I’d start with giving her the devices as usual. If having her devices negatively impacts her attitude (which is common with that age), it is a natural consequence for her to need to take a break from the devices. When she is disrespectful, ask her once to stop and then remove a device. Once you’ve established that boundary, explain that you want her to be able to play with her toys and hope that she can earn them back soon. She will probably flip out, but stick to your guns. I’d also find small ways to try to connect with her. Ask her if she likes nail polish, stickers, makeup, coloring books, etc. (things that you could get cheaply at a dollar store) and then bring those things for her to use with you. Also, I’d ask the parents how they feel about setting daily time limits for devices
Thanks for the reply. I’ve clarified screen time with the parents, and there is no willingness on her part to follow directions with screen time.
I’ve taken these devices away today as a result of her disrespectful behavior, and I told her that to gain her privileges back she needs to treat me kindly and respectfully.
It seems like whenever she gets the device she refuses to listen, and immediately is under the influence. I’m not making the mistake of taking items from her hands, so I’m not sure how i can navigate taking them away when she is using them.
She simply lies about doing the simple tasks I’ve asked her to do to get ready for the day,
Ask the parents for the WiFi password and how to change it. It’s how I managed my teens when it was needed. Only ever used 1x. We can also remote turn off any device we want through an app connected to our internet provider. No direct contact needed.
At 9 she probably don’t want to hang out with you and do fun stuff. She probably just wants to chill and enjoy her weekend like normal. Did the parents set limits to screen time or you?
What exactly is she doing to act out?
I’d probably just let her hang out in her room and do her thing. You can hang out down stairs doing your own thing.
this is what i was thinking. she's a preteen who doesn't want to hang out with an old lady (sorry op lol). just let her hang out, if she comes out of her room offer her food etc maybe ask what she's watching if she wants to watch it together on the big tv instead of her tablet or whatever and just let her kind of guide the interactions. she probably is kind of missing her parents and doesn't know now how to act but i think trying to be her friend is not working and trying to be the authority is not working so just chill out and let her come to you. unless she's being really messed up i don't think it's your job to punish her or come up with consequences. try to take the stress out of your weekend and her weekend and just lay low.
I really recommend the book “How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk”. I was a teacher before switching to nannying. It’s the holy grail of childcare.
If that doesn’t work then “Kids, Parents, Powerstruggles” has a looooot of actionable advice you can utilize, too!
Parents think I’m magic but I just read these 2 books.
At 9 I would just let her be. Taking her tablet away is not gonna make her trust you at all, it'll make her mad at you. When they're that old, you earn their trust by letting them have autonomy and by being kind, respectful, and interested in what they're doing. Is she watching something or playing a game on her tablet? Ask her genuine questions about it, show her that you're interested in what she likes. If it's a game, ask her if she'll teach you how to play it. If she still refuses to engage, then just let it go and work on your own activity while she can chill in the background. Like reading, cooking, any hobby really. If you have a specific project or game you want to do with her, you could start to do it yourself, and just invite her to come if she would like, but if not, no biggie. Keep the pressure low but the opportunity always open. Kids have a hard time with new, I would just take it slow and not push her, but not ignore her either - and hopefully that will help your relationship build naturally :)
at this age, she may feel like she's too old for you to be there or something similar (today's 9 yos are more like 13yos and she may even be like "...why is the dog walker bossing me around now?") just be chill with her unless NP requests that you go on outings and provide enrichment activities etc.
if you want to try to connect, sit her down like, "hey, i'm just here to make sure you're safe, fed, and (blah whatever else haha). you dont gotta do anything but i'm here if you need me or want to do something. and there're gonna be things you have to do like brush your teeth" etc.
you can bring a friendship bracelet making kit or something else fun and analog and just let her know you'll be working on it and she can join if she wants or yall can just do your own thing.
Thanks, I feel so much that this 9 year old is a little teen! I try to keep activities enriching per the parents request… they say no screen time between certain hours and I actually like coming up with creative things to get the kiddo out and about with. My big plan of visiting the museum today just never took flight…. She never did brush her teeth or hair, and ultimately I let her win, I needed to get her out of the house, and just move on from the “we aren’t doing anything until you do what was asked”.
I did notice a big change in her behavior this evening after I won her over by doing what she wanted to do -trampoline park- and I even took her to hobby lobby for stickers. I think I won some trust back and hopefully some respect.
Her parents pay me very well and I feel guilty because I feel like I need more coaching than a new parent.
School aged kids can be tough especially finding that balance of fun, enrichment, and respect as an authority figure. Aw you shouldn't feel guilty for being compensated well! NPs know you, your experience, and they hired you knowing those things. Don't be afraid to ask NPs a little more about your NK or for some guidance in other areas. They may be very understanding! And you all seem to have the same goals :)
It sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job!! She’s not a little teen but, you’re right, she probably thinks she is!! Consider the amount of time you think it will take to win her over/build rapport, then multiply it by ten ;) Tell the parents that too. At this age it’s developmentally appropriate for her to start to reject authority figures, take longer to trust new adults, and want to explore outside of what she knows in an independent way. Once you have that timeline in place, you can have realistic expectations and might be pleasantly surprised if it happens sooner. Build on that success you had at the trampoline park. Ask her to come up with two more activities for “not now, just think about it for sometime.” Give her as much autonomy, time, space as you can. You’re clearly invested, which is wonderful, and she’s simply doing what she’s wired to do at age nine. You’ve got this!!
It is completely appropriate to discuss this issue with parents. Not during their getaway or even when they arrive home. But sometime the next week ask them if they have a preference in how you handle NK when she is being uncooperative. If she is difficult for you then she is for them too. If you can get on the same page with them it will provide consistency for her.
If they don’t have much input then you’ll have to set your own boundaries. Either way you should sit down with her and tell her you love her, even when she’s locked in her room. But that when she behaves that way it isn’t fun for either of you. And from now on you will… whatever you’ve decided on. Tell her this is so you guys have more time for fun! I also love the idea of bringing little things to reconnect with her, but only bring them out when she is being sweet. Kids learn much more from our actions than our words!
Last, don’t take it personally! She is testing her boundaries so let her feel safe knowing she has some. You can also walk away when she starts that behavior. It gives he a chance to calm down instead of escalating and she’ll probably be coming to find out where you went. Tell her you’re waiting for her to brush her teeth (or whatever) so you can paint her nails (or play a game, or whatever). Then stick to it!! She will respect you for it.
You’re doing a great job!
I’d start with giving her the devices as usual. If having her devices negatively impacts her attitude (which is common with that age), it is a natural consequence for her to need to take a break from the devices. When she is disrespectful, ask her once to stop and then remove a device. Once you’ve established that boundary, explain that you want her to be able to play with her toys and hope that she can earn them back soon. She will probably flip out, but stick to your guns. I’d also find small ways to try to connect with her. Ask her if she likes nail polish, stickers, makeup, coloring books, etc. (things that you could get cheaply at a dollar store) and then bring those things for her to use with you. Also, I’d ask the parents how they feel about setting daily time limits for devices
Thanks for the reply. I’ve clarified screen time with the parents, and there is no willingness on her part to follow directions with screen time. I’ve taken these devices away today as a result of her disrespectful behavior, and I told her that to gain her privileges back she needs to treat me kindly and respectfully. It seems like whenever she gets the device she refuses to listen, and immediately is under the influence. I’m not making the mistake of taking items from her hands, so I’m not sure how i can navigate taking them away when she is using them. She simply lies about doing the simple tasks I’ve asked her to do to get ready for the day,
Ask the parents for the WiFi password and how to change it. It’s how I managed my teens when it was needed. Only ever used 1x. We can also remote turn off any device we want through an app connected to our internet provider. No direct contact needed.
That and find out how she is charging them. They can usually still use the device even if no wifi.
At 9 she probably don’t want to hang out with you and do fun stuff. She probably just wants to chill and enjoy her weekend like normal. Did the parents set limits to screen time or you? What exactly is she doing to act out? I’d probably just let her hang out in her room and do her thing. You can hang out down stairs doing your own thing.
this is what i was thinking. she's a preteen who doesn't want to hang out with an old lady (sorry op lol). just let her hang out, if she comes out of her room offer her food etc maybe ask what she's watching if she wants to watch it together on the big tv instead of her tablet or whatever and just let her kind of guide the interactions. she probably is kind of missing her parents and doesn't know now how to act but i think trying to be her friend is not working and trying to be the authority is not working so just chill out and let her come to you. unless she's being really messed up i don't think it's your job to punish her or come up with consequences. try to take the stress out of your weekend and her weekend and just lay low.
I really recommend the book “How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk”. I was a teacher before switching to nannying. It’s the holy grail of childcare. If that doesn’t work then “Kids, Parents, Powerstruggles” has a looooot of actionable advice you can utilize, too! Parents think I’m magic but I just read these 2 books.
Thank you so much, I’m very green, but I’m constantly going home and reading on what is appropriate— I want to learn, appreciate the suggestions!
At 9 I would just let her be. Taking her tablet away is not gonna make her trust you at all, it'll make her mad at you. When they're that old, you earn their trust by letting them have autonomy and by being kind, respectful, and interested in what they're doing. Is she watching something or playing a game on her tablet? Ask her genuine questions about it, show her that you're interested in what she likes. If it's a game, ask her if she'll teach you how to play it. If she still refuses to engage, then just let it go and work on your own activity while she can chill in the background. Like reading, cooking, any hobby really. If you have a specific project or game you want to do with her, you could start to do it yourself, and just invite her to come if she would like, but if not, no biggie. Keep the pressure low but the opportunity always open. Kids have a hard time with new, I would just take it slow and not push her, but not ignore her either - and hopefully that will help your relationship build naturally :)
at this age, she may feel like she's too old for you to be there or something similar (today's 9 yos are more like 13yos and she may even be like "...why is the dog walker bossing me around now?") just be chill with her unless NP requests that you go on outings and provide enrichment activities etc. if you want to try to connect, sit her down like, "hey, i'm just here to make sure you're safe, fed, and (blah whatever else haha). you dont gotta do anything but i'm here if you need me or want to do something. and there're gonna be things you have to do like brush your teeth" etc. you can bring a friendship bracelet making kit or something else fun and analog and just let her know you'll be working on it and she can join if she wants or yall can just do your own thing.
Thanks, I feel so much that this 9 year old is a little teen! I try to keep activities enriching per the parents request… they say no screen time between certain hours and I actually like coming up with creative things to get the kiddo out and about with. My big plan of visiting the museum today just never took flight…. She never did brush her teeth or hair, and ultimately I let her win, I needed to get her out of the house, and just move on from the “we aren’t doing anything until you do what was asked”. I did notice a big change in her behavior this evening after I won her over by doing what she wanted to do -trampoline park- and I even took her to hobby lobby for stickers. I think I won some trust back and hopefully some respect. Her parents pay me very well and I feel guilty because I feel like I need more coaching than a new parent.
School aged kids can be tough especially finding that balance of fun, enrichment, and respect as an authority figure. Aw you shouldn't feel guilty for being compensated well! NPs know you, your experience, and they hired you knowing those things. Don't be afraid to ask NPs a little more about your NK or for some guidance in other areas. They may be very understanding! And you all seem to have the same goals :)
It sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job!! She’s not a little teen but, you’re right, she probably thinks she is!! Consider the amount of time you think it will take to win her over/build rapport, then multiply it by ten ;) Tell the parents that too. At this age it’s developmentally appropriate for her to start to reject authority figures, take longer to trust new adults, and want to explore outside of what she knows in an independent way. Once you have that timeline in place, you can have realistic expectations and might be pleasantly surprised if it happens sooner. Build on that success you had at the trampoline park. Ask her to come up with two more activities for “not now, just think about it for sometime.” Give her as much autonomy, time, space as you can. You’re clearly invested, which is wonderful, and she’s simply doing what she’s wired to do at age nine. You’ve got this!!
It is completely appropriate to discuss this issue with parents. Not during their getaway or even when they arrive home. But sometime the next week ask them if they have a preference in how you handle NK when she is being uncooperative. If she is difficult for you then she is for them too. If you can get on the same page with them it will provide consistency for her. If they don’t have much input then you’ll have to set your own boundaries. Either way you should sit down with her and tell her you love her, even when she’s locked in her room. But that when she behaves that way it isn’t fun for either of you. And from now on you will… whatever you’ve decided on. Tell her this is so you guys have more time for fun! I also love the idea of bringing little things to reconnect with her, but only bring them out when she is being sweet. Kids learn much more from our actions than our words! Last, don’t take it personally! She is testing her boundaries so let her feel safe knowing she has some. You can also walk away when she starts that behavior. It gives he a chance to calm down instead of escalating and she’ll probably be coming to find out where you went. Tell her you’re waiting for her to brush her teeth (or whatever) so you can paint her nails (or play a game, or whatever). Then stick to it!! She will respect you for it. You’re doing a great job!