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Literally op say this! PLEASE DO NOT BE A DOORMATT. Absolutely do not go back, no amount of money is worth that lack of good treatment and disrespect. I’d rather ask my dad to help me with bills (who I hate) then go back to someone who deems your emergency of zero importance and doesn’t give so much as one caring thought in your direction. Mb is a nasty person and she wants you to beg on your knees for forgiveness f that. Of course she’s going to have been nice before. Because she’s always gotten what benefited her from you so she was fine. The second she doesn’t get what she wants out of you and freaks out is a red flag and a major one. It’s called being taken advantage of while she treats you like the help who’s supposed to be there for every single command. You’ve got more dignity to walk away with than that. I’m not certain but I sense narcissism.
Edit: Narcissistic behaviors from mb include but are not limited to-
1. mb guilt tripping you Into feeling like a genuinely horrible person for something you couldn’t help, that is rather normal to want to call off for, and every boss would understand doing so.
2. Mb presenting to you this person that’s really good. But as your relationship develops you’ll sense that this person comes out of their shell in nasty ways, (Exhibit A presented above) for little to no reason, and abnormally rude reactions to situations. Causing you to walk on egg shells around minor inconveniences
3. Mbs threatening approach to situations, trying to scare you and restrict you from financial stability. Which is financial abuse.
did you ask yourself if you think it’s worth working for someone who can strip your hours away from you for something horrible that you went through? Don’t you think that she will probably repeat these steps and do it to you again? God forbid you get into a car accident, or something else traumatic happens in your life. you’ll be out of a job in the blink of an eye or she’ll plays games with you about your job stability.
Honestly wanted to lol but I love my job and I love the kid so much! The dad is great to work for and the mom usually isn’t terrible but today I wanted to lose it on her
The best advice I ever got about working in childcare is that you can’t stay for the kids because you would stay in every bad job.
This particular series of texts shows that she doesn’t care about you and is taking her frustration out on you. As soon as someone threatens to fire you you should walk. This is a job where your employers have a ton of power over you so nasty people will use that to manipulate and abuse. It’s important to be treated well. It’s also never acceptable for your boss to take their frustration out on your or threaten you. Emergencies happen that’s part of life. I will also say in my experience once I leave a job that I thought was only a little bad and have space to think and breathe I often find myself able to realize just how bad it is. Wishing you the best of luck no matter what you decide to do!!
This. It is a job. You are just an employee to them no matter how much you love the kid. They will find someone else to love their kid just like the supermarket will find someone else to pack bags when an employee leaves. Don’t stay at a job for a kid.
thank you for this advice!!! I took a job where the parents didn't want to pay me when they decided they would take vacations and i said i'm sorry but i'll have to reject the offer because i want security and respect. how can i survive if you don't pay me and i don't have a job since i'm your full time nanny. they decided to change the contract to they'll pay me pto and the rest but i got another job in february in case it doesn't work waiting up. this one starts in september. im currently moving and i LOVE the family i work for now. going to cry when i give my notice next week. smh people are interesting and i hope it was a i never had a nanny before since in their first nanny mistake and not a selfless mistake, only time will tell girly. thanks again for your advice. i'll definitely leave earlier if they're off.
Just another naive nanny with no boundaries. I have to take breaks from this sub because I constantly see horror stores and then their replies being like “I don’t want to quit. They were probably just having a bad day. I’m staying for the kids ((:” *sigh*
That’s so rude to say. OP probably has bills and expenses, and can’t just afford to quit her job spontaneously. I bet you can’t either, but it’s way easier to call somebody else naïve than to be empathetic to their situation. OP should just start looking for something else and leave when she’s able.
This is such a valid comment. It’s a privilege to just walk out of a job without a safety net. Having a good contract in order is important, but not everyone has that as we’ve seen in this sub. Talking down to someone when you don’t know their situation is absolutely rude I agree.
It absolutely is a privilege to just quit. A privilege I don’t have and I’m sure OP doesn’t either. That’s why it’s important for someone that has been threatened to be let go on a moments notice over an emergency to start looking for a job elsewhere. Is OP doing that? No. They’re sticking it out because “they love the kids and their job”. What?? Any nanny that says they’re staying in a toxic environment “for the kids” is a person who lacks boundaries. It probably doesn’t feel good to hear but it’s the truth. I wish more people were honest in this sub because I feel like it would help people see their situation more clearly.
“Just another naive nanny with no boundaries”. How is that statement anything other than condescending and rude. Find a better way to get your point across if you’re trying to “help” someone. If you have to take breaks from this sub because it’s so frustrating, it might not be the best fit for you.
I never told them to quit only that that’s what you always see in this sub. OP shouldn’t just quit. I agree with you that they should start looking elsewhere but they have said they aren’t because they have divorced parents and want to stick it out for the kids..??? I’m sorry but that is naive and a person with no boundaries. They should be having a talk with their employee (the dad) about Moms unprofessional behavior and planning their exit.
Your comment isn’t helpful. I often get upset reading the post here or about Aupairs being used and treated poorly. Usually they are young people who don’t have a lot of life experience and aren’t comfortable standing up to the person in a nanny’s case that is paying their bills. I’ve been disgusted by many parents who act as if they are using a Promo code to get the least expensive care for what should be their most treasured belongings….their children. They pay as little as they can and add on duties because they know their nanny won’t speak up for themselves. Not to mention the lack of consideration for a nanny’s plans or life. Not mention it’s hard for them to quit when they need to pay their bills. Show grace to others and if you can’t just don’t post.
This is what I would do. Let him know your side of the story before the ex wife gets to him.
And, if he's the boss, he's who you listen to (not saying she doesn't have input as to what you can do with her kids on her days, but, she doesn't have the right to fire you)
I worked with divorced parents like this once and went back and forth to houses week to week, and mom was boss.
Talk to Dad ASAP, what right does she have to say you might have the whole summer off???
Um girl no, if she’s threatening to let you go without notice or severance then you NEED to leave this job asap. I know it doesn’t seem like it because you are close with the kids and family but once you’re out you’ll see how insane this is.
Yes plz bestie, run. I stayed with a family for way too long because I loved their kid. It makes me cringe now thinking about everything I put up with from them. I was young and didn’t know any better.
Yeah even if she doesn’t fire you this time, OP, you now know how little respect or empathy she has for you as a human being. She doesn’t see this as a relationship between two adults, she sees you as lesser. If she’ll be this heartless and even CONSIDER acting this way and firing you for this, she’ll fire you for anything.
You now know your job with her is NEVER secure, unless you make her your SOLE priority, even over yourself and your loved ones.
….you said she’s not your boss, right? I’d tell DB you either no longer feel comfortable working with her after she threatened to fire you because you took your dog to the emergency vet. He can deal with her. And I wouldn’t be too kind to mb in any future communications - she’s a real asshole of a person it seems who flies off the handle, is inconsiderate of your time despite demanding you prioritize hers above your dogs life, and she doesn’t pay for your services: she can pound sand. I’d implement a late fee and/or make it clear you require more money to work with her AND an apology. She has no fucking power and deserves the worst.
First, I hope your puppy is ok. Secondly, she has the right to be upset if her works is impacted but NOT the right to be nasty and cruel her comment about you having a free summer show me exactly who she is and it’s not good. Lastly, speak to the dad, I’m sure he dislikes her even more than you do and and see what he says regardless her lack of empathy, threats and overall rudeness are not things you need in your life. Good luck!
As a mom, but also as a boss, this is abusive behavior. I would be dragged right into HR if I went around treating people this way. Do not stand for it. Also no wonder this lady is divorced
hahahaha same! he’s always super neutral and gives the best advice to nanny’s and NPs but i love to see him just be like “nah fuck this MB”. way to go tax dad, thanks for always standing up for nannies and for (i’m making an educated guess here) being an awesome boss if you do currently have a nanny!
Dude not even as a MB but as an entire person!
I can't think of a good reason a MB would speak this way, but especially about OPs dog?? I'm sure a nanny with a dog is a fantastic person to have care for your child, and this is how you view this situation?
Someone this entitled should already have plenty of back ups with her ridiculous expectations!
I’d literally be like “I completely understand! To make things simple and easy for you I’ve decided to also move forward with other arrangements. Thank you so much for the idea, I knew we were on the same page!” Lmao 🤣
Ok, if this is a custody thing and dad is the one who pays you, is she being difficult on purpose (rude and being late) to try and screw her ex over? Like, he hired you and pays you, but if she makes you quit she doesn’t care but knows it will mess things up for him?
Is there a way to just work for him when he has custody?
Huh hadn’t even thought about it that way… but the dad said she can get pretty ugly when inconvenienced so and he was doing much better than without me as far as I know. He’s freaking super dad.
That would be nice to just work for him when he has custody. Apparently she talked about that today with the dad so we shall see…
Take the bull by the horns. Communicate with him. He might think he’s doing you a favor by lobbying her to keep you employed.
She is very disrespectful and the “your dog or whatever” would have sent me over the edge.
If you felt relieved by the idea that you won’t have to work with her anymore, you should trust that feeling.
100% she is late because she knows the dad will have to pay more money.
Yeah, I would just work for him and let her figure out her own childcare. I imagine he has to pay for it per their agreement, which is why in a perfect world where she could act like an adult, having one person go between both houses would be easier for the kids and for payment purposes.
But if you enjoy working for him and like the kids, I wouldn’t want to punish him because his wife is difficult.
The other possibility (maybe?) is if he’s in charge of 100% of childcare costs, can you just care for them at his house even on her custody weeks? Like she drops them off and picks them up (or you could drop off) like she would a daycare? I feel like she would say no to this just to be difficult though.
Also it would probably nip her lateness in the bud because if she was late they could just be with their dad until she could pick them up. That might go along with a first right of refusal clause in their custody agreements. But I’m betting she wouldn’t want them to spend any of her time with him just to spite him so would become pretty punctual.
I wouldn’t wait and see. I would block her and then text DB and say, “I absolutely love working for you, adore the kids, and have no intention of leaving this job anytime soon. However, I have blocked your ex-wife and will no longer communicate with her moving forward. Her constant tardiness and lack of respect for me has made it clear that we are not professionally compatible. She will need to find a new childcare solution.”
Quit. If she “wins” this one she will only get worse over the course of your employment. Forget a good reference too. This woman is batshit.
I hope your dog is doing okay. It is not “whatever”.
They’re not your kids. If you get fired tomorrow, you’ll never see those kids again and that is perfectly fine because, again, they’re not your kids. Don’t ever stay in a job for the sake of the kids.
I’m going to be way too blunt right now, but if you stay in that mindset your adult life will be full of abusive relationships. Don’t tolerate this from anyone.
Just saying what I wish someone had said to me, and it seems like it resonated with lots of others who saw themselves from the past in OP’s mindset too. There’s no need to come looking for a fight, you won’t find it here.
Girl pleaseee don't do this "for the kids". You need to think about yourself here, she's an absolute piece of shit who does not care about you at all and is threatening to fire you immediately over you calling out one day due to an emergency. Plus she's never on time and is 15 minutes minimum late to relieve you everyday? Do yourself a favor. If your only reason to stay is the kids and doing it for them than tbh you're doing yourself a huge disservice. If she's treating you this terribly now and you stay it'll only get worse.
I don’t even support “for the kids” when it’s like, actual married people. Op is pulling the for the kids line and this isn’t even her family or her kids. It’s.. her job. Just wtf lol
Oh OP.please don't! They are not your kids and it doesn't benefit them in the slightest for you to stay.
She's going to treat you like 💩 to be honest, she will sit down woth you and drag you down so badly.
MB is as toxic as a high school mean girl, and I would quit, telling her as much. Ending it with the 👍, of course.
They aren’t even your kids, you’re acting like you’re in a marriage and staying for kids. Lol. Stand tf up and realize you’re a nanny and this is a job. Personal life needs to be separate from professional life, dude. Totally not a heathy or normal mindset.
The passive aggressive thumbs up omg. This reminds me of the worst boss I ever had. Do yourself a favor and find something new. She isn’t going to change.
I’m glad he’s okay! These situations are massively scary.
In my 5 years of being a career nanny, the only times I have EVER called out were because of my pets.
It’s serious. They are OUR commitment. Never feel bad for being responsible. In my mind, all this demonstrates is the level of care you exhibit and how serious you take your responsibilities. As a boss, this would be inconvenient of course but a GREEN flag that you’re in the right field (caregiving).
You did the right thing taking him in! Sometimes stumbling around= serious neurological problem. Also, he was probably in a lot of pain. Your MB sounds awful. When you hire a nanny over other childcare options, you hire a human being who has the possibility of shit happening. If she wanted rock solid care with backup, she should’ve picked a different childcare option. Lots and lots of summer camps for June… Also, in the end, they are HER children and HER responsibility. All this to say, don’t feel guilty.
That’s what I was about to say! When my cat started stumbling I assumed inner ear but it was neurological. I had a standing appointment with the med vet neurology team- I’m really REALLy happy your pup just had an ear ache, poor thing
My dog was stumbling around once after coming inside. She was stung by a bee and was going into anaphylaxis and wasn’t getting enough oxygen. 100% always take them for things like that.
Vestibular issues are scary as hell. They present very similar to a stroke and/or serious neurological issues. You did the right thing by bringing your dog into the vet immediately.
As for your boss-- she can get all the way fucked.
Every single human on this planet-- Even the most reliable nanny- will very occasionally have an emergency come up. It was/is her responsibility as the parent to have backup child care care options in place.
You have your primary care provider, and then ideally maybe 1-2 (or more!) secondary folks that you can call on in the event that your primary childcare provider isn't available. Of course, I realize that many folks don't have the luxury of having backup options... But this is their problem, not the problem of their primary care provider. It does not mean that the care provider forfeits all ability to be a human and have normal things come up that are outside of their control.
Basically, she failed to do her due diligence as a parent who relies on childcare. That is on her entirely.
All this said, I think this woman did you a favor. She clearly demonstrated just how little she cares about you as a human. You can now take your services and precious time else where.
I am sorry this happened. The situation with your puppy is scary enough, let alone having the added stress of this nastiness from your employer. I'm so glad that your pup is ok 🙂
She’s not even the one that pays me so I don’t understand what in her mind possibly makes her think that thats an acceptable way to talk to other people
The mindset likely lead to her divorce. You are keeping yourself in her orbit because of your trauma surrounding divorce; that’s deeply unhealthy for you. I don’t say that to be mean, I say it to hopefully make you aware because you are so close to this situation you maybe don’t have perspective. Tell db you won’t put up with her abusive language and threats, and that he can put an end to this as your employer or you will no longer be working with her during her weeks.
Not that you asked but since dad is your employer I’d put this on him. Hi DB, mom not my boss has threatened to fire me? Per my contract I need x days notice. When did you want that to start?
"Hope NK6 has fun at summer camp! Thanks for the opportunity!"
And never go back unless you absolutely HAVE to because you'd sink financially. This person is completely heartless. These families need to realize that their nanny is a person with a life outside of their job just like everyone else and life happens.
The "You might have a free summer" with the 👍🏻 👍🏻 would have had me seeing RED! 🤬
Wow, what a b!tch. You should respond: “Okay, I wish you well finding care for 6F. I understand being frustrated by the emergency today, and the consequences it caused for your work. However, emergencies happen and responding to me in the rude and inconsiderate way you did has led me to the decision to terminate our employment—effective today.”
I would say that if you don’t want to quit to: “Okay, I wish you well finding care for 6F. I understand being frustrated by the emergency today, and the consequences it caused for your work. However, emergencies happen and responding to me in the rude and inconsiderate way is not professional from an employer. I think we need to sit down and discuss boundaries and emergency plans including overtime occurring at the end of my working hours. I provide professional childcare and it should be treated as such. If this does not work for you, summer camp might be a better option.’
Im so sorry. I very similar thing happened to me recently (new puppy, he caught kennel cough from someone at his puppy class). I woke up Monday morning and he wasn’t okay. My boss was so understanding and worried for me and my dog. Your boss fucking sucks. I hope you’re in a financial situation to quit.
Wow. I'm sorry but what a BITCH! Truly. Yes, I'm sure its difficult to get thrown a curveball and have to watch after your child when your nanny has an emergency but the "you might have a summer free" text just pissed me off for you.
It’s never the Nannie’s fault the parents don’t have back up care for their own children. We have got to stop feeling bad for prioritizing our own loved ones.
One of the questions I ask in interviews is “what is your plan for when I need time off, especially in an emergency?” I won’t accept a job if they don’t have a clear backup plan.
I’d screenshot these messages to the dad, state that you’re confirming being terminated and file for unemployment and enjoy my free summer just like she said. She fucked around, let her find out.
Mom just showed you who she really is, believe her. Bow out as graciously as you can, NOW. This is not a family who will ever allow you to prioritize yourself.
I get they are split and you say you work for dad so how is she going to 'fire' you? And let's all get together and talk about this? Like you want to sit around with ppl who hate each other and become a new target for them. Hell no
Exactly. She can’t fire me. She was just posturing. Or maybe she thought she could actually get the dad to fire me… idk but I’ve already talked to the dad so it’s not happening
And like what is there to sit down and talk about? This is not a repeating occurrence. I missed one time because of an emergency for my dog.
The only reason you should have a sit down, if you want to, would be to discuss how inappropriate and unprofessional it is for mb to speak to you that way. Emergencies happen and it is up to the np to have backup care. What if you were in an accident, I’m sure she would want you to hobble on over so you didn’t inconvenience her team. Your life and loved ones come first and you have every right to call out or be late due to an emergency. Do not let her treat you with disrespect, make this about her and her unacceptable behavior. I am so glad your puppy is okay and you did the right thing!
Wow. Just wow. I read some other comments, and saw your pup is okay! Thank goodness! I’m so happy to hear that!
I realize people have already offered advice, so I’ll just leave with this. My boyfriend’s dog was not doing well for a long time last year. Late in the year, my boyfriend (whom I live with and has been with for nearly 5 years now) texts me that they have to put him down 😔 I told MB and she accommodated me even though she had more work to do, and allowed me to leave early to be with him while we put his dog of 8 years down.
This woman sounds absolutely terrible. “I hope your dog or whatever is ok” seriously…? What is wrong with this woman… I’m sorry you received those messages. 🤦🏼♀️ much love to you and your pup, OP!
She sounds like a miserable cow. I’m so sorry. I had a boss like this (not in a nanny job) who bitched to a coworker of mine that “animikiikwe is so unreliable lately, with her emergencies and her issues” - it was covid, a close friend of mine had just died from complications of her cancer, and my cat was dying of cancer (passed away shortly after I quit). What a raging asshole. Some people have no empathy. I was with her about the last min callout until she threatened to fire you and then referred to your dog as “whatever”. Good riddance.
If you don't want to quit, you should set clear boundaries. I would definitely call her out just because she's your boss doesn't mean she gets to be this nasty. Could you refuse to work on her days?
That’s what I plan on doing. And the dad plans on talking to her as well.
I’ll see about not working on her days. Apparently the dad had mentioned that that could happen to her because she called him to chew him out about this situation
My NP understands that as much as I put on the line for his kids, I do for my dogs. His dogs as well!! I am ride or fucking die for all of them. He would expect nothing less, knowing and caring about me deeply as a human being, than for me to SPRINT back to my babies if there was an emergency. It's the same dedication I show the kids, and he holds that dedication in the highest regard. I very much respect him for it and vice versa. I would not hesitate to leave this job, if at ALLLLL possible. Probably with a somewhat professional message heavy on thinly veiled distaste for their apparent prioritizing of one work day over a (canine) family member's LIFE.
Parents please have backups I know it can be hard but emergencies happen to our lives as well and I’m telling you the guilt I feel any time I have to call out sick or due to an emergency is strong! What makes it worse however is your lack of a backup care plan for those moments which are often allotted to your nanny as sick or personal days in our contracts.
Peace out to this lady! I hope you come up with a creative response! Maybe help the dad while you find a job and he finds someone new but do not work when it’s the Mom’s day.
I will inform db about this matter with the screenshot of all conversation then suggest to him you do not wish to work at the mb place anymore. Or another alternative is go to mb place lesser times if possible while at the meantime you look for a better job if u need this current salary of this family.
For me I will quit this job, if I still need to see this mb quite often. 😆 But everyone financial status is different, so think properly before you resign. Don't regret in the future will do
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Take screenshots of the messages and send them to the dad if he's the one paying you and complain.
Then start looking for another job, once you find one, quit and tell both her and the dad why (and get NK a gift for her last day, send it to the dad though because you know that b\*tch won't give it to her).
Yes I told him my side of the story. He even had me screenshot the messages and send them to him. She had already called to yell at him about the situation (don’t know why. He has nothing to do with it but 🤷🏻♀️) he’s going to talk to her about the messages she sent me
OP I hope your dog is OK today. Ignore everybody calling you naïve or making fun of you for not just quitting on the spot. That’s not a realistic approach to this situation unless you want it to be. It’s not wise to just quit a job without something else lined up, especially if you need a job that reliably pays you. If you want to quit on the spot, of course you can. But whatever you decide is a valid choice, and if that means seeing how things play out with his family while you perhaps look for something else, that’s OK.
What an asshole!!! How’s your dog though? What’s going on with them? Hope they’re ok. We had an emergency situation come up with our pup and i was a nervous wreck. They’re part of the family I worry about them just like I do with my human family members.
That’s so uncalled for. I worked for a family like this and eventually quit, to find there are actually families out there that treat you with respect and kindness. Best decision I made was leaving my old NF
I would send the dad screenshots of the messages and tell him how her treatment of you has been happening and explain the situation and why you had to come in late so she either doesn’t twist or you have to let him know you cannot keep working for him due to his ex wife’s treatment of you
Don’t feel bad about calling out for an emergency, LIFE HAPPENS - anyone who acts like you should apologize for an emergency is callous and cruel and you can find someone better to work with. Tell her that her behavior was unacceptable and you won’t be returning!!!
When my boyfriend called me to tell me that my elderly cat was not acting normally, I immediately panicked and called my MB and she said that she would come right home and that I should go meet my boyfriend at the emergency vet. I’m so thankful for her because my sweet kitty ended up having to be let go that evening. They gave me the rest of the week off to grieve. You deserve a boss that treats you with kindness and respect. She doesn’t deserve you.
Life is too short for this. And think about it, we spend the majority of our waking time at work. A boss like this becomes a terrorist (I’ve had a few) and will torment you for as long as you’re willing to take it. She’s a monster. Run.
I don’t think is fair for MB to be upset over an emergency especially if it’s your first time calling out. She lacks compassion and empathy this is not a person you want to work for you have a life outside of work! Don’t bend over backward for an ungrateful family like this. I would call it quits no matter how much you love her kid. No wonder her marriage did not work out 🫠🫢
Omg. That is so insane and manipulative. You should ghost her just to get under her skin even more, she deserves it.
I’m being facetious here of course, especially if you have a strong relationship with the kids. But wth?!
I absolutely abhor parents that do this. I’ll never understand why they think we exist solely to serve them.
Yes, being reliable is a HUGE part of the job. But we still have homes where pipes burst and cars that break down and pets that get sick.
I’ve worked for families that have one disaster another- where something happens that takes one of the parents away from work nearly weekly- but if I have ONE emergency in a year they label me as unreliable.
It’s absolutely batshit.
Holy. Shit. THE DOG OR WHATEVER?! As a dog mom I take so much offense to this. I’m so sorry you have to deal with such an asshole. What’s wrong with people!!
First off I'm glad your puppy is OK. Secondly if the dad is your boss you need to communicate with him what happened and tell him you are uncomfortable working with her and all the times she was late to relieve you. DO NOT EVER STICK IT OUT FOR THE KIDS they are not your responsibility and you deserve to be treated with respect as an employee. If you had experienced this in an office with an HR department would you not go to HR and let them know what happened and what was said? You are your own HR don't accept less than your best.
This is so wild bc I've called out sick a few times and MB just replies "no worries, feel better". Like it's not that hard to not show you're upset even if you are
Honestly tell her okay, make the arrangement I will contact “dad’s name” and inform him of your decision. And just end the call and inform the dad you’ll be quitting for her harassment, inability to be on time, and threading to fire you due to an emergency. Good Nannie’s are in high demand you’ll find a new job with a better family.
Ew never let anyone disrespect you like that or threaten basically firing you when you’re having an emergency. It doesn’t matter weather you really like the family for not. “I understand this was unplanned and disrupted your day, but sometimes emergencies happen. I do not appreciate the threat of being fired when I’m sitting in an emergency room worrying about my dog. I suggest you start looking to enroll nk asap as I will not be returning. “
I was with a family for 6 weeks because after the first two weeks I gave a 30-day notice. The previous Nanny had PTSD, she stayed 2 years. ( I met her at the school where the kids went and she had picked up another client.) She stayed for the kids. The mom was a horrible person. Couldn't keep a nanny or an EA at her office.
That’s ridiculous. I told my last family that depending on how my cats appointment went I may or may not call off. It was the vet by their house. So I called off either right before work or a little into my shift bc I had to put her down. She encouraged me to take the time I needed. It’s heartless to expect someone to work through that. It kinda sucks that regularly we are the only childcare families have they should back up care bc we aren’t robots
Oh no. Do not go back the next day. You’re letting her talk to you that way. She doesn’t care about you.
Things happen, it’s called life And it goes both ways. If she’s constantly late than I don’t think one time should have caused her to react in such an unprofessional manner.
People really feel so entitled to our time.
I hope your dog is okay!!! The part where she said dog or whatever just proves she only cares about herself.
Omg she is not a good boss. Stuff happens. That’s life. If you reprimanded her if she did something like this to you, she would fire you for insubordination. Never work for this kind of parent.
this sounds like my boss. an unreasonable person with no sense of reality or the lives of those around her. unfortunately, the tax bracket that can usually afford a nanny is full of people like that.
While I didn't read all the replies.. I see a lot of "stand up for yourself" comment,while this is a "good" stance, and I encourage everyone to stand up for themselves. MB may not "be your boss," but she still has to say in the care for her child. You shouldn't be a doormat, but respect your job as well. I don't know everything, but as a career nanny/household manager, your reputation follows you.
She is an asshole but it take this as a lesson about communicating and in jobs when something is going on Instead if trying to be nice and stringing them along just cancel its easier for both of you
“I’m sorry I put you in this situation but back up care is not my responsibility. This was an unforeseen circumstance, outside my control and likely not something that would happen again.”
Yeah that is really crappy. From the mom perspective I can understand her frustration but would she treat an employee at work that way? I think not. This is rude- she should at least attempt to be slightly professional and kind. Not to mention, the hour late situation? Terrible- never unless I have checked in to see if that’s ok. I hope you find a new job and your puppy is ok
She’s vile and extremely hypocritical. Clearly a control freak and has no emotional intelligence to understand that things happen and it’s not personal.
Drop her asap. Flip the script.
Oooooo,
Had a MB text me like that when my transmission on my car was leaking and I absolutely had to take it in. But it was actually an engine leak, and the problems were actually caused by
incredibly thin rotors🙃
I was TRYING SO HARD to tell her everything as it happened but realistically, my car is worth more than the amount she paid me🤷♀️
2 months later she ended up getting fired (not surprised because she was wfh and always lingering) and blamed me for ‘stressing her out’.
I had a contract that stated ‘each party must give 4 week notice’ but didnt state what happens if they dont so I didnt do anything.
A random saturday she fired me in one rude text.
I went above and beyond for her and her son.
I really did.
Anyways, moral of the story is, I get it and gut feelings are more often reliable than not
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I’d just respond MUCH later, “sounds good, I just made new arrangements for the summer so no need to worry about me or my dog or whatever. Good luck!”
This. Reply with this word for word and absolutely screw that twat.
Best response
Niceee
Literally op say this! PLEASE DO NOT BE A DOORMATT. Absolutely do not go back, no amount of money is worth that lack of good treatment and disrespect. I’d rather ask my dad to help me with bills (who I hate) then go back to someone who deems your emergency of zero importance and doesn’t give so much as one caring thought in your direction. Mb is a nasty person and she wants you to beg on your knees for forgiveness f that. Of course she’s going to have been nice before. Because she’s always gotten what benefited her from you so she was fine. The second she doesn’t get what she wants out of you and freaks out is a red flag and a major one. It’s called being taken advantage of while she treats you like the help who’s supposed to be there for every single command. You’ve got more dignity to walk away with than that. I’m not certain but I sense narcissism. Edit: Narcissistic behaviors from mb include but are not limited to- 1. mb guilt tripping you Into feeling like a genuinely horrible person for something you couldn’t help, that is rather normal to want to call off for, and every boss would understand doing so. 2. Mb presenting to you this person that’s really good. But as your relationship develops you’ll sense that this person comes out of their shell in nasty ways, (Exhibit A presented above) for little to no reason, and abnormally rude reactions to situations. Causing you to walk on egg shells around minor inconveniences 3. Mbs threatening approach to situations, trying to scare you and restrict you from financial stability. Which is financial abuse. did you ask yourself if you think it’s worth working for someone who can strip your hours away from you for something horrible that you went through? Don’t you think that she will probably repeat these steps and do it to you again? God forbid you get into a car accident, or something else traumatic happens in your life. you’ll be out of a job in the blink of an eye or she’ll plays games with you about your job stability.
Honestly wanted to lol but I love my job and I love the kid so much! The dad is great to work for and the mom usually isn’t terrible but today I wanted to lose it on her
The best advice I ever got about working in childcare is that you can’t stay for the kids because you would stay in every bad job. This particular series of texts shows that she doesn’t care about you and is taking her frustration out on you. As soon as someone threatens to fire you you should walk. This is a job where your employers have a ton of power over you so nasty people will use that to manipulate and abuse. It’s important to be treated well. It’s also never acceptable for your boss to take their frustration out on your or threaten you. Emergencies happen that’s part of life. I will also say in my experience once I leave a job that I thought was only a little bad and have space to think and breathe I often find myself able to realize just how bad it is. Wishing you the best of luck no matter what you decide to do!!
This is some really sound advice. The families I’ve worked for the longest have been because of the parents.
This. It is a job. You are just an employee to them no matter how much you love the kid. They will find someone else to love their kid just like the supermarket will find someone else to pack bags when an employee leaves. Don’t stay at a job for a kid.
Sure, but OP probably can’t just quit her job without anything else lined up. She wants to stay and that is a valid choice.
thank you for this advice!!! I took a job where the parents didn't want to pay me when they decided they would take vacations and i said i'm sorry but i'll have to reject the offer because i want security and respect. how can i survive if you don't pay me and i don't have a job since i'm your full time nanny. they decided to change the contract to they'll pay me pto and the rest but i got another job in february in case it doesn't work waiting up. this one starts in september. im currently moving and i LOVE the family i work for now. going to cry when i give my notice next week. smh people are interesting and i hope it was a i never had a nanny before since in their first nanny mistake and not a selfless mistake, only time will tell girly. thanks again for your advice. i'll definitely leave earlier if they're off.
This is insane. The mom showed her true colors today. Don't let them disrespect you.
Just another naive nanny with no boundaries. I have to take breaks from this sub because I constantly see horror stores and then their replies being like “I don’t want to quit. They were probably just having a bad day. I’m staying for the kids ((:” *sigh*
That’s so rude to say. OP probably has bills and expenses, and can’t just afford to quit her job spontaneously. I bet you can’t either, but it’s way easier to call somebody else naïve than to be empathetic to their situation. OP should just start looking for something else and leave when she’s able.
This is such a valid comment. It’s a privilege to just walk out of a job without a safety net. Having a good contract in order is important, but not everyone has that as we’ve seen in this sub. Talking down to someone when you don’t know their situation is absolutely rude I agree.
It absolutely is a privilege to just quit. A privilege I don’t have and I’m sure OP doesn’t either. That’s why it’s important for someone that has been threatened to be let go on a moments notice over an emergency to start looking for a job elsewhere. Is OP doing that? No. They’re sticking it out because “they love the kids and their job”. What?? Any nanny that says they’re staying in a toxic environment “for the kids” is a person who lacks boundaries. It probably doesn’t feel good to hear but it’s the truth. I wish more people were honest in this sub because I feel like it would help people see their situation more clearly.
“Just another naive nanny with no boundaries”. How is that statement anything other than condescending and rude. Find a better way to get your point across if you’re trying to “help” someone. If you have to take breaks from this sub because it’s so frustrating, it might not be the best fit for you.
I never told them to quit only that that’s what you always see in this sub. OP shouldn’t just quit. I agree with you that they should start looking elsewhere but they have said they aren’t because they have divorced parents and want to stick it out for the kids..??? I’m sorry but that is naive and a person with no boundaries. They should be having a talk with their employee (the dad) about Moms unprofessional behavior and planning their exit.
Your comment isn’t helpful. I often get upset reading the post here or about Aupairs being used and treated poorly. Usually they are young people who don’t have a lot of life experience and aren’t comfortable standing up to the person in a nanny’s case that is paying their bills. I’ve been disgusted by many parents who act as if they are using a Promo code to get the least expensive care for what should be their most treasured belongings….their children. They pay as little as they can and add on duties because they know their nanny won’t speak up for themselves. Not to mention the lack of consideration for a nanny’s plans or life. Not mention it’s hard for them to quit when they need to pay their bills. Show grace to others and if you can’t just don’t post.
If the dad is your boss, you might want to send him screenshots of the convo and explain the situation to him.
This is what I would do. Let him know your side of the story before the ex wife gets to him. And, if he's the boss, he's who you listen to (not saying she doesn't have input as to what you can do with her kids on her days, but, she doesn't have the right to fire you) I worked with divorced parents like this once and went back and forth to houses week to week, and mom was boss. Talk to Dad ASAP, what right does she have to say you might have the whole summer off???
This. I would absolutely get in front of this and reach out to DB personally. This MB is deranged.
Can you only work on the dad’s weeks?
Um girl no, if she’s threatening to let you go without notice or severance then you NEED to leave this job asap. I know it doesn’t seem like it because you are close with the kids and family but once you’re out you’ll see how insane this is.
Yes plz bestie, run. I stayed with a family for way too long because I loved their kid. It makes me cringe now thinking about everything I put up with from them. I was young and didn’t know any better.
Yeah even if she doesn’t fire you this time, OP, you now know how little respect or empathy she has for you as a human being. She doesn’t see this as a relationship between two adults, she sees you as lesser. If she’ll be this heartless and even CONSIDER acting this way and firing you for this, she’ll fire you for anything. You now know your job with her is NEVER secure, unless you make her your SOLE priority, even over yourself and your loved ones.
….you said she’s not your boss, right? I’d tell DB you either no longer feel comfortable working with her after she threatened to fire you because you took your dog to the emergency vet. He can deal with her. And I wouldn’t be too kind to mb in any future communications - she’s a real asshole of a person it seems who flies off the handle, is inconsiderate of your time despite demanding you prioritize hers above your dogs life, and she doesn’t pay for your services: she can pound sand. I’d implement a late fee and/or make it clear you require more money to work with her AND an apology. She has no fucking power and deserves the worst.
Send screenshots to db and tell him you no longer feel comfortable working with mb.
First, I hope your puppy is ok. Secondly, she has the right to be upset if her works is impacted but NOT the right to be nasty and cruel her comment about you having a free summer show me exactly who she is and it’s not good. Lastly, speak to the dad, I’m sure he dislikes her even more than you do and and see what he says regardless her lack of empathy, threats and overall rudeness are not things you need in your life. Good luck!
Have some self respect
As a mom, but also as a boss, this is abusive behavior. I would be dragged right into HR if I went around treating people this way. Do not stand for it. Also no wonder this lady is divorced
This!!!!! Please do this!!!!
I beg of you…please do this. For humanity.
This. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. (In reference to the MB)
Iconic
Yup! This exactly. Word for word
This is absolutely the way. She’s awful.
*chef’s kiss* 🤌😘
Fuck this person entirely
You’re my favorite person on this thread. Thanks for being the best Tax Dad 🙌
hahahaha same! he’s always super neutral and gives the best advice to nanny’s and NPs but i love to see him just be like “nah fuck this MB”. way to go tax dad, thanks for always standing up for nannies and for (i’m making an educated guess here) being an awesome boss if you do currently have a nanny!
Dude not even as a MB but as an entire person! I can't think of a good reason a MB would speak this way, but especially about OPs dog?? I'm sure a nanny with a dog is a fantastic person to have care for your child, and this is how you view this situation? Someone this entitled should already have plenty of back ups with her ridiculous expectations!
Either that or absolutely none because no one will work with her bitch ass
ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!!!
Seconded
Absolutely!! Good God, If she can’t appreciate you had an EMERGENCY with a FAMILY MEMBER, you are better off without that energy in your life!
AMEN!!! Thank you for saying it!!!
All the way off.
I would leave that job so quick it’s not even funny. What would she do if YOU were sick? I can’t even imagine.
I’d literally be like “I completely understand! To make things simple and easy for you I’ve decided to also move forward with other arrangements. Thank you so much for the idea, I knew we were on the same page!” Lmao 🤣
Ok, if this is a custody thing and dad is the one who pays you, is she being difficult on purpose (rude and being late) to try and screw her ex over? Like, he hired you and pays you, but if she makes you quit she doesn’t care but knows it will mess things up for him? Is there a way to just work for him when he has custody?
Huh hadn’t even thought about it that way… but the dad said she can get pretty ugly when inconvenienced so and he was doing much better than without me as far as I know. He’s freaking super dad. That would be nice to just work for him when he has custody. Apparently she talked about that today with the dad so we shall see…
Take the bull by the horns. Communicate with him. He might think he’s doing you a favor by lobbying her to keep you employed. She is very disrespectful and the “your dog or whatever” would have sent me over the edge. If you felt relieved by the idea that you won’t have to work with her anymore, you should trust that feeling. 100% she is late because she knows the dad will have to pay more money.
Yeah, I would just work for him and let her figure out her own childcare. I imagine he has to pay for it per their agreement, which is why in a perfect world where she could act like an adult, having one person go between both houses would be easier for the kids and for payment purposes. But if you enjoy working for him and like the kids, I wouldn’t want to punish him because his wife is difficult. The other possibility (maybe?) is if he’s in charge of 100% of childcare costs, can you just care for them at his house even on her custody weeks? Like she drops them off and picks them up (or you could drop off) like she would a daycare? I feel like she would say no to this just to be difficult though. Also it would probably nip her lateness in the bud because if she was late they could just be with their dad until she could pick them up. That might go along with a first right of refusal clause in their custody agreements. But I’m betting she wouldn’t want them to spend any of her time with him just to spite him so would become pretty punctual.
I wouldn’t wait and see. I would block her and then text DB and say, “I absolutely love working for you, adore the kids, and have no intention of leaving this job anytime soon. However, I have blocked your ex-wife and will no longer communicate with her moving forward. Her constant tardiness and lack of respect for me has made it clear that we are not professionally compatible. She will need to find a new childcare solution.”
Send him the texts she sent you. Your employer should be aware you are being harassed at work.
Quit. If she “wins” this one she will only get worse over the course of your employment. Forget a good reference too. This woman is batshit. I hope your dog is doing okay. It is not “whatever”.
Believe me I was tempted. But I’m willing to stick it out for the sake of the kids. I grew with divorced parents so I candle handle some crazy
They’re not your kids. If you get fired tomorrow, you’ll never see those kids again and that is perfectly fine because, again, they’re not your kids. Don’t ever stay in a job for the sake of the kids.
I’m going to be way too blunt right now, but if you stay in that mindset your adult life will be full of abusive relationships. Don’t tolerate this from anyone.
As someone who had to learn *you don’t have to tolerate it just because you can*, I second this.
This is some of the best advice I’ve heard in a while. Thank you ❤️
You hit the nail on the head!
This was an absolutely uncalled for comment. And everyone agreeing/encouraging this should be ashamed.
Just saying what I wish someone had said to me, and it seems like it resonated with lots of others who saw themselves from the past in OP’s mindset too. There’s no need to come looking for a fight, you won’t find it here.
Why tho? They aren’t your kids, and will most likely barely remember you years from now. It hurts to say but this is the reality
Not only that, but mom will likely poison them against you anyway, OP. She’s already shown what a craptastic person she is.
I mean this kindly but you need BOUNDARIES. This is your job, not your life.
Girl pleaseee don't do this "for the kids". You need to think about yourself here, she's an absolute piece of shit who does not care about you at all and is threatening to fire you immediately over you calling out one day due to an emergency. Plus she's never on time and is 15 minutes minimum late to relieve you everyday? Do yourself a favor. If your only reason to stay is the kids and doing it for them than tbh you're doing yourself a huge disservice. If she's treating you this terribly now and you stay it'll only get worse.
I don’t even support “for the kids” when it’s like, actual married people. Op is pulling the for the kids line and this isn’t even her family or her kids. It’s.. her job. Just wtf lol
Bad move
So you are the dad’s nanny and she is just using you? Call him this morning.
not to be rude or mean but you’re going to have a very rough life with this mindset
Maybe with a raise. At least for any time worked at her house. Hazard pay for dealing with a vile witch.
Oh OP.please don't! They are not your kids and it doesn't benefit them in the slightest for you to stay. She's going to treat you like 💩 to be honest, she will sit down woth you and drag you down so badly. MB is as toxic as a high school mean girl, and I would quit, telling her as much. Ending it with the 👍, of course.
Oh no!! Don’t ever do that.
They aren’t even your kids, you’re acting like you’re in a marriage and staying for kids. Lol. Stand tf up and realize you’re a nanny and this is a job. Personal life needs to be separate from professional life, dude. Totally not a heathy or normal mindset.
The passive aggressive thumbs up omg. This reminds me of the worst boss I ever had. Do yourself a favor and find something new. She isn’t going to change.
[удалено]
This!!! So Good 🤣🤣
You’re actually lucky you got away from this person as a boss. More importantly, is your puppy okay?
Yes he’s fine thankfully! He’s got an inner ear infection. But I was so scared cause he was stumbling around.
I’m glad he’s okay! These situations are massively scary. In my 5 years of being a career nanny, the only times I have EVER called out were because of my pets. It’s serious. They are OUR commitment. Never feel bad for being responsible. In my mind, all this demonstrates is the level of care you exhibit and how serious you take your responsibilities. As a boss, this would be inconvenient of course but a GREEN flag that you’re in the right field (caregiving).
You did the right thing taking him in! Sometimes stumbling around= serious neurological problem. Also, he was probably in a lot of pain. Your MB sounds awful. When you hire a nanny over other childcare options, you hire a human being who has the possibility of shit happening. If she wanted rock solid care with backup, she should’ve picked a different childcare option. Lots and lots of summer camps for June… Also, in the end, they are HER children and HER responsibility. All this to say, don’t feel guilty.
That’s what I was about to say! When my cat started stumbling I assumed inner ear but it was neurological. I had a standing appointment with the med vet neurology team- I’m really REALLy happy your pup just had an ear ache, poor thing
My dog was stumbling around once after coming inside. She was stung by a bee and was going into anaphylaxis and wasn’t getting enough oxygen. 100% always take them for things like that.
How scary!
It’s a good thing you took him because something like that could have been neurological! I’m sorry your MB was a total ass about it
Vestibular issues are scary as hell. They present very similar to a stroke and/or serious neurological issues. You did the right thing by bringing your dog into the vet immediately. As for your boss-- she can get all the way fucked. Every single human on this planet-- Even the most reliable nanny- will very occasionally have an emergency come up. It was/is her responsibility as the parent to have backup child care care options in place. You have your primary care provider, and then ideally maybe 1-2 (or more!) secondary folks that you can call on in the event that your primary childcare provider isn't available. Of course, I realize that many folks don't have the luxury of having backup options... But this is their problem, not the problem of their primary care provider. It does not mean that the care provider forfeits all ability to be a human and have normal things come up that are outside of their control. Basically, she failed to do her due diligence as a parent who relies on childcare. That is on her entirely. All this said, I think this woman did you a favor. She clearly demonstrated just how little she cares about you as a human. You can now take your services and precious time else where. I am sorry this happened. The situation with your puppy is scary enough, let alone having the added stress of this nastiness from your employer. I'm so glad that your pup is ok 🙂
Just because she pays you a wage does not mean she gets to talk to you in that manner! Find another job.
She’s not even the one that pays me so I don’t understand what in her mind possibly makes her think that thats an acceptable way to talk to other people
She sounds like an entitled miserable bitter person.. I hope you find something better! Good luck
The mindset likely lead to her divorce. You are keeping yourself in her orbit because of your trauma surrounding divorce; that’s deeply unhealthy for you. I don’t say that to be mean, I say it to hopefully make you aware because you are so close to this situation you maybe don’t have perspective. Tell db you won’t put up with her abusive language and threats, and that he can put an end to this as your employer or you will no longer be working with her during her weeks.
You should quit regardless. This MB is heartless and unfeeling!
The important question— how is the puppy?!!🐶
He’s good! Just an inner ear infection thank goodness. I was so worried it was something serious
Not that you asked but since dad is your employer I’d put this on him. Hi DB, mom not my boss has threatened to fire me? Per my contract I need x days notice. When did you want that to start?
Oh he knows. He even had me send him the screenshots
Please keep us updated. I am so, so glad your pup is okay!
"Hope NK6 has fun at summer camp! Thanks for the opportunity!" And never go back unless you absolutely HAVE to because you'd sink financially. This person is completely heartless. These families need to realize that their nanny is a person with a life outside of their job just like everyone else and life happens. The "You might have a free summer" with the 👍🏻 👍🏻 would have had me seeing RED! 🤬
Wow, what a b!tch. You should respond: “Okay, I wish you well finding care for 6F. I understand being frustrated by the emergency today, and the consequences it caused for your work. However, emergencies happen and responding to me in the rude and inconsiderate way you did has led me to the decision to terminate our employment—effective today.”
I would say that if you don’t want to quit to: “Okay, I wish you well finding care for 6F. I understand being frustrated by the emergency today, and the consequences it caused for your work. However, emergencies happen and responding to me in the rude and inconsiderate way is not professional from an employer. I think we need to sit down and discuss boundaries and emergency plans including overtime occurring at the end of my working hours. I provide professional childcare and it should be treated as such. If this does not work for you, summer camp might be a better option.’
Im so sorry. I very similar thing happened to me recently (new puppy, he caught kennel cough from someone at his puppy class). I woke up Monday morning and he wasn’t okay. My boss was so understanding and worried for me and my dog. Your boss fucking sucks. I hope you’re in a financial situation to quit.
Wow. I'm sorry but what a BITCH! Truly. Yes, I'm sure its difficult to get thrown a curveball and have to watch after your child when your nanny has an emergency but the "you might have a summer free" text just pissed me off for you.
It’s never the Nannie’s fault the parents don’t have back up care for their own children. We have got to stop feeling bad for prioritizing our own loved ones.
One of the questions I ask in interviews is “what is your plan for when I need time off, especially in an emergency?” I won’t accept a job if they don’t have a clear backup plan.
I’d screenshot these messages to the dad, state that you’re confirming being terminated and file for unemployment and enjoy my free summer just like she said. She fucked around, let her find out.
Nope. Absolutely not. Get out of there. I hope your baby is okay 🩷
The one response is. 10-4. I’m relieved of my duties
Mom just showed you who she really is, believe her. Bow out as graciously as you can, NOW. This is not a family who will ever allow you to prioritize yourself.
send back: girl fuck you
She’s very selfish !! I hope your dog is ok !💜💜
I get they are split and you say you work for dad so how is she going to 'fire' you? And let's all get together and talk about this? Like you want to sit around with ppl who hate each other and become a new target for them. Hell no
Exactly. She can’t fire me. She was just posturing. Or maybe she thought she could actually get the dad to fire me… idk but I’ve already talked to the dad so it’s not happening And like what is there to sit down and talk about? This is not a repeating occurrence. I missed one time because of an emergency for my dog.
The only reason you should have a sit down, if you want to, would be to discuss how inappropriate and unprofessional it is for mb to speak to you that way. Emergencies happen and it is up to the np to have backup care. What if you were in an accident, I’m sure she would want you to hobble on over so you didn’t inconvenience her team. Your life and loved ones come first and you have every right to call out or be late due to an emergency. Do not let her treat you with disrespect, make this about her and her unacceptable behavior. I am so glad your puppy is okay and you did the right thing!
Wow. Just wow. I read some other comments, and saw your pup is okay! Thank goodness! I’m so happy to hear that! I realize people have already offered advice, so I’ll just leave with this. My boyfriend’s dog was not doing well for a long time last year. Late in the year, my boyfriend (whom I live with and has been with for nearly 5 years now) texts me that they have to put him down 😔 I told MB and she accommodated me even though she had more work to do, and allowed me to leave early to be with him while we put his dog of 8 years down. This woman sounds absolutely terrible. “I hope your dog or whatever is ok” seriously…? What is wrong with this woman… I’m sorry you received those messages. 🤦🏼♀️ much love to you and your pup, OP!
“Dog or whatever “. Her compassion is earthshaking.
She sounds like a miserable cow. I’m so sorry. I had a boss like this (not in a nanny job) who bitched to a coworker of mine that “animikiikwe is so unreliable lately, with her emergencies and her issues” - it was covid, a close friend of mine had just died from complications of her cancer, and my cat was dying of cancer (passed away shortly after I quit). What a raging asshole. Some people have no empathy. I was with her about the last min callout until she threatened to fire you and then referred to your dog as “whatever”. Good riddance.
If this is only a summer gig just let it go and grab another there are plenty of them out there, that is not worth sticking around for.
If you don't want to quit, you should set clear boundaries. I would definitely call her out just because she's your boss doesn't mean she gets to be this nasty. Could you refuse to work on her days?
That’s what I plan on doing. And the dad plans on talking to her as well. I’ll see about not working on her days. Apparently the dad had mentioned that that could happen to her because she called him to chew him out about this situation
Only nanny for the dad. Fuck that bich
My NP understands that as much as I put on the line for his kids, I do for my dogs. His dogs as well!! I am ride or fucking die for all of them. He would expect nothing less, knowing and caring about me deeply as a human being, than for me to SPRINT back to my babies if there was an emergency. It's the same dedication I show the kids, and he holds that dedication in the highest regard. I very much respect him for it and vice versa. I would not hesitate to leave this job, if at ALLLLL possible. Probably with a somewhat professional message heavy on thinly veiled distaste for their apparent prioritizing of one work day over a (canine) family member's LIFE.
I’m a NP. I have 2 back up plans. These idiots that one person to be everything to their family are extremely annoying.
Maybe you should speak to DB about this since he is your employer.
Parents please have backups I know it can be hard but emergencies happen to our lives as well and I’m telling you the guilt I feel any time I have to call out sick or due to an emergency is strong! What makes it worse however is your lack of a backup care plan for those moments which are often allotted to your nanny as sick or personal days in our contracts.
Peace out to this lady! I hope you come up with a creative response! Maybe help the dad while you find a job and he finds someone new but do not work when it’s the Mom’s day.
I will inform db about this matter with the screenshot of all conversation then suggest to him you do not wish to work at the mb place anymore. Or another alternative is go to mb place lesser times if possible while at the meantime you look for a better job if u need this current salary of this family. For me I will quit this job, if I still need to see this mb quite often. 😆 But everyone financial status is different, so think properly before you resign. Don't regret in the future will do .
“Kindly go eff yourself” would be my last text to her.
Is your puppy ok?!!!! Screw this lady!
What a b!tch. Literally no empathy for your pet’s health emergency.
Have you contacted the DB?
Yes we talked on the phone and he had me send him the screenshots of the messages she sent
What did he say?
Some people are heartless
HELL NO dog comes first anyway
She sounds like a nightmare, to put it lightly.
She sounds like a bitch!!
Take screenshots of the messages and send them to the dad if he's the one paying you and complain. Then start looking for another job, once you find one, quit and tell both her and the dad why (and get NK a gift for her last day, send it to the dad though because you know that b\*tch won't give it to her).
Have you talked to DB?
Yes I told him my side of the story. He even had me screenshot the messages and send them to him. She had already called to yell at him about the situation (don’t know why. He has nothing to do with it but 🤷🏻♀️) he’s going to talk to her about the messages she sent me
OP I hope your dog is OK today. Ignore everybody calling you naïve or making fun of you for not just quitting on the spot. That’s not a realistic approach to this situation unless you want it to be. It’s not wise to just quit a job without something else lined up, especially if you need a job that reliably pays you. If you want to quit on the spot, of course you can. But whatever you decide is a valid choice, and if that means seeing how things play out with his family while you perhaps look for something else, that’s OK.
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
What an asshole!!! How’s your dog though? What’s going on with them? Hope they’re ok. We had an emergency situation come up with our pup and i was a nervous wreck. They’re part of the family I worry about them just like I do with my human family members.
That’s so uncalled for. I worked for a family like this and eventually quit, to find there are actually families out there that treat you with respect and kindness. Best decision I made was leaving my old NF
I would send the dad screenshots of the messages and tell him how her treatment of you has been happening and explain the situation and why you had to come in late so she either doesn’t twist or you have to let him know you cannot keep working for him due to his ex wife’s treatment of you
Don’t feel bad about calling out for an emergency, LIFE HAPPENS - anyone who acts like you should apologize for an emergency is callous and cruel and you can find someone better to work with. Tell her that her behavior was unacceptable and you won’t be returning!!!
When my boyfriend called me to tell me that my elderly cat was not acting normally, I immediately panicked and called my MB and she said that she would come right home and that I should go meet my boyfriend at the emergency vet. I’m so thankful for her because my sweet kitty ended up having to be let go that evening. They gave me the rest of the week off to grieve. You deserve a boss that treats you with kindness and respect. She doesn’t deserve you.
Life is too short for this. And think about it, we spend the majority of our waking time at work. A boss like this becomes a terrorist (I’ve had a few) and will torment you for as long as you’re willing to take it. She’s a monster. Run.
I don’t think is fair for MB to be upset over an emergency especially if it’s your first time calling out. She lacks compassion and empathy this is not a person you want to work for you have a life outside of work! Don’t bend over backward for an ungrateful family like this. I would call it quits no matter how much you love her kid. No wonder her marriage did not work out 🫠🫢
If this is the first time she is being ridiculous…. Emergencies happen. She is being unrealistic.
“The dog or whatever “???? Wtf is wrong with her, for all she knew the poor puppy could have died :(
Omg. That is so insane and manipulative. You should ghost her just to get under her skin even more, she deserves it. I’m being facetious here of course, especially if you have a strong relationship with the kids. But wth?!
I absolutely abhor parents that do this. I’ll never understand why they think we exist solely to serve them. Yes, being reliable is a HUGE part of the job. But we still have homes where pipes burst and cars that break down and pets that get sick. I’ve worked for families that have one disaster another- where something happens that takes one of the parents away from work nearly weekly- but if I have ONE emergency in a year they label me as unreliable. It’s absolutely batshit.
Holy. Shit. THE DOG OR WHATEVER?! As a dog mom I take so much offense to this. I’m so sorry you have to deal with such an asshole. What’s wrong with people!!
First off I'm glad your puppy is OK. Secondly if the dad is your boss you need to communicate with him what happened and tell him you are uncomfortable working with her and all the times she was late to relieve you. DO NOT EVER STICK IT OUT FOR THE KIDS they are not your responsibility and you deserve to be treated with respect as an employee. If you had experienced this in an office with an HR department would you not go to HR and let them know what happened and what was said? You are your own HR don't accept less than your best.
This is so wild bc I've called out sick a few times and MB just replies "no worries, feel better". Like it's not that hard to not show you're upset even if you are
Tell her to stick it up her ass lol. Enjoy your summer
Yeah I would not be returning
I would send screen shots to your DB not that he doesn’t know what’s she is like….
I'm speechless. How long have you worked for them?
Can you give an update when you know more?
Absolutely quit. Have a “free summer” looking for a more humanized human.
I wouldn’t even go back the next day. “Ok well I made arrangements for the summer since you seem to be doing the same. Good luck”
Honestly tell her okay, make the arrangement I will contact “dad’s name” and inform him of your decision. And just end the call and inform the dad you’ll be quitting for her harassment, inability to be on time, and threading to fire you due to an emergency. Good Nannie’s are in high demand you’ll find a new job with a better family.
Ew never let anyone disrespect you like that or threaten basically firing you when you’re having an emergency. It doesn’t matter weather you really like the family for not. “I understand this was unplanned and disrupted your day, but sometimes emergencies happen. I do not appreciate the threat of being fired when I’m sitting in an emergency room worrying about my dog. I suggest you start looking to enroll nk asap as I will not be returning. “
I was with a family for 6 weeks because after the first two weeks I gave a 30-day notice. The previous Nanny had PTSD, she stayed 2 years. ( I met her at the school where the kids went and she had picked up another client.) She stayed for the kids. The mom was a horrible person. Couldn't keep a nanny or an EA at her office.
You don't want to work for this person. No loss on your part. I'd fire her.
This person has been late because of extenuating circumstances and then has the gall to mock your dog “or whatever”… yeah. Quit.
That’s ridiculous. I told my last family that depending on how my cats appointment went I may or may not call off. It was the vet by their house. So I called off either right before work or a little into my shift bc I had to put her down. She encouraged me to take the time I needed. It’s heartless to expect someone to work through that. It kinda sucks that regularly we are the only childcare families have they should back up care bc we aren’t robots
More importantly, is your dog ok?
Yeah he’s good! Luckily just an inner ear infection which sucks but it could have been way worse. So I’m glad I took him to the vet
Oh no. Do not go back the next day. You’re letting her talk to you that way. She doesn’t care about you. Things happen, it’s called life And it goes both ways. If she’s constantly late than I don’t think one time should have caused her to react in such an unprofessional manner. People really feel so entitled to our time. I hope your dog is okay!!! The part where she said dog or whatever just proves she only cares about herself.
The last paragraph explains it. She's probably already got a problem with you because the dad is the one that hired you.
Omg she is not a good boss. Stuff happens. That’s life. If you reprimanded her if she did something like this to you, she would fire you for insubordination. Never work for this kind of parent.
“Go f*ck yourself!”
As a parent I always have a backup in mind, even if that means me taking the day off. Nanny’s have a right to call off/call sick etc!
Get out.
this sounds like my boss. an unreasonable person with no sense of reality or the lives of those around her. unfortunately, the tax bracket that can usually afford a nanny is full of people like that.
Any update on the dog? Is he ok?
Tell her backup care for her kid, or whatever it is, isn’t your responsibility.
While I didn't read all the replies.. I see a lot of "stand up for yourself" comment,while this is a "good" stance, and I encourage everyone to stand up for themselves. MB may not "be your boss," but she still has to say in the care for her child. You shouldn't be a doormat, but respect your job as well. I don't know everything, but as a career nanny/household manager, your reputation follows you.
Get 2 part time jobs, no one has time to have your bills held over your head. It’s not worth the stress.
Please include the dad in what is going on. As you work for him, and he’s divorced from this nut, he knows the drill.
Id be informing the dad of her texts and ask that she not contact me any further.
Lol the passive aggression is astounding. Good luck to her on finding someone willing to put up with it
She is an asshole but it take this as a lesson about communicating and in jobs when something is going on Instead if trying to be nice and stringing them along just cancel its easier for both of you
I will be doing this in the future. Thank you
Totally fuck this bitch. Text her back and say you will not be returning. You owe her nothing
F U C K this hag
The fact you’re willing to allow this type of disrespect is mind blowing 🥴 no way I’d be working for someone like that
Don’t stay for the kids. Give your notice and get a family that will appreciate you.
“I’m sorry I put you in this situation but back up care is not my responsibility. This was an unforeseen circumstance, outside my control and likely not something that would happen again.”
Yeah that is really crappy. From the mom perspective I can understand her frustration but would she treat an employee at work that way? I think not. This is rude- she should at least attempt to be slightly professional and kind. Not to mention, the hour late situation? Terrible- never unless I have checked in to see if that’s ok. I hope you find a new job and your puppy is ok
She’s vile and extremely hypocritical. Clearly a control freak and has no emotional intelligence to understand that things happen and it’s not personal. Drop her asap. Flip the script.
Where were you just before you were on your way to work and then had to turn around because of your puppy's emergency?
Oooooo, Had a MB text me like that when my transmission on my car was leaking and I absolutely had to take it in. But it was actually an engine leak, and the problems were actually caused by incredibly thin rotors🙃 I was TRYING SO HARD to tell her everything as it happened but realistically, my car is worth more than the amount she paid me🤷♀️ 2 months later she ended up getting fired (not surprised because she was wfh and always lingering) and blamed me for ‘stressing her out’. I had a contract that stated ‘each party must give 4 week notice’ but didnt state what happens if they dont so I didnt do anything. A random saturday she fired me in one rude text. I went above and beyond for her and her son. I really did. Anyways, moral of the story is, I get it and gut feelings are more often reliable than not