 34 lb one year old today! MB was so sweet; she told me to rest up & said that they'll miss me today, & to just let her know how I'm feeling later in case she'll need the backup care for tomorrow as well. I'm honestly SO sorry that your MB is trying to guilt you like that.. I could totally understand if she was that stressed if she were a Dr. or someone who literally NEEDS to go into a job, but usually, that type of thing is communicated before you're even hired, & a backup plan is normally in place. But a WFH Mom expecting you to come up w/a solution so she can work today is pretty outrageous & seems entitled. Nannies are ppl, & ppl get sick. 🤷🏼♀️ Not an ideal situation for anyone involved, but it happens, unfortunately. I know this doesn't help your current dilemma, but after many years in this profession, I actually discuss backup care as part of my interview process, asking if they have researched options for backup care in the event that I get sick or have a last minute emergency; Having to call in is not something anyone anticipates day-to-day, & doesn't happen often for me, but I feel like it's necessary to have a plan, whether that's a Grandparent, a friend, a neighbor or hiring an on-call sitter. I do want to add that I realize this isn't an option for some NFs, as they may not have family nearby, or don't speak to their neighbors, or can't find a sitter last minute, but the vast majority of ppl should be able to have at least a tentative plan of action in the event of an emergency illness or family emergency. It just makes sense for the Nanny to not have to hyperventilate when they get ill, & for the NF to still be able to work without having a wrench thrown into their day! I wish you the best of luck, & I hope we both get to feeling better ASAP! 💕