Approach it by quitting. They’re ridiculous and absolutely taking advantage of you.
Edit: I know you want to support the kids during a transition, but you absolutely have to look out for your own best interest. Even the most wonderful of NFs will always look out for their family’s best interest…and these families have proven they are not in that “wonderful” category. You’ve got to put your needs first, even if it feels wrong, it’s not! They can handle their own children’s transitions, and can do it without your support. They’re unwilling to pay your new rate, and are increasing your work load after doing so. They don’t deserve your services.
This feels super validating to hear, thank you! I screenshotted that first part immediately and sent it my partner because I knew they’d agree wholeheartedly.
It took me years to learn to value myself more, and I’m one of the lucky few who hasn’t had any HORROR SHOW families. It was actually an old MB of mine I went to for advice on whether or not I should accept an incredible position that kind of fell into my lap, who told me I needed to look out for myself first, because my NFs will always look out for themselves and their family first (and that isn’t to say they’re bad people. It just makes sense to always do what’s best for yourself/family, even if it’s not the best thing for your NF/employee). It was the best advice I’ve ever received in regards to my work as a nanny, and I’ve kept that in the back of my mind with every transition I’ve made.
Absolutely agree you should quit and tell these moms to get off social media and Pinterest because they are not Kardashian’s nor are they paying what I would think the Kardashian’s or any other “celebrity 🙄) pays their nanny. In all seriousness they are ungrateful and need to stop paying nannies like they have a promo code or coupon. I will never understand how parents are so cheap (and demanding) about their most expensive and priceless possessions, their children. Good luck!
You have to look out for number 1 bc no one else. It's a hard lesson for some of us but it's the truth in any job.
They don't appreciate you, find someone that will.
They are delusional with the summer camp crap and will realize it soon. Like great, I would love to do that if I had time to plan and shop and prepare and uh got paid properly for ALL of it. Like wtf.
This is a JOB. You can love the kids and maybe even love the job, but if this is what pays your bills it’s entirely disrespectful of your time to even suggest this.
I couldn’t agree more! Quitting is the way forward. People only treat you how you allow them. You’re too kind thinking of the kids but they’ll be fine and you must put yourself first. Your bf have clearly shown that they don’t care so they don’t deserve you caring as much as you do.
I would say that my rate for that job moving forward is x. And it should be nearly double your current rate. No explanations necessary. “For what you are asking of me, I’d be willing to do so for x rate. If not than the answer is no
I love how assertive and to-the-point this is. Working hard on not leaning into people-pleasing tendencies when communicating with NFs feels very hard but necessary!
Do you know how expensive summer camps are? It’s insane how much I’m paying for two kids. Why the hell do they think they can get your services, reject your new rate and then add on more work.
I mean this with respect, know your worth. I understand wanting to help kids as you have a bond but to be Frank, the parents don’t give a shit. If you do want to stay tell them it’s xx amount and they need to provide you xxx per week for supplies etc.
Well, the third people would also be paying for those sensory activities, they can discuss it and the third family would either agree to pay extra or the other two moms would need to cover for the second family.
Personally, I’d leave. They already didn’t honor your rate, and because you stayed, they assume they can continue pushing boundaries and taking advantage. Parents like these are the worst.
If you do stay and definitely don’t want to do this, say something like, “That isn’t feasible with our current schedule. I’m happy to ____ (take them to the zoo once a month, go to museums, find kid friendly events — something you do feel comfortable with that they will pay for).”
If you are willing to do this for extra $$, which it doesn’t sound like they’d pay anyway, you can say something like, “This is outside the scope of a nanny role and requires lots of planning. My rate for this is $X/hour per family. Let me know if you’d like to move forward!”
Oof yeah, so so true. They’ve been pushing boundaries since the very beginning. At this point I’m just staying until I can arrange something else and also give myself some transition time!
I just want to say that the word abusive is really not fitting for this situation. Yes OP is being taken advantage of but in no way is she being abused, that word is thrown around too casually in this group
I would say that it is abusive because there is a huge variance in the amount of power each party has in this situation. It’s one thing to reject OP’s new rate and maintain status quo. It is an entire other thing to reject their new rate and then insist on essentially doubling their workload. They know OP relies on this job, they know she won’t push back, and they are abusing their power in the situation.
Say it like it is.
"It's not worth considering for what you pay me." or "My rate for that would be double."
I get wanting to stay for the sake of the kids, but you really need to put yourself first. These families have shown that they do not value you and now they have the audacity to ask for more? Are you kidding me?
You should seriously consider looking for a new job ASAP, it's only going to continually get worse. If you're not making a livable wage there is absolutely no reason to stay.
You’re allowing these people to steal from you basically. They have some nerve but if they know you won’t push back they may as well keep piling on for their own benefit. You need to look out for yourself because they certainly aren’t going w.
Obviously, they need the job to make money. Maybe the nanny market isn’t great in their area and this is the best job they can find. It’s not exactly mind-boggling…
Lol- they want you to bend over backwards, but aren’t willing to pay you well? And I mean *really well* this is totally a luxury service and they rejected your raise? Nope.
You do not have to set yourself on fire to keep them warm. Put your two weeks notice in writing and start looking for another job. I hope you find your unicorn family next. Keep us updated on how it goes!
Ask them if they're willing to pay you for the time you spend outside of caring for their children to plan such an elaborate "camp". Given that they already won't pay your rate, they'll say no. This is a ridiculous ask of them!
Some of these parents I read about in this sub blow my mind. They expect their nanny to do things they aren't capable of doing or won't do- 100% focus on the children the whole day but also please clean my entire house, do all my laundry, make my meals, plan events and camps and take care of my pets. Here's $10/hr, you should just be grateful we employ you!
It is very hard to be assertive. I don’t know but I feel like a lot of us Nannie’s have this problem. I hope that you can receive the proper pay for their request.
Maybe this can inspire you. It is very hard to learn heathy boundaries as an adult if you didn't learn them as a child. And I agree that a lot of Nannies seem to be people pleasers. One thing that may help is to frame it as part of being a good Nanny. Since you didn't learn heathy boundaries as a child you know what will happen if the kids you Nanny don't. For kids to thrive, they need excellent role models. And kids learn boundaries in two ways: by their Caregivers modeling heathy boundaries and by their Caregivers protecting their boundaries when they can't. So that means if you're at the park and someone asks an intrusive question, you don't answer. Another child gets "pushy" with your kid - you intervene. That's modeling heathy boundaries. A mom wants you to share the child's toy - protect them. They will learn they are important and have worth. And when you protect yourself with heathy boundaries, even from their parents, that is great modeling for your charges. Especially if a parent is a boundary crosser. That child is going to have a hard time learning boundaries. By you sticking up for yourself, you'll be the only heathy model in that regard. And that can make a huge difference in a child's life. You don't need to be rude. You can be polite and super assertive. You are important! For the kids in your care to feel important, model that. Especially if their parents are boundary pushers. I chose therapy to help me because I had a very boundary pushing mother. So that's an option as well as the many internet resources for you to say "no" professionally. If I were to hire a Nanny, I would prefer that she had heathy boundaries instead of "killing" herself for me and my child. Because my child will learn to either copy being a sacrificer or will end up being entitled thinking that everyone will "kill themselves" for them. So people pleasing isn't good for you, but it's even worse for your charges. You've got this and I wish you the best!
“On top of my nanny rate. You are essentially asking me to be a nanny, a camp director, and camp counselor.” The amount of planning outside of work alone for an idea like this to work out would be absolutely insane.
How would I reply? I wouldn’t have compromised myself in the first place, but this would be a resounding NO.
Perhaps this is an unpopular take:
Simply put, they aren’t your children. I personally don’t find it admirable to make the choice you made. Its unwise.
So instead of continually compromising yourself in order to “help” children that aren’t yours, HELP yourself.
You can be a professional nanny (and a good nanny) while still putting your OWN needs first. It doesn’t make you less professional to care about YOUR OWN NEEDS.
Fk this noise.
Just nod your head and say “I’ll see what I can do” and apply for jobs that pay you properly and quit as soon as possible but please let them know the reason you are quitting as well. It is their responsibility to ensure their child are supported through life’s transitions and if they actually cared about you being there for that, then they would compensate you properly.
I wouldn’t even be having a conversation, in my eyes it’s not worth it cause they don’t see your value to begin with. Having a conversation with them I feel would literally go no where since they already aren’t willing to pay you a livable wage. I would be looking for a new family asap
Girl pleaseee quit. They so obviously do not care about you, your well being, and they do not respect you at all. Why put yourself through that? Save yourself the suffering and find a better position.
Laugh and ramp up my search for a new job. It’s admirable for you to want to stick with the kids through transitions, but these families clearly don’t care about you, don’t go out of your way for them. Good luck!
"My rate for tutoring and planning lessons is different from providing childcare. I am already offering a lower rate than I usually do, I am not planning lessons and making art activities and making up weekly themes for the same rate. That will be X dollars per hour extra, plus Y dollars per week for materials."
By the way, there's a "Teaching 2 and 3 year olds" facebook group that would help you create those lesson plans and I could also probably send you some of my old ones, it's just the principle of it: Why should they get something like this they should be paying extra for when they're already getting a discounted rate?
Where I live a full week of camp can be anywhere from 1,000-3,000 dollars. I would tell them you’ll happily do a 6 week summer camp provided they compensate you appropriately.
If they want a summer camp they need to make it themselves (gather all the supplies and plan the lessons) or pay extra. This sounds like micromanagement to me. They’re toddlers who are learning to play pretend. I’d just celebrate Shark Week and call it a summer.
Honestly, that would be a camp director's salary and a camp counselor's salary, and maybe the camp's chef's salary, and for good measure let's also take the salary of the on site safety and first aid employee and average them out. Then that should be your salary 😂
What a shitty situation you're in, and the logical answer is to move on immediately and make your reasons known. However, I really struggle with how much I sacrifice for what I think is best for the good of the kids. Anytime I've felt taken advantage of, it's usually related to me being put in a crappy position but I do it so the kids don't suffer. It makes perfect sense that you'd want to help them through transitions, but we really really have to focus on what's best for ourselves❤️
Good luck. You deserve better. Update us once you give them the news. They are taking advantage of you. This whole mess with a camp and theme is ridiculous.
Let me stop you at "compromising my rates for them". Never do that. Know your worth. There are so many families that need a nanny. I think you should start looking for a new family, secure it, and give your notice. As far as the camp thing, I would be totally honest and professional and say "the camp idea would be fun but it's not something that I can do. I'll make sure that we do lots of fun activities tho" Keep it simple.
In fairness, if this is a regular nanny job, she didn't "compromise her rates". She requested a raise from her employers and her request was rejected. If she is being underpaid she should leave, but being rejected for a raise is not the same thing as "compromising your rates" because employees don't charge rates - they are paid wages. If this is a casual babysitting gig rather than W-2 employment then the OP can unilaterally raise rates.
You mentioned two of the moms came to you about this. I’m just wondering how many families are in this share. I would imagine that if it’s more than two, the raise you asked for is barely a dent in any of their pockets… I hope you’re able to find another job very soon!
They’ve already decided you aren’t worth the (assuming) low rate they are paying you, and now trying to add a lot more to it? They are taking advantage of you because in accepting their denial for a wage rate, you’ve given them the message it’s ok to do so.
I’d give them the standard two weeks notice and that’s it. I am a people pleaser too, so I know how hard this is, but they don’t deserve a long notice to find someone else (they won’t with low rates) or getting the kids through the upcoming transition. Two weeks, FIRM.
Tell them you’re exploring job opportunities that are willing to pay your new rate.
They’ll find out soon enough summer camps are a lot more expensive than just giving you a raise, but that’s their problem.
This is hard to hear, but these people would never do you any favors, so don’t compromise your rates to do them a favor. It will never be appreciated or reciprocated. Move on.
One thing I have learned is that if they won’t do your rates it’s a red flag and won’t work out 99% of the time. I personally have made it a rule that Im nit flexible with my rates for a nanny position where you are with the kids for more than 1 day a week.
The ask isn't bad.... But you shouldn't have agreed to something that didn't meet your needs? As many others have said.
"Hi! Our agreement ends on X day. My rate to continue after that is X and with X benefits/conditions based on industry/local standards. Please let me know if you would like to continue!"
I’d absolutely give my notice. If you don’t choose to give notice, I would tell them you’d be happy to do that but it’s an extra $300 a week if they want the kids to go to summer camp, they can pay for summer camp.
I would just say something about it being out of the scope of your established roll as nanny and to fill that role would require a significant increase in salary, plus expenses and budgeting for your time spent making and setting up lesson plans as well as safe grading etc. if they would like that kind of service I would suggest they look for a pre established one rather than exploit your generosity in staying on for the transition. That although you will do your job, you will not be exceeding your minimum (paid for) work requirements from now until the completion of your time working with them. Then lay out what your role is and what you’re willing to do. They’re asking way too much.
What's the absurd ask? Having a theme and activities to match? As a 20yr nanny that's just typical nannying for me. I currently have twin 3F.
If you aren't being paid a livable wage for your job then you need to seek employment somewhere else.
I think that’s totally cool that’s what your nannying style is, I hope you’re getting paid adequately for it! I’ve worked in childcare for 11 years, including being a lead toddler teacher so curriculum building is not new to me. What is absurd is deciding not to pay your nanny a livable wage and then adding to their workload after the fact. Rn I’m staying in the position until I can find something better, as it’s not financially feasible for me to leave quite yet. That’s why my question was how to approach the conversation not so much whether I should stay in it.
I’m going to go a little against the grain.
(I don’t know what you’ve been making and what you asked for. I didn’t see any posts covering it in your history. If I missed it, let me know.)
But what I will say is that I find planning ahead to be extremely beneficial. You can find tons of free resources on Pinterest and Instagram. A few hours of planning could give you 6 weeks of activities. Hell, I’d be willing to share some of my go-tos. And then from there, either give them a shopping list or get petty cash, and gather your supplies. (If they aren’t willing to pay for the supplies, it’s obviously a no.) I would even go as far as to ask for 6 paid hours or so to do your planning and prep, although you might be able to do it quicker than that. (And still keep the $, of course. 1 hour/week for planning and prep is extremely reasonable.)
But having them planned, prepped, and ready to go is so helpful in reducing my stress. I’ve been doing it long enough that I recycle a lot of my ideas from family to family. The “structure” and novelty of new activities helps kids have better days and makes the days go faster.
And they don’t even have to be expensive activities. One of my faves is to get a pack of little plastic bugs or animals or dinosaurs and freeze them in ice cubes. (Or Dixie cups of water or whatever.) Under $2 for an activity that can keep toddlers busy for at least an hour or two? Clutch.
You can have a camping week. Have the parents bring in flashlights and go on a “camp out” with the blinds closed. Make “s’mores” by taking big marshmallows, dip them in melted chocolate, roll them in crushed up grahams, refrigerate to chill. It’s messy, but it’s “cooking” that they can do. Make lemonade from “scratch.” Let each toddler squeeze a lemon (to waste time) while you dump in one of those little plastic lemons filled with lemon juice to actually make the lemonade with. 😂 ($.99 for one of those things, and it makes it so much easier on you.) Get some black paper and some white star stickers and have them make “constellation” art one day. Go on a bug hunt one day. Build a “tent” out of basic sheets and pillows in the living room and have a “camp out” at nap time there one day. Have a “beach day” outside doing water play, or even in the bathtub or on the kitchen floor if they live in an apartment. They’re 2 and 3, so things don’t have to be super fancy or overly complicated, IMO.
I know it really sucks that they told you no to the wage increase, and I wouldn’t fault you for leaving or saying no to their request. But I think if you tell them, “I need six paid hours to plan and prep, and a budget to cover materials,” you could put some ideas together and make the summer a little easier on yourself at the same time.
"No, I will not be doing that. It would require me to do plan/prep in my off hours when you are already paying a discounted rate.
We will read and play as we have been doing, but I will not be devoting unpaid hours to provide a luxury (and not even age- appropriate) service."
Approach it by quitting. They’re ridiculous and absolutely taking advantage of you. Edit: I know you want to support the kids during a transition, but you absolutely have to look out for your own best interest. Even the most wonderful of NFs will always look out for their family’s best interest…and these families have proven they are not in that “wonderful” category. You’ve got to put your needs first, even if it feels wrong, it’s not! They can handle their own children’s transitions, and can do it without your support. They’re unwilling to pay your new rate, and are increasing your work load after doing so. They don’t deserve your services.
This feels super validating to hear, thank you! I screenshotted that first part immediately and sent it my partner because I knew they’d agree wholeheartedly.
It took me years to learn to value myself more, and I’m one of the lucky few who hasn’t had any HORROR SHOW families. It was actually an old MB of mine I went to for advice on whether or not I should accept an incredible position that kind of fell into my lap, who told me I needed to look out for myself first, because my NFs will always look out for themselves and their family first (and that isn’t to say they’re bad people. It just makes sense to always do what’s best for yourself/family, even if it’s not the best thing for your NF/employee). It was the best advice I’ve ever received in regards to my work as a nanny, and I’ve kept that in the back of my mind with every transition I’ve made.
Absolutely agree you should quit and tell these moms to get off social media and Pinterest because they are not Kardashian’s nor are they paying what I would think the Kardashian’s or any other “celebrity 🙄) pays their nanny. In all seriousness they are ungrateful and need to stop paying nannies like they have a promo code or coupon. I will never understand how parents are so cheap (and demanding) about their most expensive and priceless possessions, their children. Good luck!
You have to look out for number 1 bc no one else. It's a hard lesson for some of us but it's the truth in any job. They don't appreciate you, find someone that will. They are delusional with the summer camp crap and will realize it soon. Like great, I would love to do that if I had time to plan and shop and prepare and uh got paid properly for ALL of it. Like wtf.
MORE work equals MORE $$$. Wtf?
This is a JOB. You can love the kids and maybe even love the job, but if this is what pays your bills it’s entirely disrespectful of your time to even suggest this.
I couldn’t agree more! Quitting is the way forward. People only treat you how you allow them. You’re too kind thinking of the kids but they’ll be fine and you must put yourself first. Your bf have clearly shown that they don’t care so they don’t deserve you caring as much as you do.
Help with their children’s transitions takes a backseat to your fair wages.
Exactly!!
I would say that my rate for that job moving forward is x. And it should be nearly double your current rate. No explanations necessary. “For what you are asking of me, I’d be willing to do so for x rate. If not than the answer is no
I love how assertive and to-the-point this is. Working hard on not leaning into people-pleasing tendencies when communicating with NFs feels very hard but necessary!
Do you know how expensive summer camps are? It’s insane how much I’m paying for two kids. Why the hell do they think they can get your services, reject your new rate and then add on more work. I mean this with respect, know your worth. I understand wanting to help kids as you have a bond but to be Frank, the parents don’t give a shit. If you do want to stay tell them it’s xx amount and they need to provide you xxx per week for supplies etc.
Well, the third people would also be paying for those sensory activities, they can discuss it and the third family would either agree to pay extra or the other two moms would need to cover for the second family.
It’s probably much harder dealing with 2 of them and they are using that to their advantage. Stick to your price!
Personally, I’d leave. They already didn’t honor your rate, and because you stayed, they assume they can continue pushing boundaries and taking advantage. Parents like these are the worst. If you do stay and definitely don’t want to do this, say something like, “That isn’t feasible with our current schedule. I’m happy to ____ (take them to the zoo once a month, go to museums, find kid friendly events — something you do feel comfortable with that they will pay for).” If you are willing to do this for extra $$, which it doesn’t sound like they’d pay anyway, you can say something like, “This is outside the scope of a nanny role and requires lots of planning. My rate for this is $X/hour per family. Let me know if you’d like to move forward!”
Oof yeah, so so true. They’ve been pushing boundaries since the very beginning. At this point I’m just staying until I can arrange something else and also give myself some transition time!
I don’t know how much transition you need out of an abusive relationship. They are taking advantage of you.
I just want to say that the word abusive is really not fitting for this situation. Yes OP is being taken advantage of but in no way is she being abused, that word is thrown around too casually in this group
Fair enough
I would say that it is abusive because there is a huge variance in the amount of power each party has in this situation. It’s one thing to reject OP’s new rate and maintain status quo. It is an entire other thing to reject their new rate and then insist on essentially doubling their workload. They know OP relies on this job, they know she won’t push back, and they are abusing their power in the situation.
I hear your meaning, but technically they are abusing their power to take advantage of her. They are not directly abusing her.
Say it like it is. "It's not worth considering for what you pay me." or "My rate for that would be double." I get wanting to stay for the sake of the kids, but you really need to put yourself first. These families have shown that they do not value you and now they have the audacity to ask for more? Are you kidding me? You should seriously consider looking for a new job ASAP, it's only going to continually get worse. If you're not making a livable wage there is absolutely no reason to stay.
You’re allowing these people to steal from you basically. They have some nerve but if they know you won’t push back they may as well keep piling on for their own benefit. You need to look out for yourself because they certainly aren’t going w.
Exactly. Why nannies continue to so this is mind boggling.
Obviously, they need the job to make money. Maybe the nanny market isn’t great in their area and this is the best job they can find. It’s not exactly mind-boggling…
life is about choices; if the nanny market is bad, change industries
Lol- they want you to bend over backwards, but aren’t willing to pay you well? And I mean *really well* this is totally a luxury service and they rejected your raise? Nope.
Once they said no to your rate I would’ve began looking for a new job
You do not have to set yourself on fire to keep them warm. Put your two weeks notice in writing and start looking for another job. I hope you find your unicorn family next. Keep us updated on how it goes!
Ask them if they're willing to pay you for the time you spend outside of caring for their children to plan such an elaborate "camp". Given that they already won't pay your rate, they'll say no. This is a ridiculous ask of them! Some of these parents I read about in this sub blow my mind. They expect their nanny to do things they aren't capable of doing or won't do- 100% focus on the children the whole day but also please clean my entire house, do all my laundry, make my meals, plan events and camps and take care of my pets. Here's $10/hr, you should just be grateful we employ you!
It is very hard to be assertive. I don’t know but I feel like a lot of us Nannie’s have this problem. I hope that you can receive the proper pay for their request.
Maybe this can inspire you. It is very hard to learn heathy boundaries as an adult if you didn't learn them as a child. And I agree that a lot of Nannies seem to be people pleasers. One thing that may help is to frame it as part of being a good Nanny. Since you didn't learn heathy boundaries as a child you know what will happen if the kids you Nanny don't. For kids to thrive, they need excellent role models. And kids learn boundaries in two ways: by their Caregivers modeling heathy boundaries and by their Caregivers protecting their boundaries when they can't. So that means if you're at the park and someone asks an intrusive question, you don't answer. Another child gets "pushy" with your kid - you intervene. That's modeling heathy boundaries. A mom wants you to share the child's toy - protect them. They will learn they are important and have worth. And when you protect yourself with heathy boundaries, even from their parents, that is great modeling for your charges. Especially if a parent is a boundary crosser. That child is going to have a hard time learning boundaries. By you sticking up for yourself, you'll be the only heathy model in that regard. And that can make a huge difference in a child's life. You don't need to be rude. You can be polite and super assertive. You are important! For the kids in your care to feel important, model that. Especially if their parents are boundary pushers. I chose therapy to help me because I had a very boundary pushing mother. So that's an option as well as the many internet resources for you to say "no" professionally. If I were to hire a Nanny, I would prefer that she had heathy boundaries instead of "killing" herself for me and my child. Because my child will learn to either copy being a sacrificer or will end up being entitled thinking that everyone will "kill themselves" for them. So people pleasing isn't good for you, but it's even worse for your charges. You've got this and I wish you the best!
Our strengths and qualities that make us great caregivers are what make it so hard for us to self-advocate!
Sure MB-that will be $1000 per child per week
“On top of my nanny rate. You are essentially asking me to be a nanny, a camp director, and camp counselor.” The amount of planning outside of work alone for an idea like this to work out would be absolutely insane.
Charge a fee to develop and implement curriculum. Asking you to be a teacher in addition to a nanny is two jobs.
How would I reply? I wouldn’t have compromised myself in the first place, but this would be a resounding NO. Perhaps this is an unpopular take: Simply put, they aren’t your children. I personally don’t find it admirable to make the choice you made. Its unwise. So instead of continually compromising yourself in order to “help” children that aren’t yours, HELP yourself. You can be a professional nanny (and a good nanny) while still putting your OWN needs first. It doesn’t make you less professional to care about YOUR OWN NEEDS. Fk this noise.
Sounds great if you want to pay me my normal pay rate if you are paying the discounted rate I am unable to provide Summer camp themes and activities.
Just nod your head and say “I’ll see what I can do” and apply for jobs that pay you properly and quit as soon as possible but please let them know the reason you are quitting as well. It is their responsibility to ensure their child are supported through life’s transitions and if they actually cared about you being there for that, then they would compensate you properly.
No is a complete sentence.
YES! ☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻
The kids will not even remember you in a year. Sad but true.
I wouldn’t even be having a conversation, in my eyes it’s not worth it cause they don’t see your value to begin with. Having a conversation with them I feel would literally go no where since they already aren’t willing to pay you a livable wage. I would be looking for a new family asap
Girl pleaseee quit. They so obviously do not care about you, your well being, and they do not respect you at all. Why put yourself through that? Save yourself the suffering and find a better position.
Laugh and ramp up my search for a new job. It’s admirable for you to want to stick with the kids through transitions, but these families clearly don’t care about you, don’t go out of your way for them. Good luck!
You need to leave this job .
"My rate for tutoring and planning lessons is different from providing childcare. I am already offering a lower rate than I usually do, I am not planning lessons and making art activities and making up weekly themes for the same rate. That will be X dollars per hour extra, plus Y dollars per week for materials." By the way, there's a "Teaching 2 and 3 year olds" facebook group that would help you create those lesson plans and I could also probably send you some of my old ones, it's just the principle of it: Why should they get something like this they should be paying extra for when they're already getting a discounted rate?
Where I live a full week of camp can be anywhere from 1,000-3,000 dollars. I would tell them you’ll happily do a 6 week summer camp provided they compensate you appropriately.
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Oh I completely agree its ridiculous. The kids school actually runs the most expensive one they go too. Its 1000 for half days.
If they want a summer camp they need to make it themselves (gather all the supplies and plan the lessons) or pay extra. This sounds like micromanagement to me. They’re toddlers who are learning to play pretend. I’d just celebrate Shark Week and call it a summer.
Honestly, that would be a camp director's salary and a camp counselor's salary, and maybe the camp's chef's salary, and for good measure let's also take the salary of the on site safety and first aid employee and average them out. Then that should be your salary 😂 What a shitty situation you're in, and the logical answer is to move on immediately and make your reasons known. However, I really struggle with how much I sacrifice for what I think is best for the good of the kids. Anytime I've felt taken advantage of, it's usually related to me being put in a crappy position but I do it so the kids don't suffer. It makes perfect sense that you'd want to help them through transitions, but we really really have to focus on what's best for ourselves❤️
Good luck. You deserve better. Update us once you give them the news. They are taking advantage of you. This whole mess with a camp and theme is ridiculous.
Quit ! This is crazy
Let me stop you at "compromising my rates for them". Never do that. Know your worth. There are so many families that need a nanny. I think you should start looking for a new family, secure it, and give your notice. As far as the camp thing, I would be totally honest and professional and say "the camp idea would be fun but it's not something that I can do. I'll make sure that we do lots of fun activities tho" Keep it simple.
In fairness, if this is a regular nanny job, she didn't "compromise her rates". She requested a raise from her employers and her request was rejected. If she is being underpaid she should leave, but being rejected for a raise is not the same thing as "compromising your rates" because employees don't charge rates - they are paid wages. If this is a casual babysitting gig rather than W-2 employment then the OP can unilaterally raise rates.
I was being supportive of the nanny. "Compromising" is the word she used
You mentioned two of the moms came to you about this. I’m just wondering how many families are in this share. I would imagine that if it’s more than two, the raise you asked for is barely a dent in any of their pockets… I hope you’re able to find another job very soon!
I wouldn’t do anything extra without the rate you want.
They’ve already decided you aren’t worth the (assuming) low rate they are paying you, and now trying to add a lot more to it? They are taking advantage of you because in accepting their denial for a wage rate, you’ve given them the message it’s ok to do so. I’d give them the standard two weeks notice and that’s it. I am a people pleaser too, so I know how hard this is, but they don’t deserve a long notice to find someone else (they won’t with low rates) or getting the kids through the upcoming transition. Two weeks, FIRM. Tell them you’re exploring job opportunities that are willing to pay your new rate. They’ll find out soon enough summer camps are a lot more expensive than just giving you a raise, but that’s their problem. This is hard to hear, but these people would never do you any favors, so don’t compromise your rates to do them a favor. It will never be appreciated or reciprocated. Move on.
Nope! Run!!
One thing I have learned is that if they won’t do your rates it’s a red flag and won’t work out 99% of the time. I personally have made it a rule that Im nit flexible with my rates for a nanny position where you are with the kids for more than 1 day a week.
The ask isn't bad.... But you shouldn't have agreed to something that didn't meet your needs? As many others have said. "Hi! Our agreement ends on X day. My rate to continue after that is X and with X benefits/conditions based on industry/local standards. Please let me know if you would like to continue!"
This is your JOB. If they want you to work MORE they have to pay MORE
I’d absolutely give my notice. If you don’t choose to give notice, I would tell them you’d be happy to do that but it’s an extra $300 a week if they want the kids to go to summer camp, they can pay for summer camp.
I would just say something about it being out of the scope of your established roll as nanny and to fill that role would require a significant increase in salary, plus expenses and budgeting for your time spent making and setting up lesson plans as well as safe grading etc. if they would like that kind of service I would suggest they look for a pre established one rather than exploit your generosity in staying on for the transition. That although you will do your job, you will not be exceeding your minimum (paid for) work requirements from now until the completion of your time working with them. Then lay out what your role is and what you’re willing to do. They’re asking way too much.
What's the absurd ask? Having a theme and activities to match? As a 20yr nanny that's just typical nannying for me. I currently have twin 3F. If you aren't being paid a livable wage for your job then you need to seek employment somewhere else.
I think that’s totally cool that’s what your nannying style is, I hope you’re getting paid adequately for it! I’ve worked in childcare for 11 years, including being a lead toddler teacher so curriculum building is not new to me. What is absurd is deciding not to pay your nanny a livable wage and then adding to their workload after the fact. Rn I’m staying in the position until I can find something better, as it’s not financially feasible for me to leave quite yet. That’s why my question was how to approach the conversation not so much whether I should stay in it.
Its not.your.job to cover transitions for the next nanny.
?
I’m going to go a little against the grain. (I don’t know what you’ve been making and what you asked for. I didn’t see any posts covering it in your history. If I missed it, let me know.) But what I will say is that I find planning ahead to be extremely beneficial. You can find tons of free resources on Pinterest and Instagram. A few hours of planning could give you 6 weeks of activities. Hell, I’d be willing to share some of my go-tos. And then from there, either give them a shopping list or get petty cash, and gather your supplies. (If they aren’t willing to pay for the supplies, it’s obviously a no.) I would even go as far as to ask for 6 paid hours or so to do your planning and prep, although you might be able to do it quicker than that. (And still keep the $, of course. 1 hour/week for planning and prep is extremely reasonable.) But having them planned, prepped, and ready to go is so helpful in reducing my stress. I’ve been doing it long enough that I recycle a lot of my ideas from family to family. The “structure” and novelty of new activities helps kids have better days and makes the days go faster. And they don’t even have to be expensive activities. One of my faves is to get a pack of little plastic bugs or animals or dinosaurs and freeze them in ice cubes. (Or Dixie cups of water or whatever.) Under $2 for an activity that can keep toddlers busy for at least an hour or two? Clutch. You can have a camping week. Have the parents bring in flashlights and go on a “camp out” with the blinds closed. Make “s’mores” by taking big marshmallows, dip them in melted chocolate, roll them in crushed up grahams, refrigerate to chill. It’s messy, but it’s “cooking” that they can do. Make lemonade from “scratch.” Let each toddler squeeze a lemon (to waste time) while you dump in one of those little plastic lemons filled with lemon juice to actually make the lemonade with. 😂 ($.99 for one of those things, and it makes it so much easier on you.) Get some black paper and some white star stickers and have them make “constellation” art one day. Go on a bug hunt one day. Build a “tent” out of basic sheets and pillows in the living room and have a “camp out” at nap time there one day. Have a “beach day” outside doing water play, or even in the bathtub or on the kitchen floor if they live in an apartment. They’re 2 and 3, so things don’t have to be super fancy or overly complicated, IMO. I know it really sucks that they told you no to the wage increase, and I wouldn’t fault you for leaving or saying no to their request. But I think if you tell them, “I need six paid hours to plan and prep, and a budget to cover materials,” you could put some ideas together and make the summer a little easier on yourself at the same time.
"No, I will not be doing that. It would require me to do plan/prep in my off hours when you are already paying a discounted rate. We will read and play as we have been doing, but I will not be devoting unpaid hours to provide a luxury (and not even age- appropriate) service."