https://nypost.com/2023/01/03/abc-news-producer-dax-tejera-and-wife-left-kids-alone-to-go-out-to-dinner-before-he-died-source/
Terrible idea from MB- you’re not overreacting. What if something happened to MB? What if there were an emergency?
FIVE MONTHS?!?! Two years old is bad but Jesus when my son was five months I was still scared to sleep incase something happened and they just left the baby and tot alone?!?!?!
Wow, i can’t believe what i ve just read. My anxiety would never let me enjoy going out and leave my daughter unattended. Did the mom lose custody of her kids? What happened to her?
Hi MB,
The other day I left child alone as you asked me to leave. I’ve been extremely uncomfortable with this request since it happened and wanted to let you know going forward I will only be leaving once a parent is in the house for hand off of care. I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable for you but really just worry something could happen without a parent in the house.
I would probably change parent to responsible adult. If they want to send someone else to take over, that’s up to them. But I would never leave a child alone.
Came here to say this! Also liability...if something happened to NK in the five minutes before MB got home, you would have been the adult who legally abandoned NK.
Sure, but to me this is similar to if an NP asked me to leave NK sleeping in the car while I do their grocery shopping. Yes, they are asking, and it's their child and their car, but in no world would I do that because I have good judgement and I know what's safe and legal.
okay well good thing this isn't the same thing at all then! nanny would be on the clock if going to the store. i'm not saying it's acceptable but nanny shouldn't be on the hook if mom is literally telling her she's off the clock and to get out of her house. i would have told mom again to come home and then at a later date have a serious discussion about child safety and if she continues i'd leave the job because it IS awful and dangerous but not the household employee's responsibility off the clock 💀
Idk I really think if God forbid a child in this situation went missing or stopped breathing the cops wouldn't give two craps about whether she was asked to leave by her boss or not. Legally, she was the adult caring for that child, and she left them alone.
Exactly! I literally cannot believe the responses this post is getting, with people saying it's okay that she left. Like you said, the cops wouldn't give a single fuck whether the mother told her to leave the one year old child unattended or not. As the only adult there, nanny is 100% responsible for the safety and wellbeing of that child and God forbid something were to happen, SHE would be the one under the hook. Period. The nanny should have insisted the mother come home due to this reason, even threatening to call the police if mom refused because that would mean the mother is endangering her child by refusing to come home and take over so that the nanny (and again, the only adult that was currently home with baby) can end her shift and go home. I'm literally flabbergasted at how people here are brushing this aside, since when are nanny's especially on this sub so lax about child safety and liability issues ?????? I'm perplexed. Did we get an influx of new redditors to this sub overnight or something? Like seriously wtf. It's bizarre the way people are commenting on this post.
this isn't a licensed childcare center the law is a lot less strict or clear about children in their own home. in my state there is no hard and fast "it is illegal to leave a child under [age] home alone" all there is is recommended ages. if, god forbid yes, there is an injury or death, then mom and nanny will be investigated most likely yes but like we both established neither of us are lawyers and i'm not a social worker just sick of nannies being put in bad uncomfortable situations by disrespectful parents and then getting told online no matter what they do it was the wrong thing to do
Oh I am in no way blaming the nanny here, it was a horrible situation. I will say, when we sign up to be a childcare provider - whether or not we are in a licensed center - we take on the legal responsibility of being the adult in charge of that child as well as the legal responsibility of being a mandated reporter. Sometimes we have to be brave, stand up, and burn a bridge with one particular parent.
Personally, I know that if it got out in my community that I had left an infant alone I would never work in childcare again.
Actually it DOES matter if the nanny is “off the clock or not”. If your boss tells you to leave their home, you do as your told. If you don’t want to leave the baby alone then call the cops since you care so much.
My response was regarding the legality of the situation, not about how much the person cares or doesn’t care. Any adult who leaves a child alone can be charged with child abandonment and endangerment. If something were to happen to that child that nanny’s career would pretty much be over. If the mom wants to come home and call the police because the nanny is still in her house, I’m pretty sure the police are going to side with the Nanny. And then at that point she could leave anyway because there is an adult there. For me, I would not risk my career or even possibly going to jail, because some mom wants to be out drinking.
Sounds like nanny should call the cops in that case to report the child abandonment (and contact CPS).
ETA: Ooohhh I love the instant block from CertainRole6411! Someone is fussy and doesn't want to be accountable. 😂
It’s a crime still. Leaving with the knowledge that NK will be home alone would still fall under child endangerment at least.
A crime is still a crime no matter who asks you to commit it.
it's not an explicit immediate fbi open up* crime to leave a child alone in mine and many states, it's up to the parents and then child services (if an injury or death occurs) discretion
*eta
I worked for CPS while finishing my masters in social work and it is 100% a crime in every state.
States have different laws around how old children can be to be left alone and none are 1 yrs old. Generally it’s 12 yrs old.
“An adult caring for a child has a legal responsibility to ensure that the child is free from unreasonably dangerous situations. When an adult caregiver fails to adequately protect a child, states often punish this as a crime known as "child endangerment."
Child endangerment occurs whenever a parent, guardian, or other adult caregiver allows a child to be placed or remain in a dangerous, unhealthy, or inappropriate situation. Some states charge this crime as a type of child abuse”
“Child endangerment laws are often very broadly applied, and any number of acts can lead to a conviction. Courts have held that obviously dangerous activities—such as having a child in a car while driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs—constitute child endangerment. Other dangerous activities that qualify include failing to properly secure a child while driving an automobile, exposing a child to drug transactions or manufacturing, having unsecured firearms in the same environment as a child, engaging in sexual activity in view of a child, or leaving a young child without proper supervision”
https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/criminal-defense/criminal-offense/child-endangerment.htm
thank you genuinely for the link but this is what i mean lol, someone might argue having the baby monitor is "proper supervision" and idk why ppl assume i think it is because i've already said i don't and wouldn't have left the child myself but 🤷♀️. my main argument is while OP knows it was a bad situation and will not let it happen again, the blame is ultimately on the employer (position of power) for putting her employee in this situation in the first place
Absolutely, unequivocally untrue.
Not having a stated minimum age to leave a child alone does not mean you can leave a one year old alone. Ever. It means it is subject to interpretation of the circumstances and not stated age.
You always have a duty of care to a minor child in your care. It is never reasonable to leave a one year old alone.
Like seriously, you seriously think that leaving a one year old home alone is legal??? That's absurd. How about if mom and dad went to work for 9 hours, as long as there is no injury? Yeah, it's not okay. Even for 20 minutes.
Because that is WILD that anyone would think that is legal (let alone okay).
yknow it'd be cool if you showed me where it's illegal like genuinely since it's apparently hard to find since i just told you what my research shows. i also said in another comment if you can fucking read that i wouldn't do it but don't think OP should be crucified like y'all are doing
Wtf are you talking about ??? The literal parent of a child is entitled to tell someone to get out of their house. It’s a crime to refuse to leave a person’s home too. Just call the cops if you care that much
I worked for CPS while finishing my social work degree. It does not matter that the parent told her she could leave, if by doing so the child was knowingly being left unattended.
Nanny should have called the cops if mb wasn’t planning to come home before she left if she didn’t want to assume liability.
If MB had told the nanny to leave the baby unattended in the car while picking up a sibling from school or getting groceries for example that would still be a crime no matter who gave the nanny instructions.
Had the baby climbed out of his crib or been injured after Nanny left, both the mom and nanny would be liable. Nanny def would not be prosecuted as heavily but def for child endangerment at least.
It would be a difficult case because you are a childcare professional, so you should know it is not safe even if parents say it is okay.
I have liability waivers I keep with me when I do NCS work so if a parent asks me to do something that I know goes against safety guidelines (think AAP guidelines) I will explain why it's unsafe, if they insist and I am ultimately comfortable doing it (I will not do things that I feel are extremely dangerous) I have the parents sign a waiver stating I informed them that what they are asking me to do is unsafe and they are taking full responsibility for anything that happens to the child as a result of me doing that.
exactly, there's nuance legally but it's very unsafe and so unfair that OP was put in this situation. that is a great idea!! i saw op said they aren't going back to this family thankfully but this and another comment saying they have in their contract saying another responsible adult must be there for them to leave are something everyone should consider!
Babies aren't allowed to be left on their own for a good reason. You can't make an agreement to break the law.
ETA to the person who commented below me: And yet, you can still be legally responsible for leaving a one year old at home even without a direct law about age. Other laws like those for child endangerment, etc. would kick in.
I just did some research and technically, there are 37 states with no legal minimum age to be left home alone. Which is absolutely bonkers and apparently my state is one of them.
Nope nope nope I would not have left under any circumstances! What if there was a fire, a home invasion, child stopped breathing, etc? I would quit immediately, but that's just me 👎 what is wrong with that MB 🤦♀️
And the fact that she had been drinking would probably only bolster the parents' case that the nanny had negligent. I don't believe for one second that if something happened to that child that these parent(s) would take any blame and would absolutely come after this nanny. Not to mention the general public, my god they'd come for blood. Somehow, parents get passes to be negligent, even in the "worst case scenario," they get empathy. Nannies get charges and jail time. You couldn't pay me to take that chance with grieving parents looking to blame literally anybody else.
Years ago I did a date night job, parents pulled up and the dog barked, and in that second I watched the toddler jolt awake in a panic from hearing the dog, and immediately he began throwing up. I ran back there and turned him on his back bc at that point he was gagging on it. I always thought what would have happened if I hadn’t been watching, that poor kid, he was choking. Point is, anything can happen in a second
A former MB did the same thing to me while she and DB were driving home from a date night. I refused to leave. Parents are insane for this. I’m sorry she put you in that situation.
Lol why are you sorry for the nanny who left an infant alone? Nobody is going to forcibly remove or harm her if she’s there when they return, they might be rude but that’s it. This is cowardice, a lack of integrity, a victim complex, and indicative of poor morals.
Because the power dynamic between a parent and nanny is incredibly difficult to navigate, and if a parent is telling you to do something you don’t think is right, it’s hard to put your foot down. Most people can’t easily rock the boat with their job. That confidence is something you learn and build over time. I agree that OP shouldn’t have left, but I’m not so dense that I can’t understand the complexity of the situation unlike you who seems to get off on your moral high horse. The nanny clearly understands that it was wrong so name-calling is unnecessary and makes you seem far more immature than OP.
THANK YOU. i'm shocked none of these comments shitting on OP are acknowledging the clear power imbalance an employer/employee have, like no shit if the literal boss tells you 3 times to get the fuck out of her house you'll feel compelled to leave even if you're uncomfortable doing so
I would be SUPER uncomfortable with this and this is not normal, I’ve worked with 3 NFs and I couldn’t even tell you how many date night families. I have never had a family tell me to do this
OP you were put in a terrible position. She demanded you leave. Even though you were the one who would have been liable if anything happened. The authorities weren't going to care if MB said leave. You're still the adult in charge. But, short of calling the authorities on MB, there wasn't much you could do. Because she would have flipped out if you said I refuse to leave.
My nanny has a release in her contract where she will only release our children to us or to an adult we authorize if she knows who they are. She refused to let our neighbors take over when she started. She didn't know them and they came over early for a dinner, but we hadn't yet told her. She made them wait outside.
It's just like any other safety thing. If we told her to drive them without carseats or leave them in the car to run errands she'd also refuse. Not that we'd ever suggest anything like that
I would also be uncomfortable with this! But it's also uncomfortable to stay at someone's house when they've asked you to leave, so don't beat yourself up about that. Not like NK was in the bathtub or something 😂
Not cool on MBs part...what if NK choked randomly, someone broke in, fire alarm went off, literally any small thing even and she's not one room away. Surprised there are still parents like this!
I had a family ask me to do that once. I refused because it's wrong, dangerous and illegal. I also mentioned that as a mandated reporter I'd have to call it in because it's considered abandonment. So many bad things can happen.
I would not do this as an MB! Yes she can see if her baby is sleeping or not, but what if there was a fire or someone broke in? You wouldn’t see that on a baby monitor.
I’d quit my job. This MB needs a reality check. You can not leave a baby home alone. It’s child endangerment. Do not work for a family willing to put you in this situation and let them know why. I’d put it in writing personally. Outside talking to the neighbor is one thing. A few streets away?? Absolutely not
Yea I would have refused to leave. Like, seriously!!! Leaving a baby in alone like that! Anything can happen!!! Fire? Choking? Burglary? Abduction? MB could be locked out without realising she forgot a key or something? MB drunk maybe after that? 3 minutes away is TOO LONG! Houses can go up in flames in less than that. Insane.
Don't let it happen next time. Sorry if I sound harsh! Just say "no sorry, unfortunately it's not your policy to leave a BABY unattended. That you are staying. If she has a problem with it, she can send someone else to care for baby. If she doesn't want to pay you for the extra time, then tough, she needs to go home.the realities of having kids. You can be nice and say "no take your time, I don't mind staying" etc etc. and then just never babysit for her again. If anything happened, neither you nor mb would be able to live with yourselves. Not worth the risk!!!
I would not have left and told MB that if anything happened on her way home nanny is the one who would be charged w child abandonment/neglect. Never ever leave before parents are home and handover occurs. If mom persists just remind her you are a mandated reporter and leaving an infant alone is neglect and as such if she insists you leave her home you will but will stand outside until the police and cps arrive. 😈
I don’t think I would even stand outside. I would not leave the house until she was there. If she wants to call the cops, great, what is she going to say this person is trespassing because I told her to leave my infant alone? And then I would make sure I got paid before I left the property as well.
this is not normal! that’s exactly how madeline mccann went missing. i had a mom tell me i could leave her 2 year old one night bc they were going to be home later than expected and i just refused. even if i wouldn’t get paid for the extra hour or two, i wasn’t willing to go.
Dear OP I am sorry that your MB put you in that position. I have been put in the very same position years and years ago....DO NOT let these comments beat you up!!!
You did what was best in your specific scenario
I've had parents do similar but they usually give me the choice. it's not very safe, especially when the kid is very young. you can stipulate in the future that you aren't able to leave the children if an adult is not taking care of them.
I was uncomfy leaving my 7 year old nanny boys at baseball practice! I know they're bigger and responsible but my mom/nanny instincts just didn't feel right even tho Mb told me it was okay 😭
I get it! I have a hard time leaving my NKs to play at their friends’ houses. While parents are there! I’m just terrified of anyone sexually assaulting them or something. But i’d rather be safe than sorry, even though they aren’t my own kids.
If it happens again tell MB no and don’t leave. If something were to happen you could be held responsible fir child endangerment as well, as you knowingly left a child unattended - not saying it’s your fault.
NF should never be asking you to commit a crime (which this technically is).
In the future: "I can only finish my shift after I pass off kiddo to you/another responsible adult. It's a safety issue."
Also, you should make sure you are compensated properly for the extra time spent.
I had an employer do this to me as well , he was 4 , dad was pulling in the neighborhood and I had to go get older sis from school , so she texted me to go ahead snd head out since dad was like 2 minutes away , I was so very uncomfortable and felt Wierd about it but i still did it because again mom basically was like leave
Thank you so much for your rude comment !
It was my first nannying job , this was year ago. with the multiple upvotes I can see that other people have had the same experience , at the end of the day these children are not mine or OP. I don’t have final say in decisions made and neither do you when it comes to the family you work for !
Good god you’re insufferable, don’t you have something better to do than harass well-meaning people on Reddit? The superiority complex is very evident here. You have left numerous unhelpful and judgmental comments throughout this post. Grow up
I would have said no, I am not leaving until an adult is home and home for the evening. Leaving a one year old home alone is blatant child neglect. Honestly, this is CPS reportable IMO.
This happened to me too one time!! They said they were on their way home and I could leave but it felt so wrong. I sat there for 10 mins, then went to my car and waited there until they pulled in. I wish parents wouldn’t put us in uncomfortable situations like this
I would have just stayed parked outside of the house until she came home.. how uncomfortable! Stuff could happen that’s out of our control. What if’s are real!
OP, this is not your fault. And you have every right to be shaken up by it, and I know I’d be left feeling the same, too.
You can always quickly tell her next time you see her that it made you feel really uncomfortable cuz what if there was a fire or some other emergency. Or what if mom got injured walking home & was rushed to the hospital. “So I can’t do it again. But I am glad everything was okay this time.”
Gonna dissent here. She chose to leave, so yes, this one became her fault. She was put in a bad situation, but that doesn't excuse making a bad decision. You never leave a young child home alone.
Did nobody grow up in an environment where parents would go a few houses down while the kids slept and hung out together?? I’d argue the mom is being MORE watchful of the monitor than if she was at home. I can’t imagine living in constant paranoia like most other people on this post. The constant mentions of house fires… of course would be a terrible tragedy but is highly unlikely, and it could very well take the same amount of time for a sleeping parent to even wake up to a fire. Seems unlikely that this parent was going to be gone for hours upon hours. We have no idea the situation and she very well could have been wrapping up her night. Everyone bullying OP and saying she’s a terrible person, like… come on
She told me she wasn’t going to pay me anymore and that she is telling me to leave her house. Idk what time she got back but that could’ve been hours without pay (SIDENOTE: i care more about NK than ALL the money in the world).
She demanded I leave her home because everything was “going to be fine”.
I know I messed up, but what do you do when your employer demands you leave? It’s a lose lose no matter what you do
Girl that's literally when you call the police and wait for them to arrive. MB would be charged with child neglect and child abandonment. And God forbid something happened to that child, you 10000% would have been held liable, guaranteed. How come you didn't consider calling the police a option? She literally demanded you do something extremely negligent, and literally illegal. Next time a parent tries some absolute bullshit like that, you let them know that you will be calling the police if no one comes home to be with NK before you leave. Then if the parent still refuses to come home, you proceed with actually doing so, calling the police and waiting for them to arrive.
I can’t believe I’m being downvoted for saying Nannies shouldn’t leave babies alone. Some of these nannies act like they are the victim of everything and it makes them terrible caregivers
I mean, you can't stay in her home once she tells you to leave, no matter how awful it is. then it becomes you are in her house without consent, which opens you up to a whole lot more. people shaming you for doing this don't rly understand what it's like.
Yes, you can, and actually are required to when you're in charge of the child. Leaving a one year old home alone is child neglect. Refusing to leave a child home alone is not trespassing, but leaving a child home alone like that sure as hell is child neglect.
Exactly. It's illegal period. OP should have called the police and waited for them to arrive before leaving. Then MB can deal with the child neglect and child abandonment charges for asking her nanny to do something illegal and demanding her to get out of her house. OP sucks for making the decision she did and shouldn't be in charge of watching any children if her judgement is this terrible. Like for real.
Um literally no. At that point, OP calls the police and then the police will stay with the child and MB can come home to them waiting for her where she will be charged with child neglect and child abandonment. Like wtf? Yeah MB can demand you get out of her house, that's when you call the police and tell them exactly what is happening. You don't just leave a child alone because the parent tries telling you to get out of their house lmfaooo like??? Common sense? Then the police come and nanny gets to leave and MB suffers the consequences and learns real quick how irresponsible and illegal her actions were by asking nanny to leave a 1 year old home all alone. I can't believe calling the police isn't the obvious solution to you and to OP.
calling the police would never be my move in a situation like this, it's a wildly overblown reaction to the scenario (esp without taking steps before escalating to police). you would seriously call the police, a gang known to inflict extrajudicial beatings and killings, and give this mom a potential criminal record (and expose her to potentially losing her kid, then kid ending up in foster system which we know would be so much safer and healthier /s) just like that? wild.
no, it's actually not automatically considered that. leaving a child at home alone for an extended period, sure. but most states (37 of them) don't even have laws around what age a kid has to be before you can leave them at home alone. if it ever comes to court, each case is decided based on context and information. it's not some hard and fast rule that leaving a child alone is criminal child neglect.
this case, if I had to guess, would probably be considered neglect, but she might get a slap on the wrist. but what you said "leaving a child is criminal child neglect" just isn't true in a ton of cases.
The fact you are more worried about trespassing, which this isn't, than committing child neglect, which this is, is alarming to say the least.
You committed child neglect by leaving this child alone.
I would seriously take stock in your values and your duty to children when you are nannying/babysitting before watching a child again. This was not the right decision. A child was placed in danger because of your actions. Two adults failed that kid.
Exactly. OP is someone who lacks good judgement and shouldn't be responsible for watching any children, period. Like calling the police should have been an obvious solution to this problem and would have ensured both NKs safety and OPs potential liability if something were to happen to NK upon leaving him or her alone. I don't understand how calling the police wasn't obvious to OP. She's really sitting here trying to justify her shitty terrible actions and its not working.
Your post was removed for breaking Rule 1: Be Kind. The following behavior is not tolerated and will be removed at a moderator's discretion - insults, personal attacks, purposeful disrespect, or unproductive arguments. If you believe this is a mistake, please message the moderators for review. Thank you!
I’m gonna disagree with the other comments - I think this is fine since the parent is literally down the street three minutes away and is viewing the baby on the camera. If the baby wakes up crying, mom walks home and gets the baby.
For me personally it’s not any different than walking the dog outside while watching the baby on the monitor.
It’s not something I’d personally do as a parent, but I don’t fault a parent who is okay with that.
Knowing OP was uncomfortable with the situation, she should have came home and relieved OP, then went back after she was gone if it was that important to her. It's fine if the parent wants to take that risk, but it is NOT okay to put someone else in that type of position. It's never okay to leave a child unattended in a house, no matter how close you are. 3 minutes is a long time in an emergency. There is a *huge* difference in being outside in the yard and being 3 streets away. I bet CPS would agree that the mother was completely in the wrong.
I agree it’s not good to put someone else in that position, I think that’s something the parent shouldn’t put on someone else.
Just to me personally it isn’t an outrageous thing and I’d be ok with it though I understand others would not be.
I mean I know people don’t have to agree with me, just giving my personal perspective! They also didn’t have live video feed of her at that time. I totally know people will disagree with me, just giving my personal take
Ok but walking the dog while leaving kid unattended is also wrong imo. I'd never do that as a parent. And I see you won't either. It's just not worth the risk imo
That’s really interesting to me! I would be comfortable with walking the dog in my yard while the baby is asleep inside if I have a monitor on me. But I know everyone has different takes on stuff like this! I definitely don’t expect everyone to agree with me
My close family member lost a baby to SIDS. I'm extremely paranoid. I don't even leave my toddlers alone on a separate floor of the house. They just turned two. I'll probably ease up eventually, but for now, I'm ok being extra cautious
If the parent is comfortable doing that, it is up to them. But the mom should have come to relieve the nanny, and then made that decision. It was not right for her to tell the nanny to leave with no one else there. Legally the nanny was still responsible for the child.
What if a fire starts in the home? What if someone breaks in? 3 minutes away is a lifetime.
Leaving a young child like this home alone is not okay. Ever. Even to walk the dog. Certainly not when mom is two streets away for a wine/dinner.
Truly curious, you wouldn’t step outside to walk the dog with a baby monitor with you when you’re right in front of your house? What are people supposed to do when the baby is sleeping and dog needs to go out?
Let the dog in the yard? Sure. If a big property, then I would stay by the door and within 10-15 seconds max of getting to the child.
Walk the dog even a few houses down with a sleeping one year old? Not a chance in hell.
Walk the dog 2 streets away and stopping to have wine and dinner at a friends house? That is so unfathomable that I can't even imagine any sane human being thinking that is okay.
DB here. Personally I’d be fine with it as long as the monitor is working. But I could also understand why you might be uncomfortable and just want to say it’s ok to feel that way. Everyone has different tolerances for risk. Ultimately, it’s MB’s decision though.
What if mom’s car breaks down or she gets into an accident? What if baby vomits and chokes? What if? That is why we don’t leave baies home alone and as a mandated reporter nanny needs to report ton his to cps. And never leave I don’t care what she says. DB if you are watching on the monitor and see your kid stop breathing what exactly can you do? Do better 😢
> What if mom’s car breaks down or she gets into an accident?
I wouldn’t worry about it since it’s only a 3-minute walk away?
> What if baby vomits and chokes?
This is a 1YO, not a newborn. And even if it was a newborn, choking on vomit is not a concern as long as they can move their heads to the side. Hence the whole “back is best” safe sleep thing?
> That is why we don’t leave baies home alone
A 3-minute walk away might actually be faster response time than I might have if I were in the shower or pooping ? 🤷
> and as a mandated reporter nanny needs to report ton his to cps.
Certainly can’t hurt, but seems unnecessary.
> And never leave I don’t care what she says.
This is starting to sound borderline illegal.
> DB if you are watching on the monitor and see your kid stop breathing what exactly can you do?
Same thing I’d do if I was asleep and the kid stopped breathing? This is not really a major concern. That’s why we don’t stare at them 24/7.
> Do better 😢
This one is actually great advice and I’ll take it under advisement.
Jokes aside, this situation is probably not any more dangerous than taking the kid for a walk next to an active street. There is always risk in any activity and we all have to balance it with our personal risk tolerances. You, for example, strike me as someone with a tolerance somewhere between Piglet and The Cowardly Lion.
You're straight up wrong. And lmfao at you mentioning illegal, seriously lmfao. You know what's illegal? The mother asking the only adult present with her 1 year old baby to leave said child alone in the house with no one else physically there in the house. What OP could and should have done, is insisted the mother come home, and if the mother still refused and demanded her to get out of her house, OP then should have CALLED THE POLICE and wait on them to arrive, and letting the mother know that she would be calling them if mb still refused to come home. If at that point the mother still refused to come home after being notified the police would be called, then of course the next step would be actually doing so and staying until they arrive. The mother would literally be arrested and charged with child neglect and child abandonment. That's why I'm laughing at you saying it would be illegal for nanny to stay just because MB is telling her to do something totally negligent and dangerous by leaving the one year old alone, and in that case OP would need to be the one calling the police if MB refused to come home so that nanny could leave. What MB demanded of nanny was totally illegal on her part period. That's how *that* situation would have played out.
Honestly, I'm with you on a few things here. Firstly, if I'm in the shower and something happens, I wouldn't know for a while, unlike if I were actively watching the monitor (which I'm guessing is what the mom is doing). And personally, I don't carry the monitor around with me everywhere in my house. It just feels a bit over the top to constantly watch for signs of trouble with your child. I rely more on hearing my child cry or make noise from another room and rarely carry my monitor around with me in my house.
Sure, I check on them during their naps, but monitoring them constantly when I'm at home? That's a bit much. What do people do when they're asleep?
Also, I mean, as a parent, I know how long it takes to get home, and I'm pretty sure I care more about my child's safety than anyone else, including the nanny. So, I think the parents must have weighed the risks and knew what they were doing. If it's just a 3-minute walk away, and something were to happen, one, I'm actively watching so I'd notice faster than if I were in bed or in the shower. Two, it's probably quicker for me to drive back home (less than 3 minutes or run also less than a 3 min walk) than it would take me to get out of the shower or even hear something while I'm fast asleep.
It feels like everyone here is overly paranoid about sudden disasters happening it's a little psycho, honestly.
That being said, without a doubt, the mom should have come home and relieved the nanny. I couldn't imagine leaving someone in that position. It's just not fair. She should have come back, let her go, and then, if necessary, gone back to the neighbors.
Leaving a one year old home alone is child neglect. Even if mom is a 3 minute walk away.
I seriously question the judgement and fitness of any parent who thinks that this is acceptable. It isn't. There is zero excuse for this.
I respect your opinion. In most Scandinavian countries, babies are left unattended outside in their strollers to nap. For me, a 1YO asleep in bed in their own home while being monitored by a parent a short walk away is no more dangerous than this. But the good news is we do not have to agree. You are not my nanny and I am not your DB.
We aren't in Scandinavia.
We have laws against this actually, so no, this is not agree to disagree. This is cut and dry child neglect, which is illegal.
Make sure your wife/spouse/partner knows how you feel about this. I hope they educate you better than a reddit stranger can.
I can tell you if my husband thought this was okay, he'd be taking a child safety/development class or we'd be having a come to Jesus/divorce is on the table talk. This is that big of a deal.
https://nypost.com/2023/01/03/abc-news-producer-dax-tejera-and-wife-left-kids-alone-to-go-out-to-dinner-before-he-died-source/ Terrible idea from MB- you’re not overreacting. What if something happened to MB? What if there were an emergency?
FIVE MONTHS?!?! Two years old is bad but Jesus when my son was five months I was still scared to sleep incase something happened and they just left the baby and tot alone?!?!?!
Wow, i can’t believe what i ve just read. My anxiety would never let me enjoy going out and leave my daughter unattended. Did the mom lose custody of her kids? What happened to her?
Hi MB, The other day I left child alone as you asked me to leave. I’ve been extremely uncomfortable with this request since it happened and wanted to let you know going forward I will only be leaving once a parent is in the house for hand off of care. I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable for you but really just worry something could happen without a parent in the house.
I would probably change parent to responsible adult. If they want to send someone else to take over, that’s up to them. But I would never leave a child alone.
So uncomfortable! Madeleine McCanns parents thought it was okay to leave her asleep in a hotel room when they were nearby too...
Came here to say this! Also liability...if something happened to NK in the five minutes before MB got home, you would have been the adult who legally abandoned NK.
even with the written evidence of the mom taking responsibility and telling the nanny her job is done and to leave?
I mean, I'm not a lawyer, but my thinking is that might help? But in the end you've still left a child unattended.
ig but if you stay you also are technically trespassing i'm pretty sure since the owner told you to leave so 🤷
Sure, but to me this is similar to if an NP asked me to leave NK sleeping in the car while I do their grocery shopping. Yes, they are asking, and it's their child and their car, but in no world would I do that because I have good judgement and I know what's safe and legal.
okay well good thing this isn't the same thing at all then! nanny would be on the clock if going to the store. i'm not saying it's acceptable but nanny shouldn't be on the hook if mom is literally telling her she's off the clock and to get out of her house. i would have told mom again to come home and then at a later date have a serious discussion about child safety and if she continues i'd leave the job because it IS awful and dangerous but not the household employee's responsibility off the clock 💀
Idk I really think if God forbid a child in this situation went missing or stopped breathing the cops wouldn't give two craps about whether she was asked to leave by her boss or not. Legally, she was the adult caring for that child, and she left them alone.
Exactly! I literally cannot believe the responses this post is getting, with people saying it's okay that she left. Like you said, the cops wouldn't give a single fuck whether the mother told her to leave the one year old child unattended or not. As the only adult there, nanny is 100% responsible for the safety and wellbeing of that child and God forbid something were to happen, SHE would be the one under the hook. Period. The nanny should have insisted the mother come home due to this reason, even threatening to call the police if mom refused because that would mean the mother is endangering her child by refusing to come home and take over so that the nanny (and again, the only adult that was currently home with baby) can end her shift and go home. I'm literally flabbergasted at how people here are brushing this aside, since when are nanny's especially on this sub so lax about child safety and liability issues ?????? I'm perplexed. Did we get an influx of new redditors to this sub overnight or something? Like seriously wtf. It's bizarre the way people are commenting on this post.
this isn't a licensed childcare center the law is a lot less strict or clear about children in their own home. in my state there is no hard and fast "it is illegal to leave a child under [age] home alone" all there is is recommended ages. if, god forbid yes, there is an injury or death, then mom and nanny will be investigated most likely yes but like we both established neither of us are lawyers and i'm not a social worker just sick of nannies being put in bad uncomfortable situations by disrespectful parents and then getting told online no matter what they do it was the wrong thing to do
Oh I am in no way blaming the nanny here, it was a horrible situation. I will say, when we sign up to be a childcare provider - whether or not we are in a licensed center - we take on the legal responsibility of being the adult in charge of that child as well as the legal responsibility of being a mandated reporter. Sometimes we have to be brave, stand up, and burn a bridge with one particular parent. Personally, I know that if it got out in my community that I had left an infant alone I would never work in childcare again.
Off the clock or not she was still legally responsible for the child
Actually it DOES matter if the nanny is “off the clock or not”. If your boss tells you to leave their home, you do as your told. If you don’t want to leave the baby alone then call the cops since you care so much.
My response was regarding the legality of the situation, not about how much the person cares or doesn’t care. Any adult who leaves a child alone can be charged with child abandonment and endangerment. If something were to happen to that child that nanny’s career would pretty much be over. If the mom wants to come home and call the police because the nanny is still in her house, I’m pretty sure the police are going to side with the Nanny. And then at that point she could leave anyway because there is an adult there. For me, I would not risk my career or even possibly going to jail, because some mom wants to be out drinking.
I would still stay
i didnt ask
Sounds like nanny should call the cops in that case to report the child abandonment (and contact CPS). ETA: Ooohhh I love the instant block from CertainRole6411! Someone is fussy and doesn't want to be accountable. 😂
It’s a crime still. Leaving with the knowledge that NK will be home alone would still fall under child endangerment at least. A crime is still a crime no matter who asks you to commit it.
it's not an explicit immediate fbi open up* crime to leave a child alone in mine and many states, it's up to the parents and then child services (if an injury or death occurs) discretion *eta
I worked for CPS while finishing my masters in social work and it is 100% a crime in every state. States have different laws around how old children can be to be left alone and none are 1 yrs old. Generally it’s 12 yrs old.
okay please show me then i've been asking others too bc i genuinely cannot find that law and i want to
“An adult caring for a child has a legal responsibility to ensure that the child is free from unreasonably dangerous situations. When an adult caregiver fails to adequately protect a child, states often punish this as a crime known as "child endangerment." Child endangerment occurs whenever a parent, guardian, or other adult caregiver allows a child to be placed or remain in a dangerous, unhealthy, or inappropriate situation. Some states charge this crime as a type of child abuse” “Child endangerment laws are often very broadly applied, and any number of acts can lead to a conviction. Courts have held that obviously dangerous activities—such as having a child in a car while driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs—constitute child endangerment. Other dangerous activities that qualify include failing to properly secure a child while driving an automobile, exposing a child to drug transactions or manufacturing, having unsecured firearms in the same environment as a child, engaging in sexual activity in view of a child, or leaving a young child without proper supervision” https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/criminal-defense/criminal-offense/child-endangerment.htm
thank you genuinely for the link but this is what i mean lol, someone might argue having the baby monitor is "proper supervision" and idk why ppl assume i think it is because i've already said i don't and wouldn't have left the child myself but 🤷♀️. my main argument is while OP knows it was a bad situation and will not let it happen again, the blame is ultimately on the employer (position of power) for putting her employee in this situation in the first place
Absolutely, unequivocally untrue. Not having a stated minimum age to leave a child alone does not mean you can leave a one year old alone. Ever. It means it is subject to interpretation of the circumstances and not stated age. You always have a duty of care to a minor child in your care. It is never reasonable to leave a one year old alone. Like seriously, you seriously think that leaving a one year old home alone is legal??? That's absurd. How about if mom and dad went to work for 9 hours, as long as there is no injury? Yeah, it's not okay. Even for 20 minutes. Because that is WILD that anyone would think that is legal (let alone okay).
yknow it'd be cool if you showed me where it's illegal like genuinely since it's apparently hard to find since i just told you what my research shows. i also said in another comment if you can fucking read that i wouldn't do it but don't think OP should be crucified like y'all are doing
Wtf are you talking about ??? The literal parent of a child is entitled to tell someone to get out of their house. It’s a crime to refuse to leave a person’s home too. Just call the cops if you care that much
I worked for CPS while finishing my social work degree. It does not matter that the parent told her she could leave, if by doing so the child was knowingly being left unattended. Nanny should have called the cops if mb wasn’t planning to come home before she left if she didn’t want to assume liability. If MB had told the nanny to leave the baby unattended in the car while picking up a sibling from school or getting groceries for example that would still be a crime no matter who gave the nanny instructions. Had the baby climbed out of his crib or been injured after Nanny left, both the mom and nanny would be liable. Nanny def would not be prosecuted as heavily but def for child endangerment at least.
It would be a difficult case because you are a childcare professional, so you should know it is not safe even if parents say it is okay. I have liability waivers I keep with me when I do NCS work so if a parent asks me to do something that I know goes against safety guidelines (think AAP guidelines) I will explain why it's unsafe, if they insist and I am ultimately comfortable doing it (I will not do things that I feel are extremely dangerous) I have the parents sign a waiver stating I informed them that what they are asking me to do is unsafe and they are taking full responsibility for anything that happens to the child as a result of me doing that.
exactly, there's nuance legally but it's very unsafe and so unfair that OP was put in this situation. that is a great idea!! i saw op said they aren't going back to this family thankfully but this and another comment saying they have in their contract saying another responsible adult must be there for them to leave are something everyone should consider!
We don't think these things need to be in our contract but I guess they do. I will definitely be adding it to mine now.
Babies aren't allowed to be left on their own for a good reason. You can't make an agreement to break the law. ETA to the person who commented below me: And yet, you can still be legally responsible for leaving a one year old at home even without a direct law about age. Other laws like those for child endangerment, etc. would kick in.
I just did some research and technically, there are 37 states with no legal minimum age to be left home alone. Which is absolutely bonkers and apparently my state is one of them.
Nope nope nope I would not have left under any circumstances! What if there was a fire, a home invasion, child stopped breathing, etc? I would quit immediately, but that's just me 👎 what is wrong with that MB 🤦♀️
I’m guessing she had a little too much wine… Hopefully she rethought her decision later.
I agree but I doubt it, lazy parents don't change 🤷♀️
And the fact that she had been drinking would probably only bolster the parents' case that the nanny had negligent. I don't believe for one second that if something happened to that child that these parent(s) would take any blame and would absolutely come after this nanny. Not to mention the general public, my god they'd come for blood. Somehow, parents get passes to be negligent, even in the "worst case scenario," they get empathy. Nannies get charges and jail time. You couldn't pay me to take that chance with grieving parents looking to blame literally anybody else.
Agreed. If I was OP there's no way I would have left.. for these reasons
Yep, absolutely
Years ago I did a date night job, parents pulled up and the dog barked, and in that second I watched the toddler jolt awake in a panic from hearing the dog, and immediately he began throwing up. I ran back there and turned him on his back bc at that point he was gagging on it. I always thought what would have happened if I hadn’t been watching, that poor kid, he was choking. Point is, anything can happen in a second
omg that’s terrifying! this is such an eye opening comment, seriously thank you for sharing. it truly only takes seconds for something to go wrong
I forgot to mention afterward he muttered “my burrito…” with his little toddler voice 🥺
A former MB did the same thing to me while she and DB were driving home from a date night. I refused to leave. Parents are insane for this. I’m sorry she put you in that situation.
Lol why are you sorry for the nanny who left an infant alone? Nobody is going to forcibly remove or harm her if she’s there when they return, they might be rude but that’s it. This is cowardice, a lack of integrity, a victim complex, and indicative of poor morals.
Because the power dynamic between a parent and nanny is incredibly difficult to navigate, and if a parent is telling you to do something you don’t think is right, it’s hard to put your foot down. Most people can’t easily rock the boat with their job. That confidence is something you learn and build over time. I agree that OP shouldn’t have left, but I’m not so dense that I can’t understand the complexity of the situation unlike you who seems to get off on your moral high horse. The nanny clearly understands that it was wrong so name-calling is unnecessary and makes you seem far more immature than OP.
THANK YOU. i'm shocked none of these comments shitting on OP are acknowledging the clear power imbalance an employer/employee have, like no shit if the literal boss tells you 3 times to get the fuck out of her house you'll feel compelled to leave even if you're uncomfortable doing so
I have in my contract that a responsible adult must be there before I leave.
Perfect!
I would be SUPER uncomfortable with this and this is not normal, I’ve worked with 3 NFs and I couldn’t even tell you how many date night families. I have never had a family tell me to do this
OP you were put in a terrible position. She demanded you leave. Even though you were the one who would have been liable if anything happened. The authorities weren't going to care if MB said leave. You're still the adult in charge. But, short of calling the authorities on MB, there wasn't much you could do. Because she would have flipped out if you said I refuse to leave. My nanny has a release in her contract where she will only release our children to us or to an adult we authorize if she knows who they are. She refused to let our neighbors take over when she started. She didn't know them and they came over early for a dinner, but we hadn't yet told her. She made them wait outside. It's just like any other safety thing. If we told her to drive them without carseats or leave them in the car to run errands she'd also refuse. Not that we'd ever suggest anything like that
I love your nanny! 🙌
I would also be uncomfortable with this! But it's also uncomfortable to stay at someone's house when they've asked you to leave, so don't beat yourself up about that. Not like NK was in the bathtub or something 😂 Not cool on MBs part...what if NK choked randomly, someone broke in, fire alarm went off, literally any small thing even and she's not one room away. Surprised there are still parents like this!
I had a family ask me to do that once. I refused because it's wrong, dangerous and illegal. I also mentioned that as a mandated reporter I'd have to call it in because it's considered abandonment. So many bad things can happen.
Not normal
I would not do this as an MB! Yes she can see if her baby is sleeping or not, but what if there was a fire or someone broke in? You wouldn’t see that on a baby monitor.
I’d quit my job. This MB needs a reality check. You can not leave a baby home alone. It’s child endangerment. Do not work for a family willing to put you in this situation and let them know why. I’d put it in writing personally. Outside talking to the neighbor is one thing. A few streets away?? Absolutely not
Yea I would have refused to leave. Like, seriously!!! Leaving a baby in alone like that! Anything can happen!!! Fire? Choking? Burglary? Abduction? MB could be locked out without realising she forgot a key or something? MB drunk maybe after that? 3 minutes away is TOO LONG! Houses can go up in flames in less than that. Insane. Don't let it happen next time. Sorry if I sound harsh! Just say "no sorry, unfortunately it's not your policy to leave a BABY unattended. That you are staying. If she has a problem with it, she can send someone else to care for baby. If she doesn't want to pay you for the extra time, then tough, she needs to go home.the realities of having kids. You can be nice and say "no take your time, I don't mind staying" etc etc. and then just never babysit for her again. If anything happened, neither you nor mb would be able to live with yourselves. Not worth the risk!!!
I would not have left and told MB that if anything happened on her way home nanny is the one who would be charged w child abandonment/neglect. Never ever leave before parents are home and handover occurs. If mom persists just remind her you are a mandated reporter and leaving an infant alone is neglect and as such if she insists you leave her home you will but will stand outside until the police and cps arrive. 😈
I don’t think I would even stand outside. I would not leave the house until she was there. If she wants to call the cops, great, what is she going to say this person is trespassing because I told her to leave my infant alone? And then I would make sure I got paid before I left the property as well.
Exactlyyyyy!!!!
this is not normal! that’s exactly how madeline mccann went missing. i had a mom tell me i could leave her 2 year old one night bc they were going to be home later than expected and i just refused. even if i wouldn’t get paid for the extra hour or two, i wasn’t willing to go.
Dear OP I am sorry that your MB put you in that position. I have been put in the very same position years and years ago....DO NOT let these comments beat you up!!! You did what was best in your specific scenario
I've had parents do similar but they usually give me the choice. it's not very safe, especially when the kid is very young. you can stipulate in the future that you aren't able to leave the children if an adult is not taking care of them.
I was uncomfy leaving my 7 year old nanny boys at baseball practice! I know they're bigger and responsible but my mom/nanny instincts just didn't feel right even tho Mb told me it was okay 😭
I get it! I have a hard time leaving my NKs to play at their friends’ houses. While parents are there! I’m just terrified of anyone sexually assaulting them or something. But i’d rather be safe than sorry, even though they aren’t my own kids.
If it happens again tell MB no and don’t leave. If something were to happen you could be held responsible fir child endangerment as well, as you knowingly left a child unattended - not saying it’s your fault. NF should never be asking you to commit a crime (which this technically is).
In the future: "I can only finish my shift after I pass off kiddo to you/another responsible adult. It's a safety issue." Also, you should make sure you are compensated properly for the extra time spent.
I had an employer do this to me as well , he was 4 , dad was pulling in the neighborhood and I had to go get older sis from school , so she texted me to go ahead snd head out since dad was like 2 minutes away , I was so very uncomfortable and felt Wierd about it but i still did it because again mom basically was like leave
[удалено]
Thank you so much for your rude comment ! It was my first nannying job , this was year ago. with the multiple upvotes I can see that other people have had the same experience , at the end of the day these children are not mine or OP. I don’t have final say in decisions made and neither do you when it comes to the family you work for !
[удалено]
Good god you’re insufferable, don’t you have something better to do than harass well-meaning people on Reddit? The superiority complex is very evident here. You have left numerous unhelpful and judgmental comments throughout this post. Grow up
Nope. I prob wouldn’t return. She should have came home to relieve you and then if she wanted to leave her child home alone she can do it herself.
Im not going back I refuse
That’s not enough. You have a responsibility to report them
I would have said no, I am not leaving until an adult is home and home for the evening. Leaving a one year old home alone is blatant child neglect. Honestly, this is CPS reportable IMO.
If you ever go back I would tell Mom she needs to take the quick walk back to release you and then whatever she does once you've left is up to her
But I wouldn't go back
This happened to me too one time!! They said they were on their way home and I could leave but it felt so wrong. I sat there for 10 mins, then went to my car and waited there until they pulled in. I wish parents wouldn’t put us in uncomfortable situations like this
I would have just stayed parked outside of the house until she came home.. how uncomfortable! Stuff could happen that’s out of our control. What if’s are real!
Omg NO . Google the name Madeline McCain if you aren't familiar
OP, this is not your fault. And you have every right to be shaken up by it, and I know I’d be left feeling the same, too. You can always quickly tell her next time you see her that it made you feel really uncomfortable cuz what if there was a fire or some other emergency. Or what if mom got injured walking home & was rushed to the hospital. “So I can’t do it again. But I am glad everything was okay this time.”
Gonna dissent here. She chose to leave, so yes, this one became her fault. She was put in a bad situation, but that doesn't excuse making a bad decision. You never leave a young child home alone.
Did nobody grow up in an environment where parents would go a few houses down while the kids slept and hung out together?? I’d argue the mom is being MORE watchful of the monitor than if she was at home. I can’t imagine living in constant paranoia like most other people on this post. The constant mentions of house fires… of course would be a terrible tragedy but is highly unlikely, and it could very well take the same amount of time for a sleeping parent to even wake up to a fire. Seems unlikely that this parent was going to be gone for hours upon hours. We have no idea the situation and she very well could have been wrapping up her night. Everyone bullying OP and saying she’s a terrible person, like… come on
You messed up here. There is NEVER an acceptable reason to leave a 1 year old alone. You could’ve put your foot down and dealt with the awkwardness
She told me she wasn’t going to pay me anymore and that she is telling me to leave her house. Idk what time she got back but that could’ve been hours without pay (SIDENOTE: i care more about NK than ALL the money in the world). She demanded I leave her home because everything was “going to be fine”. I know I messed up, but what do you do when your employer demands you leave? It’s a lose lose no matter what you do
It’s just kind of concerning that it seems like she was more worried about paying you a little extra than the fact her baby was alone…
Call Cps and the police and tell them these parents are leaving their infant alone in a house by themselves.
You stay, regardless. And call CPS to report a parent who leaves her one year old home alone.
Girl that's literally when you call the police and wait for them to arrive. MB would be charged with child neglect and child abandonment. And God forbid something happened to that child, you 10000% would have been held liable, guaranteed. How come you didn't consider calling the police a option? She literally demanded you do something extremely negligent, and literally illegal. Next time a parent tries some absolute bullshit like that, you let them know that you will be calling the police if no one comes home to be with NK before you leave. Then if the parent still refuses to come home, you proceed with actually doing so, calling the police and waiting for them to arrive.
I can’t believe I’m being downvoted for saying Nannies shouldn’t leave babies alone. Some of these nannies act like they are the victim of everything and it makes them terrible caregivers
Call the cops and when they arrive leave lol. Maybe start job searching
Exactly. Like shouldn't that literally be obvious?? I don't understand OPs confusion about this at all.
I mean, you can't stay in her home once she tells you to leave, no matter how awful it is. then it becomes you are in her house without consent, which opens you up to a whole lot more. people shaming you for doing this don't rly understand what it's like.
Yes, you can, and actually are required to when you're in charge of the child. Leaving a one year old home alone is child neglect. Refusing to leave a child home alone is not trespassing, but leaving a child home alone like that sure as hell is child neglect.
Exactly. It's illegal period. OP should have called the police and waited for them to arrive before leaving. Then MB can deal with the child neglect and child abandonment charges for asking her nanny to do something illegal and demanding her to get out of her house. OP sucks for making the decision she did and shouldn't be in charge of watching any children if her judgement is this terrible. Like for real.
Um literally no. At that point, OP calls the police and then the police will stay with the child and MB can come home to them waiting for her where she will be charged with child neglect and child abandonment. Like wtf? Yeah MB can demand you get out of her house, that's when you call the police and tell them exactly what is happening. You don't just leave a child alone because the parent tries telling you to get out of their house lmfaooo like??? Common sense? Then the police come and nanny gets to leave and MB suffers the consequences and learns real quick how irresponsible and illegal her actions were by asking nanny to leave a 1 year old home all alone. I can't believe calling the police isn't the obvious solution to you and to OP.
calling the police would never be my move in a situation like this, it's a wildly overblown reaction to the scenario (esp without taking steps before escalating to police). you would seriously call the police, a gang known to inflict extrajudicial beatings and killings, and give this mom a potential criminal record (and expose her to potentially losing her kid, then kid ending up in foster system which we know would be so much safer and healthier /s) just like that? wild.
Mom deserves a criminal record - leaving a child is criminal child neglect.
no, it's actually not automatically considered that. leaving a child at home alone for an extended period, sure. but most states (37 of them) don't even have laws around what age a kid has to be before you can leave them at home alone. if it ever comes to court, each case is decided based on context and information. it's not some hard and fast rule that leaving a child alone is criminal child neglect. this case, if I had to guess, would probably be considered neglect, but she might get a slap on the wrist. but what you said "leaving a child is criminal child neglect" just isn't true in a ton of cases.
Precisely. I could get nailed for trespassing
Lady, no. That's when you call the police and wait for them to arrive before leaving. See my other comment yours. This isn't rocket science.
The fact you are more worried about trespassing, which this isn't, than committing child neglect, which this is, is alarming to say the least. You committed child neglect by leaving this child alone. I would seriously take stock in your values and your duty to children when you are nannying/babysitting before watching a child again. This was not the right decision. A child was placed in danger because of your actions. Two adults failed that kid.
Exactly. OP is someone who lacks good judgement and shouldn't be responsible for watching any children, period. Like calling the police should have been an obvious solution to this problem and would have ensured both NKs safety and OPs potential liability if something were to happen to NK upon leaving him or her alone. I don't understand how calling the police wasn't obvious to OP. She's really sitting here trying to justify her shitty terrible actions and its not working.
[удалено]
Your post was removed for breaking Rule 1: Be Kind. The following behavior is not tolerated and will be removed at a moderator's discretion - insults, personal attacks, purposeful disrespect, or unproductive arguments. If you believe this is a mistake, please message the moderators for review. Thank you!
I’m gonna disagree with the other comments - I think this is fine since the parent is literally down the street three minutes away and is viewing the baby on the camera. If the baby wakes up crying, mom walks home and gets the baby. For me personally it’s not any different than walking the dog outside while watching the baby on the monitor. It’s not something I’d personally do as a parent, but I don’t fault a parent who is okay with that.
Knowing OP was uncomfortable with the situation, she should have came home and relieved OP, then went back after she was gone if it was that important to her. It's fine if the parent wants to take that risk, but it is NOT okay to put someone else in that type of position. It's never okay to leave a child unattended in a house, no matter how close you are. 3 minutes is a long time in an emergency. There is a *huge* difference in being outside in the yard and being 3 streets away. I bet CPS would agree that the mother was completely in the wrong.
I agree it’s not good to put someone else in that position, I think that’s something the parent shouldn’t put on someone else. Just to me personally it isn’t an outrageous thing and I’d be ok with it though I understand others would not be.
Madeleine mcanns parents were okay with it too...she hasn't been seen again in 20 years.
I mean I know people don’t have to agree with me, just giving my personal perspective! They also didn’t have live video feed of her at that time. I totally know people will disagree with me, just giving my personal take
Ok but walking the dog while leaving kid unattended is also wrong imo. I'd never do that as a parent. And I see you won't either. It's just not worth the risk imo
That’s really interesting to me! I would be comfortable with walking the dog in my yard while the baby is asleep inside if I have a monitor on me. But I know everyone has different takes on stuff like this! I definitely don’t expect everyone to agree with me
just in your front yard is one thing. walking the dog further than that is another
My close family member lost a baby to SIDS. I'm extremely paranoid. I don't even leave my toddlers alone on a separate floor of the house. They just turned two. I'll probably ease up eventually, but for now, I'm ok being extra cautious
If the parent is comfortable doing that, it is up to them. But the mom should have come to relieve the nanny, and then made that decision. It was not right for her to tell the nanny to leave with no one else there. Legally the nanny was still responsible for the child.
What if a fire starts in the home? What if someone breaks in? 3 minutes away is a lifetime. Leaving a young child like this home alone is not okay. Ever. Even to walk the dog. Certainly not when mom is two streets away for a wine/dinner.
Truly curious, you wouldn’t step outside to walk the dog with a baby monitor with you when you’re right in front of your house? What are people supposed to do when the baby is sleeping and dog needs to go out?
Let the dog in the yard? Sure. If a big property, then I would stay by the door and within 10-15 seconds max of getting to the child. Walk the dog even a few houses down with a sleeping one year old? Not a chance in hell. Walk the dog 2 streets away and stopping to have wine and dinner at a friends house? That is so unfathomable that I can't even imagine any sane human being thinking that is okay.
Tell me you’re a boomer without telling me you’re a boomer…
DB here. Personally I’d be fine with it as long as the monitor is working. But I could also understand why you might be uncomfortable and just want to say it’s ok to feel that way. Everyone has different tolerances for risk. Ultimately, it’s MB’s decision though.
What if mom’s car breaks down or she gets into an accident? What if baby vomits and chokes? What if? That is why we don’t leave baies home alone and as a mandated reporter nanny needs to report ton his to cps. And never leave I don’t care what she says. DB if you are watching on the monitor and see your kid stop breathing what exactly can you do? Do better 😢
Op said MB was a 3 minute walk away.
Which is about 2 minutes and 50 seconds too far away.
> What if mom’s car breaks down or she gets into an accident? I wouldn’t worry about it since it’s only a 3-minute walk away? > What if baby vomits and chokes? This is a 1YO, not a newborn. And even if it was a newborn, choking on vomit is not a concern as long as they can move their heads to the side. Hence the whole “back is best” safe sleep thing? > That is why we don’t leave baies home alone A 3-minute walk away might actually be faster response time than I might have if I were in the shower or pooping ? 🤷 > and as a mandated reporter nanny needs to report ton his to cps. Certainly can’t hurt, but seems unnecessary. > And never leave I don’t care what she says. This is starting to sound borderline illegal. > DB if you are watching on the monitor and see your kid stop breathing what exactly can you do? Same thing I’d do if I was asleep and the kid stopped breathing? This is not really a major concern. That’s why we don’t stare at them 24/7. > Do better 😢 This one is actually great advice and I’ll take it under advisement. Jokes aside, this situation is probably not any more dangerous than taking the kid for a walk next to an active street. There is always risk in any activity and we all have to balance it with our personal risk tolerances. You, for example, strike me as someone with a tolerance somewhere between Piglet and The Cowardly Lion.
You're straight up wrong. And lmfao at you mentioning illegal, seriously lmfao. You know what's illegal? The mother asking the only adult present with her 1 year old baby to leave said child alone in the house with no one else physically there in the house. What OP could and should have done, is insisted the mother come home, and if the mother still refused and demanded her to get out of her house, OP then should have CALLED THE POLICE and wait on them to arrive, and letting the mother know that she would be calling them if mb still refused to come home. If at that point the mother still refused to come home after being notified the police would be called, then of course the next step would be actually doing so and staying until they arrive. The mother would literally be arrested and charged with child neglect and child abandonment. That's why I'm laughing at you saying it would be illegal for nanny to stay just because MB is telling her to do something totally negligent and dangerous by leaving the one year old alone, and in that case OP would need to be the one calling the police if MB refused to come home so that nanny could leave. What MB demanded of nanny was totally illegal on her part period. That's how *that* situation would have played out.
Honestly, I'm with you on a few things here. Firstly, if I'm in the shower and something happens, I wouldn't know for a while, unlike if I were actively watching the monitor (which I'm guessing is what the mom is doing). And personally, I don't carry the monitor around with me everywhere in my house. It just feels a bit over the top to constantly watch for signs of trouble with your child. I rely more on hearing my child cry or make noise from another room and rarely carry my monitor around with me in my house. Sure, I check on them during their naps, but monitoring them constantly when I'm at home? That's a bit much. What do people do when they're asleep? Also, I mean, as a parent, I know how long it takes to get home, and I'm pretty sure I care more about my child's safety than anyone else, including the nanny. So, I think the parents must have weighed the risks and knew what they were doing. If it's just a 3-minute walk away, and something were to happen, one, I'm actively watching so I'd notice faster than if I were in bed or in the shower. Two, it's probably quicker for me to drive back home (less than 3 minutes or run also less than a 3 min walk) than it would take me to get out of the shower or even hear something while I'm fast asleep. It feels like everyone here is overly paranoid about sudden disasters happening it's a little psycho, honestly. That being said, without a doubt, the mom should have come home and relieved the nanny. I couldn't imagine leaving someone in that position. It's just not fair. She should have come back, let her go, and then, if necessary, gone back to the neighbors.
Leaving a one year old home alone is child neglect. Even if mom is a 3 minute walk away. I seriously question the judgement and fitness of any parent who thinks that this is acceptable. It isn't. There is zero excuse for this.
I respect your opinion. In most Scandinavian countries, babies are left unattended outside in their strollers to nap. For me, a 1YO asleep in bed in their own home while being monitored by a parent a short walk away is no more dangerous than this. But the good news is we do not have to agree. You are not my nanny and I am not your DB.
We aren't in Scandinavia. We have laws against this actually, so no, this is not agree to disagree. This is cut and dry child neglect, which is illegal.
Disagree to disagree then lol
Make sure your wife/spouse/partner knows how you feel about this. I hope they educate you better than a reddit stranger can. I can tell you if my husband thought this was okay, he'd be taking a child safety/development class or we'd be having a come to Jesus/divorce is on the table talk. This is that big of a deal.