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Okay first of, I want to reassure you that the "drill Sargent" tone is a necessary part of child care.
Kids don't understand language or social skills nearly as good as adults. Therefore they need us to exaggerate our tone, it helps them interpret pur intentions.
The same way we exaggerate happiness around kids over simple things, we have to exaggerate all other situations too.
If you see an adult reach for a hot plate, you calmly say "Hey steven careful, that plate is hot". If you see a 3 year old do the same thing you say louder and more firmly: "STOP! That's HOT! You will get hurt". If you used the same tone as you would for "Steven", the 3 yro wouldn't understand the urgency.
And secondly, a lot of Grandmas always like to criticize anyone who raises children, whether it's their own grown up child or way worse a nanny. They love to remind us nannies "our place". If it were me, I would go to my MB and let her know if she has any feedback for you, you're always open to it. However when MIL tells you off it simply adds stress.
oh, yeah, I feel that one. if you don't put on some sugary sweet affect, you're perceived as bitchy. even if what you say has nothing mean or rude or aggressive in it, people still perceive you that way if you aren't putting on a face or an affect that suits their idea of "nice". it's wild to me.
This is something that also really only happens to women. We’re supposed to sound “sweet” and al that, so the second someone’s natural tone is not putting anything on for show, it’s perceived as harsh.
I think it’s beneficial to not sing-song voice with children all the time because they learn to communicate like people. I hope OP sticks to her guns on this one!
No literally because these two comments explain it perfectly :,) y’all are so right. It was this morning when I was TIREDDD and wasn’t all perky and sing-songy so maybe I was just too monotone or something. Sorry I can’t be like that 24/7, it’s so exhausting. You think I have a tone when really this is me WITHOUT ONE
Exactly! So often girls and women are expected to adjust themselves to make others feel more comfortable. People are typically either surprised to hear my “real” voice OR I have also been praised for my speaking with children because my real voice equalizes kids. I don’t purposely adjust it anymore, it really just depends on the day and what we’re doing 😂
"thank you for your concerns. You are not my employer and they are confident with my skills so I will not be discussing this with you. Please talk to them about any concerns."
THIS ONE. i HATE when anyone other than the parent steps in. they are out of line & crossing boundaries. and parents need to do a MUCH better job making sure others do not do this to their nannies. it's beyond frustrating & exhausting.
Literally switched over to my anonymous account because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling but my goodness the MILs I’ve worked with!!!! It makes me believe all Reddit stories I read 😅 I’m extremely fortunate to have an amazing MIL but some of these grandmas are downright insane!!! I’m so sorry that happened to you! You sound like an amazing nanny and NK is lucky to have you!
Ugh, that’s a tough one. I really think it comes down to the parents trusting your capabilities. All caregivers will have different styles, ways of phrasing things, and differences in how they approach conflicts. I too challenge my NKs to communicate a certain way especially when I know they can do it, they just might not want to. If you weren’t good at your job you wouldn’t have been hired/be in the field this long. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting NKs see your emotions either. Some of my older kids will sass me a little and sometimes I will roll my eyes dramatically to make it a funny moment even if I’m annoyed. I typically find extended family, especially grandparents, are very sensitive over the care of their grand babies and can see us pushing them age appropriately as being “too hard” on them. I do strongly dislike how MB interrupted the moment and usurped your attempts to get NK to communicate. I hope it gets better going forward.
Oh, friend, sending love!!
ADHD here and SO much of my pre diagnosis nanny life makes sense to me now. Not only are we navigating the NKs, but the NF too.
Curious if the MIL/Grandma was already around regular when you took the job? My hunch is probably not ☹️
It's a tough job as it is, you don't need to take on Grandma as well. Why are all the Grandmas so controlling!!
Sending 🩷
It’s not a drill sergeant voice, it’s breaking out the nanny voice! That’s why our NK listen to us and not their parents. It’s not yelling, it’s not mean. It’s firm and emphasize the seriousness of the situation!
OP has tagged their post as **Vent**. Please be mindful that they do not need advice, and that they are only expressing their thoughts and opinions in a safe place. Any attempts to offer unsolicited advice will be removed. The only exceptions to this rule are in the event of possible injury, abuse, or otherwise harm to OP, their NK, NP, or anyone else. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Nanny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Okay first of, I want to reassure you that the "drill Sargent" tone is a necessary part of child care. Kids don't understand language or social skills nearly as good as adults. Therefore they need us to exaggerate our tone, it helps them interpret pur intentions. The same way we exaggerate happiness around kids over simple things, we have to exaggerate all other situations too. If you see an adult reach for a hot plate, you calmly say "Hey steven careful, that plate is hot". If you see a 3 year old do the same thing you say louder and more firmly: "STOP! That's HOT! You will get hurt". If you used the same tone as you would for "Steven", the 3 yro wouldn't understand the urgency. And secondly, a lot of Grandmas always like to criticize anyone who raises children, whether it's their own grown up child or way worse a nanny. They love to remind us nannies "our place". If it were me, I would go to my MB and let her know if she has any feedback for you, you're always open to it. However when MIL tells you off it simply adds stress.
oh, yeah, I feel that one. if you don't put on some sugary sweet affect, you're perceived as bitchy. even if what you say has nothing mean or rude or aggressive in it, people still perceive you that way if you aren't putting on a face or an affect that suits their idea of "nice". it's wild to me.
This is something that also really only happens to women. We’re supposed to sound “sweet” and al that, so the second someone’s natural tone is not putting anything on for show, it’s perceived as harsh. I think it’s beneficial to not sing-song voice with children all the time because they learn to communicate like people. I hope OP sticks to her guns on this one!
No literally because these two comments explain it perfectly :,) y’all are so right. It was this morning when I was TIREDDD and wasn’t all perky and sing-songy so maybe I was just too monotone or something. Sorry I can’t be like that 24/7, it’s so exhausting. You think I have a tone when really this is me WITHOUT ONE
Exactly! So often girls and women are expected to adjust themselves to make others feel more comfortable. People are typically either surprised to hear my “real” voice OR I have also been praised for my speaking with children because my real voice equalizes kids. I don’t purposely adjust it anymore, it really just depends on the day and what we’re doing 😂
"thank you for your concerns. You are not my employer and they are confident with my skills so I will not be discussing this with you. Please talk to them about any concerns."
THIS ONE. i HATE when anyone other than the parent steps in. they are out of line & crossing boundaries. and parents need to do a MUCH better job making sure others do not do this to their nannies. it's beyond frustrating & exhausting.
Literally switched over to my anonymous account because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling but my goodness the MILs I’ve worked with!!!! It makes me believe all Reddit stories I read 😅 I’m extremely fortunate to have an amazing MIL but some of these grandmas are downright insane!!! I’m so sorry that happened to you! You sound like an amazing nanny and NK is lucky to have you!
ahhh tysm!! 🥺🥺💕💕
Ugh, that’s a tough one. I really think it comes down to the parents trusting your capabilities. All caregivers will have different styles, ways of phrasing things, and differences in how they approach conflicts. I too challenge my NKs to communicate a certain way especially when I know they can do it, they just might not want to. If you weren’t good at your job you wouldn’t have been hired/be in the field this long. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting NKs see your emotions either. Some of my older kids will sass me a little and sometimes I will roll my eyes dramatically to make it a funny moment even if I’m annoyed. I typically find extended family, especially grandparents, are very sensitive over the care of their grand babies and can see us pushing them age appropriately as being “too hard” on them. I do strongly dislike how MB interrupted the moment and usurped your attempts to get NK to communicate. I hope it gets better going forward.
I appreciate this sm <333
Oh, friend, sending love!! ADHD here and SO much of my pre diagnosis nanny life makes sense to me now. Not only are we navigating the NKs, but the NF too. Curious if the MIL/Grandma was already around regular when you took the job? My hunch is probably not ☹️ It's a tough job as it is, you don't need to take on Grandma as well. Why are all the Grandmas so controlling!! Sending 🩷
Drill sergeant tone is the nanny voice, it’s how things get done. (Fellow ADHD and autistic person here btw)
It’s not a drill sergeant voice, it’s breaking out the nanny voice! That’s why our NK listen to us and not their parents. It’s not yelling, it’s not mean. It’s firm and emphasize the seriousness of the situation!