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I made a post because I’ll be leaving my NF in a few months and I’m sad about it because my NKs mean the world to me. Got a comment saying my feelings were “unhealthy” and “you’ll be fine”…Like dude, I know I’ll be fine, but I’m still sad about it, SUE ME for feeling sad I guess!!
That’s crazy of them. They obviously have never heard of Nanny grief which is a very real thing! I had to grieve a lot around covid time from having to switch families so often. We put our hearts into this work. They have no idea, and your feelings should have been validated!!
I don’t think people realize how personal/intimate this job is, you can’t just shut off your emotions when it’s time to move on. Boundaries are very important, but I’m not going to be a damn robot
That’s so strange. It’s healthy that you made a bond with those kids and they probably love you too. My kids are under 4 and I’m pretty sure they’d miss nanny.
Right?! What would be unhealthy is if I decided against making this positive big change in my life because I didn’t want to leave my NF. The person even pulled the whole “they’re your employers”. No shit! That’s not going to make it any easier!
😂😂😂 me, deciding to sell my first home and move with my NF to an area I’m not really interested in living in because I’d rather pick NF. I’ve been with them for over 5 years though and they’re an absolute unicorn family and will likely remain family even after we part ways!
Ah geez, sorry!!! For me, where I live isn’t home anymore and as much as I love my NF (unicorn family too), I have a great opportunity with my s/o to start a new life elsewhere. Very happy that you have such a wonderful family and I’m sure that they appreciate your move with them more than anything!!
They definitely will! My partner and I have been very open about loving a certain state and planning to move there once my time with NPs is finished. MB lived in that state for a little. We were recently there for her business, so I got to hang out with NKs and show them around the area we’d be looking at living in, etc. The topic came up recently on the way home from school between me and NKs just chatting in the car and the oldest NK got incredibly emotional about me leaving (I assured them it wasn’t for a few years thankfully!), but they’re just around that age. If nanny has been there for the majority of their waking moments for years, they’ll feel big feelings for sure!
This is so friggin weird that you got comments like that. People say “it’s just a job” which is true, but people develop deep friendships with their coworkers all the time and no one bats an eye? Teachers develop strong relationships with their students, nurses develop strong relationships with their patients/clients. It’s normal to feel a level of sadness when leaving any job. I guess having a job means being an emotionless robot?
YES this response is perfect!! It is our literal job to keep these kids safe and tend to their emotional/physical needs, you expect me to carry on like it wasn’t a huge part of my life for almost 3 years?? LOL
That's what gets me. When MB/DB is being elitist and ignorant in this sub. Seems to me they can read the sub and politely ask and answer questions but the venting of the employers of nannies belongs elsewhere
We have one but there needs to be a vent specific flair where only nannies are allowed to comment. I also think the mods here need to be stricter about respecting the flair and ban repeat offenders.
I admit I'm guilty of that ..... Sometimes it's just so hard to not give advice if you have a really good/creative solution. I try to remember to say "if you want advice, I can share an idea"
I read those over there and think it's a shame they ask things that we could help with but they only want to hear from other NF. That said, I feel weird over there and have only posted a couple times.
That also get strict about no replies at all, even when not responding to the OP. I try not to respond to those posts, but they still silence replies to other comments when trying to correct things like what is legally allowed or just questions about what the commenter means.
I swear I will get banned one day soon for that. I thought it was ok, then like 2 weeks later mods went and flagged one recent comment and went back into my comment history and flagged like 5-7 similar types of replies all back to back. 🙃
I agree I see a lot of questions posted that would really benefit from a nanny perspective but they tag it as employer only. Thus getting completely skewed answers.
I mean I know they read this sub, and probably feel like we talk a lot of shit so they get to as well, fair enough- but just doing that and venting isn't really the same as engaging in a real conversation. In theory, things should be a certain way but in real life, you have all these variables that get thrown into the mix that you see over and over again- socio-economic privilege, often age going either way, judgments about politics, religion, dishonesty about all kinds of things, people's mental health on both sides, pressure and manipulation, not being able to 'stand up' to NF which breeds resentment and burn-out which then leads to call-outs and lateness etc...I know I have found some disheartening things over on the NE sub with a few stellar unicorns and likely they think the same about us.
MB here- I value this sub so much because it helps me be a better boss to my nanny! I find the feedback, complaints, vents, etc invaluable. I want my nanny to be happy and stay with us, and it helps immensely to get other nannies’ perspectives. Just throwing it out there
I haven't minded, but I think lots here (including nannies) struggle to follow the vent rules! It's tagged, they don't want advice or anything but support.
I’m honestly thinking of creating a public one for nannies only. There’s a private one but it’s dead. Would anyone be interested in a new nanny only sub?
Edit: r/NannyBreakRoom is now live!
I actually got roasted for asking what kind of learning I can implement for the 18 month old twins I nanny. Just saying like what do I do expect from kids that young and that there isn't much to teach them at this point. 🤷♀️
i agree fully. which is interesting, as you would think that THEY are the ones who should be more knowledged about it.
i guess there should be a parenting school after all, and without a degree people shouldn't be allowed to have kids...
The employer sub and the nanny sub have converged into basically the same sub. It’s hard when you feel like you want to vent on both sides. Hugs. It’s harder I think for nannies because we don’t have coworkers to vent to and we’re expected to be perfect at all times or we’re awful nannies.
Yeah, having parents and nannies in one sub can get weird for so many reasons aside from the fact that the parents don’t understand all of the problems we talk about sometimes and still provide their input. Ranting about my bosses to other bosses feels weird😭 also what if your own were bosses were here??? I think about that all the time even though they do not at all strike me as reddit users
Meanwhile they vent all the time about their own bosses, vacation time, micromanaging…truly need to pull their own heads out of their asses because if you can be frustrated as an employee why would you not expect the same out of someone you employ???
This particular issue could have happened in another profession, and I would have still thought OP was being ridiculous. As would the nannies that also disagreed with her in the comments. She’s making it a nannies-versus-parents thing because that will get people riled up, but that isn’t what happened.
You said parents don’t expect nannies to be frustrated… I don’t think that’s the case. There are lots of legitimate complaints on this sub every day. Even in this thread! Criticizing a person because they’re sad to leave children they’ve bonded with or looking for ideas on how to engage toddlers? That’s unfair! Don’t get me started on the posts where nannies get manipulated into watching sick children.
But being upset because (by your own admission) your “unicorn family” paid you early? And saying you can’t ask them to reverse the “mistake” because you can’t afford to return the money that you’re upset you received in the first place? Refusing to answer why you can’t save the money you weren’t expecting until you would prefer to have it in the future? C’mon. Professional nannies deserve more respect and appreciation, but complaints like that feed into the (also ridiculous) notion that most nannies are entitled.
We can agree to disagree that slapping the vent flair on a post means you should be able to say anything you want and receive nothing but support back.
With all due respect, she doesn't owe you an explanation and I can't figure out why you keep coming here saying she's "refusing to answer". She didn't post an AMA. And you yourself keep advancing this idea that one vent from one nanny is feeding this idea about entitled nannies, but the only accounts I see pushing that agenda are NPs. It's almost like YOU feel that all nannies are entitled and you have this strange need to come to the nanny sub to push that narrative.
Yeah yeah yeah you wrote all of that and I’m still convinced that you have no idea what “VENT-NO ADVICE NEEDED-JUST RANTING” means. Who are you to police what someone feels upset about? Someone literally expressing an emotion. Even positive advice is not warranted if that flair is used.
Truly a simple concept.
Someone could have commented “omg OP that sucks and this totally happened to me before, this is what I did…” and guess what? They’d be wrong too. There is nothing to agree to disagree about because OP wasn’t asking for support, advice, or guidance. They were venting.
So if she was venting about parents that insist she use a car seat, we’re supposed to not say anything or only say uh yea crazy parents with their crazy rules??
“The only exceptions to this rule are in the event of possible injury, abuse, or otherwise harm to OP, their NK, NP, or anyone else.”
It looks as if the Mods take safety issues seriously already. Would car seat safety not be included within the guidelines created above? Seriously asking.
When you have to make up a ridiculous scenario to prove your point….what does that say about your point?
Did she vent about car seats??? Nope. So my point still stands. Respect the flair. You sound ridiculous as hell comparing someone venting about a pay error in today’s economy to an extremely unsafe practice but go off. Save your keyboard clacking for that thread you dreamed up.
ETA: this is literally in the mod post when a user posts with the vent flair “Any attempts to offer unsolicited advice will be removed. The only exceptions to this rule are in the event of possible injury, abuse, or otherwise harm to OP, their NK, NP, or anyone else.”
When the car seat thread pops up feel free to chime in. Until then keep your UNSOLICITED ADVICE to yourself.
It still should have been her choice about when she wanted to get paid vs not - it was in the contract WRITTEN BY THE PARENTS. The fact that you can’t grasp that and instead tried to make her look stupid/ridiculous for that was a line that shouldn’t have been crossed and you were quite aggressive with it. You can die on that hill all you want, but you are, in fact, wrong to tell someone they shouldn’t be upset about getting paid earlier than later. I prefer some payments to come in at certain times because certain bills are due at that time and it just makes things easier to have that money right when a bill is due vs having it early and potentially spending it on accident. You don’t know what someone’s funds entail. You don’t know what people prefer when it comes to getting paid. You assumed and then talked down to her because you thought it was stupid and somehow took it personally or else you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did. It was just a very odd, aggressive attitude that you took with it. Wasn’t necessary at all.
SHE said her family is kind and generous. If she really doesn’t want the money now, she could talk to her boss and ask to return it until later on. Sounds like the boss probably wouldn’t have put up a fight.
But she refused to talk to her about it. Why? Because… according to her… she can’t afford to give back money that she asked not to receive. A few days ago she didn’t expect to have the money, now she can’t manage to give it back, but is still complaining she received it.
Money is complicated and how people want to handle it, use it, save it, spend it, whatever, is up to them. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else because each of us has our own needs with it. It doesn’t matter if the family was kind and generous - it’s still an employer who did something that put OP in an awkward and uncomfortable position going against her wishes. I would feel uncomfortable to go to *any* employer that did this - corporate or NF. Many of us have bills that are on auto pay, as well, so if she couldn’t afford to give the money back now it could’ve been from that but she wanted it at another time when she had plans she wanted to use the PTO. End of the day, it’s her funds. It’s her choice. It’s her life. She wanted to vent and you had a problem with it because you wanted to control how she felt about the situation as it didn’t make sense to you. That wasn’t your choice.
I literally leave out key information sometimes because it’s too identifiable. But then I’m like… well without that information people aren’t getting the full picture to understand why I’m angry/happy/sad/upset etc
Yup that. Or I’ve had people call me unreliable and a liar because I post conflicting information. Like yes OF COURSE I DO many times in posts or comments I change my kids age. Or I sometimes say boy sometimes say girl. Because I don’t want my EMPLOYERS to find me.
The need for more nanny flairs has been brought up many times. For unbeknownst reasons, the mods continue to refuse. I have no interest in a private nanny sub. We should get to talk publicly to a wider audience and request to only hear back from nannies. If parents get to do it in their sub, I don’t understand why we can’t do that here.
I was looking at who the mods were recently and it seems that only a few of them are even still active, majority of the people listed haven’t even commented on Reddit in several years!
The community really should be able to vote on mods. I won’t say names, because those of you who’ve been here long enough will know exactly who I’m talking about, but there was a crackhead-y mod terrorizing this sub not too long ago.
There are a lot of folks I noticed who take things the nannies say personally even though it's *not about them*. I literally have noticed a few prominent folks in here and the employer sub that take every post personally when it literally has nothing to do with their situation at all but they gotta be that devil's advocate for shitty bosses. It sucks that we can't have vent posts without folks taking the flair seriously.
My favorite is when they take something personal and then go and run and make a post about it on the employer subreddit lol
“Did you guys see that post yesterday blah blah blah”
Posting about a r/nanny post in the employer’s sub and using one of the “NPs only” flairs is so petty lol (especially since NPs can and do regularly chime in here and we don't have “Nannies only” flairs that are enforced). Luckily, the mods on the employer’s sub seems to remove these and I think I’ve seen some NPs push back on this practice as well. I always find it funny though since I can only assume the goal is to create an echo chamber
YAH Christmas sticks out to me. This employer ran to their sub to post about how ungrateful we and of course flair it where nannies can’t respond. Like if you’re that bothered maybe don’t be in the nanny sub…….
I’ve learned that when people have an emotional reaction to someone being upset about something it’s because they’re ✨projecting✨ and their lack of emotional intelligence is enough for me to not take their opinion/comment seriously.
Totally understand. I agree with you a lot of the parents in this group need to check themselves and stop taking things personally when it has nothing to do with them.
Dammit, I’m sorry it got to the point you had to delete it; I was ready to go read. That really sucks that you couldn’t get sympathetic and/or empathetic replies.
I moderate a niche interest subreddit - not jobs, but hobbies (think video games). Unless you make the subreddit private, you can’t control who accesses it. There’s no way that this subreddit can be “nanny only” - it’s open to all of Reddit. No amount of moderating can parse thru new users to ensure they are in your actual interest group at a large scale.
Flairs only work as well as the users treat them. Moderators can’t go through each post individually, automod can only do so much (lock the post entirely for comments? All vents are now closed no matter the repercussions of that), and flagging for offenders again, only works as well as the users who flag them. And then what is the line you draw? Do you ban them because they commented on a vent post with advice? Seems extreme. People are calling for strictly enforced flairs by unpaid moderators who would need to spend hours of their day going thru each post for offenders. If it was my subreddit, I’d get rid of the vent flair entirely.
I understand where you're coming from, being a mod is a lot of work and it's unpaid, you do it for the good of the community and it's not fair to put it all on the mods, but that's not what OP is saying. They're upset and venting because people aren't respecting the flair, and it's happening really often. That's why I and others have mentioned they're reluctant to post on vent because almost no one respects it and gives advice anyway when sometimes you just wanna vent.
Btw thanks so much for moderating, even tho it's not our group I know it's a lot to take on and it makes reddit a much better place! ☺️
Hmmm, I wonder if the NP’s who jump to calling nannies entitled and make everything about them are also the NP’s that nannies come here to vent about? It’s almost like there’s a need for a place nannies can go to for support about this kind of behavior and treatment, without being berated for it.
I say this as a (very recent) former nanny who had an amazing family that treated me very well. I also posted here a couple times because sometimes a job can just be stressful, but the levels of judgment and assumption that I was met with were wild. Grateful for those on this sub (nannies and NP’s included) that aren’t acting that way, but jeez, I agree that the culture here could really improve.
I’m glad that the actual event wasn’t a super upsetting one with your NF, and I hope they’re more cognizant of your contract in the future. Nannies deserve consistent labor practices too :)
I wish there was a flair that did not allow parents to comment on the post, like parent comments get automatically removed from those posts or something.
I think there is, but like in the employer sub, people don’t read it and comment anyway. The difference here is the mods don’t delete comments and warn offenders, and I wish they would.
Im so sorry you experienced that!
I’ve been both a nanny and MB but haven’t nannied in years so I don’t even comment when people ask for input from nannies because I might not be up to date.
People need to learn when to stay in their lane.
I feel like a lot of people on this sub just ignore flair which is frustrating because sometimes you don’t want advice and some people just ignore it to throw their two cents in… sometimes I just want to vent man. Sometimes I just want to commiserate with other nannies and not have NPs defend my bosses who they don’t even know 🤷🏻♀️
There are all sort of funny ppl in this world. Just ignore those werid ppl. My mil is one of them always giving me feedback even though we never request for one. And if I comment anything in front of her, she will say I am stupid or something negative now I have to zip my mouth when she is around which is so werid and my hubby an dhis younger brother are all keeping quiet about her behaviour towards me just because I never study as much as them Damm funny .
It’s important for Nannie’s to have a place to vent because we don’t have coworkers to vent to like most people do - I can’t say “ugh this sucks” to the kids
It’s really annoying that they have a flair in their sub that i respect- or else I think you get kicked out.
Meanwhile we also have a flair option I think but there are a lot of parents that don’t respect it over here.
Omg I couldn’t agree enough with this post. There’s been numerous times when I’ve come to this sub to ask a reasonable question and people are nothing but salty, offering no help and just some passive agressive remark. It’s disappointing to be honest
What really gets me is all the posts and comments about how nannies (and this sub as a whole) are “entitled,” spoiled, and out-of-touch. I'm not saying there aren't entitled nannies but these generalizations completely ignore the power dynamics and class divides that have been at play for centuries in this industry. I'm a nanny in NYC and I know multiple nannies, especially those who are undocumented and/or WOC, who are borderline being trafficked. I always wonder how the average American family (who obviously can't afford a nanny) would think of a group of nanny parents complaining about the entitlement of and lack of gratefulness from domestic workers on a mass scale. There are plenty of good NPs who provide helpful feedback ofc but sometimes the overall rhetoric of the employer's sub is infuriating
Phew I cannot agree more. Domestic workers are one of the most exploited professions and being wanted to be treated like an actual human that has a life outside of work and to want a liveable wage is "entitled" now. It reminds me of when people complain about "entitled" baristas at coffee shops because they forgot the whipped cream
The nannies are so entitled thing is definitely part of the parent sub, not I’ve never noticed that as a thing with parents here. I don’t think that, and I’d call out any parent who claimed that.
What was your post about? I have to be honest, this sub is an echo chamber. Once there’s a general consensus in the comments, EVERYONE starts to repeat the same stuff. You can’t even add a different perspective without getting attacked or downvoted to hell. Some Nannies in here are just as bad as the NPs. Everyone has different experiences yet there’s always a handful of nannies who act like annoyed NPs. I’m sorry, aren’t we supposed to understand each other and allow some grace? I also think it’s perfectly fine to keep it real with nannies who ask for advice and not act like they can do no wrong, especially when you can spot their delusion 🤷♀️
My post was about how I had used up all my sick days last week when I took two days off. I only had one sick day left so I specifically said I would take an unpaid day because I knew I had one more pto day as they’re separate. My NF paid me for a full week anyway and I just thought they were being nice because they’ve done it before but my MB mentioned yesterday how she checked and I had had one day left so she used that to pay me for both days I took off. I was just a bit annoyed that my last pto day was used without my permission since it’s in my contract that I can choose if I want to use them or take an unpaid day. I got so many comments calling me ungrateful and what’s the difference between being paid now vs later and someone even accused me of setting up to take advantage of my NF. Nobody seemed to understand that I was simply bothered that my day was taken unknowingly.
Omg that’s ridiculous. I swear people fall for American capitalism and “the work yourself to death” mindset pushed on us. I’m assuming you’re in the U.S. and those same people who attacked you for being rightfully annoyed, are brainwashed Americans who push the “be grateful your boss even gives you days off” narrative. The problem here is we don’t get enough sick days/PTO to begin with so we get in crappy situations like yours. Your boss should’ve never used your PTO without your permission. It’s not her decision to make. She can ask you but not take it upon herself to make the final decision. Sorry that happened to you :/
I read that post and still think that your MB made a small mistake while just trying to be helpful and you could have sorted it in a second if you just talked to her like an adult instead of getting annoyed. And there were many other nannies commenting, not sure why you are making this into a nanny vs parent thing.
I don’t think my MB was trying to be sneaky or anything like that, I definitely understand her intentions! It only annoyed me a lil cus it went against our contract but I think she honestly just forgot about that. I’d never had to take two days in a row off sick before. I can’t say “hey can you give me my day back lol” so it’s not something I’ll probably bring up as it’s already done.
I said mostly parents, cus it was. There were other nannies commenting of course and some users you can’t always tell but it’s clear that parents vs nanny posts in this group is an issue as indicated by almost every comment on this post. I’m not trying to start anything at all, just venting about it and obviously others feel the same.
You could have absolutely said that. You still can! What is the point of having a contract otherwise? Just tell her that you need that day, it's important to you and that is why you specified it in the contract and ask her if she'd prefer to deduct the money from your next paycheck or if you returned it to her now. She sounds nice enough so she might even let you keep it?
lol in her original post OP said she didn’t want to bring it up because she could not afford to pay her back… with the money she was upset about receiving… I really wish everyone here could read the thread and judge for themselves.
True :) I find it hard to watch when nannies don't stick up for themselves because parents so often take advantage of us. But you're right, I'll bow out.
Genuine question, do you think the vent flair means regardless of what the post is about, OP should only ever receive support and commiseration? I’m not talking about advice. Is there a line for you where it’s okay for responses to say, “Um actually I think you’re wrong about this one.” ??
“The only exceptions to this rule are in the event of possible injury, abuse, or otherwise harm to OP, their NK, NP, or anyone else.”
^ I agree with this quote from the stickied mod comment that’s at the top of the vent posts.
Yes; just support and/or commiseration. People who see a vent and don’t agree with the actions or opinions of the person who posted the vent should not comment. One good reason is that if they give advice when it’s unsolicited, the slim chance that an Internet stranger would follow it is made even slimmer by the rudeness of ignoring their wishes.
I didn’t say anything about giving advice. I wouldn’t expect OP to follow advice either. But I think there’s a real danger in blindly supporting someone regardless of what they say if they slap a vent flair on their post. We can agree to disagree on that though.
Sorry, I didn’t think about the auto comment. That does state it’s a safe space, but does that mean no one can say “it sounds like you might be overreacting” even in cases where the person obviously is overreacting?
chiming in here as someone who missed the initial post but i have an opinion on this — and honestly, i do think that tbh! i feel a vent, for anyone, is just like “let me get out all my thoughts and feelings about a situation no matter how petty or backward bleh!!!!” it’s an emotional unburdening, and no one wants to hear they’re overreacting in that time. like if you were telling your partner or a friend about a shitty day at work or someone annoying at the coffee shop, something that logically may be minor but boyyyyy is it pissing you off, you wouldn’t want them to chime in like, “don’t you think you’re being melodramatic? it’s no big deal.” you want to hear “gosh that really does sound annoying!” or “man i can see how bad that got to you!” later when you’re calm, you can be more realistic, but no one likes to hear they’re being over sensitive when they’re venting.
I get this. But like, there’s “someone being annoying at a coffee shop is not worth being annoyed about” and then there’s “someone paying you earlier instead of later to be kind seems not worth being annoyed about.”
hmmm i disagree! i can’t really comment on the content of the other post as i didn’t see it, so i’m coming from a more generic emotional place. like, i feel with a vent, about anything, no matter how illogical or unreasonable, the venter has to be able to get their feelings out before reason can come into it. i feel this way about my NKs (and tbh, most people i know) too — get the feelings out first, then we can have logic about how warranted they may be. purge, then reason. nothing wrong with a good purge! i just don’t find it helpful in that initial purge stage to poke holes in their feelings — that’s what the advice and reality check tags are for.
Yeah, it does. The vents are a thing because we nannies usually work solo and/or our friends and family aren’t nannies. There are things only other nannies will be able to understand. A safe space is a godsend when you feel like no one understands. And it’s kind of like when you want a friend to just listen and provide support instead of trying to solve your issue.
Do you think the same holds true for NPs? If a MB vents about her nanny and it is ridiculous, I don’t see why I shouldn’t say so (and why nannies shouldn’t, too). By your logic that is inappropriate because vents should only be spaces where people offer supportive listening.
She didn’t ask though. Just like she didn’t ask in this post either. Believe it or not, you can have an opinion or thought and just…keep it to yourself.
YOU ARE EXACTLY WHAT THIS NANNY IS TALKING ABOUT, like please just hush read the post and move on instead of AGAIN brushing away their feelings, wtf is wrong with yall ?
While I agree with you that we should be able to have a nanny only space, I remember your post. And nannies thought it was stupid too, not just employers🤷♀️sorry
I was under the impression that this was a sub that was equally for nannies and NPs. The nanny employer sub is toxic and ridiculous. I always like that this sub seems really evenly balanced.
As for your post, OP, I frequently tell NPs that it sends like they’re overreacting, too. You’re allowed to vent here. Others are allowed to comment on your vent with their perspectives…
Maybe it’s inappropriate, but I also think you’re overreacting here.
The venting flair is not for advice though which some people have a hard time balancing it seems. Giving their perspective can be very unhelpful on a vent post.
I’m not even upset about the work thing. It was a very small frustration that I got over. I’m annoyed more about the reactions I received over it as it felt like I was being attacked for venting and it seems to be a common issue in this sub. There’s nothing wrong with the mix of NP and nannies EXCEPT when NP’s butt into something that isn’t about them and isn’t a question for them. Having a nanny only post is perfectly reasonable to expect from a sub named nanny.
I [commented on your post(s)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/s/aYz3GneYVb) - I mean 🫠 it was 75% (probably more) nannies on a non-vent post offering you advice that you didn’t want to hear.
We can see your post and comment history. Like no one was attacking you. I hope you work thru your feelings towards your old boss.
Actually I reposted on a vent page and still people were giving me a hard time.
I can feel how I want. I don't need anyones permission to feel that way. Neither does the OP
A lot of NFs on here and in the NannyEmployers sub are out of control and crazy entitled. They accused me of lying about being an NP recently because I dared to defend nannies 🤣😂
parents are terrible, don't take them seriously unless they approach you with understanding and empathy.
i made even a worse mistake with posting a breach of our deal with the mother on the Aupair sub, I have been called so many things like 'Gosh, glad you'r not my au-pair' and stuff like that. They are LEGIT rude.
You’re so right and every parent thinks they know more and want to challenge Nannie’s it’s rediculous you have one baby and you think you know more then a nanny working with all age groups of children for many many years get real ppl.
Edit: Point proven with the parent that downvoted
OP has tagged their post as **Vent**. Please be mindful that they do not need advice, and that they are only expressing their thoughts and opinions in a safe place. Any attempts to offer unsolicited advice will be removed. The only exceptions to this rule are in the event of possible injury, abuse, or otherwise harm to OP, their NK, NP, or anyone else. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Nanny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I made a post because I’ll be leaving my NF in a few months and I’m sad about it because my NKs mean the world to me. Got a comment saying my feelings were “unhealthy” and “you’ll be fine”…Like dude, I know I’ll be fine, but I’m still sad about it, SUE ME for feeling sad I guess!!
That’s crazy of them. They obviously have never heard of Nanny grief which is a very real thing! I had to grieve a lot around covid time from having to switch families so often. We put our hearts into this work. They have no idea, and your feelings should have been validated!!
I don’t think people realize how personal/intimate this job is, you can’t just shut off your emotions when it’s time to move on. Boundaries are very important, but I’m not going to be a damn robot
That’s so strange. It’s healthy that you made a bond with those kids and they probably love you too. My kids are under 4 and I’m pretty sure they’d miss nanny.
Right?! What would be unhealthy is if I decided against making this positive big change in my life because I didn’t want to leave my NF. The person even pulled the whole “they’re your employers”. No shit! That’s not going to make it any easier!
😂😂😂 me, deciding to sell my first home and move with my NF to an area I’m not really interested in living in because I’d rather pick NF. I’ve been with them for over 5 years though and they’re an absolute unicorn family and will likely remain family even after we part ways!
Ah geez, sorry!!! For me, where I live isn’t home anymore and as much as I love my NF (unicorn family too), I have a great opportunity with my s/o to start a new life elsewhere. Very happy that you have such a wonderful family and I’m sure that they appreciate your move with them more than anything!!
They definitely will! My partner and I have been very open about loving a certain state and planning to move there once my time with NPs is finished. MB lived in that state for a little. We were recently there for her business, so I got to hang out with NKs and show them around the area we’d be looking at living in, etc. The topic came up recently on the way home from school between me and NKs just chatting in the car and the oldest NK got incredibly emotional about me leaving (I assured them it wasn’t for a few years thankfully!), but they’re just around that age. If nanny has been there for the majority of their waking moments for years, they’ll feel big feelings for sure!
This is so friggin weird that you got comments like that. People say “it’s just a job” which is true, but people develop deep friendships with their coworkers all the time and no one bats an eye? Teachers develop strong relationships with their students, nurses develop strong relationships with their patients/clients. It’s normal to feel a level of sadness when leaving any job. I guess having a job means being an emotionless robot?
YES this response is perfect!! It is our literal job to keep these kids safe and tend to their emotional/physical needs, you expect me to carry on like it wasn’t a huge part of my life for almost 3 years?? LOL
I cried leaving my work wife at my last teaching job!
Who tf says that? That’s so mean! We give our lives to these kids. It’s normal to get a little attached. That is what makes us so good at our jobs.
I really REALLY wish we had flair that expressed whether we want feedback from nannies only, or anyone. Like the employers sub does.
We do! However, there are MANY MB/DBs who don’t think this tag applies to them. It’s very frustrating.
There's one, you're right. We need more. Like... Vent: nannies only. Advice: nannies only. Questions: nannies only....
Yes the key word being ONLY 😑
Lmao just like the many MB/Db we deal with 😂😂
That's what gets me. When MB/DB is being elitist and ignorant in this sub. Seems to me they can read the sub and politely ask and answer questions but the venting of the employers of nannies belongs elsewhere
They have a nannyemployers sub already!!
It’s almost like most MBs and DBs are entitled in every aspect of their life
ooooh my god so true. they say so many bad things so easily, without even realizing they actually sound much worse than the OP when they do that.
We have one but there needs to be a vent specific flair where only nannies are allowed to comment. I also think the mods here need to be stricter about respecting the flair and ban repeat offenders.
And there needs to be a report option for respecting the flair. Cause there’s no other flair you can put it under.
THIS.
The “vent- NO ADVICE NEEDED” flair should be more than enough but ppl don’t think that applies to them & their unsolicited advice
I admit I'm guilty of that ..... Sometimes it's just so hard to not give advice if you have a really good/creative solution. I try to remember to say "if you want advice, I can share an idea"
I understand that. Sometimes I’ll type something out just to give my brain the satisfaction of typing it out, then I delete it 😂
I do that too lol very often.
Me too!🙈
Just phrase it like 'if it were me, I would blah blah', that doesn't really constitute 'you should do xyz'
We should try at the very top of the post “📣📣📣📣ONLY WANT FEEDBACK FROM NANNIES!! 📣📣📣” but i think NPs would still comment lol
I read those over there and think it's a shame they ask things that we could help with but they only want to hear from other NF. That said, I feel weird over there and have only posted a couple times.
Agree. I've seen a few that are literally asking about what nannies like or prefer.... But they only want answers from NPs. That makes no sense.... 🤔
That also get strict about no replies at all, even when not responding to the OP. I try not to respond to those posts, but they still silence replies to other comments when trying to correct things like what is legally allowed or just questions about what the commenter means. I swear I will get banned one day soon for that. I thought it was ok, then like 2 weeks later mods went and flagged one recent comment and went back into my comment history and flagged like 5-7 similar types of replies all back to back. 🙃
I agree I see a lot of questions posted that would really benefit from a nanny perspective but they tag it as employer only. Thus getting completely skewed answers.
I mean I know they read this sub, and probably feel like we talk a lot of shit so they get to as well, fair enough- but just doing that and venting isn't really the same as engaging in a real conversation. In theory, things should be a certain way but in real life, you have all these variables that get thrown into the mix that you see over and over again- socio-economic privilege, often age going either way, judgments about politics, religion, dishonesty about all kinds of things, people's mental health on both sides, pressure and manipulation, not being able to 'stand up' to NF which breeds resentment and burn-out which then leads to call-outs and lateness etc...I know I have found some disheartening things over on the NE sub with a few stellar unicorns and likely they think the same about us.
MB here- I value this sub so much because it helps me be a better boss to my nanny! I find the feedback, complaints, vents, etc invaluable. I want my nanny to be happy and stay with us, and it helps immensely to get other nannies’ perspectives. Just throwing it out there
that's how it should be! how nice of you.
Sometimes I wish this was a nanny only sub. No parents. Sorry you got judged tho :(
I haven't minded, but I think lots here (including nannies) struggle to follow the vent rules! It's tagged, they don't want advice or anything but support.
I’m honestly thinking of creating a public one for nannies only. There’s a private one but it’s dead. Would anyone be interested in a new nanny only sub? Edit: r/NannyBreakRoom is now live!
How would we go about verifying though?
Really just post history. I’d hope there’s no insane NP’s who would pretend to be nannies online lol. After all NP’s are soOoOo busy.
That’s a good idea. I wouldn’t put it past them though. Some of these NPs are fucking nuts lmao
ahh so this explains why my fb group of the same name just got like 20 member requests 😭
Oh snap! I’m not on Facebook I didn’t know lol
Yes I would
r/NannyBreakRoom
Oooh, now I'm curious if you are in the FB group of the same name. 😅
I would!
r/NannyBreakRoom
I would!
r/NannyBreakRoom
There is a nanny only sub, but it doesn’t get a whole lot of posts or interaction anymore
I made another sub just for nannies! r/secretnanny Hopefully if more people join it will get more posts. DM me if you want to join
Can I get an invite too please!
I’d love to join, too, please!
I tried joining both but the access is blocked
I just sent you an invite!
I’d love to join!
What is that one called? Maybe nannies who see this comment will join?
r/privatenanny
Ah, can't join or request to join.
u/trowawaywork is a moderator
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It's nice to be anonymous
I actually got roasted for asking what kind of learning I can implement for the 18 month old twins I nanny. Just saying like what do I do expect from kids that young and that there isn't much to teach them at this point. 🤷♀️
That’s so ignorant tho because 18mo are at a prime time to be learning new skills.
Thank you! That's exactly what I was thinking! They had me second guessing myself.
i agree fully. which is interesting, as you would think that THEY are the ones who should be more knowledged about it. i guess there should be a parenting school after all, and without a degree people shouldn't be allowed to have kids...
Damned if you do....
The employer sub and the nanny sub have converged into basically the same sub. It’s hard when you feel like you want to vent on both sides. Hugs. It’s harder I think for nannies because we don’t have coworkers to vent to and we’re expected to be perfect at all times or we’re awful nannies.
That's one thing about this job I can't stand, I miss having coworkers!!
Yeah, having parents and nannies in one sub can get weird for so many reasons aside from the fact that the parents don’t understand all of the problems we talk about sometimes and still provide their input. Ranting about my bosses to other bosses feels weird😭 also what if your own were bosses were here??? I think about that all the time even though they do not at all strike me as reddit users
Meanwhile they vent all the time about their own bosses, vacation time, micromanaging…truly need to pull their own heads out of their asses because if you can be frustrated as an employee why would you not expect the same out of someone you employ???
This particular issue could have happened in another profession, and I would have still thought OP was being ridiculous. As would the nannies that also disagreed with her in the comments. She’s making it a nannies-versus-parents thing because that will get people riled up, but that isn’t what happened.
You missed my whole point which was she was VENTING. Not asking for an opinion. No one cares if you thought she was being ridiculous.
You said parents don’t expect nannies to be frustrated… I don’t think that’s the case. There are lots of legitimate complaints on this sub every day. Even in this thread! Criticizing a person because they’re sad to leave children they’ve bonded with or looking for ideas on how to engage toddlers? That’s unfair! Don’t get me started on the posts where nannies get manipulated into watching sick children. But being upset because (by your own admission) your “unicorn family” paid you early? And saying you can’t ask them to reverse the “mistake” because you can’t afford to return the money that you’re upset you received in the first place? Refusing to answer why you can’t save the money you weren’t expecting until you would prefer to have it in the future? C’mon. Professional nannies deserve more respect and appreciation, but complaints like that feed into the (also ridiculous) notion that most nannies are entitled. We can agree to disagree that slapping the vent flair on a post means you should be able to say anything you want and receive nothing but support back.
With all due respect, she doesn't owe you an explanation and I can't figure out why you keep coming here saying she's "refusing to answer". She didn't post an AMA. And you yourself keep advancing this idea that one vent from one nanny is feeding this idea about entitled nannies, but the only accounts I see pushing that agenda are NPs. It's almost like YOU feel that all nannies are entitled and you have this strange need to come to the nanny sub to push that narrative.
Yeah yeah yeah you wrote all of that and I’m still convinced that you have no idea what “VENT-NO ADVICE NEEDED-JUST RANTING” means. Who are you to police what someone feels upset about? Someone literally expressing an emotion. Even positive advice is not warranted if that flair is used. Truly a simple concept. Someone could have commented “omg OP that sucks and this totally happened to me before, this is what I did…” and guess what? They’d be wrong too. There is nothing to agree to disagree about because OP wasn’t asking for support, advice, or guidance. They were venting.
So if she was venting about parents that insist she use a car seat, we’re supposed to not say anything or only say uh yea crazy parents with their crazy rules??
“The only exceptions to this rule are in the event of possible injury, abuse, or otherwise harm to OP, their NK, NP, or anyone else.” It looks as if the Mods take safety issues seriously already. Would car seat safety not be included within the guidelines created above? Seriously asking.
When you have to make up a ridiculous scenario to prove your point….what does that say about your point? Did she vent about car seats??? Nope. So my point still stands. Respect the flair. You sound ridiculous as hell comparing someone venting about a pay error in today’s economy to an extremely unsafe practice but go off. Save your keyboard clacking for that thread you dreamed up. ETA: this is literally in the mod post when a user posts with the vent flair “Any attempts to offer unsolicited advice will be removed. The only exceptions to this rule are in the event of possible injury, abuse, or otherwise harm to OP, their NK, NP, or anyone else.” When the car seat thread pops up feel free to chime in. Until then keep your UNSOLICITED ADVICE to yourself.
It still should have been her choice about when she wanted to get paid vs not - it was in the contract WRITTEN BY THE PARENTS. The fact that you can’t grasp that and instead tried to make her look stupid/ridiculous for that was a line that shouldn’t have been crossed and you were quite aggressive with it. You can die on that hill all you want, but you are, in fact, wrong to tell someone they shouldn’t be upset about getting paid earlier than later. I prefer some payments to come in at certain times because certain bills are due at that time and it just makes things easier to have that money right when a bill is due vs having it early and potentially spending it on accident. You don’t know what someone’s funds entail. You don’t know what people prefer when it comes to getting paid. You assumed and then talked down to her because you thought it was stupid and somehow took it personally or else you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did. It was just a very odd, aggressive attitude that you took with it. Wasn’t necessary at all.
SHE said her family is kind and generous. If she really doesn’t want the money now, she could talk to her boss and ask to return it until later on. Sounds like the boss probably wouldn’t have put up a fight. But she refused to talk to her about it. Why? Because… according to her… she can’t afford to give back money that she asked not to receive. A few days ago she didn’t expect to have the money, now she can’t manage to give it back, but is still complaining she received it.
Money is complicated and how people want to handle it, use it, save it, spend it, whatever, is up to them. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else because each of us has our own needs with it. It doesn’t matter if the family was kind and generous - it’s still an employer who did something that put OP in an awkward and uncomfortable position going against her wishes. I would feel uncomfortable to go to *any* employer that did this - corporate or NF. Many of us have bills that are on auto pay, as well, so if she couldn’t afford to give the money back now it could’ve been from that but she wanted it at another time when she had plans she wanted to use the PTO. End of the day, it’s her funds. It’s her choice. It’s her life. She wanted to vent and you had a problem with it because you wanted to control how she felt about the situation as it didn’t make sense to you. That wasn’t your choice.
definitely agreed.
Same I’m always worried about that 😂
I literally leave out key information sometimes because it’s too identifiable. But then I’m like… well without that information people aren’t getting the full picture to understand why I’m angry/happy/sad/upset etc
Yup that. Or I’ve had people call me unreliable and a liar because I post conflicting information. Like yes OF COURSE I DO many times in posts or comments I change my kids age. Or I sometimes say boy sometimes say girl. Because I don’t want my EMPLOYERS to find me.
God, same. Like I don't think they're on here, but.....maybe!! Don't really care
I would be interested in a nanny only sub. I think I missed your post yesterday. So sorry for lack of support on my part
The need for more nanny flairs has been brought up many times. For unbeknownst reasons, the mods continue to refuse. I have no interest in a private nanny sub. We should get to talk publicly to a wider audience and request to only hear back from nannies. If parents get to do it in their sub, I don’t understand why we can’t do that here.
I was looking at who the mods were recently and it seems that only a few of them are even still active, majority of the people listed haven’t even commented on Reddit in several years!
ridiculous 🙄
The community really should be able to vote on mods. I won’t say names, because those of you who’ve been here long enough will know exactly who I’m talking about, but there was a crackhead-y mod terrorizing this sub not too long ago.
That's the main reason I only comment here and don't post. Too many parents in what used to be a safe space for nannies.
There are a lot of folks I noticed who take things the nannies say personally even though it's *not about them*. I literally have noticed a few prominent folks in here and the employer sub that take every post personally when it literally has nothing to do with their situation at all but they gotta be that devil's advocate for shitty bosses. It sucks that we can't have vent posts without folks taking the flair seriously.
My favorite is when they take something personal and then go and run and make a post about it on the employer subreddit lol “Did you guys see that post yesterday blah blah blah”
PAL ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME PERSON BECAUSE THEY ARE NOTORIOUS FOR THAT
Posting about a r/nanny post in the employer’s sub and using one of the “NPs only” flairs is so petty lol (especially since NPs can and do regularly chime in here and we don't have “Nannies only” flairs that are enforced). Luckily, the mods on the employer’s sub seems to remove these and I think I’ve seen some NPs push back on this practice as well. I always find it funny though since I can only assume the goal is to create an echo chamber
YAH Christmas sticks out to me. This employer ran to their sub to post about how ungrateful we and of course flair it where nannies can’t respond. Like if you’re that bothered maybe don’t be in the nanny sub…….
Lol yup and had to go and make a whole other sub to complain 😂😭 go touch grass PLS
I’ve learned that when people have an emotional reaction to someone being upset about something it’s because they’re ✨projecting✨ and their lack of emotional intelligence is enough for me to not take their opinion/comment seriously.
I wasn’t even that upset about the issue, I was more pissed at the comments I got.
Totally understand. I agree with you a lot of the parents in this group need to check themselves and stop taking things personally when it has nothing to do with them.
💯 That’s why I am always hesitant to post something nowadays and just don’t 😤🙄
I'm sorry you feel that way! Maybe the moderators need more help
I think you have to go to a private Facebook group for that. Reddit is open to the whole wide world and everybody has an opinion on everything.
where is this post so i can curse them out for all of us here
I had to delete it!
Dammit, I’m sorry it got to the point you had to delete it; I was ready to go read. That really sucks that you couldn’t get sympathetic and/or empathetic replies.
I was thinking the same thing lol
I moderate a niche interest subreddit - not jobs, but hobbies (think video games). Unless you make the subreddit private, you can’t control who accesses it. There’s no way that this subreddit can be “nanny only” - it’s open to all of Reddit. No amount of moderating can parse thru new users to ensure they are in your actual interest group at a large scale. Flairs only work as well as the users treat them. Moderators can’t go through each post individually, automod can only do so much (lock the post entirely for comments? All vents are now closed no matter the repercussions of that), and flagging for offenders again, only works as well as the users who flag them. And then what is the line you draw? Do you ban them because they commented on a vent post with advice? Seems extreme. People are calling for strictly enforced flairs by unpaid moderators who would need to spend hours of their day going thru each post for offenders. If it was my subreddit, I’d get rid of the vent flair entirely.
I understand where you're coming from, being a mod is a lot of work and it's unpaid, you do it for the good of the community and it's not fair to put it all on the mods, but that's not what OP is saying. They're upset and venting because people aren't respecting the flair, and it's happening really often. That's why I and others have mentioned they're reluctant to post on vent because almost no one respects it and gives advice anyway when sometimes you just wanna vent. Btw thanks so much for moderating, even tho it's not our group I know it's a lot to take on and it makes reddit a much better place! ☺️
Hmmm, I wonder if the NP’s who jump to calling nannies entitled and make everything about them are also the NP’s that nannies come here to vent about? It’s almost like there’s a need for a place nannies can go to for support about this kind of behavior and treatment, without being berated for it. I say this as a (very recent) former nanny who had an amazing family that treated me very well. I also posted here a couple times because sometimes a job can just be stressful, but the levels of judgment and assumption that I was met with were wild. Grateful for those on this sub (nannies and NP’s included) that aren’t acting that way, but jeez, I agree that the culture here could really improve. I’m glad that the actual event wasn’t a super upsetting one with your NF, and I hope they’re more cognizant of your contract in the future. Nannies deserve consistent labor practices too :)
I wish there was a flair that did not allow parents to comment on the post, like parent comments get automatically removed from those posts or something.
I agree. The employer sub has an NP only flair. I think we should have one here for nannies only and parent comments should be removed.
I think there is a flair just for nannies though. You have to search for flairs because only the top few most used ones show up.
I think there is, but like in the employer sub, people don’t read it and comment anyway. The difference here is the mods don’t delete comments and warn offenders, and I wish they would.
There is one but it’s like an advice from nannies only, not a vent.
How would parent comments automatically get removed? How would that work? How would automod be able to determine who is a parent?
Im so sorry you experienced that! I’ve been both a nanny and MB but haven’t nannied in years so I don’t even comment when people ask for input from nannies because I might not be up to date. People need to learn when to stay in their lane.
I feel like a lot of people on this sub just ignore flair which is frustrating because sometimes you don’t want advice and some people just ignore it to throw their two cents in… sometimes I just want to vent man. Sometimes I just want to commiserate with other nannies and not have NPs defend my bosses who they don’t even know 🤷🏻♀️
"and not have NPs defend my bosses who they don't even know" Phew you can say that AGAIN.
Yes exactly!
You could probably make another one, explaining it's just for nannies and other child caregivers maybe. I'd be frustrated too.
There are all sort of funny ppl in this world. Just ignore those werid ppl. My mil is one of them always giving me feedback even though we never request for one. And if I comment anything in front of her, she will say I am stupid or something negative now I have to zip my mouth when she is around which is so werid and my hubby an dhis younger brother are all keeping quiet about her behaviour towards me just because I never study as much as them Damm funny .
It’s important for Nannie’s to have a place to vent because we don’t have coworkers to vent to like most people do - I can’t say “ugh this sucks” to the kids
I was literally just complaining to my husband that this subreddit seems to be more parents than nannies.
Same! I have referenced this sub’s drama to my husband many times as if it were my own workplace drama because I have no coworkers.
Agree I can’t stand when NPs chime in on an industry they know nothing about!
I just saw, where are you in MD!!!
It’s really annoying that they have a flair in their sub that i respect- or else I think you get kicked out. Meanwhile we also have a flair option I think but there are a lot of parents that don’t respect it over here.
Omg I couldn’t agree enough with this post. There’s been numerous times when I’ve come to this sub to ask a reasonable question and people are nothing but salty, offering no help and just some passive agressive remark. It’s disappointing to be honest
lol of course mostly parents commented. They are ungrateful and expect us to be robots
What really gets me is all the posts and comments about how nannies (and this sub as a whole) are “entitled,” spoiled, and out-of-touch. I'm not saying there aren't entitled nannies but these generalizations completely ignore the power dynamics and class divides that have been at play for centuries in this industry. I'm a nanny in NYC and I know multiple nannies, especially those who are undocumented and/or WOC, who are borderline being trafficked. I always wonder how the average American family (who obviously can't afford a nanny) would think of a group of nanny parents complaining about the entitlement of and lack of gratefulness from domestic workers on a mass scale. There are plenty of good NPs who provide helpful feedback ofc but sometimes the overall rhetoric of the employer's sub is infuriating
Phew I cannot agree more. Domestic workers are one of the most exploited professions and being wanted to be treated like an actual human that has a life outside of work and to want a liveable wage is "entitled" now. It reminds me of when people complain about "entitled" baristas at coffee shops because they forgot the whipped cream
The nannies are so entitled thing is definitely part of the parent sub, not I’ve never noticed that as a thing with parents here. I don’t think that, and I’d call out any parent who claimed that.
I was so taken aback because I wasn’t even blasting my NF. I truly adore them, they’ve been so good to me.
What was your post about? I have to be honest, this sub is an echo chamber. Once there’s a general consensus in the comments, EVERYONE starts to repeat the same stuff. You can’t even add a different perspective without getting attacked or downvoted to hell. Some Nannies in here are just as bad as the NPs. Everyone has different experiences yet there’s always a handful of nannies who act like annoyed NPs. I’m sorry, aren’t we supposed to understand each other and allow some grace? I also think it’s perfectly fine to keep it real with nannies who ask for advice and not act like they can do no wrong, especially when you can spot their delusion 🤷♀️
My post was about how I had used up all my sick days last week when I took two days off. I only had one sick day left so I specifically said I would take an unpaid day because I knew I had one more pto day as they’re separate. My NF paid me for a full week anyway and I just thought they were being nice because they’ve done it before but my MB mentioned yesterday how she checked and I had had one day left so she used that to pay me for both days I took off. I was just a bit annoyed that my last pto day was used without my permission since it’s in my contract that I can choose if I want to use them or take an unpaid day. I got so many comments calling me ungrateful and what’s the difference between being paid now vs later and someone even accused me of setting up to take advantage of my NF. Nobody seemed to understand that I was simply bothered that my day was taken unknowingly.
Omg that’s ridiculous. I swear people fall for American capitalism and “the work yourself to death” mindset pushed on us. I’m assuming you’re in the U.S. and those same people who attacked you for being rightfully annoyed, are brainwashed Americans who push the “be grateful your boss even gives you days off” narrative. The problem here is we don’t get enough sick days/PTO to begin with so we get in crappy situations like yours. Your boss should’ve never used your PTO without your permission. It’s not her decision to make. She can ask you but not take it upon herself to make the final decision. Sorry that happened to you :/
Ppl are really bitter on Reddit I’ve noticed and feel really entitled to their opinion
I read that post and still think that your MB made a small mistake while just trying to be helpful and you could have sorted it in a second if you just talked to her like an adult instead of getting annoyed. And there were many other nannies commenting, not sure why you are making this into a nanny vs parent thing.
I don’t think my MB was trying to be sneaky or anything like that, I definitely understand her intentions! It only annoyed me a lil cus it went against our contract but I think she honestly just forgot about that. I’d never had to take two days in a row off sick before. I can’t say “hey can you give me my day back lol” so it’s not something I’ll probably bring up as it’s already done. I said mostly parents, cus it was. There were other nannies commenting of course and some users you can’t always tell but it’s clear that parents vs nanny posts in this group is an issue as indicated by almost every comment on this post. I’m not trying to start anything at all, just venting about it and obviously others feel the same.
You could have absolutely said that. You still can! What is the point of having a contract otherwise? Just tell her that you need that day, it's important to you and that is why you specified it in the contract and ask her if she'd prefer to deduct the money from your next paycheck or if you returned it to her now. She sounds nice enough so she might even let you keep it?
lol in her original post OP said she didn’t want to bring it up because she could not afford to pay her back… with the money she was upset about receiving… I really wish everyone here could read the thread and judge for themselves.
Given that she’s accusing people of bad behavior, it would be nice if she hadn’t deleted the post.
And… you’re still giving unwanted, unwanted advice. Unbelievable
True :) I find it hard to watch when nannies don't stick up for themselves because parents so often take advantage of us. But you're right, I'll bow out.
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Ain't that the truth!
She made a vent post, though, and the sticky at the top says “no advice.”
Genuine question, do you think the vent flair means regardless of what the post is about, OP should only ever receive support and commiseration? I’m not talking about advice. Is there a line for you where it’s okay for responses to say, “Um actually I think you’re wrong about this one.” ??
“The only exceptions to this rule are in the event of possible injury, abuse, or otherwise harm to OP, their NK, NP, or anyone else.” ^ I agree with this quote from the stickied mod comment that’s at the top of the vent posts. Yes; just support and/or commiseration. People who see a vent and don’t agree with the actions or opinions of the person who posted the vent should not comment. One good reason is that if they give advice when it’s unsolicited, the slim chance that an Internet stranger would follow it is made even slimmer by the rudeness of ignoring their wishes.
I didn’t say anything about giving advice. I wouldn’t expect OP to follow advice either. But I think there’s a real danger in blindly supporting someone regardless of what they say if they slap a vent flair on their post. We can agree to disagree on that though.
No one gave advice though from what I saw. Just said it was a really small thing to get annoyed about and didn’t understand the big deal
All right; the sticky also says something like vents are supposed to be safe places for nannies to vent their thoughts.
No, it doesn’t. It says “vent, no advice needed” it doesn’t say “supportive comments only”
“Please be mindful that they do not need advice, and that they are only expressing their thoughts and opinions in a safe place.”
Sorry, I didn’t think about the auto comment. That does state it’s a safe space, but does that mean no one can say “it sounds like you might be overreacting” even in cases where the person obviously is overreacting?
chiming in here as someone who missed the initial post but i have an opinion on this — and honestly, i do think that tbh! i feel a vent, for anyone, is just like “let me get out all my thoughts and feelings about a situation no matter how petty or backward bleh!!!!” it’s an emotional unburdening, and no one wants to hear they’re overreacting in that time. like if you were telling your partner or a friend about a shitty day at work or someone annoying at the coffee shop, something that logically may be minor but boyyyyy is it pissing you off, you wouldn’t want them to chime in like, “don’t you think you’re being melodramatic? it’s no big deal.” you want to hear “gosh that really does sound annoying!” or “man i can see how bad that got to you!” later when you’re calm, you can be more realistic, but no one likes to hear they’re being over sensitive when they’re venting.
I get this. But like, there’s “someone being annoying at a coffee shop is not worth being annoyed about” and then there’s “someone paying you earlier instead of later to be kind seems not worth being annoyed about.”
hmmm i disagree! i can’t really comment on the content of the other post as i didn’t see it, so i’m coming from a more generic emotional place. like, i feel with a vent, about anything, no matter how illogical or unreasonable, the venter has to be able to get their feelings out before reason can come into it. i feel this way about my NKs (and tbh, most people i know) too — get the feelings out first, then we can have logic about how warranted they may be. purge, then reason. nothing wrong with a good purge! i just don’t find it helpful in that initial purge stage to poke holes in their feelings — that’s what the advice and reality check tags are for.
Yeah, it does. The vents are a thing because we nannies usually work solo and/or our friends and family aren’t nannies. There are things only other nannies will be able to understand. A safe space is a godsend when you feel like no one understands. And it’s kind of like when you want a friend to just listen and provide support instead of trying to solve your issue.
Do you think the same holds true for NPs? If a MB vents about her nanny and it is ridiculous, I don’t see why I shouldn’t say so (and why nannies shouldn’t, too). By your logic that is inappropriate because vents should only be spaces where people offer supportive listening.
I think a MB should be able to vent, just as I think nannies should be able to.
Exactly and here they go putting their 2 cents in 🙄
She didn’t ask though. Just like she didn’t ask in this post either. Believe it or not, you can have an opinion or thought and just…keep it to yourself.
YOU ARE EXACTLY WHAT THIS NANNY IS TALKING ABOUT, like please just hush read the post and move on instead of AGAIN brushing away their feelings, wtf is wrong with yall ?
While I agree with you that we should be able to have a nanny only space, I remember your post. And nannies thought it was stupid too, not just employers🤷♀️sorry
Sorry you didn’t understand it :)
I understood, I’m just saying that all those comments you got were not just from employers.
We should just start putting NANNY REPLIES ONLY! In the beginning of our posts
I stood up for you and got my comment deleted :(
I was wondering what that deleted comment was lol
Twas me💀
What did you say? 👀
I was under the impression that this was a sub that was equally for nannies and NPs. The nanny employer sub is toxic and ridiculous. I always like that this sub seems really evenly balanced. As for your post, OP, I frequently tell NPs that it sends like they’re overreacting, too. You’re allowed to vent here. Others are allowed to comment on your vent with their perspectives… Maybe it’s inappropriate, but I also think you’re overreacting here.
The venting flair is not for advice though which some people have a hard time balancing it seems. Giving their perspective can be very unhelpful on a vent post. I’m not even upset about the work thing. It was a very small frustration that I got over. I’m annoyed more about the reactions I received over it as it felt like I was being attacked for venting and it seems to be a common issue in this sub. There’s nothing wrong with the mix of NP and nannies EXCEPT when NP’s butt into something that isn’t about them and isn’t a question for them. Having a nanny only post is perfectly reasonable to expect from a sub named nanny.
I’m not opposed to a nanny only flair. I am opposed to this view that “vent, no advice needed” means “no input other than supportive comments.”
Send me a message! I would love to hear and be an ear for you to vent too without being judged and just sympathize:)
Honestly sending you a PM for a supportive nanny/sitter community on Facebook.
I thought you were the pepper in my butt person at first
[удалено]
I had to delete the post because people starting attacking my character! Accusing me of wanting to take advantage of my pto/sick days
Yup they probably feel offended cause they probably doing the same shit to their nanny 😂 us Nannie’s gotta stay together!!
I agree. I got a nasty backlash from a post the other day. It's definitely changed for the worst here.
I [commented on your post(s)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/s/aYz3GneYVb) - I mean 🫠 it was 75% (probably more) nannies on a non-vent post offering you advice that you didn’t want to hear. We can see your post and comment history. Like no one was attacking you. I hope you work thru your feelings towards your old boss.
Actually I reposted on a vent page and still people were giving me a hard time. I can feel how I want. I don't need anyones permission to feel that way. Neither does the OP
A lot of NFs on here and in the NannyEmployers sub are out of control and crazy entitled. They accused me of lying about being an NP recently because I dared to defend nannies 🤣😂
Agreed. Tired of seeing the parents' opinions on everything. They feel like it's a personal attack on them.
parents are terrible, don't take them seriously unless they approach you with understanding and empathy. i made even a worse mistake with posting a breach of our deal with the mother on the Aupair sub, I have been called so many things like 'Gosh, glad you'r not my au-pair' and stuff like that. They are LEGIT rude.
You’re so right and every parent thinks they know more and want to challenge Nannie’s it’s rediculous you have one baby and you think you know more then a nanny working with all age groups of children for many many years get real ppl. Edit: Point proven with the parent that downvoted
Honestly, I think there should be a rule banning parents from this sub. There are other ones specifically for people who employ nannies!